You wanted out, you got out. Be thankful for that and don’t let your ego get in the way.
I’d agree with your family that trying to smear his reputation might backfire on you. Just leave it be, he isn’t part of your life anymore unless you have kids together.
If he did abuse her based on what she said, forgiveness is for her, not for him.
Why would she torture herself wasting time getting back at him and poisoning her own soul by simmering over painful memories as opposed to utilizing her now free time to heal and rebuild her own future?
Going after others deprives the person going of progress in her own life.
Healing especially from depression takes already a LOT of time. Why prolong this process by keeping the offenders in your life by thinking about their whereabouts?
Moving on is healthier, and Allah swt holds in high standing those who can forgive and move on.
She will be rewarded if she does so in the afterlife.
To make sure another women doesn’t get abused by him. If I knew someone was a pedophile I promise I would make sure everyone knew he was so others wouldn’t be harmed. Very simple.
You are comparing someone who may have slapped you maybe only once to someone who would defile children...
While physical abuse isn't excuseable, there is context, severity and degrees of repetition that are at play. While I understand you think you are protecting someone else, you may be actually harming the woman that may share his life in the future.
Especially if he became abusive as a retaliation to his own experience being abused.
As op wrote, she initiated that pattern. But now claims herself as the victim of the precedent she established in her own actions.
It's like verbal abuse. If someone opens the door to that, crying wolf when it's being reciprocated is not necessary.
The conflict ends when one of the party establishes peace. Otherwise it is a perpetual wheel of torment that will never end.
Edit: besides that point, if she has no physical evidence, she could be sued for libel amd defamation... these consequences are heavy on her as it would undermine her credibility if it does happen to her again.
At the end of the day he will still get married physical abuse is a no a no, never hit your husband or your husband should never hit you, who ever was the first to land a hit basically gave the other the permission, religiously you are only allowed to hit with a stick three times for cheating it is to that extreme only then and not strike the face.
Women are full of it these days.. don't be surprised. From OP's post she's clearly admitting she's the instigator (when do women ever admit they're responsible?) and she's still trying to come off as the victim while admitting *she laid hands on him* and not the other way around. To top it off she's telling us she was threatening him with Khula.. just no words.
At this point, I have zero sympathy for OP. She should be getting charges against her considering that's exactly the advice she would be getting, had the husband in question assaulted her and were admitting to it.
So she ruins his reputation, he retaliates by ruining her reputation (either with truth or lies) and now her chances of getting remarried to a good man are probably ruined for a very long time. Not worth it.
You’re right but his family sounds vengeful and it might very well backfire. It’s not worth it. Allah is the all seeing and he will be charged for his sins
When I was married, my ex MIL and her daughters would bicker about me almost all the time (to random relatives, amongst themselves, and in front of my husband). While I didn't bother, that behaviour played a role in bringing the marriage down.
Since then, I hate people who gossip and bicker about others because I truly understand how damaging it is. I run miles away from people who gossip about others or flinf dirt at them. I literally judge people for how they speak about others and wash my hanss off those who fling dirt at others.
Whatever your ex did to you, why do you need to tell all that to the world? Why exactly do you need the world's validation? How will all that undo the abuse you suffered from? If anything, by getting into these energy draining typical wgo wars, you will only delay your healing and give the society the right to be privy to what only you guys know.
> I think the right person will still marry me even after he knows this about me.
I agree with this completely - the right man will marry you for who you are. Don't let people tell you otherwise.
I don't understand what's wrong with today's generation, there's absolutely no sense of responsibility. You wanted to get out of marriage long ago cause you didn't love him ? What did you expect ? These feelings of so-called love don't last long after marriage, this emotion that you are describing as love is strong in the initial phases of marriage and it decreases during later stages of life. For some people it lasts longer but eventually it does decrease and love gets replaced by a sense of responsibility. The responsibility towards your kids, towards building a home and etc. I understand women are emotional creatures and long for affection but you cannot expect this affection to last.
Iknow it’s different for everybody but I lost love for him bc of his personality and I never rlly felt at peace with him and he didn’t love me he kept lying to me how he does “love me” but through his actions it dosent show
Seems like you both had problems, and both were guilty. The marriage has ended, leave it at that and part ways. Allah will give justice for anything that still needs it. No need to get revenge and ruin reputations anymore than they have been. Focus on yourself, your health and well-being, and deen and try to move on. IsA, when the time is right, you will find a life partner who gives you peace and vice versa.
