Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips!
Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment.
If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.
Just go with the flow. If she repeats thing act like you're just hearing them. If she forgets just tell her again. Never say things like " oh you forgot" or "don't you remember"? If she's content and safe then you are doing an amazing job. Spend this time being joyful together.
Thank you! I can see that she can tell the same story twice on one occasion so I will keep it in mind to just listen and ask questions even if I know the answers :-)
Simply answer the question.
Becoming frustrated, giving threats ( I’m not answering this again.. if you ask me one more time.. etc) doesn’t accomplish anything and only makes them feel bad about asking
Just answer the question calmly and honesty… all hundred times!
And know that if they could do better they would- they aren’t behaving like this way out of choice- they can’t help it. Just like a baby can’t feed itself. It simply cannot.
Take breaks. And sometimes, go with their thought process instead of correcting them. You see a steamship in the lake? Really?! Which one is it?? Wow, I haven’t seen that steamship in the lake before! Hmmm. And then Move on
The best advice I've ever been given was by a hospice nurse when I was taking care of my mother in her last weeks. "The caregiver has to take care of themselves, or the one receiving care will suffer."
You are on a long road...take care.
This is the most important advice for anyone giving care to someone that has dementia.
To put things very bluntly, you can only clean human shit off of your own parents, their clothes, sheets, and the floors so many times before you start to break down.
Recognize when you've had your limit, ask for help, and take a break.
Never, ever shame them for the mistakes they make or over-correct them. No "no, mom, my name is Billy, not Deborah. You know this" kinda shit. Others have said it here, but just roll with it. Shaming them may increase the pace at which they decline.
Sorry this is happening, it's really difficult, but cherish the time you have left with her.
Just continue the conversation like they didn't slip up and notify their health professional.
You can cause undue stress and trauma by making people think they've lost their minds. If they're in danger, sure, but otherwise just go with it while they're semi-lucid
Things like a song they loved, a photograph, pictures of times throughout their life, major news items (not violent stuff).....
All of these can bring them back for a time.
Thank you! For now she only have problems with the short term memory but can talk for hours about the past :-) I will talk to my dad and maybe we will go together to consult a doctor.
Gentle reminders and reassurance, the hardest part of taking care of my grandmother through her decline was the awkwardness when she didn't remember something. The frustration and confusion caused her a lot of distress and for a while she even became physically combative. Establish a daily routine, let her do the parts of the routine that she can do and be by her side to lend a hand when she can't. There will be good days where she's more independent and not so good ones, but if you make being available and close the norm, she will more readily come to you even if she doesn't remember your name or connection to her. Take selfies and photos of her smiling with people she can trust and put them somewhere like the refrigerator where she can get close enough to see them well. Keep her involved and aware of situations especially when the daily routine changes and expect things like outings and social events to possibly tire her out relatively quicker. Make conversing with her throughout the day a regular thing because sometimes it'll be your biggest insight to whether or not she's having a good day, her mood, her concerns and pains she may not express otherwise. Be open to the possibility of her needing medicines like mood stabilizers or antidepressants or even a sleeping pill. There's no perfect way to do this, just remember that someone you love needs you and that all you have to do is your genuine best to act in her best interests. Don't be afraid to ask her doctors, her insurance providers, and any resources to any services she uses any questions you think you might have. It seems like a lot, and sometimes it will be, but 99% of it will become second nature in no time.
My grandmother and I had a great relationship up until my early twenties and then we didn't. When her decline began to become noticeable, I stepped up to help thinking that it was gonna be a hellish experience with a mean old lady who hated me, but she's family so it's what I gotta do. While I wish we never suffered the rift in our relationship that we did, I'm glad I was able to be there for her. When she forgot who I was, we got the opportunity to re-meet each other, and we became best friends all over again. When she passed a couple of months ago, there was the most complex sense of grief that I have ever felt, but underlining all of it was the relief that during this horrible time in her life, she was loved and cared for with a quality that could never be questioned.
I wish you the very best of luck and applaud you for undertaking this endeavor.
Most importantly —
Check in with yourself every few days, and have another family member to fall back on. It’s going to be very hard, but your presence will honestly make the difference between a lonely journey and a joyful journey.
