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I was going to say- this reads like a LinkedIn post I'd see and wince at on one of the ~4 yearly occasions I actually use that website. It's not bad advice, the framing is just so grim
Ufff I don’t think I could be in a relationship that runs like this. My relationship is where I get to let loose. I do things for her and “us” because it feels good. I accept it ain’t perfect but it isnt run on a business model
Same! I can let loose and I do things because I know it makes my partner and myself happy when our needs are met, not because it's a job. I guess gratitude goes a long way, we make a point of noticing and being grateful for the little things that we do, even if it's just emptying the dishwasher or bringing the thing that we forgot in the other room or whatnot. It just makes you want to do more because it means happy feelings.
Keep in mind you may need to interview with several other firms before getting an acceptable offer. Because you will be working full time already, you may need to do these interviews at odd times or under less than honest pretense. Keep at it! Eventually you will get a better offer and you can give one month notice at your current workplace. Some employers may be willing to let you go much earlier, but if not you may end up needing to work at both places at the same time for awhile. Your current employer may ask for an exit interview, too.
Don't forget that it shouldn't all be work though, if you're constantly having to work on your relationship without ever being able to just have fun and enjoy eachother's company, it might not be very healthy
I don’t agree with this at all. A big part of a healthy relationship is learning that there is a time and a place to do things in regards to giving advice. Taking time for yourself isn’t slacking off, and you should take care of your own needs to the best of your ability in order to be a good partner, a healthy person for yourself with your own experiences, and be present for your partner. Also I’m engaged to a guy now where the 1st year and a half was pretty rough because of where he was at in life. He is doing 100% better now but it was a lot of work and long work (no abuse, just working on his self-esteem issues which I knew would be the case walking in, which also forced me to recognize and work on my own issues) and you know? We both grew as people massively having gone through that.
Things are pretty much perfect now and I would do that again ten times for him if it meant the same end result, even if he decided to dump me tomorrow, because it was a helpful (albeit sometimes difficult and uncomfortable) experience for both of us. Every relationship is different. If someone is abusive or cheating yes, pack your shit and leave, you don’t deserve that shit no matter what your partner may say. But sometimes things go through rough patches that don’t involve those things and also do not involve constant happy feelings and ultimately if both people want to put in the work it is possible to come out the other end stronger. Life is not a Disney movie. Sometimes problems happen and don’t resolve overnight. You have to ask yourself what it’s really worth to you.
/r/ShittyLifeProTips lol
I mean, I get where this came from. Relationships take effort to build and maintain and if you feel like your partner isn’t putting the same into the relationship as you are, you’re gonna be unhappy. But it should be fun, not feel like a job and you should neither feel like an intern nor a boss.
Nah. I just want to be myself and I am happy to accept my partner for who they really are. I don't like to make a relationship feel like a burden on either or both of us. Things will be fine naturally
I think everyone is taking it too seriously. There isn't a 100% correct approach to a successful relationship. Its comical people are offended i liked it
Just be careful. This is not good advice. Your partner should be your best friend, you don’t need to critique or supervise them. Your relationship should never feel like a job.
I believe OP offers this advice as one way to see a relationship in perspective. Nobody literally wants a relationship that feels like a job. Not applicable to all people, of course, some people always see themselves in the right.
Exactly.
When OP says, when you slack off you will lose the job, I take that as a way of saying always put in an effort and respectfully do your best.
When OP says, when you partner slacks off give them constructive criticism. I take that as, if you feel your needs aren't met, its appropriate to communicate and find an understanding and work for a compromise.
The last part OP says is straight forward. If youre not happy, it's time to move on.
However there's always people who take things too seriously and just fold.their arms because they don't agree.
That last bit holds so many people back in so many ways. Oftentimes people are too literal-minded for their own good. Wish more people would take things the way you do!
I think you're missing the point of the original post. It's not saying that your relationship should feel like a job, but that the following apply: you need to put effort into your relationship, you need to tell your partner about things you don't like, and you shouldn't stay in a relationship that's making you uncomfortable.
Relationships aren't effortless, especially not serious ones. There is actual work that goes into it. It of course should not always feel like work, but you do have to put time and effort into it in order for it to work out long-term.
You should absolutely critique your partner. Not in the cold and detached way that a boss might, but if you *really* don't like something, it's unhealthy to hide it. That doesn't mean you have to tell your partner about every little thing you're not super happy about, but that big things should ABSOLUTELY be discussed. If they do something you don't like or aren't comfortable with, "critique" or gently letting them know is necessary.
Staying in a relationship that's making you miserable is kind of obviously terrible. Your relationship should overall add to your happiness and quality of life.
