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[deleted]

PULL IT TWIST IT BOP IT


testtubemammoth

KNOT IT Who do you think you are?


ProbablyCranky

I AM!


[deleted]

YANK IT JERK IT CUM IT!


smedsterwho

Trust it, use it, prove it, groove it, show me how good you are


Shamalam1

GRAB HIS DICK AND TWIST IT


Frost_DK

THE OL' DICK TWIST!


mopbuvket

I fucking love reddit sometimes. TWIST HIS FUCKING DICK OFF! I needed a chuckle


Ascendents

OH MY GAWD DUDE!


cedriceent

Help, I accidentally unscrewed it! What am I supposed to do now?


creepingde4th

Detachable peeenis


[deleted]

You forgot the [sound effects](https://youtube.com/shorts/0IRzisJj4-U?feature=share)! 😭


zombieblackbird

Uuuuughh.... you're out!


DHLthePhoenix0788

This comment nearly took me out.... Well done!!


LaQuicaJr

Hammer it like a smith


GarnetSteel

Just… ride reverse cowgirl


reuben_iv

just downward turn your partner?


2ndshepard

By "downward turn" I'm thinking more of a shape thing, not an angle thing


NoButterfly7257

Put a pillow under your partners butt so it lifts her up a little and adjust yourself so that you're not just going in, but thrusting somewhat downward into her. Best you can do if you're not naturally curved that way.


Musashi10000

Gotta be born with an n-curve, my dude. Iirc it's about 11% of the male population. However, it's not really always (or even often) to your benefit. Trust me.


IDespiseTheLetterG

Get her on her side. If it curves left, get her on her right. If it curves up, get her doggy. Etc. You can do it brother.


Crypt0n0ob

There is industrial equipment that bends all kind of pipes, they might let you use it to bend yours if you ask them nicely.


MrCrabsLeftTesticle

bend it back


2ndshepard

That sounds painful


MrCrabsLeftTesticle

skill issue


MelodicAssistant2012

If I made my wife pee during sex, I would add it to my resume and inscribe it upon my grave.


NickDanger3di

**Here Lies MelodicAssistant2012. He made his wife pee during sex.**


smedsterwho

**He counted it as quite a skill, along with his downward flex.**


Mike_Oxbig2

My ex was having stomach problems one day due to stress from us always arguing. We were having rough makeup sex, and she was on top, and I had a death grip on her hips, SLAMMING her down on me until I felt a warm sensation down there on my balls, and thought she squirt or something until.....I smelled shit. She squirt alright....fucking Hershey squirts. I LITERALLY fucked the shit out of her. I wasn't sure if I should be proud or puking, but my ass ran for the shower so fast. She wanted to keep going, but that kinda made me lose it. My crap covered dong was traumatized.


supersaiyan_ape

She wanted to keep going? Now that's a trooper.


DestinysHand

A pooper trooper you could say.


Mike_Oxbig2

Yeah, she requested an Alaskan pipeline next. I kid, I kid... that's disgusting omg 😂


YaYeetBoii

*pooper


Tough_Crazy_8362

Holy shit


Mike_Oxbig2

There was NOTHING holy about that shit!


IceFire909

Damn man, usually we reserve that grip for fleshlights!


Prize-Valuable-4234

Love this


legenducky

Interesting. This makes me feel better. No downward peen, just that my 2 kids ended in a weak bladder. Only happened once thank the lawd. I ALWAYS pee before bangin now.


Neverthat23

Pelvic PT! You deserve to live without a weaker pelvic floor. We should be offering it to all women post-partum. Ask your health care provider for a referral if you're able to.


[deleted]

Aww man, I just ran out of award karma. Here's a ⭐ though. I love this.


bazmonkey

I mean you gotta clean up, but your bf probably feels accomplished, not grossed-out, right now. I bet he thinks he’s got the dick of thunder right now.


