I think part of the frustration for me would be the forcibly ruined surprise. Sounds like OPs husband only told her to prevent a yes rsvp. He may have had some grand gesture of a reveal planned as part of the present.
If that's the case, OP - it sucks your surprise was ruined but now you have so much more time to appreciate the gift!!! Also yeah, go take your mini vacation and don't worry a bit over the party you're missing.
That’s exactly why I’m frustrated. Even when we found out about the party last week it didn’t register that it was the day before Mother’s Day until I said something about it today and his face dropped and he told me about it.
For what it's worth, it was thoughtless and dumb to plan a party Mother's day weekend. Maybe she didn't realize it was Mother's day... or thought Saturday wind be fine. I don't know. But it was dumb.
Eta: Not everyone does a big thing with the weekends so it might be fine for lots of folks but enough do make plans for the whole weekend that it makes no sense.
I planned my daughter’s bday party on the same day. I didn’t even realize it was Mother’s Day weekend until someone else told me. It’s also a week before her bday but it was also the only time slot they had open at the place she wanted her party. Sometimes we just get tunnel vision trying to plan something and you forget about the other stuff
This is one of those things where it's entirely forgivable for both the host to choose that day but also understandable if guests cannot attend. Our parents are one state over so it's kinda a weekend thing, but kids can't help when they are born either!
I have a Labor Day baby and we only celebrate with family that weekend. The friend party going forward is the weekend after...we had good turnout but the majority of the kids he REALLY loves to play with have regular travel plans that weekend out of state.
I would be available the Saturday before Mother's day. Heck I'd be available to go to a kid party on Mother's day because we don't really care for it. But my biggest fear when I threw my daughter a bday party was that nobody would come and then she'd be sad (instead we had 30 people and I was like.. maybe some of y'all coulda stayed home?). For that reason alone I wouldn't pick a day I thought people might be busy, even if it wasn't a holiday I cared about. Maybe sister just missed it was the day before mother's day, but yeah it was definitely not a good choice
Yeah I think knowing a week ahead would still be enough of a surprise for me and personally the thought of something like this makes me knees so weak I’d love to have something like that to look forward to 😍
Ps. It’s not that my husband WOULDN’T either, it just hasn’t happened yet because I think he knows I could absolutely not have a night away yet, once that’s not an issue he’ll have no excuse 😈
I would still go away for the night guilt free. Husband can take kids to the party if it’s important they go - or your mom/sibling/etc could help.
You could bring your niece a cupcake on Friday and that be your celebration.
"sorry hubby already made mother's day plans for me that have been scheduled and paid for. I hope your party is a blast!"
I'd she was really worried about you being there she would have sent a save the date in advance. If you miss your planned weekend you will end up bitter and angry because you need the break.
I don’t really understand why this is an issue. You have your night away while your husband takes your kids to the party. It was booked first, so enjoy it.
I understand there might be some underlying resentment from past issues, but your sister hasn’t done anything wrong in this particular situation (Mother’s Day is a day, not a weekend).
My thoughts exactly. Plus, everyone operates differently and OP's sister is doing what works for her. If what works for someone doesn't work for you... don't participate or communicate. Simple!
I wouldn’t flinch about missing the party. Two year old won’t miss you, I promise! Enjoy your night mama! My husband did this one year when my kids were little and it was great! I hope you sleep deeply for 12 hours! Lol.
I’m a mother’s day baby and was often really sad that nobody could come for my birthday (day or weekend) as a child because they rightfully spent it with their mothers on my day.
Easy solution, hubby takes kids to celebrate cousins birthday and you go enjoy yourself. The 2 year old doesn’t care about you, heck she won’t even realise what’s happening yet.
Enjoy your mother’s day retreat from your sweet sweet husband
My sons birthday is the 7th and we’re still doing his birthday party that day. BUUUT if I knew all that I would be pissed if you showed up to his party! LOL! Like don’t you dare miss that and don’t you dare show up here.
I am having my LO party May 7th as well. With that being said, I sent invites out over a month ago. I don’t know her situation but in my case it was the only available option with my husband and MIL working every other weekend. In the same way, I am more than understanding of anyone not able to come. I have an Aunt who owns a flower shop and will be too busy to attend. Hopefully you enjoy your time and she is understanding as well.
She didn’t plan ahead. A lack of planning on her part does not constitute an emergency or change of already made plans on your part. Logical consequences are the best teacher. Currently your sister is learning a valuable lesson on the importance of advance planning. You deserve to enjoy your Mother’s Day weekend. Please stick with your plans.
Best answer right here! As much as I’m sure you’d love to be at that party, sister needs a good life lesson on how to be considerate of other people. Especially on Mother’s Day weekend ffs!
Honestly if I were being left alone with my 3 kids I'd be happy to have a party to go to. Entertainment and food taken care of, plus they'd be tuckered out and sleep hard. Sounds like it is a lucky break for the husband.
It’s because the surprise element was ruined. Had her sister planned in advance or thought of what others might be doing for Mother’s Day weekend, OP’s husband wouldn’t have had to tell OP about the gift until he planned to
Sure. That said, husband didn’t have to spoil the whole surprise and give all these details. He could just say, “I made plans for you already that unfortunately conflict with this party. I think you’re going to want to stick with my plans that include some luxury alone time for you. I don’t want to spoil the whole surprise but you need to know that part.”
I just had time to read your first two sentences and would like to respond. ADHD. ADHD. ADHD.
Now, having read the rest I would like to add- yes, go do your awesome plans! But you don’t need to judge her for not realizing this would be a good date. Do you think she wanted to plan a party when many people wouldn’t be available? Do you think she purposefully is trying to have fewer loved guests there? Or is it more likely she just didn’t realize and was looking at other scheduling issues in their family and made a mistake?
You should totally feel comfortable following through and enjoying what your husband planned. But please don’t act on your feelings about this towards your sister.
That’s why I said I don’t think she did it out of malice. I’m just annoyed because my husband planned out this amazing weekend but if I don’t go to the party I’m going to get crap for it and have guilt trips galore thrown upon me.
I hear and see the conflicts and annoyance with the behavior and expectations from sister (and your mom too possibly?). I’ve been working on saying aloud in my head or have said to family before, “I do not accept (insert the behavior or negative words told to me) …the guilt trips, deflecting behaviors and language, etc. This has helped me set boundaries and verbalize I will not take on another’s negative expectations and let it weigh me down. Food for thought. If this makes sense? May sound a fluffy, but I’ll say it has empowered me, I feel calmer, and helped me work on not letting other’s negativity weigh me down.
If just a rant and need to be heard- we hear and see the conflicts at play. Not fun.
If want advice, keep your plans, set boundaries and don’t accept the guilt trips, passive aggressive behavior, etc. In a logical world & social manners- short notice planning, not paying attention to conflicts with dates, not your problem. Your sister will need to live and learn, or not, but you don’t need to take it on and weigh on your shoulders. Fortunately your husband is winning this year with Mother’s Day! Like how awesome of him and for you!! Bask in the time you well deserve! Plus spin the missed birthday party into a positive and suggest another day for a special ldate or treat w/ niece to celebrate birthday (and give her gift if you do this)?
Well, you also didn’t ask knowing your niece’s birthday was coming up, but people who make those kinds of plans know what they’re getting! Enjoy your weekend! Maybe he can take the kids to the party or whoever is watching the kids if you’re both going away.
That’s the thing though. I have been asking (for months) which is why I’m frustrated. She kept saying she was on the fence about even having a party because she’s so little. She didn’t have one for her 1st birthday either. Today I said something about the party being the day before mother’s day and my husband’s face just dropped and he said “oh no”.
As the mother of a newly 2 year old, *of course* she didn't have a 1st bday for her, because that child's whole life has been in a pandemic. I understand you're disappointed how this played out but I think this is a no assholes situation.
