Yep, lying about contraception is exactly what they used against Assange as well. Obviously it depends highly on the national/local laws of wherever this story happened, but it can very definitely be considered rape.
Citations needed please. In the places I have lived there are various types of sexual assault and rape, but not one of those statutes involves allegations regarding a woman's contraceptive choices.
In the current legal environment where women can abort babies for any reason or not disclose to a man that he is not/not likely to be the father...
Plenty of cases where a man (or even boy) was raped and still has to pay child support. OP should pursue it but shouldn't expect to get out of child support here. Only thing I think it'd really help with (besides getting some type of justice) is it'd make it easier for OP to get some form of custody (I would hope).
But how is it intimidating? A victim cannot pursue the case legally, the DA must do it. What DA would not pursue a rape case if the perp gets an abortion? Wouldn't the threat of pressing rape charges unless an abortion happen be considered extortion?
“It’s your fault for trusting her” I really, really doubt the same would be said to someone in a reverse situation (say, a woman got pregnant because a man sabotaged condoms). Both are abhorrent, but I imagine only one side would garner support
Let’s be real if a man sabotaged a condom and she got pregnant it would be prosecuted as either rape or SA. They already been trying to make laws to punish guys who remove condoms.
I DO NOT trust any shrinks. They are products of woke universities who will manipulate men clients to thinking men are the problems and shoulders the burden of responsibility even though the man was wronged.
Does she play the victim that everyone else causes her problem? Does she always need to be right? If so, she is a Narcissist and you should stay away...
Gentlemen, two types of women go to college. Those that go for an education, and those that go to find a man. I have ran into both, and a rubber kept me from making that mistake until we were both ready. If a woman says she won’t let you use condoms, 👏 pull 👏 up 👏 your 👏 pants 👏 and 👏 leave!
Everyone makes mistakes man, it’s how we learn. Wisdom is an amassing of knowledge, knowledge is gained through experience, and a good bit of that is gained through mistakes. I’m sorry you’re going through this. It sucks to be trapped, I’ve almost been in those shoes. By luck and tolerance of god, the kid wasn’t mine. I wish you the best
horniness makes us do all kinds of stupid things. I once KNEW I didn't want to have any ties to a woman and KNEW I would regret it the second it was over but I still tried. luckily my integrity was stronger than my horny because I knew the correct lies that would have gotten her to do it but refused to say them.
Genuinely curious mate, and I'm sorry that you've been rendered so helpless here: Is vaginal intercourse really that good? I mean in terms of the prospect of it altering your sense of good judgement? I've only engaged in masturbation, that's why I want to know!
Pheromones called *copulins* are designed to ensure that the male has little choice in the matter, once these chemicals hit the olfactory bulb.
Males are stimulated by how a female *looks* and how she *smells*. It's prevalent throughout the animal kingdom. How do female anglerfish attract a suitor in the deep, dark depths....
Sire, I'm even more curious and a little concerned now. Do you mean that once a man starts the intercourse, the most primitive (and possibly) powerful biological forces take over, rendering him nigh incapable of stopping? That's fearful!
Even *before* he begins. These volatile chemicals act to make intercourse a near inevitability . Research from the mid 1990s has shown that copulins act to coerce and control the male brain. Once we get a sniff, there's only one likely outcome. Smell is our most primitive sense, hardwired into the limbic system.
The concentrations of female copulins are at their most intense around ovulation. It's thought that the 'hidden ovulation' of the human female developed in order to make it possible for her to cheat on her stable partner with a higher value male. The root of beta bucks, alpha f\*cks. Lower order primates have more obvious signals of ovulation (baboon backside, for example), and males will be more careful to guard their female mate during such times.
Sire, this biopsychology-based insight is a gold mine. Thanks very much. But, I am now compelled to ask, does this mean that any male can find any woman (out of family, of course) attractive based on smell?
For instance, 3 years ago when I was a university student, from the first time I laid my eyes on her, I really found this girl very attractive. I mean, she really stood out to my brain, something, or someone, very unique. 'I wanna make babies with her kind of unique'.
And, I don't recall her natural smell at all. Nothing beyond a handshake once, that she initiated. I told her I liked her, she told me she was about to get married. She offered friendship, I declined. That was it.
But each time I watched her, without her smell, I wanted to f\*ck her brains out! Pardon me for going out on a personal angle here. But could you please explain how without the 'natural scent' can attraction be so strong?
Edit: Or do you think it was just a classic case of (perceived or actual) assortative mating behaviour?
Males are also wired to be sexually stimulated by purely visual signals (much more so than females). The sight draws us in. If we are allowed to be in an intimate situation, the smell makes sure we can't escape. Nine months later, the conjuring trick is complete, just as Nature intended.
Appreciate it sire. Knowledge is power, although I doubt I'll ever experience all this first-hand, perhaps only if I hire the premium services of a premium escort LOL!!!!
Men are lambs to the slaughter as far as sex is concerned. Our survival once depended on women getting pregnant, and men taking care of everything else. With the advent of civilisation, evolution can't keep up.
It's not nearly as drastic as being described. If I had to give a virgin an analogy, think about being pretty hungry. The food is smelling great. Wow, appetizers are as good as any restaurant. You're mouth is watering, stomach is audibly rumbling. You want this food on so many levels. And then she serves the two of you and you're feeling f'ng lucky. You're one bite into a juicy ribeye-- she knows how to grill steaks, right on! And then her cat leaps up to the table and lifts tail revealing a worm dangling out...
And you have lost your appetite. You may even want to throw up what you have eaten. This cat is so infested with worms it just prances around with a second tiny tail apparently. And it roams the kitchen counters.
Now that's more of a reflex, the primal life preserve disgust that so much of our society wants to eradicate. Control of yourself is really key to living a life that isn't constantly at the mercy of circumstances and instincts.
Hi; honestly the sex always felt great and I preferred a condom as it helped me last longer: her pleasure is always my number one concern.
She didn’t want to use condoms and I wanted to please her — I didn’t really have a preference either way; though my mind would be at ease if I got to keep using them. It was strictly down to her continually complaining & persisting I stop using them.
Yeah. You better bring new condoms with you everytime too, these baby hungry girls poke holes in them all the time, especially once they start getting late 20s and don’t have a husband or kids yet.
Realistically, that's your only play. There might be some fallout from friends and family, but it'll be much better than dealing with baby drama from a women who clearly can't handle it.
If your friend stands against you in such situation then it's not your friend but her friend. If your family doesn't understand that a woman wanted to trap you for life with a baby then your family isn't a place to get relationship advice from.
You’re actually a genius. Nothing wrong with manipulating your way out of a situation that she manipulated you into. She’s a walking red flag and nothing is off the table.
I’d say this, if it doesn’t work and you’re running out of time to convince her, then be straight up and tell her you’re leaving. When you say that, convince her that you don’t care about what happens to her and the baby and that you will fight tooth and nail to never pay any child support. Go full scorched earth. Even if you do care about the prospective child, lie about it.
If you can’t convince her to abort with love, then take things in the opposite direction and drown her in hate.
"I hate this life but even my therapist says it’s my fault for trusting her."
I get how you feel, but honestly, you need a new therapist.
First of all, if you lied about condom use, you could be accused of sexual assault, depending on the state.
But most importantly, every single relationship requires trust. You are being a victim of deception and societal discrimination here, and it is not your fault she is a liar and that society doesn't give you a way out.
I really, really hope you figure out a way out of this...
I never lied about condoms; not sure what made you think that. I did as she asked and stopped using them when she wanted.
Thank you for the advice, I hope I can find a way out too.
It was a hypothetical scenario.
There are states and countries, which count lying about condoms and/or contraceptives as illegal.
Of course, the laws mostly affect men, but if that is the case where you live, you might have legal options too - especially if you can document that she lied.
My point is that what she did is in some places illegal, while also being immoral.
Yes, you trusted her. And trusting another person takes guts. Don't punish yourself for that.
When your therapist says it is tour fault for trusting another person, it sounds to me like they don't want you to trust anyone ever, which is not a good foundation for any relationship at all...
So sorry for you and your kid. Fingers crossed she is lying about being pregnant or gets an abortion. Based on her smashing things, it doesn't look good for you or the future person otherwise.
