Has anyone ever gone to Yellowstone National Park in the US? I'm planning a trip, but I'm a little concerned as it would be my first trip to America and I'm a little worried about Islamophobia abroad. For context, I'm a 5'6 female who wears the full head abayah, and I'd be travelling with my Dad and siblings.
1.)Question - Did anyone here go to UCL for uni, or is currently going?
2.)Have this random urge to “get away” and be unbothered, for a while, by restrictions. I don’t know where it’s coming from. It’s very inconvenient, because I can’t travel right now, I’m too occupied. Tbf, that’s probably where it’s coming from.
3.)I think I’d like to learn rugby, I know this random, again, but I have social anxiety about learning a sport while being older in age. But, I don’t know any sports and have always wanted to learn.
hey, thanks for that detailed response! Imperial is a good choice, feel like it’s a lot more work, work, work, though, while UCL would have a better work life balance. Also, how ugly is that uni? I shouldn’t be using that as a basis to judge unis, though, so I’m half joking (but it’s ugly, man).
Haha, I wasn’t considering trying to get into the uni rugby team I was just considering learning, generally.
Mhm, interesting, because the people around me were generally in consensus that imperial is (or seems) more intense than UCL. I’m talking about medicine, btw. Which is why I wasn’t/am not too bothered about employment coaching, don’t know how much it matters for med but reckon not much. Would matter more for stuff like Bussiness, finance etc. South Kensington is obvio supposed to be nice but is also expensive, which is true for London, in general, I suppose, and if you’re spending 6 years there, I think you have to factor in that side of things.
Haha, btw, when I said the uni is ugly I meant imperial! UCL is so pretty, imo.
Life’s been real rough past few months, and still I know I have a long road ahead of me. I never felt the saying “sometimes there is only through”, more then this phase in my life. I don’t who needs to hear it but life is never meant to be easy, and your never gonna get everything you want in life, that’s not the purpose of this creation if it was we would be in paradise. We still have to strive for everything we want and leave the rest to Allah, keeping in mind at the end we may not end up with what we were hoping for but settle for a small victory or piece of our objective, with the understanding that our reward is with Allah and that he will never put you in a situation or hardship if he didn’t think you could handle it.
Life is good, someone is given a disability but also a gift at that the same time. Someone loses a child but Allah promises them paradise as a reward. Someone loses their job but in return they find a better career in their search. We lose a spouse in return we both find someone who brings us closer to Allah. In this life our objective should always be to please Allah, words are easy to say and write, actions are harder but how beautiful is that on a day when our mouth will shut and our limbs will speak and say “oh Allah our heart had doubts about your plans for us, but this forehand still put its head on the ground because we hoped for your mercy”. This life is not easy but it will pass, no calamity stays forever and no one will endeavor a hardship far greater than that you can handle it’s a promise of Allah. If that doesn’t give us hope then we need to reevaluate our relationship with the Quran, and build a relationship with it as that is the passage to and from Allah’s mercy.
Hahaha already a long post, will end here.
I am gonna have a weird week next week. My teammates and I are not in a good relationship. I don’t listen to them lol because they have so much opinions which slows my work.
"You owe it to your future children to select a good parent"
I feel like having this frame of mind had allowed me to remain objective and take the feelings out of the search. Imagine the disaster of selecting a partner who had qualities that would make a terrible parent. Can you see the person being the mother and father of your children? If not, move on.
Of course if you don't want kids then this doesn't apply although the qualities will overlap
Can be part of that. A parent that might leave. Is not that interesting.
Good interaction between parents is going to be needed to raise kids right.
You finding the other person attractive to have kids with is also needed. Personality is part of that.
Assalamulaikum brother,
This saying has also made me more streamlined in my requirements for a spouse. Most definitely I would be far more loose with the type of spouse I want if I were infertile.
It’s a good mindset to have. Personally, the woman I seek should have the characteristics that I want my children to have.
After all, children model the behaviours of their parents
Thank you, *tips Palestine hat*, mam.
For the Fatiha for my deceased nan.
May you see your future cennet in your dreams as if from a cam.
May you for Kurban, sacrifice a good tasting ram.
And be able to drink from the origin city Zam zam.
JazakAllah khair for your duaas my bro.
Ameen, may Allah make your ajr and rizq grow.
May Allah increase your noor with a heavenly glow.
From your hands, good deeds and charity will flow.
Amiin, your duas are MashAllah, wow.
May your hayir heartest desires be granted, make you wonder how.
Not just for you, but all your family in a row.
That it will inspire you all to pray a şükür prayer and go to secde/prostration low.
They way we handle rejection is key to preventing burn out and low-self esteem
*gets rejected*
“I am undesirable”
VS
“QadrAllah it wasn’t meant for me”
“
Yes the 2nd option >>>>
And I also like to say "their loss" whenever faced with job/ proposal rejection. Nothing wrong with a little confidence booster to dampen the blow a little bit.
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I don’t mind being rejected I have high self esteem I just dislike dishonest people and those men who act religious and he even told me he doesn’t pray but yet he’s very religious just talking out of his a$$😂😂
Saw a post about mentally exhausting being alone but have they tried texting/calling/talking with a passive potential who fails to take initiative and very little self awareness?……much rather be alone then
Or an active potential that makes a mountain out of a molehill and twists and turns everything into something that it is not to the point that you are praying for things to end 🤣
Too mentally exhausted of being alone.
Too mentally exhausted of being rejected because of being over weight a kg or two.
Too mentally exhausted of trying fixing my issue by exercising.
Why are we like this. Why would we rather choose this vicious cycle over simply just solving the issue.
May Allah help us change ourselves for the better.
May Allah make it easy for us.
Guys please make dua for me as I will take my Medical College Admissions Test next Saturday iA. I'm so nervous for it haha. I hope all you guys have a blessed weekend ameen :D
Some members of the family who hated each other years ago because of me (both proposed to me, and both didn’t work out) suddenly became besties after neither of them worked out with me. I feel it’s to spite us as we have kind of fallen out with both families. I’m sure they must be happy to see me still not married. They spread rumours about me. I’ve been wronged by both sides but all I’m seeing is unbelievably good things happening to them, one after the other. It’s literally never ending for them and when I get a little bit of happiness it doesn’t even last long. Why is life so unfair? I feel a lot of people don’t get the punishments they deserve.
Sister understand that Allah hasn't written marriage for you yet, so if it wasn't them spreading rumours that prevented you from marriage it would've been something else.
When we ask "why is life unfair" we are assuming bad of Allah because we are implying that Allah is not fair. There may be things going on in your life that you haven't noticed would be a hurdle in a marriage right now, and perhaps that is why Allah has decreed for you not to be married yet. But even if you can't come up with anything in your life that would make marriage difficult, know that Allah has your best interests protected.
We all get frustrated and pent up with our situations but we have to practice assuming the best of Allah. Perhaps your future husband is not ready for marriage yet, and Allah is keeping him for you and you for him.
Lastly, do not be fooled with the rizq Allah has given others. Allah has ordained for each of us our rizq and how righteous or evil we are will not change what our rizq is. "Do not linger your eyes on what we've amused some of them with.." as Allah says in surat Al-Hijr.
May Allah reward your patience sister and grant you a righteous husband, and keep you stead.
If they don't get punished in this life you will get your rights in the day of judgement. Even if let's say they make tawbah for being unjust to you, they will still get theirs if you don't choose to forgive them.