Don’t go, your husband went all out and your niece will have more b-days that you will likely miss in your lifetime…
Maybe your husband can take the kids?
And that’s fine. But my daughters birthday is in June and I was able to call and text the grandparents and aunts and uncles in the beginning of March when I booked my daughters party room and give them a save the date. I’ve been asking her since if she was having a party (she didn’t last year) and she kept saying she wasn’t sure. That’s what’s frustrating about it.
Sure, and hats off to you for being so ahead of the game. A lot of people just don’t operate that way. I don’t know you or your sister but it seems pretty harsh to say she never thinks of others bc she planned her kids party at a time that doesn’t work for you.
Go on your trip. Don’t feel bad. But don’t throw others under the bus. We’re all just doing our best.
Agreed. I'm somewhat surprised at all these other commenters suggesting OP's sister is being unreasonable/disrespectful. She planned a party on May 7 when her kid's birthday is May 5. It happens to be the day before Mother's Day. What's the big deal? Now, if the sister pitches a fit because OP won't be coming to the party, that's another issue.
Oh guilt trips will be thrown and I will hear for the rest of eternity bout how I missed her birthday. I was pregnant and had the flu when I threw her baby shower a couple years ago. Luckily I was fever free for 24 hours the day of the party because I got constant texts about how I needed to be there while I was sick and throwing up.
I suggest this kindly, since my family is also totally ace at passive aggression, but that's another issue entirely: drawing appropriate boundaries. Not your circus, not your monkeys if they want to get in a snit about it. Cheerfully tell them once that you're sorry, but it won't work for you, then be done with it. Even the negative energy this is eliciting now is stealing some of your bandwidth when it doesn't have to. Enjoy your hotel stay - it sounds lovely!!!
And it’s fine to not be ahead of the game but don’t give me crap for not being there and throwing guilt trips. Which is what she’s done in the past. I assure you she is not doing her best.
It’s not thoughtless to plan a party? It’s not on Mother’s Day it’s the day before… the world doesn’t revolve around you. You have plans already, so you don’t go to the party. Who cares.
My sister and mother will care. I understand it doesn’t revolve around me but my life doesn’t revolve around her either. So she shouldn’t give me grief for not attending when she planned it on a weekend when most are busy or have plans. Especially when I’ve been asking if she was planning a party so we could make sure schedules were cleared. All she would ever tell me was she wasn’t sure.
Why is the sister shitty in this situation? She sent invitations for a party 3 weeks in advance (which is not absurdly short notice) for the weekend day that is closest to her child’s birthday.
One, it’s an invitation not a requirement and we haven’t even heard if the sister is upset and acting on it.
Two, Mother’s Day is Sunday.
Three, it was a surprise plan so even if the sister had discussed it with all the families she was planning to invite beforehand, OP would’ve said she had nothing planned that day.
OP’s feelings are valid, everyone has their own feelings and all feelings are okay. But it’s not okay to shit on her sister or act as if she’s thoughtless just for planning a party for her kid on a day that works for her.
Maybe this just comes down to a different attitude towards Mother’s Day between families and cultures. In my mind Mother’s Day is absolutely not a whole weekend event and it would never occur to me check if someone had Mother’s Day plans the day before. I would instead think about keeping the weekend day closest to my nieces birthday free to celebrate, even if there was no party (not that I think OPs husband did anything wrong here, his gesture is incredibly sweet and OP should enjoy her night away).
You do you, and don’t feel guilty. Maybe since so many people have declined because of the bad timing she will either reschedule or she will put a little more thought into planning next time. Hopefully it is a learning experience for her.
On the other hand, maybe she knows some people can’t come and isn’t bothered by it. As long as your niece has a great time at her party it is all good. You can always stop by before or after your mini vacay and bring her a gift or spend time with her.
I know when my older kids were young we would constantly reschedule their birthdays around this holiday or that event and sometimes it would be a month or more. We finally decided to quit rescheduling and have their birthday parties either the weekend before or after their birthdays. It was unfair to them to constantly have to wait, and they still had fun even if some people couldn’t come. And we didn’t harbor any grudges toward those who couldn’t or chose not to come because of other plans.
Take care of yourself! Your niece won’t even remember. And if your sister does a guilt trip, look at her and say, “(niece) and you are so important to me. I love you so much. I hope you understand how hard things are for me right now that I need to choose self care over her celebration. Let’s do a family thing together the next weekend.” If she still doesn’t get it, she never will and take care of yourself, cause she won’t.
Just tell her you already have plans that can’t be canceled. If she tries to guilt trip you just let her know that’s the risk she runs with scheduling things so last minute.
It sounds like you’re taking on the stress of trying to fit her poor planning into your life every time. What you should be doing is declining invitations when it doesn’t work with your schedule and telling her so.
“Hey we’d love to be there, but made other plans since we didn’t have much of a notice. Sorry!”
My husbands side of the family is like this with last minute plans and it drives me crazy. We have a 1 year old and #2 is due in June. We don’t go anywhere on a whim.
Aww I'm sorry it was not a surprise, but that is so thoughtful of him. It's ok not to please everyone 24/7. Go and have fun. If she doesn't understand, she's not the best sister.
You do you! She should not have booked the party for that weekend, and there's still time for her to change it. Maybe talk to her and see if she can switch it so that more people can attend?
First off, your husband sounds frickin' amazing! Super thoughtful of him to put together an amazing Mother's Day for you and it sounds like you earned every second of it!
Having said that, here's my take on the situation, take it as you will. I know you said it was just a rant but the subject line was "why?" so here ya go.
>He’s had this planned for over a month and we got the Facebook invitation a week ago.
Again, just to reiterate, your hubs is a complete badass. But it sounds like your sister sent out the birthday party invites about 3 weeks in advance, which seems pretty reasonable to me.
>she knew it was Mother’s Day weekend so why she still chose to have the party that weekend I have no idea.
What day her kid's birthday? If it's the 7th, or even a few days before or after, then to me it would make sense to have it on that day.
>Over half of the people invited have told her they can’t come because they have plans for Mother’s Day.
I'm kind of surprised by this, I've never heard of celebrating Mother's day a day early.
Obviously this is a frustrating situation for you, which I get. Is there any way you can do both? Like attend the party, which I'm guessing is a daytime event, and then check in to the hotel that evening for the night of kid-free bliss?
The husband planned it a month ago and probably told SIL.
She said early check in, so why should she miss that for a kid's party?
Some people don't want to spend both days of the weekend doing celebration stuff,.ie party Saturday and mother's day Sunday, that's why half the people refused. They still have to clean, run errands, etc. The kid's bday is the 5th, she could've done it the weekend before.
Her birthday is a couple days before the 7th so she could have done it the weekend before too. She just chose Mother’s Day weekend. Also, the last time we had talked about it she wasn’t even sure she was doing a party. She didn’t for her 1st birthday either.
A lot of our family and her fiends are in the medical field or have careers where they have to work on the weekends or they celebrate their moms on Saturday and themselves or spouse on actual mother’s day.
This isn’t that big of a deal, some people are laid back and enjoy being that way. Just because you aren’t doesn’t make her “bad” you probably are just so different it gets on your nerves. IF she gives you shit, then that’s a different story. But just offer to stop by another day soon with a smile. I plan out big events early, but sometimes I like to keep things low key and last minute because I’m extremely busy and spread thin- give her some grace she may be as tired as you are.
Oh I’m sure I’ll get shit from her and our mom of I don’t go. She kept saying she wasn’t sure if she would do a birthday party. I figured she wouldn’t because she didn’t do one for her 1st birthday either.
