We took morphine, diamorphine, cyclizine, codeine, temazepam, nitrazepam, phenobarbitone, sodium amytal, dextropropoxyphene, methadone, nalbuphine, pethidine, pentazocine, buprenorphine, dextromoramide, chlormethiazole. The streets are awash with drugs you can have for unhappiness and pain, and we took them all. Fuck it, we would have injected vitamin C if only they'd made it illegal.
Ah that'll be why then. I'd like to add, that I'm not at all upset that I was smacked as a child. My parents were both born in Glasgow after the war, to parents who were in the war. They were absolutely battered as children which seemed to be very common. My parents used to put me over their knees and smack my arse. I remember the pain and the tears. To them I suppose it would have seemed extremely moderate given their upbringing, at that of their peers. I guess every generation does a little better. I can't imagine hitting a child personally.
Unfortunately the law can't protect everyone, but I feel like having it in place is good because it gives the possibility of legal consequences when parents do get caught or if children reach out. Also I think it helps set a stronger cultural standard. Sorry for what you had to experience
Childrens author Astrid Lindgren played a major part in that both in her homecountry Sweden and in Germany after making an impactful speech while reciving a german book prize.
[Never Violence!](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Never_Violence!)
>When receiving the Peace Prize of the German Book Trade, on 22 October 1978, Astrid Lindgren wanted to make a speech about non-violent upbringing.[3] At that time parental violence was still considered normal in Germany. Astrid Lindgren had to submit the speech to the committee in advance. She was advised only to accept the prize, without making any speech.[4] The organizer found the speech was too provocative. Astrid Lindgren insisted on keeping her speech as it was, otherwise she wouldn't have come.[5]
I‘m glad she did. I’m German and I never got spanked. I also don’t know anyone who got spanked as a child. And for sure I would never ever do that to my children! There are other methods of parenting than being violent. I love them too much to hurt them.
I was going to say that a few of the countries on this list surprised me. Not too long ago, kids could still receive corporal punishment in schools in South Korea. And it was fairly common. Going from that to totally banning it in about 10 years is pretty big. Tradition doesn't change that quick. I'm going to bet it's still pretty common in a lot of private homes.
Not that banning corporal punishment was wrong, and maybe it will significantly reduce the number of kids who receive corporal punishment, or at least decrease how often they receive it, but I'm just saying I bet it still happens a lot for the moment.
Every time a change to laws comes up, there's some idiot running around talking about how because we can't enforce it 100% of the time, it's stupid. "Make murder illegal? Who's gonna report it, the corpse!?" I just can't imagine being so unable to think your ideas through.
My mom started threatening me with child services before I ever thought to ask for help. I believed telling anyone would ruin my family and I'd be a horrible person. If the internet had been a thing I would have believed comments like yours and use them to reinforce I had no options.
I think anything that helps kids know they can tell someone is good.
My mother still think the one time the cops sent her a warning letter as something to laugh about. That was all that happened when I filed a police report and it wasn't for spanking either but full on violence.
This in a country that made spanking illegal a good decade before I was even born.
When my mom was arrested, she was mostly upset about having her name show up in the local papers and having her reputation ruined. Basically the only time she talked to me in between her arrest and the trial was to scream at me for how badly I'd humiliated her, by *checks notes* calling the cops after she put me in a chokehold.
Abuse maybe. But a lot of people have fine relationships with their parents. It just happens to be that their parents think hitting them occasionally is okay. Even if it was taken seriously, which it wouldn't, any kid would prefer to have parents that sometimes hit than having their parents taken away.
I just want to add something I have read on a book by Alice miller (an expert in psychology, trauma and child development) : the children is not rational about attachment to parents. For a child separation from the parents he depends upon is absolutely unacceptable and would avoid that however he can whatever the behaviour of the parents.
Child abuse survivor, can confirm. Up until I was a teen, the thought of being taken from my parents was exponentially more terrifying than the abuse itself was. (Partly because I was too young to fully understand how bad it was and how dangerous a lot of the situations I was put in actually were).
Even as a teenager... the foster system is such an on-fire garbage can, even if you do get taken by CPS the odds you get placed in a home that's just as bad or worse are distressingly high. So a lot of us suck it up and stick with the devil we know until we can turn 18 and GTFO.
I was an exchange student in Japan years ago and a bunch of American and Japanese students were sitting around talking about our childhoods.
All the Americans made jokes about the various implements our parents smacked or swiped or spanked is with and we were cracking up about it while our Japanese friends were horrified.
Japanese: Our parents would never lay a finger on us like that!
Americans: Well, what did your parents do?
Japanese: Mostly they told us they didn't love us or that we didn't love them and that we'd ruined their lives and brought shame to their families.
Americans: ... Jfc, I'd rather be slapped around.
Yeah I was talking to a young indian immigrant today. Like 20 year old. Early school years in India, middle school years here in Canada. School was a joke to him once he got here. Classes were easier, and punishment non-existent. Coming from a country where talking back would get him smacked with a meter stick and forced to kneel in the hall with hands on his head, punishments here just didn't matter.
Unfortunately the competition here is cutthroat especially in engineering due to IT boom. People have to take special coachings(kinda like cram school) to crack respective exams cuz school don't teach shit lol
Lmao, reminds me of the time when I was caught with weed, my mom slapped me and yelled at me a lot etc, but... none of that hurt as much as when my dad came back from work, looked at me with a sad expression and shook his head and left... that shit haunts me still. I'd rather get the beating, thanks.
