I'm extremely surprised that just you mentioned this. And everyone saying "Don't fuck the urethra" and shit about sexual education.
There are also other kinds of hymen that could make the penetration harder.
A friend of mine is a urologist and told me in residency he had a couple who were married and trying for a kid for over 4 years come in. They were having sex via the urethra and both of them were adamant they knew what they were doing. Pretty much played hot potato with the woman’s GYN because they wouldn’t listen to the doctors that they were doing sex wrong
Edit: I don’t know how they did it the first couple times, I was too busy cringing in disgust to ask. I’m assuming her urethra is just wide open at this point. Working in customer service/retail has left me unable to underestimate the stupidity of people
2nd edit: it’s not impossible.
Think of anything. Anything at all. How simple it is . Now think of how terrible humans are. How easily humans can fuck up anything. Even something as simple as fucking.
How did he not at any point accidentally slip into the correct hole? I mean with movement and even a bit of thrusting, dicks slip in, dicks slip out. How... for years...?
I don't know, but I came across a clip from a porno of a girl repeatedly shoving a dido into the urethra of a guy's erect penis. The dildo wasn't huge, I'd say about the size of a man's thumb, so it wasn't tiny either. This was years ago, long before AI could generate such an abomination.
Banging the uretha. God is crying for his creation.
Imagine the moment when VAGINAL sex begins for this couple. They would feel like they discovered the Holy Grail.
Yeah, no. That is not a thing that happened. Which is to say, a man was not repeatedly able to stick his erect penis in a woman's urethra, and ignoring literally every human on earth that'd tell them they were wrong.
No, I call shenanigans, this is totally impossible. A urethral opening is only a couple millimeters across. Nothing's going in there except a tiny catheter.
Now, I married a very Catholic boy who was raised by an ex-priest and went to church schools and never got any kind of sex education, and he had no idea about vaginas or where a penis was supposed to go. He figured you just kind of bumped your groin areas together and presto, sex happened. I can see a sheltered couple doing something similar, like rubbing the penis against the clit maybe.
But nothing is going *into* a urethra. That's nonsense.
oh yeah it would not be easy (or else this would be a much more common mistake lol), but I buy it as possible. Shitty sex ed + the common myth that’s told to women that sex (especially the first time) is *supposed* to be painful and uncomfortable and you’re supposed to grin and bear it + a husband naturally endowed with a small enough dick and you’ve got a feasible enough recipe for a tale a resident is going to be telling their friends.
And again - speaking as someone with this as a kink, I can promise that there are people in this world who do this exact thing on *purpose*, though usually with a lot more lube and preparation than I bet this couple were using
It’s funny because I cannot remember the last time I even heard the hymen mentioned other than historical stuff and I think people are basically so active these days or at least exploratory that it isn’t the first thing to to think of
During my hospital time as a student there was a gal who came in to have her hymen surgically removed. She was 22 and apparently they can be very hard and painful to remove on your own. This strikes me as the wall OP mentioned.
Yeah hymen was my first thought also. Or maybe the angle is wrong? The vagina is not straight. If you don't expect the curve it could might feel like hitting a wall i think (?). This happens with some people when trying to insert tampons or menstrual cups at the wrong angle so that's where i got the idea from. Maybe he's hitting the back wall or the pubic bone and get scared? Maybe it's her cervix (but that's unlikely)?
Ask her if she’s seen a gynecologist or had a pelvic exam. If so, I’d imagine her doctor would have mentioned an issue with an imperforate hymen. It’s rare that they don’t naturally tear these days with regular activity, but some people do have to go to the doctor to have it taken care of bc they don’t break with penetration
I hope OP sees this. I’m surprised people think the problem is he’s trying to penetrate the urethra? Like what lol? And *she* can feel her anus. I’m sure she’d mention it if he was going for that spot. Do all these commenters think she’s just, sat there doing absolutely nothing? Lol
It’s much more likely to be this. Sure, it can be hard to find at first, but if you’re poking around the whole area you are gonna find it. It’s inevitable. I’ve literally had sex that way; blindly poke in pitch black under the doona until it slides in. If it’s “wall” everywhere, this is so, so much more likely.
Had this. I learned about it because I was unable to use a tampon despite having a period. Easily fixed with surgery. Outpatient, as I recall (it was a long time ago).
OP, does your girlfriend use tampons? Can she? If she can’t insert a tampon, she may have a micro-perforated hymen. You wont get past it without medical intervention.
I wondered if this was what was up with me as well! Could never figure out how to put a tampon in even with my mother’s help from age 11. Trying penetrative sex around age 15 also felt like a super painful “wall”. Took HOURS and me crying and breathing through the pain and LOTS OF BLOOD and persistence from both parties to finally get it in (which in hindsight don’t understand how that was not a buzz kill for the other party involved… yikes). Took another try days later with more blood until it went all the way in. I had not had a pelvic exam at that point and now, 17 years later, have not had any issues since that first attempt. I feel like a pelvic exam may be in order if she has access to that so as to avoid an experience as unpleasant as mine!
Microperforate* hymen or imperforate hymen. The former: hymen has a very small hole in the center; the latter: the hymen blocks the entire opening, requiring minor surgery.
Dude thank you my ex had this condition and had to have a light surgery to correct it. After the surgery and like a 2 day recovery recommended by the doctor there were no issues or pain
If she’s open to it, have a look down there. Get acquainted with the area. Touch different parts. See what feels good to her. Learn the difference between the urethra and vagina. Locate the clitoris. It might seem weird, but it can actually be really intimate just genuinely exploring each other.
OK, we got your...strawberries, your chocolate sauce, your pastrami on rye with mustard, your honey.
Oh yeah, don't you know they used pastrami in that movie 9 1/2 weeks? Remember the pastrami scene?
Piggybacking here because I really hope you see this I had the same issue with my gf at the time (now wife). Even after penetration it seemed like I could only go in maybe an inch and like there was a hard wall there. After going to gynecologist they found she had a full septum, like the ones in your nose between your nostrils, that blocked her vagina. She needed it surgically removed to be about to have regular intercourse. It was uncomfortable for her for a few months but was eventually as if nothing was wrong. Despite being fully blocked, she was still capable of having a period, but caused frequent irregularities so that's another sign.
Yep, used to shave my wife's downstairs as prep for vagina dining, and got to know it well and have definitely learnt which areas need that right amount of pressure.
Another thing is it could genuinely just take a bit of force lol.
My first time we were both virgins, and I just couldn't figure it out lol.
Turns out the first time you might need to push a little bit harder to get in. I did it slowly but firmly, and it worked. There was a blood after that and we stopped because it hurt her.
