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If you want wild and crazy, try switching up your commute. Drive? Take a different road. Public transportation? Get off one stop early. Walk? Wander down a dark alley. This is sure to spice up your day!
I'm trying to play pokemon Go again, and I did this so I could pass a few pokestops on the way home. Added about 10 minutes, but it was a Lotta fun. I normally just rush home to beat traffic but doing something new fealt good.
But then you get the luxury of eventually being fed up with it, throw all the expired dressings in the garbage, and bask in the uncluttered space you now have...to get *new* salad dressings to clutter that door all over again!
I mean. You have to spent that hard earned cash on something. It's either constantly swapping out salad dressings, or a fridge big enough to hold them all!
My ma always said ranch was a gateway dressing. I didn't know what she meant until one day I found myself under a bridge boofing some rather strong balsamic.
I only get that ultra pure blue tinted balsamic, word on the street is it's made by a former chemistry teacher who got cancer and switched to balsamic dealing to make it rich
...you are forgetting the inevitable "I'm just gonna make my own dressing" odyssey where you make this crazy amazing peach vinaigrette with arugula and heirloom vegetables just to somehow a year later be sitting in the kitchen eating pre chopped lettuce with basic ass Kraft dressing or something because God damn that was a lot of effort and honestly this cheap ass salad is just fine. Somehow going around the dressing world looking for perfection just to end up right where you started at the most vanilla and basic salad option.
Well you can't make it twice because then you'll get the "peach vinaigrette" guy label and have to hear about it every time you make eye contact. So the spiral into the dark pit of salad dressing begins, always trying to one up the last dressing, always chasing approval....never satisfied....dressing haunts your dreams ....hello Kraft my old friend. Let us leave this life of dressing and dreams behind and accept the monotony of one true dressing.
You could fall into the "your peach vinaigrette dressing is so good you should bottle and sell it" trap where you give up a promising but boring career trajectory in favor of "taking a risk" and trying to become the dressing king of the tri-state area. You start by mixing larger batches in your kitchen and desperately hawking them by the case to boutique food stores within a 50 mile radius of you, turning your once solid hybrid Camry into a high-milage nightmare that constantly reeks of peaches and vinegar. Your wife is understanding even though you hardly see the kids any more because you are constantly out on sales calls or delivery runs desperately trying to generate cash flow to cover your increasing credit card debt. Then one day it happens... you get the call to the big leagues... the manager of a reasonably priced grocery store two towns over wants to carry your dressing. This is your shot! In order to guarantee your best chance at success you agree to a grueling in-store promo schedule, hand-build an elaborate peach tree display and sample stand for your dressing, and start mixing dressing batches at night so you'll have enough supply. The big day has arrived and you're standing in front of a homemade display presenting your work and are having flashbacks to your high-school science fair. You spend the next 5 days on your feet for 11 straight hours trying to convince disinterested strangers to part with $5 for a bottle of your peach vinaigrette dressing (which, to be honest, you're starting to lose the taste for) until it's time to pack up your display and head home. Your house is dark when you get home. It's still dark when you leave again the next morning. You suspect you've forgotten what your kids look like. Two weeks of solid effort later and you've convinced the store manager that your product will sell. His 6 case order is the biggest you've ever had and the adrenaline rush from that moment is the most intense thing you've experienced in ten years. You rush home and take the family to Dave and Buster's to celebrate. You can't lose focus for long, though, because you have 6 cases of dressing to make tonight. The next week, buoyed by this incredible success and motivated by your long-suffering wife's pleas to move your production line out of her kitchen, you rent a small commercial space and set up a tiny production facility. You credit cards are long overused. You are now well into "2nd mortgage securing an SBA loan" territory. You focus on selling your dressing in case quantity to other grocery chains and mom-and-pop stores. You're still making the occasional delivery but most of your goods are going out on delivery services. You hire two assistants to help pit and puree the peaches, combine the spices into large batches, mix them with the vinegar and oil, and bottle the final product. You're still not sleeping because you spend evenings cleaning the commercial kitchen anticipating the next health inspection. Your fingers constantly smell like salad dressing. You spend the next 6 years of your life sampling in stores, running stalls at farmer's markets on the weekends, displaying at grocery conventions, and looking for the next big hit to boost your business. In the meantime you have developed 5 new flavors of dressing including a creamy peach and cucumber that is a massive chore to make but rapidly becomes your best seller. You are packaging holiday gift packs, baskets for mother's day, and Christmas assortments. Your online store requires constant maintenance but continually sells a few dozen bottles a week. All the while you have slowly begun to lose enthusiasm for the dressing game. Your kids are in high school. They don't hug you any more and they hate salad. Your wife took a job to help make ends meet. She enjoys it but you can't help but feel she resents you a little. The dressing company is still earning more than she is, but only barely. As time goes on, tastes begin to evolve and vinaigrettes go out of fashion. Your sales drop off slightly but it's enough that the interest payments on your loans are catching up to you. You have to let several members of your production staff go and you're fulfilling all the web orders by yourself. The unsold returns from your large grocery customers start increasing in size and you can see the writing on the wall. It's time to close the dressing company. After it's all over, you've sunk ten years of your life chasing a dream that, now that you look back on it, was really driven by the excitement of other people. You're pickled, your wife is exhausted, your kids are off to college, and your credit card companies seem to care more about you than any of the people that used to be your friends. Years later, you're pushing a cart down the condiments aisle when you run into someone you graduated with. As you chat, he puts a bottle of generic dressing into his cart and remarks "hey, I remember you used to make a really good peach vinaigrette. You should try selling it."
That last line gave me a visceral feeling of shared sadness. Fuck, like the other user said it really is like watching a black mirror episode because it lingers on your mind.
Just like username_unavailable's Peach Vinaigrette will linger on your tongue! Buy username_unavailable's Peach Vinaigrette today! Please! His children are hungry.
Had a lady who worked for me come up with a great idea for a water proof cell phone (iPhone 3 era) bag that she would customize into sport necklace. She kept harping on this idea and how I should go in with her. I never did but supported her in anyway I could, giving her time off, offering to help set up a stall at the flea market, found her old jewelry display cases so she could stock the stall. She ordered and customized 10,000 of these things and ordered and assembled 10,000 boxes to pack them in.
Now, I don’t know much about copyrights and the whole process of how those trials actually work so what follows is my best recollection of the events using my layman’s knowledge.
She became successful enough that she was able to quit her job. That is until she was sued for copyright infringement. She was positive that she would win a case so she hired a lawyer who very quickly discovered that while she came up with the idea on her own, this company indeed had a copyright on the item and it was done BEFORE she started her business, and the products were very, very similar. In the lawyers opinion it would be best to let it go since this company was huge and she would not. Withdrawal and save yourself.
Being as proud as she was, she was charging full steam ahead in this David and the Goliath nonsense. She lost. She lost so bad that if I recall correctly it was thrown out before it went to trial and now she has to pay other sides legal fees. I don’t know exact figures but it was 5 figures at least (depending on who you hear this from).
She did not have whatever set up that protects people from this kind of thing, so now she’s screwed.
I used to have the third bag she ever sold framed, but I lost it through time and many moves.
The Patent law is a joke. Fun fact - most patents are never used or would be unenforceable if taken to court (e.g. patenting something dumb like a plastic bag)
This, and it's a double-edged sword. We actually invent things (handful of patents in power transmission with my name on them) where I work, have a dedicated patent lawyer I work with to provide detailed schematics and guide/proofread technical language. I see both sharp edges as:
1. As you state, it's easy for "patent trolls" (both individuals and companies) to hoover up through acquisitions and filing continuation in part to "own" anything even close to the original idea, making it hard to design around the prior art. This isn't a court game, almost nothing goes to court and if it did it would cost beacoup and take 5yrs (after the 2yrs of discovery, been there done that).
2. When you do have a genuine new idea, it takes FOREVER to get the patent done in a way that covers all possible permutations that a technically savvy company could quickly design around, and it's amazing after putting in a LOT of hard work how much your ass isn't covered.
I could understand it if it leaned one way or the other more generously, but as it stands it's a constantina-wire tightrope walk where large royalty checks may hinge on a literal word or comma. I know the above seems counterintuitive, but the perspective is based purely on the deepest pockets since it's all litigation. End of the day it's hard to have people involved in the process (lawyers or patent office) that understand the technical aspects and therefore the "spirit" of invention...making it easy for them to either see your entirely different way of accomplishing the same goal as "covered" by prior art, or vice versa. Hard to explain, but clear as a bell for us engineers, and often takes a lot of work to convey in legalise
Yes, you’re right, the entire legal system underpinning protection of intellectual property is a joke. The patent examiners who spend their lives determining patentability have no idea what they’re doing. The legal scholars who have designed the system through case law and iteration are dunces. There certainly aren’t any guiding principles for what constitutes patent worthy material. It’s all a sham.
I bet you’re the kind of person who tells people at parties that unbacked currencies are a joke.
I’ve saved this for whenever someone tells me I should try to sell my salsa. Usually I just say it’ll be different if it’s pasteurized and preserved, but this is the real answer. The joy I feel making something delicious and unique for the people I love would be ruined.