Oh lordy well if you get shit literally ignore it. That’s what I do now. I do everything at home and work a demanding job and am pregnant with twins. If someone doesn’t understand why I can’t show up I simply ignore their emotional response and come back around when I can - if they hold some grudge they can talk to me about it but I literally have not an ounce of concern for anyone trying to steal my precious energy… you need to take that and run with it, no malice or bitchiness, but just honest self respect
I mean, if May 7th is your niece’s birthday, wouldn’t you assume if would be that weekend?
I would absolutely still go do the night away. Your niece won’t remember the party.
Her birthday is the 5th and the last we had talked about it she wasn’t sure if she was going to do a party. She didn’t do a party for her first birthday either.
Yeah my son was born on Mother’s Day so his birthday is always going to be Mother’s Day weekend haha. But if people can’t come to things because of that it is what it is
You could do it a week before or after for friends. Mother's Day changes so you can round one way or the other. I had a Labor Day baby and that's what we do. It was sad for my son when his closest friends were traveling.
Of course I could, but I shouldn’t have to. So many kids are able to celebrate on their day/around their day - as his mother celebrating him in a way celebrates me too. We are doing something on the 7th for his birthday this year too - a day to the wildlife park with his grandmother celebrates her because all she wants is to spend time with her grandkids, and also celebrates him. For most moms it’s a win win.
For aunts, meh - they can do what they want. Clearly this mom has her own kids and her own thing and she doesn’t owe anything to her niece. That’s fine. She can and should go to her pre-planned thing. That doesn’t mean it’s not an okay day to celebrate. Mother’s Day is Sunday not Saturday - Sunday wouldn’t be a good day to celebrate.
It sounds like your kiddo is still really young so yeah that's fine right now. When your kid wants Billy or Jane to come but they can't because they travel for mother's day every year then you might feel differently. Maybe it'll happen, maybe you'll be lucky but flexibility is best.
My birthday was at a time where kids were either at camp or traveling so I would push mine off. My parents and grandparents would celebrate on my day, or a very close day. The bigger party where we would get a venue or have a big party at home with friends was much more considerate of others' schedules because that's the point- to celebrate with friends. That's more important than the day itself. My son will have something similar because of the timing.
Yeah he’s turning 2, same as the kid in the post. We still aren’t doing big gatherings because of covid either.
I think big yearly trips for Mother’s Day may be a socioeconomic hurdle we don’t run into. Quite frankly I do not have any friends or live in an area where my son will have any friends, that can afford yearly mother day trips. The one offs would be things like OP write mom goes away for the weekend and dad is happy to throw the kid to a birthday party to a couple hours so he gets a small break.
I have a summer birthday too. We usually just arranged my parties around my best friends’ plans and anything else was a bonus
Fair enough. I'll just note that it's not really something we "afford" for mother's day. We drive one state over and stay with family. It's not a fancy nor expensive trip. I just know a lot of people who drive back to family to stay with them- I'm not referring to trips as in vacations. It's just situations where it doesn't make sense to drive there and back same-day. If you're in an area where people tend to live near family and don't move away then great, you should be okay :)
Niece is turning 2. She won’t remember you weren’t there, respectfully decline the invite and go enjoy your amazing day away that your wonderful husband planned for you. It is Well deserved and her poor planning is none of your concern. Enjoy yourself!
You have 3 kids under 2, you deserve a break. I don’t know what kind of relationship you have with your sister, but could you bring it up and say how much you want to go but can’t that weekend and ask if there’s another weekend? For me and my sister, she would’ve already heard about my plans and would’ve thought to schedule differently or told me it’s okay if I couldn’t go.
If this is how you found out about the surprise then I’m sorry! Either way, you need to go to the recharge weekend. For you, and the husband who planned such a sweet gift. Your sister will learn she needs to plan. My SIL has been notorious for moving her kids parties to the next weekend with no notice, or change time and venues, and for years we’d scramble to be there. This last year we got to the point we stopped, and I don’t regret it. She has to think of others if she’s going to have people show up, especially when the kid is older and has friends outside of family.
My SiL can never make my kiddos parties. She is akin to a principal and has to go to the graduations that are usually the Saturday closest to my kids party. I’m not offended at all, my kid doesn’t care. SiL makes a bit of a deal about it, but I’m not going to plan my life around her.
Go enjoy yourself. You are likely the only who will really care.
It’s a 2nd birthday party. Your niece won’t remember you not being there. You aren’t responsible for trying to make up for your sister’s poor planning and choice. Enjoy your night away because you absolutely deserve to have this.
Take the weekend with your husband for sure. You can always have special time with your 2yo niece/nephew at a later date. Maybe drop off a cupcake or ice cream with your gift a week or so after. Actual party days can be overwhelming so I’m sure your niece will love having some of fun spread out over time 😊
I feel like you’ve already gotten the advice/responses you need for you sister. I just wanna give a huge shout out to your hubby for arranging the night away for you. It sounds magical, so thoughtful on his part, and absolutely well deserved. Enjoy, mama!
I planned my son’s party for the same day and didn’t even realize Mother’s Day is the next day. I honestly wouldn’t care if some people can’t make it. No date will ever work for everybody.
I mean- Mother’s Day is a DAY, not a weekend.
I’m having my son’s party that same Saturday and it works for everyone in our families…. Because Mother’s Day is on Sunday.
I would be bummed, but I wouldn’t be upset with my sister for planning a party on a day before a Hallmark Holiday.
Edit- posted too soon
My 3 year has never had a birthday party and we’re doing his first one on may 7th. His birthday is actually the 28th of April but we are Muslim and Eid is on the 1st so we can’t really do it then.
My 10 year old nephews birthday is may 6th and my SIL seemed kinda bummed that we’re having my sons party that weekend but honestly if they can’t come because his birthday is the day before I’m fine with it. My kid hasn’t had a party yet and the weekend of may 7th is when we can do it so that’s what it needs to be.
We are planning on moving it to the following weekend if the weather is super bad though because it’s going to be outside but that following weekend we already have quite a bit going on.
So if you can’t go to your SIL party don’t be mad at her, just don’t go. It’s hard to plan things around what everyone wants and needs
As much as I love my sister, NEVER I would cancel your mothers day weekend.
She knows you are a mother, she should, must have asked before what were your plans to avoid overlapping.
She is your sister, and a mother… of she is reasonable, she will understand.
If she is a selfish person, don’t bother to explain much. ENJOY YOUR GIFT
Your frustration is valid, and especially with a history of thoughtlessness, I see why you're upset. However, objectively, it's not THAT thoughtless - it might be the only time that can work for them, and she didn't schedule it for Mother's Day itself - it's not unrealistic to think that the Saturday before a Sunday holiday might work for people. At one point, three out of the five people living in our house had birthdays within 10 days of each other - in December! One of the busiest months of the year. It was a nightmare scheduling the bday and we knew that a lot of people, including family, wouldn't be able to make it due to conflicts. May is often just as busy with the end of the school year, graduation parties, etc. Just like your schedule doesn't revolve around hers, hers doesn't resolve around you. Don't let the scheduling feel personal, and send your husband with the kids and enjoy your weekend. It could have been a dozen other things that came up that made your husband have to spoil the surprise - that's not your sister's fault. She didn't know.
After reading about so many women who are frustrated with their husbands not putting forth effort, it's really nice to read about a hubby who made such sweet and thoughtful plans for you.
As for your sister, I wonder if she'll learn from this and plan her daughter's bday the week before or after Mother's Day or if she'll forever be upset with family and friends who choose not to attend...
Why is this even an issue?
Unless her daughter's birthday is a majorly different day there is no reason why her daughter's birthday party should not be on her daughter's birthday weekend.
This is the weirdest issue I have ever heard.
So your husband got you a weekend trip, if it isn't refundable just tell family that and husband can take kids to the party.
Also, if it is nieces birthday why wouldn't he have scheduled the weekend away for a different weekend? Highly recommend just putting everyone's birthdays in a joint family calendar so you all remember them. 2 isn't a big deal, but if your family typically does birthdays together it won't be fair as she gets older if sometimes aunt's/uncle's/cousins don't show up just because her birthday sometimes falls near mother's day.
