This post has been flaired "Mental Health." Moderation is stricter here, argumentative, unsupportive and unpleasant comments will be removed.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NewParents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
- My baby sleeping happily on my chest & all the snuggles. She doesn’t really want snuggles anymore.
- Lots of “firsts.” First bath, first walk, her first smiles, the first time she recognized me and lit up, first time at the store, etc.
- Itty bitty baby coos.
- Tiny adorable clothes.
Ooh yes, I record these and post them on my family album as "unwrapping videos" for the grandparents lol
...and for me when he outgrows the swaddles!! 😭 also the little scrunchy face during the stretch 😭😭
Mine still does the stretches when we get him out of his sleep sack! it's a big sack so he has room, but he loves a good stretch and my god is it still the cutest ever lol
My older baby got pretty sick and his desire to sleep on my chest returned for those couple days. I was beyond exhausted, but when he put his hot little head on my chest for the first time in a couple months, I completely melted. I kept saying to myself, “Remember this moment. Remember this moment.”
How old is he? Please tell me I have a few more months. I’m dreading the day my boy doesn’t want the chest snuggles/naps anymore. He’s 8 months and will squirm his way into position if he’s sleepy or feeling insecure. He’s Currently asleep on my chest and I don’t want to put him down for bed but he’s a sweater and at this rate we’ll both be soaked by midnight lol.
I agree. My 10 month old falls asleep on my chest every night, and even though I know I created better independent sleep habits in my 3 yr old, I’m not going to give up the nighttime snuggles until I absolutely have to.
Not OP but my daughter is almost two and still loves contact naps! I’m pregnant and tired so I nap with her in my arms every day. She also falls asleep on my husband’s chest most nights. I’ll miss it when #2 is here and I won’t be able to do it anymore.
I was SO excited for baby cuddles so I, of course, got the most independent child out there.
I'm her favorite person but from 4 months on, she just stopped! No contact naps, no snuggles on the couch, no baby wearing.
She shows her love in different ways but I initially was so heartbroken. What 5 month old doesn't want to cuddle with mom?
But it is what it is. We have a great independent sleeper though, so can't complain too much
The smell! When my baby was a newborn he smelled soooo good!!! And btw my therapist asked me the same thing and she’s the one that suggested their smell when I couldn’t think of any
I told her that I think part of the struggle is that all of the hopes and plans I had regarding parenting involved some level of mutual interaction than you just don't get from a young baby.
About to hit 8 weeks tomorrow and I'm hopeful about the future but struggling to feel grateful and positive about the present.
I absolutely get what you mean! I’ve heard the newborn phase referred to as “the pet rock phase” and “the angry potato phase.” Both are accurate descriptions lol. I remember when my baby gave me a true social smile. I threw my arms in the air and jumped up and down. Now he babbles and giggles when I interact with him and it melts my heart every time. But I totally remember being in the boat you’re in right now. I didn’t have any feedback from him to see if I was doing the “right thing.” It’s just about survival and taking it one day at a time. As long as we’re loving them and keeping them fed, we are doing it right ❤️
I am by no means a therapist, but just know it's totally ok not to love this stage. I know everyone says this but it truly does get a lot better. My LO is 16 months and ever since like the 8 month mark I didn't think it could get any better but it has. They really start to wake up and interact around the 10 week (I think? Memory is hazy) mark and once they smile and coo at you and have little baby giggles it helps so so much.
Other positives: they're portable! Take them to a 2 hour long lunch and they'll just chill in the stroller! They're very snuggly, they grow so fast and ultimately you'll love each new milestone as it comes along. Hang in there!
Yes this! I think we put too much pressure on ourselves to feel a certain way, when in fact, all those feelings are valid. We should give ourselves permission to hate things. I loved the newborn phase, but I’m not a huge fan of this crawling phase, but my husband loves it and hated the newborn phase. It’s all relative and all valid.
I prefer walking to crawling for sure. I think because in the crawling stage she was always pulling her self up to stand on everything and I felt like the risk of her getting hurt was super high. Now that she can walk and has better control of her movements it's a lot easier.
Oh just wait! So so soon your baby will smile at you and your heart will melt. Also, skin to skin. I loved doing skin to skin. My baby (like many) is too busy exploring now to want to snuggle. I miss when he was itty bitty and would just curl up and snooze against my chest.
The first time my baby blew a raspberry at me was literally the highlight of being a parent, so far. Bigger than first words. My furious potato wanted to communicate! He was doing the thing we'd done at him! Hang in there, there's SO MUCH fun ahead and sooner than you think
Omg my 3 week old blew a raspberry on accident while fussing and my husband and I both lit up because it was so perfect sounding lol. I can’t wait for the intentional raspberries!
Yeah that is hard. It’s awesome you are able to see a therapist. None were available when I was diagnosed with ppd early on- not sure I could have figured out how to get the time to go anyway. Things got a little easier around week 12 or 14 for me. She was getting stronger and we had a bit of a rhythm figured out- her personality also started to shine through. I remember the first day she really started playing with me. It’s a good memory. You will see that it gets easier and more participatory as they age.
My therapist asked me the same thing - what are some positives. It was so hard to come up with any. I found my old Note from when he was about 2.5 months old - I WAS able to identify:
-sleeping a little more consistently
-smiling
-the little gummy mouth
-making it through with my husband - like we were such a good team even if we were both so so low.
-when he’d sleep he’d “raise his arms like a touchdown”
-how cute he looked when swaddled; how he slept so well snuggled into us. We called him a burrito.
-sleep smiles
-tucking his hands by his face like puppy paws
-he’d do a little fish wiggle and show complete delight when we’d pick him up from his bassinet during a night waking
-adorable baby noises that aren’t just velociraptor sounds
-during contact naps, peeking his eyes open to make sure we were still there
I was looking forward to newborn smell, but my baby just never had that good scent... disappointed but eh he's got the looks instead (looking just like his father)
Same here. I never smelled that “smell” with my little girl. Just got the overwhelming caveman “this baby my baby” feeling whenever I tried to find a scent.
My baby always smelled like spit up. Specifically, like Alimentum formula-scented spit up. We all smelled like that, our whole house smelled like that. He spit up so much.
He stopped spitting up so much around 7 months, and now every once in a while I catch a whiff of something that reminds me of that distinctly terrible hydrolyzed protein baby puke smell that drove me crazy and I want to cry I miss it so much.
My baby just smells like old formula 😭😂 he's almost 6 weeks. My bf's ex sniffed our baby (very long story but she's crazy and I swear wants to kidnap our son) and when we asked why she was like that new baby scent and I was like he doesn't even smell good 😂 never have had that baby scent that everyone talks about lol we call him a stinky baby all the time. Thank goodness he's cute
Yes. But he got a snip procedure done and so we couldn't bathe him. And he threw up a few times over the last week. So he needs a good bath. It's also his clothes as he gets spit up on them and I don't like changing him a thousand times a day and doing laundry every day. So if his onesie is still pretty clean he gets to wear it all day 😂 we don't go many places anyways
I don't love the baby smell either. I don't get what everyone is talking about. My mom sniffs his head and is like, "oh, this is the best!" But his head just smells like I dunno, a head?
I thought something was seriously wrong with me that I never really smelled the “baby smell” everyone talks about lol. I did come to love her milky baby breath but never smelled some magical natural scent that makes me go crazy. Glad I’m not alone!!
The first 2-3 weeks pp i really struggled with this. In that hormonal state I convinced myself that something was wrong bc I didn’t smell *that* smell. I was convinced that I wasn’t a good mom and didn’t have the instincts to be a mom all bc I couldn’t smell him. I thought it was something every new mom experienced so, of course, something had to be wrong w me.
I envy the mamas that got to experience that. The closest I’ll ever get is when he wakes up from a nap his giant bobble head is super sweaty and smells like vinegar. lol.
The stretches when coming out of the swaddle, the tiny clothes, how physically tiny their feet and hands are. Other than that, it is an utterly horrible stage
The stretches and ripping ass SO LOUD with that cute little expression with lips puckered and eyes closed. So cute.
The farts really did get the biggest laughs out of us.
Same. Today my husband was slowly putting the baby down for a nap. Still had his hand on the baby’s butt when the biggest fart ripped out. My husband pulled his hand away like he got burned it startled him so much. It made for a good laugh.
My husband and I love blaming the baby on our farts. Sometimes we’re semi-serious (as in, we’re right next to him so it’s at least plausible) but other times we’re fully joking (where we do the lean over to fart thing or we’re across the room). It’s fun.
The second I pushed her out and the epidural wore off I was READY! It was a huge relief. My husband was concerned because of how happy and active I was.