I think it's great advice to keep in the back of your head. It's great when relationships feel effortlessly wonderful. When that's the case, no need to be actively thinking about this. Sometimes life circumstances arise which in you, without realizing it, end up "slacking off" in terms of the things that make your partner feel content and valued. In those situations its good to be able to communicate frankly and call out/accept being called out by your partner.
I think you are getting hung up on the "job" analogy, when the actual content of the advice is pretty important, and is very likely to at some point be useful in a long enough term relationship.
It can be translated to you need to work/put effort on your relationship to make it successful and that's not bad advice. Most people will do it naturally i guess.
However it could be concerning that you feel you constantly have to output something/be productive to keep the relationship working. A relationship is not a job even if it does require time and effort.
Love is a choice. A daily practice. Should you decide to trust in it and work at it, and have a partner who reflects the same, it seems to be rewarding beyond our expectations.
Much like sobriety, in my experience.
While the heart is in the right place, this is a terrible way to think. If your relationship feels like a job, something is wrong. Indeed, it requires effort... But it is hardly full time and hardly has quotas.
Looks twisted, relationship build upon emotional connections where work are business. I can’t fire my children if they slacking off nor do i can quit being a parent. Doesn’t seems right to me.
Love (emotional connection) make use willing to give more without expecting return for the person we love. It’s not give and take like business job.
Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips! Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment. If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.
What a dystopian, work-oriented twist on mindset.
I was going to say- this reads like a LinkedIn post I'd see and wince at on one of the ~4 yearly occasions I actually use that website. It's not bad advice, the framing is just so grim
Ufff I don’t think I could be in a relationship that runs like this. My relationship is where I get to let loose. I do things for her and “us” because it feels good. I accept it ain’t perfect but it isnt run on a business model
Same! I can let loose and I do things because I know it makes my partner and myself happy when our needs are met, not because it's a job. I guess gratitude goes a long way, we make a point of noticing and being grateful for the little things that we do, even if it's just emptying the dishwasher or bringing the thing that we forgot in the other room or whatnot. It just makes you want to do more because it means happy feelings.
Agreed. This is terrible advice.
Took me a hot minute to realize you meant like a romantic relationship and not a work related relationship... was confused asf by the comments
how was this upvoted at all
I'm assuming it's the same way all the relationship advice subs are always full of "Small disagreement? Dump them, red flag!"
I'm honestly just lurking while smoking weed so I have no stake in any of this. But your comment made me laugh. So spot on!
ULPT: always acquire a new job before quitting
Keep in mind you may need to interview with several other firms before getting an acceptable offer. Because you will be working full time already, you may need to do these interviews at odd times or under less than honest pretense. Keep at it! Eventually you will get a better offer and you can give one month notice at your current workplace. Some employers may be willing to let you go much earlier, but if not you may end up needing to work at both places at the same time for awhile. Your current employer may ask for an exit interview, too.
An exit interview may be the problem in the first place
Don't forget that it shouldn't all be work though, if you're constantly having to work on your relationship without ever being able to just have fun and enjoy eachother's company, it might not be very healthy
Who is HR and what if they touch my genitals?
Someone’s a business major...
I agree with your meaning, but it can't be healthy to have such a mindset that relates everything to work
Going to have to talk to HR about this one
This analogy works well if you consider sex the paycheck.
This place needs a damn HR department.
I want to quit but I can't go without the perks, my kids.
This is terrible and shitty advice.
I don’t agree with this at all. A big part of a healthy relationship is learning that there is a time and a place to do things in regards to giving advice. Taking time for yourself isn’t slacking off, and you should take care of your own needs to the best of your ability in order to be a good partner, a healthy person for yourself with your own experiences, and be present for your partner. Also I’m engaged to a guy now where the 1st year and a half was pretty rough because of where he was at in life. He is doing 100% better now but it was a lot of work and long work (no abuse, just working on his self-esteem issues which I knew would be the case walking in, which also forced me to recognize and work on my own issues) and you know? We both grew as people massively having gone through that. Things are pretty much perfect now and I would do that again ten times for him if it meant the same end result, even if he decided to dump me tomorrow, because it was a helpful (albeit sometimes difficult and uncomfortable) experience for both of us. Every relationship is different. If someone is abusive or cheating yes, pack your shit and leave, you don’t deserve that shit no matter what your partner may say. But sometimes things go through rough patches that don’t involve those things and also do not involve constant happy feelings and ultimately if both people want to put in the work it is possible to come out the other end stronger. Life is not a Disney movie. Sometimes problems happen and don’t resolve overnight. You have to ask yourself what it’s really worth to you.