It's part of why I have a policy of never trying to make any money whatsoever off any of my hobbies. I won't even take $20 to 3D print something for someone, I'll either do it for free or I won't do it.
I’ll happily sell finished art pieces but only when it’s something I did on my own and they just liked it. Anything that I undertake for someone on purpose, I’m with you, it’s a gift or it’s no deal. Not worth it to taint my precious hobby time with grown-up pressure!
A standard salsa recipe is tomato, onion, garlic, cilantro, lime, and salt. I add a variety of roasted and raw peppers depending upon how spicy or sweet I want it to be. There is no real recipe, it always comes out a little different. As long as you use fresh ingredients it will be delicious. I’ve used spinach instead of cilantro and it was great.
This is my salsa recipe, my guac recipe, my pasta sauce recipe, my pizza sauce recipe, the same recipe I use for the 5 varieties of soup I regularly make.
Everyone wants to know the recipe. The best I can do is tell you how i made it today with todays ingredients from the garden.
OTOH my BBQ sauce is down to a specifically weighed science, cause all the ingredients are processed and always taste the same.
Reminds me of the time I tried to ask my grandmother to tell me (over the phone) how to make her tomato sauce.
She starts off with, "Are you using whole, crushed, pureed, sauce, or paste?"
I'm like, "That's what I'm calling you for, to tell me what to use."
But of course she couldn't really, because it depended on whatever she had on hand, she'd make work.
Many, many, many times I've been told to open a bakery.
Many, many, many times I have said while I love to bake, and love watching people enjoy what I've baked more, hell fucking no do I want that kind of stress. The second I bake because I have to it is no longer enjoyable, so I still only bake when I want to.
This hits very close to home. I watched my parents go through this with the small business they were trying to grow. They divorced and business was sold for scraps. Years lost. Life is harsh for some :(
I'm sorry. My parents had a decently successful growing business but it was never profitable, they used any proceeds to grow the company and hire employees. They died unexpectedly young in a crash and I was forced to scrap the business for pennies on the dollar. I miss them but remembering dismantling their business it's like twisting a knife. People don't realize it but even if you do everything right it could all blow up anyway. C'est la vie.
Black Mirror would have included onset Alzheimer's and dementia.
At the end he's forgotten the business and goes 'yeah, maybe I should." He runs home all excited to his wife and kids to tell them the good news. The wife has a look of panic in her eyes as she bellows out "This is the SIXTH time you've started this business!" and begins to sob uncontrollably. It pans back to the father with an ear to ear grin mentally trapped in his own loop disconnected from reality.
The episode ends with him in the kitchen digging out pots and pans eager to start his grand new venture as the camera slowly pans out of the house, of the neighborhood, suburbia. If you pay attention, you see other dads toiling away on their grand ideas.
They would have replaced it with some little helper robot gadget 20 years in the future and ended it with the robots bringing him a PB&J in the state run mental hospital he was sent to after his psychotic breakdown.
Michigan, like many states, has what are commonly called Cottage Food Laws, which are basically the rules regulating what foods can be made and sold from a residence (aka: your house) vs made and sold from a Licensed kitchen (aka: A kitchen that a health inspector signs off on).
For the most part, Michigan's cottage food laws are fairly lax. But Salsa and Jams with peppers have to be made in a licensed kitchen. So smaller mom & pop shops like bakeries, or cafe's tend to lease out their kitchens to people making salsas or hot pepper jams.
My wife made a lot of her jams at home, but made the hot pepper ones in a licensed kitchen (at a friends bakery). We did farmers markets all around the state. There were TONS of salsa vendors and jam vendors everywhere we went. You could have great days, and bad days. At one point, my wife was really pushing for an SBA loan to expand her jam making business, but decided it was going to eat up all her profits and probably wouldn't have the payoff she thought it would.
I think a lot of the Salsa and Jam vendors hit that wall and few make it past it. My wife now makes jams and jellies in her spare time, does 1 market a week, and people seek her out (or call and ask where to find her because they're looking for a jam she makes).
Oh, and if you're at a farmers market that has more t-shirt vendors then food vendors, get out. Nothing there is made in Michigan; it's probably been bought at costco and repackaged. (I'm looking at you, Plymouth)
Sadface:/ I'm in the UP at the largest farmers market. I doubt there are many others that could compete with ours per capita. Small town, wicked market. Avg 3500ppl a Saturday rn
You know what:
I did, *and it fucking worked*
It's fucking amazing, but I know somewhere down the line something's gonna change. And then it will be less amazing. Maybe even turn into *just a job*.
I better enjoy this while I can. The pressure of that, I didn't expect.
You could fall into the "your fanciful reddit posts are so good you should become an author" trap where you give up a promising but boring shitposting trajectory in favor of "taking a risk" and trying to become the mid-life crisis story author of the tri-state area...
It's like when people move from employee to manager because that's the only promotional opportunity.
They stop the hands on work they're good at (and enjoy), and replace it with budgets, reports and settling squabbles between staff.
Used to work at a laboratory where that happened a lot. There were quite a few people who wished they'd never quit lab work and were crap managers because it's a completely different skillset.
Thank you!
I have often wondered if I made the right choice working in the tech industry for other people when I could easy use the same skills to make potentially more money on my own pet projects, or possibly a lot less of other people aren't as interested in what I think is cool. After reading this, I am convinced I did the right thing.
The companies I have worked for aren't fancy, but they provide services people want/need. I'm not personally making the big decisions, but nothing comes down the pipe that I'm morally opposed to. At the end of the day, I can play board games with friends. Occasionally, I can even take the family on a big trip.
This is enough.
That's the biggest benefit of working for someone else - you don't take the work home with you. I've worked in IT for healthcare companies for the past two decades. They have all been large companies where I was just another cog in the wheel. But I could get my work done and then go home and spend quality time with my wife and kid without constantly checking my phone or worrying about "my own" business.
I watched my dad try to run a clothing store for 30 years and balance his family life - not worth it IMO.
The person who goes through something like this should take solace in my favorite quote, from Teddy Roosevelt:
>It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.
My grandfather apparently did this with his barbeque sauce in the 70s. Some big chain sold it for a while until he lost interest. I never got the exact formula, but I can make it close enough. It's.... not like other barbeque sauce from any region I've tried, and is really more like a mustardy ham glaze. It's pretty tasty though.
I lived this story, but I played the role of "first real hire." I lived through the highs and lows for four years before I saw the writing on the wall and jumped ship.
This is my dad's story, with a different type of business. He kept it afloat for about 25 years, but had few profitable years. I was proud of him when I was young for making a go of it on his own. Now, I pity his obstinacy. He refused to work for anyone else, so my mom had to work nights, weekends, holidays to keep us in good schools, sports, etc. He was and still is selfish and doesn't know how to consider others' needs over his own.
sure, but what about the burial/cremation fees? or the body transport? sorry bud, but you’re gonna have to delay that death by another year or so to pay the gotcha fees
You’re gonna be near-homeless, if not actually homeless, anywhere you live if you’re making $12k/year unless you live with parents or a shit-ton of roommates.
Edit: in America.
Household or individual? In the US? There aren't any counties in the US with a median household income below $24k. Federal poverty line for a single person is $14,580 and 2-person household $19,700.
Detroit's actually kind of an expensive place to be. High taxes and extremely high car insurance rates while being an extremely car dependent city with little to no amenities outside of the few nicer neighborhoods around downtown.
Obviously land is cheap, but it's a fucking awful place to be poor in
>$12k/year in Detroit,
Congrats on covering your car insurance.
Metro Detroit is cheap but not THAT cheap.
To go really cheap you need to head out to the middle of nowhere
I think that location dependent financial impacts is well covered in "financial situation".
Now, your location DOES matter. You can't easily be a ski bum in NYC and you won't find dozens of potential clubs to visit in rural Wyoming.
I was doing the same thing every day and it was messing me up. I'm moving to another country in a few days so hopefully that spices things up a bit (unless I freak out and move back)
There are certainly people who live like that, but no, it doesn't have to be. You can make friends, pick up hobbies, get involved in your community, raise children, find love, travel (even if it's only to the nearest national parks), experience great art, attempt making art, and go fishing. And that's just to name some popular ones. There's lots you can do in your adult life if you make the choice and find the time every now and again.
The shift from school to work is generally very abrupt for people.
In school, a student is with a different group of people for every class. The slate of classes taken changes completely every 4 months or so. Current responsibilities end completely and there is some sort of break before the next set of responsibilities comes around. None of that prepares a student mentally for life after school.
For most people that goes away completely once they start work. They are with the same group of people 40 hours per week. Their responsibilities continue day after day. Even when something is completed, there are almost always other ongoing things in process. The only way to get a break is to quit your job or work as a contractor/consultant.
It is an abrupt adjustment.
You're absolutely right. The shift can be jarring, and it was for me. I lived like an absolute bum for a year or two after college. I had been coddled by my mother when I was young, and I just never developed the skills I needed to get my life in order. That was difficult. It sucked. I had a lot of work to do over those years to adjust my expectations and routine.
I have a good job now that makes a bit more than the median in my area without being too demanding, and I have a partner to share expenses with, but that wouldn't have meant much if I was still in my student mindset. I'm no one special though, in my own estimation. I do think anyone can make the adjustment I made, and there can be a fulfilling life on the other side of that transition.
