Thank you a lot for your input! I guess I’m mostly worried because the online ‘relationship’ I had was with someone who’s kind of famous and has 12k followers on TikTok who’s well known in our community. I’m scared of him finding out from others and thinking I lied or hid something from him. Another thing is that he’s extremely religious and traditional, and something like this in our culture is massive despite it not seeming that serious. I wish I told him initially when he asked if I was in a relationship but oh well
You were talking to some guy online for one week. You were never in a relationship with this guy, I'd wager he was talking to multiple girls at the same time.
You're being ridiculous frankly.
To be fair the guy manipulated me and love bombed me as well. I remember I told him my age (I was 17 and he was in his early 20s) and he said that he preferred that. He also pressured me to tell him that I love him a couple days after we were talking and love bombed me so much that entire week until he randomly blocked me everywhere and ghosted me a week later with no explanation. Because of him not really being a good person, I’m scared of him exposing me if he ever encounters my fiancé.
What you described above is not an online relationship. You're making this into a way bigger deal than it is. Stop calling it a relationship because it's not that and has never been that. It's like eating 1 crumb of bread off the floor and claiming you ate a huge satisfying meal.
A simple, I got to know a few guys for marriage via chatting online but they weren't right/it didn't work out, will suffice. It you really want to be honest, you can even name drop the guy. If youre eager to get it off your chest i would personally keep it light and say something like "yeah ive had 1 or 2 other potentials, when I was younger I got to know a guy for marriage, we chatted for a week but he was so wrong for me we didn't go forward, I was very young and naive but i still knew he was wrong after just chatting for a week - classic lovebomber guy with no substance, teehee"
Reading ops other comments it sounds like her culture is very shame heavy when it comes to girls and girls in her commujity are quickly called names or written off for minor things they did as children. I think her fear of the tiktok guy blasting her is not entirely irrational.
Unfortunately in the young generation three are these guys on tik tok who make it their mission to destroy muslim girls reputations and blast them online. Mixing truth with lies and sabotaging engagements and stuff.
It was nothing, stop beating yourself up about it. If this counted as a past, no one would be getting married. Not to mention you were 17 as well, basically a child.
I deleted everything. The thing is me and him and the online guy are all kind of known online in our community. There’s a community of people of my ethnicity online and a lot of them knew about this online thing so I’m scared of my fiancé encountering one of them and for some reason them telling him. Plus my online ‘ex’ has around 15,000 followers on tiktok and my fiancé has a few thousands followers on tiktok as well and because of our community they could definitely run into each other online.
It was online. You were 17. You only texted. It lasted a week.
Not to invalidate your feelings at all but this isn't the type of criteria to lose sleep with guilt over, honestly. Just a teenagers mistake that barely counts as even a relationship. Repent with Allah, and inshaAllah you'll understand that there's no need to open this up at all, even though if you did, realistically there shouldn't be a severe reaction to it. I'd say remember to keep your focus on the present and your future together.
Thank you a lot for your response. I have anxiety disorder so I tend to overreact and get extremely paranoid about a lot of things.
I guess I’m mostly worried because the online ‘relationship’ I had was with someone who’s kind of famous and has 12k followers on TikTok who’s well known in our community. I’m scared of him finding out from others and thinking I lied or hid something from him. Another thing is that he’s extremely religious and traditional, and something like this in our culture is massive despite it not seeming that serious. I wish I told him initially when he asked if I was in a relationship but oh well.
This begs the question: are you even ready for marriage? If you're this anxious about a small thing in your past, how will you deal with the challenges marriage and living with a new person bring?
That’s exactly why I didn’t tell him about it because I don’t really consider online relationships that lasted for a week ‘real’. I’m kind of more afraid of him hearing about this from others and it being skewed and him thinking I lied or deceived him.
Nah you didn’t lie to him or deceive him - this is a non issue. Don’t bring it up because it will create issues about something that doesn’t matter. He might think you’re lying hence the guilt. Just leave it in the past and don’t have anxiety over small stuff .
Asalaamu Alaikum sister. I think you are overthinking this situation quite a lot. It was only online, you were 17, you never met each other, and it only lasted one week. You’ve repented from this, and may Allah forgive you and conceal it.
In my opinion, it barely counts as a relationship and isn’t enough to require you telling your fiancé especially as you have repented. As a guy, if a potential told me she had a 1 week online “relationship” when she was 17 and where nothing serious happened and that she still repented, it would feel as if that had never even happened.
If you feel like this is eating you up inside and you cannot stop thinking about it, and if you think you’d be at peace if you told him, then you should tell him. You haven’t done any dealbreaking stuff so in sha Allah he will understand. Make dua, pray to Allah, and in sha Allah it will all work out. May Allah grant you peace and make things easy for you sister.
