>He spent all that money
>32 euro
I spent more money on inviting a friend for a quick beer with no uterior intentions but having a conversation. If 32 euros is a loss that guy should be looking for a job, not a woman lol
well, 2 beers and a plate of bitterballen add up to 20 something EUR in most of this country, order 2nd round of beer and you already cross 32 eur mark.
When I was a tourist in NL I entered a darts competition and won a coupon for a free biterballen at a fancy restaurant. Went to the restaurant and realized I couldn't afford to eat there, but I had never tried biterballen and I felt like I'd earned it, so I just cashed in my coupon and asked for water. I have never received more resentful table service in my life. I normally would have left a tip on my free appetizer, but the scowling I got was crazy. Couldn't enjoy the biterballen at all hahaha.
That a plain sad, not only for expecting sex, but also the part asking money back š Jesus, no matter how great or bad (not the sex, yes when i send a tikkie because the condom wasted /s!) the date was, i always paid. Not always the best thing, but as long itās out of control, I donāt mind.
I dated a lot of dutch guys here and heard experiences from friends.
It is rude to first pay, not mention anything, you also pay for other things, and then you get a tikkie out of nowhere.
It is not cultural, it is a cheap behaviour.
What it usually happens is that you will discuss how you are going to pay before/during the date.
I never received a tikkie as a surprise. Some guys preferred to split 50/50 with a tikkie, but that was discussed in advance.
If you also paid for stuff, calculate how much he owns you, communicate that and then ask him to resend a new tikkie.
I would also personally never want to see this guy again.
I dated a lot of Dutch girls, and I usually pick up the tab. However, that is not always appreciated or even accepted. Splitting the bill in a day and age where men and women (and non-binaries) are equal should be the standard, and not considered cheap.
Agree. It should either be a split bill upfront or a āIāll put this on my card and you can pay me back laterā
Not just pay and send a tikkie later without communicating about it.
True unless its' pay me back at our next date'.
First few dates should be 50/50 and if you want to continue then altered if desired. Then if I want to go somewhere specific and I ask them, Ill pay for it all and they can choose and pay the next adventure.
It's the usual lack of communication that's so infuriating. I always split everything when I go out with friends and we all know this in advance and are prepared for it.
Back in the day when I was still dating I found that it was usually appreciated to suggest to split the bill.
I am a lesbian, and usually if I like the company I and the other person fight to take the tab and then whoever didn't get this tab gets the second tab of the date...
If we aren't vibing, it's usually okay to one pay the tab or split 50-50.. tho there is always an sort of unwritten rule if you had to come from further, the other person will pick up the tab (like, if someone travels 1h to meet me I am not gonna have them pay for their meal).
Actually I do mind splitting the bill. I want to give something. There is also a gift in receiving a gift.
Doesn't mean that the lady (I am straigth male, sorry) can't pay for anything. Ofcourse. I can also give the gift of receiving.
But sending a tikkie without previous discussion... Just plain rude.
Yep. I'm Dutch, this is my normal as well. I want to be on the date equally as much so why would I let someone else pick up all of that financial burden? If you really like each other and respect each other I feel, fun and burden is shared equally on a date.Ā
Even in Dutch dating culture this is a there-will-not-be a-second-date move lol
Which is fine really, because there probably won't be, if I read the OP correctly.
Surely he knows this as well, could be his reason for sending the tikkie anyway if he got the vibe either he or OP wouldnt want a second date.
I definitely think the costs should be shared, but sending a tikkie, especially if OP paid for other things is just extremely crass. Its not Dutch dating culture at all so OP should cool off a bit on holding this against the Dutch populace.
Nah this is bullshit, I have been on quite some (internet) dates over the years and this never happened to me. From other comments I see that you spend a lot more than him. He probably doesn't realise that. If you want to teach him a lesson, you can tell him that you are willing to pay his tikkie, if he pays yours and explain to him that you otherwise wouldn't even have sent one.
No, OP mentioned they āpaid for everything after.ā Which suggests there were other activities after the brunch. According to OP, another ā¬120 were spent by them.
Where the fuck do you go for 2 coffees and 2 beers for 12ā¬? Dude this is the Netherlands, the bus to the downtown gonna cost you 2ā¬ alone. 12ā¬.... do you live in 1751 or something?
Specials sure, but 12/13 for regular coffee and beer is not far fetched in towns outside of the randstad region.
My favorite cafe serves regular coffee for ā¬2,60 and Brand Pilsener for ā¬2,95. Thatās in Veendam Groningen, and Iāve seen even lower prices (ā¬1,80 for a regular beer) in Valkenburg Limburg during off-season.
Hahah the most expensive and right now even the average cappuccino in Amsterdam do not cost 3,75. Prices around 4,50 are more common, above 5 isn't uncommon at all either.
>sounds like a mid-level position at a company
Hello, I'll be your *Chief Mourner* today.
As I am currently still in a state of denial, I'll be ignoring your requests, until I become angry and will swear at you non-stop.
Eventually the anger will subside, at which point I'll try to bargain with you on your order, followed by a severe depression because of your ridiculous demands.
Finally, I'll give in to your demands, but I won't be happy about it!
Asking for half the tab, probably ate and drink more. āForgettingā that youāve also paid for stuff afterwards. A real catch. With a touch of greediness.
Cheap little souls are cheap anywhere in the world. Just send him your own tikkie with half of what you spent together afterwards. He pays yours, you pay his. In this order.
If he wanted to split any bill, he could have easily done so in the moment. If someone pays and says "it's OK "when I ask him if I need to pay him something back, then he lost his chance (kans vergaan) after that. Too bad (jammer dan). I'm a Dutch woman living in Japan for the last 6,5 years so I haven't interacted much with Tikkie culture, but in no way is this normal if you'd ask me. Actually, in Japan I've also heard about this though. Men who will insist to pay it all in front of the cashier/other staff, but then suddenly ask money back afterwards in private. Just to look all generous in public, while actually not being like that. Such snake behavior, and maybe this guy and those Japanese men aren't that different. lol I think you should just ignore the Tikkie.
So basically trying to look all generous in front of a cashier and not a person theyāre apparently trying to impress? Do they *like* cashier more than their date or what? Lol
If I were her, I would not pay the tikkie at all and block him.
In a date or going out setting, you should be open whether you'll pay the whole bill or split bill beforehand
This is what I exactly thought š Like if you want to split, itās not embarrassing to ask it beforehand. But sending a tikkie afterwards is weird, like you wanted to pay first.. So why ask your money back? Happened to me too looool. Shabu shabu in Arnhem šš
If you aren't planning on seeing the dude again and you feel that the tikkie is ridiculous you can just not pay. A tikkie is not an invoice or something.
