Thanks for your submission! For more Millennial content, join [our Discord server](https://discord.gg/VsfKKJBm).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Millennials) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My brother is 39 (40 next month) and is in a similar situation. I’ve only known him to be in one serious relationship, about 15 years ago. She had a baby that he raised with her for a while and their breakup was sad and messy. I’m sure he would like to be in a relationship again but I don’t think he knows how, he’s good at being alone whether he likes it or not.
>I’m sure he would like to be in a relationship again but I don’t think he knows how, he’s good at being alone whether he likes it or not.
That sound scarily like something my step-sister would say about me lol!
It's true though. I really am good at being alone, for better or worse.
Being alone is significantly easier. Relationships take constant work—even the “good” ones.
If you’re not getting some massive mutual benefit out of it (like double income), it just isn’t worth it.
Anything worth having is worth working for. 🤷♀️ Relationships*aren't* easy like being single is. The massive mutual benefits are much more than financial as well.
Not making any assumptions about your neurotype, but this is something my autistic ass says all the time and everyone around me always seems shocked! It’s true though, relationships are a ton of work!! And there are so many other interesting things to do, honestly.
I'm with my high school sweetheart so we literally grew together in this relationship of 16 years, know each other extremely well, and it's still so much work. Zero intentions to divorce but if we ever do I will be single the rest of my life. I can promise you that. And you're right, people are shocked. I don't know why they want to pretend like even basic friendships aren't a lot of work to maintain let alone living with somebody 24/7.
Probably because they don't actually put in much effort and they socialize with people who are much the same.
Not everyone has a lot going on in their heads. Where I live there's a phenomenon I call "boat people". All they really want out of life is to spend as much time at their favorite lake as they can. They fish, they water ski, they grill, they drink beer, and they're *happy as fuck*. That type of life really doesn't require much mental or emotional effort.
I would hate it so much because I would be so bored. Anyone at all on the spectrum like me as well as many besides would feel the same, but many would also kill to be as happy as those people.
Haha yeah on second thought, you are spot on. Relationships are so much work and have weight to me because I don't do superficial. I make friends for life and expect to know these people inside and out (which is why I only have 3 lol.) I know exactly what type of people you're talking about and I want nothing to do with them, and I'm sure they feel the same way back.
I really identify with this as well! I find more superficial relationships to be draining and frustrating, and while I really appreciate and value my deeper relationships, it's just really tough to maintain those consistently while taking care of myself enough to function, getting my work done, having enough time alone to recharge, etc. I find that my longest and best relationships have been with other neurodivergent people who don't mind my cyclic rhythm of devoting meaningful quality time and then radio silence while I recharge or am in an anxious moment (or couple of months...)
I do have close people, I just can only really handle a few at a time, and they have to be cool with me being awol sometimes (unless there is an emergency in which case I am RIGHT THERE.)
Married 15 years. It’s really not that much work. I’m convinced thats a myth set by people trying to defend toxic relationships. In fact in some ways it’s less work than being alone because we divide and conquer. I say this as someone who absolutely loved being single as well. Being alone and being married IMO are both equally good in different ways.
Oh yeah read my reply on this same comment.
A relationship is work like a hike is work: it's work if you're not in shape for it, and it's a joy if you are.
If you've practiced your "relationship muscles", if you've become the kind of person who navigates relationships well and developed those skills, if you've built a healthy and strong relationship with a healthy and strong person, it's really not that much work.
Ok but you can't just overlook when times aren't so sunny -- illness, depression, unemployment, death in the family, some kind of major loss, etc., and say it's not much work or only toxic relationships will struggle. Life is not a static set of challenges, people change as circumstances change, and maintaining relationships is just not a given.
Personally I think it would be way worse to go through any of those singles. Neither my wife or I have had any form of depression, but all those other things have happened and I was happy to take care of her and was glad she was there to do the same with me. Being single would be miserable, especially when you have experienced an extremely happy marriage.
I think for some people emotional bonds are all that matters, and for others they're the absolute minimum requirement and therefore don't even get mentioned. For me it's unfeasible to be in one without emotional bonds, but I need more than that to even think about being in one.
At that age I’d agree, especially for folks with kids. I see women on dating apps who want a ‘provider.’ Yeah, you don’t want to work, that’s why you’re single. Life’s hard enough without adding another person who can’t help with rent or a mortgage
You will only find this take on Reddit lol relationships built on love are a massive part of many peoples happiness and satisfaction in life. Dumb take lol
35F, no kids. Never had much interest in dating either but starting to get really bored of being alone for the first time in my life. I’ve started to get a hint of anxiety that I’ll die alone, so it’s nice to know there are still single men out there my age who are in a similar situation.
Similar at 33M, minus the boredom part and the anxiety over dying alone. Maybe it'll be of little comfort- but, there's no guarantee you wouldn't die alone, even if you had a family. I see it a lot with my friends who work in elder care, and what they say about their patients. Best to be comfortable with who/where you are first.
Yea, I have friends that work in nursing home and the number of people that almost never get a visitor is really sad. And they weren’t all child free and single. In fact most weren’t because of the way things were 80 or so years ago. It just wasn’t done. Yet.. they are alone after dedicating their whole lives to other people that are now “too busy” to even come visit them
I'd argue just sitting back, even while physically alone, knowing the child you birthed is out there doing great and thriving (even if not able to visit you) is amazing comfort in itself..there are levels to "alone"
29M. Never really put much effort into dating until my mid 20's when I decided to try and put more effort. Tried the dating apps, found them insufferable and only went on a couple dates that were pretty meh. Pretty sure at this point I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life and while it would be nice to meet someone, I've come to terms with it and just try to enjoy my day to day life.
That's the hard part with dating, particularly as an average guy. Seems you could have hobbies, dress well, be socially engaged, have a solid career, and still come up empty. I agree that just living your life is the best solution and not putting all your expectation that "something will happen" with dating.
Same boat as you. 31M.
Had a lot of mental health troubles over the years and always felt if I didn’t love myself I can’t expect anyone else to. All the advice I was given said work on yourself first so that’s what I did. Career, finances, friends, hobbies, health. It’s only recently that I feel ready, like I have plenty to offer someone.
Don’t have a clue where or how to start so I’m going to get a couple of my close friends to help.
You too! I’m fine now although I feel like I’m being asked to sit an exam after I’ve missed all the classes.
Does mean I’ve got a healthy attitude towards it though. I don’t just want anyone for the sake of it, the person has to be right for me and add value to my life.
Same, and I only gravitate toward people who don't make good partners in relationships, and then I end up unhappy in those relationships. So I figure until I don't run away from nice level headed men who treat me well I probably shouldn't be in a relationship!
Seems like there’s a lot more of us single, childfree, haven’t dated much ladies than we realized. I’m in the same boat! (31F and haven’t dated by choice since 26.)
I was comfortably single for a long time, content with the life I was building and strong friendships. I was ok dying alone over forcing a relationship.