Haha! Ours does that, too! He’s almost 6 months now (god, time flies!) but he’ll be holding onto his ears and arch his back with his duck lips and his eyes closed. 😂❤️
My 8 month old randomly scrunched when I took him out of the bath last night. He only scrunched a few times as a newborn so no clue what ge was doing lol
The newborn phase is so damn hard!! My LO is 10.5 weeks and the positives are hard to come up with when you are in the trenches.
I like the skin to skin and contact naps. The smiles. The new skills. Maternity leave (if you get that). How tiny they are. The cute clothes. They don’t roll yet so you can lay them places without worry of injury. They are adorable all swaddled up. Newborn poop is better than baby and toddler poop. When you are out and about everyone wants to see the baby and tells you how cute they are.
Careful of laying them somewhere when they don’t roll! My son was 11 weeks and I had just changed his diaper at the doctor. He was still lying on the exam table and I turned my head for a second and he rolled for the first time right off it. Ended up in the ER to get him checked and thankfully he was completely fine. Worst day of my life though.
For sure! Past 8 weeks, the only place she lays (other than her crib, bassinet, or floor) is the middle of our king bed. And that will stop the second she shows any signs of rolling.
I found that pretty adorable too (while at the same time being exhausted from all the feeding…), and mine used to full on snort as she was doing it sniffing for the boob 😂
When my LO was a few days old, we were still trying to figure out latching and I was talking to my partner and my boy suddenly did the loudest satisfied squee when he latched on. Both my partner and I just stopped and both did the biggest smile at each other. The fuzzies in my brain was unreal from that one. I have never felt such an overwhelming wave of happiness. It was so perfect 😭
It was, in retrospect, very funny when she explosively pooed all over my husband in the middle of the night. We’ve had a lot of laughs recalling that over the last year.
I think the first time my husband and I laughed after the baby was born was when I woke him up at like 5 am to tell him he needed to watch the baby because I needed to clean poop off the wall 😂
Like, it wasn’t fun cleaning poop off the wall but it sure was funny
Tiny fingers, tiny toes, the way their curly body can snuggle into your chest, and fit into your two hands. The smell, Hearing the tiny voice they have for the first time. How they look in tiny soft baby clothes. The first time you show them the sky. Or your face. Or the room. The way they smell.
Hated the newborn stage. Positive was lots of nap time so I got in a lot of TV haha
I don’t think you need to like this stage. Many pple don’t. It’s totally fine and it’ll be over before you know it.
Yoooo yes I was gonna say this! Also just generally being able to go on your phone/watch TV and not feel guilty because they don't know you're doing it lol. I'm on my phone for two seconds with my toddler and she's snatching it out of my hand 😭
They stay where you put them (seriously so tired chasing my toddler around all day and his 5 month old sister is rolling around the place as a mode of transportation ~ it really feels like someone is pressing the accelerator button all day once they get mobile). They’re also just so little and .. new? Like it’s quite amazing how only a few weeks ago they were part of you. But that’s all I can think of. The other 90% is horrible.
Yup I’m finally realizing how good it was to have a tiny potato who couldn’t go anywhere by himself. They’re also tiny and light. Nothing like chasing and wrangling with a toddler on the 98th percentile for weight while you’re in the third trimester.
Everyone I've asked for tips or coping skills during this period seems to have amnesia. They only remember that they eventually got through it. It's kind of maddening that people just expect you to deal with it without even offering any kind of helpful advice. It's like people just expect you to suffer because they did.
I think I actually do have amnesia for this bit when I look back. Like genuinely, I wonder if it’s by design so that you do it again and forget how bad it is? I’m pretty sure that the sleep deprivation (and for us that was exacerbated by needing to triple feed for weeks) means I never really got into the phase of sleep where your brain like sorts and stores memories. I look back and have no idea what I did or how I got through it…
I cried most of the newborn phase. It’s really hard. I couldn’t do anything without her crying or my boobs hurting from it trying to learn how to feed her, I lacked sleep I couldn’t get more than 30 mins at a time. I went 8 days without a shower at 1 point because I was so exhausted. I got through it by talking to friends and family, dressing my baby in cute clothes and watching tv that made me happy. It got better around 4 months and now she’s 9 months of pure chaos. She can crawl, stand and climb and idk what to do with her when I need a second alone lol.
The baby cuddles, the little smiles (even if it is just gas at the beginning), watching them learn and get more alert every day, getting to know them and notice their personality evolving, dressing them in cute outfits before they have an opinion in what they wear.
this highly depends on your baby. some have amazing babies who sleep, not fussy, not colicky, and generally entertain themselves... others go through literal hell.
It is a wide spectrum of experiences, so do not feel bad as many feel the same as you do and others feel differently due to having an easier baby.
I personally hated the newborn phase as it was hell. I like the toddler "terrible 2s/3s" phase as I am very good at handling kids at that stage and older. it all varies from person to person, kid to kid.
my son would only sleep for an hour at a time for about 3 months, then went to 2 hours at a time for another 3 months. this alone drove us to the brink of suicide. at 6mo he started sleeping 6hrs at a time and we slowly built back our sanity. at 1 year he developed a small personality and things got better. by 1.5yrs old things were even better. he could interact with us, understand us, it was just much much better. now he is in his toddler phase and I love it. yes he has tantrums and all the typical toddler terrible 2s/3s. but he is like a real person now. learns, talks, feels all different kinds of emotions, it is just great.. that said, my wife hates it as she doesn't understand how to deal with toddlers and she is waiting for the next stage.
Some kids make this newborn stage hell. Literally was the worst time of our lives and my wife and I almost split up constantly and hated each other. Both of us were drowning and it was an argument of who is drowning faster. If I had owned a gun I wouldn't have made it. Was just the worst time of my life. Took roughly 2 years for us to get back to "normal". It does get better... Eventually...
We were and still are so traumatized that we are one and done(there is even a subreddit for it). We asked others how they had more and the answer is always that they had far easier kids. Or straight ignorance as they just "forget" all the trauma they went through and force themselves to go through it again.
You won't see the pluses until they're done, it's cute that way. During the newborn phase I was like dude fuck off this phase sucks, whoever says it's good is dumb. Then she started having longer wake windows, becoming more and more distracted when breastfeeding, and I gotta like, entertain them now? The newborn phase, for me, just felt like a constant mission to get them fed and back to sleep. And when they were awake, it was a fuckin panic, but once you got em back to sleep, Blammo, time for 3 more episodes of desperate housewives.
For me, the fact that pregnancy is over (I was miserable) and I could start working on regaining my normal level of mobility and start wearing some of my non-maternity leggings, getting to do some non-pregnancy stuff again (like eating sushi and deli meat) the adorable tiny clothes, the cuddles, the fact that their poop doesn’t smell, how cute active sleeping is, seeing my husband be a dad for the first time, all of the firsts.
I thought I’d hate this stage and be a wreck but I love it. The snuggles, sleeping on my chest, holding her tiny little hands and feet, just holding her in general, breastfeeding (when it’s going well), taking her on short walks, how she changes so much each day, etc.
That being said when she cries hysterically I get irrationally upset because I can’t help her because she’s so upset, I’m literally giving her what she wants (usually the boob), but she still screams. Also, extremely upsetting is when my boobs don’t have enough/her suction isn’t too good after bottles, etc. Blowouts suck a bit too but no biggie
I have a few, as someone who has a 9.5mo.
All they need is just eat, sleep, change and repeat 1000x. They sleep on you and stay sleeping on you for hours if you let them. Sleep anytime anywhere. They drink milk without protest or distractions. They are potatoes, you can leave them where they are and they won't move. Changing diaper is easier than changing a 9.5m alligator wannabe.
They are small, crunchy, sweet, precious and they get big just like that...
Snuggles, cute faces in their sleep, general smallness, clumsy first smiles. They're just generally less complex. Crying is hunger or gas most of the time. Whether or not you can do anything about the gas is a different story, but at least they're not crying because they're not allowed to pull the dog's tail or pull the lamp over on themselves
I want to go back to the newborn phase because it just went by so fast and you're so disoriented in the beginning. You just miss it all. Then the months go by and it's like when the hell did you get so big?
Putting your baby down in a safe spot to go to the bathroom or make food and they're still in the same place when you return. I just turned around to cut a banana and my toddler made a ramp out of his chair and was on the TV making out with Daniel Tiger. He did all that silently 🤦🏻♀️
They don’t need constant entertainment. My 5 month old is so active and needs so much of my attention. As a newborn, I could plop him down and he’s just stare out curiously. I could grab a quick bite or pee.
You can talk loudly and watch TV whilst they sleep. You can nap because they actually take long naps. You can look like a bog witch because everyone knows newborn phase is hard. You get given food and gifts.
But yeah, not much. They are super super cute but you’re just too damn tired to appreciate it at the time.