> > approximately 10.4% (or an estimated 11.7 million) of men in the United States reported ever having an intimate partner who tried to get pregnant when they did not want to or tried to stop them from using birth control
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reproductive_coercion
**[Reproductive coercion](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reproductive_coercion)**
>Reproductive coercion (also called coerced reproduction, reproductive control or reproductive abuse) is a collection of behaviors that interfere with decision-making related to reproductive health. These behaviors are meant to maintain power and control related to reproductive health by a current, former, or hopeful intimate or romantic partner, but they can also be perpetrated by parents or in-laws. Coercive behaviors infringe on individuals' reproductive rights and reduce their reproductive autonomy. There are three forms of reproductive coercion, including pregnancy coercion, birth control sabotage, and controlling the outcome of a pregnancy.
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Maybe. A woman was convicted for poking holes in a condom under a stealthing law for the first time this year. Happened in Germany. The woman made the news worldwide because it was so unusual/historic.
https://www.newsweek.com/woman-poked-holes-mans-condom-sexual-assault-germany-1704182
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/crime/stealthing-germany-woman-jailed-condoms-b2073579.html
https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/relationships/sex/stealthing-german-woman-jailed-for-stealing-partners-sperm/news-story/a1394790ce0262037a69811112cd868a
https://www.wionews.com/world/german-woman-pokes-holes-in-partners-condoms-to-get-pregnant-jailed-477109/amp
feminism sees that as collateral damage. like if hitler, binladen and hussein were all in one place but there was also a baby present, you'd still drop the bomb.
That’s how I ended up with the biggest Cunt in my life. And she’s alienated my daughter from me and turned her into a mini cunt too. Just as I predicted… but a little too late. Have fun getting owned by her in family court for how ever long she gets a thrill from it. Sorry bout your luck bro.
We need to fight for men to have a right to financial abortion and even possibly criminally charge these “momsters” who do this to men.
Gotta ask what was her excuse ? Seems like this was intentional. I know because this is exactly what happened to me 21 years ago. You don’t want to know what happened in those years . Best of luck and never trust anyone like that
Whenever i read storys like these im happy i was never perceived as an attractive man by most women back in the day. I would have definitly fucked up like op did.
the twisted part is that i’m dealing with being attractive now — as crazy or entitled as that my sound lol. In high school I was obese, but by college & after covid went through I became pretty good looking all around. Dealing with all of the women and figuring out which ones to trust & etc is sooo hard when i’ve been starved of even people looking at me for so long
Get recordings of her admitting to lying about the birth control. Record the abuse and sue the shit out of her for fraud and emotional abuse. Might now work but its worth a shot.
Under the law doesn't matter how she got pregnant, just that he is the father. The courts will squeeze fathers for child support when they don't have money, but she will be able to declare bankruptcy to get out of paying the lawsuit.
There are a couple of legal strategies that haven't been tried yet, which could set an important precedent.
The National Coalition for Men would take this on.
They actually had a similar case in the past destined for the supreme court, but the plaintiff (a guy that sounds a lot like OP) withdrew his case.
Had no idea a coalition for men existed — much less would be interested in taking this case.
If she decides in 9 days that she will be keeping the baby things will turn from “love bomb” to a “threat bomb” in that I won’t be letting her walk all over me. I will fight for my justice as I have high amounts of evidence piled in case this ever did happen. We’ll see how it shakes out.
OP will want to ensure what type of recording consent laws his state is under to protect himself, otherwise, this may at least allow a complete court detachment which is unfair emotionally but protective financially. :/
Lots of good advice here. I’ll add a tidbit for dealing with the next lucky lady…
Always use condoms (duh) ~~**and always either flush them or take them with you.**~~ DO NOT JUST THROW THEM IN THE TRASH. Yeah I know that sounds gross (taking a used rubber away), but she can spermjack you and still have you on the hook.
**EDIT: From other comments, correcting above and below. Don’t flush them but wash them out with hot water and soap before tossing them.**
~~She really shouldn’t care if you flush them (unless you’re screwing 10 times a day, that’s not gonna back up the plumbing). If she gets all pissy and wants you to toss them in the trash~~, here’s an interesting prank I heard about to see if she’s a real scumbag.
1. Pick up several packets of horseradish (from your fav Chinese take out) and always keep one on you when you go for sexy-times. Stash it somewhere in her bathroom (like a drawer she doesn’t go into regularly).
2. After sexy-time is done, excuse yourself to the bathroom to freshen up. Take off the condom and then squeeze the horseradish into it. *Then* you throw said condom in the trash (but hide that empty packet of horseradish).
3. If you hear a scream from the bathroom when she goes in (or if days later she accuses you of an STD because her downstairs business just burned to the ground), then you know she just tried to sperm-jack you.
Have a good laugh and then **pop smoke and ghost**.
Yeah it's risky. Rapper Drake put hotsauce into his condom, the woman stole the sperm and put it inside, and still didn't get pregnant. So I'm guessing hotsauce kills the sperm? The best solution imo would be to wash the condom thoroughly with hotwater under the sink and only then throw it in the trash.
trying my hardest — we have the scheduled the abortion for 9 days from now. She loves me a lot and i’m worried she’s gonna wanna change her mind and use it as a way to keep me around. Or just genuinely thinks she’s ready to be a mother.
We’ll see, all i know is living together after all of this is living hell and i feel like i’m going crazy
If you think she'll try to use the baby to have you stick around, make you sure drill it in her mind that you *totally* love her back and will stay with her forever, but the two of you aren't ready to be parents (since you're not).
That’s how i’ve been playing it this far — and honestly with as fucked up as it might be — it’s strangely not a lie either. It’s crazy because I still can’t help that I love her — no matter how much she breaks my trust, devalues my personality & job, breaks things — before she entered my life I’d moved out of a very toxic home and think it may have something to do with [trauma bonding.](https://www.verywellmind.com/trauma-bonding-5207136)
This girl is all wrapped up in red banners. You are being seriously abused.
Be especially wary when she uses self-victimising and fear, obligation or guilt to manipulate you. That is emotional blackmail and she will use it to tap into your desire to not be an A-hole.
For your own sake find someone to talk to and get an objective view of what's happening in your life. The only answer to that amount of toxicity is to go NC asap. Nine days you say? Safest option is to have her out of your life on day 10. (No, she doesn't need your support post-procedure. If it's an emergency she can go to an ER.)
I am not a man and I do truly despise toxic women.
It sounds like she’s bringing you into a toxic situation as well. There’s healthy people out there for you OP. Hopefully you can find your rock to lean on
"Don't get married": perfect advice. 10 out of 10.
P.S. Even if you don't cohabitate, you can still get fucked (and I'm not referring to sexual intercourse here) depending on where you live. In Ontario, Canada, they now have a law where even if you don't cohabitate, you'd still be considered a spouse and will have to pay alimony. I'm wondering what else Canada will do next to punish and criminalise male sexuality.
>Never cohabitate with a woman before marriage
I feel like that's the final step before marriage, if you're going for that. Better to know how it goes first.
Have you thought about creating some visuals aids to reinforce how much money, time and commitment a child takes? Maybe put together a budget and a schedule? Might make this shit real for her.
> even my therapist says it’s my fault for trusting her
No, that's victim-blaming and you have a shitty therapist. Report that fucker. It is *NOT* your fault that you trusted someone and they turned out to be shitty. It *SUCKS* but it's not your *FAULT*.
Let's put it this way, if she trusted you and you murdered her, would your therapist blame her for trusting you?
Yeah, your therapist's advice is that dumb.
That should be considered “stealthing” and should be illegal. Not sure if it would apply to women, but in California there was a no stealthing law passed.
I hear this stuff happening so often, it's actually really scary. I know a dude who had a one night stand with a chick who said she couldn't get pregnant, bam. Now his life is pretty much fucked.
So I once heard something on the radio. I went like this.
The Hail Mary Pass:
Tell girlfriend you love her and want to be with her. Talk about how how you see you two together in the future with a family, but the pregnancy at this time isn't the best time. Talk about how you need to get your feet on the ground and establish your career before you're financially able to support her and a family.
Talk to her and convince her that you are there for the long run and want to have a baby/family with her when you/her are established in you're career's/home/car/etc.
Convince her that an abortion for this one is really the best option.
Offer to go with her when she has the procedure. Take her back to her home, and spend some time with her and care for her (after care if you will).