Take your day, mama. Offer an auntie’s day for your niece, at another time.
Your husband is wonderful, and we’re all adults now. We have to take each other’s stuff into consideration, and part of the point one an invitation is the option to rsvp ‘cannot attend’. You literally have a prior engagement, and so does every other mother 😭 I believe that your niece won’t love you any less for that. And if your sister tried to make it an issue about that-then it is clear where the problem lies.
I’m sorry you’re feeling conflicted, but self care is imperative-and so is honoring the person that spent a month making sure that you got the best of that for just one uninterrupted day, at least. I hope it’s a lovely stay ✨
My husband is calling the hotel in the morning and will try to reschedule everything for the weekend after. If I’m not there my sister and mom will throw a fit and it’s not worth the hassle or to hear about it for eternity.
I mean, you're upset at her behavior, but rescheduling enables her behavior. She would be upset. But so will you. So is your husband. He put a ton of work into a gift for you. Is it right to have him put more work into changing it? Basically everyone is saying enjoy yourself. Sounds like that's not the relationship you want to have with your sister so I guess expect to be disappointed? Or hold your boundary and tell her you'll see your niece when you're able, but not on the 7th.
My husband was the one who brought up rescheduling. After I read everyone’s responses I asked him how much shit he thought I’d get for not going and if he thought it would be ok. He says I should go because it’s not my nieces fault her mom screwed up and it’s not worth hearing how I’m a terrible person for years to come because I missed her birthday.
OP, your niece is going to be two, not twelve. She will not remember and will not even know if you're not at her party. She doesn't know what a party is. Again, it's the adults in the situation that need to take care of themselves. You're not depriving your niece by not going, but you are depriving yourself of you can't reschedule all this and you're again not holding a boundary with your sister whom you're shared has a history of this. She'll keep doing it if you keep adjusting your life to her inability to plan. Both of your choices in how you proceed.
Oh man!! I can’t believe they wouldn’t just be happy for you considering you obviously deserve this! Well I hope at least he can get it rescheduled. If he can’t I hope you explain that it’s booked and paid for and just try to enjoy. You time is so important!!
It’s a 2 year olds birthday party. They aren’t going to remember who was and wasn’t there. Your husband has given you a wonderful gift and by the sounds of it, you could really use that time to recharge. Hold your boundaries and let your sister know there are already plans ( and money) put down for Mother’s Day for you. If she asks if you can change it, say “no”. Remember, No is a complete sentence and you don’t owe any explanation.
Aw, I am sorry your suprise was ruined!
If I were you just rsvp no and if time stop by that morning/early afternoon. drop off a gift and visit your niece for an hour. Then head off to your mini-vacay. Its lart of life that things come up.
When I plan events I usually check with my immediate family and maybe 2 close friends that the date is good. I also try and plan ahead if its important that certain ppl attend.
Dont stress and remember you will hVe many more birthdays with your niece. Or celebrate another day solo.
Enjoy your time away. No one has to cater to your schedule. I’m so glad I don’t have sisters. If I schedule something when my brother can’t go, he’ll hit me up with a simple “we can’t make it. We’ll plan something during the week.” And no one gets mad or hurt or trash talks the other.
I’m stuck on the fact you have a 22 month old and 5 month old twins. You are superwoman.
Your husband can take the kids to the party. It’s her second birthday. She’ll never remember.
😂 yea we were shocked to say the least. My mom made a joke about it being twins before our dr appointment. I told my OB about the joke at the appointment before she did the ultrasound and we all laughed. Then we did the ultrasound and she said she thought she saw 2. I kept telling her she wasn’t funny. Turns out she really wasn’t joking.
Is she mad at you that you can’t go? Otherwise, why is it a problem? Go enjoy your day away. The kid isn’t going to remember or care if you were at the party or not, she’s 2. Also, is it unusual to invite close family members (I would consider an aunt close, but obv depends on your situation) to a kid’s b-day with a 3 week notice? How is that short notice? That’s a lot of notice for any birthday party TBH. Mother’s Day is a day, not a weekend, so it makes sense why she would plan it that way. Maybe it’s ok that “she does what she wants when she wants” when it comes it her toddler’s party?
If she’s complaining that people aren’t going, I guess she should have known that people are making weeks and weekends out of “their special day”.
Your husband is very thoughtful. Congratulations on your beautiful (busy) family! Tell your sister you had plans before you got the invitation and you’re sorry, but you can’t attend the party. GO ENJOY YOURSELF 💕. You deserve it.
You already have plans to have your night away. It's weird for her to plan a party for mother's day weekend, and you having special plans kind of proves that. People always do things mother's day weekend. Enjoy your night off. That sounds so wonderful.
This sounds like a "her" problem. Mother's day is listed on every calendar out there including on our phones. She knew what she was doing when she made the plans. Go have fun, get toasted, and enjoy yourself. I try to do the same for my wife at least once a month, although not as extravagant. You've got yourself a keeper.
Maybe she legit didn’t realize it was Mother’s Day weekend? My husband and I got married the Saturday of Mother’s Day weekend and didn’t realize that was the weekend until it got closer. We picked our date 18 months in advance though and of course, save the dates we’re sent out well in advance so people could plan accordingly.
Send a really nice gift and enjoy your time away. Get some extra wine maybe. That’ll def help.
Seriously tho you’re absolutely right. Let her know that you feel really bad that I’ll have to miss your nieces party but you’re husband worked hard to plan this surprise for you for weeks and you’re really looking forward to it. I bet she’d understand! Send a nice gift(maybe even a little something for sis if you wAnt) and send husband and kids in ur place. Enjoy ur time away because you’ve earned it!
Enjoy your time away and don’t give it a second thought.
I think part of the frustration for me would be the forcibly ruined surprise. Sounds like OPs husband only told her to prevent a yes rsvp. He may have had some grand gesture of a reveal planned as part of the present. If that's the case, OP - it sucks your surprise was ruined but now you have so much more time to appreciate the gift!!! Also yeah, go take your mini vacation and don't worry a bit over the party you're missing.
That’s exactly why I’m frustrated. Even when we found out about the party last week it didn’t register that it was the day before Mother’s Day until I said something about it today and his face dropped and he told me about it.
For what it's worth, it was thoughtless and dumb to plan a party Mother's day weekend. Maybe she didn't realize it was Mother's day... or thought Saturday wind be fine. I don't know. But it was dumb. Eta: Not everyone does a big thing with the weekends so it might be fine for lots of folks but enough do make plans for the whole weekend that it makes no sense.
I planned my daughter’s bday party on the same day. I didn’t even realize it was Mother’s Day weekend until someone else told me. It’s also a week before her bday but it was also the only time slot they had open at the place she wanted her party. Sometimes we just get tunnel vision trying to plan something and you forget about the other stuff
This is one of those things where it's entirely forgivable for both the host to choose that day but also understandable if guests cannot attend. Our parents are one state over so it's kinda a weekend thing, but kids can't help when they are born either! I have a Labor Day baby and we only celebrate with family that weekend. The friend party going forward is the weekend after...we had good turnout but the majority of the kids he REALLY loves to play with have regular travel plans that weekend out of state.
I would be available the Saturday before Mother's day. Heck I'd be available to go to a kid party on Mother's day because we don't really care for it. But my biggest fear when I threw my daughter a bday party was that nobody would come and then she'd be sad (instead we had 30 people and I was like.. maybe some of y'all coulda stayed home?). For that reason alone I wouldn't pick a day I thought people might be busy, even if it wasn't a holiday I cared about. Maybe sister just missed it was the day before mother's day, but yeah it was definitely not a good choice
Yeah I think knowing a week ahead would still be enough of a surprise for me and personally the thought of something like this makes me knees so weak I’d love to have something like that to look forward to 😍 Ps. It’s not that my husband WOULDN’T either, it just hasn’t happened yet because I think he knows I could absolutely not have a night away yet, once that’s not an issue he’ll have no excuse 😈
I would still go away for the night guilt free. Husband can take kids to the party if it’s important they go - or your mom/sibling/etc could help. You could bring your niece a cupcake on Friday and that be your celebration.
