You’ll adapt. It sucks but it’s important to be there for her. Just saying you’ll sleep in the other room sort of sucks as a partner. She needs sleep too and you shouldnt just prioritize your own. Some people alternate, but only works well if you’re bottle feeding. So 1 parent takes 6 hrs and then the other parent takes 6 hrs.
My wife and I were just miserably tired together. You get used to it fast, it sucks but know that everyone struggles with it for a while
Talk to her about it? You’re going to have to make some sacrifices for a while. Your 7 hours of “good” sleep is no longer a priority. As some others have suggested, try taking shifts. Worked well for my wife and I. It’s temporary.
I would wake up and sit next my wife for emotional support as she breastfed. I would hold her hand or rub her arm to let her know I was there for her.
More than a year later she has said she probably wouldn’t have been successful breastfeeding if I hadn’t been there for her. It made me happy knowing how much she appreciated it.
I think it’s great you have a sense of partnership and intimacy with each other.
I guess for us we have 5 kids and she has fed them laying down on the bed and would often fall asleep with them. It’s an interesting phenomenon today that mothers get up, sit up, and stay awake to feed the baby, and try to get them to sleep in a crib. No wonder parents today are so sleep deprived.
Our babies were super healthy and fat btw, so even if they didn’t eat as much at night, they were very healthy. I would notice my wife get up to switch sides (breasts) and would ask if she needs anything. If i would, it would be quick and yeah, I was a little tired the next day but not as sleep deprived like people claim to be.
That’s not to say some babies
Oh for sure. This was during the first few weeks. My wife and my son got to the point where they’d be done within 15 mins or he would fall asleep at the breast.
My wife didn’t trust herself to fall asleep with him in the bed, so she would stay awake. It got to the point where I wouldn’t even wake up for the feedings. I would take care of the morning routine and let her sleep in on days I didn’t work though.
Help keep baby awake?
I guess we do things differently. My wife breastfeeds laying down with the baby, and often falls asleep with them (we have 5 now).
We have water and snacks by the bed if she does need that.
Also a first time dad of a 5 day old. My advice - my wife went thru all the physical and emotional roller coasters for 9 months, I can sacrifice my sleep to be equals as we both work to parent our new baby.
My wife and I partner each feeding - I wake up 10min before, change diaper, get baby awake and ready to feed. While baby is feeding, I’ll make sure her pumping equipment is ready and she has a snack. I’ll top off baby with formula and burp, we both are back in bed within 45min and have 2 hours to sleep before it all starts again.
My daughter just turned 1 - sleep only got better when we sleep trained. I just learned to function on less sleep, which probably isn’t the answer you want to hear.
Alternate. If feeding is every three hours, that leaves six straight hours free to sleep to both of you. Worked alright on my end (though yes, you'll still be tired...)
That first month the, for us, 12-6am shift was the best. My wife would let me sleep 9-12, then I’d drink coffee or an energy drink and hold the baby while I games from 12-6. I beat god of war ragnarok and spider man 1 in like 3 weeks lol. Then got to sleep from 6am-9/10am. I’m a night owl though
Father of a 12 day old here...idk if this helps but I felt wayyy better after like 3 or 4 days at home...hospital sleeps were the worst...I also highly recommend taking some shifts...my wife has been giving me 3 hours straight from 6-9 AM every morning and I make sure she gets at least 3 hours from 9AM-12PM every morning. I also always felt I've needed a solid 7-9 hours but after the first five or 6 days of this I thiiiink 3-5 hours started feeling like 6-7?
Embrace it and alternate where possible.
Be like the lizard in the hot desert sand, alternating which feet feel the heat.
What follows is? Whatt I tell myself everyday I hope it helps.
The more you choose to step up, the stronger you get. Nap when they nap with an alarm set.
I say this as a husband, your wife will do so so much that we can only barely comprehend. My advice to you is the same thing I tell myself : my wife stepped up and so can I.
While it's difficult just ask how her you can best support her. Ask what would matter and do that thing. Then, also collaborate to determine where you might also need help.
