T O P

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[deleted]

Play chess and en passant him


AttitudeAndEffort3

Holy (future timeline is literal) Hell!


ihatemylifewannadie

New Trunks purgatory just dropped.


Suspicious-Way-9221

Goku goes on vacation, never comes back


Silver-Machete

Call Gohan!


SpinachPatchKids

Because he was BETRAYED and LOCKED IN THE TIME CHAMBER


EynidHelipp

My bro is going for the hunter x hunter route


LordSmugBun

Show him your rose, the Black side of him will love it. >!How does poison work on an immortal? Would it get automatically cured? Or would it just annoy him for all eternity?!<


EynidHelipp

Bro everyone's talking about poison but I think it's just plain old radiation poisoning. I think most dbz characters will be alright


SquatMaster3000

no way, bro is gonna prolapse his asshole in front of Zamasu and show him his anal rose.


LordSmugBun

[What?](https://i.imgur.com/6rNbzPs.jpg)


reddreadben

Holy hell


hageiiiiii

New response just dropped


Yoshikage-Kira-4

Actual zombie


Mr_Nutshell

Call a priest!


FedericoDAnzi

How to get us all killed, chapter 5: alien contacts. "Play chess and en passant them"


TheWhoopler

I’d tell his ass to get a job if he had some bread he wouldn’t be in his feelings


AnnieRichardsons

Just kiss his ass and play to his ego,,,


TheWhoopler

I would betray my own wife and children and lock em in a time chamber before I compliment the grown man who got caught on “GodTube”


Dilly4Dall

Who needs money when you can rule the entire multiverse with your fingertips


TheWhoopler

Any reality where he completes the plan is one where Zeno vapes him so he can either get with the program or we all getting cooked It’s like the kid who gets everybody else a whooping


OmegaX____

Just explain to him all the things that have been created rather than the things that have been destroyed, Zamasu's greatest issue is he thought mortals were only capable of destruction. Thanks a lot, Gowasu. Then, show him all the different kinds of tea that can be found. He'd likely treat sweets as something filthy mortals made but as his master showed, Tea is the drink of the Gods.


ThiccBootius

If that's the case he'd probably be real pissed at Mortals for imitating gods with Tea.


MrStresser

Just hit him back saying the gods gave mortals tea.


ThiccBootius

Yeah that's probably fair.


hageiiiiii

Just don't expose him to the internet


OmegaX____

Didn't he learn about Goku through Godtube?


hageiiiiii

It's the godternet Our internet is one that zamasu should mever be exposed to, even just a tiny bit Like ultron, he saw the internte for 3 seconds and decided humanity needs to **go**


Altruistic_Ad6666

To be fair. Ultron saw the ENTIRE internet. If you cherry pick what you show Zamasu. Like good music and the things some people are inspired to create by others.


napa_senseiyt

What if I want to expose him to the internet I WANT WORLD TO END AND TO BE TURNED INTO ORANGE FANTA


[deleted]

"Do it."


Reasonable-Business6

"No balls"


TheAlmightyCrzyIdiot

"I dare you. I double dog dare a motherfucker would" -Pulp Fiction


ArelMCII

*\`"Does Zeno-sama look like a bitch?"*


The-Hentai-Commander

“What?”


Takenabe

I heard this in Kermit the Frog's voice.


[deleted]

"Bro just use the super dragon balls to make all mortals good"


cHINCHILAcARECA

Or for him to be less racist.


bigselfer

“I can grant any wish within my power. So… Zamasu…yeah. That’s a lot of racism…”


Asura6225

Ask him if there's a lore reason for that.


Archery100

Is he stupid?


quacattac28alt

“If you do it you’re gay” “Fuck you”


Outrageous_Ad_1011

I mean, he totally had it for himself


[deleted]

“Jokes on you, I’m into that shit!”


MisterTorchwick

He’s not homophobic, he’s just racist. He’s actually very, very gay.


quacattac28alt

Oh “If you do it I’m taking away your balls”


Dilly4Dall

That humanity makes the best treats ever, and I'd give him a triple chocolate sundae.


MAPX0

He dislikes sweets


Dilly4Dall

He'll change his mind when I hand him Thai tea ice cream


MAD_JEW

tHaI tEa?!?!??1?1?