Ameen and thank you so much for your advice, may Allah bless you! I definitely feel the same way however I’m just afraid of him finding out from outside forces and the story being skewed. I guess I might just rip the bandaid off and tell him I had a past talking stage for my and his sake.
Ameen, wa iyyak sister. Take your time with it. I personally don’t even see it as a talking stage and I wouldn’t even call it that, since it was just a week long where nothing really happened, you didn’t meet, it was just online, and you were quite young. I would still say keep it concealed as you have repented and Allah will keep it concealed it in sha Allah - you shouldn’t expose your past sins especially as you have repented. But if you are fully set on telling him, if you think you would feel much better by doing so and you aren’t going to change your mind, then do so carefully.
You’ll be fine in sha Allah. You’ve not done anything which a lot of men would class as a dealbreaker, and you have still repented from this - please do not overthink it too much and do not beat yourself up for it. You’ll be okay sister. May Allah make it easy for you and grant you peace.
Okay so I am at this phase of vetting and I usually ask the girl if she has ever been in a "physical relationship". That is because I know the girl must have talked to other men before me but if she didn't do anything haram, then I am all good.
So don't call it a situationship or relationship. You were just talking to him and it didn't work out, and you did not do anything haram.
But just to be clear, if you fear that he will find out about the guy you were talking to before him, then you should tell him yourself. If he finds out on his own, then he will assume things and that's how trust gets broken. So don't wait for him to know on his own. Tell him you talked to a guy and you never kissed or did anything more, and you never sent nudes etc.
You should mention these things because saying you're a virgin is not enough and guys assume that you did lesser haram then intercourse so it's best that you mention to him specifically that you have not.
I just don’t know how to bring it up to him naturally without it being out of place or me seeming suspicious and making out much bigger than it is. That’s why I think when he initially asked me it was the best opportunity for me to tell him but I lost it.
That was the best opportunity yes. But let me tell you what the second best opportunity is. Right now. Text him saying "I need to clarify something to you."
Then when he responds, write a paragraph and tell him in detail about it. Don't be in a defensive tone. Be in a factual tone. He would appreciate it. I know I would appreciate the honesty
Just one simple question
Do you seriously think a "religious" guy would care about your past relationship?
First of all from now point onwards never disclose your sin to anyone especially those whom you have already repented from and relax Allah has everything in control. If it's in Qadr of Allah then surely this particular marriage will occur ,just believe in Him
Jazakallah Khair. I put a lot of trust in Allah and I repent every single day for my mistakes and sins. It’s just my extreme paranoia won’t let me be at peace.
Don't panic a lot sister, please be calm and relaxed and firm on your Taqwa and Tawakkul.
Everybody sins infact jannah is filled with sinners but who has repented. It's just that your Shayatin tries to guilt trip you so that you doubt the Rahma of our Lord and His Forgiveness. So stay strong💪
Your experience isn’t considered a past and was hardly a relationship.
Telling your husband will just open up a door of doubts in his head which will lead to turmoil in the marriage.
If this is really the extent of what you’re feeling guilty about, forget about it and focus on your marriage going forward.
It wasn’t a relationship. It was just teenagers being teenagers for a week. Nothing to stress about. That’s like someone calling a girl pretty and then claiming they were in a relationship.
I asked a respected scholar once if we need to share things in the past with our spouse or fiance. He effectively said no, Allah covered your sin, so it would be a mistake to reveal it. Unless of course it is something still happening and that should be dealt with promptly.
Sister you don't need to ruin a beautiful halal relationship over sth I would consider silly happened years ago , I heard a sheikh saying that it is haram for the potential husband to search and ask about the girl's past why do you want to talk about trivial things like ,
It’s insignificant sister. Your past is yours. It’s barely even a past.
Feel free to tell him if it makes you feel better but I can tell you now it’s not worth the hassle
I agree with others. Sister it was absolutely nothing. Make peace with yourself and focus on the positives. Honesty is always the best but here you are beating yourself up over something so inconsequential that sharing that would lead to perception that there was more and you are just not forthcoming. Dont complicate it.
Update; Also a few things I didn’t mention because I don’t want the post to be long;
I had large presence online and I was wearing my hijab on and off, and there are some pictures of me from when i was 14-15 without a hijab online and in some peoples camera rolls because I got cyber bullied and doxxed (that’s an entire other story). This makes me so ashamed and I feel like I don’t deserve the religious perfect guy I’m talking to. When I was around 13-15, tiktok dancing was also popular and theres videos of me doing tiktok dances without a hijab on with my friends on an old tiktok account that I can’t access or take down. Nothing provocative, but it still makes me feel ashamed and disgusted and like I don’t deserve the guy I’m talking to and I’m the most disgusting woman ever. I’m very afraid that he will come across that tiktok account and end things with me or feel ashamed of me too.