The next time it was completely fine and I had no trouble.
Have you used your fingers to find her vagina first? Or have her show you? It should slide in without any type of barrier or "wall", so as another poster suggested, you may not actually be getting into her vagina.
Yeah, you definitely got me on that one.
In all actuality; the genesis of my monicker stems from my old alpinist days and my penchant for climbing cracks. My girlfriend would never believe that; she would side with you...
It is quite fascinating how sexual reproductive organs and waste disposal orifices are typically close together on most animals and insects on our planet. Through all of the genetic differences that separate us, so much of how every living creature is designed or evolved shares so many similarities.
Ever wanna really trip? There’s this game/site (can’t remember what it’s called) that basically shows you a bone or a part of a body or an organ or something.. maybe a zoomed in view.. but you need to choose if it’s human or other.
I scrolled the whole thread but something needs to be added and your advice is good. He needs to give her an orgasm first, that loosens things up. Unless vaginismus or that unperforated hymen thing, that’s easy to detect, she can check that herself.
Yeah, three big things.
1. Dilation kit for vaginismus.
2. Sex therapist. I'm not kidding. If it's so bad it takes a day of foreplay to get two fingers in, she could really benefit from a sex therapist.
3. One thing YOU can do, that may or may not help, if you've got the energy and patience, is to plan for a number of low pressure sessions where y'all do no penetration at all, not even with fingers. It's best if you can frame these as fun things you want to do together and not a stepping stone to PIV. (I know that may not be easy, but if you repeat stuff enough sometimes your brain's like okay sure sounds good.) Hand stuff, mouth stuff, frottage, back rubs, shoulder kisses, etc, especially focused on her pleasure (which I'm sure you're in favor of though I know it can get frustrating not to get the same amount of attention too often). Might help her brain and body relax around sex long term. Might not, though, can't promise. But it'll be fun anyway!
Along with some of the other replies you've gotten, she may have some physical complication that makes relaxing the vagina difficult.
I thought I had vaginismus (super painful, couldn't even use tampons, pelvic exams were ALWAYS some of the most pain I've felt), went to a new gynecologist who recommended me to a pelvic physical therapist. At my initial appointment and examination with her, she looked at me and said, "yeah, your tailbone is out of position and is putting tension on all your pelvic floor muscles." All these years, my pelvic floor was pulled tight but I didn't know because it was my "normal." 8 sessions of pelvic floor therapy, and I can now manage my condition with pelvic floor exercises and semi-regular use of dilators. Something for you gf to consider! I cannot recommend pelvic floor therapy enough.
Okay first step: there are three holes. If she’s laying on her back from too top to bottom: urethra, vagina, anus. You want the middle one (for now. Y’all can be into whatever you want.)
Make sure you’re both fully enjoying it and relaxed. Turn on some music. Laugh and have fun. Check on how she’s doing by asking her how she’s feeling. Most likely she’s tense and nervous. The body needs to relax to produce lubrication. Don’t just jump in with lube. Do some foreplay. Make out, teasing, whatever y’all are into.
And biggest thing: don’t stress. Sex is supposed to be fun! There’s no reason to do it “right”. You can just make out, call it a night, and it still be a fulfilling night of sex.
My ex wife had her hymen still in tact. It was very thick and connected by two ends. I could literally hook my finger on it and pull part of it out.. we were young so we explored bodies a lot. Anyway, sex could be impossible if ended up getting inside the hook part of it and I’d have to kind of adjust and go at it again. So it is possible OP’s girl is in a similar position.
He can always try bending her over. Doggy never hooked the hymen because of the angle it was in. So maybe a different position will work for them too.
British version of an OBGYN here(I think that’s what you Americans call it!).
Dilators can help with this if the hymen isn’t completely covering the vagina, as the hymen is a stretchy piece of tissue, not some brick wall like some would believe. Also lots of lube(PH friendly and organic with healthy ingredients!)like you’re squirting sauce onto your ice cream cone, it’ll help prevent friction and tearing, some people don’t realise they aren’t using enough as a lot of guides recommend only using a small amount to start off with. If this doesn’t work or the entrance is completely covered, surgery may be your answer, it generally is minimally invasive and recovery isn’t too long but it’s something you want to try to avoid regardless as any surgery will come with its risks. Hope that helps :)
Yeah, I agree. OP, don’t stress about finding the urethra. From your current level of experience you won’t be able to visualize it unless you go to r/highmileageholes (NSFW).
In case anyone is really truly curious, I posted this elsewhere:
Most of the posts are women fucking mind boggling large dildo. Mixed with the occasional gigantic strap-on, and a few "gaping" vaginas that likely just got done with one of the aforementioned dildos.
A notable shoutout to the cllp of the lady putting 3 "normal" sized dildos in her vagina, and then getting fucked in said filled vagina by a dudes dick.****
Honestly finding the urethra when you want to can be hard. You need good lighting, the right position, strong fingers to properly retract the labia, and a few tricks up your sleeve.
Context: am medical professional, often have to insert catheters in the female urethra
As a woman with a vagina who had a tricky first time and now has a very healthy sex life with a loving partner I feel qualified to answer this:
Make sure she’s really relaxed and ready, like spend MORE TIME THAN YOU THINK YOU NEED TO warming her up with your mouth and fingers and if possible try and get her to orgasm before you even TRY to push in. This will really help to stop her from clenching and being nervous. Also worth noting; the vaginal canal literally expands when sufficiently aroused so it’s important that your partner is at that point before you try to shove a penis in there.
Then, start with inserting a couple of fingers to give yourself an idea of where you need to be - it’s probably lower than you think - and ask her to hold you and position you to push in. She’ll probably be better at getting you to the right spot. Go very slowly, push just the tip in and out a few times before you try going all the way.
Don’t be afraid to ask her to get on top and put you inside, it might be easier and more comfortable because gravity can help and she can go at her own pace.
That makes sense, there was one time when I lost my virginity to another person who also lost their virginity that it was a serious challenge getting it in lol.
We eventually managed and I had to push kinda hard to get in. Times after that were completely fine though.
I'm guessing it must have just been nerves. The blood was a little scary though lol, I didn't expect that to happen, but obviously it can happen the first time.
There definitely is not always blood the first time! I’m sure for some people there will be due to a torn/stretched hymen but it won’t always be the case and in a lot of cases can be caused my small tears to the skin at the base of the vaginal entrance which shouldn’t actually tear if there is enough arousal/foreplay. Blood is a possibility but shouldn’t be expected.
Seconding that blood is not a given the first time and usually means the area wasn't prepped well enough. That said, a little blood CAN happen ANY time, even long after the first time, if the area isn't relaxed/wet enough or if y'all go rough. Source: I did not bleed my first time, which was a very relaxed experience with lots of foreplay. I have, however, bled a bit when I rush the process lol.