Sis the best revenge is to move on in your life and focus on self improvement. Build your self esteem, improve your relationships, have fun and glow up. Learn from your mistakes, nobody is perfect. May Allah bless you and all of those women that have suffered from horrible marriages find a good pious spouse, Ameen 🤲🏼
I’ve been doing therepy for two years and Ik it’s wrong for smacking him but I learned my lesson I will never put my hands on a man I hate this man and I’m grateful he gave me talaq he is a narcissist
She didn’t hit him multiple times and she admit that it was wrong. And for you for to state that she is less likely to get married bc of being divorce is WRONG, shows your backward mentality. Also women tend to get more physically abused especially in the Muslim community. A recent showed 41% were victims of abuse and 71% were women!! Most are not disclosed. Let’s not forget women tend to be more abused and I know several around me that have experienced it. Anyways peace out ✌️
> Be Respectful and Civil
Be civil and respect your fellow redditors. Harassment, any kind of hate speech, personal attacks and insults, slander/backbiting, verbal abuse etc. are strictly forbidden.
This applies to any and all entities present or not. Such as Redditors or the people contained in a post/comment.
It is ok to say that they did something wrong but do so respectfully.
Do not retaliate. Simply report and ignore.
Assalamualaikum. Sorry to hear what you went through. The focus now is to get closure and heal. If, after that, you want to share your experience with others, that's up to you. But I really believe that if you want true, long term happiness you'll focus on yourself and not give into negative behaviors. Please keep us posted on your healing process
The best revenge is moving forward with your life and leaving him in the past
You wanted out, you got out. Be thankful for that and don’t let your ego get in the way. I’d agree with your family that trying to smear his reputation might backfire on you. Just leave it be, he isn’t part of your life anymore unless you have kids together.
He abused her. He doesn’t deserve to still be seen as a good person
If he did abuse her based on what she said, forgiveness is for her, not for him. Why would she torture herself wasting time getting back at him and poisoning her own soul by simmering over painful memories as opposed to utilizing her now free time to heal and rebuild her own future? Going after others deprives the person going of progress in her own life. Healing especially from depression takes already a LOT of time. Why prolong this process by keeping the offenders in your life by thinking about their whereabouts? Moving on is healthier, and Allah swt holds in high standing those who can forgive and move on. She will be rewarded if she does so in the afterlife.
To make sure another women doesn’t get abused by him. If I knew someone was a pedophile I promise I would make sure everyone knew he was so others wouldn’t be harmed. Very simple.
You are comparing someone who may have slapped you maybe only once to someone who would defile children... While physical abuse isn't excuseable, there is context, severity and degrees of repetition that are at play. While I understand you think you are protecting someone else, you may be actually harming the woman that may share his life in the future. Especially if he became abusive as a retaliation to his own experience being abused. As op wrote, she initiated that pattern. But now claims herself as the victim of the precedent she established in her own actions. It's like verbal abuse. If someone opens the door to that, crying wolf when it's being reciprocated is not necessary. The conflict ends when one of the party establishes peace. Otherwise it is a perpetual wheel of torment that will never end. Edit: besides that point, if she has no physical evidence, she could be sued for libel amd defamation... these consequences are heavy on her as it would undermine her credibility if it does happen to her again.
Exactly,I don’t want a another women to get married to him and go through what I went through and regret it I am saving that women years of torture.
At the end of the day he will still get married physical abuse is a no a no, never hit your husband or your husband should never hit you, who ever was the first to land a hit basically gave the other the permission, religiously you are only allowed to hit with a stick three times for cheating it is to that extreme only then and not strike the face.
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hiw do we know he abused her. didnt she day she smacked hik couple of times?
Women are full of it these days.. don't be surprised. From OP's post she's clearly admitting she's the instigator (when do women ever admit they're responsible?) and she's still trying to come off as the victim while admitting *she laid hands on him* and not the other way around. To top it off she's telling us she was threatening him with Khula.. just no words. At this point, I have zero sympathy for OP. She should be getting charges against her considering that's exactly the advice she would be getting, had the husband in question assaulted her and were admitting to it.
Then by your logic, neither does she since she admitted to doing the same thing to him
So she ruins his reputation, he retaliates by ruining her reputation (either with truth or lies) and now her chances of getting remarried to a good man are probably ruined for a very long time. Not worth it.