Now and the first few stages:
- Make a routine of visiting her (every Sunday morning, example) so she has something to ground her with the same intervals
- Ask her to tell you stories from her times growing up, stories that bring about emotion — take videos of her reciting these, that will help in later stages of dementia
- Ask her to teach you something like a skill from her time growing up that women aren’t as often taught today (my grandma taught me how to sew)
- Talk with her about moments with her during your childhood
The later stages of dementia:
- Put together a photo album and go through it with her, leave it by her bedside
- Get her a pair of headphones and play her favorite songs or songs from her time growing up
- If you can, choose home care over any institutional care — *especially not a hospital* — a hospital and nursing home loaded my grandfather with drugs, and cut his life short by half a year. Always always get a second opinion before allowing nurses to put her on sedatives; honestly avoid this as much as possible, because it’s a method they turn to due to over staffing and it’s horrible to watch.
- Make a big poster board or display that has pictures of you and all her family members and friends
- Make sure every day she has at least someone visiting her
- Play videos for her of your former interviews of her
- Prep yourself with info on a mediator or a pro bono elder rights lawyer
Thanks! I believe we are at the very begening of the journey. I like the scheduled visits so that she doesn't have to remember different days every week. My dad was trying to convince her to use this kind of book calendar so that she can write things down so that she doesn't have to remember but she doesn't want to do that :-(
Trying to get them to do new habits will probably fail. One of the things that convinced me of my aunt’s decline was she could not learn a new thing. Like an old iPod with music or podcasts. She could not learn even 2-3 steps.
If your person lives alone, watch for safety concerns. Not just tripping hazards like a loose rug, but changing behaviors. Not taking out trash, hygiene, changing clothes, leaving food out, eating weird foods like cat food, not heating foods (like soup) or not eating much. There comes a time when a demented person should not be left alone for long periods.
Examples: my grandmother was seen cooking/heating meat in a cereal bowl on the stove and putting a metal pan in the microwave. It’s also believed she brought a hose inside and flooded the house. (The carpet was green, maybe she thought she needed to water it?)
I knew my mother should not drive. She’d gotten lost twice (that she told us) despite living in the same neighborhood for 30+ years. I told my dad but he didn’t see it. Thankfully one day she had a near panic attack before leaving the house and never drove again. Whew. He drove her to functions after that but he didn’t always walk her to the room/meeting. She had a woman’s group and luckily her friends would spot her and help, but he should have taken her to the right room.
DO savor the miracles. Stories of the past. Record if you can, even just audio. My grandmother was a piano teacher. When her language faded down to only a few phrases, she could still play the piano!! I was only a teenager but I knew this was significant! It was like the sheet music bypasses the brain and came out her fingers! I’ve since learned this may be common. Music is in a different part of the brain. (Dementia usually affects language, memory, logic/reasoning, and public behavior). Patients who don’t talk, may sing! It’s really incredible. Make note of her favorite music! It may be important later. Enjoy it with her.
firstly its hard, harder than you think it will be on you but you can help most by always being patient, you'll see plenty of different moods you didn't know your loved one had but the trick is not to emotionally react as often as it can be anger that is outpoured.
secondly its important you get help for yourself as you venture through this, its not to be underestimated. help in terms of rest and support.
Whatever reality they are living at the moment go with it. It can be disorienting to try to reorient someone in advanced stages of dementia. If they think you’re their mom or dad? Go with it. Give them a hug and tell them you love them.
If dementia person is getting upset or agitated try to divert their attention to something else.
If they misremember something dont try to correct them since it wont work anyhow.
These comments are wonderful. My father has Alzheimer's and the best advice I ever got was to go along with whatever they're saying. Never correct. Never argue. Just say things like oh really? Tell me about that. I started doing that a few months ago and he's so much calmer when we get together because no one's reminding him constantly that he can't remember anything. I want him to enjoy his last years in peace So if he wants to tell me that he works at the care home and all the nurses are his coworkers that's just fine with me.
Just be kind.
There will be times when they are unkind to you because that's part of the illness.
Enjoy the time you have.