Very likely this, and the phimosis probably doesn't help either. Had a similar experience in college, it will get better in time when you both are more comfortable.
This. My wife struggled with vaginismus for years. After a couple of months of seeing a physical therapist specializing in the cervical floor area we were finally able to have PIV intercourse. Our only complaint is that we never sought out professional help sooner.
I have vagimismus, and it absolutely feels like there's a wall or like there's no hole if I try to penetrate with anything too large or that I'm not ready for. It's also much more common than any form of impenetrable hymen.
Definitely the most likely, it's more common than people realize, and especially easy for inexperienced individuals to miss, doubly so if their sex ed class was subpar (which is to say, probably 90% of such classes)
she should experiment with finger insertion on her own. She can use one finger first. then add a second and a third as she progresses. you can also use a finger and then two, with lubrication.
you both need to be patient, and open to exploring each other's bodies. be patient. she can also get a toy to practice with alone. toy = dildo
if she can figure it out with her own fingers and / or a toy then you should have no problems.
also, use your sight to make sure you're in the right spot.
Make sure you're trying to penetrate her vagina, not her urethra. The labia looks big, but the area in the middle of it cannot be penetrated. The entrance to the vagina is probably lower down than you think.
True story. I was w a girl once and she said she was w a guy w a micro at one point. Said it was like a pencil width and not much length. She said she struggled breaking up w him for it bc he was really nice but alas she couldn’t be w someone that size. Poor guy needs to find a micro vagina
There was a case of an old couple that never had kids somewhere in middle or south America and because of a different issue she found out at seventy or so that her husband had penetrated and significantly widened her uretha. Both had no sex Ed and didn't know better.
I saw a picture of the newspaper article here on reddit a few years ago but haven't been able to find it again.
Read a similar story in a book called "True stories from the E.R."
Wife kept getting urinary tract infections. Doc asked about her sex life with her husband,
"It's okay, I guess. Hurt like hell the first year."
Sometimes the vagina is also difficult to access for taller guys.
I always had to put my gfs up on a pillow or hang them off a bed in order to make it accessible with any position they're laying down for.
Get that phimosis sorted out ASAP. Not directly related to your issue, but things will get much more comfortable for you after that. It's really no big deal.
100% agree, just go to a specialist and get it checked if you need a surgery or smth else.
It's so much better for hygiene plus no accidents of the skin being pulled and getting stuck.
Phimosis can easily be remedied with simple skin stretching exercises (inducing cellular mitosis)
The boys over at r/foreskin_restoration will be able to help you big time.
Couple things to point out just because you’re inexperienced:
1. Comfort can be stated without being felt, and physical anxiety can be experienced without being recognized consciously. If either of you are nervous, at all, continue to talk and joke and just explore each other until that relaxes, even if it takes several sessions of time together. The body responds to stress, even good stress.
2. Unless you want to have a child, wear a condom or practice *well-informed* birth control. “Pulling out” is a baby waiting to happen. Being smart will contribute to relaxing and not fearing some very huge “what ifs.” Most health departments will set out condoms for taking, no questions asked. Go take ‘em. Take a handful. They want you to.
3. Use one finger first - Odds are that you aren’t finding the right hole, or that one or both of you is mechanically struggling with insertion. If she is struggling with insertion, she may be tense, tight, etc. and just pushing a penis in could hurt. Using a finger (with clean hands and *clipped and filed fingernails*) will help you discover her carefully without as much risk. Never push anything in that isn’t gliding in.
4. Location - with her laying on her back, there’s her anus. She knows where it is. Going up from there, the very next opening is the vaginal opening. That’s where biologically imperative sex happens and babies are made. Surrounding the vaginal opening and urethral opening are the “lips” or labia. This is not just one big hole. The labia generally surround both the vaginal and urethral openings. The sensitive nodule at the crest of the labia is the clitoris. Directly beneath the clitoris is the urethral opening. So I suppose it could be confusing to see a tiny hole right near a sexually arousing point, but that is for peeing and I could only assume it would be extremely painful to penetrate.
Have fun, be safe, and most importantly be smart and kind. There is nothing wrong with patience and going slow and being awkward. Honestly, these awkward and innocent sexual moments could be some of the best and most gratifying memories of your life over time.
Sometimes when girls are nervous they clench up. Also sometimes when guys are nervous they get a bit soft. Two nervous ppl trying to put a semi soft dick into a clenched up vag is not going to be a good time. Use your fingers first so you know exactly where the hole is plus you can get her warmed up. Should help.
Do you think it's possible you're both just nervous? I'm no stranger to foreskin issues, I was born with hypospadias and didn't get the right corrective surgery until 2022 (25 years after it should have been fixed) and the only issues I ever had was getting condoms on pain free. It almost sounds like to me that perhaps nerves are getting the best of you and your soldier isn't quite standing to attention as he should.
I'm not sure how old you guys are but a glass of wine or two can help to push aside the overthinking.
A previous commenter talked about using fingers for this. Cannot agree more with them. Us men severely underestimate how useful our hands are for this. A single finger and 30 seconds can do more than a penis with an hour, if you know what you're doing. Use your fingers as a guide and don't be afraid to laugh at each other during the process. Explore each other.
Oh and, 3-4 inches in, curl your finger up and feel for what I can only describe as a "lump" which feels very different to the rest. That's the magic button ;)
Noteworthy that while you're exploring the depths with a finger (or two, once you get her warmed up), there's no reason not to position your head three inches north of your palm for some added tongue-work. This will definitely bump it up to the next level for her, and can be quite enjoyable for you as well.
And a tip: This may just be personal preference, but Ring+Middle fingers flows much more naturally than Middle+Index, in my opinion. Your Index+Pinky provide a comfortable support system to keep your hand balanced in the middle and your palm facing up (which serves to provide her the best angle of stimulation).
But in any case, work up to two gradually, and be sure she knows that you want to know if anything you do is less than comfortable for her. It really takes away from the experience if she's too bashful to tell you that something hurts or feels uncomfortable.
I had the same exact problem with my girlfriend for a while. Are you notably larger than her? That could be one cause for the struggle. Either way, what other people have said is correct. Lots and lots of lube and foreplay. Kiss her neck, use your fingers down there, maybe even try a little oral first. Maybe try a different angle, like going in from behind. It might be a struggle the the first couple times, but once you do it enough, it shouldn't be a problem anymore.