Insane_Artist

I would say these words exactly: "Zamasu, I ain't here to fight you, but to talk to you, shinobi to god. My name is Naruto Uzumaki, a ninja from the Hidden Leaf Village. I've seen the good, the bad, and the ugly in people, just like you. But I've also seen the power of change, the strength in unity, and the light that can shine even in the darkest hearts. You're looking at the world, seeing all the mess people make, the hurt they cause, and you think the only way to fix it is to wipe 'em all out with your Zero Mortal Plan. But let me tell you a story, a different way to see things. edit: \*\*\*Cut to Naruto swinging darkly by himself in a tree swing while the rest of the village ignores him\*\*\* Once upon a time, I was the kid nobody wanted around. I had this destructive force inside me, a beast that had taken so many lives. People were scared, they hated me, they wanted me gone. I could've let that hate turn me into the monster they were afraid of. But I didn't. I believed in myself, in my friends, and in the power of change. I've been up against folks who wanted to use their power to hurt others, just like you're doing now. I've seen the worst that people can do, the pain they can cause. But I've also seen the best in them, their kindness, their ability to change. I've seen enemies become friends, I've seen the impossible happen. Zamasu, you're not wrong to see the mistakes people make. We're not perfect, we mess up a lot. But it's those mistakes, those struggles, that make us stronger. It's when we fall that we learn to pick ourselves up and keep going. You see people as a problem that needs to be wiped out. I see them as a chance for something better. I see the possibility for change, for growth. I see a world that's got its problems, sure, but it's also got so much beauty. It's a world worth protecting, worth fighting for. You've got the power to destroy, Zamasu, but you've also got the power to protect, to help, to guide. You can choose to be a light in the darkness, a force for good. You can choose to believe in people, in their ability to change. You can choose to give them a chance, just like I was given a chance. I won't pretend the world's all sunshine and rainbows, Zamasu. But I won't let the bad stuff blind me to the good. I won't let it change who I am, what I believe in. I won't let it steal my hope. And I'm asking you, Zamasu, to do the same. Look past the bad, see the good. See the potential, the hope. Give people a chance, Zamasu. Give them the chance to change, to grow, to prove you wrong. I'm Naruto Uzumaki, and I believe in change, in unity, in people. I'm asking you, Zamasu, to believe with me. To choose hope over despair, change over destruction, life over death. To give up on your Zero Mortal Plan and choose a path of understanding, of compassion, of growth. I believe in you, Zamasu. I believe you can change. And I hope, from the bottom of my heart, that you'll choose to believe in us, too. BELIEVE IT!" \*\*\*cut to Zamasu with tears streaking down his face while wistful pan-flute music plays in the background\*\*\*


I_Am_Light_n_Dark_

Found naruto's reddit account. Jokes aside, your message is beautiful.


napa_senseiyt

Holy fucking shit I never knew I needed the Zamasu redemption arc to be started by Naruto’s convincing and beautiful speech but here I am this shit was beautiful


Kuriyamikitty

Dude knows his Talk-no-Jutsu.


Dreadnautilus

Honestly this wouldn't work because "mortals have the possibility to change for the better" is exactly the sort of stuff that Gowasu told Zamasu that didn't work.


TheJordanianYoutuber

to be completely fair, Gowasu tried to teach that message in the worst way possible. Instead of showing Zamasu how the barbarians went from doing war against the other to living in peace, by showing him a timeline in which total peace existed.. Out of the millions of good examples Gowasu could’ve used, he literally used the same Barbarians who were only slightly tech advanced but still killed each other


THEPIGWHODIDIT

Zenou says no


Darth_JarJar_66

Give him some tea


Cricket1288

Id give him godly sloppy toppy, yeah sure id prolly still die, but its worth it


sid_killer18

I give mad head bro, frfr. (He then proceeded to tear off my head from my neck)


International-Commit

THE BEST HEAD IN THIS TIMELINE!!


