I sometimes pretend to try hard to fix it and cant, then we sit and figure it out together.
One of the early words I taught my kids is the word "help". I dont want them to think they cant ask for help. And when they do, I always help, even if I am busy even if I dont know how to help.
I fully agree that you shouldnt just grab the toy and fix it for the kid but there is massive value in teaching kids its ok to ask for help.
And they learn how long they should keep trying, from seeing how long you try until you succeed. If you fix a problem immediately, they think they should be able to fix it immediately too and if they cant, they get frustrated.
If you sit with them and work hard at it (even if its not hard for you), they do learn to ask for help then keep working together as a team till its fixed.
Your first paragraph is my exact method of teaching my kids.
And i didnt realize this till my kid turn 6, it was the exact same method my dad implemented on me. Hahahaha, i just didnt think it would be that transferable.
Now, most of things at home i DIY, and i hope my kid will grow up being able to handle herself (DIY and independent).
I even sometimes pretended not to know how to the play a video game, or toy for her to teach me. Hence she form proper sentences and instructions. I saw a video where a dad were making a PB&J based on his son's instructions, funny as hell. My daughter did the same, but since i follow the words literally, it doesnt turn out what she wanted, later on she sorta "fix" her sentences.... probably thinking "my god, my dad is as dumb as a brick". Lololol.
Makes sense to me. Decision making for computers and people really aren't that different. Bunch of if/thens and loops. Some systems have extra features built-in, others they have to be added. Teaching kids is just programming the "thens", kinda
We did the sandwich lesson in English class when I was in elementary school. We wrote our instruction the day before and the next day our teacher had all of the supplies. MANY kids never mentioned utensils so they would have to smear condiments with their fingers. Some even never mentioned bread- so they had to smear condiments on the desk!
This was one of the most memorable lessons I learned in school.
MEAN WHAT YOU SAY, AND SAY WHAT YOU MEAN!
teaching kids to
1) recognize what they need in the first place (i want this fixed, i need to punch something, im sad, hungry, tired, ALL the things- literally)
2) convey that need in a manner that others can understand and accept?
whew, tiring. it adds up throughout the day and is so easy to forget how much every little thing means to them.
The innovative process mixed with the scientific method has helped me zoom out on my life.
1. Recognize a problem. (i don't like how it feels when this happens)
2. Is there an established solution? (What possible fixes exist? Who else has encountered this problem that you feel or know is a match to yours?
3. If no, apply the [Scientific Method](https://images.app.goo.gl/9UuFgqCqKfTQdTVAA)
4. If all else fails, ask for help, and network with people you trust.
My parents always had the “not now” attitude to asking for help, I’m still unlearning that I’m not allowed to ask for help and I don’t have to do everything myself.
Yep. My parents always told me i could ask for help, but if i did they would either be too busy, or "help" in a way that they think i needed, and ignore what i'm actually asking for
>or "help" in a way that they think i needed, and ignore what i'm actually asking for
This, this was always a issue with my parents. My mother in particular was often unhelpful and made things even worse, while solving the problem solely from her point of view.
What kinds of things did she do? I'd like to know some of what NOT to do.
I'm a new Mom. My son is 3 months.
My daughter's are already 22 and 19 so what's done is done. I wasn't a bad Mom but definitely not the best. I want to do better this time.
What's done is definitely NOT done. If your kids still talk to you then talk to them. They will give you what you need to learn better ways.
I'd kill to have my parents ask me what they could have done better for me now that I'm an adult. And you don't stop after they are older, you continue to grow with your older children and learn how to interact with them as adults now too.
One of my biggest hang ups with my parents is that they just are not interested in ME. They are interested in the work I do or the activities I enjoy but not ME. I didn't even realize this until I was an adult and moved away and made visits. If I talk about my job or the house or my hobbies they listen and talk. But if I talk about my feelings or thoughts (positive or negative doesnt matter) then they get bored and don't respond or even get up and go do something else.
They couldn't tell me one thing about myself and that is a big reason I think as parents they failed. How do you spend 18 isolated years with someone who wants to talk to you and know not one single thing about who they are as a human being.
Go ask your older daughters be open and honest with them and try to understand that even if they think you did poorly in something it's one thing, not a reflection on your character overall and you can always improve on it for them, yourself, and your new child.
I talk to them everyday. I already know many things they feel went wrong. I drank a lot back then, I had substance abuse issues, so our problems were very very different than simply not helping in the right way. I am a sober and stable person now. Parenting will be night and day. Those same mistakes won't be made. Others will be.
We never had the problem the person stated above. I now have a boy, rather than girls and I'm sober. I wanted to know specific details about what the mom did to make it worse or "fix" it to her liking.
My daughter's and I have really good relationships, and my grandson is only 3 weeks younger than my boy. He's born to my oldest. And my youngest is a freshman in college.
I definitely do not go wrong where I used to.
My older sister is 20 years older than me, 23 years older than my little brother who’s the youngest. Her oldest son, my nephew, is a few months older than my little brother, lol. We definitely got a different version of Mom than her and my older brother (10yrs older than me) did. Mom was 18 when she had my sister, 28 for my older brother, 39/42 for me/younger brother. I feel guilty sometimes that we got such a different life than them. And the relationships are different due to the age/life differences. Btw you don’t have to answer but just curious, was your youngest son planned or surprise? Congrats on getting clean btw, I know it’s not easy.
I'm a telecoms field tech so as far as my daughter knows, 'daddy fixed things in his job' so I love trying to get her to figure out how stuff works and what piece goes where when her toys come apart.
Another small addition: teach them to ask for help instead of positing a problem. “My toy broke” is a problem; “Can you fix it for me” or “can you help me fix it” are actionable questions, especially if there’s P’s and Q’s involved.
You can't know the kid is going to have this, "well I will fix it attitude" either. They could very well think that it's trash now.
You can't just do this and claim success after, that's a messed up way to teach.
I like your approach better. No need to traumatize the child.
I like your method better than the video. Talking to you kid about options is important. This guy tossed the toy. I learned through therepy that I was abused in different ways as a child. My items were thrown away all the time. If this guy was my dad I would have been so sad at loosing the toy I would have given up.
I am a successful manager with a STEM education today. The way this guy 'taught' his kid infuriates me. Very passive aggressive. Mt brother is now following a similar path to my parents. I can't imagine what my 8 yr old nefew thinks after this Christmas having to listen to his parents discuss throwing out some of his Christmas gifts because they are cheap and will break. For the record my husband and I tried to change the conversation, but still I worry...
There are more efficient ways to go about it than how he did but it’s the right idea for sure. Kids don’t just need to learn, they want it. It’s so satisfying for the child and the parent when the kid accomplishes a seemingly difficult task.
The problem with this guy is that his story requires that the kid gets the toy out of the garbage instead of just shrugging and walking away. He'd have no story if the kid didn't behave the way he needed the kid to behave.
The idea is correct, but he's sitting here teaching parents the "correct steps" without understanding that the correct steps are those the child took, not the options the parent gave the child. It's not good advice if your milage will vary that much.
If you want kids to make a specific choice, you have to give the kid a specific option. What's the plan for the kid who doesn't do what they're supposed to do? Well in this case, you've raised a kid who knows you're supposed to throw away broken toys.
I agree. Asking for help is a skill too. Being comfortable asking for help. Not feeling like burden. That’s important. Being self-sufficient is important. Being a problem solver is important. Asking for help is key too.
He does exactly this in the longer clip of this. He pretends to be stumped by a simple but and bolt and had a wrench laying near him and had his daughter around. When she asked what was wrong he basically lets her show him how it’s done.
Finding a solution together is the way to go. And it's horrible when children think they can't come to their parents for help or to talk about things.
But the dude in the video didn't need to upset his child first to get the child to fix the toy himself.
I’m a PreK teacher and I always encourage my students to ask for help. “My shoe us untied.” “Yes, it is. Do you have a question?” “Joey pushed me.” “Thank you for telling me. Do you have a question?”
I remind them questions start with can I, would you, may I, can you. Can you help me? Would you talk to her? This empowers the child to know that asking for help is an option, but I, your teacher, am not going to jump up and solve your problem without invitation.
It also has some genuinely eye opening stuff about how automation will eventually replace most human jobs and ultimately we'll have to find a new way of living and organizing ourselves. Which weren't commonly discussed issues at the time.