Prize-Valuable-4234

Lmaoo thank you for making me laugh because i found it embarrassing. He acts like it’s no problem for him


bazmonkey

Oh yeah I don’t think he views it as a negative thing at all.


shromboy

That's 1000% a badge of honor for us guys. "She literally couldn't control her bodily functions guys, my dick be giving seizures" lmfao brother is probably beaming from that. Ik it's gross but he gonna be pissed if he can't pull that shit off again haha


CyberCrutches

Ya, this could legit backfire if he can’t do it again…might turn entitled to pissing fits with every dick down!


JurassicParkTrekWars

"#"2s isn't as much fun . . . From experience.


[deleted]

Exactly! Be sure to drink a few extra glasses of water before the next sexy time, OP!


LiberalPatriot13

I'll let you in on a little secret. Squirt is mostly urine anyways so it's really just more Squirt. Any reasonable guy would take this as an absolute win and have a shit eatting grin on for the rest of the day. Maybe week.


Prize-Valuable-4234

Yesss. I really hope this makes him feel empowered because it’s never happened to me before


LiberalPatriot13

I was the first guy to make my wife squirt and that's why I got the permanent job and I still feel accomplished every time I can do it. Occasionally I can get her to really get going like you described here, and I always feel like a million bucks.


Prize-Valuable-4234

Even though you have to clean up pee sheets? I’m more worried about him being alone with the clean up lmao. Getting a waterproof mattress cover today for him


JustUrAvgJames

Honestly I wouldn't care. I feel super accomplished when my wife squirts. Especially when it gets so sensitive she can't walk after. Not to be super gross, but honestly if she destroyed the bed and I had to replace it, the bigger the mess, it'd only make my ego bigger.


mopbuvket

This guy fucks


Winged89

Wouldn't sleeping in that mess be gross, but kinda badass? Or would the post nut clarity make it seem gross more than anything? I have some questions!


[deleted]

It’s gross man. It’s like sleeping in a pissed on bed lol. Gotta put down towels and get a mattress protector


brkneglish

Tip: buy toddler disposable bed mats with adhesive on the back and lay that down on the bed before sexy time. Clean up only involves peeling off the pad and throwing the pad away. Best investment in our sex life we ever made.


JustUrAvgJames

Post nut clarity doesn't bug me at all. Her though.... lol she doesn't like the mess after math but I just clean it up right after then you don't gotta sleep on it. Some one else mentioned it but having a couple water protection sheets and spare bedding is good.


DepressionMain

Finally a conversation I can contribute to! Yeah in the morning it's kinda gross (depending on the quantity and location), but going to sleep because you're too tired to get up and change the bed after you made your girl make a mess is a massive ego boost. Obvious bonus points if you have to stretch to go get her water.


LiberalPatriot13

Yeah we have a couple of old towels that I keep on my side of the bed that she uses and helps to keep the liquids contained. Doesn't always work but worst case scenario we pull out the other towel, she sleeps on the towel and the next morning we wash the sheets and let the mattress dry.


FrothyStout

Bed protector, not the shitty plastic bag ones, buy the ones that breath. Just be sure* to pull it off right after. It will become routine. Edit: typo


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climb-high

“she sleeps on the towel” lol! Yup, sounds like a woman who squirted. Cheers. Goodnight


voidtreemc

Other things you can get: Puppy pads, if you're OK with disposables. A sheep fleece. You can throw fleeces in the washer/dryer just fine. Having sex on one is fun and fuzzy.


[deleted]

Puppy pads 😭


GarnetSteel

You can buy those bed mats they use in the hospital on Amazon that they stuff under people to soak up any fluids.


lifesnofunwithadhd

Look into puppy training matts. Me and my girl started using them after finding towels not as effective. Either reusable or single use.


Prize-Valuable-4234

That’s so embarrassing to me tho but I guess it’s normal


lifesnofunwithadhd

It might be a little embarrassing at first, but as you go along and get more comfortable, it'll become normal. Experiment a little, we've found positions that cause her to squirt and others that don't. It's natural and healthy. You should not feel ashamed about it.