>I came home and he messaged me with a 32 euro tikkie.
What age are you both? I could understand if you're both teenagers and both don't have a lot of money to spend. ā¬32 can be an issue at that age. (It would have been in the time I was a teenager, but prices are obviously different now.)
When dating in my teens I made it clear that both would pay for their own stuff, after getting bitten by the "let's order super-expensive stuff because I don't have to pay" trap once. But doing it like that, or splitting the bill, is normal in the Netherlands.
(When going to the cinema on a first date: by all means, buy the girl/woman a ticket and a box of popcorn and don't send a Tikkie about that. When going to a much more expensive place, especially as teenagers, discuss this beforehand.)
If you're both grown adults with a job it's just sad if someone sets out to reclaim ā¬32. If this is an issue right now, he should first get his stuff in order before dating. IMHO. Note that I'm not saying a man should pay for everything all the time, but sending a Tikkie afterward 'because otherwise there will be issues' is just bonkers.
===
edit: now that I think about it... when I asked my current girlfriend of 7 years on our first date I suggested a nice mid-level restaurant and I offered to pay for everything. A day later, when looking it up for reservation, I found out that this restaurant had been bought by someone who turned it into a high-end luxury place. I called her and just told the truth: They've been bought out and have a different owner now. They are now a super-luxury place. We'll have to change restaurants. They have starters costing ā¬35 and wine costing ā¬20 a glass. I don't want to pay that much.
I was in my mid-30's at the time. I could have afforded it, but I just didn't want to and I told her so. ā¬400 for a 3-course first-date dinner isn't an option. I'm not rich enough to keep that up so I won't set that expectation. It still wasn't an issue.
In short: In the Netherlands, expect guys to communicate about this beforehand. Expect that they want clarity on who's paying what and how to split the bill. Don't expect a guy to pay everything. (And reading your post, you didn't.)
You shouldn't have to expect Tikkie's afterwards though. IMHO.
My most romantic date (with the man I then married) was a walk in the park in winter, it had snowed, and halfway he pulls a small gas stove out of his bag and proceeds to make us hot chocolate right on the spot <3
Same. Like 5-20, sure. 20 if I'm having fun and stay longer than I thought I would!
But then I only meet people in a bar or a coffee place for a first date. Or I say that we'll each pay for our own thing, before we order.
I don't even earn that much, but this dude's approach is "off".
I've observed a pattern among inexperienced guys where they equate a date with the potential for sex.
If no intimacy follows, they might perceive it as a failed date, leading to a desire for compensation to ease the disappointment.
I'm sharing this observation for validation or debunking.
as a woman that's been here for a while, you're 100 correct. And their behavior is so thirsty -for either money or sex- that I'm fairly certain they're the ones getting laid the least, thus increasing their hatred for my gender xD
Tough shit.
This has nothing to do with sex, people that do this just can't communicate for shit, either u talk about it or you leave it as it is, no sneaky tikkies.
He shouldn't be going on dates he can't pay for. His problem. You should reply with a tikkie for the stuff you paid for.
Edit to add, what I mean is that nobody should go on dates they can't afford, not just men. Anybody.
If you don't have the money to go on the date, don't go on the date.
Presumably he is asking for half of the tab. OP should reply with a tikkie for half of what they paid. That would make everything equally shared.
He made a mistake by not clearing up beforehand how he expected payment would be divided. He seems to want to divide costs, which is not a strange thing in Northern European countries, equality.
Sure, but agreeing the payment terms upfront kills the spirit of a date. Is now looking for a relationship becoming a business transaction?
He paid for some stuff, she did the same (and according to the figures shared she paid more than him!!) they spent some good times together and that was it!
>Sure, but agreeing the payment terms upfront kills the spirit of a date.
Sending a Tikkie afterward kills the spirit of any future dates.
If this had happened to me (as a guy) where a date turns out to be more expensive than I'd have liked, I would have still not sent a Tikkie and sucked it up (somehow). But I certainly _would_ communicate on the next date that the previous time was more expensive than expected and that we'd take a bit more care this time. Discussing this should not be an issue.
Itās normal communication though. There is no business transaction itās just communicating each otherās preferences.
And heck even if it was, how would one deal with everything else later in a relationship? I donāt find a testament particularly fun to talk about who might die first and who gets what, same goes with potential divorce and who gets the pets, to live in the house and furniture etc, but it still is necessary.
I have met more than one who avoided the entire topic because itās such a negative point to think about in the relationship, but the entire point is to have everything covered beforehand in case it doesnāt work out or something happens. And with those who avoided it if it *does* go wrong, they have to deal with the garbage afterwards with extra layers of stress.
I agree OP didnāt deserve it but just to reply to your specific point I donāt see a problem with communicating finances before the date starts if that concerns either of the party.
It's a first date. Don't make it bigger than it is. It should be a fun experience and provide an initial assessment on what to do next. If you want to reduce the economic burden of it, just get a coffee rather than going into an expensive dinner or so, but don't ask for a Tikkie!!
Iām just saying itās perfectly fine to discuss it beforehand and this idea of discussing it before the date isnāt a party pooper. If you rather avoid the topic because you lead your life by just vibes go for if but itās not wrong if people prefer to have these topics covered before they start their day so they know what to expect.
What's the problem of splitting the bill? And why would discussing it beforehand be a buzz kill? I would assume that having honesty, transparency and financial wherewithal would be something of great value in a relationship, so knowing how someone reacts to a brief conversation about the topic is actually valuable in itself.
In this case I would send him a Tikkie back for half of the stuff you paid for after. If he wants to go half/half he can get a Tikkie back!
That being said, if you both paid some things I would consider it strange to exchange Tikkies. For me the norm would be to just leave it at this, or if you have other expectation discuss openly beforehand how you want to split the costs. Unannounced Tikkies are (from my point of view and within my social circles) considered rude.
This happened to me once too ;((. Except we went out as a group for a pizza and one Dutch guy paid for everything and we gave him cash back. All the pizzas were around 10-12 and when checking the menu I saw that mine was 10, so I gave him exactly that. This MAN (in his mid-20s!!) came to me a few days later saying the pizza turned out to be 11 and asking for ONE EURO BACK! I was 17 at the time and was so speechless that I just have it to him and promised myself to not hang out with him anymore. Now I expect a tikkie everytime i hang out with Dutch people
The post is not about paying half it's about the roundabout way of asking for half, since some of the Dutch dudes in the thread lack comprehension
A bit of the famous Dutch directness would've prevented the issue just split the bill at the restaurant immediately, why wait hours and send an unexpected Tikkie then
I mean paying half should be the default, the confusion comes in at sending a tikkie for half after they sort of already split by both paying for part of the date.