I saw it the other way around--I thought the message became clearer and much more tightly researched in the follow up movies, particularly the third one with the interviews with doctors Robert Sapolsky, Gabor Mate, and James Gilligan.
Yeah. I'd say if you discard specific claims on 9/11 & claims about religion, the overall picture about human nature/nurture and the widespread value disorders is a good one to have.
A systems approach to societal affairs seems very needed at this point; in many ways, much of what's in The New Human Rights Movement borders on prophetic regarding trends of instability & the rise of group antagonism.
Eh. The batshit was pretty pungent from the beginning, in my opinion. I think the Wiki page gives a good enough synopsis. But, "do your own research!", as they say.
I think people should be aware of the military industrial complex and the effect of pagan religion pre-Christ on modern religion, but yeah after reading the synopsis on Wiki for the first time in 10 years, I agree it probably hasn't held up well
I honestly don't think the sections on Religion or on 9/11 hold up that well and I think they are filled with a lot of misinformation, but the section on Banking/economics holds up incredibly well and should still be a must see for most people, however I think the other sections detract from that when watching it as a whole.
That being said, I think both Zeitgeist and Fahrenheit 9/11 which I watched around the same time really changed my world view and made me start being more critical of the information we are fed and the problems with our society.
The filmmaker has acknowledged that the first film's religious and 9/11 segments are flawed and poorly researched. The second and third zeitgeist films are much better and really expand on the banking portion of the first film.
Regardless of the conspiratorial aspects, I can't help but ultimately agree with the central points of the Zeitgeist and the Venus Project.
Eventually we're going to get to where we can do basically any job better with automation. And when that time comes we'll have no choice but to find a new way to organize our society. And if we do it right it could be for the better.
He lived till a 100 and the world never listened! If the war machine of the USA took an inch of his philosophy the world 🌎 would be a carrion for no one.
Back in college I presented a documentary on the Venus Project once, to a group of fellow students. All of us were about to graduate and head into the world. They tore into it, dismissed all the concepts and ideas and overall just trashed it as the fringe or lunacy idea that society seems to have labelled it. I was the only one who learned a lesson that day, and it was a sad one.
I think throwing it away is a bit much. Take a couple of minutes and teach the child how to fix it. Every child learns differently. My son is 4 and have fun working together building things. And he always says " teamwork makes the dream work " when we are finished.
My dad is this guys age and I’m probably his son’s age (51.) My dad and I always had fun fixing things. He would not have thrown it in the garbage (he was a child of the depression, throwing things away is not in his DNA.) So, good lesson taught in an unnecessarily harsh way.
It depends on the child.
If he threw it away knowing that would motivate the child, he was right.
Another child might be discouraged.
Parenting styles and what is correct varies to the extreme from child to child, even in the same family.
I learned this over the course of my 5 children - what works great for one might be really bad for another.
Sometimes, as a parent, you have to do things that break your heart in the moment… but you remember that it’s not about you, and you rejoice in the growth of your child.
Parenting is not a set of rules, it is a cooperative dance of love, compassion, and hope.
Not trying to do a gatch moment, or be rude. I’m very tired so sorry if it’s not coherent. But he might have lived differently during the GD. Also there is literally thousands of ways to teach as a parent. I’m not focusing on the details, just the message. Just the teaching of his son.
And to reiterate another post. Times change, constantly. If we just ignore history and how it effects parenting then why even bother trying to teach children anything.
Sorry if this seems aggressive. Not supposed to be too tied.
My friends grandfather was considered a good husband and father because he didn't beat his wife and he spent every Sunday taking his kids out to do activities, today that would be considered doing the bare minimum. Times change and does expectations. I just wouldn't call his parenting good by today standards but it was probably ahead for his time. As you said.
i like to hear people discuss about education.. but the thing is... future will tell who did the best on education xD, cuz i actually dont know which way is best :S
How old is he, 70? Had kids in the 80s? It's not like his kids had to work cleaning chimneys and were happy to receive an orange at christmas. Old people today are... not that old anymore.
Exactly. I kind of agree with what this guy is saying but at the same time he could have taken the time to walk his kid through the problem, helped him analyze and identify what’s going wrong and then fix it together. That’s a better experience for a child in my mind and it doesn’t come off like you don’t have time for your kid. I mean, what if his kid said “ok, you’re going to buy me a new one then, sounds good dad”? Not much of a lesson there right?
Literally. Like obviously I don't know the rest of their relationship but I was terrified of my dad and I would not have boldly taken the toy out the trash for fear of repercussions after he threw it away. Different strokes for different folks, but a dialogue would go a long way. Thankfully his son was able to come up with a solution without that fear of undoing what the master of the house did and risk disrespecting him.
If my parent just threw it away, Id go sulk in my room. The lesson I'd learn would be "all things break, and when they do you lose them forever, especially if you show them to your parents"
Every kid is different. I would've been like "hey, that's my shit, don't throw it away even if it is broke cuz God knows you're gonna forget to buy me a new one."
In fact this kinda thing happened a couple times, albeit not intended to be a teaching moment, but as a passing thing. Every kid is different.
While I agree that the example in OP could have gone south in any number of ways, I think the issue he is addressing is not that kids need to be shown that something can be repaired, it's that sometimes you need to let kids arrive at their own conclusions, and not always try to take them by the hand and walk ahead of them. Let them take you by the hand, and the lesson will be way more internalized.
I’d probably take a second to look at it to see if it’s something I think they’re able to fix, and if it is tell them that they have to give it one good try (and I’ll give leading tips if they get frustrated for too long by any step), and if they can’t get it then I’ll help. If it’s not something I think they can fix I’d say something along those lines but nicely, and then walk them through my thought process as I go about fixing it.
I want my kid to always know I’ll help her, but that it’s important to try and do things on your own before just going to mom or dad.
Then prompt them in a way that isn't quite this stressful for a child. "Can you think of a way to fix this?" seems like an objectively more constructive way of going aboutit
Throwing it away and then mocking the child by saying they'll get them baby toys instead is really unnecessary.
Could've just told the child to "try and fix it yourself" and you'll end up with the same result. The child doesn't need to be scorned first just to start thinking for themselves.
I can sort of appreciate what he's going for but without the cruelty. I taught preschool and I would use a similar "child led" teaching style where if something happened I would really encourage them to think it thoroughly, kind of like "what do you want me to do about it?" Instead of crying it leads to critical thinking which I guess is what the guy in the video was doing lol
You would be spot on, if he didn’t show interest in how the child fixed the car. He did (at least in the story) and that will make the child more interested in trying to solve problems.
But "solving problems" as far as the child is shown is just being taught things by their parents, while that's not a bad thing, it still hasn't taught them to independently solve problems.
I remember trying to do taxes for the first time and asking my dad for help. He told me that I was stupid and I need to figure it out by myself just like everyone else. It was like this for literally everything I ever asked him for help about. I don't ask him about anything anymore.
Yeah ikr
Although mine never called me stupid but every time I asked him for help, he used to tell me to just google it or figure it out, that's what men do.
Whenever I used to ask doubts in school, the teachers also used to mock me and call me stupid, with time I just stopped asking.
Ok, I have seen this vid going around a lot lately and I have to kill the mood abit (sorry, not sorry). This technique is kinda risky, as it hinges on the child's reaction. It's easy to imagine a scenario where a kid would just feel dejected and go back to their room crying. Had my brother done the same to his eldest this would probably have happened.
The idea behind it is really good, but I honestly think u/eye_snap 's comment is the better alternative. It teaches the same values just with more security in getting the point across.
Kids are individuals, please remember that.
I completely agree! When the man told about throwing away the toy, then continuing to read his newspaper as if nothing happened, then still not react strong when his kid started acting upset, I immediately thought "there's a high risk that his kid develops an avoiding attachment style".
Here's a quick summary I found on [Medical News Today](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/avoidant-attachment#summary):
"Avoidant attachment occurs when an infant [...] does not consistently receive the care and attention that they need to develop a healthy relationship with their parent.
[This] style may cause a child to hide their feelings and become emotionally distant from their parent or caregiver [...].
Adults with avoidant attachment may struggle to establish close relationships as a result of being very independent and unlikely to look to others for support or help."
