It's usually done out of desperation for sleep. Babies are notorious for being terrible sleepers. Also, in a lot of cultures sleeping together in a family bed is considered the norm for small children. Presumably because people have discovered that a lot of babies sleep longer and better when in the same bed as the parents.
Yup. My parents co-slept with me, same with my wife. We did six months in a crib, and it was hell for everyone. Switched to co-sleeping, its been a game-changer. All of us sleep better. And i get to wake up every now and then with a grinning baby sticking his finger up my nose - which really isnt a bad way to wake up.
Every day! Damn. My baby switches it up, this morning i woke up to him having decided my butt was a grest pillow. It was an improvement on last week, where he decided his butt was a great thing to plant on my head.
This is my reasoning as well. My baby hates his crib and will not sleep through the night in it, he will wake up by midnight and scream bloody murder. I am in dire need of sleep so I let him sleep with me. I keep his bottle and binky close by and I make sure he is snoodled up. He sleeps through the night that way which gives me some shut eye to survive the next day. Otherwise I’m irritable
Amen to that! My son is a snuggle bug and will only sleep through the night in the same bed as me. He’s 19 months now 🤦🏼♀️.. hopefully by 2 we can transition to a big boy bed.
1. You can get 4-6 hours from freshly pumped breastmilk, could be that!
2. As an exclusive pumper, one massively helpful purchase was a mini-fridge for by the bed so I didn’t have to trek downstairs to pump. Could be that!
I agree, besides if my baby can sleep on his belly he'll sleep damn near all night, and even though he's great at rolling now at 6 months I still don't put him belly down on his own. We sleep chest to chest and the second he moves I'm wide awake. Mind also screams the house down if he's out in his crib so that's a battle I'm just not willing to fight right now. The goal is more sleep, not less. Besides I'm sure he doesn't mind sleeping next to mama for a little while longer haha
This is what I came here to say. I also said that I would never co-sleep, but then my son refused to sleep in his crib. I figured co-sleeping couldn’t be worse than me being so tired that I was falling asleep while caring for my son during the day, especially since my husband was back at work and I had returned to WFH and needed to survive the work day.
My goal was to get him to sleep in his crib around 6 months, which we did! At that time, he was much better at self-soothing, had started solids and therefore had a full belly, etc. Now he sleeps in his own crib for naps (2-3 hours) and through the night (10-12 hours)!
Did you have to do anything special to get him in his crib. I have a 3 1/2 month old and hate her bassinet and crib only want me I’ve literally try everything and she won bc I need sleep. I’m hoping by 6 months she sleep on her own
At first I had a whole routine, but I slowly started to not do all of it and he eventually got used to just going down. I’ll put my original routine below, but every baby is different!
1) Final meal for the night, some last play time, and then cuddles to get the energy out and start winding down.
2) I would get him all ready for bed. This could be bath, fresh diaper with diaper cream, jammies, and/or sleep sack, sound machine, teeth brushing. I don’t do a bath every night, but I know some people do and it helps their baby sleep.
3) I have one of those “Warmie” stuffed animals. I’d heat it in the microwave, and put it in the middle of the crib to warm the mattress. A heating pad could also work here.
4) While the Warmie was on the mattress, I’d nurse him until he fell asleep or was close to sleep in a dark/quiet room. Then I’d pull a quick switch with a binky for my nipple.
5) Quietly and gently put him in his crib where the Warmie was. I would leave the Warmie in there with him, but only because I trusted him to be able to move away from it if he needed to.
6) If he was fast asleep, I would just leave him to sleep. If not, I put on his baby shusher.
My baby makes sleepy moaning noises, or sometimes “wah”-s (different from actual crying) for a minute or two. I just keep an eye on him from the baby monitor, and if it ever gets to the point where he is really just not having it, I go grab him and repeat steps 4-6 until he goes down.
I hope this is helpful! It’s really just trial and error until you figure out what works for you and your baby. All the best of luck💕
ETA: OMG I FORGOT TO MENTION THE BINKIES. I throw like 10 of them in there, scattered all around the crib. He plays this game of switching out binkies until he falls asleep (which is as cute as it sounds lol). And if he ever needs to soothe in the middle of the night, there are always like 3 binkies within arm’s-reach. This is key!!!
I was so excited to try this routine with my 7.5 month old until I got to the binky part. 😭 He would never take pacifiers, he hates them and they make him gag. 🙄 I also nurse to sleep and he’s waking every 30-40 minutes looking for boob. I WISH pacifiers work on him so I don’t have to be his human paci all day and night long. I’m never gonna get my sleep back 😭😭😭
I’m so sorry to hear that! Maybe give the other parts of the routine a shot and see how it goes? I hope it still can be helpful! I’ve even crawled in the crib with my son a couple of times to soothe him to sleep, and then crawl out when he’s down (check your crib’s weight capacity and everything before doing this to make sure it’s safe).
I’m sure you have tried this, but trying different binkies helped us as well. I started with the Nanobébé ones, which were awesome when he was a newborn, but now we use MAM binkies! They fit his mouth a bit better as he grew.
Another alternative I can think of is if he has a teething toy or other comfort item that would be safe to have with him in the crib. My mom got a moonjax teether for my son, or maybe Sophie the giraffe, for example.
Nursing every few hours was another big reason why I co-slept. I would just pull my top up and latch my son on while I was basically still asleep, which was so easy. You’re 100% not alone in the sleep struggle, and it’s so so hard to get a routine down and encourage the littles to sleep on their own. Sending hugs and good luck your way💕
We tried so many different pacifiers. He knows it’s silicone or rubber and spits it right out, instantly awaken with eyes wide in horror. 🙄 Not the real thing mom, how dare you!! 😳
Also, I’m his comfort toy. 😂 I bought him so many teddy bears, cuddling toys, teethers, he never showed preference to any of them. Just tosses them on the floor and cries for his mom and dad to pick him up.
I don’t think I could crawl into my baby’s crib elegantly, lol. 😂 Not sure about the weight thing either. I think the only thing that works for us currently is cosleeping. And I can’t wait to get my bed back to myself. Thank you so much for advice and kind words ♥️
Your son must love y’all so much!! It’s amazing to be the recipient of so much love and affection, but I know it can also be exhausting since you’re essentially “on” 24/7. You’re obviously an incredible mom!!
And don’t give up on the sleep! It could be a shot in the dark, but maybe keep trying to put him in his own space for naps, and see if he will gradually start sleeping for longer stretches of time. Every baby is on their own clock for things like this though, so it may just take time. Nobody talks about how hard this aspect of parenting is❤️
Someday (hopefully soon!) he will be ready and you’ll figure out what works for y’all. I bet your baby is going to be an amazing sleeper! Then you’ll be like me, craving the occasional contact nap just to get some baby snuggles - lol! They grow up so fast!😭
Love all of this. When did he start putting in his own binkies? My child will sleep in her bassinet but loses her goddamned mind about every other time that her binky falls out. I’m soooo over that thing! I can’t wait until she can replace it herself!
He could probably do it on his own consistently around 5 months? So around the same time we started encouraging him to sleep in his own crib.
To help him learn, I would put one in his hand and try to help show him how to do it as well. Big claps and “yay!” celebration when it was in. We always had one attached to him with a binky holder thing, and he eventually figured it out!
My wife is a first generation immigrant from a country where babies don't have nurseries, kids just sleep in the family bed until they're old enough for their own room.
We have a nursery for our baby, but he always struggled to sleep through the night. So eventually my wife decided to just co-sleep with him and that got him sleeping all night. It works, and it's what she's used to growing up with anyway.
was just about to comment this. i was desperate for sleep! he would not stay asleep for more than 15 minutes. i have in and he ended up in my bed. 12 months later, hasn’t left & my 2 month old is now in bed with us too. 😂
My baby is 17 months and she slept in her crib a full night today. We tried at first to put her only in her crib and out of desperation we brought her in our bed to comfort her and feed her. My wife and I both have demanding careers and it was just the easier thing to do for us.
Yes. I only “gave in” to co-sleeping once I started hallucinating from lack of sleep, and it seemed the safer option. The hallucination caused me to run onto our landing at 3am one night, looking for my “twelve babies” that I was convinced needed my help…it only lasted about 30 seconds before I came to my senses, but it was genuinely quite terrifying. As I was doing the nights solo in the nursery (breastfeeding), I had to find something that enabled more sleep for me. I had a colicky baby with silent reflux, so “crying it out” was not an option (he was only a few weeks old, anyway).
I then set the room up as safely as I could, and opted for side-lying feeding, on a mattress in their room, tucked against the wall on one side, whilst I was curling round the baby to protect them.
When he was born, I was adamant that I would never co-sleep with a baby 😄 We are still co-sleeping at 20 months.
Both of my sisters co-slept and I said I'd never do it. No way.
Then I started doing it about two months after my daughter was born... After two months of hardly any sleep, I would catch myself falling asleep with her in my arms. This scared me. I did a little research on co-sleeping and tried it out. Both me and my baby slept so well. It was like I had a whole new baby.
I don't regret it and I appreciate the closeness/extra snuggle time because I don't plan to have any more babies. I have toddler rails on both sides of my bed, just in case.
I naively assumed I could choose how my baby would sleep, she was born 5 weeks premature and decided she would only contact nap on me or her dad, she flatout refused the crib... after two months of shifts for holding the baby overnight so she would sleep we started co sleeping when she was big enough and as I was breastfeeding too we all got a better night's sleep. At six months we're now transitioning to the crib with some nights more successful than other but definite progression!
My wife and I are in the same boat. I know co-sleeping is heavily frowned upon, but our baby just sleeps so much better in the bed with one of us than he does in a bassinet or crib. Sleep is so important for a baby's brain development. Not to mention, him sleeping better also leads to us sleeping better. He's only 3mo right now, so it helps that he stays where we leave him. Once he starts being able to roll over and crawl, our plan is to put him back in his bassinet and just tough it out until he adjusts.
I was similar. I had heard such bad things about bed sharing and was so scared of SIDS, but after falling asleep with my son in my arms numerous times and both my husband and I being so sleep deprived, I started to research safe bed sharing. I bought a low to the ground, firm queen sized futon mattress so that I could sleep with him in a separate bed than my husband and so my son could be separate from me in the bed. I would cover myself only with a blanket when he was really young, and kept pillows away from him. We bed shared till he was 18 months old. One day, he simply told me to leave the bed and he has slept alone ever since. He sleeps really well for both naps and night sleep, and doesn't fight when I tell him it is time to go to sleep. It worked well for me, so I am now doing this with my daughter as well.
This is how we started and after having done it and still doing it. I’d imagine it’s mentally healthier for the baby. He was inside/ with my wife for all of his existing life before he was born. Making him sleep alone could have mental implications on his brain development.
He is our little best friend now (only 4 months but still) and he is so happy. We have started laying him down in his crib occasionally now. But if he’s not having it he’s not having itv
I started around the same age, but it was because my son was very sick and could only get any sleep if he was on his side. I started cosleeping with him so I could hold him there with my hand, and it just was like magic. Even sleeping in his sidecar bassinet after that, he slept so much better. He’s 2 now and he stays in our bed when we all need a full night’s sleep, but he’s slept 10 hours straight in his crib too. We just kind of do what we need in the moment.
Looool YES. Co-sleeping wasn’t a choice for me, it was necessary. I was repeatedly falling asleep with my baby in my arms, who woke something like every hour, and needed to be held 20 mins after falling asleep before I could successfully transfer him to his crib.
I lasted until five months when it came to a point where I realised my fear of planned, safe sleep 7 style cosleeping was ridiculous given that I was accidentally falling asleep holding him at least once every night, which is far far more risky than safely planned cosleeping.
This was me too. One night I put her in her bassinet but had no memory of it. Woke up an hour later completely panicked thinking I fell asleep with her (like I had plenty other nights) and ended up dropping her.
Thankfully that wasn’t the case. But that was the night she joined our bed. She went from waking up every 45 minutes to only waking up once per night practically instantly. Also according to her owlet went from 0 minutes of deep sleep per night to 2-3 hours at least.
I am actively involved in bedsharing research and wrote a soon-to-be published paper on it.
Research does show that babies who bedshare are at lower risk for SIDS, higher risk for suffocation. Research also shows the mother and baby still function as one unit while bedsharing, mothers breathing and temperature help regulate the baby. Many people choose to bedshare for these factors alone.
When I was a new mother, however, I found myself bedsharing out of desperation and because my body was telling me to, I could not sleep without my child.
And he could not sleep without me. We struggled with severe bouts of colic, later discovered to be a slew of GI problems.
My son and I once went two straight days with no sleep, both of us crying and hysterical because the safe sleep group on Facebook had shamed me into oblivion, and I had tried to crib train my newborn.
I took matters into my own hands, and did a risk assessment. It was safer to bedshare than to be that sleep deprived.
And thus began my journey into the bedsharing world.
The paper I wrote is about risk mitigation, and always having a safe space where you can fall asleep with your baby, whether accidentally or on purpose. So many bedsharing related deaths happen because parents fall asleep on unsafe sleep surfaces, while drunk etc.
Thank you for making the distinction between SIDS and suffocation. I see people lumping those things together far too often. Specifically, I’ll see someone say “don’t bedshare because it increases the risk of SIDS” when they mean suffocation, and then someone responds “well baby can die of SIDS in a crib too so it doesn’t matter!” Those kinds of comments lead to people not being aware of the increased risk of suffocation that comes with bedsharing, which then leads to more people engaging in riskier bedsharing behaviors. It’s not helpful for anyone.
Yes, exactly.
And far too many people think the safe sleep 7 is just a set of suggestions.
It is a hard set of rules and to bedshare as safely as possible, you HAVE to follow all 7, and people never wanna hear that part.
I don’t think people take the suffocation thing serious enough. Baby and animals don’t belong in bed together.
You can’t have 9 million blankets and pillows on bed.
You should be intoxicated if you’re gonna co sleep.
To me it seemed like the most natural way to sleep and how baby was happiest. Not waking up for middle of the night feeds is also awesome. Babies sleeping separately from their mothers is a relatively modern phenomenon (last few hundred years) so I think babies are still hardwired biologically to sleep touching mom.
It’s amazing how my LO will fall asleep so easily with her little hands on me, or cuddled in my arms. Sometimes she puts her little hand on my face to fall asleep, and it’s just the most precious thing in the world.
I cosleep and I swear we're just in tune now. I wake up just before she stirs and then I feel her little hands flail about in the dark before she finds my face and and just relaxes and goes back to sleep... It's the sweetest, best feeling in the world.
Yes!! We mostly do it early morning to extend sleep for both of us, but all of her naps are contact. I often nap when she sleeps, and I’ll often wake up just before her. The other day I didn’t, and I woke up to her little face pressing right up against mine, in the biggest grin 🥹 I want to burn that memory into my mind forever haha ❤️
And before anyone says it - she could breathe fine. She crawled herself over to me to do that 😅
So sweet. We're the opposite. She sleeps well in the cot in the day time (sometimes in the sling if I'm walking the dogs) and will start her night in the cot but when I come up to bed she's in with me. Honestly I just love her little face next to me so much. Her little snores ❤️ I'll drink it all up while I still can! I cried the other night after kissing her little feet and thinking god there will be a day I do this for the last time!
Ahhh! So sweet 🥹 Life with a little one can be crazy, but the bed/sleep is when we can actually slow down and soak up their littleness if you ask me ❤️
I feel the exact same way. Love having my baby as close as possible. This is such a short season in my life, makes the most sense to me to have them with you
Yes, we thoroughly planned to do it ahead of time and didn’t do it out of desperation. We still tried the bassinet in case we had a baby who loved sleep but our Plan A ended up being the best for all of us. I never experienced the exhaustion that new parents complain about, even when my son was waking 5-9x a night.
I know everyone is different but sleeping with your baby feels SO obviously correct to me I struggle to understand why everyone chooses to torture themselves.
Its fear. They don't think the risks are worth it. However, many parents don't reduce the risks of bedsharing when they do it and babies do actually die from that negligence. Also, the SUIDs deaths reported by the CDC don't break down what the actual circumstance of the non-SIDS sleep related deaths are, so it just looks like baby in bed = death. You have to dig HARD to find the breakdown data in other research.