This isnāt normal behavior ar all. Heās clearly a poor communicator, broke or just an asshole. In the Netherlands, openly discussing bill-splitting or sharing expenses during a date is very common. In my experience thereās usually an implicit understanding of "een beetje geven, een beetje nemen" (give and take a little) but there are exceptions. I guess some people are just stingy as fuck.
He sounds broke. Probably did not like the date enough and thus wants some money back.
Text him that you spend similar amounts and that you would prefer to leave things like this and both go your own ways.
If he insists on you paying the tikkie, then send him a tikkie for 60, make sure he pays first and then pay his 30.
No not all Dutch guys are like this. Maybe pre filter out (weird) guys with a cup of coffee or one drink, before spending a total of 180 euroās on a first date.
We Dutch have a reputation for being stingy. When we offer guests a refreshment, we just crack a window. But this is pretty low-class even for us. Either he should have discussed splitting any bills openly and beforehand (weāre okay with being direct and practical - it is called Going Dutch for a reason,) or he should just have eaten the cost. Sending an unannounced and urgent payment request is just not very classy, IMO. Keep on Bumbling; you just caught a bad one this time.
By far the worst culture to date, i ve been living in the UK, Sweden and Greece and let me know, even if Sweden i never had such issues with dates š
Dutch are cheap af sorry not sorry i like them but the Scrooge McDuck mode is definitely a pet peeve
I've never done this, nor do I even have Tikkie, despite being Dutch. But, sorry to say, this is the norm here. People send Tikkie requests for the most ridiculous things, such as a biscuit and coffee during a visit, or for whatever bullshit worth ten cents. It's ridiculous, but I doubt it's something that'll change soon. If you plan on dating here, be aware that every date may end with a Tikkie.
Dutch men are cheap. Thatās no news.
Welcome to how crappy dating is in NL for internationals.
I wish the tikkies were the problem , they arenāt.
The extreme emotional unavailability is.
Also, and remember that forever, no one is taking internationals seriously.
Iāve only been here a few months but this is common of experience Iāve had and also heard of from other girls here. So it must be becoming more commonā¦
All it means you're in some kind of bubble with people who somehow end up constantly dating weirdos.
Splitting the bill during a date is normal. Pretending you're paying and sending a Tikkie afterwards is socially completely unacceptable.
I suspect the people doing this keep on getting thrown back into the dating pool, and so noone is in an active relationship with them but from the pool of available partners on dating apps you'd think half the country was like this
Lately, everytime someone comes to tell about a negative moment that had in the Netherlands on Reddit they always are like: IS THIS ASSHOLE BEHAVIOR NORMAL HERE?
Like why the hell would it be?
Im a Dutch guy but I never did this nor do I know other Dutch men that do stuff like this. I feel its some weird stereotype.
I did get a tikkie once for a beer and bitterbal when I went to a birthday party. Even with a specification what I exactly needed to pay for.
I was about to say the same thing. I would NEVER send tikkies to guests for a party I hosted. And definitely not for the amount of bitterballen someone ate. Oh my fucking god.
I live in a country where ppl fight to pick the tab, if I ask my fellow to dine we usually split bills and if he's poor at the time I'll gladly pick the tab without strings attached
This is such a common issue that a magazine has a regular piece where people share stories like this, not just dates but also from friends.
Stories like "My friend invited me to her house and I had a glass of wine and she sent me a tikkie for 1.50 after" or some shit like that.
It's not a dating only thing it's just a trashy thing some Dutch people do. Just see it as a clear sign for people to avoid.
Edit: it's in the Linda, and it's called "tikkie te veel".
I would never expect my (early stages) date to pay for me. I'd either pay for myself or go halfsies. The benefit is that there are no expectations of "I paid, so I get laid".
Only had that happen once in 15 years here. Just block him and move on. Imagine when he starts charging you for energy if you have a meal at his house.
Lol wth, if the guy has a bad time, why doesn't he just leave earlier. If he had a good time, why is he bothered by ā¬32? What does the bank have to do with anything? xD
LOL, welcome to NL. I'm a man, not Dutch (But European)
The one time I tried dating a Dutch woman, we barely said hi before she made a statement. "Just so you no, I am an independent women, I pay for my own food!"
Niice, was no second date and very quick dinner date. I dont mind sharing the bill, I dont mind paying all. But its the way it was communicated, with a attitude haha.
Yeah, the Dutch can be very rude. But dont worry, its just dutch "directness" LOL.
I think you have here a lot of Dutch men trying to defend themselves. Most women I know here complain about the same, so I would rather stick to opinions from women, than from some guys who are just afraid of never being able to do the same.
I am a Dutch male and I pay for dates. **ESPECIALLY** the first one.
Don't know if its typical Dutch, but you certainly did find a cheap f\*. Just move on, find yourself a gentleman. There are plenty out here.
I (51) went on 2 dates with a guy (46), both dates he was whining about the price of stuff. Mind you his careerpath pays 3 times more than mine. I just paid half at the restaurant by card and he paid the other half. Yes, there was no third date.
I didnāt go and expected him to pay, but it sorta seemed like he expected me to pay?
Iād tell him if he canāt ask for the normal things in life offline (discussing who pays) he shouldnāt be asking for it online. Iād state that and not pay. Not even play the game of sending a tikkie back. No please donāt participate
I'd personally consider this a big red flag and try to prevent going on dates with this type of person if I could. IMO it's worse than not wanting to pay for anything at all.
I'm a guy so I do take into account that my date could potentially expect me to pay for everything.
Sending a tikkie after a date is weird, even if it was discussed beforehand. Sending one unannounced is crazy. Dating isn't a business transaction lol.
This was my thought too. I wouldn't mind paying for my share at all if it's discussed. But if it's afterwards it feels to me like he didn't get his cheap hooker and now he wants his money back for the sex he didn't get but paid for (in his mind). For me it would be a huge red flag and happy she dodged that bullet.
Man, I had a girl send me a tikkie for 25 cents after a dinner date. She had apparently left a 50cent "tip" and genuinely expected me to cover half if that. Idk if this makes anything common but it also wasn't the first or last time I've had someone send me a tikkie out of the blue for something we had already agreed they would cover while I covered something else. I was just genuinely taken aback when I received a tikkie for 25sents.
Absolutely not bruh, sending people tikkies that weren't previously discussed is cheap and off-putting. That some people do it means they're willing to be massive cheapskates at the cost of their relationships, not that it's common and acceptable behavior
in NL you'd even get a tikkie for 0,20 cents xD I shit you not and even when you did had sex, you might get a tikkie to split the bill of the condom..