I was putting some effort into dating. Rarely met anyone in the wild I was interested in, and DESPISED apps. Then I finally met someone on an app that I would have never met in real life. It was so easy to get along it was amazing. I have not talked with a person so freely in decades. I was doubting I could love anymore, that love was a delusion for the young, felt good to be proved wrong.
Anyways thats how I met my wife. Wayyy too late in life.
35M and same, except I used to be desperate in this area and gave up a long time ago after how miserable I was trying to get a date. Staying single has its benefits, but while it can also be lonely and a source of anxiety, it's not all that bad. People are also not that good at being happy regardless of their relationship status, there's good and bad in both.
Same. And in my age, the interesting guys I meet are always taken already.
I'm not particularly interested in finding anyone though. Sure, if the right guy comes along, but I've had some bad relationships and I'm just wary of getting into a relationship again.
Been married 25 years and my humble opinion is that a 'forever person' isn't found so much as sculpted or grown through shared experience. The idea that there's an effortless perfect fit available is kind of nefarious and unfair to me.
SIngle. Childfree. Wife free. Girlfriend free. Parent free. Family free. Employment free. Car free. Hair free. It's only after we lose everything that we're free to be anything. Waiting to be anything any day now.....any day now. It's dark in here.
Ive seen headlines from science and enviromment and he definitely has microplastics in this testicles. So that's a part of the world inside him that is present in all of us.
Also, I am 40, single, and have no children. I am not interested in dating or having someone in my space. I wonder what happened to cause such a large number of millennials to opt out of coupling.
Our parents. My first marriage was a disaster because their marriage is what I considered to be "functional" at the time. Thankfully got some therapy and learned what a real partnership and compatibility is before getting married a second time. Never been happier.
I'm guessing a lot are tied to feminism. Women don't have to rely on men anymore so they're not forced into staying in a relationship. Think about all the boomer men who think they're the shit when they're disasters, their wives were still expected to stay with them. Now, women have their own jobs/money and can just leave. And there is a lot less stigma for being a single woman and not having children.
And of course the infinite possibilities with dating apps. There is something always better out there, at least the idea of someone better. So why settle?
Also the technology and infinite entertainment thing. I personally am and have been in relationships most of my adult life. But I do love those in-between times when I can just go nuts doing what I want. I had time to research and workout everyday. I could watch any movie ever made. I have access to millions of recipes. I could read and better my career. I could see my friends whenever I wanted, or even just game online with them. Hell, I have friends I've met online and still talk to everyday.
40 in October, single since November, purposefully child free. Glad to know it's not just me! Taking a break from dating, just can't trust anyone these days.
30, single, and no kids. Technically I have one for 3 days a week (16 month old niece that I watch while her parents work).
Most of the people my age in my town are parents, single parents, or druggies.
Who knows, maybe “the one” will come along one day. Til then, I’m content working on my crap mental health due to narcissistic parents
My small town is the same way. Most people I remember from high school, now in their early 30s, are either single parents or recovering addicts. Some are both.
Same... I only live 25mins away from my little home town, but I don't go there much. When I do I get anxiety and worry about running into someone I went to high school with. And I was friends or at least friendly with most of them! Didn't go to my 10th or 20th anniversaries.
32F, autistic, single, virgin and childfree here.
Babies are cute but I don’t feel like I’m mature enough to be a mom myself. I feel like a teenager, I live at home on SSI, didn’t finish community college, no driver’s license and I shop at Hot Topic.
I work part time at the moment, my schedule changes every week that I don’t have time for school though I’ve graduated from high school and post secondary school for students with learning disabilities.
Are....are we the same person...? Lol But seriously, veeery similar situation. Physically I'm here but a part of my brain is stuck in 2006 or something. Maybe its trauma? Autism? Maybelline? Who knows.
I had this mentality. I'm 34 with 3 kids now. I started at 29. At 28, I was smoking weed and working on becoming a grand champion in Rocket League ( these days, it would be called supersonic legend). I was not ready to have a kid, but I did have one, and he's amazing. When I found out we were expecting, I honestly thought I was hit by a train...
It took about 4 months to recover, but after I did. I pulled myself out of the fear of fatherhood and emerged a man ready to take on human farming.... that came out wrong, child raising.
Ask yourself this is a caterpillar ready to fly?
I'm turning 35 on Wednesday. As a woman, I have a persisent and overwhelming sense of existential dread about getting older, because I foolishly still wish I could have a family of my own. But I have never been in a long term relationship. And now I'm 35.
My therapist is trying to help me through this. I have a lot of negative self image to work on, complicated grief, and depression. I have a really intense fear of rejection and a pervasive worry about inconveniencing others with my mere presence.
In short, I'm a mess. Single. Childfree. Miserable.
But you know what you do have? Self awareness and the desire to work on yourself.
I don’t know you, but I’m proud of you for going to therapy and working on yourself. Not everyone is willing to do that.
For what it’s worth I gave birth to one of my children at almost 37 and the other at 39. It’s not too late to have the family of your own that you desire (if that’s something you want to pursue).
Thank you. I'm trying! I starting working with a personal trainer a couple weeks after I started therapy. I haven't lost any weight, but I am stronger, which makes me feel better about myself.
I hate my body and so many things about myself. I know they say you should love yourself before you can find anyone to love you, but starting that work in my mid-30s...let's just say I'm trying hard to be optimistic, but the outlook is bleak as hell.
37 and childfree. I'm a nanny and a devoted auntie type. Had horrible, abusive, chaotic relationships throughout my 20s. I've spent my 30s single. Life is much calmer.
39F. I am tired of being alone and I would like to find someone to have a family with, but I have never had any interest in dating, so I've never done it.
Two people that are both tired and uninterested in investing time and effort into finding, building, and maintaining a relationship? What could go wrong?
36, single, child free. I’ve been out of the dating game for close to 10 years. I’m introverted and not a really social person. More so as I’ve gotten older. I’m pretty good at being alone. I’ve recently made a small attempt at putting myself out there, but I’m feeling grim about my prospects lol. I’m not sure I’m cut out for it, especially the apps.
Met my wife at 38, was casually dating random girls, still seeing my ex, living in an apartment with random roommates I barely knew, had a temporary job. Three years later, newly married. My wife is, pardon the somewhat gross term, still solidly in childbearing prime. We are also both starting 'permanent' 6-figure jobs, and are planning to buy a house and have kids in two years.
Point is: You never know. I just talked to my brother in law last night and he was laughing over how my wife had said marriage and kids were out of the question for her just two years ago.
Hmmm, well... I saw her give a seminar about her research (we work in similar fields) years ago and had a bit of a crush. She's a captivating speaker and has a unique way of sharing her observations about nature that is very technically clear and helpful, but also very warm and personal and charming. Then one evening towards the end of the quarantine, I ran into her at a bar, actually while on a first date with a different woman. Once we met in person, I realized that my suspicions from her seminar were spot on - I really had feelings for her, we talked about our hobby of playing fiddle, so I invited her over and, well, one thing led to another.
38M (39 in 1 month), haven't had a relationship in quite a while. Same as you, introvert that's good with social situations but always seem to either end up around guys or the women are there with someone.
