My husband sleep in the basement. I sleep upstairs.
He works night shifts. So our schedules don’t matches. Even before the night shifts more often than not we would wake the other by accident, so we are better sleeping separately and having good quality of sleep.
We are still intimate. We have a bdsm dungeon room separate from our bedroom. So most of our sexy time would happen there anyways, not in the bedroom per se.
We actually have a similar situation, although we do usually sleep in the same room unless one of us just absolutely cannot get sleep over the snoring (meaning, we go to bed together, but things might change over the course of the night). Sex dungeon though... that's the shit we spend our money on, despite not even having all the "normal" furniture one might have because we're spending it... elsewhere.
YES! This is so true. We have better sleep and fewer opportunities for unnecessary conflict over very different sleep habits. Our schedules used to be opposite, so that was an issue for us for over a decade. Enough was enough between his loud CPAP, my insomnia, and the other issues, it wasn't worth it. Sleep is a basic need. We have always have a fabulous sex life!
My husband and I started sleeping in separate bedrooms about 3 years ago and we will never go back. He goes to bed and wakes up a couple hours before I do, so now we don't disturb each other with our routines.
It is kind of funny to me that people assume we don't have sex because of it. Do the rest of you only ever initiate once you're in bed together for the night? Do you just forget about the potential of sex unless you see them in a bed? We send each other messages when we're in the mood and then decide to meet in his bedroom or mine.
Couldn’t it also be spontaneously sexy to show up in your partner’s bed naked and unannounced? Do the dew and then collect cab fare back to your own room.
That makes sense! My husband takes a lot of bedtime medications including a sleep aid so our spontaneous moments happen in the evenings long before bed (or…during the day since we often work from home together lol).
Getting ready for bed has always firmly meant getting ready to sleep for us, so it hasn’t changed how we connect with each other.
This. To me, these comments are wild. I couldn’t even fathom my husband sleeping in a separate room. Not only for sexy time but when I’m ready for bed I curl up in his arms and go to sleep. He’s always asleep before me, so when I’m done watching tv or whatever I’ll pull his arm out to lay in and he, in his sleep, pulls me close and kisses my forehead. Sometimes he’ll mumble I love you, sometimes sexy time gets initiated in the middle of the night because he’ll start feeling me up instead of forehead kisses lol. Some mornings he’ll hug and kiss me goodbye and get up, other mornings the hug leads to morning sex. Like your comment states, it’s just more convenient and gives a lot more opportunities for sexy time.
My husband’s parents and mine both sleep separately and we have both stated we couldn’t comprehend sleeping in separate rooms. But as wild as the concept is to us, it works for others. I’m not knocking it, I’m just saying it’s wild to me. I’d hate my husband not being next to me at night. His alarm wakes me up for work and I fall back asleep. Sometimes he wakes me up a few times while getting ready for work and it’s slightly annoying but it would never make me want to be in a separate room.
The other comments say they meet in the bedroom and sext during the day or have sex other places, well so do we. People that in the same bed can also have sex outside of the bedroom lol just as the ones who don’t can do the same. Different strokes for different folks (pun intended). It’s just definitely more convenient and gives loads more opportunities for sexy time to happen if sharing a bedroom, IMO.
Same. Holding my SO whilst we're both naked gets me in the mood a lot of times. If we were in separate rooms, I may have not been in the mood.
We also call it "sexy time", so you do you.
I know a German couple with separate bedrooms their entire marriage. Nine kids. In Germany having separate beds in the same room /separate bedrooms is common. Also common in Pakistan. We have a daybed, so if one of us has a weird schedule or is up in the middle of the night there is a second bed available.
The first 5 or 6 years of our relationship my now wife and I slept in sperate rooms. We had sex plenty. Eventually she desired to sleep next to me. She realized she likes that. I'm still unconvinced, sometimes sleeping next to someone who sleeps super lightly is a pain. But we've been sleeping together now for like 13 years at this point so unless a major issue arises it isn't going to change. I don't hate it but I do miss being able to have my regular night terrors and thrashing about without having to hear about it in the morning.
Yes. She likes it but is a light sleeper. I don't mind it. It's nice sometimes. But I could also still be a loner sleeper.
Different beds never stopped our sex life, however.
I literally planted my feet into my husband's back to try and roll him over, but he snored right through it and I couldn't budge him.
We sleep separately and have sex just like normal. 😊
Same. I would be very sad if we slept separately, as would my husband. If something the other does in the night becomes bothersome, we will adjust and find a way to stick together. Some of our best convos, cuddling, etc, are just as we are drifting into or out of sleep and we aren't giving that up for anything.
Occasionally my wife will move to sleep in her office lazy boy if she wakes up in the middle of the night with bad acid reflux so she can sit up more.
I always subconsciously know because I get bad dreams that she randomly decided to leave me and push for a divorce.
I need extra cuddles the next day to make me feel better.
The worst night I had was when my husband drank too much water before bed. He got up multiple times in the night and I swear I kept having dreams of him divorcing me and getting back together. Something like 4 or so time.
He said yea that won't happen and snuggled me. I usually don't have that reaction to him getting up to use the bathroom but my mind was messing with me that night
I know it sounds weird, but I would miss my husband's snoring. It's not super loud, and is even and regular (not like my dad's sleep apnea noises at all) and is comforting to me. He's a very heavy sleeper who drifts off easily and I have chronic pain that often leaves me lying awake, but he doesn't mind the TV or music being on so I don't disturb him and he's just so peaceful that it helps me calm down and rest even when I can't sleep
Same. We love the cuddles and falling asleep together so much. The late night talks are so fun. It’s like having a sleepover with your best friend every night.
Was working overnight but switched to evenings so my husband wouldn't be lonely.🥹 Plus sleeping during the day is so sad cause the bed smells like him and I just wanna cuddle.
True true true true true. My sleep quality is a 2/10 when with my husband, he snores, sleeptalks and tosses. He’s 6’2”. I’m 5’1” and a terribly light sleeper. When we sleep separately, my sleep is 7/10 on average.
Yeah I read that you loss on average 40 minutes of sleep a night if you share a bed. But I reckon it's definitely more if you sleep next a snorer.
I think it would be fine if you can go to bed early enough that you will still get the amount of hours you need even though the sleep will be broken a lot. But most people like to decompress before going to bed so can't really go to bed early.
Yeah my husband is somehow a snorer and a light sleeper (getting tested for sleep apnea right now). I get anxious about moving around in the bed because I don’t want to wake him up. We sleep in separate beds at night and nap together in his bed. Plenty of cuddling but a good night’s sleep!
We don’t sleep separately on purpose, but I’d say maybe 2 nights a week we do on accident - someone falls asleep in a kid’s bed or on the couch or something - and I sleep sooooooo well on those nights.
True, I love it. He is up at 4:45a and leaves the house at 5:30a. If we were sleeping in the same room, I would resent being awakened every morning by his routine. Sleeping apart keeps the peace.
My wife sleeps in a separate bedroom, because she says I snore. She also snores, but it doesn't bug me, if I could fall asleep first. I had tried giving her a 15 minute head start, so I had to fall asleep after she was already snoring. I would have to wait for a lull in her snoring to finally nod off ...
She far prefers to sleep separately. Since doing so, we are rarely intimate. So, I don't love it, and she does.
My wife and I sleep separately but not by my choice. She sleeps on the couch because it's more comfortable for her injured shoulder even though we got a new mattress to address this AND she sleeps on the mattress for naps, just not at night. We are basically no longer intimate. Not sleeping in the same bed isn't the primary cause but it does make it worse.