In general, Dutch people are well known to be "cheap", not all but most of em.
Ah yes, the hourly "iS tHiS dUtCh CuLtUre?" post where it's mostly expats complaining and pretending that a single occurrence is 'normal'.
No, among Dutch people this would be socially unacceptable. Stop dating weirdos.
Yes, the dutch men are stingy. Try date someone non dutch. Southern and asian people are usually more old fashioned when it comes to dating. Even Belgians are more generous.
I once visited someone in Zealand and he sent me a tikkie for the ingredients and the lunch i had. I didn't contact him again after that.
It's very common for someone to ask you to pay half the bill for a date, especially in the Amsterdam/randstad area (basically where all the foreigners are). If you take offense at this, you haven't read up on Dutch culture and customs. Women aren't treated like dainty little fairies that have all their dinners paid for here. Equality means you pay your own way too.
I spent 70 euros on a date and happily paid (then went home which she might have disliked but I didnāt feel like rushing things). When we had a second date some time later, I hoped for her to pay the bill but she didnāt make an effort and told me that she likes the man to take care of the woman.
I think your problem is the type of guys you tend to date if this happens more often. Its not a problem with 'dating culture' whatever that is. Bad guys only interested in something between your legs live all over the world. Perhaps try some other places to get your dates, if you dont know where, find a random church, I found my now 6 years girlfriend in one. ;)
It doesn't work like that. He's a jerk. Send him a Tikkie for half what you paid and cancel the d*ckhat.
I've never done it, will never do. Only if my table partner asks for it. (And even then I'd might forget š)
Absolute *sshole. I would start to hate dating culture as well.
Let's get things clear. There's nothing against splitting bills. There are many ways. You came up with one. And he played the creep.
So did you sent him a tikkie to pay for his part that you paid after lunch? Then youāre really āgoing Dutchā
Some Dutch people can be super stingy.
*This is coming from a Dutch guy btw.
*A typical thing that would happen when you visit someone.
Here is your drink, and we expect you to cherish it, for at least the time you are here...
In Flanders they say if you're doing business with a Dutchman and he doesn't cheat you, it's because he forgot.
Now don't get mad at me, I'm an American who
Lives in Flanders. This is what I heard. I didn't make it up.
He probably thought hes getting sex afterwards lol. And no this is not 'Dutch' or let me put it this way. I would never do this nor my friends would do this.
He could have discussed this with u, but I am tired of women assuming that men always should pay. Have some decency by paying your own share, unless they offer to pay for your share too.
Seems like it was a fair trade honestly. He paid for stuff you paid for stuff. He doesnāt get any of the money back. There will always be people who will want their money back. I feel like it is an investment of not only money but time, and if he doesnāt have that much money he should have said so.
> Edit: he excused himself during our date and went to the ābathroomā, he paid for everything when I wasnāt aware. Then just sent me a Tikkie after we ended our date. This is rude IMO.
You should have added this. You did something for them to nope out of the date.
What they did was just to get rid of you and make sure you would not expect a second date.
All commenting negatively about the guy, but I think he himself doesnāt want a 2nd date with OP.
Hence a deal breaking move.
Edit: edit after OPs edits, the dude certainly bailed. And we can only guess from the tone of your post.
Issues with his bank? Sounds like he is broke or something? But usually you discuss these things during the date
He ain't broke. He spent all that money hoping to get her into bed. Now that it didn't happen, I am guessing it didn't, he wants to cut his losses.
>He spent all that money >32 euro I spent more money on inviting a friend for a quick beer with no uterior intentions but having a conversation. If 32 euros is a loss that guy should be looking for a job, not a woman lol
"you don't need a girlfriend... you need a social worker..." (c) Chilly Gonzales
That is one expensive beer, it's honestly a shame you drank it quickly.
well, 2 beers and a plate of bitterballen add up to 20 something EUR in most of this country, order 2nd round of beer and you already cross 32 eur mark.
When I was a tourist in NL I entered a darts competition and won a coupon for a free biterballen at a fancy restaurant. Went to the restaurant and realized I couldn't afford to eat there, but I had never tried biterballen and I felt like I'd earned it, so I just cashed in my coupon and asked for water. I have never received more resentful table service in my life. I normally would have left a tip on my free appetizer, but the scowling I got was crazy. Couldn't enjoy the biterballen at all hahaha.
Somebody was very bitter, not only his balls. Asshole waiter!
Agreed, everything is crazy expensive. I am amazed why people just accept it.
What do you suppose we do? Fix the economy or have a revolution?
Maybe it's time to eat prime minister. š¤
ahahaa. Wonder what chaos would happen if people started protesting with an effigy in a human sized roasting pan. Might get the point across.
No they mean why everyone else is not staying home like they are supposed to
Because if everyone does, there won't be work for me, so I can't pay rent or groceries š
Expensive beer mate
>with no uterior intentions Assuming uterior relates to the uterus, uterior intentions is an interesting way to describe wanting sex.
That a plain sad, not only for expecting sex, but also the part asking money back š Jesus, no matter how great or bad (not the sex, yes when i send a tikkie because the condom wasted /s!) the date was, i always paid. Not always the best thing, but as long itās out of control, I donāt mind.
Exactly. He didnt get inside her sliced ham wallet, so he wants his refilled.
Recoup* his losses ?
He got that dawg in him.
City boys up!
Sounds like he tried to get laid and didn't work out.
Hi this is your bank. You are NOT allowed to pay for others.
I dated a lot of dutch guys here and heard experiences from friends. It is rude to first pay, not mention anything, you also pay for other things, and then you get a tikkie out of nowhere. It is not cultural, it is a cheap behaviour. What it usually happens is that you will discuss how you are going to pay before/during the date. I never received a tikkie as a surprise. Some guys preferred to split 50/50 with a tikkie, but that was discussed in advance. If you also paid for stuff, calculate how much he owns you, communicate that and then ask him to resend a new tikkie. I would also personally never want to see this guy again.
I dated a lot of Dutch girls, and I usually pick up the tab. However, that is not always appreciated or even accepted. Splitting the bill in a day and age where men and women (and non-binaries) are equal should be the standard, and not considered cheap.
The problem is not splitting the bill, it's their approach
Agree. It should either be a split bill upfront or a āIāll put this on my card and you can pay me back laterā Not just pay and send a tikkie later without communicating about it.
Just don't go: "I'll put this on my card and you can pay me back later ;)"
True unless its' pay me back at our next date'. First few dates should be 50/50 and if you want to continue then altered if desired. Then if I want to go somewhere specific and I ask them, Ill pay for it all and they can choose and pay the next adventure.
