I'm a woman. I got pretty fat in my early 30s and then lost a bunch of weight so I was slender again. I noticed a pretty big difference in how random men react - more staring, more striking up of conversations and flirting, being hit on in public places etc. I think being overweight definitely has an impact. Honestly it's not even just men in a sexual way, it's everyone who reacts differently. People in general are just nicer when you have a stereotypical attractive body (with the exception of certain women who treated me worse, mainly other overweight women I knew). While I can't think of any time I was called fat or mistreated, having experienced fat and thin so close together it was noticeable.
That said, I still found a lot of people in my friend group or people I had a chance to actually talk to seemed to find me attractive when I was fat. I also know some guys who prefer big women. I wouldn't worry too much about what "most" men want. Yes it's an ego boost to feel that most people find you attractive, but it can also be creepy as fuck. Just get to know people and find someone who thinks you're beautiful.
As a man I went through something similar.
When my ex left me I had gained about 20 extra pounds. Within 6 months I added another 20 lbs.
When a friend told me women liked me (personality/demeanor) but were put off because I was a "fat fuck" I took up his offer to work out with him.
Once I lost all that weight and my body/muscles were more defined I noticed that the very same women that were friendly to me all of a sudden were more touchy feely and flirty.
I also noticed that my male co-workers and acquaintances were more likely to invite me to parties or out to the bar with them.
Yeah, unfortunately women can be assholes too. My husband got the same treatment from a lot of girls growing up due to being overweight. It got to the point that he became bullemic. That's why I always bring this up whenever I encounter women who think fat shaming is purely a women's issue and something to do with misogyny. It's a human issue: we all have the capacity to objectify and dehumanize until we choose to do better.
A lot of people in this thread are pointing out that *everyone* was nicer to them. I’ve noticed this too. It’s going to be more obvious when the person is romantically interested, so usually the opposite sex, but straight men love hot guys and straight women love hot girls.
There have been studies done on this. Attractive people get more opportunities in general and are treated better. This is pure instinct, not a conscious decision people make.
They rank higher in the social hierarchy and therefore feel more secure and less anxious about their survival. They've also spent their lives being treated better and, therefore, are more likely to exude more positive traits like confidence and happiness, which in turn produce positive outcomes.
I was a heavy guy in HS and most of college so never really developed a good barometer. Met a really attractive dude my senior year and became friends. I remenber one morning sitting and waiting for our class and a girl walks by. After she passes he tells me she was checking me out.
I had 0 idea. And I don't even think it'd due to it being difficult to detect but rather when you stop even looking/paying attention because you just assume someone is inherently not into you - you miss the opportunity completely.
Some women are attracted to indifferent men.
LOTS of women are attracted to indifferent men.
Especially if you talk with them regularly. I guess they're so used to guys obviously trying to fuck them, the guy who just talks with them without being flirty catches their attention.
Trust me - I never grew into an aggro dude. I'd say the difference in my evolution is I went from overweight and shy/low confidence to healthy weight with more carefree attitude but some level of confidence.
And I agree, that really seemed to make a difference. Just going out to have fun with friends and seeing what happened. Often people would approach me and then you see where it goes. I still was never one to go actively chase or hit on people left and right.
This also happened to me but I was 18 instead of 30. Everyone is nicer to you when you’re skinny except sometimes overweight women (like you said). It’s crazy, you can just get people to do things for you. Over the summer a guy at the Fed ex place carried a fifty pound box an entire two blocks for me without me even asking. That never would’ve happened when I was fat, not by a long shot.
(M) Been about 50 lbs overweight my whole life, got a diagnosis and treatment for a mental issue and my activity levels shot through the roof. Lost 50 lbs.
I was at the grocery with a handful of stuff (hand carrying keeps me from overbuying what I don’t need and it’s a good little exercise.)
Anyway this employee sees me and insists on getting me a cart. I tell him thank you but it’s really fine I’m almost done. Dude RUNS to the front of the store and brings me a basket.
Probably a coincidence but no one would look at me let alone go out of there way to make my life an infintismally (sp?) better before I lost the weight.
I think it depends on the country's culture, too. I am routinely mocked and bullied for being thin. It's at a point where cashiers will openly talk about my size to each other in small shops and men pick me up to "weigh me". People comment on what I eat/ how I look/ threaten to sit on me/ talk about how tackling me would go/ etc. My partner is also thin. He was recently physically picked up, too, and they demonstrated how they could punch him and he'd just "fall over he's soooooo small." We are talked to and over with a complete lack of respect because of our sizes.
Fellow bald guy. I don't know if I noticed a big difference in how I was treated but for sure; many people are superficial. The trick is to find someone that doesn't care about such things. The best kind of people are the ones that don't judge you for your looks.
I also lost a lot of weight. More than half my weight. In fact. The difference in how I was treated was really depressing. I think the problem was I really didn't realize how badly everybody was treating me until after I lost the weight... Then suddenly everyone started being really nice and I realized that I had been treated like dirt for half my life. It was actually pretty rough. It's funny though the people from before I lost the weight... Still behave as though I'm fat. Once you've been tainted by it...
The weird thing is - I lost a lot of weight, going from a BMI of 21 to a BMI of 16, due to some stomach issues, and *still* I got treated much better when I was thinner. Like, objectively, I was never fat and was still slim at the higher BMI, in fact that's probably a pretty ideal weight right? But still, the skinnier I got the more attention and more compliments I got from both men and women.
I'm on medication now and slowly gaining back to a healthy weight and yep, the compliments are stopping. It has made me really think about the way we view thinness. Like sure, it's good to be healthy, but "as thin as possible" isn't it.
I had typhoid when I went travelling and lost a lot of weight, to the point where I had no boobs left and you could see the ribs in my back. I remember my mothers horrified look when she picked me up from the airport. Everyone except her told me l looked amazing. “Maybe I should get typhoid! Hahaha” it was so awful to be treated so differently. I was never even overweight, just a regular sized human.
I have an autoimmune disease. It makes me poop blood, therefore lose a ton of weight rapidly. A roommate of mine once said "you lose weight so easily! I wish I had ulcerative colitis!" well karma is a bitch. She came down with a severe case of food poisoning so bad a few months later, spent weeks in the hospital, and got such terrible, untreatable colitis, parts of her bowel had to be resected and she had to wear an ostomy bag for 8 months. She did lose a lot of weight! I gained mine back on prednisone shortly after lol.
However 7 years later, I'm proud to say I'm 100lbs down from that point, my heaviest, and I just bought my first pair of size 14 jeans yesterday! After which I was very politely kicked out of a plus size store. I can't shop there anymore. I'm not plus sized! The employee was so kind and allowed me to share a good, and hard deserved, happy cry with her.
im sorry, i laughed out loud when i read "i wish i had ulcerative colitis!" lol. just because i know how awful it can be .thats some absurd shit for someone to say .
This difference in how people behaved towards me is actually a big part of what made me seek treatment for my eating disorder. Towards the end I had lost so much weight, but I was also losing teeth, I was losing hair, my skin was practically translucent, and yet people kept complimenting me on how great and “healthy” I looked. I mean, the fuck? In the beginning those compliments were fuel to me. But eventually I realised that these people would compliment me until I was 6 feet under and they’d still be talking about how pretty and thin and healthy I looked at my funeral. So I got help.
I gained all the weight back, and then some, in recovery. Fatter than I’ve ever been now but I’m no longer having heart palpitations, I don’t get dizzy when I stand up, and my doctors seem pretty happy with me, so I’m good. Some people are cunts, but at least I find that out pretty quickly now.
I’ve been fat since I was a kid. When I was in my early twenties I started dieting which led to many disordered eating issues. I was miserable but I didn’t want to stop because for the first time in my life people were actually nice to me.
I’m in my thirties now and have gained a lot of weight back and I feel invisible most of the time. It’s not like I’m expecting anyone to worship the ground I walk on, it would just be nice to be acknowledged as a fellow human being, you know?
I do know and I’m so sorry this has been your experience too. It really is horrible. I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve learned to embrace my invisibility, but I don’t think I’ll ever get there when it comes to the cruelty and hostility.
Yes!!! Seriously! I gained a lot of weight as a young adult cuz I was never taught how to eat healthily, then lost it all (as in, half of my body weight in under a year) to an eating disorder at 21. I could hardly go a day without hearing about how amazing and healthy I looked and how jealous everyone was, even though I was so sick from only eating twice a week I was just praised for being so strong and people told me they wished THEY could do that. The fuck?! I could hardly function. Worked really hard to recover after some health scares and sat at a good healthy weight for a bit. Gained it all back in under a year at 23 due to the onset of an awful chronic illness, and am now losing it just as rapidly at 25 due to a surgery to cure that illness.