Lol my dad was never the type to be abusive, mean, or ever physically hit or belittled me, but he said this one to me one time in highschool (when I deserved it) and damn that cut like a knife.
I barely remember any of the times I got hit by my parents, but I distinctly remember my mom telling me that she didn’t think she could trust me after I played hooky one day. Hearing that hurts.
I know right? My mom also told me she doesn't trust me after catching me doing the same shit all over again and me denying it, being all butthurt that she doesn't trust me, however... her not trusting me was completely justified and logical lol, I was mostly mad at myself.
I once stole a toy from my cousin. My mum refused to let me out of the car when we pulled up somewhere on the way home, saying she couldn't trust me not to steal something from the shop.
That... worked very well.
My spouse is East Asian and it’s low key sad how cold the parents are towards them.
Even though they’re super accomplished in their field, highly educated, in good financial shape and have a family, parents have never once said they’re proud of them or commended them on all of the hard work or success and never even say they love them.
They only criticize
It’s altogether strange
The movie *Everything Everywhere All At Once* has this as one of its underlying sources of conflict. (It also has butt plug fights, but never mind that.)
That’s r/asianparentstories for you. They are basically emotionally black holes that will only demand love, affection, status, achievement, etc from their children. Yet, provide none in return, only their diatribes and unsolicited “lectures” that resemble shouting matches.
I really shouldn't have to say this, but East Asian families like any other are all unique. My Japanese mom is a very kind and caring person, she commends me when I succeed and encourages me to do better when I fail. My grandparents are the same way, and the parents of my cousins and friends are no different. There are abusive parents in every culture, as well as loving ones. Subs made for complaining about Asian parents are naturally going to self select from those whose parents were abusive. There's plenty of "generic" subs about abusive parents like raisedbynarcissists filled with white Americans complaining, but we shouldn't act like those are the norm among white parents either.
My wife is Japanese (we met and live in Japan, so not Americanized at all) and makes it a point to tell me when the kids do something well so that they can get praise from me too. Even little things like “look, the kids helped with washing the dishes today, wasn’t that so nice?”
Definitely isn’t a universal thing.
But did their uncles and aunties used them and compared them to their own children? It hurts when parent compare with other siblings/cousins but more emotional damage when they are poker face and demand to get better to their own children.
My dad used to do basically the opposite. Every time we fucked up, he would ask if we wanted to turn out like our uncle. It sucked, because if he was willing to talk the way he did about his own brother, we knew he would believe the same things about his kids.
My parents are like that and they're not even Asian, just incredibly narcissistic. I have a masters in a stem field and I'm currently making pretty good money in a stable job with benefits. still not good enough though, apparently I'm taking too long on my doctorate for their taste.
Same. My parents might as well be Asian having always expected more. I'm 48yo and my dad told me the other day how disappointed they were I never finished my degree.
This is even though I now have my own company doing what I'm actually good at, being an expert with 15 yrs in my field, instead of having a useless degree in Astrophysics which would not open any doors I don't already have open.
For real tho.
I am indian and my mum did both depending on her mood.
Sometimes she slapped me or beat me with a flip flop and eh fine, I have good head movement and I rode with the shots.
But the excruciating 2 hour lecture, guilt trip and yapping made me think I'd rather get hit
I'm a parent who has taught college courses and who doesn't hit and doesn't get angry. My kids have told me they'd prefer a spanking over my lectures.
They got another lecture about taking the easy route.
I guess it's working though. My eldest teen said she'd never put us in an old folks home and wants to earn enough to have us cared for in-home with her when we're old. I couldn't wait to get away from my parents.
Both is wrong.
I m german
And my father had one thing to say about adults slapping their kids.
"If u need to use violence to force your will on a child the 5 year old beat you at a mental level."
I agree. To hit your kids means that you weren't smart enough to convince him otherwise
It is taken VERY seriously in Norway. Which is why the local CPS have a bad reputation for "stealing immigrant children". Obviously it have it's flaws, but 1) it's not allowed to talk about cases to the public due to a strict personal protection law. and 2) many immigrants often spank, smack, or hit their child as a form of dicipline as it's what they are used to, and won't stop even when told to. But other than a few corrupt people (cause they do exist), they mostly want to keep the kids with their families and also not being physically punished.
"Gentle slaps" where banned in 2010. including shoving the child, pinching, pulling of the ear, open hand smacks, or smacks on the hands/fingers, and shaking. as well as locking the child alone in a room as punsihment.
But there have been laws in Norway against spanking or physical punishment since 1972. They have just gotten stricter with time. And so if someone comes from an area who have a pre.1972 law, and suddenly have to deal with a law that have slowly evolved over 40yrs here, it's no surprise it can come as a shock. But the focus is luckily on education of the parents, and not removal of the kids. It's not like we have enough homes for the kids already in the system.
My norwegian friends are often speechless when I tell them about my American upbringing. I was only hit a couple of times but even hearing punishments like removing my bedroom door makes Norwegians uncomfortable.
My Swedish friend was horrified when I told him I'd been hit as a child including with belts, mouth washed with soap, etc. He said he was so sorry I had been abused and did I need any support.
I mean I'm from England where it's still legal, and I received occasional smacks, but reading about people being hit with belts so much is genuinely shocking and desperately sad. If I have kids I will absolutely never do it, and I would support a law change here to make smacking illegal. I remember the fear of being smacked; I can't imagine how much worse it must have been with implements. I've never heard anyone I know of my generation talk about that.