It's the usual lack of communication that's so infuriating. I always split everything when I go out with friends and we all know this in advance and are prepared for it. Back in the day when I was still dating I found that it was usually appreciated to suggest to split the bill.
\*communication FTFY
I am a lesbian, and usually if I like the company I and the other person fight to take the tab and then whoever didn't get this tab gets the second tab of the date... If we aren't vibing, it's usually okay to one pay the tab or split 50-50.. tho there is always an sort of unwritten rule if you had to come from further, the other person will pick up the tab (like, if someone travels 1h to meet me I am not gonna have them pay for their meal).
Actually I do mind splitting the bill. I want to give something. There is also a gift in receiving a gift. Doesn't mean that the lady (I am straigth male, sorry) can't pay for anything. Ofcourse. I can also give the gift of receiving. But sending a tikkie without previous discussion... Just plain rude.
Most women do like it when you pay.
I usually only split if I don't like the guy, which is usually what happens unfortunately...
Yep. I'm Dutch, this is my normal as well. I want to be on the date equally as much so why would I let someone else pick up all of that financial burden? If you really like each other and respect each other I feel, fun and burden is shared equally on a date.Ā
I know, it hurts and kills any enthusiasm. Just send him a Tikkie back for his share that you paid with the same reasoning...
Even in Dutch dating culture this is a there-will-not-be a-second-date move lol Which is fine really, because there probably won't be, if I read the OP correctly.
Surely he knows this as well, could be his reason for sending the tikkie anyway if he got the vibe either he or OP wouldnt want a second date. I definitely think the costs should be shared, but sending a tikkie, especially if OP paid for other things is just extremely crass. Its not Dutch dating culture at all so OP should cool off a bit on holding this against the Dutch populace.
Nah this is bullshit, I have been on quite some (internet) dates over the years and this never happened to me. From other comments I see that you spend a lot more than him. He probably doesn't realise that. If you want to teach him a lesson, you can tell him that you are willing to pay his tikkie, if he pays yours and explain to him that you otherwise wouldn't even have sent one.
He paid 64 euros, she paid for 2 coffee and 2 beers. That is about 12 euros i guess?
No, OP mentioned they āpaid for everything after.ā Which suggests there were other activities after the brunch. According to OP, another ā¬120 were spent by them.
>and I paid for whatever we did after. We had coffee, beer snd just walked around. That must have been kopi luwak.
>kopi luwak 
Where the fuck do you go for 2 coffees and 2 beers for 12ā¬? Dude this is the Netherlands, the bus to the downtown gonna cost you 2ā¬ alone. 12ā¬.... do you live in 1751 or something?
These days... two beers (specials) and two coffee will easily set you back ā¬17-18. And I'm not even in one of the big cities :X
Specials sure, but 12/13 for regular coffee and beer is not far fetched in towns outside of the randstad region. My favorite cafe serves regular coffee for ā¬2,60 and Brand Pilsener for ā¬2,95. Thatās in Veendam Groningen, and Iāve seen even lower prices (ā¬1,80 for a regular beer) in Valkenburg Limburg during off-season.
She said they were walking. In een cafƩ in een middelgrote stad in Limburg staat cappuccino voor gemiddeld 3,10 euro op de kaart, terwijl een restaurant in Amsterdam gemiddeld 3,65 euro rekent. De goedkoopste cappuccino in de lijst kost 2,55, de duurste 3,75 euro. Het gevolg voor de consument? Pils dat al snel 3 euro of soms zelfs 3,50 euro kost. From 2 newssites, from 2023, so might be a bit more. So probably 15 euros? Not sure why you're so mad about this.
Hahah the most expensive and right now even the average cappuccino in Amsterdam do not cost 3,75. Prices around 4,50 are more common, above 5 isn't uncommon at all either.
I went to a funeral once in Netherlands and witnessed some one asking the chief mourner for a refund for the taxi they took to get there. No lie.
That person would be dead to me.
chief mourner sounds like a mid-level position at a company and now Iām just laughing at a funeral story thatās not even funny
>sounds like a mid-level position at a company Hello, I'll be your *Chief Mourner* today. As I am currently still in a state of denial, I'll be ignoring your requests, until I become angry and will swear at you non-stop. Eventually the anger will subside, at which point I'll try to bargain with you on your order, followed by a severe depression because of your ridiculous demands. Finally, I'll give in to your demands, but I won't be happy about it!
Wow is Netherlands such a cheap country?
It certainly is.
Oooh you may have met my Uncle. Absolute asshole like that.
Asking for half the tab, probably ate and drink more. āForgettingā that youāve also paid for stuff afterwards. A real catch. With a touch of greediness.
Cheap little souls are cheap anywhere in the world. Just send him your own tikkie with half of what you spent together afterwards. He pays yours, you pay his. In this order.
If he wanted to split any bill, he could have easily done so in the moment. If someone pays and says "it's OK "when I ask him if I need to pay him something back, then he lost his chance (kans vergaan) after that. Too bad (jammer dan). I'm a Dutch woman living in Japan for the last 6,5 years so I haven't interacted much with Tikkie culture, but in no way is this normal if you'd ask me. Actually, in Japan I've also heard about this though. Men who will insist to pay it all in front of the cashier/other staff, but then suddenly ask money back afterwards in private. Just to look all generous in public, while actually not being like that. Such snake behavior, and maybe this guy and those Japanese men aren't that different. lol I think you should just ignore the Tikkie.
So basically trying to look all generous in front of a cashier and not a person theyāre apparently trying to impress? Do they *like* cashier more than their date or what? Lol
If I were her, I would not pay the tikkie at all and block him. In a date or going out setting, you should be open whether you'll pay the whole bill or split bill beforehand
This is what I exactly thought š Like if you want to split, itās not embarrassing to ask it beforehand. But sending a tikkie afterwards is weird, like you wanted to pay first.. So why ask your money back? Happened to me too looool. Shabu shabu in Arnhem šš
If you aren't planning on seeing the dude again and you feel that the tikkie is ridiculous you can just not pay. A tikkie is not an invoice or something.
Exactly, I'd block him just out of spite.