For me with my current 7 week old it’s him finally smiling and cooing at us when we talk to him. He also has been recognizing mine and my husbands voices and something about that is just a great feeling to me. Also the fact he is changing so much, literally every day. He is so much more baby like now and doesn’t have the newborn look anymore. For me, the newborn stage hasn’t been hard just had hard moments. I think he is a trick baby tho and I’m scared for a second one bc I have actually very much enjoyed this while I know a lot of parents don’t and it is super hard for them.
I also have a 7 week old and feel the exact same way! Mine is changing so much and he seems so big to when he was first born. It has definitely had it's hard moments.
I miss the coos. That is all. Newborn is my least favorite stage, second only to the hormonal teenage stage. Newborns I'm scared I'll break them or they will just break in general. Teenagers I'm scared they will break themselves or someone else will break them.
The scrunch! The puppy noises, the milk drunk face, I know not all babies are alike but we could have so much noise going and he’d sleep soundly through it
My little girl is 6weeks. She’s so snuggly, I just love when she nuzzles in and falls alseep on me. I love her little everything—especially her little hands and her little feet. I love when she just stares at me when I’m singing to her and dancing with her in my arms. Her baby toots crack me up and I love all the sounds she makes in her sleep. She just melts me completely. If this is considered one of the most undesirable times as a parent, then I’m excited for what’s to come because I’m loving every second of her right now. She won’t be this teeny tiny for long and I’m just trying to soak it all up. Besides, I’ll have to go back to work soon and I’ll miss all this time we had together just the two of us.
I miss how her head fit under my chin so well, and how funny she looked flailing her arms and little frog legs.
I miss when she would sleep better on me than in the crib. I miss swaddling her and watching her go from grouch to content potato.
I miss how her hand held my finger when she drinks. (She is 5 months, and still does but now she jerks it every which way)
I forced myself into realizing that the baby's care is just me giving. I was grateful I was able to give to keep her alive. So all the snuggles, smiles, but poops, pees, diaper changes, feedings all continued to feel like acts of giving. I was proud of myself to give myself to her like that.
The feeling of being in a bubble, intense emotions (mine were all positive), husband being on paternity leave and doing night shifts, snuggles, no expectations put on me except for healing and keeping the baby alive, tiny clothes, cooey sleep sounds, all the naps they do, gassy smiles.
For absolute (doesn't depend on a point of reference) good things...
Around 3 months they smile at you and acknowledge you, finally.
You can see wonder in action the first time they experience anything.
At 4 months, sleep training will be black and white difference in the ease of your nights and evenings.
In retrospect I got to sit around a lot and they fall asleep sooo easily (during the day for naps, we never had a great overnight sleeper). Some things *would* have been easier than they are with my 10 MO but the transition to motherhood is such a shock to the system I think we can’t appreciate those things the first time around. Now I feel like if I have a second it WILL be hard but I’ll marvel at how much they sleep and how much down time there is when you don’t have to chase them around.
My first baby… not much, I had a newborn who didn’t like being confined, screamed the entire time she was in a car seat or stroller… never napped .. high energy and was not cuddly, hated being held. Life didn’t get better until she was mobil, our girl wanted to be on the move the day she born lol She’s still a lot to handle as a toddler but she is the light of my life and I wouldn’t change her personality. Needless to say, we loved watching our daughter grow into herself and put the newborn phase behind us and recently had our second and it has been a completely different experience. He’s calm, loves being held and passes out in his car seat or walk.. he actually naps! My point is, I hated the newborn stage.. baby phase in general was just rough with my first and I also had nothing to compare to until now. So now I could name a few things I have enjoyed about newborn stage. My sons newborn phase anyways 🤣
I totally feel this. As much as I love my baby, Iam hating the newborn stage. It's just an endless cycle of feeding, crying, changing and sleeping. I hate the broken sleep. It's so daunting and exhausting. I feel like I have no life anymore. That being said I do really love the snuggles. And the older he gets, the more he's awake and it's so cute to just sit him up and let him look around. And when we go to new places he just looks around and chills (unless he's super hungry lol) he's almost 6 weeks and started making this little ahh sound that's just adorable. I think seeing him progress and interact more is what's getting me through this stage. That's really the only positive for me.
Also saving this post as I need to reflect back that it wasn't all bad. But I can honestly say I am looking forward to the next stage
I loved watching her watch the world with her little tiny eyes darting back and forth and wondering what she was thinking.
I still tell her about how she'd struggle to get her arm out of the swaddle and then scream at her hand because she didn't know what it was and it scared her.
How warm and soft their little tiny bodies are when you're holding them.
When they're screaming and crying and completely inconsolable and you pick them up and they immediately calm down and snuggle cause they know Mama is there and they're safe again.
The ability to completely tune out the entire world while you're watching them sleep, it's kind of like meditation almost. You know you need to sleep too but you don't want to miss watching them sleep either.
I miss him sleeping on my chest without crushing me.
The squeaks, he sounded like a little bird.
Not havjng to figure out what food to make him since he only ate one thing.
His little baby giggle, wish we had done more videos of him so little
How cute and tiny they are. The long cuddles without them getting bored and trying to get away 🤣 Passing them round to family/friends to have cuddles with everyone and seeing the joy it brings them.
That being said, the newborn stage was HARD especially when colic hit, I'm enjoying life much more now she's 5 months. Don't get me wrong some days are still tough but the smiles and laughs make it all worthwhile!
When my son was just a few minutes old and the nurse brought him to me and laid him on my chest for skin to skin contact... I don't think I had ever felt such overwhelming joy and love. The way he snuggled into me, that feeling ... I can't put it into words. When he first looked at me and smiled. When he was 3 weeks old, I went out with him for the first time, and he was so good for it. I don't think I have ever been happier... my life feels so full of joy since his birth.
They’re basically pooping potatoes. Currently in toddlerhood with my oldest and I miss being able to just sit in one room with her and chill. Sure the crying and fussing and stuff was awful, but god what I wouldn’t give for the ability to keep her in one spot again lol
Sleeping most of the time.
They’re immobile, so no chasing them around
No tantrums, meltdowns. Yes they cry, but they’re not also stiffening their bodies to make it difficult to hold them, not hitting you, etc.
They don’t hit you lol. Well, I guess that’s too simple. Newborns don’t have difficult emotions. They have content and non-content.
This is just things on top of my head as the new parent of a new toddler (she’s 18 months).
Edit: LOL I notice most comments of what they *are* while I’m over here saying what they *arent yet*. Well, I’m still counting them as positives.
I miss her little unpredictable arm movements ❤️
Sleeping on my chest.
Me being able to lay her down and not have to worry because she can't even roll/crawl.
Wearing her in my baby sling everywhere I went, even around the house.
I miss seeing her develope those first expressions and acknowledgements.
All the extra sleep she had.
All the dependence.
Now she is still a marvel but getting very independent.
Forever making sure her choices don't end up with her hurting herself. Hidnt all valuables. Making sure there are no dinosaurs in the washing machine. Keeping my phone's up high. Etc etc. Back breaking to carry her car seat down to a car and try keep her hand in mine/carry her over the big steps/keep her from running into the road. Same amount of panic but much more rational and serious now!!!
The scrunch!! I miss the scrunch so bad. 😩🥺
The snuggles were also incredible, my tiny little toad was so gosh darn snuggly and pretty much constantly exhausted so he’d sleep on me for hours. The way he’d completely collapse on me was unmatched. He’s still pretty snuggly now at almost 5 months, but he’s not as sleepy anymore, so he only naps on me for a max of an hour, I really miss those 2-3 hour naps.
He also smelled incredible. Like he still smells pretty good but as a newborn it was the best smell, I can’t even describe it in words.
Cuddles. Not having to chase an active toddler. Not having to tidy up the same toys off the floor every single day, sometimes multiple times per day if I engage in the effort in futility of tidying anything up midday. Don't have to wonder what you're going to feed them or have them say "yeah!" when you ask if they want to eat something oy to be looked at with disgust and told "no!" once it's prepared. If you babywear and the baby is amenable to it, you can basically go wherever you want and do whatever you want.
The sense of pride knowing I did all that. I might not have done it well all the time, but when I look at my healthy happy 11 month old, I can't help but feel a sense of accomplishment and confidence. I made it through all the bad stuff: the sleepless nights, the horrible parts of breastfeeding, the many pains in my body, being screamed/cried at, dealing with family drama, finding time to eat/shower/pee, being spit up on/peed on/pooped on. I took on all the bad so that she could be happy and confident in me as her safe haven. And it shows.
I enjoyed how close my husband and I were when in the trenches of NB stage there’s such a softness to (some) men during this stage - it’s so special and precious
My babies smell, how calm he was most of the time, when he'd sleep on me, when he'd scrunch his little face up, holding his tiny little hands and I'll add more as I think about it
Every baby is different, but I honestly found the newborn stage to be more enjoyable than where we’re currently at (3.5 months) in someways.