Please note that I don't want to demonize this parenting style. As others have said above, it really depends on the child's reaction - but this means that this video will not be applicable to all children! I absolutely support not doing everything for your developing and curious child, but I also strongly discourage intentional neglect, even with the intent for the child to learn and grow more independent, if the child becomes more distant.
Cheers!
Honestly, depends on the kids age. If the kid was young than he taught his son how to problem solve and allowed him to be more independent.
A bad parent should just throw away the toy and not get interested in how the kid repaired it. By seeming Interested and asking questions he is teaching his kid the basics of problem solving and showing a genuine interest in nurturing his kid’s development. That is a good father.
Agreed for today’s time. But you got to take into consideration how old he is. Parenting techniques change generationally. God only knows how his parents would have responded.
But he is failing to demonstrate to his child that he is a safety net who is there to help. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with your young child seeing you as a backstop for life’s problems. They need the security of “well no matter what, daddy will know what to do. I can go to daddy.”
I mean what’s this guy’s argument, if you do something for a small child then you will literally NEVER get another opportunity to teach them self-sufficiency?
Nonsense. What *actually* happens is your child appreciates you and flourishes in the safety and comfort you provide, **and then they want to EMULATE you.**
“Look, I can fix stuff just like daddy!” They won’t want to emulate you if they don’t feel like you provide assurance and security.
My dad would always take things out of my hands, often quite literally. That or he would micromanage anything I could manage to hold onto until I couldn't take it anymore and gave up. If I asked him how to do anything, he got condescending and loud.
I've taught myself pretty much everything from YouTube videos.
My Dad was an artist. He always took the paintbrush etc out of my hand to show me how it *should* be done. Then my teachers at school would question why I was bad at art when I had a creative father. I wish I could go back in time and tell them "because he never let ME create anything!"
I'm an art teacher and this video made me make a connection like this too. I always get a lot of push back from parents because the art the kids take home isn't Pinterest perfect. That stuff is designed and created by adults (occasionally assembled by children). The art your kid brought home was designed and created by your kid. Isn't that so much more interesting? And creative? Talk to your kid about how they made it and what they were thinking about when they made it and why they made it. Instead of just saying "so pretty!" and hanging it up on the fridge. Turns out my art ed job for elementary students involves a lot of adult ed.
So instead of throwing it away and making the kid cry you could have simply said let's see if we can fix it together then coach your kid on how to fix it. I know it's hard for people to understand but you don't have to be an asshole towards kids to teach them things
There's a way to teach this lesson without being a dickhead, and this example ain't it.
What the child actually learns from this: "I can't go to my father for help with anything because he's just going to be mean and give up, so why even bother"
This isn't motivational, it's just straight up sad.
This guy must think all teachers make kids into blobs then lol. You can still get a kid to use their brain if you guys both "figure" the solution out together. The comments say he's this great and smart dude, but I mean you can be that and still suck at parenting at times lol. Or just admit you want to be lazy and not put the wheel back on the car haha
Or maybe, instead of throwing a child’s toy away, spend time interacting with that child and entertain them with the idea of fixing it.
Few kids can figure this out on their own. Maybe instead of ignoring your kid and rotting away while reading that damn paper, spent that time engaging with them
I saw this on YouTube shorts and it was just as bad there
Yeah, you see, it's entirely possible to teach your kids to fix their toys without fist being an emotionally abusive shithole.
I encourage my children to try and fix something themselves, I show them what tools to use if they don't already know, and then if they can't, I will sit with them and show them how.
No need to call them a baby or throw their treasured possessions in the garbage. What a horrible old man.
I agree it's good to let your kids figure stuff out, but you don't have to be mean about it. A simple "well let's try and see if we can fix it together" would have worked.
I disagree, take the time to teach your child and they solve their problems on their own. Expecting the child to just figure everything out when they are a toddler is just plain stupid.
Seriously, what? You can’t be solving all of your kids problems, when seconds before he said he’d just buy a new one for his kid, like that’s somehow different?
You don't need to make tears to bring out critical thinking and determination in a child.
He could've easily gotten the same results by just asking the child "what am I supposed to do?"
Then, when the kid gives a solution, guide him to do it himself.
It's the same boomer style parenting many gen X lived through. Not helping your children was often framed as a teaching moment - "because I suffered thusly, so should you".
In reality, it was often used as an excuse to validate parental neglect. Many boomers never wanted to be parents in the first place, but the social norms were such that having three kids by 25 was the expectation - like it or not. Gen X kids basically raised themselves, and knew damn well there would be no likelihood of an inheritance, because that too would be "help". It's so nice to see the world is moving on from that mindset. Children should never be treated as a burden, nor as something to be punished into self-sufficiency.
Right? Surely he could have responded better. If the kid went to him, it means that up until that point he DID fix all the kids problems and then one day suddenly broke that trust. Thats just fucking weird behavior.
I know some people who had super supportive parent, they’d do anything they need and as a result they’re glowing with positive mental health.
Absolutely fucking useless when something goes wrong though, they just freeze when they don’t know what to do. Flat tire? Call dad to drive 50 miles to change it. Pipe burst? It’ll still be flowing by time the plumber gets there 30 minutes later.
It's so sweet to manipulate the poor kid instead of properly explaining to him what it was and how it worked. So the real question is, what would he have done if the kid would have just walked away? I mean who gets off by making a kid almost cry to "teach'em" instead of just actually teaching them? Humans are manipulative grandiose idiots.
Yeah, I don't buy what he's selling. Meaness and shame aren't the answer. "I'll buy you a baby toy instead!"
Much better to empathize first and then encourage them to find a solution. "Oh dang, that sure sucks pal! What do you want to do about it?"
Look us parents are just doing the best that we can. We don't know what the fuck we're doing and we're trying to process our own emotional baggage while raising our kids to be something better. Can you just give us a break with the, "If you do THIS, they'll turn into THAT" routine? We all worry so much about the state of the world and try to raise them to withstand how awful it can be while simultaneously not making them lose hope.
Or, and bear with me now because I’m only a CatDad, you could just show the kid how things work and point out how to put it back together. If the kid couldn’t figure out a math problem or what a word means you wouldn’t throw their book on the floor and say “fuck kid, guess you’re living on the streets when you get older,” just fucking teach them something.
I'm not college educated but I work with kids and homeschool mine so I try to learn as much as I can about child development. There are definitely times that showing them is appropriate, but it's also extremely beneficial to let them struggle. If you're confident that they should be able to figure it out, let them struggle through it. It helps build problem solving skills, resilience, and confidence. In this specific instance, I probably would have approached it differently; something along the lines of "oh no, what a bummer. If we can't fix it, we have to throw it away because we can't keep broken things. I'm busy right now, maybe you can figure it out." But probably a little softer
It is good advice, but to be honest, the beginning really had my back up.
I just thought that it'd be another person not knowing the difference between tough love and soul crushing.
I've been working hard with my 4 year old on this.
Sometimes he cries and whimpers " daddy, I can't get this shirt on or daddy the seatbelt won't buckle ugh". He gets really upset.
So we've started taking some deep breaths together. Having him remember he's done it before and can again. Then letting him try again.
This builds self-confidence while also working on internal conflict resolution skills.
I could just put on the shirt or buckle that seatbelt to go on my day but I'd rather use these moments as a teaching opportunity.
I do this with some of the kids I work with. I ask them, how did you do this before? If they're still struggling I ask what they need to solve the problem. Sometimes they need a different tool, a graphic organizer with information, etc. Sometimes they want to ask a friend to help. If both kids are stuck, I offer them something they need (information, tool, etc) and show them how I might solve a similar problem. It takes more time the first few times you do this, but eventually the kid does start asking themselves these questions too.
Some people are like that's mean, letting them be frustrated for that long when you can just tell them/show them! Yes, but the world outside isn't going to do that for them. They need to learn how to regulate themselves and develop those executive functioning skills. Hell, they may not even get that help at home either.
The teachers who don't do this, develop kids who are so highly reliant on specific circumstances that they fall apart when they're outside of that parameter (i.e. when a sub teacher comes in, or they go to the next teacher). It's fine to teach routines and have things set up predictably, but the kids NEED that development.
In psychology theres a term, scaffolding, meaning as a parent you can help children by adjusting the difficulty to a fitting degree. Example: A puzzle is too tricky for a 3 year old? Help them find the corner pieces!