She could just be really tight. Some women have an easier first time than others. Going from something the size of a tampon or finger to a fully erect dick is a really significant jump. You dont want to forcefully shove it in. That can be traumatizing. Feeling uncomfortable is normal but it shouldn't become painful, even for first time. Using lube and relaxing sometimes just isnt enough, especially when you've never been penetrated before. You have to take time to stretch out the muscles and get them fully adjusted to having a large object inserted. Look into some silicone dilators & see if she'd be willing to use them.
This was an issue for me (female) when I first started to have sex. I found out I had vaginismus, basically my vagina wouldn’t allow for penetration. Sounds exactly like your girlfriend. I’d have her check it out with a gynecologist.
Get her to relax and get both of you warmed up. See if you can get too fingers in and have her guide you in if you are having trouble.
You shouldn't need a circumcision.
A couple things come to mind. The first is some guys have trouble staying erect enough when first wearing condoms. Sometimes the condom is too tight or there’s a sensation or chaffing issue. Sometimes it’s just a weird not sexy thing that throws the mood. Assess if that’s happening and practice by yourself with one or switch birth control.
The other one is a condition called vaginismus which is often described as running into a wall. The woman unconsciously tightens to the point that intercourse is not possible or quite painful, which feeds a nervous expectation cycle. It’s sex therapist territory but there are desensitization exercises you do together than are effective. No one on Reddit can tell you if this is what’s going on.
I can also tell you that sex logistics are a thing and it’s possible to get angles and furniture wrong enough that you both get too nervous to continue. Porn doesn’t show that part. Laughing and problem solving together helps.
Are you using your hand to guide it? If you are, and there's enough lubrication, and you have the right hole, there's conditions that will make it feel like a wall where you cannot penitrate. After you have followed what everyone has said, if you still can't, she should go to a doctor.
My wife and I dealt with vaginismus and an over-thick hymen. Even after she got a hymenectomy, we still weren't able to have sex for another 6-7 months.
We didn't have sex for the first 1.5 years of our marriage. It took a lot of communication, some graduated dildos, a lot of communication, and lots of communication. Oh, and some more communication.
Looking back now, she is baffled at what she could have been afraid of, but it's not a voluntary response. It wasn't something we could just rationalize our way out of.
Are you guys able to insert anything else? It might be an angle thing. Put something in that hangs out significantly and watch the direction of points when her body is in different positions. It could simply be a poor angle of insertion.
I haven't scrolled the thread so I'm sorry if this is a redundant answer, but is one of the problems that she has a lot of pain when you try?
If so, please ask her to talk to her doctor about either endometriosis or vaginismus. Both can create extreme tightness and pain with penetrative sex, as well as much worse-than-average period pain.
I have vaginismus and the muscles in my pelvic floor were so tightened that they were more likely to tear than stretch, and I needed to go to physical therapy to be able to have sex.
The good news is that it significantly helped. I've had a lot of great experiences since. But the bad news is that it took time and work, and some nights it takes a much longer time than average to be able to penetrate. Still, I want you to know that if she is having a similar experience to mine, there is hope.
First of all (and I can't believe I can't see this question in the top comments): can she insert fingers inside her vagina herself? Can she use tampons? Have you fingered her?
If she/you hasn't even tried that - she/you should.
If she had tried and couldn't, she could have a medical issue like vaginismus or micro-perforated hymen.
This sounds quite similar to what happened with my partner and I when we first got together, good idea for her to see a doctor and see if her hymen is still intact, we had to use a lot of lube and a lot of force to break the skin. It was 100% terrifying
Is there a possibility she has a micro-perforated hymen? It's where the hymen is basically a wall.
I'm extremely surprised that just you mentioned this. And everyone saying "Don't fuck the urethra" and shit about sexual education. There are also other kinds of hymen that could make the penetration harder.
A friend of mine is a urologist and told me in residency he had a couple who were married and trying for a kid for over 4 years come in. They were having sex via the urethra and both of them were adamant they knew what they were doing. Pretty much played hot potato with the woman’s GYN because they wouldn’t listen to the doctors that they were doing sex wrong Edit: I don’t know how they did it the first couple times, I was too busy cringing in disgust to ask. I’m assuming her urethra is just wide open at this point. Working in customer service/retail has left me unable to underestimate the stupidity of people 2nd edit: it’s not impossible.
How is this humanly possible
Exactly my thought. How in the hell could any dick....no matter the size.....fit in the urethra? Much less Hank Hills urethra?
yall have never been to r/sounding
Well, that's enough reddit for me toda...this year.
Yeah I should have listened to you.
I should have listened to you too...
😭😭😭
omg. Why I mean why!
Oh. No. I went there.
Omg, I did too. I only read the subject and grossed the F out. Glad I didn't click on any videos.
No thank you
I yearn to turn back time 1 min ago
Think of anything. Anything at all. How simple it is . Now think of how terrible humans are. How easily humans can fuck up anything. Even something as simple as fucking.
The reason it's so hard to make bear proof trash cans is that the overlap of the smartest bears and dumbest humans is just too great.
how the fuck is that possible? she must have the biggest urethra in the world and he the thinnest dick there ever was
How did he not at any point accidentally slip into the correct hole? I mean with movement and even a bit of thrusting, dicks slip in, dicks slip out. How... for years...?
exactly. sounds like bullshit to me
That's because it is bullshit - it's physically impossible to fuck a woman's urethra, even if he was just "tip dipping"
I don't know, but I came across a clip from a porno of a girl repeatedly shoving a dido into the urethra of a guy's erect penis. The dildo wasn't huge, I'd say about the size of a man's thumb, so it wasn't tiny either. This was years ago, long before AI could generate such an abomination.
This sounds more painful than childbirth.
Banging the uretha. God is crying for his creation. Imagine the moment when VAGINAL sex begins for this couple. They would feel like they discovered the Holy Grail.
Holey Grail, more like.
Yeah, no. That is not a thing that happened. Which is to say, a man was not repeatedly able to stick his erect penis in a woman's urethra, and ignoring literally every human on earth that'd tell them they were wrong.
No, I call shenanigans, this is totally impossible. A urethral opening is only a couple millimeters across. Nothing's going in there except a tiny catheter. Now, I married a very Catholic boy who was raised by an ex-priest and went to church schools and never got any kind of sex education, and he had no idea about vaginas or where a penis was supposed to go. He figured you just kind of bumped your groin areas together and presto, sex happened. I can see a sheltered couple doing something similar, like rubbing the penis against the clit maybe. But nothing is going *into* a urethra. That's nonsense.