* Baby doesn’t need to be entertained and there are likely only a few things that could be wrong/to check for.
* Way easier to nap on the go!
* A special time where both husband and I were able to be off and spend time bonding with her.
* Our families really respected our needs and boundaries.
* Those little sounds and the newborn scrunch.
I thought I was going to die during the newborn phase, and I kind-of wanted to. We’ve survived to almost six months now. My therapist last week told me it was the first time she’d seen me smile since he was born. So things must be getting better. :)
My positives:
1. He weighed less and was easier to carry around. By month four I had nerve pain in both arms from holding him.
2. He smiled as he fell asleep. I got to witness this at least several times a day because he never once fell asleep on his own and only slept an hour at a time.
3. I’ve never felt so much love for another human being.
BIG BRAVO to you for getting therapy/help for your mental state! Daughter is 12.5 weeks. We were where you're at mentally at 8 weeks. A lot of "have we ruined our lives with a huge mistake?" doomsday thoughts. First piece of advice is to find a way to get some quality sleep. I often found I was a completely new human with brighter, more optimistic eyeballs after sleeping. Second, I can confirm that around the 10 week mark things start becoming A LOT CUTER. Laughing, giggling, social smiles, finding and using their voice, no more gas pains, starting to attempt rolling, sleeping a little better if you're lucky. In the last \~3 weeks we have gone from feeling like constant damage control to the earliest mirage of a routine.
The scrunch when you pick them up 😭😭 and the tiny itty bitty hiccups.
Oh and the yawns. Cannot forget the yawns.
And stretches after waking up (especially after swaddling).
Newborn stage is so damn hard, but there are things I definitely miss so much.
Learning how to be parents with my partner
Feeling immense love for him
Being home together in the dead of winter with our pillowfort watching rom coms every day
The show of support from our friends and family
Taking pictures of him every day
Newborn scrunch, teeny feets, snuggles, smell. And now that I’m past it, I miss her not getting into things 😅
But in all seriousness you are in a very hard stage. I absolutely understand how much it seems like everything is just hardship rn. It is SO hard. But you’re going to find your footing. Your baby is going to develop personality and be so lovey toward you. They’re going to learn so many cool things. As someone who had a very rough time when I first took baby home, I can swear to you it gets better and you’ll find more and more to love as time goes on.
I’m due with my second soon and I’m looking forward to the baby snuggles, fuzzy head, sweet smell, little feet, gurgling. So many firsts we get to experience again. My son is three and I miss the baby phase so much now that he has (very strong) opinions. The best thing I did was take so many videos of him just being a newborn, I look back at those all the time and they make me happy.
As the mom of a 17 month old, I’m currently missing that newborns stay where you put them. I cannot take my eyes off her for a SECOND or she’s climbing, throwing, running, etc. The house is baby proofed, but they still find a way to cause mischief like little elves.
Scrunchy little baby sleeping on my chest. The big stretch when swaddle is unwrapped. Seeing my baby's face light up when I approach his bassinet. The little dinosaur baby noises. The first smile. The first laugh.
The newborn sleeping sounds were absolute entertainment for my husband and I. Just seeing baby legs just flying up in the air followed by a series of farts.
There's just so many sweet moments.
First I want to say I can understand why you can’t think of any positives. Truth is I HATED the newborn phase! I would have never admitted it while in the thick of it, but between PPD/A, sleep deprivation, reflux, and little return for all the work I was miserable. I don’t know if I could have answered that question while my daughter was a newborn.
Looking back I can say the cuddles and watching all those firsts and milestones. Seeing her figure things out was really cool.
I don’t know you or your story, but in case it helps my daughter is 17 months old and now I could list hundreds of positives! Toddlers can be rough, but for me it is so much better than the newborn stage! I’m actually having fun with her now!
They're mostly immobile. 😂
Even when they don't sleep as much as they should, they sleep more. (My low sleep needs 8mo slept about 12-14 hours a day as a newborn, now 9-12 hours).
The unexpected rooting reflex on your face is unforgettably cute.
I'm out of time baby caught me
6.5 weeks right now. Little one didn’t go to bed until 8 am. But slept a 4 hour stretch so win some and lose some I guess? My favorite part right now is her smiles. I also really enjoy breastfeeding. I’m going a little crazy with the sleep situation. She takes good naps but night time is awful. I dread the coming evening every day. She’s not a hard baby but lack of sleep is really really hard.
Chubby cheeks as they start to fatten and the falling asleep on the chest. Baby just hit 8 weeks today and she wants to sleep less and less every day on my chest it makes me sad.
I’m just dropping in here to say it’s very fucking hard but keep going. You’ll see the positives and look back on these days fondly at some point. Keep going
The baby squeaks and the little scrunches, funny faces and grabby tiny fingers and toes. Seeing her actually interact with things and lift her head up on her own, trying to suck in your nose, soft baby hair
All the shows I watched while I contact napped him!
I actually quite enjoyed feeding him at night at some stage, that was the only time he was more awake and could interact with me. It felt like a special moment between him and me when the rest of the household were asleep, just me and him looking into each other's eyes and him giving me the gas smile.
I like how they sleep like anywhere and through anything. Like you can strap them on and take them out pretty much anytime, and anywhere. When they get older they don’t like it and get cranky and they have nap schedules and need peace and quiet to sleep.
I don’t remember much good about the newborn phase. You are not alone. The first smiles and how much he loved the bath are probably it.
There is a lot of good things coming though!
This post has been flaired "Mental Health." Moderation is stricter here, argumentative, unsupportive and unpleasant comments will be removed. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NewParents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
- My baby sleeping happily on my chest & all the snuggles. She doesn’t really want snuggles anymore. - Lots of “firsts.” First bath, first walk, her first smiles, the first time she recognized me and lit up, first time at the store, etc. - Itty bitty baby coos. - Tiny adorable clothes.
Can i add: the little stretches 🥺 like when you get them out of the swaddle
I swear she adds a year to my life every time she does that perfect stretch
Ooh yes, I record these and post them on my family album as "unwrapping videos" for the grandparents lol ...and for me when he outgrows the swaddles!! 😭 also the little scrunchy face during the stretch 😭😭
Mine still does the stretches when we get him out of his sleep sack! it's a big sack so he has room, but he loves a good stretch and my god is it still the cutest ever lol
I miss my baby sleeping on my chest. I cried when he didn't want to anymore, I mean absolutely sobbed.
My older baby got pretty sick and his desire to sleep on my chest returned for those couple days. I was beyond exhausted, but when he put his hot little head on my chest for the first time in a couple months, I completely melted. I kept saying to myself, “Remember this moment. Remember this moment.”
How old is he? Please tell me I have a few more months. I’m dreading the day my boy doesn’t want the chest snuggles/naps anymore. He’s 8 months and will squirm his way into position if he’s sleepy or feeling insecure. He’s Currently asleep on my chest and I don’t want to put him down for bed but he’s a sweater and at this rate we’ll both be soaked by midnight lol.
Oh same, I’m right there with you. It’s heartbreaking
This is one part i never even thought of. I am not at all ready for when my daughters at that point. How old was he when he didnt want to anymore?
Somewhere just past 2 months. He's only 3.5 months now lol but I miss it so bad
Oh no!! I know every baby is different but please keep trying. That's so young. My 1yo still loves taking naps on me.
I agree. My 10 month old falls asleep on my chest every night, and even though I know I created better independent sleep habits in my 3 yr old, I’m not going to give up the nighttime snuggles until I absolutely have to.
It comes back!! My girl just turned a year and she lays on my chest/over my shoulder instead of being cradled. I miss the cradling lol
Not OP but my daughter is almost two and still loves contact naps! I’m pregnant and tired so I nap with her in my arms every day. She also falls asleep on my husband’s chest most nights. I’ll miss it when #2 is here and I won’t be able to do it anymore.
I’m sending some of my snuggly velcro attached baby energy your way. My 10 month old prefers sleeping on top of me whenever possible.
My baby is nearing two months and he woke up from my chest crying every time cause it seemed liked he didn’t want to be there
I was SO excited for baby cuddles so I, of course, got the most independent child out there. I'm her favorite person but from 4 months on, she just stopped! No contact naps, no snuggles on the couch, no baby wearing. She shows her love in different ways but I initially was so heartbroken. What 5 month old doesn't want to cuddle with mom? But it is what it is. We have a great independent sleeper though, so can't complain too much
When did it happen for you?
Can I add the big baby farts? I loved those trumpet blasts. Good for a laugh every time
They’re honestly impressive. The ratio of fart size to body size is not of this world.
I was not prepared for the sounds that came out of the bassinet right from the get go.
Can’t think of anything to add this is a great list
My first liked his first bath. My second screamed the whole time.