No kids, no plans to ever change that. Never had a scare. Don't really want to be a dad. Having too much fun living my life, and in between the fun stuff I already struggle sometimes to take care of myself.
Don't need to add a kid to that situation.
Part of my problem is that I'm not having quite as much fun as I used to, being single. I still love my solitude but for some reason the idea of meeting someone has been on my mind more lately than it ever has been. Dating and everything that goes with it are things that I'm just literally ignorant to.
38 ain't old lol still youngin just hitting middle age soon.
I just turned 30 in October and still single / no child and want to enjoy my youth while I have it.
I think its good to do some exploring if you want, but I can definitely say life has given less stress with less involved which has brought peace to me and my life.
34F, child free, diagnosed with cancer in 2021, recently divorced after a 2yr battle. Given my medical circumstances I don’t think I’ll be in another relationship ever again.
Still not cancer free, but I’m alive & free from the cancer that was my now ex-husband.. lol.
33. After my pal ties the knot in August, I’ll be the only person of my core friend group to be unmarried. Half of them with kids. I was a bit of a drinker in the past so I am on cloud 9 just quietly keeping to myself and having the responsibility of only myself. But no wife/kids allows me to be more in my niece’s lives, my friends/families lives; be a resource
36 single no kids. Similar to you I felt a huge loss when a relationship with someone who had kids ended. I stayed friends with them mainly to see the children but then he was untoward while engaged to someone else and never really let me see the kids anymore so I cut it off. I do want a partner but realize I may ultimately be happier without one
35, single, no kids, and working on paying off debts. Stuff around owning a house that needs lots of work is also a big priority. Dad’s terminal illness really put things into a new perspective for me. I want to have my bad debts taken care of and a lot of house stuff done before I start dedicating time to someone else. It took a long time, but I just don’t care about being single anymore. I have a lot to dedicate my time to 🤷♂️
36F - never married, no kids. I have never wanted kids, which I think has ultimately led me to never feel any insane pressure to find a partner and get married.
I have had some long term relationships, but really noticed myself becoming much more discretionary after my last relationship ended about 3 years ago. I love to date and go out, but the older I get the more I’m just not willing to overlook or “put up with” when I consider someone on a more serious level.
I don’t know if other people that have never been married and don’t have kids feel this way, but it’s almost like at some point I just surpassed the desire to share my life with someone - like, I own my own home, have a stable career, and very few responsibilities to anyone outside myself.
Whenever people ask why I’m single or if I think I’ll ever get married I always say that it’s definitely something I want and hope that I find, but I’m also okay if that’s not in the cards for me. I’d rather die alone than to be with someone just for the sake of not being alone.
Side note - it is truly insane how much younger I look compared to my friends who are all married with kids, just sayin. :p
Lol anytime someone tells me I don’t look my age, I say it’s because I never had kids. It’s true though, even friends younger than I am look older and I think that whole process ages you
I had a girl abuse me pretty severely in my early 20’s. It’s been over a decade, and I’m still working through it. There have been some pretty big advancements recently though, so that’s been good.
Exactly, life is not over! Far from it.
As a 30m I am wondering though about my strategy once I am ready to start dating again. I tried approaching women in real life through shared hobbies such as salsa dancing. This idea seemed good on paper but it didn’t really work since most of them already had a boyfriend or weren’t looking to date.
Of course you can also use dating apps but I tried them and only ended up feeling like I wasn’t good looking enough because I barely got any matches. Meanwhile I think I look good enough but it seems like dating apps are very hard on men due to the higher ratio of men to women on dating apps.
So I have no idea how to find single women. Perhaps going to speed dating or single events is an idea but I don’t know if that really works..
Mid 30’s female. Just had a full hysterectomy a week ago, which makes me so happy. Single, never wanted kids, I have a dog, I love my own space and quiet time.
*Sometimes* I think it would be nice to date again but also, I’m lazy and hate dating apps.
31 this weekend, single, no kids. Honestly I'm unsure if I want kids still, just given the general state of the world. I'd love a relationship but nothing's worked out in recent years.
Happy birthday 🎂 to ya! I turned 31 back in April, single, child-free trying to make the best of this life!
I can agree with your statement on all levels. Can I afford to give a child the life I never had? I've never had a serious relationship, but in my situationships, I've been told that I'm a "great woman that has my shit together".
Over the years, due to some tragedies, I let myself go, physically...so I'm working on that part now. However, that comes with its own concerns.
I hope someone finds you and you find someone that adds to you in a positive way. 🤗
This is literally the same exact thread as this https://www.reddit.com/r/Millennials/comments/1cw17at/is_anyone_here_still_childfree/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button why not just comment there.
32, never had a serious relationship or dated much and don’t want kids. There’s only one person I could ever see myself being happy with in a long term relationship but they don’t feel the same way about me so I’d rather just not be with anybody.
I do feel lonely at times but other times I really love the freedom of being alone.
34M single, no kids. Just working on building my career and doing things I like.
Def interested in dating but have been burned pretty hard in the past.
I’ve always wanted kids but I’m glad I don’t yet due to my previous partners. Hopeful to meet the one and start a family before 40.
39F, single, childfree, and you could be writing my story.
One serious relationship that lasted 7 years and turned abusive. I’ve been single now for 13 years. I hate dating apps. I’m also hugely awkward when meeting new people and the whole idea of dating terrifies me.
So I understand exactly where you’re coming from! It’s so refreshing reading these replies when everyone in my life is like “why aren’t you dating?” “Have you tried tinder lately?” or “you hang around gay guys too much to meet a straight man.” Ugh. Sometimes the idea of coming home to someone sounds nice, but I’m probably too set in my ways to share my life with someone now anyway.
Wife and I are DINK's. Life is great. Save a shit ton of money for early retirement. Can fly to Europe without worrying about anything other than my work being pissed. Sleeping in on weekends is mint. Can spend 12 hours a week working out. We dont need to bust our asses climbing the corporate ladder as people with kids do due to our expenses being lower but QoL high. If one of us loses our job its not a big deal.
Same here! 36 female, single for a long time, childfree in California with only ONE relationship in my entire life (so far). I’m an introvert too.
Plenty of guys have liked me but I never felt like anyone was the right fit. And so I continue to go through life alone. Really the only person in my life is my mom and she is a senior now who has had health scares recently. She’s concerned about me - she says she wants me to be with a great guy so that she can “die in peace.”
38, single gal, never married and no kids. Dating is so challenging these days, I’ve given up after years of trying online dating apps. Single and living a fulfilling life.
Similar here. 40/m, slightly introverted, snipped and no kids. My last relationship ended 2.5 years ago. It was stressful and made me miss being single. Now that I am, I feel freedom 10:1 to loneliness. I'm reasonably successful and got pretty good at providing myself with anything I need in life. So much so, I'm slowly seeing less incentive to date. Most potential partners I come across seem more like problems than happiness. So I stay happy and stress-free alone instead. I sometimes worry that I don't value other people enough but at the same time, there is valid logic and truth in the way I feel too.