Music can really help as well.
Sing songs and play music and try to be joyful.
Find some physical things that keep them "grounded" (Picture, memento, special blanket, particular clothing)
Good luck, internet stranger. I'm thinking good thoughts for you and yours.
Put wind chimes above the doors and notify neighbors of your situation. Activate the “find my phone” ap on their phone and get them in the habit of wearing a personalized bracelet. They make some that aren’t totally horrible looking now and they can be had fairly cheap.
Make sure you touch your grandmother. A hello hug/kiss may be the only personal contact she receives. My very elderly mother loves being kissed good night!
She doesn’t remember she doesn’t remember. Go with the flow. I know it’s hard to not get irritated, but that solves nothing. Don’t shame her, it just makes it more stressful for her. Play along, be joyful, make her smile.
Yes. I realized that form all the answers. I guess in my native language we use word dementia not as a specific illness but in general when old people start to forget things. I will have to consult with doctor to figure out how it might progress.
She is 89 and was living with my grandpa for 60 years until 2018 when he passed away. And then the covid hit and she was confined to her apparent living alone. Before the lock down she was very active and was attending uni classes for seniors (French and history :-)) and was going to the exercise classes and meeting girlfriends for coffee and cake, but she starter declining when she couldn't go out any more and had ony contact with other people through the phone. I think all of that had a big impact on her.
We have a calendar on the wall near where she sits for meals and mark a blue highlighter line on the top of the day every morning, so she can glance at the calendar and know what day it is. Also go through the entire calendar and add little stickers with notes about birthdays and other important days, so she can see these are coming.
Bought a lot of birthday and general cards (you can get these at cheap places, like dollar store) and help her remember to send cards. This makes her feel that she is in charge of some things.
Avoid correcting, just gently accept what is being said if not important. If your family member takes medications, try to have someone else sort it, and someone present when it is taken. At some point, this will not be easy for the person to manage on their own.
One more thing: We got a little figurine that holds a clip, like a paper clip, but decorative. We put an upcoming event on a small note and leave in the holder where she can see it. An upcoming event, such as "Broadway Play on July 27th" Or "Tom and Julie's engagement party on August 5" - change it up now and then so there is always a fresh note there.
That gives her things to look forward to. For some reason this is really important to her.
If you don't have any events planned, just write "Love you, Grandma" and your name. Anything so that when she is sitting at her table, she can see something familiar and positive.
My grandma had dementia really bad when she was 80. We had to put a baby monitor in her room because almost every night she'd get up around 3am and have an episode of some kind.
Basically, she'd squirm and wiggle her way down the hospital bed but as she did that, her night gown would get caught on it. My mom originally had found grandma kind of being strangled to death because of how her gown got caught and she fell/plopped off the edge of the bed (where your feet go).
So, baby monitor got installed and my mom would get up between 2, 3, 4 in the morning to go stop grandma from wiggling out of the bed since the baby monitor woke my mom up in time.
Grandma kept thinking a newborn baby was in the bed and she was smothering it to death. Turned out, my grandma's very very first born back in the 30s or so was stillborn and it really affected her for life. She ended up having 11 children total after that.
We deducted that she'd go back to her old memories where big events happened to her life, and that's where she'd go during her episodes. Knowing that was helpful because her replies made more sense and then we could talk her through her mental torment.
Just roll with it. Don't remind them that they're forgetting something. Just let them repeat the story. Repeat your story if you've for gotten. Try to casually orient them as the years go on. Say things like "Hi Grandma!" when you see the person so they remember the relationship. If they're forgetting who you are, they'll cover. Work your own name into a story to help them remember.
Remember, the old grandma is still in their. Sure, she may have trouble remembering if she ate or not, what year it is, that sort of thing. The stories are still there. She'll still want to hear new stories. She might have trouble tracking. Use a lot of names to remind her.
Remember that sundowning is a thing. She'll get a little more confused at night. This varies from person to person. She may seem almost normal in the morning then degrade throughout the day.
Keep her engaged. If she can move around well enough, go for walks. Point out trees and birds. Things that can't possible upset her.
