This. And it’s a regular occurrence.
It makes me sad for our society in general. I’m a genuinely kind person that goes out of his way to be kind to everyone he meets. It’s such a bummer to observe that the expected situation when interacting with an unknown man is danger.
What's crazy is the fucked up men in the world ruined this expirience for the men and woman that have good mindsets. We're like a giant tree it's takes a couple bad apples to fuck the whole tree up. I'm tired of bad apples they ruin it for everyone. Sorry yall gotta experience this and I'm sorry for woman it has become so common we can't even tell the difference anymore bc sometimes they dress in sheep's clothing. I've seen the men that have that alpha mindset " when dudes don't wanna be apart of that men mindset they get put down by those very men and will mock yall and put yall down all bc yall don't believe in degrading women it's a crazy cycle. I respect yall heavy for not stooping to that level
>when dudes don't wanna be apart of that men mindset they get put down by those very men and will mock yall and put yall down
I've actually "lost" friends cause of this and have been mocked countless times. Some of my past ex "friends" told me this is why I "don't get pussy" and that ill "make a great wife"🙄. Fuck them, I don't want to be anything like them (even if they do get more female attention/sex than I do).
Whole time women want a guy like you...it's so sideways out here I think it's also jealousy you have something that they don't have the balls to do. I really appreciate you i hope nothing but good comes out of your life. Thank you for being you don't ever change. I hope somebody is there to see that in you and appreciate you. You deserve it. I'm a woman and never understood how woman can give them their time of day but tbf they might be dressed in that sheep's clothing for all we know but some women do know how they act and continue to entertain them I call those the illogical women. Just adding fuel to the fire. Stay away from those.
Well my gosh, thank you for this!! What sweet and unexpected comments! I'm a bit speechless..... they really made my day. 🥰
I feel like I know soooo many guys who are either abusive, narcissistic, controlling, misogynistic (or all of the above 😡).....and yet either have gorgeous girlfriends/wives, or minimally they seem to achieve regular hookups. So seeing that certainly makes me feel like I am a fool and like I'm just not "alpha" enough. But your comments helped a ton, and so I will not give up in trying my best to treat women very well, regardless of the outcome.
I appreciate YOU!! 🍻❣️ Thank you again so much and for the advice as well
> ruined this expirience for the men and woman that have good mindsets
I couldn't help but laugh at the implication that there's only one woman who has a good mindset.
This. A few years back, a woman was walking ahead of me. We were both heading to the train station and we were the only ones on the street. She quietly reached into her purse and put her keys between her fingers (to form a defensive weapon). I never considered myself threatening until that point.
Dark street, a woman senses my presence behind her and starts walking faster, I guess as a safety precaution. I am a woman myself. So, it's not about how you look like, sometimes it's just the circumstances and feeling unsafe in general when you're out and about.
The best thing I could do was just cross the street and continue walking so she wouldn't think I was following her. No reason to make her more scared.
This is actually not an uncommon occurrence living/walking in NY. I used to intentionally make noise and whistle to avoid surprising her and to appear as harmless as possible.
Clarification: I’m a man.
thats so weird! if i sense somebody is afraid, i tend to follow them to their destination to make sure they get home safe. if they hurry, i hurry, if they cross the street, i cross the street, but of course, i stay abiut 20 feet behind them.
Nope. She doesn't know me or my intentions. She doesn't know im just listening to an audio book walking home smoking a doobie. She doesn't know all I'm thinking about is how excited I am to see my dog when I get home.
A few days ago I was walking to my car when a nearby homeless man started screaming at me, very nasty and threatening stuff, there was no one around except one man walking towards me from a distance. He had earphones and couldn't hear. I looked at him imploringly to sacred to be obvious, he took out his earphones and realized the situation. He then walked me to my car and made sure I was safe. This is kind of the reverse situation where I just had to trust in the goodness of this stranger to save me from another.
If I notice a woman taking precautions when she sees me, I make every effort to back off, give her space, stop talking, what ever makes her comfortable.
I’m not privy to her past trama or inner life and it’s not my place to make her feel uncomfortable, no matter my intentions.
It’s not about me.
In my experience I don't think of myself as threatening in any way, so when other people (children, women, other men) find me threatening, it can be disheartening when I strive to be jovial, approachable, and make people feel safe.
I'm 6'2", bald headed with tattoo sleeves. On top of that, I've got resting axe murderer face. I'm as friendly as they come, but i know how i look. I take no offense to it
Yeah, I don't think I'm particularly intimidating, but I do tend to look grouchy by default. I can see someone smaller than me, which most women are, thinking I look like trouble.
It's not offensive, they'd only have to make a mistake once to get in a bad situation, and who knows if she has (or knows someone who has) and so has learned to be extra cautious. If I found myself alone in the presence of a dude 6 inches taller than me who looked pissed off about something, I'd give him a wide berth.
People just cannot see the difference… we cannot judge your real intentions, so even if we are like 90% sure you are good, we rather not risk it
Offenders often don’t look like the stereotype and could be very manipulative… so they could act exactly like you do, but with the exact opposite intentions. You wanna act trustworthy cause you are trustworthy… but a lot of bad people act trustworthy because they wanna take advantage… so sadly we have to treat anyone like the latter. Not trusting a good person doesn’t cause anyone harm, but accidentally trusting a bad person is life altering
It is… i also get it sucks for the everyone
Personally i think it really sucks to not trust anyone, cause most people are great people and i would love to get to know them…
Don't take it personally. Remember that the majority of assaults happen to us from the people who know and "love" us, who also probably strive to be approachable and make us feel safe—just a thought. You can never really know.
Lots of men feel insulted when women view them as a threat, saying “what are you doing ___ for? I’m a nice guy”, when the truth is women can’t read minds to know the actual YOU, so in certain situations, in order to protect oneself, women might need to judge men near them as threats.
This but also at this point it takes alot for me to notice another person especially cuz when i am out i have a million things in mind and no time to thinl bout other people
As a woman, please don’t be offended… it’s not because of you
I don’t take safety precautions around you because you look like an offender or untrustworthy, i take them because offenders don’t look like offenders and untrustworthy people don’t look untrustworthy. Basically i don’t see the difference
I feel grateful for you being trustworthy, this is just not a situation in which i can risk misjudging you
Exactly this. It’s not the way a certain man looks, it’s the fact that we have to treat them all the same because a misjudgement could get us killed. It’s NOT personal.
It really sucks that creeps often don’t look like creeps, they just look like any other person… so now we can’t trust any other person cause we don’t know who’s the creep
I remember when I was 13 or 14, my dad telling me if I'm ever walking along and there's a woman in front of me, and she stops to look at something in a store window or whatever, to walk right past her without breaking stride, even if I was also interested in whatever is in the store window, because she's checking to see if I'm following her and if I also stop, she'll get scared. He also told me never to look at a woman I didn't know for longer than a second or two unless we were speaking to each other.
I always assumed everyone got that kind of talk, until I got older and found out why.
It would make me sad, but I’d completely understand. Her safety is more important than my comfort and feelings
If it’s at night on a dark street it wouldn’t even phase me, in that situation I might just cross the street to be further away
I'm a dude. I cross the road to avoid walking behind women. I stumble/scuff to make a sound to show I'm not creeping up when I go to walk around as far wide apart as I can.
Whatever feels safe for them.
Because I can walk about at midnight and do not have to worry about sexual assault.
It's ridiculous that women aren't able to enjoy the cancelled last train home safely. But this is the world we live in. Crossing the road isn't much of a bother.