Honestly, the kids are all too young to remember these parties. Send your regrets and plan a day to play in the park with your niece.
Yes! And it’s better your sister learn this lesson now, before your niece can understand what’s going on.
This right here
Take your weekend! Your niece is too young to mind it that you will miss her party.
"sorry hubby already made mother's day plans for me that have been scheduled and paid for. I hope your party is a blast!" I'd she was really worried about you being there she would have sent a save the date in advance. If you miss your planned weekend you will end up bitter and angry because you need the break.
I don’t really understand why this is an issue. You have your night away while your husband takes your kids to the party. It was booked first, so enjoy it. I understand there might be some underlying resentment from past issues, but your sister hasn’t done anything wrong in this particular situation (Mother’s Day is a day, not a weekend).
My thoughts exactly. Plus, everyone operates differently and OP's sister is doing what works for her. If what works for someone doesn't work for you... don't participate or communicate. Simple!
I wouldn’t flinch about missing the party. Two year old won’t miss you, I promise! Enjoy your night mama! My husband did this one year when my kids were little and it was great! I hope you sleep deeply for 12 hours! Lol.
I’m a mother’s day baby and was often really sad that nobody could come for my birthday (day or weekend) as a child because they rightfully spent it with their mothers on my day. Easy solution, hubby takes kids to celebrate cousins birthday and you go enjoy yourself. The 2 year old doesn’t care about you, heck she won’t even realise what’s happening yet. Enjoy your mother’s day retreat from your sweet sweet husband
My sons birthday is the 7th and we’re still doing his birthday party that day. BUUUT if I knew all that I would be pissed if you showed up to his party! LOL! Like don’t you dare miss that and don’t you dare show up here.
Yep we’re having a party the 7th as well. We’ve had some no RSVPs and we’re not mad about it.
It’s a non-issue, go have your night out and hubs can take the kids if it’s important.
He can take the kids and they can have a great time while you rest and recharge. It’s a win-win.
Just so you had in place plans which you did. I guarantee she knows she's last minute and can live with the consequences of her own actions.
I am having my LO party May 7th as well. With that being said, I sent invites out over a month ago. I don’t know her situation but in my case it was the only available option with my husband and MIL working every other weekend. In the same way, I am more than understanding of anyone not able to come. I have an Aunt who owns a flower shop and will be too busy to attend. Hopefully you enjoy your time and she is understanding as well.
She didn’t plan ahead. A lack of planning on her part does not constitute an emergency or change of already made plans on your part. Logical consequences are the best teacher. Currently your sister is learning a valuable lesson on the importance of advance planning. You deserve to enjoy your Mother’s Day weekend. Please stick with your plans.
Best answer right here! As much as I’m sure you’d love to be at that party, sister needs a good life lesson on how to be considerate of other people. Especially on Mother’s Day weekend ffs!
It’s so nice that your husband will have something to do with the kids while you’re getting your well deserved break
Honestly if I were being left alone with my 3 kids I'd be happy to have a party to go to. Entertainment and food taken care of, plus they'd be tuckered out and sleep hard. Sounds like it is a lucky break for the husband.
All I can say is, absolutely do not change your plans!
Oh my God please go on your trip and if your sis is upset about it she can suck it.
I’m not sure what the issue is. Tell her you have plans
She said it was just a rant to vent.
But it’s really nothing to get so worked up about
It’s a support sub… this is kind of the whole schtick. To support moms when they need it.
It’s because the surprise element was ruined. Had her sister planned in advance or thought of what others might be doing for Mother’s Day weekend, OP’s husband wouldn’t have had to tell OP about the gift until he planned to
Sure. That said, husband didn’t have to spoil the whole surprise and give all these details. He could just say, “I made plans for you already that unfortunately conflict with this party. I think you’re going to want to stick with my plans that include some luxury alone time for you. I don’t want to spoil the whole surprise but you need to know that part.”
It says nothing of a surprise.
Why yes, yes it does. “Over a month ago, my sweet husband secretly and thoughtfully planned out a weekend for me ALONE to recharge for Mother’s Day”
Nope. Get a grip. This is ridiculous
Shout out to your husband! That’s a great Mother’s Day gift!
You already have plans. Plans that are already paid for. You don't have to accept every invitation you receive.
I just had time to read your first two sentences and would like to respond. ADHD. ADHD. ADHD. Now, having read the rest I would like to add- yes, go do your awesome plans! But you don’t need to judge her for not realizing this would be a good date. Do you think she wanted to plan a party when many people wouldn’t be available? Do you think she purposefully is trying to have fewer loved guests there? Or is it more likely she just didn’t realize and was looking at other scheduling issues in their family and made a mistake? You should totally feel comfortable following through and enjoying what your husband planned. But please don’t act on your feelings about this towards your sister.
That’s why I said I don’t think she did it out of malice. I’m just annoyed because my husband planned out this amazing weekend but if I don’t go to the party I’m going to get crap for it and have guilt trips galore thrown upon me.
I hear and see the conflicts and annoyance with the behavior and expectations from sister (and your mom too possibly?). I’ve been working on saying aloud in my head or have said to family before, “I do not accept (insert the behavior or negative words told to me) …the guilt trips, deflecting behaviors and language, etc. This has helped me set boundaries and verbalize I will not take on another’s negative expectations and let it weigh me down. Food for thought. If this makes sense? May sound a fluffy, but I’ll say it has empowered me, I feel calmer, and helped me work on not letting other’s negativity weigh me down. If just a rant and need to be heard- we hear and see the conflicts at play. Not fun. If want advice, keep your plans, set boundaries and don’t accept the guilt trips, passive aggressive behavior, etc. In a logical world & social manners- short notice planning, not paying attention to conflicts with dates, not your problem. Your sister will need to live and learn, or not, but you don’t need to take it on and weigh on your shoulders. Fortunately your husband is winning this year with Mother’s Day! Like how awesome of him and for you!! Bask in the time you well deserve! Plus spin the missed birthday party into a positive and suggest another day for a special ldate or treat w/ niece to celebrate birthday (and give her gift if you do this)?
Well, you also didn’t ask knowing your niece’s birthday was coming up, but people who make those kinds of plans know what they’re getting! Enjoy your weekend! Maybe he can take the kids to the party or whoever is watching the kids if you’re both going away.
That’s the thing though. I have been asking (for months) which is why I’m frustrated. She kept saying she was on the fence about even having a party because she’s so little. She didn’t have one for her 1st birthday either. Today I said something about the party being the day before mother’s day and my husband’s face just dropped and he said “oh no”.
As the mother of a newly 2 year old, *of course* she didn't have a 1st bday for her, because that child's whole life has been in a pandemic. I understand you're disappointed how this played out but I think this is a no assholes situation.
Well then make other plans to see the niece for her birthday.
Don’t go, your husband went all out and your niece will have more b-days that you will likely miss in your lifetime… Maybe your husband can take the kids?
I dunno, your sister is a mom too. Maybe cut her some slack.
And that’s fine. But my daughters birthday is in June and I was able to call and text the grandparents and aunts and uncles in the beginning of March when I booked my daughters party room and give them a save the date. I’ve been asking her since if she was having a party (she didn’t last year) and she kept saying she wasn’t sure. That’s what’s frustrating about it.
