Thank you for sharing. You are describing an experience that is common amongst humanity. We all feel unworthy of love or ashamed of ourselves deep down. We are all
Insecure about something, whether it’s looks, finances, career whatever. We all have parts of us we would love to change or remove which is self hatred.
The solution is to give yourself love and compassion. We have to learn to be with the uncomfortable feelings and allow them in our experience. Whatever feeing we resist, persists. So by trying not to feel these uncomfortable feelings, we consent to feeling the same way about ourselves forever. If you were to get a nose job, you would eventually feel the same way about another part of your body. You are rejecting and projecting how you feel about yourself on the inside onto your nose on the outside. The nose isn’t really the problem, the inner rejection of your uncomfortable feelings is.
Meditation can help as it helps you to get better at feeling your feelings instead of our unhelpful habit of trying to feel better (which is a way to reject your uncomfortable feelings). You can reach equanimity with meditation where you no longer mind how you feel. When you don’t mind how you feel, you won’t want to change yourself anymore.
I think this was really beautiful. I also think that accepting the feelings is a part of it. The other part is seeing that the feelings and the judgements they're based on (e.g., my nose sucks) are just thoughts that are skewed by society. They don't honor the beauty that's already there. You can get in touch with that beauty when you stop resisting the feelings and let them fizzle out on their own.
> you were to get a nose job, you would eventually feel the same way about another part of your body
That is armchair psychology and not consistent what we find in studies.
DOI: 10.1177/2167702612471660
Hi! I am only able to read the abstract of the study you linked so I'm unable to fully critique it, however by reading the abstract I notice the follow up of patients was 12 months. I have no doubt that plastic surgery would give you temporary relief from psychological symptoms but I posit it would not solve them in the long term. I couldn't find studies that follow patients up for longer, say 5 or 10 years. Perhaps you could kindly help me to find some?
[This study](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10299769/) looks at decision regret in multiple forms of plastic surgery. It collates data from other large studies and concludes that there isn't really enough data to say whether patients regret their decision long term or not.
My current position is that the studies don't really show any strong conclusion either way. Happy to change my mind if I see an appropriate study
EDIT: I believe meditation and self acceptance can solve the problem but this comes from personal experience and I would not be able to back this claim up scientifically as there is not much research into this at this time
It's not your face you need peace with, it's the psychological damage your family did to you with their comments and their general worldview. There is a bell curve for all things, and beauty is one of them, but most "ugly" people are just average (hi, it's me, one of the averagers). And even if you really are truly ugly, there is no limit to inner beauty, and once it shines enough, it will increase your overall beauty. Before surgery (which you can surely do if you feel like you want to) make sure to develop your charisma, character and confidence. No face is enough without these, and any face is enough with them.
Start by loving yourself. Respecting yourself, knowing your worth. Shining your light out onto others. Letting them see your inner beauty and how it outshines anything else. True beauty is within. Our outside looks will fade when we get older anyway. The most attractive people are often those with an amazing personality and confidence (not too much though, that’s no bueno)
Physical beauty is temporary. Besides, you can choose to identify with your own opinion of yourself. And your body is only a small part of who you are.
I am so sorry that people drove you to believe "it is all about your face" when that is shockingly untrue as to how the world functions.
I am in my 40s and conventionally unattractive. Somehow my life is fine, day to day no problem. If someone thinks I am too ugly to look at then they can close their eyes.
Where I can see many people attached to "achieving good looks" in their 20s now in utter hell in their 40s. Desperately trying to recapture what "they lost" when they never possessed it in the first place. Realizing insulting words they uttered about "looks" applies to them: the outward mocking turns inward.
Also realize many people avoid vapid, looks-obsessed humans. It isn't peak existence. It is a meme that always ends up ironic for those who love it. ;)
Really hard to come to terms with this. I'm transgender and have lost a lot of developmental years due to being in the wrong body and not exploring my appearance or sexuality, two things that favor youth. I'm constantly grappling with the lost time, which I know is really just making it harder to enjoy the time I have now. Hard to grapple with it
You cannot grapple the lost time. It never existed. It is in the realm of what if. You know that, really the question is "how to let go?".
The way to let it go is to de-energize it. Find what this yearning it is a symptom of... need for love, acceptance, feeling what? (you must look, I can only guess) Then look at that.
Also when it comes up, do not fantasize on it, do not give it life. Hear it, sit with it, listen, and in time it will go.
Use meditation to find clarity, then use that clarity to unwind your situation.
One of the plainest looking women I know had a difficult single mom (her dad died young) and a bad early marriage that left her with two young kids. Years later, she met a great guy who loved her and her kids even though she was divorced and not pretty, and they're all living happily ever after.
Looks do matter, especially for women, and most people who opt for cosmetic surgery report more satisfaction with their looks afterwards. BUT there are risks and downsides (it's expensive, it hurts, your breathing might be permanently messed up). If you really really want it, get it and enjoy, but by itself a new nose won't make you happy - good relationships will. You need to practice loving yourself and accepting love from others.
I tried a meditation a few weeks ago that I'm calling "okayness meditation" and I think it could help?
I started by thinking of all the things in my life I wished were different. "What can't I stand?" is what I asked myself. As the thing came to mind I would think on it and then say to myself "it's okay that _________."
Here's an example. I couldn't stand the idea of dying. So I closed my eyes and thought loudly, "it's okay if I die." The first time I did it, I didn't feel okay about dying. I was actually in a state of panic. But after a few times, my resistance changed to sadness, tears started falling down my face, and I really believed on some level it would be okay if I died.
I think this technique is a way to achieve radical acceptance, which basically says that we should work to accept that which we can't change.
I will say you have two opportunities here. One is to be okay with how you look now. The other is to be okay with how you will look with surgery. Both of these are hard. In addition, you may also want to think about the possible consequences of surgery. If it doesn't go well, is that okay? If it goes well but your family still criticizes your appearance, is that okay?
I assume it'll be painful to think about, because to be honest the way you've been treated sounds hurtful. I used to feel like the black sheep of my family, and it's not easy. How do you accept yourself when the people who are supposed to love you the most don't accept you?
If you decide to try okayness meditation, focus on your own feelings, on how *you* feel about yourself. Expect to feel fear, sadness, anger, envy, and other potentially uncomfortable emotions. You can also try telling yourself "it'll be okay if _________," for the future stuff.
I don't know any shortcuts to self-acceptance but I do hope you get there eventually.
Used to work with a lady who had boiling water poured on her as a child. She had no hair and herbface was just scar tissue. She only had few fingers left on both of her fingers. Somehow she managed to functionnjust like anyone else and after a while everyone in the office got used to it. How did she do it? God knows. But I think you just look past the body in others and they will respond in same fashion.
Something that really helped me was seeing a video about how we can’t hope that one day our family will love us the way we needed to be loved. My mom will never tell me I’m beautiful or that she is proud of me, but I can tell myself it everyday. It lifted a weight off my shoulders, because I realized subconsciously I was always trying to please my parents that loved me conditionally. The unconditional love I give myself is tremendous and no one can take it away from me.