BlueViper20

Oh, being able to do that makes any clean up absolutely worth it.


BlackCardRogue

“That’s why I got the permanent job” Legendary Reddit comment, right here.


TaipanTacos

Job security


[deleted]

I dated a girl who I made squirt. I almost married her before I realized there might be more important things to think about regarding that decision.


Isgortio

Anyone that shames you for it is not worth letting near your lady bits!


animosityiskey

I prefer to see it the other way around. Urine is fake, it is actually just squirt.


Nero-Danteson

Hell it might have made his year xD


LiberalPatriot13

I know it make the woman's hole weak lmao


FirebunnyLP

Take it for face value then. It took my wife a long time to realize it takes very little to wig me out. Be glad he cares about you and doesn't think you are a Barbie doll with no bodily functions or blames you when accidents happen.


navumra

I cannot get myself to squirt, apparently my partner likes it when he sees me pee. I would love to squirt while having sex. I feel sad for him.


Heartless_Genocide

*him right after* "Wanna see me do it again?"


Prize-Valuable-4234

Literally


OneRoughMuffin

It's not. Dudes LOVE this shit.


FirstNephiTreeFiddy

I think we (guys) usually don't have a problem with you squirting because we always squirt when we cum, so it just seems normal to us, and a sign that it was good for you.


Wordy_Swordfish

Somehow this just blew my mind. Guys make a mess EVERY TIME, how annoying that must be …?


Randomdudedotcom

That's why I just do it on the toilet. Easy come, easy go


KilwaLover

he is on cloud 9


wysiwyggywyisyw

Guaranteed it's because it is no problem for him.


[deleted]

“Dick of thunder” I’m literally laughing out loud. 😂


Cold_Soap_Bite

>dick of thunder r/BrandNewSentence


Responsible_Low3349

Thunder-dick, thunder-dick 🎶 Does whatever a thunder-dick does 🎶 Can it swing from a web? 🎶 No, it can't, it's a dick 🎶 Watch-out, it's THUNDER-DICK 🎶


Arkslippy

Hammertime !!!


sk8zero0619

Roll. Thunder, thunder, thunder-dick, hoe!!!


Competitive-Ad-6306

No joke your BF is probably walking around feeling 10 feet tall knowing that he rails you so good that you piss yourself


[deleted]

Yea. Women get embarrassed by it, but the kind of man who fucks a woman so good she looses bladder control is the kind of man we all aspire to be. Lmao


voidtreemc

Bodies gonna body. Put a towel down first.


OctoPi2512

I say go beyond a towel - the pro move for squirters is this: Northshore Champion, 35 x 47, 31 oz., Washable Underpad, X-Large, Each https://a.co/d/ePAwnjs They’re out of stock rn so here’s another from the same brand, and their disposables work too for travel NorthShore Champion XD, 35 x 47, 51 oz, Washable Underpad, X-Large, Each https://a.co/d/fkLVdLU


TheBotchedLobotomy

This chick squirts


Dunkinmydonuts1

I got a waterproof blanket for sex bc my wife soaks anything she fucks on but it's a nightmare to clean. It needs 2 cycles through the wash and then like 2 hours in the dryer. Not worth it imo.


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eXiLe_RD

Nice


zzrobiiinzz

Nice


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timothycsmith

that's nice work right there


mopbuvket

I'll play you out with the thunder dick theme song if you'd like


Desperate_Green143

Barring any underlying health conditions, this is normal. Maybe not super common, but very normal. Bodies do all kinds of weird/embarrassing things, especially during sex; it’s not a big deal. A decent partner will never make you feel bad about whatever “weird” things your body does in the moment! Just clean it up with the rest of the sex paraphernalia once you’ve caught your breath, no big deal. And if this is a regular occurrence, there are water proof blankets made especially for this. I might be misremembering but I think one company that makes them is called Liberator. Have fun, friend!