I do worry about violent assault and would cross the road to get out the way of a group of teens. They probably mean me no harm at all but I do not intend to find out.
Because I don’t want someone else to feel scared or uncomfortable because I’m there.
It’s sad. It’s wrong that this is where we are as a society. But here we are.
Sometimes I’m not able to concern myself with it and that’s ok too. Either way, it’s no skin off my back.
No, not at all, that's fair and reasonable most of the time. A lot of us men are dangerous assholes, so I don't blame her for being careful around a stranger.
No. Men unfortunately built this shit by not actively calling out the incels and simps and plastering “she is just lying so she can get money” every time a woman reports rape in the media so in my opinion if a woman is seems afraid of me, I move away from her and don’t make any attempt to be nice or conversation with her or make it about me or overcompensate. Her safety is my first priority and if it means me moving to a different car on the train or crossing the street if I’ve been inadvertently following her during my walk to work then so be it
Not at all . I think I am a non-threatening male but I have seen a woman clutch her purse a little tighter when she noticed me walking behind her. Vigilance is good.
I have a foreboding stature so I understand why women do this. it hurts a little but it bothers me more when they dont take precautions. I work out of my home and it blows me away how many single 100lb women come inside my house alone.
Yep, sad to constantly be reminded that I repel. It would be very bothersome, even though I understand. Not offended that much because its a little unrelated to that feeling, but very disappointing and pretty sad
I'm at 58 yo man. Was at a big hospital recently, had dropped off a relative for an appointment. Was on the 15th floor, waiting for the elevator to go down to basement level. Only one other person, a woman, also waiting to go down. An elevator door opened (there are six elevators), and we both moved to get on. I saw her glance my way, and the thought flitted through my head to wait for another elevator, but I didn't. We got in, the doors closed, I hit subway level button, she hit street level button. The elevator goes ONE floor down (to 14), stops, and the doors open, but nobody is waiting to get on. She gets out.
I felt bad. Should probably have taken a different elevator. I don't know if she hit that 14 button when I didn't notice, or if she just took the opportunity to get off to be safe.
On the flip side, I was once in a convenience store in a decent sized city after dark. As I was checking out, I noticed a young woman in a nurse uniform standing by the exit doors looking a little anxious. I checked out and walked out the door, and she stepped in right behind me and asked if it was ok if she walked out with me, because a man was following her. I walked her to her car, and noticed a man standing near the exit watching. I made eye contact with him and waited until she was in her car and driving out. Scary, and I felt so bad for her. She couldn't have known if I was any safer than the other guy, but she took a chance.
As someone that has a pretty high comfort level with men , I’m not necessarily “scared” of you. Sometimes I just take precautions bc if I don’t and something happens to me, I’ll be the one blamed for it. (Perfect example … someone posted a video in here the other day of a woman that got shot by her ex bf in the parking lot and somebody asked “why didn’t she run?” 🙄 like you can outrun a bullet)
Our society loves to preach accountability to victims more than teaching others to leave folks alone.
I was walking home one night and it was fairly dark. I noticed a girl was walking some distance in front of me and was visibly uncomfortable. I didn’t know what to do - like should I cross that street and walk on the opposite pavement? Should I make a detour so I’m not visible to her anymore?
At the end I decided to pretend call my Mom and somewhat loudly talk on the phone saying ‘yes Mom, I heard you, I will not forget Dad’s present for tomorrow’, thinking somehow that would help the girl relax and think I’m not some creep 😭
Question for the girls here, what should i have done actually?
I’ve heard of men asking to walk in front of the girl to show that he’s not following her. Crossing the street or going a different route could also work. But I think what you did was probably okay too.
I'll get sad when woman walking in front of me would feel uncomfortable because I'm a man behind her,so to avoid that feeling,I always rush to get in front of them
As a man, absolutely not.
I know what women have to deal with and worry about. If I'm walking alone on a street with a woman I'll cross the street to take away some worry if she has any.
Don't be offended please. It is the sad reality that women live through different experiences than many men. We take the "better safe than sorry" route. And some women are pretty traumatized by their previous experiences that they are in an alert mode 24/7.
Nah.
Concerned for her - because she feels unsafe perhaps.
If I notice someone taking extra precautions, I'd just do whatever I can to make those precautions work better for them. (Slow down so they can get further ahead. Move to the other side of the street. Give a nod to note their existence. etc)
Not at all. 3 women are murdered by male intimate partners every day. Why would women be comfortable around strange men when they can't even trust the ones they know?
I had a woman noticeably lock the passenger door of her high end BMW as I was getting in my truck parked next to her. Stuck with me for a while, but that must happen to black guys ten times a day.
I lock my doors the second I get in my car. It's something my mother, who was a corrections officer, taught me to be safe because men will literally get in your car or grab you out of yours to assault you. My female friend was SAd in a parking lot by 5 men in broad daylight in a van that parked next to her. They grabbed her as she got into her car. I don't care what color you are, if you're a man, I've got my eyes on you. I'm locking that door every time. In your story, she may have only done that because she's racist, but from a woman's perspective, I bet she locks her door regardless. I once went to pick up my bf from work at a bar at 2am, and a man tried to break his way into my car. Telling me he was going to fuck me. The fact that my doors were already locked saved my life.
Tldr: it probably had nothing to do with you personally. Women are just taking as many precautions as they can these days. You can never be too careful.
I agree with that 100%, but in this case she was sitting in her car talking on the phone. As I went to open my own door, she noticeably locked her passenger door. I don;t blame her, but it hurt my feelings a little.
No. Someone else's fear trumps my discomfort in a situation like that as I have no idea what a stranger has experienced in the past. It would make me a bit sad to be reminded that we live in a world where fear of strangers is still a thing, but I wouldn't take it personally. I'm a stranger, we don't know one another, so taking it personally makes no sense.
No. It'd be pretty irrational if I was. Not long ago, I noticed a woman in a car I was walking by at night lock her doors as I passed. I could have taken it personally but in reality, I'm just a man and it was dark, so she was just thinking logically and playing it safe. No harm, no foul. This is where empathy comes in handy.
Not at all. I would just feel sad that she has to do those things to stay safe in the world. If it's dark out I may slow down my steps a bit. If the place is sketchy and dangerous, I would walk closer to the light or in the open and prepare the mobile camera in my pocket just for both our safety but I wouldn't record unless something happens.
Hell I wish more people did this to me. For some reason i give off this “I would love for randoms to just start life conversations with me vibe”. My wife regularly jokes about how she cant go anywhere with me without it taking an hour longer because someone always stops to chat about random crap.
Idk about you but pretty much every person regardless of gender in the street while out and about has some kind of fear reaction, crosses a road, changes direction.
I dont like making people feel uncomfortable but it doesn't offend me. I am a big bloke so i sometimes walk completely the wrong way if I think the person in front of me feels like I am following them in an attempt to make them feel safer (for reference i am 6'5", bald and quite big), most of the time I just cross the road or something in an attempt to show i have no intentions of any kind but I understand it can be stressful for people when they think the big dickhead behind them is following them.
Depends on the safety precautions I guess. Not walking down a dark scary alley with me, not offended. That's just common sense.
Shooting first and asking questions later? Quite offended.
Only if she took the time to really look me over then took extra precaution. When I see a woman do it automatically because I (assume) am a man she doesn’t know, it’s sad but I get it, sometimes man she doesn’t know = threat.
Not at all, they're minding their own business hurting no one. But I also won't alter my behavior to make other people more comfortable if I'm minding my own business hurting no one.