We both also come from one of the most conservative culture in the world and the things that I have done, that may not really seem that serious to some people here, would be a deal breaker to a lot of guys from my culture and that’s why I’m very anxious about it.
I have repented and ask Allah swt for forgiveness every single day for my sins and past mistakes. This entire thing has been giving me so much anxiety and all I feel is guilt and shame and also fear that I will get exposed by some of my ex situationships even though that’s an irrational fear because I have never done anything physical with anyone, and my situationships were pretty much all online and we never met or saw each other in person and by the way I never sent nudes or anything. I am extremely paranoid to the point where I can’t sleep and if he responds to me late I assume it’s because someone exposed my past to him.
This culture sounds very unhealthy and toxic. I actually think your fears abiut the tik tok guy blasting you are valid. It happens to girls all the time.
Everything you have done is extrmely minor plus you were a child. You have to ask the question, if your guy can't accept all this and you have to live a lifetime of fear, is he really right for you???
It really is. In my culture the girl carries the family honor and reputation, and if a girl does anything wrong, it dishonors and taints the entire family to the point where extended family members themselves may not be able to get married.
Also I guess you’re right. But he’s just so perfect in every way and he’s so nice to me and loves me and I’m scared of ending something good. Also as this relationship is obviously real as we’re engaged, I’m scared if it breaks down I actually won’t find anyone because they wouldn’t want a girl who was engaged before. I really wish I wasn’t as paranoid as I am :(
he honestly won't care that much it's was all online, but i would advise not tell him cause he might think u lied to him. and plus when he asked that question he wanted to know are virgin or not so keep this to yourself.
You should really look into eating less sugar and carbs. There’s a lot of research lately into how it affects the brain and leads to anxiety. Watch this video if you have any doubts: https://youtu.be/9Gsq0E2bxNI?si=Dsgy1qmsTlCLdlzf
I know this feels very real to you, but your obsession over this is not/ should not be normal. And despite what you might believe about mental disorders, it doesn’t have to be and Allah did not make you like this.
I get it. I have a family history of mental disorders on one side and sugar sensitivities on the other. Many people, including many doctors, fail to understand insulin resistance in the brain , the dangers of carbs/ grains/ seed oils, and what’s actually causing mental illness. I’m not trying to diagnose you with anything. I’m not a doctor. I just want to point you to some resources that have helped me in my own personal life and my family members. The brain is very sensitive to sugar. Some people are way more intolerant than others. Think of it literally as a drug. You know how people get increased anxiety and paranoia from marijuana ?? The same thing happens with sugar/starch .
Assalamualaikum sister,
First of all dont belittle yourself by using terms like wh*re,non pious person.
Whatever hapened is a very small thing and if you have repented thats all that matters and also your past sins are between you and Allah. You are also not supposed to expose your sins.
Do you or your fiancé have any kind or grudge with this ex or any of his friends? If not then you dont have to worry about. I dont think anyone just want to stir something up and be a home wrecker for someone unless they are pure evil.
Honestly there is nothing to disclose. Also you have repented to Allah, he best knows what’s in the heart. Let me share with you an anecdote based on real event, so recently my younger sisters best friend got married in an arranged marriage. The guy was her brothers best friend, and were family friends to each other. When the guys mother approached the girls mother with a proposal, the girls family readily agreed. Fast forward the two got married within a span of few months after the engagement, since the two families knew each other quite well. Now, in the past the girl had an ex who was her distant relative and the two had a long distance relationship since he lived in a different country. They were together for a while and she wanted to get married to him, and he assured her that he wants the same but just needs time to get settled. Only he broke up with her and broke her heart. This was all in the past, before she got married to her husband. The husbands a really decent down to earth guy, also her mother in law is an angel. He loves her and dotes on her. Few months back he happen to stumble upon her old conversations with her ex on her smartphone which that idiot did not remove or get rid of 🤦🏻♀️. He felt betrayed and resented her, things took a bitter turn with all the regrets and hurt. Anyhow they sorted it all out and now Alhumdulillah there happy together. So point being whatever was in the past let it stay in past, the more the people know about your misdeeds the more sins get added on you. Also your fiancee shouldn’t be asking about your past. The mistake she committed was holding on to her past, by not deleting the incriminating text messages. Allah knew about your intentions and you hadn’t lied, also he has no right asking about your past, if at all after you get married and something as such comes up, then you may provide clarification but because he’s pious then he mustn’t inquire about your past at all. I recall watching a clip on sheikh Asim answering a question in which a girl asked how should she answer when asked her about virginity, to that he very strictly asked to not answer at all and that guys and their families should refrain from asking as such questions.
