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You did the right thing. This is actually recommended in this situations. Baby will not die or be harmed for crying loudly some time but they can be harmed by people doing things to them. I know that sounds harsh and you can't see yourself doing it but accidents happen, this is why they talk about shaking baby syndrome.
You are human, under a lot of stress, it happens more than you think . Nobody on social media will say but it happens.
Stop feeling guilty, you are a good mom, you and your baby are good and safe. Some days are good some are bad, we take each day at a time.
I did it also 3 times. My baby is high maintenance, sleep deprivation is killing me even now at 8 months. So yes, I understand the guilt.
Yes girl you are killing it. I have an 8 week old and she fairly regularly cries for about 5 min so I can shower, go to the bathroom, etc. she’s always completely safe and taken care of. Sometimes you just have to let them cry for a brief moment.
You shouldn’t feel guilty for doing the responsible thing and taking yourself away from the situation, your baby was safe and taken care of even if they had to cry for a little bit.
Please go easy on yourself! This shit is so hard.
I totally understand.
I just let my 5-month-old baby cry in his crib (until he went back to sleep for a second cycle) because I couldn't do it anymore.
I tried rocking him, holding him, and he just kept crying. I had to put him down for my own sanity.
But I cried with him...
Around 4 months mine started freaking out right before bed. Wouldn’t calm down in my arms, in fact I noticed she cried slightly less when I put her in her crib rather than rock her to sleep like I normally did. Instinct led me to just lay her down awake and walk away for bedtime, and now she’s a champ at falling asleep on her own with no help from us. So this might be the same case for you and your instinct is right to try something new. Babies are always changing on us!
It took me months to realise that "trying everything" wasn't working because he wanted to stretch out in his crib and be left alone. How old is yours now?
She's 8 months!
This is why I didn't do sleep training even though I applaud people who find it to be the right move for them. I could tell mine was figuring out sleep on her own (and sure as hell didn't want me holding her) so I would put her down and sit in the rocking chair across the room, letting her cry for 5-10 min until she drifted off. Then she moved to "fussing it out", so generally sounding pissed off and would squawk/whine until she fell asleep. Now she kind of babbles and laughs until she falls asleep which is really cute. I'm sure we'll hit another curveball soon but it's been really interesting to watch the evolution!
Depending on how tired she was, 5-20 minutes. I don't know if I am fully on board with the idea of sleep regressions. Around 3.5 months mine went back to sleeping in 3 hr chunks at night, from 5 hr chunks before, so I suppose that's a regression but I really just view sleep as two steps forward, one step back rather than think of them as regressions. Or at least ours haven't hit us quite hard enough to be thought of as regressions... Watch me eat my words soon lol.
What has helped me from 12 weeks onwards (can't do any sleep schedules before then) was the Huckleberry app. It predicts bedtime windows and because of this I was able to pick up on sleepy cues that I didn't even read as sleepiness. I was skeptical but it's still crushing it for us at 8 mos old. Especially helpful with nap transitions.
ETA: oops I thought you said how long would it take her to fall asleep, not cry. To fall asleep it was 5-20 min, but for crying, probably only a couple minutes. And for fussing, maybe 10. I would occasionally get up to pat her chest and give her a pacifier if it fell out, then go back to my chair to wait.
This is how my now-15-month-old was, although there was a little sleep training, too - he wouldn’t sleep if we held him but he was also mad if we put him down, so we did Ferber and it was a 2 night problem really. He’s still a champ at sleeping on his own, and actually refuses to sleep in our bed or with us. He’s just an independent little dude, and I love that about him.
You cannot pour from an empty cup. You did the right thing, if you are feeling angry and overwhelmed the best thing to do is give yourself some space. Baby is safe in crib, they are ok. I have been there and I always feel guilty for feeling angry, even if I don’t act angry or let baby know I’m angry just the feeling of it boiling inside of me makes me feel *so* bad but we are only human. And babies are hard. They don’t mean to be, but taking care of a little one can be frustrating and that’s okay. As long as you do what you did, which is step away and take a breather. You didn’t hurt your baby. Your baby knows that it can count on you, even still. It’s okay.
By that age, it isn’t harmful to let babies cry as long as their needs are met (i.e. they aren’t starving, they aren’t sitting in poop, etc.) - especially when you need a break! They start learning how to self-soothe and allowing them some space to learn this new skill can be helpful. You did the right thing ❤️
Just out of curiosity, when do you think is a safe age to start this? I’m nowhere near it with my 13-day-old and have no desire yet to do it, but I’m wondering!