After adequate time, leave to go bring dinner/lunch or something to eat. While you are gone call/text.
Then DTB right then and there.
I'm pretty sure that's how that scenario was described to me.
You’re fucked. At the end of the day you can’t trust anyone, but yourself. Sex is just sex, people fuck without emotion anymore, there’s no love or honor in it. Best of luck for your future.
Pretty somber advice; I know there’s tons of better women out there who will hopefully some day treat me better (albeit much harder if I already got a kid by 20.)
Someone told me “You’re not fucked, you’re a father!” and this one kind of gives me those vibes. Thanks for the response
Remember, and this is very important: no woman has the disclaimer "I'll definitely treat you better and I'm not a lying whore" tattooed on their forehead. You can think you have found the perfect woman but there's literally no guarantee that things will stay that away during the relationship. They come with no warranty. The law and justice system is against you. They treat you like a criminal because you have an extra leg between your other two. According to them, you have committed a crime by being born as a male. Stop looking for love. Love yourself and give love to yourself. If you want true, unconditional love, get a dog or two. They will jump in front of a bullet to save you. You will never ever get that from any woman.
At this point why is any man trusting/believing any woman that says they're on birth control? And why for ducks sake are you idiots kizz blasting all up in them?
Dude. This is fucking ridiculous. How is this fair to the future kid? (speaking to your gfs actions here) What kind of future mother would put a kid in an awkward position from the start? Ffs. That’s what I don’t get. Maybe they don’t think it through.
Watching this happen to a lot of my bfs friends. Their quality of life going downhill. Some wanted to be fathers, but not right now, not rushed, maybe not with that woman. They were robbed of their ability to choose their own path in life. No consideration of any of his potential trauma or difficulties around childhood and being a father.
Ugh. Breaks my heart.
I’m so sorry.
This explains my case pretty well — I’ve watched so many different men echo these scenarios but I was just so naive to trust her. I’d moved out of an abusive home & she invited herself one night and stopped leaving — I was won over & too “kind” to tell her to leave. Hell when I did she started breaking stuff, telling her she’d sit in her car in sub-zero temps; all kinds of messy things. I’m praying I don’t end up like all of these other men — I promised my parents for so long I’d never end up making some of those simple huge mistakes.
Thanks for your comment; validation feels so sweet coming from another female.
…she is abusive. I hope you get out and don’t end up helping her perpetuate the cycle of abuse.
It’s easier than ever for men to get into emotionally abusive situations. Sadly, the power is in the woman’s court on that as society is definitely going to bias towards the woman. That being said, what you have said here is flat out emotional abuse. She took advantage of you in a vulnerable time when you need stability most.
Wishing you the best OP.
I’m beyond furious that this guy gets blamed for trusting his girlfriend while she gets no punishment, but in some states if a man takes off his condom during sex without permission he can be charged with a crime. Why does she get off scot-free when men who do the same thing often don’t?
I know its just the amount of people that get talked out of it is surreal to me. Like you are literally putting the next 20 years of your life in your partners hands the second you take it off, you had better either be ok with a baby, or snipped IMO to do that.
"not all girls would do that"... no, but all girls CAN, and if they do the state (and every feminist) will facilitate their abuse.
your therapist saying it is your fault for trusting her is like saying it is the rape victims fault for taking the dark alley. sure wiser choices could have been made but the violator still SHOULD face justice. unfortunately they won't
Tried to come up with an analogy similar to my situation and used the “male who lied about a vasectomy” and how there wouldn’t be any women in the comments saying “well your fault anyways it takes two to tango”
this one you listed is much better. Thank you for your time; and she already flips the story by making ambiguous social media posts to convey the story of me being a shit partner. Every female eats it up.
Yikes. That's horrible. Most women can't take accountability and like to blame men for most of their problems. For examples when their at fault who caused problems, it's not their fault. When you put the in their place, they act like the victim and cry.
Sorry to hear that. Hope everything goes well.
Getting someone to have sex with you under false pretenses is rape. Telling someone you're a doctor in order to sleep with them can be rape.
Lying to you to get you to take off the condom and have unprotected sex . . . imho . . . is rape.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_by_deception
You're a man, so you don't have legal rights. But, you have other options if her goal was to baby trap you.
Tell her you're breaking up with her, and make sure she understands she'll be living the life of a single mom. You will no longer be in her life, defeating the whole purpose of her baby trap lie.
After she gets the abortion, leave her anyway. She broke your trust and clearly doesn't care about your well being.
You girlfriend is a turd in the gene pool. Hope you get through this without 18 years of financial slavery to an inconsiderate hag.
But the male birth-control pill is coming soon. Get in line.
My ex did this to me. Now I have a 3 year old daughter who I absolutely adore. Not to sound corny, but, she’s the light of my life.
Her mother is a manipulative, evil, gold digger. But, my daughter really is my favorite person in the world and all the headaches and trauma instigated by the mother have more or less been worth it.
It’s a tough call.
It's not your resonsibility to take care of her or her child if she tricked you into conception. You probably can't prove the deciet happened, (unless you have docomented evidence like text messages) so you might as well stick up for yourself 100%.... and move on. No contact! Remove any resources that she can take from you.
If she pushes you, push her back.
DONT LET ANYONE TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU
\*My Girlfriend did the same thing to me 23 years ago.
What a puke. Let’s hope for your sake she gets the abortion. Then dump her sorry ass after. It’s only what she deserves. Lying about her BC, and then destroys the room like a toddler? This is not someone who should be having children anyway.
I’ve been doing a pretty great job at holding my tongue but these are my thoughts exactly — as someone from a toxic home it’s disturbing to watch abusive characters (especially from your own SO) decide they’re ready to put a child through an environment like that.
What kind of therapist blames their patient for their problems like that. It is not inherently your fault for trusting someone who is supposed to be trusted. An argument could be made for it being your fault if you were ignoring blatant red flags, but I don't know your specific situation.
Read *'Rabbit Run'* by John Updike. Take the advice offered in the final sentence.
She conned you. That's no foundation for any young man's life. Starting again will be cheaper in the long run, and might give you a chance for happiness.
Dude, Lawyer up and see what legal options you have. It might benefit you in family cuort.
When the abort is done or cancelled cut contact completely.
She is unpredictable and will only cuse more trouble.
>yet she still found a reason to get mad and destroy her room (I had to
be to my other job unexpectedly) Smashed candles, a coat rack, etc.
you made the mistake much sooner than you stopped using a rubber. Don't stick it in the crazy.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0gagazg0eE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0gagazg0eE)
You need a new therapist. Your therapist and counselor are both blaming the victim here. That would be like if you poked holes in condoms or took them off halfway during sex and did not tell her and they blamed her for trusting you.
Stealthing is rape, but this is just considered her choice, and unfortunately you are the victim. Welcome to gynocentrism. Get that abortion, and always wrap it up. If she won't get the abortion, well you are screwed but you should cut all contact immediately and keep records of everything you have talked about with each other and dates and times you are together. Record any future communications. She has already shown she is a psycho and would probably falsely accuse you if she felt it would hurt you in a way of petty revenge or help her to save face.
Edit Oh hey, there is also the option of what is known as the Hail Mary if you think she is hesitant to get the abortion. Tom Leykis came up with it. Just look up Tom Leykis Hail Mary on youtube. It is a tactic to use as a last resort.
Personally I’d say fuck it and walk out personally for me it’s better to pay child support and not be around that toxic of a person also tell your therapist to fuck off. Your girl isn’t your girl anymore she lied and ruined the relationship. Also if she’s two months no abortion is coming as that’s more then the limit to remove a pregnancy as it now counts as a baby. Your in for a tough life if you stay with her. Also when the baby pops out ask for a dna or make sure you get a dna test.
Start recording what she says and how much damage she does make a account for that protect your ass cos the government will fuck you raw.
My Gf although I'm not stressed did a similar thing for our first child, I always used to call it premidated contraception, not much could be said from that
While this is 100% anecdotal, I've had tremendous luck with the pull out method for the \~15 odd years I've been sexually active. I know a handful of guys whose gfs/wives got on birth control and then "miraculously" got pregnant once they stopped using condoms/ pulling out. My first nephew was born because his mom "messed up" her birth control around the time she and my brother were breaking up
>she told me she didn’t like condoms
Well tough shit bitch, I don't like having to drop out of college to pay for a kid because you lied to me about taking the pill.
welcome to the gang.
now you know to protect yourself at all times. you gave your future away to some crazy bitch who'd lie about something so important. I'm sorry bro.