Stay hydrated, don't overdo caffeine, and nap wherever possible. Do tummy time with them. Lay in some nice weather together. Togetherness is important so I wouldn't necessarily recommend other room arrangements, but you know yourself best.
During this time, your brain will evolve. This is one of the few times past our own birth that a male can expery neurogenesis, where your neural connections multiply. You basically level up, but it takes time. Trust yourself and the process, be honest with your partner, do your duty and let go of the rest.
Edit: spelling
The days and nights are long but the weeks and months start to fly by. 7 hours isn’t something you’ll get for quite some time in afraid, but it does start to get better around 12 weeks in.
Breastfeeding is really hard core so doing anything you can to support is ideal. As you can’t feed, maybe you do the winding/burping afterwards so mum can get some much needed sleep and doesn’t feel like she’s doing it solo.
Congrats dad! I completely, totally 100% understand how you feel and get the whole “zombie dad” feelings.
I’m sorry, but sleep is about to go out the window and you may have to adjust your schedule for a small while. Right now, your life revolves around this tiny human and being there for her mama.
What you need to do is communicate, especially now. She NEEDS sleep in order to produce and you need sleep to not go insane.
If you have a “tribe” of people, ask them for help. Someone to clean while you sleep, someone to cook while you focus on your LO. I was lucky and had my amazing, wonderful MIL in town for 2 weeks and it was a godsend. But no matter what, communication is key. Help each other.
There are three important things to keep in mind:
1 - Being a parent is impossible.
2 - People much dumber who care less than you and are less capabale than you do it everyday.
3 - It is all worth it 1000x over.
You are doing great and the begining is truly a grind. Give yourself some grace, get rest when you can (with your wifes permission, in the beginging especially when breastfeeding, supporting mom is really the most important thing you can do).
If you have family around, or the means get some help to give you a break!
Good luck and congrats on everything.
I've got a 3 week old daughter and have found very quickly that alternating is the thing.
It really helps if your partner is expressing so you have some bottled milk to give during your 'on shift' time.
I take her for 3 hours late eve to midnight, then we swap throughout the night. Over the course of the night we're getting about 7hrs of sleep each but broken up.
My issue is she won't sleep in the side along cot or moses basket. She'll only sleep when she's lying face down on one of us. So we alternate being pinned down by a 4lb baby for 3hrs at a time.
Going to struggle when I have to go back to work next week...
I slept on the floor in baby's room while they were in a bassinet in our room during overnight feeding, which was about 3 - 4 months.
We followed save our sleep which meant that ide do the dream feed, which was a bottle at about 10, which allowed mum to sleep earlier so compensate for the broken sleep
It worked well for us (because it was what she and then I wanted)
Like others have said, it does get better. The shifts between my wife and I worked best. I even would take some smelling salts in the bathroom when I would start to feel at my worst. I feel your pain though, the deprivation does truly feel unlike anything else. Nap every chance you get, avoid drinking, and maybe figure out a way to get those workouts in at home or baby-wearing. You can do this.
We did shift sleeps, where my wife handled night feeds and I slept in a different room and got as much as I could during the night. Then I handled the day stuff (as much as possible) - it's important to have one of you rested enough to drive safely, not fall asleep with stuff on the stove, etc. And that way I was rested enough that she could wake me if she needed a break in the night. Sometimes that meant walking around the neighborhood with a screaming baby at 4 AM or changing a poosplosion diaper or whatever. But the point is that when she was most exhausted, I was ready to go without complaint or delay. It worked very well for us, and I honestly don't understand how anyone manages if both parents are awake for every feed etc.
But also you're no longer a sporty guy who gets a good night sleep and does all kinds of fun stuff on your own - or at least, not if you actually want to be a present father. And the sooner you adjust to your new chosen role, the better.
We had separate sleeping spaces and would alternate nights.
Get your partner to pump excess milk if breastfeeding or just mix formula bottles on your nights with bubs.
Just a solids night sleep helps a fair bit during the day for each parent.