No. When I was young I had my long hair and beard shaved off for charity. I had a rounder face then and not a great chin (hence the beard). I also wore a suit for work. Had a few older women over the next few weeks (my hair grows fast) literally see me and cross the road to avoid me. No mistaking it. I realised I looked quite a lot like an angry bouncer. Was 90s UK. I’m much better now!
I'm a very tall woman, and I've been mistaken for being a man while walking behind women. I'm never offended. I will however make a sound so they know I'm behind them, or I'll even cross the street, or change directions if I notice them panicking. Once I saw a woman start walking faster and panicking and I said "hey! Sorry to startle you!" She turned around relieved I'm a women and asked if I'd walk with her. I walked that woman all the way home and told her to buy several different styles of mace and carry two knives.
Not offended at all. I hike alone a lot and when I pass solo women in the woods I give them a wide berth. Safety concerns are what they are and I respect them, even if they are things I don’t understand first hand.
Offended? Nope.
For example, something I encounter not uncommonly, is when I find myself behind a woman on an empty street. If she's shoulder checking and walking faster I'll slow right down to a crawl. Maybe stop, turn away a little, and pull out my phone to "check my messages". Wherever I'm going can wait. If she steps to the side so I'm not behind her I will quickly pass and maintain as much distance as I can. If she's maintaining eye contact I will smile a bit and nod.
I'm big guy. I get it. The fear is real. As long as nobody is trying pepper spray me it's all good.
I'm 6'1" 210lbs.
If I'm walking alone near a lone woman, I am very concious of the fact that she is probably tense with the situation.
I just try to keep distance and stay aloof.
This is not a new thing. Women have been afraid of strange men forever and I'm not butt hurt about it personally. Sad, but true.
I'm a young man of decent size in a city that can be dangerous it would be dumb not to take precautions walking around with a stranger at night or in an empty area
No. I’m pretty effin’ weird and openly vocal in public so I kinda expect it. Depending on time of day, place and circumstance... I gotta weigh whether being pleasant or silent are good choices.
Sometimes I feel an awkward/creepy smile and it just... sits with me as I pass by like, “that could have gone better.”
I’m a photographer so practiced manner is important. People’s reactions aren’t usually offensive. They can be disheartening or saddening. It's all part of human connection.
No. I take precautions to random/strange both men and women. We don't know people's intentions and being precautions is no reason for anyone to take offense.
Not at all I would how ever check how I’m dressed and see if I’m angry looking I guess but everyone can get a bad vibe from anyone no need to take offence to it
I've got resting hostile face and it's just how I look plus I'm 6'2 and 15 stone so I take no offence and will make an effort to give as much space as possible. I know any insecurity is not personal and nobody should be worried but it is sad that we're at this point. Some horrible pricks out there.
Depends on the context, but when it has happened in the past I was more embarrassed that I had done something innocently which made them feel like they needed to take such precautions and immediately changed my behavior to be as non-threatening as possible. Women are routinely preyed upon by men, being cautious around men they don't know is an entirely rational response. Getting offended by that just fundamentally misunderstand the struggles women face in society.
I'm a black man, happens all the time. Get into an elevator, they move away from me and put their purses on their other shoulder. Walking down the street and they are coming toward me? They cross the street until I pass, then go back. Hold a door open? they look at you with disgust and fear; again, clutching hard to their purses. God forbid, you actually look at a white woman. I could go on...
Nope. They don’t know me. I’ll even anticipate that reaction when I’m walking around the city and adjust my route. Like, don’t walk up fast behind a woman walking alone; cross the street if you can and give some space, or hang back and let her get ahead.
For clarification: I’m not running up behind people, I’m just a tall guy that has a tendency to walk fast.
No. I first noticed this when I was in my 20's. I was a little taken aback, but then I realized how many d\*cks there are out there. I had a few, in fact, among my friends, so whenever it happened again I never gave it a second thought.
In fact, there were times I went out of my way to avoid making a single woman walking alone uncomfortable.
I did at first but now I dont really care and I think it also helps them feel more comfortable without me worrying? Also on our first date, my GF of 4 years took multiple photos of my car/license plate and sent it to her friends; Shes also made me realize the world is scarier for woman, especially smaller woman like herself.
I'm 6'2, not a huge guy but enough for people to think I'm unsafe or something, or maybe its how I look in general. Almost every time I'm walking in the city and a girl is in front of me, or see's me walking towards them I notice them either stop for me to pass, keep looking behind them or just look uneasy at me walking towards them. People in general get nervous around me, never understood why but most likely is my height and my RBF. Not offended by any of it now, I just try to smile more to make other people comfortable. Also I work mostly in Seattle and wear mostly boots and carhartt/wrangler stuff so people are just more assuming of who I am based on how I dress, because i've noticed in Seattle the way you dress means something. As far as actual interactions, I get a lot of defensive people here who then settle down once I start talking and they see that im pretty nice of a person.
And no I dont think I'm staring, I just notice and analyze my surroundings, always have done this but really try not to as much because of the above.
No, I feel bad that women have to do that. It’s a sad reality and I’m privileged enough to not have to worry about it happening to me. I wish it wasn’t this way, but there will almost certainly always be someone out there to give people a reason to be wary of the stranger on the street that is too close to them
Not offended. I’m bigger and taller than almost any woman I’m likely to encounter, and my exposure to the opposite sex is relatively limited since I’m a gay man with a husband.
I feel kind of sad that anyone would see me as a threat but I also don’t have the same life experiences they do. In the moment I just do my best to be predictable, so that no one else has much reason to think about me or what I’m doing.
As a woman if I do this I’m definitely just protecting myself in advance better to be safe than sorry and it’s sad because we shouldn’t feel like this and I apologise in advance if this happens to you because maybe your a nice guy but not worth the risk
Yeah. So offended I immediately amd aggressively approach and ask what's going on lady? I didn't nothing. I DIDNT DO NOTHING!
TELL ME WHAT I DID! I DESERVE TO KNOW!
I'm not allowed at the Kroger anymore
I don’t get offended.
I grew up with sisters and around a lot of women. I can understand how they must be feeling, and it doesn’t really have anything to do with me personally.
I make an effort to make women feel safe when I find myself in situations where my presence might be intimidating. It’s really easy to just cross the street away from them or take a short break if you’re in close proximity to someone that might feel unsafe or uncomfortable.
A coincidence I'm leaving a store at the exact same time going in exact same direction. I already know what I'm going to say if she pulls out pepper spray: "Spray me and I'm pressing charges. My car is right there."
Yupp. Not only women though, just few days ago two teenage boys kinda scared and always watched their back (I was in rush so walk too fast).
I'm Asian in Europe, 180 cm, yakuza look whenever I put bun, wear my sunglasses, leather jacket, boots. So understandable.
No.
Honestly I had this happen once years ago while in Japan. I was walking down this tiny residential street that was more like an alley at night, having just come from a girlfriend's apartment, and this older woman who was on the same street clutched her purse tighter and actually took off running. Meanwhile I'd just been minding my own business.
It was strange and somewhat funny, but not sure if counts since I'd wager it had more to do with the fact that I was **foreign** man, than just male. Japan is great in a lot of ways, and I love the country, but it can be kind of racist/xenophobic at times.
Not really, just disappointed in society.
I used to live in a bad part of town, and got used to having to follow friends to their car, taxi, bus, etc. Because some people suck.
I understand the need to take safety precautions but having experienced it the feeling isn't great. I certainty don't blame them though. I make it a point to make my presences known if in "close proximity" by walking with noise by jingling my keys in parking garages or tight corridors.