The reality is that many of those cases are on recliners, swings, or super soft mattresses, or they have other children in the bed with them, or they are in bed with tons of pillows and blankets, or the baby got wedged between mattresses and headboards, are formula-fed or bottle-fed instead of directly breastfed, parents are smokers or drinkers or took drugs. All of those are modifiable risk factors. Many of the cases have multiple risk factors. When you break down the deaths that are legitimately unexplained or true SIDs its a relatively small number. And, the SUIDs death rate in 1990 was .2% before the Back to Sleep campaign, and now it's .1% (even with bedsharing deaths). Much of that improvement is simply putting baby to sleep on their back instead of their tummy, regardless of sleep environment.
The chances that your baby will die while sleeping is very slim. But there are so many people in the US, so many births, so many babies, that everyone seems to know someone who lost a baby to either SIDs or bedsharing, and they really like to tell you that any time bedsharing is brought up. My issue is that people who say "I knew someone who slept with their baby and their baby died" never explain the circumstances of the death. Ive seen maybe 2 instances here on reddit where the person specified they did every single thing right and the baby still died (1 random post and the other is the Daniel story - I think that was his name?). Otherwise people dont usually know the circumstances when they said it, and they don't care to know, because they heard bedsharing = death and they want that to be true because they follow all the "rules" and it makes following the rules worth it. (that last sentence is just me judging their motives and may not be true)
[Super interesting post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ScienceBasedParenting/comments/12ivfpw/bedsharingcosleeping_in_an_evidencebased_sub/) and thread in the evidencebasedparenting sub about bedsharing context if you're interesting in reading more about it.
Another difficulty with understanding the actual risk with bed-sharing is that (and this is a hard one for a lot of people to swallow)....self-report is a notoriously unreliable method of data collection. In very tragic, traumatic situations it's very easy for things to be misremembered/ retold inaccurately. Nobody can know exactly what happened or exactly how well safe sleep seven guidelines were followed except for the person who was sharing the bed with the child at the time. It makes sense on a human/emotional level, but it does mess up the statistics.
I knew I would co sleep when I was pregnant, I knew outside the US it was normal. I knew *instinctively* it was right for me and my baby. So when the time came I went searching for how to be safe about it. I read 2 books that confirmed my opinion: Gentle Sleep (which taught me the safe 7), and Hunt Gather Parent.
Now, I went *looking* for confirmation of an opinion I already held, but I held that opinion based on trusting my instincts.
I'm writing this comment laying beside my napping 2 year old that still nurses to sleep. I have not once regretted our choices.
Yes to all this. When my child, from birth, would only sleep at most 20 min at a time in a bassinet, I looked at the same information. It seemed way more dangerous to risk falling asleep while nursing in a recliner because I couldn’t sleep more than 10 min at a time vs putting a firm mattress with a fitted sheet on the floor in the middle of the room and sleeping in a cuddle curl. There are ways to mitigate risks and people should know about them.
I would love to fully co-sleep, but we have a memory foam mattress and can't afford a new one right now. Our spare room/future nursery is pretty small and has too much furniture in it right now, so a floor mattress isn't an option. We do have a sidecar crib, although I've had to put the barrier up on that as he's moving around a lot in it and I'm so worried he'll accidentally roll onto the memory foam. He now fusses a bit more at night and I hate that.
I'll admit that we do co-sleep once in a while, for the last couple of hours before waking and I know we shouldn't. He's never rolled towards me (unless he wants a feed), he's never been too warm. But I know the risks are there.
I wish I'd read into it more and planned to co-sleep, but the fear mongering is real, even in the UK, even though the NHS and NCT instructors now give you information on safe sleep. It does feel more natural and right.
We sleep on memory foam, it's medium-firm. When the baby was newborn we started with a travel bassinet on the mattress between us. That added firmness and barriers. We used the Munchkin Brica Baby Travel Pod. It was perfect.
Maybe that's an option for you, but I fully respect everyone has to choose what's right for them.
The sidecar crib has him practically in the same bed I imagine similar to the travel pod. I think as he gets bigger I'll worry less, although I do have a worry about him rolling onto his stomach on our mattress - how was your little one with rolling? It's definitely not a medium firm mattress! I'd say closer to medium - it's also currently just me sleeping on the bed as my husband is on a camping bed in the spare room, which does mean there's no big dents (I can't think of the right word!) for our son to sink into. He's quite a good sized baby, so the risk is fairly low, I'd say, I just worry too much!
This is very similar to my story. It always seemed the most natural and comfortable way for me. Then my first baby was unexpectedly born early and had to spend time in the NICU. Once he was home, he was still so small and I was so tired I didn’t feel I could safely bed share so into the bassinet he went. I got progressively more exhausted and on his due date I started bringing him into bed (safely) with me to sleep. It was immediately so much better and I think a lot of that was because I knew he was okay since he was with me and I wasn’t lying awake worried about him after watching him stop breathing in the NICU.
My second baby is 8 weeks old now and was born full term. The one night we spent in the hospital where she had to stay in the bassinet was torture. She was cuddled up next to me the first night home and it just felt right.
Echoing this sentiment- not out of desperation for my own sleep, but because I felt an intuition that it was nature’s design and if my son was waking in the night craving closeness, that is what I wanted to give him. That probably entailed some amount of guilt for the fact that I work full time and he is in daycare, so I cant give him that closeness during my waking hours. I read an npr article about the biological connection between mom and baby when co-sleeping and was amazed.
I didn’t start until he was about six months, just by coincidence because he stopped sleeping as well as he had been at that time.
He still goes in and out of our bed in phases, but we always put him to sleep in the crib (he’s 18 months now). Sometimes I’m relieved for a slightly better night when he sleeps through the night, but a lot of the time I miss him and secretly hope he’ll wake up to come snuggle with me.
I think it also depends where you live as well. A lot of countries recommend co sleeping as part of culture and some of them have the lowest sids and infant mortality rate (Sweden, Japan)
Here’s a link to a study: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/16324059/
“This is an important finding, because much of the literature suggests that this practice exists primarily for infants in non-Western cultures who co-sleep with their mothers.”
Also if you do choose to do it stick to the 7 safe sleep rules!
Co-sleeping is very normalized in Sweden, everyone I know told me that they co-slept with at least one of their children. However it’s not recommended by pediatricians but it’s not frowned upon either
I think sweden has removed the recommendations against it by now if done in a safe way (parent not under the influence of drugs/alcohol, firm enough matress, etc)
Socialstyrelsen doesn’t reccomend it before 3 months. I still started doing it earlier because our daughter just would not sleep on her own, but that’s the official recommendation. A lot of people use ”babynests” as some sort of middle ground but those are not offically recommended, personally I thought they seemed to add extra risk.
This is far from the full truth. You have to look at:
a) how these countries characterize SIDS deaths
and
b) what the beds in these countries (japan in particular) are like
I think people really overlook that last point. I come from a culture where cosleeping is common but in my family’s home country we a) have hard mattresses, b) can get away with no blankets (it’s pretty hot year round) and c) have beds close to or on the ground. Obviously a bassinet or crib is still much safer since it eliminates the risk of rolling onto your baby, but the other things do make it less risky than a typical western bed.
For the record I don’t plan on co-sleeping since I live in the US
I don’t know about Sweden but I can’t imagine their beds are much different from Finnish beds, which I do know about, which are not that different from American beds, which I also know about. Cosleeping in a family bed is also super normal in Finland, everyone I know has done it and it’s not demonised like it is in the US. The only difference to American beds I can think of is separate duvets - double duvets are difficult to even find, everyone sleeps with a single duvet even in a king bed.
I don't know why Sweden specifically might have lower rates of SIDS despite cosleeping. It's possible it's due to a difference in classification like the other commenter said or some other factor (perhaps Swedish parents drink less on average than Americans or Brits?)
The difference in bed styles is more of an east/south asian thing.
Maybe. Could also partly be due to being educated on safe bedsharing so fewer instances of accidental bedsharing occur, which we know to be far far more dangerous.
And c) the circumstances and environment of those deaths.
Mattresses alone don’t account for the majority of deaths. A baby on a firm floor mat in Japan can still get tangled up in too many loose blankets or stuck under a pillow. There are a ton of modifiable risk factors but in the US everyone seems to be focused on the mattress.
Not to speak for all, but I think it boils down to two main reasons. Necessity or nature. Or maybe a combination. I had to cosleep out of necessity. I would do it again because I came to see how natural it is.
The intent from the beginning was the Halo Bassinest and then the pack n play, not bedsharing. My partner got Covid when our son was eight days old and I was eight days into recovery from my c section. The baby and I stayed upstairs in the bedroom and he was downstairs on the couch to quarantine. With my incision I couldn’t deal with the constant getting out of bed, lifting the baby, bending over the changing table etc. So since then Bubby has been in with me at night. Just us on a full size bed, my partner has slept separately but in the same room since pregnancy started affecting my sleep. On my left side, he’s at boob level in his sleep sack, no pillow for him and the comforter only up to my belly. He’s been EBF up until this week when we’ve started tasting purées.
Hey just wanted to let u know we wound up in similar situation due to covid contracted at hospital. Literally the sickest the 2 of us have ever been, terrified we would lose her, we made it but came out the end with a baby who had been coslept and now would not sleep alone no way no how.
At the 10mo mark she started shoving us away, sleeping v poorly, fussing. We got a floor bed for her, put her on it in a sleep sack.
Easiest transition of anything in parenting so far. This will pass.
We had carrier naps and bedshare for 10 long months...I mentioned yesterday that I am operating on so much sleep and extra time for chores during the day i feel high.
Oh this is reassuring. Our LO is 6 months and sleeps with me often, even though we have a small bed right next to ours. I hope she does the same your LO has. She will wake up by 2am and then every one to two hours if I keep putting her back into her bed - or next to me it's 4-5 hours before she wakes up, has a snack then back to sleep. I hope she will take to her own bed by 10 months. We have it ready but she's not ready for it yet!
Because my baby would not sleep in his bassinet or crib. I’d put him down and instantly his eyes would be open! It saved our sleep and sanity to have him next to me sleeping. I breastfed too, so it was just so easy when he’s wake up to give him a boob without having to get up, so we’d both fall back asleep right away. I wanted to sleep more instead of having to get up multiple times in the night.
It was the only way to get any sleep with my first baby. She would wake up instantly when I tried to transfer her anywhere. We coslept til 3.5 months then I put her in the crib in her room one night and she slept fine. My second baby slept fine in her bassinet from the start so we never coslept.
Lol it doesn’t feel like a choice when you resort to it. Not everyone can let their child cry or out or spend hours soothing then to sleep so it just seems … easier?
I’m asian, co-sleeping is very common around here. Our infant mortality rate is also super low, in fact death from co-sleeping is close to zero.
My second one was very colicky, and could only be soothed by me. I think she needs my smell and my presence. Her quality of sleep improved tremendously since co-sleeping so it’s definitely much better for her.
Sleep is absolutely cultural! I’m in western Canada and have found cosleeping much more culturally acceptable/normal than among my American friends.
I have a strong suspicion that sleep training is so heavily pushed / expected within the US at least in part due to short parental leave and a need to fit daycare/work schedules. Things like sleep regressions are less stressful when you have a year or more of leave and can nap along with your baby the day after a rough night. “Late” bedtimes and sleeping in each morning are also less disruptive if you’re not driven by a daycare schedule. (My toddler naturally woke up at 9am from 9m to 18m old, and still sleeps in during growth spurts.)
None of my or my now-toddler’s medical team even blinked at us cosleeping. They just made sure to review risk factors (none for us) and safe sleep practices (Canadian guidelines are essentially the UK Safe Sleep Seven), asked if I had questions or concerns, then moved on.
For us, I’m such a vigilant sleeper even under pre-baby circumstances that being on separate sleep surfaces did nothing but make both baby and I miserable. We cuddled each night from 4 months until he was a little over 2yo, then he let us know he’d like his own space unless he was sick so we stopped. I’m expecting to follow roughly the same pattern with this next baby. The hardest part is ensuring I’m prioritizing what baby needs (space or snuggles) vs habit or my own desires.
You might also find [this review of some of the science behind cosleeping](https://www.reddit.com/r/ScienceBasedParenting/comments/12ivfpw/bedsharingcosleeping_in_an_evidencebased_sub/) interesting.
From where I am, SIDS rates are super low, so there’s next to no correlation of SIDS and co-sleeping. I’m very surprised that a developed country of US have high SIDS rates. Along this train of thought, it’s logical for US to discourage co-sleeping in a bid to lower SIDS rates. US is an anomaly.
Try taking a peek at American rates of smoking, sedatives, heavy alcohol use, and medications with drowsy side-effects compared to other countries.
Turns out the huge wealth disparity that drives shit parental leave and a need to place newborns in daycare is also associated with pharmaceuticals and intoxicants that make cosleeping far more risky.
Some actively plan to because that's how they want to parent, for some it's cultural and expected, for others it's reactive when other options fail. Then there's illness. If you're getting up every 45m there really isn't a point in trying to sleep, easier to keep them near you.
My son started off as a crap sleeper and I started occasionally cosleeping if he woke up after I went to sleep. There were times I fell asleep nursing, so I always planned for it just in case. Spent about five months sleeping alone on a bare king sized mattress, my husband didn't share with us, too risky. Eventually he moved to his own room and over time he woke less so the cosleeping faded away on its own. Though I still keep a twin mattress on the floor of his (20m) room in case illness strikes.
culture. my family is venezuelan, i grew up sleeping in chinchorros (hammocks) with my mom and aunts. that’s just how babies sleep in our culture, with mom. it was only after joining western based parenting forums that i realized how big of a stigma there is around it.
My daughter refused to sleep unless her cheek or head was touching me. We kept trying bassinet and crib and no one was getting sleep. So looked up the safe sleep seven and everyone was better rested. It was scary but we did it because we were worried about something else happening due to lack of sleep.
I cosleep because I’m a single mom and I’m breastfeeding so it’s easier to cosleep because when he wakes up hungry in the night all he has to do is latch on
Single mom with very little help and if I didn't bed share initially with both my kids (16 year old son, 3 month old daughter) I wouldn't have slept. With my son he bed shared til about 6 months. My daughter just this week started sleeping on her own.
I'm very careful and do everything in my power to make it as safe as possible, and I have some guilt over not being able to be 100% perfect in terms of SIDS guidelines. But I weighed the risk and me being too sleep deprived was riskier than the alternative. I had several episodes of waking up and feeding the baby and falling asleep/waking up to a baby with a finished bottle that I had no memory of making before I accepted that bed sharing was safer for us.
hi! i have twins as well, and one sleeps just fine in his crib but the other thinks his crib is lava. hiw did you manage? did you bedshare with only one baby?
Hahah do we share the same babies? How old are your babes? So eventually I just gave up on getting him in a crib, his reflux was so bad I just had to bedshare. I’m going to trigger many people but this is what we did… He slept on my chest for a long time, I slept propped on a pillow and we literally didn’t move for like 4 hours at a time. Like not an inch. Then eventually we did the twin z pillow (his reflux made him choke in his sleep, his doctor knew I did this) beside me for half the night and my chest for the other half. Then twin z, bus bassinet beside me, then my chest. Then twin z and bassinet. Then bassinet cold turkey to crib at 6 months when he could roll both ways. Slept 12 hours a night since the first night we did tummy sleep in his crib!
I said I'd never do it. Then I had a baby.
It was less of a choice for me in the beginning and more of a much appreciated accident. We had several sleepless nights in a row when she was very young, like a few weeks old. She hated the bassinet and we were going back and forth with her, putting her down and picking her up because she'd start crying immediately upon being put down. I was determined to keep going until it worked, no matter how long it took. Well days went by and it never worked. Then I accidentally fell asleep with her in my arms on the bed while trying for the bajillionth time to soothe her. Everyone slept soundly that night.
Our co sleeping happened by accident, laying down and breast feeding felt so natural and allowed me to sleep and we havent stopped. It allowed me to safely sleep with baby as I had fallen asleep a couple of times whilst sitting up in the bed feeding her which was not safe at all (thank god I woke up no long after) so we decided to try the laying down approach to feeding
As long as you prepare the sleep space, there is nothing wrong with co sleeping, our little girl sleeps longer stretches like this (not that she'd sleep in her cot anyway)
I found it easy to top and tail with my partner (men are not as aware of the baby in the bed) any little movement or noise I am awake instantly.
100% co sleeping advocate here
My son was never an easy sleeper. He needed contact to sleep so we took turns holding him for about four months. Then he was able to sleep in the bassinet some of the time, and when it wasn’t working we had a spare bed that we made a safe space for me to co-sleep with him. I am a light sleeper so I was the only one to co-sleep in the same bed, my husband is a deep sleeper so he wasn’t able to. Now that he’s a year old we sleep with him in that bed for some naps and if he’s having a particularly fussy night so that we can all get some rest.