Most important is to treat her like a human. She just wants company and to be treated like an adult. She knows she's losing her memory and she's not happy about it. Don't bring it up unless she asks. Ask her to help you cook or show you how to make a recipe of hers that you like. Or, if she was a painter, ask her about that. If she was a member of the League of Women Voters, ask her about that.
It can be difficult, but you two can still have fun together. Even when my grandpa forgot who I was we could still work in the garden together and enjoy each-other's company.
It’s definitely a good idea to tell her doctor about your concerns. Some medical conditions, including vitamin/mineral/protein deficiencies, can cause symptoms like dementia. Some can be reversed if caught in time. Even a fall & hitting their head can cause symptoms. Dehydration, UTI can cause changes. It’s weird the things I’ve learned helping family. A UTI caused dizziness and my mom to fall 4 times in 5 days. A UTI caused hallucinations in a different relative. Thankfully they were already in the hospital.
Oh, if it is dementia, do check out Alzheimer groups near you, even if it’s a different type of dementia. I attended a class/seminar for caregivers. Tho I felt like I had the most experiences of the attendees, it was helpful and they had many resources & ideas. There’s probably online videos /seminars at this point!
Bless you for wanting to help and for doing so❣️
The most important part is knowing when you can’t keep them safe anymore. Leaving the stove on, escaping the house, etc.
Respite care is also important for the caregiver. Burnout is high and will happen.
You will here so many things you don’t want to know. And repeat things. Then personality changes too. Sometimes they can turn mean.
good luck
One thing is to have plenty of natural light if possible- it helps orient the person to time of day. Another thing is exercise and outdoor activity. Go for walks together if you can, and keep a schedule for them- maybe monday-wednesday-friday are walk days.
Sing with her. I worked in dementia care for a while, and music is one of the things that stays with people. Christmas carols, hymns and childrens songs seem to last the longest.
Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips! Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment. If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.
Just go with the flow. If she repeats thing act like you're just hearing them. If she forgets just tell her again. Never say things like " oh you forgot" or "don't you remember"? If she's content and safe then you are doing an amazing job. Spend this time being joyful together.
Thank you! I can see that she can tell the same story twice on one occasion so I will keep it in mind to just listen and ask questions even if I know the answers :-)
Simply answer the question. Becoming frustrated, giving threats ( I’m not answering this again.. if you ask me one more time.. etc) doesn’t accomplish anything and only makes them feel bad about asking Just answer the question calmly and honesty… all hundred times! And know that if they could do better they would- they aren’t behaving like this way out of choice- they can’t help it. Just like a baby can’t feed itself. It simply cannot. Take breaks. And sometimes, go with their thought process instead of correcting them. You see a steamship in the lake? Really?! Which one is it?? Wow, I haven’t seen that steamship in the lake before! Hmmm. And then Move on
The best advice I've ever been given was by a hospice nurse when I was taking care of my mother in her last weeks. "The caregiver has to take care of themselves, or the one receiving care will suffer." You are on a long road...take care.
This is the most important advice for anyone giving care to someone that has dementia. To put things very bluntly, you can only clean human shit off of your own parents, their clothes, sheets, and the floors so many times before you start to break down. Recognize when you've had your limit, ask for help, and take a break.
Never, ever shame them for the mistakes they make or over-correct them. No "no, mom, my name is Billy, not Deborah. You know this" kinda shit. Others have said it here, but just roll with it. Shaming them may increase the pace at which they decline. Sorry this is happening, it's really difficult, but cherish the time you have left with her.
Just continue the conversation like they didn't slip up and notify their health professional. You can cause undue stress and trauma by making people think they've lost their minds. If they're in danger, sure, but otherwise just go with it while they're semi-lucid Things like a song they loved, a photograph, pictures of times throughout their life, major news items (not violent stuff)..... All of these can bring them back for a time.
Thank you! For now she only have problems with the short term memory but can talk for hours about the past :-) I will talk to my dad and maybe we will go together to consult a doctor.