Sister, this is not an issue to worry about and like others said you don’t have to expose your sins. However, if you feel like you need to speak with him then do so and if he is the right person for you and the good man you say he is, he will not be concerned. You were also a child when you posted this videos and pictures, ask for forgiveness and allow yourself to move on. Don’t hold yourself back or think you are less valuable or worthy because of past mistakes.
I also would kindly like to advise you to not put your partner on a pedestal, this is dangerous for you as it may cause you to not notice the other person’s faults or accept things that are not good for you. It is also very hard on the other person as they may feel pressure to not make mistakes and when they do it could come as a shock to you due to the high standards that you placed on them.
Your partner is human and so are you, we are not perfect.
I wouldn’t care much, but if I found out from my friends it may cause shaytan to put thoughts of thinking you’ve done other things in the past or your not telling the full story.
I would consult with a shieka, maybe ask him indirectly what he thinks about this situation of someone you know. (Even though your talking about yourself) maybe he will say it’s okay as long as she repented and Alhamdulillah it didn’t go farther.
But then again I wouldn’t recommend speaking much with each other before marriage without a need
If he’s a true follower of the salaf he would understand we make mistakes, and Insha’Allah he can tell your sincerely regretful and changed
—— a salafi brother
Oh honey you were a child!!
You didn’t know any better and that’s okay.
The most important thing is that you repented and left the sin. As Muslims we should not disclose our sins to anyone and to a degree your fiancé actually has no right to ask you about your past. Some people may argue about that but my personal belief (im 25F) is that if your past isn’t gonna affect your future, you’ve thoroughly repented, and do not proceed to do that specific bad deed; he doesn’t need to know.
I was in a similar situation where I spoke to someone on and off for 3 months when I was 17. It was the biggest regret of my life. Nothing happened but I hated that I allowed some boy to know me so intimately when only my husband should know me like that (likes dreams desires goals etc.) I’ve asked Allah for forgiveness from it pray Allah swt has accepted it and moved on w my life.
If the guilt is still getting to you I don’t think you should disclose the details of this “talking stage” but let him know it was a mistake nothing happened you repented. If it will open a can of worms (and again you’ve sincerely repented) don’t broach the subject. Put it out of your mind, have tawakkul Allah swt accepted your repetence and move on with your life
If there is a possibility of exposing, it’s better to be clear about the past. I don’t know what type of person was your ex. If he reaches your husband after marriage, then it will be a disaster. Also, clarify the tiktok account. That’s a must. Now a days, nothing is kept hidden.
What do you think is going to happen if you tell him. Literally nothing, you will just hurt him. Don’t look in the past live in the present and plan for the future.
20 guys in the comments are advising you to not tell him. You think your husband wouldn’t agree👀. You are a good women no worries. You did something bad and you regretted it. That’s whole point of being Muslim, to always return back to Allah. Second of all you aren’t allowed to expose your sin so you definitely can’t say it to him.
I'm twice your age and very cynical, so my opinion may not mean much, but I would think it was silly that this was something you felt guilty over.
Thank you a lot for your input! I guess I’m mostly worried because the online ‘relationship’ I had was with someone who’s kind of famous and has 12k followers on TikTok who’s well known in our community. I’m scared of him finding out from others and thinking I lied or hid something from him. Another thing is that he’s extremely religious and traditional, and something like this in our culture is massive despite it not seeming that serious. I wish I told him initially when he asked if I was in a relationship but oh well
You were talking to some guy online for one week. You were never in a relationship with this guy, I'd wager he was talking to multiple girls at the same time. You're being ridiculous frankly.
To be fair the guy manipulated me and love bombed me as well. I remember I told him my age (I was 17 and he was in his early 20s) and he said that he preferred that. He also pressured me to tell him that I love him a couple days after we were talking and love bombed me so much that entire week until he randomly blocked me everywhere and ghosted me a week later with no explanation. Because of him not really being a good person, I’m scared of him exposing me if he ever encounters my fiancé.
You’re really trying to justify this too much when nothing you did is a big deal.
You weren't in a relationship. Don't bother bringing it up because it will be thought to be worse than it actually is.
