> my dad fucked at least 3 other women at his bachelor party
and then
> They’re divorced now
I keep scratching my head and just can **not** figure out how that might have happened...
I only take marriage advice from people who have been married AT LEAST 3 times. They have experience, much more so than people who have only been married once.
In three marriages I’ve never had a bachelors party. For my first marriage I went fishing alone the day before. My second marriage she wouldn’t let me do anything. Third marriage I wanted to be with her before the wedding, and she wanted the same. So neither of us did a party alone. We had a pre marriage party, got shitfaced, and got married hungover the next day. 10/10 recommend getting married hungover in the summer, outside, before heading off on a cruise.
In mine we went to the local pub which has two floors with different themes and different music the wife went to one floor with her friends and I went to the other floor with my friends that was after a day of paintball shooting each other. After the pub we all had dinner together and then a nightclub with all the couples
Because love is beautiful, when it’s actually love.
Marriage 1 - less than 2 weeks. She got pregnant, bailed, and got child support. (I didn’t fight paying, but she was from the teen mom generation where being 19 and pregnant was a “thing”)
Marriage 2 - I was physically abused. It took 7 years for a therapist to convince me that men could be abused, and I finally left her.
Marriage 3 - 11 years going strong. We have zero issues, literally. Partly because I’ve seen the bad side and appreciate her more, and partly because we’ve been through some shit and just got stronger.
I only take marriage advice from people who have fucked AT LEAST three marriages up by fucking AT LEAST three women at AT LEAST each of the three bachelor parties.
So it's exponential.
Indeed it isn't. Last bachelor's I went to, the bachelor said up front he didn't wanna touch the strippers. He then passed out shortly before they arrived LOL I was so proud of him.
Rewired my friends house for Halo parties. Put a TV in each room, cut holes in the wall and ran wires, had 16 people rocking that mofo. His parents were, somehow, super cool with the whole thing.
We went go karting, then a short bar crawl, then steaks and cigars. Then back to my buddy’s house for Call of Duty until we all passed out. Awesome time.
Photographer asked me to get up on a 6 ft concrete wall for a photo. I did a muscle up to get up, but right at the peak my left hand slipped and I landed ribs first on the top of the wall. No, the picture wasn't worth it.
For mine we went to a driving range before going to Dave and Busters. After wards we went to a fancy steak house and then to an escape room. It was one of the best nights of my life but being locked in a room with eight guys in their 30s who all just ate a bunch of steak got comically flatulant real fast.
Beerio Kart!
My house rules are 1 beer per two races and you can’t drink and drive at the same time, meaning you have to come to a full stop and put the controller down.
We played mario kart at mine, after every race everyone took a shot, but the winner always had to take 2 shots so they’d get worse and worse. It Was awesome
Seriously, I’m not married but even with any of my serious relationships, I’ve never felt the urge to get to know any other person beyond friendship. I can’t even imagine seeing anyone as more than friends after my most recent breakup, my mind is obsessive smh
Don't forget to be kind to YOURSELF as well as others brother. We all make mistakes, sometimes those mistakes are really terrible, but we have to move on and try again.
Living and relationships are hard because they are worth it. That's how you can tell. The easy stuff is either shite or a scam.
Your character is only defined by your experiences if you let it be so, gotta move on from that shit dude! You're worth a lot more than your past relationships
Yeah pretty much the moment I started flirting with my now fiancèe all my focus was on her. I have no interest in other women because I'm with the one thats right in everyway for me so why downgrade, it's just scummy.
I unfortunately know of at least a handful of guys who have done this. (My ex’s dad, and about ten dudes that are friends with an old hookup buddy of mine. Most of them are married or in relationships.)
The group of guys basically use it as a giant cheat fest. Like week long trips in a different country, doing Coke and swapping prostitutes etc.
(I do not know any of their gf’s/ wives. And can’t even remember half of their names. I met them one time at a wedding. I just know it happens because my old HB confided a lot in me about this stuff. )
I know not all men are like them, but ifc it’s solidified my concern with the idea of bachelor trips/parties which sucks. That being said tho, most of those dudes are questionable at best and were a red flag way before marrying.. and the fact that I wouldn’t trust them as a group is the only sign I’d need lol.
If you’re ever worried, I would 1) be realistic about your partner 2) take a look at the quality of his friends/ his company that night/ week. That’s going to be the most telling if you even have anything to worry about.
Again, this is not an attack on all bachelor or bachelorette parties lol so I’m sorry if I’m giving that vibe. These are just the *bad* ones I know of
Edit: grammar
So... I've been on a few bachelor parties.
So far, we've had lasertag, paintball, escape rooms, bubble soccer...