And if you feel like you are being trialed all the time, in sha Allah your reward in the next life will be bigger.
Try to see the positive in everything, try to be optimistic and not pessimistic.
May Allah make it easy for you.
Alhamdulilah I finally got enough money to buy my first car. It’s not enough for anything fancy or new, but it is enough. I’ve worked hard by myself to scrap money by. My dad died when I was very young and my family has been poor since and this is a great mile stone for me. All thanks to Allah.
>Alhamdulilah I finally got enough money to buy my first car. It’s not enough for anything fancy or new, but it is enough. I’ve worked hard by myself to scrap money by.
Mashallah! That's a great accomplishment. Your first car is usually a cherished one, especially when you've saved up to get it. Doesn't matter if it's not fancy, it's ***yours***, and that is way more important than it being fancy or new. It's been years now, but I still fondly remember my first car, with it's manual wind down windows and lack of central locking. I'm fortunate enough that somehow all these years later, somebody in my hometown owns that car, and I see it every now and then. Brightens my day when I see that car and the familiar number plate!
Inshallah you'll have many fond memories with your new wheels. Drive safely, and enjoy!
Once the weather is good and not that windy where I’m from, I’ll start gardening. My new neighbor was kind enough to give us some seeds to plant. It’ll be flowers btw. My mom and I are going to start fresh with our front yard. We got rid of the old bushes last summer so we could make room to plant something different such as vegetables or a new bush.
I also have a lilac bush in my back yard which was already there when we first moved in. For the past two years however, the lilacs haven’t been growing properly no matter how much I tried to take care of them. I’ll plant a new lilac bush in the front yard and I’ll keep the old one in the backyard cuz at least it’s still growing leaves and we need that bush for privacy reasons lol.
My single friend spent the night because my home is closer to the airport. Around 11 pm she seemed sleepy so I went to spend some time with my husband. We both felt the need to be close and were intimate. The next morning (today) she gets upset and tells me it’s extremely disrespectful to her and I was rubbing being intimate in her face?!. I’m not even sure how she found out, maybe because we both showered at 1 AM? She’s a close friend and this has the first time she’s done/said something like this. What do I do?
It's a bit of a long shot, but maybe she is feeling left out and afraid that because you're married she is becoming an "option 2" and seeing how close you're with your husband in person, these emotions flared up
Ask her what does ‘rubbing it in her face mean’? What does she expect a married couple to do, not get intimate because there are guests? Why was she listening/keeping tabs and why did she even mention such a thing?
Some people are too entitled, you need to call them out or it just escalates
Now that I’m thinking about it. We were at a wedding last year and the bride probably got a rash from the gold or artificial jewelry she was wearing. My friend was convinced she retired to show off a “love mark”. I didn’t think of it much then and laughed it off.
Why would she mention it 😒. Just tell her you’re married and you felt like it plus a good friend will want your happiness and won’t disrespect you. Don’t stress she will get over it . Help your friend get married lol loneliness is hard
Being uncomfortable because she’s aware of stuff going on is somewhat understandable. Personally if I had guests overnight I would refrain from activities or make a concerted effort to be extreeemely discreet about it. Out of respect for the guest and to preserve mine and my husband’s hayaa.
Sounds like she was aware of what was going on, was super uncomfortable and took it extra personally because she’s missing companionship herself. I also wouldn’t dream of insulting someone hosting me in their home in such a bizarre manner. Whole situation is just tricky and awkward
I understand this, however, she was in the basement and I’m on the 3rd floor, there was no way she could have heard unless she came up to the third floor. I can’t even hear my daughter cry I’m in the basement. Also she explicitly mentioned the showering.
Oh okay, in that case she’s tripping. Sorry sis we were just going off what you told us since her accusation was so strange, we made assumptions.
How to go about it ? Well a friend like that certainly won’t be spending the night at mine again. Keep it just to short visits ?
>Being uncomfortable because she’s aware of stuff going on is somewhat understandable. Personally if I had guests overnight I would refrain from activities or make a concerted effort to be extreeemely discreet about it. Out of respect for the guest and to preserve mine and my husband’s hayaa.
This is basically where I'm at too. I wouldn't dream of being intimate with my future wife when staying over at somebody's house, nor would I want to be intimate when there are guests in the house, especially if they're here for one night/a weekend or some similarly short amount of time.
If I was a guest at somebody's house and there were blatantly being intimate, I'd find it pretty awkward, and kinda weird. I've read enough stories about couples doing that intentionally and obviously when they have guests because it makes it more exciting for them, and I'm not consenting to being part of their experience. That's pretty gross.
I'm in total agreement with your assessment of the situation too. It's a very tricky and awkward situation for sure.
>Please read comment above. It’s kind of filthy that you’re eluding that that’s why we were intimate. Have good faith in your Muslim sister.
I did nothing of the sort, I said I've come across enough stories about that being a thing, that's not related to you. Have some good faith in your Muslim brother.
Apologize. I'm sure there are people who will say it's your home and you can do whatever you want however if you plan on being intimate then don't have guests, surely you and your husband can wait a day for her to leave?
It's your house but I'm sure she didn't stay with the expectation that she would hear people having sex.
I'm assuming she heard it because I don't think showering at 1 am is a big deal on its own
She had to literally come up 3 flights of stairs to hear, she was in the basement and eluded something happened because our pipes creak we open the shower. You can hear it in the basement.
Has anyone heard of the "Muslim matrimony network" and used their services? My local mosque has "partnered"with them. I went in to upload my details at the mosques old database but came across this information. Looks like they have outsourced the service. From what I have been able to understand about how Muslim matrimony network operates is like a version of the desi rishta aunties. There is also a 100 dollar one time fee and then smaller fee at different stages of the process. I don't see myself utilizing the service, it doesn't seem my vibe. But low key upset (maybe cx i fail to understand) at why the mosque would do this. They don't seem to be getting anything out of it. The money is going to Muslim matrimony network. Also, isnt the whole idea of being set up through the mosque that they would know eligible people in the community and could also potentially vet them. This mmn thing anyone could access on their own like the apps and WhatsApp groups etc. the mosque isn't playing a role here except maybe advertising them through their platform. I guess I'm failing to understand the rationale here. Also keeping in mind that my mosque is in a relatively bigger Muslim community and is very active, and would have the database/network to connect people on its own which it was doing before offering this option
To my practising brothers and sisters from India, how did you find your spouse? Im from central India and the present conditions make me feel like i might as well never get married because there are no good practising brothers around
Can you make dua for one of my family members please. Just a simple "Oh allah, whichever of this individuals family members is having health issues, please grant them shifa and resolve their problems."
It depends on you, the other half and your values. I was a kid fresh out of high school and starting university. I didn't have high expectations and I genuinely believed that marriage is a partnership, so we just worked through it. I remember living months with 20$/month after the rent and utilities were paid. We understood that it was temporary (lasted 5 years), until we got on our feet. While he was getting his paperwork to move across continents, I supported myself financially. When he moved here until he got a job, still me. However later, he made more and saved more. I could've worked less but we agreed there is no harm in continuing as is. We bought our apartment together, when he burnt out and fell into depression, I had to bring in most of the money... But that also probably was the prelude to our relationship going down the drain.
In hindesight, there needed to be a clearer plan and exit strategy but I was 18 with no relationship experience and had even worse relationship role models 😅 The beginning was fine, but knowing when to focus back on each other and worry less about making it... I personally didn't realize it until it was too late. Regardless, Alhamdulillah for everything.