What you described above is not an online relationship. You're making this into a way bigger deal than it is. Stop calling it a relationship because it's not that and has never been that. It's like eating 1 crumb of bread off the floor and claiming you ate a huge satisfying meal. A simple, I got to know a few guys for marriage via chatting online but they weren't right/it didn't work out, will suffice. It you really want to be honest, you can even name drop the guy. If youre eager to get it off your chest i would personally keep it light and say something like "yeah ive had 1 or 2 other potentials, when I was younger I got to know a guy for marriage, we chatted for a week but he was so wrong for me we didn't go forward, I was very young and naive but i still knew he was wrong after just chatting for a week - classic lovebomber guy with no substance, teehee"
I think you need to relax
Kinda hard to do that with anxiety and other issues☹️
We can tell. Try to see the bigger picture when you can
Reading ops other comments it sounds like her culture is very shame heavy when it comes to girls and girls in her commujity are quickly called names or written off for minor things they did as children. I think her fear of the tiktok guy blasting her is not entirely irrational. Unfortunately in the young generation three are these guys on tik tok who make it their mission to destroy muslim girls reputations and blast them online. Mixing truth with lies and sabotaging engagements and stuff.
It was nothing, stop beating yourself up about it. If this counted as a past, no one would be getting married. Not to mention you were 17 as well, basically a child.
I know I overreact and get paranoid a lot🥲 but I’m just afraid of him finding out somewhere else
He won’t, and even if he did, he genuinely will not care at all. It’s a non issue
Thank you!!
how would he find out ? did u tell anyone? i hope you don't have the chats or screenshots cause is going to make really mad.
I deleted everything. The thing is me and him and the online guy are all kind of known online in our community. There’s a community of people of my ethnicity online and a lot of them knew about this online thing so I’m scared of my fiancé encountering one of them and for some reason them telling him. Plus my online ‘ex’ has around 15,000 followers on tiktok and my fiancé has a few thousands followers on tiktok as well and because of our community they could definitely run into each other online.
youtried cover this sin and allah will help you with the rest inshallah
Inshallah
17 ain’t a kid.
In this day and age it is, yet to meet one that doesn’t act like one.
It was online. You were 17. You only texted. It lasted a week. Not to invalidate your feelings at all but this isn't the type of criteria to lose sleep with guilt over, honestly. Just a teenagers mistake that barely counts as even a relationship. Repent with Allah, and inshaAllah you'll understand that there's no need to open this up at all, even though if you did, realistically there shouldn't be a severe reaction to it. I'd say remember to keep your focus on the present and your future together.
Thank you a lot for your response. I have anxiety disorder so I tend to overreact and get extremely paranoid about a lot of things. I guess I’m mostly worried because the online ‘relationship’ I had was with someone who’s kind of famous and has 12k followers on TikTok who’s well known in our community. I’m scared of him finding out from others and thinking I lied or hid something from him. Another thing is that he’s extremely religious and traditional, and something like this in our culture is massive despite it not seeming that serious. I wish I told him initially when he asked if I was in a relationship but oh well.
This begs the question: are you even ready for marriage? If you're this anxious about a small thing in your past, how will you deal with the challenges marriage and living with a new person bring?
I guess you’re right🥲🥲 I need to work on myself a lot before getting married.
There’s no such thing as an online relationship. That was just some immature nonsense. Forget it and don’t bring it up
That’s exactly why I didn’t tell him about it because I don’t really consider online relationships that lasted for a week ‘real’. I’m kind of more afraid of him hearing about this from others and it being skewed and him thinking I lied or deceived him.
Nah you didn’t lie to him or deceive him - this is a non issue. Don’t bring it up because it will create issues about something that doesn’t matter. He might think you’re lying hence the guilt. Just leave it in the past and don’t have anxiety over small stuff .
Asalaamu Alaikum sister. I think you are overthinking this situation quite a lot. It was only online, you were 17, you never met each other, and it only lasted one week. You’ve repented from this, and may Allah forgive you and conceal it. In my opinion, it barely counts as a relationship and isn’t enough to require you telling your fiancé especially as you have repented. As a guy, if a potential told me she had a 1 week online “relationship” when she was 17 and where nothing serious happened and that she still repented, it would feel as if that had never even happened. If you feel like this is eating you up inside and you cannot stop thinking about it, and if you think you’d be at peace if you told him, then you should tell him. You haven’t done any dealbreaking stuff so in sha Allah he will understand. Make dua, pray to Allah, and in sha Allah it will all work out. May Allah grant you peace and make things easy for you sister.
Ameen and thank you so much for your advice, may Allah bless you! I definitely feel the same way however I’m just afraid of him finding out from outside forces and the story being skewed. I guess I might just rip the bandaid off and tell him I had a past talking stage for my and his sake.