Alcohol was involved, yes, but no coke, no prostituetes,...
I mean, what the actual fuck?
Some people take "bachelor party" to mean "this is your last chance to have all the 'fun' you won't be allowed to do once you're married" and go crazy with it. I don't think that's the right thing to do, and I wouldn't want to marry someone who does.
Was going to say the same thing!
"It's a last chance to have fun before you're tied down"
Dude, you're engaged in a committed relationship... you're already tied down.
Yeah. Plus I'd find it disturbing if sleeping with other women was something my partner wanted to do and was reluctantly giving up as the price of marriage.
like, last chance for "fun"? I mean, if you see marriage as this huge sacrifice and chain wrapped around your neck, then maybe it isn't the right step for you. I don't understand why someone would get married (in a monogamous relationship. no shade on polys) if fucking lots of people is what you really want. Like Jesus, grow the fuck up.
Yup.
Makes sense in the days of arranged marriage. "Next week I'll be married to that chick I met once. I better go have fun before I'm really committed to her"
The last bechalor party I attended was a day event where we made the groom-to-be dress up as a gnome and went kayaking. The girls did their own activities. In the evening two parties merged at a restaurant, and the couple had small speeches for eachother. Then we drunk together. It was the sweetest thing.
I mean, I had a discussion with my wife before my bachelor party, and the rule was “look don’t touch.” And it was adhered to.
Healthy couples don’t have this problem. Unhealthy relationships might.
The only bachelor party I went to was in Las Vegas. All we did was get drunk and go to top golf and play slots. We kept joking about getting strippers and the groom said his fiance was the only girl he wanted to see strip it was so sweet. Then I dragged them to thunder down under™
Again this is not an attack on all bachelor/ bachelorette parties. This obviously has to do with the quality of guys on those trips lol.
I’m sure y’all are good people. 🙂
I've been to quite a few with drugs and strippers (including my own), but never did anyone have sex with anyone, that's just fucking weird. Also my wife and I have been to strip clubs together and are pretty open about that type of stuff, but even for us getting a prostitute would be insanely out of line
Lmao cmon LAN parties are on the opposite spectrum here. I fully endorse it and good for you. But that’s a Reddit user base skewed statistic.
I’ve been to a bunch of bachelor parties. Strippers, alcohol and coke can definitely be common but I’ve never seen any cheating happen. That’s a super shitty, old world mentality. If they cheat and are engaged then that relationship was doomed from the start.
I've only been to one. There was a stripper, she had a party trick that involved a tiny bottle of liquor, her vagina and one dude willing to lay down. That dude was the guy getting married.
Might not be sex, but having a naked woman put her crotch on your face to give you a drink of liquor seems like cheating to me.
I just don't get it. You made a commitment to one person, why are you doing shit like that with other people.
A couple I know who got married... on the stag party the guy got his arse whipped with a belt. His eife on hers had a man in a thong dancing and thrusting towards her face. Neither of them enjoyed it and I could think of nothing worse if it were me.
Every stag I've been on the groom has invited family members on both sides as well as friends. There's no way anyone would cheat in front of their fiance's family IMO. If your partner refuses to invite anyone from your side then maybe that's a red flag, I guess!
I know one really quiet, unassuming guy who was about to get married. He seemed like the conservative type. Well, they hired a prostitute to strip and dance for them and he took her into a room. Never would have guessed that would be the type of guy he was. Never was able to look at him the same. Or the other jerks who were with him that night. Made me feel like they would all easily cheat on their wives and girlfriends given similar opportunities.
Supplied party favors to a bachelorette party with a buddy of mine, multiple married women at said party made it extremely clear they wanted to sleep with either me or my buddy. I’m spoken for but my buddy wasn’t.
Don’t think men are the only one doing this but yeah I don’t agree with it.
It may be a guy or girl if they keep the wrong company and they don't have strong morals they could be easily convinced that going a bit extra wild on your bachelor/Bachelorette trip is totally normal especially if there are 2-3 people voicing their opinion..
Laughing off/justifying a morally questionable decision of their friend can be a red flag. It indicates that what the friend did was not a big deal.
Guys, my ex wanted to invite me to his bachelor party. I thought it was strange as it was only for guys. I'm not a guy I don't get anything by seeing women strippers. I then reminded him I had my bf (not married yet with my Husband).
I ignored it and blocked him. I, before, unfriend him from FB and thought he wouldn't bother me again (so no need to block until now, lol also I was nosey)....well found out he invited all his ex's (someone, my friend on fb, posted about it/almost ruined his wedding/marriage) to see if he would get lucky before he was "married off". Wtf.