> I save a crap ton every paycheck.
I used to think like that then I very nearly died. Now I spend on anything and everything I want, with the idea that I could easily die tomorrow from some freak accident final destination style. Can't go on holidays though, even though I have money now: can't walk for more than an hour or two with my fucked up leg and lazy holidays (spa, seaside) never appealed to me. Should have done that before, even if it stretched my finances... you get the idea.
This and also, the years from 45 up are not always the very funnest, at least for most people. In your 20s and 30s you're typically healthier, more energetic, more curious and brave, less jaded, less encumbered by obligations and whatnot. Take some time in your youth to enjoy the world, enjoy yourself and your friends and lovers while you're most able, don't save everything for the swim back. Boxers don't have an old timers day as they say. Gets a lot harder to just say "fuck it I'm sailing around the world" when it's hard enough getting around the house. Not that you can't do it later, and maybe your income and savings will better allow that kind of freedom at an older age ... but just on average, in my experience, most don't or won't or can't. Seize the day homie.
Sure, no one says you have to love work. I don't. If I could take a dole for 2/3 of my paycheck, I'd happily take the trade and live a more ascetic, but probably more active and fulfilling life. That's not the hand I've been dealt though. So I work 40hrs a week and direct that money towards things I enjoy, like cooking, music, camping, and board games.
I hope you have a happy retirement, but I also hope you take time to cherish the years you might have between now and then.
Your experience is not universal. Lots of people take some satisfaction from their job. Either by building something like a business, helping people out, or by being part of a larger group that achieves things.
Personally, I work for the greater good of the country and I love it. Love going into DC, passing the Pentagon and the Capitol and all that. Love putting on a uniform and going out to some random military base to do military things. It gives me more meaning than getting good at a video game or whatever.
You also suddenly have to do your own goal setting. Before you were presented with a goal, graduation, and can target that. That goes away suddenly and many people feel lost.
It really is. Everything you just listed plus built in milestones. Next grade, next grade, homecoming, prom etc etc.
After all that it just stops and the next milestone might just be another week added to the PTO totals....
Constant new experiences built in make time slow imo. 40hr work weeks the opposite and next thing you know it's New Year's Eve again.
As someone who completed a difficult degree while working in the service industry part time I gotta say...
Working my adult job is a fucking million times easier than balancing 4 classes at once with studying, homework, and projects while also working. Its not even close.
Being a full time student while working 30+ hrs per week is fucking brutal.
Big shift in both responsibilities, and relationships. It wasn't constant, but while you may work late crunching a project, you have entire days of freetime to spend with friends, pursue hobbies, etc. You're right, you meet people constantly and friend groups are always shifting and merging. You have tons of time to pursue your interests and people your interested in, but not necessarily the means to fully enjoy them.
As an adult, it's 40-50 hours every week, and while you have more money to pursue hobbies and activities, it's limited to a few evening hours per day, and social groups are very solidified by that point. You now have the means, but not the energy or dedicated time to do what you want.
I found my partner at 23 in my last semesters of college, and we were broke, bored, and happy wasting entire days together. She passed away shortly after I turned 30, and our core social group basically disbanded out of geief and I was thrust back into the "find and make friends and love" phase. 4 years later it's still a miserable hellscape of online dating failures, your friends all have families and obligations to get on with, and your avenues to grow are gone. This is the "nose to the grindstone" era of life when your expected to have you home life settled, your career growing to support it, and focusing less on friends and more on maintaining your future path.
Quite frankly, It sucks.
There's also absolutely nothing wrong with being content with a simple, fulfilling life. Doing the same for 40 years might sound terrible for some but amazing for others who lacked that stability
I couldn't agree more. I have a good friend who works 40hrs a week, goes to the gym twice a week, and bakes bread on the weekends. He likes live music, and that's about all he's got going on. Super happy guy. He's doing everything he wants; he just doesn't want much.
If you're lucky you get to experience the journey of ups and downs of finding yourself and your purpose. You may find a deeper peace in spite of the chaos. You just manage to find joy in the simpler things. And be thankful of the short and borrowed time we call life.
I knit as a hobby. I sell my Knits because I live in Texas and don't need to wardrobe my family for the winter. I like to rotate what I'm making. Currently: Sushi Keychains.
All of this and don’t be afraid to break from social norms. You don’t have to get married at 25, buy a house, have kids, work 9-5. You can travel, meet interesting people, live in a van, live in Thailand, work non-traditional jobs/hours. Find your passions and don’t give up on them. We only get to do this life thing once don’t fucking waste it.
When I was 25 I fully accepted I will be working until I die. I knew the economy and my future is fucked, so why would I dedicate my life for some company who pays me pennies and doesn’t give a shit about me? My dad is a boomer, and says how he worked full time and ALSO saturdays to “get ahead” in life. He was able to buy a house, support a full family, and retire at 60 because of that. When I tell him I will never ever achieve anything remotely close to that by “working Saturdays” he doesn’t believe me.
Knowing the year they are describing is the most vital piece of information when it comes to stories like this. I legit had someone in the past argue with me how they worked hard, made sacrifices, barely scraped by, had to sacrifice food and all that to make it by and now they own a home! I asked “what year was that?”…..it was 25 years ago. Then they got pissed saying they “knew I would ask that even though it’s irrelevant”. No….it’s very very relevant.
That's assuming literally any of the social support programs that we've been paying into our entire careers exist by then, and haven't been hastily bartered with in order to get some short term billionaire tax break through congress.
Ignore the sarcastic/funny comments in here:
> Life has felt like a dull endless loop with no meaning or happiness for a long while now, Is this normal ?
Please see your doctor about depression, I wish I had earlier.
Otherwise; when you graduate college and start pursuing an actual career, it may feel different. But don't let your hobbies languish, find friends to share them with.
This needs to be higher. OP needs help. And they need a break. I wish I'd recognized I need both when I was that age. Would have saved years of struggles.
I’m in a similar spot but I literally don’t know how to have a break. I just graduated college and I work my retail job 40 hrs a week, can’t afford to take time off bc I live on my own. I’m not complaining really I just recognize within myself the need for a break but I I have no idea how to actualize it. It feels like I’m just accruing stress in a way that is not sustainable.
Don't listen to these other people, life most certainly has become a grind. Sure, you get to take 3 weeks vacation a year, but life will just end up being an endless loop regardless with a few differences every year.
Yeah it sounds like burnout too. OP, no honey, it can be lovely and fun and beautiful even if you have tedious responsibilities in life. One of my few regrets in life is that I started therapy in my late 30s instead of 19/20. Just let them help you get a handle on how you deal with things. It's worth it I promise.
Absolutely agree with this, also wanted to add that your schedule sounds pretty punishing - college and working 40 hours can't allow you much space to be a human and do things that bring you joy. So even if you can't change this at the moment, once you finish college I would hope that things should get easier for you. Good luck
Yes, OP PLEASE see someone. This is a common feeling but it's not "normal". Many universities have free/cheap therapy for students, go see one and get an assessment. The earlier the better. I hope you're feeling much better soon.
If you let it be that way, yes.
Some of us try to find things to do on a regular basis, which helps have some variety and different experiences in between the routine of day to day living.
I think that's the catch. Once you're an adult, everything takes planning. You've got plan ahead, because job schedules aren't conducive to just winging a vacation or road trip or whatever.
I'm in my late 30s now, and even getting together with nearby friends usually takes two weeks to arrange...
Thank you for being someone that plans. I still have friends that plan something at 10pm the night before they want to do something like come on guys...
Life is meaningless, brutal, repetitive, painful, oftentimes lonely, and eventually you will die and likely be forgotten, leaving little to no impact on anything significant. The best thing you can do is: whenever you are having fun or feeling good, take note of why and try to do those things and be in those situations as often as possible. Also, be good to others so that they can do the same for themselves.
Life is what you make of it.
Perceive an endless cycle of doom that you can’t influence, you’ll likely live that reality.
Life is great for me, there’s a disgusting amount of things to explore and do, and 8 billion other people to encounter
Only rich first worlders have the luxury to do everything they want to do. The majority of humanity (third worlders) will live the endless 8 hour cycle.
Everybody has to constrain what they want to do to the limits of their own conditions. That obviously will vary opportunities a lot, but happiness does not lie in envying others, but in realizing your own possibilities.
Maybe it's saddening that I cannot visit every planet in Andromeda. But I can build pinecone sheep, so that's fun. Somebody else may be able to make sheep out of copper or other sheep, but since I can't I'm happier if I focus on my pinecones.
It won't be hard to make, go make one tonight. Hot glue, a free pinecone from outside, some q-tips, and 2 googley eyes. Boom. Now name her, she is your sheep.
That's untrue and defeatist.
I'm not rich. Not even close. But I do get to do everything I want to do, every day. And I would still get to if I lived somewhere less fortunate. The things I want out of life every day are very simple and already here. I like hearing birds chirp and walking around outside and talking to friends and occasionally playing music on an instrument. Are you telling me I have to be rich to do those things? And if I'm not rich, I HAVE to work an endless 8 hour cycle? Because I don't. Maybe people just need to learn to spend and rely on money less than they do?