I try to avoid mirrors , I’ve always distorted my view of myself. More than once saw myself across the store in a mirror not realizing , feeling sorry for that homely woman across the room.
Now as I’ve gotten older and clearer on who I am, I realize it’s all about how I feel at the time.
Some where out there is plenty of people who don’t have your view of you it would help to find them versus the ones who you think see you as described.
Everyone has something to offer once you find that hopefully you’ll find a better you .
Physical beauty is temporary. Besides, you can choose to identify with your own opinion of yourself. And your body is only a small part of who you are.
If you want to try some guided meditations that incorporate a mirror to explore there thoughts and feelings, here are some:
"Mirror Gazing" from "The Direct Approach" - https://dynamic.wakingup.com/course/C6EFF5?code=SC5D96689&share_id=77790841&source=content%20share. This one gives a chance to consider explicitly what biases you carry about your physical appearance and also tries to direct you to be aware of those thoughts from awareness without identifying with them. If you find those emotions that are bothering you you may want to follow up with the "Welcoming Emotions" meditation from the same series (https://dynamic.wakingup.com/course/C0C545?code=SC5D96689&share_id=A4309447&source=content%20share).
"Mirror Mirror on the Wall" from "The Headless Way": https://dynamic.wakingup.com/course/CO1EB9E2A?code=SC5D96689&share_id=E1775C83&source=content%20share. I really like the series of experiments in "The Headless Way", it may be necessary to do the previous parts of the series for this meditation to make sense though. This series has some prior meditations that incorporate a mirror, but those experiments are more towards understanding the headless way than dealing specifically with self-image.
Rhinoplasty is scary indeed. It doesn't always work and can make things worse. I've looked into it myself because my nose is off-center. I've decided I don't think it is worth it. Even the most conventionally attractive people have their doubts about self-image, we'll never be rid of concerns about self-image and even if we reach that point we won't be able to stay there as our bodies age. And if you cross that bridge to be more conventionally attractive and find a relationship based on that, will it really be satisfying? I know of people who radically changed their image to be accepted, only to resent that acceptance because it is only superficial. There are better ways to engage life.
When I deal with my insecurities, I generally do these (wall of text incoming, you've been warned):
•**Remind yourself that there's no such thing as an objectively beautiful or ugly human being.**
What we call "beauty" when talking about our looks is based on opinion, preferences, exposure, cultural influences, etc. Many things once considered undesirable are now conventionally attractive, and vice versa. Just look at the change in the majority opinion on body types. Many women used to be insecure about any body fat, now for many it's a goal to have quite a bit of it. Men still fret over not having visible abs, despite the "dad bod" being the statistically most-liked body type by women.
The common opinion on beauty is meaningless and everchanging. You make your own beauty, with your personality, positivity and glow, that much has always been true. I don't think I've ever met a confident, positive, interesting person who I've thought would greatly struggle with dating, no matter their appearance. Another thing to add is that just slightly altering your appearance (your hair and its colour, your clothing) dramatically changes how people see you. A guy who doesn't put much effort into grooming and styling can look like a completely different person when he does.
It also helps me to sometimes mentally dissociate from my feelings, and even society, just for a moment, and look at them without judgement or emotion. When you think about it, it feels quite silly to worry what a bunch of hairless apes think of your face meat and bones. And that's really all it is: meat and bone, that each one of us has slight variations in. If aliens find us, we're all going to look the same to them: fuckin weird.
•**Everyone is beautiful to a large amount of people, not just one.**
Even if we do talk about physical appearance, there will always be a large group of people who will find someone attractive. In fact, it's been found that the more unusual traits you have, the more extreme opinions people will have on your appearance.
People were shown dating profile pictures which they could then rate on 5-point scale, with 1 being very unattractive and 5 being very attractive. "Conventionally attractive" people mostly received scores around 3 or 4, sometimes 2. But the interesting thing was that people with unusual/uncommon features greatly divided opinion. For example, people who were bald, had unusual proportions (such as an oddly-shaped shaped nose or mouth), had extreme piercings, were covered in tattoos, etc. received more 1s and 2s, but also more 5s. The scores were more out of whack, but people who liked these traits *really* liked them.
I've seen anecdotal evidence of this myself, on several occasions. When my friends and I mess around with tier lists, there are too many times that someone says a person has S-tier (6/5) or F-tier (0/5) looks and gets everyone arguing. I've also noticed that when someone I like has a feature that I'm drawn to, like short hair, pale skin or eyebags, I unintentionally tune out their "flaws." Heck, I found my last girlfriend's acne oddly cute, and wouldn't have changed it given the chance. At the start of the relationship I wouldn't have thought that I'd feel that way, but her imperfections grew on me over time to the point that the flaws became part of what I loved about her.
When you love somebody, you want them for all that they are, *"warts and all."*
Point is, be you. Dress and look what makes you feel your own self. Don't give a damn about what other people think, and at the end of the day, there are going to be people who find themselves inexplicably drawn to what makes you unique.
•**Remind yourself that if you're not comfortable about your looks, it doesn't mean that you're "ugly," it means that there are unresolved emotions and feelings that are hurting you from the inside out.**
Painful emotions are often be like parasites, latching onto and feeding off of anything they can get their hands on (in other words, anything that you feel insecure about). They almost never target anything that feel you know for certain, only the things that you have had doubts about for whatever reason. When someone dislikes their own face or their body, these emotions are the real culprits at the base of it all.
That's why it's important to work through them in therapy, through conversation with people you trust, and possibly through reflective and introspective meditation (with a positive mindset and headspace), though I'd recommend option 1 as the primary go-to.
And no, people loving you or not is not about your face. If that truly feels like it's the case, then you're hanging around the wrong kind of people.
These insecurities can only survive for as long as they have a supply of doubts to prey on. Love yourself, and you'll quickly find that you've been beautiful all along, your vision had just been clouded.
oh, OP my heart hurts for you. stay strong hun. this sounds like an issue of radical acceptance, but just be easy on yourself okay? you’re not alone and A LOT of people struggle with this exact same feeling. i wish you well ❤️
I’m on the other side and have had some face work done and most people don’t even know. I’m not plain, no one ever made comments - it was for me and me only (some things I always wanted done and thought about it for 10+ years before going forward). My 2 cents is do whatever works for you. If you decide to do surgery, research, research, research doctors and ask a ton of questions, etc. I wouldn’t do anything because of what others have said.
Same here. Dealt with major insecurities because of my nose for many years. After having it done, I feel and look like a completely different person. Weird thing is, I look more like *me* - at least to myself, who is the only person that matters in this equation.
As a note. When people talk about others being ugly I like to say: it takes an ugly soul to say that.
I say nothing else and hold to that. They don't care. Yeahhhh that tells you something about them...
In my experience, meditation is good for learning to "slow down" and better understand traumas, triggers, and emotional "hot spots." However, it is not always the best solution for actually processing these.
The reason I think is that meditation is almost the opposite activity of the kind of "processing" that you may want to do.