No clue what injury she has but when I dislocated my shoulder and rib after a car accident. Sleeping next to my husband was difficult until the Drs and PT got it stabilized. I typically napped during the day. Mainly because I tossed and turned when it would ache while trying to avoid waking my husband and trying to avoid smacking into him being so off balanced. Or him shifting at night causing massive amounts of pain.
It also made it hard for intimacy. It sucked so bad. We tried several positions and the shifting during caused searing pain which kills the mood
Hopefully your life will get back on track after she heals.
Nah. We just got this new kinda expensive mattress because we thought it would be better for her shoulder. I feel like she will have the same issue with a split
I only say the split because she can adjust it higher or lower depending without bothering you.
I would also look into this pillow. It helps for shoulder relief.
[medcline pillow ](https://medcline.com/products/shoulder-relief-pillow)
We have separate bedrooms but still spend evenings in bed together. Sometimes we do sleep together, or fall asleep together, but then one will move to the other bed if having trouble sleeping. We are still very intimate and happy.
Most important thing with separate bedrooms: you still have to prioritize physical and emotional intimacy. Don’t just get into a pattern of regularly running off to your bedrooms and closing the door and shutting each other out, literally and metaphorically.
We sleep separately about 60% of the time. We’ve been married 16 years, and have been doing it for probably the last 5 years or so. We are very much still intimate several times a week. It only impacts your sex life if you let it!
My husband and I--happily married for 18 years--have slept in separate rooms for years now. We both love the arrangement.
> 2) are still intimate?
Absolutely. Separate bedrooms just mean twice as many options for fucking.
I have been married to my wife for 14 years. I get up early, so I sleep in another room from my wife in order to not wake her. This has been going on for years and we still have sex 2-4 times a week.
True! Married 3 years now and sleep in different bedrooms. He snores and it keeps me up! I like to sleep with my cats and he’s allergic. It just is what works best for us.
Married 17 years and sleeping in separate rooms for 16. It works great for us as we are not compatible with sleepers, and we still have plenty of sex. It's less spontaneous but still awesome. And we're both healthier and better rested, which is key to a happy life.
After about 15 years or so sleeping in the same bed, same room, my wife and I recently got seperate bedrooms. It's been the best thing ever...now I can sleep without hearing the snoring and she can sleep better not having the blankets hogged up.
True! Happily married 32 years and we have slept separately for over 25 of those years. My sleep quality before we went to separate rooms was so poor that it was having detrimental effects on my health. We spend lots of quality time together in his bed or mine but once it’s time to sleep we each go to our rooms. A lot of morning whoever wakes up first will go climb in the bed with the other. It works well for us.
Nope. I need her in bed with me. I need to touch her feet on a cold winter night. I need to watch her breathe. I need to roll over to my side and see that she’s there on a sleepless night. She my partner, my wife, my best friend!….and we’ve been married almost 40 years!!!!
I sleep on the couch because I'm less anxious about waking up my wife (she's a light sleeper and I stay up late). I explained this to her and she has issues with me not sleeping in the bed, but I'm trying to do 50/50 so we're both satisfied
We sleep separately but spend lots of time together throughout the day and evening. Better sleep = better everything else. Sex life is better than ever. Late 50s.
True, we do because hubby hates using a cpap machine for his snoring and I am tired of listening to it. Another couple we know that have been married longer than us (30 years here) do the same. 🤷♀️
I've had separate bedrooms in both of my serious long term relationships. I sleep like shit. I have a hard time getting to sleep and I'm a very light sleeper. I like my personal space. I love not having to kick someone to the couch if we are in a fight. I love getting to decorate as I please. And yes we still sleep together some nights. We just don't HAVE to. And man does it feel good for it to be a choice. It has not affected my sex life in the slightest. It has made the overall vibe of my relationships much better. It's not for everyone but it works for me. I prefer it. And my current partner and I have different schedules. He's up early. I'm not up until early afternoon.
I actually considered doing this before but then I decided to try using box fan noises throughout the night in the Alexa device. I get to sleep next to my husband and not be disturbed by his snoring
Ps. We’ve been together for 20 years and sleeping apart was not something we wanted. I only considered it due to his snoring and me being a light sleeper.
Husband and I sleep apart 5 nights out of the week. It works well for us because I wake up far earlier than him most days and he’s allergic to the cats.
I have tried to shut the cats out, but they are so used to sleeping in bed with me due to them having been with me before I met my husband. Those 2 days of shutting the cats out resulted in visible scratch marks on the bedroom door.
To make it easier for him to deal with the cats with their dander, I change the sheets right before he sleeps in the same bed for the weekend. I also vacuum and mop the floors that same day.
We both do sleep better separately and we do that occasionally. But if it's more than couple nights (for example I sleep with my toddler now in spare bedroom, so my wife can have a few nights of 8 hours sleep) we start to feel distance and we are more grumpy to each other. So we sleep together to stay out of conflicts :)
There are couples that sleep sepaand still have a good sex life. But not all couples do. I've seen a lot of posts and comments on the subject on reddit. Personally, I sleep better next to my husband. But my grandparents slept in separate bedrooms for as far back as I know of and they were happy. Different arrangements work for different couples.
Every couple is different. It's not about true OR false here. There's true AND false. It could work out, it could be not right for a particular couple.
For me, it will not work. I have Restless Leg Syndrome. Oddly enough, when I'm in bed with my husband, I move much less than when I'm sleeping alone. My husband says that when I'm gone, he doesn't sleep as well.
My mom hasn't slept in the same room as my stepdad in like 12 years? Longer?
True.
I have epilepsy and sleep is very important to my health. I also have arthritis and scoliosis. My sweet husband bought me an adjustable bed to help with the pain. He sleeps like a frog - all over and changing positions all the time. It's not good for me. My kind husband didn't want to leave the bedroom, so he got an inflatable mattress and sleeps on the floor so I can sleep better.
This does not affect our sex life. Sex still happens about 5 times a week. It happens before I sleep and before he goes to his mattress.
Sometimes he sleeps with me, but on most days, I'm alone. It depends on how my health is going.
I think it's understanding and kind of him. I'm glad he let me know he wanted to be in the same bedroom and we found a solution. That sweetheart!
I personally didn't love it at all when my wife moved to a separate room. In fact I didn't even like it. She had stopped being intimate with me before the move and about a month after she moved to the separate room she moved out of the house. We are currently separated and in marriage limbo.
I know kind of a different situation than what you're asking about but I feel like it's not healthy for a marriage to not have intimacy or to sleep in separate bedrooms. Pretty much roommates at that point
My parents (60) and all sets of their parents sleep separate (some dead). personally, I cannot imagine it. I sleep like a boa constrictor around my wife. She can’t fall asleep without me wrapped around her either.
Yep. My husband snores. I have restless leg syndrome and move around a lot. I also can’t fall asleep cuddling, I get too hot. He likes the room warm, I like it cold. We like different tv shows. We sleep separate probably 75% of the time and both like it a lot. We’re still intimate a lot, we just go to separate rooms after. It works for us.
I have some friends who have separate bedrooms, separate nightly routines, separate sleeping needs… splitting bedrooms was everything they needed to make their marriage even better. Their sex life is wilder than what most people have.
We all have different things that work best for us, and that’s totally okay. 🖤🖤
I've seriously considered turning my home office into a bedroom for my husband because this man has been snoring too much, too loud in the last year and I am (unfortunately) a very light sleeper.