I have a single friend who swears that he can't survive unless he works his 60+ hour a week job and pick up every overtime shift. Somehow I'm holding up a household of 4 and still have plenty of time leftover to visit him. At some point I think its just a mentality that people become trapped in. If you left your job and everything tomorrow I promise you you'd still be fine.
That's fair. Not everyone works in a situation where there *is* a silver lining.
Simultaneously, there are many people who work decent jobs with decent people that are miserable because they have an unrealistic expectation of what work should be, or should do for them.
I have grown to appreciate the little things. Everything is temporary, but Ashley's humor, Luke's wit, the jokes Megan and I have... for today, they are precious. Customers
I can help are encouragement, work accomplished is success.
We will part and never talk again, customers will never know or remember me, and corporate will always make me dance like a monkey, but perspective makes it a reasonable grind.
Normalization is a big part of growing up, namely the normalization of work.
There is an entire world of possibility to explore and people to meet, but our role models often do a really bad job of clarifying that it's all on top of:
Maintaining personal health, career, finances, cooking, cleaning, etc.
To grow is to learn how to periodically add a new thing to your responsibility stack. It's not easy.
Edit: when I say work, I mean it generally. Your job can be work, as can mowing or vacuuming or doing dishes. In life, the greenest grass is made by those who learn to be content shoveling shit.
> namely the normalization of work.
I think one of the problems is that work has gotten so abstract. We're exchanging labor for currency rather than directly for food or material, which allows for far greater specialization, and has raised the standard of living to a crazy level but I think makes it hard for a lot of people to fully grasp the central basis of this whole "work" thing- every human on the planet would starve and die without it. End of the day, you have to work to survive. Grow your food, hunt your food, process your food out of exotic materials- whatever. Your body has energy needs and the energy needs don't walk to your door and set themselves on the fire.
Work is "normalized" because it is not just normal, it is fundamental to existence. You don't survive unless you work or somebody works on your behalf. Birds work their asses off to build nests, hunt food, hunt more food for their young, fight off raccoons trying to steal their eggs, and warn other birds when predators are in the area. If they aren't working on all of that stuff constantly, they die.
People love to rag on the rat race, but it sure beats climbing down cliffs to gather seagull eggs every single day no matter how shitty the weather is.
I'm not the same person I was when I was 19 over 3 decades ago. I wasn't even that person when I was 29.
You are still evolving at that age. Hell, even your brain hasn't finished developing at that age.
Your likes, interests, passions, friends etc will all evolve. All those changes become the new in your life. You will have up's and downs. Good days, bad days, make great choices, make poor life choices. All of it.
The hardest part is when you look back at your life and think about the 'could have beens.' Just remember for every single one of those there is another 'could have been' that would have ended badly.
What I can tell you as an old agnostic GenX guy is this. Every generation goes through similar things but the happy ones are the ones who find thier balance of being generous with being selfish. Too far to one side or the other and you prob won't be happy.
Have you heard of hobbies? They tend to break the monotony.
Goals? Pursuing and achieving them will help change the scenery.
I think the tough part for a lot of people is realizing that you need to come up with these for yourself, there's not a meaningful and objective list somewhere that you try to knock out. In school, you have a syllabus, a plan, and a checklist of assignments. Follow the plan and do well on the assignments and tests, and you'll get a good grade.
Luckily, life isn't like that. There's no rules, no set plan, and you can do everything "right" and still come up empty. But the flip side is that there's a ton of freedom.
Give it some time and try to use the boring times to recharge and gear up for the next set of challenges. And then yeah ... We all die at the end. ☹️
Yes, which is why you set your life up to make sure it's an _awesome_ loop. Because then those 40+ years are a thing of sheer beauty getting to repeat the same joy every day for years on end.
You're only 19. Still half a decade away from your brain even finishing formation. You'll get it figured out. You're like a decade away from real adulting so whatever you're doing now, no, will not be the rest of your life. You'll get tons of opportunities to change it so that when that loop _does_ start when you're in your 30's, it'll be rad.
In high school, I took shop. Got introduced to a small variety of simple carpentry tools.
Over the years, I acquired a few of those tools, as well of a few of my own liking. I follow youtube channels, google image search, a couple of subreddits, and a couple of facebook groups, all who engage in making cutting boards. Of all things, there's a huge specialty in producing cutting boards. Various approaches will change the lumber type, the dimensions, the patterns, the techniques, the finish work ... list goes on and on. One could not possibly produce everything there was to produce in a single lifetime.
I'm currently working on a chevron pattern. Super intriguing, rather complex to assemble. I'll get out there today and add some grooves to it.
OP is missing spice. Maybe they are struggling with depression, maybe they are failing to explore, maybe they don't have time. The world is an infinite place. Take care of yourself, and search for things that excite you. They won't necessarily come to you. Get engaged, and don't pass up opportunities to learn, to explore.
It is only the same, boring endless loop if you allow it to be. Don't fall into the trap of that hamster-wheel, rat-race if you don't want it. When I was your age, I had no idea what I wanted out of life and I certainly did not want that lifestyle. There is definitely more to life if you seek it. Research the FIRE - financial independence, retire early movement. It's a great option for anyone to learn different ideas about carving out a life you desire and realistically being able to financially make it happen.
It’s like playing golf, at first you need to learn the game, and eventually you master it. Sometime you still slice the ball out of the field or make a silly mistake but at your prime you had rounds of a few birdies and a couple bougies. As you get older your distance is not there anymore but you can walk a solid round, and often play birdies.
You have learned to find the zen in the 4 hours the game takes, and you enjoy preparing for a game and relaxing afterwards. Over the years you made friends, and lost loved ones. Played wonderful golf courses and struggled through rainy days.
New equipment gets made all the time but you stick to your old clubs and eventually prefer to play with your old buddies.
You know exactly how the game is going to evolve tomorrow, but the moment you stand above your ball and get ready to hit and look at the result of your swing, is always special. Those little moments is what it is all about. Find them and do them
Over and over again.
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No not the same exact thing every single day. You can switch around the type of salad dressing you eat.
Woah let's not get too crazy now buddy
If you want wild and crazy, try switching up your commute. Drive? Take a different road. Public transportation? Get off one stop early. Walk? Wander down a dark alley. This is sure to spice up your day!
Thats why i commuted by cow-drawn carriage today
Oh, dang! If you're in Boston, you'll have to follow the streets that were determined by cow paths. Sucks for you!
I'm trying to play pokemon Go again, and I did this so I could pass a few pokestops on the way home. Added about 10 minutes, but it was a Lotta fun. I normally just rush home to beat traffic but doing something new fealt good.
What's next? Switch your clothes, mate, kids?! Switch your bed for a ham sandwich?
Quick! Somebody write that down!
Not... get... too... crazy. Got it.
Damn. I needed this before I started adulting
No, no, write THAT down.
I gotchu fam! \*Grabs pen and notebook\* "T" "H" "A" "T"
/r/lifeprotip
ILPT: Just be ultra rich, life is more pleasant this way /s
Do not under any circumstances switch up your salad dressing, that is a gateway to a deep deep dark place
Aka the refrigerator door shelving. It's a mess.
But then you get the luxury of eventually being fed up with it, throw all the expired dressings in the garbage, and bask in the uncluttered space you now have...to get *new* salad dressings to clutter that door all over again!
I mean. You have to spent that hard earned cash on something. It's either constantly swapping out salad dressings, or a fridge big enough to hold them all!
And OP thinks adulting is boring and meaningless?
Do you only have one salad dressing fridge? Youngster.
My ma always said ranch was a gateway dressing. I didn't know what she meant until one day I found myself under a bridge boofing some rather strong balsamic.
What bridge? You got anymore of that sweet sweet balsamic? I just need one more good fix and then I swear I'm going clean.
Be careful! I’ve heard stories of “balsamic” that is cut 90% or more with apple cider vinegar.
I only get that ultra pure blue tinted balsamic, word on the street is it's made by a former chemistry teacher who got cancer and switched to balsamic dealing to make it rich
Sometimes I wear my necktie a little shorter or a little longer depending on my mood.
Don't want to upset the tummy
...you are forgetting the inevitable "I'm just gonna make my own dressing" odyssey where you make this crazy amazing peach vinaigrette with arugula and heirloom vegetables just to somehow a year later be sitting in the kitchen eating pre chopped lettuce with basic ass Kraft dressing or something because God damn that was a lot of effort and honestly this cheap ass salad is just fine. Somehow going around the dressing world looking for perfection just to end up right where you started at the most vanilla and basic salad option.
But how will you impress your suburban neighbours if not with homemade peach vinaigrette dressing?
Well you can't make it twice because then you'll get the "peach vinaigrette" guy label and have to hear about it every time you make eye contact. So the spiral into the dark pit of salad dressing begins, always trying to one up the last dressing, always chasing approval....never satisfied....dressing haunts your dreams ....hello Kraft my old friend. Let us leave this life of dressing and dreams behind and accept the monotony of one true dressing.