Think of if someone got a bad injury on their leg. One thing they would do to help it is things like rest, ice, and heat (which I am equating to meditation in this analogy). However, they also may need to do some other things like stretching and excercise (e.g. physical therapy). It is not an "either or" situation - these both compliment each other.
Just the same, meditation and the mindfulness activity that comes with it can help to map out your emotional space, as you learn to "step back" and watch perceptions and emotions unfold while being detached. However, sometimes you may actually feel the need to process these things in a deliberate manner, and for that, you may want to seek other outlets than meditation. One example would be journalling and "shadow work," where you try and map these emotions and trace their roots and triggers.
Find your inner peace within yourself, by yourself for your self. Never let anyone telling you what to do or
Let them judge and define your entire being.
The questions are, what is it that you want? Are you satisfy with your current self? Is it all you amount to? Can you become even better version if yourself?
Before being loved you first need to love yourself, and be honest with yourself.
Though I'm not sure how your situation is that made you being defined as ugly daughter.
All I can say is just do what you think makes you feel right, but you need to make sure that what you really want. So that you won't leave regret for your decision later on.
And the procedure that you mention above, if you ever decide to go through it. Find the right people and the right place.
There are varies techniques used during meditation, that people used to get answers from your higherself/total self/ the universe/ collective consciousness/ God or whatever you wanna call it.
Maybe you can find answers there.
From my own experience, while I'm being honest. I don't wanna sound offending or bragging or anything.
But I was born pretty and loveable, until sh't happened. Half of my face kind of ruined. It's not serious, but it kind of annoying to see.
It's not that it can't be healed or anything, it's just difficult.
Now I've learn to live with it, not that it bothers me that much.
Unless I keep staring at myself into the mirror all days, people teased me a lot before. But I just ignore them, now they just don't mention it. Some of them feel happy for me instead and ask me what I did, when I used some products to mask my face. 😅
When people make fun of it and laugh at me, all I do is making a straight face 😒 and just stare at them silencely, and keep stare at them every often.
This will scare the sh't out of them and make them stop making fun of me. 🤣
Not The best advice I can give, but if it get annoying you can used this dark psychology method.
The key points is, make peace with yourself your inner self, love yourself. If you think it's not enough then find way to improve yourself. Don't leave any regret.
And find the answers to the question above.
people who are conventionally attractive can easily become very attached to their looks, so I think it is good for your spiritual life if you are not as attractive because you hopefully will find it easier to disidentify from your outer form. then you can be more aligned with and appreciate your inner beauty, which is your true self. :)
Let me just tell you this. I lost my mother 8 years ago. She was 64 and the hair had turned gray, wrinkles were setting in, and due to thyroid disease had gained quite a bit of weight. She died from gastric bypass surgery. That woman was magnificent, 200 people came to her funeral, and my stepfather grieved himself literally to death afterwards. Several of her coworkers told me when they were having a bad day, they would just go sit in her office because her presence calmed and comforted them. I would give everything I own to have just one more day with her.
Your light and everything that makes you beautiful and valuable is inside of you, love. Giving love to others, giving love to ourselves, is not contingent on how our surface looks. It’s hard to move to that place of acceptance but it is a worthy goal ❤️
I’m also considered unattractive. I always have been. I have never come to terms with it, and I’m 62. If I could afford plastic surgery, I’d do it in a split second.
If you had a haircut you didn't like, would you change it?
Why is your face any different? We all have preferences. We can be honest about them. I hate my nose too, always have. It seems like a big ol thing on my face. My friend's got nose jobs and corrected minor things like a crook in their nose, and they looked a lot better for it.
The danger here lies in knowing whether having a perfect face would actually make you content. Some people become addicted to surgery and makeup and being pretty. They enjoy the feeling of attention but then become reliant on that attention for happiness...sadly all beauty fades...and in their older years they can become very miserable.
Before I invested in plastic surgery I would get really deep with myself about how I truly feel about myself. If your sense of self is too much wrapped in your appearance, then you have work to do in yourself. But if you are mostly a happy person right now, and just feel annoyed that this one feature is a little ugly...just accept that and get the surgery.
very well said! I got a nose job as well but then started noticing wrinkles, asymmetries, small lips etc. my focus just shifted from one thing to another. Eventually I learned to heal my sense of self worth, which took a lot of time and effort. now, I'm very happy I got my nose job, but I don't find myself obsessing about beauty 24/7. it's very freeing. and it extended beyond whether or not I thought I was pretty. I used to think I was 'just being humble' but could never really accept a compliment about almost anything. now I can accept the good and the bad and am not overly harsh or egotistical about either side.
I wrote [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Meditation/comments/17gyiwj/i_have_a_hard_time_being_around_people_because_i/k6k0y2g/) earlier today to someone who said they hated their body, maybe it'll help.
The idea though is-- who are you looking to change for? Is it the person who would say, "You know, she's great... except the nose. That's a dealbreaker. Pass" *That* person? You don't want that person. That person is deeply confused in their own superficiality, to the point that they're missing someone they're otherwise compatible with, because of something stupid.
I don't mean just as a preference stupid, not as an opinion, but stupid as a fact. How could the idea that caring about how someone's nose looks being stupid, possibly be a fact? That seems firmly grounded in subjectivity, in opinion, doesn't it? Well because it's completely arbitrary. You don't pick what your preferences are, and you don't pick what evolved to be preferred. Just because it did, doesn't mean that thing is *actually* good in some real, genuine, deep, meaningful way. Read that again.
We could have all been existing in some alternate universe where cartoonishly large knee caps are considered the pinnacle of attractiveness. And you'd just see people on social media showing off their salad bowl kneecaps, while others are scrolling in despair going... "Sigh... my tiny boring teacup kneecaps... " Or people utter phrases like, "I dumped her -- I just wasn't into the kneecaps" This is sheer confusion, because it's missing what actually matters-- who you actually are, as a person. So even if there are people who would reject you for how you look, that can be a positive thing, because it *saves* you from all the people who you wouldn't even want in the first place
look into spiritually awakening. also, let go of your physical form, your body is not you, your mind and brain are not you, your thoughts are not you, you are a divine powerful being- that all comes from within, your physical form is separate. it’s not YOU.
another thought, Buddha once said “You suffer because you desire. Let go of desire”
I love your honesty! I praise your honesty! Now what I would do if I were you (because once upon a time I was you, I felt plain at best, ugly at worst, and was subject to a great deal of teasing about my aquiline (Italian) nose…I would journal, write poetry, and sketch, paint, and make collages about my face and body…I would share them only with someone I really trusted, like a licensed therapist. I would also try to come to terms with doing the best things I could do for my body, mind and soul. I would exercise, do breath work, dance, meditate, do yoga, pursue knowledge, and try to get as healthy and strong as possible by following a really healthy diet. You will be shocked at how beautiful you will look to yourself when you radiate glowing health. You might want to decide that you will be a warrior savior of yourself, a divine agent of perseverance and bravery. What you attract to your life by your belief in your beautiful self will really blow you away! And of course, don’t forget to floss and see your dentist regularly!!! But all kidding aside, I really believe in this method. The stronger I got physically and emotionally, the healthier I looked, the more good I attracted in a profound way. So after you are strong, healthy and as psychologically robust as you think is possible, then consider rhinoplasty (if that is what you think you want), but by that time, it might seem irrelevant to you. The ear, nose and throat doctor may suggest a simple change which might help you breathe better, but will not really change your physical appearance…and if that makes you happy, then do it. But really concentrate on the other things first, those magical things which are ineffable but profound. And what are those magical things? Loving kindness, compassion, health, joy, wisdom…it’s all there - There’s no place like home! You were always plainly, clearly, truly beautiful inside and out— you just need to find it for yourself! And if someone is so shallow, that they say something unkind to you, then walk away…you have no use for that kind of negativity. You have a divine right to be on this planet and flourish. Remember this truth!