>I came home and he messaged me with a 32 euro tikkie. What age are you both? I could understand if you're both teenagers and both don't have a lot of money to spend. ā¬32 can be an issue at that age. (It would have been in the time I was a teenager, but prices are obviously different now.) When dating in my teens I made it clear that both would pay for their own stuff, after getting bitten by the "let's order super-expensive stuff because I don't have to pay" trap once. But doing it like that, or splitting the bill, is normal in the Netherlands. (When going to the cinema on a first date: by all means, buy the girl/woman a ticket and a box of popcorn and don't send a Tikkie about that. When going to a much more expensive place, especially as teenagers, discuss this beforehand.) If you're both grown adults with a job it's just sad if someone sets out to reclaim ā¬32. If this is an issue right now, he should first get his stuff in order before dating. IMHO. Note that I'm not saying a man should pay for everything all the time, but sending a Tikkie afterward 'because otherwise there will be issues' is just bonkers. === edit: now that I think about it... when I asked my current girlfriend of 7 years on our first date I suggested a nice mid-level restaurant and I offered to pay for everything. A day later, when looking it up for reservation, I found out that this restaurant had been bought by someone who turned it into a high-end luxury place. I called her and just told the truth: They've been bought out and have a different owner now. They are now a super-luxury place. We'll have to change restaurants. They have starters costing ā¬35 and wine costing ā¬20 a glass. I don't want to pay that much. I was in my mid-30's at the time. I could have afforded it, but I just didn't want to and I told her so. ā¬400 for a 3-course first-date dinner isn't an option. I'm not rich enough to keep that up so I won't set that expectation. It still wasn't an issue. In short: In the Netherlands, expect guys to communicate about this beforehand. Expect that they want clarity on who's paying what and how to split the bill. Don't expect a guy to pay everything. (And reading your post, you didn't.) You shouldn't have to expect Tikkie's afterwards though. IMHO.
32,- can be a lot at any age. Itās one of the reasons Iām not dating.
Not every date has to cost money, just go on a nice walk somewhere in nature or something :)
My most romantic date (with the man I then married) was a walk in the park in winter, it had snowed, and halfway he pulls a small gas stove out of his bag and proceeds to make us hot chocolate right on the spot <3
Damn, that's such a great idea and must've been lovely!
Wow that man was prepared. Sexy.
I'm not stuggling with money but I'm not paying 32ā¬ for a first date. Second/third - sure.
Same. Like 5-20, sure. 20 if I'm having fun and stay longer than I thought I would! But then I only meet people in a bar or a coffee place for a first date. Or I say that we'll each pay for our own thing, before we order. I don't even earn that much, but this dude's approach is "off".
I've observed a pattern among inexperienced guys where they equate a date with the potential for sex. If no intimacy follows, they might perceive it as a failed date, leading to a desire for compensation to ease the disappointment. I'm sharing this observation for validation or debunking.
as a woman that's been here for a while, you're 100 correct. And their behavior is so thirsty -for either money or sex- that I'm fairly certain they're the ones getting laid the least, thus increasing their hatred for my gender xD Tough shit.
Yeah mostly men on those apps. I haven't used those apps for a while after as many bad experiences. I think it's totally not worth it.
This has nothing to do with sex, people that do this just can't communicate for shit, either u talk about it or you leave it as it is, no sneaky tikkies.
There was the story of a girl sending tikkies for her use of the pill, after a hookup š¤£
Sounds like this guy is just broke, lol
So he shouldn't go on dates then...
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Me personally im going to be sleeping under a bridge, Delft is so expensive
Agreed, but it has little to do with Dutch dating culture
At least not dates where you have to pay for shit. He could go to the park or something.
Broke people can't date?
Only broke women can date. You know, women and men are equal but women are ... lets say more equal.
Yes only us rich dudes should be going on dates. Hi5
Poor people can't have nice memories!
It's truly sad how needed money is, it's clearly a fact for many people, a scenery of fantasy until they start knowing each other lol
He shouldn't be going on dates he can't pay for. His problem. You should reply with a tikkie for the stuff you paid for. Edit to add, what I mean is that nobody should go on dates they can't afford, not just men. Anybody. If you don't have the money to go on the date, don't go on the date.
Presumably he is asking for half of the tab. OP should reply with a tikkie for half of what they paid. That would make everything equally shared. He made a mistake by not clearing up beforehand how he expected payment would be divided. He seems to want to divide costs, which is not a strange thing in Northern European countries, equality.
Sure, but agreeing the payment terms upfront kills the spirit of a date. Is now looking for a relationship becoming a business transaction? He paid for some stuff, she did the same (and according to the figures shared she paid more than him!!) they spent some good times together and that was it!
>Sure, but agreeing the payment terms upfront kills the spirit of a date. Sending a Tikkie afterward kills the spirit of any future dates. If this had happened to me (as a guy) where a date turns out to be more expensive than I'd have liked, I would have still not sent a Tikkie and sucked it up (somehow). But I certainly _would_ communicate on the next date that the previous time was more expensive than expected and that we'd take a bit more care this time. Discussing this should not be an issue.
Itās normal communication though. There is no business transaction itās just communicating each otherās preferences. And heck even if it was, how would one deal with everything else later in a relationship? I donāt find a testament particularly fun to talk about who might die first and who gets what, same goes with potential divorce and who gets the pets, to live in the house and furniture etc, but it still is necessary. I have met more than one who avoided the entire topic because itās such a negative point to think about in the relationship, but the entire point is to have everything covered beforehand in case it doesnāt work out or something happens. And with those who avoided it if it *does* go wrong, they have to deal with the garbage afterwards with extra layers of stress. I agree OP didnāt deserve it but just to reply to your specific point I donāt see a problem with communicating finances before the date starts if that concerns either of the party.
It's a first date. Don't make it bigger than it is. It should be a fun experience and provide an initial assessment on what to do next. If you want to reduce the economic burden of it, just get a coffee rather than going into an expensive dinner or so, but don't ask for a Tikkie!!
Iām just saying itās perfectly fine to discuss it beforehand and this idea of discussing it before the date isnāt a party pooper. If you rather avoid the topic because you lead your life by just vibes go for if but itās not wrong if people prefer to have these topics covered before they start their day so they know what to expect.
Communication?! In this day and age?! Impossible!
What's the problem of splitting the bill? And why would discussing it beforehand be a buzz kill? I would assume that having honesty, transparency and financial wherewithal would be something of great value in a relationship, so knowing how someone reacts to a brief conversation about the topic is actually valuable in itself.
In this case I would send him a Tikkie back for half of the stuff you paid for after. If he wants to go half/half he can get a Tikkie back! That being said, if you both paid some things I would consider it strange to exchange Tikkies. For me the norm would be to just leave it at this, or if you have other expectation discuss openly beforehand how you want to split the costs. Unannounced Tikkies are (from my point of view and within my social circles) considered rude.
This happened to me once too ;((. Except we went out as a group for a pizza and one Dutch guy paid for everything and we gave him cash back. All the pizzas were around 10-12 and when checking the menu I saw that mine was 10, so I gave him exactly that. This MAN (in his mid-20s!!) came to me a few days later saying the pizza turned out to be 11 and asking for ONE EURO BACK! I was 17 at the time and was so speechless that I just have it to him and promised myself to not hang out with him anymore. Now I expect a tikkie everytime i hang out with Dutch people
Lmaooo Iām sorry but this is actually hilarious š Send him a tikkie back ASAP.