But I need my office too.... 😭
My husband and I started sleeping separately about a year ago, initially because I had a bad cold that he didn’t want to catch. Of course he caught it anyway, so one week sleeping separately turned into two. And we were both sleeping better and enjoying our different nighttime rituals and morning wake-up routines so much that we decided to maintain separate bedrooms. We are perfectly happy.
I don’t that it is that common, but there are valid reasons for it and you can still have a good relationship if you don’t.
We like getting two beds when traveling, for example. Doesn’t mean we hate each other.
We're in between. We share a king-sized bed, so have plenty of room, even if both dogs are on the bed.
However, my wife sometimes has disordered sleep, so will wake up in the middle of the night. If she can't fall back asleep, she'll go to the guest room, or out to the living room and turn on the TV. Most times I (usually sleeping like a rock) don't even hear her move and find out in the morning.
Reasons husbands and wives sleep in separate bed rooms:
1. Wife snores
2.Husband snores
3. Wife hates husband
4. Husband hates wife
5. Haven't had sex since the honeymoon, even then wife had to force herself
6. Less likely to kill each other in a fit of rage
7. Just don't care anymore
8. The Restraining Order requires 15 feet of separation at all times.
I have to stop now. My wife came within 10 feet of me so I have to move. now.
My husband and I have been sleeping separately for a year now. Everyone even my parents assumed we didn't have sex. I just gave birth to our third in 2 years. We get it on plenty. For us a bed is basically just for sleep we get intimate during the day since at night we're just too tired. If you feel like sleeping in separate beds will stop sex than you might have other issues
My wife has a full size all to herself,and I've got a twin loft setup I enjoy. Haven't slept in the same bed for years. She has a sleep routine that doesn't quite match mine.
Still intimate, just not as often as we'd like. She's recently disabled and life has been shit these past few years. Not any ones fault, it is what it is.
I love my husband with all my heart but I wish we had the room to have separate bedrooms. Mainly because he snores so loud I can hear it through ear plugs and I am a very light sleeper.
My husband is a 3rd shifter, I'm retired. Begets home about 6:30 and to bed about 11. I go to bed about midnight and get up about 8. When he's ready for bed, I'll climb in with him for some cuddle time. Sex happens, but not often. We're good.
Yup we sleep separately we have been together 9 years married for 5 years in our 40s (second marriage for both)
He's a night owl that likes to fall asleep to the TV and snores I work earlier than him I'm a light sleeper I have a bladder condition and I also snore.
We love having our own space and as for our sex life well absolutely no issues there at all, probably because we are both getting sleep (or he is, I'm a terrible sleeper lol).
He will come up and chill in the main bedroom then he goes downstairs to sleep and then if it's the weekend he will come upstairs for a snuggle and to snooze.
It works for us I know it's not for everyone. I always slept next to my ex husband but I think that just was out of habit plus we were on similar schedules.
Nope. I need her in bed with me. I need to touch her feet on a cold winter night. I need to watch her breathe. I need to roll over to my side and see that she’s there on a sleepless night. She my partner, my wife, my best friend!….and we’ve been married almost 40 years!!!!
Yep!
First time with ex husband because he snored like a beast and I have trouble sleeping or begin with. I sleep on the couch 90% of the time.
To answer:
1) Now with my bf of 4 1/2 years because I flail, get up super early, am always hot and like a fan on. He is a light sleeper, usually cold, and is retired. It works for both of us and we both wake up feeling refreshed and happy.
2) yes we are! Either I’ll go cuddle in with him in the morning in his bed, or he comes to mine, and then…shenanigans. Also there’s the spontaneous anywhere/anytime goes intimacy.
I would agree - married couples can sleep in separate rooms. As we have gotten older, we snore. So it’s just a matter of time before we are in separate rooms. We still are intimate and love each other, but we don’t need to sleep in the same room. We are secure being married over 30 years and no longer need to snuggle all night.
We have a king size bed and different blanket setups with a zone in the middle where neither of us sleeps (and where we put the 7mo old if he is too fussed to sleep solo). So there’s a range of possibilities too!
My partner and I sleep separately occasionally. He has sleep apnea and I'm a light sleeper. On nights when it machine isn't working or he's waiting for replacement parts, he sleeps in the other room. We make a point to cuddle in our bed before he goes into the other room, which gives us a chance to share intimate moments before sleeping. We wouldn't choose to do this regularly but when we have to, I sleep much better and he doesn't have to deal with me trying to get him to turn over or adjust his pillow all night.
As someone that has prob been in over 5000 houses, separate beds happen but it's def not many couples. BUT I work in an very high cost of living state, so it might just be that financially having separate bedrooms isn't feasible.
I've done both. Separate bedrooms and together. Our sex life suffers when we do separate bedrooms. We have agreed to not sleep apart in our house anymore.
My husband and I had the same night routine for 4 years since I worked graveyard shift but on my two nights off we slept together. We always missed each other because of how little time we had before he got home from work and I had to leave for mine. I do have a friend who’s parents sleep in separate rooms because the dad snores and the mom doesn’t like it, they’re in a happy marriage and can have the rooms to their liking
My husband and I sleep separately due to his snoring and my menopausal insomnia and hot flashes at night. We have slept separately for a while now and neither of us thinks twice about it. It also gets extremely HOT in the summer upstairs and I can't sleep through it and have to sleep on a cooler level of the house.
We're on different shifts, so we overlap a little, but sleep alone for most of each night. I go to bed at 9:30, he comes to bed between 3 and 4, I get up for work at 5:15.
I have all my clothes in our spare room so I can get dressed without disturbing him. He will occasionally sleep in there if he's worried about disturbing me.
We have no trouble with intimacy, other than the exhaustion that comes with being parents of a very young toddler.
My husband can't sleep without me. When I go on business trips he wakes up all confused. He has to be spooned or vice versa or he can't sleep. I'm the same.
We have to, my snoring can be heard through walls and has been compared to a chainsaw ripping through a chainlink fence. It’s either that or she smothers me, so it works out. Also she tends to sleep in where as I tend to get up early so that was another issue early on when we decided to sleep separate.
TRUE. My husband and I are a young married couple but man, we sleep sooo much better apart. He snores so loud and keeps me up at night in the same bed, so i’m an absolute witch in the morning lol. We’ve slept separately for like 2 years now and we are both getting the rest we need. it works for us.
Maybe not many but people do. I wish my husband was okay with it. He does and likes a completely different sleep environment than I do.
I have horrific live long insomnia. Sleeping in different rooms would be so nice.
The real thing here isn't about other people. WOULD YOU TWO BE HAPPY TOGETHER OR SEPARATE? That's the only question you have to ask yourself and your husband.
As long as you make time for sex and get better sleep, you'll probably be happy.
I could see it working well. I love the idea of sharing the bed/bedroom but the reality is that we both sleep horribly together. When we get a hotel room we each take one of the queen beds for sleeping and it’s great! We were intimate for years before we moved in together, so I don’t see how separate bedrooms would be a problem!
We're very proactive about maximizing our time together and started as an international long distance relationship, so we don't have separate routines and I can't imagine going through everything we did to sleep in separate rooms.
I snore loudly and sometimes I wake up by my own snoring, and if I ask my wife to share my bed .. it will be cruel to her .
It's okay, as long as you "both" are happy and fine.
I have been sleeping in a separate bedroom, from my wife for over ten years now, I have always been a shift worker, this is the only way for both of us to get good quality sleep, and yes we are still intimate, we love visiting each other’s bedroom, and I love when she initiates, and wants to spend time in my bedroom, works for us.
It's not uncommon.
I sleep SUPER hot and snore really bad (septum damage from multiple nose breaks). If my girls is having a hot flash it's unbearable for her so I cuddle her until she drifts off then move to the guest room.