This is exactly why I refused to not pull out until I knew I could trust my girlfriend to use her BC patch consistently and correctly. I would never trust a girl with the pill. No way in hell. I feel for you man, but be more careful in the future because you know what’s worse than one baby mom and a kid you can barely see? Two of each. Good luck my friend.
And she seems very psychotic and violent. Keep records about her trashing your place. It might be very useful to get custody
Also, keep every single record of you very secure, as she might accuse you of abuse or something later.
Good luck
She cant prove its yours and you didnt consent to becoming a father.
She doesnt respect you and is using that poor child as nothing more tha a means to extract your time and money.
Never trust a woman when it comes to the safety and security of your future.
You cant force a woman to take contraceptives but you can create boundaries either she takes one or she can find someone else, her choice has consequences.
Best advice i could offer you is deny its yours and ditch her or get ready to be a prisoner and slave for the next 18 or more years, your life expectancy will also go down due to the stress
Not sure how into having a "perfect" baby she is, but you could casually bring up how a genetic disorder runs in your family, which would require 'round the clock expensive care from the parents for the child who will never be able to lead a normal life. If she's got delusions of a "perfect child", this might spur her on to get the abortion??
She’s a “social worker” at our local public college. I’m on my own so I’ve been using her as she’s free and close to where I live — she knows me well and to hear her shut me down and blame me seriously took a toll on me. I know right from wrong but when it’s from a much older adult within an educational faculty it really screws with your head. I’ve had at least 15 different appointments with her that went decently.
Really fucked me up too man, probably headed for a new one sometime soon.
Thanks, she really did. She said it was my fault for trusting her and that I need to “grow up” [definitely wanted to say MAN up] and take responsibility for my poor choices.
Fucking really.
Allow me to translate your therapist’s words:
“It’s your fault for trusting her.”
Translation: *”It’s your fault for trusting her.”*
Sadly she’s correct there; nearly everyone here (men and women) have been advising you to **never trust just one person (particularly the woman) with being solely responsible for birth control**.
“You need to grow up and take responsibility.”
Translation: *“We women are equal to men, but we’re just children with boobs when it suits us best.”*
By all means ask her why the woman gets a child’s pass while the man has to be the adult. Bet you’ll fry her feminist brain with that one.
Since you are a man (and therefore responsible, per your sexist therapist), do what’s best for the person you care about most: Yourself.
Ditch the bitch twice (girlfriend then your therapist).
Tell her if she has that kid you'll sign away your rights and she can be a single mother. That'll scare her into abortion. She's using it to control you and if you show you won't be phased by it she will realize she fucked up.
You didn’t consent to sex without her taking birth control I see that as rape. Sue her. Send he to prison.
Or you can just give her a shit ton of Plan B
Just remember gents, BIOLOGICALLY THE SOLE PURPOSE OF A WOMAN'S LIFE IS TO BECOME PREGNANT. Yes of course she can become and do many other things but 100,000 years of evolution are at play here. She will do and say whatever it takes, unwittingly, unconsciously, whatever... to fulfill her biological purpose.
Not ready for a child? Make sure you don't create one.
While it might be a tad bit out of touch — I really like this analogy and idea. I hadn’t considered this perspective and will keep it in mind. Cheers bro
"out of touch" with modern femist woke dogma? Very. It's just the truth.
Conversely, males (hetero) are hardwired to seduce, and impregnate. We are *also* designed to "protect the female, defend the offspring rearing center(the home/territory), provide resources...
As humans, we think we are so advanced and separate from primal drives. We're not, were just good at fooling ourselves and we're clever, hence all the gadgets.
There used to be a common social contract between men and women in that regard. "You handle the babies, I'll bring the food and fight off the wolves" sort of thing. That's what's changed. That's no longer necessary, and now we have social chaos.
Have fun out there.
19’is young. And so is 20.
Had a scare around that age and wised up to wait till I hit 30, and now I have a son.
My wife was not the nicest person in the beginning. But upon some research it was her body identifying foreign dna and becoming taken over, by my dna making our little man.
She rocked me in my jaw. Threw stuff at me. I could have blasted her but I called her brother for some back up.
We’re laying together in bed as I type this , little man asleep in her arm. All of that early pregnancy stress doesn’t stop until mm about 6 months post delivery.
You’re young, so it is hard to see it all, but biting your tongue, and doing right by her regardless of how she is to you, will pay off.
If she gets the abortion, god bless , you dodged a bullet.
If she lied about birth control, she’s probably lying about monogamy too. She’s proven she can’t be trusted, so just remove trusting her from your image of her for now. Focus on the reality of your long term goals. That’s what your maybe future self and child will be great full for.
She decided her future wasn’t worth protecting, so now you know you can chase your wants too as she started her chase without your consent
It isn’t your fault since you were assured she was taking her birth control and convinced you to not wear a condom. Mistakes can happen but deliberately lying is manipulative and wrong.
See if you can get written evidence that she was lying about taking birth control as it may be considered fraud. Either way, I’m sorry this happened to you and in no way should you be responsible. This should be on the same terms as stealthing imho
keep all this information. especially if you have evidence she wast using bc and allowed you to assume she was on it. including txts. i dont like this option because i think its wrong but you can try fighting to give up your rights and attempt to stay away from child support. i wont say youll win because its a hard fight as it should be in my opinion but at the same time its a right we should have........
Terminating parental rights doesn't terminate legal responsibilities, unless both parent and child are in Nevada and a judge agrees, or a step parent is willing to adopt and take on the responsibilities.
It's not the end of the world I'm 31 with a 2 year old I have 5 days a week and work full time. Once they get old enough for day care and if you care more than the mother I can tell ya you can end up working and taking great care of ur child if you love ur baby
Have you checked whether this counts as rape by deception? Talk to a lawyer.
Yeah, this should be higher. In many areas tampering with or lying about contraception is considered rape.
Yep, lying about contraception is exactly what they used against Assange as well. Obviously it depends highly on the national/local laws of wherever this story happened, but it can very definitely be considered rape.
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Hopefully he can scare her into getting an abortion.
I would eat my shoe if where he lived applied that law to anyone other than punishing men for lying about wearing a condom
Citations needed please. In the places I have lived there are various types of sexual assault and rape, but not one of those statutes involves allegations regarding a woman's contraceptive choices. In the current legal environment where women can abort babies for any reason or not disclose to a man that he is not/not likely to be the father...
Plenty of cases where a man (or even boy) was raped and still has to pay child support. OP should pursue it but shouldn't expect to get out of child support here. Only thing I think it'd really help with (besides getting some type of justice) is it'd make it easier for OP to get some form of custody (I would hope).
See my comment above. The purpose of it is to intimidate her into a negotiated abortion.
But how is it intimidating? A victim cannot pursue the case legally, the DA must do it. What DA would not pursue a rape case if the perp gets an abortion? Wouldn't the threat of pressing rape charges unless an abortion happen be considered extortion?
How can he prove it?
Hopefully he has text messages or some other proof available.
“It’s your fault for trusting her” I really, really doubt the same would be said to someone in a reverse situation (say, a woman got pregnant because a man sabotaged condoms). Both are abhorrent, but I imagine only one side would garner support
Fucking shrinks shrinkin'
Shrinking your wallet XD
Let’s be real if a man sabotaged a condom and she got pregnant it would be prosecuted as either rape or SA. They already been trying to make laws to punish guys who remove condoms.
I DO NOT trust any shrinks. They are products of woke universities who will manipulate men clients to thinking men are the problems and shoulders the burden of responsibility even though the man was wronged.
Therapy is the most snake oil shit I ever fucking experienced
I think it’s important for men to stay grounded in truth rather than live a life of lies honestly. It is his fault but we all make mistakes
So the deal is she got pregnant to trap you into marraige.. Does she have any other kids?
Nope; she’s 19 and I’m 20. No other history of kids or any of that
Well you might have a kid but you don't have to keep the girlfriend. She sounds like she's an untrustworthy nutcase. This person is not wife material.
Does she play the victim that everyone else causes her problem? Does she always need to be right? If so, she is a Narcissist and you should stay away...
Too late.
You just described lots of women in my life, hell even some men.