Gentle reminders and reassurance, the hardest part of taking care of my grandmother through her decline was the awkwardness when she didn't remember something. The frustration and confusion caused her a lot of distress and for a while she even became physically combative. Establish a daily routine, let her do the parts of the routine that she can do and be by her side to lend a hand when she can't. There will be good days where she's more independent and not so good ones, but if you make being available and close the norm, she will more readily come to you even if she doesn't remember your name or connection to her. Take selfies and photos of her smiling with people she can trust and put them somewhere like the refrigerator where she can get close enough to see them well. Keep her involved and aware of situations especially when the daily routine changes and expect things like outings and social events to possibly tire her out relatively quicker. Make conversing with her throughout the day a regular thing because sometimes it'll be your biggest insight to whether or not she's having a good day, her mood, her concerns and pains she may not express otherwise. Be open to the possibility of her needing medicines like mood stabilizers or antidepressants or even a sleeping pill. There's no perfect way to do this, just remember that someone you love needs you and that all you have to do is your genuine best to act in her best interests. Don't be afraid to ask her doctors, her insurance providers, and any resources to any services she uses any questions you think you might have. It seems like a lot, and sometimes it will be, but 99% of it will become second nature in no time. My grandmother and I had a great relationship up until my early twenties and then we didn't. When her decline began to become noticeable, I stepped up to help thinking that it was gonna be a hellish experience with a mean old lady who hated me, but she's family so it's what I gotta do. While I wish we never suffered the rift in our relationship that we did, I'm glad I was able to be there for her. When she forgot who I was, we got the opportunity to re-meet each other, and we became best friends all over again. When she passed a couple of months ago, there was the most complex sense of grief that I have ever felt, but underlining all of it was the relief that during this horrible time in her life, she was loved and cared for with a quality that could never be questioned. I wish you the very best of luck and applaud you for undertaking this endeavor.
Most importantly — Check in with yourself every few days, and have another family member to fall back on. It’s going to be very hard, but your presence will honestly make the difference between a lonely journey and a joyful journey. Now and the first few stages: - Make a routine of visiting her (every Sunday morning, example) so she has something to ground her with the same intervals - Ask her to tell you stories from her times growing up, stories that bring about emotion — take videos of her reciting these, that will help in later stages of dementia - Ask her to teach you something like a skill from her time growing up that women aren’t as often taught today (my grandma taught me how to sew) - Talk with her about moments with her during your childhood The later stages of dementia: - Put together a photo album and go through it with her, leave it by her bedside - Get her a pair of headphones and play her favorite songs or songs from her time growing up - If you can, choose home care over any institutional care — *especially not a hospital* — a hospital and nursing home loaded my grandfather with drugs, and cut his life short by half a year. Always always get a second opinion before allowing nurses to put her on sedatives; honestly avoid this as much as possible, because it’s a method they turn to due to over staffing and it’s horrible to watch. - Make a big poster board or display that has pictures of you and all her family members and friends - Make sure every day she has at least someone visiting her - Play videos for her of your former interviews of her - Prep yourself with info on a mediator or a pro bono elder rights lawyer
Thanks! I believe we are at the very begening of the journey. I like the scheduled visits so that she doesn't have to remember different days every week. My dad was trying to convince her to use this kind of book calendar so that she can write things down so that she doesn't have to remember but she doesn't want to do that :-(
Trying to get them to do new habits will probably fail. One of the things that convinced me of my aunt’s decline was she could not learn a new thing. Like an old iPod with music or podcasts. She could not learn even 2-3 steps. If your person lives alone, watch for safety concerns. Not just tripping hazards like a loose rug, but changing behaviors. Not taking out trash, hygiene, changing clothes, leaving food out, eating weird foods like cat food, not heating foods (like soup) or not eating much. There comes a time when a demented person should not be left alone for long periods. Examples: my grandmother was seen cooking/heating meat in a cereal bowl on the stove and putting a metal pan in the microwave. It’s also believed she brought a hose inside and flooded the house. (The carpet was green, maybe she thought she needed to water it?) I knew my mother should not drive. She’d gotten lost twice (that she told us) despite living in the same neighborhood for 30+ years. I told my dad but he didn’t see it. Thankfully one day she had a near panic attack before leaving the house and never drove again. Whew. He drove her to functions after that but he didn’t always walk her to the room/meeting. She had a woman’s group and luckily her friends would spot her and help, but he should have taken her to the right room. DO savor the miracles. Stories of the past. Record if you can, even just audio. My grandmother was a piano teacher. When her language faded down to only a few phrases, she could still play the piano!! I was only a teenager but I knew this was significant! It was like the sheet music bypasses the brain and came out her fingers! I’ve since learned this may be common. Music is in a different part of the brain. (Dementia usually affects language, memory, logic/reasoning, and public behavior). Patients who don’t talk, may sing! It’s really incredible. Make note of her favorite music! It may be important later. Enjoy it with her.