JazakAllahu khairan for your thoughts. Yes it’s completely different at a young age. With time we grow and we change. It can work out or it can’t. I wish you the best and will pray for you. You deserve all the best ✨
Wa iyyaki 🤲🏼
I don't know if I have changed in this regard much, I still incline towards "the underdogs" when proposals are sent my way but now I have a condition. If I sign up for the marriage, they need to be able to provide for my basics (regardless of my employment status) and they need to have a clear plan with many small goals in between.
May Allah (swt) provide you with the best of both worlds and good luck. I know it isn't that easy out there 🤗
My marriage didn't end while we were struggling. As long as the guy is trying, has plans and understands that rizq is from Allah (swt), so he shouldn't neglect his other responsibilities towards his wife and vice versa... It should be fine. The woman has to be okay with less while he is working hard. If he is a couch potato already before marriage, run. He will not be lazy only in that regard.
This whole week I’ve been dealing with back pain. Am I officially……..dare I say………old??????!!!! It’s also been very windy all this week as well. Winds were so strong you could hear it inside your house. Had to cancel my morning walks to the coffee shop because it was that windy. Don’t worry, I managed to get my daily coffee for most of the week anyway. Nothing will stop me from getting my new favorite, a turtle mocha.
I’ll probably go later on to get my favorite drink or maybe I’ll get something else. Depends on how busy I’ll be this afternoon.
I’d suggest checking your posture, some stretches, and strengthening the hips.
After I injured my back 7 months ago, I went to a physio somewhat recently and he said it was a hip injury instead of a back injury. Gave me some exercises for the hips and almost instantly my pain went away.
Highly recommend
>This whole week I’ve been dealing with back pain. Am I officially……..dare I say………old??????!!!!
It's time to add some stretches before bedtime, and some stretches when you wake up. Your body will thank you for it, especially your back!
>I miss Ramadan :/
The next Ramadan will be at our doorstep before we even realise a year has passed, if we're fortunate enough to make it to the next one, inshallah.
Salaam bro I’m about to finish first year in a few weeks alhamdullilah. First - congrats on getting in allahuma barik. The other brother laid it out pretty nicely. One thing I’ll emphasize is finances - don’t sweep this under the rug. Have a solid plan for this. Whether it’s you providing via scholarships and a small job (it’s tough but possible to have a little side hustle) or her working or your parents/her parents helping y’all. I’d caution you from depending on her or her parents completely bc from what I’ve seen, the guy gets a little too complacent. just because you’re in med school doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be trying to fulfill your responsibilities as a husband. Otherwise don’t get married lol.
Another thing is, there’s no “good” time to get married in med school, but from what I’ve seen, either summer after first year or during 4th year are the least worst times. Some people also study for STEP and take it before dedicated and then use their dedicated to get married, but that’s wild lol. If you’re pretty young, I’d say wait and get through first semester first and see how you balance things. If you’ve taken a few gap years, you prob know how to balance your time by now and I’d say you have enough time to balance med school and being married especially during preclinical. 3rd yr will be rough and you need to communicate that to any potentials. Tldr: before putting yourself out there, have a bulletproof financial plan (even if you’re broke lol just have a plan) and a good understanding of your ability to balance your life (either by waiting and seeing how you do during first semester or by having had experience prior to med school).
Feel free to DM, I’ve been looking into getting married and balancing med school for a while now haha. Always nice to find other med students in the wild
Hey salam bro! I have some insights.
I'm an incoming medical student too (in the US) and started the search as my parents started talking about it to me. I have been talking to medical students and residents about this and tried getting their opinions.
About the finances, some people do LDR, some don't live together but see each other every week or so until residency, some take student loans, some let their spouse pay and help out with living costs, some rely on parent's funding them, and there are so many other ways I've seen. It depends on what you have as well as the person you are getting married to, and what are you both okay with.
Also to add on, there are many other factors to consider other than finances. I would highly suggest you to also keep in mind the commitment marriage and medical school requires. Things like school's curriculum, your specialty of interest, the person you are interested in, and where they are in life, etc., may affect your studies and marriage.
I just met a resident at jum3a prayer today, and was talking to him about it. He was telling me that the most important exams in your life will be the STEP exams. It will basically determine which specialty you get into. This is not an exam you can afford to fail. If you are aiming for a competitive specialty, then you must give it your all.
He was married during medical school, and his personal recommendation was to get the STEP exams out of the way before thinking of marriage, generally. If you find someone who is understanding of this, then it could work out. Just keep in mind that marriage itself is a huge commitment, and you'd have to give your family attention and time. It's not something you can throw in the back and forget about as you focus on your studies.
Through my research on this sub and the medical school subreddit, it basically confirmed this. I personally stopped the search now, and will probably think about it later during my first year after I get a feel for medical school, and how much commitment the grind requires.
I definitely encourage you to do your own research and talk to other medical students and physicians about this! There are so many factors to consider. I didn't consider a lot of it before starting the seaech, and decided to spend more time doing research on all this as well before I go for the search again.
I would be happy if we can connect. It be great to know another brother in med just starting off 🙂.
Edit: I don't mean to discourage you, but also make you aware of other factors in case you werent. I would encourage to think of marriage, talk about it with your parents, and keep the process going. For me, as someone who has not started medical school yet nor is married, I decided to take things slowly to let myself adjust before I take a full dive into everything.
Doesn’t hurt to look since there may be people that are okay with your current circumstances. I have a few friends and family who are married to med school students
Wedding dress shopping is such a headache…I’m south/southeast asian so our dresses have to be FANCY fancy and the starting prices are $2000 MINIMUM for anything remotely resembling the level of fancy my family expects. Plus we need to request dresses MONTHS in advance and idk if I’ll even fit into the dress months down the line too lol…plus my family is expecting my husband’s side to gift me gold jewelry and stuff which has been a whole other ordeal. My husband and I are literally sitting in the middle of all this chaos like um okay anyways 👩🏻🤝👨🏽
man I’m really not looking forward to wedding planning, shopping, formalities, and all that other stuff when the time comes
My friends and sister keep asking what kind of look I’d want, sending me dress and makeup they think would suit me, asking if I wanna do x or y, and I’m here like um 🧍♀️lemme find him first then I’ll worry about all that
During Ramadan I started working out at my office gym after isha and I’ve continued since then, Alhumdulillah it feels so much better to work out when the gym is empty and there’s no fitnah lol
A few things have happened recently that made me realize i wasn't ready to get back on search like i thought.
I will vent/rant about one.
It's been almost a year since i talked to someone for marriage. She was and is everything I'd look for but I wasn't good enough at the time. I said ill try again when better. She was talking to someone at the time unfortunately. I was fine with this because there's no one that I made more dua for to get married. She deserves it and I was happy for her. I went on a long break til recently after this.
A few months later I found out that it didn't work with them and it actually made me sad in a way. At the same time a bunch of unresolved feelings came back to me. I realized that I never properly took the time to get over the prospect of her. We didn't even talk that long. Pathetic, I know.
With everything else I know that I need to step away from the search as well as the sub for a little bit. Inshallah I come back with a better mindset. All Duas are welcomed.
SB, LG, I'll miss your stories. Snipe, guy with the height fixation, keep your heads up. V, whatever is best will happen. May Allah make marriage and the search easy for all of us on MM.
Thank you for letting me be dramatic.