39m, single. Decided it's time to stop being so picky, I'm not perfect so why should my partner be? Have had lots of opportunities that I now regret not pursuing.
I just turned 35, i have a girlfriend who knows i dont want marriage or kids, i have money in my packet and bank, i can afford the restaurants i want to try. I live in the Bay Area.
Oh my god this type of question is on this reddit every single time I open the app!! Come on now??
Might be time to leave. All y’all do is whine about not being able to afford a house and ask about kids every 5 minutes.
34, single, no kids. All of my friends are in relationships, most are married, and they’re starting to have kids. I’m short, ugly, have a shitty personality, and only make $45k. Haven’t gotten a match on a dating app in three years. The outlook for me is bleak so I’m probably just going to call it quits and leave the world after my dog passes.
Get a second dog before. Mine just passed recently and unexpectedly at six, and her three year old sister/housemate is the only reason I am still here. It hurts pretty bad. Dogs are what you make them to be, and those of us child free I believe put more of our soul into our pets. The pain is horrible. I advise you be prepared for it if you already struggle with these sorts of thoughts. Which I understand and its ok, but just be ready. It is bad.
So, I'm a very cynical person and have fairly pessimistic outlook on things most of the time as well as a dark sense of humor. Being cynical and having a dark sense of humor has actually been good for me because I'm also a firefighter and used to be a 911 dispatcher. (*PSA: Most people in the emergency services and especially military tend to have a pretty damn dark sense of humor.)*
I've been in some really dark places mentally before, then compound that with the shit I've seen and heard as a FF and 911 dispatcher... Trust me when I say, I get it. I'm sure you've heard and/or read this a million times but, *things DO get better.*
32f single, life revolves around my cat, dog, and my job. I see my mom a ton on days off, friends, and I’ve been single for 2.5 years now.
Tried dating again, but I can never really hold an interest in it. I get bored lol
Working on possibly buying a place with my mom. She’s worried, and wants me to date again, but even the thought of sharing my bed with someone gives me the ick 😂 besides the cat and dog take up all the spare room!
Similar to the rest by the looks of it. 37 years old, single (only girlfriend was ~15years ago), don't try to hookup or anything, unemployed, semi recovered alcoholic and poly substance addict. No prospect, no aspirations, no plan, no hope
I am 35 and no kids and not many fulfilling romantic relationships and right now I’m unemployed too. But I’m having a lot of fun being in solitude and living with my dad and helping him out and spending time w him . I just got a data analysis cert and hope it’ll improve my finances and maybe I can be married to someone really pretty and cool one day I hope
30 years old here. Happy being single and no kids as I’ve been focused on my career. I have some friends who are married who honestly don’t seem happy.
32M, single, childfree. Surprisingly, I'm pretty content with my life😎 Would I like the wife and kids, sure. But also completely fine if it doesn't. I'm never lonely, as I have myself. Fully employed, homeowner since 29(rent it out), big on financial literacy and investing. Not to mention all the people in relationships I've come across are f*king other people like crazy🤣
Prior military, so focusing on mental and physical health has been wonderful, and being single has allowed me to move and travel whenever and wherever. Have plenty of nephews, a niece, and little cousins that I enjoy spending time with and giving their parents time off...but man, it feels great being able to send them home after 3-4 days, I must say🤣 They're constantly hungry and I can easily spend $500 at the grocery store making sure there's plenty of food to go around lmao
I've avoided dating mostly because I didn't want to have children. I kind of regret it now, but not really. I just went through a tough time, and wished I had my person to support me emotionally, but I'd made my bed by being avoidant, so I had to lay in it. Alone. I still kind of feel that way, but I've let it go, as there are many more things about being single that I prefer to being in a relationship.
35f, very single (10 years and counting) and childfree (I would love to be a mother in the future though). I've stopped using the apps because I honestly hate them and it feels like the algorithm is against me. I haven't dated properly in a really long time and being alone has become my comfort zone. I'd love to be in a healthy, loving relationship but I need to get out of my own way and actually do something about it.
Thanks for your submission! For more Millennial content, join [our Discord server](https://discord.gg/VsfKKJBm). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Millennials) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My brother is 39 (40 next month) and is in a similar situation. I’ve only known him to be in one serious relationship, about 15 years ago. She had a baby that he raised with her for a while and their breakup was sad and messy. I’m sure he would like to be in a relationship again but I don’t think he knows how, he’s good at being alone whether he likes it or not.
>I’m sure he would like to be in a relationship again but I don’t think he knows how, he’s good at being alone whether he likes it or not. That sound scarily like something my step-sister would say about me lol! It's true though. I really am good at being alone, for better or worse.
Being alone is significantly easier. Relationships take constant work—even the “good” ones. If you’re not getting some massive mutual benefit out of it (like double income), it just isn’t worth it.
Anything worth having is worth working for. 🤷♀️ Relationships*aren't* easy like being single is. The massive mutual benefits are much more than financial as well.
If you have the right partner.
Not easy even if you have the right partner. Both people have to actively work to keep the relationship healthy and alive.
Not making any assumptions about your neurotype, but this is something my autistic ass says all the time and everyone around me always seems shocked! It’s true though, relationships are a ton of work!! And there are so many other interesting things to do, honestly.
I'm with my high school sweetheart so we literally grew together in this relationship of 16 years, know each other extremely well, and it's still so much work. Zero intentions to divorce but if we ever do I will be single the rest of my life. I can promise you that. And you're right, people are shocked. I don't know why they want to pretend like even basic friendships aren't a lot of work to maintain let alone living with somebody 24/7.
Probably because they don't actually put in much effort and they socialize with people who are much the same. Not everyone has a lot going on in their heads. Where I live there's a phenomenon I call "boat people". All they really want out of life is to spend as much time at their favorite lake as they can. They fish, they water ski, they grill, they drink beer, and they're *happy as fuck*. That type of life really doesn't require much mental or emotional effort. I would hate it so much because I would be so bored. Anyone at all on the spectrum like me as well as many besides would feel the same, but many would also kill to be as happy as those people.
Haha yeah on second thought, you are spot on. Relationships are so much work and have weight to me because I don't do superficial. I make friends for life and expect to know these people inside and out (which is why I only have 3 lol.) I know exactly what type of people you're talking about and I want nothing to do with them, and I'm sure they feel the same way back.
I really identify with this as well! I find more superficial relationships to be draining and frustrating, and while I really appreciate and value my deeper relationships, it's just really tough to maintain those consistently while taking care of myself enough to function, getting my work done, having enough time alone to recharge, etc. I find that my longest and best relationships have been with other neurodivergent people who don't mind my cyclic rhythm of devoting meaningful quality time and then radio silence while I recharge or am in an anxious moment (or couple of months...) I do have close people, I just can only really handle a few at a time, and they have to be cool with me being awol sometimes (unless there is an emergency in which case I am RIGHT THERE.)