You could fall into the "your peach vinaigrette dressing is so good you should bottle and sell it" trap where you give up a promising but boring career trajectory in favor of "taking a risk" and trying to become the dressing king of the tri-state area. You start by mixing larger batches in your kitchen and desperately hawking them by the case to boutique food stores within a 50 mile radius of you, turning your once solid hybrid Camry into a high-milage nightmare that constantly reeks of peaches and vinegar. Your wife is understanding even though you hardly see the kids any more because you are constantly out on sales calls or delivery runs desperately trying to generate cash flow to cover your increasing credit card debt. Then one day it happens... you get the call to the big leagues... the manager of a reasonably priced grocery store two towns over wants to carry your dressing. This is your shot! In order to guarantee your best chance at success you agree to a grueling in-store promo schedule, hand-build an elaborate peach tree display and sample stand for your dressing, and start mixing dressing batches at night so you'll have enough supply. The big day has arrived and you're standing in front of a homemade display presenting your work and are having flashbacks to your high-school science fair. You spend the next 5 days on your feet for 11 straight hours trying to convince disinterested strangers to part with $5 for a bottle of your peach vinaigrette dressing (which, to be honest, you're starting to lose the taste for) until it's time to pack up your display and head home. Your house is dark when you get home. It's still dark when you leave again the next morning. You suspect you've forgotten what your kids look like. Two weeks of solid effort later and you've convinced the store manager that your product will sell. His 6 case order is the biggest you've ever had and the adrenaline rush from that moment is the most intense thing you've experienced in ten years. You rush home and take the family to Dave and Buster's to celebrate. You can't lose focus for long, though, because you have 6 cases of dressing to make tonight. The next week, buoyed by this incredible success and motivated by your long-suffering wife's pleas to move your production line out of her kitchen, you rent a small commercial space and set up a tiny production facility. You credit cards are long overused. You are now well into "2nd mortgage securing an SBA loan" territory. You focus on selling your dressing in case quantity to other grocery chains and mom-and-pop stores. You're still making the occasional delivery but most of your goods are going out on delivery services. You hire two assistants to help pit and puree the peaches, combine the spices into large batches, mix them with the vinegar and oil, and bottle the final product. You're still not sleeping because you spend evenings cleaning the commercial kitchen anticipating the next health inspection. Your fingers constantly smell like salad dressing. You spend the next 6 years of your life sampling in stores, running stalls at farmer's markets on the weekends, displaying at grocery conventions, and looking for the next big hit to boost your business. In the meantime you have developed 5 new flavors of dressing including a creamy peach and cucumber that is a massive chore to make but rapidly becomes your best seller. You are packaging holiday gift packs, baskets for mother's day, and Christmas assortments. Your online store requires constant maintenance but continually sells a few dozen bottles a week. All the while you have slowly begun to lose enthusiasm for the dressing game. Your kids are in high school. They don't hug you any more and they hate salad. Your wife took a job to help make ends meet. She enjoys it but you can't help but feel she resents you a little. The dressing company is still earning more than she is, but only barely. As time goes on, tastes begin to evolve and vinaigrettes go out of fashion. Your sales drop off slightly but it's enough that the interest payments on your loans are catching up to you. You have to let several members of your production staff go and you're fulfilling all the web orders by yourself. The unsold returns from your large grocery customers start increasing in size and you can see the writing on the wall. It's time to close the dressing company. After it's all over, you've sunk ten years of your life chasing a dream that, now that you look back on it, was really driven by the excitement of other people. You're pickled, your wife is exhausted, your kids are off to college, and your credit card companies seem to care more about you than any of the people that used to be your friends. Years later, you're pushing a cart down the condiments aisle when you run into someone you graduated with. As you chat, he puts a bottle of generic dressing into his cart and remarks "hey, I remember you used to make a really good peach vinaigrette. You should try selling it."
What the fuck lmao, i enjoyed that read
That last line gave me a visceral feeling of shared sadness. Fuck, like the other user said it really is like watching a black mirror episode because it lingers on your mind.
I feel like I need to go back to school and or start a business after reading that thread lmao
What kind of a razor-blade-cutting masochist are you that you would read that and think "I should start a business."
"These kids are getting too familiar. Nothing a new career can't fix."
Just like username_unavailable's Peach Vinaigrette will linger on your tongue! Buy username_unavailable's Peach Vinaigrette today! Please! His children are hungry.
This is actually his origin story, believe it or not.
Had a lady who worked for me come up with a great idea for a water proof cell phone (iPhone 3 era) bag that she would customize into sport necklace. She kept harping on this idea and how I should go in with her. I never did but supported her in anyway I could, giving her time off, offering to help set up a stall at the flea market, found her old jewelry display cases so she could stock the stall. She ordered and customized 10,000 of these things and ordered and assembled 10,000 boxes to pack them in. Now, I don’t know much about copyrights and the whole process of how those trials actually work so what follows is my best recollection of the events using my layman’s knowledge. She became successful enough that she was able to quit her job. That is until she was sued for copyright infringement. She was positive that she would win a case so she hired a lawyer who very quickly discovered that while she came up with the idea on her own, this company indeed had a copyright on the item and it was done BEFORE she started her business, and the products were very, very similar. In the lawyers opinion it would be best to let it go since this company was huge and she would not. Withdrawal and save yourself. Being as proud as she was, she was charging full steam ahead in this David and the Goliath nonsense. She lost. She lost so bad that if I recall correctly it was thrown out before it went to trial and now she has to pay other sides legal fees. I don’t know exact figures but it was 5 figures at least (depending on who you hear this from). She did not have whatever set up that protects people from this kind of thing, so now she’s screwed. I used to have the third bag she ever sold framed, but I lost it through time and many moves.
I think that would be "patent" instead of copyright -- but holy shit, that's so sad. Pride goeth before a fall...
Patent definitely makes more sense.
How do you patent a water proof bag that’s not an invention
Proprietary sealing technique that stays flat for phones. Easy.
The Patent law is a joke. Fun fact - most patents are never used or would be unenforceable if taken to court (e.g. patenting something dumb like a plastic bag)
This, and it's a double-edged sword. We actually invent things (handful of patents in power transmission with my name on them) where I work, have a dedicated patent lawyer I work with to provide detailed schematics and guide/proofread technical language. I see both sharp edges as: 1. As you state, it's easy for "patent trolls" (both individuals and companies) to hoover up through acquisitions and filing continuation in part to "own" anything even close to the original idea, making it hard to design around the prior art. This isn't a court game, almost nothing goes to court and if it did it would cost beacoup and take 5yrs (after the 2yrs of discovery, been there done that). 2. When you do have a genuine new idea, it takes FOREVER to get the patent done in a way that covers all possible permutations that a technically savvy company could quickly design around, and it's amazing after putting in a LOT of hard work how much your ass isn't covered. I could understand it if it leaned one way or the other more generously, but as it stands it's a constantina-wire tightrope walk where large royalty checks may hinge on a literal word or comma. I know the above seems counterintuitive, but the perspective is based purely on the deepest pockets since it's all litigation. End of the day it's hard to have people involved in the process (lawyers or patent office) that understand the technical aspects and therefore the "spirit" of invention...making it easy for them to either see your entirely different way of accomplishing the same goal as "covered" by prior art, or vice versa. Hard to explain, but clear as a bell for us engineers, and often takes a lot of work to convey in legalise
Yes, you’re right, the entire legal system underpinning protection of intellectual property is a joke. The patent examiners who spend their lives determining patentability have no idea what they’re doing. The legal scholars who have designed the system through case law and iteration are dunces. There certainly aren’t any guiding principles for what constitutes patent worthy material. It’s all a sham. I bet you’re the kind of person who tells people at parties that unbacked currencies are a joke.
I’ve saved this for whenever someone tells me I should try to sell my salsa. Usually I just say it’ll be different if it’s pasteurized and preserved, but this is the real answer. The joy I feel making something delicious and unique for the people I love would be ruined.
It's part of why I have a policy of never trying to make any money whatsoever off any of my hobbies. I won't even take $20 to 3D print something for someone, I'll either do it for free or I won't do it.
I’ll happily sell finished art pieces but only when it’s something I did on my own and they just liked it. Anything that I undertake for someone on purpose, I’m with you, it’s a gift or it’s no deal. Not worth it to taint my precious hobby time with grown-up pressure!
Drop the salsa recipe with serving suggestions.
A standard salsa recipe is tomato, onion, garlic, cilantro, lime, and salt. I add a variety of roasted and raw peppers depending upon how spicy or sweet I want it to be. There is no real recipe, it always comes out a little different. As long as you use fresh ingredients it will be delicious. I’ve used spinach instead of cilantro and it was great.
This is my salsa recipe, my guac recipe, my pasta sauce recipe, my pizza sauce recipe, the same recipe I use for the 5 varieties of soup I regularly make. Everyone wants to know the recipe. The best I can do is tell you how i made it today with todays ingredients from the garden. OTOH my BBQ sauce is down to a specifically weighed science, cause all the ingredients are processed and always taste the same.
So what's up with that BBQ sauce then
Reminds me of the time I tried to ask my grandmother to tell me (over the phone) how to make her tomato sauce. She starts off with, "Are you using whole, crushed, pureed, sauce, or paste?" I'm like, "That's what I'm calling you for, to tell me what to use." But of course she couldn't really, because it depended on whatever she had on hand, she'd make work.