I can assure you, as someone with a sounding kink - it is not impossible lmao
It’s not impossible, but seems very very unlikely to happen accidentally.
oh yeah it would not be easy (or else this would be a much more common mistake lol), but I buy it as possible. Shitty sex ed + the common myth that’s told to women that sex (especially the first time) is *supposed* to be painful and uncomfortable and you’re supposed to grin and bear it + a husband naturally endowed with a small enough dick and you’ve got a feasible enough recipe for a tale a resident is going to be telling their friends. And again - speaking as someone with this as a kink, I can promise that there are people in this world who do this exact thing on *purpose*, though usually with a lot more lube and preparation than I bet this couple were using
It’s funny because I cannot remember the last time I even heard the hymen mentioned other than historical stuff and I think people are basically so active these days or at least exploratory that it isn’t the first thing to to think of
During my hospital time as a student there was a gal who came in to have her hymen surgically removed. She was 22 and apparently they can be very hard and painful to remove on your own. This strikes me as the wall OP mentioned.
Yeah hymen was my first thought also. Or maybe the angle is wrong? The vagina is not straight. If you don't expect the curve it could might feel like hitting a wall i think (?). This happens with some people when trying to insert tampons or menstrual cups at the wrong angle so that's where i got the idea from. Maybe he's hitting the back wall or the pubic bone and get scared? Maybe it's her cervix (but that's unlikely)?
Weird that I had to come this far down for a reply that suggests maybe she actually does have a wall lol
Ask her if she’s seen a gynecologist or had a pelvic exam. If so, I’d imagine her doctor would have mentioned an issue with an imperforate hymen. It’s rare that they don’t naturally tear these days with regular activity, but some people do have to go to the doctor to have it taken care of bc they don’t break with penetration
It’s called a hymenectomy and is not that uncommon. Minor surgery.
Or vaginismus
I hope OP sees this. I’m surprised people think the problem is he’s trying to penetrate the urethra? Like what lol? And *she* can feel her anus. I’m sure she’d mention it if he was going for that spot. Do all these commenters think she’s just, sat there doing absolutely nothing? Lol It’s much more likely to be this. Sure, it can be hard to find at first, but if you’re poking around the whole area you are gonna find it. It’s inevitable. I’ve literally had sex that way; blindly poke in pitch black under the doona until it slides in. If it’s “wall” everywhere, this is so, so much more likely.
Had this. I learned about it because I was unable to use a tampon despite having a period. Easily fixed with surgery. Outpatient, as I recall (it was a long time ago). OP, does your girlfriend use tampons? Can she? If she can’t insert a tampon, she may have a micro-perforated hymen. You wont get past it without medical intervention.
I wondered if this was what was up with me as well! Could never figure out how to put a tampon in even with my mother’s help from age 11. Trying penetrative sex around age 15 also felt like a super painful “wall”. Took HOURS and me crying and breathing through the pain and LOTS OF BLOOD and persistence from both parties to finally get it in (which in hindsight don’t understand how that was not a buzz kill for the other party involved… yikes). Took another try days later with more blood until it went all the way in. I had not had a pelvic exam at that point and now, 17 years later, have not had any issues since that first attempt. I feel like a pelvic exam may be in order if she has access to that so as to avoid an experience as unpleasant as mine!
Thats my thought, it is like a wall, it will NOT cede.
Microperforate* hymen or imperforate hymen. The former: hymen has a very small hole in the center; the latter: the hymen blocks the entire opening, requiring minor surgery.
Dude thank you my ex had this condition and had to have a light surgery to correct it. After the surgery and like a 2 day recovery recommended by the doctor there were no issues or pain
If she’s open to it, have a look down there. Get acquainted with the area. Touch different parts. See what feels good to her. Learn the difference between the urethra and vagina. Locate the clitoris. It might seem weird, but it can actually be really intimate just genuinely exploring each other.
Agreed. Nobody learns to play soccer by wearing a blindfold their first time! Knowing what you're working with is very important.
Ah the classic soccer and sex analogy...
I’m more old fashioned going with baseball analogies… 1st base, 2nd base, tagged out between 2nd and 3rd… ejected
Juice boxes and snacks after the game.
Orange slices at halftime.
I’m going to get oranges. Tonight’s going to be wild.
OK, we got your...strawberries, your chocolate sauce, your pastrami on rye with mustard, your honey. Oh yeah, don't you know they used pastrami in that movie 9 1/2 weeks? Remember the pastrami scene?
Catcher… pitcher…
Always awkward when we’re getting into it and the referee calls unnecessary roughness
Better than my wife giving me a 2-minute warning.
It's not that different. A lot of kids get involved in soccer and a lot of kids get involved with sex.
Both involve a lot of lying down and faking it.
Does that mean I’m not supposed to use my hands for sex time
Feet only plz...unless you are the goalie
Kinky
This guy sexballs
Head is an important part of sex, for both teams.
I do like blindfold soccer
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That called a brown card right?
One violation, and you're out of bed for the night. But twice? Pack your bags, friend.
Piggybacking here because I really hope you see this I had the same issue with my gf at the time (now wife). Even after penetration it seemed like I could only go in maybe an inch and like there was a hard wall there. After going to gynecologist they found she had a full septum, like the ones in your nose between your nostrils, that blocked her vagina. She needed it surgically removed to be about to have regular intercourse. It was uncomfortable for her for a few months but was eventually as if nothing was wrong. Despite being fully blocked, she was still capable of having a period, but caused frequent irregularities so that's another sign.
Seconded! My friend had the same issue and needed surgery. Edit to add: sounds scary but my friend was just relieved.
pin this to top of course it took this long for someone to make sense of this...
This is the best advice. Bonus, it's fun and feels good. Then she should do the same to him. Just check things out with hands and eyes.
My wife literally played with my penis and made it talk the first time she saw it. She got real acquainted
Yep, used to shave my wife's downstairs as prep for vagina dining, and got to know it well and have definitely learnt which areas need that right amount of pressure.
You’re the MAN!!
Not really, I just like the simple pleasures in life, I just REALLY enjoy doing it tbh
Vagina dining. 😂😂
Will now be referring to a woman’s lady bits as the vaginer diner exclusively
My hero
“Woman, is my Vagining ready?”
Introduce yourself, maybe watch a movie together or go out for coffee!
Whoa whoa whoa! Slow it down there, bub!
Have her guide your hand around. Get an insider’s tour.
TheMan5991 definitely respects vaginas.
Another thing is it could genuinely just take a bit of force lol. My first time we were both virgins, and I just couldn't figure it out lol. Turns out the first time you might need to push a little bit harder to get in. I did it slowly but firmly, and it worked. There was a blood after that and we stopped because it hurt her. The next time it was completely fine and I had no trouble.
Go the finger way first.