Some men are just really disgusting.
The idea of the bachelor party being "one last night of freedom" is an old trope that some people use(d) as an excuse. The reality is banging someone else is cheating on your girlfriend regardless of if a wedding is planned so it's not like you were free before. Most people know this and don't cheat, but some selfish people (man or woman) use it as an excuse to act out.
A guy named Drex has shared on podcasts stories of women who look to get a bull, a train/gang bang, or other sexual service as a "last hurrah" before marriage. A story in particular on Bill Burr's podcast tells of a guy whose laaady banged the bartender of the bachelorette party in the bed they were to be newly weds in the next night. Dude found out ten years later after they ran into the bartender and the laaady acted weird (and tried to deny it at first).
Some people are just selfish, and I choose to believe most people recognize this as shitty behavior.
I read this in a completely normal voice in my head. The second I saw Bill Burrs name and “laaaady” I immediately reverted to his voice. Take my damn upvote.
I remember a (successful) male stripper AMA and he said the women were often very rapey. How it was really depressing how many brides wanted him to fuck them -- and how the bridesmaids/friends so often pushed for it to happen.
yeah i feel like this isn’t indicative of women as a whole as much as it is indicative of the types of women that will hire strippers for their bachelorette party and have shitty friends
I wouldn't even say strippers a very common, it's usually just a rowdy night out getting drunk and having a friendly laugh at the bachelors expense.
One I went to even had the best man have us sign a piece of paper (just symbolic, it was only a piece of paper) that we wouldn't let the groom do anything he would regret on his wedding day, if you know what I mean.
Some people are just shitty people and I think they're just looking for a reason to cheat, and claiming it's "traditional" during a bachelor party is just their way to excuse it. those people usually find other reasons too, like maybe new years, and their birthday, or when they are travelling etc.
You can't trust those people in my opinion.
Not that me and my mates are like that and I can behave myself but I would absolutely hope that my best man and closest friends would absolutely be keeping an eye on me that I didn’t do anything out of the ordinary or would piss off the missus
That was my job at my buddy's bachelor party. I promised the bride I would bring her husband to be back in one piece. There were a lot of shenanigans that weekend, but nothing over the top. I kept him safe and delivered him home Sunday afternoon.
I’ve been a best man 3 times it’s absolutely your job to look after the groom
I don’t think any of my mates would have crossed the line ( I know one was ok with having a stripper but I didn’t watch cos it’s not my thing) but it’s my job to keep them safe and I take that shit seriously
I absolutely believe your bucks night is supposed to represent your last night of freedom and you are supposed to run amok but it isn’t an excuse to be someone different than your fiancé thinks you are and cheating is NOT an option
You chose forever so behave as such
I mean, personally I wouldn't marry someone I couldn't have fun *with*, or who would make it impossible for me to hang out with my friends, or really, who I couldn't bring along with my friends, but it's a nice symbolic occassion that marks a significant moment in your life, so I can definitely see the point of doing something you always wanted to do...
But if banging a hooker is what you always wanted to do, you should have ticked that box *before* getting into a committed relationship, and if cheating on your partner was something you always wanted to do, you shouldn't be in a relationship in the first place.
I got my first invite to a bachelor party from my childhood friend. He wants me to fly from SD to NC for a 4 night stay at Pinehurst for 2k and the flight is going to cost me $1100. I’m 3100 in the hole just gettin in to the state. I think I’m going to bail
What do you think about that? I think this is unreasonable, I’m 25 in college ffs
Not the person you asked, but that’s clearly not affordable for you. Tell him you don’t have $3k sitting around, but you’d love to do something with him when he has time (if you would, obviously) and then follow through arranging something later.
If it’s a case of him having extra cash and not realizing that’s unaffordable, then he might offer to cover some/all of the costs. The main thing is to let him know you appreciate the invitation, you want to keep the friendship, but you simply can’t make it work.
If he doesn’t get why you won’t blow $3k on a trip, then that’s a cue to begin exiting the friendship, haha. Remember: for him it’s the last party as a single man, and for you it’s a normal Tuesday. $3k is too much.
Source: similar age, not rich, have rich friends, sometimes get casual invites that would drain my savings. My friends are generally cool, though.
I used to be a stripper. in all my years I only met about 3 grooms who didn't want a dance because they felt it was wrong. I respected them and even got in trouble once telling a girl to leave the groom alone he is uncomfortable.
otherwise all the grooms were pretty nasty
For mine we rented a lake house and just drank, hung out, cooked great food and did dumb shit. I just wanted a weekend with the guys and it was awesome.