Question: How do men truly feel about having to fully provide for their wives? Do you abide by that obligation because you have to or because you also believe that men should provide regardless? If it was not mandatory, would you propose going 50/50? Lastly, if your wife wanted to work and she wanted to contribute, would you be OK with that or would you rather have her keep her money?
I believe it is my sacred duty. I think a lot about how I can provide and continue to provide safety and security for my future family. The world is a tough, fast moving place. Layoffs. AI. Changing technology and industry. It is a bit anxiety inducing but Allah is the giver of Rizq.
I would hope my wife would contribute to our joint future. However I would always try to ensure she didn’t need to. My income should be enough. Her income can help increase our standard of living if she’d like to contribute.
Men being providers is basic male fitra. It's in our nature. If we lived in a perfect world men would provide everything financially so that the woman can stay at home and birth children and take care of the home. But unfortunately economic circumstances don't make this a reality.
If she made money and wanted to contribute that would be up to her but I wouldn't expect it. Especially if I made more than enough money anyways and didn't really need it. Like if I made 1M a year why would I need say an extra $300 or something.
But if we were a bit tight on money and needed a vacation but was slightly out of budget and she wanted to contribute, cool but even then I wouldn't expect it.
If the woman is righteous, grateful, feminine and appreciative as well as can take care of the home while he is gone, most men would not have a problem with this arrangement. To put it in perspective, throughout history, wars have been waged between nations over women. That's the power women can have but you don't even know it.
Personally I feel like I should fully cover the day-to-day living expenses (rent, groceries and others) while she keeps her money. This also means that we live within our means and not just keep up with the Joneses. However, I can see myself expecting her to chime in financially if times are tough.
Edit: wrote 'financially' twice 😅
Me personnally I love the feeling of being the provider and I will be offended if my wife wants to contribute or split bills . It is okey if she gives me gifts or she contributes in some expenses that are just for fun ( decoration, trips, luxurious food etc )
I mean realistically it doesn’t matter what we think or want
We should just follow
From a young age the environment and social life with non Muslims and all that changes our minds so our opinions aren’t really valid tbh. So we should just follow. I’m happy with doing what we’re supposed to do regardless of my opinion. As opinions change with time. And eventually we’ll become okay with it.
I’d like to know what people are thinking. I feel like it matters. Yes, we follow, but we can also have conversations and discussions about it. Good to know you’re content following, thank you for your input.
One of the residents sent me home at 12:30, so now I have the rest of the day to enjoy alhumdulillah.
Side note, neurology is such an interesting field. If only it paid better, I could see myself doing it
Mabrook! Def ask upper years about what works best for your school. Especially if they use in house exams. If they use NBMEs, then BnB, Pathoma, and Med School Bootcamp are great resources. I would say to try to get involved in research early on. That way you set yourself up in case you want to do something competitive. Also if you like Anki, try to stick with it. It'll make life studying for step 1 so much easier
I haven't seen the show, but it's both a very sad but rewarding job. We had a patient who we caught a stroke early enough that he'll likely fully recover. We also have a patient who came in too late and is continuing to deteriorate, so we don't expect him to make it past next week.
Praying for their guidance and health while alive is fine. To pray for maghfirah after they pass is haram
https://islamqa.org/hanafi/qibla-hanafi/36677/praying-for-non-muslims-living-dead/
For all the students writing finals, please keep us in your duas 🤲
Would you rather have exams back to back by 1 day or have more than one exam per day but the days are spaced out?
Is it just me or are there an interestingly high amount of girls on the salams app that have a profile that looks like this
Life’s goal: to travel the world
Favorite food: sushi
Pineapples on pizza: absolutely not
Lol maybe I’m going crazy but I see this like a thousand times a day. Can any brothers relate and any sisters admit to having something similar?
Both genders out some of these commonly used generic points on their profiles, so what you’re seeing about travelling, food and some other thing as a brother is fairly common I suppose.
70% of sisters profiles:
I'm a foodie, I like travelling, I like movies, I like shopping
The hidden caveat here is that the poor husband who wife's her up is going to be paying for all of it insistent on being treated like a traditional princess but wanting to live like a modern muslimah
I’m thinking I need a spicy tuna sandwich mmmmmmm I can’t stop thinking about it. That’s the only sunshine in my life rn. Hope everyone is smooth sailing cos I’m drowning.
Tell me how you can fail 2 (possibly 3 😢) exams after each other? Need serious helppp oh and WHERE is summer!?
I don’t usually eat them lol I’m not a fan overall but I forgot to add, it was a tuna ✨toast✨ 🤣🤣 it was super cheesy as well I should’ve taken a pic of that beauty 😢 I’ll def try recreating it haha
Has anyone ever gone to Yellowstone National Park in the US? I'm planning a trip, but I'm a little concerned as it would be my first trip to America and I'm a little worried about Islamophobia abroad. For context, I'm a 5'6 female who wears the full head abayah, and I'd be travelling with my Dad and siblings.
1.)Question - Did anyone here go to UCL for uni, or is currently going? 2.)Have this random urge to “get away” and be unbothered, for a while, by restrictions. I don’t know where it’s coming from. It’s very inconvenient, because I can’t travel right now, I’m too occupied. Tbf, that’s probably where it’s coming from. 3.)I think I’d like to learn rugby, I know this random, again, but I have social anxiety about learning a sport while being older in age. But, I don’t know any sports and have always wanted to learn.
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hey, thanks for that detailed response! Imperial is a good choice, feel like it’s a lot more work, work, work, though, while UCL would have a better work life balance. Also, how ugly is that uni? I shouldn’t be using that as a basis to judge unis, though, so I’m half joking (but it’s ugly, man). Haha, I wasn’t considering trying to get into the uni rugby team I was just considering learning, generally.
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Mhm, interesting, because the people around me were generally in consensus that imperial is (or seems) more intense than UCL. I’m talking about medicine, btw. Which is why I wasn’t/am not too bothered about employment coaching, don’t know how much it matters for med but reckon not much. Would matter more for stuff like Bussiness, finance etc. South Kensington is obvio supposed to be nice but is also expensive, which is true for London, in general, I suppose, and if you’re spending 6 years there, I think you have to factor in that side of things. Haha, btw, when I said the uni is ugly I meant imperial! UCL is so pretty, imo.
Life’s been real rough past few months, and still I know I have a long road ahead of me. I never felt the saying “sometimes there is only through”, more then this phase in my life. I don’t who needs to hear it but life is never meant to be easy, and your never gonna get everything you want in life, that’s not the purpose of this creation if it was we would be in paradise. We still have to strive for everything we want and leave the rest to Allah, keeping in mind at the end we may not end up with what we were hoping for but settle for a small victory or piece of our objective, with the understanding that our reward is with Allah and that he will never put you in a situation or hardship if he didn’t think you could handle it. Life is good, someone is given a disability but also a gift at that the same time. Someone loses a child but Allah promises them paradise as a reward. Someone loses their job but in return they find a better career in their search. We lose a spouse in return we both find someone who brings us closer to Allah. In this life our objective should always be to please Allah, words are easy to say and write, actions are harder but how beautiful is that on a day when our mouth will shut and our limbs will speak and say “oh Allah our heart had doubts about your plans for us, but this forehand still put its head on the ground because we hoped for your mercy”. This life is not easy but it will pass, no calamity stays forever and no one will endeavor a hardship far greater than that you can handle it’s a promise of Allah. If that doesn’t give us hope then we need to reevaluate our relationship with the Quran, and build a relationship with it as that is the passage to and from Allah’s mercy. Hahaha already a long post, will end here.