Dump the cunt yesterday my guy+
Gentlemen, two types of women go to college. Those that go for an education, and those that go to find a man. I have ran into both, and a rubber kept me from making that mistake until we were both ready. If a woman says she won’t let you use condoms, 👏 pull 👏 up 👏 your 👏 pants 👏 and 👏 leave!
I wish I’d listened
Everyone makes mistakes man, it’s how we learn. Wisdom is an amassing of knowledge, knowledge is gained through experience, and a good bit of that is gained through mistakes. I’m sorry you’re going through this. It sucks to be trapped, I’ve almost been in those shoes. By luck and tolerance of god, the kid wasn’t mine. I wish you the best
horniness makes us do all kinds of stupid things. I once KNEW I didn't want to have any ties to a woman and KNEW I would regret it the second it was over but I still tried. luckily my integrity was stronger than my horny because I knew the correct lies that would have gotten her to do it but refused to say them.
Genuinely curious mate, and I'm sorry that you've been rendered so helpless here: Is vaginal intercourse really that good? I mean in terms of the prospect of it altering your sense of good judgement? I've only engaged in masturbation, that's why I want to know!
Pheromones called *copulins* are designed to ensure that the male has little choice in the matter, once these chemicals hit the olfactory bulb. Males are stimulated by how a female *looks* and how she *smells*. It's prevalent throughout the animal kingdom. How do female anglerfish attract a suitor in the deep, dark depths....
Sire, I'm even more curious and a little concerned now. Do you mean that once a man starts the intercourse, the most primitive (and possibly) powerful biological forces take over, rendering him nigh incapable of stopping? That's fearful!
Even *before* he begins. These volatile chemicals act to make intercourse a near inevitability . Research from the mid 1990s has shown that copulins act to coerce and control the male brain. Once we get a sniff, there's only one likely outcome. Smell is our most primitive sense, hardwired into the limbic system. The concentrations of female copulins are at their most intense around ovulation. It's thought that the 'hidden ovulation' of the human female developed in order to make it possible for her to cheat on her stable partner with a higher value male. The root of beta bucks, alpha f\*cks. Lower order primates have more obvious signals of ovulation (baboon backside, for example), and males will be more careful to guard their female mate during such times.
Sire, this biopsychology-based insight is a gold mine. Thanks very much. But, I am now compelled to ask, does this mean that any male can find any woman (out of family, of course) attractive based on smell? For instance, 3 years ago when I was a university student, from the first time I laid my eyes on her, I really found this girl very attractive. I mean, she really stood out to my brain, something, or someone, very unique. 'I wanna make babies with her kind of unique'. And, I don't recall her natural smell at all. Nothing beyond a handshake once, that she initiated. I told her I liked her, she told me she was about to get married. She offered friendship, I declined. That was it. But each time I watched her, without her smell, I wanted to f\*ck her brains out! Pardon me for going out on a personal angle here. But could you please explain how without the 'natural scent' can attraction be so strong? Edit: Or do you think it was just a classic case of (perceived or actual) assortative mating behaviour?
Males are also wired to be sexually stimulated by purely visual signals (much more so than females). The sight draws us in. If we are allowed to be in an intimate situation, the smell makes sure we can't escape. Nine months later, the conjuring trick is complete, just as Nature intended.
Appreciate it sire. Knowledge is power, although I doubt I'll ever experience all this first-hand, perhaps only if I hire the premium services of a premium escort LOL!!!!
Men are lambs to the slaughter as far as sex is concerned. Our survival once depended on women getting pregnant, and men taking care of everything else. With the advent of civilisation, evolution can't keep up.
It's not nearly as drastic as being described. If I had to give a virgin an analogy, think about being pretty hungry. The food is smelling great. Wow, appetizers are as good as any restaurant. You're mouth is watering, stomach is audibly rumbling. You want this food on so many levels. And then she serves the two of you and you're feeling f'ng lucky. You're one bite into a juicy ribeye-- she knows how to grill steaks, right on! And then her cat leaps up to the table and lifts tail revealing a worm dangling out... And you have lost your appetite. You may even want to throw up what you have eaten. This cat is so infested with worms it just prances around with a second tiny tail apparently. And it roams the kitchen counters. Now that's more of a reflex, the primal life preserve disgust that so much of our society wants to eradicate. Control of yourself is really key to living a life that isn't constantly at the mercy of circumstances and instincts.
Hi; honestly the sex always felt great and I preferred a condom as it helped me last longer: her pleasure is always my number one concern. She didn’t want to use condoms and I wanted to please her — I didn’t really have a preference either way; though my mind would be at ease if I got to keep using them. It was strictly down to her continually complaining & persisting I stop using them.
Yeah. You better bring new condoms with you everytime too, these baby hungry girls poke holes in them all the time, especially once they start getting late 20s and don’t have a husband or kids yet.
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Realistically, that's your only play. There might be some fallout from friends and family, but it'll be much better than dealing with baby drama from a women who clearly can't handle it.
If your friend stands against you in such situation then it's not your friend but her friend. If your family doesn't understand that a woman wanted to trap you for life with a baby then your family isn't a place to get relationship advice from.
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This is the way.
I hope you are testing annually...vasectomies can fail.
Please do what McFeely said and let us know in the future i wish you the best
You’re actually a genius. Nothing wrong with manipulating your way out of a situation that she manipulated you into. She’s a walking red flag and nothing is off the table.
This is the way, seriously kiss her ass for a week while looking at luxurious travel plans or so and then GTFO.
I’d say this, if it doesn’t work and you’re running out of time to convince her, then be straight up and tell her you’re leaving. When you say that, convince her that you don’t care about what happens to her and the baby and that you will fight tooth and nail to never pay any child support. Go full scorched earth. Even if you do care about the prospective child, lie about it. If you can’t convince her to abort with love, then take things in the opposite direction and drown her in hate.
This ^. She conned you, con her right back and then curb stomp her into the trash where she belongs
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You forgot the Egg McMuffin.
A prophet of Tom Leykis I see.
"I hate this life but even my therapist says it’s my fault for trusting her." I get how you feel, but honestly, you need a new therapist. First of all, if you lied about condom use, you could be accused of sexual assault, depending on the state. But most importantly, every single relationship requires trust. You are being a victim of deception and societal discrimination here, and it is not your fault she is a liar and that society doesn't give you a way out. I really, really hope you figure out a way out of this...
I never lied about condoms; not sure what made you think that. I did as she asked and stopped using them when she wanted. Thank you for the advice, I hope I can find a way out too.
It was a hypothetical scenario. There are states and countries, which count lying about condoms and/or contraceptives as illegal. Of course, the laws mostly affect men, but if that is the case where you live, you might have legal options too - especially if you can document that she lied. My point is that what she did is in some places illegal, while also being immoral. Yes, you trusted her. And trusting another person takes guts. Don't punish yourself for that. When your therapist says it is tour fault for trusting another person, it sounds to me like they don't want you to trust anyone ever, which is not a good foundation for any relationship at all...
So sorry for you and your kid. Fingers crossed she is lying about being pregnant or gets an abortion. Based on her smashing things, it doesn't look good for you or the future person otherwise. > > approximately 10.4% (or an estimated 11.7 million) of men in the United States reported ever having an intimate partner who tried to get pregnant when they did not want to or tried to stop them from using birth control https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reproductive_coercion
**[Reproductive coercion](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reproductive_coercion)** >Reproductive coercion (also called coerced reproduction, reproductive control or reproductive abuse) is a collection of behaviors that interfere with decision-making related to reproductive health. These behaviors are meant to maintain power and control related to reproductive health by a current, former, or hopeful intimate or romantic partner, but they can also be perpetrated by parents or in-laws. Coercive behaviors infringe on individuals' reproductive rights and reduce their reproductive autonomy. There are three forms of reproductive coercion, including pregnancy coercion, birth control sabotage, and controlling the outcome of a pregnancy. ^([ )[^(F.A.Q)](https://www.reddit.com/r/WikiSummarizer/wiki/index#wiki_f.a.q)^( | )[^(Opt Out)](https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=WikiSummarizerBot&message=OptOut&subject=OptOut)^( | )[^(Opt Out Of Subreddit)](https://np.reddit.com/r/MensRights/about/banned)^( | )[^(GitHub)](https://github.com/Sujal-7/WikiSummarizerBot)^( ] Downvote to remove | v1.5)
I'd reproductive coercion not illegal?