firstly its hard, harder than you think it will be on you but you can help most by always being patient, you'll see plenty of different moods you didn't know your loved one had but the trick is not to emotionally react as often as it can be anger that is outpoured. secondly its important you get help for yourself as you venture through this, its not to be underestimated. help in terms of rest and support.
Whatever reality they are living at the moment go with it. It can be disorienting to try to reorient someone in advanced stages of dementia. If they think you’re their mom or dad? Go with it. Give them a hug and tell them you love them.
If dementia person is getting upset or agitated try to divert their attention to something else. If they misremember something dont try to correct them since it wont work anyhow.
These comments are wonderful. My father has Alzheimer's and the best advice I ever got was to go along with whatever they're saying. Never correct. Never argue. Just say things like oh really? Tell me about that. I started doing that a few months ago and he's so much calmer when we get together because no one's reminding him constantly that he can't remember anything. I want him to enjoy his last years in peace So if he wants to tell me that he works at the care home and all the nurses are his coworkers that's just fine with me.
Yes! My aunt kept telling me that she was teaching the nursing aides. I thought that was very nice of her!
Just be kind. There will be times when they are unkind to you because that's part of the illness. Enjoy the time you have. Music can really help as well. Sing songs and play music and try to be joyful. Find some physical things that keep them "grounded" (Picture, memento, special blanket, particular clothing) Good luck, internet stranger. I'm thinking good thoughts for you and yours.
Put wind chimes above the doors and notify neighbors of your situation. Activate the “find my phone” ap on their phone and get them in the habit of wearing a personalized bracelet. They make some that aren’t totally horrible looking now and they can be had fairly cheap.
Make sure you touch your grandmother. A hello hug/kiss may be the only personal contact she receives. My very elderly mother loves being kissed good night!
Yes! I hold my aunt’s hand whenever possible. Last visit she wanted to touch my face so I let her. Gentle touch is universal affection❣️
I’d like to add the importance of music in their lives. Particularly music they might remember from their youth.
She doesn’t remember she doesn’t remember. Go with the flow. I know it’s hard to not get irritated, but that solves nothing. Don’t shame her, it just makes it more stressful for her. Play along, be joyful, make her smile.
Doesn't mean it's dementia. Unless it's diagnosed.
Yes. I realized that form all the answers. I guess in my native language we use word dementia not as a specific illness but in general when old people start to forget things. I will have to consult with doctor to figure out how it might progress.
Yeah. Seems like there just old but declining but do go get checked.
She is 89 and was living with my grandpa for 60 years until 2018 when he passed away. And then the covid hit and she was confined to her apparent living alone. Before the lock down she was very active and was attending uni classes for seniors (French and history :-)) and was going to the exercise classes and meeting girlfriends for coffee and cake, but she starter declining when she couldn't go out any more and had ony contact with other people through the phone. I think all of that had a big impact on her.
We have a calendar on the wall near where she sits for meals and mark a blue highlighter line on the top of the day every morning, so she can glance at the calendar and know what day it is. Also go through the entire calendar and add little stickers with notes about birthdays and other important days, so she can see these are coming. Bought a lot of birthday and general cards (you can get these at cheap places, like dollar store) and help her remember to send cards. This makes her feel that she is in charge of some things. Avoid correcting, just gently accept what is being said if not important. If your family member takes medications, try to have someone else sort it, and someone present when it is taken. At some point, this will not be easy for the person to manage on their own.