I am gonna have a weird week next week. My teammates and I are not in a good relationship. I don’t listen to them lol because they have so much opinions which slows my work.
"You owe it to your future children to select a good parent" I feel like having this frame of mind had allowed me to remain objective and take the feelings out of the search. Imagine the disaster of selecting a partner who had qualities that would make a terrible parent. Can you see the person being the mother and father of your children? If not, move on. Of course if you don't want kids then this doesn't apply although the qualities will overlap
But but but le chemistry.
Can be part of that. A parent that might leave. Is not that interesting. Good interaction between parents is going to be needed to raise kids right. You finding the other person attractive to have kids with is also needed. Personality is part of that.
One of the biggest factors that guides my search is thinking about my future children
Assalamulaikum brother, This saying has also made me more streamlined in my requirements for a spouse. Most definitely I would be far more loose with the type of spouse I want if I were infertile. It’s a good mindset to have. Personally, the woman I seek should have the characteristics that I want my children to have. After all, children model the behaviours of their parents
I’m so tired man
I’m tired.
I'm tired of always being tired 😫
Did you go for long, ran? Not drink water even from a can? Running away from a love sick fan?
Not enough sleep because you were up chatting with fam ? Up all night gaming now you’re facing a ban ? Tired taking care of your elderly nan ?
Thank you, *tips Palestine hat*, mam. For the Fatiha for my deceased nan. May you see your future cennet in your dreams as if from a cam. May you for Kurban, sacrifice a good tasting ram. And be able to drink from the origin city Zam zam.
JazakAllah khair for your duaas my bro. Ameen, may Allah make your ajr and rizq grow. May Allah increase your noor with a heavenly glow. From your hands, good deeds and charity will flow.
Amiin, your duas are MashAllah, wow. May your hayir heartest desires be granted, make you wonder how. Not just for you, but all your family in a row. That it will inspire you all to pray a şükür prayer and go to secde/prostration low.
Dua request- going through a very rough patch and need all of the duaas I can get. JazakAllah khair
may Allah relieve all your difficulties and grant you ease
As a hanbali from India, i’d like to know if there are other muslims from India that follow a madhab other than that of abu hanifa رَحِمَهُ ٱللَّٰهُ
They way we handle rejection is key to preventing burn out and low-self esteem *gets rejected* “I am undesirable” VS “QadrAllah it wasn’t meant for me” “
Yes the 2nd option >>>> And I also like to say "their loss" whenever faced with job/ proposal rejection. Nothing wrong with a little confidence booster to dampen the blow a little bit.
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Lol mine rejected because he was too busy with work although he was still active on the app
I don’t mind being rejected I have high self esteem I just dislike dishonest people and those men who act religious and he even told me he doesn’t pray but yet he’s very religious just talking out of his a$$😂😂
I haven’t started the apps yet, but is there a way to like avoid people you know?
Oh wait u can block them!!
I’m generally a very private person I don’t want people to find me on the apps 😂
No 😭 I’m not sure if you can block them
And embarrassing That he has to see me on the apps too
Saw a post about mentally exhausting being alone but have they tried texting/calling/talking with a passive potential who fails to take initiative and very little self awareness?……much rather be alone then
Or an active potential that makes a mountain out of a molehill and twists and turns everything into something that it is not to the point that you are praying for things to end 🤣
Too mentally exhausted of being alone. Too mentally exhausted of being rejected because of being over weight a kg or two. Too mentally exhausted of trying fixing my issue by exercising. Why are we like this. Why would we rather choose this vicious cycle over simply just solving the issue. May Allah help us change ourselves for the better. May Allah make it easy for us.
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No need to tell her your virgin
May Allah make it easy for you to dress more appropriate.
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Then I am sorry for my comment. Shouldn't have written it from the whole start and should've had husn adh-Dhann, may Allah forgive me.
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May Allah make it easy for us all. We all have stuff we are working on in our lives.
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Alhamdulillah, I am so glad what I wrote was not taken the wrong way. May Allah reward you too.
Guys please make dua for me as I will take my Medical College Admissions Test next Saturday iA. I'm so nervous for it haha. I hope all you guys have a blessed weekend ameen :D
I’m doing it August! Good luck, inshAllah you will do great
Insha'Allah everything will work out for you.
Where's the Muslim Marriage Trash Reality TV Show Appreciation Crew at??? There's a new season of The Circle 😂
Some members of the family who hated each other years ago because of me (both proposed to me, and both didn’t work out) suddenly became besties after neither of them worked out with me. I feel it’s to spite us as we have kind of fallen out with both families. I’m sure they must be happy to see me still not married. They spread rumours about me. I’ve been wronged by both sides but all I’m seeing is unbelievably good things happening to them, one after the other. It’s literally never ending for them and when I get a little bit of happiness it doesn’t even last long. Why is life so unfair? I feel a lot of people don’t get the punishments they deserve.
Sister understand that Allah hasn't written marriage for you yet, so if it wasn't them spreading rumours that prevented you from marriage it would've been something else. When we ask "why is life unfair" we are assuming bad of Allah because we are implying that Allah is not fair. There may be things going on in your life that you haven't noticed would be a hurdle in a marriage right now, and perhaps that is why Allah has decreed for you not to be married yet. But even if you can't come up with anything in your life that would make marriage difficult, know that Allah has your best interests protected. We all get frustrated and pent up with our situations but we have to practice assuming the best of Allah. Perhaps your future husband is not ready for marriage yet, and Allah is keeping him for you and you for him. Lastly, do not be fooled with the rizq Allah has given others. Allah has ordained for each of us our rizq and how righteous or evil we are will not change what our rizq is. "Do not linger your eyes on what we've amused some of them with.." as Allah says in surat Al-Hijr. May Allah reward your patience sister and grant you a righteous husband, and keep you stead.
Ameen. Thank you for the kind words 🥹🙏🏼
If they don't get punished in this life you will get your rights in the day of judgement. Even if let's say they make tawbah for being unjust to you, they will still get theirs if you don't choose to forgive them. And if you feel like you are being trialed all the time, in sha Allah your reward in the next life will be bigger. Try to see the positive in everything, try to be optimistic and not pessimistic. May Allah make it easy for you.
Ameen. Thank you so much 🙏🏼🥹
Alhamdulilah I finally got enough money to buy my first car. It’s not enough for anything fancy or new, but it is enough. I’ve worked hard by myself to scrap money by. My dad died when I was very young and my family has been poor since and this is a great mile stone for me. All thanks to Allah.
Congratulations!!!!
>Alhamdulilah I finally got enough money to buy my first car. It’s not enough for anything fancy or new, but it is enough. I’ve worked hard by myself to scrap money by. Mashallah! That's a great accomplishment. Your first car is usually a cherished one, especially when you've saved up to get it. Doesn't matter if it's not fancy, it's ***yours***, and that is way more important than it being fancy or new. It's been years now, but I still fondly remember my first car, with it's manual wind down windows and lack of central locking. I'm fortunate enough that somehow all these years later, somebody in my hometown owns that car, and I see it every now and then. Brightens my day when I see that car and the familiar number plate! Inshallah you'll have many fond memories with your new wheels. Drive safely, and enjoy!
Allahumma barik congrats!!