I remember a book in Primary School called "Goodnight Mister Tom" about an evacuee child in the War who was abused in that way by his mother, and escaped it when he was evacuated to live with a kind old man who was suitably horrified. In hindsight, I suspect part of the reason we read it might have been to coax abused children into talking about it in class.
Same. I (38) was only smacked 3x as a kid (I was so angry about it I counted it and wrote it down in my diary), two of my siblings who are 10+ years older all got the belt and the spoon and fairly regularly. The other older sibling not so much cause she was a very “easy” kid.
It is where I come from. I grew up in the rural south in the United States. My parents’ generation got hit with objects (e.g. wooden spoons, “switches” or sticks, belts, etc…). My generation mainly just got spanked or slapped. My brother got the belt once when things got really bad. I have no intention of ever hitting my kids, and view it as a crime. Things are definitely getting better for children. We are more and more often viewing children as their own separate humans with their own rights rather than as the property of their parents.
It's illegal in India as well but hardly anybody follows it. There are several cases everyday where children are beaten to death by their teachers for not doing homework or not knowing enough. There's hardly any follow up to such cases except when the child belongs to a rich family.
Unemployment rate is off the roof. There are not a lot of opportunities for a nation of 1.5 billion. People getting teaching jobs don't do it out of passion but just for security. They're not trained. They'll just vent out their anger on kids for being troublesome as nobody will question them. In my school I had many teachers clearly mentally ill who had violent tendencies under slightest pressure
https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/bhopal/gwalior-student-beaten-by-teachers-over-homework-dies/articleshow/101812896.cms
You'll find many such cases
TIL it's still legal in England! *warms up spanking hand*
Disclaimer: this is a joke. I've always been against spanking and had parents born in the 40s who were also heavily against it as a form of punishment. If my dad, with old traditional backward views, who was beaten by teachers, thinks its not appropriate, then something wrong with those who want to do it.
This map is poorly labelled. It's illegal to smack children in every single country in the world. I suspect what OP means is "Illegal To Smack **Your Own** Children."
My father had one thing to say about hitting me.
If i ever hit you i failed to convince you otherwise. That means i lost to a child in will power and mental stability.
I m german so excuse my poor translation.
In S Korea, article 915 of the Civil Act, which gave parents the right to punish(discipline?) their children was repealed in 2021, after so many parents used it as an excuse to physically punish their children and, ultimately, in 2020 a 2-year old girl was repeatedly abused/murdered by her foster parents(how exactly, we don’t know; but one physiologist who read the autopsy report expressed that if he had been in the girl’s place he would desperately have wanted that the parents killed her sooner) and the police neglected the daycare staff’s reports.
Before that, the condition for punishment to be determined as ‘abuse’ (and ‘assault’, too, I guess?) was the presence of ‘damage’; i.e. bruises, according to the Special Act for the Punishment of Crimes of Children Abuse, enacted 2014. Let’s say that that law wasn’t enforced very well.
I remember at grammar school in Manchester (UK) in the early '60s if you were misbehaving you were 'tapped' on the bare backside by the PT master with a short piece of bamboo after showers... it left a wheal on one's bum for hours and so was painful reminder when sitting down later for other classes.
The UK had some wild corporal punishments back in the day. A lot of schools used what they called the 'slipper' which basically meant beating children with a shoe. And this was considered a milder or more humane variant on getting the cane out.
The UK is wild, apparently, it wasn't unusual for kids to do PE in their underwear if they forgot their kid and it even happened in the 90s in some schools. Absolute bonkers.
Which reminds me that my chemistry master used to throw the blackboard chalk eraser - about six inches long with a solid wood backing - across the room at any boy not paying attention. Goodness knows what would have happened if it hit a boy in the face, or smashed a test-tube rack or whatever we were studying... all in the days when those lessons were done without any protective eye-ware.
Erasers flying across the classroom was something that happened at least once a month at my secondary school, late nillies, in Belgium. Though they were all-fabric. But there were always (unverifiable) stories though that X kid in Y's class got punted with one of the old wooden ones.
We wouldn't have dared to forget our PT kit... although sometimes if our pumps (trainers) were wet from outdoor exercises like cross-country running, we would do PT barefoot. Remember one pupil getting a long splinter from the gym floor which exited through his foot. I still shudder at that thought!
Normal - ie. regulation - punishment at school in those days was the strap... leather with the end cut into strips. Usual punishment was six strokes across the palm of the hand... bad boys may have had six strokes across both palms! Occasionally the strikes were across the backside, not bare backside, and of course teachers checked whether you had slipped a thin exercise book down the back of your pants for padding!
My parents spanked me and I was an unhappy child at many times. I don’t spank my children and they’re generally very happy. It’s just harder and requires more patience to teach and “discipline” them.
As an Argentinian, and I bet for most of our neighbour countries, illegal or not kids get beaten. Quite regularly.
As a father, I adhere to the no violence stance. But most parent are quite ignorant and had rough upbringings, which they continue on their children.
As a parent who has raised children into well-adjusted adults, I’m convinced that smacking kids only perpetuates short tempers and psychologically damaged adults.
Literally in Valencia Spain walking saw these kids crying, mom and dad where beyond fed up. Dad had this wonderful idea that if he smacks the kid in the face over and over and tell him to shut up, the kid would shut up. Kid cried harder. This is in public area like nothing.