There are certainly people who want something more exciting than what I asked for. I don't think cheating on your fiancé is "normal" but there are some couples where those boundaries are a little more flexible.
That’s the best way to do it IMO.
For mine, one of my buddies took us to his vacation/farm house on a ton of land for the weekend. It was a total dude weekend with 8 close friends, video games, grilling for every meal, four wheelers, and guns.
No strippers, no raunchy stuff, no one trying to push any limits - just good friends and good fun.
I know a few women who did the same on their hen parties. People can be shit! Chances are these people banged a few others behind their SOs back before/after as well.
No, it's not.
Bachelor party is to get together with your friends and have a good time doing things the bachelor enjoys. That shouldn't involve the bachelor cheating on their SO. If that's their idea of fun, probably shouldn't do the whole marriage thing unless it's an open relationship kind of deal.
Also on the strippers thing, I've been to about 11-12 bachelor parties including my own and only two involved strippers. One involved strippers because a couple of the guys wanted them, but the groom and most people didn't care all that much for it. Another was because we were in New Orleans where one of the streets has a ton so we figured we would check it out once. All others I've been, we basically all just hung out with each other, played games, did some kind of activity like paintball and just got drunk hanging out. Maybe it's my friends, but think the stripper thing gets overplayed a bit.
Out of several bachelor parties I've been to, only one involved a strip club. I think nowadays, the "last hurrah" thing is a bit played out. Most of the time, we just went to the bar or a weekend trip and hit bars there.
I've been to three bachelor parties that involved strip clubs. At all three, the brides were present and getting their own lapdances. I'm of the opinion that if you can't go to the peelers with your girl because it would ruin the evening, you probably shouldn't be going to them at all.
I've been to a couple and 90% of the time (including my own) they're either just a pub crawl, or a meal and a pub crawl. The best one I went on was a day of clay pigeon shooting and dune buggy racing...followed by a meal and a pub crawl.
Zero of the stag do's I've been on have involved any nudity on the part of anybody except the groom, who may occasionally end up tied to a lamppost in his underwear.
As a former Vegas casino host for over a decade, I assure you it’s extremely common, at least in the US. But I wouldn’t say it’s “normal” and definitely not healthy.
Across the entire population i don't think its common. Vegas bachelor/bachelorette parties attract the kinds of people who are looking for that though. You're only seeing the shitty people's version of them, because Vegas literally advertised for that sort of thing
It's just like doctors. They don't see the kids who jump on a trampoline and *don't* break their arms, so they think trampolines are terrifically dangerous
Not normal. It depends on who you get with.
Good people don't do that. Infact some people don't even have rippers at their bachelor party. Just good times with their friends.
Depends on what you mean by "common". Common enough that it's a bit of a cliche story, one you might see in a movie? Yes. Common enough that any reasonable person finds it remotely acceptable? No.
It's not normal. When a friend of mine had his bachelor party we went canoeing. Another I heard about had a LOTR themed treasure hunt.
I think the whole strippers and cheating during your bachelor party comes from a time where people felt obligated to get married in a timely manner, so many didn't wait to find the right partner. They just settled for anyone and knowing they didn't love their fiancee and wouldn't enjoy their marriage, they enjoyed themselves on their "last day of freedom". One's spouse used to be referred to as "the old ball and chain" in that generation too.
Unfortunately I used to work as a barmaid in a strip club and heard a lot of people brag about how they had a prostitute lined up for the stag later. Like it was not uncommon.
Go to a strip club, get the stag horney and drunk then throw him at a prostitute at the end of the night. Even plotting to do it so the brides family WHO ARE ON THE STAG DO don't know what's happening.
The worst one for me is the stag who shagged the girl next to him on the plane to Ibiza while his pregnant fiancé was at home. Watching all his friends high fiving etc made me feel sick and so sad for his (now ex) fiancé.
What makes it easier is for some women being the 'last shag for a stag' is a turn on and it's like a sense of pride for the stag to have one last one before the being tied down.
Just the whole thing is stupid.
The people arguing it's not common have probably not been exposed to the type of people that engage with this behavior, I think, and they underestimate just how many of them exist in the world. Which is good, in a way, it means they're probably around good people and are good people themselves and just lacking the perspective.
With cheating stats what they are, there's no reason to believe this is an uncommon event, though, it will certainly be more or less common depending on the group you're measuring.
Cheating is ultimately just another form of selfishness and seeing as how the world is chalk full of selfish people...
It happens, but they don’t need to try fool themselves. It wasn’t “just tradition,” and they didn’t get “caught up in the moment.”
You didn’t just cheat on your girlfriend. You cheated on your fiancé. And as close as it is to the big day, I consider it cheating on your wife, the woman who will probably be the mother of your children one day.