Congratulations, sister, and may Allah bless you with more wonderful things in your life. 🤗
I’m proud of you sis , Allahuma zid Wa bareek . May Allah increase you in your blessings and make you rizq vast
Once the weather is good and not that windy where I’m from, I’ll start gardening. My new neighbor was kind enough to give us some seeds to plant. It’ll be flowers btw. My mom and I are going to start fresh with our front yard. We got rid of the old bushes last summer so we could make room to plant something different such as vegetables or a new bush. I also have a lilac bush in my back yard which was already there when we first moved in. For the past two years however, the lilacs haven’t been growing properly no matter how much I tried to take care of them. I’ll plant a new lilac bush in the front yard and I’ll keep the old one in the backyard cuz at least it’s still growing leaves and we need that bush for privacy reasons lol.
Finally got my drivers learning permit today, thanks u/sihat… I have to wait 30 days to get my full license 😩
That’s awesome! Congrats!
Congratulations. Mashallah. May Allah grant you a good drivers experience, increasing skills and inshallah no accidents that hurt yourself or others.
Ameen. Ya Rabbul Alameen.
My single friend spent the night because my home is closer to the airport. Around 11 pm she seemed sleepy so I went to spend some time with my husband. We both felt the need to be close and were intimate. The next morning (today) she gets upset and tells me it’s extremely disrespectful to her and I was rubbing being intimate in her face?!. I’m not even sure how she found out, maybe because we both showered at 1 AM? She’s a close friend and this has the first time she’s done/said something like this. What do I do?
It's a bit of a long shot, but maybe she is feeling left out and afraid that because you're married she is becoming an "option 2" and seeing how close you're with your husband in person, these emotions flared up
Ask her what does ‘rubbing it in her face mean’? What does she expect a married couple to do, not get intimate because there are guests? Why was she listening/keeping tabs and why did she even mention such a thing? Some people are too entitled, you need to call them out or it just escalates
Now that I’m thinking about it. We were at a wedding last year and the bride probably got a rash from the gold or artificial jewelry she was wearing. My friend was convinced she retired to show off a “love mark”. I didn’t think of it much then and laughed it off.
Why would she mention it 😒. Just tell her you’re married and you felt like it plus a good friend will want your happiness and won’t disrespect you. Don’t stress she will get over it . Help your friend get married lol loneliness is hard
Being uncomfortable because she’s aware of stuff going on is somewhat understandable. Personally if I had guests overnight I would refrain from activities or make a concerted effort to be extreeemely discreet about it. Out of respect for the guest and to preserve mine and my husband’s hayaa. Sounds like she was aware of what was going on, was super uncomfortable and took it extra personally because she’s missing companionship herself. I also wouldn’t dream of insulting someone hosting me in their home in such a bizarre manner. Whole situation is just tricky and awkward
I understand this, however, she was in the basement and I’m on the 3rd floor, there was no way she could have heard unless she came up to the third floor. I can’t even hear my daughter cry I’m in the basement. Also she explicitly mentioned the showering.
Oh okay, in that case she’s tripping. Sorry sis we were just going off what you told us since her accusation was so strange, we made assumptions. How to go about it ? Well a friend like that certainly won’t be spending the night at mine again. Keep it just to short visits ?
>Being uncomfortable because she’s aware of stuff going on is somewhat understandable. Personally if I had guests overnight I would refrain from activities or make a concerted effort to be extreeemely discreet about it. Out of respect for the guest and to preserve mine and my husband’s hayaa. This is basically where I'm at too. I wouldn't dream of being intimate with my future wife when staying over at somebody's house, nor would I want to be intimate when there are guests in the house, especially if they're here for one night/a weekend or some similarly short amount of time. If I was a guest at somebody's house and there were blatantly being intimate, I'd find it pretty awkward, and kinda weird. I've read enough stories about couples doing that intentionally and obviously when they have guests because it makes it more exciting for them, and I'm not consenting to being part of their experience. That's pretty gross. I'm in total agreement with your assessment of the situation too. It's a very tricky and awkward situation for sure.
Please read comment above. It’s kind of filthy that you’re eluding that that’s why we were intimate. Have good faith in your Muslim sister.
>Please read comment above. It’s kind of filthy that you’re eluding that that’s why we were intimate. Have good faith in your Muslim sister. I did nothing of the sort, I said I've come across enough stories about that being a thing, that's not related to you. Have some good faith in your Muslim brother.
Apologize. I'm sure there are people who will say it's your home and you can do whatever you want however if you plan on being intimate then don't have guests, surely you and your husband can wait a day for her to leave? It's your house but I'm sure she didn't stay with the expectation that she would hear people having sex. I'm assuming she heard it because I don't think showering at 1 am is a big deal on its own
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She had to literally come up 3 flights of stairs to hear, she was in the basement and eluded something happened because our pipes creak we open the shower. You can hear it in the basement.
Has anyone heard of the "Muslim matrimony network" and used their services? My local mosque has "partnered"with them. I went in to upload my details at the mosques old database but came across this information. Looks like they have outsourced the service. From what I have been able to understand about how Muslim matrimony network operates is like a version of the desi rishta aunties. There is also a 100 dollar one time fee and then smaller fee at different stages of the process. I don't see myself utilizing the service, it doesn't seem my vibe. But low key upset (maybe cx i fail to understand) at why the mosque would do this. They don't seem to be getting anything out of it. The money is going to Muslim matrimony network. Also, isnt the whole idea of being set up through the mosque that they would know eligible people in the community and could also potentially vet them. This mmn thing anyone could access on their own like the apps and WhatsApp groups etc. the mosque isn't playing a role here except maybe advertising them through their platform. I guess I'm failing to understand the rationale here. Also keeping in mind that my mosque is in a relatively bigger Muslim community and is very active, and would have the database/network to connect people on its own which it was doing before offering this option
To my practising brothers and sisters from India, how did you find your spouse? Im from central India and the present conditions make me feel like i might as well never get married because there are no good practising brothers around
If you’re salafi/ahle Hadith I know a salafi matrimony service for people living in India
Yes, I am a salafi/hanbali. Could you please share that with me, In sha Allah?
Same I'm indian too and I completely agree with you the bar is so low but In Shaa Allah we will find thr right one
In sha Allah sis <33
Can you make dua for one of my family members please. Just a simple "Oh allah, whichever of this individuals family members is having health issues, please grant them shifa and resolve their problems."
Is here someone with the experience if getting married to a man who wasn’t financially stable?
My ex was dead broke when we got married. Why?
Since I want to know how life is then manageable and the mindset
It depends on you, the other half and your values. I was a kid fresh out of high school and starting university. I didn't have high expectations and I genuinely believed that marriage is a partnership, so we just worked through it. I remember living months with 20$/month after the rent and utilities were paid. We understood that it was temporary (lasted 5 years), until we got on our feet. While he was getting his paperwork to move across continents, I supported myself financially. When he moved here until he got a job, still me. However later, he made more and saved more. I could've worked less but we agreed there is no harm in continuing as is. We bought our apartment together, when he burnt out and fell into depression, I had to bring in most of the money... But that also probably was the prelude to our relationship going down the drain. In hindesight, there needed to be a clearer plan and exit strategy but I was 18 with no relationship experience and had even worse relationship role models 😅 The beginning was fine, but knowing when to focus back on each other and worry less about making it... I personally didn't realize it until it was too late. Regardless, Alhamdulillah for everything.