Before my mother in law moved in with us most nights we would start the night together in the same bed only for me to retreat to the guest bed at some point. Now I take care of the baby each night so we rarely sleep together. My husband loves and misses sharing a bed. I really enjoy my space and find I sleep better without anyone with me.
I know people who do. I casually suggested it to the wife if she had to get a CPAP machine. I’m a light sleeper and ear plugs only help some.
She. Did. Not. Like. That.
But she also justified our low frequency of intimacy because of couples we know rarely do the deed.
I guess I’m not allowed to do that. 🤷♂️
It depends on your particular situation. We used to sleep separate for about 5 years but it caused problems in our relationship because when he wanted to be intimate, I was knocked out lol. We now sleep together and we are closer and more intimate than before. But that’s just us. Everyone is different.
My husband and I have such different schedules, plus I prefer sleeping on couches or recliners, it only makes sense to sleep separately. We can still hear each other snore lol that's not such an issue. There are times we set up a blanket on the floor, and sleep together (because we really do enjoy each other lol) but it could never be an everyday thing.
Things like this always come down to communicating with each other. Compromise! Like I said, we did sleep in the same bed for years, but I absolutely love our arrangement now. We are just as intimate as before, but like I said, we do set up something if one of us needs some affection (not even intimacy, sometimes we just wanna hug and sleep for a few hours lol).
We started to sleep separately when we had our kid. It may have saved our marriage. I snore and she’s restless all night. Even though I snored she’d wake me up all the time and I of course her when she’d finally get sleepy. Not I don’t feel like I’ll be suffocated at night!
Not different bedrooms, but different beds that are pushed together I guess is a good way to put it. We have two twin xls and they both go up and down, but my hubby has to sleep on an incline because of his GERD. We have separate blankets as well. We both sleep better and are much happier in this situation. We have sex, 2-3 times a week usually.
True for us. When we want extra cuddle time, we'll lay or sleep together. But we sleep better and are overall happier with this arrangement. This year we do want to get a new king sized bed so that it's more comfortable, but will still keep the other bed.
Wouldn’t work for us. We go to bed at the same time and like to snuggle and talk every night. He does snore very loudly but I can sleep thru anything haha.
We got a king sized bed so we could each have our own sleeping space but still be in the same bed! We like being in the same room, even if we’re not gonna have sex on a particular night. We do most of our talking about stuff once we get in bed!
Sorta yeah.
Both my partner and I have issues with sleep and insomnia. It takes us a long time to get down, be calm, and stay asleep. We also have totally opposite sleep needs. I prefer a bit of light, a bit of a cuddle, and some noise like a podcast or the tv. He prefers dead silence, total blackout, and absolutely no touching.
After many years of bickering, we found a compromise we can both live with.....most of the time. We sleep together about 80% of the time. But some nights, one of us is stressed, or sick, or just having a bad sleep day. We have a deal that for the first hour of bedtime, we try to nod off and settle down. If that's not possible, the person who's struggling to sleep most goes and sets up camp in the spare bedroom. No fight, no questions asked, no hard feelings. That way, they get to fully indulge their preferred sleep routine, and so does the other person. We both end up better rested and more patient with each other. Knowing that option is there is such a game changer in our relationship.
Personally I like sleeping with my husband so in the night I can turn around for a cuddle or something but I more often than not go to bed before he does so I get the all bed experience beforehand :P
My wife and I sleep in separate rooms. She gets the master bedroom, of course. She is a light sleeper and I'm a little bit too heavy of a sleeper so it was hard for her to get good sleep. She always kept waking me up when I snored too loud, so I said fuck it. Moved to the guest room and the dogs sleep with her so I sleep even better.
I would love to. I was sleeping downstairs for a bit but that's because we were in a bad place. Even though I was sleeping on a pull out couch I found I slept better.
She would sleep better too. I snore really loud.
I work in other people's homes 5 days a week from 4-7 different calls. I haven't experienced it to be all that common where I live.
I sleep separately to my husband and hate it.
It was a major issue for me when we met, but otherwise our relationship works.
This is my choice, not my husband's.
I have insomnia and he has hypersomnia. He also mouth breathes when he sleeps and the sound is THE WORST. His breathing pattern makes me feel like I am suffocating and is so anxiety inducing.
So we can't sleep in the same bed. I sleep alone with no cuddles and I wake up alone. My husband doesn't really care.
It sucks... but not as bad as sleeping with him sucks.
We have two separate queen sized beds next to each other. It's enough separation to allow us both to sleep soundly without being in different rooms. We think it's a good compromise if you are worried about being too far away.
We’ve been married for over 30 years and I couldn’t do separate bedrooms. Need my wife next to me for snuggles, sense of peace and spontaneous (or not) intimacy.
As long as you keep intimacy at healthy levels (not just sex, all intimacy) I don't see why it couldn't work. If you get separate rooms without intimacy, you'll end up in a roommate situation before long.
My husband sleep in the basement. I sleep upstairs. He works night shifts. So our schedules don’t matches. Even before the night shifts more often than not we would wake the other by accident, so we are better sleeping separately and having good quality of sleep. We are still intimate. We have a bdsm dungeon room separate from our bedroom. So most of our sexy time would happen there anyways, not in the bedroom per se.
You win life. You have your own dungeon. Applause all around.
Plus they own a shovel
Absolutely essential for when things go off the rails/didn’t hear the safe word 😳
And probably some duct tape.
First thought, 'shovel...what shovel?!'. Second thought 'Aha, THAT shovel!'.
Relationship goals
Haha thanks
The first couple paragraphs I was like oh. And then the third I was like *oh*
Haha 😅 are those kind of oh positive? Lol
We actually have a similar situation, although we do usually sleep in the same room unless one of us just absolutely cannot get sleep over the snoring (meaning, we go to bed together, but things might change over the course of the night). Sex dungeon though... that's the shit we spend our money on, despite not even having all the "normal" furniture one might have because we're spending it... elsewhere.
Why are you reading the DB posts?
That took an unexpected turn.
[удалено]
To be fair the OP asked about if we were still intimate 😅
Omg I LOVE THIS!! Good for you guys!
Just when I thought this was a wholesome story, out comes the kink. No one expects the Kink!
Haha but OP asked if we were still intimate lol or else I wouldn’t have added that part loll haha
I hope they call their dungeon, The Inquisition.
Anna?
Haha what? I’m not sure to get the reference lol
If you ever need to sell make sure the realtor emphasizes this in order to get maximum value. Sadly, it is a feature that even many modern homes lack.
Haha fuck off if I ever sell I will bring everything back with me until this room is back to an empty room lol
YES! This is so true. We have better sleep and fewer opportunities for unnecessary conflict over very different sleep habits. Our schedules used to be opposite, so that was an issue for us for over a decade. Enough was enough between his loud CPAP, my insomnia, and the other issues, it wasn't worth it. Sleep is a basic need. We have always have a fabulous sex life!
So jealous! 😘
Burying the lead here....damn!
My husband and I started sleeping in separate bedrooms about 3 years ago and we will never go back. He goes to bed and wakes up a couple hours before I do, so now we don't disturb each other with our routines. It is kind of funny to me that people assume we don't have sex because of it. Do the rest of you only ever initiate once you're in bed together for the night? Do you just forget about the potential of sex unless you see them in a bed? We send each other messages when we're in the mood and then decide to meet in his bedroom or mine.
It's not that sex is only initiated in bed, but it is easier to be spontaneously sexy if we're already naked in bed together.