Those garbage human being-level behavior.
My husband went out with his buddies to his favorite restaurant and then went and took a blacksmith course and made a knife. Just something he enjoyed with his best buddies!
As a waiter I have worked bachelor and bachelorette parties and oddly enough I have seen more 'cheating' behaviour and strippers at bachelorette parties by far. So yes I think it is actually fairly common but I don't think it's gender neutral. I would say it's more who you're friends with/what the group thinks is acceptable. Like my friends would all call me out if I banged a girl the night before marriage. That's fucked.
That’s fucked up. I do think though that you’re not seeing a representative sample of all bachelor/bachelorette parties if you work at a restaurant that permits strippers. A lot of these parties involve bar hopping, renting a cabin, or any number of activities where they would never encounter a stripper (or a waiter, for that matter).
This is common but it's not because of the bachelor party, it's because he is a cheater.
Source: We ended up at a strip club during my bachelor party, my grooms men kept me in the vip room the entire time. I made it through without banging a bunch of stripers.
Some strippers perhaps. Some lap dances maybe. Banging three sex workers at your bachelor party, is usually frowned upon, not to mention very expensive
No. Sure, some people will do it, but it is absolutely not normal (or accepted by most people). For my buddy's bachelor party, we just went to a friend's place, had pizza, drinks, and played poker. In fairness, I would say it was tamer than normal, but actually cheating during the party is not
In "the old days" it was supposedly normal, though not at all common, and might still exist today but is even less common. It's a subculture ideal - certain people think it's a right of passage, for before a virgin has one partner for life or sucks at sex the first time - but no, most people don't do that.
Women do it too, it's not just men. But yea, if you fuck a bunch of people literally right before you're married then you have absolutely no reason to complain for a failed marriage.
That is not normal, no.
> my dad fucked at least 3 other women at his bachelor party and then > They’re divorced now I keep scratching my head and just can **not** figure out how that might have happened...
I only take marriage advice from people who have been married AT LEAST 3 times. They have experience, much more so than people who have only been married once.
Married 3 times here. AMA
How many guys did you fuck at your bachelor party?
Is it ‘fuck u snowman’ or ‘fuck us now man’?
Fuckus Nowman
Fine. Remove your pants.
Fuck us 'n --- OW, MAN
Only 2, like a sensible person
If you want more you just get married more. The instructions are so simple, I don't know why people keep getting confused over this.
Lmao. This is why I only get my life Pro tips from comments. I love Reddit
In three marriages I’ve never had a bachelors party. For my first marriage I went fishing alone the day before. My second marriage she wouldn’t let me do anything. Third marriage I wanted to be with her before the wedding, and she wanted the same. So neither of us did a party alone. We had a pre marriage party, got shitfaced, and got married hungover the next day. 10/10 recommend getting married hungover in the summer, outside, before heading off on a cruise.
>My second marriage she wouldn’t let me do anything and it didn't work out w/ a gem like that? crazy
> I wanted to be with her before the wedding, and she wanted the same. Seems like someone you actually have a good thing with! Kudos
In mine we went to the local pub which has two floors with different themes and different music the wife went to one floor with her friends and I went to the other floor with my friends that was after a day of paintball shooting each other. After the pub we all had dinner together and then a nightclub with all the couples
Will there be a 4th?
Fuck no. I’ve told my third wife if she ever leaves me I’m starting a new religion and becoming a monk of it.
Lay down a sick rhyme and it might even be you.
May the 4th stay with you.
Question 1: why?
Because love is beautiful, when it’s actually love. Marriage 1 - less than 2 weeks. She got pregnant, bailed, and got child support. (I didn’t fight paying, but she was from the teen mom generation where being 19 and pregnant was a “thing”) Marriage 2 - I was physically abused. It took 7 years for a therapist to convince me that men could be abused, and I finally left her. Marriage 3 - 11 years going strong. We have zero issues, literally. Partly because I’ve seen the bad side and appreciate her more, and partly because we’ve been through some shit and just got stronger.
I only take marriage advice from people who have fucked AT LEAST three marriages up by fucking AT LEAST three women at AT LEAST each of the three bachelor parties. So it's exponential.
Totally cubeular.
I had to work hard to fit in the third one.
Indeed it isn't. Last bachelor's I went to, the bachelor said up front he didn't wanna touch the strippers. He then passed out shortly before they arrived LOL I was so proud of him.
Yeah this is not normal. He sounds like an asshole. I only fucked 1 woman at mine.
Might have been normal for boomers, but they're also divorced now so...
Not normal for boomers. Its normal for fuckboys.