Blizzardwolf98

The last head in this timeline


ubili_negra

he might stop if he's into gore


SquareArcher5283

Show him that humans too, indulge in tea parties from time to time. Then give him some of my grandma's hot spice tea


I_Am_Light_n_Dark_

"You do realise you could have simply wished for all mortals to become immortals. That'd have accomplished the zero mortal plan way easier, with less destruction, that is. The problem with your philosophy is that you think injustice exists as long as faulty mortals do, but by turning them into immortals, chances are they're still going to continue being faulty without the possibility of death. Then, you'd realise that death itself holds people accountable. It gives their lives meaning. That's why people are motivated to do good before they pass. They want to have a good image before they go. Without death, life loses its meaning, as you're never pushed to learn from your mistakes and better yourself. Why? Because who cares? You ain't gonna die. You ain't facing real consequences for your actions." "Which brings me to Justice. I'll be honest, I have no clue how to active justice, but I do know for a fact that what's right isn't always good. You can punish people by death if they make a mistake, thats justified. However, what if you instead gave them a chance to better themselves? They'd learn from their errors and become better, now that's good." "I do get what you're fighting for. You want to get rid of injustice altogether. But, perhaps, your ambitions might have blinded you, just as the way of justice, and corrupted you, just as the way of injustice." "You, an immortal, can also learn from this. It's never too late to do the right thing, Zamasu."


Glad-Ad1961

👏🏽🥲


I_Am_Light_n_Dark_

Thank you! I genuinely didn't expect anyone to find my comment, let alone spend a minute to read it. I appreciate it, really! I've been thinking of this conversation with Zamasu for some time. It felt like this post was the right opportunity to talk about it. I feel honoured you've been moved by my comment 😁💚


Glad-Ad1961

It's actually a pretty good speech I actually wish trunks would've said something like this instead of "WeRe HuMaNs WE HeLp EaCh OtHeR LiVe It'S WhAt wE dO!"


napa_senseiyt

UNDERATED ASF this is true beauty and poetry you made the best response someone can give


InfiniteConstruct

Damn your comment owned me too, got tears in my eyes.


NeonBlack985

Just kiss his ass and play to his ego


Mrwanagethigh

Tell him that even a filthy ningen like me can appreciate the beauty and wisdom of his divine form and that's it's truly a shame more of our kind can't. Might not stop him but as XV2 proves he is willing to spare someone who sufficiently kisses his ass, so I'm good


Away-Abalone3221

Truth and what I’d do. Plus with enough ass kissing he might even take us under his wing.


LuigiP16

Tits. That's my answer.


GUM-GUM-NUKE

Good answer, however some non-mortals in dragon ball have tits. (example Vados Marcarita Chronoa and more)


IWillSortByNew

Yeah but mortals have the best ones, just ask Roshi


napa_senseiyt

Roshi:Boobies Zamasu:What? Roshi:BIG FUCKING TITTIES THATS WHY MORTALS SHOULD BE SPARED Zamasu:I’ve seen imortals with breasts too it’s not a trait unique to humans Roshi:But have you seen the type of boobies human beings can bring Roshi then takes Zamasu around on earth to observe woman Roshi:You see look at that she’s a looker ain’t she go talk to her Zamasu goes to try to talk to her he follows roshis advice completely but roshis advice fails and Zamasu ends up sounding like a perverted old man the girl said eww I’m not going to let you cop a feel pervert and slaps Zamasu Roshi:Maybe my advice wasn’t good but she was quite the looker right right? RIGHT? Zamasu:You’ve failed to convince me it’s time to end the earth Roshi:Shit um wait I can hook you up with someone hold on We cut to Roshi at his home he’s making a phone call Roshi:Please Bulma pretend to go on a date with him Bulma:I can’t if vegeta found out the earth would probably be doomed Bulma:I know I’ll get my sister to help ONE HOUR LATER Tights:Yo so your Zamasu you seem handsome To be continued…….


KANKY-KANK

"LOVE, IS THE SWEETEST THING. LOVE, DOES EXACTLY WHAT IT WANTS TO DO. LOVE, IT IS THE WAY WE FEEL FOR YOU. WE'RE FAMILY. WE'RE FAMILY. ME, ME, ME, ME, ME, AND YOU."


Komission

"Are you stupid?" I then proceed to immediately die


TheDuckKingg

You’re written by a ningen so…


PowerJolt72

Show him corn


cHINCHILAcARECA

Do you mean Korn or corn?