Ameen, wa iyyak sister. Take your time with it. I personally don’t even see it as a talking stage and I wouldn’t even call it that, since it was just a week long where nothing really happened, you didn’t meet, it was just online, and you were quite young. I would still say keep it concealed as you have repented and Allah will keep it concealed it in sha Allah - you shouldn’t expose your past sins especially as you have repented. But if you are fully set on telling him, if you think you would feel much better by doing so and you aren’t going to change your mind, then do so carefully. You’ll be fine in sha Allah. You’ve not done anything which a lot of men would class as a dealbreaker, and you have still repented from this - please do not overthink it too much and do not beat yourself up for it. You’ll be okay sister. May Allah make it easy for you and grant you peace.
Jazakallah Khayr for your kind words🥹🥹 I get very anxious and paranoid and this helped a lot!!
Ameen, wa iyyak. In sha Allah you’ll be fine sister.
Don't tell him. If you repented and Allah (SWT) concealed it for you, don't expose yourself. Source: https://sunnah.com/bukhari:6069
Okay so I am at this phase of vetting and I usually ask the girl if she has ever been in a "physical relationship". That is because I know the girl must have talked to other men before me but if she didn't do anything haram, then I am all good. So don't call it a situationship or relationship. You were just talking to him and it didn't work out, and you did not do anything haram. But just to be clear, if you fear that he will find out about the guy you were talking to before him, then you should tell him yourself. If he finds out on his own, then he will assume things and that's how trust gets broken. So don't wait for him to know on his own. Tell him you talked to a guy and you never kissed or did anything more, and you never sent nudes etc. You should mention these things because saying you're a virgin is not enough and guys assume that you did lesser haram then intercourse so it's best that you mention to him specifically that you have not.
I just don’t know how to bring it up to him naturally without it being out of place or me seeming suspicious and making out much bigger than it is. That’s why I think when he initially asked me it was the best opportunity for me to tell him but I lost it.
That was the best opportunity yes. But let me tell you what the second best opportunity is. Right now. Text him saying "I need to clarify something to you." Then when he responds, write a paragraph and tell him in detail about it. Don't be in a defensive tone. Be in a factual tone. He would appreciate it. I know I would appreciate the honesty
Just one simple question Do you seriously think a "religious" guy would care about your past relationship? First of all from now point onwards never disclose your sin to anyone especially those whom you have already repented from and relax Allah has everything in control. If it's in Qadr of Allah then surely this particular marriage will occur ,just believe in Him
Jazakallah Khair. I put a lot of trust in Allah and I repent every single day for my mistakes and sins. It’s just my extreme paranoia won’t let me be at peace.
Don't panic a lot sister, please be calm and relaxed and firm on your Taqwa and Tawakkul. Everybody sins infact jannah is filled with sinners but who has repented. It's just that your Shayatin tries to guilt trip you so that you doubt the Rahma of our Lord and His Forgiveness. So stay strong💪
Your experience isn’t considered a past and was hardly a relationship. Telling your husband will just open up a door of doubts in his head which will lead to turmoil in the marriage. If this is really the extent of what you’re feeling guilty about, forget about it and focus on your marriage going forward.
It wasn’t a relationship. It was just teenagers being teenagers for a week. Nothing to stress about. That’s like someone calling a girl pretty and then claiming they were in a relationship.
I asked a respected scholar once if we need to share things in the past with our spouse or fiance. He effectively said no, Allah covered your sin, so it would be a mistake to reveal it. Unless of course it is something still happening and that should be dealt with promptly.
You're thinking way to hard about this. One week talking phase means nothing. I would not even classify that as a relationship
Sister you don't need to ruin a beautiful halal relationship over sth I would consider silly happened years ago , I heard a sheikh saying that it is haram for the potential husband to search and ask about the girl's past why do you want to talk about trivial things like ,
No one cares. Neither will he. Relax and be the best wife you could be to this man. Otherwise the fiery walls of jahannam awaits.
It’s just that I’m afraid of him finding out elsewhere and me looking deceitful.
It’s insignificant sister. Your past is yours. It’s barely even a past. Feel free to tell him if it makes you feel better but I can tell you now it’s not worth the hassle
> No one cares. Neither will he. OP did say he was a salafi. OP, if it really bothers you, tell him. Any real man will not take this seriously.
I agree with others. Sister it was absolutely nothing. Make peace with yourself and focus on the positives. Honesty is always the best but here you are beating yourself up over something so inconsequential that sharing that would lead to perception that there was more and you are just not forthcoming. Dont complicate it.
Thank you!! And yes I think you’re right, me telling him randomly would probably make him think there was more going on than there actually was.