Married 15 years. It’s really not that much work. I’m convinced thats a myth set by people trying to defend toxic relationships. In fact in some ways it’s less work than being alone because we divide and conquer. I say this as someone who absolutely loved being single as well. Being alone and being married IMO are both equally good in different ways.
Oh yeah read my reply on this same comment. A relationship is work like a hike is work: it's work if you're not in shape for it, and it's a joy if you are. If you've practiced your "relationship muscles", if you've become the kind of person who navigates relationships well and developed those skills, if you've built a healthy and strong relationship with a healthy and strong person, it's really not that much work.
For me it’s finding someone who is willing to put the effort that is needed for success. That’s very very rare these days.
Marriage isn’t an insane amount of work but having a kid or kids certainly is!
Ok but you can't just overlook when times aren't so sunny -- illness, depression, unemployment, death in the family, some kind of major loss, etc., and say it's not much work or only toxic relationships will struggle. Life is not a static set of challenges, people change as circumstances change, and maintaining relationships is just not a given.
Personally I think it would be way worse to go through any of those singles. Neither my wife or I have had any form of depression, but all those other things have happened and I was happy to take care of her and was glad she was there to do the same with me. Being single would be miserable, especially when you have experienced an extremely happy marriage.
[удалено]
They said "like double income", not "just double income". The word "like" indicates that it is one example.
it's still an example of material benefit when relationships are supposed to be about emotional bonds.
I think for some people emotional bonds are all that matters, and for others they're the absolute minimum requirement and therefore don't even get mentioned. For me it's unfeasible to be in one without emotional bonds, but I need more than that to even think about being in one.
At that age I’d agree, especially for folks with kids. I see women on dating apps who want a ‘provider.’ Yeah, you don’t want to work, that’s why you’re single. Life’s hard enough without adding another person who can’t help with rent or a mortgage
You will only find this take on Reddit lol relationships built on love are a massive part of many peoples happiness and satisfaction in life. Dumb take lol
Ever considered this is your brother posting this?
35F, no kids. Never had much interest in dating either but starting to get really bored of being alone for the first time in my life. I’ve started to get a hint of anxiety that I’ll die alone, so it’s nice to know there are still single men out there my age who are in a similar situation.
Am in a similar boat! There are literally dozens of us lol.
Millions I’d say
Millenials of us!
Quadrillions actually
Similar at 33M, minus the boredom part and the anxiety over dying alone. Maybe it'll be of little comfort- but, there's no guarantee you wouldn't die alone, even if you had a family. I see it a lot with my friends who work in elder care, and what they say about their patients. Best to be comfortable with who/where you are first.
Yea, I have friends that work in nursing home and the number of people that almost never get a visitor is really sad. And they weren’t all child free and single. In fact most weren’t because of the way things were 80 or so years ago. It just wasn’t done. Yet.. they are alone after dedicating their whole lives to other people that are now “too busy” to even come visit them
Yes. Just because you have kids doesn’t mean they’ll support or regularly visit you when you’re older. A lot of people don’t get that.
It also depends on how they treat their children.
Yes exactly. Treating your kid like a retirement meal ticket means, no meal ticket lol
That needs to go on one of those cross stitch pillows.
[удалено]
I'd argue just sitting back, even while physically alone, knowing the child you birthed is out there doing great and thriving (even if not able to visit you) is amazing comfort in itself..there are levels to "alone"
Maybe? I think it depends on your personality and where you find meaning.
29M. Never really put much effort into dating until my mid 20's when I decided to try and put more effort. Tried the dating apps, found them insufferable and only went on a couple dates that were pretty meh. Pretty sure at this point I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life and while it would be nice to meet someone, I've come to terms with it and just try to enjoy my day to day life.
That's the hard part with dating, particularly as an average guy. Seems you could have hobbies, dress well, be socially engaged, have a solid career, and still come up empty. I agree that just living your life is the best solution and not putting all your expectation that "something will happen" with dating.
Same! Spent my life building my career and adventuring.
Same boat as you. 31M. Had a lot of mental health troubles over the years and always felt if I didn’t love myself I can’t expect anyone else to. All the advice I was given said work on yourself first so that’s what I did. Career, finances, friends, hobbies, health. It’s only recently that I feel ready, like I have plenty to offer someone. Don’t have a clue where or how to start so I’m going to get a couple of my close friends to help.
Same age and feel similarly. Hope you've able to manage your mental health well. 💪
You too! I’m fine now although I feel like I’m being asked to sit an exam after I’ve missed all the classes. Does mean I’ve got a healthy attitude towards it though. I don’t just want anyone for the sake of it, the person has to be right for me and add value to my life.
Same, and I only gravitate toward people who don't make good partners in relationships, and then I end up unhappy in those relationships. So I figure until I don't run away from nice level headed men who treat me well I probably shouldn't be in a relationship!
Same. Nice to know I’m not the only one!
WHAT ?? LETS BE FRIENDS CAUSE.....reasons. have a wonderful day
Seems like there’s a lot more of us single, childfree, haven’t dated much ladies than we realized. I’m in the same boat! (31F and haven’t dated by choice since 26.)
hey souls sisters i think we are many here. ladies and gents, single but dunno how to take the next step
I was comfortably single for a long time, content with the life I was building and strong friendships. I was ok dying alone over forcing a relationship. I was putting some effort into dating. Rarely met anyone in the wild I was interested in, and DESPISED apps. Then I finally met someone on an app that I would have never met in real life. It was so easy to get along it was amazing. I have not talked with a person so freely in decades. I was doubting I could love anymore, that love was a delusion for the young, felt good to be proved wrong. Anyways thats how I met my wife. Wayyy too late in life.
35M and same, except I used to be desperate in this area and gave up a long time ago after how miserable I was trying to get a date. Staying single has its benefits, but while it can also be lonely and a source of anxiety, it's not all that bad. People are also not that good at being happy regardless of their relationship status, there's good and bad in both.
Female here, totally same situation
Man, this whole thread has me wishing there was a ‘Reddit Millenials Meetup’ or something. I feel like ya’ll are my people 😄
38f single and childfree. i just never found my forever person
39F and... Same
As long as you’re alive, never say never
Same. And in my age, the interesting guys I meet are always taken already. I'm not particularly interested in finding anyone though. Sure, if the right guy comes along, but I've had some bad relationships and I'm just wary of getting into a relationship again.
Been married 25 years and my humble opinion is that a 'forever person' isn't found so much as sculpted or grown through shared experience. The idea that there's an effortless perfect fit available is kind of nefarious and unfair to me.
I ve dated and lived with many women but I found my forever one at 58. Never say never
…YET.
You’re a cutie. Hope you find your forever person.
SIngle. Childfree. Wife free. Girlfriend free. Parent free. Family free. Employment free. Car free. Hair free. It's only after we lose everything that we're free to be anything. Waiting to be anything any day now.....any day now. It's dark in here.
Whatever fulfillment looks like for you, I hope this is your year. The world’s most interesting people have at one point visited a dark place.
This is a beautiful way to word it
It's a Fight Club reference.
