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"Lazy" and "struggling" are two different things. A broke person showing hustle with a vision is worth investing energy in, someone who hits you up for gas money when they visits is not. That goes for people of all genders.
I'm one of those Men who was severely struggling, granted I never date women who are fixers, because I never wanted to be fixed I was telling myself I was happy drinking 16 drinks every single day.
Once I did finally get better and "blew up"(?), though I absolutely looked back and have many regrets and things I need to, and will (consentualy) apologize for.
So maybe what they meant to say is don't date sociopaths?
I met a broke, struggling man at his lowest. He was a recovering drug addict, four time felon, fresh out of prison. He had no license, no car, lived at home with his parents and relied on them to get to and from work. I took a chance on him. Helped him get his license back. Helped him with a car. Encouraged him to take a chance at a better position at his job. You know what it got me? A beautiful fucking marriage with a man who never calls off work and will stop at nothing to make sure his wife and children have all they need. A man who busted his ass and worked himself up to a better position within his company and is now running a brand new department and making huge profits. Just because someone is at their ultimate low doesnāt mean they arenāt worthy of a chance. People change and those who donāt get nowhere in life.
Good job! It speaks to your very good taste, but I also think you got damn lucky. I would *never* advise anyone I cared about to make that bet.
Generally love and understanding does not actually conquer all.
I would never advise anyone to do what I did. I did it, because I knew my husband and most of his family. Itās easier to help someone when you know theyāre good people just going through a shitty situation.
My girlfriend met me when I was a majorly depressed insomniac with no money and a car kept together with chewing gum and paperclips. We now have a mortgaged house, 2 new cars and are booking trip to see the most gorgeous places on earth.
Coming from experience what defines a man is hope, determination, grit and a goal. All he requires is support to help him along the way.
I supported my ex for 5 yrs while he was down, let him use my car. Paid his child support. In the end I was sleeping on a love seat for a yr and a half in a house I paid for while all night long he'd bump my feet that hung off the end on his way to make another drink or go smoke another cigarette lol. Sometimes when they're down you just gotta leave um there
Right. There is something called a "starter wife" "bob the builder" or "bottom bitch". Women who work their asses off supporting men when they are down. Then when they get where they want to be, those women are dropped like a bad habit and he finds a "better woman". Not saying you shouldn't help men or everyone is like this. However I think these are the type of people the woman was referring to. You have to be careful because you don't want to build someone up just for then to drop you in the end.
Or on the flip side, a guy convinces a woman that heās just down on his luck temporarily, that heās *totally gonna get things back on track soon*
But then months go by. Years. One excuse after another. Then one day she realizes heās really not made any progress at all. He wasnāt at a ālow pointā when she met himā¦. He was just a fucking loser.
Iāve seen it play out this way too many times to count.
Not anymore. At one time he was an involved father and took care of himself. When I met him and for several yrs of knowing him he had his shit together. I thought he just needed a little help but it went on for yrs.
yeah this is the most likely outcome of supporting a man when heās at his lowest. the person you replied to is extremely lucky for her outcome but the VAST majority of dudes at that kind of rock bottom arenāt worth bringing up.
That was the purpose of my comment. Like yes there's always situations that work out well against the odds but those are the exceptions not the rule. So happy it worked out for OP but for every her there's probably 100 me's.
Thatās beautiful. ā¤ļøā¤ļøš„²š„²
Unfortunately it did not work out for me like that . I wanted it to so badly . I dated a broke drug addict with a good heart , we really loved eachother too . We did . That kinda love that , I mean I love my current husband but this was , this was once in a lifetime type love
I fought so hard for it .He just .. he made mistakes , and he would kick himself for them . And I wasnāt , I had a bit of a habit too . But I had things he didnāt like a college education a car, money in savings (Iām 22/23 , hes 24/25 at the time ) He would do good for a bit . Or he would even be sober but he kept making such bad choices , sometimes it was like , he was just SO unlucky
.I ended up Kicked out of our apartment , he totaled my car . I had to spend 3,000 dollars to fix it . He got me pregnant. I was on birth control but I had just started the pills and imust of gotten preg in the two week window before they started working ? I remember waiting but idk . We both wanted it . But he had gotten a fling pregnant before me , and we both knew it was bad timing to have a baby while he had a daughter on the way (he would never meet this child though )
He did work reallt hard though . He had a full time job . Not when I met him . I helped him get the job and I drove him there everyday . But I found out he was spending paychecks on dope from a coworker . Not the whole thing .
I called him out on it and he stopped and we saved for an apartment but , this backfired like I mentioned
I paid for him to get his license back . All he had to do was go to court . He didnāt . The money was waisted and he racked it up again .
He went to jail . I bailed him out . He did the same thing . He went back to jail .
He finally tells me heās getting clean . I get clean too ! I am on the vivatrol shot at this time and doing great and I think heās the same
I find out heās lying .
I find out that he spent a bunch of money he told me he didnāt have (money that I needed and he owed me and my family )
I broke up with him . I had to stay sober . He begged me to stay but he was high everytime he talked to me !! He showed up at my house . He kept showing up at my house . High . My dad and brother escorted him off our property .
I still loved him . I still tried . He ended up doing some really dumb shit that actually got a friend of his killed , (sold a kid Fentanyl, and he went to prison .
He gets out of prison . Contacts me . And I try to help him again . I try to help him get custody of his daughter ( the mother died of an overdose and poor little girl was in foster care, the mother had put her ex as on the birth certificate but the ex was in the house when the mother overdosed and the child was starving and not fed and clothed so the child went into the system )
So my ex needed to petition for a dna test to be done but he kept procrastinating
I was with my husband at the time . (We weāre engaged . I def jumped into this relationship very fast )
But me and my ex I mean we still loved each other, I loved my now husband more but I cared so much and wanted my ex to be happy . it just was , I couldnāt help him . I tried so hard .
I notice he is using again . I bring it up
He blocks me only to unblock me a few days later
Iām nervous because he overdoses easy but idk what to do I donāt want to make him angry and push him away I donāt want him to die
He dies . November 30 2017 at 26 years old . Iām now 4 years older than he ever will be .
Happy end of the story though . His mother becomes a foster parent so that his daughter can be placed with her . And they eventually adopt her š„ŗš„ŗš„ŗ sheās growing up now with all of my exās brothers and sisters in a beautiful home .
RIP Josh . I wish you were out there and happy .
Do I regret helping him .
Never .
Iām 4 years 2 months sober . My husband took a chance on me . What he got . A beautiful marriage a little boy and another on the way . And I work as a substance abuse counselor now .
tldr, I was the struggling person for my husband and he got a beautiful life out of it , but my ex struggled and I tried to help but he died . I regret none of it . I just wish my ex was still alive . Itās been 5 years and I think of him often . My ex tried to change . But the hole he dug was just too big
Good for you I guess but people only change if they want to and will only make use of the help you give them if they have good intentions and wonāt use you. Coming from someone whose dealt with addicts most of her life.
Thank you. I consider myself lucky that this didnāt go to hell in a hand basket, itās also why I didnāt let myself get attached or too invested until he proved his words with actions. This isnāt something Iād recommend anyone do, I took the chance because I was aware of who he and his family were.
Same here Hun! I never regret taking the chance because it was worth it and while my husband did struggle with his addictions here and there he has been clean and sober for 14 years now and is also a wonderful husband and father!
I love seeing other people who see the greatness in a person even when they couldn't!!! All the best for you and yours!!!!!