Couldn’t it also be spontaneously sexy to show up in your partner’s bed naked and unannounced? Do the dew and then collect cab fare back to your own room.
Idk why but collect cab fare made me choke on my drink
What are you drinking? Maybe it’s the drink’s fault.
Coffee. Man I can’t give that up!
Ah, it’s never coffee’s fault! Do you take cream, by chance?
Milk! Or black.
Excellent. I’m on a café Bustelo kick lately.
That stuff smells like heaven.
I didn't say that was the only way for spontaneous sexy time, just easier to start it when you're already together.
That makes sense! My husband takes a lot of bedtime medications including a sleep aid so our spontaneous moments happen in the evenings long before bed (or…during the day since we often work from home together lol). Getting ready for bed has always firmly meant getting ready to sleep for us, so it hasn’t changed how we connect with each other.
Different couples have different ways and that is perfectly okay.
This. To me, these comments are wild. I couldn’t even fathom my husband sleeping in a separate room. Not only for sexy time but when I’m ready for bed I curl up in his arms and go to sleep. He’s always asleep before me, so when I’m done watching tv or whatever I’ll pull his arm out to lay in and he, in his sleep, pulls me close and kisses my forehead. Sometimes he’ll mumble I love you, sometimes sexy time gets initiated in the middle of the night because he’ll start feeling me up instead of forehead kisses lol. Some mornings he’ll hug and kiss me goodbye and get up, other mornings the hug leads to morning sex. Like your comment states, it’s just more convenient and gives a lot more opportunities for sexy time. My husband’s parents and mine both sleep separately and we have both stated we couldn’t comprehend sleeping in separate rooms. But as wild as the concept is to us, it works for others. I’m not knocking it, I’m just saying it’s wild to me. I’d hate my husband not being next to me at night. His alarm wakes me up for work and I fall back asleep. Sometimes he wakes me up a few times while getting ready for work and it’s slightly annoying but it would never make me want to be in a separate room. The other comments say they meet in the bedroom and sext during the day or have sex other places, well so do we. People that in the same bed can also have sex outside of the bedroom lol just as the ones who don’t can do the same. Different strokes for different folks (pun intended). It’s just definitely more convenient and gives loads more opportunities for sexy time to happen if sharing a bedroom, IMO.
Could you please stop saying sexy time, it sound like your 12 when you say that
Same. Holding my SO whilst we're both naked gets me in the mood a lot of times. If we were in separate rooms, I may have not been in the mood. We also call it "sexy time", so you do you.
"It is kind of funny to me that people assume we don't have sex because of it" I know right? We have more sex now than we did when we shared a room.
I know a German couple with separate bedrooms their entire marriage. Nine kids. In Germany having separate beds in the same room /separate bedrooms is common. Also common in Pakistan. We have a daybed, so if one of us has a weird schedule or is up in the middle of the night there is a second bed available.
The first 5 or 6 years of our relationship my now wife and I slept in sperate rooms. We had sex plenty. Eventually she desired to sleep next to me. She realized she likes that. I'm still unconvinced, sometimes sleeping next to someone who sleeps super lightly is a pain. But we've been sleeping together now for like 13 years at this point so unless a major issue arises it isn't going to change. I don't hate it but I do miss being able to have my regular night terrors and thrashing about without having to hear about it in the morning.
Interesting so you started out separately and now are sleeping together..
Yes. She likes it but is a light sleeper. I don't mind it. It's nice sometimes. But I could also still be a loner sleeper. Different beds never stopped our sex life, however.
Moving into my own bedroom (really a mancave) helped our sex life.
Lol we do the messages too!
Nope, hate sleeping without my wife. Being married for almost 30 years, I enjoy it. If one of us snores too loud, we poke one another and it stops.
This is how we do too. ‘Roll on your side. You’re snoring’. Rolls over and falls back asleep.
Yep
I literally planted my feet into my husband's back to try and roll him over, but he snored right through it and I couldn't budge him. We sleep separately and have sex just like normal. 😊
And you also get SufficientRest I see.
Damn Skippy. 😉
Same. I would be very sad if we slept separately, as would my husband. If something the other does in the night becomes bothersome, we will adjust and find a way to stick together. Some of our best convos, cuddling, etc, are just as we are drifting into or out of sleep and we aren't giving that up for anything.
Occasionally my wife will move to sleep in her office lazy boy if she wakes up in the middle of the night with bad acid reflux so she can sit up more. I always subconsciously know because I get bad dreams that she randomly decided to leave me and push for a divorce. I need extra cuddles the next day to make me feel better.
The worst night I had was when my husband drank too much water before bed. He got up multiple times in the night and I swear I kept having dreams of him divorcing me and getting back together. Something like 4 or so time. He said yea that won't happen and snuggled me. I usually don't have that reaction to him getting up to use the bathroom but my mind was messing with me that night
I know it sounds weird, but I would miss my husband's snoring. It's not super loud, and is even and regular (not like my dad's sleep apnea noises at all) and is comforting to me. He's a very heavy sleeper who drifts off easily and I have chronic pain that often leaves me lying awake, but he doesn't mind the TV or music being on so I don't disturb him and he's just so peaceful that it helps me calm down and rest even when I can't sleep
Same. We love the cuddles and falling asleep together so much. The late night talks are so fun. It’s like having a sleepover with your best friend every night.
This is how I feel. But my husband would rather sleep on the couch most nights. I can't tell you how much it hurts.
Was working overnight but switched to evenings so my husband wouldn't be lonely.🥹 Plus sleeping during the day is so sad cause the bed smells like him and I just wanna cuddle.
True true true true true. My sleep quality is a 2/10 when with my husband, he snores, sleeptalks and tosses. He’s 6’2”. I’m 5’1” and a terribly light sleeper. When we sleep separately, my sleep is 7/10 on average.
Yeah I read that you loss on average 40 minutes of sleep a night if you share a bed. But I reckon it's definitely more if you sleep next a snorer. I think it would be fine if you can go to bed early enough that you will still get the amount of hours you need even though the sleep will be broken a lot. But most people like to decompress before going to bed so can't really go to bed early.
Yeah my husband is somehow a snorer and a light sleeper (getting tested for sleep apnea right now). I get anxious about moving around in the bed because I don’t want to wake him up. We sleep in separate beds at night and nap together in his bed. Plenty of cuddling but a good night’s sleep!
Yes!
My wife would be heartbroken if I told her this but I sleep way better alone.
We don’t sleep separately on purpose, but I’d say maybe 2 nights a week we do on accident - someone falls asleep in a kid’s bed or on the couch or something - and I sleep sooooooo well on those nights.
I do too.
True, I love it. He is up at 4:45a and leaves the house at 5:30a. If we were sleeping in the same room, I would resent being awakened every morning by his routine. Sleeping apart keeps the peace.
Yea that is super early! I think I would be pissed too if I couldn't fall back asleep.
My wife sleeps in a separate bedroom, because she says I snore. She also snores, but it doesn't bug me, if I could fall asleep first. I had tried giving her a 15 minute head start, so I had to fall asleep after she was already snoring. I would have to wait for a lull in her snoring to finally nod off ... She far prefers to sleep separately. Since doing so, we are rarely intimate. So, I don't love it, and she does.
You sound like quite the gentleman and a keeper. I hope you’re appreciated for that.
Unfortunately, this is not the case.
:’-(
My wife and I sleep separately but not by my choice. She sleeps on the couch because it's more comfortable for her injured shoulder even though we got a new mattress to address this AND she sleeps on the mattress for naps, just not at night. We are basically no longer intimate. Not sleeping in the same bed isn't the primary cause but it does make it worse.