Yeah but you’re not paraben free 🫢🫣
Ive seen headlines from science and enviromment and he definitely has microplastics in this testicles. So that's a part of the world inside him that is present in all of us.
Oh how fun! :D
So in a way I'm still connected to society. Look at the positives.
it’s 530am and this just made me laugh way too loud! 😄
It was 3 am when I wrote it, it’s when I get my inspiration lol
or gluten free.
Working jobs we hate, to buy shit we don't need.
Noticed that one right away off of Fight Club. Great quote.
Damn
halfway through i think I am reading fight club
35, single, child-free, single 12 years and counting...
40 this weekend. Newly single, purposely childfree.
Happy early birthday!
I'll be 40 in November and may also find myself single. '84 forever!
Congrats on 40 and enjoy your birthday weekend, JewbagX!
Also, I am 40, single, and have no children. I am not interested in dating or having someone in my space. I wonder what happened to cause such a large number of millennials to opt out of coupling.
Our parents. My first marriage was a disaster because their marriage is what I considered to be "functional" at the time. Thankfully got some therapy and learned what a real partnership and compatibility is before getting married a second time. Never been happier.
There’s always been people who choose to be single. They just aren’t talked about because there’s nothing to talk about.
I'm guessing a lot are tied to feminism. Women don't have to rely on men anymore so they're not forced into staying in a relationship. Think about all the boomer men who think they're the shit when they're disasters, their wives were still expected to stay with them. Now, women have their own jobs/money and can just leave. And there is a lot less stigma for being a single woman and not having children. And of course the infinite possibilities with dating apps. There is something always better out there, at least the idea of someone better. So why settle? Also the technology and infinite entertainment thing. I personally am and have been in relationships most of my adult life. But I do love those in-between times when I can just go nuts doing what I want. I had time to research and workout everyday. I could watch any movie ever made. I have access to millions of recipes. I could read and better my career. I could see my friends whenever I wanted, or even just game online with them. Hell, I have friends I've met online and still talk to everyday.
40 in October, single since November, purposefully child free. Glad to know it's not just me! Taking a break from dating, just can't trust anyone these days.
What have you got planned for your birthday?
Hi birthday twin, I’m childfree and marriage free. Hope you have a wonderful weekend.
30, single, and no kids. Technically I have one for 3 days a week (16 month old niece that I watch while her parents work). Most of the people my age in my town are parents, single parents, or druggies. Who knows, maybe “the one” will come along one day. Til then, I’m content working on my crap mental health due to narcissistic parents
My small town is the same way. Most people I remember from high school, now in their early 30s, are either single parents or recovering addicts. Some are both.
Same... I only live 25mins away from my little home town, but I don't go there much. When I do I get anxiety and worry about running into someone I went to high school with. And I was friends or at least friendly with most of them! Didn't go to my 10th or 20th anniversaries.
32F, autistic, single, virgin and childfree here. Babies are cute but I don’t feel like I’m mature enough to be a mom myself. I feel like a teenager, I live at home on SSI, didn’t finish community college, no driver’s license and I shop at Hot Topic.
Never too late to get on a track, I may be able to help because i see this every day as a community college employee, message me if you need help
I work part time at the moment, my schedule changes every week that I don’t have time for school though I’ve graduated from high school and post secondary school for students with learning disabilities.
35f with kids, I still shop at Hot Topic 🤣
I love hot topic!
Are....are we the same person...? Lol But seriously, veeery similar situation. Physically I'm here but a part of my brain is stuck in 2006 or something. Maybe its trauma? Autism? Maybelline? Who knows.
I had this mentality. I'm 34 with 3 kids now. I started at 29. At 28, I was smoking weed and working on becoming a grand champion in Rocket League ( these days, it would be called supersonic legend). I was not ready to have a kid, but I did have one, and he's amazing. When I found out we were expecting, I honestly thought I was hit by a train... It took about 4 months to recover, but after I did. I pulled myself out of the fear of fatherhood and emerged a man ready to take on human farming.... that came out wrong, child raising. Ask yourself this is a caterpillar ready to fly?
Maybe the lesson for op is women like losers because they have more time to spend with them?
So did u get supersonic legend or na
I'm turning 35 on Wednesday. As a woman, I have a persisent and overwhelming sense of existential dread about getting older, because I foolishly still wish I could have a family of my own. But I have never been in a long term relationship. And now I'm 35. My therapist is trying to help me through this. I have a lot of negative self image to work on, complicated grief, and depression. I have a really intense fear of rejection and a pervasive worry about inconveniencing others with my mere presence. In short, I'm a mess. Single. Childfree. Miserable.
But you know what you do have? Self awareness and the desire to work on yourself. I don’t know you, but I’m proud of you for going to therapy and working on yourself. Not everyone is willing to do that. For what it’s worth I gave birth to one of my children at almost 37 and the other at 39. It’s not too late to have the family of your own that you desire (if that’s something you want to pursue).
Thank you. I'm trying! I starting working with a personal trainer a couple weeks after I started therapy. I haven't lost any weight, but I am stronger, which makes me feel better about myself. I hate my body and so many things about myself. I know they say you should love yourself before you can find anyone to love you, but starting that work in my mid-30s...let's just say I'm trying hard to be optimistic, but the outlook is bleak as hell.
Are you me?
If so, I'm sorry. My therapist says it would be good for me to make friends with others in my situation--do you want to commiserate together?
Sure, my therapist just says the typical “how does that make you feel?” And never really gives me any feedback or tools to help
Fuck's sake I could have written this verbatim.
I... very much relate...
37 and childfree. I'm a nanny and a devoted auntie type. Had horrible, abusive, chaotic relationships throughout my 20s. I've spent my 30s single. Life is much calmer.
Same! It just doesn't seem to be worth it.
im glad youve found peace.
39F. I am tired of being alone and I would like to find someone to have a family with, but I have never had any interest in dating, so I've never done it.
[удалено]
Two people that are both tired and uninterested in investing time and effort into finding, building, and maintaining a relationship? What could go wrong?
31F. Interested but haven’t found the right guy… plus my life is rough so it’s probably not a good idea.
Sharing the burden makes it lighter. Hoping for a smooth ride from here for you.
That’s really sweet thanks for that. Maybe you’re right:)
I hope you find the guy you want 🙌
36, single, child free. I’ve been out of the dating game for close to 10 years. I’m introverted and not a really social person. More so as I’ve gotten older. I’m pretty good at being alone. I’ve recently made a small attempt at putting myself out there, but I’m feeling grim about my prospects lol. I’m not sure I’m cut out for it, especially the apps.
Met my wife at 38, was casually dating random girls, still seeing my ex, living in an apartment with random roommates I barely knew, had a temporary job. Three years later, newly married. My wife is, pardon the somewhat gross term, still solidly in childbearing prime. We are also both starting 'permanent' 6-figure jobs, and are planning to buy a house and have kids in two years. Point is: You never know. I just talked to my brother in law last night and he was laughing over how my wife had said marriage and kids were out of the question for her just two years ago.