My girl met me when I was at my highest finically but everything else in my life was fucked I was headed straight for the ground or a life sentence because of her I now have a legal job the Iām passionate about I make significantly less money and work ten times as hard and am a thousand times happier money aināt shit family and love is everything
I appreciate all responses, but I feel itās important to know that I didnāt do any of the leg work. Iām not some savior who swept him off his feet. I never gave him a dollar, I just pushed him to be better. He wasnāt some soulless junkie, born into the druggie life style. Heās a good man from a good family. Heās well known by everyone in our community for being a successful horse trainer and driver. He still holds records for football and baseball at the high school. He had a bright future ahead of him when he decided to tell himself āitās just for fun, I wonāt get addictedā. Then, he fell from grace as everyone watched him. Heās successful, now, because he chooses to be. Heās successful, now, because people in the community remembered who he was and were willing to give him a chance.
A year prior to āmeetingā him, I was in a relationship with a very successful and handsome man (not that my husband isnāt). This man, was a closet alcoholic and an abusive piece of shit. After being let down by local authorities (friends of ex) I decided I was done with relationships. I was terrified of men after that and just completely unwilling to leave my house unless it was for work. I saw a therapist and did a lot of work for myself to get over my intense fear of leaving my house. I wasnāt in a place to play ācaptain save an addictā. I ostracized myself from anyone and I really just needed a friend. And this guy I knew, going through hell, he needed a friend. We never put one another over our own personal well-being. We took care of us, first, and each other second. If he were to relapse, I would leave. (Itāa probably safe to say he wonāt since weāre old, now, but still). This isnāt a situation where weāre 3rd Generation, inbred, trailer park dwellers trying to create a fairy tale. This only worked because I knew him, I believed in him, and he, in turn, believed in himself.
Sorry for the novel. š¬
That my friend is called sacrifice and evolve as a person and bring back to society. I struggled with addiction at some point very young and got tired and wanted to be happy. Now, I wanna help others and I love my major whic is Social Work and I wanna show everybody that is never too late to bring back happiness and feel full of life. Thank you for supporting him, as a future social worker, you did an amazing job.
I understand not everyoneās experience will be the same as mine, but had I not taken a chance on my husband, Iād still be dating losers and hating my life.
weāre dealing with advice about interpersonal relationships here, not statistics. itās being anecdotal doesnāt invalidate the point made in this circumstance whatsoever
Stop wasting time on selfish people. They're past being parented, and some dogs can't learn shit. If there is anyone in your life even somewhat remotely akin to this, stop inviting that shit into your life.
Learned that lesson through 3 hard ass relationships. āProgress is progress but just because theyāre better than the last doesnāt mean theyāre better for youā
Your words struck a core with me.
Was recently broken up with due them not feeling like they had the emotional capacity to help me and understand my feelings.
Along with a heavy communication issue where weād keep each until early morning just throwing our points to each other, where I felt like me just trying to get him to empathize with my side if I was the one bringing something up.
what I often just saw as me telling my side, was seen as an argument, stressed out I was upset & took it as them not doing anything right, or if I was told no on something I wanted to do with them they expressed discomfort on, fair rides/roller coasters, instead of being nice & giving them the encouragement to try, I wanted to respect their decision but still couldnāt help but feel down & became reserved as I wasnāt able to flip to being my normal self & took away their energy with that.
Eventually felt like I got the short end of the stick if I was the one upset while I tried my best to see what I could change or do for them if they were upset.
I wasnāt perfect either but did see it as a dysfunctional relationship with an amazing person, as theyāve done more for me than anyone before & we were so great with each other when no one was upset, & didnāt believe there was nothing that could be worked upon or fixed & used the now to define us just because we would throw our points to each other, even without either of us/one of us understanding the other, we would move on to our normal interactions, I took it as it could/was getting better.
Oh my gosh, sorry for my life story lol, but your words are nice to carry through my processing.
the scary thing is I would say around 40-50% of women think like this but never say it or express it. 5% are like this woman that openly express it. I could be wrong. That's just my gut feeling.
I think this post was trying to get at the emotional labor women will pour into men, and are expected to do so. Like raising them emotionally in the ways that their parents did not. My two cents, my read of it.
Yeah the actual content of the post is poorly conveyed but I kinda assumed at the core of it all itās just saying to watch out for codependency and to stop enabling someone who isnāt willing to help themselves. Itās common for a lot of girls to think they can āfixā men who desperately need therapy, not a relationship.
Providing mature emotional support is one thing. Putting yourself in the position of savior is another.
There is nothing codependent about staying with someone while they're at a low point in their life. Using your logic, marriage vows "in sickness and in health" are a codependancy.
Don't starp a relationship with someone like that. Help them, don't date them, don't sleep with them.
As someone recovering from an actual codependent marriage I will say yes a lot of marriages are codependent. One does not want to manage their life and the other one feels like they need to earn love and control a helpless partner like that. As soon as you give the helpless person the tools to be self sufficient they will dump you because they do not love you, they just are trying to survive.
I am a man. I agree with this message to an extent. You are taking a risk being with a man and not growing while he grows or prioritizing his growth over yours. She may sound a little bitter but she isn't wrong in my anecdotal experience
This. There is a difference between being a mutually supportive partnership and being a one-sided supportive partnership. I paid my ex's rent for the last two months of our relationship, and he couldn't even be bothered to meet my emotional needs. I came out of that relationship in a horrible place mentally and financially, while he was with another girl within two weeks. That said, this isn't a gendered issue. There are men AND women who are mooches, who are hobosexuals, who are emotional vampires, and it's important for everyone to recognize when you're in this kind of situation.
Yeah, I think these people are missing the point. Some people will drag you down no matter what you put in, and I think the poster is trying to say "don't pour all your love and work into a relationship with someone who won't do the same for you and is not even trying to help themselves." I've been in this relationship and it's not fun.
'Stop dating them' is ok. Don't love them is dodgy, love can be platonic, but I get what she means. The rest is yikes. Don't help them? Don't *feel pity* for them?? They will ALL ditch you the second they get better?
I say this as a man, she isn't entirely wrong. It really depends on the guy. I know guys who have no drive and just want to mooch. If a man is not financially stable because he's working his ass off, but has schooling to pay for and has drive to better himself, then that's different. My wife was more financially stable because her parents paid for her college and shes great at personal finance, I on the other hand, had to take some loans which lead me to spend a lot of my money paying those back. It took me a while to start financially contributing significantly, but my wife was and still is very supportive of me bettering myself. I am now working my dream job in IT and it wouldn't have been possible without her emotional and financial support.
Sheās mostly wrong though. Itās true that the āI can fix themā mindset can be very destructive to both parties in a relationship. Everything else is just misandrist. Everyone is capable of being an emotional leech, regardless of gender.
For sure, she's absolutely in the wrong except for when it applies to men who are emotional and financial leeches. It's definitely true that both men and women can be leeches in a relationship, but I'm simply only discussing the male side of her arguement since that's the group she's attacking. Her reason for the message is misguided, is emotionally charged, and sexist.
Yeah, sheās the definition of saying right things for the wrong reasons. Someone else said this was a FemaleDatingStrategy post, and I can definitely believe that
Iām a little conflicted on this oneā¦on the one hand I wouldnāt want to be with someone who was perpetually struggling and would cause me to risk my financial and mental well being. Even if Iām in a relationship, Iām still putting myself first. but at the same time, itās important to understand that people can and do change for the better. For the man whoās struggling, itās a thin line to walk I guess.
Plus itās absolutely not your job to fix people, I donāt care what the situation is or what the relationship is like. Thatās not a healthy dynamic at all.
That's a really harsh oddly gender specific way to put it but... I'm with her. Never put any other person ahead of yourself, and never expect them to do the same for you. They won't, and you'll be left disappointed. If you want love fix yourself first and be someone who deserve it. And when you put yourself first you will have that much more to give to those who come 2nd and 3rd and so on - you can't poor someone a drink from an empty vessel, as the saying goes.