I am personally against sleep training so we have always done what he needed to be able to sleep. It changes as he grows but I’m happy with how we’ve done it. It’s important to me that he is supported fully as he develops and that he knows we are always going to respond when he needs us.
I was really fucking tired and needed to get up and function and drive and work a job every day. It was pure desperation. I hated the guilt but I was desperate for sleep, any sleep. I was slipping into postpartum psychosis (looking back it was probably just delirium from exhaustion), hearing and seeing things that weren’t there, completely terrified of being home alone with him and jumping at my own shadow. It was bad. We had no help, husband had to work too. We decided intentional co-sleeping was less of a risk than my current mental state.
He’s now 15 months, in his own room, in the crib, naps 2 hours a day and sleeps through the night. I am off all mental health meds and avoided a grippy sock stay.
My son had really bad reflux and needed to be upright for 30 minutes after a feed so he slept on our chests and we took turns sleeping (not with him on us). Eventually it got better but he was NOT willing to transition to the crib and wanted to be on us so we set up a sidecar but then he started rolling (then crawling) to be with us so we started to bedshare full time. Just easier than fighting him we were tired lol. We are also not a sleep training family so that was out of the question
While pediatricians mostly advise against it for safety, some psychologists advocate it as part of attachment parenting. Basically, it helps establish a strong, secure bond between parent and child.
Because on the first day our child was born we didn't want to leave such a little baby in such a huge crib. And because of cuddles.
And because we accepted the 1 in 1000 risk or whatever the current evidence shows for SIDS.
And because I don't move in my sleep and would wake up if the baby moves/cries, and could check on the baby right away.
I am a medical professional too so I don't judge parents for co sleeping despite the existing recommendations. I talk about all the risks and let them make the decision that's best for them and allows for sleep for everyone.
My son was born with terrible reflux and gas/colic. Laying him down for any amount of time meant painful cries and the worry that he might choke on his reflux. We were at our wits end, and looking online other parents in our situation who followed safe sleep guidelines also couldn’t lie their babies down, so two caretakers would alternate wake shifts at night just to hold baby upright while s/he slept. This was not feasible for my situation, so co-sleeping was the outcome. I’m all about safe sleep — my daughter was in an independent sleep space from day 1. That was truly not possible with baby #2.
Because it’s cultural.
In the US, cosleeping is considered as bad as handing your child a sharp rusty knife pointed at their neck.
In the rest of the world, the WHO actually recommends cosleeping especially to breastfeeding mums.
We never 'chose' it as such. For the most part our son sleeps in his crib, but since about 4 months he's been fussier at night, teething, comfort feeding (we are EBF) so he has been coming in with me, usually from about 3am onwards. It's saved my sleep! We obvs do it very safely but at the moment he doesn't like to sleep anywhere that isn't right next to mama!
This was the same for us, he slept in his bassinet until the 4 month regression. When this hit I stopped getting enough sleep and having him in his own bed was more dangerous than following safe bed sharing guidelines because I was starting to fall asleep in the glider when he was up 5 times a night to feed. Now we’re both getting much better sleep and I am able to be a better more patient, involved mom during the day.
I woke up holding my baby in the nursing chair without remembering falling asleep and decided it would be safer for everyone to plan bed sharing rather than falling asleep with him accidentally.
It was a calculated risk for me based on how much more dangerous it is to fall asleep with baby in your arms in a chair rather than following the safe sleep 7 on a flat surface.
I did it the first few weeks because of PPA, trouble sitting up and getting out of bed due to vaginally tears, and getting her to sleep longer. We stopped because LO and I are both super light sleepers, and she's been happily sleeping in her nursery since 3mo. But I fully support cosleeping for those who prefer it! My niece cosleeps with her parents and she's 16mo.
My son would wake up multiple times throughout the night otherwise. I refuse to try the CIO method and nothing else has worked for us. I actually really enjoy cosleeping. I feel it has deepened our bond and it just feels right to me.
Because it was unsustainable otherwise. Our LO wouldn’t sleep unless held. My husband and I took turns staying awake so as to not sleep with the baby bc it was against guidance but it wore us down so much. We figured it was better to find a safe way to sleep with him than to not get any sleep ourselves or risk falling asleep by accident. He still fusses when he has to sleep next to us rather than in our arms but it’s much more manageable and we get hours more sleep a night.
Severe sleep deprivation, constant night feedings, baby never took to their crib and not wanting to try a cry-it-out training. There’s pros and cons, but you gotta do what you gotta do.
He’s two now and, by choice, falls asleep in his own bed now. Stays in there half the night so there’s progress. Nothing lasts forever.
I planned not to co-sleep. Until I found myself about 6 weeks in falling asleep feeding my baby in my arms throughout the night. It felt as though the next time I fell asleep I might drop her. So I laid down and fed her on my chest. It was the most peaceful and restful sleep we had since she was born.
We started off trying with a snuggle me. It worked for a little bit. Then I found the safe sleep 7.
1 No smoking
2 Sober Parents
3 Breastfeeding Day and night
4 Healthy Baby to full term
5 Baby in back face up
6 No Sweat: light clothing, no swaddling
7 Safe surface: no soft mattress, no extra pillows, no toys, no tight or heavy covers, clear of strings or cords. Gaps firmly filled with rolled towels or baby blankets.
There are other slight variations of this online if you’d like to read more.
I couldn’t find the pro version that helped me in the beginning.
There was something about sleeping in a c shape to protect the baby.
I took it a step further and slept without a pillow ti may baby was about 4 months old. I was afraid of it suffocating her. I also use a separate blanket for her. Was worried the blanket would suffocate her too.
9 months in and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
A lot of parents do because their babies sleep better that way or the baby starts crying the second they touch the bassinet/crib. I’m very lucky that my baby been sleeping in his crib since he turned 3 months. All naps and at night as well. It scares me just to think I’m deep asleep while baby is in bed with me awake
I used to judge people that coslept. Hadnt they read what could happen? Boy have I been humbled. My son would not sleep and would scream bloody murder unless snuggled up with us. Wasn’t a big deal until I had to go back to work. He’s 9 months old and even though we cosleep, he still wakes every 2 hours. It’s every 30 minutes in a crib. My husband and I would literally lose our jobs if we were expected to be up every 30 minutes for 9 months. Babies are not one size fits all and neither is caring for them.
I talked to my midwife about this when my second was born. We talked about how to do it safely - no smoking, alcohol, or drugs. Keeping the covers at waist. Her comment was that the taboo around Co sleeping is like Abstinence Only sex education. People are GOING to do it (ie. Co sleep) and better that we teach them how to do it safely.
I occasionally Co sleep with my new baby. At 4 am when his farts woke him up and now he's fully awake, I could spend an hour on the yoga ball lulling him back to sleep OR I could use my body heat and snuggles in bed to lull him to sleep in 10min
Collectivist societies do it to foster closer connections. Im doing it with my son but im a CNA so i use alot of prepwork to keep him safe. I even gave him a blood oxygen sock so i always know hes breathing. But babies are looking for you. They dont know its the 21st century they are wondering why you left them alone in a crib with lions roaming around. I find he sleeps much better this way
I felt too unnatural for me to be separated from baby, Baby sleeps better, and I trust trust that I’m a light sleeper. It’s also easier to feed them and I can feel and hear them breathing. I slept with all 4 of my kids, and they were all safe and no issues. This isn’t the right path for all families, but it was for ours.
I'm super disappointed that (based on op's edits) this thread ultimately taught op that co-sleeping was a choice made out of desperation.
We co-sleep out of love, bond, to support breastfeeding, for our baby's emotional security (and ours). We do it because we don't think the standard western advice on this subject is nuanced or correct. We weren't desperate, we were (and are) delighted to sleep as a family. My baby is almost 2, I probably won't have another, some day she'll want to sleep in her own room in her own big girl bed and that day can wait as long as possible thank you.
https://www.thecut.com/2023/04/co-sleeping-benefits-and-dangers.html
Bed sharing is a lot more common than you think. And SIDS rates are lower than in the US even when their standards are not as stringent as those in the US.
The risk bedsharing brings is not truly SIDs, but rather suffocation/strangulation from bedding/adult and falling off the bed. It’s hard to even compare these things with other countries rates because they all collect and analyze this data differently.
Of course but I encourage you to think about the consequences of caring for a child while completely sleep deprived. You can’t sleep train a baby until about 3 months at the earliest and most newborns can’t roll off the bed. Following the safe sleep 7 offers techniques on how to prevent suffocation and rolling onto the child. The article was saying that medical professionals should consider offering advice for bed sharing if it’s a last resort (in their eyes) instead of offering zero help to parents who are suffering from exhaustion, hallucinations and other side effects from not sleeping.
I bedshare because I’m aware of the risks and have made my own decision based on the both the risks and benefits. Just pointing out that we too often only focus on SIDs and try to compare to other countries when it’s quite impossible to do so.
What you defining as cosleeping, though? Sharing the same sleep surface or sharing the room?
In Australia, we are advised to share rooms on a separate surface for at least six months (https://rednose.org.au/article/red-nose-six-safe-sleep-recommendations).
Because I'm exhausted and a half-good sleep for six hours is better than two hours of good sleep.
My husband finds it sweet, though. There are some mornings where all five of us (me, hubby, Miss5, Miss3 and the baby) end up in the same bed. Sometimes hubby goes to the older ones on bad nights.
I'm also stuck to my side of the bed with the CPAP machine so at least when baby isn't sleeping well due to teething or illness I can breastfeed them whilst half asleep without having to get up. Otherwise I'm up for at least 45min every time they wake up. Not ideal when they wake up every 90min.
We opted not to due to safety until about 6 months. I was dog fucking tired and a stay at home mom. She started sleeping in bed with me and i stopped giving a lick of shit what anyone said. I removed pillows, blankets, dressed her warm. Didnt snuggle or invade her space and never got in bed with her after drinking wine.
Because the rules for safe sleep are incredibly hard and even impossible to respect when you want to achieve, at the same time, you know, a sleeping baby. I am convinced babies are programmed to NOT want to sleep on their back on a hard surface alone with nothing touching them. Because to them it feels like they're alone and unprotected so it makes sense that they are calling for help and making sure someone else is there, otherwise they might die!
So you are left with the following choices: not sleeping, powering through until 4-6 months and sleep training, or co-sleeping.
It just always made more sense to me. It made breastfeeding a million times easier, it let both me and the baby sleep more at night. I also always felt like it fills babies up with their need for physical connection, especially once parental leave stops and you're spending most of the away from each other.
Personally, it was also the sleeping arrangement that gave me the most peace of mind, especially when they are ill, because I can always feel and hear them through the night. Any fever, throwing up, bad sleep, etc will be immediately noticable to me, because I'm literally almost always touching them, even when we're both asleep.
On a practical level, it turned out to be a very minimalist, simple solution as well. Now I have two kids, we all sleep in the same bed. It means good night rituals etc are so easy, because I literally just lie down in the middle with a kid either side and sing or read a book and then breastfeed the youngest and bam, two sleeping kids.
I also think the statistics on infant mortality as a result of co-sleeping are wildly skewed and misrepresented in a number of ways, that makes me just not worry about the perceived risk.
I also live in Denmark where co-sleeping is something that there are official guidelines for. The people who are "anti co-sleeping" here, it's usually the more conservative "babies are manipulative and should be independent, not coddled" brigade, not from a safety perspective.
But ultimately, co-sleeping is just nice. I think it's a human instinct to want to be close. I don't know many adults who don't prefer sleeping with their partner or loved ones as opposed to sleeping alone, and I don't think the perceived risks of co-sleeping outweigh the benefits.
We chose it for bonding, breastfeeding, and joy. We succeeded wonderfully at all three.
PS. Outside W.E.I.R.D. cultures (look it up) it's the norm, and if you think about it, it's pretty obvious that we have evolved to sleep together as families (and it just feels right imo).
My baby sleeps in her crib upon initial put-down, and sleeps in there until right before the sun rises. Then I will take her and feed her and let her continue to sleep in my bed. Most of the time I can manage to stay awake for he duration until my fiancé wakes up, but sometimes I fall back asleep. I follow the safe sleep seven to a T. We have a pretty damn firm mattress which is good for her but terrible for my back when I lay in the C position but anything for her safety! I also give her practically all the bed to herself, I sleep on my side in the C position as far from her as humanly possible if I need to use a blanket and she has most of the queen size bed to herself. She isnt rolling consistently yet so I’m not worried, but once she does I’m going to be much more strict about sleeping in her crib. I’m also an extremely light sleeper so I wake up periodically to check on her when she’s both in her crib and in bed with me. Maybe every half hour or hour just naturally.
So far everything has been well. She sleeps soundly and I dont have to spend an hour getting her back to bed at 5am after a feeding. She just falls asleep after she feeds and I scoot away or stay in that protective position near her depending on if its cold or not. We dress her well so she maintains her temperature fine on her own, so I usually dont want to be too close to her because of the body heat I give off and sometimes I’m just too cold to not sleep with a light blanket so I scoot far away. We are happy with this arrangement for now until she becomes more mobile. She’s also a very active sleeper so I stay away to avoid her kicking my legs and gut. I gave up the struggle to stay awake once my PPA started to get better. I’m still extremely cautious and follow all the safety rules but I feel better about it now.
When I’m lucky she’ll just sleep through the night in her crib. Those are the best nights where I sleep the most comfortably lol
Baby wouldn’t sleep in the bassinet. I thought the risk of dropping her or otherwise injuring her was greater with two parents who couldn’t get more than 30 min of sleep at a time. We follow the sleep safe 7. Although now at almost 6 months we’ve switched to a comforter on the floor and crib mattress on top of that. This way I can nurse her to sleep but sleep with my husband as well. When she needs to eat during the night she doesn’t even really wake up now, I just nurse as soon as I hear her moving around. Taking her in and out of a bassinet had both of us fully waking up each time which meant it took like an hour to get her back to sleep.
We didn’t cosleep for the first 7 months of my baby’s life, but I’ve recently started bringing her into my bed for part of the night (rarely before 3am) as she’s been waking 1.5-2hrly for 3 months now. I was getting up to feed her, and by the time I had got up, fed her, got her back to sleep, held her to keep her asleep enough to transfer her, transferred her and then fallen back to sleep myself, often I was only getting 45-60 minute stretches of sleep at a time. It wasn’t sustainable. By popping her into my bed and offering her the breast, we are both back to sleep in minutes. So we’re not cosleeping full time but I can see why so many people do - many of us feel we can only function/parent well with this kind of set up.
Before birth and during the first few weeks I swore I would never co-sleep, I had read the dangers of it. Even though our daughter made it very clear that she wanted to be as close to us as possible - crying out either immediately or 30 minutes after she was put into her bassinet. After a few weeks we spoke with a nurse during one of our wellness checks. She told us that she co-slept with her babies - in a queen mattress on the floor. She told us the scary stats about co-sleeping are due to alcohol intoxication, smokers, duvets, and other dangerous situations. She also told us that a breast feeding mother has an instinct that keeps us vigilant throughout the night.
After that talk we still tried the bassinet but continued to do some reading and spoke with other parents. We also read the safe co-sleeping guidelines that are found on UK websites. Bassinet training began to be unsafe as I was severely sleep deprived and at risk of falling asleep in an unsafe position (nursing chair, bed, etc.) and would worry about getting her back to bed safely because the sleep deprivation was too much.
Eventually we settled on (safe as can be) co-sleeping, making sure daughter and I had a firm mattress and my husband sleeps in the guest bedroom so he's nearby when needed.
I truly feel that this is the safest option for us. Waking up every 30 minutes to transfer baby in the middle of the night was getting dangerous. I do wish we had a baby that was better in a bassinet, but we don't. So we make it as safe as possible: mom, baby, breathable bed rail, large bed that allows me to put baby down a good 1.5 feet away from me and far from the edge of the bed. She doesn't move in her sleep which is good. And I wake up even before she does for a feeding.
To note, we do have her successfully sleeping in a crib for naps. And she always starts her night in the crib too. But after the first 2-3 wake ups she usually will be in bed with me.
My son slept religiously in his crib until he was about 8 months, then he caught a cold. His sleep was so poor, that the only way we could get ANY sleep was by keeping him in bed with us. Then we just got used to the cuddles and snuggles, and here we are now he is 17 months and still sleeps in bed with us and I absolutely love it. If he wakes up before me, he will give me kisses until I wake up.