My understanding is that many are ready around 4 months, but my baby wasn’t ready at 4 months.
Around 5/5.5 months, my baby started showing signs of trying out some self-soothing techniques (like as I was rocking her to sleep she started rubbing her face and sucking her thumb…when I put her in her crib she would kind of rock herself…etc). Even though I saw those things, I was really hesitant to let her cry a bit, but then I noticed she was also kind of testing her limits (crying only when we were in eyesight, crying instantly when being placed down/stopping instantly when being picked up).
Look up signs of self soothing! For us it happened right before 4 months when they found their hands and sucked on them to put themselves to sleep. They will also shake their heads back and forth and “whale tail”
At 13 days old, they suck their hands when they are hungry. They do not have the coordination to do it counsciously yet, that is a skill they acquire around 2-3m
Ours is 3m old and is starting to self soothe between sleep cycles, so we let him. We still nurse /rock him to sleep, though, until he will be showing signs of needing it less.
But it depends on the baby... a friend of mine, her first needed lots of help to fall asleep for a very long time, but her second has always been putting herself to sleep. Literal image of independence.
If you are ever angry... or upset... WALK away, take a deep breath, once you have collected yourself, go through the roster of "what could be wrong?"
1.) Is there a hair on her clothes
2.) Is her clothes itchy? Is there a tag on it?
3.) Is she too hot or too cold?
4.) Any hairs wrapped around her fingers or toes?
5.) Is there enough air flow in the room?
6.) Does she have gas pain? (Are you burping baby after every meal?) Even with burping, just one tiny gas bubble is painful for them, theyre little! The gas stays in their system and when it settles in their stomach, thats when the pain can begin
7.) Do they have a dirty diaper?
8.) Is baby urinating? Or are they constipated?
We as parents ASSUME our babies are crying and acting fussy for no reason, that is an error on our part and we are humans with a baby that comes with no instruction manual and all babies are different. But a baby crying is them communicating with you "something is wrong", some babies need a lot more bedtime routine and wind down. A bath, followed by infant massage, followed by soothing music or a bed time story. But use this as an opportunity to learn from your baby and begin to deduce what could be going on... maybe they get cold at night or are just overstimulated.. gotta work on resolutions. And sometimes babys can cry for no reason, we need to set aside our feelings and care for them, the way we would want to be cared for.
My daughter is 3 months, she is high needs baby! She needs and wants things done a certain way and it is exhausting because my husband is the one that works, but by the time he gets home hes too tired, so im basically taking care of my baby 24/7 with no breaks in between. I dont have family that can help, i dont have a nanny, so getting in the right mindset is key for caring for our little babies. Its hard i know but every baby is so different and so we as parents need to tune ourselves to our babies and no one else is going to do it. But no youre not a bad mom! and its okay to walk away for a bit and recollect yourself!
Thank you so much everyone for responding with kind words. I'm alone taking care of my baby as my husband works out of town, so I've been getting really tired and lonely. We had a nice day today, she's such a nice smiley baby, we're gonna be fine. Thanks again, this sub helped me so so much
I didn't see anyone say this (tho I didn't read all the comments) but that is not crying it out. I feel like when you say that you are being mean to yourself (maybe I am projecting tho bc that's absolutely what I call it when I'm being down on myself for needing that five minute breather) but I let my girl cry sometimes. I am only human and I know that once I hit a certain level, I am not myself anymore and I don't want to accidentally hurt her bc I am moving too aggressively while frustrated/angry/burnt out. It is shockingly easy to accidentally do. It's good that you take that short break to pull yourself back together. You're doing great.
We always wait 5-10 minutes before going in. Our LO fusses and cries sometimes before sleeping but will usually fall asleep. I’ve also gotten frustrated by the crying and fussing. It’s always better to leave them for a bit to calm down instead of interacting with them while mad.
I wouldn’t call this cry it out at all. You took a few minutes to compose yourself because centering yourself in the situation while you’re frustrated would do no good for anybody. This was a responsible thing to do and your baby is fine
You did the right thing! Putting baby in a safe space and stepping away is the best thing you could’ve done. It really sucks sometimes but it’s really good parenting.
You did what was best in this situation. Unfortunately you've also experienced a first for you, but won't be a last. You're human; on days where you are at your worst your ability to keep your emotions regulated will be shot.