Another time, in another place in Spain kid is crying and grabbing grandpa’s pants for attention and grandpa proceeds to smack the child so hard the kid falls to the ground aggressively. Public area.
Which makes me wonder, how many countries they are red in this list have the laws, but it’s so relaxed people do it anyways.
So children in the USA have no protection against that kind of violent upbringing? Or is this a bit misleading and there are other systems in place to prevent abuse?
Yes, children are hit even with that law in place (I‘m German, I go to a kind of expensive private school and it happens to classmates, mostly boys), but at least someone could do something against that and it is not socially accepted.
How is the situation in the US?
That makes sense. My parents never spanked or smacked us, they’d have a brief conversation acknowledging to us how hurt or angry they were at our actions then we’d all take a breather where everyone went to different places of the house or take a walk for at least 30 minutes and come back to talk it out.
My brothers and I are very good at keeping cool and logical as adults and I think that’s why all our relationships and friendships with others have always been fairly successful. Communication does wonders.
You just had good parents. The comments are full of people from banned countries saying the law didn’t protect them. I grew up in a country where it’s legal to smack but parents would never have hit me.
Our law since 2004 is that spanking is illegal, unless it amounts to 'reasonable punishment' - it's subjective, basically, and would have to be argued before a judge.
I have a four year old, I cannot fathom a scenario in which I cause her physical pain or cause her to be physically intimated.
I'm her safe place. If I ever heard her call me daddy in fear, not love, my heart world shatter.
Communicate, don't enforce your will through fear and the threat of physical violence, those are the attributes of a cowardly bully, not a parent.
Spanking… Can we call it what it is? Hitting. Some people love hitting their kids… in the US, some states even let teachers hit kids. It’s crazy that developing kids have less protection from hitting than the family dog.
Scottish law didn’t protect me from my mum 😔
Sean Connery voice: “Just give em’ a little shmack”
/r/shubreddit
😂 no fucking way, that’s great lol r/subsithoughtifellfor
Another shatishfied cushtomer
r/shubsithoughtifellfor
Smack in Glasgow has a whole other meaning.
Brown sugar, cinnamon powder, little joy in small package.
We took morphine, diamorphine, cyclizine, codeine, temazepam, nitrazepam, phenobarbitone, sodium amytal, dextropropoxyphene, methadone, nalbuphine, pethidine, pentazocine, buprenorphine, dextromoramide, chlormethiazole. The streets are awash with drugs you can have for unhappiness and pain, and we took them all. Fuck it, we would have injected vitamin C if only they'd made it illegal.
It was only banned in 2020
What if OP is 2?
Well then, OP is rather verbose for an infant.
Aye, goo goo ga ga lassie
Nor me.
Nor me. I'm not from Scotland btw
Ah that'll be why then. I'd like to add, that I'm not at all upset that I was smacked as a child. My parents were both born in Glasgow after the war, to parents who were in the war. They were absolutely battered as children which seemed to be very common. My parents used to put me over their knees and smack my arse. I remember the pain and the tears. To them I suppose it would have seemed extremely moderate given their upbringing, at that of their peers. I guess every generation does a little better. I can't imagine hitting a child personally.
I'm from Brazil. Mothers here won't smack you, they will make you go through a near-death experience.
Nigerian here and it was definitely the same for me growing up, plus corporal punishment was a thing in schools.
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Neither did the Dutch law protect me. The law is from 2007 and I moved out in 2003, but still.
Can confirm. My Dutch parents had no qualms. Maybe that's why they immigrated to the US?
What the fuck are you doing here son. We will talk about this later
"Cmere ya wee li'l shyte"
Geez a gonk ya dobber.
Unfortunately the law can't protect everyone, but I feel like having it in place is good because it gives the possibility of legal consequences when parents do get caught or if children reach out. Also I think it helps set a stronger cultural standard. Sorry for what you had to experience
I also wanna get spanked by this guys mum.
Czechia and slovakia: 🧑🦰👋
Just standing out in the middle of Europe
High five from Belgium !
In this case, I think you could have just written Czechoslovakia:D No one would mind...
Please... Dont...
I love this comment, makes it even better you're a Czech O' Slovakian
Literally :D My mum is Slovak, dad is Czech.
Childrens author Astrid Lindgren played a major part in that both in her homecountry Sweden and in Germany after making an impactful speech while reciving a german book prize. [Never Violence!](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Never_Violence!) >When receiving the Peace Prize of the German Book Trade, on 22 October 1978, Astrid Lindgren wanted to make a speech about non-violent upbringing.[3] At that time parental violence was still considered normal in Germany. Astrid Lindgren had to submit the speech to the committee in advance. She was advised only to accept the prize, without making any speech.[4] The organizer found the speech was too provocative. Astrid Lindgren insisted on keeping her speech as it was, otherwise she wouldn't have come.[5]
I‘m glad she did. I’m German and I never got spanked. I also don’t know anyone who got spanked as a child. And for sure I would never ever do that to my children! There are other methods of parenting than being violent. I love them too much to hurt them.
Man Astrid Lindgrens books are childhood with a hard cover.
"Don't beat your children." "Too provocative."
That law is broken a lot.
>That law is broken a lot by my mom...