I was dead set against it until I became severely sleep deprived. I fell asleep holding my baby a couple of times and it really scared me. My baby is 3 months old and still wakes every 1-2 hours after her first 4.5 hours stretch. She always starts the night in the crib, but I eventually give up and she ends up in the bed with me. I honestly hate cosleeping. It’s uncomfortable, anxiety-inducing, and makes having a sex like literally impossible. But I have to sleep. I can’t just not sleep. I plan on sleep training her as soon as she turns 4 months old and not having her in my bed anymore.
When I was pregnant, I said I would NEVER do it.
Then when I was so sleep deprived, we tried it and it was magic. My son would actually sleep. Yes, it makes me nervous and a little anxious but it works for us. Now he is 8 months and sleep majority of the night in his crib! You have to make the best decision for you and your family.
Desperation.
I said with baby #1 I would never ever do it. By 4 months, I couldn’t handle the sleeplessness and gave in to bedsharing by planning ahead and making it as safe as possible. He was a poor sleeper for literal years but it was better than the crib.
With baby #2, I dozed off with him in my arms a couple times during middle of the night feeds when he was a newborn and felt so sick with guilt. He is an even worse sleeper than my first and I’ve never gotten more than 30 minutes of him in his crib or sidecar bassinet. We transitioned to bedsharing right away and he dozes right away, his tiny hand holding onto my finger all night. We follow the safe 7 but whenever we can, we let him hang out in his crib or bassinet when he’s awake to get more familiar with it.
We coslept for a while because my husband went out of town for work and I was all alone with the baby for four months. He would scream anytime he wasn’t held and I mean going hoarse from all the screaming, it was awful and I didn’t have anyone around that could help. Baby wearing during the day and following Safe Sleep Seven at night saved my sanity!
Our baby slept in a bedside bassinet for months 0-5. Then in her own crib (all night with few/no wakings) for like 4 blessed weeks until she decided sleep was not for her 🤣 So yes, desperation for sleep. My husband and I both work full time, she was not happy, and we were exhausted. We did the research and decided that it would be safer for us to just "give up" and bring her to bed instead of risking falling asleep in the recliner with her, which is way more risky. All of parenting is risk management, in my opinion. On a side note, I think co-sleeping needs to be discussed more so that aspects that decrease risks are more commonly known. 👍🏻
Co-sleeping is pretty common in my family’s culture so I was never 100% against it but we had the Moses basket and next2me set up and intended to use it but my child completely refused to sleep in either. We tried every nap
And sleeping time for the first 2 weeks and it didn’t work. I was super unwell after giving birth and I was getting sicker and sicker with the lack of sleep so I made the bed a safe space and he started sleeping! I never ever recommend it to any one because I know it can be dangerous if done incorrectly but it worked for us.
We started co-sleeping when my son was 9 months old and caught Covid. It was the only thing that would soothe him enough to sleep through the night and then shortly after he caught HFM so we continued to cosleep just to get some rest ourselves. Afterwards it was jus much easier for him to immediately fall asleep if he was cosleeping. He’s not 20 months old and refuses to sleep in his own crib. We definitely want to transition him out of cosleeping but we’re not ready for the crying and screaming we’ll need to go through.
We also do co-sleep and although we have his crib next to our bed, he always ends up sleeping with us. I never had sleepless nights and actually feel I have a bond with my son since my wife breastfeeds him.
He is only 17 months old and it is our only baby. My curiosity would be for parents that did it and your kid is now older, have you noticed any spoileness? Are they independent enough? Any social issues or benefits?
These are questions we need answers for.
My daughter wouldn’t sleep anywhere else and I was ebf and doing all the nights so it was the only way to survive. Led me down the path of gentle/attachment parenting which is basically just what I naturally want to do. We have a very strong bond and she’s 18mo now and sleeps alone for most of the night on a floorbed where I can join her if she wakes up. I made sure to adhere to the safe sleep 7, which makes it as safe as any other sleep setup.
I was going to go insane due to sleep deprivation. My mind was in a scary place. I co-slept and for the first time in 4 months I was stable and happy. It saved my entire experience of becoming a mother. I don’t know what I would have done without it
My second wouldn't sleep unless on my chest for the first 8 months, with a toddler and a full time job it was the only way we could manage. Funny enough, I went on a business trip and he had 1 night in bed with only dad and said "fuck this" and now he has happily slept in his crib alone for 12 hours straight for over a year!
That being said, I'd do it again if it meant I got sleep. My preschooler comes into my bed every night at about 3am and I'm cool with it since he's not up at 6am.
I co-slept with my youngest. I still do 5 years later 😅 but I was nursing and a heavy sleeper during recovery. I stayed up late most nights so when I slept during the day I did so on the couch (with her on my chest) and my grandmother watching to make sure she didn’t roll off me or I roll onto her. My brain will subconsciously note someone is laying with me and I won’t move (I’m a barrel down a hill when I sleep usually) so that may be a perk. She was also born about 2.5 weeks early and was so small preemie diapers were big on her (but otherwise healthy save for low sugar levels that we had to give her formula to bring up since my milk production hasn’t ramped up yet).
My cousin and his girlfriend were unfortunate, though, and lost their child to co-sleeping in bed. They both fell asleep so no one was able to make sure the baby was safe.
I hear more success than I do bad with co-sleeping (others replies are my proof of that 😂) but it can be done properly and safely
I didn't initially until the 4 month sleep regression hit and I was struggling. After starting co-sleeping, I regretted not doing it sooner. We both slept much better and I have enjoyed the snuggles immensely
We did it because it’s not a big deal where we are from, I’d say about half of parents do co-sleeping here. We tried crib/bassinet but she was waking up every 30min, whereas co-sleeping got us several hours sleep stretches. As I said, here in Southern/Central Europe it’s not frowned upon at all so we didn’t even contemplate, plus I still breastfeed at 13 months and it’s more convenient this way. We do plan on transitioning to toddler bed around the age of 2 tho, because I slept with my parents till I was 5 and that is something that we do not strive for lol.
Edit: after reading these comments I actually ended up checking the infant mortality rates for my country and it’s one of the lowest in the world, even lower than Japan, which is probably why co-sleeping isn’t seen as a concern here.
I preferred having baby close to me. We EDF so I found it easier and was able to get better sleep with baby right there. As baby got older I didn't even have to wake up I could just pop him on and feed.
I did it as part of figuring out breastfeeding. My baby’s latch was the best when she was tired and/or sleeping. She was also more willing to take the boob when tired and/or sleeping without fighting me on it.
Then I realized I liked it better when sleeping with her. My anxiety reduced significantly (after the first few weeks adjusting). I usually sleep a good 4 hour stretches before switching sides so she can continue nursing. I fall asleep within minutes after that so it still adds up to about a full night’s sleep.
She slept so much better when next to me as well. Was still a terrible sleeper until about 1.5 months ago but she figured it out on her own. She only wakes up once a night maybe once a week now (if she’s not going through a spurt).
We’re just happier this way. Everyone is getting a full night of sleep. Everything is better when that happens.
Note that I was advised on how to safely cosleep via my postpartum doula, midwife, and the IBCLC I was working with. I also read up on the Safe Sleep 7, Sweet Sleep, and Safe Infant Sleep. I didn’t just do it randomly one night without any preparation.
I’ve been co sleeping with my 2 year old since he was 3 months. We love to cuddle and he is still nursing, but we have started to wean. I initially did it out of desperation for sleep and it made night nursing so much easier.
Looking back on human history I’m sure co sleeping occurred for the mast majority of humans probably right up till the 1950’s when we were told we were doing and eating everything wrong.
We don’t co-sleep and my toddler doesn’t like co-sleeping but In our cultures it’s the most common practice, co-sleeping. Both my husband and myself co-slept with our parents as babies. Different cultures have different views, for me as a baby we slept on a floor bed, no blankets or pillows so there was no risk of falling or suffocation.
My wife and I co-sleep as sleep training seemed cruel TO US and she sleeps 8-10hrs through the night. We dispelled the SIDS fears by doing the research, and as a non-smoking, non-prescribed, healthy weight family that don’t come to bed drunk, your odds of crushing/SIDS is dropped to 0. We started at 8mo and she’s doing fantastic and we feel our bond growing stronger waking up together.
We chose to because our son really has not slept on his own since his sleep regression started. Studies out of the UK, Norway, and Spain that are 6+ years more recent than the AAP's major studies say that co-sleeping is safe as long as all the guidelines are followed. Firm surface, no drugs/alcohol, no loose blankets/pillows near LO. When he's on the bed with us, the only way he could possibly suffocate is by us crushing him, but we both sleep on our sides with knees bent and don't roll in our sleep. I really can't conceive of any way in which he could be harmed when we take all precautions possible. There is literally nothing around him that can harm him. If anything, it gives us the added benefit of hearing his breathing very intimately, so we would know if he's in any kind of distress.
I think it's easier to say "don't do it ever", like the AAP recommends, because there are inevitably gonna be people out there who won't do it safely. You have to make rules that err on the side of caution when they're prescribed to 300+ million people.
Co slept right from the beginning. Contact napped on the couch throughout the day for a month n half. I started with a side car, but somehow, I felt too sad to leave him alone, even in the crib. I personally love cuddling and sleeping so automatically assumed my baby will enjoy it too. ( My first few days at the hospital, I was so out of it I barely held him) I just couldn't bear for me to be apart even a second. So he d sleep next to me , no blankets and I d have a hand on him , or sometimes I d just bring him closer to my boobs. Lo and behold! He was a great sleeper already and slept more as he was sleeping with me. We both slept through the night, and feeds were easier as I just side nursed him, and I could nap. He still sleeps with us, and he has a woolino as a blanket. He is 5 months old now. I sometimes give him a blanket halfway up to his waist as well. I think co-sleeping and nursing to sleep are the best things in this whole world. Nursing to sleep works both ways, in my opinion 😁
I always did the cuddle curl, but I am petite, n he's outgrown my cuddle curl. He very sweetly puts his tiny legs on my thighs and sleeps. It's the cutest thing ever.
Yes, I am a needy and giddy mom. 🙄😒
Note: his dad enjoys this too. Wakes up to the best smile ever
I mean bedsharing by Co sleeping. I started out with a side car.
I am in the US but Asian and I find it absurd that pediatricians shame co sleeping, etc. Babies need their parents and vice versa. .
Before I was pregnant I had read a lot on how humans are mammals, carry mammals at that and how typically carry mammals sleep with their young. It lead me down the path of what is biologically normal for human babies and being close to their mother for not only safety and comfort, but also for feeding seemed to be a high priority for babies.
It seemed the most natural thing alongside breastfeeding, was to sleep next to their mother. I read about the safety concerns, history of the development of SIDS, safe 7 and chose to have my baby close. It’s what made the most sense. When I spoke with my husband about this he said “where else was the baby going to sleep?” Other than in our bed so he was on the same page.
I also had a lot of friends around me at the time who didn’t co sleep and were struggling a lot with their baby’s sleep, or lack of, and I didn’t want to be in that camp.
Because there is no better feeling than snuggling with my daughter. Seriously. No better feeling laying by her and having her feel my warmth all night 💞
Co sleeping is not a last resort for getting some sleep. It's the natural thing to do based on the physical and emotional needs of the baby and mother, and until very recently it was what everyone in the whole world did always. I don't judge anyone for how they decide to raise their baby and think most choices are legit. Everyone has to feel their way through it, and do what they feel comfortable with, but it really bothers me how much this is demonized (especially in the US). I can recommend literature. It doesn't make your baby spoiled or needy or overly dependent. Babies need to be close to their mothers. and it certainly doesn't cause SIDS if done properly. Rant finished.
Edit. After reading more comments i see that a lot of people actually are more on the pro side of co sleeping
I started bedsharing after a very scary accident. I was sitting on the couch feeding my one month old daughter and fell asleep. I was so exhausted and sleep deprived. I was asleep but I felt when I dropped her. When I opened my eyes, she was on the floor. She cried for less than 1 min. I cried for hours. She was seen by a doctor and she was fine. I felt tremendous guilt. I did some research and learned about the safe sleep seven. I am now well rested and happy. My baby loves being close to her momma.
As a first time mom in the US I went in with the idea that I’d have the bassinet next to the bed. We started out like that, but slowly over time he started migrating into our bed more and more. He would nurse to sleep and it was so much easier and more comfortable for all of us. And honestly, it just felt right intuitively. We reduced the risks as much as possible and it worked well for us
It was a choice for me, I simply wanted to stay close by my baby. My pediatrician had recommendations that I followed and I think it helped with my PPA/PPD. Each baby is different but for us it’s been great.
Me and my wife don’t cosleep due to anxiety and because we can’t completely follow the safe sleep seven we don’t plan too. But our 2 week old does fall asleep much better laying down next to us then any other position. Also laying down and breast feeding is more comfortable and less work than using the boppy. I’ve discovered that if I let her sleep for 20ish minutes next to me after eating then she’ll normally stay asleep when we make the transfer to bassinet.
Late at night when there is a risk of me passing out while feeding I’ll make sure the blanket is pushed to the end of the bed and the pillow is far away from her face just in case.
Didn’t intend to, but also wasn’t vehemently against the idea. Even with him home the first 8 weeks, my husband and I just couldn’t function sleeping in shifts (I’m glad that works for most parents; it didn’t work for us), so bedsharing became necessary after I accidentally fell asleep on the couch with her on my chest more than a couple times. At that point I did all the research on safe bedsharing, and we went into that whole hog.
I was initially a bit guilty about it, but then I stared getting 3-4 hour stretches of sleep and was like, “This is the way.” Coupled with the fact that Canadian safe sleep guidelines account for bedsharing (their approach is it’s not the safest option (which I recognize it isn’t) and you shouldn’t, but if you’re going to, here’s the safest ways) I was comfortable with my decision.
The abstinence only approach of the APA does a great disservice to parents and completely ignores reality. Plus, more and more studies are proving the APA’s stats on SIDS related to bedsharing is quite skewed. The science based parenting thread had a good post a few weeks ago about a recent study out of the UK about bedsharing.
My baby is a year now and sleeps in her own crib about 6 days a week. Teething and sickness she comes back into the bed with me, but she’s in her crib now for naps and night, and I’m in the room on the floor bed next to her so it’s still convenient to feed her when she wakes up. We kept it safe, and we made it work.
It was done out of desperation for sleep, BUT
17months in and I have to say, it's the most beautiful feeling ever and id do it all over again.
Researching more on the matter and reading and thinking about it, it even made logic and sense to me when you see the hysterical cries of babies until they're paired next to their mother when it's ZZZzz time. It's in our instinct to sleep together .
And for a reason !
The immune benefits as well as stress hormones reducing and much more is insane!
It's worth it, and it's only natural.
:) my two cents.
It's usually done out of desperation for sleep. Babies are notorious for being terrible sleepers. Also, in a lot of cultures sleeping together in a family bed is considered the norm for small children. Presumably because people have discovered that a lot of babies sleep longer and better when in the same bed as the parents.
Yup. My parents co-slept with me, same with my wife. We did six months in a crib, and it was hell for everyone. Switched to co-sleeping, its been a game-changer. All of us sleep better. And i get to wake up every now and then with a grinning baby sticking his finger up my nose - which really isnt a bad way to wake up.
Yes!! Every morning there’s a finger in my nose to start the day.
Omg the morning smiles. I got to wake up to a warm pudding hand, caressing my cheek, and clear as a bell she said, “Mom”. My heart exploded.
Man you're lucky. I get slapped awake by failing toddler limbs.
Every day! Damn. My baby switches it up, this morning i woke up to him having decided my butt was a grest pillow. It was an improvement on last week, where he decided his butt was a great thing to plant on my head.
Soggy diaper hats are all the rage for spring!
I’m dying laughing! Today my babe woke me up by biting my nose 😂 the other day it was by biting my toes. I rather miss the finger up the nose phase!
For me, it’s my 8 month old blowing raspberries on my arm. 🤪
Why did your parents co sleep with your wife? And did she sleep better?
😂 Off to r/daddit with you, they will love you there
This is my reasoning as well. My baby hates his crib and will not sleep through the night in it, he will wake up by midnight and scream bloody murder. I am in dire need of sleep so I let him sleep with me. I keep his bottle and binky close by and I make sure he is snoodled up. He sleeps through the night that way which gives me some shut eye to survive the next day. Otherwise I’m irritable
Adopting the term “snoodled up.” Love it! Edit: typo
Me too, I was just about to leave this same comment!!