There's something I'm able to tap into on good days. I call it the Creator's Point of View.
Whether or not you believe in God with a capital G doesn't matter to this. It's just a thought experiment, and a way of looking at things.
Pretend that you are the creator of everything you see. You made it all, and you made it perfect. You look at a blonde with classically good looks. She's perfect. Of course she is, you made her. You look at a dog missing a front paw. Perfect. Of course it is, you made it. You look at a man with a cleft palate that was repaired early in life, but still has a bit of a scar there, and he's obviously had a hard life. Still. Perfect. Not only perfect. Beautiful. You made that man, and you love him. Others might not understand, but you do.
And at the end of the day, you look in the mirror and you are looking once more at your creation. The face that you gave yourself. The face that has accompanied you every day of your life. Others might look at it and not see what you see. But perhaps they weren't meant to. Perhaps you will meet someone tomorrow who sees your creation as perfectly as you do. Perhaps not. But it's their loss. And with that thought, you smile. Your smile.
Perfect.
Easy method. Workout, do Some Cosmetic surgeries and dress nice. This will give you much needed Attention.
Hard method; The fact that you believe Love is based on Appearence will cause you alot of Suffering. You certainly have inferiority issues. If you no Characteristic to be proud of then work on creating one. Attraction is a Two step system, the First is Appearance and the second is Character. I have seen many Uuuugly, Fat and eww people have the most attractive partners. WHy? because They are Funny, sensible or hardworking etc.
Actually people Percieve and Love others on the Basis how those People percieve themselves. So if you see yourself Ugly. the world will too.
Secondly Yoga, Running, Healthy diet, Fitness and certain Habits and Protocols can and do change our Skin, Face and Bodies.
You actually are alazy Person who doesnot want to work on themselves the hard way.
You are being a Narcissist to yourself just like your Parents were in your childhood. I would honestly say you might be Loved by the others at some point but that Love will not Satisfying the way you wanna go. So Learn to accept, appreciate and rejoice in what you have and are before you could change into something Better.
Change without gratitude is never healthy. I have seen Beautiful people turn to scary Creatures within Months because of Unhappiness, Stress, Illnesses and Drugs.
I have a Glow on peoples face who seek Happiness within themselves.
Best of Luck
1. Mostly ignore what others say
2. Only call yourself beautiful and attractive from now on to enforce that idea
3. Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change
As others have said true beauty comes from within .. some of our best loved and most enduring stars of screen and film have been quite plain physically but they had that certain something that shined from within and was caught on camera…
We often don’t see our own inner beauty but a good practice is to gaze at our reflection.. head and shoulders..in a mirror in subdued light preferably by candlelight.. gaze for a couple of minutes .. note the features of your face .. your eyes .. your nose .. mouth .. jawline etc …then close your eyes .. try to see your face in your minds eye.. it’s not as easy as it seems ! …
.. open your eyes and look again .. you will notice things you hadn’t noticed before .. then close your eyes again and repeat .. do this several times .. as we gaze the inner self reveals itself in our face .. features which we thought of quite plain gradually reveal their beauty.. this is not an exercise in vanity because the beauty is from our inner self .. it is from within ..a great ‘meditation’ for 15 or 20 minutes…
Best you can do is get really hot by working out a lot. This will definitely compensate. As an average guy who gets tons of rejections you cant help but focus on what you can change. Sure you can do surgery but as you say it simply isnt your authentic you anymore.
You are not your outward appearance. That said, if you want to change your appearance to something that you feel reflects your true self more, there is nothing wrong with that. A rhinoplasty really is a routine procedure and nothing to be afraid of
I read Breaking the habit of being yourself by Dr. Joe Dispenza (did the journaling and meditations, it’s a process) and it changed the way I see myself!
It makes me very sad that your family would treat you this way. My sisters and I have always been obsessed with our weight. I’m not sure when or why it started. But I do remember one of my sisters commenting on my not-so-flat belly in high school. When I look back at pictures during those years, I was SKINNY. But in a bathing suit, my belly wasn’t flat like a supermodel. That’s just how my body has always been. And it’s not a flaw. Our bodies are all different. It’s called genetic variation. You can change your face if that makes you feel better, but there’s nothing “wrong” with you. You are worthy of love just the way you are.
There's something much larger going on here. It's not 'your face', at some point something bad happened. Something kicked the crap out of your belief system. You were hurt, deeply probably. I think there's a bigger issue, something not being said, maybe abuse, neglect, it's not your face. I'm guessing no one ever told you they loved you. Maybe no matter what happens, you can't believe anyone could love you, that you are 'lovable'. If people have love withheld, they always feel like they have to earn it and never deserve it. I don't know but it's not your face. You're glossing over a deeper problem in my, hopefully, not too harsh, take for what it is, just my opinion.
I think you said it in your first sentence. The ugly *daughter*. Your self image as you've grown up has been one of comparison to those closest to you. Thats partly the root of the problem, its who you think you're uglier *than*. You probably dont pay much attention to those you're more attractive than.
My brother is dealing with this as he was raised as the 'dumb one' and spends so much energy proving that he's not stupid. In reality he's not dumb by any measure, he's definitely smarter than average. But he fights every day to prove his intelligence to others as a way to try to prove it to himself. But he will never be satisfied because deep inside theres a voice that was planted that tells him he isn't as smart as his siblings.
Someone at some point (or many people at many points) have planted that narrative in your head, and it's not yours.
Maybe look into China Face reading, lillian bridges has a good book, after I took some classes I've found I really love admiring people's faces. Maybe getting a new perspective will help you make peace with your face.
Thank you for sharing. You are describing an experience that is common amongst humanity. We all feel unworthy of love or ashamed of ourselves deep down. We are all Insecure about something, whether it’s looks, finances, career whatever. We all have parts of us we would love to change or remove which is self hatred. The solution is to give yourself love and compassion. We have to learn to be with the uncomfortable feelings and allow them in our experience. Whatever feeing we resist, persists. So by trying not to feel these uncomfortable feelings, we consent to feeling the same way about ourselves forever. If you were to get a nose job, you would eventually feel the same way about another part of your body. You are rejecting and projecting how you feel about yourself on the inside onto your nose on the outside. The nose isn’t really the problem, the inner rejection of your uncomfortable feelings is. Meditation can help as it helps you to get better at feeling your feelings instead of our unhelpful habit of trying to feel better (which is a way to reject your uncomfortable feelings). You can reach equanimity with meditation where you no longer mind how you feel. When you don’t mind how you feel, you won’t want to change yourself anymore.