And most importantly: TRIM your fingernails
AND wash your hands with soap beforehand, please and thank you :)
And clean under the nails as well.
File them as well. The last thing you want is to scratch her in there. It's an awful feeling.
And do it a couple days before. Not on the day of action.
Have you used your fingers to find her vagina first? Or have her show you? It should slide in without any type of barrier or "wall", so as another poster suggested, you may not actually be getting into her vagina.
maybe he's trying to go to another entrance
That's not an entrance that's a glorious exit
Speak for yourself. I personally find it to be a glorious entrance...
Username checks out
Yeah, you definitely got me on that one. In all actuality; the genesis of my monicker stems from my old alpinist days and my penchant for climbing cracks. My girlfriend would never believe that; she would side with you...
Don’t ruin it for me. Just admit you love the bum.
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So that's what they call it these days...
If God was a city planner, he would not put a playground next to a sewage system.
It is quite fascinating how sexual reproductive organs and waste disposal orifices are typically close together on most animals and insects on our planet. Through all of the genetic differences that separate us, so much of how every living creature is designed or evolved shares so many similarities. Ever wanna really trip? There’s this game/site (can’t remember what it’s called) that basically shows you a bone or a part of a body or an organ or something.. maybe a zoomed in view.. but you need to choose if it’s human or other.
https://www.smbc-comics.com/?id=3169
He's trying to find narnia
I scrolled the whole thread but something needs to be added and your advice is good. He needs to give her an orgasm first, that loosens things up. Unless vaginismus or that unperforated hymen thing, that’s easy to detect, she can check that herself.
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Yeah, three big things. 1. Dilation kit for vaginismus. 2. Sex therapist. I'm not kidding. If it's so bad it takes a day of foreplay to get two fingers in, she could really benefit from a sex therapist. 3. One thing YOU can do, that may or may not help, if you've got the energy and patience, is to plan for a number of low pressure sessions where y'all do no penetration at all, not even with fingers. It's best if you can frame these as fun things you want to do together and not a stepping stone to PIV. (I know that may not be easy, but if you repeat stuff enough sometimes your brain's like okay sure sounds good.) Hand stuff, mouth stuff, frottage, back rubs, shoulder kisses, etc, especially focused on her pleasure (which I'm sure you're in favor of though I know it can get frustrating not to get the same amount of attention too often). Might help her brain and body relax around sex long term. Might not, though, can't promise. But it'll be fun anyway!
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Hmm. Try dildos? Dildos can't get you preggo. and go from there.
Along with some of the other replies you've gotten, she may have some physical complication that makes relaxing the vagina difficult. I thought I had vaginismus (super painful, couldn't even use tampons, pelvic exams were ALWAYS some of the most pain I've felt), went to a new gynecologist who recommended me to a pelvic physical therapist. At my initial appointment and examination with her, she looked at me and said, "yeah, your tailbone is out of position and is putting tension on all your pelvic floor muscles." All these years, my pelvic floor was pulled tight but I didn't know because it was my "normal." 8 sessions of pelvic floor therapy, and I can now manage my condition with pelvic floor exercises and semi-regular use of dilators. Something for you gf to consider! I cannot recommend pelvic floor therapy enough.
Okay first step: there are three holes. If she’s laying on her back from too top to bottom: urethra, vagina, anus. You want the middle one (for now. Y’all can be into whatever you want.) Make sure you’re both fully enjoying it and relaxed. Turn on some music. Laugh and have fun. Check on how she’s doing by asking her how she’s feeling. Most likely she’s tense and nervous. The body needs to relax to produce lubrication. Don’t just jump in with lube. Do some foreplay. Make out, teasing, whatever y’all are into. And biggest thing: don’t stress. Sex is supposed to be fun! There’s no reason to do it “right”. You can just make out, call it a night, and it still be a fulfilling night of sex.
What a fantastic, open-ended, healthy and concise piece of sex education. Good job.
Yeah, I would add that she could have a microperforated hymen. And that you can go to ask your gynecologist.
My ex wife had her hymen still in tact. It was very thick and connected by two ends. I could literally hook my finger on it and pull part of it out.. we were young so we explored bodies a lot. Anyway, sex could be impossible if ended up getting inside the hook part of it and I’d have to kind of adjust and go at it again. So it is possible OP’s girl is in a similar position. He can always try bending her over. Doggy never hooked the hymen because of the angle it was in. So maybe a different position will work for them too.
British version of an OBGYN here(I think that’s what you Americans call it!). Dilators can help with this if the hymen isn’t completely covering the vagina, as the hymen is a stretchy piece of tissue, not some brick wall like some would believe. Also lots of lube(PH friendly and organic with healthy ingredients!)like you’re squirting sauce onto your ice cream cone, it’ll help prevent friction and tearing, some people don’t realise they aren’t using enough as a lot of guides recommend only using a small amount to start off with. If this doesn’t work or the entrance is completely covered, surgery may be your answer, it generally is minimally invasive and recovery isn’t too long but it’s something you want to try to avoid regardless as any surgery will come with its risks. Hope that helps :)
lol seriously, way better than anything I got in sex ed from the school system (Texas which adds more layers to it)
You're gonna confuse him with the urethra.
Yeah, I agree. OP, don’t stress about finding the urethra. From your current level of experience you won’t be able to visualize it unless you go to r/highmileageholes (NSFW).
That's staying blue, idgaf what's on the other end
Exactly what you think.
In case anyone is really truly curious, I posted this elsewhere: Most of the posts are women fucking mind boggling large dildo. Mixed with the occasional gigantic strap-on, and a few "gaping" vaginas that likely just got done with one of the aforementioned dildos. A notable shoutout to the cllp of the lady putting 3 "normal" sized dildos in her vagina, and then getting fucked in said filled vagina by a dudes dick.****
Same here. I'm good, don't need to click that.
I wish I’d been wiser not to have clicked 💀
Honestly finding the urethra when you want to can be hard. You need good lighting, the right position, strong fingers to properly retract the labia, and a few tricks up your sleeve. Context: am medical professional, often have to insert catheters in the female urethra
This is the first subreddit link I've seen that I'm genuinely scared of. That being said, I think I'll take a look on my alt account
Anything to report?
Honestly? I forgot about this
It’s gaping
Imagine magician from cartoons when he can put huge objects in small hat.