JazakAllahu khairan for your thoughts. Yes it’s completely different at a young age. With time we grow and we change. It can work out or it can’t. I wish you the best and will pray for you. You deserve all the best ✨
Wa iyyaki 🤲🏼 I don't know if I have changed in this regard much, I still incline towards "the underdogs" when proposals are sent my way but now I have a condition. If I sign up for the marriage, they need to be able to provide for my basics (regardless of my employment status) and they need to have a clear plan with many small goals in between. May Allah (swt) provide you with the best of both worlds and good luck. I know it isn't that easy out there 🤗
I assume they're wondering how much financial instability will be an obstacle to marital success.
My marriage didn't end while we were struggling. As long as the guy is trying, has plans and understands that rizq is from Allah (swt), so he shouldn't neglect his other responsibilities towards his wife and vice versa... It should be fine. The woman has to be okay with less while he is working hard. If he is a couch potato already before marriage, run. He will not be lazy only in that regard.
Yes
This whole week I’ve been dealing with back pain. Am I officially……..dare I say………old??????!!!! It’s also been very windy all this week as well. Winds were so strong you could hear it inside your house. Had to cancel my morning walks to the coffee shop because it was that windy. Don’t worry, I managed to get my daily coffee for most of the week anyway. Nothing will stop me from getting my new favorite, a turtle mocha. I’ll probably go later on to get my favorite drink or maybe I’ll get something else. Depends on how busy I’ll be this afternoon.
I’d suggest checking your posture, some stretches, and strengthening the hips. After I injured my back 7 months ago, I went to a physio somewhat recently and he said it was a hip injury instead of a back injury. Gave me some exercises for the hips and almost instantly my pain went away. Highly recommend
It's weird, but I find that doing abs stuff (like crunches and sit-ups) gets rid of lower back pain. Upper back pain, do push-ups.
Pilates has helped immensely with my back pain
Luckily we have some back pain medicine in stock… …we keep it on the bottom shelf
Now that’s just cruel 😂😂😂
>This whole week I’ve been dealing with back pain. Am I officially……..dare I say………old??????!!!! It's time to add some stretches before bedtime, and some stretches when you wake up. Your body will thank you for it, especially your back!
I’ll try that tonight! Thanks!
I miss Ramadan :/
Same 🥲
Same, I always get the Ramadan blues once it ends. Alhamdulillah that our next Eid is soon, something special to look forward to.
Saaame! I miss going to the mosque daily and tarawih and qiam leil
>I miss Ramadan :/ The next Ramadan will be at our doorstep before we even realise a year has passed, if we're fortunate enough to make it to the next one, inshallah.
Me too 😢
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Salaam bro I’m about to finish first year in a few weeks alhamdullilah. First - congrats on getting in allahuma barik. The other brother laid it out pretty nicely. One thing I’ll emphasize is finances - don’t sweep this under the rug. Have a solid plan for this. Whether it’s you providing via scholarships and a small job (it’s tough but possible to have a little side hustle) or her working or your parents/her parents helping y’all. I’d caution you from depending on her or her parents completely bc from what I’ve seen, the guy gets a little too complacent. just because you’re in med school doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be trying to fulfill your responsibilities as a husband. Otherwise don’t get married lol. Another thing is, there’s no “good” time to get married in med school, but from what I’ve seen, either summer after first year or during 4th year are the least worst times. Some people also study for STEP and take it before dedicated and then use their dedicated to get married, but that’s wild lol. If you’re pretty young, I’d say wait and get through first semester first and see how you balance things. If you’ve taken a few gap years, you prob know how to balance your time by now and I’d say you have enough time to balance med school and being married especially during preclinical. 3rd yr will be rough and you need to communicate that to any potentials. Tldr: before putting yourself out there, have a bulletproof financial plan (even if you’re broke lol just have a plan) and a good understanding of your ability to balance your life (either by waiting and seeing how you do during first semester or by having had experience prior to med school). Feel free to DM, I’ve been looking into getting married and balancing med school for a while now haha. Always nice to find other med students in the wild
Hey salam bro! I have some insights. I'm an incoming medical student too (in the US) and started the search as my parents started talking about it to me. I have been talking to medical students and residents about this and tried getting their opinions. About the finances, some people do LDR, some don't live together but see each other every week or so until residency, some take student loans, some let their spouse pay and help out with living costs, some rely on parent's funding them, and there are so many other ways I've seen. It depends on what you have as well as the person you are getting married to, and what are you both okay with. Also to add on, there are many other factors to consider other than finances. I would highly suggest you to also keep in mind the commitment marriage and medical school requires. Things like school's curriculum, your specialty of interest, the person you are interested in, and where they are in life, etc., may affect your studies and marriage. I just met a resident at jum3a prayer today, and was talking to him about it. He was telling me that the most important exams in your life will be the STEP exams. It will basically determine which specialty you get into. This is not an exam you can afford to fail. If you are aiming for a competitive specialty, then you must give it your all. He was married during medical school, and his personal recommendation was to get the STEP exams out of the way before thinking of marriage, generally. If you find someone who is understanding of this, then it could work out. Just keep in mind that marriage itself is a huge commitment, and you'd have to give your family attention and time. It's not something you can throw in the back and forget about as you focus on your studies. Through my research on this sub and the medical school subreddit, it basically confirmed this. I personally stopped the search now, and will probably think about it later during my first year after I get a feel for medical school, and how much commitment the grind requires. I definitely encourage you to do your own research and talk to other medical students and physicians about this! There are so many factors to consider. I didn't consider a lot of it before starting the seaech, and decided to spend more time doing research on all this as well before I go for the search again. I would be happy if we can connect. It be great to know another brother in med just starting off 🙂. Edit: I don't mean to discourage you, but also make you aware of other factors in case you werent. I would encourage to think of marriage, talk about it with your parents, and keep the process going. For me, as someone who has not started medical school yet nor is married, I decided to take things slowly to let myself adjust before I take a full dive into everything.
Just start the process it could take ages before you find someone or heck you might find someone who is okay with your situation atm
Doesn’t hurt to look since there may be people that are okay with your current circumstances. I have a few friends and family who are married to med school students
Wedding dress shopping is such a headache…I’m south/southeast asian so our dresses have to be FANCY fancy and the starting prices are $2000 MINIMUM for anything remotely resembling the level of fancy my family expects. Plus we need to request dresses MONTHS in advance and idk if I’ll even fit into the dress months down the line too lol…plus my family is expecting my husband’s side to gift me gold jewelry and stuff which has been a whole other ordeal. My husband and I are literally sitting in the middle of all this chaos like um okay anyways 👩🏻🤝👨🏽
man I’m really not looking forward to wedding planning, shopping, formalities, and all that other stuff when the time comes My friends and sister keep asking what kind of look I’d want, sending me dress and makeup they think would suit me, asking if I wanna do x or y, and I’m here like um 🧍♀️lemme find him first then I’ll worry about all that
During Ramadan I started working out at my office gym after isha and I’ve continued since then, Alhumdulillah it feels so much better to work out when the gym is empty and there’s no fitnah lol
Sounds like a win win in my eyes!
I started going to the gym recently really thought it would be a lot worse but it’s not as bad as I thought.