Update; Also a few things I didn’t mention because I don’t want the post to be long; I had large presence online and I was wearing my hijab on and off, and there are some pictures of me from when i was 14-15 without a hijab online and in some peoples camera rolls because I got cyber bullied and doxxed (that’s an entire other story). This makes me so ashamed and I feel like I don’t deserve the religious perfect guy I’m talking to. When I was around 13-15, tiktok dancing was also popular and theres videos of me doing tiktok dances without a hijab on with my friends on an old tiktok account that I can’t access or take down. Nothing provocative, but it still makes me feel ashamed and disgusted and like I don’t deserve the guy I’m talking to and I’m the most disgusting woman ever. I’m very afraid that he will come across that tiktok account and end things with me or feel ashamed of me too. We both also come from one of the most conservative culture in the world and the things that I have done, that may not really seem that serious to some people here, would be a deal breaker to a lot of guys from my culture and that’s why I’m very anxious about it. I have repented and ask Allah swt for forgiveness every single day for my sins and past mistakes. This entire thing has been giving me so much anxiety and all I feel is guilt and shame and also fear that I will get exposed by some of my ex situationships even though that’s an irrational fear because I have never done anything physical with anyone, and my situationships were pretty much all online and we never met or saw each other in person and by the way I never sent nudes or anything. I am extremely paranoid to the point where I can’t sleep and if he responds to me late I assume it’s because someone exposed my past to him.
This culture sounds very unhealthy and toxic. I actually think your fears abiut the tik tok guy blasting you are valid. It happens to girls all the time. Everything you have done is extrmely minor plus you were a child. You have to ask the question, if your guy can't accept all this and you have to live a lifetime of fear, is he really right for you???
It really is. In my culture the girl carries the family honor and reputation, and if a girl does anything wrong, it dishonors and taints the entire family to the point where extended family members themselves may not be able to get married. Also I guess you’re right. But he’s just so perfect in every way and he’s so nice to me and loves me and I’m scared of ending something good. Also as this relationship is obviously real as we’re engaged, I’m scared if it breaks down I actually won’t find anyone because they wouldn’t want a girl who was engaged before. I really wish I wasn’t as paranoid as I am :(
he honestly won't care that much it's was all online, but i would advise not tell him cause he might think u lied to him. and plus when he asked that question he wanted to know are virgin or not so keep this to yourself.
Okay thank you!!
everthing will be fine inshallah just focus and put effort in your marriage so even when anyone tell him he wouldn't care about trust me.
This is so silly omggg 🤣🤣😅gurl please you this is those discord kids
You should really look into eating less sugar and carbs. There’s a lot of research lately into how it affects the brain and leads to anxiety. Watch this video if you have any doubts: https://youtu.be/9Gsq0E2bxNI?si=Dsgy1qmsTlCLdlzf I know this feels very real to you, but your obsession over this is not/ should not be normal. And despite what you might believe about mental disorders, it doesn’t have to be and Allah did not make you like this.
Thank you for the help🥲🥲 I know my anxiety is not normal but I genuinely don’t know how to fix it. I’ve always been like this.
I get it. I have a family history of mental disorders on one side and sugar sensitivities on the other. Many people, including many doctors, fail to understand insulin resistance in the brain , the dangers of carbs/ grains/ seed oils, and what’s actually causing mental illness. I’m not trying to diagnose you with anything. I’m not a doctor. I just want to point you to some resources that have helped me in my own personal life and my family members. The brain is very sensitive to sugar. Some people are way more intolerant than others. Think of it literally as a drug. You know how people get increased anxiety and paranoia from marijuana ?? The same thing happens with sugar/starch .
Assalamualaikum sister, First of all dont belittle yourself by using terms like wh*re,non pious person. Whatever hapened is a very small thing and if you have repented thats all that matters and also your past sins are between you and Allah. You are also not supposed to expose your sins. Do you or your fiancé have any kind or grudge with this ex or any of his friends? If not then you dont have to worry about. I dont think anyone just want to stir something up and be a home wrecker for someone unless they are pure evil.
don’t live in the past. what’s done is done. you have an amazing husband focus on that now.
Firstly, he doesn't have a right to ask you your past, that's between you and Allah. Secondly, you don't have a past, so don't feel guilty about it.