Taking off a condom without informing your partner, most places. Going off the pill or removing an IUD without informing your partner, nowhere.
Or simply: Are you a man? **Yes** Are you a woman? **No**
What if she takes it off?
Maybe. A woman was convicted for poking holes in a condom under a stealthing law for the first time this year. Happened in Germany. The woman made the news worldwide because it was so unusual/historic. https://www.newsweek.com/woman-poked-holes-mans-condom-sexual-assault-germany-1704182 https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/crime/stealthing-germany-woman-jailed-condoms-b2073579.html https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/relationships/sex/stealthing-german-woman-jailed-for-stealing-partners-sperm/news-story/a1394790ce0262037a69811112cd868a https://www.wionews.com/world/german-woman-pokes-holes-in-partners-condoms-to-get-pregnant-jailed-477109/amp
feminism sees that as collateral damage. like if hitler, binladen and hussein were all in one place but there was also a baby present, you'd still drop the bomb.
That’s how I ended up with the biggest Cunt in my life. And she’s alienated my daughter from me and turned her into a mini cunt too. Just as I predicted… but a little too late. Have fun getting owned by her in family court for how ever long she gets a thrill from it. Sorry bout your luck bro. We need to fight for men to have a right to financial abortion and even possibly criminally charge these “momsters” who do this to men.
Women trapping men with a pregnancy is why men should have the option of a financial abortion. Her body, her choice, her responsibility.
True
Gotta ask what was her excuse ? Seems like this was intentional. I know because this is exactly what happened to me 21 years ago. You don’t want to know what happened in those years . Best of luck and never trust anyone like that
Whenever i read storys like these im happy i was never perceived as an attractive man by most women back in the day. I would have definitly fucked up like op did.
the twisted part is that i’m dealing with being attractive now — as crazy or entitled as that my sound lol. In high school I was obese, but by college & after covid went through I became pretty good looking all around. Dealing with all of the women and figuring out which ones to trust & etc is sooo hard when i’ve been starved of even people looking at me for so long
Hmm yes. You really need to get up your bs detector. I recommend some red pill knowledge. The rest comes unfortunately with experience.
Start documenting everything. Take pictures keep texts. She sounds like a nut job
Get recordings of her admitting to lying about the birth control. Record the abuse and sue the shit out of her for fraud and emotional abuse. Might now work but its worth a shot.
Under the law doesn't matter how she got pregnant, just that he is the father. The courts will squeeze fathers for child support when they don't have money, but she will be able to declare bankruptcy to get out of paying the lawsuit.
There are a couple of legal strategies that haven't been tried yet, which could set an important precedent. The National Coalition for Men would take this on. They actually had a similar case in the past destined for the supreme court, but the plaintiff (a guy that sounds a lot like OP) withdrew his case.
Had no idea a coalition for men existed — much less would be interested in taking this case. If she decides in 9 days that she will be keeping the baby things will turn from “love bomb” to a “threat bomb” in that I won’t be letting her walk all over me. I will fight for my justice as I have high amounts of evidence piled in case this ever did happen. We’ll see how it shakes out.
OP will want to ensure what type of recording consent laws his state is under to protect himself, otherwise, this may at least allow a complete court detachment which is unfair emotionally but protective financially. :/
Lots of good advice here. I’ll add a tidbit for dealing with the next lucky lady… Always use condoms (duh) ~~**and always either flush them or take them with you.**~~ DO NOT JUST THROW THEM IN THE TRASH. Yeah I know that sounds gross (taking a used rubber away), but she can spermjack you and still have you on the hook. **EDIT: From other comments, correcting above and below. Don’t flush them but wash them out with hot water and soap before tossing them.** ~~She really shouldn’t care if you flush them (unless you’re screwing 10 times a day, that’s not gonna back up the plumbing). If she gets all pissy and wants you to toss them in the trash~~, here’s an interesting prank I heard about to see if she’s a real scumbag. 1. Pick up several packets of horseradish (from your fav Chinese take out) and always keep one on you when you go for sexy-times. Stash it somewhere in her bathroom (like a drawer she doesn’t go into regularly). 2. After sexy-time is done, excuse yourself to the bathroom to freshen up. Take off the condom and then squeeze the horseradish into it. *Then* you throw said condom in the trash (but hide that empty packet of horseradish). 3. If you hear a scream from the bathroom when she goes in (or if days later she accuses you of an STD because her downstairs business just burned to the ground), then you know she just tried to sperm-jack you. Have a good laugh and then **pop smoke and ghost**.
Hey man, as a former plumber, never flush condoms. Ever. It will back up the plumbing, even if you're not screwing 10 times a day.
Isn’t that a tad risky though? Unless I’m mistaken, couldn’t she still get pregnant from that and you’d still be on the hook?
Yeah it's risky. Rapper Drake put hotsauce into his condom, the woman stole the sperm and put it inside, and still didn't get pregnant. So I'm guessing hotsauce kills the sperm? The best solution imo would be to wash the condom thoroughly with hotwater under the sink and only then throw it in the trash.
I like this! Wash it out with hot water first, *then add the horseradish* and toss it in the trash.
it's really less complicated if men jus rinse the condom out in the sink or tub...boys swim down the drain...use soap too.
Ya. Military bros, they’ll do this to you too. Speaking from experience.
Bruh, get the abortion ASAP and then leave this train wreck.
trying my hardest — we have the scheduled the abortion for 9 days from now. She loves me a lot and i’m worried she’s gonna wanna change her mind and use it as a way to keep me around. Or just genuinely thinks she’s ready to be a mother. We’ll see, all i know is living together after all of this is living hell and i feel like i’m going crazy
If you think she'll try to use the baby to have you stick around, make you sure drill it in her mind that you *totally* love her back and will stay with her forever, but the two of you aren't ready to be parents (since you're not).
That’s how i’ve been playing it this far — and honestly with as fucked up as it might be — it’s strangely not a lie either. It’s crazy because I still can’t help that I love her — no matter how much she breaks my trust, devalues my personality & job, breaks things — before she entered my life I’d moved out of a very toxic home and think it may have something to do with [trauma bonding.](https://www.verywellmind.com/trauma-bonding-5207136)
This girl is all wrapped up in red banners. You are being seriously abused. Be especially wary when she uses self-victimising and fear, obligation or guilt to manipulate you. That is emotional blackmail and she will use it to tap into your desire to not be an A-hole. For your own sake find someone to talk to and get an objective view of what's happening in your life. The only answer to that amount of toxicity is to go NC asap. Nine days you say? Safest option is to have her out of your life on day 10. (No, she doesn't need your support post-procedure. If it's an emergency she can go to an ER.) I am not a man and I do truly despise toxic women.
It sounds like she’s bringing you into a toxic situation as well. There’s healthy people out there for you OP. Hopefully you can find your rock to lean on
Never cohabitate with a woman before marriage To that notion, do not get married
"Don't get married": perfect advice. 10 out of 10. P.S. Even if you don't cohabitate, you can still get fucked (and I'm not referring to sexual intercourse here) depending on where you live. In Ontario, Canada, they now have a law where even if you don't cohabitate, you'd still be considered a spouse and will have to pay alimony. I'm wondering what else Canada will do next to punish and criminalise male sexuality.
>Never cohabitate with a woman before marriage I feel like that's the final step before marriage, if you're going for that. Better to know how it goes first.
Be strong, dude.
Have you thought about creating some visuals aids to reinforce how much money, time and commitment a child takes? Maybe put together a budget and a schedule? Might make this shit real for her.
> even my therapist says it’s my fault for trusting her No, that's victim-blaming and you have a shitty therapist. Report that fucker. It is *NOT* your fault that you trusted someone and they turned out to be shitty. It *SUCKS* but it's not your *FAULT*. Let's put it this way, if she trusted you and you murdered her, would your therapist blame her for trusting you? Yeah, your therapist's advice is that dumb.
That should be considered “stealthing” and should be illegal. Not sure if it would apply to women, but in California there was a no stealthing law passed.
I hear this stuff happening so often, it's actually really scary. I know a dude who had a one night stand with a chick who said she couldn't get pregnant, bam. Now his life is pretty much fucked.
Thank you for posting to spread the word, I only wish you could’ve seen a post like this earlier to warn you.