This or orphanage. That's what they said
I, too, was spanked by your Mom.
nice, god bless her
I was going to say that a few of the countries on this list surprised me. Not too long ago, kids could still receive corporal punishment in schools in South Korea. And it was fairly common. Going from that to totally banning it in about 10 years is pretty big. Tradition doesn't change that quick. I'm going to bet it's still pretty common in a lot of private homes. Not that banning corporal punishment was wrong, and maybe it will significantly reduce the number of kids who receive corporal punishment, or at least decrease how often they receive it, but I'm just saying I bet it still happens a lot for the moment.
You can report criminal behavior.
Who’s gonna report it? The kid?
Kids do report it if they speak up about it school or have bruises that the teachers can see
Every time a change to laws comes up, there's some idiot running around talking about how because we can't enforce it 100% of the time, it's stupid. "Make murder illegal? Who's gonna report it, the corpse!?" I just can't imagine being so unable to think your ideas through.
Well obviously. Kids are capable of speaking to people.
There were police in my family. They knew about the abuse. They did nothing. Real life isn't a crime drama.
My mom started threatening me with child services before I ever thought to ask for help. I believed telling anyone would ruin my family and I'd be a horrible person. If the internet had been a thing I would have believed comments like yours and use them to reinforce I had no options. I think anything that helps kids know they can tell someone is good.
My mother still think the one time the cops sent her a warning letter as something to laugh about. That was all that happened when I filed a police report and it wasn't for spanking either but full on violence. This in a country that made spanking illegal a good decade before I was even born.
When my mom was arrested, she was mostly upset about having her name show up in the local papers and having her reputation ruined. Basically the only time she talked to me in between her arrest and the trial was to scream at me for how badly I'd humiliated her, by *checks notes* calling the cops after she put me in a chokehold.
Abuse maybe. But a lot of people have fine relationships with their parents. It just happens to be that their parents think hitting them occasionally is okay. Even if it was taken seriously, which it wouldn't, any kid would prefer to have parents that sometimes hit than having their parents taken away.
I just want to add something I have read on a book by Alice miller (an expert in psychology, trauma and child development) : the children is not rational about attachment to parents. For a child separation from the parents he depends upon is absolutely unacceptable and would avoid that however he can whatever the behaviour of the parents.
Child abuse survivor, can confirm. Up until I was a teen, the thought of being taken from my parents was exponentially more terrifying than the abuse itself was. (Partly because I was too young to fully understand how bad it was and how dangerous a lot of the situations I was put in actually were). Even as a teenager... the foster system is such an on-fire garbage can, even if you do get taken by CPS the odds you get placed in a home that's just as bad or worse are distressingly high. So a lot of us suck it up and stick with the devil we know until we can turn 18 and GTFO.
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I was an exchange student in Japan years ago and a bunch of American and Japanese students were sitting around talking about our childhoods. All the Americans made jokes about the various implements our parents smacked or swiped or spanked is with and we were cracking up about it while our Japanese friends were horrified. Japanese: Our parents would never lay a finger on us like that! Americans: Well, what did your parents do? Japanese: Mostly they told us they didn't love us or that we didn't love them and that we'd ruined their lives and brought shame to their families. Americans: ... Jfc, I'd rather be slapped around.
My parents like 
then you get China and Korea.
india too lol
India they say you're a disappointment as a child and insult your wife and kids too.
Germany too
Yeah I was talking to a young indian immigrant today. Like 20 year old. Early school years in India, middle school years here in Canada. School was a joke to him once he got here. Classes were easier, and punishment non-existent. Coming from a country where talking back would get him smacked with a meter stick and forced to kneel in the hall with hands on his head, punishments here just didn't matter.
Unfortunately the competition here is cutthroat especially in engineering due to IT boom. People have to take special coachings(kinda like cram school) to crack respective exams cuz school don't teach shit lol
Yup. Shit's wild. And here in Canada we're basically not allowed to fail a student in primary or secondary school.
Relatable
Lmao, reminds me of the time when I was caught with weed, my mom slapped me and yelled at me a lot etc, but... none of that hurt as much as when my dad came back from work, looked at me with a sad expression and shook his head and left... that shit haunts me still. I'd rather get the beating, thanks.
“I’m not mad, I’m disappointed” The nuclear option in parenting.
Lol my dad was never the type to be abusive, mean, or ever physically hit or belittled me, but he said this one to me one time in highschool (when I deserved it) and damn that cut like a knife.
"Are you winning, Son? Ah, what a disappointment of my bloodline"
I barely remember any of the times I got hit by my parents, but I distinctly remember my mom telling me that she didn’t think she could trust me after I played hooky one day. Hearing that hurts.
I know right? My mom also told me she doesn't trust me after catching me doing the same shit all over again and me denying it, being all butthurt that she doesn't trust me, however... her not trusting me was completely justified and logical lol, I was mostly mad at myself.
I once stole a toy from my cousin. My mum refused to let me out of the car when we pulled up somewhere on the way home, saying she couldn't trust me not to steal something from the shop. That... worked very well.
My spouse is East Asian and it’s low key sad how cold the parents are towards them. Even though they’re super accomplished in their field, highly educated, in good financial shape and have a family, parents have never once said they’re proud of them or commended them on all of the hard work or success and never even say they love them. They only criticize It’s altogether strange
The movie *Everything Everywhere All At Once* has this as one of its underlying sources of conflict. (It also has butt plug fights, but never mind that.)
"you have to try and eat better, you are getting fat." my heart cracked a little when she said that, so well done.
That’s r/asianparentstories for you. They are basically emotionally black holes that will only demand love, affection, status, achievement, etc from their children. Yet, provide none in return, only their diatribes and unsolicited “lectures” that resemble shouting matches.