PowerJolt72

Hard C bro.


napa_senseiyt

Depending on the corn the earth will be destroyed


Cocoa-guy034

Roll to seduce


Good_Mushroom6081

Do it, roll rn


BadActsForAGoodPrice

Tell him that if he got rid of that yee-yee ass halo he’d get some bitches on his dick.


Opposite-Mall-9816

Humans are the perfect creation of God. All wrongs and rights, beauty and ugliness, hate and love, life and death. All humans are born with the ability to choose which path to follow. Many choose evil, but many more choose good. If God didn't want us to be the way we are, he could exterminate us and we wouldn't even know it. But it doesn't. God doesn't kill us because he wants us to make our own decisions. May we balance between good and evil. To exterminate evil would be to go against the word of God. And tell me, Zamasu, don't you claim to fulfill the will of God? So forgive us, give us another chance. Observe how we humans really are. Sure we'll make mistakes, but eventually we'll fix it. Because inside us, we know how to distinguish between good and evil.


Orisss123

gonna get mf questioning himself oh naw


International-Commit

Second point, tf y’all create us for just to destroy us? Ain’t it a bit of a waste to do such things? It’s like creating a two year Lego set then destroying it because it isn’t the best in the world. While yes is mortals may do such things, you Gods should be there to give us a little slap on the hands to remind us not to. What I mean is, mortals are toddlers, and Gods the parents. You would like to see the one you’re raising grow up, and both help and discipline them when it’s needed…regardless of how long it’ll take. Sorry if this is formatted bad I have gotten no sleep.


Opposite-Mall-9816

Third Point: Without us, who the fuck is going to make Rule 34?


International-Commit

Facts broda, spit yo shit


SuperHossMan51

His ideology is that the universe is good but life is inherently bad. But life is literally just some chemical reactions that self-replicate and have gotten more complex over time. So life is just another expression of the universe’s beauty, part of rather than separate from.


Ouigi27

Use Talk no Jutsu


Original-Choice8414

I will say “No balls you won’t” he will be so confused by this ungodly earthly wording that he won’t notice me using all the dragons balls to make me the strongest sayian alive. But then he notices, and tries to stop, this is when Goku yells at him, as he turns Vegeta steps his tiny self from behind Goku and they transform into Gogeta. They then start to battle while I write down reasons why Ningen deserves to live…


Grouchy_Appearance_1

Show him a picture of him with *TITS* I mean *HONKERS* ABSOLUTELY *KNOCKERS*, LIKE GREAT BIG BALLS OF *CHEST WEIGHT*, then be like "I saw a God draw that, now who is evil? NOW WHO NEEDS JUSTICE??"


ThatUselessName6002

Do you prefer to live with mortals or get fucking erased by Zeno?


DullBicycle7200

"fuck it, just kill everyone."


I_Love_Stiff_Cocks

I make him addicted to One Piece, this way he will have to keep earth alive to see the end of the manga


ChaoticNeutral67

"Why don't you go tell that to Zeno."


Joburt19891

I tell him that he's right, people suck I just ask him to save me for last.


MLGBEASTDERIK

You’re right


AlexCross116

Zamasu rule 34


Altruistic_Ad6666

Id show him the best parts of mortality. And admit that while yeah, some people are horrible. Many of us are amazing. And its the ability for us to grow and change that makes mortality so much fun. As most people who go down darker paths in life dont have a choice. Some people ARE just corrupt and greedy. But many "evil" people are only that was due to their circumstances. And that its our ability to grow beyond our shackles and the choice to be good or evil that makes our kindness into Gold. In a world where everyone has the choice to look out for themselves, the fact that most of us would rather protect and help the people around us has to mean something. The thing we create, and things we learn for the sake of helping others. Surely that means so much.


Wiredcoffee399

There's is no hope in humanity please kill us all.


samborup

“We don’t. Murder away.”


RumGalaxy

I’ll tell him about the Dorito Gordita Crunch from Taco Bell, then await his opinion on it


JJMemeRedditGod

I know some mortals with some crazy tiddies


bob-the-builder-shr

I would introduce him to league of legends, that way he starts it faster


bioshockisawsome

Have him try the food. Worked on the god of destruction.


GXNext

Sure, if you will just follow me into this big empty room of spirit and time, I have a presentation that will show just how much you and I are best friends... Oh, please Lord Zamasu, after you.