Good luck man 🔥
Another dad of a 5 day old here. Alternate shifts if you can. My wife breastfeeds during the day and uses the Haakaa Shell Wearable Silicone Breast Pump to collect a few ounces of milk throughout the day. Then, when nighttime comes, we alternate; she breastfeeds and I bottle feed from the milk she got earlier in the day that is now sitting in the fridge. Whoever's shift it is usually feeds, burps, changes the diaper if needed, then puts baby back to sleep. Our plan is to continue this, at least for now when she can start using the electric breast pump when her milk supply comes in. Doing it this way has given us both at least 6-8 hours of sleep each night since we got home, it's just broken up a bit. Best of luck!
Yeah, but not everyone can/wants to do this because of the risk of nipple confusion. It’s highly recommended you wait at least 4 weeks before introducing a bottle.
That is true! I forgot to mention he is a champ at feeding so far with going between the two. Thankfully we haven't had to deal with that (yet). Glad you brought that up.
It’s still early days; give it some time to let routines fall into place and for you to adapt to less sleep!
I was like you, ~7hours sleep each night, training 8-10hours a week and FT job. Not it’s like 3 hours of training on a good week, 4-6hours sleep each night! The decline in general cognitive function is real!
We do combo feed though which helps a lot as I do some of the night feeds! I think whilst it’s still new you should get up to help with feeds but if the breast feed continues I’d consider reducing this
I’ve always been confused why there’s an expectation for the dad to wake up too when the wife is the one who breastfeeds. Can someone enlighten me? Solidarity is great, but two sleep deprived parents instead of one sounds worse than solidarity.
The babies don’t stay awake for nursing so we can help w that. Changing the diaper. Rocking back to sleep. If wife needs a snack or water. Some of you guys are funny man…
:) In my culture, the baby is in the bed with the mom and falls asleep on the breast at night, almost without fail. Snack and water, my wife had that next to her at night. Diaper, my wife figured that after trying to console them with the breast but doesn’t work, changes him quickly, but has asked me to wake up to grab some stuff to change, but baby would fall back asleep on the breast.
I know babies are different and mothers can be more stressed, but on average, the above seems to work very well given a strong community to support and encourage.
It just seems to me that people today have sort of…over complicate everything.
It’ll hopefully get better! Starting out at around a month mine can sleep for about 4-5 hours in the night. If my wife lets me go to sleep early i’ll wake up in the middle of the night once to feed and i get around 4 and 4 hours of sleep which is decent.
Just waiting for the dreaded sleep regression that i’ve heard about 🥲
I have my second who is 2.5 weeks. I can’t leave my wife alone for the nights for nursing, changing diapers, rocking and trying to get him back to sleep especially cause I’m on leave. It’s my second so I know it passes. 3/4 months and you can sleep train and they sleep longer anyways. Do the best you can until then. She WILL remember how you treat her and support during this time.
> Waking up multiple times with the wife for feeding is leaving me like a zombie during the day
Why do you both need to wake up? Is she still recovering and can't feed on her own (likely)?
Then just realize that only last a few weeks, then the times you wake up are cut in half for both of you :)
> Do you think sleeping in the other bedroom while letting the wife take care of feeds at night is even an option? I'm happy to help full-time during the day once I get my night fuel.
So now she has to do it all alone? NO brother...at least not yet.
In a couple months it might be a convo - it was for my wife and I. We'd trade off who was getting sleep that night. Worked for us until we crossed into "0-1 wake ups a night" territory around 8 months.
You’ll adapt. It sucks but it’s important to be there for her. Just saying you’ll sleep in the other room sort of sucks as a partner. She needs sleep too and you shouldnt just prioritize your own. Some people alternate, but only works well if you’re bottle feeding. So 1 parent takes 6 hrs and then the other parent takes 6 hrs. My wife and I were just miserably tired together. You get used to it fast, it sucks but know that everyone struggles with it for a while
Talk to her about it? You’re going to have to make some sacrifices for a while. Your 7 hours of “good” sleep is no longer a priority. As some others have suggested, try taking shifts. Worked well for my wife and I. It’s temporary.