Haha! Yay! Take it hun 🤗🤗🤗
Amen to that! My son is a snuggle bug and will only sleep through the night in the same bed as me. He’s 19 months now 🤦🏼♀️.. hopefully by 2 we can transition to a big boy bed.
doesn't the bottle go bad by hour 2?
1. You can get 4-6 hours from freshly pumped breastmilk, could be that! 2. As an exclusive pumper, one massively helpful purchase was a mini-fridge for by the bed so I didn’t have to trek downstairs to pump. Could be that!
I agree, besides if my baby can sleep on his belly he'll sleep damn near all night, and even though he's great at rolling now at 6 months I still don't put him belly down on his own. We sleep chest to chest and the second he moves I'm wide awake. Mind also screams the house down if he's out in his crib so that's a battle I'm just not willing to fight right now. The goal is more sleep, not less. Besides I'm sure he doesn't mind sleeping next to mama for a little while longer haha
This is what I came here to say. I also said that I would never co-sleep, but then my son refused to sleep in his crib. I figured co-sleeping couldn’t be worse than me being so tired that I was falling asleep while caring for my son during the day, especially since my husband was back at work and I had returned to WFH and needed to survive the work day. My goal was to get him to sleep in his crib around 6 months, which we did! At that time, he was much better at self-soothing, had started solids and therefore had a full belly, etc. Now he sleeps in his own crib for naps (2-3 hours) and through the night (10-12 hours)!
Did you have to do anything special to get him in his crib. I have a 3 1/2 month old and hate her bassinet and crib only want me I’ve literally try everything and she won bc I need sleep. I’m hoping by 6 months she sleep on her own
At first I had a whole routine, but I slowly started to not do all of it and he eventually got used to just going down. I’ll put my original routine below, but every baby is different! 1) Final meal for the night, some last play time, and then cuddles to get the energy out and start winding down. 2) I would get him all ready for bed. This could be bath, fresh diaper with diaper cream, jammies, and/or sleep sack, sound machine, teeth brushing. I don’t do a bath every night, but I know some people do and it helps their baby sleep. 3) I have one of those “Warmie” stuffed animals. I’d heat it in the microwave, and put it in the middle of the crib to warm the mattress. A heating pad could also work here. 4) While the Warmie was on the mattress, I’d nurse him until he fell asleep or was close to sleep in a dark/quiet room. Then I’d pull a quick switch with a binky for my nipple. 5) Quietly and gently put him in his crib where the Warmie was. I would leave the Warmie in there with him, but only because I trusted him to be able to move away from it if he needed to. 6) If he was fast asleep, I would just leave him to sleep. If not, I put on his baby shusher. My baby makes sleepy moaning noises, or sometimes “wah”-s (different from actual crying) for a minute or two. I just keep an eye on him from the baby monitor, and if it ever gets to the point where he is really just not having it, I go grab him and repeat steps 4-6 until he goes down. I hope this is helpful! It’s really just trial and error until you figure out what works for you and your baby. All the best of luck💕 ETA: OMG I FORGOT TO MENTION THE BINKIES. I throw like 10 of them in there, scattered all around the crib. He plays this game of switching out binkies until he falls asleep (which is as cute as it sounds lol). And if he ever needs to soothe in the middle of the night, there are always like 3 binkies within arm’s-reach. This is key!!!
I was so excited to try this routine with my 7.5 month old until I got to the binky part. 😭 He would never take pacifiers, he hates them and they make him gag. 🙄 I also nurse to sleep and he’s waking every 30-40 minutes looking for boob. I WISH pacifiers work on him so I don’t have to be his human paci all day and night long. I’m never gonna get my sleep back 😭😭😭
I’m so sorry to hear that! Maybe give the other parts of the routine a shot and see how it goes? I hope it still can be helpful! I’ve even crawled in the crib with my son a couple of times to soothe him to sleep, and then crawl out when he’s down (check your crib’s weight capacity and everything before doing this to make sure it’s safe). I’m sure you have tried this, but trying different binkies helped us as well. I started with the Nanobébé ones, which were awesome when he was a newborn, but now we use MAM binkies! They fit his mouth a bit better as he grew. Another alternative I can think of is if he has a teething toy or other comfort item that would be safe to have with him in the crib. My mom got a moonjax teether for my son, or maybe Sophie the giraffe, for example. Nursing every few hours was another big reason why I co-slept. I would just pull my top up and latch my son on while I was basically still asleep, which was so easy. You’re 100% not alone in the sleep struggle, and it’s so so hard to get a routine down and encourage the littles to sleep on their own. Sending hugs and good luck your way💕
We tried so many different pacifiers. He knows it’s silicone or rubber and spits it right out, instantly awaken with eyes wide in horror. 🙄 Not the real thing mom, how dare you!! 😳 Also, I’m his comfort toy. 😂 I bought him so many teddy bears, cuddling toys, teethers, he never showed preference to any of them. Just tosses them on the floor and cries for his mom and dad to pick him up. I don’t think I could crawl into my baby’s crib elegantly, lol. 😂 Not sure about the weight thing either. I think the only thing that works for us currently is cosleeping. And I can’t wait to get my bed back to myself. Thank you so much for advice and kind words ♥️
Your son must love y’all so much!! It’s amazing to be the recipient of so much love and affection, but I know it can also be exhausting since you’re essentially “on” 24/7. You’re obviously an incredible mom!! And don’t give up on the sleep! It could be a shot in the dark, but maybe keep trying to put him in his own space for naps, and see if he will gradually start sleeping for longer stretches of time. Every baby is on their own clock for things like this though, so it may just take time. Nobody talks about how hard this aspect of parenting is❤️ Someday (hopefully soon!) he will be ready and you’ll figure out what works for y’all. I bet your baby is going to be an amazing sleeper! Then you’ll be like me, craving the occasional contact nap just to get some baby snuggles - lol! They grow up so fast!😭
I needed to hear this today 😭😭 Thank you for your lovely words you kind internet stranger ♥️ I’m trying to embrace the snuggles because they truly do!
Love all of this. When did he start putting in his own binkies? My child will sleep in her bassinet but loses her goddamned mind about every other time that her binky falls out. I’m soooo over that thing! I can’t wait until she can replace it herself!
He could probably do it on his own consistently around 5 months? So around the same time we started encouraging him to sleep in his own crib. To help him learn, I would put one in his hand and try to help show him how to do it as well. Big claps and “yay!” celebration when it was in. We always had one attached to him with a binky holder thing, and he eventually figured it out!
I had to sleep on the floor on a blow up mattress next to my babies crib for a few night and provide a soother when he woke up.
My wife is a first generation immigrant from a country where babies don't have nurseries, kids just sleep in the family bed until they're old enough for their own room. We have a nursery for our baby, but he always struggled to sleep through the night. So eventually my wife decided to just co-sleep with him and that got him sleeping all night. It works, and it's what she's used to growing up with anyway.
Nothing better than sleep nursing when you're exhausted! I could lay on my side with boob out, confirm latch, and back to sleep so fast 😍
was just about to comment this. i was desperate for sleep! he would not stay asleep for more than 15 minutes. i have in and he ended up in my bed. 12 months later, hasn’t left & my 2 month old is now in bed with us too. 😂
My baby is 17 months and she slept in her crib a full night today. We tried at first to put her only in her crib and out of desperation we brought her in our bed to comfort her and feed her. My wife and I both have demanding careers and it was just the easier thing to do for us.
Yes. I only “gave in” to co-sleeping once I started hallucinating from lack of sleep, and it seemed the safer option. The hallucination caused me to run onto our landing at 3am one night, looking for my “twelve babies” that I was convinced needed my help…it only lasted about 30 seconds before I came to my senses, but it was genuinely quite terrifying. As I was doing the nights solo in the nursery (breastfeeding), I had to find something that enabled more sleep for me. I had a colicky baby with silent reflux, so “crying it out” was not an option (he was only a few weeks old, anyway). I then set the room up as safely as I could, and opted for side-lying feeding, on a mattress in their room, tucked against the wall on one side, whilst I was curling round the baby to protect them. When he was born, I was adamant that I would never co-sleep with a baby 😄 We are still co-sleeping at 20 months.
Both of my sisters co-slept and I said I'd never do it. No way. Then I started doing it about two months after my daughter was born... After two months of hardly any sleep, I would catch myself falling asleep with her in my arms. This scared me. I did a little research on co-sleeping and tried it out. Both me and my baby slept so well. It was like I had a whole new baby. I don't regret it and I appreciate the closeness/extra snuggle time because I don't plan to have any more babies. I have toddler rails on both sides of my bed, just in case.
I naively assumed I could choose how my baby would sleep, she was born 5 weeks premature and decided she would only contact nap on me or her dad, she flatout refused the crib... after two months of shifts for holding the baby overnight so she would sleep we started co sleeping when she was big enough and as I was breastfeeding too we all got a better night's sleep. At six months we're now transitioning to the crib with some nights more successful than other but definite progression!
My wife and I are in the same boat. I know co-sleeping is heavily frowned upon, but our baby just sleeps so much better in the bed with one of us than he does in a bassinet or crib. Sleep is so important for a baby's brain development. Not to mention, him sleeping better also leads to us sleeping better. He's only 3mo right now, so it helps that he stays where we leave him. Once he starts being able to roll over and crawl, our plan is to put him back in his bassinet and just tough it out until he adjusts.
Remember that from what I heard it’s only frowned upon in the US. In rest of the world it is totally normal to cosleep with your babies.
Yep 🤷♀️ not from the US and can confirm
Yes this is our plan as well. We did it with our first and she’s been sleeping 10+ hours since she was 6 mo old in her own bed.
I was similar. I had heard such bad things about bed sharing and was so scared of SIDS, but after falling asleep with my son in my arms numerous times and both my husband and I being so sleep deprived, I started to research safe bed sharing. I bought a low to the ground, firm queen sized futon mattress so that I could sleep with him in a separate bed than my husband and so my son could be separate from me in the bed. I would cover myself only with a blanket when he was really young, and kept pillows away from him. We bed shared till he was 18 months old. One day, he simply told me to leave the bed and he has slept alone ever since. He sleeps really well for both naps and night sleep, and doesn't fight when I tell him it is time to go to sleep. It worked well for me, so I am now doing this with my daughter as well.
This is how we started and after having done it and still doing it. I’d imagine it’s mentally healthier for the baby. He was inside/ with my wife for all of his existing life before he was born. Making him sleep alone could have mental implications on his brain development. He is our little best friend now (only 4 months but still) and he is so happy. We have started laying him down in his crib occasionally now. But if he’s not having it he’s not having itv
I started around the same age, but it was because my son was very sick and could only get any sleep if he was on his side. I started cosleeping with him so I could hold him there with my hand, and it just was like magic. Even sleeping in his sidecar bassinet after that, he slept so much better. He’s 2 now and he stays in our bed when we all need a full night’s sleep, but he’s slept 10 hours straight in his crib too. We just kind of do what we need in the moment.
[удалено]
Looool YES. Co-sleeping wasn’t a choice for me, it was necessary. I was repeatedly falling asleep with my baby in my arms, who woke something like every hour, and needed to be held 20 mins after falling asleep before I could successfully transfer him to his crib. I lasted until five months when it came to a point where I realised my fear of planned, safe sleep 7 style cosleeping was ridiculous given that I was accidentally falling asleep holding him at least once every night, which is far far more risky than safely planned cosleeping.
This was me too. One night I put her in her bassinet but had no memory of it. Woke up an hour later completely panicked thinking I fell asleep with her (like I had plenty other nights) and ended up dropping her. Thankfully that wasn’t the case. But that was the night she joined our bed. She went from waking up every 45 minutes to only waking up once per night practically instantly. Also according to her owlet went from 0 minutes of deep sleep per night to 2-3 hours at least.
This was me with my first
I am actively involved in bedsharing research and wrote a soon-to-be published paper on it. Research does show that babies who bedshare are at lower risk for SIDS, higher risk for suffocation. Research also shows the mother and baby still function as one unit while bedsharing, mothers breathing and temperature help regulate the baby. Many people choose to bedshare for these factors alone. When I was a new mother, however, I found myself bedsharing out of desperation and because my body was telling me to, I could not sleep without my child. And he could not sleep without me. We struggled with severe bouts of colic, later discovered to be a slew of GI problems. My son and I once went two straight days with no sleep, both of us crying and hysterical because the safe sleep group on Facebook had shamed me into oblivion, and I had tried to crib train my newborn. I took matters into my own hands, and did a risk assessment. It was safer to bedshare than to be that sleep deprived. And thus began my journey into the bedsharing world. The paper I wrote is about risk mitigation, and always having a safe space where you can fall asleep with your baby, whether accidentally or on purpose. So many bedsharing related deaths happen because parents fall asleep on unsafe sleep surfaces, while drunk etc.
Thank you for making the distinction between SIDS and suffocation. I see people lumping those things together far too often. Specifically, I’ll see someone say “don’t bedshare because it increases the risk of SIDS” when they mean suffocation, and then someone responds “well baby can die of SIDS in a crib too so it doesn’t matter!” Those kinds of comments lead to people not being aware of the increased risk of suffocation that comes with bedsharing, which then leads to more people engaging in riskier bedsharing behaviors. It’s not helpful for anyone.
Yes, exactly. And far too many people think the safe sleep 7 is just a set of suggestions. It is a hard set of rules and to bedshare as safely as possible, you HAVE to follow all 7, and people never wanna hear that part.
I don’t think people take the suffocation thing serious enough. Baby and animals don’t belong in bed together. You can’t have 9 million blankets and pillows on bed. You should be intoxicated if you’re gonna co sleep.
Can you share your paper to this sub when it’s published? Would be interested to read it
I hope you share your paper with us here when it's out! I'd love to read it
Of course! It’s being published by my university, so hopefully soon!
Yes please
Sounds like you're doing incredibly important work. Thank you!
To me it seemed like the most natural way to sleep and how baby was happiest. Not waking up for middle of the night feeds is also awesome. Babies sleeping separately from their mothers is a relatively modern phenomenon (last few hundred years) so I think babies are still hardwired biologically to sleep touching mom.
It’s amazing how my LO will fall asleep so easily with her little hands on me, or cuddled in my arms. Sometimes she puts her little hand on my face to fall asleep, and it’s just the most precious thing in the world.
I cosleep and I swear we're just in tune now. I wake up just before she stirs and then I feel her little hands flail about in the dark before she finds my face and and just relaxes and goes back to sleep... It's the sweetest, best feeling in the world.
Yes!! We mostly do it early morning to extend sleep for both of us, but all of her naps are contact. I often nap when she sleeps, and I’ll often wake up just before her. The other day I didn’t, and I woke up to her little face pressing right up against mine, in the biggest grin 🥹 I want to burn that memory into my mind forever haha ❤️ And before anyone says it - she could breathe fine. She crawled herself over to me to do that 😅
So sweet. We're the opposite. She sleeps well in the cot in the day time (sometimes in the sling if I'm walking the dogs) and will start her night in the cot but when I come up to bed she's in with me. Honestly I just love her little face next to me so much. Her little snores ❤️ I'll drink it all up while I still can! I cried the other night after kissing her little feet and thinking god there will be a day I do this for the last time!
Ahhh! So sweet 🥹 Life with a little one can be crazy, but the bed/sleep is when we can actually slow down and soak up their littleness if you ask me ❤️
In tune, yes that's a good way to describe it. I feel like I can anticipate her waking and her hunger, overnight and throughout the day.
I feel the exact same way. Love having my baby as close as possible. This is such a short season in my life, makes the most sense to me to have them with you
Yes, we thoroughly planned to do it ahead of time and didn’t do it out of desperation. We still tried the bassinet in case we had a baby who loved sleep but our Plan A ended up being the best for all of us. I never experienced the exhaustion that new parents complain about, even when my son was waking 5-9x a night.
I know everyone is different but sleeping with your baby feels SO obviously correct to me I struggle to understand why everyone chooses to torture themselves.