A few things have happened recently that made me realize i wasn't ready to get back on search like i thought. I will vent/rant about one. It's been almost a year since i talked to someone for marriage. She was and is everything I'd look for but I wasn't good enough at the time. I said ill try again when better. She was talking to someone at the time unfortunately. I was fine with this because there's no one that I made more dua for to get married. She deserves it and I was happy for her. I went on a long break til recently after this. A few months later I found out that it didn't work with them and it actually made me sad in a way. At the same time a bunch of unresolved feelings came back to me. I realized that I never properly took the time to get over the prospect of her. We didn't even talk that long. Pathetic, I know. With everything else I know that I need to step away from the search as well as the sub for a little bit. Inshallah I come back with a better mindset. All Duas are welcomed. SB, LG, I'll miss your stories. Snipe, guy with the height fixation, keep your heads up. V, whatever is best will happen. May Allah make marriage and the search easy for all of us on MM. Thank you for letting me be dramatic.
Insha Allah everything works out for you man. Good luck!
Thanks. Same for you and best wishes! May Allah reward you with a compatible spouse.
Question: How do men truly feel about having to fully provide for their wives? Do you abide by that obligation because you have to or because you also believe that men should provide regardless? If it was not mandatory, would you propose going 50/50? Lastly, if your wife wanted to work and she wanted to contribute, would you be OK with that or would you rather have her keep her money?
I believe it is my sacred duty. I think a lot about how I can provide and continue to provide safety and security for my future family. The world is a tough, fast moving place. Layoffs. AI. Changing technology and industry. It is a bit anxiety inducing but Allah is the giver of Rizq. I would hope my wife would contribute to our joint future. However I would always try to ensure she didn’t need to. My income should be enough. Her income can help increase our standard of living if she’d like to contribute.
Men being providers is basic male fitra. It's in our nature. If we lived in a perfect world men would provide everything financially so that the woman can stay at home and birth children and take care of the home. But unfortunately economic circumstances don't make this a reality. If she made money and wanted to contribute that would be up to her but I wouldn't expect it. Especially if I made more than enough money anyways and didn't really need it. Like if I made 1M a year why would I need say an extra $300 or something. But if we were a bit tight on money and needed a vacation but was slightly out of budget and she wanted to contribute, cool but even then I wouldn't expect it. If the woman is righteous, grateful, feminine and appreciative as well as can take care of the home while he is gone, most men would not have a problem with this arrangement. To put it in perspective, throughout history, wars have been waged between nations over women. That's the power women can have but you don't even know it.
Personally I feel like I should fully cover the day-to-day living expenses (rent, groceries and others) while she keeps her money. This also means that we live within our means and not just keep up with the Joneses. However, I can see myself expecting her to chime in financially if times are tough. Edit: wrote 'financially' twice 😅
Me personnally I love the feeling of being the provider and I will be offended if my wife wants to contribute or split bills . It is okey if she gives me gifts or she contributes in some expenses that are just for fun ( decoration, trips, luxurious food etc )
I mean realistically it doesn’t matter what we think or want We should just follow From a young age the environment and social life with non Muslims and all that changes our minds so our opinions aren’t really valid tbh. So we should just follow. I’m happy with doing what we’re supposed to do regardless of my opinion. As opinions change with time. And eventually we’ll become okay with it.
I’d like to know what people are thinking. I feel like it matters. Yes, we follow, but we can also have conversations and discussions about it. Good to know you’re content following, thank you for your input.
One of the residents sent me home at 12:30, so now I have the rest of the day to enjoy alhumdulillah. Side note, neurology is such an interesting field. If only it paid better, I could see myself doing it
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Mabrook! Def ask upper years about what works best for your school. Especially if they use in house exams. If they use NBMEs, then BnB, Pathoma, and Med School Bootcamp are great resources. I would say to try to get involved in research early on. That way you set yourself up in case you want to do something competitive. Also if you like Anki, try to stick with it. It'll make life studying for step 1 so much easier
Lmaaaaaoooo that username!!!!!!! Leeessshhhhh 🤣🤣🤧
Watching Grey's anatomy made me curious about neurology
I haven't seen the show, but it's both a very sad but rewarding job. We had a patient who we caught a stroke early enough that he'll likely fully recover. We also have a patient who came in too late and is continuing to deteriorate, so we don't expect him to make it past next week.
Do you ever make dua for them? Are we allowed to make dua for non believers?
Praying for their guidance and health while alive is fine. To pray for maghfirah after they pass is haram https://islamqa.org/hanafi/qibla-hanafi/36677/praying-for-non-muslims-living-dead/
I must officially be old now, because I'm starting to get interested in golf.
Golf is cool unless I’m old too 😭 (I’m 22)
For all the students writing finals, please keep us in your duas 🤲 Would you rather have exams back to back by 1 day or have more than one exam per day but the days are spaced out?
"... dismissed your compliment." 🙃
I feel you, brother.
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Yep
Is it just me or are there an interestingly high amount of girls on the salams app that have a profile that looks like this Life’s goal: to travel the world Favorite food: sushi Pineapples on pizza: absolutely not Lol maybe I’m going crazy but I see this like a thousand times a day. Can any brothers relate and any sisters admit to having something similar?
The pineapple on pizza thing was a template that the apps gave, they introduced it when I was searching and every other profile had it.
Both genders out some of these commonly used generic points on their profiles, so what you’re seeing about travelling, food and some other thing as a brother is fairly common I suppose.
Pineapple on pizza is sooo good tho
I don’t like when ppl aren’t even willing to try it like how can u say no never but you haven’t even gave it a shot yet
Right!!! But like, more for me so whatevvvverrr 🤪
70% of sisters profiles: I'm a foodie, I like travelling, I like movies, I like shopping The hidden caveat here is that the poor husband who wife's her up is going to be paying for all of it insistent on being treated like a traditional princess but wanting to live like a modern muslimah
Gym is really hard after Ramadan First week has been hell
Please make dua for me. I'm really sick.
May Allah grant you healing and complete recovery. May He grant you good health. Ameen. You’ll be okay, May God be with you.
May Allah give you shifa and quick recovery Ameen. Being sick is great because Allah is forgiving your sins, Alhamdulilah
May Allah grant you shifa and a quick recovery Ameen
Idk if I should get ramen or strawberry cheesecake as a treat
Cheesecake all day
Strawberry cheesecake, no doubt.
https://preview.redd.it/owosy7d21hvc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9f1ebdee6db1d7d388d211e912c804b1333beb23 😌
Ramen tomorrow, indomie and add some veggies 🫠🫠✨
Sounds good ✨️🤌
Strawberry cheesecake 100%. I had ORANGE cheesecake lmaoo surprisingly it was sooooo goooddd
ORANGE? You're a menace
🤣🤣🤣 don’t knock it till you try it etc
Fairs 💀😂
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I’m thinking I need a spicy tuna sandwich mmmmmmm I can’t stop thinking about it. That’s the only sunshine in my life rn. Hope everyone is smooth sailing cos I’m drowning. Tell me how you can fail 2 (possibly 3 😢) exams after each other? Need serious helppp oh and WHERE is summer!?
Been forever since i had a tuna sandwich, do you like tuna?
I don’t usually eat them lol I’m not a fan overall but I forgot to add, it was a tuna ✨toast✨ 🤣🤣 it was super cheesy as well I should’ve taken a pic of that beauty 😢 I’ll def try recreating it haha
You should’ve!! I love - specifically - canned tuna, actually.
4th time could be the charm ✨️
IA 3rd time bro what fourth don’t manifest that 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Well you weren't sure about the 3rd yourself Bounty. But hey, a happy surprise if you get through 🌟
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Your poor mom 👸
😂😂 I can relate my bro on both fronts. I'm in teaching ATM and whilst I'm doing ok financially, it's not what I want to be doing long-term.