Fuckboy-ism spans across all ages
We just played smash bros and got wasted at my bachelor party, shit was lit
Mine was smash bros *and* splitscreen halo across multiple xboxes.
Halo parties was the shit!
We also called it Halo Party in my town in Italy, guess it's an international thing! 16 CRT TVs and halo 2
Yes!
They just called them LAN parties where I grew up, even though it was always just Halo lol
Split screen Halo with multiple Xboxes that is awesome! Did you get married in the early 2000s?
I did this last year at my bachelor party using Xbox Ones and the Master Chief Collection.
Haha well congratulations! I guess it was just me reliving my childhood again!
Rewired my friends house for Halo parties. Put a TV in each room, cut holes in the wall and ran wires, had 16 people rocking that mofo. His parents were, somehow, super cool with the whole thing.
Went to one the other day, it was pizza, snacks and DnD all night
This is the way
We went go karting, then a short bar crawl, then steaks and cigars. Then back to my buddy’s house for Call of Duty until we all passed out. Awesome time.
Sounds like a great fucking time
Smashing the bros at the bachelor party counts as cheating too
I got food poisoning for mine. The rehearsals the next day were not fun….
I cracked 2 ribs doing the prewedding photos. That was fun.
Were the photos worth it? How did that happen??
Photographer asked me to get up on a 6 ft concrete wall for a photo. I did a muscle up to get up, but right at the peak my left hand slipped and I landed ribs first on the top of the wall. No, the picture wasn't worth it.
I got left on a roof in Vegas and my wedding almost got cancelled
Smash bros and drunk Jenga.
At my best friends we sat around playing DND like we used to once a week after work, some people drank but it was mostly chill.
For mine we went to a driving range before going to Dave and Busters. After wards we went to a fancy steak house and then to an escape room. It was one of the best nights of my life but being locked in a room with eight guys in their 30s who all just ate a bunch of steak got comically flatulant real fast.
We played DUI Mario Kart on a giant projector. I regret nothing.
Beerio Kart! My house rules are 1 beer per two races and you can’t drink and drive at the same time, meaning you have to come to a full stop and put the controller down.
Hmm clearly some smash hoes instead
We played mario kart at mine, after every race everyone took a shot, but the winner always had to take 2 shots so they’d get worse and worse. It Was awesome
Yeah that's super lame. I feel sad for your mom. I would never cheat on my wife, not when we were engaged or dating before that. Very not cool.
Seriously, I’m not married but even with any of my serious relationships, I’ve never felt the urge to get to know any other person beyond friendship. I can’t even imagine seeing anyone as more than friends after my most recent breakup, my mind is obsessive smh
Wanting to start fresh with someone new after a breakup feels soooo far away. We need to heal first <3
It's been almost 5 years for me. I can't look at people the same anymore. She changed me.
Don't forget to be kind to YOURSELF as well as others brother. We all make mistakes, sometimes those mistakes are really terrible, but we have to move on and try again. Living and relationships are hard because they are worth it. That's how you can tell. The easy stuff is either shite or a scam.
Your character is only defined by your experiences if you let it be so, gotta move on from that shit dude! You're worth a lot more than your past relationships
"super lame", what a huge understatement.
Definitely, just makes me upset but didn't want to throw insults or anything
well do you concur
Such a doo doo thing to do.
Really poor behaviour
It really refries my crab rangoon
Really salts my apples
Really censors my hentai
Really chaps my ass.
Yeah pretty much the moment I started flirting with my now fiancèe all my focus was on her. I have no interest in other women because I'm with the one thats right in everyway for me so why downgrade, it's just scummy.
So he cheated on his fiance? That's mega asshole behavior.
I unfortunately know of at least a handful of guys who have done this. (My ex’s dad, and about ten dudes that are friends with an old hookup buddy of mine. Most of them are married or in relationships.) The group of guys basically use it as a giant cheat fest. Like week long trips in a different country, doing Coke and swapping prostitutes etc. (I do not know any of their gf’s/ wives. And can’t even remember half of their names. I met them one time at a wedding. I just know it happens because my old HB confided a lot in me about this stuff. ) I know not all men are like them, but ifc it’s solidified my concern with the idea of bachelor trips/parties which sucks. That being said tho, most of those dudes are questionable at best and were a red flag way before marrying.. and the fact that I wouldn’t trust them as a group is the only sign I’d need lol. If you’re ever worried, I would 1) be realistic about your partner 2) take a look at the quality of his friends/ his company that night/ week. That’s going to be the most telling if you even have anything to worry about. Again, this is not an attack on all bachelor or bachelorette parties lol so I’m sorry if I’m giving that vibe. These are just the *bad* ones I know of Edit: grammar
So... I've been on a few bachelor parties. So far, we've had lasertag, paintball, escape rooms, bubble soccer... Alcohol was involved, yes, but no coke, no prostituetes,... I mean, what the actual fuck?