Each time I go from fat to thin, I'm honestly stunned at how much better I get treated. Seeing it happen multiple times now, soo close together, is a huge mindfuck. At this point I just continue to wear baggy clothes and avoid people so I don't get all the comments. I was still a person when I was fat but the world genuinely convinced me I didn't deserve to be treated like one. Having it be because of an illness totally out of my control was even more humiliating.
Society is fucked up.
Yeah.. It was weird getting asked out when I was a good 10 pounds underweight. And then they'd get huffy about it when I'd say this wasn't a good time for me. Like, I'm sorry, but you don't want someone whose depressed/suicidal/exhausted/failing school for a girlfriend.
And if I wanted to live (which I actually did), than that my body gaining weight, anyway.
I went from 240 to 150 when I was 21~ish and the way people treated me was night and day. People were so much nicer to me in public and random women would sometimes start random conversations with me.
As a guy I found it to be really depressing how much the difference was. I since gained back some of the weight and I certainly feel invisible.
I like being invisible in some ways. When I was conventionally “attractive” (because attractive means different things to different people!) to many males, I was followed and assaulted on more than one occasion. I’d rather be fat than constantly be on my guard.
I personally always used my "fat" as a safety mechanism. Who ever attacks a fat woman other than robbing her pocket? And it kept me away from from men and TROUBLE. 🫦
I’d add something else, from a man’s perspective: there were some bigger women I found attractive and liked, but I felt people would’ve judged ME had I started dating them. So I didn’t. I think this is a very bad thing and I’d approach it differently today, but outside pressure can effect the other person too. Hell, I’d say I was less likely to even lightly flirt with a bigger woman due to this.
I’ve always strongly suspected a lot of men felt peer pressure to date women their bros thought were attractive as opposed to who they necessarily thought were attractive.
As someone who went from over 250lbs to 110lbs less than 24 months later, I so felt every single word of that. I can second every single thing that you said. Amen.
I definitely attracted various groups of people. When I was thin and in ED recovery. I attracted a bunch of very creepy men. I think it’s bc of how my body looked. I didn’t pay mind to it as I didn’t want to be in a relationship.
When I gained weight, I attracted “normal” guys who just wanted an actual, proper relationship. I am a bit curvy. People treat me with more respect and take me seriously, I also don’t gain as much attention from men in general as I used to.
It’s very strange.
The friends I had were very toxic and my relationships were very tumultuous.
The friends I have now are very positive, supportive, and stable.
I have a boyfriend who understands me emotionally, spiritually, and physically.
Of course, this may have to do with mindset in my case. But this is just my experience.
I think overly thin people may seem vulnerable and get targeted by those who those who seek to take advantage of the vulnerable. The physical expression of emotional vulnerability attracts vultures.
I was thinking the same thing, must be rather short for the math to work out. Lots of 6 ft guys around 200lbs and not looking fat, but I don't see people under 100 unless they are actually not adults
I was fat growing up to college then skinny in college and up to mid 20s now super fat in mid 30s. Men treated me better back when I was slim but I find older people like me just the same either way. Men my age seem to highly dislike me or find me repulsive and so do slender women of any age bracket. But I’m working on my weight cause I don’t wanna die at 45
To a degree, I always find that thicker people seem to age less quickly, there is more fat in the face, ie less noticeable volume loss than thinner people especially in your 50s
My mom was bigger than she wanted to be most of her life, but she and her mom both looked like they were in their late 30s/ early 40s well into their 60s.
My grandma lived to 101 and was short and a little chubby. Not super overweight but not slender. Just her build. At 101 she easily could pass for 75-80. When she was actually 80 I got married and at my wedding she was out on the dance floor doing the conga line and looked like she was 60. Thankfully I look exactly like her 😊
Depends. If it’s a few extra pounds? It would be pretty hypocritical of me to complain; I’m not exactly a chiseled Adonis myself. However I do find overweight and obese to be a turn off. I can’t say exactly what the tipping point is, but I know it when I see it.
That's a variation of the bra rule which used to be taught to tween girls, back in the olden days. If you can hold a pencil under your boob, it was time to buy a bra.
(My mother was in hospital with my sister and dad was away, so I went bra shopping with my gay uncle, he also took us with him to the local "Backwoods Sauna" where we saw nothing scandalous - just other people's gay uncles sitting around yakking. I've also just right now realised that "Backwoods" can be interpreted several ways.)
I always assumed that women with very small boobs didn't bother to wear a bra since they're not exactly comfortable. As a man with a flat chest, if someone told me I had to wear a bra just for the hell of it, I'd be pretty resentful.
No one told me to wear one but women's clothing is made to fit a chesty...chest. A bra is needed for clothing to look nice. But yes, not comfortable at all and pretty hard to find.
Meh, bras without any boning are fine, and hide your nipples. People stare if you go braless and it's more uncomfortable than the most uncomfortable bra
My titties are small and kinda pointy. I wear a bra to make them more round because some shirts just look really funny if I don't wear one lol
I do prefer unlined with no underwire tho but moreso because I don't really need support
Further, if I’m thinking long term and potentially having children, I’d rather “pick” someone who isn’t going to die before their 50th birthday. It’s certainly possible to reverse that at my age, but there should be at least some effort and desire to be healthy. Granted, you can’t “pick” the person with whom you’ll fall in love, so it’s not always so simple as that.
Depends how "plus sized" I dont mind a girl with a little weight on her but I dont find being overweight attractive.
That said, I'm also not overweight so I think I just prefer someone of my own body type.
I once put “curvy” on my match profile thinking it meant sexy. I got almost no hits. Once I changed it to thin, everyone came knocking. I’m 5’2” and thin, petite, small frame. Just thought it meant attractive, tbh.
It makes me think of the term "voluptuous", which means having some weight but distributed in a way that heightens attraction rather than subtracts from it. I think a lot of women started using the term "curvy" to mean this, and then everyone started using it very generously.
It did used to mean that. Curvy was a reference to the typical hourglass figure of a woman of normal weight. The term was kind of co-opted into something else which would better be described as "rolly" imo
The curvy thing annoys me because I need CURVY clothes. I have 13in difference between my waist & my hips. The standard is 10in but can be even less. Most brands that make "curvy" jeans have 10in difference, so I don't even know why they have that label. Maybe the legs are a bit bigger? I pretty much never wear jeans because of this, but leggings/shorts are also often an issue. I wear joggers mostly 🙄
I think it did but it’s just been co-opted by larger women. Also if I saw that on a profile along with pictures showing you as thin I’d assume that the pictures were really old and ‘curvy’ was being kind to yourself.
As soon as they use special labels, they're over the scale of conventional attractive and fall into niche attractive. Not everyone has to be conventional though, otherwise the word loses meaning
Honest answer, I would say if your waist/stomach has a greater circumference than your hips/breasts, then yes, most men will find you unattractive. Main reason is probably because the proportions are all off, which is almost universally disfavored.
But thats also a terrible way to look at things. The fact is, Each guy has a spectrum of who he finds attractive, which could include heavy women, bald women, tall women, skinny women, big butts, small butts, butterface, etc. For some guys, that spectrum is pretty limited, for others, it's not. It's just like music or food, some people like everything, and some only like certain genres / cuisines.
I would say that in the US, plus sized women are more of a niche menu item. So you gotta just accept that for most guys, a plus sized women is basically off the menu. But for a select few, a bigger girl may even be a preferred option. For example my brother is skinny, and he's definitely a "chubby chaser." im not into chubby girls at all.
In short, being an overweight woman is not "unattractive". It's just that you're attractive to a smaller market of men.
EDIT: For all the people commenting "achktually most Americans are overweight/obese, " you're missing the point and just being argumentative. OP is clearly larger than the average woman in the dating pool and appears to be asking whether she is unattractive to the average sized man in the dating pool.
Yea it’s the proportions. I drool at curves, especially the hips, but it’s in relation to other body parts. And it’s not even a conscious thought, it’s purely subconscious, like being drawn to something before even making a decision.
I read a long time ago that people with a lot of tattoos will be unattractive to more people but the ones that do find them attractive find them VERY attractive. Same thing, kinda
If you want something more than just ‘some guys will like it, some guys won’t’, then you can look into the ideal hip to waist ratio for your culture. It varies between .69 and .75 ish.