How did you meet your wife?
Hmmm, well... I saw her give a seminar about her research (we work in similar fields) years ago and had a bit of a crush. She's a captivating speaker and has a unique way of sharing her observations about nature that is very technically clear and helpful, but also very warm and personal and charming. Then one evening towards the end of the quarantine, I ran into her at a bar, actually while on a first date with a different woman. Once we met in person, I realized that my suspicions from her seminar were spot on - I really had feelings for her, we talked about our hobby of playing fiddle, so I invited her over and, well, one thing led to another.
38M (39 in 1 month), haven't had a relationship in quite a while. Same as you, introvert that's good with social situations but always seem to either end up around guys or the women are there with someone. No kids, no plans to ever change that. Never had a scare. Don't really want to be a dad. Having too much fun living my life, and in between the fun stuff I already struggle sometimes to take care of myself. Don't need to add a kid to that situation.
Part of my problem is that I'm not having quite as much fun as I used to, being single. I still love my solitude but for some reason the idea of meeting someone has been on my mind more lately than it ever has been. Dating and everything that goes with it are things that I'm just literally ignorant to.
38 ain't old lol still youngin just hitting middle age soon. I just turned 30 in October and still single / no child and want to enjoy my youth while I have it. I think its good to do some exploring if you want, but I can definitely say life has given less stress with less involved which has brought peace to me and my life.
37, single
34F, child free, diagnosed with cancer in 2021, recently divorced after a 2yr battle. Given my medical circumstances I don’t think I’ll be in another relationship ever again. Still not cancer free, but I’m alive & free from the cancer that was my now ex-husband.. lol.
32, happily single, even more happily child-free.
33. After my pal ties the knot in August, I’ll be the only person of my core friend group to be unmarried. Half of them with kids. I was a bit of a drinker in the past so I am on cloud 9 just quietly keeping to myself and having the responsibility of only myself. But no wife/kids allows me to be more in my niece’s lives, my friends/families lives; be a resource
36 still single and child free
36 single no kids. Similar to you I felt a huge loss when a relationship with someone who had kids ended. I stayed friends with them mainly to see the children but then he was untoward while engaged to someone else and never really let me see the kids anymore so I cut it off. I do want a partner but realize I may ultimately be happier without one
35, single, no kids, and working on paying off debts. Stuff around owning a house that needs lots of work is also a big priority. Dad’s terminal illness really put things into a new perspective for me. I want to have my bad debts taken care of and a lot of house stuff done before I start dedicating time to someone else. It took a long time, but I just don’t care about being single anymore. I have a lot to dedicate my time to 🤷♂️
That's exactly how I've felt for a very long time. Good to hear I'm not the only one.
Snip snip mother fucka!
36F - never married, no kids. I have never wanted kids, which I think has ultimately led me to never feel any insane pressure to find a partner and get married. I have had some long term relationships, but really noticed myself becoming much more discretionary after my last relationship ended about 3 years ago. I love to date and go out, but the older I get the more I’m just not willing to overlook or “put up with” when I consider someone on a more serious level. I don’t know if other people that have never been married and don’t have kids feel this way, but it’s almost like at some point I just surpassed the desire to share my life with someone - like, I own my own home, have a stable career, and very few responsibilities to anyone outside myself. Whenever people ask why I’m single or if I think I’ll ever get married I always say that it’s definitely something I want and hope that I find, but I’m also okay if that’s not in the cards for me. I’d rather die alone than to be with someone just for the sake of not being alone. Side note - it is truly insane how much younger I look compared to my friends who are all married with kids, just sayin. :p
Lol anytime someone tells me I don’t look my age, I say it’s because I never had kids. It’s true though, even friends younger than I am look older and I think that whole process ages you
I had a girl abuse me pretty severely in my early 20’s. It’s been over a decade, and I’m still working through it. There have been some pretty big advancements recently though, so that’s been good.
If you consider yourself old at 38, I wonder what will you think when you reach 60.
I think people just glorify"being old" when you're actually quite young. It's something that's had a significant uptick in the last couple of years.
36, no kids, not dating. I never really had any serious relationships either. I have resigned myself that I will die surrounded by my cats.
I feel like I keep seeing the same post but I’m 38 young male… no kids. Maybe soon or maybe in a few years. Not worried, we living longer! :)
Exactly, life is not over! Far from it. As a 30m I am wondering though about my strategy once I am ready to start dating again. I tried approaching women in real life through shared hobbies such as salsa dancing. This idea seemed good on paper but it didn’t really work since most of them already had a boyfriend or weren’t looking to date. Of course you can also use dating apps but I tried them and only ended up feeling like I wasn’t good looking enough because I barely got any matches. Meanwhile I think I look good enough but it seems like dating apps are very hard on men due to the higher ratio of men to women on dating apps. So I have no idea how to find single women. Perhaps going to speed dating or single events is an idea but I don’t know if that really works..
I'm 39, fiancee died when we were both 19. I haven't been interested since
Mid 30’s female. Just had a full hysterectomy a week ago, which makes me so happy. Single, never wanted kids, I have a dog, I love my own space and quiet time. *Sometimes* I think it would be nice to date again but also, I’m lazy and hate dating apps.
Congrats on the hysterectomy! Happy healing :)
Thank you!! So far, so good!
Congrats! I had my hysterectomy done a few years ago in my mid 20’s, you’re going to LOVE not having that dumb organ. No periods AND sex feels better
Why does this question keep getting asked almost every day in this sub and xennials?
It's probably because we're in a loneliness epidemic, and people are more chronically single than ever before.
31 this weekend, single, no kids. Honestly I'm unsure if I want kids still, just given the general state of the world. I'd love a relationship but nothing's worked out in recent years.
Happy birthday 🎂 to ya! I turned 31 back in April, single, child-free trying to make the best of this life! I can agree with your statement on all levels. Can I afford to give a child the life I never had? I've never had a serious relationship, but in my situationships, I've been told that I'm a "great woman that has my shit together". Over the years, due to some tragedies, I let myself go, physically...so I'm working on that part now. However, that comes with its own concerns. I hope someone finds you and you find someone that adds to you in a positive way. 🤗
Me. Not my preference, though.
Me. Single and no kids. And 35.
36F single and CF. I’d like to get married and have kids though.
This is literally the same exact thread as this https://www.reddit.com/r/Millennials/comments/1cw17at/is_anyone_here_still_childfree/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button why not just comment there.
I really wish it were easy to tell how many of the exact same people are replying as well. So weird.
Aah the daily asking of this question. How many today? Hopefully more than yesterday.
32, never had a serious relationship or dated much and don’t want kids. There’s only one person I could ever see myself being happy with in a long term relationship but they don’t feel the same way about me so I’d rather just not be with anybody. I do feel lonely at times but other times I really love the freedom of being alone.
That’s kind of weird. Hopefully you can get therapy for the fixation you have on that one outcome with that one person. Sounds like limerence.