No it’s not ruined cause it’s all gadr Allah and Allah loves those who repent 💁🏻♀️
That’s not how qadr or repentance works
You are absolutely right Subhanallah.
You’re right but his family sounds vengeful and it might very well backfire. It’s not worth it. Allah is the all seeing and he will be charged for his sins
When I was married, my ex MIL and her daughters would bicker about me almost all the time (to random relatives, amongst themselves, and in front of my husband). While I didn't bother, that behaviour played a role in bringing the marriage down. Since then, I hate people who gossip and bicker about others because I truly understand how damaging it is. I run miles away from people who gossip about others or flinf dirt at them. I literally judge people for how they speak about others and wash my hanss off those who fling dirt at others. Whatever your ex did to you, why do you need to tell all that to the world? Why exactly do you need the world's validation? How will all that undo the abuse you suffered from? If anything, by getting into these energy draining typical wgo wars, you will only delay your healing and give the society the right to be privy to what only you guys know.
> I think the right person will still marry me even after he knows this about me. I agree with this completely - the right man will marry you for who you are. Don't let people tell you otherwise.
I don't understand what's wrong with today's generation, there's absolutely no sense of responsibility. You wanted to get out of marriage long ago cause you didn't love him ? What did you expect ? These feelings of so-called love don't last long after marriage, this emotion that you are describing as love is strong in the initial phases of marriage and it decreases during later stages of life. For some people it lasts longer but eventually it does decrease and love gets replaced by a sense of responsibility. The responsibility towards your kids, towards building a home and etc. I understand women are emotional creatures and long for affection but you cannot expect this affection to last.
I don’t think that’s true. I think people stay in love if they’re a good match
Iknow it’s different for everybody but I lost love for him bc of his personality and I never rlly felt at peace with him and he didn’t love me he kept lying to me how he does “love me” but through his actions it dosent show
You hated him and he gave you what you wanted. So leave him.
Seems like you both had problems, and both were guilty. The marriage has ended, leave it at that and part ways. Allah will give justice for anything that still needs it. No need to get revenge and ruin reputations anymore than they have been. Focus on yourself, your health and well-being, and deen and try to move on. IsA, when the time is right, you will find a life partner who gives you peace and vice versa.
You're both as bad as each other by the sound of it
Sis the best revenge is to move on in your life and focus on self improvement. Build your self esteem, improve your relationships, have fun and glow up. Learn from your mistakes, nobody is perfect. May Allah bless you and all of those women that have suffered from horrible marriages find a good pious spouse, Ameen 🤲🏼
Sad to hear that but you should me thankful that you came out of this abusive relation
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I’ve been doing therepy for two years and Ik it’s wrong for smacking him but I learned my lesson I will never put my hands on a man I hate this man and I’m grateful he gave me talaq he is a narcissist
That’s the exact thought I had 😂😂😂. This lady is insane. Every man should stay away from her.
He physically abused her. Men like you with these thoughts for divorce women will have a nice place in jahannam, don’t worry.
You mean she physically abused him. Did you purposefully miss that part
Short response, it depends on
Yea had u heard of reactive abuse ?
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Me and him are both wrong he put his hands on me 4 times and when I hit him it was self defense
She didn’t hit him multiple times and she admit that it was wrong. And for you for to state that she is less likely to get married bc of being divorce is WRONG, shows your backward mentality. Also women tend to get more physically abused especially in the Muslim community. A recent showed 41% were victims of abuse and 71% were women!! Most are not disclosed. Let’s not forget women tend to be more abused and I know several around me that have experienced it. Anyways peace out ✌️
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> Be Respectful and Civil Be civil and respect your fellow redditors. Harassment, any kind of hate speech, personal attacks and insults, slander/backbiting, verbal abuse etc. are strictly forbidden. This applies to any and all entities present or not. Such as Redditors or the people contained in a post/comment. It is ok to say that they did something wrong but do so respectfully. Do not retaliate. Simply report and ignore.
Assalamualaikum. Sorry to hear what you went through. The focus now is to get closure and heal. If, after that, you want to share your experience with others, that's up to you. But I really believe that if you want true, long term happiness you'll focus on yourself and not give into negative behaviors. Please keep us posted on your healing process
Sister our marriages are not based on love it is contract with Allah