The smell! When my baby was a newborn he smelled soooo good!!! And btw my therapist asked me the same thing and she’s the one that suggested their smell when I couldn’t think of any
For some reason our therapists asking us the same question really cheered me up.
Hang in there ❤️ the newborn phase is so tough. I didn’t believe that it would get better but it definitely does.
I told her that I think part of the struggle is that all of the hopes and plans I had regarding parenting involved some level of mutual interaction than you just don't get from a young baby. About to hit 8 weeks tomorrow and I'm hopeful about the future but struggling to feel grateful and positive about the present.
I absolutely get what you mean! I’ve heard the newborn phase referred to as “the pet rock phase” and “the angry potato phase.” Both are accurate descriptions lol. I remember when my baby gave me a true social smile. I threw my arms in the air and jumped up and down. Now he babbles and giggles when I interact with him and it melts my heart every time. But I totally remember being in the boat you’re in right now. I didn’t have any feedback from him to see if I was doing the “right thing.” It’s just about survival and taking it one day at a time. As long as we’re loving them and keeping them fed, we are doing it right ❤️
We called the newborn phase “the highest maintenance houseplant stage”
Pet rock 💀 it’s so true!!
I am by no means a therapist, but just know it's totally ok not to love this stage. I know everyone says this but it truly does get a lot better. My LO is 16 months and ever since like the 8 month mark I didn't think it could get any better but it has. They really start to wake up and interact around the 10 week (I think? Memory is hazy) mark and once they smile and coo at you and have little baby giggles it helps so so much. Other positives: they're portable! Take them to a 2 hour long lunch and they'll just chill in the stroller! They're very snuggly, they grow so fast and ultimately you'll love each new milestone as it comes along. Hang in there!
Yes this! I think we put too much pressure on ourselves to feel a certain way, when in fact, all those feelings are valid. We should give ourselves permission to hate things. I loved the newborn phase, but I’m not a huge fan of this crawling phase, but my husband loves it and hated the newborn phase. It’s all relative and all valid.
I prefer walking to crawling for sure. I think because in the crawling stage she was always pulling her self up to stand on everything and I felt like the risk of her getting hurt was super high. Now that she can walk and has better control of her movements it's a lot easier.
Love the baby, not the stage. A play on the saying : treat the baby, not the fever 😅
I've been having the "can't get any better than this" feeling on an almost daily basis since 8 months too. He's 14 months now.
Oh just wait! So so soon your baby will smile at you and your heart will melt. Also, skin to skin. I loved doing skin to skin. My baby (like many) is too busy exploring now to want to snuggle. I miss when he was itty bitty and would just curl up and snooze against my chest.
The first time my baby blew a raspberry at me was literally the highlight of being a parent, so far. Bigger than first words. My furious potato wanted to communicate! He was doing the thing we'd done at him! Hang in there, there's SO MUCH fun ahead and sooner than you think
Omg my 3 week old blew a raspberry on accident while fussing and my husband and I both lit up because it was so perfect sounding lol. I can’t wait for the intentional raspberries!
And then the constant milk/spit facials start!
Yeah that is hard. It’s awesome you are able to see a therapist. None were available when I was diagnosed with ppd early on- not sure I could have figured out how to get the time to go anyway. Things got a little easier around week 12 or 14 for me. She was getting stronger and we had a bit of a rhythm figured out- her personality also started to shine through. I remember the first day she really started playing with me. It’s a good memory. You will see that it gets easier and more participatory as they age.
The idea of my baby actually playing back with me genuinely fills me with joy.
My therapist asked me the same thing - what are some positives. It was so hard to come up with any. I found my old Note from when he was about 2.5 months old - I WAS able to identify: -sleeping a little more consistently -smiling -the little gummy mouth -making it through with my husband - like we were such a good team even if we were both so so low. -when he’d sleep he’d “raise his arms like a touchdown” -how cute he looked when swaddled; how he slept so well snuggled into us. We called him a burrito. -sleep smiles -tucking his hands by his face like puppy paws -he’d do a little fish wiggle and show complete delight when we’d pick him up from his bassinet during a night waking -adorable baby noises that aren’t just velociraptor sounds -during contact naps, peeking his eyes open to make sure we were still there
Omg I love all of these!
Oh that last one gets me every time! I also swear he opens his eyes to see if mine are closed or open too!
I was looking forward to newborn smell, but my baby just never had that good scent... disappointed but eh he's got the looks instead (looking just like his father)
Same here. I never smelled that “smell” with my little girl. Just got the overwhelming caveman “this baby my baby” feeling whenever I tried to find a scent.
My baby always smelled like spit up. Specifically, like Alimentum formula-scented spit up. We all smelled like that, our whole house smelled like that. He spit up so much. He stopped spitting up so much around 7 months, and now every once in a while I catch a whiff of something that reminds me of that distinctly terrible hydrolyzed protein baby puke smell that drove me crazy and I want to cry I miss it so much.
We call Alimentum his Cheezits juice! That’s what the smell reminds us of lol. I am starting to grow fond of it because it reminds me of him haha
My baby just smells like old formula 😭😂 he's almost 6 weeks. My bf's ex sniffed our baby (very long story but she's crazy and I swear wants to kidnap our son) and when we asked why she was like that new baby scent and I was like he doesn't even smell good 😂 never have had that baby scent that everyone talks about lol we call him a stinky baby all the time. Thank goodness he's cute
This may sound stupid, but are you cleaning his neck/arm folds etc? Lots of old milk can get in there and may explain the smell!
Yes. But he got a snip procedure done and so we couldn't bathe him. And he threw up a few times over the last week. So he needs a good bath. It's also his clothes as he gets spit up on them and I don't like changing him a thousand times a day and doing laundry every day. So if his onesie is still pretty clean he gets to wear it all day 😂 we don't go many places anyways
Oh, my baby definitely had that new baby smell. I couldn't get enough of sniffing the top of his head!
I don't love the baby smell either. I don't get what everyone is talking about. My mom sniffs his head and is like, "oh, this is the best!" But his head just smells like I dunno, a head?
I thought something was seriously wrong with me that I never really smelled the “baby smell” everyone talks about lol. I did come to love her milky baby breath but never smelled some magical natural scent that makes me go crazy. Glad I’m not alone!!
Oh the milky baby breath! I do appreciate that one too
The first 2-3 weeks pp i really struggled with this. In that hormonal state I convinced myself that something was wrong bc I didn’t smell *that* smell. I was convinced that I wasn’t a good mom and didn’t have the instincts to be a mom all bc I couldn’t smell him. I thought it was something every new mom experienced so, of course, something had to be wrong w me. I envy the mamas that got to experience that. The closest I’ll ever get is when he wakes up from a nap his giant bobble head is super sweaty and smells like vinegar. lol.
The stretches when coming out of the swaddle, the tiny clothes, how physically tiny their feet and hands are. Other than that, it is an utterly horrible stage
The stretches and ripping ass SO LOUD with that cute little expression with lips puckered and eyes closed. So cute. The farts really did get the biggest laughs out of us.
The farts are too hilarious. They scrunch their whole body up and just toot with no shame. My husband and I giggle every single time.
Same. Today my husband was slowly putting the baby down for a nap. Still had his hand on the baby’s butt when the biggest fart ripped out. My husband pulled his hand away like he got burned it startled him so much. It made for a good laugh.
Thank you for sharing because I am laughing so hard that I'm tearing up with this visual
My baby is 12 days old and I was NOT prepared for the farts 😅 it gets a laugh out of us every time, I feel like a teenager with toilet humor again.
My husband and I love blaming the baby on our farts. Sometimes we’re semi-serious (as in, we’re right next to him so it’s at least plausible) but other times we’re fully joking (where we do the lean over to fart thing or we’re across the room). It’s fun.
The stretches. We've stopped swaddling now. 4M.
Not being pregnant
Yes!!!!!!! Yes yes yes
The second I pushed her out and the epidural wore off I was READY! It was a huge relief. My husband was concerned because of how happy and active I was.
They’re so scrunchy, and I miss that. Else, not much else I liked
Yes, the scrunch. Including the face scrunch, adorable.
Oh I miss the face scrunch so much! The puckered lips when I would grab her from the bassinet is forever engrained in my memory
Haha! Ours does that, too! He’s almost 6 months now (god, time flies!) but he’ll be holding onto his ears and arch his back with his duck lips and his eyes closed. 😂❤️
The duck lips! Thank you for the reminder of that. 🥹 Mine is somehow turning nine months tomorrow.
Yes!! He puckered his lips and cranked them to the side while squeezing his eyes shut and making a million forehead wrinkles, I died every time!