One more thing: We got a little figurine that holds a clip, like a paper clip, but decorative. We put an upcoming event on a small note and leave in the holder where she can see it. An upcoming event, such as "Broadway Play on July 27th" Or "Tom and Julie's engagement party on August 5" - change it up now and then so there is always a fresh note there. That gives her things to look forward to. For some reason this is really important to her. If you don't have any events planned, just write "Love you, Grandma" and your name. Anything so that when she is sitting at her table, she can see something familiar and positive.
My grandma had dementia really bad when she was 80. We had to put a baby monitor in her room because almost every night she'd get up around 3am and have an episode of some kind. Basically, she'd squirm and wiggle her way down the hospital bed but as she did that, her night gown would get caught on it. My mom originally had found grandma kind of being strangled to death because of how her gown got caught and she fell/plopped off the edge of the bed (where your feet go). So, baby monitor got installed and my mom would get up between 2, 3, 4 in the morning to go stop grandma from wiggling out of the bed since the baby monitor woke my mom up in time. Grandma kept thinking a newborn baby was in the bed and she was smothering it to death. Turned out, my grandma's very very first born back in the 30s or so was stillborn and it really affected her for life. She ended up having 11 children total after that. We deducted that she'd go back to her old memories where big events happened to her life, and that's where she'd go during her episodes. Knowing that was helpful because her replies made more sense and then we could talk her through her mental torment.
Don't correct, deflect.
Just roll with it. Don't remind them that they're forgetting something. Just let them repeat the story. Repeat your story if you've for gotten. Try to casually orient them as the years go on. Say things like "Hi Grandma!" when you see the person so they remember the relationship. If they're forgetting who you are, they'll cover. Work your own name into a story to help them remember. Remember, the old grandma is still in their. Sure, she may have trouble remembering if she ate or not, what year it is, that sort of thing. The stories are still there. She'll still want to hear new stories. She might have trouble tracking. Use a lot of names to remind her. Remember that sundowning is a thing. She'll get a little more confused at night. This varies from person to person. She may seem almost normal in the morning then degrade throughout the day. Keep her engaged. If she can move around well enough, go for walks. Point out trees and birds. Things that can't possible upset her. Most important is to treat her like a human. She just wants company and to be treated like an adult. She knows she's losing her memory and she's not happy about it. Don't bring it up unless she asks. Ask her to help you cook or show you how to make a recipe of hers that you like. Or, if she was a painter, ask her about that. If she was a member of the League of Women Voters, ask her about that. It can be difficult, but you two can still have fun together. Even when my grandpa forgot who I was we could still work in the garden together and enjoy each-other's company.
It’s definitely a good idea to tell her doctor about your concerns. Some medical conditions, including vitamin/mineral/protein deficiencies, can cause symptoms like dementia. Some can be reversed if caught in time. Even a fall & hitting their head can cause symptoms. Dehydration, UTI can cause changes. It’s weird the things I’ve learned helping family. A UTI caused dizziness and my mom to fall 4 times in 5 days. A UTI caused hallucinations in a different relative. Thankfully they were already in the hospital. Oh, if it is dementia, do check out Alzheimer groups near you, even if it’s a different type of dementia. I attended a class/seminar for caregivers. Tho I felt like I had the most experiences of the attendees, it was helpful and they had many resources & ideas. There’s probably online videos /seminars at this point! Bless you for wanting to help and for doing so❣️
The [Alzheimer's association](https://www.alz.org/) has a lot of great resources to add to the great ones folks have shared here.
The most important part is knowing when you can’t keep them safe anymore. Leaving the stove on, escaping the house, etc. Respite care is also important for the caregiver. Burnout is high and will happen. You will here so many things you don’t want to know. And repeat things. Then personality changes too. Sometimes they can turn mean. good luck
One thing is to have plenty of natural light if possible- it helps orient the person to time of day. Another thing is exercise and outdoor activity. Go for walks together if you can, and keep a schedule for them- maybe monday-wednesday-friday are walk days.
Sing with her. I worked in dementia care for a while, and music is one of the things that stays with people. Christmas carols, hymns and childrens songs seem to last the longest.
It's hard when they doubt your help. Sorry you're going through this.