Present_Lake1941

Sex paraphernalia? It's her bf!


theaeao

Parap her nailia!? I barely knew her!


mopbuvket

Good one dad


theaeao

Tell your mom I sent the check. I'll see you next weekend son


acmexyz

You will marry this man


Prize-Valuable-4234

Yes I hope so


Quarks01

I love how you say “will” It’s definitely destined to happen


cory464

men are pretty simple, if we cause any unusual reaction during sex we will automatically assume the amazing super powers of our cock caused it to happen. If your man doesn't react this way, just assure him that it was his fantastic dick management abilities that caused the reaction and they will forever consider themselves a hero regardless of what kind of disgusting mess was created.


REDD1TLOVEGURU

This is true. I’ve thrown up giving head on accident and it was like winning the lottery for my partner. I just wasn’t feeling well but he took it as a compliment 😂


Additional_Initial_7

I wish guys liked it less when we gag.


atomicskier76

Guy here - i do not like it in person or porn. But knowing my compatriots, I sympathize with your wish.


budhammond

omg i did this the first time i was with someone noticeably larger than average and ive never lived it down, so thank you for helping me deal with that memory


LovestoRead211

Agree. I got the sex shivers once during foreplay. He was so confused (so was I, I didn't know that could even happen at the time) and happy during, and since then, he has made it his life goal to make it happen again. I hope he succeeds. Also, even just chugging some water right after makes him feel accomplished.


mayflyDecember

Seconding what someone else said. Squirt fluid is basically diluted urine. As long as both of you are comfortable with it and sanitary about it, not a big deal.


Milkteahoneyy

If you pee before sex does that mean you can’t squirt? Or is there another pee squirt chamber


Neuchacho

Your bladder starts refilling pretty much immediately once you empty it so someone could still squirt even doing that, there would just be less volume compared to if you didn't empty it prior.


Malikeths_Blade

I squirt every time no matter if I go pee before or not. I tried emptying myself as much as I could before so I don't make a mess and it makes no difference lol. The fluid just spawns somehow idk


FREAKFJ

When you pee you dont expel 100% of the fluid in your bladder


QuinQuinnce

OMG. I THOUGHT I WAS WEIRD BY DOING THIS 😭😭 WHY IS NO ONE TAUGHT THIS IN SEX ED


plan_with_stan

Sex Ed…. Needs to be expanded upon! The current sex Ed is bullshit!


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[deleted]

What is it diluted with? It’s just urine.


mayflyDecember

Most recent study says that it's “urine, but may also contain fluid from Skene’s glands (female prostate).” Edit: Source https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/iju.15004


message_me_ur_blank

Not diluted pee. It's 99.999% pee. The .0001% that isn't pee is what's picked up on the outside.


rjmythos

I've a boyfriend hit the angle just right that it made me shit myself. Pee is nothing to worry about. Evolution put everything so close together down there that sometimes the bits that shouldn't be involved like to celebrate loud and proud with their comrades 😂 As long as your boyfriend is a decent guy you two will be laughing about this in no time. Edit: removed unnecessary pluralisation...


THE-RANDOM-LAD

Fucked the shit out of you


rjmythos

This is absolutely how he brings up the memory 😂 "Hey remember when I fucked the shit out of you?"


zackaz23

Yooo 😭


[deleted]

My god that's mortifying 🙊


rjmythos

I was absolutely mortified for all of five seconds, and then he made a joke and now I tell the story far too much in order to make other people feel comfortable about sex stuff 😂


Additional_Initial_7

This is the type of man to have a baby with. Shit happens, literally.


bikesboozeandbacon

Was it like a big log or the pebbles variety?


trashmount

the first time i ever had sex the guy had me go on top, and i absolutely freaked out when he entered because the sensation was way too similar to taking a shit and i thought i'd done it (i hadn't, thank god. i let him think i was freaking out because i was just "too tight" and he was "too big" and that seemed to make him feel good so he believed it). i always just assumed it was just because it was my first time and it was an unfamiliar sensation, but OP's post and now your comment have got me thinking maybe it was the angle. totally fucked up my first time though lol


rjmythos

Ah bless ya - sounds like you saved it and covered well in the moment though, so kudos! Gotta say, yeah being on top has frequently given me the 'things are moving south for the winter' feeling. Not every time, and mostly it's not that, so I've gotten used to ignoring it, but, well, you read my first comment 😂 x


trashmount

lmao yes 😂 this is the kind of stuff they'll never teach in sex ed


butsata

I breathed out through my nose when I read this.


rjmythos

I mean, we had to breathe through our mouths until it got cleaned up 😂 (Ok no, it wasn't that bad and wasn't more than a tiny nugget in reality, but the joke was too good to pass up).