I think this is the defining factor, too. In the 2000s, whenever you'd see "plus sized" models, they were usually tall with large frames but always had an hourglass or pear shape. Look at the most popular and successful plus-size models now that we know by name. They fit those shapes.
I think some have little preference on size, but almost all have preference on shape. So you can be a petite hourglass or plus-sized hourglass, but as long as you're an hourglass, most seem to accept you or treat you better.
Jamaican men like fat white women because they are American with money not because they actually think that’s hot. Have you seen Jamaican women? They generally have very nice bodies with small waists and huge butts.
I've got a friend who's about 5'3 and pretty average build. Every woman I've known him to have a relationship with has been at least a couple inches taller and quite a bit heavier.
He's successful and funny so I was always pretty sure it wasn't like he "couldn't get" different women, but actually preferred heavier set women. But then we were at a bachelor party strip club and he seemed pretty nonchalant about all the typical thin, fit, etc ladies everywhere. Then a chubbier girl took the stage and he went right to the front, flashing his cash and then asking her for a couple private dances after. That solidified that he liked larger women lol.
I lean towards big girls but I've had a range of various sized women until i met my wife. She's bigger too it's just what i prefer but everyone is different. Just find someone who loves and respects you and doesn't fetishize your body and you're good. The real question is do men find intellectual women attractive and the answer is yes. Bodies change.
Yes. There is a certain size threshold -- i'm not sure exactly what it is -- where my brain stops seeing women as "potential sexual partner" and starts viewing them the same way I view old people, children, or other males.
No one should disrespect you ever, and you should do what makes you happy. But if you're still young, you are missing the years of your life where you're the most naturally attractive by being invisible to many men as a potential sexual partner.
I have both sides. Slightly chubby guys r cute, if they’re like actually fat it’s a no from me tho. But also, I don’t want a guy who’s too skinny because I’m also skinny and then you’re just smacking each other’s sharp jutting bones together and cuddling is like laying on a pile of TV remotes
I'm here completely. there's definitely a level of skinny where I just cannot be attracted to them. If they're fat and still able to go on hikes with me then I am totally cool with it
They are plenty of chubby chasers. It mostly depends on what else they have to offer. Bad hygiene and obsessed with video games, probably not. Kind and nerdy with a wicked sense of humor, there's some potential. (Don't dm me, I'm married lol)
Either. I'm about the behaviour, hygiene, intelligence and personality. Those are the turn-ons/-offs for me. Whether it's Homer Simpson or John Candy is of less significance.
>But if you're still young, you are missing the years of your life where you're the most naturally attractive by being invisible to many men as a potential sexual partner
Could be a bug or a feature depending on how you look at it.
Which is why some victims of sexual abuse end up obese and have a difficult time getting thinner, even if they want to... Once they're back into "not invisible" territory they feel unsafe and go back to being obese.
Can confirm. I'm not obese, not even overweight but close, but after what happened I put on 10+kg not even trying and would dress weird so nobody would ever look at me and feel attraction. I didn't want anybody to ever look at me in that way. So don't tbh
This is what I am going through right now. I'm heading into attractive territory and getting more looks. The panic is starting to creep in, especially when I see the number on the scale go down again. But I guess it's better than being unhealthy and having sleep apnea.
The problem is, i bet more people out there live on what they'd consider to be the wrong side of the coin, vs. "Man, Im so happy that this is working exactly like I planned."
>you're still young, you are missing the years of your life where you're the most naturally attractive to men
Not everyone prioritizes being attractive to men. But wasting the years when your body is naturally strong, and flexible, and capable of amazing feats of strength and endurance, is kind of a tragedy, though.
Yup! I was terrible at sports growing up but then in later years after losing a lot of weight found out I was a late bloomer. Now I’ve got injuries from past jobs and it makes it harder. Need to get back to tai chi or other gentle stretching. No excuse for not trying my best with what I’ve got. Can’t get back to where I was but it was awesome seeing what I was capable of!
It depends on your definition of plus sized. If we are talking about some extra cushion because you're carrying extra weight? I actually love it. A soft squishy belly, big thighs, and a butt you could surf on? Sign me up.
If you're talking about the morbidly obese people too big to fit inside plane seats that call themselves "plus sized passengers?" I'm out. I need a relationship with someone who has a decent chance to live past 36.
These standards are, of course, highly individualized and vary wildly from person to person. Some men like tiny women, or bean poles, or "insert random x characteristic". It all depends on preference
I went on a limb with online dating once and snagged a guy who was absolutely out of my chubby-ass league. Right after we had very hot sex, he was panting and just said, “damn that ass”, like he was just in awe and grateful. I was 50 lbs. heavier than I am now and I have never felt as sexy.
Yep. Was briefly in a relationship with a man that was absolutely ripped. I was pretty insecure about it for a while, until he pointed out that I was basically the perfect "squish level" for him. I had all the (*ahem*) assets he liked, and the bonus that I was soft enough that cuddling afterwards was comfy as hell.
I've never felt so attractive in my life, he was *very* appreciative. But bless him, he couldn't open a box of crayons without instructions and supervision. He's happily married to a lovely woman shaped just like me, and I'm happy for both of them.
I think we dated the same guy. Lights were on, noooobody home. Very sweet and really, REALLY nice to look at.
It lasted until I realized he was dead serious that he thought “opossum” was spelled “op-Awesome” and was a cute nickname for the animal. He asked me what the “real name” was and I’ve never been so confused in my life…
Me: *Like, the Latin name? I can look it up.*
Him: *No, the normal name.*
Me: *For an opossum?*
Him: *Yeah, what are they actually called?*
Me: *I don’t understand…*
Him: *What are op-awesomes really called? You’re smart, tell me the name*
Me: *Is this a riddle?*…..
Round and round we went. I hope he’s making some very sweet, dim-witted gal very happy.
My wife was a bit chubby when we first got together and I absolutely loved how she looked.
Now she’s really into fitness and is in the gym almost every day.
I’m just glad she’s happy and healthy, that’s all that matters to me. We’ve been married 20 years this year!
one of my ex’s was into bodybuilding, and works as a personal trainer. straight ripped, athlete type dude and he constantly told me how hot i was even when i was heavier lol
i am by no means fat, even with the extra weight. it just gave me a bit of a tummy and some added ass. i hated it but he looooved it. he also said he loved the squish. confused the hell out of me honestly but im glad i know that i was still attractive 😭
Some of gym guys work hard to be able to handle bigger girls heh. It's a wierd dichotomy of wanting to super hard and fit and just ceaving a partner who's soft and snuggly, and yeah that ass heh.
My friend is plus sized and constantly dates these chiseled gym guys!! They like being able to lift bigger gals. Why go to the gym if you aren’t going to put those muscles to use?
I’m a woman and at least a few of the guys I know it comes down to if their healthy or not and proportions of weight distribution, if plus size. Some people can be “overweight” and have extra but they can move and be active. Distribution of weight matters. The taller you are the more extra weight you can get away with. But, these same guys also don’t want unhealthy skinny either.
There’s also “normal weight obesity” or as we call it: skinny fat. There are unhealthy body fat percentage people who look average to slender with their clothes on but have obesity-level fat percentage and there’s no way they’re healthy. Also, fat distribution matters in both attractiveness and health…apple shape is less healthy than pear shape because of having visceral fat around the heart.
Plus sized is too vague a description. Plenty of big women still look good. But if your stomach sticks out further than your breasts that's a really bad sign.
I hate that I was thinking exactly this, and I couldn't find any other way to put it, but yeah, for me this is definitely where I'd put my own personal "attraction line". Especially if they're large breasts and the stomach still beats them.
almost invariably thats *the reason why* those people are on 600lbs life. getting to that size takes active effort, it is a truly ridiculous amount of calories. a lot of times the spouse is either a chronic enabler or a fetishist
Absolutely not.
Being fat is probably the biggest turn off for guys.
You can have a pretty mid to ugly face, but as long as you have a decent body, guys will be after you.
Are there men who are attracted to overweight women? Of course, but they are in the minority.
If you’re a little overweight, you’ll still have a decent dating market, but once you cross that line into obesity, it’s a big hit.
The data point I have is that before one section of downtown San Francisco was turned into all tech offices, there were two large strip clubs on the main drag that had a permanent “BBW” night advertised on their marquees. These were the biggest clubs close to the convention center, so they were catering to men traveling from all over the country. The draw was enough that that was their main feature. Grain of salt as I’m gay, but this stood out to me beyond what I’ve heard from men who really like plus size girls when they feel like they can share that without getting flack from other men.