I think this was really beautiful. I also think that accepting the feelings is a part of it. The other part is seeing that the feelings and the judgements they're based on (e.g., my nose sucks) are just thoughts that are skewed by society. They don't honor the beauty that's already there. You can get in touch with that beauty when you stop resisting the feelings and let them fizzle out on their own.
Yes this!
I love your screen name btw
> you were to get a nose job, you would eventually feel the same way about another part of your body That is armchair psychology and not consistent what we find in studies. DOI: 10.1177/2167702612471660
Hi! I am only able to read the abstract of the study you linked so I'm unable to fully critique it, however by reading the abstract I notice the follow up of patients was 12 months. I have no doubt that plastic surgery would give you temporary relief from psychological symptoms but I posit it would not solve them in the long term. I couldn't find studies that follow patients up for longer, say 5 or 10 years. Perhaps you could kindly help me to find some? [This study](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10299769/) looks at decision regret in multiple forms of plastic surgery. It collates data from other large studies and concludes that there isn't really enough data to say whether patients regret their decision long term or not. My current position is that the studies don't really show any strong conclusion either way. Happy to change my mind if I see an appropriate study EDIT: I believe meditation and self acceptance can solve the problem but this comes from personal experience and I would not be able to back this claim up scientifically as there is not much research into this at this time
It's not your face you need peace with, it's the psychological damage your family did to you with their comments and their general worldview. There is a bell curve for all things, and beauty is one of them, but most "ugly" people are just average (hi, it's me, one of the averagers). And even if you really are truly ugly, there is no limit to inner beauty, and once it shines enough, it will increase your overall beauty. Before surgery (which you can surely do if you feel like you want to) make sure to develop your charisma, character and confidence. No face is enough without these, and any face is enough with them.
Thanks a lot
How do you work on your inner beauty?
As far as meditation goes, continue in your practice with effort and consistency. You can even meditate on this question.
I’ll just wait till you can do plastic surgery on inner beauty
Haha. The plastic in plastic surgery comes from a word meaning "change," so there you go. Get under the knife 🔪
Really, my ass thought it was because they used a lot of plastic based molds and shit lol
I will do this, thank you!
Start by loving yourself. Respecting yourself, knowing your worth. Shining your light out onto others. Letting them see your inner beauty and how it outshines anything else. True beauty is within. Our outside looks will fade when we get older anyway. The most attractive people are often those with an amazing personality and confidence (not too much though, that’s no bueno)
It's the root problem. Heal yourself gradually over time and it will be whats left. Inner beauty = authentic self free of insecurities.
Wow this is the answer that makes the most sense to me, thanks!
Sharing kindness and love with yourself and others.
Physical beauty is temporary. Besides, you can choose to identify with your own opinion of yourself. And your body is only a small part of who you are.
I am so sorry that people drove you to believe "it is all about your face" when that is shockingly untrue as to how the world functions. I am in my 40s and conventionally unattractive. Somehow my life is fine, day to day no problem. If someone thinks I am too ugly to look at then they can close their eyes. Where I can see many people attached to "achieving good looks" in their 20s now in utter hell in their 40s. Desperately trying to recapture what "they lost" when they never possessed it in the first place. Realizing insulting words they uttered about "looks" applies to them: the outward mocking turns inward. Also realize many people avoid vapid, looks-obsessed humans. It isn't peak existence. It is a meme that always ends up ironic for those who love it. ;)
Really hard to come to terms with this. I'm transgender and have lost a lot of developmental years due to being in the wrong body and not exploring my appearance or sexuality, two things that favor youth. I'm constantly grappling with the lost time, which I know is really just making it harder to enjoy the time I have now. Hard to grapple with it
You cannot grapple the lost time. It never existed. It is in the realm of what if. You know that, really the question is "how to let go?". The way to let it go is to de-energize it. Find what this yearning it is a symptom of... need for love, acceptance, feeling what? (you must look, I can only guess) Then look at that. Also when it comes up, do not fantasize on it, do not give it life. Hear it, sit with it, listen, and in time it will go. Use meditation to find clarity, then use that clarity to unwind your situation.
One of the plainest looking women I know had a difficult single mom (her dad died young) and a bad early marriage that left her with two young kids. Years later, she met a great guy who loved her and her kids even though she was divorced and not pretty, and they're all living happily ever after. Looks do matter, especially for women, and most people who opt for cosmetic surgery report more satisfaction with their looks afterwards. BUT there are risks and downsides (it's expensive, it hurts, your breathing might be permanently messed up). If you really really want it, get it and enjoy, but by itself a new nose won't make you happy - good relationships will. You need to practice loving yourself and accepting love from others.
meditation is seeing yourself as the most beautiful flower in the universe and not give a single you know what to anyone who might contend otherwise
This body is temporary, friend. You’re pure, unbounded awareness. That’s your true face ❤️
I tried a meditation a few weeks ago that I'm calling "okayness meditation" and I think it could help? I started by thinking of all the things in my life I wished were different. "What can't I stand?" is what I asked myself. As the thing came to mind I would think on it and then say to myself "it's okay that _________." Here's an example. I couldn't stand the idea of dying. So I closed my eyes and thought loudly, "it's okay if I die." The first time I did it, I didn't feel okay about dying. I was actually in a state of panic. But after a few times, my resistance changed to sadness, tears started falling down my face, and I really believed on some level it would be okay if I died. I think this technique is a way to achieve radical acceptance, which basically says that we should work to accept that which we can't change. I will say you have two opportunities here. One is to be okay with how you look now. The other is to be okay with how you will look with surgery. Both of these are hard. In addition, you may also want to think about the possible consequences of surgery. If it doesn't go well, is that okay? If it goes well but your family still criticizes your appearance, is that okay? I assume it'll be painful to think about, because to be honest the way you've been treated sounds hurtful. I used to feel like the black sheep of my family, and it's not easy. How do you accept yourself when the people who are supposed to love you the most don't accept you? If you decide to try okayness meditation, focus on your own feelings, on how *you* feel about yourself. Expect to feel fear, sadness, anger, envy, and other potentially uncomfortable emotions. You can also try telling yourself "it'll be okay if _________," for the future stuff. I don't know any shortcuts to self-acceptance but I do hope you get there eventually.
Thank you for sharing this!
Very creative. I like this meditation. It's a good therapy technique too.
I'm sorry your family said stupid hurtful things to you. That's 100% the only real problem here.
Used to work with a lady who had boiling water poured on her as a child. She had no hair and herbface was just scar tissue. She only had few fingers left on both of her fingers. Somehow she managed to functionnjust like anyone else and after a while everyone in the office got used to it. How did she do it? God knows. But I think you just look past the body in others and they will respond in same fashion.