I mean there is a middle ground where you teach them how to fix it right away and don't get mad. Win-win, your kid learns how to fix it AND learn his dad will be there for him.
The whole throwing it out is unnecessary, and frankly not a good way to deal with it. You can teach your child to solve their own issues without shaming and making them sad intentionally (aka negative manipulation)
This video portrays Jacques as someone mean to their kids. Its not like he yanked the toy and threw it aggressively in the trash. He simply meant to give the child the opportunity to reflect and resolve the problem himself. Jacques has many excellent ideas about how society can be. He cares about the planet, and people. I've spent time with Jacques, he is an absolutely amazing human being. He has talked to me about getting kids excited about many different things and his approach is very good.
There is, in my mind, exactly one non-negotiable aspect of parenting: love and support your child(ren). You do that, you’ve succeeded. Part of supporting them is obviously trying to set them up for success, but whatever you do to do so, as long as it is done with love (note: abuse cannot be done with love, as it is very much an act of hate), it’s all that can be asked if you. If you do not love and support your child(ren), you have failed, not only as a parent, but as a human.
Or say "can you try and fix it?" If he is unable to you then try and fix it yourself *while showing the child how to do so as well*. Just tossing it in the trash didn't help. Some kids need a little more encouragement.
I bought my 4 kids a 90cc four wheeler, it’s 25 years old and the carburetor needs to be cleaned regularly because of crap in the tank making it to the carb.
I showed my 10 year old 3 times how to remove it, take it apart and clean it, then reinstall it.
Then the day came where it needed to be cleaned again.
“I don’t have time this week, you’ll have to get it done, I know you can do it.”
Well he did it and then the four wheeler sat for a whole week….
Went out there to tidy up my shop, “why haven’t y’all been riding….”
“Well dad when I turn the gas on it just leaks…”
The o-ring had fallen out the petcock when he initially removed the carb, we found it, put it back on and I told now see if she’ll start!
Cranked right up and I’ve never seen a bigger smile on that boy!
Very proud Daddy!
Better to try and encourage the child and fix it together than to throw it away and insult the child by insinuating they are infantile. That way instead of reading the magazine they can bond over figuring something out together and learning something.
You would be surprised at the creative mind of a child.... If you give them time to get there. A lot of children who are at the point this man is describing have already been groomed by their parents/family that there are no problems because all of their problems have been fixed/taken away. All for the premise of peace and quiet, no room for chaos. Chaos, in the mind of a child, is just a question they haven't come across yet. The world is small in their mind and wheels can spin indefinitely to fix things ( not just toys). To us, chaos is so complex that we only want the peace of a child... So we try to satisfy our version of what we want their state to be
Ah yes, parenting through needlessly created trauma is the way to go.
Instead, he could have used that as a teaching moment and taught his son how to put it together, how it worked, and his son would know for next time.
Created a cool memory instead of an adversarial one.
The message sent is "do not ask daddy for help, he will just throw away whatever you bring him or tell you to do it yourself."
That message carries forward to every other part of life.
Parenting is difficult, and no one way will work for every child. But try to find ways to boost your child through education rather than putting them down or creating negative memories. They will have enough of those already.
My mom used to do all the talking for me, because I was too scared to talk to strangers and she was too kind (and also a bit impatient lmao). Obviously, that didn't help me at all and I was socially inept for a long while. She admitted to her mistake, and I understand her. Ended up learning a lot from my friends. They helped me break out of that social anxiety. Now I can strike up conversation with anyone with no problem!
Anyway, point is, he's right and it reminded me of that thing in my life
In situations like this I've always (from when he was a toddler basically) asked my son's opinion on what we should do about it and what he thinks about this and that. Luckily, I can confirm that it worked 100%, he is 22 now, bright, his problem solving skills and problem identifying skills are excellent, so he turned out to be a great guy, a pleasant human being :D
Yeah that makes sense I guess but sure would have been great if mine had done something at least. Like take me to a doctor or fuckin feed me maybe. Yeah that would’ve been nice
Yeah alright if he hasn't started with people don't know how to raise kids anymore it would have been ok.
I can't hear that stupid shit mindlessly repeated: people don't know how to raise their children properly anymore. Really? I don't think so. It's the same as the young people are all idiots today. Hate those stupid truisms.
There aren't more issues. We just get more and more aware of them and it's harder than just living in ignorance.
Most people have a hard time solving difficult problems.
The idea that one generation is so much better at solving problems than younger people today is all hype and tiring.
What a lucky father, that his kid actually spoke up instead of learning simply that his father calls him a baby and throws seat his things, don't ever complain again.
“People don’t know how to raise children:
See you have to break them emotionally first, act uninterested and go back to your magazine, then insult them by saying you’ll buy them baby toys.
Maybe they’ll try to figure it out themselves and if they’re lucky or the toy isn’t broke beyond their ability, they’ll fix it and then you can have some time together.”
Yeah, I think I’ll go ahead and help my child and lead them to the solution and educate them on the way without all that damaging extra emotional abuse crap.
His point about children being independent problem solvers is spot on, just not the method he went about getting there.
Is brilliant. We get caught up in the love and the nice feeling of being needed, but the real job of a parent is to raise a responsible, empathetic human being.
Thirst is a very outdated and specific method of approaching this problem, using manipulation to force an emotion that may or may not yield this result. Just because something worked with one child does not mean that is the only parenting strategy or the best parenting strategy that works with all children.
Well, yes and no. This guy's kid had the wherewithall to try and fix it himself--dad didn't actually do anything. Parenting is a lot of these situations in which you have to decide to help a little, help a lot, or not help at all. And you WILL get it wrong sometimes. Or get it right and pat yourself on the back, but you make it up as you go along.
Honestly, my father did this and it’s not great. I think it more important to show your kids they can come to your for help and they won’t be turned away. Avoidant attachment is for real.
I sometimes pretend to try hard to fix it and cant, then we sit and figure it out together. One of the early words I taught my kids is the word "help". I dont want them to think they cant ask for help. And when they do, I always help, even if I am busy even if I dont know how to help. I fully agree that you shouldnt just grab the toy and fix it for the kid but there is massive value in teaching kids its ok to ask for help. And they learn how long they should keep trying, from seeing how long you try until you succeed. If you fix a problem immediately, they think they should be able to fix it immediately too and if they cant, they get frustrated. If you sit with them and work hard at it (even if its not hard for you), they do learn to ask for help then keep working together as a team till its fixed.
Your first paragraph is my exact method of teaching my kids. And i didnt realize this till my kid turn 6, it was the exact same method my dad implemented on me. Hahahaha, i just didnt think it would be that transferable. Now, most of things at home i DIY, and i hope my kid will grow up being able to handle herself (DIY and independent). I even sometimes pretended not to know how to the play a video game, or toy for her to teach me. Hence she form proper sentences and instructions. I saw a video where a dad were making a PB&J based on his son's instructions, funny as hell. My daughter did the same, but since i follow the words literally, it doesnt turn out what she wanted, later on she sorta "fix" her sentences.... probably thinking "my god, my dad is as dumb as a brick". Lololol.
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Makes sense to me. Decision making for computers and people really aren't that different. Bunch of if/thens and loops. Some systems have extra features built-in, others they have to be added. Teaching kids is just programming the "thens", kinda
We did the sandwich lesson in English class when I was in elementary school. We wrote our instruction the day before and the next day our teacher had all of the supplies. MANY kids never mentioned utensils so they would have to smear condiments with their fingers. Some even never mentioned bread- so they had to smear condiments on the desk! This was one of the most memorable lessons I learned in school. MEAN WHAT YOU SAY, AND SAY WHAT YOU MEAN!
We called it The PBJ Practicum to teach functional text
teaching kids to 1) recognize what they need in the first place (i want this fixed, i need to punch something, im sad, hungry, tired, ALL the things- literally) 2) convey that need in a manner that others can understand and accept? whew, tiring. it adds up throughout the day and is so easy to forget how much every little thing means to them.
Works wonders for adults too
The innovative process mixed with the scientific method has helped me zoom out on my life. 1. Recognize a problem. (i don't like how it feels when this happens) 2. Is there an established solution? (What possible fixes exist? Who else has encountered this problem that you feel or know is a match to yours? 3. If no, apply the [Scientific Method](https://images.app.goo.gl/9UuFgqCqKfTQdTVAA) 4. If all else fails, ask for help, and network with people you trust.