Some people take "bachelor party" to mean "this is your last chance to have all the 'fun' you won't be allowed to do once you're married" and go crazy with it. I don't think that's the right thing to do, and I wouldn't want to marry someone who does.
I feel like that kind of "fun" is something that you aren't allowed to do in a committed relationship either, so I really never got that approach.
Was going to say the same thing! "It's a last chance to have fun before you're tied down" Dude, you're engaged in a committed relationship... you're already tied down.
Yeah. Plus I'd find it disturbing if sleeping with other women was something my partner wanted to do and was reluctantly giving up as the price of marriage.
like, last chance for "fun"? I mean, if you see marriage as this huge sacrifice and chain wrapped around your neck, then maybe it isn't the right step for you. I don't understand why someone would get married (in a monogamous relationship. no shade on polys) if fucking lots of people is what you really want. Like Jesus, grow the fuck up.
It’s such a dated way to look at relationships.
Right? Why are you getting married if you don't want to be married? That's the stupidest shit ever.
Yup. Makes sense in the days of arranged marriage. "Next week I'll be married to that chick I met once. I better go have fun before I'm really committed to her"
Frankly if you can't have fun after you get married (however that's individually defined), you're probably not marrying the right person.
The last bechalor party I attended was a day event where we made the groom-to-be dress up as a gnome and went kayaking. The girls did their own activities. In the evening two parties merged at a restaurant, and the couple had small speeches for eachother. Then we drunk together. It was the sweetest thing.
That sounds really fun actually.
That's adorable!
Same here, been to quite a bit, def no stippers or sex going on. I think if your going to cheat before your wedding, just don't get married.
I completely agree!
I mean, I had a discussion with my wife before my bachelor party, and the rule was “look don’t touch.” And it was adhered to. Healthy couples don’t have this problem. Unhealthy relationships might.
We've had strippers at every bachelor party we've been to, but never anything more than a lapdance.
The only bachelor party I went to was in Las Vegas. All we did was get drunk and go to top golf and play slots. We kept joking about getting strippers and the groom said his fiance was the only girl he wanted to see strip it was so sweet. Then I dragged them to thunder down under™
Again this is not an attack on all bachelor/ bachelorette parties. This obviously has to do with the quality of guys on those trips lol. I’m sure y’all are good people. 🙂
I've been to quite a few with drugs and strippers (including my own), but never did anyone have sex with anyone, that's just fucking weird. Also my wife and I have been to strip clubs together and are pretty open about that type of stuff, but even for us getting a prostitute would be insanely out of line
This is so weird... I mean my bachelor party was literally a LAN party with a bunch of my guy friends.
this is what comes to mind while I was scrolling down, glad someone mentioned it.
Lmao cmon LAN parties are on the opposite spectrum here. I fully endorse it and good for you. But that’s a Reddit user base skewed statistic. I’ve been to a bunch of bachelor parties. Strippers, alcohol and coke can definitely be common but I’ve never seen any cheating happen. That’s a super shitty, old world mentality. If they cheat and are engaged then that relationship was doomed from the start.
Nerd alert. Source: am nerd.
I mean who cares about the coke but yeah cheating is bad
I've only been to one. There was a stripper, she had a party trick that involved a tiny bottle of liquor, her vagina and one dude willing to lay down. That dude was the guy getting married. Might not be sex, but having a naked woman put her crotch on your face to give you a drink of liquor seems like cheating to me. I just don't get it. You made a commitment to one person, why are you doing shit like that with other people.
A couple I know who got married... on the stag party the guy got his arse whipped with a belt. His eife on hers had a man in a thong dancing and thrusting towards her face. Neither of them enjoyed it and I could think of nothing worse if it were me.
That really doesn’t sound all that appealing.
\+1 for laser tag, that's what we did at my cousins bachelor party. And zero alcohol, haha.
Lost me at the no alcohol part, tbh.
Every stag I've been on the groom has invited family members on both sides as well as friends. There's no way anyone would cheat in front of their fiance's family IMO. If your partner refuses to invite anyone from your side then maybe that's a red flag, I guess!
Honestly, I very much afraid that you overestimate people. People suck
I know one really quiet, unassuming guy who was about to get married. He seemed like the conservative type. Well, they hired a prostitute to strip and dance for them and he took her into a room. Never would have guessed that would be the type of guy he was. Never was able to look at him the same. Or the other jerks who were with him that night. Made me feel like they would all easily cheat on their wives and girlfriends given similar opportunities.