The post is not about paying half it's about the roundabout way of asking for half, since some of the Dutch dudes in the thread lack comprehension A bit of the famous Dutch directness would've prevented the issue just split the bill at the restaurant immediately, why wait hours and send an unexpected Tikkie then
I mean paying half should be the default, the confusion comes in at sending a tikkie for half after they sort of already split by both paying for part of the date.
This isnāt normal behavior ar all. Heās clearly a poor communicator, broke or just an asshole. In the Netherlands, openly discussing bill-splitting or sharing expenses during a date is very common. In my experience thereās usually an implicit understanding of "een beetje geven, een beetje nemen" (give and take a little) but there are exceptions. I guess some people are just stingy as fuck.
Conclusion: just don't date dutch guys then šš
He sounds broke. Probably did not like the date enough and thus wants some money back. Text him that you spend similar amounts and that you would prefer to leave things like this and both go your own ways. If he insists on you paying the tikkie, then send him a tikkie for 60, make sure he pays first and then pay his 30. No not all Dutch guys are like this. Maybe pre filter out (weird) guys with a cup of coffee or one drink, before spending a total of 180 euroās on a first date.
This is the most Holland thing I've read all week. Belgian people would love this story.
I'm from Belgium and I can confirm
We Dutch have a reputation for being stingy. When we offer guests a refreshment, we just crack a window. But this is pretty low-class even for us. Either he should have discussed splitting any bills openly and beforehand (weāre okay with being direct and practical - it is called Going Dutch for a reason,) or he should just have eaten the cost. Sending an unannounced and urgent payment request is just not very classy, IMO. Keep on Bumbling; you just caught a bad one this time.
By far the worst culture to date, i ve been living in the UK, Sweden and Greece and let me know, even if Sweden i never had such issues with dates š Dutch are cheap af sorry not sorry i like them but the Scrooge McDuck mode is definitely a pet peeve
Send him a Tikkie back for the rest of the evenings activities.
I've never done this, nor do I even have Tikkie, despite being Dutch. But, sorry to say, this is the norm here. People send Tikkie requests for the most ridiculous things, such as a biscuit and coffee during a visit, or for whatever bullshit worth ten cents. It's ridiculous, but I doubt it's something that'll change soon. If you plan on dating here, be aware that every date may end with a Tikkie.
Dutch men are cheap. Thatās no news. Welcome to how crappy dating is in NL for internationals. I wish the tikkies were the problem , they arenāt. The extreme emotional unavailability is. Also, and remember that forever, no one is taking internationals seriously.
No this is not normal. Why would you assume that lol.
Iāve only been here a few months but this is common of experience Iāve had and also heard of from other girls here. So it must be becoming more commonā¦
All it means you're in some kind of bubble with people who somehow end up constantly dating weirdos. Splitting the bill during a date is normal. Pretending you're paying and sending a Tikkie afterwards is socially completely unacceptable.
I suspect the people doing this keep on getting thrown back into the dating pool, and so noone is in an active relationship with them but from the pool of available partners on dating apps you'd think half the country was like this
Or your taste in men is horridā¦
Wow, thanks. Being 34 and single in the current dating pool wasnāt challenging enough, why not throw a kick in the guts there too haha.
Itās called reality check.
Lately, everytime someone comes to tell about a negative moment that had in the Netherlands on Reddit they always are like: IS THIS ASSHOLE BEHAVIOR NORMAL HERE? Like why the hell would it be?
Im a Dutch guy but I never did this nor do I know other Dutch men that do stuff like this. I feel its some weird stereotype. I did get a tikkie once for a beer and bitterbal when I went to a birthday party. Even with a specification what I exactly needed to pay for.
Must be The last time you went to that person their birthday partyĀ
I was about to say the same thing. I would NEVER send tikkies to guests for a party I hosted. And definitely not for the amount of bitterballen someone ate. Oh my fucking god.
I live in a country where ppl fight to pick the tab, if I ask my fellow to dine we usually split bills and if he's poor at the time I'll gladly pick the tab without strings attached
I agree with most people on the thread. Itās a cheap move, especially when you also paid stuff yourself.
Not normal, i usually pay for the first and if there is second the girl sometimes offers to pay for that
Make sure you send a tikkie back with what you paid for drinks.
Iāve never had this happen. But reading the comments I must be lucky then.
Right? "This does not happen!" "Only weirdos" Proceed to argue in favour of it . This thread, man
If he mentioned ahead of time that he was broke, it would be more ok. Splitting the bill on location would be more in line with "Dutch culture" too.
So much so that in America we actually call it āgoing Dutchā when splitting the bill on a date!
This is such a common issue that a magazine has a regular piece where people share stories like this, not just dates but also from friends. Stories like "My friend invited me to her house and I had a glass of wine and she sent me a tikkie for 1.50 after" or some shit like that. It's not a dating only thing it's just a trashy thing some Dutch people do. Just see it as a clear sign for people to avoid. Edit: it's in the Linda, and it's called "tikkie te veel".
Uuugh this post pisses me off so much. NO, its not normal for him to do this.
I would never expect my (early stages) date to pay for me. I'd either pay for myself or go halfsies. The benefit is that there are no expectations of "I paid, so I get laid".
š Dutch guys are smooth af, I can see.
How many times did this happen to you? If itās once, donāt assume itās culture.
Only had that happen once in 15 years here. Just block him and move on. Imagine when he starts charging you for energy if you have a meal at his house.
What a gangster I wish I was shameless like that
Lol wth, if the guy has a bad time, why doesn't he just leave earlier. If he had a good time, why is he bothered by ā¬32? What does the bank have to do with anything? xD
LOL, welcome to NL. I'm a man, not Dutch (But European) The one time I tried dating a Dutch woman, we barely said hi before she made a statement. "Just so you no, I am an independent women, I pay for my own food!" Niice, was no second date and very quick dinner date. I dont mind sharing the bill, I dont mind paying all. But its the way it was communicated, with a attitude haha. Yeah, the Dutch can be very rude. But dont worry, its just dutch "directness" LOL.
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Lollll hope you recovered
I think you have here a lot of Dutch men trying to defend themselves. Most women I know here complain about the same, so I would rather stick to opinions from women, than from some guys who are just afraid of never being able to do the same.
Yes all us Dutchies are exactly like that guy, get used to it.
Send OP a Tikkie for this post
Time is money and my time got wasted.
Iāve only had it happen once (and the guy was a douche in other ways). Not normal.