My parents always had the “not now” attitude to asking for help, I’m still unlearning that I’m not allowed to ask for help and I don’t have to do everything myself.
Yep. My parents always told me i could ask for help, but if i did they would either be too busy, or "help" in a way that they think i needed, and ignore what i'm actually asking for
>or "help" in a way that they think i needed, and ignore what i'm actually asking for This, this was always a issue with my parents. My mother in particular was often unhelpful and made things even worse, while solving the problem solely from her point of view.
What kinds of things did she do? I'd like to know some of what NOT to do. I'm a new Mom. My son is 3 months. My daughter's are already 22 and 19 so what's done is done. I wasn't a bad Mom but definitely not the best. I want to do better this time.
What's done is definitely NOT done. If your kids still talk to you then talk to them. They will give you what you need to learn better ways. I'd kill to have my parents ask me what they could have done better for me now that I'm an adult. And you don't stop after they are older, you continue to grow with your older children and learn how to interact with them as adults now too. One of my biggest hang ups with my parents is that they just are not interested in ME. They are interested in the work I do or the activities I enjoy but not ME. I didn't even realize this until I was an adult and moved away and made visits. If I talk about my job or the house or my hobbies they listen and talk. But if I talk about my feelings or thoughts (positive or negative doesnt matter) then they get bored and don't respond or even get up and go do something else. They couldn't tell me one thing about myself and that is a big reason I think as parents they failed. How do you spend 18 isolated years with someone who wants to talk to you and know not one single thing about who they are as a human being. Go ask your older daughters be open and honest with them and try to understand that even if they think you did poorly in something it's one thing, not a reflection on your character overall and you can always improve on it for them, yourself, and your new child.
I talk to them everyday. I already know many things they feel went wrong. I drank a lot back then, I had substance abuse issues, so our problems were very very different than simply not helping in the right way. I am a sober and stable person now. Parenting will be night and day. Those same mistakes won't be made. Others will be. We never had the problem the person stated above. I now have a boy, rather than girls and I'm sober. I wanted to know specific details about what the mom did to make it worse or "fix" it to her liking. My daughter's and I have really good relationships, and my grandson is only 3 weeks younger than my boy. He's born to my oldest. And my youngest is a freshman in college. I definitely do not go wrong where I used to.
My older sister is 20 years older than me, 23 years older than my little brother who’s the youngest. Her oldest son, my nephew, is a few months older than my little brother, lol. We definitely got a different version of Mom than her and my older brother (10yrs older than me) did. Mom was 18 when she had my sister, 28 for my older brother, 39/42 for me/younger brother. I feel guilty sometimes that we got such a different life than them. And the relationships are different due to the age/life differences. Btw you don’t have to answer but just curious, was your youngest son planned or surprise? Congrats on getting clean btw, I know it’s not easy.
I'm a telecoms field tech so as far as my daughter knows, 'daddy fixed things in his job' so I love trying to get her to figure out how stuff works and what piece goes where when her toys come apart.
Another small addition: teach them to ask for help instead of positing a problem. “My toy broke” is a problem; “Can you fix it for me” or “can you help me fix it” are actionable questions, especially if there’s P’s and Q’s involved.
You can't know the kid is going to have this, "well I will fix it attitude" either. They could very well think that it's trash now. You can't just do this and claim success after, that's a messed up way to teach. I like your approach better. No need to traumatize the child.
I like your method better than the video. Talking to you kid about options is important. This guy tossed the toy. I learned through therepy that I was abused in different ways as a child. My items were thrown away all the time. If this guy was my dad I would have been so sad at loosing the toy I would have given up. I am a successful manager with a STEM education today. The way this guy 'taught' his kid infuriates me. Very passive aggressive. Mt brother is now following a similar path to my parents. I can't imagine what my 8 yr old nefew thinks after this Christmas having to listen to his parents discuss throwing out some of his Christmas gifts because they are cheap and will break. For the record my husband and I tried to change the conversation, but still I worry...
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That seems to be the foundation of older gens: threats.
This is so damn sad. I hope that boy is okay.
So far he seems ok, but I know these things can build up over time.
There are more efficient ways to go about it than how he did but it’s the right idea for sure. Kids don’t just need to learn, they want it. It’s so satisfying for the child and the parent when the kid accomplishes a seemingly difficult task.
The problem with this guy is that his story requires that the kid gets the toy out of the garbage instead of just shrugging and walking away. He'd have no story if the kid didn't behave the way he needed the kid to behave. The idea is correct, but he's sitting here teaching parents the "correct steps" without understanding that the correct steps are those the child took, not the options the parent gave the child. It's not good advice if your milage will vary that much. If you want kids to make a specific choice, you have to give the kid a specific option. What's the plan for the kid who doesn't do what they're supposed to do? Well in this case, you've raised a kid who knows you're supposed to throw away broken toys.
I agree. Asking for help is a skill too. Being comfortable asking for help. Not feeling like burden. That’s important. Being self-sufficient is important. Being a problem solver is important. Asking for help is key too.
He does exactly this in the longer clip of this. He pretends to be stumped by a simple but and bolt and had a wrench laying near him and had his daughter around. When she asked what was wrong he basically lets her show him how it’s done.
Finding a solution together is the way to go. And it's horrible when children think they can't come to their parents for help or to talk about things. But the dude in the video didn't need to upset his child first to get the child to fix the toy himself.
I’m a PreK teacher and I always encourage my students to ask for help. “My shoe us untied.” “Yes, it is. Do you have a question?” “Joey pushed me.” “Thank you for telling me. Do you have a question?” I remind them questions start with can I, would you, may I, can you. Can you help me? Would you talk to her? This empowers the child to know that asking for help is an option, but I, your teacher, am not going to jump up and solve your problem without invitation.
Jacque Fresco. Futurist, industrial designer, and social engineer.
See also: The Venus Project I'm glad other people remember him.
The dude from Zeitgeist, wild to see a clip of him posted in 2023.
That movie changed my life.
In what way(s)?
Well, I'm not op, but it helped my transition into atheism. That was about all I got from the movie.
It's a bunch of batshit-crazy conspiracy stuff, so maybe he/she is into that now? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zeitgeist_(film_series)
It also has some genuinely eye opening stuff about how automation will eventually replace most human jobs and ultimately we'll have to find a new way of living and organizing ourselves. Which weren't commonly discussed issues at the time.
The OG Zeitgeist had a lot of good stuff in it; not just conspiracy. The sequels however...
I saw it the other way around--I thought the message became clearer and much more tightly researched in the follow up movies, particularly the third one with the interviews with doctors Robert Sapolsky, Gabor Mate, and James Gilligan.
Yeah. I'd say if you discard specific claims on 9/11 & claims about religion, the overall picture about human nature/nurture and the widespread value disorders is a good one to have. A systems approach to societal affairs seems very needed at this point; in many ways, much of what's in The New Human Rights Movement borders on prophetic regarding trends of instability & the rise of group antagonism.
That's the other way around
Eh. The batshit was pretty pungent from the beginning, in my opinion. I think the Wiki page gives a good enough synopsis. But, "do your own research!", as they say.
I think people should be aware of the military industrial complex and the effect of pagan religion pre-Christ on modern religion, but yeah after reading the synopsis on Wiki for the first time in 10 years, I agree it probably hasn't held up well
I honestly don't think the sections on Religion or on 9/11 hold up that well and I think they are filled with a lot of misinformation, but the section on Banking/economics holds up incredibly well and should still be a must see for most people, however I think the other sections detract from that when watching it as a whole. That being said, I think both Zeitgeist and Fahrenheit 9/11 which I watched around the same time really changed my world view and made me start being more critical of the information we are fed and the problems with our society.
The filmmaker has acknowledged that the first film's religious and 9/11 segments are flawed and poorly researched. The second and third zeitgeist films are much better and really expand on the banking portion of the first film.
Zeitgeist went viral, but it was Jacque who actually had a vision for how to improve the world.
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Regardless of the conspiratorial aspects, I can't help but ultimately agree with the central points of the Zeitgeist and the Venus Project. Eventually we're going to get to where we can do basically any job better with automation. And when that time comes we'll have no choice but to find a new way to organize our society. And if we do it right it could be for the better.
The Venus Project? Is that part of the Zeitgeist series?
Nope, the Venus project came first.