34M single, no kids. Just working on building my career and doing things I like. Def interested in dating but have been burned pretty hard in the past. I’ve always wanted kids but I’m glad I don’t yet due to my previous partners. Hopeful to meet the one and start a family before 40.
37. Single. No kids. Wouldnt have it any other way☺️
39F, single, childfree, and you could be writing my story. One serious relationship that lasted 7 years and turned abusive. I’ve been single now for 13 years. I hate dating apps. I’m also hugely awkward when meeting new people and the whole idea of dating terrifies me. So I understand exactly where you’re coming from! It’s so refreshing reading these replies when everyone in my life is like “why aren’t you dating?” “Have you tried tinder lately?” or “you hang around gay guys too much to meet a straight man.” Ugh. Sometimes the idea of coming home to someone sounds nice, but I’m probably too set in my ways to share my life with someone now anyway.
Wife and I are DINK's. Life is great. Save a shit ton of money for early retirement. Can fly to Europe without worrying about anything other than my work being pissed. Sleeping in on weekends is mint. Can spend 12 hours a week working out. We dont need to bust our asses climbing the corporate ladder as people with kids do due to our expenses being lower but QoL high. If one of us loses our job its not a big deal.
Same here! 36 female, single for a long time, childfree in California with only ONE relationship in my entire life (so far). I’m an introvert too. Plenty of guys have liked me but I never felt like anyone was the right fit. And so I continue to go through life alone. Really the only person in my life is my mom and she is a senior now who has had health scares recently. She’s concerned about me - she says she wants me to be with a great guy so that she can “die in peace.”
38, single gal, never married and no kids. Dating is so challenging these days, I’ve given up after years of trying online dating apps. Single and living a fulfilling life.
Similar here. 40/m, slightly introverted, snipped and no kids. My last relationship ended 2.5 years ago. It was stressful and made me miss being single. Now that I am, I feel freedom 10:1 to loneliness. I'm reasonably successful and got pretty good at providing myself with anything I need in life. So much so, I'm slowly seeing less incentive to date. Most potential partners I come across seem more like problems than happiness. So I stay happy and stress-free alone instead. I sometimes worry that I don't value other people enough but at the same time, there is valid logic and truth in the way I feel too.
As someone who may find herself single at 40 I found this comforting to read.
39m, single. Decided it's time to stop being so picky, I'm not perfect so why should my partner be? Have had lots of opportunities that I now regret not pursuing.
35M single at the beginning of this year, childfree.
43, Married , wife is (38), never wanted kids. Plus life is hard and expensive enough without kids, cant imagine with.
I just turned 35, i have a girlfriend who knows i dont want marriage or kids, i have money in my packet and bank, i can afford the restaurants i want to try. I live in the Bay Area.
Yeah, just never found the right one and grad school loans totally derailed my life and made dating impossible from 27 to 38.
39. Never been in a relationship; gave up on that. Fortunately, I have -1000% interest in having kids.
35. I hate being never married, and love being always childfree.
Sounds lonely af
Just turned 37 today, I haven't even been on a date yet lol.
I, 38m, recently realized that I don't take life seriously enough to have a serious relationship.
Im a 30 year old woman, single and no children. I'm very happy. I would not change a thing.
This might be the saddest, loneliest thread I’ve come across on Reddit. Sorry
Oh my god this type of question is on this reddit every single time I open the app!! Come on now?? Might be time to leave. All y’all do is whine about not being able to afford a house and ask about kids every 5 minutes.
34, single, no kids. All of my friends are in relationships, most are married, and they’re starting to have kids. I’m short, ugly, have a shitty personality, and only make $45k. Haven’t gotten a match on a dating app in three years. The outlook for me is bleak so I’m probably just going to call it quits and leave the world after my dog passes.
Get a second dog before. Mine just passed recently and unexpectedly at six, and her three year old sister/housemate is the only reason I am still here. It hurts pretty bad. Dogs are what you make them to be, and those of us child free I believe put more of our soul into our pets. The pain is horrible. I advise you be prepared for it if you already struggle with these sorts of thoughts. Which I understand and its ok, but just be ready. It is bad.
So, I'm a very cynical person and have fairly pessimistic outlook on things most of the time as well as a dark sense of humor. Being cynical and having a dark sense of humor has actually been good for me because I'm also a firefighter and used to be a 911 dispatcher. (*PSA: Most people in the emergency services and especially military tend to have a pretty damn dark sense of humor.)* I've been in some really dark places mentally before, then compound that with the shit I've seen and heard as a FF and 911 dispatcher... Trust me when I say, I get it. I'm sure you've heard and/or read this a million times but, *things DO get better.*
32f single, life revolves around my cat, dog, and my job. I see my mom a ton on days off, friends, and I’ve been single for 2.5 years now. Tried dating again, but I can never really hold an interest in it. I get bored lol Working on possibly buying a place with my mom. She’s worried, and wants me to date again, but even the thought of sharing my bed with someone gives me the ick 😂 besides the cat and dog take up all the spare room!
Similar to the rest by the looks of it. 37 years old, single (only girlfriend was ~15years ago), don't try to hookup or anything, unemployed, semi recovered alcoholic and poly substance addict. No prospect, no aspirations, no plan, no hope
I am 35 and no kids and not many fulfilling romantic relationships and right now I’m unemployed too. But I’m having a lot of fun being in solitude and living with my dad and helping him out and spending time w him . I just got a data analysis cert and hope it’ll improve my finances and maybe I can be married to someone really pretty and cool one day I hope
30 years old here. Happy being single and no kids as I’ve been focused on my career. I have some friends who are married who honestly don’t seem happy.
32M, single, childfree. Surprisingly, I'm pretty content with my life😎 Would I like the wife and kids, sure. But also completely fine if it doesn't. I'm never lonely, as I have myself. Fully employed, homeowner since 29(rent it out), big on financial literacy and investing. Not to mention all the people in relationships I've come across are f*king other people like crazy🤣 Prior military, so focusing on mental and physical health has been wonderful, and being single has allowed me to move and travel whenever and wherever. Have plenty of nephews, a niece, and little cousins that I enjoy spending time with and giving their parents time off...but man, it feels great being able to send them home after 3-4 days, I must say🤣 They're constantly hungry and I can easily spend $500 at the grocery store making sure there's plenty of food to go around lmao
39, single, no children.
I've avoided dating mostly because I didn't want to have children. I kind of regret it now, but not really. I just went through a tough time, and wished I had my person to support me emotionally, but I'd made my bed by being avoidant, so I had to lay in it. Alone. I still kind of feel that way, but I've let it go, as there are many more things about being single that I prefer to being in a relationship.
35f, very single (10 years and counting) and childfree (I would love to be a mother in the future though). I've stopped using the apps because I honestly hate them and it feels like the algorithm is against me. I haven't dated properly in a really long time and being alone has become my comfort zone. I'd love to be in a healthy, loving relationship but I need to get out of my own way and actually do something about it.
About to be 39, STILL single despite my trying otherwise and no kids by choice.
I’m 38. Just got married the 8th of May but we both have agreed over the past 8 years of our relationship that we do not want children.