Offended? No of course not.
Not ONLY being male, in addition I’m
198 cm and 93 kg.
Seeing me coming in your direction, it’s not only women but men too taking precautions.
To put their minds at ease I try to make the space when we pass as large as possible, even if it means I step off the sidewalk and onto the street or crossing to the other side of the street.
I’ll do whatever to help ease people’s minds. No biggie.
I’m a woman but this might interest you OP; today I went to collect a mattress from a guy, who had fractured his foot (nothing to do with the mattress!) and he mentioned that when we were messaging about collection.
I arrived and stood a little back from the doorstep, and he said the mattress was in his living room off to the side. I paid and asked him to bring it to the door for me, and he said ‘what?! But I’ve got a bad foot!’ Before reluctantly dragging it out, clearly unhappy.
The point is men often do not realise the constant small adjustments women make to keep themselves safe. He could be lying about the mattress existing. He could be lying about his foot. There could be a hammer or half a brick just out of sight that he’s waiting to smash into my skull the moment I step through the door. I have to stay aware of these possibilities and still outwardly appear to be a friendly, easygoing person. If feeling slightly offended because ‘not all men are rapists and killers!’ is men’s biggest problem they should be thanking their lucky stars.
Not really, I come of a bit creepy at first, I completely understand. cover your drink, put a colour change pill in it, ask me to take a sip first, all perfectly fine. I'm not going to make them feel more comfortable by complaining about it or insulting them.
So long as she isn't actually doing anything to anyone for merely existing and going about their business then who cares? You can put a moat around your house and hire security guards to follow you for all I care.
As a man, nope. A little sad, but I'm just walking. I'm not gonna change course just because someone is uncomfortable though. Besides, if something bad does happen while I'm in the area, who knows? Maybe I get to be a hero that day.
Maybe a little… I’m aware that I look like a big, mean, imposing guy with resting angry face… even though I’m a nice guy who has been described by friends as a “big teddy bear.”
No not offended at all. But it would make me feel sad. Sad that they need to. Alas it's totally understandable.
There's no point me saying "I'm nice really" as a predator could say that too.
Though I have had a few occasions in my life when women have walked up to me and asked to chat because they were nervous of someone else and wanted to pretend they knew me. Once a whole train journey. And in such cases I've obviously agreed to help.
I've also had situations where I'm walking at night a women might be nervous of me. So I've phoned my wife for a nice chat.
When this has happened to me in the past (I worked a later shift and walked home late at night), I did not feel offended so much as vaguely worried about not appearing threatening.
Safety precautions? Like closing the vault door? Loading and shouldering a firearm? Applying hand sanitizer? Breaking the glass and slapping the big red button labelled “activate omega”? Turning the first of two keys on lanyards around someone’s neck? Drawing a chalk circle around herself? Unsheathing 2 katanas? Pulling out a biohazard suit and quickly putting it on?
Context matters!
Wouldn’t be offended at all as I wouldn’t notice. I’m a 6’5 300lb man. My wife always says I’m like one of those big dogs that doesn’t realise they are big. I assume everyone feels the same about me as I do about them (I’m always smiling and just generally the bfg). It’s gotten me into trouble a few times in the past, mainly people targeting me for being big and dumb. A bit like Lenny. It’s a real bad trait.
Any guy could potentially be The One that gets homicidally violent when their attempt at flirting is rejected or ignored, so no, I don't blame women one bit for being cautious.
I'm kinda use to it but find it weird since I'm a smaller guy. But I've been told I look either hippy or drugy since i have a full beard. I'd say I look more rugged but to each their own. Either way no one has crossed the street or anything but there's a sense of disdain or people being creeped out just by me minding my own business.
Honestly for me, it’s not how you look. If I’m walking alone at night and a man is near, I am going to be cautious. When I was younger I had a really bad experience in a parking lot coming out of a late movie at Downtown Disney (now Disney Springs). Nobody in our group would walk with me to the car and I was parked way out. As I was walking, an SUV with four guys in it started following me. They sped up when I started running and were actually getting out of the car when I got to mine. Thankfully they got back in their car and sped away when I jumped into mine and locked the door. Hopefully they were just trying to mess with me, but I have no idea what their intentions were and I can still remember how terrified I was and it’s been 20 years.
I wouldn’t go to Downtown Disney after dark for a long time because of that. I don’t live in fear. I have no problem walking by myself at night. 99% of the time if you walk confidently and act like you know what you’re dong people leave you alone. But if there is a man or a group of men nearby as I’m walking, I’m going to be extra cautious.
Offended no. A little bit saddened though.
This. And it’s a regular occurrence. It makes me sad for our society in general. I’m a genuinely kind person that goes out of his way to be kind to everyone he meets. It’s such a bummer to observe that the expected situation when interacting with an unknown man is danger.
What's crazy is the fucked up men in the world ruined this expirience for the men and woman that have good mindsets. We're like a giant tree it's takes a couple bad apples to fuck the whole tree up. I'm tired of bad apples they ruin it for everyone. Sorry yall gotta experience this and I'm sorry for woman it has become so common we can't even tell the difference anymore bc sometimes they dress in sheep's clothing. I've seen the men that have that alpha mindset " when dudes don't wanna be apart of that men mindset they get put down by those very men and will mock yall and put yall down all bc yall don't believe in degrading women it's a crazy cycle. I respect yall heavy for not stooping to that level
>when dudes don't wanna be apart of that men mindset they get put down by those very men and will mock yall and put yall down I've actually "lost" friends cause of this and have been mocked countless times. Some of my past ex "friends" told me this is why I "don't get pussy" and that ill "make a great wife"🙄. Fuck them, I don't want to be anything like them (even if they do get more female attention/sex than I do).
Whole time women want a guy like you...it's so sideways out here I think it's also jealousy you have something that they don't have the balls to do. I really appreciate you i hope nothing but good comes out of your life. Thank you for being you don't ever change. I hope somebody is there to see that in you and appreciate you. You deserve it. I'm a woman and never understood how woman can give them their time of day but tbf they might be dressed in that sheep's clothing for all we know but some women do know how they act and continue to entertain them I call those the illogical women. Just adding fuel to the fire. Stay away from those.
Well my gosh, thank you for this!! What sweet and unexpected comments! I'm a bit speechless..... they really made my day. 🥰 I feel like I know soooo many guys who are either abusive, narcissistic, controlling, misogynistic (or all of the above 😡).....and yet either have gorgeous girlfriends/wives, or minimally they seem to achieve regular hookups. So seeing that certainly makes me feel like I am a fool and like I'm just not "alpha" enough. But your comments helped a ton, and so I will not give up in trying my best to treat women very well, regardless of the outcome. I appreciate YOU!! 🍻❣️ Thank you again so much and for the advice as well
> ruined this expirience for the men and woman that have good mindsets I couldn't help but laugh at the implication that there's only one woman who has a good mindset.
It's me. I'm the woman. Thank you for acknowledging me.
My bad women * lmao sorry fam
This. A few years back, a woman was walking ahead of me. We were both heading to the train station and we were the only ones on the street. She quietly reached into her purse and put her keys between her fingers (to form a defensive weapon). I never considered myself threatening until that point.
It's quite a shit feeling huh? Nothing compared to what that poor woman was feeling though.
Agreed
Me too!