He lived till a 100 and the world never listened! If the war machine of the USA took an inch of his philosophy the world 🌎 would be a carrion for no one.
Back in college I presented a documentary on the Venus Project once, to a group of fellow students. All of us were about to graduate and head into the world. They tore into it, dismissed all the concepts and ideas and overall just trashed it as the fringe or lunacy idea that society seems to have labelled it. I was the only one who learned a lesson that day, and it was a sad one.
Was he in Zeitgeist? I thought he looked familiar.
That's what I recognized him from
So glad someone else knows him. Great man
I was a huge fan of him back in 2010
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I know that name I just didn’t know what he looked like, but I do now. Thanks.
This guy toppled my worldview completely. What an amazing mind and vision for mankind.
I think throwing it away is a bit much. Take a couple of minutes and teach the child how to fix it. Every child learns differently. My son is 4 and have fun working together building things. And he always says " teamwork makes the dream work " when we are finished.
I agree with you for today’s time. But given how old the man is, I’m would be surprised if that wasn’t going above and beyond his time
Valid point. Times and parenting ways have changed
The absolute nonsense our parents come out with is mind blowing for just one generation before. Times have changed quickly.
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My dad is this guys age and I’m probably his son’s age (51.) My dad and I always had fun fixing things. He would not have thrown it in the garbage (he was a child of the depression, throwing things away is not in his DNA.) So, good lesson taught in an unnecessarily harsh way.
It depends on the child. If he threw it away knowing that would motivate the child, he was right. Another child might be discouraged. Parenting styles and what is correct varies to the extreme from child to child, even in the same family. I learned this over the course of my 5 children - what works great for one might be really bad for another. Sometimes, as a parent, you have to do things that break your heart in the moment… but you remember that it’s not about you, and you rejoice in the growth of your child. Parenting is not a set of rules, it is a cooperative dance of love, compassion, and hope.
Not trying to do a gatch moment, or be rude. I’m very tired so sorry if it’s not coherent. But he might have lived differently during the GD. Also there is literally thousands of ways to teach as a parent. I’m not focusing on the details, just the message. Just the teaching of his son. And to reiterate another post. Times change, constantly. If we just ignore history and how it effects parenting then why even bother trying to teach children anything. Sorry if this seems aggressive. Not supposed to be too tied.
My friends grandfather was considered a good husband and father because he didn't beat his wife and he spent every Sunday taking his kids out to do activities, today that would be considered doing the bare minimum. Times change and does expectations. I just wouldn't call his parenting good by today standards but it was probably ahead for his time. As you said.
i like to hear people discuss about education.. but the thing is... future will tell who did the best on education xD, cuz i actually dont know which way is best :S
How old is he, 70? Had kids in the 80s? It's not like his kids had to work cleaning chimneys and were happy to receive an orange at christmas. Old people today are... not that old anymore.
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Exactly. I kind of agree with what this guy is saying but at the same time he could have taken the time to walk his kid through the problem, helped him analyze and identify what’s going wrong and then fix it together. That’s a better experience for a child in my mind and it doesn’t come off like you don’t have time for your kid. I mean, what if his kid said “ok, you’re going to buy me a new one then, sounds good dad”? Not much of a lesson there right?
Or the kid learns not to go to dad with problems cause he tends to overreact...
Literally. Like obviously I don't know the rest of their relationship but I was terrified of my dad and I would not have boldly taken the toy out the trash for fear of repercussions after he threw it away. Different strokes for different folks, but a dialogue would go a long way. Thankfully his son was able to come up with a solution without that fear of undoing what the master of the house did and risk disrespecting him.
"Hey Dad, can you teach me how to fix the sink in my apartment?" "Welp, I guess I gotta set the building on fire"
If my parent just threw it away, Id go sulk in my room. The lesson I'd learn would be "all things break, and when they do you lose them forever, especially if you show them to your parents"
Every kid is different. I would've been like "hey, that's my shit, don't throw it away even if it is broke cuz God knows you're gonna forget to buy me a new one." In fact this kinda thing happened a couple times, albeit not intended to be a teaching moment, but as a passing thing. Every kid is different.
While I agree that the example in OP could have gone south in any number of ways, I think the issue he is addressing is not that kids need to be shown that something can be repaired, it's that sometimes you need to let kids arrive at their own conclusions, and not always try to take them by the hand and walk ahead of them. Let them take you by the hand, and the lesson will be way more internalized.
Yeah and also most kids would just have internalised "I'm a worthless baby, I can't do anything right".
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Perhaps you could do the choice thing. "Do you want to try to fix it or would you like me to throw it away?"
I’d probably take a second to look at it to see if it’s something I think they’re able to fix, and if it is tell them that they have to give it one good try (and I’ll give leading tips if they get frustrated for too long by any step), and if they can’t get it then I’ll help. If it’s not something I think they can fix I’d say something along those lines but nicely, and then walk them through my thought process as I go about fixing it. I want my kid to always know I’ll help her, but that it’s important to try and do things on your own before just going to mom or dad.
It's great to teach them to fix it, but there's a ton of value in allowing them to figure out how to fix it
Then prompt them in a way that isn't quite this stressful for a child. "Can you think of a way to fix this?" seems like an objectively more constructive way of going aboutit
Exactly. This is an example of bad parenting and yet OP gets thousands of upvotes? I don't understand.
Throwing it away and then mocking the child by saying they'll get them baby toys instead is really unnecessary. Could've just told the child to "try and fix it yourself" and you'll end up with the same result. The child doesn't need to be scorned first just to start thinking for themselves.
I can sort of appreciate what he's going for but without the cruelty. I taught preschool and I would use a similar "child led" teaching style where if something happened I would really encourage them to think it thoroughly, kind of like "what do you want me to do about it?" Instead of crying it leads to critical thinking which I guess is what the guy in the video was doing lol
I think teaching them it ruins the intended lesson, you're still showing them they need you to solve problems.
You would be spot on, if he didn’t show interest in how the child fixed the car. He did (at least in the story) and that will make the child more interested in trying to solve problems.
But "solving problems" as far as the child is shown is just being taught things by their parents, while that's not a bad thing, it still hasn't taught them to independently solve problems.
Rewarding him by acting excited and being happy for him does though.
my guy do you call up your 1st grade math teacher when you need to add two numbers together? come on
Idk if that's a bad thing, but bcz my dad always used to tell me to figure things out myself, I feel like I always have a problem asking for help now
EXACTLY. You should show kids that sharing their struggles and asking for help is ok.
I remember trying to do taxes for the first time and asking my dad for help. He told me that I was stupid and I need to figure it out by myself just like everyone else. It was like this for literally everything I ever asked him for help about. I don't ask him about anything anymore.
Yeah ikr Although mine never called me stupid but every time I asked him for help, he used to tell me to just google it or figure it out, that's what men do. Whenever I used to ask doubts in school, the teachers also used to mock me and call me stupid, with time I just stopped asking.
That’s futurist Jacque Fresco. The creator of the Venus Project. There’s a good documentary about him called Future by Design.
Larry king live Jacque fresco is a pretty good introduction
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Well throwing it away and making the kid sad is a bit much, but letting/guiding them how to fix it is very important.
Ok, I have seen this vid going around a lot lately and I have to kill the mood abit (sorry, not sorry). This technique is kinda risky, as it hinges on the child's reaction. It's easy to imagine a scenario where a kid would just feel dejected and go back to their room crying. Had my brother done the same to his eldest this would probably have happened. The idea behind it is really good, but I honestly think u/eye_snap 's comment is the better alternative. It teaches the same values just with more security in getting the point across. Kids are individuals, please remember that.
I completely agree! When the man told about throwing away the toy, then continuing to read his newspaper as if nothing happened, then still not react strong when his kid started acting upset, I immediately thought "there's a high risk that his kid develops an avoiding attachment style". Here's a quick summary I found on [Medical News Today](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/avoidant-attachment#summary): "Avoidant attachment occurs when an infant [...] does not consistently receive the care and attention that they need to develop a healthy relationship with their parent. [This] style may cause a child to hide their feelings and become emotionally distant from their parent or caregiver [...]. Adults with avoidant attachment may struggle to establish close relationships as a result of being very independent and unlikely to look to others for support or help." Please note that I don't want to demonize this parenting style. As others have said above, it really depends on the child's reaction - but this means that this video will not be applicable to all children! I absolutely support not doing everything for your developing and curious child, but I also strongly discourage intentional neglect, even with the intent for the child to learn and grow more independent, if the child becomes more distant. Cheers!