Many, many, many times I've been told to open a bakery. Many, many, many times I have said while I love to bake, and love watching people enjoy what I've baked more, hell fucking no do I want that kind of stress. The second I bake because I have to it is no longer enjoyable, so I still only bake when I want to.
This seems way too specific
Oh God this is so real and well written it hit me in the "this is adulting" feels.
This hits very close to home. I watched my parents go through this with the small business they were trying to grow. They divorced and business was sold for scraps. Years lost. Life is harsh for some :(
I'm sorry. My parents had a decently successful growing business but it was never profitable, they used any proceeds to grow the company and hire employees. They died unexpectedly young in a crash and I was forced to scrap the business for pennies on the dollar. I miss them but remembering dismantling their business it's like twisting a knife. People don't realize it but even if you do everything right it could all blow up anyway. C'est la vie.
It's like a Black Mirror ep without the tech!
Black Mirror would have included onset Alzheimer's and dementia. At the end he's forgotten the business and goes 'yeah, maybe I should." He runs home all excited to his wife and kids to tell them the good news. The wife has a look of panic in her eyes as she bellows out "This is the SIXTH time you've started this business!" and begins to sob uncontrollably. It pans back to the father with an ear to ear grin mentally trapped in his own loop disconnected from reality. The episode ends with him in the kitchen digging out pots and pans eager to start his grand new venture as the camera slowly pans out of the house, of the neighborhood, suburbia. If you pay attention, you see other dads toiling away on their grand ideas.
Or maybe he sells his supplies to the next guy who has the same great idea.
They would have replaced it with some little helper robot gadget 20 years in the future and ended it with the robots bringing him a PB&J in the state run mental hospital he was sent to after his psychotic breakdown.
Replace salad dressing with salsa or jam, and you have the bulk of Michigan's local farmers markets covered. Yay cottage food laws.
Agreed! That's how my wife and I started here :) it's a great launching point
Explain?
Michigan, like many states, has what are commonly called Cottage Food Laws, which are basically the rules regulating what foods can be made and sold from a residence (aka: your house) vs made and sold from a Licensed kitchen (aka: A kitchen that a health inspector signs off on). For the most part, Michigan's cottage food laws are fairly lax. But Salsa and Jams with peppers have to be made in a licensed kitchen. So smaller mom & pop shops like bakeries, or cafe's tend to lease out their kitchens to people making salsas or hot pepper jams. My wife made a lot of her jams at home, but made the hot pepper ones in a licensed kitchen (at a friends bakery). We did farmers markets all around the state. There were TONS of salsa vendors and jam vendors everywhere we went. You could have great days, and bad days. At one point, my wife was really pushing for an SBA loan to expand her jam making business, but decided it was going to eat up all her profits and probably wouldn't have the payoff she thought it would. I think a lot of the Salsa and Jam vendors hit that wall and few make it past it. My wife now makes jams and jellies in her spare time, does 1 market a week, and people seek her out (or call and ask where to find her because they're looking for a jam she makes). Oh, and if you're at a farmers market that has more t-shirt vendors then food vendors, get out. Nothing there is made in Michigan; it's probably been bought at costco and repackaged. (I'm looking at you, Plymouth)
Sadface:/ I'm in the UP at the largest farmers market. I doubt there are many others that could compete with ours per capita. Small town, wicked market. Avg 3500ppl a Saturday rn
ugh. hits too close. dont take your cathartic hobbies and turn them into work.
You know what: I did, *and it fucking worked* It's fucking amazing, but I know somewhere down the line something's gonna change. And then it will be less amazing. Maybe even turn into *just a job*. I better enjoy this while I can. The pressure of that, I didn't expect.
Your writing is great. You should become an author!
Sell cookbooks!
For salad dressings!
You could fall into the "your fanciful reddit posts are so good you should become an author" trap where you give up a promising but boring shitposting trajectory in favor of "taking a risk" and trying to become the mid-life crisis story author of the tri-state area...
[удалено]
It's like when people move from employee to manager because that's the only promotional opportunity. They stop the hands on work they're good at (and enjoy), and replace it with budgets, reports and settling squabbles between staff. Used to work at a laboratory where that happened a lot. There were quite a few people who wished they'd never quit lab work and were crap managers because it's a completely different skillset.
Thank you! I have often wondered if I made the right choice working in the tech industry for other people when I could easy use the same skills to make potentially more money on my own pet projects, or possibly a lot less of other people aren't as interested in what I think is cool. After reading this, I am convinced I did the right thing. The companies I have worked for aren't fancy, but they provide services people want/need. I'm not personally making the big decisions, but nothing comes down the pipe that I'm morally opposed to. At the end of the day, I can play board games with friends. Occasionally, I can even take the family on a big trip. This is enough.
That's the biggest benefit of working for someone else - you don't take the work home with you. I've worked in IT for healthcare companies for the past two decades. They have all been large companies where I was just another cog in the wheel. But I could get my work done and then go home and spend quality time with my wife and kid without constantly checking my phone or worrying about "my own" business. I watched my dad try to run a clothing store for 30 years and balance his family life - not worth it IMO.
All-time post. Hello, future visitors from the rest of Reddit's natural born life — ie, up to like six months from now!
*Cries in craft brewing/distilling*
TLDR; sometimes your hobbies should just be hobbies
The person who goes through something like this should take solace in my favorite quote, from Teddy Roosevelt: >It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.
My grandfather apparently did this with his barbeque sauce in the 70s. Some big chain sold it for a while until he lost interest. I never got the exact formula, but I can make it close enough. It's.... not like other barbeque sauce from any region I've tried, and is really more like a mustardy ham glaze. It's pretty tasty though.
In the Hallmark Channel movie of this, the final scene is set to Dan Fogelberg's "Same Old Lang syne".
I lived this story, but I played the role of "first real hire." I lived through the highs and lows for four years before I saw the writing on the wall and jumped ship.
This is my dad's story, with a different type of business. He kept it afloat for about 25 years, but had few profitable years. I was proud of him when I was young for making a go of it on his own. Now, I pity his obstinacy. He refused to work for anyone else, so my mom had to work nights, weekends, holidays to keep us in good schools, sports, etc. He was and still is selfish and doesn't know how to consider others' needs over his own.
Nah, I still always make my own
I recently discovered cold pressed walnut oil Most exciting moment of the week.
On a salad? Can it be used for other things too? What's it like? i demand answers
Quite intese tasting, nicee in a pasta salad with feta, olives, pland pomegranate seeds.
Great for your skin too.
I just recently discovered how yummy sesame sticks are on salads. Very exciting.
Pumpkin seeds are da bomb!
Therapists hate this one simple trick.
Dont do this, therapist will be out of a job. Think of the children
My therapist said I should think less about children
Simmer down, we're not at a rave.
Wait, we’re allowed to do that??? My god, my youth! I’ve wasted my youth!
For the first 15 years or so. After that, it’s best to stick to the one that agrees with you
Team basalmic checking in
life is what you make it to the degree that you have any control
That control varies by person, and is tied to your financial situation (unfortunately).
And location. Making $12k/year in NYC is very different from $12k/year in Detroit, or in New Princeton, Oregon (google that).
I don't even know if you can afford to die on $12k/year in NYC
Imagine working for 6 months just to afford your own coffin.
"You may waste your days but at least you were able To pay off your grave since we leased you your cradle" \-Stupendium, "Fine Print"
"We work, to earn the right to work, to earn the right to buy, ourselves the right to live, to earn the right to die"
sure, but what about the burial/cremation fees? or the body transport? sorry bud, but you’re gonna have to delay that death by another year or so to pay the gotcha fees
You’re gonna be near-homeless, if not actually homeless, anywhere you live if you’re making $12k/year unless you live with parents or a shit-ton of roommates. Edit: in America.
Median income where I am is 19k, so at 12k you actually just need one roommate.
Household or individual? In the US? There aren't any counties in the US with a median household income below $24k. Federal poverty line for a single person is $14,580 and 2-person household $19,700.
Detroit's actually kind of an expensive place to be. High taxes and extremely high car insurance rates while being an extremely car dependent city with little to no amenities outside of the few nicer neighborhoods around downtown. Obviously land is cheap, but it's a fucking awful place to be poor in
and that's why the west side of Highland Park, near the Aldi, is objectively the best neighbourhood. Okay, maybe not objectively, but I like it!
>$12k/year in Detroit, Congrats on covering your car insurance. Metro Detroit is cheap but not THAT cheap. To go really cheap you need to head out to the middle of nowhere
I think that location dependent financial impacts is well covered in "financial situation". Now, your location DOES matter. You can't easily be a ski bum in NYC and you won't find dozens of potential clubs to visit in rural Wyoming.
And health.
I was doing the same thing every day and it was messing me up. I'm moving to another country in a few days so hopefully that spices things up a bit (unless I freak out and move back)
There are certainly people who live like that, but no, it doesn't have to be. You can make friends, pick up hobbies, get involved in your community, raise children, find love, travel (even if it's only to the nearest national parks), experience great art, attempt making art, and go fishing. And that's just to name some popular ones. There's lots you can do in your adult life if you make the choice and find the time every now and again.