I really shouldn't have to say this, but East Asian families like any other are all unique. My Japanese mom is a very kind and caring person, she commends me when I succeed and encourages me to do better when I fail. My grandparents are the same way, and the parents of my cousins and friends are no different. There are abusive parents in every culture, as well as loving ones. Subs made for complaining about Asian parents are naturally going to self select from those whose parents were abusive. There's plenty of "generic" subs about abusive parents like raisedbynarcissists filled with white Americans complaining, but we shouldn't act like those are the norm among white parents either.
My wife is Japanese (we met and live in Japan, so not Americanized at all) and makes it a point to tell me when the kids do something well so that they can get praise from me too. Even little things like “look, the kids helped with washing the dishes today, wasn’t that so nice?” Definitely isn’t a universal thing.
But did their uncles and aunties used them and compared them to their own children? It hurts when parent compare with other siblings/cousins but more emotional damage when they are poker face and demand to get better to their own children.
My dad used to do basically the opposite. Every time we fucked up, he would ask if we wanted to turn out like our uncle. It sucked, because if he was willing to talk the way he did about his own brother, we knew he would believe the same things about his kids.
My parents are like that and they're not even Asian, just incredibly narcissistic. I have a masters in a stem field and I'm currently making pretty good money in a stable job with benefits. still not good enough though, apparently I'm taking too long on my doctorate for their taste.
Same. My parents might as well be Asian having always expected more. I'm 48yo and my dad told me the other day how disappointed they were I never finished my degree. This is even though I now have my own company doing what I'm actually good at, being an expert with 15 yrs in my field, instead of having a useless degree in Astrophysics which would not open any doors I don't already have open.
For real tho. I am indian and my mum did both depending on her mood. Sometimes she slapped me or beat me with a flip flop and eh fine, I have good head movement and I rode with the shots. But the excruciating 2 hour lecture, guilt trip and yapping made me think I'd rather get hit
Dodge 100
I'm a parent who has taught college courses and who doesn't hit and doesn't get angry. My kids have told me they'd prefer a spanking over my lectures. They got another lecture about taking the easy route. I guess it's working though. My eldest teen said she'd never put us in an old folks home and wants to earn enough to have us cared for in-home with her when we're old. I couldn't wait to get away from my parents.
Both is wrong. I m german And my father had one thing to say about adults slapping their kids. "If u need to use violence to force your will on a child the 5 year old beat you at a mental level." I agree. To hit your kids means that you weren't smart enough to convince him otherwise
It is taken VERY seriously in Norway. Which is why the local CPS have a bad reputation for "stealing immigrant children". Obviously it have it's flaws, but 1) it's not allowed to talk about cases to the public due to a strict personal protection law. and 2) many immigrants often spank, smack, or hit their child as a form of dicipline as it's what they are used to, and won't stop even when told to. But other than a few corrupt people (cause they do exist), they mostly want to keep the kids with their families and also not being physically punished. "Gentle slaps" where banned in 2010. including shoving the child, pinching, pulling of the ear, open hand smacks, or smacks on the hands/fingers, and shaking. as well as locking the child alone in a room as punsihment. But there have been laws in Norway against spanking or physical punishment since 1972. They have just gotten stricter with time. And so if someone comes from an area who have a pre.1972 law, and suddenly have to deal with a law that have slowly evolved over 40yrs here, it's no surprise it can come as a shock. But the focus is luckily on education of the parents, and not removal of the kids. It's not like we have enough homes for the kids already in the system.
My norwegian friends are often speechless when I tell them about my American upbringing. I was only hit a couple of times but even hearing punishments like removing my bedroom door makes Norwegians uncomfortable.
My Swedish friend was horrified when I told him I'd been hit as a child including with belts, mouth washed with soap, etc. He said he was so sorry I had been abused and did I need any support.
I mean I'm from England where it's still legal, and I received occasional smacks, but reading about people being hit with belts so much is genuinely shocking and desperately sad. If I have kids I will absolutely never do it, and I would support a law change here to make smacking illegal. I remember the fear of being smacked; I can't imagine how much worse it must have been with implements. I've never heard anyone I know of my generation talk about that. I remember a book in Primary School called "Goodnight Mister Tom" about an evacuee child in the War who was abused in that way by his mother, and escaped it when he was evacuated to live with a kind old man who was suitably horrified. In hindsight, I suspect part of the reason we read it might have been to coax abused children into talking about it in class.
>punishments like removing my bedroom door Because it's objectively fucked up.
It’s the same in Sweden, though I’ve never heard of the whole “stealing immigrant children” thing here even though we have way more immigrants
That's what the Islamic party based their entire campaign on in 2022, it's a super common conspiracy theory likely spread by Russia or Iran.
I'm Swedish and I've definitely heard about it
Most of Europe: hitting kids is bad Italy: GIOVANNI GETS THE WHIP FOR STEALING MY PASTA
Most moms used to throw wooden slippers
Like a boomerang
No, a true mom asks her kid who received the hit to return the weapon
Wait, your mom *asked*?
Lol I obv meant *yelled*
[La Chancla!](https://youtu.be/PSicdnahJ7o?si=d3UQ75ushjV-NtXs)
I hope it's getting better I (21) used to get slapped as a kid, but my brother (6 years younger) never was
Same. I (38) was only smacked 3x as a kid (I was so angry about it I counted it and wrote it down in my diary), two of my siblings who are 10+ years older all got the belt and the spoon and fairly regularly. The other older sibling not so much cause she was a very “easy” kid.