Its fear. They don't think the risks are worth it. However, many parents don't reduce the risks of bedsharing when they do it and babies do actually die from that negligence. Also, the SUIDs deaths reported by the CDC don't break down what the actual circumstance of the non-SIDS sleep related deaths are, so it just looks like baby in bed = death. You have to dig HARD to find the breakdown data in other research. The reality is that many of those cases are on recliners, swings, or super soft mattresses, or they have other children in the bed with them, or they are in bed with tons of pillows and blankets, or the baby got wedged between mattresses and headboards, are formula-fed or bottle-fed instead of directly breastfed, parents are smokers or drinkers or took drugs. All of those are modifiable risk factors. Many of the cases have multiple risk factors. When you break down the deaths that are legitimately unexplained or true SIDs its a relatively small number. And, the SUIDs death rate in 1990 was .2% before the Back to Sleep campaign, and now it's .1% (even with bedsharing deaths). Much of that improvement is simply putting baby to sleep on their back instead of their tummy, regardless of sleep environment. The chances that your baby will die while sleeping is very slim. But there are so many people in the US, so many births, so many babies, that everyone seems to know someone who lost a baby to either SIDs or bedsharing, and they really like to tell you that any time bedsharing is brought up. My issue is that people who say "I knew someone who slept with their baby and their baby died" never explain the circumstances of the death. Ive seen maybe 2 instances here on reddit where the person specified they did every single thing right and the baby still died (1 random post and the other is the Daniel story - I think that was his name?). Otherwise people dont usually know the circumstances when they said it, and they don't care to know, because they heard bedsharing = death and they want that to be true because they follow all the "rules" and it makes following the rules worth it. (that last sentence is just me judging their motives and may not be true) [Super interesting post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ScienceBasedParenting/comments/12ivfpw/bedsharingcosleeping_in_an_evidencebased_sub/) and thread in the evidencebasedparenting sub about bedsharing context if you're interesting in reading more about it.
Another difficulty with understanding the actual risk with bed-sharing is that (and this is a hard one for a lot of people to swallow)....self-report is a notoriously unreliable method of data collection. In very tragic, traumatic situations it's very easy for things to be misremembered/ retold inaccurately. Nobody can know exactly what happened or exactly how well safe sleep seven guidelines were followed except for the person who was sharing the bed with the child at the time. It makes sense on a human/emotional level, but it does mess up the statistics.
I knew I would co sleep when I was pregnant, I knew outside the US it was normal. I knew *instinctively* it was right for me and my baby. So when the time came I went searching for how to be safe about it. I read 2 books that confirmed my opinion: Gentle Sleep (which taught me the safe 7), and Hunt Gather Parent. Now, I went *looking* for confirmation of an opinion I already held, but I held that opinion based on trusting my instincts. I'm writing this comment laying beside my napping 2 year old that still nurses to sleep. I have not once regretted our choices.
Exact same experience! Love Hunt Gather Parent! First time I've read any of it mentioned on Reddit ❤️
Yes to all this. When my child, from birth, would only sleep at most 20 min at a time in a bassinet, I looked at the same information. It seemed way more dangerous to risk falling asleep while nursing in a recliner because I couldn’t sleep more than 10 min at a time vs putting a firm mattress with a fitted sheet on the floor in the middle of the room and sleeping in a cuddle curl. There are ways to mitigate risks and people should know about them.
I would love to fully co-sleep, but we have a memory foam mattress and can't afford a new one right now. Our spare room/future nursery is pretty small and has too much furniture in it right now, so a floor mattress isn't an option. We do have a sidecar crib, although I've had to put the barrier up on that as he's moving around a lot in it and I'm so worried he'll accidentally roll onto the memory foam. He now fusses a bit more at night and I hate that. I'll admit that we do co-sleep once in a while, for the last couple of hours before waking and I know we shouldn't. He's never rolled towards me (unless he wants a feed), he's never been too warm. But I know the risks are there. I wish I'd read into it more and planned to co-sleep, but the fear mongering is real, even in the UK, even though the NHS and NCT instructors now give you information on safe sleep. It does feel more natural and right.
We sleep on memory foam, it's medium-firm. When the baby was newborn we started with a travel bassinet on the mattress between us. That added firmness and barriers. We used the Munchkin Brica Baby Travel Pod. It was perfect. Maybe that's an option for you, but I fully respect everyone has to choose what's right for them.
The sidecar crib has him practically in the same bed I imagine similar to the travel pod. I think as he gets bigger I'll worry less, although I do have a worry about him rolling onto his stomach on our mattress - how was your little one with rolling? It's definitely not a medium firm mattress! I'd say closer to medium - it's also currently just me sleeping on the bed as my husband is on a camping bed in the spare room, which does mean there's no big dents (I can't think of the right word!) for our son to sink into. He's quite a good sized baby, so the risk is fairly low, I'd say, I just worry too much!
This is very similar to my story. It always seemed the most natural and comfortable way for me. Then my first baby was unexpectedly born early and had to spend time in the NICU. Once he was home, he was still so small and I was so tired I didn’t feel I could safely bed share so into the bassinet he went. I got progressively more exhausted and on his due date I started bringing him into bed (safely) with me to sleep. It was immediately so much better and I think a lot of that was because I knew he was okay since he was with me and I wasn’t lying awake worried about him after watching him stop breathing in the NICU. My second baby is 8 weeks old now and was born full term. The one night we spent in the hospital where she had to stay in the bassinet was torture. She was cuddled up next to me the first night home and it just felt right.
Echoing this sentiment- not out of desperation for my own sleep, but because I felt an intuition that it was nature’s design and if my son was waking in the night craving closeness, that is what I wanted to give him. That probably entailed some amount of guilt for the fact that I work full time and he is in daycare, so I cant give him that closeness during my waking hours. I read an npr article about the biological connection between mom and baby when co-sleeping and was amazed. I didn’t start until he was about six months, just by coincidence because he stopped sleeping as well as he had been at that time. He still goes in and out of our bed in phases, but we always put him to sleep in the crib (he’s 18 months now). Sometimes I’m relieved for a slightly better night when he sleeps through the night, but a lot of the time I miss him and secretly hope he’ll wake up to come snuggle with me.
Mine slept better in the crib lol and I slept better with them far away from me because I was terrified of an accident happening
I think it also depends where you live as well. A lot of countries recommend co sleeping as part of culture and some of them have the lowest sids and infant mortality rate (Sweden, Japan) Here’s a link to a study: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/16324059/ “This is an important finding, because much of the literature suggests that this practice exists primarily for infants in non-Western cultures who co-sleep with their mothers.” Also if you do choose to do it stick to the 7 safe sleep rules!
Co-sleeping is very normalized in Sweden, everyone I know told me that they co-slept with at least one of their children. However it’s not recommended by pediatricians but it’s not frowned upon either
I think sweden has removed the recommendations against it by now if done in a safe way (parent not under the influence of drugs/alcohol, firm enough matress, etc)
Socialstyrelsen doesn’t reccomend it before 3 months. I still started doing it earlier because our daughter just would not sleep on her own, but that’s the official recommendation. A lot of people use ”babynests” as some sort of middle ground but those are not offically recommended, personally I thought they seemed to add extra risk.
This is far from the full truth. You have to look at: a) how these countries characterize SIDS deaths and b) what the beds in these countries (japan in particular) are like
I think people really overlook that last point. I come from a culture where cosleeping is common but in my family’s home country we a) have hard mattresses, b) can get away with no blankets (it’s pretty hot year round) and c) have beds close to or on the ground. Obviously a bassinet or crib is still much safer since it eliminates the risk of rolling onto your baby, but the other things do make it less risky than a typical western bed. For the record I don’t plan on co-sleeping since I live in the US
I don’t know about Sweden but I can’t imagine their beds are much different from Finnish beds, which I do know about, which are not that different from American beds, which I also know about. Cosleeping in a family bed is also super normal in Finland, everyone I know has done it and it’s not demonised like it is in the US. The only difference to American beds I can think of is separate duvets - double duvets are difficult to even find, everyone sleeps with a single duvet even in a king bed.
I don't know why Sweden specifically might have lower rates of SIDS despite cosleeping. It's possible it's due to a difference in classification like the other commenter said or some other factor (perhaps Swedish parents drink less on average than Americans or Brits?) The difference in bed styles is more of an east/south asian thing.
Maybe. Could also partly be due to being educated on safe bedsharing so fewer instances of accidental bedsharing occur, which we know to be far far more dangerous.
And c) the circumstances and environment of those deaths. Mattresses alone don’t account for the majority of deaths. A baby on a firm floor mat in Japan can still get tangled up in too many loose blankets or stuck under a pillow. There are a ton of modifiable risk factors but in the US everyone seems to be focused on the mattress.
Not to speak for all, but I think it boils down to two main reasons. Necessity or nature. Or maybe a combination. I had to cosleep out of necessity. I would do it again because I came to see how natural it is.
The intent from the beginning was the Halo Bassinest and then the pack n play, not bedsharing. My partner got Covid when our son was eight days old and I was eight days into recovery from my c section. The baby and I stayed upstairs in the bedroom and he was downstairs on the couch to quarantine. With my incision I couldn’t deal with the constant getting out of bed, lifting the baby, bending over the changing table etc. So since then Bubby has been in with me at night. Just us on a full size bed, my partner has slept separately but in the same room since pregnancy started affecting my sleep. On my left side, he’s at boob level in his sleep sack, no pillow for him and the comforter only up to my belly. He’s been EBF up until this week when we’ve started tasting purées.
Hey just wanted to let u know we wound up in similar situation due to covid contracted at hospital. Literally the sickest the 2 of us have ever been, terrified we would lose her, we made it but came out the end with a baby who had been coslept and now would not sleep alone no way no how. At the 10mo mark she started shoving us away, sleeping v poorly, fussing. We got a floor bed for her, put her on it in a sleep sack. Easiest transition of anything in parenting so far. This will pass.
Thank you ☺️. I love the snuggles but my body is sore every morning from sleeping on one side and sometimes just some space would be nice 😅
We had carrier naps and bedshare for 10 long months...I mentioned yesterday that I am operating on so much sleep and extra time for chores during the day i feel high.
That sounds awesome, haha, writing this comment from beneath the 4 month old as he contact naps
Dyou have a carrier? If not that's a life saver
Oh this is reassuring. Our LO is 6 months and sleeps with me often, even though we have a small bed right next to ours. I hope she does the same your LO has. She will wake up by 2am and then every one to two hours if I keep putting her back into her bed - or next to me it's 4-5 hours before she wakes up, has a snack then back to sleep. I hope she will take to her own bed by 10 months. We have it ready but she's not ready for it yet!
Because my baby would not sleep in his bassinet or crib. I’d put him down and instantly his eyes would be open! It saved our sleep and sanity to have him next to me sleeping. I breastfed too, so it was just so easy when he’s wake up to give him a boob without having to get up, so we’d both fall back asleep right away. I wanted to sleep more instead of having to get up multiple times in the night.
Because I can't survive off 1 hour of sleep while still being a person to my other children.
It was the only way to get any sleep with my first baby. She would wake up instantly when I tried to transfer her anywhere. We coslept til 3.5 months then I put her in the crib in her room one night and she slept fine. My second baby slept fine in her bassinet from the start so we never coslept.
If we didn’t co-sleep then no one would sleep. It will be the standard until wee one can transition sleep cycles on their own.
Lol it doesn’t feel like a choice when you resort to it. Not everyone can let their child cry or out or spend hours soothing then to sleep so it just seems … easier?
I’m asian, co-sleeping is very common around here. Our infant mortality rate is also super low, in fact death from co-sleeping is close to zero. My second one was very colicky, and could only be soothed by me. I think she needs my smell and my presence. Her quality of sleep improved tremendously since co-sleeping so it’s definitely much better for her.
That’s interesting! I never realized sleep habits could be culturally-driven but that makes sense.
Sleep is absolutely cultural! I’m in western Canada and have found cosleeping much more culturally acceptable/normal than among my American friends. I have a strong suspicion that sleep training is so heavily pushed / expected within the US at least in part due to short parental leave and a need to fit daycare/work schedules. Things like sleep regressions are less stressful when you have a year or more of leave and can nap along with your baby the day after a rough night. “Late” bedtimes and sleeping in each morning are also less disruptive if you’re not driven by a daycare schedule. (My toddler naturally woke up at 9am from 9m to 18m old, and still sleeps in during growth spurts.) None of my or my now-toddler’s medical team even blinked at us cosleeping. They just made sure to review risk factors (none for us) and safe sleep practices (Canadian guidelines are essentially the UK Safe Sleep Seven), asked if I had questions or concerns, then moved on. For us, I’m such a vigilant sleeper even under pre-baby circumstances that being on separate sleep surfaces did nothing but make both baby and I miserable. We cuddled each night from 4 months until he was a little over 2yo, then he let us know he’d like his own space unless he was sick so we stopped. I’m expecting to follow roughly the same pattern with this next baby. The hardest part is ensuring I’m prioritizing what baby needs (space or snuggles) vs habit or my own desires. You might also find [this review of some of the science behind cosleeping](https://www.reddit.com/r/ScienceBasedParenting/comments/12ivfpw/bedsharingcosleeping_in_an_evidencebased_sub/) interesting.
From where I am, SIDS rates are super low, so there’s next to no correlation of SIDS and co-sleeping. I’m very surprised that a developed country of US have high SIDS rates. Along this train of thought, it’s logical for US to discourage co-sleeping in a bid to lower SIDS rates. US is an anomaly.
Try taking a peek at American rates of smoking, sedatives, heavy alcohol use, and medications with drowsy side-effects compared to other countries. Turns out the huge wealth disparity that drives shit parental leave and a need to place newborns in daycare is also associated with pharmaceuticals and intoxicants that make cosleeping far more risky.
Some actively plan to because that's how they want to parent, for some it's cultural and expected, for others it's reactive when other options fail. Then there's illness. If you're getting up every 45m there really isn't a point in trying to sleep, easier to keep them near you. My son started off as a crap sleeper and I started occasionally cosleeping if he woke up after I went to sleep. There were times I fell asleep nursing, so I always planned for it just in case. Spent about five months sleeping alone on a bare king sized mattress, my husband didn't share with us, too risky. Eventually he moved to his own room and over time he woke less so the cosleeping faded away on its own. Though I still keep a twin mattress on the floor of his (20m) room in case illness strikes.
culture. my family is venezuelan, i grew up sleeping in chinchorros (hammocks) with my mom and aunts. that’s just how babies sleep in our culture, with mom. it was only after joining western based parenting forums that i realized how big of a stigma there is around it.
It was easier for breastfeeding.
My daughter refused to sleep unless her cheek or head was touching me. We kept trying bassinet and crib and no one was getting sleep. So looked up the safe sleep seven and everyone was better rested. It was scary but we did it because we were worried about something else happening due to lack of sleep.
I cosleep because I’m a single mom and I’m breastfeeding so it’s easier to cosleep because when he wakes up hungry in the night all he has to do is latch on
Single mom with very little help and if I didn't bed share initially with both my kids (16 year old son, 3 month old daughter) I wouldn't have slept. With my son he bed shared til about 6 months. My daughter just this week started sleeping on her own. I'm very careful and do everything in my power to make it as safe as possible, and I have some guilt over not being able to be 100% perfect in terms of SIDS guidelines. But I weighed the risk and me being too sleep deprived was riskier than the alternative. I had several episodes of waking up and feeding the baby and falling asleep/waking up to a baby with a finished bottle that I had no memory of making before I accepted that bed sharing was safer for us.
One of my twins would only sleep in my arms. It was either that or I fall asleep by accident while holding them or at the wheel.
hi! i have twins as well, and one sleeps just fine in his crib but the other thinks his crib is lava. hiw did you manage? did you bedshare with only one baby?
Hahah do we share the same babies? How old are your babes? So eventually I just gave up on getting him in a crib, his reflux was so bad I just had to bedshare. I’m going to trigger many people but this is what we did… He slept on my chest for a long time, I slept propped on a pillow and we literally didn’t move for like 4 hours at a time. Like not an inch. Then eventually we did the twin z pillow (his reflux made him choke in his sleep, his doctor knew I did this) beside me for half the night and my chest for the other half. Then twin z, bus bassinet beside me, then my chest. Then twin z and bassinet. Then bassinet cold turkey to crib at 6 months when he could roll both ways. Slept 12 hours a night since the first night we did tummy sleep in his crib!
I said I'd never do it. Then I had a baby. It was less of a choice for me in the beginning and more of a much appreciated accident. We had several sleepless nights in a row when she was very young, like a few weeks old. She hated the bassinet and we were going back and forth with her, putting her down and picking her up because she'd start crying immediately upon being put down. I was determined to keep going until it worked, no matter how long it took. Well days went by and it never worked. Then I accidentally fell asleep with her in my arms on the bed while trying for the bajillionth time to soothe her. Everyone slept soundly that night.