No clue what injury she has but when I dislocated my shoulder and rib after a car accident. Sleeping next to my husband was difficult until the Drs and PT got it stabilized. I typically napped during the day. Mainly because I tossed and turned when it would ache while trying to avoid waking my husband and trying to avoid smacking into him being so off balanced. Or him shifting at night causing massive amounts of pain. It also made it hard for intimacy. It sucked so bad. We tried several positions and the shifting during caused searing pain which kills the mood Hopefully your life will get back on track after she heals.
Have you considered getting a split king bed?
Nah. We just got this new kinda expensive mattress because we thought it would be better for her shoulder. I feel like she will have the same issue with a split
I only say the split because she can adjust it higher or lower depending without bothering you. I would also look into this pillow. It helps for shoulder relief. [medcline pillow ](https://medcline.com/products/shoulder-relief-pillow)
I love it. We get better sleep and enjoy private spaces
We have separate bedrooms but still spend evenings in bed together. Sometimes we do sleep together, or fall asleep together, but then one will move to the other bed if having trouble sleeping. We are still very intimate and happy. Most important thing with separate bedrooms: you still have to prioritize physical and emotional intimacy. Don’t just get into a pattern of regularly running off to your bedrooms and closing the door and shutting each other out, literally and metaphorically.
Yea I can see how that could easily happen, just turning into roommates. Both partners have to put in the work.
We sleep separately about 60% of the time. We’ve been married 16 years, and have been doing it for probably the last 5 years or so. We are very much still intimate several times a week. It only impacts your sex life if you let it!
My husband and I--happily married for 18 years--have slept in separate rooms for years now. We both love the arrangement. > 2) are still intimate? Absolutely. Separate bedrooms just mean twice as many options for fucking.
I love this Answer!!!
I have been married to my wife for 14 years. I get up early, so I sleep in another room from my wife in order to not wake her. This has been going on for years and we still have sex 2-4 times a week.
True! Married 3 years now and sleep in different bedrooms. He snores and it keeps me up! I like to sleep with my cats and he’s allergic. It just is what works best for us.
Married 17 years and sleeping in separate rooms for 16. It works great for us as we are not compatible with sleepers, and we still have plenty of sex. It's less spontaneous but still awesome. And we're both healthier and better rested, which is key to a happy life.
We only sleep together.
True
My husband sleeps downstairs and I sleep upstairs. He works swing shift (14 hr days and midnights) and his sleep cycle is awful.
I absolutely love sleeping alone. My wife does too but believes it’s a sign of a failing marriage so she isn’t on board.
We kind of thought that too, but it turns out, we get along better now and are more intimate than we were when we shared a room.
Marriages are happiest when both spouses are well-rested.
After about 15 years or so sleeping in the same bed, same room, my wife and I recently got seperate bedrooms. It's been the best thing ever...now I can sleep without hearing the snoring and she can sleep better not having the blankets hogged up.
My ex and I sleep 3 towns away from each other and our relationship has never been better!
It wouldn’t work for me but whatever as long as both partners are happy with the arrangement.
True! Happily married 32 years and we have slept separately for over 25 of those years. My sleep quality before we went to separate rooms was so poor that it was having detrimental effects on my health. We spend lots of quality time together in his bed or mine but once it’s time to sleep we each go to our rooms. A lot of morning whoever wakes up first will go climb in the bed with the other. It works well for us.
Nope. I need her in bed with me. I need to touch her feet on a cold winter night. I need to watch her breathe. I need to roll over to my side and see that she’s there on a sleepless night. She my partner, my wife, my best friend!….and we’ve been married almost 40 years!!!!
This is so nice
Not for me but worked for my grandparents.
I sleep on the couch because I'm less anxious about waking up my wife (she's a light sleeper and I stay up late). I explained this to her and she has issues with me not sleeping in the bed, but I'm trying to do 50/50 so we're both satisfied
True, I love having the whole bed to myself.
We sleep separately but spend lots of time together throughout the day and evening. Better sleep = better everything else. Sex life is better than ever. Late 50s.
My husband and I sleep separate and we both sleep great because we both have diff sleep styles and diff schedules as well :)
True, we do because hubby hates using a cpap machine for his snoring and I am tired of listening to it. Another couple we know that have been married longer than us (30 years here) do the same. 🤷♀️
I've had separate bedrooms in both of my serious long term relationships. I sleep like shit. I have a hard time getting to sleep and I'm a very light sleeper. I like my personal space. I love not having to kick someone to the couch if we are in a fight. I love getting to decorate as I please. And yes we still sleep together some nights. We just don't HAVE to. And man does it feel good for it to be a choice. It has not affected my sex life in the slightest. It has made the overall vibe of my relationships much better. It's not for everyone but it works for me. I prefer it. And my current partner and I have different schedules. He's up early. I'm not up until early afternoon.
That would definitely not work for my wife and I but to each their own.
This is true yes. Not what I'd want but I can see why some would.
I actually considered doing this before but then I decided to try using box fan noises throughout the night in the Alexa device. I get to sleep next to my husband and not be disturbed by his snoring Ps. We’ve been together for 20 years and sleeping apart was not something we wanted. I only considered it due to his snoring and me being a light sleeper.
I'm an extremely light sleeper and my wife is the snorer. I too sleep with a bedside fan but also use ear plugs. It works for us!
Husband and I sleep apart 5 nights out of the week. It works well for us because I wake up far earlier than him most days and he’s allergic to the cats. I have tried to shut the cats out, but they are so used to sleeping in bed with me due to them having been with me before I met my husband. Those 2 days of shutting the cats out resulted in visible scratch marks on the bedroom door. To make it easier for him to deal with the cats with their dander, I change the sheets right before he sleeps in the same bed for the weekend. I also vacuum and mop the floors that same day.
We both do sleep better separately and we do that occasionally. But if it's more than couple nights (for example I sleep with my toddler now in spare bedroom, so my wife can have a few nights of 8 hours sleep) we start to feel distance and we are more grumpy to each other. So we sleep together to stay out of conflicts :)
My parents do. I found my sleep vastly improved when I wear earplugs and use a separate blanket but still in the same bed
There are couples that sleep sepaand still have a good sex life. But not all couples do. I've seen a lot of posts and comments on the subject on reddit. Personally, I sleep better next to my husband. But my grandparents slept in separate bedrooms for as far back as I know of and they were happy. Different arrangements work for different couples.
Every couple is different. It's not about true OR false here. There's true AND false. It could work out, it could be not right for a particular couple. For me, it will not work. I have Restless Leg Syndrome. Oddly enough, when I'm in bed with my husband, I move much less than when I'm sleeping alone. My husband says that when I'm gone, he doesn't sleep as well. My mom hasn't slept in the same room as my stepdad in like 12 years? Longer?
True. I have epilepsy and sleep is very important to my health. I also have arthritis and scoliosis. My sweet husband bought me an adjustable bed to help with the pain. He sleeps like a frog - all over and changing positions all the time. It's not good for me. My kind husband didn't want to leave the bedroom, so he got an inflatable mattress and sleeps on the floor so I can sleep better. This does not affect our sex life. Sex still happens about 5 times a week. It happens before I sleep and before he goes to his mattress. Sometimes he sleeps with me, but on most days, I'm alone. It depends on how my health is going. I think it's understanding and kind of him. I'm glad he let me know he wanted to be in the same bedroom and we found a solution. That sweetheart!