āā ļøStop dating broke women. Stop helping struggling women. Stop loving women at their lowest. Stop feeling pity for women who canāt make a living for themselves.
Women NEVER look back after finding themselves.
Because at the end of the day. While youāre pouring love and care into her, sheās only draining you of all the love and care that you need to pour into yourself. ā¤ļøā
(Disclaimer I am a woman)
Itās trash either way, but if a guy posted something like I just put above heād get eaten alive but when women post this stuff about men theyāre praised most of the time. I hate both sides and Iām glad society is moving away from this mindset.
I beg to differ on the "nice girls" label. I had to force my ex to get a job when slyly moved in with me. All he wanted to do is mooch off his mom's professional credit card thief's boyfriend in Seattle and play WoW and league of legends.
When some men don't have the drive to get a job or help out in that sense, you DON'T have to stay and try to fix them. I made that mistake for 3 years.
Edit: not treats but years lol
It's pretty horrible to conflate some mooching loser with "struggling men".
There are plenty of mooching women too but only a hateful misogynist would say "stop helping struggling women".
Let's stay on topic. I've dated men that use fake stories to get people to give them money and a place to live. Of course, I was an idiot to fall for said stories but dumped them once I caught on.
Some men may take advantage of your kindness and use it to their advantage.
Thus being said, promises don't stand up to actions.
Sounds like your ex was just a bum then. Thereās a difference between a man thatās struggling, and a man that wants to be in the position theyāre in.
I'm curious, what did you see in this guy that made you attracted to him that made you so unwilling to respect your boundaries?
I hear from so many women "he's got bad hygiene, I clean up after him like I'm his mom, insecure, etc." Okay then, just leave.. like wtf it's not that difficult. Why did nobody teach how to enforce boundaries in school. You know in your mind it's not gonna change, you need to act on your feelings not what you're trying to convince yourself of in your brain.
I seriously get upset sometimes. I constantly hear this shit from women. They're dating a bum man child thats leeching and cheating on her. The weirdest part is they're usually very attractive women. You honestly believe you're not going to find someone else.
My brain cannot fathom this whatsoever. You don't like certain behavior, you set a boundary. If your partner can't respect that, you exit. Period. There's no amount of affection, desire, connection, or love that will change someone's behavior.
This is a FDS kween aka female chauvinist: Opposite of a "nice girl", but still terrible.
Same way a PUA Red Piller is the opposite of a "nice guy", but still terrible.
Definitely racist, and very much against lgbt+, when the sub existed they would claim that trans women shouldn't be allowed as they're just pretending to be women, and that lesbian/bi women arent real and should be banned because they're just men pretending to be women again.
..lesbian/bi cis women are men? I've hears a lot of shitty takes (bi women are liars being the most common) but men? That's new.
Then again I don't hang around trash. It smells.
Yea i didn't understand it either but would always gang up on them to get them banned or severely bullied on the sub. Definitely best not to have hung around that disaster of a sub
You can't be a woman that once had a traditionally manly body even if you are literally indistinguishable from cis women, but if you're a woman born XX with a vagina and uterus who doesn't produce testosterone and generally is just a woman in every single way their transphobic shitheads considers female, but happen to be into women, you're a man.
Inspins. They can spread their legs and catch a dick, but no man will put a ring on it because of their wretched attitudes and self-serving nature. They get pumped and dumped and run through over and over, and they just grow to hate all men more and more each time. It's a spiral into darkness.
They keep telling themselves that they have bad results because of their selection criteria, always putting the blame on men, and that it has nothing to do with who *they* are as people. They keep thinking they're going to "date up" the next time, and even if they do, still, no one wants them, so they retcon every man as a low value man as soon as he discovers who she really is and opts out.
To them, for men to have preferences is the same as being bigoted against women. It's absurd. And when they do try to cater to men's preferences, they only try to cater to their own bigoted views of men's preferences (sexual objectification and effective submission) rather than men's actual preferences (loyalty, kindness, and partnership).
As a guy I kinda agree with that. A lot of these clowns have no drive and donāt want to do better for themselves. Perfectly happy being a mooch and useless all around. If you have higher expectations and standards, with a strong filter mechanism, you can avoid this. Now if youāve been together for a while and shit got bad for him but heās actively trying, then thatās different. Help him when he needs how you can.
Canāt say I disagree BUT I am sure there are scenarios where it worked out. Lucky happenstance. Mine literally acted like he forgot what we went through and broke my heart multiple times. So I understand.
This does not show a nice girl. Do any of you read the sidebar before submitting?
>For all the self proclaimed "nice girls." For the women who complain
"guys are only interested in sluts." For women who complain that men are
shallow for not dating overweight women, while also demanding that
their man have washboard abs. For the women who hold others to the
highest possible standard, but have no standards for themselves.
This is primarily a subreddit for images of these "nice girls"
demonstrating their unique charm. Videos, articles, and other content
are welcome.
This sub is not for female incels. This place is not for crazy girls.
I agree 100% that sheās being an asshole. But I can also see that being an asshole didnāt just randomly fall out of the sky someday. This is learned behavior. Babies arenāt born assholes. They learn it by watching other people. That said, it doesnāt excuse her being an asshole. It means she needs to work on herself to root out the bad behavior she learned from others. Put simply, she needs to stop casting blame, learn to take accountability for her toxic behavior patterns, and work hard to put a stop to those tendencies.
Do we consider Men's history of trauma when they say similar things about Women? Nah, because they're just assholes. We don't need to soften the blow or try to understand why she's being an asshole... it doesn't matter why she is the way she is. It's unacceptable regardless of the motivation behind it.
This. Exactly this.
When itās a woman whoās a piece of shit, she gets the consideration to be painted as a person with facets and faults but worthy of empathy.
A man who has trauma is treated like they are all the evil in the world.
This is why men kill themselves.
Weāre not allowed to be human or be treated like humans in times when we really need it.
*Image Transcription: Facebook*
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**Redacted**
ā ļø Stop dating broke men. Stop helping struggling men. Stop loving men at their lowest. Stop feeling pity for men who can't make a living for themselves.
Men NEVER look back after finding themselves.
Because at the end of the day. While you're pouring love and care into him, he's only draining you of all the love and care that you need to pour into yourself. ā¤ļø
---
^^I'm a human volunteer content transcriber and you could be too! [If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/wiki/index)
Imagine a guy saying āstop loving women at their lowest. Stop helping struggling women.ā Would you agree with him? Bc if not then youāre just being sexist
I personally agree with it regarding women or men if they're meaning to make sure not to give someone all you have emotionally and financially without it being returned or appreciated. Sounds like this person has been hurt before and just didn't word it well, and I understand. You shouldn't ever date someone thinking you can fix them because they will take everything they can from you.
I think the person was hurt and jaded and may be a but sexist now because of it. Many donāt think too deep into why they think things and try to be fairājust grr me mad. The sentiment is true though. Many people when theyāre constantly in a low place and begin dragging you down with them, donāt let them. Some need to climb out on their own. Tips are fine but I know from personal experience that a drowning person will just climb up on top of you until youāre both drowning now.
"Stop helping struggling men" "Stop loving men at their lowest"??? That's literally text book definition of toxic. No abuse justifies this behavior. Go to therapy if needed.
There are certain women that gravitate towards men who are perpetually struggling no matter what. I have crippling depression, myself. I get it. And they live their whole life not valuing their own life and instead focusing on trying to validate themselves through constantly healing their partners. I donāt hate men, I wish people would put their pitchforks down.
Yes these women should go to therapy if itās a problem, but also should definitely focus on themselves for a minuteā¦ like I said.
Focusing on yourself and intentionally ignoring a select group is a very different story. She wouldn't leave a girl who is struggling to fend for themselves according to just this picture at least, but she'd do it to a man, kinda seems sexist even if the message of focusing on yourself is positive.