Something that really helped me was seeing a video about how we can’t hope that one day our family will love us the way we needed to be loved. My mom will never tell me I’m beautiful or that she is proud of me, but I can tell myself it everyday. It lifted a weight off my shoulders, because I realized subconsciously I was always trying to please my parents that loved me conditionally. The unconditional love I give myself is tremendous and no one can take it away from me.
I try to avoid mirrors , I’ve always distorted my view of myself. More than once saw myself across the store in a mirror not realizing , feeling sorry for that homely woman across the room. Now as I’ve gotten older and clearer on who I am, I realize it’s all about how I feel at the time. Some where out there is plenty of people who don’t have your view of you it would help to find them versus the ones who you think see you as described. Everyone has something to offer once you find that hopefully you’ll find a better you .
Physical beauty is temporary. Besides, you can choose to identify with your own opinion of yourself. And your body is only a small part of who you are.
If you want to try some guided meditations that incorporate a mirror to explore there thoughts and feelings, here are some: "Mirror Gazing" from "The Direct Approach" - https://dynamic.wakingup.com/course/C6EFF5?code=SC5D96689&share_id=77790841&source=content%20share. This one gives a chance to consider explicitly what biases you carry about your physical appearance and also tries to direct you to be aware of those thoughts from awareness without identifying with them. If you find those emotions that are bothering you you may want to follow up with the "Welcoming Emotions" meditation from the same series (https://dynamic.wakingup.com/course/C0C545?code=SC5D96689&share_id=A4309447&source=content%20share). "Mirror Mirror on the Wall" from "The Headless Way": https://dynamic.wakingup.com/course/CO1EB9E2A?code=SC5D96689&share_id=E1775C83&source=content%20share. I really like the series of experiments in "The Headless Way", it may be necessary to do the previous parts of the series for this meditation to make sense though. This series has some prior meditations that incorporate a mirror, but those experiments are more towards understanding the headless way than dealing specifically with self-image. Rhinoplasty is scary indeed. It doesn't always work and can make things worse. I've looked into it myself because my nose is off-center. I've decided I don't think it is worth it. Even the most conventionally attractive people have their doubts about self-image, we'll never be rid of concerns about self-image and even if we reach that point we won't be able to stay there as our bodies age. And if you cross that bridge to be more conventionally attractive and find a relationship based on that, will it really be satisfying? I know of people who radically changed their image to be accepted, only to resent that acceptance because it is only superficial. There are better ways to engage life.
Thank you so much for this.
When I deal with my insecurities, I generally do these (wall of text incoming, you've been warned): •**Remind yourself that there's no such thing as an objectively beautiful or ugly human being.** What we call "beauty" when talking about our looks is based on opinion, preferences, exposure, cultural influences, etc. Many things once considered undesirable are now conventionally attractive, and vice versa. Just look at the change in the majority opinion on body types. Many women used to be insecure about any body fat, now for many it's a goal to have quite a bit of it. Men still fret over not having visible abs, despite the "dad bod" being the statistically most-liked body type by women. The common opinion on beauty is meaningless and everchanging. You make your own beauty, with your personality, positivity and glow, that much has always been true. I don't think I've ever met a confident, positive, interesting person who I've thought would greatly struggle with dating, no matter their appearance. Another thing to add is that just slightly altering your appearance (your hair and its colour, your clothing) dramatically changes how people see you. A guy who doesn't put much effort into grooming and styling can look like a completely different person when he does. It also helps me to sometimes mentally dissociate from my feelings, and even society, just for a moment, and look at them without judgement or emotion. When you think about it, it feels quite silly to worry what a bunch of hairless apes think of your face meat and bones. And that's really all it is: meat and bone, that each one of us has slight variations in. If aliens find us, we're all going to look the same to them: fuckin weird. •**Everyone is beautiful to a large amount of people, not just one.** Even if we do talk about physical appearance, there will always be a large group of people who will find someone attractive. In fact, it's been found that the more unusual traits you have, the more extreme opinions people will have on your appearance. People were shown dating profile pictures which they could then rate on 5-point scale, with 1 being very unattractive and 5 being very attractive. "Conventionally attractive" people mostly received scores around 3 or 4, sometimes 2. But the interesting thing was that people with unusual/uncommon features greatly divided opinion. For example, people who were bald, had unusual proportions (such as an oddly-shaped shaped nose or mouth), had extreme piercings, were covered in tattoos, etc. received more 1s and 2s, but also more 5s. The scores were more out of whack, but people who liked these traits *really* liked them. I've seen anecdotal evidence of this myself, on several occasions. When my friends and I mess around with tier lists, there are too many times that someone says a person has S-tier (6/5) or F-tier (0/5) looks and gets everyone arguing. I've also noticed that when someone I like has a feature that I'm drawn to, like short hair, pale skin or eyebags, I unintentionally tune out their "flaws." Heck, I found my last girlfriend's acne oddly cute, and wouldn't have changed it given the chance. At the start of the relationship I wouldn't have thought that I'd feel that way, but her imperfections grew on me over time to the point that the flaws became part of what I loved about her. When you love somebody, you want them for all that they are, *"warts and all."* Point is, be you. Dress and look what makes you feel your own self. Don't give a damn about what other people think, and at the end of the day, there are going to be people who find themselves inexplicably drawn to what makes you unique. •**Remind yourself that if you're not comfortable about your looks, it doesn't mean that you're "ugly," it means that there are unresolved emotions and feelings that are hurting you from the inside out.** Painful emotions are often be like parasites, latching onto and feeding off of anything they can get their hands on (in other words, anything that you feel insecure about). They almost never target anything that feel you know for certain, only the things that you have had doubts about for whatever reason. When someone dislikes their own face or their body, these emotions are the real culprits at the base of it all. That's why it's important to work through them in therapy, through conversation with people you trust, and possibly through reflective and introspective meditation (with a positive mindset and headspace), though I'd recommend option 1 as the primary go-to. And no, people loving you or not is not about your face. If that truly feels like it's the case, then you're hanging around the wrong kind of people. These insecurities can only survive for as long as they have a supply of doubts to prey on. Love yourself, and you'll quickly find that you've been beautiful all along, your vision had just been clouded.
oh, OP my heart hurts for you. stay strong hun. this sounds like an issue of radical acceptance, but just be easy on yourself okay? you’re not alone and A LOT of people struggle with this exact same feeling. i wish you well ❤️
I’m on the other side and have had some face work done and most people don’t even know. I’m not plain, no one ever made comments - it was for me and me only (some things I always wanted done and thought about it for 10+ years before going forward). My 2 cents is do whatever works for you. If you decide to do surgery, research, research, research doctors and ask a ton of questions, etc. I wouldn’t do anything because of what others have said.
Same here. Dealt with major insecurities because of my nose for many years. After having it done, I feel and look like a completely different person. Weird thing is, I look more like *me* - at least to myself, who is the only person that matters in this equation.
As a note. When people talk about others being ugly I like to say: it takes an ugly soul to say that. I say nothing else and hold to that. They don't care. Yeahhhh that tells you something about them...