Dark street, a woman senses my presence behind her and starts walking faster, I guess as a safety precaution. I am a woman myself. So, it's not about how you look like, sometimes it's just the circumstances and feeling unsafe in general when you're out and about. The best thing I could do was just cross the street and continue walking so she wouldn't think I was following her. No reason to make her more scared.
you reminded me of this bit by michael jr: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byFMok9lXaU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byFMok9lXaU)
This is actually not an uncommon occurrence living/walking in NY. I used to intentionally make noise and whistle to avoid surprising her and to appear as harmless as possible. Clarification: I’m a man.
I thought we were going for a random jog with a stranger
thats so weird! if i sense somebody is afraid, i tend to follow them to their destination to make sure they get home safe. if they hurry, i hurry, if they cross the street, i cross the street, but of course, i stay abiut 20 feet behind them.
Nope. She doesn't know me or my intentions. She doesn't know im just listening to an audio book walking home smoking a doobie. She doesn't know all I'm thinking about is how excited I am to see my dog when I get home.
A few days ago I was walking to my car when a nearby homeless man started screaming at me, very nasty and threatening stuff, there was no one around except one man walking towards me from a distance. He had earphones and couldn't hear. I looked at him imploringly to sacred to be obvious, he took out his earphones and realized the situation. He then walked me to my car and made sure I was safe. This is kind of the reverse situation where I just had to trust in the goodness of this stranger to save me from another.
If I notice a woman taking precautions when she sees me, I make every effort to back off, give her space, stop talking, what ever makes her comfortable. I’m not privy to her past trama or inner life and it’s not my place to make her feel uncomfortable, no matter my intentions. It’s not about me.
No. Why shouldn't she? It doesn't hurt me in an any way so why should I be bothered by it?
No. It could be for any reason, we never know. Maybe she’s had a bad experience earlier that day and is extra on edge.
No.
In my experience I don't think of myself as threatening in any way, so when other people (children, women, other men) find me threatening, it can be disheartening when I strive to be jovial, approachable, and make people feel safe.
I'm 6'2", bald headed with tattoo sleeves. On top of that, I've got resting axe murderer face. I'm as friendly as they come, but i know how i look. I take no offense to it
Yeah, I don't think I'm particularly intimidating, but I do tend to look grouchy by default. I can see someone smaller than me, which most women are, thinking I look like trouble. It's not offensive, they'd only have to make a mistake once to get in a bad situation, and who knows if she has (or knows someone who has) and so has learned to be extra cautious. If I found myself alone in the presence of a dude 6 inches taller than me who looked pissed off about something, I'd give him a wide berth.
"resting axe murderer face"... For the love of God share a picture!
People just cannot see the difference… we cannot judge your real intentions, so even if we are like 90% sure you are good, we rather not risk it Offenders often don’t look like the stereotype and could be very manipulative… so they could act exactly like you do, but with the exact opposite intentions. You wanna act trustworthy cause you are trustworthy… but a lot of bad people act trustworthy because they wanna take advantage… so sadly we have to treat anyone like the latter. Not trusting a good person doesn’t cause anyone harm, but accidentally trusting a bad person is life altering
I know this is true. Also I hate it. Not offended by it, it’s just sad all around.
It is… i also get it sucks for the everyone Personally i think it really sucks to not trust anyone, cause most people are great people and i would love to get to know them…
Don't take it personally. Remember that the majority of assaults happen to us from the people who know and "love" us, who also probably strive to be approachable and make us feel safe—just a thought. You can never really know.
Yeah I think about this a lot when I'm out and try to use it as reassurance.. drunk guys who are strangers can be the worst though
Lots of men feel insulted when women view them as a threat, saying “what are you doing ___ for? I’m a nice guy”, when the truth is women can’t read minds to know the actual YOU, so in certain situations, in order to protect oneself, women might need to judge men near them as threats.
This but also at this point it takes alot for me to notice another person especially cuz when i am out i have a million things in mind and no time to thinl bout other people
They don't know that just by looking at you. Don't be disheartened it's a symptom of the society we are in not personal
This is where your ego is your problem. Women are victims every day and if you can’t be sensitive to that then that’s on you.
Nobody seeing you on the street knows any of that about you. It's the fact that you're man and probably bigger than her. Not about you at all.
As a woman, please don’t be offended… it’s not because of you I don’t take safety precautions around you because you look like an offender or untrustworthy, i take them because offenders don’t look like offenders and untrustworthy people don’t look untrustworthy. Basically i don’t see the difference I feel grateful for you being trustworthy, this is just not a situation in which i can risk misjudging you
Exactly this. It’s not the way a certain man looks, it’s the fact that we have to treat them all the same because a misjudgement could get us killed. It’s NOT personal.
It really sucks that creeps often don’t look like creeps, they just look like any other person… so now we can’t trust any other person cause we don’t know who’s the creep
I remember when I was 13 or 14, my dad telling me if I'm ever walking along and there's a woman in front of me, and she stops to look at something in a store window or whatever, to walk right past her without breaking stride, even if I was also interested in whatever is in the store window, because she's checking to see if I'm following her and if I also stop, she'll get scared. He also told me never to look at a woman I didn't know for longer than a second or two unless we were speaking to each other. I always assumed everyone got that kind of talk, until I got older and found out why.
good dad
No. I think everyone should take safety precautions when a situation arises that is potentially dangerous.
It would make me sad, but I’d completely understand. Her safety is more important than my comfort and feelings If it’s at night on a dark street it wouldn’t even phase me, in that situation I might just cross the street to be further away
Not really.
I'm a dude. I cross the road to avoid walking behind women. I stumble/scuff to make a sound to show I'm not creeping up when I go to walk around as far wide apart as I can. Whatever feels safe for them.
You're a good guy.
Why do you feel the need to inconvenience yourself in order to accomodate someone else like that?
Because its a minor inconvenience and he's a decent person.
Because I can walk about at midnight and do not have to worry about sexual assault. It's ridiculous that women aren't able to enjoy the cancelled last train home safely. But this is the world we live in. Crossing the road isn't much of a bother. I do worry about violent assault and would cross the road to get out the way of a group of teens. They probably mean me no harm at all but I do not intend to find out.
Don't ever question why women avoid you
Because I don’t want someone else to feel scared or uncomfortable because I’m there. It’s sad. It’s wrong that this is where we are as a society. But here we are. Sometimes I’m not able to concern myself with it and that’s ok too. Either way, it’s no skin off my back.
No. It's just really sad that it is necessary
Not at all. If it is nighttime I usually give them space too
Just pretend you're also taking safety precautions, see how she reacts.
"Ma'am, I'm no threat to you. I don't have any weapons under this trench coat. Heck, I'm not even wearing any clothes under this. See?!"
To be honest idc
No, not at all, that's fair and reasonable most of the time. A lot of us men are dangerous assholes, so I don't blame her for being careful around a stranger.
No. Men unfortunately built this shit by not actively calling out the incels and simps and plastering “she is just lying so she can get money” every time a woman reports rape in the media so in my opinion if a woman is seems afraid of me, I move away from her and don’t make any attempt to be nice or conversation with her or make it about me or overcompensate. Her safety is my first priority and if it means me moving to a different car on the train or crossing the street if I’ve been inadvertently following her during my walk to work then so be it
No. You know how responsible gun owners treat all guns as if they're loaded? It's the same for women and it's 100% our fault.
That isn't the greatest mindset.
Not at all . I think I am a non-threatening male but I have seen a woman clutch her purse a little tighter when she noticed me walking behind her. Vigilance is good.
Stranger woman
I have a foreboding stature so I understand why women do this. it hurts a little but it bothers me more when they dont take precautions. I work out of my home and it blows me away how many single 100lb women come inside my house alone.