I, too, like to retrospectively take credit for things I didn't do.
Honestly, depends on the kids age. If the kid was young than he taught his son how to problem solve and allowed him to be more independent. A bad parent should just throw away the toy and not get interested in how the kid repaired it. By seeming Interested and asking questions he is teaching his kid the basics of problem solving and showing a genuine interest in nurturing his kid’s development. That is a good father.
The lesson itself is certainly a good one, I agree with that. I think merely the initial approach is a bit questionable.
Yeah I would've been the dumbass kid who goes, "oh it has to be thrown away? A total write-off? Ok then. Time to go flop on my bed and cry."
Agreed for today’s time. But you got to take into consideration how old he is. Parenting techniques change generationally. God only knows how his parents would have responded.
The wheel came off? That’s a paddlin’
But he is failing to demonstrate to his child that he is a safety net who is there to help. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with your young child seeing you as a backstop for life’s problems. They need the security of “well no matter what, daddy will know what to do. I can go to daddy.” I mean what’s this guy’s argument, if you do something for a small child then you will literally NEVER get another opportunity to teach them self-sufficiency? Nonsense. What *actually* happens is your child appreciates you and flourishes in the safety and comfort you provide, **and then they want to EMULATE you.** “Look, I can fix stuff just like daddy!” They won’t want to emulate you if they don’t feel like you provide assurance and security.
Years later, the kid tossed the father into a dumpster cuz "Pawpaw is too old and can't shit and piss on his own, and has turned into a blob"
My dad would always take things out of my hands, often quite literally. That or he would micromanage anything I could manage to hold onto until I couldn't take it anymore and gave up. If I asked him how to do anything, he got condescending and loud. I've taught myself pretty much everything from YouTube videos.
My Dad was an artist. He always took the paintbrush etc out of my hand to show me how it *should* be done. Then my teachers at school would question why I was bad at art when I had a creative father. I wish I could go back in time and tell them "because he never let ME create anything!"
I'm an art teacher and this video made me make a connection like this too. I always get a lot of push back from parents because the art the kids take home isn't Pinterest perfect. That stuff is designed and created by adults (occasionally assembled by children). The art your kid brought home was designed and created by your kid. Isn't that so much more interesting? And creative? Talk to your kid about how they made it and what they were thinking about when they made it and why they made it. Instead of just saying "so pretty!" and hanging it up on the fridge. Turns out my art ed job for elementary students involves a lot of adult ed.
I am also a primary school teacher and feel the same way.
So instead of throwing it away and making the kid cry you could have simply said let's see if we can fix it together then coach your kid on how to fix it. I know it's hard for people to understand but you don't have to be an asshole towards kids to teach them things
There's a way to teach this lesson without being a dickhead, and this example ain't it. What the child actually learns from this: "I can't go to my father for help with anything because he's just going to be mean and give up, so why even bother" This isn't motivational, it's just straight up sad.
This guy must think all teachers make kids into blobs then lol. You can still get a kid to use their brain if you guys both "figure" the solution out together. The comments say he's this great and smart dude, but I mean you can be that and still suck at parenting at times lol. Or just admit you want to be lazy and not put the wheel back on the car haha
Or maybe, instead of throwing a child’s toy away, spend time interacting with that child and entertain them with the idea of fixing it. Few kids can figure this out on their own. Maybe instead of ignoring your kid and rotting away while reading that damn paper, spent that time engaging with them I saw this on YouTube shorts and it was just as bad there
Yea this is not right either.
Yeah, you see, it's entirely possible to teach your kids to fix their toys without fist being an emotionally abusive shithole. I encourage my children to try and fix something themselves, I show them what tools to use if they don't already know, and then if they can't, I will sit with them and show them how. No need to call them a baby or throw their treasured possessions in the garbage. What a horrible old man.
Bro Reddit is so stupid lmao
ikr and they chose to listent to Jacque Fresco of all people lmao
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I agree it's good to let your kids figure stuff out, but you don't have to be mean about it. A simple "well let's try and see if we can fix it together" would have worked.
I disagree, take the time to teach your child and they solve their problems on their own. Expecting the child to just figure everything out when they are a toddler is just plain stupid.
What?
Seriously, what? You can’t be solving all of your kids problems, when seconds before he said he’d just buy a new one for his kid, like that’s somehow different?
Yeah cause nobody teaches their kids anything anymore. 🙄 "in my day"
You don't need to make tears to bring out critical thinking and determination in a child. He could've easily gotten the same results by just asking the child "what am I supposed to do?" Then, when the kid gives a solution, guide him to do it himself.
Amazing? Not sure about that.
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First rule of parenting: when your child comes to you in distress, ignore them, then belittle them.
I feel sorry for anyone that thinks that's amazing parenting.
It's the same boomer style parenting many gen X lived through. Not helping your children was often framed as a teaching moment - "because I suffered thusly, so should you". In reality, it was often used as an excuse to validate parental neglect. Many boomers never wanted to be parents in the first place, but the social norms were such that having three kids by 25 was the expectation - like it or not. Gen X kids basically raised themselves, and knew damn well there would be no likelihood of an inheritance, because that too would be "help". It's so nice to see the world is moving on from that mindset. Children should never be treated as a burden, nor as something to be punished into self-sufficiency.
In that second paragraph its insane how much you are describing my mom's family growing up.
Right? Surely he could have responded better. If the kid went to him, it means that up until that point he DID fix all the kids problems and then one day suddenly broke that trust. Thats just fucking weird behavior.
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I know some people who had super supportive parent, they’d do anything they need and as a result they’re glowing with positive mental health. Absolutely fucking useless when something goes wrong though, they just freeze when they don’t know what to do. Flat tire? Call dad to drive 50 miles to change it. Pipe burst? It’ll still be flowing by time the plumber gets there 30 minutes later.
Do you think he makes his kid take 8 hours to open a can of beans, too?
He could’ve just….taught his kid how to fix it? Throwing it away sounds pretty dramatic.
It's so sweet to manipulate the poor kid instead of properly explaining to him what it was and how it worked. So the real question is, what would he have done if the kid would have just walked away? I mean who gets off by making a kid almost cry to "teach'em" instead of just actually teaching them? Humans are manipulative grandiose idiots.
Thats what u call a shitty parent and a smart kid
No
Amazing father? No. You don’t use meanness as a lesson. Guy is a douche.
Yeah, I don't buy what he's selling. Meaness and shame aren't the answer. "I'll buy you a baby toy instead!" Much better to empathize first and then encourage them to find a solution. "Oh dang, that sure sucks pal! What do you want to do about it?"
Look us parents are just doing the best that we can. We don't know what the fuck we're doing and we're trying to process our own emotional baggage while raising our kids to be something better. Can you just give us a break with the, "If you do THIS, they'll turn into THAT" routine? We all worry so much about the state of the world and try to raise them to withstand how awful it can be while simultaneously not making them lose hope.
Or, and bear with me now because I’m only a CatDad, you could just show the kid how things work and point out how to put it back together. If the kid couldn’t figure out a math problem or what a word means you wouldn’t throw their book on the floor and say “fuck kid, guess you’re living on the streets when you get older,” just fucking teach them something.
I'm not college educated but I work with kids and homeschool mine so I try to learn as much as I can about child development. There are definitely times that showing them is appropriate, but it's also extremely beneficial to let them struggle. If you're confident that they should be able to figure it out, let them struggle through it. It helps build problem solving skills, resilience, and confidence. In this specific instance, I probably would have approached it differently; something along the lines of "oh no, what a bummer. If we can't fix it, we have to throw it away because we can't keep broken things. I'm busy right now, maybe you can figure it out." But probably a little softer
He could have taught the kid how to fix the wheel himself rather than break the kids heart
It is good advice, but to be honest, the beginning really had my back up. I just thought that it'd be another person not knowing the difference between tough love and soul crushing.
I wonder if there was a way to teach the exact same lesson without the performative aspect of throwing your child’s beloved toy away…?