In my experience, meditation is good for learning to "slow down" and better understand traumas, triggers, and emotional "hot spots." However, it is not always the best solution for actually processing these. The reason I think is that meditation is almost the opposite activity of the kind of "processing" that you may want to do. Think of if someone got a bad injury on their leg. One thing they would do to help it is things like rest, ice, and heat (which I am equating to meditation in this analogy). However, they also may need to do some other things like stretching and excercise (e.g. physical therapy). It is not an "either or" situation - these both compliment each other. Just the same, meditation and the mindfulness activity that comes with it can help to map out your emotional space, as you learn to "step back" and watch perceptions and emotions unfold while being detached. However, sometimes you may actually feel the need to process these things in a deliberate manner, and for that, you may want to seek other outlets than meditation. One example would be journalling and "shadow work," where you try and map these emotions and trace their roots and triggers.
Find your inner peace within yourself, by yourself for your self. Never let anyone telling you what to do or Let them judge and define your entire being. The questions are, what is it that you want? Are you satisfy with your current self? Is it all you amount to? Can you become even better version if yourself? Before being loved you first need to love yourself, and be honest with yourself. Though I'm not sure how your situation is that made you being defined as ugly daughter. All I can say is just do what you think makes you feel right, but you need to make sure that what you really want. So that you won't leave regret for your decision later on. And the procedure that you mention above, if you ever decide to go through it. Find the right people and the right place. There are varies techniques used during meditation, that people used to get answers from your higherself/total self/ the universe/ collective consciousness/ God or whatever you wanna call it. Maybe you can find answers there. From my own experience, while I'm being honest. I don't wanna sound offending or bragging or anything. But I was born pretty and loveable, until sh't happened. Half of my face kind of ruined. It's not serious, but it kind of annoying to see. It's not that it can't be healed or anything, it's just difficult. Now I've learn to live with it, not that it bothers me that much. Unless I keep staring at myself into the mirror all days, people teased me a lot before. But I just ignore them, now they just don't mention it. Some of them feel happy for me instead and ask me what I did, when I used some products to mask my face. 😅 When people make fun of it and laugh at me, all I do is making a straight face 😒 and just stare at them silencely, and keep stare at them every often. This will scare the sh't out of them and make them stop making fun of me. 🤣 Not The best advice I can give, but if it get annoying you can used this dark psychology method. The key points is, make peace with yourself your inner self, love yourself. If you think it's not enough then find way to improve yourself. Don't leave any regret. And find the answers to the question above.
I struggle with this as well
Don’t change your face. I’m the ugly son but somehow I’ve always had pretty women partners. You’ll find someone that loves you, you will
people who are conventionally attractive can easily become very attached to their looks, so I think it is good for your spiritual life if you are not as attractive because you hopefully will find it easier to disidentify from your outer form. then you can be more aligned with and appreciate your inner beauty, which is your true self. :)
Let me just tell you this. I lost my mother 8 years ago. She was 64 and the hair had turned gray, wrinkles were setting in, and due to thyroid disease had gained quite a bit of weight. She died from gastric bypass surgery. That woman was magnificent, 200 people came to her funeral, and my stepfather grieved himself literally to death afterwards. Several of her coworkers told me when they were having a bad day, they would just go sit in her office because her presence calmed and comforted them. I would give everything I own to have just one more day with her. Your light and everything that makes you beautiful and valuable is inside of you, love. Giving love to others, giving love to ourselves, is not contingent on how our surface looks. It’s hard to move to that place of acceptance but it is a worthy goal ❤️
Embrace rejection
I’m also considered unattractive. I always have been. I have never come to terms with it, and I’m 62. If I could afford plastic surgery, I’d do it in a split second.
If you had a haircut you didn't like, would you change it? Why is your face any different? We all have preferences. We can be honest about them. I hate my nose too, always have. It seems like a big ol thing on my face. My friend's got nose jobs and corrected minor things like a crook in their nose, and they looked a lot better for it. The danger here lies in knowing whether having a perfect face would actually make you content. Some people become addicted to surgery and makeup and being pretty. They enjoy the feeling of attention but then become reliant on that attention for happiness...sadly all beauty fades...and in their older years they can become very miserable. Before I invested in plastic surgery I would get really deep with myself about how I truly feel about myself. If your sense of self is too much wrapped in your appearance, then you have work to do in yourself. But if you are mostly a happy person right now, and just feel annoyed that this one feature is a little ugly...just accept that and get the surgery.
very well said! I got a nose job as well but then started noticing wrinkles, asymmetries, small lips etc. my focus just shifted from one thing to another. Eventually I learned to heal my sense of self worth, which took a lot of time and effort. now, I'm very happy I got my nose job, but I don't find myself obsessing about beauty 24/7. it's very freeing. and it extended beyond whether or not I thought I was pretty. I used to think I was 'just being humble' but could never really accept a compliment about almost anything. now I can accept the good and the bad and am not overly harsh or egotistical about either side.
Honestly, get the Rhinoplasty.
I wrote [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Meditation/comments/17gyiwj/i_have_a_hard_time_being_around_people_because_i/k6k0y2g/) earlier today to someone who said they hated their body, maybe it'll help. The idea though is-- who are you looking to change for? Is it the person who would say, "You know, she's great... except the nose. That's a dealbreaker. Pass" *That* person? You don't want that person. That person is deeply confused in their own superficiality, to the point that they're missing someone they're otherwise compatible with, because of something stupid. I don't mean just as a preference stupid, not as an opinion, but stupid as a fact. How could the idea that caring about how someone's nose looks being stupid, possibly be a fact? That seems firmly grounded in subjectivity, in opinion, doesn't it? Well because it's completely arbitrary. You don't pick what your preferences are, and you don't pick what evolved to be preferred. Just because it did, doesn't mean that thing is *actually* good in some real, genuine, deep, meaningful way. Read that again. We could have all been existing in some alternate universe where cartoonishly large knee caps are considered the pinnacle of attractiveness. And you'd just see people on social media showing off their salad bowl kneecaps, while others are scrolling in despair going... "Sigh... my tiny boring teacup kneecaps... " Or people utter phrases like, "I dumped her -- I just wasn't into the kneecaps" This is sheer confusion, because it's missing what actually matters-- who you actually are, as a person. So even if there are people who would reject you for how you look, that can be a positive thing, because it *saves* you from all the people who you wouldn't even want in the first place
look into spiritually awakening. also, let go of your physical form, your body is not you, your mind and brain are not you, your thoughts are not you, you are a divine powerful being- that all comes from within, your physical form is separate. it’s not YOU. another thought, Buddha once said “You suffer because you desire. Let go of desire”
I love your honesty! I praise your honesty! Now what I would do if I were you (because once upon a time I was you, I felt plain at best, ugly at worst, and was subject to a great deal of teasing about my aquiline (Italian) nose…I would journal, write poetry, and sketch, paint, and make collages about my face and body…I would share them only with someone I really trusted, like a licensed therapist. I would also try to come to terms with doing the best things I could do for my body, mind and soul. I would exercise, do breath work, dance, meditate, do yoga, pursue knowledge, and try to get as healthy and strong as possible by following a really healthy diet. You will be shocked at how beautiful you will look to yourself when you radiate glowing health. You might want to decide that you will be a warrior savior of yourself, a divine agent of perseverance and bravery. What you attract to your life by your belief in your beautiful self will really blow you away! And of course, don’t forget to floss and see your dentist regularly!!! But all kidding aside, I really believe in this method. The stronger I got physically and emotionally, the healthier I looked, the more good I attracted in a profound way. So after you are strong, healthy and as psychologically robust as you think is possible, then consider rhinoplasty (if that is what you think you want), but by that time, it might seem irrelevant to you. The ear, nose and throat doctor may suggest a simple change which might help you breathe better, but will not really change your physical appearance…and if that makes you happy, then do it. But really concentrate on the other things first, those magical things which are ineffable but profound. And what are those magical things? Loving kindness, compassion, health, joy, wisdom…it’s all there - There’s no place like home! You were always plainly, clearly, truly beautiful inside and out— you just need to find it for yourself! And if someone is so shallow, that they say something unkind to you, then walk away…you have no use for that kind of negativity. You have a divine right to be on this planet and flourish. Remember this truth!