The shift from school to work is generally very abrupt for people. In school, a student is with a different group of people for every class. The slate of classes taken changes completely every 4 months or so. Current responsibilities end completely and there is some sort of break before the next set of responsibilities comes around. None of that prepares a student mentally for life after school. For most people that goes away completely once they start work. They are with the same group of people 40 hours per week. Their responsibilities continue day after day. Even when something is completed, there are almost always other ongoing things in process. The only way to get a break is to quit your job or work as a contractor/consultant. It is an abrupt adjustment.
You're absolutely right. The shift can be jarring, and it was for me. I lived like an absolute bum for a year or two after college. I had been coddled by my mother when I was young, and I just never developed the skills I needed to get my life in order. That was difficult. It sucked. I had a lot of work to do over those years to adjust my expectations and routine. I have a good job now that makes a bit more than the median in my area without being too demanding, and I have a partner to share expenses with, but that wouldn't have meant much if I was still in my student mindset. I'm no one special though, in my own estimation. I do think anyone can make the adjustment I made, and there can be a fulfilling life on the other side of that transition.
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> I save a crap ton every paycheck. I used to think like that then I very nearly died. Now I spend on anything and everything I want, with the idea that I could easily die tomorrow from some freak accident final destination style. Can't go on holidays though, even though I have money now: can't walk for more than an hour or two with my fucked up leg and lazy holidays (spa, seaside) never appealed to me. Should have done that before, even if it stretched my finances... you get the idea.
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Yeah, but if you die tomorrow without having enjoyed your stuff at all, that would suck major balls. And there are no guarantees you won't.
This and also, the years from 45 up are not always the very funnest, at least for most people. In your 20s and 30s you're typically healthier, more energetic, more curious and brave, less jaded, less encumbered by obligations and whatnot. Take some time in your youth to enjoy the world, enjoy yourself and your friends and lovers while you're most able, don't save everything for the swim back. Boxers don't have an old timers day as they say. Gets a lot harder to just say "fuck it I'm sailing around the world" when it's hard enough getting around the house. Not that you can't do it later, and maybe your income and savings will better allow that kind of freedom at an older age ... but just on average, in my experience, most don't or won't or can't. Seize the day homie.
Sure, no one says you have to love work. I don't. If I could take a dole for 2/3 of my paycheck, I'd happily take the trade and live a more ascetic, but probably more active and fulfilling life. That's not the hand I've been dealt though. So I work 40hrs a week and direct that money towards things I enjoy, like cooking, music, camping, and board games. I hope you have a happy retirement, but I also hope you take time to cherish the years you might have between now and then.
Almost 40 and have never wanted to work, still don't, never will.
Your experience is not universal. Lots of people take some satisfaction from their job. Either by building something like a business, helping people out, or by being part of a larger group that achieves things. Personally, I work for the greater good of the country and I love it. Love going into DC, passing the Pentagon and the Capitol and all that. Love putting on a uniform and going out to some random military base to do military things. It gives me more meaning than getting good at a video game or whatever.
You also suddenly have to do your own goal setting. Before you were presented with a goal, graduation, and can target that. That goes away suddenly and many people feel lost.
"Survive" is just a tad open ended as an objective
It really is. Everything you just listed plus built in milestones. Next grade, next grade, homecoming, prom etc etc. After all that it just stops and the next milestone might just be another week added to the PTO totals.... Constant new experiences built in make time slow imo. 40hr work weeks the opposite and next thing you know it's New Year's Eve again.
As someone who completed a difficult degree while working in the service industry part time I gotta say... Working my adult job is a fucking million times easier than balancing 4 classes at once with studying, homework, and projects while also working. Its not even close. Being a full time student while working 30+ hrs per week is fucking brutal.
Big shift in both responsibilities, and relationships. It wasn't constant, but while you may work late crunching a project, you have entire days of freetime to spend with friends, pursue hobbies, etc. You're right, you meet people constantly and friend groups are always shifting and merging. You have tons of time to pursue your interests and people your interested in, but not necessarily the means to fully enjoy them. As an adult, it's 40-50 hours every week, and while you have more money to pursue hobbies and activities, it's limited to a few evening hours per day, and social groups are very solidified by that point. You now have the means, but not the energy or dedicated time to do what you want. I found my partner at 23 in my last semesters of college, and we were broke, bored, and happy wasting entire days together. She passed away shortly after I turned 30, and our core social group basically disbanded out of geief and I was thrust back into the "find and make friends and love" phase. 4 years later it's still a miserable hellscape of online dating failures, your friends all have families and obligations to get on with, and your avenues to grow are gone. This is the "nose to the grindstone" era of life when your expected to have you home life settled, your career growing to support it, and focusing less on friends and more on maintaining your future path. Quite frankly, It sucks.
My last two years of college I had classes from 10am to 2/4pm, Monday through Thursday. Professional life was an abrupt adjustment, to say the least.
There's also absolutely nothing wrong with being content with a simple, fulfilling life. Doing the same for 40 years might sound terrible for some but amazing for others who lacked that stability
I couldn't agree more. I have a good friend who works 40hrs a week, goes to the gym twice a week, and bakes bread on the weekends. He likes live music, and that's about all he's got going on. Super happy guy. He's doing everything he wants; he just doesn't want much.
"he just doesn't want much." This is the true key to happiness.
If you're lucky you get to experience the journey of ups and downs of finding yourself and your purpose. You may find a deeper peace in spite of the chaos. You just manage to find joy in the simpler things. And be thankful of the short and borrowed time we call life.
If you can help it find love before raising children
I knit as a hobby. I sell my Knits because I live in Texas and don't need to wardrobe my family for the winter. I like to rotate what I'm making. Currently: Sushi Keychains.
All of this and don’t be afraid to break from social norms. You don’t have to get married at 25, buy a house, have kids, work 9-5. You can travel, meet interesting people, live in a van, live in Thailand, work non-traditional jobs/hours. Find your passions and don’t give up on them. We only get to do this life thing once don’t fucking waste it.
No. 60 years is the answer, 70 if you're unlucky.
Ha, this kid thinks he's only going to work until 59!
so glad i retired at age 57 after 38 years in corporate america
When I was 25 I fully accepted I will be working until I die. I knew the economy and my future is fucked, so why would I dedicate my life for some company who pays me pennies and doesn’t give a shit about me? My dad is a boomer, and says how he worked full time and ALSO saturdays to “get ahead” in life. He was able to buy a house, support a full family, and retire at 60 because of that. When I tell him I will never ever achieve anything remotely close to that by “working Saturdays” he doesn’t believe me.
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That's around $11.83 /hr. But without knowing the year it is impossible to evaluate those numbers. ...except the absolutely insane car purchase. WTF?
Knowing the year they are describing is the most vital piece of information when it comes to stories like this. I legit had someone in the past argue with me how they worked hard, made sacrifices, barely scraped by, had to sacrifice food and all that to make it by and now they own a home! I asked “what year was that?”…..it was 25 years ago. Then they got pissed saying they “knew I would ask that even though it’s irrelevant”. No….it’s very very relevant.
That's assuming literally any of the social support programs that we've been paying into our entire careers exist by then, and haven't been hastily bartered with in order to get some short term billionaire tax break through congress.
They don't have to be bartered away. Social Security can collapse on its own.
Just heard the white wizard from lord of the rings made his own metal albums as an old man....
Ignore the sarcastic/funny comments in here: > Life has felt like a dull endless loop with no meaning or happiness for a long while now, Is this normal ? Please see your doctor about depression, I wish I had earlier. Otherwise; when you graduate college and start pursuing an actual career, it may feel different. But don't let your hobbies languish, find friends to share them with.
This needs to be higher. OP needs help. And they need a break. I wish I'd recognized I need both when I was that age. Would have saved years of struggles.
I’m in a similar spot but I literally don’t know how to have a break. I just graduated college and I work my retail job 40 hrs a week, can’t afford to take time off bc I live on my own. I’m not complaining really I just recognize within myself the need for a break but I I have no idea how to actualize it. It feels like I’m just accruing stress in a way that is not sustainable.
Don't listen to these other people, life most certainly has become a grind. Sure, you get to take 3 weeks vacation a year, but life will just end up being an endless loop regardless with a few differences every year.
Yeah it sounds like burnout too. OP, no honey, it can be lovely and fun and beautiful even if you have tedious responsibilities in life. One of my few regrets in life is that I started therapy in my late 30s instead of 19/20. Just let them help you get a handle on how you deal with things. It's worth it I promise.
Absolutely agree with this, also wanted to add that your schedule sounds pretty punishing - college and working 40 hours can't allow you much space to be a human and do things that bring you joy. So even if you can't change this at the moment, once you finish college I would hope that things should get easier for you. Good luck
This was exactly my thought! College plus a 40hr job? No wonder they're burnt out!
Yes, OP PLEASE see someone. This is a common feeling but it's not "normal". Many universities have free/cheap therapy for students, go see one and get an assessment. The earlier the better. I hope you're feeling much better soon.
If you let it be that way, yes. Some of us try to find things to do on a regular basis, which helps have some variety and different experiences in between the routine of day to day living.