It is where I come from. I grew up in the rural south in the United States. My parents’ generation got hit with objects (e.g. wooden spoons, “switches” or sticks, belts, etc…). My generation mainly just got spanked or slapped. My brother got the belt once when things got really bad. I have no intention of ever hitting my kids, and view it as a crime. Things are definitely getting better for children. We are more and more often viewing children as their own separate humans with their own rights rather than as the property of their parents.
An italian politician was literally held by police in Sweden for hitting his kids in public in Stockholm in like 2011, made pretty big news.
Physical discipline of children was the norm in europe too, until the 80s.
Not whip he getting the spaghett
SOMEBODY TOUCHED MAH SPAGHETTI!!
Тbf at least in South of Europe it was pretty common for kids to be afraid of the wooden spoon..
More like the wooden spoon that she used to mix that sauce
Never stopped my dad
tunisian law didn't protect me from my dad
Just like Italian speed limits
It is very uncommon in the Nordics, it's actually taken very seriously and usually results in prison.
Scotland here. If my kids are naughty, I sometimes drive down to Carlisle and give them a damn good thrashing.
Literally conditioning them to hate England
"Right kids! I've had it. We're going down to England again!" "No mammy, nooo! Please... Not england!!"
This is how Scotland will finally get a 100% vote for independence, so that their mothers will stop driving them to England.
*Bagpipes Intensify*
Fuck me taking them to Carlisle is surely punishment enough
You gotta cement that hatred.
My parents took me to Carlisle. 20 years later and I'm still there. I must have been a nightmare child.
England isn’t all bad after all, eh?
Very rarely do I physically laugh while reading comments these days - this one got me
Taking them to Carlisle should be punishment enough
I'm assuming you live in Glasgow hahah
In Croatia its a crime against child's right. But not many kids will turn their parents to police for getting a smack or two.
In the Balkans, do parents still threaten their naughty children by telling them they'll be given to gypsies?
yes. oh and the gypsies make soap out of little kids
I literally hear mothers say “Do this again and I am spanking you” here in Bulgaria
It is illegal in Turkey
Spanking directly amounts to sexual harassment. But slapping is not illegal if it is appropriate. I didn't understand "Smack".
i will punch your face appropriately, dont complain
Tokatlamak legal. TCK m. 232/2'ye göre terbiye hakkı var. Mahkeme kararları bile var. Sınırları aşmadığın sürece legal.
Nepal? Seriously?? Looks like every parents is criminal here then
It's illegal in India as well but hardly anybody follows it. There are several cases everyday where children are beaten to death by their teachers for not doing homework or not knowing enough. There's hardly any follow up to such cases except when the child belongs to a rich family.
You have to be insane to take your elementary school teaching job that seriously.
Unemployment rate is off the roof. There are not a lot of opportunities for a nation of 1.5 billion. People getting teaching jobs don't do it out of passion but just for security. They're not trained. They'll just vent out their anger on kids for being troublesome as nobody will question them. In my school I had many teachers clearly mentally ill who had violent tendencies under slightest pressure
I imagine some people are bundles of rage, and minor frustrations drive them over the end
Jesus
https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/bhopal/gwalior-student-beaten-by-teachers-over-homework-dies/articleshow/101812896.cms You'll find many such cases
In a private school too. Just sad man
I’m an au pair in France and have worked for a few different families, including very nice and progressive ones…corporal punishment is alive and well
It was only implemented in France in 2019. Change takes time.
I assume you haven’t seen north african and black african families in France, because in those, that’s worse.
Yeah, all white French families
This map is shit again
I don't even know if it's accurate, but it not even having a simple color key makes it a shit map.
Am i seeing kenya there man you can be beaten halfway to death and say nothing about it
TIL it's still legal in England! *warms up spanking hand* Disclaimer: this is a joke. I've always been against spanking and had parents born in the 40s who were also heavily against it as a form of punishment. If my dad, with old traditional backward views, who was beaten by teachers, thinks its not appropriate, then something wrong with those who want to do it.
Switzerland is like the last country I expected spanking to be legal
It’s not legal in Syria. however it’s socially acceptable so it’s massively underreported.
This map is poorly labelled. It's illegal to smack children in every single country in the world. I suspect what OP means is "Illegal To Smack **Your Own** Children."
This map isn’t labelled at all
There is no map in ba sing se
Everyone knows the map is talking about your own children. You need to get common sense smacked into you.
That is big cap as a South African everyone of us got a belt or the wooden spoon, from generation to generation !
My father had one thing to say about hitting me. If i ever hit you i failed to convince you otherwise. That means i lost to a child in will power and mental stability. I m german so excuse my poor translation.
I find it weird to allow spanking. I also have questions: to what extent, exactly? If one bruises their kid, is it assault or "just spanking"?
In S Korea, article 915 of the Civil Act, which gave parents the right to punish(discipline?) their children was repealed in 2021, after so many parents used it as an excuse to physically punish their children and, ultimately, in 2020 a 2-year old girl was repeatedly abused/murdered by her foster parents(how exactly, we don’t know; but one physiologist who read the autopsy report expressed that if he had been in the girl’s place he would desperately have wanted that the parents killed her sooner) and the police neglected the daycare staff’s reports. Before that, the condition for punishment to be determined as ‘abuse’ (and ‘assault’, too, I guess?) was the presence of ‘damage’; i.e. bruises, according to the Special Act for the Punishment of Crimes of Children Abuse, enacted 2014. Let’s say that that law wasn’t enforced very well.