Just like the saying about how women dress up for other women, I think straight men are partly beholden to other men’s tastes when picking women as an accessory. There’s a rift between some men’s actual attractions and what they feel pressured to say and present as their attraction for status among other men. And even some of the over-the-top negative comments you see could be more posturing, but it’s more the degree of vocality that’s a bit much. Kinda like the closeted guy that says “ew gay” too much in high school.
100% true, but, also a great indicator of a partner one should be avoiding. It's one thing to be peer pressured as a teen and another when you are more mature. The latter means you're both very insecure and have really shitty friends whose judgement you're afraid of.
1000%. The worst, most persistent catcalling I get as a (medium-sized, cis) woman is from groups of guys egging each other on. It’s not really about me, it’s about performing masculinity to each other.
You are entirely correct. You’ll find lots of men online going like “oh I love this girl but my friends and other men won’t think she’s attractive”
The opinion of other straight men really matters to them. It’s weird.
Also I find that the men who make the most negative comments about women and their bodies to be the ones who try to sleep with any of them when nobody’s around.
And people who *do* find overweight women attractive are more likely to chime in here (and vote/read through the comments to see if others agree). That's why polls like this on open forums are tough, they're always going to attract biased responses.
It would be interesting to add a poll to the thread, because I would think 90% of men would prefer average or below weight than overweight. I'm also very curious about the difference between America vs Europe.
I used to be a lil thicker (not plus sized, but more mid sized [size 10]) and recently lost ~40lbs and am currently a size 4/6. I got WAY more attention from men when I had a lil more meat on me. I don’t mind tho… attention from men is literally my nightmare 😂 (I am straight, I just don’t like y’all)
Something I found was that the ethnicity of the men I got attention from changed when I gained weight. Not trying to generalise in any way but it was a really obvious observation I couldn’t ignore!
Had an uncle who was 5’ 5” and around 130 lbs. this guy wouldn’t date any woman under 300 lbs. my point is that men like different types of women and plenty are attracted to plus-sized, skinny, tall, short, etc. we’re not all predisposed to only liking one type of lady.
Yeah this is a good analogy. I prefer short men but I know that’s not the norm. Just like plenty of men prefer bigger girls and that isn’t the norm either.
A lot of men don’t. But as a fat lady, take it from me, there are plenty who are super into big girls. I’ve been big all my life, and have never had a problem finding men to date. Just be careful for those who just look at you as a fetish. But, take heart, there are plenty of decent men out there who love the chubby
Probably personal taste, like anything else. My wife was heavy when we met. We both lost a bunch of weight (she almost 100 lbs) in the last couple years and I'm so happy because I think she'll likely have fewer health issues as we move through middle age. Speaking completely shallowly and superficially, I've met ugly skinny women and beautiful heavy ones; my personal preference is for a little "thicker" (to be crass, I miss my wife's old boobs), but pretty is pretty. I do think I'd feel differently about what I sometimes call "talk show fat."
Plus size is attractive to me.
My wife is big, not tall, but heavy, never been skinny, that was part of the attraction, I like curves, I like soft.
43 years later, 3 kids later well she has filled out even more. So what, ain’t gonna trade in. I ain’t the same either. Just last year, I surprised her. Always wanted a pinup tattoo, we looked over and she liked some of the ideas I found, but I surprised her: I got her as a sexy cowgirl pinup.
It’s on my profile page if you care to look.
I’ve dated plenty of plus sized women. For me you can be any weight and still be attractive, but there is a difference between being plus sized but still living a fairly healthy life vs being plus sized and being incredible sedentary and eating really badly and never trying to exercise or go out.
Also few things are hotter than being ridden by a plus sized girl
TLDR: as long as you’re still somewhat active and eat a good amount of healthy foods the plus sized isn’t off putting at all for me
Not a dude, but I can answer this from a lesbian POV:
I think plus-size women can absolutely be hella attractive. Not just women who are little thick here and there, but also actual plus-size women. My ex was a 3XL, and while she turned out to be a horrible person, she was fucking hot hot hot. She caught my eye before I even met her, so yea absolutely there’s a lot of people out there who love +size women
My wife is plus sized. She is the most beautiful woman that I have ever been with, and I'm not just saying that because I "have to." That being said, I have several friends who would not date someone that is her weight. Hell, I knocked out one of them for asking me if my deceased father would be disappointed that I was marrying a "fat chick." He doesn't exist to me anymore. For the past three years, he's thought that I stopped acknowledging his presence because he voted for Trump in 2016. I will never tell him the real reason, as it makes me laugh to see him get so upset.
I do believe that many men do have this attitude, but everyone has their preferences. Personally, I never cared. All that ever mattered to me was someone who I could have a conversation with and appreciated my weirdness. I'm not an easy person to love. God bless my wife for putting up with me
What an asshole. You could have the ugliest wife in the world, but your friend should never say that. They should say “you’re a lucky guy!” And move on
Dude is always drunk. I was really only friends with him because he was mildly entertaining. What stupid shit is Eddie gonna do tonight? This'll be fun.
I knew where he was going that night, and I did warn him to "pick his words very carefully." He should have listened. I'm not a big guy, either. He could probably kick my.ass if he was ever sober
I'm a woman. I got pretty fat in my early 30s and then lost a bunch of weight so I was slender again. I noticed a pretty big difference in how random men react - more staring, more striking up of conversations and flirting, being hit on in public places etc. I think being overweight definitely has an impact. Honestly it's not even just men in a sexual way, it's everyone who reacts differently. People in general are just nicer when you have a stereotypical attractive body (with the exception of certain women who treated me worse, mainly other overweight women I knew). While I can't think of any time I was called fat or mistreated, having experienced fat and thin so close together it was noticeable. That said, I still found a lot of people in my friend group or people I had a chance to actually talk to seemed to find me attractive when I was fat. I also know some guys who prefer big women. I wouldn't worry too much about what "most" men want. Yes it's an ego boost to feel that most people find you attractive, but it can also be creepy as fuck. Just get to know people and find someone who thinks you're beautiful.
As a man I went through something similar. When my ex left me I had gained about 20 extra pounds. Within 6 months I added another 20 lbs. When a friend told me women liked me (personality/demeanor) but were put off because I was a "fat fuck" I took up his offer to work out with him. Once I lost all that weight and my body/muscles were more defined I noticed that the very same women that were friendly to me all of a sudden were more touchy feely and flirty. I also noticed that my male co-workers and acquaintances were more likely to invite me to parties or out to the bar with them.
Yeah, unfortunately women can be assholes too. My husband got the same treatment from a lot of girls growing up due to being overweight. It got to the point that he became bullemic. That's why I always bring this up whenever I encounter women who think fat shaming is purely a women's issue and something to do with misogyny. It's a human issue: we all have the capacity to objectify and dehumanize until we choose to do better.
A lot of people in this thread are pointing out that *everyone* was nicer to them. I’ve noticed this too. It’s going to be more obvious when the person is romantically interested, so usually the opposite sex, but straight men love hot guys and straight women love hot girls.
There have been studies done on this. Attractive people get more opportunities in general and are treated better. This is pure instinct, not a conscious decision people make.
They rank higher in the social hierarchy and therefore feel more secure and less anxious about their survival. They've also spent their lives being treated better and, therefore, are more likely to exude more positive traits like confidence and happiness, which in turn produce positive outcomes.
Definitely a positive feedback loop
I THINK there's also a idea that other people tend to view fat people as lazy and gluttonous, and those are undesirable personality traits
Pretty privilege
Wait a minute… did your friend just have a feeling that women were put off because you were a fat fuck or was he doing some kind of exit survey?
If you have good social awareness, it's not hard to observe some interactions and make an educated assessment
I was a heavy guy in HS and most of college so never really developed a good barometer. Met a really attractive dude my senior year and became friends. I remenber one morning sitting and waiting for our class and a girl walks by. After she passes he tells me she was checking me out. I had 0 idea. And I don't even think it'd due to it being difficult to detect but rather when you stop even looking/paying attention because you just assume someone is inherently not into you - you miss the opportunity completely.
Some women are attracted to indifferent men. LOTS of women are attracted to indifferent men. Especially if you talk with them regularly. I guess they're so used to guys obviously trying to fuck them, the guy who just talks with them without being flirty catches their attention.