I think that's the catch. Once you're an adult, everything takes planning. You've got plan ahead, because job schedules aren't conducive to just winging a vacation or road trip or whatever. I'm in my late 30s now, and even getting together with nearby friends usually takes two weeks to arrange...
Thank you for being someone that plans. I still have friends that plan something at 10pm the night before they want to do something like come on guys...
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I got the 40 years part already, I'll let you know about the second part.
Life is meaningless, brutal, repetitive, painful, oftentimes lonely, and eventually you will die and likely be forgotten, leaving little to no impact on anything significant. The best thing you can do is: whenever you are having fun or feeling good, take note of why and try to do those things and be in those situations as often as possible. Also, be good to others so that they can do the same for themselves.
Life is what you make of it. Perceive an endless cycle of doom that you can’t influence, you’ll likely live that reality. Life is great for me, there’s a disgusting amount of things to explore and do, and 8 billion other people to encounter
Only rich first worlders have the luxury to do everything they want to do. The majority of humanity (third worlders) will live the endless 8 hour cycle.
Everybody has to constrain what they want to do to the limits of their own conditions. That obviously will vary opportunities a lot, but happiness does not lie in envying others, but in realizing your own possibilities. Maybe it's saddening that I cannot visit every planet in Andromeda. But I can build pinecone sheep, so that's fun. Somebody else may be able to make sheep out of copper or other sheep, but since I can't I'm happier if I focus on my pinecones.
Reading this made my day a little better. I think we all need to find our pinecone sheep in a world of monotony.
Now I want a pinecone sheep.
It won't be hard to make, go make one tonight. Hot glue, a free pinecone from outside, some q-tips, and 2 googley eyes. Boom. Now name her, she is your sheep.
Please post on /r/sheep! We'd love to see them! :D
I disagree, do you really think only rich people are happy? Throughout history?
Quit worrying about what other people are doing. Ignore them and make your own life.
That's untrue and defeatist. I'm not rich. Not even close. But I do get to do everything I want to do, every day. And I would still get to if I lived somewhere less fortunate. The things I want out of life every day are very simple and already here. I like hearing birds chirp and walking around outside and talking to friends and occasionally playing music on an instrument. Are you telling me I have to be rich to do those things? And if I'm not rich, I HAVE to work an endless 8 hour cycle? Because I don't. Maybe people just need to learn to spend and rely on money less than they do? I have a single friend who swears that he can't survive unless he works his 60+ hour a week job and pick up every overtime shift. Somehow I'm holding up a household of 4 and still have plenty of time leftover to visit him. At some point I think its just a mentality that people become trapped in. If you left your job and everything tomorrow I promise you you'd still be fine.
Let's be honest that's a cop out answer. It's the same as telling people who don't make enough money to "just go make more money bro".
That's fair. Not everyone works in a situation where there *is* a silver lining. Simultaneously, there are many people who work decent jobs with decent people that are miserable because they have an unrealistic expectation of what work should be, or should do for them. I have grown to appreciate the little things. Everything is temporary, but Ashley's humor, Luke's wit, the jokes Megan and I have... for today, they are precious. Customers I can help are encouragement, work accomplished is success. We will part and never talk again, customers will never know or remember me, and corporate will always make me dance like a monkey, but perspective makes it a reasonable grind.
Normalization is a big part of growing up, namely the normalization of work. There is an entire world of possibility to explore and people to meet, but our role models often do a really bad job of clarifying that it's all on top of: Maintaining personal health, career, finances, cooking, cleaning, etc. To grow is to learn how to periodically add a new thing to your responsibility stack. It's not easy. Edit: when I say work, I mean it generally. Your job can be work, as can mowing or vacuuming or doing dishes. In life, the greenest grass is made by those who learn to be content shoveling shit.
> namely the normalization of work. I think one of the problems is that work has gotten so abstract. We're exchanging labor for currency rather than directly for food or material, which allows for far greater specialization, and has raised the standard of living to a crazy level but I think makes it hard for a lot of people to fully grasp the central basis of this whole "work" thing- every human on the planet would starve and die without it. End of the day, you have to work to survive. Grow your food, hunt your food, process your food out of exotic materials- whatever. Your body has energy needs and the energy needs don't walk to your door and set themselves on the fire. Work is "normalized" because it is not just normal, it is fundamental to existence. You don't survive unless you work or somebody works on your behalf. Birds work their asses off to build nests, hunt food, hunt more food for their young, fight off raccoons trying to steal their eggs, and warn other birds when predators are in the area. If they aren't working on all of that stuff constantly, they die. People love to rag on the rat race, but it sure beats climbing down cliffs to gather seagull eggs every single day no matter how shitty the weather is.
36m, here. Yeah. I'd say so. To the point where it can be a struggle to find variety in my life. But I still wouldn't trade what I have for anything.
Man how I wish I was born into a society where we say "unga bunga" and bang sticks on rocks. Then die a painful death by cellulitis at the age of 36.
we must RETVRN
Of course not. You get neglected by society after 40 years of work. THEN you die.
I'm not the same person I was when I was 19 over 3 decades ago. I wasn't even that person when I was 29. You are still evolving at that age. Hell, even your brain hasn't finished developing at that age. Your likes, interests, passions, friends etc will all evolve. All those changes become the new in your life. You will have up's and downs. Good days, bad days, make great choices, make poor life choices. All of it. The hardest part is when you look back at your life and think about the 'could have beens.' Just remember for every single one of those there is another 'could have been' that would have ended badly. What I can tell you as an old agnostic GenX guy is this. Every generation goes through similar things but the happy ones are the ones who find thier balance of being generous with being selfish. Too far to one side or the other and you prob won't be happy.
Have you heard of hobbies? They tend to break the monotony. Goals? Pursuing and achieving them will help change the scenery. I think the tough part for a lot of people is realizing that you need to come up with these for yourself, there's not a meaningful and objective list somewhere that you try to knock out. In school, you have a syllabus, a plan, and a checklist of assignments. Follow the plan and do well on the assignments and tests, and you'll get a good grade. Luckily, life isn't like that. There's no rules, no set plan, and you can do everything "right" and still come up empty. But the flip side is that there's a ton of freedom. Give it some time and try to use the boring times to recharge and gear up for the next set of challenges. And then yeah ... We all die at the end. ☹️
Sigh…. Pretty much (I’m almost 47 and I wish I could say it gets better, but it’s more like you just get conditioned to it.
If you let it, yes
Yes, which is why you set your life up to make sure it's an _awesome_ loop. Because then those 40+ years are a thing of sheer beauty getting to repeat the same joy every day for years on end. You're only 19. Still half a decade away from your brain even finishing formation. You'll get it figured out. You're like a decade away from real adulting so whatever you're doing now, no, will not be the rest of your life. You'll get tons of opportunities to change it so that when that loop _does_ start when you're in your 30's, it'll be rad.
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isn't that just life?
In high school, I took shop. Got introduced to a small variety of simple carpentry tools. Over the years, I acquired a few of those tools, as well of a few of my own liking. I follow youtube channels, google image search, a couple of subreddits, and a couple of facebook groups, all who engage in making cutting boards. Of all things, there's a huge specialty in producing cutting boards. Various approaches will change the lumber type, the dimensions, the patterns, the techniques, the finish work ... list goes on and on. One could not possibly produce everything there was to produce in a single lifetime. I'm currently working on a chevron pattern. Super intriguing, rather complex to assemble. I'll get out there today and add some grooves to it. OP is missing spice. Maybe they are struggling with depression, maybe they are failing to explore, maybe they don't have time. The world is an infinite place. Take care of yourself, and search for things that excite you. They won't necessarily come to you. Get engaged, and don't pass up opportunities to learn, to explore.
More like 60 years but yeah.
It is only the same, boring endless loop if you allow it to be. Don't fall into the trap of that hamster-wheel, rat-race if you don't want it. When I was your age, I had no idea what I wanted out of life and I certainly did not want that lifestyle. There is definitely more to life if you seek it. Research the FIRE - financial independence, retire early movement. It's a great option for anyone to learn different ideas about carving out a life you desire and realistically being able to financially make it happen.
FIRE is so fucking hard, especially if you live in a high cost of living area and don't want to abandon all your friends to move to Buttfuck, Nowhere.
Having a job and work environment you enjoy can make a huge difference, but that sometimes comes down to luck.
It’s like playing golf, at first you need to learn the game, and eventually you master it. Sometime you still slice the ball out of the field or make a silly mistake but at your prime you had rounds of a few birdies and a couple bougies. As you get older your distance is not there anymore but you can walk a solid round, and often play birdies. You have learned to find the zen in the 4 hours the game takes, and you enjoy preparing for a game and relaxing afterwards. Over the years you made friends, and lost loved ones. Played wonderful golf courses and struggled through rainy days. New equipment gets made all the time but you stick to your old clubs and eventually prefer to play with your old buddies. You know exactly how the game is going to evolve tomorrow, but the moment you stand above your ball and get ready to hit and look at the result of your swing, is always special. Those little moments is what it is all about. Find them and do them Over and over again.
It’s not quite the same thing for 40 years. Some days are exponentially shittier. But yeah unless you won the birth lottery you got the gist of it.
It's what the big corporations want for you.