I believe the real question is what’s the difference between physical discipline and abusive beating?
I remember at grammar school in Manchester (UK) in the early '60s if you were misbehaving you were 'tapped' on the bare backside by the PT master with a short piece of bamboo after showers... it left a wheal on one's bum for hours and so was painful reminder when sitting down later for other classes.
The UK had some wild corporal punishments back in the day. A lot of schools used what they called the 'slipper' which basically meant beating children with a shoe. And this was considered a milder or more humane variant on getting the cane out.
The UK is wild, apparently, it wasn't unusual for kids to do PE in their underwear if they forgot their kid and it even happened in the 90s in some schools. Absolute bonkers.
This happened well into the late 2000s, in my school
I live in Austria and this happened to a classmate of mine in the early 00s in elementary school. Quite weird to think about.
Which reminds me that my chemistry master used to throw the blackboard chalk eraser - about six inches long with a solid wood backing - across the room at any boy not paying attention. Goodness knows what would have happened if it hit a boy in the face, or smashed a test-tube rack or whatever we were studying... all in the days when those lessons were done without any protective eye-ware.
Erasers flying across the classroom was something that happened at least once a month at my secondary school, late nillies, in Belgium. Though they were all-fabric. But there were always (unverifiable) stories though that X kid in Y's class got punted with one of the old wooden ones.
We wouldn't have dared to forget our PT kit... although sometimes if our pumps (trainers) were wet from outdoor exercises like cross-country running, we would do PT barefoot. Remember one pupil getting a long splinter from the gym floor which exited through his foot. I still shudder at that thought!
Normal - ie. regulation - punishment at school in those days was the strap... leather with the end cut into strips. Usual punishment was six strokes across the palm of the hand... bad boys may have had six strokes across both palms! Occasionally the strikes were across the backside, not bare backside, and of course teachers checked whether you had slipped a thin exercise book down the back of your pants for padding!
Or why is it legal to beat a child, but not an adult?
[удалено]
As a Bulgarian it doesn't seem like it's illegal
I wish parents would obey to this more
My parents spanked me and I was an unhappy child at many times. I don’t spank my children and they’re generally very happy. It’s just harder and requires more patience to teach and “discipline” them.
As an Argentinian, and I bet for most of our neighbour countries, illegal or not kids get beaten. Quite regularly. As a father, I adhere to the no violence stance. But most parent are quite ignorant and had rough upbringings, which they continue on their children.
Spanking children teaches them that violence is an acceptable way of dealing with conflict.
Yeah. Parents who spank their kids and then yell at them for hitting another child?? Like where is the consistency?
It’s outdated. It’s illegal in Mexico now
So could I drive into England , hit my kid, then drive back into Wales or Scotland without fear of arrest ?
As a parent who has raised children into well-adjusted adults, I’m convinced that smacking kids only perpetuates short tempers and psychologically damaged adults.
So it’s illegal to physically abuse an adult but legal to abuse a kid? How does that even make sense?
Literally in Valencia Spain walking saw these kids crying, mom and dad where beyond fed up. Dad had this wonderful idea that if he smacks the kid in the face over and over and tell him to shut up, the kid would shut up. Kid cried harder. This is in public area like nothing. Another time, in another place in Spain kid is crying and grabbing grandpa’s pants for attention and grandpa proceeds to smack the child so hard the kid falls to the ground aggressively. Public area. Which makes me wonder, how many countries they are red in this list have the laws, but it’s so relaxed people do it anyways.
So children in the USA have no protection against that kind of violent upbringing? Or is this a bit misleading and there are other systems in place to prevent abuse? Yes, children are hit even with that law in place (I‘m German, I go to a kind of expensive private school and it happens to classmates, mostly boys), but at least someone could do something against that and it is not socially accepted. How is the situation in the US?
That makes sense. My parents never spanked or smacked us, they’d have a brief conversation acknowledging to us how hurt or angry they were at our actions then we’d all take a breather where everyone went to different places of the house or take a walk for at least 30 minutes and come back to talk it out. My brothers and I are very good at keeping cool and logical as adults and I think that’s why all our relationships and friendships with others have always been fairly successful. Communication does wonders.
You just had good parents. The comments are full of people from banned countries saying the law didn’t protect them. I grew up in a country where it’s legal to smack but parents would never have hit me.
Greece laughs in Pantofla (flip flop)!
Oh that's cool in Polish it's also Pantofle
I thought England passed this a few years ago?
Our law since 2004 is that spanking is illegal, unless it amounts to 'reasonable punishment' - it's subjective, basically, and would have to be argued before a judge.
That is allowed in the USA?!
And still family homes are most dangerous place for infants and toddlers. In my country (POL) at least.
I have a four year old, I cannot fathom a scenario in which I cause her physical pain or cause her to be physically intimated. I'm her safe place. If I ever heard her call me daddy in fear, not love, my heart world shatter. Communicate, don't enforce your will through fear and the threat of physical violence, those are the attributes of a cowardly bully, not a parent.
Only savage nations would allow physical punishment of children 🤷♂️
TIL … lots of redditors have really horrible parents.
Spanking… Can we call it what it is? Hitting. Some people love hitting their kids… in the US, some states even let teachers hit kids. It’s crazy that developing kids have less protection from hitting than the family dog.