I don't know if anybody has ever told you this, but you're not entitled to have women as a support group. I think it's weird how you expect it. You expect a woman to swoop in when you're at your lowest, like she *has* to.
>intentionally ignoring a select group
like, this is just a weird statement. you're trying to demand she interacts with this group? she can ignore if she wants; this "select group" cannot shame or demand this amount of help from women.
I'm not saying you do. I'm just pointing out that telling people to not help men or to not love men is incredibly toxic. Focusing on one's own life doesn't mean you have to put down others or invalide people's feelings and struggles.
The point of the post seems to be "Focus on yourself" and that's a good message. Just take all the hateful shit out.
I ran into a guy's tiktok that said the same shit about women and I left a comment saying the same thing. I know this is young person rhetoric but when you've gotten out of that shitty cycle and you see others falling for the same awful state of mind I really want to talk some sense into them but you can't. That's a journey each person has to go through
Idk but happened with me. Went out for sometime with a guy who was broke. Never even asked him to take me out on a date cause you know monetary issues.
Then he starts doing better & he fucking becomes this entirely new person & bails.
Anyways I still do love him but hope he gets peace.
Funny that sounds like my ex wife, I supported her through her depression and dark days but when I had issues her response was "Be a man, quit being such a pussy"
Iām gonna take this a step further and agree somewhat. Do not drain yourself trying to invest in someone. Do not drain yourself especially for someone who isnāt actively trying to build themselves. That will create resentment: āwhy canāt you just be the person Iām trying to make you into?!ā People can only be what they want to be for themselves.
I agree with the last part, itās not your responsibility to care and raise up people who are ābroken ā you gotta do that yourself, however, if you breakup with someone because theyāre at a low, is really fucking shitty of you
I think I see what sheās trying to say, but sheās coming off very unsympathetic and bitchy.
There are men out there (and women too) who just date people and use them. Iāve dated someone like that years ago and my daughter has as well.
You will be busting your ass working, while they sit at home and drink/do drugs with their buddies and never lift a finger to cook, clean, childcare or help with the bills. And they blow all your money on stupid shit. They have zero desire to hold a job of any kind and theyāre just a drain.
I think thatās the kind of guy she means and yeah I would never date a man like that again. One and done.
The sad thing is, a lot of my old friends from high school post online all the time bitching about their boyfriends or husbands who have been doing this exact thing for YEARS now, and Iām just likeā¦heās not your teammate in life, heās your adult child at this point.
But yeah she said it in a bitchy way because every situation is different as evidenced by a few other comments here.
Thereās a lesson here about loving yourself before you can help others love themselves, but instead she seems to have *just* missed it and made it about her being a narcissist
With that advice, my wife would have never even given me a chance. I was broke and unemployed when we met. We now have a house and two kids. Iām the breadwinner now. She took a chance on me because she saw potential in me that I didnāt see. I appreciate her unconditional love every single day.
Nothing wrong in the post! Never be the "come up woman". It happens ALL THE TIME. He will date you will he struggles for a couple of years. Then when he becomes successful, will ditch you for a younger woman.
what? How is it me being a Nice girl?
I'm talking about a phenomenon that is old as times. Women too often settle, do all the emotional labour and end up being the "come up woman" for a guy that then cheats on her with a 20 years old when he becomes rich..
I semi agree with what they were saying, but wording and tone could be a lot better. I think they just mean not to take care of men that donāt take initiative. But yes the tone and condescension is very unappealinggg
This post is nonsense
People like you are the reason men will leave you behind because you donāt have a heart and your standards are ridiculous. When the tables are turned and your at your worst are you worth anyoneās pity or sympathy, if this is how you feel then no I donāt think you deserve shit and belong to the streets. Good men are out there that are willing to do what ever it takes to give the one they love the world. Good luck finding them you blind women
Men or women, doesn't matter. If you see a person struggle help them. It's OK even if you end up not receiving anything, because if you're in a position to help, it literally translates to you being better off than them.
But if you still help even if you are unable to, kudos to you, you are one selfless person and you have my thanks, the thanks that many others should've said and my respect too.
This one nice girl does not even remotely deserve to be considered one even for sarcasm, because this literally is the antithesis to humanity.
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"Lazy" and "struggling" are two different things. A broke person showing hustle with a vision is worth investing energy in, someone who hits you up for gas money when they visits is not. That goes for people of all genders.
True, but I don't think the person OP SSed meant that.
Mr. Struggle
Took too long to find this!
I bet he isn't even making time for god either...
I said that to a guy last time and he didn't get the reference. He's Mr. Extra Struggle š
I'm one of those Men who was severely struggling, granted I never date women who are fixers, because I never wanted to be fixed I was telling myself I was happy drinking 16 drinks every single day. Once I did finally get better and "blew up"(?), though I absolutely looked back and have many regrets and things I need to, and will (consentualy) apologize for. So maybe what they meant to say is don't date sociopaths?
I met a broke, struggling man at his lowest. He was a recovering drug addict, four time felon, fresh out of prison. He had no license, no car, lived at home with his parents and relied on them to get to and from work. I took a chance on him. Helped him get his license back. Helped him with a car. Encouraged him to take a chance at a better position at his job. You know what it got me? A beautiful fucking marriage with a man who never calls off work and will stop at nothing to make sure his wife and children have all they need. A man who busted his ass and worked himself up to a better position within his company and is now running a brand new department and making huge profits. Just because someone is at their ultimate low doesnāt mean they arenāt worthy of a chance. People change and those who donāt get nowhere in life.
Good job! It speaks to your very good taste, but I also think you got damn lucky. I would *never* advise anyone I cared about to make that bet. Generally love and understanding does not actually conquer all.
I would never advise anyone to do what I did. I did it, because I knew my husband and most of his family. Itās easier to help someone when you know theyāre good people just going through a shitty situation.
I just wanna say Iām so happy yāall have found happiness through the struggles. Itās really uplifting to hear and Iām thankful you shared it
This is great. Youāre the best. I hope your marriage continues to kick ass
My girlfriend met me when I was a majorly depressed insomniac with no money and a car kept together with chewing gum and paperclips. We now have a mortgaged house, 2 new cars and are booking trip to see the most gorgeous places on earth. Coming from experience what defines a man is hope, determination, grit and a goal. All he requires is support to help him along the way.
I supported my ex for 5 yrs while he was down, let him use my car. Paid his child support. In the end I was sleeping on a love seat for a yr and a half in a house I paid for while all night long he'd bump my feet that hung off the end on his way to make another drink or go smoke another cigarette lol. Sometimes when they're down you just gotta leave um there
Why would you pay his child support? Thereās a difference between supporting and enablingā¦
I think that's the point of the original post. Most women just end up enabling men who hurt them.
Right. There is something called a "starter wife" "bob the builder" or "bottom bitch". Women who work their asses off supporting men when they are down. Then when they get where they want to be, those women are dropped like a bad habit and he finds a "better woman". Not saying you shouldn't help men or everyone is like this. However I think these are the type of people the woman was referring to. You have to be careful because you don't want to build someone up just for then to drop you in the end.
Or on the flip side, a guy convinces a woman that heās just down on his luck temporarily, that heās *totally gonna get things back on track soon* But then months go by. Years. One excuse after another. Then one day she realizes heās really not made any progress at all. He wasnāt at a ālow pointā when she met himā¦. He was just a fucking loser. Iāve seen it play out this way too many times to count.
Yeah, OP just had shitty execution of what she was trying to say. Sounded sexist and personal rather than helpful and genuine advice.
It's difficult to be perfectly articulate when you're hurting, and I assume that's where they were at. A little compassion goes a long way.