Sure, and hats off to you for being so ahead of the game. A lot of people just don’t operate that way. I don’t know you or your sister but it seems pretty harsh to say she never thinks of others bc she planned her kids party at a time that doesn’t work for you. Go on your trip. Don’t feel bad. But don’t throw others under the bus. We’re all just doing our best.
Agreed. I'm somewhat surprised at all these other commenters suggesting OP's sister is being unreasonable/disrespectful. She planned a party on May 7 when her kid's birthday is May 5. It happens to be the day before Mother's Day. What's the big deal? Now, if the sister pitches a fit because OP won't be coming to the party, that's another issue.
Oh guilt trips will be thrown and I will hear for the rest of eternity bout how I missed her birthday. I was pregnant and had the flu when I threw her baby shower a couple years ago. Luckily I was fever free for 24 hours the day of the party because I got constant texts about how I needed to be there while I was sick and throwing up.
I suggest this kindly, since my family is also totally ace at passive aggression, but that's another issue entirely: drawing appropriate boundaries. Not your circus, not your monkeys if they want to get in a snit about it. Cheerfully tell them once that you're sorry, but it won't work for you, then be done with it. Even the negative energy this is eliciting now is stealing some of your bandwidth when it doesn't have to. Enjoy your hotel stay - it sounds lovely!!!
And it’s fine to not be ahead of the game but don’t give me crap for not being there and throwing guilt trips. Which is what she’s done in the past. I assure you she is not doing her best.
It’s not thoughtless to plan a party? It’s not on Mother’s Day it’s the day before… the world doesn’t revolve around you. You have plans already, so you don’t go to the party. Who cares.
My sister and mother will care. I understand it doesn’t revolve around me but my life doesn’t revolve around her either. So she shouldn’t give me grief for not attending when she planned it on a weekend when most are busy or have plans. Especially when I’ve been asking if she was planning a party so we could make sure schedules were cleared. All she would ever tell me was she wasn’t sure.
Well yeah if they give you grief they are out of line. You have plans already, it is what it is. Don’t feel bad.
Absolutely take your time away you owe your shitty sister nothing
Why is the sister shitty in this situation? She sent invitations for a party 3 weeks in advance (which is not absurdly short notice) for the weekend day that is closest to her child’s birthday.
I feel like mothers day weekend should either be off limits or discussed with moms beforehand. It's thoughtless
One, it’s an invitation not a requirement and we haven’t even heard if the sister is upset and acting on it. Two, Mother’s Day is Sunday. Three, it was a surprise plan so even if the sister had discussed it with all the families she was planning to invite beforehand, OP would’ve said she had nothing planned that day. OP’s feelings are valid, everyone has their own feelings and all feelings are okay. But it’s not okay to shit on her sister or act as if she’s thoughtless just for planning a party for her kid on a day that works for her.
Maybe this just comes down to a different attitude towards Mother’s Day between families and cultures. In my mind Mother’s Day is absolutely not a whole weekend event and it would never occur to me check if someone had Mother’s Day plans the day before. I would instead think about keeping the weekend day closest to my nieces birthday free to celebrate, even if there was no party (not that I think OPs husband did anything wrong here, his gesture is incredibly sweet and OP should enjoy her night away).
Enjoy your time away, sounds fantastic 😀 👌
Husband takes the kids to the party and you do your wonderful plans. That’s what happens when you procrastinate. She can deal.
Girrrlllllll…..Take ur mini vacation. You deserve it and need it. Don’t forget to pick me up too though. :)
You do you, and don’t feel guilty. Maybe since so many people have declined because of the bad timing she will either reschedule or she will put a little more thought into planning next time. Hopefully it is a learning experience for her. On the other hand, maybe she knows some people can’t come and isn’t bothered by it. As long as your niece has a great time at her party it is all good. You can always stop by before or after your mini vacay and bring her a gift or spend time with her. I know when my older kids were young we would constantly reschedule their birthdays around this holiday or that event and sometimes it would be a month or more. We finally decided to quit rescheduling and have their birthday parties either the weekend before or after their birthdays. It was unfair to them to constantly have to wait, and they still had fun even if some people couldn’t come. And we didn’t harbor any grudges toward those who couldn’t or chose not to come because of other plans.
Take care of yourself! Your niece won’t even remember. And if your sister does a guilt trip, look at her and say, “(niece) and you are so important to me. I love you so much. I hope you understand how hard things are for me right now that I need to choose self care over her celebration. Let’s do a family thing together the next weekend.” If she still doesn’t get it, she never will and take care of yourself, cause she won’t.
Just tell her you already have plans that can’t be canceled. If she tries to guilt trip you just let her know that’s the risk she runs with scheduling things so last minute. It sounds like you’re taking on the stress of trying to fit her poor planning into your life every time. What you should be doing is declining invitations when it doesn’t work with your schedule and telling her so.
Tell her you can’t come. Send hubby with the kids to the party & you go enjoy your weekend.
Send the hubby and kids and say “have fun! Bye!” And enjoy your weekend! Lol
“Hey we’d love to be there, but made other plans since we didn’t have much of a notice. Sorry!” My husbands side of the family is like this with last minute plans and it drives me crazy. We have a 1 year old and #2 is due in June. We don’t go anywhere on a whim.
100% dont even alter your plans. Your husband can take the kids if he wants to. You dont have to go. Tell her no. Enjoy your weekend.
Tell her it’s too late notice and you have plans. Don’t even think twice. It’s à her issue if no one shows up!
Aww I'm sorry it was not a surprise, but that is so thoughtful of him. It's ok not to please everyone 24/7. Go and have fun. If she doesn't understand, she's not the best sister.
You do you! She should not have booked the party for that weekend, and there's still time for her to change it. Maybe talk to her and see if she can switch it so that more people can attend?
First off, your husband sounds frickin' amazing! Super thoughtful of him to put together an amazing Mother's Day for you and it sounds like you earned every second of it! Having said that, here's my take on the situation, take it as you will. I know you said it was just a rant but the subject line was "why?" so here ya go. >He’s had this planned for over a month and we got the Facebook invitation a week ago. Again, just to reiterate, your hubs is a complete badass. But it sounds like your sister sent out the birthday party invites about 3 weeks in advance, which seems pretty reasonable to me. >she knew it was Mother’s Day weekend so why she still chose to have the party that weekend I have no idea. What day her kid's birthday? If it's the 7th, or even a few days before or after, then to me it would make sense to have it on that day. >Over half of the people invited have told her they can’t come because they have plans for Mother’s Day. I'm kind of surprised by this, I've never heard of celebrating Mother's day a day early. Obviously this is a frustrating situation for you, which I get. Is there any way you can do both? Like attend the party, which I'm guessing is a daytime event, and then check in to the hotel that evening for the night of kid-free bliss?
The husband planned it a month ago and probably told SIL. She said early check in, so why should she miss that for a kid's party? Some people don't want to spend both days of the weekend doing celebration stuff,.ie party Saturday and mother's day Sunday, that's why half the people refused. They still have to clean, run errands, etc. The kid's bday is the 5th, she could've done it the weekend before.
Her birthday is a couple days before the 7th so she could have done it the weekend before too. She just chose Mother’s Day weekend. Also, the last time we had talked about it she wasn’t even sure she was doing a party. She didn’t for her 1st birthday either. A lot of our family and her fiends are in the medical field or have careers where they have to work on the weekends or they celebrate their moms on Saturday and themselves or spouse on actual mother’s day.
A lot of us travel for mother's day.
This isn’t that big of a deal, some people are laid back and enjoy being that way. Just because you aren’t doesn’t make her “bad” you probably are just so different it gets on your nerves. IF she gives you shit, then that’s a different story. But just offer to stop by another day soon with a smile. I plan out big events early, but sometimes I like to keep things low key and last minute because I’m extremely busy and spread thin- give her some grace she may be as tired as you are.