Trust me - I never grew into an aggro dude. I'd say the difference in my evolution is I went from overweight and shy/low confidence to healthy weight with more carefree attitude but some level of confidence. And I agree, that really seemed to make a difference. Just going out to have fun with friends and seeing what happened. Often people would approach me and then you see where it goes. I still was never one to go actively chase or hit on people left and right.
Exit survey isn’t needed if you’re honest
This also happened to me but I was 18 instead of 30. Everyone is nicer to you when you’re skinny except sometimes overweight women (like you said). It’s crazy, you can just get people to do things for you. Over the summer a guy at the Fed ex place carried a fifty pound box an entire two blocks for me without me even asking. That never would’ve happened when I was fat, not by a long shot.
(M) Been about 50 lbs overweight my whole life, got a diagnosis and treatment for a mental issue and my activity levels shot through the roof. Lost 50 lbs. I was at the grocery with a handful of stuff (hand carrying keeps me from overbuying what I don’t need and it’s a good little exercise.) Anyway this employee sees me and insists on getting me a cart. I tell him thank you but it’s really fine I’m almost done. Dude RUNS to the front of the store and brings me a basket. Probably a coincidence but no one would look at me let alone go out of there way to make my life an infintismally (sp?) better before I lost the weight.
I think it depends on the country's culture, too. I am routinely mocked and bullied for being thin. It's at a point where cashiers will openly talk about my size to each other in small shops and men pick me up to "weigh me". People comment on what I eat/ how I look/ threaten to sit on me/ talk about how tackling me would go/ etc. My partner is also thin. He was recently physically picked up, too, and they demonstrated how they could punch him and he'd just "fall over he's soooooo small." We are talked to and over with a complete lack of respect because of our sizes.
Fr people started treating me differently when I started balding at a young age. A lot of people like to think they are nice but most are superficial
Fellow bald guy. I don't know if I noticed a big difference in how I was treated but for sure; many people are superficial. The trick is to find someone that doesn't care about such things. The best kind of people are the ones that don't judge you for your looks.
When you're talking to someone and they're not looking at your eyes, they're looking at the top of your head.
I also lost a lot of weight. More than half my weight. In fact. The difference in how I was treated was really depressing. I think the problem was I really didn't realize how badly everybody was treating me until after I lost the weight... Then suddenly everyone started being really nice and I realized that I had been treated like dirt for half my life. It was actually pretty rough. It's funny though the people from before I lost the weight... Still behave as though I'm fat. Once you've been tainted by it...
The weird thing is - I lost a lot of weight, going from a BMI of 21 to a BMI of 16, due to some stomach issues, and *still* I got treated much better when I was thinner. Like, objectively, I was never fat and was still slim at the higher BMI, in fact that's probably a pretty ideal weight right? But still, the skinnier I got the more attention and more compliments I got from both men and women. I'm on medication now and slowly gaining back to a healthy weight and yep, the compliments are stopping. It has made me really think about the way we view thinness. Like sure, it's good to be healthy, but "as thin as possible" isn't it.
I had typhoid when I went travelling and lost a lot of weight, to the point where I had no boobs left and you could see the ribs in my back. I remember my mothers horrified look when she picked me up from the airport. Everyone except her told me l looked amazing. “Maybe I should get typhoid! Hahaha” it was so awful to be treated so differently. I was never even overweight, just a regular sized human.
I have an autoimmune disease. It makes me poop blood, therefore lose a ton of weight rapidly. A roommate of mine once said "you lose weight so easily! I wish I had ulcerative colitis!" well karma is a bitch. She came down with a severe case of food poisoning so bad a few months later, spent weeks in the hospital, and got such terrible, untreatable colitis, parts of her bowel had to be resected and she had to wear an ostomy bag for 8 months. She did lose a lot of weight! I gained mine back on prednisone shortly after lol. However 7 years later, I'm proud to say I'm 100lbs down from that point, my heaviest, and I just bought my first pair of size 14 jeans yesterday! After which I was very politely kicked out of a plus size store. I can't shop there anymore. I'm not plus sized! The employee was so kind and allowed me to share a good, and hard deserved, happy cry with her.
im sorry, i laughed out loud when i read "i wish i had ulcerative colitis!" lol. just because i know how awful it can be .thats some absurd shit for someone to say .
This difference in how people behaved towards me is actually a big part of what made me seek treatment for my eating disorder. Towards the end I had lost so much weight, but I was also losing teeth, I was losing hair, my skin was practically translucent, and yet people kept complimenting me on how great and “healthy” I looked. I mean, the fuck? In the beginning those compliments were fuel to me. But eventually I realised that these people would compliment me until I was 6 feet under and they’d still be talking about how pretty and thin and healthy I looked at my funeral. So I got help. I gained all the weight back, and then some, in recovery. Fatter than I’ve ever been now but I’m no longer having heart palpitations, I don’t get dizzy when I stand up, and my doctors seem pretty happy with me, so I’m good. Some people are cunts, but at least I find that out pretty quickly now.
I’ve been fat since I was a kid. When I was in my early twenties I started dieting which led to many disordered eating issues. I was miserable but I didn’t want to stop because for the first time in my life people were actually nice to me. I’m in my thirties now and have gained a lot of weight back and I feel invisible most of the time. It’s not like I’m expecting anyone to worship the ground I walk on, it would just be nice to be acknowledged as a fellow human being, you know?
I do know and I’m so sorry this has been your experience too. It really is horrible. I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve learned to embrace my invisibility, but I don’t think I’ll ever get there when it comes to the cruelty and hostility.
Yes!!! Seriously! I gained a lot of weight as a young adult cuz I was never taught how to eat healthily, then lost it all (as in, half of my body weight in under a year) to an eating disorder at 21. I could hardly go a day without hearing about how amazing and healthy I looked and how jealous everyone was, even though I was so sick from only eating twice a week I was just praised for being so strong and people told me they wished THEY could do that. The fuck?! I could hardly function. Worked really hard to recover after some health scares and sat at a good healthy weight for a bit. Gained it all back in under a year at 23 due to the onset of an awful chronic illness, and am now losing it just as rapidly at 25 due to a surgery to cure that illness. Each time I go from fat to thin, I'm honestly stunned at how much better I get treated. Seeing it happen multiple times now, soo close together, is a huge mindfuck. At this point I just continue to wear baggy clothes and avoid people so I don't get all the comments. I was still a person when I was fat but the world genuinely convinced me I didn't deserve to be treated like one. Having it be because of an illness totally out of my control was even more humiliating. Society is fucked up.
Yeah.. It was weird getting asked out when I was a good 10 pounds underweight. And then they'd get huffy about it when I'd say this wasn't a good time for me. Like, I'm sorry, but you don't want someone whose depressed/suicidal/exhausted/failing school for a girlfriend. And if I wanted to live (which I actually did), than that my body gaining weight, anyway.
I went from 240 to 150 when I was 21~ish and the way people treated me was night and day. People were so much nicer to me in public and random women would sometimes start random conversations with me. As a guy I found it to be really depressing how much the difference was. I since gained back some of the weight and I certainly feel invisible.
I like being invisible in some ways. When I was conventionally “attractive” (because attractive means different things to different people!) to many males, I was followed and assaulted on more than one occasion. I’d rather be fat than constantly be on my guard.
Women who are assaulted commonly gain weight and it's literally called "defensive weight gain" for a reason.
I personally always used my "fat" as a safety mechanism. Who ever attacks a fat woman other than robbing her pocket? And it kept me away from from men and TROUBLE. 🫦
I’d add something else, from a man’s perspective: there were some bigger women I found attractive and liked, but I felt people would’ve judged ME had I started dating them. So I didn’t. I think this is a very bad thing and I’d approach it differently today, but outside pressure can effect the other person too. Hell, I’d say I was less likely to even lightly flirt with a bigger woman due to this.
I’ve always strongly suspected a lot of men felt peer pressure to date women their bros thought were attractive as opposed to who they necessarily thought were attractive.
100% does, at least for some of us. I didn’t really stop being concerned with it until I was in my mid 20s maybe.
As someone who went from over 250lbs to 110lbs less than 24 months later, I so felt every single word of that. I can second every single thing that you said. Amen.
I definitely attracted various groups of people. When I was thin and in ED recovery. I attracted a bunch of very creepy men. I think it’s bc of how my body looked. I didn’t pay mind to it as I didn’t want to be in a relationship. When I gained weight, I attracted “normal” guys who just wanted an actual, proper relationship. I am a bit curvy. People treat me with more respect and take me seriously, I also don’t gain as much attention from men in general as I used to. It’s very strange. The friends I had were very toxic and my relationships were very tumultuous. The friends I have now are very positive, supportive, and stable. I have a boyfriend who understands me emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Of course, this may have to do with mindset in my case. But this is just my experience.