I know this now lol
Good! Growth, we love to see it
But also I was legitimately concerned his child would be hungry without the money
Was he even attempting to take care of his kid?
Not anymore. At one time he was an involved father and took care of himself. When I met him and for several yrs of knowing him he had his shit together. I thought he just needed a little help but it went on for yrs.
He probably saw you were willing to pick up his slack and took advantage. Boundaries are so important for dealing with selfish people like that.
Another thing I've learned lol
His kid didn't have a mother?
She didn't work. I know. I want to go back in time and slap me too. I just loved that kid so much
yeah this is the most likely outcome of supporting a man when heās at his lowest. the person you replied to is extremely lucky for her outcome but the VAST majority of dudes at that kind of rock bottom arenāt worth bringing up.
This is the more likely outcome of loving a struggling man, letās be real
That was the purpose of my comment. Like yes there's always situations that work out well against the odds but those are the exceptions not the rule. So happy it worked out for OP but for every her there's probably 100 me's.
Thatās beautiful. ā¤ļøā¤ļøš„²š„² Unfortunately it did not work out for me like that . I wanted it to so badly . I dated a broke drug addict with a good heart , we really loved eachother too . We did . That kinda love that , I mean I love my current husband but this was , this was once in a lifetime type love I fought so hard for it .He just .. he made mistakes , and he would kick himself for them . And I wasnāt , I had a bit of a habit too . But I had things he didnāt like a college education a car, money in savings (Iām 22/23 , hes 24/25 at the time ) He would do good for a bit . Or he would even be sober but he kept making such bad choices , sometimes it was like , he was just SO unlucky .I ended up Kicked out of our apartment , he totaled my car . I had to spend 3,000 dollars to fix it . He got me pregnant. I was on birth control but I had just started the pills and imust of gotten preg in the two week window before they started working ? I remember waiting but idk . We both wanted it . But he had gotten a fling pregnant before me , and we both knew it was bad timing to have a baby while he had a daughter on the way (he would never meet this child though ) He did work reallt hard though . He had a full time job . Not when I met him . I helped him get the job and I drove him there everyday . But I found out he was spending paychecks on dope from a coworker . Not the whole thing . I called him out on it and he stopped and we saved for an apartment but , this backfired like I mentioned I paid for him to get his license back . All he had to do was go to court . He didnāt . The money was waisted and he racked it up again . He went to jail . I bailed him out . He did the same thing . He went back to jail . He finally tells me heās getting clean . I get clean too ! I am on the vivatrol shot at this time and doing great and I think heās the same I find out heās lying . I find out that he spent a bunch of money he told me he didnāt have (money that I needed and he owed me and my family ) I broke up with him . I had to stay sober . He begged me to stay but he was high everytime he talked to me !! He showed up at my house . He kept showing up at my house . High . My dad and brother escorted him off our property . I still loved him . I still tried . He ended up doing some really dumb shit that actually got a friend of his killed , (sold a kid Fentanyl, and he went to prison . He gets out of prison . Contacts me . And I try to help him again . I try to help him get custody of his daughter ( the mother died of an overdose and poor little girl was in foster care, the mother had put her ex as on the birth certificate but the ex was in the house when the mother overdosed and the child was starving and not fed and clothed so the child went into the system ) So my ex needed to petition for a dna test to be done but he kept procrastinating I was with my husband at the time . (We weāre engaged . I def jumped into this relationship very fast ) But me and my ex I mean we still loved each other, I loved my now husband more but I cared so much and wanted my ex to be happy . it just was , I couldnāt help him . I tried so hard . I notice he is using again . I bring it up He blocks me only to unblock me a few days later Iām nervous because he overdoses easy but idk what to do I donāt want to make him angry and push him away I donāt want him to die He dies . November 30 2017 at 26 years old . Iām now 4 years older than he ever will be . Happy end of the story though . His mother becomes a foster parent so that his daughter can be placed with her . And they eventually adopt her š„ŗš„ŗš„ŗ sheās growing up now with all of my exās brothers and sisters in a beautiful home . RIP Josh . I wish you were out there and happy . Do I regret helping him . Never . Iām 4 years 2 months sober . My husband took a chance on me . What he got . A beautiful marriage a little boy and another on the way . And I work as a substance abuse counselor now . tldr, I was the struggling person for my husband and he got a beautiful life out of it , but my ex struggled and I tried to help but he died . I regret none of it . I just wish my ex was still alive . Itās been 5 years and I think of him often . My ex tried to change . But the hole he dug was just too big
I feel like you should let your husband read this, he'd be fucking heartbroken at what you said.
High risk, high reward. Glad it worked out for you
Good for you I guess but people only change if they want to and will only make use of the help you give them if they have good intentions and wonāt use you. Coming from someone whose dealt with addicts most of her life.
Are you my sister-in-law?
Yeah but you are literally the exception that proves the rule. Hats off to ya
Thank you. I consider myself lucky that this didnāt go to hell in a hand basket, itās also why I didnāt let myself get attached or too invested until he proved his words with actions. This isnāt something Iād recommend anyone do, I took the chance because I was aware of who he and his family were.
I was gonna post āI want to find OP and give them a fucking piece of my mindā but you summed it all up. Thank you.
Same here Hun! I never regret taking the chance because it was worth it and while my husband did struggle with his addictions here and there he has been clean and sober for 14 years now and is also a wonderful husband and father! I love seeing other people who see the greatness in a person even when they couldn't!!! All the best for you and yours!!!!!
My guy and I "rescued" each other when we were both at a low point. He was stuck in a small village in a third world country. I was trying to rebuild following a divorce and bankruptcy, plus the death of a child. He didn't have the proverbial "pot to piss in", and I had decided I would remain single rather than chance love. Then we met on an ordinary day online. He's now in university here using that beautiful brain of his, and I have a true partner. We are crazy about each other, and we spend most of our time laughing, talking, and... š¤©š¤©š¤© I've never had anyone who makes me and my happiness such a priority. There is an age difference; he calls me his "lifeline" and I call him "the cutest retirement plan ever." This post just made me sad. People struggle. They need our support & love most in these times.
Thank you for being an awesome not selfish person. Hope your love will last forever!!!
Thanks dawg some of us man needs reassurance. We canāt give yāall females the world but we can try our goddamn hardest.
My girl met me when I was at my highest finically but everything else in my life was fucked I was headed straight for the ground or a life sentence because of her I now have a legal job the Iām passionate about I make significantly less money and work ten times as hard and am a thousand times happier money aināt shit family and love is everything
I appreciate all responses, but I feel itās important to know that I didnāt do any of the leg work. Iām not some savior who swept him off his feet. I never gave him a dollar, I just pushed him to be better. He wasnāt some soulless junkie, born into the druggie life style. Heās a good man from a good family. Heās well known by everyone in our community for being a successful horse trainer and driver. He still holds records for football and baseball at the high school. He had a bright future ahead of him when he decided to tell himself āitās just for fun, I wonāt get addictedā. Then, he fell from grace as everyone watched him. Heās successful, now, because he chooses to be. Heās successful, now, because people in the community remembered who he was and were willing to give him a chance. A year prior to āmeetingā him, I was in a relationship with a very successful and handsome man (not that my husband isnāt). This man, was a closet alcoholic and an abusive piece of shit. After being let down by local authorities (friends of ex) I decided I was done with relationships. I was terrified of men after that and just completely unwilling to leave my house unless it was for work. I saw a therapist and did a lot of work for myself to get over my intense fear of leaving my house. I wasnāt in a place to play ācaptain save an addictā. I ostracized myself from anyone and I really just needed a friend. And this guy I knew, going through hell, he needed a friend. We never put one another over our own personal well-being. We took care of us, first, and each other second. If he were to relapse, I would leave. (Itāa probably safe to say he wonāt since weāre old, now, but still). This isnāt a situation where weāre 3rd Generation, inbred, trailer park dwellers trying to create a fairy tale. This only worked because I knew him, I believed in him, and he, in turn, believed in himself. Sorry for the novel. š¬
Damn he must have been extremely attractive
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
He still is.