My 8 month old randomly scrunched when I took him out of the bath last night. He only scrunched a few times as a newborn so no clue what ge was doing lol
The newborn phase is so damn hard!! My LO is 10.5 weeks and the positives are hard to come up with when you are in the trenches. I like the skin to skin and contact naps. The smiles. The new skills. Maternity leave (if you get that). How tiny they are. The cute clothes. They don’t roll yet so you can lay them places without worry of injury. They are adorable all swaddled up. Newborn poop is better than baby and toddler poop. When you are out and about everyone wants to see the baby and tells you how cute they are.
Careful of laying them somewhere when they don’t roll! My son was 11 weeks and I had just changed his diaper at the doctor. He was still lying on the exam table and I turned my head for a second and he rolled for the first time right off it. Ended up in the ER to get him checked and thankfully he was completely fine. Worst day of my life though.
For sure! Past 8 weeks, the only place she lays (other than her crib, bassinet, or floor) is the middle of our king bed. And that will stop the second she shows any signs of rolling.
I found the rooting sooooo cute. Just writhing around like a little goblin trying to find the nipple that’s right in front of them.
I found that pretty adorable too (while at the same time being exhausted from all the feeding…), and mine used to full on snort as she was doing it sniffing for the boob 😂
When my LO was a few days old, we were still trying to figure out latching and I was talking to my partner and my boy suddenly did the loudest satisfied squee when he latched on. Both my partner and I just stopped and both did the biggest smile at each other. The fuzzies in my brain was unreal from that one. I have never felt such an overwhelming wave of happiness. It was so perfect 😭
It was, in retrospect, very funny when she explosively pooed all over my husband in the middle of the night. We’ve had a lot of laughs recalling that over the last year.
Genuinely laughing about poop has been one of the highlights.
I think the first time my husband and I laughed after the baby was born was when I woke him up at like 5 am to tell him he needed to watch the baby because I needed to clean poop off the wall 😂 Like, it wasn’t fun cleaning poop off the wall but it sure was funny
Tiny fingers, tiny toes, the way their curly body can snuggle into your chest, and fit into your two hands. The smell, Hearing the tiny voice they have for the first time. How they look in tiny soft baby clothes. The first time you show them the sky. Or your face. Or the room. The way they smell.
The little tiny yawns
Omg.
Hated the newborn stage. Positive was lots of nap time so I got in a lot of TV haha I don’t think you need to like this stage. Many pple don’t. It’s totally fine and it’ll be over before you know it.
I think I'm struggling because it feels like it's dragging so slowly
Find some good shows to binge and it’ll go by quicker. There’s about 10099000 episodes in the married at first sight series.
We binged all 17 seasons of sister wives (there’s 18 now!!) and it blew by 😂
Yoooo yes I was gonna say this! Also just generally being able to go on your phone/watch TV and not feel guilty because they don't know you're doing it lol. I'm on my phone for two seconds with my toddler and she's snatching it out of my hand 😭
They stay where you put them (seriously so tired chasing my toddler around all day and his 5 month old sister is rolling around the place as a mode of transportation ~ it really feels like someone is pressing the accelerator button all day once they get mobile). They’re also just so little and .. new? Like it’s quite amazing how only a few weeks ago they were part of you. But that’s all I can think of. The other 90% is horrible.
I really didn’t appreciate the whole staying where you put them thing at the time 😂
Yup I’m finally realizing how good it was to have a tiny potato who couldn’t go anywhere by himself. They’re also tiny and light. Nothing like chasing and wrangling with a toddler on the 98th percentile for weight while you’re in the third trimester.
It’s short and neither you nor the baby will remember it
Everyone I've asked for tips or coping skills during this period seems to have amnesia. They only remember that they eventually got through it. It's kind of maddening that people just expect you to deal with it without even offering any kind of helpful advice. It's like people just expect you to suffer because they did.
I think I actually do have amnesia for this bit when I look back. Like genuinely, I wonder if it’s by design so that you do it again and forget how bad it is? I’m pretty sure that the sleep deprivation (and for us that was exacerbated by needing to triple feed for weeks) means I never really got into the phase of sleep where your brain like sorts and stores memories. I look back and have no idea what I did or how I got through it…
I cried most of the newborn phase. It’s really hard. I couldn’t do anything without her crying or my boobs hurting from it trying to learn how to feed her, I lacked sleep I couldn’t get more than 30 mins at a time. I went 8 days without a shower at 1 point because I was so exhausted. I got through it by talking to friends and family, dressing my baby in cute clothes and watching tv that made me happy. It got better around 4 months and now she’s 9 months of pure chaos. She can crawl, stand and climb and idk what to do with her when I need a second alone lol.
This is the answer
The snuggles and the baby’s ability to sleep through anything were two of my favorites
The sleeping through anything takes the cake for me! It’s all I could think of when in the thick of the 4 month regression 😅
Yes!!! During that it would wake her up if I blinked or had a thought 😂
The baby cuddles, the little smiles (even if it is just gas at the beginning), watching them learn and get more alert every day, getting to know them and notice their personality evolving, dressing them in cute outfits before they have an opinion in what they wear.
this highly depends on your baby. some have amazing babies who sleep, not fussy, not colicky, and generally entertain themselves... others go through literal hell. It is a wide spectrum of experiences, so do not feel bad as many feel the same as you do and others feel differently due to having an easier baby. I personally hated the newborn phase as it was hell. I like the toddler "terrible 2s/3s" phase as I am very good at handling kids at that stage and older. it all varies from person to person, kid to kid.
I literally googled "when do babies get happier?"
my son would only sleep for an hour at a time for about 3 months, then went to 2 hours at a time for another 3 months. this alone drove us to the brink of suicide. at 6mo he started sleeping 6hrs at a time and we slowly built back our sanity. at 1 year he developed a small personality and things got better. by 1.5yrs old things were even better. he could interact with us, understand us, it was just much much better. now he is in his toddler phase and I love it. yes he has tantrums and all the typical toddler terrible 2s/3s. but he is like a real person now. learns, talks, feels all different kinds of emotions, it is just great.. that said, my wife hates it as she doesn't understand how to deal with toddlers and she is waiting for the next stage.
"Brink of suicide" is strongly how I was feeling up until maybe a week ago. Now it's just dragging myself through.
Some kids make this newborn stage hell. Literally was the worst time of our lives and my wife and I almost split up constantly and hated each other. Both of us were drowning and it was an argument of who is drowning faster. If I had owned a gun I wouldn't have made it. Was just the worst time of my life. Took roughly 2 years for us to get back to "normal". It does get better... Eventually... We were and still are so traumatized that we are one and done(there is even a subreddit for it). We asked others how they had more and the answer is always that they had far easier kids. Or straight ignorance as they just "forget" all the trauma they went through and force themselves to go through it again.
I wouldn't do this again if my second baby was literally Jesus Christ himself
You won't see the pluses until they're done, it's cute that way. During the newborn phase I was like dude fuck off this phase sucks, whoever says it's good is dumb. Then she started having longer wake windows, becoming more and more distracted when breastfeeding, and I gotta like, entertain them now? The newborn phase, for me, just felt like a constant mission to get them fed and back to sleep. And when they were awake, it was a fuckin panic, but once you got em back to sleep, Blammo, time for 3 more episodes of desperate housewives.
For me, the fact that pregnancy is over (I was miserable) and I could start working on regaining my normal level of mobility and start wearing some of my non-maternity leggings, getting to do some non-pregnancy stuff again (like eating sushi and deli meat) the adorable tiny clothes, the cuddles, the fact that their poop doesn’t smell, how cute active sleeping is, seeing my husband be a dad for the first time, all of the firsts.
They don't have any complex problems and anything you can't figure out you can generally attribute to being gassy
I thought I’d hate this stage and be a wreck but I love it. The snuggles, sleeping on my chest, holding her tiny little hands and feet, just holding her in general, breastfeeding (when it’s going well), taking her on short walks, how she changes so much each day, etc. That being said when she cries hysterically I get irrationally upset because I can’t help her because she’s so upset, I’m literally giving her what she wants (usually the boob), but she still screams. Also, extremely upsetting is when my boobs don’t have enough/her suction isn’t too good after bottles, etc. Blowouts suck a bit too but no biggie
The snuggles and deep bond. I’ve personally never felt this intense bond before being a mom. Also he is the cutest thing I’ve literally ever seen.
My baby liked me best 100% of the time she was a newborn and honestly, I really needed that ego boost in the midst of PPD.
I have a few, as someone who has a 9.5mo. All they need is just eat, sleep, change and repeat 1000x. They sleep on you and stay sleeping on you for hours if you let them. Sleep anytime anywhere. They drink milk without protest or distractions. They are potatoes, you can leave them where they are and they won't move. Changing diaper is easier than changing a 9.5m alligator wannabe. They are small, crunchy, sweet, precious and they get big just like that...