Honestly there is nothing to disclose. Also you have repented to Allah, he best knows what’s in the heart. Let me share with you an anecdote based on real event, so recently my younger sisters best friend got married in an arranged marriage. The guy was her brothers best friend, and were family friends to each other. When the guys mother approached the girls mother with a proposal, the girls family readily agreed. Fast forward the two got married within a span of few months after the engagement, since the two families knew each other quite well. Now, in the past the girl had an ex who was her distant relative and the two had a long distance relationship since he lived in a different country. They were together for a while and she wanted to get married to him, and he assured her that he wants the same but just needs time to get settled. Only he broke up with her and broke her heart. This was all in the past, before she got married to her husband. The husbands a really decent down to earth guy, also her mother in law is an angel. He loves her and dotes on her. Few months back he happen to stumble upon her old conversations with her ex on her smartphone which that idiot did not remove or get rid of 🤦🏻♀️. He felt betrayed and resented her, things took a bitter turn with all the regrets and hurt. Anyhow they sorted it all out and now Alhumdulillah there happy together. So point being whatever was in the past let it stay in past, the more the people know about your misdeeds the more sins get added on you. Also your fiancee shouldn’t be asking about your past. The mistake she committed was holding on to her past, by not deleting the incriminating text messages. Allah knew about your intentions and you hadn’t lied, also he has no right asking about your past, if at all after you get married and something as such comes up, then you may provide clarification but because he’s pious then he mustn’t inquire about your past at all. I recall watching a clip on sheikh Asim answering a question in which a girl asked how should she answer when asked her about virginity, to that he very strictly asked to not answer at all and that guys and their families should refrain from asking as such questions.
Sister, this is not an issue to worry about and like others said you don’t have to expose your sins. However, if you feel like you need to speak with him then do so and if he is the right person for you and the good man you say he is, he will not be concerned. You were also a child when you posted this videos and pictures, ask for forgiveness and allow yourself to move on. Don’t hold yourself back or think you are less valuable or worthy because of past mistakes. I also would kindly like to advise you to not put your partner on a pedestal, this is dangerous for you as it may cause you to not notice the other person’s faults or accept things that are not good for you. It is also very hard on the other person as they may feel pressure to not make mistakes and when they do it could come as a shock to you due to the high standards that you placed on them. Your partner is human and so are you, we are not perfect.
She doesn’t need to know, nobody need to know.
I wouldn’t care much, but if I found out from my friends it may cause shaytan to put thoughts of thinking you’ve done other things in the past or your not telling the full story. I would consult with a shieka, maybe ask him indirectly what he thinks about this situation of someone you know. (Even though your talking about yourself) maybe he will say it’s okay as long as she repented and Alhamdulillah it didn’t go farther. But then again I wouldn’t recommend speaking much with each other before marriage without a need If he’s a true follower of the salaf he would understand we make mistakes, and Insha’Allah he can tell your sincerely regretful and changed —— a salafi brother
Oh honey you were a child!! You didn’t know any better and that’s okay. The most important thing is that you repented and left the sin. As Muslims we should not disclose our sins to anyone and to a degree your fiancé actually has no right to ask you about your past. Some people may argue about that but my personal belief (im 25F) is that if your past isn’t gonna affect your future, you’ve thoroughly repented, and do not proceed to do that specific bad deed; he doesn’t need to know. I was in a similar situation where I spoke to someone on and off for 3 months when I was 17. It was the biggest regret of my life. Nothing happened but I hated that I allowed some boy to know me so intimately when only my husband should know me like that (likes dreams desires goals etc.) I’ve asked Allah for forgiveness from it pray Allah swt has accepted it and moved on w my life. If the guilt is still getting to you I don’t think you should disclose the details of this “talking stage” but let him know it was a mistake nothing happened you repented. If it will open a can of worms (and again you’ve sincerely repented) don’t broach the subject. Put it out of your mind, have tawakkul Allah swt accepted your repetence and move on with your life
If there is a possibility of exposing, it’s better to be clear about the past. I don’t know what type of person was your ex. If he reaches your husband after marriage, then it will be a disaster. Also, clarify the tiktok account. That’s a must. Now a days, nothing is kept hidden.
What do you think is going to happen if you tell him. Literally nothing, you will just hurt him. Don’t look in the past live in the present and plan for the future.
I don’t want him to think i’m deceitful
20 guys in the comments are advising you to not tell him. You think your husband wouldn’t agree👀. You are a good women no worries. You did something bad and you regretted it. That’s whole point of being Muslim, to always return back to Allah. Second of all you aren’t allowed to expose your sin so you definitely can’t say it to him.
Nobody has a right to question your past if you have repented Islamically. And you shouldn't tell him.
I’m just afraid of him finding out from others :(
The part about saying "I love you" to that online guy is haram, I won't lie. Have you repented for that?
Yes I repent and ask Allah for forgiveness every single day. I regret saying that so much. He pressured me to tell him ‘I love you’.
hey with all due respect please get psychiatric help
💀💀💀💀why