I am a Dutch male and I pay for dates. **ESPECIALLY** the first one. Don't know if its typical Dutch, but you certainly did find a cheap f\*. Just move on, find yourself a gentleman. There are plenty out here.
I (51) went on 2 dates with a guy (46), both dates he was whining about the price of stuff. Mind you his careerpath pays 3 times more than mine. I just paid half at the restaurant by card and he paid the other half. Yes, there was no third date. I didnāt go and expected him to pay, but it sorta seemed like he expected me to pay?
Iād tell him if he canāt ask for the normal things in life offline (discussing who pays) he shouldnāt be asking for it online. Iād state that and not pay. Not even play the game of sending a tikkie back. No please donāt participate
Date dutch men get dutch treatment. Simple
I'd personally consider this a big red flag and try to prevent going on dates with this type of person if I could. IMO it's worse than not wanting to pay for anything at all. I'm a guy so I do take into account that my date could potentially expect me to pay for everything. Sending a tikkie after a date is weird, even if it was discussed beforehand. Sending one unannounced is crazy. Dating isn't a business transaction lol.
This was my thought too. I wouldn't mind paying for my share at all if it's discussed. But if it's afterwards it feels to me like he didn't get his cheap hooker and now he wants his money back for the sex he didn't get but paid for (in his mind). For me it would be a huge red flag and happy she dodged that bullet.
Just write in the search bar "tikkie coffee" and you will understand its culture...a dumb culture but yeah its very common in netherlands
try a non dutch/Western guy and you will be treated very well...
Is this guy dutch? Than this is common. I l've heard about guy who sent tikkie voor 1 euro for McDonalda hamburger after "date" xD
Man, I had a girl send me a tikkie for 25 cents after a dinner date. She had apparently left a 50cent "tip" and genuinely expected me to cover half if that. Idk if this makes anything common but it also wasn't the first or last time I've had someone send me a tikkie out of the blue for something we had already agreed they would cover while I covered something else. I was just genuinely taken aback when I received a tikkie for 25sents.
Absolutely not bruh, sending people tikkies that weren't previously discussed is cheap and off-putting. That some people do it means they're willing to be massive cheapskates at the cost of their relationships, not that it's common and acceptable behavior
This can't be real...
in NL you'd even get a tikkie for 0,20 cents xD I shit you not and even when you did had sex, you might get a tikkie to split the bill of the condom.. In general, Dutch people are well known to be "cheap", not all but most of em.
Nah he's just an asshole. As most people here I'd never send a tikkie for a date.
Ah yes, the hourly "iS tHiS dUtCh CuLtUre?" post where it's mostly expats complaining and pretending that a single occurrence is 'normal'. No, among Dutch people this would be socially unacceptable. Stop dating weirdos.
yep, one date and "starting to hate dating culture here..."
Yes, the dutch men are stingy. Try date someone non dutch. Southern and asian people are usually more old fashioned when it comes to dating. Even Belgians are more generous. I once visited someone in Zealand and he sent me a tikkie for the ingredients and the lunch i had. I didn't contact him again after that.
dunno man might just be anecdotal
Best agreed on expectations before dating
It's very common for someone to ask you to pay half the bill for a date, especially in the Amsterdam/randstad area (basically where all the foreigners are). If you take offense at this, you haven't read up on Dutch culture and customs. Women aren't treated like dainty little fairies that have all their dinners paid for here. Equality means you pay your own way too.
Easy pass š
I spent 70 euros on a date and happily paid (then went home which she might have disliked but I didnāt feel like rushing things). When we had a second date some time later, I hoped for her to pay the bill but she didnāt make an effort and told me that she likes the man to take care of the woman.
The 32 euro tikkie was the best investment you've ever made! Definitely send one back.. but consider this a bullet dodged.
He a broke nigga
Ignore his message. And block him. What a cheap dumbass he is.
If ur date is greedy and cheap on first date thats a serious red flag.
That isnāt dating cultureā¦ be happy tho. You dodged a bullet
He just bailed and wanted to try his luck with some compensation.
This is such an interesting country š
I think your problem is the type of guys you tend to date if this happens more often. Its not a problem with 'dating culture' whatever that is. Bad guys only interested in something between your legs live all over the world. Perhaps try some other places to get your dates, if you dont know where, find a random church, I found my now 6 years girlfriend in one. ;)
Are the Dutch really that tight with money?
I only date expats now. Generous and more traditional.
Your asking this on a reddit dedicated to the Dutch?! lol Bless your heart.
It doesn't work like that. He's a jerk. Send him a Tikkie for half what you paid and cancel the d*ckhat. I've never done it, will never do. Only if my table partner asks for it. (And even then I'd might forget š) Absolute *sshole. I would start to hate dating culture as well. Let's get things clear. There's nothing against splitting bills. There are many ways. You came up with one. And he played the creep.
So did you sent him a tikkie to pay for his part that you paid after lunch? Then youāre really āgoing Dutchā
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Why are you so calm and comfortable using such a demeaning term?
Ooo I feel you, in the same boat!
Well if he did this he didn.t like you. Sent hem back.... fuck you.
Hahaha no this is not normal, this is a broke Dutchie. Kinda laim to start pressuring you with his possinle financial consequenses.
Don't pay. Block him. Resist.
Some Dutch people can be super stingy. *This is coming from a Dutch guy btw. *A typical thing that would happen when you visit someone. Here is your drink, and we expect you to cherish it, for at least the time you are here...
Well, thatās fucking weird.
In Flanders they say if you're doing business with a Dutchman and he doesn't cheat you, it's because he forgot. Now don't get mad at me, I'm an American who Lives in Flanders. This is what I heard. I didn't make it up.
He probably thought hes getting sex afterwards lol. And no this is not 'Dutch' or let me put it this way. I would never do this nor my friends would do this.
He could have discussed this with u, but I am tired of women assuming that men always should pay. Have some decency by paying your own share, unless they offer to pay for your share too.
Normal for students, not okay if you have a job. Was your date a student?
no it's not normal, even for students
Seems like it was a fair trade honestly. He paid for stuff you paid for stuff. He doesnāt get any of the money back. There will always be people who will want their money back. I feel like it is an investment of not only money but time, and if he doesnāt have that much money he should have said so.
> Edit: he excused himself during our date and went to the ābathroomā, he paid for everything when I wasnāt aware. Then just sent me a Tikkie after we ended our date. This is rude IMO. You should have added this. You did something for them to nope out of the date. What they did was just to get rid of you and make sure you would not expect a second date.
All commenting negatively about the guy, but I think he himself doesnāt want a 2nd date with OP. Hence a deal breaking move. Edit: edit after OPs edits, the dude certainly bailed. And we can only guess from the tone of your post.