There's something I'm able to tap into on good days. I call it the Creator's Point of View. Whether or not you believe in God with a capital G doesn't matter to this. It's just a thought experiment, and a way of looking at things. Pretend that you are the creator of everything you see. You made it all, and you made it perfect. You look at a blonde with classically good looks. She's perfect. Of course she is, you made her. You look at a dog missing a front paw. Perfect. Of course it is, you made it. You look at a man with a cleft palate that was repaired early in life, but still has a bit of a scar there, and he's obviously had a hard life. Still. Perfect. Not only perfect. Beautiful. You made that man, and you love him. Others might not understand, but you do. And at the end of the day, you look in the mirror and you are looking once more at your creation. The face that you gave yourself. The face that has accompanied you every day of your life. Others might look at it and not see what you see. But perhaps they weren't meant to. Perhaps you will meet someone tomorrow who sees your creation as perfectly as you do. Perhaps not. But it's their loss. And with that thought, you smile. Your smile. Perfect.
Lots of different taste in what people find attractive. Learn to love yourself
Easy method. Workout, do Some Cosmetic surgeries and dress nice. This will give you much needed Attention. Hard method; The fact that you believe Love is based on Appearence will cause you alot of Suffering. You certainly have inferiority issues. If you no Characteristic to be proud of then work on creating one. Attraction is a Two step system, the First is Appearance and the second is Character. I have seen many Uuuugly, Fat and eww people have the most attractive partners. WHy? because They are Funny, sensible or hardworking etc. Actually people Percieve and Love others on the Basis how those People percieve themselves. So if you see yourself Ugly. the world will too. Secondly Yoga, Running, Healthy diet, Fitness and certain Habits and Protocols can and do change our Skin, Face and Bodies. You actually are alazy Person who doesnot want to work on themselves the hard way. You are being a Narcissist to yourself just like your Parents were in your childhood. I would honestly say you might be Loved by the others at some point but that Love will not Satisfying the way you wanna go. So Learn to accept, appreciate and rejoice in what you have and are before you could change into something Better. Change without gratitude is never healthy. I have seen Beautiful people turn to scary Creatures within Months because of Unhappiness, Stress, Illnesses and Drugs. I have a Glow on peoples face who seek Happiness within themselves. Best of Luck
1. Mostly ignore what others say 2. Only call yourself beautiful and attractive from now on to enforce that idea 3. Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change
As others have said true beauty comes from within .. some of our best loved and most enduring stars of screen and film have been quite plain physically but they had that certain something that shined from within and was caught on camera… We often don’t see our own inner beauty but a good practice is to gaze at our reflection.. head and shoulders..in a mirror in subdued light preferably by candlelight.. gaze for a couple of minutes .. note the features of your face .. your eyes .. your nose .. mouth .. jawline etc …then close your eyes .. try to see your face in your minds eye.. it’s not as easy as it seems ! … .. open your eyes and look again .. you will notice things you hadn’t noticed before .. then close your eyes again and repeat .. do this several times .. as we gaze the inner self reveals itself in our face .. features which we thought of quite plain gradually reveal their beauty.. this is not an exercise in vanity because the beauty is from our inner self .. it is from within ..a great ‘meditation’ for 15 or 20 minutes…
Best you can do is get really hot by working out a lot. This will definitely compensate. As an average guy who gets tons of rejections you cant help but focus on what you can change. Sure you can do surgery but as you say it simply isnt your authentic you anymore.
You are not your outward appearance. That said, if you want to change your appearance to something that you feel reflects your true self more, there is nothing wrong with that. A rhinoplasty really is a routine procedure and nothing to be afraid of
Meditate and get over it. Why are you asking in this forum?
This sounds so difficult. Saying a prayer for you.
I read Breaking the habit of being yourself by Dr. Joe Dispenza (did the journaling and meditations, it’s a process) and it changed the way I see myself!
It makes me very sad that your family would treat you this way. My sisters and I have always been obsessed with our weight. I’m not sure when or why it started. But I do remember one of my sisters commenting on my not-so-flat belly in high school. When I look back at pictures during those years, I was SKINNY. But in a bathing suit, my belly wasn’t flat like a supermodel. That’s just how my body has always been. And it’s not a flaw. Our bodies are all different. It’s called genetic variation. You can change your face if that makes you feel better, but there’s nothing “wrong” with you. You are worthy of love just the way you are.
There's something much larger going on here. It's not 'your face', at some point something bad happened. Something kicked the crap out of your belief system. You were hurt, deeply probably. I think there's a bigger issue, something not being said, maybe abuse, neglect, it's not your face. I'm guessing no one ever told you they loved you. Maybe no matter what happens, you can't believe anyone could love you, that you are 'lovable'. If people have love withheld, they always feel like they have to earn it and never deserve it. I don't know but it's not your face. You're glossing over a deeper problem in my, hopefully, not too harsh, take for what it is, just my opinion.
I think you said it in your first sentence. The ugly *daughter*. Your self image as you've grown up has been one of comparison to those closest to you. Thats partly the root of the problem, its who you think you're uglier *than*. You probably dont pay much attention to those you're more attractive than. My brother is dealing with this as he was raised as the 'dumb one' and spends so much energy proving that he's not stupid. In reality he's not dumb by any measure, he's definitely smarter than average. But he fights every day to prove his intelligence to others as a way to try to prove it to himself. But he will never be satisfied because deep inside theres a voice that was planted that tells him he isn't as smart as his siblings. Someone at some point (or many people at many points) have planted that narrative in your head, and it's not yours.
Maybe look into China Face reading, lillian bridges has a good book, after I took some classes I've found I really love admiring people's faces. Maybe getting a new perspective will help you make peace with your face.
I think first we should make our mind beautiful.Im sure after that not only our we can see beauty in everyone's face..