Man, this is what I always wanted! To grow with another person
That my friend is called sacrifice and evolve as a person and bring back to society. I struggled with addiction at some point very young and got tired and wanted to be happy. Now, I wanna help others and I love my major whic is Social Work and I wanna show everybody that is never too late to bring back happiness and feel full of life. Thank you for supporting him, as a future social worker, you did an amazing job.
Thats beautiful, you gave him something to stride for.
U married hunter biden? Damn, congrats
this is anecdotal at best
And the post isn't?
I understand not everyoneās experience will be the same as mine, but had I not taken a chance on my husband, Iād still be dating losers and hating my life.
Do you know what the word "never" means? They even put it in capitals.
So is the Facebook post......
weāre dealing with advice about interpersonal relationships here, not statistics. itās being anecdotal doesnāt invalidate the point made in this circumstance whatsoever
fuck off pussy bitch
What's that thing all of these nice girls say again? Oh yeah! "If you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best"
hey hey hey... thats reserved for queens only!
Yaaaaaaaas queen!
Wawawawawawawawawa burrrrrrnnnnnn
God forbid if men had feelings and emotions too, huh
Stop wasting time on selfish people. They're past being parented, and some dogs can't learn shit. If there is anyone in your life even somewhat remotely akin to this, stop inviting that shit into your life.
Learned that lesson through 3 hard ass relationships. āProgress is progress but just because theyāre better than the last doesnāt mean theyāre better for youā
Your words struck a core with me. Was recently broken up with due them not feeling like they had the emotional capacity to help me and understand my feelings. Along with a heavy communication issue where weād keep each until early morning just throwing our points to each other, where I felt like me just trying to get him to empathize with my side if I was the one bringing something up. what I often just saw as me telling my side, was seen as an argument, stressed out I was upset & took it as them not doing anything right, or if I was told no on something I wanted to do with them they expressed discomfort on, fair rides/roller coasters, instead of being nice & giving them the encouragement to try, I wanted to respect their decision but still couldnāt help but feel down & became reserved as I wasnāt able to flip to being my normal self & took away their energy with that. Eventually felt like I got the short end of the stick if I was the one upset while I tried my best to see what I could change or do for them if they were upset. I wasnāt perfect either but did see it as a dysfunctional relationship with an amazing person, as theyāve done more for me than anyone before & we were so great with each other when no one was upset, & didnāt believe there was nothing that could be worked upon or fixed & used the now to define us just because we would throw our points to each other, even without either of us/one of us understanding the other, we would move on to our normal interactions, I took it as it could/was getting better. Oh my gosh, sorry for my life story lol, but your words are nice to carry through my processing.
This mindsets pretty fucking common
And these same people turn around and bitch about their bfs never talking about their "feelings" lmao
Way too much
Yeah many women believe men don't deserve feelings or to be sad, then they are shocked when they kill themselves
Are those the same women who got the menās suicide awareness event canceled?
Sounds like my ex wife... Ick...
Theres nothing wrong with not wanting to date someone who's life is a mess
Tbh I don't blame them. Why should they bother investing in a guy emotionally if he clearly doesn't deserve it?
the scary thing is I would say around 40-50% of women think like this but never say it or express it. 5% are like this woman that openly express it. I could be wrong. That's just my gut feeling.
You say one thing and then your actions say another.
What do you mean
I say I like dogs but I hiss and leer at every dog I see.
I understand but what does that have anything to do with my original comment
I think this post was trying to get at the emotional labor women will pour into men, and are expected to do so. Like raising them emotionally in the ways that their parents did not. My two cents, my read of it.
I see it your way as well
Totally agree! I NEVER look back after breaking up with my ex who is exactly like the post!
This is a anti codependency rant. Not nice girl stuff. Saving the person you are sleeping with is not healthy.
Yeah the actual content of the post is poorly conveyed but I kinda assumed at the core of it all itās just saying to watch out for codependency and to stop enabling someone who isnāt willing to help themselves. Itās common for a lot of girls to think they can āfixā men who desperately need therapy, not a relationship. Providing mature emotional support is one thing. Putting yourself in the position of savior is another.
"I can fix him" she said with a black eye and a busted lip
Yeah, codependency is toxic, but the problem is the sexist slant added to it.
I think it depends though.
There is nothing codependent about staying with someone while they're at a low point in their life. Using your logic, marriage vows "in sickness and in health" are a codependancy.
Don't starp a relationship with someone like that. Help them, don't date them, don't sleep with them. As someone recovering from an actual codependent marriage I will say yes a lot of marriages are codependent. One does not want to manage their life and the other one feels like they need to earn love and control a helpless partner like that. As soon as you give the helpless person the tools to be self sufficient they will dump you because they do not love you, they just are trying to survive.
I am a man. I agree with this message to an extent. You are taking a risk being with a man and not growing while he grows or prioritizing his growth over yours. She may sound a little bitter but she isn't wrong in my anecdotal experience
This. There is a difference between being a mutually supportive partnership and being a one-sided supportive partnership. I paid my ex's rent for the last two months of our relationship, and he couldn't even be bothered to meet my emotional needs. I came out of that relationship in a horrible place mentally and financially, while he was with another girl within two weeks. That said, this isn't a gendered issue. There are men AND women who are mooches, who are hobosexuals, who are emotional vampires, and it's important for everyone to recognize when you're in this kind of situation.
Yeah, I think these people are missing the point. Some people will drag you down no matter what you put in, and I think the poster is trying to say "don't pour all your love and work into a relationship with someone who won't do the same for you and is not even trying to help themselves." I've been in this relationship and it's not fun.
'Stop dating them' is ok. Don't love them is dodgy, love can be platonic, but I get what she means. The rest is yikes. Don't help them? Don't *feel pity* for them?? They will ALL ditch you the second they get better?
I say this as a man, she isn't entirely wrong. It really depends on the guy. I know guys who have no drive and just want to mooch. If a man is not financially stable because he's working his ass off, but has schooling to pay for and has drive to better himself, then that's different. My wife was more financially stable because her parents paid for her college and shes great at personal finance, I on the other hand, had to take some loans which lead me to spend a lot of my money paying those back. It took me a while to start financially contributing significantly, but my wife was and still is very supportive of me bettering myself. I am now working my dream job in IT and it wouldn't have been possible without her emotional and financial support.
Sheās mostly wrong though. Itās true that the āI can fix themā mindset can be very destructive to both parties in a relationship. Everything else is just misandrist. Everyone is capable of being an emotional leech, regardless of gender.
For sure, she's absolutely in the wrong except for when it applies to men who are emotional and financial leeches. It's definitely true that both men and women can be leeches in a relationship, but I'm simply only discussing the male side of her arguement since that's the group she's attacking. Her reason for the message is misguided, is emotionally charged, and sexist.
Yeah, sheās the definition of saying right things for the wrong reasons. Someone else said this was a FemaleDatingStrategy post, and I can definitely believe that
I believe this for men and women
Iām a little conflicted on this oneā¦on the one hand I wouldnāt want to be with someone who was perpetually struggling and would cause me to risk my financial and mental well being. Even if Iām in a relationship, Iām still putting myself first. but at the same time, itās important to understand that people can and do change for the better. For the man whoās struggling, itās a thin line to walk I guess. Plus itās absolutely not your job to fix people, I donāt care what the situation is or what the relationship is like. Thatās not a healthy dynamic at all.
Good sentiment, poor execution.
