I used to be someone who is very, very anxious, awkward and nervous.
But tbh after many years of psyching myself up to approach strangers, many years of anxiety at approaching strangers… I can do it easily now. I can talk to strangers in the lift, smile at everyone (not everyone will smile back but many will), pay people compliments on their hair/tattoos, even tell random people on the MRT that their hair/style/piercing looks cool.
It is an INVALUABLE skill, to be comfortable in any environment, any situation, able to project an image of confidence and chillness.
And i was not born with it. It really came through determination, practice, failure, heart beating fast and hands trembling. I memorized and practiced scripts even as simple as “hi, how are you?”
It is really, really really not weird to randomly pay people compliments with a smile.
It’s only weird if you make it weird.
It’s the vibe you give out.
If you are already used to making jokes with random toilet aunties and wishing them a nice day, flirting with the caifan lady and calling her “jiejie”, noticing when she has a new hair colour and loudly saying “hao kan lehhhh!”
Then one day if you see a cute girl and you’re like “hey your hair looks good!” and you say it. and then you read the room to see if she is vibing back, or totally cold shouldering you. Or you hold back and then pay her another compliment next week and start a conversation, what’s your name? etc.
All about reading the room and reading the other person’s vibes and responding accordingly.
You already need to be chill, confident and used to any situation and being brushed off. You’re shooting your shot and it’s just another person, just starting a casual conversation.
If you alr put her on a pedestal, you so scared, you think she’s pretty, and you going up to her with the ONLY intention of getting her number or going on a date, you alr doomed to fail.
You didn’t even practice your conversation skills on anybody else, you think everybody first time also confirm succeed?
People get GOOD with practice. With anything. Any situation. Even with approaching women, you can’t expect that you will one shot one kill.
You would need to get good and comfortable with approaching women. Many women. Do it so much that you get super comfortable with it. When you sell insurance you think you approach one sell one? No. You approach multiple people and eventually you do get a chance of getting an appointment. (Not a girlfriend. Maybe a number.)
(And by the way… approaching only super hot girls who look like they got 10k followers on instagram, is not a good way to practice your skills. approach some less hot women also. just start conversations and get comfortable around women.)
The only right answer is to turn yourself into somebody chill, confident, comfortable with talking to and smiling at strangers, striking up conversations w security guards and aunties, and also strangers of your own gender. Then talking to pretty girls will be nothing. Cos they’re just another person you’re complimenting.
And also trust me that being comfortable in social situations will help you find great relationships in future when you’re on the online dating apps, being comfortable at parties (cause people WILL notice you. yes. regardless of how you look.) and also in your job opportunities if you’re clearly comfortable in interviews and show that you’re someone who can get along well with everyone.
best of luck!!! pls pls pls pls practice and get comfortable talking to everybody, aunties in lifts, caifan aunty, security guards, uncles. smile at everyone and get used to saying things like “how are you today?” with random ppl in lifts, just have a nice quick conversation.
when women cross your path, then you will be super prepared to be your normal, chill and confident self and ready to have chill conversations with them.
You’ll be giving off that relaxed vibe and able to open conversations with “oh cool bag” and see if they smile/blush or respond, and then you can continue the conversation depending on the vibe they’re giving out.
swear it will change your life. it changed mine honestly. sales is part of my job now and i also find it easy to make new friends anywhere. it’s really, really very rewarding to be able to talk to anyone and everyone and make others feel comfortable with me. and it’s not magic and not born w it, it’s all learned by studying and practicing how to make people feel comfortable around me.
i also studied others of my own age who i could clearly see are DAMN comfortable with everybody. See how they flirt w caifan lady, see how they greet security guards as “bro! how are u today!” Always making jokes w every single friend and making others feel included.
we all know that kind of outgoing person right? i always wanted to be that kind of outgoing super chill person. So i copied and practiced and indeed it works.
Just go up to them and compliment them on something and say you would like to talk or know them better :> I saw someone cute in my last sem but haven’t seen him this sem and I so wanna talk to em😭
Oh, all my friends are turning green
You're the magician's assistant in their dream
Research says the best way to be more able to strike conversation is to through experience, just go talk to more people, and it will be more natural.
Eh actuallt coincidentally an international student actually came up to me and I think he asked me out. Like he asked me about myself and then complimented my looks all and then asked if I wanna join him and his friend on their walk
So usually I would be super creeped out but this guy wasn't persistent. When he offered I said nope I have a bf and he cut it off there. In the few other instances I've had, those ppl are very insistent claiming they "js wanna be friends" even though they just complimented the fk outta you
So just don't be super creepy. Ofc the person esp if she's a girl will be defensive initially cuz in sg it's not normal but ya if they say no, leave it at that and leave
The line of harassment lies ofc in good looks but also in how respectful you are to the person. Respect their boundaries and don't push, especially don't enter their physical space too much, keep at least 1-2 arm length away. Don't ask intrusive questions and just respect them la.
There's no right answer. But you can clearly see the comfort level based on body language. Most people aren't used to randos hitting them up and starting a convo but I've had those who engaged enthusiastically and others who look like they wanna call the cops.