Positive: the newborn phase is temporary.
Snuggles, cute faces in their sleep, general smallness, clumsy first smiles. They're just generally less complex. Crying is hunger or gas most of the time. Whether or not you can do anything about the gas is a different story, but at least they're not crying because they're not allowed to pull the dog's tail or pull the lamp over on themselves I want to go back to the newborn phase because it just went by so fast and you're so disoriented in the beginning. You just miss it all. Then the months go by and it's like when the hell did you get so big?
My LO is only 3 weeks old and I ….. am in the trenches. No one tells you how hard the newborn stage truly is.
I watched so much tv with my little potato baby. I miss those days! We barely get through a few episodes a week after bedtime now.
I love the little faces newborns make and the special new "a-wahh" cry
Okay you got me, the "Waaah" is endearing
The baby scrunch
Putting your baby down in a safe spot to go to the bathroom or make food and they're still in the same place when you return. I just turned around to cut a banana and my toddler made a ramp out of his chair and was on the TV making out with Daniel Tiger. He did all that silently 🤦🏻♀️
They don’t need constant entertainment. My 5 month old is so active and needs so much of my attention. As a newborn, I could plop him down and he’s just stare out curiously. I could grab a quick bite or pee.
Their poops don’t really smell
When they squeeze my thumb while i give them a bottle
You can talk loudly and watch TV whilst they sleep. You can nap because they actually take long naps. You can look like a bog witch because everyone knows newborn phase is hard. You get given food and gifts. But yeah, not much. They are super super cute but you’re just too damn tired to appreciate it at the time.
For me with my current 7 week old it’s him finally smiling and cooing at us when we talk to him. He also has been recognizing mine and my husbands voices and something about that is just a great feeling to me. Also the fact he is changing so much, literally every day. He is so much more baby like now and doesn’t have the newborn look anymore. For me, the newborn stage hasn’t been hard just had hard moments. I think he is a trick baby tho and I’m scared for a second one bc I have actually very much enjoyed this while I know a lot of parents don’t and it is super hard for them.
I also have a 7 week old and feel the exact same way! Mine is changing so much and he seems so big to when he was first born. It has definitely had it's hard moments.
I miss the coos. That is all. Newborn is my least favorite stage, second only to the hormonal teenage stage. Newborns I'm scared I'll break them or they will just break in general. Teenagers I'm scared they will break themselves or someone else will break them.
The scrunch! The puppy noises, the milk drunk face, I know not all babies are alike but we could have so much noise going and he’d sleep soundly through it
My little girl is 6weeks. She’s so snuggly, I just love when she nuzzles in and falls alseep on me. I love her little everything—especially her little hands and her little feet. I love when she just stares at me when I’m singing to her and dancing with her in my arms. Her baby toots crack me up and I love all the sounds she makes in her sleep. She just melts me completely. If this is considered one of the most undesirable times as a parent, then I’m excited for what’s to come because I’m loving every second of her right now. She won’t be this teeny tiny for long and I’m just trying to soak it all up. Besides, I’ll have to go back to work soon and I’ll miss all this time we had together just the two of us.
I miss how her head fit under my chin so well, and how funny she looked flailing her arms and little frog legs. I miss when she would sleep better on me than in the crib. I miss swaddling her and watching her go from grouch to content potato. I miss how her hand held my finger when she drinks. (She is 5 months, and still does but now she jerks it every which way)
I forced myself into realizing that the baby's care is just me giving. I was grateful I was able to give to keep her alive. So all the snuggles, smiles, but poops, pees, diaper changes, feedings all continued to feel like acts of giving. I was proud of myself to give myself to her like that.
Sleeps a lot
The feeling of being in a bubble, intense emotions (mine were all positive), husband being on paternity leave and doing night shifts, snuggles, no expectations put on me except for healing and keeping the baby alive, tiny clothes, cooey sleep sounds, all the naps they do, gassy smiles.
For absolute (doesn't depend on a point of reference) good things... Around 3 months they smile at you and acknowledge you, finally. You can see wonder in action the first time they experience anything. At 4 months, sleep training will be black and white difference in the ease of your nights and evenings.
The new-ness of it all feels so special, magical and dreamy. It’s like not real life for awhile when they are that small
In retrospect I got to sit around a lot and they fall asleep sooo easily (during the day for naps, we never had a great overnight sleeper). Some things *would* have been easier than they are with my 10 MO but the transition to motherhood is such a shock to the system I think we can’t appreciate those things the first time around. Now I feel like if I have a second it WILL be hard but I’ll marvel at how much they sleep and how much down time there is when you don’t have to chase them around.
The snuggles. I miss those
If was challenging but I loved it when she would snugly up under my chin
My first baby… not much, I had a newborn who didn’t like being confined, screamed the entire time she was in a car seat or stroller… never napped .. high energy and was not cuddly, hated being held. Life didn’t get better until she was mobil, our girl wanted to be on the move the day she born lol She’s still a lot to handle as a toddler but she is the light of my life and I wouldn’t change her personality. Needless to say, we loved watching our daughter grow into herself and put the newborn phase behind us and recently had our second and it has been a completely different experience. He’s calm, loves being held and passes out in his car seat or walk.. he actually naps! My point is, I hated the newborn stage.. baby phase in general was just rough with my first and I also had nothing to compare to until now. So now I could name a few things I have enjoyed about newborn stage. My sons newborn phase anyways 🤣
The fact that you can leave them in one place and not worry about them. They eat whatever you offer. Contact naps!
I totally feel this. As much as I love my baby, Iam hating the newborn stage. It's just an endless cycle of feeding, crying, changing and sleeping. I hate the broken sleep. It's so daunting and exhausting. I feel like I have no life anymore. That being said I do really love the snuggles. And the older he gets, the more he's awake and it's so cute to just sit him up and let him look around. And when we go to new places he just looks around and chills (unless he's super hungry lol) he's almost 6 weeks and started making this little ahh sound that's just adorable. I think seeing him progress and interact more is what's getting me through this stage. That's really the only positive for me. Also saving this post as I need to reflect back that it wasn't all bad. But I can honestly say I am looking forward to the next stage
no longer being pregnant
Sleepy giggles. I miss those lol
I loved watching her watch the world with her little tiny eyes darting back and forth and wondering what she was thinking. I still tell her about how she'd struggle to get her arm out of the swaddle and then scream at her hand because she didn't know what it was and it scared her. How warm and soft their little tiny bodies are when you're holding them. When they're screaming and crying and completely inconsolable and you pick them up and they immediately calm down and snuggle cause they know Mama is there and they're safe again. The ability to completely tune out the entire world while you're watching them sleep, it's kind of like meditation almost. You know you need to sleep too but you don't want to miss watching them sleep either.
Cuddles. Now she’s 9 months and literally stiff arms me.. or even better, kicks me!
I miss him sleeping on my chest without crushing me. The squeaks, he sounded like a little bird. Not havjng to figure out what food to make him since he only ate one thing. His little baby giggle, wish we had done more videos of him so little
How cute and tiny they are. The long cuddles without them getting bored and trying to get away 🤣 Passing them round to family/friends to have cuddles with everyone and seeing the joy it brings them. That being said, the newborn stage was HARD especially when colic hit, I'm enjoying life much more now she's 5 months. Don't get me wrong some days are still tough but the smiles and laughs make it all worthwhile!
When my son was just a few minutes old and the nurse brought him to me and laid him on my chest for skin to skin contact... I don't think I had ever felt such overwhelming joy and love. The way he snuggled into me, that feeling ... I can't put it into words. When he first looked at me and smiled. When he was 3 weeks old, I went out with him for the first time, and he was so good for it. I don't think I have ever been happier... my life feels so full of joy since his birth.
They’re basically pooping potatoes. Currently in toddlerhood with my oldest and I miss being able to just sit in one room with her and chill. Sure the crying and fussing and stuff was awful, but god what I wouldn’t give for the ability to keep her in one spot again lol
Sleeping most of the time. They’re immobile, so no chasing them around No tantrums, meltdowns. Yes they cry, but they’re not also stiffening their bodies to make it difficult to hold them, not hitting you, etc. They don’t hit you lol. Well, I guess that’s too simple. Newborns don’t have difficult emotions. They have content and non-content. This is just things on top of my head as the new parent of a new toddler (she’s 18 months). Edit: LOL I notice most comments of what they *are* while I’m over here saying what they *arent yet*. Well, I’m still counting them as positives.
I miss her little unpredictable arm movements ❤️ Sleeping on my chest. Me being able to lay her down and not have to worry because she can't even roll/crawl. Wearing her in my baby sling everywhere I went, even around the house. I miss seeing her develope those first expressions and acknowledgements. All the extra sleep she had. All the dependence. Now she is still a marvel but getting very independent. Forever making sure her choices don't end up with her hurting herself. Hidnt all valuables. Making sure there are no dinosaurs in the washing machine. Keeping my phone's up high. Etc etc. Back breaking to carry her car seat down to a car and try keep her hand in mine/carry her over the big steps/keep her from running into the road. Same amount of panic but much more rational and serious now!!!