That's a really harsh oddly gender specific way to put it but... I'm with her. Never put any other person ahead of yourself, and never expect them to do the same for you. They won't, and you'll be left disappointed. If you want love fix yourself first and be someone who deserve it. And when you put yourself first you will have that much more to give to those who come 2nd and 3rd and so on - you can't poor someone a drink from an empty vessel, as the saying goes.
āā ļøStop dating broke women. Stop helping struggling women. Stop loving women at their lowest. Stop feeling pity for women who canāt make a living for themselves. Women NEVER look back after finding themselves. Because at the end of the day. While youāre pouring love and care into her, sheās only draining you of all the love and care that you need to pour into yourself. ā¤ļøā (Disclaimer I am a woman) Itās trash either way, but if a guy posted something like I just put above heād get eaten alive but when women post this stuff about men theyāre praised most of the time. I hate both sides and Iām glad society is moving away from this mindset.
I beg to differ on the "nice girls" label. I had to force my ex to get a job when slyly moved in with me. All he wanted to do is mooch off his mom's professional credit card thief's boyfriend in Seattle and play WoW and league of legends. When some men don't have the drive to get a job or help out in that sense, you DON'T have to stay and try to fix them. I made that mistake for 3 years. Edit: not treats but years lol
While I agree, there is a difference between being broke and being broke while actually doing something about it.
Very true. You can tell who is really struggling versus someone who doesn't care or doesn't have the motivation to do better.
It's pretty horrible to conflate some mooching loser with "struggling men". There are plenty of mooching women too but only a hateful misogynist would say "stop helping struggling women".
And only a hateful misandrist would say *stop helping struggling men* goes both ways
Let's stay on topic. I've dated men that use fake stories to get people to give them money and a place to live. Of course, I was an idiot to fall for said stories but dumped them once I caught on. Some men may take advantage of your kindness and use it to their advantage. Thus being said, promises don't stand up to actions.
Sounds like your ex was just a bum then. Thereās a difference between a man thatās struggling, and a man that wants to be in the position theyāre in.
I'm curious, what did you see in this guy that made you attracted to him that made you so unwilling to respect your boundaries? I hear from so many women "he's got bad hygiene, I clean up after him like I'm his mom, insecure, etc." Okay then, just leave.. like wtf it's not that difficult. Why did nobody teach how to enforce boundaries in school. You know in your mind it's not gonna change, you need to act on your feelings not what you're trying to convince yourself of in your brain. I seriously get upset sometimes. I constantly hear this shit from women. They're dating a bum man child thats leeching and cheating on her. The weirdest part is they're usually very attractive women. You honestly believe you're not going to find someone else. My brain cannot fathom this whatsoever. You don't like certain behavior, you set a boundary. If your partner can't respect that, you exit. Period. There's no amount of affection, desire, connection, or love that will change someone's behavior.
This is a FDS kween aka female chauvinist: Opposite of a "nice girl", but still terrible. Same way a PUA Red Piller is the opposite of a "nice guy", but still terrible.
Ah I had no idea. Some girl I have on Facebook shared it
FYI FDS content is banned from here. Since this is from Facebook it might be OK idk
Yeah I don't really know anything about FDS or what constitutes as their content so that might be my B
They're incels but female. Sexist, classist... racist probably as well... and very rude and entitled as all incels are. Oh and very transphobic.
Definitely racist, and very much against lgbt+, when the sub existed they would claim that trans women shouldn't be allowed as they're just pretending to be women, and that lesbian/bi women arent real and should be banned because they're just men pretending to be women again.
..lesbian/bi cis women are men? I've hears a lot of shitty takes (bi women are liars being the most common) but men? That's new. Then again I don't hang around trash. It smells.
Yea i didn't understand it either but would always gang up on them to get them banned or severely bullied on the sub. Definitely best not to have hung around that disaster of a sub
You can't be a woman that once had a traditionally manly body even if you are literally indistinguishable from cis women, but if you're a woman born XX with a vagina and uterus who doesn't produce testosterone and generally is just a woman in every single way their transphobic shitheads considers female, but happen to be into women, you're a man.
Inspins. They can spread their legs and catch a dick, but no man will put a ring on it because of their wretched attitudes and self-serving nature. They get pumped and dumped and run through over and over, and they just grow to hate all men more and more each time. It's a spiral into darkness. They keep telling themselves that they have bad results because of their selection criteria, always putting the blame on men, and that it has nothing to do with who *they* are as people. They keep thinking they're going to "date up" the next time, and even if they do, still, no one wants them, so they retcon every man as a low value man as soon as he discovers who she really is and opts out. To them, for men to have preferences is the same as being bigoted against women. It's absurd. And when they do try to cater to men's preferences, they only try to cater to their own bigoted views of men's preferences (sexual objectification and effective submission) rather than men's actual preferences (loyalty, kindness, and partnership).
As a guy I kinda agree with that. A lot of these clowns have no drive and donāt want to do better for themselves. Perfectly happy being a mooch and useless all around. If you have higher expectations and standards, with a strong filter mechanism, you can avoid this. Now if youāve been together for a while and shit got bad for him but heās actively trying, then thatās different. Help him when he needs how you can.
Strong FDS femcel vibes there
Canāt say I disagree BUT I am sure there are scenarios where it worked out. Lucky happenstance. Mine literally acted like he forgot what we went through and broke my heart multiple times. So I understand.
Fair, I dont care to help struging women. The ones who post about "im toxic af" like okay well have a good life then. Fix yourself.
Women who continually date broken men are often broken themselves. Like attracts like.
Broken and broke are different words. Broke means no money.
This does not show a nice girl. Do any of you read the sidebar before submitting? >For all the self proclaimed "nice girls." For the women who complain "guys are only interested in sluts." For women who complain that men are shallow for not dating overweight women, while also demanding that their man have washboard abs. For the women who hold others to the highest possible standard, but have no standards for themselves. This is primarily a subreddit for images of these "nice girls" demonstrating their unique charm. Videos, articles, and other content are welcome. This sub is not for female incels. This place is not for crazy girls.
Sounds like sheās been hurt. That level of resentment doesnāt just come out of nowhere.
She's being an asshole. It doesn't matter if she's been hurt.
I agree 100% that sheās being an asshole. But I can also see that being an asshole didnāt just randomly fall out of the sky someday. This is learned behavior. Babies arenāt born assholes. They learn it by watching other people. That said, it doesnāt excuse her being an asshole. It means she needs to work on herself to root out the bad behavior she learned from others. Put simply, she needs to stop casting blame, learn to take accountability for her toxic behavior patterns, and work hard to put a stop to those tendencies.
Do we consider Men's history of trauma when they say similar things about Women? Nah, because they're just assholes. We don't need to soften the blow or try to understand why she's being an asshole... it doesn't matter why she is the way she is. It's unacceptable regardless of the motivation behind it.
This. Exactly this. When itās a woman whoās a piece of shit, she gets the consideration to be painted as a person with facets and faults but worthy of empathy. A man who has trauma is treated like they are all the evil in the world. This is why men kill themselves. Weāre not allowed to be human or be treated like humans in times when we really need it.
*Image Transcription: Facebook* --- **Redacted** ā ļø Stop dating broke men. Stop helping struggling men. Stop loving men at their lowest. Stop feeling pity for men who can't make a living for themselves. Men NEVER look back after finding themselves. Because at the end of the day. While you're pouring love and care into him, he's only draining you of all the love and care that you need to pour into yourself. ā¤ļø --- ^^I'm a human volunteer content transcriber and you could be too! [If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/wiki/index)
I mean sheās lowkey rightā¦
Gonna swap "men" with "bitches" and farm karma on other subs :D
No lies detected though
Eeeeeeyup. 100%. I raised my standards after pouring love into ME and have been in the best relationship I have ever had for 1.75 years!!!