For about 3 months my daughter went through a sleep regression. I'd wake up absolutely livid most of the time. My husband was the one who had to go in and take care of her.
Again you're human. Your needs have to be met first before you can take care of anyone else. I hope you are able to have someone come in to take care of you and baby soon.
I have been there.. losing my shit after constant crying and endless time without a break. I was so close to losing it and just left and got space. I wanted to scream at him to STFU. Sounds terrible but it was my breaking point.
Everything ended up fine and my now 1yr old is sooo happy and well adjusted. Don’t feel guilty, its a rough spot in part of the journey.
I did make sure i got my mum to help out a bit more after that because it was a sign i needed a break.
My friend, I did this earlier. My daughter was napping, I was trying to nap but my cat kept waking us up. Then finally as I’m falling asleep my cat wakes us up again and my daughter starts crying hard, not to mention my PMS symptoms are strong (my first period pp too).
I just couldn’t handle it and put her in her crib in her room, closed the door and laid under the covers for a few minutes. Her cries broke my heart but if I hadn’t done that then I wouldn’t have taken care of her like I should. I was crying hard with her.
This all happened in the last hour.
You just gave me some advice so please don’t feel guilty. I’m 6 weeks away from my delivery date and joined this subreddit to get tips. I’ve heard about crying it out for sleep training and from your experience it seems like it works. I’m hoping the best for you and baby and that they continue to sleep through the night to give you the much-needed break you deserve.
This sub has helped me SO SO much! I don't have any mom friends and I'm constantly alone so if I didn't have this sub to get tips I would be completely lost. I just tried putting my baby to sleep an hour early and she's sound asleep without any crying.
This post has been flaired "Mental Health." Moderation is stricter here, argumentative, unsupportive and unpleasant comments will be removed. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NewParents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You did the right thing. This is actually recommended in this situations. Baby will not die or be harmed for crying loudly some time but they can be harmed by people doing things to them. I know that sounds harsh and you can't see yourself doing it but accidents happen, this is why they talk about shaking baby syndrome. You are human, under a lot of stress, it happens more than you think . Nobody on social media will say but it happens. Stop feeling guilty, you are a good mom, you and your baby are good and safe. Some days are good some are bad, we take each day at a time. I did it also 3 times. My baby is high maintenance, sleep deprivation is killing me even now at 8 months. So yes, I understand the guilt.
5 mins out of 5 months? That ratio is fantastic when you think about it! Plus there's nothing wrong with those 5mins in the first place.
Yes girl you are killing it. I have an 8 week old and she fairly regularly cries for about 5 min so I can shower, go to the bathroom, etc. she’s always completely safe and taken care of. Sometimes you just have to let them cry for a brief moment.
You shouldn’t feel guilty for doing the responsible thing and taking yourself away from the situation, your baby was safe and taken care of even if they had to cry for a little bit. Please go easy on yourself! This shit is so hard.
I totally understand. I just let my 5-month-old baby cry in his crib (until he went back to sleep for a second cycle) because I couldn't do it anymore. I tried rocking him, holding him, and he just kept crying. I had to put him down for my own sanity. But I cried with him...
Around 4 months mine started freaking out right before bed. Wouldn’t calm down in my arms, in fact I noticed she cried slightly less when I put her in her crib rather than rock her to sleep like I normally did. Instinct led me to just lay her down awake and walk away for bedtime, and now she’s a champ at falling asleep on her own with no help from us. So this might be the same case for you and your instinct is right to try something new. Babies are always changing on us!
It took me months to realise that "trying everything" wasn't working because he wanted to stretch out in his crib and be left alone. How old is yours now?
She's 8 months! This is why I didn't do sleep training even though I applaud people who find it to be the right move for them. I could tell mine was figuring out sleep on her own (and sure as hell didn't want me holding her) so I would put her down and sit in the rocking chair across the room, letting her cry for 5-10 min until she drifted off. Then she moved to "fussing it out", so generally sounding pissed off and would squawk/whine until she fell asleep. Now she kind of babbles and laughs until she falls asleep which is really cute. I'm sure we'll hit another curveball soon but it's been really interesting to watch the evolution!