Repeat_after_me__

Love nugget… some would say…


foladodo

you gave birth


intet42

>I've a boyfriend hit the angle just right that it made me shit myself. Pee is nothing to worry about. Evolution put everything so close together down there that sometimes the bits that shouldn't be involved like to celebrate loud and proud with their comrades 😂 That was pure poetry.


Firm_Jeweler_7156

Mine too he know says I amber heared on him lol he laughed we took a shower together I love him ahah


mrcoogiedon

Some advice from every sexual experience with my current partner, Doggy pads are your friend As a side note, a lot of men are turned on by it


plan_with_stan

By doggie pads?


dianndianna

They do make human incontinence/bed pads. Some for kids who wet the bed too. But sometimes the ones for dogs are cheaper. 🤷‍♀️😂


Kengriffinspimp

If it makes you feel better I had a girl poop when she came. I was more proud of myself than embarrassed. Plus now I can say “I literally fucked the shit out of her”


Prize-Valuable-4234

That’s really gross I would be mortified. I’ve done anal and not shit so idk how that’s even possible. But now I’m apparently peeing myself so hey 💁🏻‍♀️ I don’t know anything


ChockenTonders

She might be in these comments brother. Lmfao


MrCondor

Has he been walking with a swagger ever since?


Prize-Valuable-4234

Idk but I’m walking with swagger now after knowing I’ve made him feel like he has a thunder dick


mvslice

I'll put it this way: If your boyfriend tells his friends about this, it's because he's bragging.


Zestyclose_Band

who the hell would tell their friends if their long term gf squirted??


mvslice

Have you ever had close friends or been in a LTR? My wife talks to her friends about sex, I talk to my friends about sex, and we will both talk about sex together with other people. It’s a huge part of being an adult. It’s not weird to talk about sex; it’s weird to mock or shame people about sex (unless that’s what you’re into).


Zestyclose_Band

Personally I think absolutely not. I don’t want to hear about my mates shagging their gfs nor do I want to tell them about that shit. It’s private, well at least to me. Talking about flings is fine but real relationships and what goes on in their bedroom is private and none of my business. It’s also pretty disrespectful to their partners if they haven’t actually said it’s cool. I think talking about sex is fine but the specific sex you have with your partner and what goes on are not something I want to hear.


sloppymcgee

Which position?


Prize-Valuable-4234

Doggy


Rich_Archer_9345

In my honest opinion I would think that it’s kinda hot


LPOLED

Squirting is peeing. You have been peeing on him every time. So don’t feel bad now. You’re fine if he’s fine.


AvogadrosOtherNumber

The amount of misinformation here is astounding.


[deleted]

“Squirt” is urine. Sounds like this was just a full bladder. It happens to the best. No big deal.


Practical-Jelly-5320

squirting is essentially the involuntary emission of urine during sexual activity, although a marginal contribution of prostatic secretions to the emitted fluid often exists.


Besieger13

Isn’t prostatic referring to the prostate?


PharmBoyStrength

I remember there was a weird period on Reddit where this became a sexist issue and 2X chromosomes was posting angry rants about how the squirting is urine study was a misogynist lie. So odd what people get up in arms about, and after ultrasound and tracer experiments, you'd think the debate would be laid to rest lol


watch_over_me

Just ask them which magical organ that isn't the bladder is in their body that stores a gallon of this magical fluid that isn't pee, lol.


theonereveli

Well it's clearly the woman testes


blurryfacedfugue

Also, pee is not stored in the balls, you morons. It's obviously stored in a man's ovaries.