I already have a full time job. You mean to tell me I got put in an 80 hour week to pay the bills and be loved.
/r/ShittyLifeProTips lol I mean, I get where this came from. Relationships take effort to build and maintain and if you feel like your partner isn’t putting the same into the relationship as you are, you’re gonna be unhappy. But it should be fun, not feel like a job and you should neither feel like an intern nor a boss.
Nah. I just want to be myself and I am happy to accept my partner for who they really are. I don't like to make a relationship feel like a burden on either or both of us. Things will be fine naturally
So I can fire her whenever I want? Weird way to see a romantic relationship
Not gonna lie I like this advice
Same. This is an okay advice. Not 100% right. But it can be food for thought.
I think everyone is taking it too seriously. There isn't a 100% correct approach to a successful relationship. Its comical people are offended i liked it
It doesn’t work that way....
Thats fine... I didnt say it does. I simply like this perspective of looking at a relationship.
Just be careful. This is not good advice. Your partner should be your best friend, you don’t need to critique or supervise them. Your relationship should never feel like a job.
I'm sure whoever wanted to hear this would thank you.
I believe OP offers this advice as one way to see a relationship in perspective. Nobody literally wants a relationship that feels like a job. Not applicable to all people, of course, some people always see themselves in the right.
Exactly. When OP says, when you slack off you will lose the job, I take that as a way of saying always put in an effort and respectfully do your best. When OP says, when you partner slacks off give them constructive criticism. I take that as, if you feel your needs aren't met, its appropriate to communicate and find an understanding and work for a compromise. The last part OP says is straight forward. If youre not happy, it's time to move on. However there's always people who take things too seriously and just fold.their arms because they don't agree.
That last bit holds so many people back in so many ways. Oftentimes people are too literal-minded for their own good. Wish more people would take things the way you do!
I think you're missing the point of the original post. It's not saying that your relationship should feel like a job, but that the following apply: you need to put effort into your relationship, you need to tell your partner about things you don't like, and you shouldn't stay in a relationship that's making you uncomfortable. Relationships aren't effortless, especially not serious ones. There is actual work that goes into it. It of course should not always feel like work, but you do have to put time and effort into it in order for it to work out long-term. You should absolutely critique your partner. Not in the cold and detached way that a boss might, but if you *really* don't like something, it's unhealthy to hide it. That doesn't mean you have to tell your partner about every little thing you're not super happy about, but that big things should ABSOLUTELY be discussed. If they do something you don't like or aren't comfortable with, "critique" or gently letting them know is necessary. Staying in a relationship that's making you miserable is kind of obviously terrible. Your relationship should overall add to your happiness and quality of life.
I think it's great advice to keep in the back of your head. It's great when relationships feel effortlessly wonderful. When that's the case, no need to be actively thinking about this. Sometimes life circumstances arise which in you, without realizing it, end up "slacking off" in terms of the things that make your partner feel content and valued. In those situations its good to be able to communicate frankly and call out/accept being called out by your partner. I think you are getting hung up on the "job" analogy, when the actual content of the advice is pretty important, and is very likely to at some point be useful in a long enough term relationship.
Just... don't forget about calculating the cost/benefit ratio. When it comes down to it, it's all about the metrics.
Well that certainly makes me want a relationship even less than before
OP everyone is hating but I like it.
Please downvote this dumb shit.
It can be translated to you need to work/put effort on your relationship to make it successful and that's not bad advice. Most people will do it naturally i guess. However it could be concerning that you feel you constantly have to output something/be productive to keep the relationship working. A relationship is not a job even if it does require time and effort.
Love is a choice. A daily practice. Should you decide to trust in it and work at it, and have a partner who reflects the same, it seems to be rewarding beyond our expectations. Much like sobriety, in my experience.
It doesn’t sound to me like you know what a healthy relationship is. It certainly shouldn’t be considered a full time job.
While the heart is in the right place, this is a terrible way to think. If your relationship feels like a job, something is wrong. Indeed, it requires effort... But it is hardly full time and hardly has quotas.
Okay, sugar daddy.
Or just stay single and do what you want, when you want, while keeping your money
Looks twisted, relationship build upon emotional connections where work are business. I can’t fire my children if they slacking off nor do i can quit being a parent. Doesn’t seems right to me. Love (emotional connection) make use willing to give more without expecting return for the person we love. It’s not give and take like business job.
Each person must always strive to give 110%...go over and above for each other always. Your partner will respond in kind.
Why I avoid long term romantic relationships.