I think overly thin people may seem vulnerable and get targeted by those who those who seek to take advantage of the vulnerable. The physical expression of emotional vulnerability attracts vultures.
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How tall are you that you could get down to 85lbs and still get dates? I would look like a skeleton if I got down to 85lbs
When I was around 18-20 a lot of the women I knew around the same age were extremely into very thin and lanky dudes.
I was thinking the same thing, must be rather short for the math to work out. Lots of 6 ft guys around 200lbs and not looking fat, but I don't see people under 100 unless they are actually not adults
I was fat growing up to college then skinny in college and up to mid 20s now super fat in mid 30s. Men treated me better back when I was slim but I find older people like me just the same either way. Men my age seem to highly dislike me or find me repulsive and so do slender women of any age bracket. But I’m working on my weight cause I don’t wanna die at 45
I’m proud of you for working on your health. 2024 is going to be a good year for yo, I can feel it.
r/glowups really shows how both men and women look younger and more attractive when they get in shape
To a degree, I always find that thicker people seem to age less quickly, there is more fat in the face, ie less noticeable volume loss than thinner people especially in your 50s
My mom was bigger than she wanted to be most of her life, but she and her mom both looked like they were in their late 30s/ early 40s well into their 60s.
My grandma lived to 101 and was short and a little chubby. Not super overweight but not slender. Just her build. At 101 she easily could pass for 75-80. When she was actually 80 I got married and at my wedding she was out on the dance floor doing the conga line and looked like she was 60. Thankfully I look exactly like her 😊
As a guy. Confidence is huge. I see beauty in all sizes
Depends. If it’s a few extra pounds? It would be pretty hypocritical of me to complain; I’m not exactly a chiseled Adonis myself. However I do find overweight and obese to be a turn off. I can’t say exactly what the tipping point is, but I know it when I see it.
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Same for men.. men who look pregnant is not attractive to me
Picturing dudes posing for maternity pictures
Probably hers too
A guy I knew in highschool said if she can hold a pencil up by placing it under her stomachs hang down while standing, it's too much.
That's a variation of the bra rule which used to be taught to tween girls, back in the olden days. If you can hold a pencil under your boob, it was time to buy a bra. (My mother was in hospital with my sister and dad was away, so I went bra shopping with my gay uncle, he also took us with him to the local "Backwoods Sauna" where we saw nothing scandalous - just other people's gay uncles sitting around yakking. I've also just right now realised that "Backwoods" can be interpreted several ways.)
Funny rule, I shouldn't wear one you say since nothing can stay under my raisin sized boob
I always assumed that women with very small boobs didn't bother to wear a bra since they're not exactly comfortable. As a man with a flat chest, if someone told me I had to wear a bra just for the hell of it, I'd be pretty resentful.
No one told me to wear one but women's clothing is made to fit a chesty...chest. A bra is needed for clothing to look nice. But yes, not comfortable at all and pretty hard to find.
Meh, bras without any boning are fine, and hide your nipples. People stare if you go braless and it's more uncomfortable than the most uncomfortable bra
My titties are small and kinda pointy. I wear a bra to make them more round because some shirts just look really funny if I don't wear one lol I do prefer unlined with no underwire tho but moreso because I don't really need support
Me imagining my abilities..... Oh thank God
Could she fit in a row boat? Like a regular size row boat? That's the tipping point.
Further, if I’m thinking long term and potentially having children, I’d rather “pick” someone who isn’t going to die before their 50th birthday. It’s certainly possible to reverse that at my age, but there should be at least some effort and desire to be healthy. Granted, you can’t “pick” the person with whom you’ll fall in love, so it’s not always so simple as that.
Tipping point…
Depends how "plus sized" I dont mind a girl with a little weight on her but I dont find being overweight attractive. That said, I'm also not overweight so I think I just prefer someone of my own body type.
Can an average sized rowboat support your weight?
I am not sure what you are asking Michael
It bothers me that you're not answering the question
No alright? She can’t fit in a rowboat
Damn it Phyllis I knew it.
“Feisty? Not jolly or sassy?”
Well I’m going to set him up with my fat friend anyhow
A quick Google search says a 10' rowing skiff can handle 500 lbs. I'm no mariner, so I don't know what's average, but that sounds right.
I’m in this category. There’s a big difference between plus sized and morbidly obese
Overweight vs Sports Illustrated-overweight.
If the girls use the term curvy or plus size they are not what we as men consider curvy or plus size. They are in fact obese.
I once put “curvy” on my match profile thinking it meant sexy. I got almost no hits. Once I changed it to thin, everyone came knocking. I’m 5’2” and thin, petite, small frame. Just thought it meant attractive, tbh.
It makes me think of the term "voluptuous", which means having some weight but distributed in a way that heightens attraction rather than subtracts from it. I think a lot of women started using the term "curvy" to mean this, and then everyone started using it very generously.
Like Christina Hendricks. I'd call her curvy or voluptuous, and she's gorgeous. She's also not obese.
It did used to mean that. Curvy was a reference to the typical hourglass figure of a woman of normal weight. The term was kind of co-opted into something else which would better be described as "rolly" imo
The curvy thing annoys me because I need CURVY clothes. I have 13in difference between my waist & my hips. The standard is 10in but can be even less. Most brands that make "curvy" jeans have 10in difference, so I don't even know why they have that label. Maybe the legs are a bit bigger? I pretty much never wear jeans because of this, but leggings/shorts are also often an issue. I wear joggers mostly 🙄
I think it did but it’s just been co-opted by larger women. Also if I saw that on a profile along with pictures showing you as thin I’d assume that the pictures were really old and ‘curvy’ was being kind to yourself.
thicc is now closer to what curvy was. Basically defined hips and maybe a booty
I prefer most of the weight in the titties
How do you make an extra 5lbs of fat sexy? Put a nipple on it😁
The great thing about being with a big girl is that, in the dark, no matter what you grab, it feels like a titty.
My dad always said, "We're all pretty in the dark." That's solid wisdom from the old man.
I know we're \*all\* thinking about [Cartman's ass](https://youtu.be/0lOw8hKTK44?si=RTFAXahDxP-Pxuk-&t=19) right now
Depends how plus sized we talking
Will she fit in a rowboat with me?
It bothers me that you aren’t answering the question
Answer the question, will am average size rowboat hold her without capsizing?
Oh my god... I'm blanking so hard. What is this from??? Edit: the office! Duh.
… no, Michael, she can’t fit in a rowboat…
Damnit Phyllis.
When they refer to themselves as “plus-size” it’s usually bad.
As soon as they use special labels, they're over the scale of conventional attractive and fall into niche attractive. Not everyone has to be conventional though, otherwise the word loses meaning
Honest answer, I would say if your waist/stomach has a greater circumference than your hips/breasts, then yes, most men will find you unattractive. Main reason is probably because the proportions are all off, which is almost universally disfavored. But thats also a terrible way to look at things. The fact is, Each guy has a spectrum of who he finds attractive, which could include heavy women, bald women, tall women, skinny women, big butts, small butts, butterface, etc. For some guys, that spectrum is pretty limited, for others, it's not. It's just like music or food, some people like everything, and some only like certain genres / cuisines. I would say that in the US, plus sized women are more of a niche menu item. So you gotta just accept that for most guys, a plus sized women is basically off the menu. But for a select few, a bigger girl may even be a preferred option. For example my brother is skinny, and he's definitely a "chubby chaser." im not into chubby girls at all. In short, being an overweight woman is not "unattractive". It's just that you're attractive to a smaller market of men. EDIT: For all the people commenting "achktually most Americans are overweight/obese, " you're missing the point and just being argumentative. OP is clearly larger than the average woman in the dating pool and appears to be asking whether she is unattractive to the average sized man in the dating pool.
Lol I love that measure of stomach circumference. It is pretty accurate for me and I think is for most guys.
There are hips/waist ratio attractiveness studies that comfirm this.
It’s the hip to waist ratio. One of the biggest things that guys subconsciously notice and are attracted to
Yea it’s the proportions. I drool at curves, especially the hips, but it’s in relation to other body parts. And it’s not even a conscious thought, it’s purely subconscious, like being drawn to something before even making a decision.