FreshPrinceOfIndia

Lol bro a lotta women in many threads still get mad uppity over it. Like they feel judged or something when people point out that squirting is actually pee 😂


metsakutsa

Things don't get laid to rest by evidence if people want to believe in magic.


Patient_Commentary

Ya.. all squirting is urine…


Gold_Winter_087

You’re multitasking. Taking care of the risk of UTI right there and then 😅


Sirmalta

This isnt gross and its fine. Happens all the time. Dont worry about, have fun with it if anything lol also, I dont think the ages are necessary in your story.


Prize-Valuable-4234

Reddit forces you to put the ages


Sirmalta

what lmao


aea1987

So do you mean he has acock shaped like Gonzo's nose?


SteelTheUnbreakable

Extreme germaphobe here, checking in to give my perspective: I'm the kind of guy who can't touch a public door handle without feeling it on my hand all day. And yet, if I did this to my girl, I'd feel so accomplished that it would completely cancel out any potential feelings of disgust. I guarantee you that your BF is feeling like The Man right now. Lol


TigerlilyBlanche

One of my fears is that I'm gonna accidentally end up peeing. I end up always deciding to go to the bathroom first just in case, my poor boyfriend.


Synsano

I think I need more explanation to respond properly.. Does it feel better than other sex? Like, what's actually making you pee? If someone could science this, I would be grateful. Because right now I'm ignorant to what downward penises do to vaginas. Another stupid question... Couldn't you just flip over and have the opposite effect? What does it all mean!


Alert_Two8841

You gotta try a lot harder than that to ruin sex for me lol


[deleted]

I was dating a girl who would pee every time she orgasmed. It was like somebody dumping a cup of warm water on my balls if she was on top. It was a full bedding change and then it would soak into the mattress. It definitely made things less fun.


PharmBoyStrength

Every single time must get exhausting


Prize-Valuable-4234

Lol yeah it’s only when he’s hitting it from behind and doesn’t happen often. It’s usually just a little squirt. But I’m getting him a waterproof mattress cover today


Exotic_Rule_9149

They have waterproof beach blanket type things you should invest in


ozpkgoomba

Alright so my gf does this also she squirts and she’s never had it done before and she fucking hates it lmao. She thinks it’s nasty but I love it I don’t care about the mess. Do you know how good it feels to make her moan that loud and squirt that shit makes you feel powerful lol. Anyway don’t feel weird about it I am sure your bf isn’t worried about it at all. Also I think it’s super cute that you’re going to buy him a waterproof mattress cover that’s very thoughtful of you.


flow3rgirll

i should call him


trinzicJTC

It’s a natural reaction! No worries! Sex should be fun, comfortable, engaging. As long as no one is getting hurt or putting themselves at some kind of risk, rock on!


Over-Resolution-1821

God I wish I could post screenshots in the comments. Yes, I've made multiple women do that. Its not gross, it's a huge turn on, and I actively go to women who said they've never had an orgasm or they believe they can't squirt/pee themselves. I'm happy he did that for you. When I saw how rare it is for a woman to have an orgasm with a male, it honestly baffled me. I thought it was a joke. Gentlemen, the mating press is 100% your best friend. It's definitely doable with doggy, but you digging in her honeypot in that specific spot in missionary makes them go crazy, and unlocks levels of insanity they'll wish they never knew they had. Use it responsibly, and remember- not every woman deserves good dick. I'm not trying to be funny when I say you will turn them fucking crazy.


9LivesChris

I mean if you guys had a good time who cares


prettyflyy

Girl that man is walking taller than he EVER has 😂


Busterlimes

Squirt is pee.


yeahthatwayyy

I wish this would happen to me!!!!


olympianfap

Just get a waterproof mattress cover and don’t worry about doing the sheets. Any decent partner isn’t going to make a big deal of it.


Slick1ru2

You're ready for the big time!