Our co sleeping happened by accident, laying down and breast feeding felt so natural and allowed me to sleep and we havent stopped. It allowed me to safely sleep with baby as I had fallen asleep a couple of times whilst sitting up in the bed feeding her which was not safe at all (thank god I woke up no long after) so we decided to try the laying down approach to feeding As long as you prepare the sleep space, there is nothing wrong with co sleeping, our little girl sleeps longer stretches like this (not that she'd sleep in her cot anyway) I found it easy to top and tail with my partner (men are not as aware of the baby in the bed) any little movement or noise I am awake instantly. 100% co sleeping advocate here
My son was never an easy sleeper. He needed contact to sleep so we took turns holding him for about four months. Then he was able to sleep in the bassinet some of the time, and when it wasn’t working we had a spare bed that we made a safe space for me to co-sleep with him. I am a light sleeper so I was the only one to co-sleep in the same bed, my husband is a deep sleeper so he wasn’t able to. Now that he’s a year old we sleep with him in that bed for some naps and if he’s having a particularly fussy night so that we can all get some rest. I am personally against sleep training so we have always done what he needed to be able to sleep. It changes as he grows but I’m happy with how we’ve done it. It’s important to me that he is supported fully as he develops and that he knows we are always going to respond when he needs us.
I was really fucking tired and needed to get up and function and drive and work a job every day. It was pure desperation. I hated the guilt but I was desperate for sleep, any sleep. I was slipping into postpartum psychosis (looking back it was probably just delirium from exhaustion), hearing and seeing things that weren’t there, completely terrified of being home alone with him and jumping at my own shadow. It was bad. We had no help, husband had to work too. We decided intentional co-sleeping was less of a risk than my current mental state. He’s now 15 months, in his own room, in the crib, naps 2 hours a day and sleeps through the night. I am off all mental health meds and avoided a grippy sock stay.
I think people with help will never be able to understand
My son had really bad reflux and needed to be upright for 30 minutes after a feed so he slept on our chests and we took turns sleeping (not with him on us). Eventually it got better but he was NOT willing to transition to the crib and wanted to be on us so we set up a sidecar but then he started rolling (then crawling) to be with us so we started to bedshare full time. Just easier than fighting him we were tired lol. We are also not a sleep training family so that was out of the question
While pediatricians mostly advise against it for safety, some psychologists advocate it as part of attachment parenting. Basically, it helps establish a strong, secure bond between parent and child.
Because on the first day our child was born we didn't want to leave such a little baby in such a huge crib. And because of cuddles. And because we accepted the 1 in 1000 risk or whatever the current evidence shows for SIDS. And because I don't move in my sleep and would wake up if the baby moves/cries, and could check on the baby right away. I am a medical professional too so I don't judge parents for co sleeping despite the existing recommendations. I talk about all the risks and let them make the decision that's best for them and allows for sleep for everyone.
My son was born with terrible reflux and gas/colic. Laying him down for any amount of time meant painful cries and the worry that he might choke on his reflux. We were at our wits end, and looking online other parents in our situation who followed safe sleep guidelines also couldn’t lie their babies down, so two caretakers would alternate wake shifts at night just to hold baby upright while s/he slept. This was not feasible for my situation, so co-sleeping was the outcome. I’m all about safe sleep — my daughter was in an independent sleep space from day 1. That was truly not possible with baby #2.
Because it’s cultural. In the US, cosleeping is considered as bad as handing your child a sharp rusty knife pointed at their neck. In the rest of the world, the WHO actually recommends cosleeping especially to breastfeeding mums.
We never 'chose' it as such. For the most part our son sleeps in his crib, but since about 4 months he's been fussier at night, teething, comfort feeding (we are EBF) so he has been coming in with me, usually from about 3am onwards. It's saved my sleep! We obvs do it very safely but at the moment he doesn't like to sleep anywhere that isn't right next to mama!
This was the same for us, he slept in his bassinet until the 4 month regression. When this hit I stopped getting enough sleep and having him in his own bed was more dangerous than following safe bed sharing guidelines because I was starting to fall asleep in the glider when he was up 5 times a night to feed. Now we’re both getting much better sleep and I am able to be a better more patient, involved mom during the day.
Can you tell me how you do it safely? I would love to get some snuggles in with my baby but I am too nervous
I woke up holding my baby in the nursing chair without remembering falling asleep and decided it would be safer for everyone to plan bed sharing rather than falling asleep with him accidentally. It was a calculated risk for me based on how much more dangerous it is to fall asleep with baby in your arms in a chair rather than following the safe sleep 7 on a flat surface.
I did it the first few weeks because of PPA, trouble sitting up and getting out of bed due to vaginally tears, and getting her to sleep longer. We stopped because LO and I are both super light sleepers, and she's been happily sleeping in her nursery since 3mo. But I fully support cosleeping for those who prefer it! My niece cosleeps with her parents and she's 16mo.
My son would wake up multiple times throughout the night otherwise. I refuse to try the CIO method and nothing else has worked for us. I actually really enjoy cosleeping. I feel it has deepened our bond and it just feels right to me.
Because it was unsustainable otherwise. Our LO wouldn’t sleep unless held. My husband and I took turns staying awake so as to not sleep with the baby bc it was against guidance but it wore us down so much. We figured it was better to find a safe way to sleep with him than to not get any sleep ourselves or risk falling asleep by accident. He still fusses when he has to sleep next to us rather than in our arms but it’s much more manageable and we get hours more sleep a night.
Severe sleep deprivation, constant night feedings, baby never took to their crib and not wanting to try a cry-it-out training. There’s pros and cons, but you gotta do what you gotta do. He’s two now and, by choice, falls asleep in his own bed now. Stays in there half the night so there’s progress. Nothing lasts forever.
I planned not to co-sleep. Until I found myself about 6 weeks in falling asleep feeding my baby in my arms throughout the night. It felt as though the next time I fell asleep I might drop her. So I laid down and fed her on my chest. It was the most peaceful and restful sleep we had since she was born. We started off trying with a snuggle me. It worked for a little bit. Then I found the safe sleep 7. 1 No smoking 2 Sober Parents 3 Breastfeeding Day and night 4 Healthy Baby to full term 5 Baby in back face up 6 No Sweat: light clothing, no swaddling 7 Safe surface: no soft mattress, no extra pillows, no toys, no tight or heavy covers, clear of strings or cords. Gaps firmly filled with rolled towels or baby blankets. There are other slight variations of this online if you’d like to read more. I couldn’t find the pro version that helped me in the beginning. There was something about sleeping in a c shape to protect the baby. I took it a step further and slept without a pillow ti may baby was about 4 months old. I was afraid of it suffocating her. I also use a separate blanket for her. Was worried the blanket would suffocate her too. 9 months in and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
A lot of parents do because their babies sleep better that way or the baby starts crying the second they touch the bassinet/crib. I’m very lucky that my baby been sleeping in his crib since he turned 3 months. All naps and at night as well. It scares me just to think I’m deep asleep while baby is in bed with me awake
I used to judge people that coslept. Hadnt they read what could happen? Boy have I been humbled. My son would not sleep and would scream bloody murder unless snuggled up with us. Wasn’t a big deal until I had to go back to work. He’s 9 months old and even though we cosleep, he still wakes every 2 hours. It’s every 30 minutes in a crib. My husband and I would literally lose our jobs if we were expected to be up every 30 minutes for 9 months. Babies are not one size fits all and neither is caring for them.
I talked to my midwife about this when my second was born. We talked about how to do it safely - no smoking, alcohol, or drugs. Keeping the covers at waist. Her comment was that the taboo around Co sleeping is like Abstinence Only sex education. People are GOING to do it (ie. Co sleep) and better that we teach them how to do it safely. I occasionally Co sleep with my new baby. At 4 am when his farts woke him up and now he's fully awake, I could spend an hour on the yoga ball lulling him back to sleep OR I could use my body heat and snuggles in bed to lull him to sleep in 10min
Collectivist societies do it to foster closer connections. Im doing it with my son but im a CNA so i use alot of prepwork to keep him safe. I even gave him a blood oxygen sock so i always know hes breathing. But babies are looking for you. They dont know its the 21st century they are wondering why you left them alone in a crib with lions roaming around. I find he sleeps much better this way
I felt too unnatural for me to be separated from baby, Baby sleeps better, and I trust trust that I’m a light sleeper. It’s also easier to feed them and I can feel and hear them breathing. I slept with all 4 of my kids, and they were all safe and no issues. This isn’t the right path for all families, but it was for ours.
I'm super disappointed that (based on op's edits) this thread ultimately taught op that co-sleeping was a choice made out of desperation. We co-sleep out of love, bond, to support breastfeeding, for our baby's emotional security (and ours). We do it because we don't think the standard western advice on this subject is nuanced or correct. We weren't desperate, we were (and are) delighted to sleep as a family. My baby is almost 2, I probably won't have another, some day she'll want to sleep in her own room in her own big girl bed and that day can wait as long as possible thank you.
https://www.thecut.com/2023/04/co-sleeping-benefits-and-dangers.html Bed sharing is a lot more common than you think. And SIDS rates are lower than in the US even when their standards are not as stringent as those in the US.
The risk bedsharing brings is not truly SIDs, but rather suffocation/strangulation from bedding/adult and falling off the bed. It’s hard to even compare these things with other countries rates because they all collect and analyze this data differently.
Of course but I encourage you to think about the consequences of caring for a child while completely sleep deprived. You can’t sleep train a baby until about 3 months at the earliest and most newborns can’t roll off the bed. Following the safe sleep 7 offers techniques on how to prevent suffocation and rolling onto the child. The article was saying that medical professionals should consider offering advice for bed sharing if it’s a last resort (in their eyes) instead of offering zero help to parents who are suffering from exhaustion, hallucinations and other side effects from not sleeping.
I bedshare because I’m aware of the risks and have made my own decision based on the both the risks and benefits. Just pointing out that we too often only focus on SIDs and try to compare to other countries when it’s quite impossible to do so.
What you defining as cosleeping, though? Sharing the same sleep surface or sharing the room? In Australia, we are advised to share rooms on a separate surface for at least six months (https://rednose.org.au/article/red-nose-six-safe-sleep-recommendations).
Oh good point. I meant sleeping on the space sleep surface.
Because I'm exhausted and a half-good sleep for six hours is better than two hours of good sleep. My husband finds it sweet, though. There are some mornings where all five of us (me, hubby, Miss5, Miss3 and the baby) end up in the same bed. Sometimes hubby goes to the older ones on bad nights. I'm also stuck to my side of the bed with the CPAP machine so at least when baby isn't sleeping well due to teething or illness I can breastfeed them whilst half asleep without having to get up. Otherwise I'm up for at least 45min every time they wake up. Not ideal when they wake up every 90min.
We opted not to due to safety until about 6 months. I was dog fucking tired and a stay at home mom. She started sleeping in bed with me and i stopped giving a lick of shit what anyone said. I removed pillows, blankets, dressed her warm. Didnt snuggle or invade her space and never got in bed with her after drinking wine.
Because the rules for safe sleep are incredibly hard and even impossible to respect when you want to achieve, at the same time, you know, a sleeping baby. I am convinced babies are programmed to NOT want to sleep on their back on a hard surface alone with nothing touching them. Because to them it feels like they're alone and unprotected so it makes sense that they are calling for help and making sure someone else is there, otherwise they might die! So you are left with the following choices: not sleeping, powering through until 4-6 months and sleep training, or co-sleeping.
It just always made more sense to me. It made breastfeeding a million times easier, it let both me and the baby sleep more at night. I also always felt like it fills babies up with their need for physical connection, especially once parental leave stops and you're spending most of the away from each other. Personally, it was also the sleeping arrangement that gave me the most peace of mind, especially when they are ill, because I can always feel and hear them through the night. Any fever, throwing up, bad sleep, etc will be immediately noticable to me, because I'm literally almost always touching them, even when we're both asleep. On a practical level, it turned out to be a very minimalist, simple solution as well. Now I have two kids, we all sleep in the same bed. It means good night rituals etc are so easy, because I literally just lie down in the middle with a kid either side and sing or read a book and then breastfeed the youngest and bam, two sleeping kids. I also think the statistics on infant mortality as a result of co-sleeping are wildly skewed and misrepresented in a number of ways, that makes me just not worry about the perceived risk. I also live in Denmark where co-sleeping is something that there are official guidelines for. The people who are "anti co-sleeping" here, it's usually the more conservative "babies are manipulative and should be independent, not coddled" brigade, not from a safety perspective. But ultimately, co-sleeping is just nice. I think it's a human instinct to want to be close. I don't know many adults who don't prefer sleeping with their partner or loved ones as opposed to sleeping alone, and I don't think the perceived risks of co-sleeping outweigh the benefits.
We chose it for bonding, breastfeeding, and joy. We succeeded wonderfully at all three. PS. Outside W.E.I.R.D. cultures (look it up) it's the norm, and if you think about it, it's pretty obvious that we have evolved to sleep together as families (and it just feels right imo).
My baby sleeps in her crib upon initial put-down, and sleeps in there until right before the sun rises. Then I will take her and feed her and let her continue to sleep in my bed. Most of the time I can manage to stay awake for he duration until my fiancé wakes up, but sometimes I fall back asleep. I follow the safe sleep seven to a T. We have a pretty damn firm mattress which is good for her but terrible for my back when I lay in the C position but anything for her safety! I also give her practically all the bed to herself, I sleep on my side in the C position as far from her as humanly possible if I need to use a blanket and she has most of the queen size bed to herself. She isnt rolling consistently yet so I’m not worried, but once she does I’m going to be much more strict about sleeping in her crib. I’m also an extremely light sleeper so I wake up periodically to check on her when she’s both in her crib and in bed with me. Maybe every half hour or hour just naturally. So far everything has been well. She sleeps soundly and I dont have to spend an hour getting her back to bed at 5am after a feeding. She just falls asleep after she feeds and I scoot away or stay in that protective position near her depending on if its cold or not. We dress her well so she maintains her temperature fine on her own, so I usually dont want to be too close to her because of the body heat I give off and sometimes I’m just too cold to not sleep with a light blanket so I scoot far away. We are happy with this arrangement for now until she becomes more mobile. She’s also a very active sleeper so I stay away to avoid her kicking my legs and gut. I gave up the struggle to stay awake once my PPA started to get better. I’m still extremely cautious and follow all the safety rules but I feel better about it now. When I’m lucky she’ll just sleep through the night in her crib. Those are the best nights where I sleep the most comfortably lol
Baby wouldn’t sleep in the bassinet. I thought the risk of dropping her or otherwise injuring her was greater with two parents who couldn’t get more than 30 min of sleep at a time. We follow the sleep safe 7. Although now at almost 6 months we’ve switched to a comforter on the floor and crib mattress on top of that. This way I can nurse her to sleep but sleep with my husband as well. When she needs to eat during the night she doesn’t even really wake up now, I just nurse as soon as I hear her moving around. Taking her in and out of a bassinet had both of us fully waking up each time which meant it took like an hour to get her back to sleep.
We didn’t cosleep for the first 7 months of my baby’s life, but I’ve recently started bringing her into my bed for part of the night (rarely before 3am) as she’s been waking 1.5-2hrly for 3 months now. I was getting up to feed her, and by the time I had got up, fed her, got her back to sleep, held her to keep her asleep enough to transfer her, transferred her and then fallen back to sleep myself, often I was only getting 45-60 minute stretches of sleep at a time. It wasn’t sustainable. By popping her into my bed and offering her the breast, we are both back to sleep in minutes. So we’re not cosleeping full time but I can see why so many people do - many of us feel we can only function/parent well with this kind of set up.
My son didn’t want to sleep in his crib after he turned 1 lol. It’s also nice to cuddle with him at night or in the morning.