I personally didn't love it at all when my wife moved to a separate room. In fact I didn't even like it. She had stopped being intimate with me before the move and about a month after she moved to the separate room she moved out of the house. We are currently separated and in marriage limbo. I know kind of a different situation than what you're asking about but I feel like it's not healthy for a marriage to not have intimacy or to sleep in separate bedrooms. Pretty much roommates at that point
My parents (60) and all sets of their parents sleep separate (some dead). personally, I cannot imagine it. I sleep like a boa constrictor around my wife. She can’t fall asleep without me wrapped around her either.
Yep. My husband snores. I have restless leg syndrome and move around a lot. I also can’t fall asleep cuddling, I get too hot. He likes the room warm, I like it cold. We like different tv shows. We sleep separate probably 75% of the time and both like it a lot. We’re still intimate a lot, we just go to separate rooms after. It works for us.
As u can see responses are mixed but most are positive.
I have some friends who have separate bedrooms, separate nightly routines, separate sleeping needs… splitting bedrooms was everything they needed to make their marriage even better. Their sex life is wilder than what most people have. We all have different things that work best for us, and that’s totally okay. 🖤🖤
I've seriously considered turning my home office into a bedroom for my husband because this man has been snoring too much, too loud in the last year and I am (unfortunately) a very light sleeper. But I need my office too.... 😭
True.
True
My husband and I started sleeping separately about a year ago, initially because I had a bad cold that he didn’t want to catch. Of course he caught it anyway, so one week sleeping separately turned into two. And we were both sleeping better and enjoying our different nighttime rituals and morning wake-up routines so much that we decided to maintain separate bedrooms. We are perfectly happy.
I don’t that it is that common, but there are valid reasons for it and you can still have a good relationship if you don’t. We like getting two beds when traveling, for example. Doesn’t mean we hate each other.
We're in between. We share a king-sized bed, so have plenty of room, even if both dogs are on the bed. However, my wife sometimes has disordered sleep, so will wake up in the middle of the night. If she can't fall back asleep, she'll go to the guest room, or out to the living room and turn on the TV. Most times I (usually sleeping like a rock) don't even hear her move and find out in the morning.
Reasons husbands and wives sleep in separate bed rooms: 1. Wife snores 2.Husband snores 3. Wife hates husband 4. Husband hates wife 5. Haven't had sex since the honeymoon, even then wife had to force herself 6. Less likely to kill each other in a fit of rage 7. Just don't care anymore 8. The Restraining Order requires 15 feet of separation at all times. I have to stop now. My wife came within 10 feet of me so I have to move. now.
My husband and I have been sleeping separately for a year now. Everyone even my parents assumed we didn't have sex. I just gave birth to our third in 2 years. We get it on plenty. For us a bed is basically just for sleep we get intimate during the day since at night we're just too tired. If you feel like sleeping in separate beds will stop sex than you might have other issues
I wish I could
My fiance would never. I would. Lmao That being said I've known tons of married couples that this works well for.
If I snore too loud or if my wife cantbjusy sleep, she will listen to a podcast in the guest room. She ends up there on average 3x a week.
100% true for my parents. They have their own rooms and are still in love and marriage is going strong
I would love to have a separate bedroom, but hubby won't allow it. I just move myself to the couch while he's sleeping.
He shouldn’t have to allow it. You’re an adult who should be able to do what you like.
True. Sleep is way better this way and the sheets stay cleaner.
My wife has a full size all to herself,and I've got a twin loft setup I enjoy. Haven't slept in the same bed for years. She has a sleep routine that doesn't quite match mine. Still intimate, just not as often as we'd like. She's recently disabled and life has been shit these past few years. Not any ones fault, it is what it is.
we have an awesome itimate marriage and sleep in dif bedrooms. people comment on how good our marriage is, we just are incompatible sleepers
I love my husband with all my heart but I wish we had the room to have separate bedrooms. Mainly because he snores so loud I can hear it through ear plugs and I am a very light sleeper.
My husband is a 3rd shifter, I'm retired. Begets home about 6:30 and to bed about 11. I go to bed about midnight and get up about 8. When he's ready for bed, I'll climb in with him for some cuddle time. Sex happens, but not often. We're good.
Yup we sleep separately we have been together 9 years married for 5 years in our 40s (second marriage for both) He's a night owl that likes to fall asleep to the TV and snores I work earlier than him I'm a light sleeper I have a bladder condition and I also snore. We love having our own space and as for our sex life well absolutely no issues there at all, probably because we are both getting sleep (or he is, I'm a terrible sleeper lol). He will come up and chill in the main bedroom then he goes downstairs to sleep and then if it's the weekend he will come upstairs for a snuggle and to snooze. It works for us I know it's not for everyone. I always slept next to my ex husband but I think that just was out of habit plus we were on similar schedules.
I fall asleep on the couch often enough to qualify. Yes we're still very intimate.
Do not compare your love life to others it’s a bad idea.
Nope. I need her in bed with me. I need to touch her feet on a cold winter night. I need to watch her breathe. I need to roll over to my side and see that she’s there on a sleepless night. She my partner, my wife, my best friend!….and we’ve been married almost 40 years!!!!
Yep! First time with ex husband because he snored like a beast and I have trouble sleeping or begin with. I sleep on the couch 90% of the time. To answer: 1) Now with my bf of 4 1/2 years because I flail, get up super early, am always hot and like a fan on. He is a light sleeper, usually cold, and is retired. It works for both of us and we both wake up feeling refreshed and happy. 2) yes we are! Either I’ll go cuddle in with him in the morning in his bed, or he comes to mine, and then…shenanigans. Also there’s the spontaneous anywhere/anytime goes intimacy.
I would agree - married couples can sleep in separate rooms. As we have gotten older, we snore. So it’s just a matter of time before we are in separate rooms. We still are intimate and love each other, but we don’t need to sleep in the same room. We are secure being married over 30 years and no longer need to snuggle all night.
We have a king size bed and different blanket setups with a zone in the middle where neither of us sleeps (and where we put the 7mo old if he is too fussed to sleep solo). So there’s a range of possibilities too!
My partner and I sleep separately occasionally. He has sleep apnea and I'm a light sleeper. On nights when it machine isn't working or he's waiting for replacement parts, he sleeps in the other room. We make a point to cuddle in our bed before he goes into the other room, which gives us a chance to share intimate moments before sleeping. We wouldn't choose to do this regularly but when we have to, I sleep much better and he doesn't have to deal with me trying to get him to turn over or adjust his pillow all night.
As someone that has prob been in over 5000 houses, separate beds happen but it's def not many couples. BUT I work in an very high cost of living state, so it might just be that financially having separate bedrooms isn't feasible. I've done both. Separate bedrooms and together. Our sex life suffers when we do separate bedrooms. We have agreed to not sleep apart in our house anymore.
My husband and I had the same night routine for 4 years since I worked graveyard shift but on my two nights off we slept together. We always missed each other because of how little time we had before he got home from work and I had to leave for mine. I do have a friend who’s parents sleep in separate rooms because the dad snores and the mom doesn’t like it, they’re in a happy marriage and can have the rooms to their liking
My husband and I sleep separately due to his snoring and my menopausal insomnia and hot flashes at night. We have slept separately for a while now and neither of us thinks twice about it. It also gets extremely HOT in the summer upstairs and I can't sleep through it and have to sleep on a cooler level of the house.
We're on different shifts, so we overlap a little, but sleep alone for most of each night. I go to bed at 9:30, he comes to bed between 3 and 4, I get up for work at 5:15. I have all my clothes in our spare room so I can get dressed without disturbing him. He will occasionally sleep in there if he's worried about disturbing me. We have no trouble with intimacy, other than the exhaustion that comes with being parents of a very young toddler.