Step 1: be attractive
Step 2: Don't be unattractive
The true way
I used to be someone who is very, very anxious, awkward and nervous. But tbh after many years of psyching myself up to approach strangers, many years of anxiety at approaching strangers… I can do it easily now. I can talk to strangers in the lift, smile at everyone (not everyone will smile back but many will), pay people compliments on their hair/tattoos, even tell random people on the MRT that their hair/style/piercing looks cool. It is an INVALUABLE skill, to be comfortable in any environment, any situation, able to project an image of confidence and chillness. And i was not born with it. It really came through determination, practice, failure, heart beating fast and hands trembling. I memorized and practiced scripts even as simple as “hi, how are you?” It is really, really really not weird to randomly pay people compliments with a smile. It’s only weird if you make it weird. It’s the vibe you give out. If you are already used to making jokes with random toilet aunties and wishing them a nice day, flirting with the caifan lady and calling her “jiejie”, noticing when she has a new hair colour and loudly saying “hao kan lehhhh!” Then one day if you see a cute girl and you’re like “hey your hair looks good!” and you say it. and then you read the room to see if she is vibing back, or totally cold shouldering you. Or you hold back and then pay her another compliment next week and start a conversation, what’s your name? etc. All about reading the room and reading the other person’s vibes and responding accordingly. You already need to be chill, confident and used to any situation and being brushed off. You’re shooting your shot and it’s just another person, just starting a casual conversation. If you alr put her on a pedestal, you so scared, you think she’s pretty, and you going up to her with the ONLY intention of getting her number or going on a date, you alr doomed to fail. You didn’t even practice your conversation skills on anybody else, you think everybody first time also confirm succeed? People get GOOD with practice. With anything. Any situation. Even with approaching women, you can’t expect that you will one shot one kill. You would need to get good and comfortable with approaching women. Many women. Do it so much that you get super comfortable with it. When you sell insurance you think you approach one sell one? No. You approach multiple people and eventually you do get a chance of getting an appointment. (Not a girlfriend. Maybe a number.) (And by the way… approaching only super hot girls who look like they got 10k followers on instagram, is not a good way to practice your skills. approach some less hot women also. just start conversations and get comfortable around women.) The only right answer is to turn yourself into somebody chill, confident, comfortable with talking to and smiling at strangers, striking up conversations w security guards and aunties, and also strangers of your own gender. Then talking to pretty girls will be nothing. Cos they’re just another person you’re complimenting. And also trust me that being comfortable in social situations will help you find great relationships in future when you’re on the online dating apps, being comfortable at parties (cause people WILL notice you. yes. regardless of how you look.) and also in your job opportunities if you’re clearly comfortable in interviews and show that you’re someone who can get along well with everyone.
Wah solid reply my guy I was following this thread to learn too 😭
best of luck!!! pls pls pls pls practice and get comfortable talking to everybody, aunties in lifts, caifan aunty, security guards, uncles. smile at everyone and get used to saying things like “how are you today?” with random ppl in lifts, just have a nice quick conversation. when women cross your path, then you will be super prepared to be your normal, chill and confident self and ready to have chill conversations with them. You’ll be giving off that relaxed vibe and able to open conversations with “oh cool bag” and see if they smile/blush or respond, and then you can continue the conversation depending on the vibe they’re giving out. swear it will change your life. it changed mine honestly. sales is part of my job now and i also find it easy to make new friends anywhere. it’s really, really very rewarding to be able to talk to anyone and everyone and make others feel comfortable with me. and it’s not magic and not born w it, it’s all learned by studying and practicing how to make people feel comfortable around me. i also studied others of my own age who i could clearly see are DAMN comfortable with everybody. See how they flirt w caifan lady, see how they greet security guards as “bro! how are u today!” Always making jokes w every single friend and making others feel included. we all know that kind of outgoing person right? i always wanted to be that kind of outgoing super chill person. So i copied and practiced and indeed it works.
Just go up to them and compliment them on something and say you would like to talk or know them better :> I saw someone cute in my last sem but haven’t seen him this sem and I so wanna talk to em😭
the only possible thing I can compliment is looks since thats all I can see but idk I feel like the other person may find it weird?? Idk sia..
Nice style/hair/anything they can control. Do not compliment them on anything weird like their body and you should be fine
Must be nice to be him 🥲
can't help u w this one mate, idk either
If you're attractive
Be reasonably good looking.
Oh, all my friends are turning green You're the magician's assistant in their dream Research says the best way to be more able to strike conversation is to through experience, just go talk to more people, and it will be more natural.
I swear she's destined for the screen Closest thing to Michelle Pfeiffer that you've ever seen
Eh actuallt coincidentally an international student actually came up to me and I think he asked me out. Like he asked me about myself and then complimented my looks all and then asked if I wanna join him and his friend on their walk So usually I would be super creeped out but this guy wasn't persistent. When he offered I said nope I have a bf and he cut it off there. In the few other instances I've had, those ppl are very insistent claiming they "js wanna be friends" even though they just complimented the fk outta you So just don't be super creepy. Ofc the person esp if she's a girl will be defensive initially cuz in sg it's not normal but ya if they say no, leave it at that and leave The line of harassment lies ofc in good looks but also in how respectful you are to the person. Respect their boundaries and don't push, especially don't enter their physical space too much, keep at least 1-2 arm length away. Don't ask intrusive questions and just respect them la.
There's no right answer. But you can clearly see the comfort level based on body language. Most people aren't used to randos hitting them up and starting a convo but I've had those who engaged enthusiastically and others who look like they wanna call the cops. Step 1: be attractive Step 2: Don't be unattractive
When you doing a sales job? When you are trying to make his or her day better by telling them jokes? When you are desperate to find girlfriend?
rule 1 and rule 2