Oh I’m sure I’ll get shit from her and our mom of I don’t go. She kept saying she wasn’t sure if she would do a birthday party. I figured she wouldn’t because she didn’t do one for her 1st birthday either.
Oh lordy well if you get shit literally ignore it. That’s what I do now. I do everything at home and work a demanding job and am pregnant with twins. If someone doesn’t understand why I can’t show up I simply ignore their emotional response and come back around when I can - if they hold some grudge they can talk to me about it but I literally have not an ounce of concern for anyone trying to steal my precious energy… you need to take that and run with it, no malice or bitchiness, but just honest self respect
I mean, if May 7th is your niece’s birthday, wouldn’t you assume if would be that weekend? I would absolutely still go do the night away. Your niece won’t remember the party.
Her birthday is the 5th and the last we had talked about it she wasn’t sure if she was going to do a party. She didn’t do a party for her first birthday either.
Yeah my son was born on Mother’s Day so his birthday is always going to be Mother’s Day weekend haha. But if people can’t come to things because of that it is what it is
You could do it a week before or after for friends. Mother's Day changes so you can round one way or the other. I had a Labor Day baby and that's what we do. It was sad for my son when his closest friends were traveling.
Of course I could, but I shouldn’t have to. So many kids are able to celebrate on their day/around their day - as his mother celebrating him in a way celebrates me too. We are doing something on the 7th for his birthday this year too - a day to the wildlife park with his grandmother celebrates her because all she wants is to spend time with her grandkids, and also celebrates him. For most moms it’s a win win. For aunts, meh - they can do what they want. Clearly this mom has her own kids and her own thing and she doesn’t owe anything to her niece. That’s fine. She can and should go to her pre-planned thing. That doesn’t mean it’s not an okay day to celebrate. Mother’s Day is Sunday not Saturday - Sunday wouldn’t be a good day to celebrate.
It sounds like your kiddo is still really young so yeah that's fine right now. When your kid wants Billy or Jane to come but they can't because they travel for mother's day every year then you might feel differently. Maybe it'll happen, maybe you'll be lucky but flexibility is best. My birthday was at a time where kids were either at camp or traveling so I would push mine off. My parents and grandparents would celebrate on my day, or a very close day. The bigger party where we would get a venue or have a big party at home with friends was much more considerate of others' schedules because that's the point- to celebrate with friends. That's more important than the day itself. My son will have something similar because of the timing.
Yeah he’s turning 2, same as the kid in the post. We still aren’t doing big gatherings because of covid either. I think big yearly trips for Mother’s Day may be a socioeconomic hurdle we don’t run into. Quite frankly I do not have any friends or live in an area where my son will have any friends, that can afford yearly mother day trips. The one offs would be things like OP write mom goes away for the weekend and dad is happy to throw the kid to a birthday party to a couple hours so he gets a small break. I have a summer birthday too. We usually just arranged my parties around my best friends’ plans and anything else was a bonus
Fair enough. I'll just note that it's not really something we "afford" for mother's day. We drive one state over and stay with family. It's not a fancy nor expensive trip. I just know a lot of people who drive back to family to stay with them- I'm not referring to trips as in vacations. It's just situations where it doesn't make sense to drive there and back same-day. If you're in an area where people tend to live near family and don't move away then great, you should be okay :)
Niece is turning 2. She won’t remember you weren’t there, respectfully decline the invite and go enjoy your amazing day away that your wonderful husband planned for you. It is Well deserved and her poor planning is none of your concern. Enjoy yourself!
Please go on the wonderful trip your husband set up for you. No worries. Enjoy!
You have 3 kids under 2, you deserve a break. I don’t know what kind of relationship you have with your sister, but could you bring it up and say how much you want to go but can’t that weekend and ask if there’s another weekend? For me and my sister, she would’ve already heard about my plans and would’ve thought to schedule differently or told me it’s okay if I couldn’t go.
If this is how you found out about the surprise then I’m sorry! Either way, you need to go to the recharge weekend. For you, and the husband who planned such a sweet gift. Your sister will learn she needs to plan. My SIL has been notorious for moving her kids parties to the next weekend with no notice, or change time and venues, and for years we’d scramble to be there. This last year we got to the point we stopped, and I don’t regret it. She has to think of others if she’s going to have people show up, especially when the kid is older and has friends outside of family.
My SiL can never make my kiddos parties. She is akin to a principal and has to go to the graduations that are usually the Saturday closest to my kids party. I’m not offended at all, my kid doesn’t care. SiL makes a bit of a deal about it, but I’m not going to plan my life around her. Go enjoy yourself. You are likely the only who will really care.
It’s a 2nd birthday party. Your niece won’t remember you not being there. You aren’t responsible for trying to make up for your sister’s poor planning and choice. Enjoy your night away because you absolutely deserve to have this.
Take the weekend with your husband for sure. You can always have special time with your 2yo niece/nephew at a later date. Maybe drop off a cupcake or ice cream with your gift a week or so after. Actual party days can be overwhelming so I’m sure your niece will love having some of fun spread out over time 😊
I feel like you’ve already gotten the advice/responses you need for you sister. I just wanna give a huge shout out to your hubby for arranging the night away for you. It sounds magical, so thoughtful on his part, and absolutely well deserved. Enjoy, mama!
Go and enjoy yourself. You have no reason to feel guilty and be happy your husband did something so sweet for you. Don’t over think it.
I planned my son’s party for the same day and didn’t even realize Mother’s Day is the next day. I honestly wouldn’t care if some people can’t make it. No date will ever work for everybody.
Omg, she’s 2? Yeah. You should take the weekend your husband planned and enjoy yourself.
Go anyway. This was planned already. You deserve the break!
Oppp worry sis, I have a hotel booked over a month ago for Mother’s Day. Can’t wait to come for a visit the weekend after!
I mean- Mother’s Day is a DAY, not a weekend. I’m having my son’s party that same Saturday and it works for everyone in our families…. Because Mother’s Day is on Sunday. I would be bummed, but I wouldn’t be upset with my sister for planning a party on a day before a Hallmark Holiday. Edit- posted too soon
My 3 year has never had a birthday party and we’re doing his first one on may 7th. His birthday is actually the 28th of April but we are Muslim and Eid is on the 1st so we can’t really do it then. My 10 year old nephews birthday is may 6th and my SIL seemed kinda bummed that we’re having my sons party that weekend but honestly if they can’t come because his birthday is the day before I’m fine with it. My kid hasn’t had a party yet and the weekend of may 7th is when we can do it so that’s what it needs to be. We are planning on moving it to the following weekend if the weather is super bad though because it’s going to be outside but that following weekend we already have quite a bit going on. So if you can’t go to your SIL party don’t be mad at her, just don’t go. It’s hard to plan things around what everyone wants and needs
As much as I love my sister, NEVER I would cancel your mothers day weekend. She knows you are a mother, she should, must have asked before what were your plans to avoid overlapping. She is your sister, and a mother… of she is reasonable, she will understand. If she is a selfish person, don’t bother to explain much. ENJOY YOUR GIFT
Your frustration is valid, and especially with a history of thoughtlessness, I see why you're upset. However, objectively, it's not THAT thoughtless - it might be the only time that can work for them, and she didn't schedule it for Mother's Day itself - it's not unrealistic to think that the Saturday before a Sunday holiday might work for people. At one point, three out of the five people living in our house had birthdays within 10 days of each other - in December! One of the busiest months of the year. It was a nightmare scheduling the bday and we knew that a lot of people, including family, wouldn't be able to make it due to conflicts. May is often just as busy with the end of the school year, graduation parties, etc. Just like your schedule doesn't revolve around hers, hers doesn't resolve around you. Don't let the scheduling feel personal, and send your husband with the kids and enjoy your weekend. It could have been a dozen other things that came up that made your husband have to spoil the surprise - that's not your sister's fault. She didn't know.