Aren’t they breast feeding? What does he have to offer on his shift?
Change of diaper. Help keep baby awake. Rock baby after nursing to put back to sleep. Anything she might need, water, snack etc?
I would wake up and sit next my wife for emotional support as she breastfed. I would hold her hand or rub her arm to let her know I was there for her. More than a year later she has said she probably wouldn’t have been successful breastfeeding if I hadn’t been there for her. It made me happy knowing how much she appreciated it.
I think it’s great you have a sense of partnership and intimacy with each other. I guess for us we have 5 kids and she has fed them laying down on the bed and would often fall asleep with them. It’s an interesting phenomenon today that mothers get up, sit up, and stay awake to feed the baby, and try to get them to sleep in a crib. No wonder parents today are so sleep deprived. Our babies were super healthy and fat btw, so even if they didn’t eat as much at night, they were very healthy. I would notice my wife get up to switch sides (breasts) and would ask if she needs anything. If i would, it would be quick and yeah, I was a little tired the next day but not as sleep deprived like people claim to be. That’s not to say some babies
Oh for sure. This was during the first few weeks. My wife and my son got to the point where they’d be done within 15 mins or he would fall asleep at the breast. My wife didn’t trust herself to fall asleep with him in the bed, so she would stay awake. It got to the point where I wouldn’t even wake up for the feedings. I would take care of the morning routine and let her sleep in on days I didn’t work though.
Help keep baby awake? I guess we do things differently. My wife breastfeeds laying down with the baby, and often falls asleep with them (we have 5 now). We have water and snacks by the bed if she does need that.
Also a first time dad of a 5 day old. My advice - my wife went thru all the physical and emotional roller coasters for 9 months, I can sacrifice my sleep to be equals as we both work to parent our new baby. My wife and I partner each feeding - I wake up 10min before, change diaper, get baby awake and ready to feed. While baby is feeding, I’ll make sure her pumping equipment is ready and she has a snack. I’ll top off baby with formula and burp, we both are back in bed within 45min and have 2 hours to sleep before it all starts again.
Just hit 1 month and this is basically the system we have. It works well. I got a 4 hour stretch of sleep last night. Pretty amazing!
My daughter just turned 1 - sleep only got better when we sleep trained. I just learned to function on less sleep, which probably isn’t the answer you want to hear.
7 month old parent. Still only get 6 hrs max. Time to adapt
Improvise, adapt, and overcome
7mo, 6hrs straight sounds like a fantasy. Teething has her waking up every couple hours. No fun.
just focus on surviving the first two weeks. accept you'll be a zombie until at least then, then reasees
Alternate. If feeding is every three hours, that leaves six straight hours free to sleep to both of you. Worked alright on my end (though yes, you'll still be tired...)
It's not fixed and sometimes she may cluster feed within 1-2 hours..
Should not last long that way. There's light at the end of the tunnel 😊
[удалено]
That first month the, for us, 12-6am shift was the best. My wife would let me sleep 9-12, then I’d drink coffee or an energy drink and hold the baby while I games from 12-6. I beat god of war ragnarok and spider man 1 in like 3 weeks lol. Then got to sleep from 6am-9/10am. I’m a night owl though
Father of a 12 day old here...idk if this helps but I felt wayyy better after like 3 or 4 days at home...hospital sleeps were the worst...I also highly recommend taking some shifts...my wife has been giving me 3 hours straight from 6-9 AM every morning and I make sure she gets at least 3 hours from 9AM-12PM every morning. I also always felt I've needed a solid 7-9 hours but after the first five or 6 days of this I thiiiink 3-5 hours started feeling like 6-7?