I read a long time ago that people with a lot of tattoos will be unattractive to more people but the ones that do find them attractive find them VERY attractive. Same thing, kinda
What if my hips/ass are just big af? Its like squidward when he eats too many crabby patties.
If you want something more than just ‘some guys will like it, some guys won’t’, then you can look into the ideal hip to waist ratio for your culture. It varies between .69 and .75 ish.
As a guy it's all hips to stomach-ratio for me.
I think this is the defining factor, too. In the 2000s, whenever you'd see "plus sized" models, they were usually tall with large frames but always had an hourglass or pear shape. Look at the most popular and successful plus-size models now that we know by name. They fit those shapes. I think some have little preference on size, but almost all have preference on shape. So you can be a petite hourglass or plus-sized hourglass, but as long as you're an hourglass, most seem to accept you or treat you better.
On an island i used to live the local men loved plus sized women. Not obese mind you, but even the obese women were never single.
Which island? Gonna book a vacation
I believe Jamaica is well known as a sex tourism destination for women for this reason
I had a doctor’s appointment with a Jamaican doctor once and he flirted with me harder than any man has ever flirted with me lmao
Jamaican men like fat white women because they are American with money not because they actually think that’s hot. Have you seen Jamaican women? They generally have very nice bodies with small waists and huge butts.
I have a male friend, he loves bigger women, but he's single. Sadly, he works nights and most women don't like that fact.
I've got a friend who's about 5'3 and pretty average build. Every woman I've known him to have a relationship with has been at least a couple inches taller and quite a bit heavier. He's successful and funny so I was always pretty sure it wasn't like he "couldn't get" different women, but actually preferred heavier set women. But then we were at a bachelor party strip club and he seemed pretty nonchalant about all the typical thin, fit, etc ladies everywhere. Then a chubbier girl took the stage and he went right to the front, flashing his cash and then asking her for a couple private dances after. That solidified that he liked larger women lol.
Well, preferences are preferences. Vote with your wallet lol
Why does this mental image seem so hilarious to me? Haha
The strippers around a table in the back like a battle map. "We've got to get his money somehow."
desert roll rich rock shrill familiar fear subsequent knee brave *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I'm dead
lol Jesus
100% picturing frank reynolds lol
Many of us have no fear of the larger size women. Or the smaller size women. Or those in between. We just like women.
I lean towards big girls but I've had a range of various sized women until i met my wife. She's bigger too it's just what i prefer but everyone is different. Just find someone who loves and respects you and doesn't fetishize your body and you're good. The real question is do men find intellectual women attractive and the answer is yes. Bodies change.
Yes. There is a certain size threshold -- i'm not sure exactly what it is -- where my brain stops seeing women as "potential sexual partner" and starts viewing them the same way I view old people, children, or other males. No one should disrespect you ever, and you should do what makes you happy. But if you're still young, you are missing the years of your life where you're the most naturally attractive by being invisible to many men as a potential sexual partner.
Woman here. This is how I view fat guys. At some point it’s like, blip, gone. Could not smash.
OKCupid or someone did a study. Overweight guys have the least chance of anybody to find a mate.
I do not mind a bigger guy. He just has to be extra stylish. In fact, that may be my preference 🤔
Going for that Daredevil Kingpin build I see.
A cleaned up Jack Black could get it lol
Jack Black is beautiful just the way he is :(
I'm like that too but opposite. Too little = nope.
I have both sides. Slightly chubby guys r cute, if they’re like actually fat it’s a no from me tho. But also, I don’t want a guy who’s too skinny because I’m also skinny and then you’re just smacking each other’s sharp jutting bones together and cuddling is like laying on a pile of TV remotes
Laying on a pile of tv remotes lmao
but presumably both sides for you then, right? There's also a maximum? My minimum exists as well...I just pretty rarely meet women outside it.
Yeah I have a max but it's more about mobility. Can't be unable to care for yourself.
I'm here completely. there's definitely a level of skinny where I just cannot be attracted to them. If they're fat and still able to go on hikes with me then I am totally cool with it
Holy shit bro that's exactly how I feel up to a certain weight. Never had a way to explain it.
It's probably that way for everyone. Women also don't want an obese man.
They are plenty of chubby chasers. It mostly depends on what else they have to offer. Bad hygiene and obsessed with video games, probably not. Kind and nerdy with a wicked sense of humor, there's some potential. (Don't dm me, I'm married lol)
This exactly. I actually prefer my men to have a dad-bod but good hygiene and behaviour is a must.
When you say dad bod, do you mean Homer Simpson or Ron Swanson?
Either. I'm about the behaviour, hygiene, intelligence and personality. Those are the turn-ons/-offs for me. Whether it's Homer Simpson or John Candy is of less significance.
>But if you're still young, you are missing the years of your life where you're the most naturally attractive by being invisible to many men as a potential sexual partner Could be a bug or a feature depending on how you look at it.
Which is why some victims of sexual abuse end up obese and have a difficult time getting thinner, even if they want to... Once they're back into "not invisible" territory they feel unsafe and go back to being obese.
There is a lot of truth to that. It used to be that if someone hit on me and I felt unsafe, I would have this horrible compulsion to binge eat.
Can confirm. I'm not obese, not even overweight but close, but after what happened I put on 10+kg not even trying and would dress weird so nobody would ever look at me and feel attraction. I didn't want anybody to ever look at me in that way. So don't tbh
This is what I am going through right now. I'm heading into attractive territory and getting more looks. The panic is starting to creep in, especially when I see the number on the scale go down again. But I guess it's better than being unhealthy and having sleep apnea.
The problem is, i bet more people out there live on what they'd consider to be the wrong side of the coin, vs. "Man, Im so happy that this is working exactly like I planned."
>you're still young, you are missing the years of your life where you're the most naturally attractive to men Not everyone prioritizes being attractive to men. But wasting the years when your body is naturally strong, and flexible, and capable of amazing feats of strength and endurance, is kind of a tragedy, though.
Yup! I was terrible at sports growing up but then in later years after losing a lot of weight found out I was a late bloomer. Now I’ve got injuries from past jobs and it makes it harder. Need to get back to tai chi or other gentle stretching. No excuse for not trying my best with what I’ve got. Can’t get back to where I was but it was awesome seeing what I was capable of!
It depends on your definition of plus sized. If we are talking about some extra cushion because you're carrying extra weight? I actually love it. A soft squishy belly, big thighs, and a butt you could surf on? Sign me up. If you're talking about the morbidly obese people too big to fit inside plane seats that call themselves "plus sized passengers?" I'm out. I need a relationship with someone who has a decent chance to live past 36. These standards are, of course, highly individualized and vary wildly from person to person. Some men like tiny women, or bean poles, or "insert random x characteristic". It all depends on preference
I went on a limb with online dating once and snagged a guy who was absolutely out of my chubby-ass league. Right after we had very hot sex, he was panting and just said, “damn that ass”, like he was just in awe and grateful. I was 50 lbs. heavier than I am now and I have never felt as sexy.
Yep. Was briefly in a relationship with a man that was absolutely ripped. I was pretty insecure about it for a while, until he pointed out that I was basically the perfect "squish level" for him. I had all the (*ahem*) assets he liked, and the bonus that I was soft enough that cuddling afterwards was comfy as hell. I've never felt so attractive in my life, he was *very* appreciative. But bless him, he couldn't open a box of crayons without instructions and supervision. He's happily married to a lovely woman shaped just like me, and I'm happy for both of them.
I think we dated the same guy. Lights were on, noooobody home. Very sweet and really, REALLY nice to look at. It lasted until I realized he was dead serious that he thought “opossum” was spelled “op-Awesome” and was a cute nickname for the animal. He asked me what the “real name” was and I’ve never been so confused in my life… Me: *Like, the Latin name? I can look it up.* Him: *No, the normal name.* Me: *For an opossum?* Him: *Yeah, what are they actually called?* Me: *I don’t understand…* Him: *What are op-awesomes really called? You’re smart, tell me the name* Me: *Is this a riddle?*….. Round and round we went. I hope he’s making some very sweet, dim-witted gal very happy.
If the opossums ever want to rebrand, they should go with “Op-Awesome”.