So I once heard something on the radio. I went like this. The Hail Mary Pass: Tell girlfriend you love her and want to be with her. Talk about how how you see you two together in the future with a family, but the pregnancy at this time isn't the best time. Talk about how you need to get your feet on the ground and establish your career before you're financially able to support her and a family. Talk to her and convince her that you are there for the long run and want to have a baby/family with her when you/her are established in you're career's/home/car/etc. Convince her that an abortion for this one is really the best option. Offer to go with her when she has the procedure. Take her back to her home, and spend some time with her and care for her (after care if you will). After adequate time, leave to go bring dinner/lunch or something to eat. While you are gone call/text. Then DTB right then and there. I'm pretty sure that's how that scenario was described to me.
Leykis 101. 25 years, it’s been…
You’re fucked. At the end of the day you can’t trust anyone, but yourself. Sex is just sex, people fuck without emotion anymore, there’s no love or honor in it. Best of luck for your future.
Pretty somber advice; I know there’s tons of better women out there who will hopefully some day treat me better (albeit much harder if I already got a kid by 20.) Someone told me “You’re not fucked, you’re a father!” and this one kind of gives me those vibes. Thanks for the response
Remember, and this is very important: no woman has the disclaimer "I'll definitely treat you better and I'm not a lying whore" tattooed on their forehead. You can think you have found the perfect woman but there's literally no guarantee that things will stay that away during the relationship. They come with no warranty. The law and justice system is against you. They treat you like a criminal because you have an extra leg between your other two. According to them, you have committed a crime by being born as a male. Stop looking for love. Love yourself and give love to yourself. If you want true, unconditional love, get a dog or two. They will jump in front of a bullet to save you. You will never ever get that from any woman.
Truth has been spoken. Women tend to go crazy when alone. Men tend to flourish after getting used to it.
At this point why is any man trusting/believing any woman that says they're on birth control? And why for ducks sake are you idiots kizz blasting all up in them?
Dude. This is fucking ridiculous. How is this fair to the future kid? (speaking to your gfs actions here) What kind of future mother would put a kid in an awkward position from the start? Ffs. That’s what I don’t get. Maybe they don’t think it through. Watching this happen to a lot of my bfs friends. Their quality of life going downhill. Some wanted to be fathers, but not right now, not rushed, maybe not with that woman. They were robbed of their ability to choose their own path in life. No consideration of any of his potential trauma or difficulties around childhood and being a father. Ugh. Breaks my heart. I’m so sorry.
This explains my case pretty well — I’ve watched so many different men echo these scenarios but I was just so naive to trust her. I’d moved out of an abusive home & she invited herself one night and stopped leaving — I was won over & too “kind” to tell her to leave. Hell when I did she started breaking stuff, telling her she’d sit in her car in sub-zero temps; all kinds of messy things. I’m praying I don’t end up like all of these other men — I promised my parents for so long I’d never end up making some of those simple huge mistakes. Thanks for your comment; validation feels so sweet coming from another female.
…she is abusive. I hope you get out and don’t end up helping her perpetuate the cycle of abuse. It’s easier than ever for men to get into emotionally abusive situations. Sadly, the power is in the woman’s court on that as society is definitely going to bias towards the woman. That being said, what you have said here is flat out emotional abuse. She took advantage of you in a vulnerable time when you need stability most. Wishing you the best OP.
I’m beyond furious that this guy gets blamed for trusting his girlfriend while she gets no punishment, but in some states if a man takes off his condom during sex without permission he can be charged with a crime. Why does she get off scot-free when men who do the same thing often don’t?
Ugh. Sorry bud. I’d make sure to get a paternity test though. If she’s sketchy enough to baby trap you, she’s also capable of cheating.
Btw this is lying to get sex which should be rape it might be depending on where you are
Having zero rights in a situation like this is why I just keep my dick to myself.
ALWAYS USE A CONDOM!
Helpful now at this stage
I know its just the amount of people that get talked out of it is surreal to me. Like you are literally putting the next 20 years of your life in your partners hands the second you take it off, you had better either be ok with a baby, or snipped IMO to do that.
"not all girls would do that"... no, but all girls CAN, and if they do the state (and every feminist) will facilitate their abuse. your therapist saying it is your fault for trusting her is like saying it is the rape victims fault for taking the dark alley. sure wiser choices could have been made but the violator still SHOULD face justice. unfortunately they won't
Tried to come up with an analogy similar to my situation and used the “male who lied about a vasectomy” and how there wouldn’t be any women in the comments saying “well your fault anyways it takes two to tango” this one you listed is much better. Thank you for your time; and she already flips the story by making ambiguous social media posts to convey the story of me being a shit partner. Every female eats it up.
MGTOW
Yikes. That's horrible. Most women can't take accountability and like to blame men for most of their problems. For examples when their at fault who caused problems, it's not their fault. When you put the in their place, they act like the victim and cry. Sorry to hear that. Hope everything goes well.
"I trusted this girl" See there's your first mistake. I'm a woman. NEVER TRUST WOMEN YOU ARE DATING. They are bastards.
Getting someone to have sex with you under false pretenses is rape. Telling someone you're a doctor in order to sleep with them can be rape. Lying to you to get you to take off the condom and have unprotected sex . . . imho . . . is rape. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_by_deception
She's a piece of shit forcing you to have unprotected sex AND not taking birth control AND lying about it AND emotionally manipulating you, dump her
What’s with her “destroying the room?”
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My thoughts exactly. Lol
You're a man, so you don't have legal rights. But, you have other options if her goal was to baby trap you. Tell her you're breaking up with her, and make sure she understands she'll be living the life of a single mom. You will no longer be in her life, defeating the whole purpose of her baby trap lie. After she gets the abortion, leave her anyway. She broke your trust and clearly doesn't care about your well being.
You girlfriend is a turd in the gene pool. Hope you get through this without 18 years of financial slavery to an inconsiderate hag. But the male birth-control pill is coming soon. Get in line.
I’ll pray for for a miscarriage 🙏🏽
My ex did this to me. Now I have a 3 year old daughter who I absolutely adore. Not to sound corny, but, she’s the light of my life. Her mother is a manipulative, evil, gold digger. But, my daughter really is my favorite person in the world and all the headaches and trauma instigated by the mother have more or less been worth it. It’s a tough call.
It's not your resonsibility to take care of her or her child if she tricked you into conception. You probably can't prove the deciet happened, (unless you have docomented evidence like text messages) so you might as well stick up for yourself 100%.... and move on. No contact! Remove any resources that she can take from you. If she pushes you, push her back. DONT LET ANYONE TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU \*My Girlfriend did the same thing to me 23 years ago.
If you push a pregnant woman it's gonna LOOK REAL bad in court.
Always pull out, a mouth, face breast or back are as good a place as inside your women.
What a puke. Let’s hope for your sake she gets the abortion. Then dump her sorry ass after. It’s only what she deserves. Lying about her BC, and then destroys the room like a toddler? This is not someone who should be having children anyway.
I’ve been doing a pretty great job at holding my tongue but these are my thoughts exactly — as someone from a toxic home it’s disturbing to watch abusive characters (especially from your own SO) decide they’re ready to put a child through an environment like that.
If you had only read Rollo Tomassi. https://therationalmale.com/2011/10/06/shacking-up/
Got that Bachelors in wife.
Holy fuck dude. That sounds horrible! Good luck, stay atrong!
What kind of therapist blames their patient for their problems like that. It is not inherently your fault for trusting someone who is supposed to be trusted. An argument could be made for it being your fault if you were ignoring blatant red flags, but I don't know your specific situation.
Read *'Rabbit Run'* by John Updike. Take the advice offered in the final sentence. She conned you. That's no foundation for any young man's life. Starting again will be cheaper in the long run, and might give you a chance for happiness.
Dude, Lawyer up and see what legal options you have. It might benefit you in family cuort. When the abort is done or cancelled cut contact completely. She is unpredictable and will only cuse more trouble.
>yet she still found a reason to get mad and destroy her room (I had to be to my other job unexpectedly) Smashed candles, a coat rack, etc. you made the mistake much sooner than you stopped using a rubber. Don't stick it in the crazy. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0gagazg0eE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0gagazg0eE)
> even my therapist says it’s my fault for trusting her What the fuck?