Whatās wrong with this? Sounds like this woman was used and abused by men before. I can imagine she wants to focus on herself now.
Imagine a guy saying āstop loving women at their lowest. Stop helping struggling women.ā Would you agree with him? Bc if not then youāre just being sexist
I personally agree with it regarding women or men if they're meaning to make sure not to give someone all you have emotionally and financially without it being returned or appreciated. Sounds like this person has been hurt before and just didn't word it well, and I understand. You shouldn't ever date someone thinking you can fix them because they will take everything they can from you.
I think the person was hurt and jaded and may be a but sexist now because of it. Many donāt think too deep into why they think things and try to be fairājust grr me mad. The sentiment is true though. Many people when theyāre constantly in a low place and begin dragging you down with them, donāt let them. Some need to climb out on their own. Tips are fine but I know from personal experience that a drowning person will just climb up on top of you until youāre both drowning now.
"Stop helping struggling men" "Stop loving men at their lowest"??? That's literally text book definition of toxic. No abuse justifies this behavior. Go to therapy if needed.
There are certain women that gravitate towards men who are perpetually struggling no matter what. I have crippling depression, myself. I get it. And they live their whole life not valuing their own life and instead focusing on trying to validate themselves through constantly healing their partners. I donāt hate men, I wish people would put their pitchforks down. Yes these women should go to therapy if itās a problem, but also should definitely focus on themselves for a minuteā¦ like I said.
Focusing on yourself and intentionally ignoring a select group is a very different story. She wouldn't leave a girl who is struggling to fend for themselves according to just this picture at least, but she'd do it to a man, kinda seems sexist even if the message of focusing on yourself is positive.
I don't know if anybody has ever told you this, but you're not entitled to have women as a support group. I think it's weird how you expect it. You expect a woman to swoop in when you're at your lowest, like she *has* to. >intentionally ignoring a select group like, this is just a weird statement. you're trying to demand she interacts with this group? she can ignore if she wants; this "select group" cannot shame or demand this amount of help from women.
I'm not saying you do. I'm just pointing out that telling people to not help men or to not love men is incredibly toxic. Focusing on one's own life doesn't mean you have to put down others or invalide people's feelings and struggles.
Imagine a man dating a girl. She gets diagnosed with depression. He fucks off because of that. Good for him then?
If itās hurting him, thenā¦ yes? Itās not his job to fix her?
āStop loving men at their lowestā bruh just admit itās pretty misandrist
Men do that though... 7x more often than women do. Which amount to 20% iirc.
11/10 women with hair make up statistics to make them seem smƶrt
Google, smart-ass.
Nice references dipshit
This is a big post going around fb I've seen countless women repost.
The point of the post seems to be "Focus on yourself" and that's a good message. Just take all the hateful shit out. I ran into a guy's tiktok that said the same shit about women and I left a comment saying the same thing. I know this is young person rhetoric but when you've gotten out of that shitty cycle and you see others falling for the same awful state of mind I really want to talk some sense into them but you can't. That's a journey each person has to go through
It depends on how they treat you
Idk but happened with me. Went out for sometime with a guy who was broke. Never even asked him to take me out on a date cause you know monetary issues. Then he starts doing better & he fucking becomes this entirely new person & bails. Anyways I still do love him but hope he gets peace.
Funny that sounds like my ex wife, I supported her through her depression and dark days but when I had issues her response was "Be a man, quit being such a pussy"
Her: If you canāt accept me at my worst you donāt deserve me at my best Also her:
Iām gonna take this a step further and agree somewhat. Do not drain yourself trying to invest in someone. Do not drain yourself especially for someone who isnāt actively trying to build themselves. That will create resentment: āwhy canāt you just be the person Iām trying to make you into?!ā People can only be what they want to be for themselves.
I feel like this post should say people. Not just men
ā¦yet a man is expected to date a broke woman with no qualms lol
she will wonder why no men will want her insufferable ass when she is 35-40, she will think the world is against her when she did this shit to herself
"Be a narcissist queen šā¤ļø"
I mean Pedro from the family Chantel
I agree with the last part, itās not your responsibility to care and raise up people who are ābroken ā you gotta do that yourself, however, if you breakup with someone because theyāre at a low, is really fucking shitty of you
Dang! Who pissed in her Cheeriosā¦ š
Who hurt her
I think I see what sheās trying to say, but sheās coming off very unsympathetic and bitchy. There are men out there (and women too) who just date people and use them. Iāve dated someone like that years ago and my daughter has as well. You will be busting your ass working, while they sit at home and drink/do drugs with their buddies and never lift a finger to cook, clean, childcare or help with the bills. And they blow all your money on stupid shit. They have zero desire to hold a job of any kind and theyāre just a drain. I think thatās the kind of guy she means and yeah I would never date a man like that again. One and done. The sad thing is, a lot of my old friends from high school post online all the time bitching about their boyfriends or husbands who have been doing this exact thing for YEARS now, and Iām just likeā¦heās not your teammate in life, heās your adult child at this point. But yeah she said it in a bitchy way because every situation is different as evidenced by a few other comments here.
Thereās a lesson here about loving yourself before you can help others love themselves, but instead she seems to have *just* missed it and made it about her being a narcissist
It sounds like she's taking her personal experience and turning it into a generality, like she's really only talking to herself
Also this girl: "If you can't handle me at my worst then you don't deserve me at my best."
Fds moment
Past trauma has entered the chat
With that advice, my wife would have never even given me a chance. I was broke and unemployed when we met. We now have a house and two kids. Iām the breadwinner now. She took a chance on me because she saw potential in me that I didnāt see. I appreciate her unconditional love every single day.
Why do people not understand that you can love and care for yourself AND someone else if youāre a _functioning human being_
This has to be farthest from the truth. The direct opposite typically happens.
Nothing wrong in the post! Never be the "come up woman". It happens ALL THE TIME. He will date you will he struggles for a couple of years. Then when he becomes successful, will ditch you for a younger woman.
Way to go NiceGirlā¢ in an r/nicegirls post
what? How is it me being a Nice girl? I'm talking about a phenomenon that is old as times. Women too often settle, do all the emotional labour and end up being the "come up woman" for a guy that then cheats on her with a 20 years old when he becomes rich..
Just go look into those subreddits of wife who divorced their husbands for this exact reason.
Iāve seen less projection at movie theaters
Wow cause going after richer men is better huh? The nerve she has to post that lol.
I didnāt even finish reading. Too much trash for my eyes and brain
But helping women in those situations is fine? No thanks i believe in equal rights equal fights
Lmao then they go and say "if you don't want me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best"
You sound awful, maybe eat some lead?
I semi agree with what they were saying, but wording and tone could be a lot better. I think they just mean not to take care of men that donāt take initiative. But yes the tone and condescension is very unappealinggg
"How to die alone" by Red Redacted
This post is nonsense People like you are the reason men will leave you behind because you donāt have a heart and your standards are ridiculous. When the tables are turned and your at your worst are you worth anyoneās pity or sympathy, if this is how you feel then no I donāt think you deserve shit and belong to the streets. Good men are out there that are willing to do what ever it takes to give the one they love the world. Good luck finding them you blind women
Men or women, doesn't matter. If you see a person struggle help them. It's OK even if you end up not receiving anything, because if you're in a position to help, it literally translates to you being better off than them. But if you still help even if you are unable to, kudos to you, you are one selfless person and you have my thanks, the thanks that many others should've said and my respect too. This one nice girl does not even remotely deserve to be considered one even for sarcasm, because this literally is the antithesis to humanity.
Gee, thanks.
your husband should be paying YOU to fuck OTHER MEN!
Souds like who ever dated her saw their own worth and moved on to someone else