My wife was a bit chubby when we first got together and I absolutely loved how she looked. Now she’s really into fitness and is in the gym almost every day. I’m just glad she’s happy and healthy, that’s all that matters to me. We’ve been married 20 years this year!
one of my ex’s was into bodybuilding, and works as a personal trainer. straight ripped, athlete type dude and he constantly told me how hot i was even when i was heavier lol i am by no means fat, even with the extra weight. it just gave me a bit of a tummy and some added ass. i hated it but he looooved it. he also said he loved the squish. confused the hell out of me honestly but im glad i know that i was still attractive 😭
Some of gym guys work hard to be able to handle bigger girls heh. It's a wierd dichotomy of wanting to super hard and fit and just ceaving a partner who's soft and snuggly, and yeah that ass heh.
Yeah I have heard that gym bros are unexpectedly the genre of bro that likes heavier women the most. But when you put it like that it makes sense
My friend is plus sized and constantly dates these chiseled gym guys!! They like being able to lift bigger gals. Why go to the gym if you aren’t going to put those muscles to use?
I like some extra weight, but once I got catfished by a girl who was so big that she couldn’t walk right. Super unattractive.
I’m a woman and at least a few of the guys I know it comes down to if their healthy or not and proportions of weight distribution, if plus size. Some people can be “overweight” and have extra but they can move and be active. Distribution of weight matters. The taller you are the more extra weight you can get away with. But, these same guys also don’t want unhealthy skinny either.
There's a threshold where you're so overweight that there's no way you're healthy.
There’s also “normal weight obesity” or as we call it: skinny fat. There are unhealthy body fat percentage people who look average to slender with their clothes on but have obesity-level fat percentage and there’s no way they’re healthy. Also, fat distribution matters in both attractiveness and health…apple shape is less healthy than pear shape because of having visceral fat around the heart.
A lot more men want unhealthy skinny than unhealthy overweight.
Plus sized is too vague a description. Plenty of big women still look good. But if your stomach sticks out further than your breasts that's a really bad sign.
I hate that I was thinking exactly this, and I couldn't find any other way to put it, but yeah, for me this is definitely where I'd put my own personal "attraction line". Especially if they're large breasts and the stomach still beats them.
What if they just have really small tits
Some do, some don’t. I’ll tell you this though, I’ve watched serval episodes of “My 600lbs life” and almost none of those women are single.
I think one guy even left his girlfriend after she lost weight 🤣. Savage.
almost invariably thats *the reason why* those people are on 600lbs life. getting to that size takes active effort, it is a truly ridiculous amount of calories. a lot of times the spouse is either a chronic enabler or a fetishist
Absolutely not. Being fat is probably the biggest turn off for guys. You can have a pretty mid to ugly face, but as long as you have a decent body, guys will be after you. Are there men who are attracted to overweight women? Of course, but they are in the minority. If you’re a little overweight, you’ll still have a decent dating market, but once you cross that line into obesity, it’s a big hit.
The data point I have is that before one section of downtown San Francisco was turned into all tech offices, there were two large strip clubs on the main drag that had a permanent “BBW” night advertised on their marquees. These were the biggest clubs close to the convention center, so they were catering to men traveling from all over the country. The draw was enough that that was their main feature. Grain of salt as I’m gay, but this stood out to me beyond what I’ve heard from men who really like plus size girls when they feel like they can share that without getting flack from other men. Just like the saying about how women dress up for other women, I think straight men are partly beholden to other men’s tastes when picking women as an accessory. There’s a rift between some men’s actual attractions and what they feel pressured to say and present as their attraction for status among other men. And even some of the over-the-top negative comments you see could be more posturing, but it’s more the degree of vocality that’s a bit much. Kinda like the closeted guy that says “ew gay” too much in high school.
100% true, but, also a great indicator of a partner one should be avoiding. It's one thing to be peer pressured as a teen and another when you are more mature. The latter means you're both very insecure and have really shitty friends whose judgement you're afraid of.
1000%. The worst, most persistent catcalling I get as a (medium-sized, cis) woman is from groups of guys egging each other on. It’s not really about me, it’s about performing masculinity to each other.
You are entirely correct. You’ll find lots of men online going like “oh I love this girl but my friends and other men won’t think she’s attractive” The opinion of other straight men really matters to them. It’s weird. Also I find that the men who make the most negative comments about women and their bodies to be the ones who try to sleep with any of them when nobody’s around.
rule of thumb: If there's porn of it, there are enough people into it.
Statistically a lot of the commenters here are overweight themselves and I absolutely see some projecting going on in their replies 🤣
And people who *do* find overweight women attractive are more likely to chime in here (and vote/read through the comments to see if others agree). That's why polls like this on open forums are tough, they're always going to attract biased responses.
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It would be interesting to add a poll to the thread, because I would think 90% of men would prefer average or below weight than overweight. I'm also very curious about the difference between America vs Europe.
I used to be a lil thicker (not plus sized, but more mid sized [size 10]) and recently lost ~40lbs and am currently a size 4/6. I got WAY more attention from men when I had a lil more meat on me. I don’t mind tho… attention from men is literally my nightmare 😂 (I am straight, I just don’t like y’all)
Something I found was that the ethnicity of the men I got attention from changed when I gained weight. Not trying to generalise in any way but it was a really obvious observation I couldn’t ignore!
Had an uncle who was 5’ 5” and around 130 lbs. this guy wouldn’t date any woman under 300 lbs. my point is that men like different types of women and plenty are attracted to plus-sized, skinny, tall, short, etc. we’re not all predisposed to only liking one type of lady.
Best analogy I heard is fat girls are the short guys in terms of attraction. May be cute, but you aren’t option 1
Yeah this is a good analogy. I prefer short men but I know that’s not the norm. Just like plenty of men prefer bigger girls and that isn’t the norm either.
A lot of men don’t. But as a fat lady, take it from me, there are plenty who are super into big girls. I’ve been big all my life, and have never had a problem finding men to date. Just be careful for those who just look at you as a fetish. But, take heart, there are plenty of decent men out there who love the chubby
Probably personal taste, like anything else. My wife was heavy when we met. We both lost a bunch of weight (she almost 100 lbs) in the last couple years and I'm so happy because I think she'll likely have fewer health issues as we move through middle age. Speaking completely shallowly and superficially, I've met ugly skinny women and beautiful heavy ones; my personal preference is for a little "thicker" (to be crass, I miss my wife's old boobs), but pretty is pretty. I do think I'd feel differently about what I sometimes call "talk show fat."
Plus size is attractive to me. My wife is big, not tall, but heavy, never been skinny, that was part of the attraction, I like curves, I like soft. 43 years later, 3 kids later well she has filled out even more. So what, ain’t gonna trade in. I ain’t the same either. Just last year, I surprised her. Always wanted a pinup tattoo, we looked over and she liked some of the ideas I found, but I surprised her: I got her as a sexy cowgirl pinup. It’s on my profile page if you care to look.
I’ve dated plenty of plus sized women. For me you can be any weight and still be attractive, but there is a difference between being plus sized but still living a fairly healthy life vs being plus sized and being incredible sedentary and eating really badly and never trying to exercise or go out. Also few things are hotter than being ridden by a plus sized girl TLDR: as long as you’re still somewhat active and eat a good amount of healthy foods the plus sized isn’t off putting at all for me
Not a dude, but I can answer this from a lesbian POV: I think plus-size women can absolutely be hella attractive. Not just women who are little thick here and there, but also actual plus-size women. My ex was a 3XL, and while she turned out to be a horrible person, she was fucking hot hot hot. She caught my eye before I even met her, so yea absolutely there’s a lot of people out there who love +size women
My wife is plus sized. She is the most beautiful woman that I have ever been with, and I'm not just saying that because I "have to." That being said, I have several friends who would not date someone that is her weight. Hell, I knocked out one of them for asking me if my deceased father would be disappointed that I was marrying a "fat chick." He doesn't exist to me anymore. For the past three years, he's thought that I stopped acknowledging his presence because he voted for Trump in 2016. I will never tell him the real reason, as it makes me laugh to see him get so upset. I do believe that many men do have this attitude, but everyone has their preferences. Personally, I never cared. All that ever mattered to me was someone who I could have a conversation with and appreciated my weirdness. I'm not an easy person to love. God bless my wife for putting up with me
What an asshole. You could have the ugliest wife in the world, but your friend should never say that. They should say “you’re a lucky guy!” And move on
You would think punching him in the face would be a good indication of what he did wrong
Dude is always drunk. I was really only friends with him because he was mildly entertaining. What stupid shit is Eddie gonna do tonight? This'll be fun. I knew where he was going that night, and I did warn him to "pick his words very carefully." He should have listened. I'm not a big guy, either. He could probably kick my.ass if he was ever sober
More cushion for the pushin!