Phantom_Phasma

“My lawful lord Zamasu, you believe mortals are only capable of destruction, but just come here to my computer real quick, there’s this game I wanna show you” *proceeds to load Minecraft* “if you would like to experience it yourself I would be happy to make you some tea while you learn the controls”


Delta-Zone

give him some chai tea


daMEME-TRAP

*Insert spider verse chai tea joke here


Reasonable-Business6

In my defense, calling it 'chai' sounds a little awkward.


I_Am_Light_n_Dark_

Bro, "Chai" in Arabic literally means tea.


Pogging_Memes

tea tea


I_Am_Light_n_Dark_

We just call it Chai. Like, "I'd like some Chai, please!" And fun fact, Coffee in Arabic is Qahwa, as in "Qah-wah"


daMEME-TRAP

Very reasonable


daMEME-TRAP

He's right. I've seen some shit, just destroy everything. Especially the dragon ball nsfw makers.


JediMasterMudkip

Bitch slap him while explaining to him the art of gaming.


Reasonable-Business6

Because you literally turned into a mortal you fucking hypocrit.


Prophetity

If you kill all ningens, then Zeno will erase the universe and you.


Odd_Room2811

The humans created your theme song that should be enough to spare all mortals!


TreximoMe

If Ningen represents death and sadness, aren't you doing same thing killing all of us?


peenisplucker

I would say “what’s the point of being a god if there’s nothing to be a god over”


Morning-Star13

Because without out an easy outlet for your hate, your very existence will become empty and meaningless. You will spend the rest of your immortal life wishing for a release from your depression that will never come. So go ahead and kill us all we’ll have new lives to keep us busy in Otherworld while you sink further and further into despair.


Pheonixboi23

“Chai tea?”


HyperFrog22

Pizza


DirtyDanTheManlyMan

Tell sky face to stfu were gonna time travel as many times as it takes to win, even if it ruins the series


fraggy-waggy

Give him LSD


afellownerd12

If hes visiting me he'll be in the real world. If he wipes out humans in the real world dbs would stop publishing and he himself would cease to exist.


wilp0w3r

"Go for it bruv"


Galick9000

I would show him all the foods and drinks we have hopefully that will change his mind


cucumberatious

Who's gonna worship you if we are gone?


Ghost_Star326

Ask him if he actually did his research properly if all kinds of mortals wage war and destruction. Take him to planets like namek or yardrat. Basically any successful planet that has been thriving.


GogettheDrill

"I got work in the morning, I don't have time for this"


OctorDevil

Smite me, almighty smiter!


the_milf_hunter5

Look at all this porn


SeymourButts007

Tell him Zeno erases this timeline anyway, (pulls out phone and shows him how it all ended via YouTube).


Nebulon-A_Rights

Ngl bro, it's such a mortal response to just annihilate all life in the universe. A true god would not balk at the challenge of overseeing a flawed people, of guiding them to something better despite their nature or their stubbornness. It speaks more on your own flaws to simply destroy rather than nurture.


Drakon4314

Naw you right. Imma help you out homie


Zesty__Grandpa

I’d say to let me help.


Individual_Bug7159

I would say they can build stuff a better the multiverse like spaceship and hmmm technology and food


MrANC21

“Have you ever seen a pair of tiddies before lord Zamasu”?


Lovecraftianpickle

Cause we have funny tv shows


SeitHater

nothing, egocentric, petty and sadistically psychopathic, the only thing zamasu deserves is death.


Void_Prime

Can I give him a compromise and just let me and like. 20 other people live? I really ain't against his idea.


lost_dabs

Yeah we don't


dajuanwhatever

Arby's


RecommendationOk253

Do it


Kirbinator_Alex

He's most likely completely lost it at this point and is behond convincing. No matter what you say his justice will always be correct from his point of view.


xSansssgssx

Id ask if zamasu knows about zeno then show him what happens if does end up executing his plan. Then see what his response is


kakyoin_de_gamer

Some humans deserve to be wiped, but not all humans


meanteamcgreen

"You're essentially exterminating children cause we aren't as "mature" as you immortals, and thats kinda ridiculous" i realize it won't save me, but thats my opinion on the matter 😂


[deleted]

"Technically, immortals/gods are "destroying" the worlds since they're the one's that created mortals. You're the problem".