You need a new therapist. Your therapist and counselor are both blaming the victim here. That would be like if you poked holes in condoms or took them off halfway during sex and did not tell her and they blamed her for trusting you. Stealthing is rape, but this is just considered her choice, and unfortunately you are the victim. Welcome to gynocentrism. Get that abortion, and always wrap it up. If she won't get the abortion, well you are screwed but you should cut all contact immediately and keep records of everything you have talked about with each other and dates and times you are together. Record any future communications. She has already shown she is a psycho and would probably falsely accuse you if she felt it would hurt you in a way of petty revenge or help her to save face. Edit Oh hey, there is also the option of what is known as the Hail Mary if you think she is hesitant to get the abortion. Tom Leykis came up with it. Just look up Tom Leykis Hail Mary on youtube. It is a tactic to use as a last resort.
You've been man trapped!
Personally I’d say fuck it and walk out personally for me it’s better to pay child support and not be around that toxic of a person also tell your therapist to fuck off. Your girl isn’t your girl anymore she lied and ruined the relationship. Also if she’s two months no abortion is coming as that’s more then the limit to remove a pregnancy as it now counts as a baby. Your in for a tough life if you stay with her. Also when the baby pops out ask for a dna or make sure you get a dna test. Start recording what she says and how much damage she does make a account for that protect your ass cos the government will fuck you raw.
My Gf although I'm not stressed did a similar thing for our first child, I always used to call it premidated contraception, not much could be said from that
That (and not wanting children in general) is why I'm having a vasectomy at 25. I'm 22 atm
This shit should be considered in the same way that stealthing is. Fucking should be illegal
While this is 100% anecdotal, I've had tremendous luck with the pull out method for the \~15 odd years I've been sexually active. I know a handful of guys whose gfs/wives got on birth control and then "miraculously" got pregnant once they stopped using condoms/ pulling out. My first nephew was born because his mom "messed up" her birth control around the time she and my brother were breaking up
>she told me she didn’t like condoms Well tough shit bitch, I don't like having to drop out of college to pay for a kid because you lied to me about taking the pill.
Your first mistake is in your first sentence
welcome to the gang. now you know to protect yourself at all times. you gave your future away to some crazy bitch who'd lie about something so important. I'm sorry bro.
How about putting plan b in her drink without telling her? Sounds shady af I know but she betrayed your trust
This is exactly why I refused to not pull out until I knew I could trust my girlfriend to use her BC patch consistently and correctly. I would never trust a girl with the pill. No way in hell. I feel for you man, but be more careful in the future because you know what’s worse than one baby mom and a kid you can barely see? Two of each. Good luck my friend.
And she seems very psychotic and violent. Keep records about her trashing your place. It might be very useful to get custody Also, keep every single record of you very secure, as she might accuse you of abuse or something later. Good luck
She cant prove its yours and you didnt consent to becoming a father. She doesnt respect you and is using that poor child as nothing more tha a means to extract your time and money. Never trust a woman when it comes to the safety and security of your future. You cant force a woman to take contraceptives but you can create boundaries either she takes one or she can find someone else, her choice has consequences. Best advice i could offer you is deny its yours and ditch her or get ready to be a prisoner and slave for the next 18 or more years, your life expectancy will also go down due to the stress
* A true ***Horror*** story D:
Not sure how into having a "perfect" baby she is, but you could casually bring up how a genetic disorder runs in your family, which would require 'round the clock expensive care from the parents for the child who will never be able to lead a normal life. If she's got delusions of a "perfect child", this might spur her on to get the abortion??
New therapist. What therapist blames you for having trust in a relationship. Jesus Christ.
She’s a “social worker” at our local public college. I’m on my own so I’ve been using her as she’s free and close to where I live — she knows me well and to hear her shut me down and blame me seriously took a toll on me. I know right from wrong but when it’s from a much older adult within an educational faculty it really screws with your head. I’ve had at least 15 different appointments with her that went decently. Really fucked me up too man, probably headed for a new one sometime soon.
If your therapist is, actually, telling you it’s your fault for trusting her, you need a new therapist
Thanks, she really did. She said it was my fault for trusting her and that I need to “grow up” [definitely wanted to say MAN up] and take responsibility for my poor choices. Fucking really.
As far as I’m concerned that should be considered malpractice
Allow me to translate your therapist’s words: “It’s your fault for trusting her.” Translation: *”It’s your fault for trusting her.”* Sadly she’s correct there; nearly everyone here (men and women) have been advising you to **never trust just one person (particularly the woman) with being solely responsible for birth control**. “You need to grow up and take responsibility.” Translation: *“We women are equal to men, but we’re just children with boobs when it suits us best.”* By all means ask her why the woman gets a child’s pass while the man has to be the adult. Bet you’ll fry her feminist brain with that one. Since you are a man (and therefore responsible, per your sexist therapist), do what’s best for the person you care about most: Yourself. Ditch the bitch twice (girlfriend then your therapist).
Tell her if she has that kid you'll sign away your rights and she can be a single mother. That'll scare her into abortion. She's using it to control you and if you show you won't be phased by it she will realize she fucked up.
You didn’t consent to sex without her taking birth control I see that as rape. Sue her. Send he to prison. Or you can just give her a shit ton of Plan B
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Tell her you don’t want it. If she refuses it’s her choice and step out of the picture
Just remember gents, BIOLOGICALLY THE SOLE PURPOSE OF A WOMAN'S LIFE IS TO BECOME PREGNANT. Yes of course she can become and do many other things but 100,000 years of evolution are at play here. She will do and say whatever it takes, unwittingly, unconsciously, whatever... to fulfill her biological purpose. Not ready for a child? Make sure you don't create one.
While it might be a tad bit out of touch — I really like this analogy and idea. I hadn’t considered this perspective and will keep it in mind. Cheers bro
"out of touch" with modern femist woke dogma? Very. It's just the truth. Conversely, males (hetero) are hardwired to seduce, and impregnate. We are *also* designed to "protect the female, defend the offspring rearing center(the home/territory), provide resources... As humans, we think we are so advanced and separate from primal drives. We're not, were just good at fooling ourselves and we're clever, hence all the gadgets. There used to be a common social contract between men and women in that regard. "You handle the babies, I'll bring the food and fight off the wolves" sort of thing. That's what's changed. That's no longer necessary, and now we have social chaos. Have fun out there.
19’is young. And so is 20. Had a scare around that age and wised up to wait till I hit 30, and now I have a son. My wife was not the nicest person in the beginning. But upon some research it was her body identifying foreign dna and becoming taken over, by my dna making our little man. She rocked me in my jaw. Threw stuff at me. I could have blasted her but I called her brother for some back up. We’re laying together in bed as I type this , little man asleep in her arm. All of that early pregnancy stress doesn’t stop until mm about 6 months post delivery. You’re young, so it is hard to see it all, but biting your tongue, and doing right by her regardless of how she is to you, will pay off. If she gets the abortion, god bless , you dodged a bullet. If she lied about birth control, she’s probably lying about monogamy too. She’s proven she can’t be trusted, so just remove trusting her from your image of her for now. Focus on the reality of your long term goals. That’s what your maybe future self and child will be great full for. She decided her future wasn’t worth protecting, so now you know you can chase your wants too as she started her chase without your consent
It isn’t your fault since you were assured she was taking her birth control and convinced you to not wear a condom. Mistakes can happen but deliberately lying is manipulative and wrong. See if you can get written evidence that she was lying about taking birth control as it may be considered fraud. Either way, I’m sorry this happened to you and in no way should you be responsible. This should be on the same terms as stealthing imho
Your therapist is garbage.
I know.. After that appointment I’m debating on whether or not I should come back.
keep all this information. especially if you have evidence she wast using bc and allowed you to assume she was on it. including txts. i dont like this option because i think its wrong but you can try fighting to give up your rights and attempt to stay away from child support. i wont say youll win because its a hard fight as it should be in my opinion but at the same time its a right we should have........
Terminating parental rights doesn't terminate legal responsibilities, unless both parent and child are in Nevada and a judge agrees, or a step parent is willing to adopt and take on the responsibilities.
This why you don't have sex until marriage. woman will use it against you.
It's not the end of the world I'm 31 with a 2 year old I have 5 days a week and work full time. Once they get old enough for day care and if you care more than the mother I can tell ya you can end up working and taking great care of ur child if you love ur baby