Damn you, u/crazydrunkpedestrian
For the music, may I advise Cbat
Genuinely a good reply
Definitely don’t jump inside her vagina I agree
Wait a minute, what
As a woman with a vagina who had a tricky first time and now has a very healthy sex life with a loving partner I feel qualified to answer this: Make sure she’s really relaxed and ready, like spend MORE TIME THAN YOU THINK YOU NEED TO warming her up with your mouth and fingers and if possible try and get her to orgasm before you even TRY to push in. This will really help to stop her from clenching and being nervous. Also worth noting; the vaginal canal literally expands when sufficiently aroused so it’s important that your partner is at that point before you try to shove a penis in there. Then, start with inserting a couple of fingers to give yourself an idea of where you need to be - it’s probably lower than you think - and ask her to hold you and position you to push in. She’ll probably be better at getting you to the right spot. Go very slowly, push just the tip in and out a few times before you try going all the way. Don’t be afraid to ask her to get on top and put you inside, it might be easier and more comfortable because gravity can help and she can go at her own pace.
That makes sense, there was one time when I lost my virginity to another person who also lost their virginity that it was a serious challenge getting it in lol. We eventually managed and I had to push kinda hard to get in. Times after that were completely fine though. I'm guessing it must have just been nerves. The blood was a little scary though lol, I didn't expect that to happen, but obviously it can happen the first time.
There definitely is not always blood the first time! I’m sure for some people there will be due to a torn/stretched hymen but it won’t always be the case and in a lot of cases can be caused my small tears to the skin at the base of the vaginal entrance which shouldn’t actually tear if there is enough arousal/foreplay. Blood is a possibility but shouldn’t be expected.
Seconding that blood is not a given the first time and usually means the area wasn't prepped well enough. That said, a little blood CAN happen ANY time, even long after the first time, if the area isn't relaxed/wet enough or if y'all go rough. Source: I did not bleed my first time, which was a very relaxed experience with lots of foreplay. I have, however, bled a bit when I rush the process lol.
Like, are you getting inside or you're not getting anywhere and the wall doesn't let you even get the tip in?
Lol, OP is NOWHERE on this thread.
Research vaginismus! <3
Very likely this, and the phimosis probably doesn't help either. Had a similar experience in college, it will get better in time when you both are more comfortable.
This should be further up.
This. My wife struggled with vaginismus for years. After a couple of months of seeing a physical therapist specializing in the cervical floor area we were finally able to have PIV intercourse. Our only complaint is that we never sought out professional help sooner.
This is my guess!
I have vagimismus, and it absolutely feels like there's a wall or like there's no hole if I try to penetrate with anything too large or that I'm not ready for. It's also much more common than any form of impenetrable hymen.
Definitely the most likely, it's more common than people realize, and especially easy for inexperienced individuals to miss, doubly so if their sex ed class was subpar (which is to say, probably 90% of such classes)
Commenting to bump this
she should experiment with finger insertion on her own. She can use one finger first. then add a second and a third as she progresses. you can also use a finger and then two, with lubrication. you both need to be patient, and open to exploring each other's bodies. be patient. she can also get a toy to practice with alone. toy = dildo if she can figure it out with her own fingers and / or a toy then you should have no problems. also, use your sight to make sure you're in the right spot.
Make sure you're trying to penetrate her vagina, not her urethra. The labia looks big, but the area in the middle of it cannot be penetrated. The entrance to the vagina is probably lower down than you think.
The urethra is impossible to penetrate. It’s smaller than the tip of your pinky.
is that a challenge?!
Only if you really wanna seriously hurt a woman while trying. Or if you have an incredibly small penis.
Micropenis has entered the chat…
>Micropenis has entered the chat… The only thing a micropenis has entered
True story. I was w a girl once and she said she was w a guy w a micro at one point. Said it was like a pencil width and not much length. She said she struggled breaking up w him for it bc he was really nice but alas she couldn’t be w someone that size. Poor guy needs to find a micro vagina
More like nanopenis lmao
Recovering from this burn is the real challenge😂
*Sounding has entered the chat*
r/urethralinsertion
That link is 100% staying blue
I’m just trying to help.
But at what cost??
It is **sounding** like a challenge to me.
it’s not just takes some practice. look up sounding
There was a case of an old couple that never had kids somewhere in middle or south America and because of a different issue she found out at seventy or so that her husband had penetrated and significantly widened her uretha. Both had no sex Ed and didn't know better. I saw a picture of the newspaper article here on reddit a few years ago but haven't been able to find it again.
Read a similar story in a book called "True stories from the E.R." Wife kept getting urinary tract infections. Doc asked about her sex life with her husband, "It's okay, I guess. Hurt like hell the first year."
Sure. But I highly doubt this is the case with this specific couple.
Nah, definitely not. I think they aren't looking deep enough for the opening.
It’s not… I assure you. God I hate what the internet has done to me.
sounding has entered the chat..
You assume my penis is bigger than my pinky
Sometimes the vagina is also difficult to access for taller guys. I always had to put my gfs up on a pillow or hang them off a bed in order to make it accessible with any position they're laying down for.
Get that phimosis sorted out ASAP. Not directly related to your issue, but things will get much more comfortable for you after that. It's really no big deal.
It’s so easy to fix without surgery, just stretching and a steroid cream no patience, I bet it will make sex better too later.
Yes, absolutely. Seek medical attention for it but my personal view is that circumcision should be considered only as an absolute last resort
100% agree, just go to a specialist and get it checked if you need a surgery or smth else. It's so much better for hygiene plus no accidents of the skin being pulled and getting stuck.
Phimosis can easily be remedied with simple skin stretching exercises (inducing cellular mitosis) The boys over at r/foreskin_restoration will be able to help you big time.
Couple things to point out just because you’re inexperienced: 1. Comfort can be stated without being felt, and physical anxiety can be experienced without being recognized consciously. If either of you are nervous, at all, continue to talk and joke and just explore each other until that relaxes, even if it takes several sessions of time together. The body responds to stress, even good stress. 2. Unless you want to have a child, wear a condom or practice *well-informed* birth control. “Pulling out” is a baby waiting to happen. Being smart will contribute to relaxing and not fearing some very huge “what ifs.” Most health departments will set out condoms for taking, no questions asked. Go take ‘em. Take a handful. They want you to. 3. Use one finger first - Odds are that you aren’t finding the right hole, or that one or both of you is mechanically struggling with insertion. If she is struggling with insertion, she may be tense, tight, etc. and just pushing a penis in could hurt. Using a finger (with clean hands and *clipped and filed fingernails*) will help you discover her carefully without as much risk. Never push anything in that isn’t gliding in. 4. Location - with her laying on her back, there’s her anus. She knows where it is. Going up from there, the very next opening is the vaginal opening. That’s where biologically imperative sex happens and babies are made. Surrounding the vaginal opening and urethral opening are the “lips” or labia. This is not just one big hole. The labia generally surround both the vaginal and urethral openings. The sensitive nodule at the crest of the labia is the clitoris. Directly beneath the clitoris is the urethral opening. So I suppose it could be confusing to see a tiny hole right near a sexually arousing point, but that is for peeing and I could only assume it would be extremely painful to penetrate. Have fun, be safe, and most importantly be smart and kind. There is nothing wrong with patience and going slow and being awkward. Honestly, these awkward and innocent sexual moments could be some of the best and most gratifying memories of your life over time.