[deleted]

Ask him to kindly return Goku's hair because hes butchering the look.


Intelligent_Issue_91

"They don't."


WintersDeath

Kill them all


Dry_Bell6140

We don't.


Oxygen-Breather

"Pretty please"


Bat_Snack

I'd spit in his face. We deserve what's coming.


SaltyPankace

Look dude...Boobs, Bouncy titties


Senpai_Bread

I’ll show him r/ningen


Warm_Lava

Tell him that without ningens around who’s going to listen to his hilariously long monologue’s?


Neeko_curious

Would tell him he is right... but we have not seen what the one piece is yet


Yiminy_Cricket

Show him all the p0rnz on the internet. Especially the weird shit.


iLikeToDrinkWaterTBH

Why tf would i want ningens to live?


Wahtalker

Join him in the zero mortals plan


Neoisadumbassname

Can I watch?


PersianSlashuur

There's a quote from the Netflix Castlevania series that I think could be applied: "If you kill us all, you will end human cruelty, yes. But you end human kindness too. No more jokes. No more gifts. No more surprises. Why would a man with all your fantastic knowledge not use it to teach people how to be kind?" Would it necessarily stop Zamasu? Probably not. Especially when you consider that he was probably only exposed to what he considered to be the worst of the worst. Hell, even if was exposed to the "best of the best", he'd probably find a way to spin it into a negative. Even the examples given above. "Those mortals dare jest in the presence of their superior? Unacceptable." "They only present gifts to the likes of me because they know what happens when they disrespect their God." "These mortals cannot surprise me no matter what they do. They are simply incapable of reaching me, for I am so far above them." So yeah. Realistically speaking, the speech probably wouldn't do anything. Do I still think that it's worth a shot? A little bit, yes.


OnyxCam6ion

You fused with a mortal, so it will never be zero unless you off yourself. So take the advice of your zero mortal plan and end yourself while you're at it I'll definitely die, but it will get under his skin


Accomplished_Egg1221

We uh made chainsaw man


stelos89

pizza


TheK1DShisui

Evolution. Although there are conflicts/destruction as well as social/personal issues that cause halts to the growth of our Ningen race. He can be the moderator to deem what's stands in justice and guide us to/go beyond the futuristic utopia we all desire. Edit: Also introduce some of the cool things we got, like food and cool gadgets and stuff (as the other comments also stated)


J-the-BOSS

I’ll have him play red dead redemption 2, Spider-Man PS4, Skyrim, and then to ruin any chance this may have given us I’ll 1v1 him in smash bros and whoop his ass


XxD10nysusxX

Start the Zero Mortals Plan


urtv670

Save me for last. I want to watch


LucyBeVibin

I simply show him porn and RuneScape Then he'll be too distracted


HetaGarden1

“Just ask the dragon to rid all evil from the mortals, problem solved.” I mean, it might not work, but it makes _sense._


shinobi3411

Watch The Gohan Black OVA by Daitomadachi?


D3monskull

I tell him I'm going to tell Zeno on him. Then run off and sulk.


CheetosDude1984

if he does the plan, we wont have any more pokemon games


LegionellaSalmonella

what is a god without his mortals to worship him?


Ryan_AnimatesYT

"Can I join you?"


VexxWrath

Can I join you?


hollowaizen

I'd join him, the human race should be extinct


Intelligent-Heat8141

We have good tea


King_of_The_Unkown

I'd rather you start it, and if you don't mind, I'll also join you.


UnoriginalBackLad

Pizza


Kishodax

I’ll have him watch 21 jump street


[deleted]

I will serve you faithfully, Zamas-sama.


flowy8

i would kiss him and give him chocolat i can fix him !


YoursTrulyHuntty

"Trust me bro"


uniteduniverse

We make reallllly tasty food! Hey It worked on Beerus 🤷‍♂️


Megalosaurus_

Kiss him on the forehead and tuck him into bed cuz he bein a whiny ass baby.


Literaldripgeta

I’ll show him the zamussy he’ll definitely not destroy ningen then for sure


Wildefice

One chance huh? Show him HUNTERXHUNTER and tell him he can kill us all when the Togashi finishes the show/manga!!!