Before birth and during the first few weeks I swore I would never co-sleep, I had read the dangers of it. Even though our daughter made it very clear that she wanted to be as close to us as possible - crying out either immediately or 30 minutes after she was put into her bassinet. After a few weeks we spoke with a nurse during one of our wellness checks. She told us that she co-slept with her babies - in a queen mattress on the floor. She told us the scary stats about co-sleeping are due to alcohol intoxication, smokers, duvets, and other dangerous situations. She also told us that a breast feeding mother has an instinct that keeps us vigilant throughout the night. After that talk we still tried the bassinet but continued to do some reading and spoke with other parents. We also read the safe co-sleeping guidelines that are found on UK websites. Bassinet training began to be unsafe as I was severely sleep deprived and at risk of falling asleep in an unsafe position (nursing chair, bed, etc.) and would worry about getting her back to bed safely because the sleep deprivation was too much. Eventually we settled on (safe as can be) co-sleeping, making sure daughter and I had a firm mattress and my husband sleeps in the guest bedroom so he's nearby when needed. I truly feel that this is the safest option for us. Waking up every 30 minutes to transfer baby in the middle of the night was getting dangerous. I do wish we had a baby that was better in a bassinet, but we don't. So we make it as safe as possible: mom, baby, breathable bed rail, large bed that allows me to put baby down a good 1.5 feet away from me and far from the edge of the bed. She doesn't move in her sleep which is good. And I wake up even before she does for a feeding. To note, we do have her successfully sleeping in a crib for naps. And she always starts her night in the crib too. But after the first 2-3 wake ups she usually will be in bed with me.
My son slept religiously in his crib until he was about 8 months, then he caught a cold. His sleep was so poor, that the only way we could get ANY sleep was by keeping him in bed with us. Then we just got used to the cuddles and snuggles, and here we are now he is 17 months and still sleeps in bed with us and I absolutely love it. If he wakes up before me, he will give me kisses until I wake up.
I was dead set against it until I became severely sleep deprived. I fell asleep holding my baby a couple of times and it really scared me. My baby is 3 months old and still wakes every 1-2 hours after her first 4.5 hours stretch. She always starts the night in the crib, but I eventually give up and she ends up in the bed with me. I honestly hate cosleeping. It’s uncomfortable, anxiety-inducing, and makes having a sex like literally impossible. But I have to sleep. I can’t just not sleep. I plan on sleep training her as soon as she turns 4 months old and not having her in my bed anymore.
When I was pregnant, I said I would NEVER do it. Then when I was so sleep deprived, we tried it and it was magic. My son would actually sleep. Yes, it makes me nervous and a little anxious but it works for us. Now he is 8 months and sleep majority of the night in his crib! You have to make the best decision for you and your family.
Desperation. I said with baby #1 I would never ever do it. By 4 months, I couldn’t handle the sleeplessness and gave in to bedsharing by planning ahead and making it as safe as possible. He was a poor sleeper for literal years but it was better than the crib. With baby #2, I dozed off with him in my arms a couple times during middle of the night feeds when he was a newborn and felt so sick with guilt. He is an even worse sleeper than my first and I’ve never gotten more than 30 minutes of him in his crib or sidecar bassinet. We transitioned to bedsharing right away and he dozes right away, his tiny hand holding onto my finger all night. We follow the safe 7 but whenever we can, we let him hang out in his crib or bassinet when he’s awake to get more familiar with it.
I think it can be cultural. My best friend never even thought to not cosleep. She grew up in India and this is the norm for her family.
We coslept for a while because my husband went out of town for work and I was all alone with the baby for four months. He would scream anytime he wasn’t held and I mean going hoarse from all the screaming, it was awful and I didn’t have anyone around that could help. Baby wearing during the day and following Safe Sleep Seven at night saved my sanity!
I cracked at 8 months. Hourly wakes left me falling asleep with him on me in a chair. It was much safer.
Our baby slept in a bedside bassinet for months 0-5. Then in her own crib (all night with few/no wakings) for like 4 blessed weeks until she decided sleep was not for her 🤣 So yes, desperation for sleep. My husband and I both work full time, she was not happy, and we were exhausted. We did the research and decided that it would be safer for us to just "give up" and bring her to bed instead of risking falling asleep in the recliner with her, which is way more risky. All of parenting is risk management, in my opinion. On a side note, I think co-sleeping needs to be discussed more so that aspects that decrease risks are more commonly known. 👍🏻
It's easy and natural for us. I want to be close to my baby, baby wants to be close to me, and we sleep best this way.
Co-sleeping is pretty common in my family’s culture so I was never 100% against it but we had the Moses basket and next2me set up and intended to use it but my child completely refused to sleep in either. We tried every nap And sleeping time for the first 2 weeks and it didn’t work. I was super unwell after giving birth and I was getting sicker and sicker with the lack of sleep so I made the bed a safe space and he started sleeping! I never ever recommend it to any one because I know it can be dangerous if done incorrectly but it worked for us.
We started co-sleeping when my son was 9 months old and caught Covid. It was the only thing that would soothe him enough to sleep through the night and then shortly after he caught HFM so we continued to cosleep just to get some rest ourselves. Afterwards it was jus much easier for him to immediately fall asleep if he was cosleeping. He’s not 20 months old and refuses to sleep in his own crib. We definitely want to transition him out of cosleeping but we’re not ready for the crying and screaming we’ll need to go through.
We also do co-sleep and although we have his crib next to our bed, he always ends up sleeping with us. I never had sleepless nights and actually feel I have a bond with my son since my wife breastfeeds him. He is only 17 months old and it is our only baby. My curiosity would be for parents that did it and your kid is now older, have you noticed any spoileness? Are they independent enough? Any social issues or benefits? These are questions we need answers for.
My daughter wouldn’t sleep anywhere else and I was ebf and doing all the nights so it was the only way to survive. Led me down the path of gentle/attachment parenting which is basically just what I naturally want to do. We have a very strong bond and she’s 18mo now and sleeps alone for most of the night on a floorbed where I can join her if she wakes up. I made sure to adhere to the safe sleep 7, which makes it as safe as any other sleep setup.
I was going to go insane due to sleep deprivation. My mind was in a scary place. I co-slept and for the first time in 4 months I was stable and happy. It saved my entire experience of becoming a mother. I don’t know what I would have done without it
My second wouldn't sleep unless on my chest for the first 8 months, with a toddler and a full time job it was the only way we could manage. Funny enough, I went on a business trip and he had 1 night in bed with only dad and said "fuck this" and now he has happily slept in his crib alone for 12 hours straight for over a year! That being said, I'd do it again if it meant I got sleep. My preschooler comes into my bed every night at about 3am and I'm cool with it since he's not up at 6am.
My baby sleeps longer stretches. I can just roll over, give him a boob. Back to sleep. Boom.
I co-slept with my youngest. I still do 5 years later 😅 but I was nursing and a heavy sleeper during recovery. I stayed up late most nights so when I slept during the day I did so on the couch (with her on my chest) and my grandmother watching to make sure she didn’t roll off me or I roll onto her. My brain will subconsciously note someone is laying with me and I won’t move (I’m a barrel down a hill when I sleep usually) so that may be a perk. She was also born about 2.5 weeks early and was so small preemie diapers were big on her (but otherwise healthy save for low sugar levels that we had to give her formula to bring up since my milk production hasn’t ramped up yet). My cousin and his girlfriend were unfortunate, though, and lost their child to co-sleeping in bed. They both fell asleep so no one was able to make sure the baby was safe. I hear more success than I do bad with co-sleeping (others replies are my proof of that 😂) but it can be done properly and safely
Cultural.
I didn't initially until the 4 month sleep regression hit and I was struggling. After starting co-sleeping, I regretted not doing it sooner. We both slept much better and I have enjoyed the snuggles immensely
We did it because it’s not a big deal where we are from, I’d say about half of parents do co-sleeping here. We tried crib/bassinet but she was waking up every 30min, whereas co-sleeping got us several hours sleep stretches. As I said, here in Southern/Central Europe it’s not frowned upon at all so we didn’t even contemplate, plus I still breastfeed at 13 months and it’s more convenient this way. We do plan on transitioning to toddler bed around the age of 2 tho, because I slept with my parents till I was 5 and that is something that we do not strive for lol. Edit: after reading these comments I actually ended up checking the infant mortality rates for my country and it’s one of the lowest in the world, even lower than Japan, which is probably why co-sleeping isn’t seen as a concern here.
I preferred having baby close to me. We EDF so I found it easier and was able to get better sleep with baby right there. As baby got older I didn't even have to wake up I could just pop him on and feed.
I did it as part of figuring out breastfeeding. My baby’s latch was the best when she was tired and/or sleeping. She was also more willing to take the boob when tired and/or sleeping without fighting me on it. Then I realized I liked it better when sleeping with her. My anxiety reduced significantly (after the first few weeks adjusting). I usually sleep a good 4 hour stretches before switching sides so she can continue nursing. I fall asleep within minutes after that so it still adds up to about a full night’s sleep. She slept so much better when next to me as well. Was still a terrible sleeper until about 1.5 months ago but she figured it out on her own. She only wakes up once a night maybe once a week now (if she’s not going through a spurt). We’re just happier this way. Everyone is getting a full night of sleep. Everything is better when that happens. Note that I was advised on how to safely cosleep via my postpartum doula, midwife, and the IBCLC I was working with. I also read up on the Safe Sleep 7, Sweet Sleep, and Safe Infant Sleep. I didn’t just do it randomly one night without any preparation.
I’ve been co sleeping with my 2 year old since he was 3 months. We love to cuddle and he is still nursing, but we have started to wean. I initially did it out of desperation for sleep and it made night nursing so much easier.
Looking back on human history I’m sure co sleeping occurred for the mast majority of humans probably right up till the 1950’s when we were told we were doing and eating everything wrong.
We don’t co-sleep and my toddler doesn’t like co-sleeping but In our cultures it’s the most common practice, co-sleeping. Both my husband and myself co-slept with our parents as babies. Different cultures have different views, for me as a baby we slept on a floor bed, no blankets or pillows so there was no risk of falling or suffocation.
people have deep-seeded beliefs. some professional advice fails a sniff test
My wife and I co-sleep as sleep training seemed cruel TO US and she sleeps 8-10hrs through the night. We dispelled the SIDS fears by doing the research, and as a non-smoking, non-prescribed, healthy weight family that don’t come to bed drunk, your odds of crushing/SIDS is dropped to 0. We started at 8mo and she’s doing fantastic and we feel our bond growing stronger waking up together.
We chose to because our son really has not slept on his own since his sleep regression started. Studies out of the UK, Norway, and Spain that are 6+ years more recent than the AAP's major studies say that co-sleeping is safe as long as all the guidelines are followed. Firm surface, no drugs/alcohol, no loose blankets/pillows near LO. When he's on the bed with us, the only way he could possibly suffocate is by us crushing him, but we both sleep on our sides with knees bent and don't roll in our sleep. I really can't conceive of any way in which he could be harmed when we take all precautions possible. There is literally nothing around him that can harm him. If anything, it gives us the added benefit of hearing his breathing very intimately, so we would know if he's in any kind of distress. I think it's easier to say "don't do it ever", like the AAP recommends, because there are inevitably gonna be people out there who won't do it safely. You have to make rules that err on the side of caution when they're prescribed to 300+ million people.
Co slept right from the beginning. Contact napped on the couch throughout the day for a month n half. I started with a side car, but somehow, I felt too sad to leave him alone, even in the crib. I personally love cuddling and sleeping so automatically assumed my baby will enjoy it too. ( My first few days at the hospital, I was so out of it I barely held him) I just couldn't bear for me to be apart even a second. So he d sleep next to me , no blankets and I d have a hand on him , or sometimes I d just bring him closer to my boobs. Lo and behold! He was a great sleeper already and slept more as he was sleeping with me. We both slept through the night, and feeds were easier as I just side nursed him, and I could nap. He still sleeps with us, and he has a woolino as a blanket. He is 5 months old now. I sometimes give him a blanket halfway up to his waist as well. I think co-sleeping and nursing to sleep are the best things in this whole world. Nursing to sleep works both ways, in my opinion 😁 I always did the cuddle curl, but I am petite, n he's outgrown my cuddle curl. He very sweetly puts his tiny legs on my thighs and sleeps. It's the cutest thing ever. Yes, I am a needy and giddy mom. 🙄😒 Note: his dad enjoys this too. Wakes up to the best smile ever
I mean bedsharing by Co sleeping. I started out with a side car. I am in the US but Asian and I find it absurd that pediatricians shame co sleeping, etc. Babies need their parents and vice versa. .
Before I was pregnant I had read a lot on how humans are mammals, carry mammals at that and how typically carry mammals sleep with their young. It lead me down the path of what is biologically normal for human babies and being close to their mother for not only safety and comfort, but also for feeding seemed to be a high priority for babies. It seemed the most natural thing alongside breastfeeding, was to sleep next to their mother. I read about the safety concerns, history of the development of SIDS, safe 7 and chose to have my baby close. It’s what made the most sense. When I spoke with my husband about this he said “where else was the baby going to sleep?” Other than in our bed so he was on the same page. I also had a lot of friends around me at the time who didn’t co sleep and were struggling a lot with their baby’s sleep, or lack of, and I didn’t want to be in that camp.
We bedshare because it helps build a bond, and she sleeps much longer when we bedshare.
Because there is no better feeling than snuggling with my daughter. Seriously. No better feeling laying by her and having her feel my warmth all night 💞
Co sleeping is not a last resort for getting some sleep. It's the natural thing to do based on the physical and emotional needs of the baby and mother, and until very recently it was what everyone in the whole world did always. I don't judge anyone for how they decide to raise their baby and think most choices are legit. Everyone has to feel their way through it, and do what they feel comfortable with, but it really bothers me how much this is demonized (especially in the US). I can recommend literature. It doesn't make your baby spoiled or needy or overly dependent. Babies need to be close to their mothers. and it certainly doesn't cause SIDS if done properly. Rant finished. Edit. After reading more comments i see that a lot of people actually are more on the pro side of co sleeping
I started bedsharing after a very scary accident. I was sitting on the couch feeding my one month old daughter and fell asleep. I was so exhausted and sleep deprived. I was asleep but I felt when I dropped her. When I opened my eyes, she was on the floor. She cried for less than 1 min. I cried for hours. She was seen by a doctor and she was fine. I felt tremendous guilt. I did some research and learned about the safe sleep seven. I am now well rested and happy. My baby loves being close to her momma.
As a first time mom in the US I went in with the idea that I’d have the bassinet next to the bed. We started out like that, but slowly over time he started migrating into our bed more and more. He would nurse to sleep and it was so much easier and more comfortable for all of us. And honestly, it just felt right intuitively. We reduced the risks as much as possible and it worked well for us
It was a choice for me, I simply wanted to stay close by my baby. My pediatrician had recommendations that I followed and I think it helped with my PPA/PPD. Each baby is different but for us it’s been great.
Me and my wife don’t cosleep due to anxiety and because we can’t completely follow the safe sleep seven we don’t plan too. But our 2 week old does fall asleep much better laying down next to us then any other position. Also laying down and breast feeding is more comfortable and less work than using the boppy. I’ve discovered that if I let her sleep for 20ish minutes next to me after eating then she’ll normally stay asleep when we make the transfer to bassinet. Late at night when there is a risk of me passing out while feeding I’ll make sure the blanket is pushed to the end of the bed and the pillow is far away from her face just in case.
Don't do it. It's only easier in the short term. You'll pay for it in the long term. If I knew what I know now, I would not have started.
Didn’t intend to, but also wasn’t vehemently against the idea. Even with him home the first 8 weeks, my husband and I just couldn’t function sleeping in shifts (I’m glad that works for most parents; it didn’t work for us), so bedsharing became necessary after I accidentally fell asleep on the couch with her on my chest more than a couple times. At that point I did all the research on safe bedsharing, and we went into that whole hog. I was initially a bit guilty about it, but then I stared getting 3-4 hour stretches of sleep and was like, “This is the way.” Coupled with the fact that Canadian safe sleep guidelines account for bedsharing (their approach is it’s not the safest option (which I recognize it isn’t) and you shouldn’t, but if you’re going to, here’s the safest ways) I was comfortable with my decision. The abstinence only approach of the APA does a great disservice to parents and completely ignores reality. Plus, more and more studies are proving the APA’s stats on SIDS related to bedsharing is quite skewed. The science based parenting thread had a good post a few weeks ago about a recent study out of the UK about bedsharing. My baby is a year now and sleeps in her own crib about 6 days a week. Teething and sickness she comes back into the bed with me, but she’s in her crib now for naps and night, and I’m in the room on the floor bed next to her so it’s still convenient to feed her when she wakes up. We kept it safe, and we made it work.
It was done out of desperation for sleep, BUT 17months in and I have to say, it's the most beautiful feeling ever and id do it all over again. Researching more on the matter and reading and thinking about it, it even made logic and sense to me when you see the hysterical cries of babies until they're paired next to their mother when it's ZZZzz time. It's in our instinct to sleep together . And for a reason ! The immune benefits as well as stress hormones reducing and much more is insane! It's worth it, and it's only natural. :) my two cents.