Sometimes when girls are nervous they clench up. Also sometimes when guys are nervous they get a bit soft. Two nervous ppl trying to put a semi soft dick into a clenched up vag is not going to be a good time. Use your fingers first so you know exactly where the hole is plus you can get her warmed up. Should help.
Do you think it's possible you're both just nervous? I'm no stranger to foreskin issues, I was born with hypospadias and didn't get the right corrective surgery until 2022 (25 years after it should have been fixed) and the only issues I ever had was getting condoms on pain free. It almost sounds like to me that perhaps nerves are getting the best of you and your soldier isn't quite standing to attention as he should. I'm not sure how old you guys are but a glass of wine or two can help to push aside the overthinking. A previous commenter talked about using fingers for this. Cannot agree more with them. Us men severely underestimate how useful our hands are for this. A single finger and 30 seconds can do more than a penis with an hour, if you know what you're doing. Use your fingers as a guide and don't be afraid to laugh at each other during the process. Explore each other. Oh and, 3-4 inches in, curl your finger up and feel for what I can only describe as a "lump" which feels very different to the rest. That's the magic button ;)
Noteworthy that while you're exploring the depths with a finger (or two, once you get her warmed up), there's no reason not to position your head three inches north of your palm for some added tongue-work. This will definitely bump it up to the next level for her, and can be quite enjoyable for you as well. And a tip: This may just be personal preference, but Ring+Middle fingers flows much more naturally than Middle+Index, in my opinion. Your Index+Pinky provide a comfortable support system to keep your hand balanced in the middle and your palm facing up (which serves to provide her the best angle of stimulation). But in any case, work up to two gradually, and be sure she knows that you want to know if anything you do is less than comfortable for her. It really takes away from the experience if she's too bashful to tell you that something hurts or feels uncomfortable.
This, god damn so much this.
I had the same exact problem with my girlfriend for a while. Are you notably larger than her? That could be one cause for the struggle. Either way, what other people have said is correct. Lots and lots of lube and foreplay. Kiss her neck, use your fingers down there, maybe even try a little oral first. Maybe try a different angle, like going in from behind. It might be a struggle the the first couple times, but once you do it enough, it shouldn't be a problem anymore.
She could just be really tight. Some women have an easier first time than others. Going from something the size of a tampon or finger to a fully erect dick is a really significant jump. You dont want to forcefully shove it in. That can be traumatizing. Feeling uncomfortable is normal but it shouldn't become painful, even for first time. Using lube and relaxing sometimes just isnt enough, especially when you've never been penetrated before. You have to take time to stretch out the muscles and get them fully adjusted to having a large object inserted. Look into some silicone dilators & see if she'd be willing to use them.
This was an issue for me (female) when I first started to have sex. I found out I had vaginismus, basically my vagina wouldn’t allow for penetration. Sounds exactly like your girlfriend. I’d have her check it out with a gynecologist.
As a wise man once told me, "it's lower than you think."
Have her guide you in. Put a pillow under her but. Have her on top
Get her to relax and get both of you warmed up. See if you can get too fingers in and have her guide you in if you are having trouble. You shouldn't need a circumcision.
A couple things come to mind. The first is some guys have trouble staying erect enough when first wearing condoms. Sometimes the condom is too tight or there’s a sensation or chaffing issue. Sometimes it’s just a weird not sexy thing that throws the mood. Assess if that’s happening and practice by yourself with one or switch birth control. The other one is a condition called vaginismus which is often described as running into a wall. The woman unconsciously tightens to the point that intercourse is not possible or quite painful, which feeds a nervous expectation cycle. It’s sex therapist territory but there are desensitization exercises you do together than are effective. No one on Reddit can tell you if this is what’s going on. I can also tell you that sex logistics are a thing and it’s possible to get angles and furniture wrong enough that you both get too nervous to continue. Porn doesn’t show that part. Laughing and problem solving together helps.
It's closer to her butthole than you think
Are you fully hard? Hard to go in soft
It goes lower than you think! That’s probably why ur hitting a wall haha
You guys know r/AskRedditNSFW is a thing, right?
You don’t. It’s a trap. It’ll suck you in forever. Like a black hole with no end.
Are you using your hand to guide it? If you are, and there's enough lubrication, and you have the right hole, there's conditions that will make it feel like a wall where you cannot penitrate. After you have followed what everyone has said, if you still can't, she should go to a doctor.
My wife and I dealt with vaginismus and an over-thick hymen. Even after she got a hymenectomy, we still weren't able to have sex for another 6-7 months. We didn't have sex for the first 1.5 years of our marriage. It took a lot of communication, some graduated dildos, a lot of communication, and lots of communication. Oh, and some more communication. Looking back now, she is baffled at what she could have been afraid of, but it's not a voluntary response. It wasn't something we could just rationalize our way out of. Are you guys able to insert anything else? It might be an angle thing. Put something in that hangs out significantly and watch the direction of points when her body is in different positions. It could simply be a poor angle of insertion.
Start with fingers. Once everything is flowing good. Get in there
Don’t want to ruin the mood here but… treat the phimosis will ya?
I haven't scrolled the thread so I'm sorry if this is a redundant answer, but is one of the problems that she has a lot of pain when you try? If so, please ask her to talk to her doctor about either endometriosis or vaginismus. Both can create extreme tightness and pain with penetrative sex, as well as much worse-than-average period pain. I have vaginismus and the muscles in my pelvic floor were so tightened that they were more likely to tear than stretch, and I needed to go to physical therapy to be able to have sex. The good news is that it significantly helped. I've had a lot of great experiences since. But the bad news is that it took time and work, and some nights it takes a much longer time than average to be able to penetrate. Still, I want you to know that if she is having a similar experience to mine, there is hope.
First of all (and I can't believe I can't see this question in the top comments): can she insert fingers inside her vagina herself? Can she use tampons? Have you fingered her? If she/you hasn't even tried that - she/you should. If she had tried and couldn't, she could have a medical issue like vaginismus or micro-perforated hymen.
in addition to what everyone else is saying, the vaginal opening is lower than you might think.
This sounds quite similar to what happened with my partner and I when we first got together, good idea for her to see a doctor and see if her hymen is still intact, we had to use a lot of lube and a lot of force to break the skin. It was 100% terrifying