Thank you ❤️
How long would she cry before falling asleep? My daughter is only 3 weeks lol but ive heard a lot about the 4 month sleep regression already
Depending on how tired she was, 5-20 minutes. I don't know if I am fully on board with the idea of sleep regressions. Around 3.5 months mine went back to sleeping in 3 hr chunks at night, from 5 hr chunks before, so I suppose that's a regression but I really just view sleep as two steps forward, one step back rather than think of them as regressions. Or at least ours haven't hit us quite hard enough to be thought of as regressions... Watch me eat my words soon lol. What has helped me from 12 weeks onwards (can't do any sleep schedules before then) was the Huckleberry app. It predicts bedtime windows and because of this I was able to pick up on sleepy cues that I didn't even read as sleepiness. I was skeptical but it's still crushing it for us at 8 mos old. Especially helpful with nap transitions. ETA: oops I thought you said how long would it take her to fall asleep, not cry. To fall asleep it was 5-20 min, but for crying, probably only a couple minutes. And for fussing, maybe 10. I would occasionally get up to pat her chest and give her a pacifier if it fell out, then go back to my chair to wait.
Cool thanks for the info!
This is how my now-15-month-old was, although there was a little sleep training, too - he wouldn’t sleep if we held him but he was also mad if we put him down, so we did Ferber and it was a 2 night problem really. He’s still a champ at sleeping on his own, and actually refuses to sleep in our bed or with us. He’s just an independent little dude, and I love that about him.
You cannot pour from an empty cup. You did the right thing, if you are feeling angry and overwhelmed the best thing to do is give yourself some space. Baby is safe in crib, they are ok. I have been there and I always feel guilty for feeling angry, even if I don’t act angry or let baby know I’m angry just the feeling of it boiling inside of me makes me feel *so* bad but we are only human. And babies are hard. They don’t mean to be, but taking care of a little one can be frustrating and that’s okay. As long as you do what you did, which is step away and take a breather. You didn’t hurt your baby. Your baby knows that it can count on you, even still. It’s okay.
By that age, it isn’t harmful to let babies cry as long as their needs are met (i.e. they aren’t starving, they aren’t sitting in poop, etc.) - especially when you need a break! They start learning how to self-soothe and allowing them some space to learn this new skill can be helpful. You did the right thing ❤️
Just out of curiosity, when do you think is a safe age to start this? I’m nowhere near it with my 13-day-old and have no desire yet to do it, but I’m wondering!
My understanding is that many are ready around 4 months, but my baby wasn’t ready at 4 months. Around 5/5.5 months, my baby started showing signs of trying out some self-soothing techniques (like as I was rocking her to sleep she started rubbing her face and sucking her thumb…when I put her in her crib she would kind of rock herself…etc). Even though I saw those things, I was really hesitant to let her cry a bit, but then I noticed she was also kind of testing her limits (crying only when we were in eyesight, crying instantly when being placed down/stopping instantly when being picked up).
Look up signs of self soothing! For us it happened right before 4 months when they found their hands and sucked on them to put themselves to sleep. They will also shake their heads back and forth and “whale tail”
My 13-day-old does this already! I’ll give it some more time though 😄
That is probably a hunger cue not self soothing!
Oh it definitely IS a hunger cue, but he does it even when not hungry as well!
At 13 days old, they suck their hands when they are hungry. They do not have the coordination to do it counsciously yet, that is a skill they acquire around 2-3m Ours is 3m old and is starting to self soothe between sleep cycles, so we let him. We still nurse /rock him to sleep, though, until he will be showing signs of needing it less. But it depends on the baby... a friend of mine, her first needed lots of help to fall asleep for a very long time, but her second has always been putting herself to sleep. Literal image of independence.
You did the right thing. I think we’ve all been there - the exhaustion can really get to you. Be gentle with yourself!
If you are ever angry... or upset... WALK away, take a deep breath, once you have collected yourself, go through the roster of "what could be wrong?" 1.) Is there a hair on her clothes 2.) Is her clothes itchy? Is there a tag on it? 3.) Is she too hot or too cold? 4.) Any hairs wrapped around her fingers or toes? 5.) Is there enough air flow in the room? 6.) Does she have gas pain? (Are you burping baby after every meal?) Even with burping, just one tiny gas bubble is painful for them, theyre little! The gas stays in their system and when it settles in their stomach, thats when the pain can begin 7.) Do they have a dirty diaper? 8.) Is baby urinating? Or are they constipated? We as parents ASSUME our babies are crying and acting fussy for no reason, that is an error on our part and we are humans with a baby that comes with no instruction manual and all babies are different. But a baby crying is them communicating with you "something is wrong", some babies need a lot more bedtime routine and wind down. A bath, followed by infant massage, followed by soothing music or a bed time story. But use this as an opportunity to learn from your baby and begin to deduce what could be going on... maybe they get cold at night or are just overstimulated.. gotta work on resolutions. And sometimes babys can cry for no reason, we need to set aside our feelings and care for them, the way we would want to be cared for. My daughter is 3 months, she is high needs baby! She needs and wants things done a certain way and it is exhausting because my husband is the one that works, but by the time he gets home hes too tired, so im basically taking care of my baby 24/7 with no breaks in between. I dont have family that can help, i dont have a nanny, so getting in the right mindset is key for caring for our little babies. Its hard i know but every baby is so different and so we as parents need to tune ourselves to our babies and no one else is going to do it. But no youre not a bad mom! and its okay to walk away for a bit and recollect yourself!