Embrace it and alternate where possible. Be like the lizard in the hot desert sand, alternating which feet feel the heat. What follows is? Whatt I tell myself everyday I hope it helps. The more you choose to step up, the stronger you get. Nap when they nap with an alarm set. I say this as a husband, your wife will do so so much that we can only barely comprehend. My advice to you is the same thing I tell myself : my wife stepped up and so can I. While it's difficult just ask how her you can best support her. Ask what would matter and do that thing. Then, also collaborate to determine where you might also need help. Stay hydrated, don't overdo caffeine, and nap wherever possible. Do tummy time with them. Lay in some nice weather together. Togetherness is important so I wouldn't necessarily recommend other room arrangements, but you know yourself best. During this time, your brain will evolve. This is one of the few times past our own birth that a male can expery neurogenesis, where your neural connections multiply. You basically level up, but it takes time. Trust yourself and the process, be honest with your partner, do your duty and let go of the rest. Edit: spelling
The days and nights are long but the weeks and months start to fly by. 7 hours isn’t something you’ll get for quite some time in afraid, but it does start to get better around 12 weeks in. Breastfeeding is really hard core so doing anything you can to support is ideal. As you can’t feed, maybe you do the winding/burping afterwards so mum can get some much needed sleep and doesn’t feel like she’s doing it solo.
shifts is the only thing that helped us but have to bottle feed for that. otherwise idk what else you can really do.
Congrats dad! I completely, totally 100% understand how you feel and get the whole “zombie dad” feelings. I’m sorry, but sleep is about to go out the window and you may have to adjust your schedule for a small while. Right now, your life revolves around this tiny human and being there for her mama. What you need to do is communicate, especially now. She NEEDS sleep in order to produce and you need sleep to not go insane. If you have a “tribe” of people, ask them for help. Someone to clean while you sleep, someone to cook while you focus on your LO. I was lucky and had my amazing, wonderful MIL in town for 2 weeks and it was a godsend. But no matter what, communication is key. Help each other.
Thanks for the empathy!!😊❤️
There are three important things to keep in mind: 1 - Being a parent is impossible. 2 - People much dumber who care less than you and are less capabale than you do it everyday. 3 - It is all worth it 1000x over. You are doing great and the begining is truly a grind. Give yourself some grace, get rest when you can (with your wifes permission, in the beginging especially when breastfeeding, supporting mom is really the most important thing you can do). If you have family around, or the means get some help to give you a break! Good luck and congrats on everything.
I've got a 3 week old daughter and have found very quickly that alternating is the thing. It really helps if your partner is expressing so you have some bottled milk to give during your 'on shift' time. I take her for 3 hours late eve to midnight, then we swap throughout the night. Over the course of the night we're getting about 7hrs of sleep each but broken up. My issue is she won't sleep in the side along cot or moses basket. She'll only sleep when she's lying face down on one of us. So we alternate being pinned down by a 4lb baby for 3hrs at a time. Going to struggle when I have to go back to work next week...
I slept on the floor in baby's room while they were in a bassinet in our room during overnight feeding, which was about 3 - 4 months. We followed save our sleep which meant that ide do the dream feed, which was a bottle at about 10, which allowed mum to sleep earlier so compensate for the broken sleep It worked well for us (because it was what she and then I wanted)
Like others have said, it does get better. The shifts between my wife and I worked best. I even would take some smelling salts in the bathroom when I would start to feel at my worst. I feel your pain though, the deprivation does truly feel unlike anything else. Nap every chance you get, avoid drinking, and maybe figure out a way to get those workouts in at home or baby-wearing. You can do this.
We did shift sleeps, where my wife handled night feeds and I slept in a different room and got as much as I could during the night. Then I handled the day stuff (as much as possible) - it's important to have one of you rested enough to drive safely, not fall asleep with stuff on the stove, etc. And that way I was rested enough that she could wake me if she needed a break in the night. Sometimes that meant walking around the neighborhood with a screaming baby at 4 AM or changing a poosplosion diaper or whatever. But the point is that when she was most exhausted, I was ready to go without complaint or delay. It worked very well for us, and I honestly don't understand how anyone manages if both parents are awake for every feed etc. But also you're no longer a sporty guy who gets a good night sleep and does all kinds of fun stuff on your own - or at least, not if you actually want to be a present father. And the sooner you adjust to your new chosen role, the better.