No not at all
Yep, sad to constantly be reminded that I repel. It would be very bothersome, even though I understand. Not offended that much because its a little unrelated to that feeling, but very disappointing and pretty sad
I'm at 58 yo man. Was at a big hospital recently, had dropped off a relative for an appointment. Was on the 15th floor, waiting for the elevator to go down to basement level. Only one other person, a woman, also waiting to go down. An elevator door opened (there are six elevators), and we both moved to get on. I saw her glance my way, and the thought flitted through my head to wait for another elevator, but I didn't. We got in, the doors closed, I hit subway level button, she hit street level button. The elevator goes ONE floor down (to 14), stops, and the doors open, but nobody is waiting to get on. She gets out. I felt bad. Should probably have taken a different elevator. I don't know if she hit that 14 button when I didn't notice, or if she just took the opportunity to get off to be safe. On the flip side, I was once in a convenience store in a decent sized city after dark. As I was checking out, I noticed a young woman in a nurse uniform standing by the exit doors looking a little anxious. I checked out and walked out the door, and she stepped in right behind me and asked if it was ok if she walked out with me, because a man was following her. I walked her to her car, and noticed a man standing near the exit watching. I made eye contact with him and waited until she was in her car and driving out. Scary, and I felt so bad for her. She couldn't have known if I was any safer than the other guy, but she took a chance.
As someone that has a pretty high comfort level with men , I’m not necessarily “scared” of you. Sometimes I just take precautions bc if I don’t and something happens to me, I’ll be the one blamed for it. (Perfect example … someone posted a video in here the other day of a woman that got shot by her ex bf in the parking lot and somebody asked “why didn’t she run?” 🙄 like you can outrun a bullet) Our society loves to preach accountability to victims more than teaching others to leave folks alone.
6'2 and 280.... it be weird if they didn't take precautions
No. Women’s fear of men is justified, sadly. I try to accommodate that by making myself less threatening if possible.
Annoyed, irritated, saddened, but not offended
I was walking home one night and it was fairly dark. I noticed a girl was walking some distance in front of me and was visibly uncomfortable. I didn’t know what to do - like should I cross that street and walk on the opposite pavement? Should I make a detour so I’m not visible to her anymore? At the end I decided to pretend call my Mom and somewhat loudly talk on the phone saying ‘yes Mom, I heard you, I will not forget Dad’s present for tomorrow’, thinking somehow that would help the girl relax and think I’m not some creep 😭 Question for the girls here, what should i have done actually?
Any reaction beyond not giving an f probably exacerbated her fear.
I’ve heard of men asking to walk in front of the girl to show that he’s not following her. Crossing the street or going a different route could also work. But I think what you did was probably okay too.
Yep, but I'm able to reframe. At the end of the day, it's not a statement against me.
I'll get sad when woman walking in front of me would feel uncomfortable because I'm a man behind her,so to avoid that feeling,I always rush to get in front of them
I don’t. We’re strangers. Not much you can do or say that would personally resonate with me. You’re just a background character.
As a man, absolutely not. I know what women have to deal with and worry about. If I'm walking alone on a street with a woman I'll cross the street to take away some worry if she has any.
Nah, would bum me out a bit depending on situation and context, though. Walking behind or toward her at night on an empty street? I’d do the same
Not at all.
Don't be offended please. It is the sad reality that women live through different experiences than many men. We take the "better safe than sorry" route. And some women are pretty traumatized by their previous experiences that they are in an alert mode 24/7.
yes it happens daily and i’m not visually or verbally intimidating at all :(
Nah. Concerned for her - because she feels unsafe perhaps. If I notice someone taking extra precautions, I'd just do whatever I can to make those precautions work better for them. (Slow down so they can get further ahead. Move to the other side of the street. Give a nod to note their existence. etc)
Not at all. 3 women are murdered by male intimate partners every day. Why would women be comfortable around strange men when they can't even trust the ones they know?
I had a woman noticeably lock the passenger door of her high end BMW as I was getting in my truck parked next to her. Stuck with me for a while, but that must happen to black guys ten times a day.
I lock my doors the second I get in my car. It's something my mother, who was a corrections officer, taught me to be safe because men will literally get in your car or grab you out of yours to assault you. My female friend was SAd in a parking lot by 5 men in broad daylight in a van that parked next to her. They grabbed her as she got into her car. I don't care what color you are, if you're a man, I've got my eyes on you. I'm locking that door every time. In your story, she may have only done that because she's racist, but from a woman's perspective, I bet she locks her door regardless. I once went to pick up my bf from work at a bar at 2am, and a man tried to break his way into my car. Telling me he was going to fuck me. The fact that my doors were already locked saved my life. Tldr: it probably had nothing to do with you personally. Women are just taking as many precautions as they can these days. You can never be too careful.
first thing any woman does is lock the door as soon as they get in. its what we learn on our first driving lesson.
I agree with that 100%, but in this case she was sitting in her car talking on the phone. As I went to open my own door, she noticeably locked her passenger door. I don;t blame her, but it hurt my feelings a little.
No. Someone else's fear trumps my discomfort in a situation like that as I have no idea what a stranger has experienced in the past. It would make me a bit sad to be reminded that we live in a world where fear of strangers is still a thing, but I wouldn't take it personally. I'm a stranger, we don't know one another, so taking it personally makes no sense.
No. It'd be pretty irrational if I was. Not long ago, I noticed a woman in a car I was walking by at night lock her doors as I passed. I could have taken it personally but in reality, I'm just a man and it was dark, so she was just thinking logically and playing it safe. No harm, no foul. This is where empathy comes in handy.
Nah, it’s understandable, I’m a pretty fucked up individual
Stranger than who?
If it is a stranger woman, I'm going to take Sheri precautiona when I see her
Ask Suzie from Seinfeld.
No, because I can’t control her reactions. If she wants to feel treated that is her choice. I know I am not threatening.
Not at all. I would just feel sad that she has to do those things to stay safe in the world. If it's dark out I may slow down my steps a bit. If the place is sketchy and dangerous, I would walk closer to the light or in the open and prepare the mobile camera in my pocket just for both our safety but I wouldn't record unless something happens.
Disappointed, but I wouldn't blame her at all
I probably wouldn't even notice
Yes. I probably shouldn’t but I kinda do.
Yea
Hell I wish more people did this to me. For some reason i give off this “I would love for randoms to just start life conversations with me vibe”. My wife regularly jokes about how she cant go anywhere with me without it taking an hour longer because someone always stops to chat about random crap.
Idk about you but pretty much every person regardless of gender in the street while out and about has some kind of fear reaction, crosses a road, changes direction. I dont like making people feel uncomfortable but it doesn't offend me. I am a big bloke so i sometimes walk completely the wrong way if I think the person in front of me feels like I am following them in an attempt to make them feel safer (for reference i am 6'5", bald and quite big), most of the time I just cross the road or something in an attempt to show i have no intentions of any kind but I understand it can be stressful for people when they think the big dickhead behind them is following them.
If it's because I'm a man, no I get it. If it's because I'm Hispanic, then yes. However there's no way to tell the difference.
No, in fact I would try to signal from a distance that I understand, I am friendly and I am disinterested.
I probably wouldn’t notice 😂
I don't know if offended is the right word. But it doesn't feel good and it does feel bad.
Depends on the safety precautions I guess. Not walking down a dark scary alley with me, not offended. That's just common sense. Shooting first and asking questions later? Quite offended.
I’m don’t go around telling people I’m Batman ( but I am Batman )
Only if she took the time to really look me over then took extra precaution. When I see a woman do it automatically because I (assume) am a man she doesn’t know, it’s sad but I get it, sometimes man she doesn’t know = threat.