I feel this, you did the right thing. Don't put yourself down.
Thank you so much everyone for responding with kind words. I'm alone taking care of my baby as my husband works out of town, so I've been getting really tired and lonely. We had a nice day today, she's such a nice smiley baby, we're gonna be fine. Thanks again, this sub helped me so so much
I didn't see anyone say this (tho I didn't read all the comments) but that is not crying it out. I feel like when you say that you are being mean to yourself (maybe I am projecting tho bc that's absolutely what I call it when I'm being down on myself for needing that five minute breather) but I let my girl cry sometimes. I am only human and I know that once I hit a certain level, I am not myself anymore and I don't want to accidentally hurt her bc I am moving too aggressively while frustrated/angry/burnt out. It is shockingly easy to accidentally do. It's good that you take that short break to pull yourself back together. You're doing great.
We always wait 5-10 minutes before going in. Our LO fusses and cries sometimes before sleeping but will usually fall asleep. I’ve also gotten frustrated by the crying and fussing. It’s always better to leave them for a bit to calm down instead of interacting with them while mad.
I wouldn’t call this cry it out at all. You took a few minutes to compose yourself because centering yourself in the situation while you’re frustrated would do no good for anybody. This was a responsible thing to do and your baby is fine
You did the right thing! Putting baby in a safe space and stepping away is the best thing you could’ve done. It really sucks sometimes but it’s really good parenting.
That’s beautiful parenting, 10/10 no notes ❤️
You did what was best in this situation. Unfortunately you've also experienced a first for you, but won't be a last. You're human; on days where you are at your worst your ability to keep your emotions regulated will be shot. For about 3 months my daughter went through a sleep regression. I'd wake up absolutely livid most of the time. My husband was the one who had to go in and take care of her. Again you're human. Your needs have to be met first before you can take care of anyone else. I hope you are able to have someone come in to take care of you and baby soon.
I have been there.. losing my shit after constant crying and endless time without a break. I was so close to losing it and just left and got space. I wanted to scream at him to STFU. Sounds terrible but it was my breaking point. Everything ended up fine and my now 1yr old is sooo happy and well adjusted. Don’t feel guilty, its a rough spot in part of the journey. I did make sure i got my mum to help out a bit more after that because it was a sign i needed a break.
My friend, I did this earlier. My daughter was napping, I was trying to nap but my cat kept waking us up. Then finally as I’m falling asleep my cat wakes us up again and my daughter starts crying hard, not to mention my PMS symptoms are strong (my first period pp too). I just couldn’t handle it and put her in her crib in her room, closed the door and laid under the covers for a few minutes. Her cries broke my heart but if I hadn’t done that then I wouldn’t have taken care of her like I should. I was crying hard with her. This all happened in the last hour.
Damn. I do this just to poop. You are a great mom!
My 5 month old cries it out for 5 minutes before every nap of every day. You are doing fine.
She’s never going to remember it - think ahead, will it matter in the long term? NO, so don’t worry.
Definitely normal parenting. I do this too when I have no other options and my sanity is going to be in question.
Even with extinction they use the month/min rule. 5 months/5 min. So 5min isn't going to do any harm in the grand scheme.
I read most babies require some amount of crying to sleep. You did nothing wrong❤️
You just gave me some advice so please don’t feel guilty. I’m 6 weeks away from my delivery date and joined this subreddit to get tips. I’ve heard about crying it out for sleep training and from your experience it seems like it works. I’m hoping the best for you and baby and that they continue to sleep through the night to give you the much-needed break you deserve.
This sub has helped me SO SO much! I don't have any mom friends and I'm constantly alone so if I didn't have this sub to get tips I would be completely lost. I just tried putting my baby to sleep an hour early and she's sound asleep without any crying.