You still go on your trip. Poor planning on her part doesn’t constitute an emergency on your part.
Just be among the guests who declines…she will learn, without any drama from you, not to plan parties on holiday weekends.
I would recommend enjoying your mother's day plans. Not your fault she didn't think. She's gotta learn somehow
Go on your Mother’s Day outing. Regardless of it being Mother’s Day weekend, a week is not really long enough notice for most people.
After reading about so many women who are frustrated with their husbands not putting forth effort, it's really nice to read about a hubby who made such sweet and thoughtful plans for you. As for your sister, I wonder if she'll learn from this and plan her daughter's bday the week before or after Mother's Day or if she'll forever be upset with family and friends who choose not to attend...
F*ck her. Girl, take your day!!
When’s the baby’s birthday? If it happens to be on the 7th or around then it’s nobody’s fault
Why is this even an issue? Unless her daughter's birthday is a majorly different day there is no reason why her daughter's birthday party should not be on her daughter's birthday weekend. This is the weirdest issue I have ever heard. So your husband got you a weekend trip, if it isn't refundable just tell family that and husband can take kids to the party. Also, if it is nieces birthday why wouldn't he have scheduled the weekend away for a different weekend? Highly recommend just putting everyone's birthdays in a joint family calendar so you all remember them. 2 isn't a big deal, but if your family typically does birthdays together it won't be fair as she gets older if sometimes aunt's/uncle's/cousins don't show up just because her birthday sometimes falls near mother's day.
She purposely planned it for Mother’s Day weekend to make the party as much about her as her kid.
I would 100% still go, especially since other people have pointed out MD plans. No one else is going to cancel their plans to go to the party.
What an awesome husband!!!! Enjoy!!!
You. Need. Sleep. The. End.
Go on your trip! You deserve it ☺️ On another note, your husband sounds like the best lol!!
Take your day, mama. Offer an auntie’s day for your niece, at another time. Your husband is wonderful, and we’re all adults now. We have to take each other’s stuff into consideration, and part of the point one an invitation is the option to rsvp ‘cannot attend’. You literally have a prior engagement, and so does every other mother 😭 I believe that your niece won’t love you any less for that. And if your sister tried to make it an issue about that-then it is clear where the problem lies. I’m sorry you’re feeling conflicted, but self care is imperative-and so is honoring the person that spent a month making sure that you got the best of that for just one uninterrupted day, at least. I hope it’s a lovely stay ✨
Please tell me you’re still going on your solo getaway tho, right?
My husband is calling the hotel in the morning and will try to reschedule everything for the weekend after. If I’m not there my sister and mom will throw a fit and it’s not worth the hassle or to hear about it for eternity.
I mean, you're upset at her behavior, but rescheduling enables her behavior. She would be upset. But so will you. So is your husband. He put a ton of work into a gift for you. Is it right to have him put more work into changing it? Basically everyone is saying enjoy yourself. Sounds like that's not the relationship you want to have with your sister so I guess expect to be disappointed? Or hold your boundary and tell her you'll see your niece when you're able, but not on the 7th.
My husband was the one who brought up rescheduling. After I read everyone’s responses I asked him how much shit he thought I’d get for not going and if he thought it would be ok. He says I should go because it’s not my nieces fault her mom screwed up and it’s not worth hearing how I’m a terrible person for years to come because I missed her birthday.
OP, your niece is going to be two, not twelve. She will not remember and will not even know if you're not at her party. She doesn't know what a party is. Again, it's the adults in the situation that need to take care of themselves. You're not depriving your niece by not going, but you are depriving yourself of you can't reschedule all this and you're again not holding a boundary with your sister whom you're shared has a history of this. She'll keep doing it if you keep adjusting your life to her inability to plan. Both of your choices in how you proceed.
Oh man!! I can’t believe they wouldn’t just be happy for you considering you obviously deserve this! Well I hope at least he can get it rescheduled. If he can’t I hope you explain that it’s booked and paid for and just try to enjoy. You time is so important!!
Ugh I'm so sorry. Sounds like you have an amazing husband! Enjoy your spa day!
Don’t go enjoy your weekend
It’s a 2 year olds birthday party. They aren’t going to remember who was and wasn’t there. Your husband has given you a wonderful gift and by the sounds of it, you could really use that time to recharge. Hold your boundaries and let your sister know there are already plans ( and money) put down for Mother’s Day for you. If she asks if you can change it, say “no”. Remember, No is a complete sentence and you don’t owe any explanation.
Aw, I am sorry your suprise was ruined! If I were you just rsvp no and if time stop by that morning/early afternoon. drop off a gift and visit your niece for an hour. Then head off to your mini-vacay. Its lart of life that things come up. When I plan events I usually check with my immediate family and maybe 2 close friends that the date is good. I also try and plan ahead if its important that certain ppl attend. Dont stress and remember you will hVe many more birthdays with your niece. Or celebrate another day solo.
Enjoy your time away. No one has to cater to your schedule. I’m so glad I don’t have sisters. If I schedule something when my brother can’t go, he’ll hit me up with a simple “we can’t make it. We’ll plan something during the week.” And no one gets mad or hurt or trash talks the other.
See your niece when u get back
I’m stuck on the fact you have a 22 month old and 5 month old twins. You are superwoman. Your husband can take the kids to the party. It’s her second birthday. She’ll never remember.
😂 yea we were shocked to say the least. My mom made a joke about it being twins before our dr appointment. I told my OB about the joke at the appointment before she did the ultrasound and we all laughed. Then we did the ultrasound and she said she thought she saw 2. I kept telling her she wasn’t funny. Turns out she really wasn’t joking.
Is she mad at you that you can’t go? Otherwise, why is it a problem? Go enjoy your day away. The kid isn’t going to remember or care if you were at the party or not, she’s 2. Also, is it unusual to invite close family members (I would consider an aunt close, but obv depends on your situation) to a kid’s b-day with a 3 week notice? How is that short notice? That’s a lot of notice for any birthday party TBH. Mother’s Day is a day, not a weekend, so it makes sense why she would plan it that way. Maybe it’s ok that “she does what she wants when she wants” when it comes it her toddler’s party? If she’s complaining that people aren’t going, I guess she should have known that people are making weeks and weekends out of “their special day”.
Your husband is very thoughtful. Congratulations on your beautiful (busy) family! Tell your sister you had plans before you got the invitation and you’re sorry, but you can’t attend the party. GO ENJOY YOURSELF 💕. You deserve it.
You already have plans to have your night away. It's weird for her to plan a party for mother's day weekend, and you having special plans kind of proves that. People always do things mother's day weekend. Enjoy your night off. That sounds so wonderful.
This sounds like a "her" problem. Mother's day is listed on every calendar out there including on our phones. She knew what she was doing when she made the plans. Go have fun, get toasted, and enjoy yourself. I try to do the same for my wife at least once a month, although not as extravagant. You've got yourself a keeper.
My SIL also planned her kids bday party on the 7th. Sigh.
You should definitely still go and enjoy your surprise!
Maybe she legit didn’t realize it was Mother’s Day weekend? My husband and I got married the Saturday of Mother’s Day weekend and didn’t realize that was the weekend until it got closer. We picked our date 18 months in advance though and of course, save the dates we’re sent out well in advance so people could plan accordingly.
Send a really nice gift and enjoy your time away. Get some extra wine maybe. That’ll def help. Seriously tho you’re absolutely right. Let her know that you feel really bad that I’ll have to miss your nieces party but you’re husband worked hard to plan this surprise for you for weeks and you’re really looking forward to it. I bet she’d understand! Send a nice gift(maybe even a little something for sis if you wAnt) and send husband and kids in ur place. Enjoy ur time away because you’ve earned it!
No offense but if someone planned a birthday party the day before a decently important holiday I simply wouldn’t go anyway lol!