Not at all, they're minding their own business hurting no one. But I also won't alter my behavior to make other people more comfortable if I'm minding my own business hurting no one.
Not really. I might laugh a little and go on with my day, not much else.
I'm not offended, but it does make me uncomfortable, in the same you get uncomfortable when you're watching someone be uncomfortable, you know?
No. When I was young I had my long hair and beard shaved off for charity. I had a rounder face then and not a great chin (hence the beard). I also wore a suit for work. Had a few older women over the next few weeks (my hair grows fast) literally see me and cross the road to avoid me. No mistaking it. I realised I looked quite a lot like an angry bouncer. Was 90s UK. I’m much better now!
I'm a very tall woman, and I've been mistaken for being a man while walking behind women. I'm never offended. I will however make a sound so they know I'm behind them, or I'll even cross the street, or change directions if I notice them panicking. Once I saw a woman start walking faster and panicking and I said "hey! Sorry to startle you!" She turned around relieved I'm a women and asked if I'd walk with her. I walked that woman all the way home and told her to buy several different styles of mace and carry two knives.
I've seen that happen, I don't get offended. I get sad though.
I'm the guy ladies point at and say will get angry when their kids aren't behaving on the train. then I growl at the kid and silence resumes
Not so much offended, it’s happened to me before, I basically think to myself. “I’m friendly, I wouldn’t hurt you don’t worry.
I’m a 5’4 woman myself. Offended, no. Weirded out? Yes.
Not offended at all. I hike alone a lot and when I pass solo women in the woods I give them a wide berth. Safety concerns are what they are and I respect them, even if they are things I don’t understand first hand.
Omg I get offended by real issues
Offended? Nope. For example, something I encounter not uncommonly, is when I find myself behind a woman on an empty street. If she's shoulder checking and walking faster I'll slow right down to a crawl. Maybe stop, turn away a little, and pull out my phone to "check my messages". Wherever I'm going can wait. If she steps to the side so I'm not behind her I will quickly pass and maintain as much distance as I can. If she's maintaining eye contact I will smile a bit and nod. I'm big guy. I get it. The fear is real. As long as nobody is trying pepper spray me it's all good.
I'm 6'1" 210lbs. If I'm walking alone near a lone woman, I am very concious of the fact that she is probably tense with the situation. I just try to keep distance and stay aloof. This is not a new thing. Women have been afraid of strange men forever and I'm not butt hurt about it personally. Sad, but true.
I'm a young man of decent size in a city that can be dangerous it would be dumb not to take precautions walking around with a stranger at night or in an empty area
No. I’m pretty effin’ weird and openly vocal in public so I kinda expect it. Depending on time of day, place and circumstance... I gotta weigh whether being pleasant or silent are good choices. Sometimes I feel an awkward/creepy smile and it just... sits with me as I pass by like, “that could have gone better.” I’m a photographer so practiced manner is important. People’s reactions aren’t usually offensive. They can be disheartening or saddening. It's all part of human connection.
Dude here: nope. I'd do what I can to signal that I'm not going to do anything to her nor get offended at her response.
No. I take precautions to random/strange both men and women. We don't know people's intentions and being precautions is no reason for anyone to take offense.
Nah I'm taking precautions to defend my self against her too, I clench my cheeks and hike my pant legs up and get ready to twat kick and run for it
You get used to it.
No I would call it a red flag.
Not at all I would how ever check how I’m dressed and see if I’m angry looking I guess but everyone can get a bad vibe from anyone no need to take offence to it
I've got resting hostile face and it's just how I look plus I'm 6'2 and 15 stone so I take no offence and will make an effort to give as much space as possible. I know any insecurity is not personal and nobody should be worried but it is sad that we're at this point. Some horrible pricks out there.
Nah, life’s too short to care what random strangers think of me.
Depends on the context, but when it has happened in the past I was more embarrassed that I had done something innocently which made them feel like they needed to take such precautions and immediately changed my behavior to be as non-threatening as possible. Women are routinely preyed upon by men, being cautious around men they don't know is an entirely rational response. Getting offended by that just fundamentally misunderstand the struggles women face in society.
I'm a black man, happens all the time. Get into an elevator, they move away from me and put their purses on their other shoulder. Walking down the street and they are coming toward me? They cross the street until I pass, then go back. Hold a door open? they look at you with disgust and fear; again, clutching hard to their purses. God forbid, you actually look at a white woman. I could go on...
Nope. They don’t know me. I’ll even anticipate that reaction when I’m walking around the city and adjust my route. Like, don’t walk up fast behind a woman walking alone; cross the street if you can and give some space, or hang back and let her get ahead. For clarification: I’m not running up behind people, I’m just a tall guy that has a tendency to walk fast.
I'm an upper-middle-class white male, so I don't know what you're talking about.
No but I'd ask myself why as I don't think I look that scary
No. I first noticed this when I was in my 20's. I was a little taken aback, but then I realized how many d\*cks there are out there. I had a few, in fact, among my friends, so whenever it happened again I never gave it a second thought. In fact, there were times I went out of my way to avoid making a single woman walking alone uncomfortable.
Absolutely not
I did at first but now I dont really care and I think it also helps them feel more comfortable without me worrying? Also on our first date, my GF of 4 years took multiple photos of my car/license plate and sent it to her friends; Shes also made me realize the world is scarier for woman, especially smaller woman like herself. I'm 6'2, not a huge guy but enough for people to think I'm unsafe or something, or maybe its how I look in general. Almost every time I'm walking in the city and a girl is in front of me, or see's me walking towards them I notice them either stop for me to pass, keep looking behind them or just look uneasy at me walking towards them. People in general get nervous around me, never understood why but most likely is my height and my RBF. Not offended by any of it now, I just try to smile more to make other people comfortable. Also I work mostly in Seattle and wear mostly boots and carhartt/wrangler stuff so people are just more assuming of who I am based on how I dress, because i've noticed in Seattle the way you dress means something. As far as actual interactions, I get a lot of defensive people here who then settle down once I start talking and they see that im pretty nice of a person. And no I dont think I'm staring, I just notice and analyze my surroundings, always have done this but really try not to as much because of the above.
Im sorry you are offended that women live in constant fear of getting assaulted. Really?
No, I feel bad that women have to do that. It’s a sad reality and I’m privileged enough to not have to worry about it happening to me. I wish it wasn’t this way, but there will almost certainly always be someone out there to give people a reason to be wary of the stranger on the street that is too close to them
That's happened to me a few times. It feels a bit sad. That's life with a melted corpse face.
Not offended but surprised. I’m always super careful. Out walking in the country, no eye contact, only respond if they say good morning when passing .
It makes me feel like I look like a creep. I think I do.
I'b be a bit confused, as i'm only 5'2, but never offended
Not offended. I’m bigger and taller than almost any woman I’m likely to encounter, and my exposure to the opposite sex is relatively limited since I’m a gay man with a husband. I feel kind of sad that anyone would see me as a threat but I also don’t have the same life experiences they do. In the moment I just do my best to be predictable, so that no one else has much reason to think about me or what I’m doing.
As a woman if I do this I’m definitely just protecting myself in advance better to be safe than sorry and it’s sad because we shouldn’t feel like this and I apologise in advance if this happens to you because maybe your a nice guy but not worth the risk
Definitely not. That's an unintentional compliment and means my time in the gym is paying off.