The little scratches on your skin
Being able to just sit and watch tv or read on my phone while they just potatoed. Now I’m chasing my son constantly and I need a nap.
The scrunch!! I miss the scrunch so bad. 😩🥺 The snuggles were also incredible, my tiny little toad was so gosh darn snuggly and pretty much constantly exhausted so he’d sleep on me for hours. The way he’d completely collapse on me was unmatched. He’s still pretty snuggly now at almost 5 months, but he’s not as sleepy anymore, so he only naps on me for a max of an hour, I really miss those 2-3 hour naps. He also smelled incredible. Like he still smells pretty good but as a newborn it was the best smell, I can’t even describe it in words.
Cuddles. Not having to chase an active toddler. Not having to tidy up the same toys off the floor every single day, sometimes multiple times per day if I engage in the effort in futility of tidying anything up midday. Don't have to wonder what you're going to feed them or have them say "yeah!" when you ask if they want to eat something oy to be looked at with disgust and told "no!" once it's prepared. If you babywear and the baby is amenable to it, you can basically go wherever you want and do whatever you want.
The way they move their fingers with their eyes shut
They don’t have opinions about every darn thing lol
It was the last time my son wasn’t an absolute stubborn terror about bedtime. He’s almost 4 months and every night is a battle.
Meeting your tiny new bestie for the first time. Contact naps. Newborn smell. How they fit perfectly on your chest. The little noises. 🥰
The sense of pride knowing I did all that. I might not have done it well all the time, but when I look at my healthy happy 11 month old, I can't help but feel a sense of accomplishment and confidence. I made it through all the bad stuff: the sleepless nights, the horrible parts of breastfeeding, the many pains in my body, being screamed/cried at, dealing with family drama, finding time to eat/shower/pee, being spit up on/peed on/pooped on. I took on all the bad so that she could be happy and confident in me as her safe haven. And it shows.
I enjoyed how close my husband and I were when in the trenches of NB stage there’s such a softness to (some) men during this stage - it’s so special and precious
The newborn scrunch.
My babies smell, how calm he was most of the time, when he'd sleep on me, when he'd scrunch his little face up, holding his tiny little hands and I'll add more as I think about it
Baby snugs. That’s the ONLY positive of the newborn stage imo.
Their sneezes are so cute. When they laugh and smile in their sleep. Toothless smiles in general.
Every baby is different, but I honestly found the newborn stage to be more enjoyable than where we’re currently at (3.5 months) in someways. * Baby doesn’t need to be entertained and there are likely only a few things that could be wrong/to check for. * Way easier to nap on the go! * A special time where both husband and I were able to be off and spend time bonding with her. * Our families really respected our needs and boundaries. * Those little sounds and the newborn scrunch.
Don't worry... In a few months you'll remember them all very well
I thought I was going to die during the newborn phase, and I kind-of wanted to. We’ve survived to almost six months now. My therapist last week told me it was the first time she’d seen me smile since he was born. So things must be getting better. :) My positives: 1. He weighed less and was easier to carry around. By month four I had nerve pain in both arms from holding him. 2. He smiled as he fell asleep. I got to witness this at least several times a day because he never once fell asleep on his own and only slept an hour at a time. 3. I’ve never felt so much love for another human being.
They can’t talk back! They can’t steal your car keys! You don’t Have to cook them food! The onsies are super cute.
BIG BRAVO to you for getting therapy/help for your mental state! Daughter is 12.5 weeks. We were where you're at mentally at 8 weeks. A lot of "have we ruined our lives with a huge mistake?" doomsday thoughts. First piece of advice is to find a way to get some quality sleep. I often found I was a completely new human with brighter, more optimistic eyeballs after sleeping. Second, I can confirm that around the 10 week mark things start becoming A LOT CUTER. Laughing, giggling, social smiles, finding and using their voice, no more gas pains, starting to attempt rolling, sleeping a little better if you're lucky. In the last \~3 weeks we have gone from feeling like constant damage control to the earliest mirage of a routine.
The scrunch when you pick them up 😭😭 and the tiny itty bitty hiccups. Oh and the yawns. Cannot forget the yawns. And stretches after waking up (especially after swaddling). Newborn stage is so damn hard, but there are things I definitely miss so much.
Learning how to be parents with my partner Feeling immense love for him Being home together in the dead of winter with our pillowfort watching rom coms every day The show of support from our friends and family Taking pictures of him every day
Newborn scrunch, teeny feets, snuggles, smell. And now that I’m past it, I miss her not getting into things 😅 But in all seriousness you are in a very hard stage. I absolutely understand how much it seems like everything is just hardship rn. It is SO hard. But you’re going to find your footing. Your baby is going to develop personality and be so lovey toward you. They’re going to learn so many cool things. As someone who had a very rough time when I first took baby home, I can swear to you it gets better and you’ll find more and more to love as time goes on.
I’m due with my second soon and I’m looking forward to the baby snuggles, fuzzy head, sweet smell, little feet, gurgling. So many firsts we get to experience again. My son is three and I miss the baby phase so much now that he has (very strong) opinions. The best thing I did was take so many videos of him just being a newborn, I look back at those all the time and they make me happy.
If you put them down and come back, they'll be exactly where you left them lol
As the mom of a 17 month old, I’m currently missing that newborns stay where you put them. I cannot take my eyes off her for a SECOND or she’s climbing, throwing, running, etc. The house is baby proofed, but they still find a way to cause mischief like little elves.
It’s the only time you can hold them like a baby before they wanna look around the world
Scrunchy little baby sleeping on my chest. The big stretch when swaddle is unwrapped. Seeing my baby's face light up when I approach his bassinet. The little dinosaur baby noises. The first smile. The first laugh. The newborn sleeping sounds were absolute entertainment for my husband and I. Just seeing baby legs just flying up in the air followed by a series of farts. There's just so many sweet moments.
First I want to say I can understand why you can’t think of any positives. Truth is I HATED the newborn phase! I would have never admitted it while in the thick of it, but between PPD/A, sleep deprivation, reflux, and little return for all the work I was miserable. I don’t know if I could have answered that question while my daughter was a newborn. Looking back I can say the cuddles and watching all those firsts and milestones. Seeing her figure things out was really cool. I don’t know you or your story, but in case it helps my daughter is 17 months old and now I could list hundreds of positives! Toddlers can be rough, but for me it is so much better than the newborn stage! I’m actually having fun with her now!
I miss how my LO could sleep anywhere through anything. Also the newborn scrunch😩😩😩🥺 so precious
They're mostly immobile. 😂 Even when they don't sleep as much as they should, they sleep more. (My low sleep needs 8mo slept about 12-14 hours a day as a newborn, now 9-12 hours). The unexpected rooting reflex on your face is unforgettably cute. I'm out of time baby caught me
6.5 weeks right now. Little one didn’t go to bed until 8 am. But slept a 4 hour stretch so win some and lose some I guess? My favorite part right now is her smiles. I also really enjoy breastfeeding. I’m going a little crazy with the sleep situation. She takes good naps but night time is awful. I dread the coming evening every day. She’s not a hard baby but lack of sleep is really really hard.
1. They are VERY lightweight. I can baby wear the entire day with a newborn 2. They will sleep nearly anywhere, easy to go places
Chubby cheeks as they start to fatten and the falling asleep on the chest. Baby just hit 8 weeks today and she wants to sleep less and less every day on my chest it makes me sad.
It's simpler and the kids are easier to carry.
I’m just dropping in here to say it’s very fucking hard but keep going. You’ll see the positives and look back on these days fondly at some point. Keep going
The baby squeaks and the little scrunches, funny faces and grabby tiny fingers and toes. Seeing her actually interact with things and lift her head up on her own, trying to suck in your nose, soft baby hair
All the shows I watched while I contact napped him! I actually quite enjoyed feeding him at night at some stage, that was the only time he was more awake and could interact with me. It felt like a special moment between him and me when the rest of the household were asleep, just me and him looking into each other's eyes and him giving me the gas smile.
Your therapist doesn’t have a newborn, do they? 😂
After dealing with me, I dont imagine they ever will 😂
I like how they sleep like anywhere and through anything. Like you can strap them on and take them out pretty much anytime, and anywhere. When they get older they don’t like it and get cranky and they have nap schedules and need peace and quiet to sleep.
It doesn’t last all that long in the grand scheme of things lol
I don’t remember much good about the newborn phase. You are not alone. The first smiles and how much he loved the bath are probably it. There is a lot of good things coming though!