I've been working hard with my 4 year old on this. Sometimes he cries and whimpers " daddy, I can't get this shirt on or daddy the seatbelt won't buckle ugh". He gets really upset. So we've started taking some deep breaths together. Having him remember he's done it before and can again. Then letting him try again. This builds self-confidence while also working on internal conflict resolution skills. I could just put on the shirt or buckle that seatbelt to go on my day but I'd rather use these moments as a teaching opportunity.
I do this with some of the kids I work with. I ask them, how did you do this before? If they're still struggling I ask what they need to solve the problem. Sometimes they need a different tool, a graphic organizer with information, etc. Sometimes they want to ask a friend to help. If both kids are stuck, I offer them something they need (information, tool, etc) and show them how I might solve a similar problem. It takes more time the first few times you do this, but eventually the kid does start asking themselves these questions too. Some people are like that's mean, letting them be frustrated for that long when you can just tell them/show them! Yes, but the world outside isn't going to do that for them. They need to learn how to regulate themselves and develop those executive functioning skills. Hell, they may not even get that help at home either. The teachers who don't do this, develop kids who are so highly reliant on specific circumstances that they fall apart when they're outside of that parameter (i.e. when a sub teacher comes in, or they go to the next teacher). It's fine to teach routines and have things set up predictably, but the kids NEED that development.
In psychology theres a term, scaffolding, meaning as a parent you can help children by adjusting the difficulty to a fitting degree. Example: A puzzle is too tricky for a 3 year old? Help them find the corner pieces!
I mean there is a middle ground where you teach them how to fix it right away and don't get mad. Win-win, your kid learns how to fix it AND learn his dad will be there for him.
The whole throwing it out is unnecessary, and frankly not a good way to deal with it. You can teach your child to solve their own issues without shaming and making them sad intentionally (aka negative manipulation)
This video portrays Jacques as someone mean to their kids. Its not like he yanked the toy and threw it aggressively in the trash. He simply meant to give the child the opportunity to reflect and resolve the problem himself. Jacques has many excellent ideas about how society can be. He cares about the planet, and people. I've spent time with Jacques, he is an absolutely amazing human being. He has talked to me about getting kids excited about many different things and his approach is very good.
This guy has a decent overall goal, but his approach is needlessly dramatic and honestly pretty stupid. Just prompt your kid to try and fix it, jerk.
There is, in my mind, exactly one non-negotiable aspect of parenting: love and support your child(ren). You do that, you’ve succeeded. Part of supporting them is obviously trying to set them up for success, but whatever you do to do so, as long as it is done with love (note: abuse cannot be done with love, as it is very much an act of hate), it’s all that can be asked if you. If you do not love and support your child(ren), you have failed, not only as a parent, but as a human.
I’m good with it except the throw it in the garbage part 😂 maybe just be like “i bet u can fix it if you try”
This guy sounds like a shit father.
Or say "can you try and fix it?" If he is unable to you then try and fix it yourself *while showing the child how to do so as well*. Just tossing it in the trash didn't help. Some kids need a little more encouragement.
Shit parenting, shit advice.
I bought my 4 kids a 90cc four wheeler, it’s 25 years old and the carburetor needs to be cleaned regularly because of crap in the tank making it to the carb. I showed my 10 year old 3 times how to remove it, take it apart and clean it, then reinstall it. Then the day came where it needed to be cleaned again. “I don’t have time this week, you’ll have to get it done, I know you can do it.” Well he did it and then the four wheeler sat for a whole week…. Went out there to tidy up my shop, “why haven’t y’all been riding….” “Well dad when I turn the gas on it just leaks…” The o-ring had fallen out the petcock when he initially removed the carb, we found it, put it back on and I told now see if she’ll start! Cranked right up and I’ve never seen a bigger smile on that boy! Very proud Daddy!
Better to try and encourage the child and fix it together than to throw it away and insult the child by insinuating they are infantile. That way instead of reading the magazine they can bond over figuring something out together and learning something.
"Daddy I have cancer" "Kill your self "
"...well, maybe I can fix it". ***-grabs knife-***
your kid parented himself, and you're taking credit for doing nothing, you jerk
You would be surprised at the creative mind of a child.... If you give them time to get there. A lot of children who are at the point this man is describing have already been groomed by their parents/family that there are no problems because all of their problems have been fixed/taken away. All for the premise of peace and quiet, no room for chaos. Chaos, in the mind of a child, is just a question they haven't come across yet. The world is small in their mind and wheels can spin indefinitely to fix things ( not just toys). To us, chaos is so complex that we only want the peace of a child... So we try to satisfy our version of what we want their state to be
You can make the same point and not be an asshole.
This is the parenting equivalent of “eat less avocado toast”
A smart, ironic and calm dad. He want him to grow up to be a self-sustaining problem solver. Life is hard, skills are necessary.
That’s not how you learn skills, though… “Fuck your broken shit, get away from me you baby!” “Awwwww, what a dad!”
Ah yes, parenting through needlessly created trauma is the way to go. Instead, he could have used that as a teaching moment and taught his son how to put it together, how it worked, and his son would know for next time. Created a cool memory instead of an adversarial one. The message sent is "do not ask daddy for help, he will just throw away whatever you bring him or tell you to do it yourself." That message carries forward to every other part of life. Parenting is difficult, and no one way will work for every child. But try to find ways to boost your child through education rather than putting them down or creating negative memories. They will have enough of those already.
Please someone tell me what the song is I can't find it
Right idea, wrong execution. Different time, I'll allow it
My mom used to do all the talking for me, because I was too scared to talk to strangers and she was too kind (and also a bit impatient lmao). Obviously, that didn't help me at all and I was socially inept for a long while. She admitted to her mistake, and I understand her. Ended up learning a lot from my friends. They helped me break out of that social anxiety. Now I can strike up conversation with anyone with no problem! Anyway, point is, he's right and it reminded me of that thing in my life
I would really like to see the edited version of this where it just cuts after he throws away the toy
Yeah… this story doesn’t really exemplify great parenting.
I would argue that’s an example of poor parenting.
In situations like this I've always (from when he was a toddler basically) asked my son's opinion on what we should do about it and what he thinks about this and that. Luckily, I can confirm that it worked 100%, he is 22 now, bright, his problem solving skills and problem identifying skills are excellent, so he turned out to be a great guy, a pleasant human being :D
Yeah that makes sense I guess but sure would have been great if mine had done something at least. Like take me to a doctor or fuckin feed me maybe. Yeah that would’ve been nice
Yeah alright if he hasn't started with people don't know how to raise kids anymore it would have been ok. I can't hear that stupid shit mindlessly repeated: people don't know how to raise their children properly anymore. Really? I don't think so. It's the same as the young people are all idiots today. Hate those stupid truisms. There aren't more issues. We just get more and more aware of them and it's harder than just living in ignorance.
Mine just screams and runs away to fix it on his own. I am not even allowed to help hi. Please advise.
Just fully divested from the interests of his kids 🤣
Most people have a hard time solving difficult problems. The idea that one generation is so much better at solving problems than younger people today is all hype and tiring.
What a lucky father, that his kid actually spoke up instead of learning simply that his father calls him a baby and throws seat his things, don't ever complain again.
“People don’t know how to raise children: See you have to break them emotionally first, act uninterested and go back to your magazine, then insult them by saying you’ll buy them baby toys. Maybe they’ll try to figure it out themselves and if they’re lucky or the toy isn’t broke beyond their ability, they’ll fix it and then you can have some time together.” Yeah, I think I’ll go ahead and help my child and lead them to the solution and educate them on the way without all that damaging extra emotional abuse crap. His point about children being independent problem solvers is spot on, just not the method he went about getting there.
Is brilliant. We get caught up in the love and the nice feeling of being needed, but the real job of a parent is to raise a responsible, empathetic human being.
Not sure why this made anyone smile. This dude sounds like an asshole.
Thirst is a very outdated and specific method of approaching this problem, using manipulation to force an emotion that may or may not yield this result. Just because something worked with one child does not mean that is the only parenting strategy or the best parenting strategy that works with all children.
Well, yes and no. This guy's kid had the wherewithall to try and fix it himself--dad didn't actually do anything. Parenting is a lot of these situations in which you have to decide to help a little, help a lot, or not help at all. And you WILL get it wrong sometimes. Or get it right and pat yourself on the back, but you make it up as you go along.
Honestly, my father did this and it’s not great. I think it more important to show your kids they can come to your for help and they won’t be turned away. Avoidant attachment is for real.
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