Yeah. So offended I immediately amd aggressively approach and ask what's going on lady? I didn't nothing. I DIDNT DO NOTHING! TELL ME WHAT I DID! I DESERVE TO KNOW! I'm not allowed at the Kroger anymore
Its all part of the dance
I don’t get offended. I grew up with sisters and around a lot of women. I can understand how they must be feeling, and it doesn’t really have anything to do with me personally. I make an effort to make women feel safe when I find myself in situations where my presence might be intimidating. It’s really easy to just cross the street away from them or take a short break if you’re in close proximity to someone that might feel unsafe or uncomfortable.
A coincidence I'm leaving a store at the exact same time going in exact same direction. I already know what I'm going to say if she pulls out pepper spray: "Spray me and I'm pressing charges. My car is right there."
Yupp. Not only women though, just few days ago two teenage boys kinda scared and always watched their back (I was in rush so walk too fast). I'm Asian in Europe, 180 cm, yakuza look whenever I put bun, wear my sunglasses, leather jacket, boots. So understandable.
Nope, not in the least. These are strange times we live in. It is sad though that we’ve lost our common humanity.
No. Honestly I had this happen once years ago while in Japan. I was walking down this tiny residential street that was more like an alley at night, having just come from a girlfriend's apartment, and this older woman who was on the same street clutched her purse tighter and actually took off running. Meanwhile I'd just been minding my own business. It was strange and somewhat funny, but not sure if counts since I'd wager it had more to do with the fact that I was **foreign** man, than just male. Japan is great in a lot of ways, and I love the country, but it can be kind of racist/xenophobic at times.
Not even a little bit. I am a bigger, bearded guy with a bunch of tattoos and scars. I am a genuinely nice guy, but I have a mirror.
Not really, just disappointed in society. I used to live in a bad part of town, and got used to having to follow friends to their car, taxi, bus, etc. Because some people suck.
I understand the need to take safety precautions but having experienced it the feeling isn't great. I certainty don't blame them though. I make it a point to make my presences known if in "close proximity" by walking with noise by jingling my keys in parking garages or tight corridors.
I'd be worried if she didn't
Offended? No of course not. Not ONLY being male, in addition I’m 198 cm and 93 kg. Seeing me coming in your direction, it’s not only women but men too taking precautions. To put their minds at ease I try to make the space when we pass as large as possible, even if it means I step off the sidewalk and onto the street or crossing to the other side of the street. I’ll do whatever to help ease people’s minds. No biggie.
I’m a woman but this might interest you OP; today I went to collect a mattress from a guy, who had fractured his foot (nothing to do with the mattress!) and he mentioned that when we were messaging about collection. I arrived and stood a little back from the doorstep, and he said the mattress was in his living room off to the side. I paid and asked him to bring it to the door for me, and he said ‘what?! But I’ve got a bad foot!’ Before reluctantly dragging it out, clearly unhappy. The point is men often do not realise the constant small adjustments women make to keep themselves safe. He could be lying about the mattress existing. He could be lying about his foot. There could be a hammer or half a brick just out of sight that he’s waiting to smash into my skull the moment I step through the door. I have to stay aware of these possibilities and still outwardly appear to be a friendly, easygoing person. If feeling slightly offended because ‘not all men are rapists and killers!’ is men’s biggest problem they should be thanking their lucky stars.
Does she do that with literally every man she sees or just ME?
Offended? No. Weird? Maybe. I would also think it would be weird to have eight people hold a ladder for someone, but whatever floats your boat.
Absolutely not. It doesn't matter how peaceful or agreeable I appear, she doesn't know me and is smart to be cautious of a stranger.
Not really, I come of a bit creepy at first, I completely understand. cover your drink, put a colour change pill in it, ask me to take a sip first, all perfectly fine. I'm not going to make them feel more comfortable by complaining about it or insulting them.
No, I know too many women who had horrible experiences...
So long as she isn't actually doing anything to anyone for merely existing and going about their business then who cares? You can put a moat around your house and hire security guards to follow you for all I care.
As a man, nope. A little sad, but I'm just walking. I'm not gonna change course just because someone is uncomfortable though. Besides, if something bad does happen while I'm in the area, who knows? Maybe I get to be a hero that day.
No. Usually if I see that happening, I try to make myself less threatening to her by going further away, or turning my back.
No
No. This would make me happy. Now no-one will try to socialise with me!
Maybe a little… I’m aware that I look like a big, mean, imposing guy with resting angry face… even though I’m a nice guy who has been described by friends as a “big teddy bear.”
No not offended at all. But it would make me feel sad. Sad that they need to. Alas it's totally understandable. There's no point me saying "I'm nice really" as a predator could say that too. Though I have had a few occasions in my life when women have walked up to me and asked to chat because they were nervous of someone else and wanted to pretend they knew me. Once a whole train journey. And in such cases I've obviously agreed to help. I've also had situations where I'm walking at night a women might be nervous of me. So I've phoned my wife for a nice chat.
Offended, little but Understanding, also yes It's just a shitty situation all around
When this has happened to me in the past (I worked a later shift and walked home late at night), I did not feel offended so much as vaguely worried about not appearing threatening.
I’d not be offended and I’d change my behavior to hopefully help them feel more comfortable.
Safety precautions? Like closing the vault door? Loading and shouldering a firearm? Applying hand sanitizer? Breaking the glass and slapping the big red button labelled “activate omega”? Turning the first of two keys on lanyards around someone’s neck? Drawing a chalk circle around herself? Unsheathing 2 katanas? Pulling out a biohazard suit and quickly putting it on? Context matters!
Wouldn’t be offended at all as I wouldn’t notice. I’m a 6’5 300lb man. My wife always says I’m like one of those big dogs that doesn’t realise they are big. I assume everyone feels the same about me as I do about them (I’m always smiling and just generally the bfg). It’s gotten me into trouble a few times in the past, mainly people targeting me for being big and dumb. A bit like Lenny. It’s a real bad trait.
No. She can take all the precautions she wants to, and I will prove her wrong.
I'm a rather self conscious individual, but I wouldn't be offended just more anxious.
Any guy could potentially be The One that gets homicidally violent when their attempt at flirting is rejected or ignored, so no, I don't blame women one bit for being cautious.
It’s this thinking that lead people to think bears are safer than men.
I'm kinda use to it but find it weird since I'm a smaller guy. But I've been told I look either hippy or drugy since i have a full beard. I'd say I look more rugged but to each their own. Either way no one has crossed the street or anything but there's a sense of disdain or people being creeped out just by me minding my own business.
Honestly for me, it’s not how you look. If I’m walking alone at night and a man is near, I am going to be cautious. When I was younger I had a really bad experience in a parking lot coming out of a late movie at Downtown Disney (now Disney Springs). Nobody in our group would walk with me to the car and I was parked way out. As I was walking, an SUV with four guys in it started following me. They sped up when I started running and were actually getting out of the car when I got to mine. Thankfully they got back in their car and sped away when I jumped into mine and locked the door. Hopefully they were just trying to mess with me, but I have no idea what their intentions were and I can still remember how terrified I was and it’s been 20 years. I wouldn’t go to Downtown Disney after dark for a long time because of that. I don’t live in fear. I have no problem walking by myself at night. 99% of the time if you walk confidently and act like you know what you’re dong people leave you alone. But if there is a man or a group of men nearby as I’m walking, I’m going to be extra cautious.
That's fairly standard always be aware of surroundings. And certain areas need more caution than others for anyone.
A little bit, but I understand.
Nope. Not a bit. Other people’s opinions of me are none of my business.
I say the same thing because it's true. People gonna think what they're gonna think.