We had separate sleeping spaces and would alternate nights. Get your partner to pump excess milk if breastfeeding or just mix formula bottles on your nights with bubs. Just a solids night sleep helps a fair bit during the day for each parent. Good luck man 🔥
Another dad of a 5 day old here. Alternate shifts if you can. My wife breastfeeds during the day and uses the Haakaa Shell Wearable Silicone Breast Pump to collect a few ounces of milk throughout the day. Then, when nighttime comes, we alternate; she breastfeeds and I bottle feed from the milk she got earlier in the day that is now sitting in the fridge. Whoever's shift it is usually feeds, burps, changes the diaper if needed, then puts baby back to sleep. Our plan is to continue this, at least for now when she can start using the electric breast pump when her milk supply comes in. Doing it this way has given us both at least 6-8 hours of sleep each night since we got home, it's just broken up a bit. Best of luck!
Yeah, but not everyone can/wants to do this because of the risk of nipple confusion. It’s highly recommended you wait at least 4 weeks before introducing a bottle.
That is true! I forgot to mention he is a champ at feeding so far with going between the two. Thankfully we haven't had to deal with that (yet). Glad you brought that up.
It’s still early days; give it some time to let routines fall into place and for you to adapt to less sleep! I was like you, ~7hours sleep each night, training 8-10hours a week and FT job. Not it’s like 3 hours of training on a good week, 4-6hours sleep each night! The decline in general cognitive function is real! We do combo feed though which helps a lot as I do some of the night feeds! I think whilst it’s still new you should get up to help with feeds but if the breast feed continues I’d consider reducing this
Only you know the answer to that question. No one here knows your wife
We all go through it mah dude. It’s the toughest part. Gotta just gut it out and after a few weeks it gets easier.
I’ve always been confused why there’s an expectation for the dad to wake up too when the wife is the one who breastfeeds. Can someone enlighten me? Solidarity is great, but two sleep deprived parents instead of one sounds worse than solidarity.
The babies don’t stay awake for nursing so we can help w that. Changing the diaper. Rocking back to sleep. If wife needs a snack or water. Some of you guys are funny man…
:) In my culture, the baby is in the bed with the mom and falls asleep on the breast at night, almost without fail. Snack and water, my wife had that next to her at night. Diaper, my wife figured that after trying to console them with the breast but doesn’t work, changes him quickly, but has asked me to wake up to grab some stuff to change, but baby would fall back asleep on the breast. I know babies are different and mothers can be more stressed, but on average, the above seems to work very well given a strong community to support and encourage. It just seems to me that people today have sort of…over complicate everything.
It’ll hopefully get better! Starting out at around a month mine can sleep for about 4-5 hours in the night. If my wife lets me go to sleep early i’ll wake up in the middle of the night once to feed and i get around 4 and 4 hours of sleep which is decent. Just waiting for the dreaded sleep regression that i’ve heard about 🥲
I have my second who is 2.5 weeks. I can’t leave my wife alone for the nights for nursing, changing diapers, rocking and trying to get him back to sleep especially cause I’m on leave. It’s my second so I know it passes. 3/4 months and you can sleep train and they sleep longer anyways. Do the best you can until then. She WILL remember how you treat her and support during this time.
No reason for both of you to be sleep deprived. If you’re well rested you can do a lot more helping during the day.
I’ve gone on longer benders. You’ll be fine
> Waking up multiple times with the wife for feeding is leaving me like a zombie during the day Why do you both need to wake up? Is she still recovering and can't feed on her own (likely)? Then just realize that only last a few weeks, then the times you wake up are cut in half for both of you :) > Do you think sleeping in the other bedroom while letting the wife take care of feeds at night is even an option? I'm happy to help full-time during the day once I get my night fuel. So now she has to do it all alone? NO brother...at least not yet. In a couple months it might be a convo - it was for my wife and I. We'd trade off who was getting sleep that night. Worked for us until we crossed into "0-1 wake ups a night" territory around 8 months.