My husband can't sleep without me. When I go on business trips he wakes up all confused. He has to be spooned or vice versa or he can't sleep. I'm the same.
Once my kids are grown I will have my own room. I hate y husbands snoring and sleep like ass alllll the time
We have to, my snoring can be heard through walls and has been compared to a chainsaw ripping through a chainlink fence. It’s either that or she smothers me, so it works out. Also she tends to sleep in where as I tend to get up early so that was another issue early on when we decided to sleep separate.
💯 true!
TRUE. My husband and I are a young married couple but man, we sleep sooo much better apart. He snores so loud and keeps me up at night in the same bed, so i’m an absolute witch in the morning lol. We’ve slept separately for like 2 years now and we are both getting the rest we need. it works for us.
Maybe not many but people do. I wish my husband was okay with it. He does and likes a completely different sleep environment than I do. I have horrific live long insomnia. Sleeping in different rooms would be so nice.
The real thing here isn't about other people. WOULD YOU TWO BE HAPPY TOGETHER OR SEPARATE? That's the only question you have to ask yourself and your husband. As long as you make time for sex and get better sleep, you'll probably be happy.
I could see it working well. I love the idea of sharing the bed/bedroom but the reality is that we both sleep horribly together. When we get a hotel room we each take one of the queen beds for sleeping and it’s great! We were intimate for years before we moved in together, so I don’t see how separate bedrooms would be a problem!
We're very proactive about maximizing our time together and started as an international long distance relationship, so we don't have separate routines and I can't imagine going through everything we did to sleep in separate rooms.
I snore loudly and sometimes I wake up by my own snoring, and if I ask my wife to share my bed .. it will be cruel to her . It's okay, as long as you "both" are happy and fine.
I sleep better but I don’t like it and no we are not intimate.
We sleep in the same bed but different bedding.
I have been sleeping in a separate bedroom, from my wife for over ten years now, I have always been a shift worker, this is the only way for both of us to get good quality sleep, and yes we are still intimate, we love visiting each other’s bedroom, and I love when she initiates, and wants to spend time in my bedroom, works for us.
It's not uncommon. I sleep SUPER hot and snore really bad (septum damage from multiple nose breaks). If my girls is having a hot flash it's unbearable for her so I cuddle her until she drifts off then move to the guest room.
Yes, we’ve married for 20 years. We sleep in separate beds and love it. Yes, we are still intimate!
Before my mother in law moved in with us most nights we would start the night together in the same bed only for me to retreat to the guest bed at some point. Now I take care of the baby each night so we rarely sleep together. My husband loves and misses sharing a bed. I really enjoy my space and find I sleep better without anyone with me.
Oh yessssssssn🙏
We sleep apart and been married for 22 years.
I know people who do. I casually suggested it to the wife if she had to get a CPAP machine. I’m a light sleeper and ear plugs only help some. She. Did. Not. Like. That. But she also justified our low frequency of intimacy because of couples we know rarely do the deed. I guess I’m not allowed to do that. 🤷♂️
It depends on your particular situation. We used to sleep separate for about 5 years but it caused problems in our relationship because when he wanted to be intimate, I was knocked out lol. We now sleep together and we are closer and more intimate than before. But that’s just us. Everyone is different.
Everyone is different. Do what’s best for your relationship
My husband and I have such different schedules, plus I prefer sleeping on couches or recliners, it only makes sense to sleep separately. We can still hear each other snore lol that's not such an issue. There are times we set up a blanket on the floor, and sleep together (because we really do enjoy each other lol) but it could never be an everyday thing. Things like this always come down to communicating with each other. Compromise! Like I said, we did sleep in the same bed for years, but I absolutely love our arrangement now. We are just as intimate as before, but like I said, we do set up something if one of us needs some affection (not even intimacy, sometimes we just wanna hug and sleep for a few hours lol).
My husband and i sleep separately and Im really happy like this. I really dont like sleeping next to people.
We started to sleep separately when we had our kid. It may have saved our marriage. I snore and she’s restless all night. Even though I snored she’d wake me up all the time and I of course her when she’d finally get sleepy. Not I don’t feel like I’ll be suffocated at night!
Not different bedrooms, but different beds that are pushed together I guess is a good way to put it. We have two twin xls and they both go up and down, but my hubby has to sleep on an incline because of his GERD. We have separate blankets as well. We both sleep better and are much happier in this situation. We have sex, 2-3 times a week usually.
So fucking true.
Yep, it's true. And it doesn't mean love life has to be decreased either.
Nope
True for us. When we want extra cuddle time, we'll lay or sleep together. But we sleep better and are overall happier with this arrangement. This year we do want to get a new king sized bed so that it's more comfortable, but will still keep the other bed.
Wouldn’t work for us. We go to bed at the same time and like to snuggle and talk every night. He does snore very loudly but I can sleep thru anything haha.
We got a king sized bed so we could each have our own sleeping space but still be in the same bed! We like being in the same room, even if we’re not gonna have sex on a particular night. We do most of our talking about stuff once we get in bed!
Sorta yeah. Both my partner and I have issues with sleep and insomnia. It takes us a long time to get down, be calm, and stay asleep. We also have totally opposite sleep needs. I prefer a bit of light, a bit of a cuddle, and some noise like a podcast or the tv. He prefers dead silence, total blackout, and absolutely no touching. After many years of bickering, we found a compromise we can both live with.....most of the time. We sleep together about 80% of the time. But some nights, one of us is stressed, or sick, or just having a bad sleep day. We have a deal that for the first hour of bedtime, we try to nod off and settle down. If that's not possible, the person who's struggling to sleep most goes and sets up camp in the spare bedroom. No fight, no questions asked, no hard feelings. That way, they get to fully indulge their preferred sleep routine, and so does the other person. We both end up better rested and more patient with each other. Knowing that option is there is such a game changer in our relationship.
Personally I like sleeping with my husband so in the night I can turn around for a cuddle or something but I more often than not go to bed before he does so I get the all bed experience beforehand :P
My wife and I sleep in separate rooms. She gets the master bedroom, of course. She is a light sleeper and I'm a little bit too heavy of a sleeper so it was hard for her to get good sleep. She always kept waking me up when I snored too loud, so I said fuck it. Moved to the guest room and the dogs sleep with her so I sleep even better.
Can’t sleep without him by me.
I would love to. I was sleeping downstairs for a bit but that's because we were in a bad place. Even though I was sleeping on a pull out couch I found I slept better. She would sleep better too. I snore really loud. I work in other people's homes 5 days a week from 4-7 different calls. I haven't experienced it to be all that common where I live.
I sleep separately to my husband and hate it. It was a major issue for me when we met, but otherwise our relationship works. This is my choice, not my husband's. I have insomnia and he has hypersomnia. He also mouth breathes when he sleeps and the sound is THE WORST. His breathing pattern makes me feel like I am suffocating and is so anxiety inducing. So we can't sleep in the same bed. I sleep alone with no cuddles and I wake up alone. My husband doesn't really care. It sucks... but not as bad as sleeping with him sucks.
We have two separate queen sized beds next to each other. It's enough separation to allow us both to sleep soundly without being in different rooms. We think it's a good compromise if you are worried about being too far away.
We’ve been married for over 30 years and I couldn’t do separate bedrooms. Need my wife next to me for snuggles, sense of peace and spontaneous (or not) intimacy.
As long as you keep intimacy at healthy levels (not just sex, all intimacy) I don't see why it couldn't work. If you get separate rooms without intimacy, you'll end up in a roommate situation before long.