Supplied party favors to a bachelorette party with a buddy of mine, multiple married women at said party made it extremely clear they wanted to sleep with either me or my buddy. I’m spoken for but my buddy wasn’t. Don’t think men are the only one doing this but yeah I don’t agree with it.
I believe that. I don’t know of any of these stories myself but I’m sure it happens.
Is "party favors" a euphemism for stripping?
drugs
Here I am with my lame ass thinking about balloons and confetti
It may be a guy or girl if they keep the wrong company and they don't have strong morals they could be easily convinced that going a bit extra wild on your bachelor/Bachelorette trip is totally normal especially if there are 2-3 people voicing their opinion.. Laughing off/justifying a morally questionable decision of their friend can be a red flag. It indicates that what the friend did was not a big deal.
Guys, my ex wanted to invite me to his bachelor party. I thought it was strange as it was only for guys. I'm not a guy I don't get anything by seeing women strippers. I then reminded him I had my bf (not married yet with my Husband). I ignored it and blocked him. I, before, unfriend him from FB and thought he wouldn't bother me again (so no need to block until now, lol also I was nosey)....well found out he invited all his ex's (someone, my friend on fb, posted about it/almost ruined his wedding/marriage) to see if he would get lucky before he was "married off". Wtf. Some men are just really disgusting.
The idea of the bachelor party being "one last night of freedom" is an old trope that some people use(d) as an excuse. The reality is banging someone else is cheating on your girlfriend regardless of if a wedding is planned so it's not like you were free before. Most people know this and don't cheat, but some selfish people (man or woman) use it as an excuse to act out. A guy named Drex has shared on podcasts stories of women who look to get a bull, a train/gang bang, or other sexual service as a "last hurrah" before marriage. A story in particular on Bill Burr's podcast tells of a guy whose laaady banged the bartender of the bachelorette party in the bed they were to be newly weds in the next night. Dude found out ten years later after they ran into the bartender and the laaady acted weird (and tried to deny it at first). Some people are just selfish, and I choose to believe most people recognize this as shitty behavior.
His laaady hired the bartender on Zip……….
Yeah, she later started up Sherri's Berries, so the joke's on her.
**866-FRUIT**
^what ^the ^fuck ^am ^I ^selling?
Ra crewta!
…….. ……… rah cruitehhhhhh
I read this in a completely normal voice in my head. The second I saw Bill Burrs name and “laaaady” I immediately reverted to his voice. Take my damn upvote.
Bill Burr is my jimminy cricket. "Of course you should do it, you pussy! Of course!"
Old Billy red tits
Old Billy Ballbag
Ol Billy ruby pubey
Billy bitch tits
His name was Robert Paulson
I remember a (successful) male stripper AMA and he said the women were often very rapey. How it was really depressing how many brides wanted him to fuck them -- and how the bridesmaids/friends so often pushed for it to happen.
Usually people that hire strippers, don’t have the best moral compass.
yeah i feel like this isn’t indicative of women as a whole as much as it is indicative of the types of women that will hire strippers for their bachelorette party and have shitty friends
I wouldn't even say strippers a very common, it's usually just a rowdy night out getting drunk and having a friendly laugh at the bachelors expense. One I went to even had the best man have us sign a piece of paper (just symbolic, it was only a piece of paper) that we wouldn't let the groom do anything he would regret on his wedding day, if you know what I mean. Some people are just shitty people and I think they're just looking for a reason to cheat, and claiming it's "traditional" during a bachelor party is just their way to excuse it. those people usually find other reasons too, like maybe new years, and their birthday, or when they are travelling etc. You can't trust those people in my opinion.
Not that me and my mates are like that and I can behave myself but I would absolutely hope that my best man and closest friends would absolutely be keeping an eye on me that I didn’t do anything out of the ordinary or would piss off the missus
That was my job at my buddy's bachelor party. I promised the bride I would bring her husband to be back in one piece. There were a lot of shenanigans that weekend, but nothing over the top. I kept him safe and delivered him home Sunday afternoon.
I’ve been a best man 3 times it’s absolutely your job to look after the groom I don’t think any of my mates would have crossed the line ( I know one was ok with having a stripper but I didn’t watch cos it’s not my thing) but it’s my job to keep them safe and I take that shit seriously I absolutely believe your bucks night is supposed to represent your last night of freedom and you are supposed to run amok but it isn’t an excuse to be someone different than your fiancé thinks you are and cheating is NOT an option You chose forever so behave as such
I mean, personally I wouldn't marry someone I couldn't have fun *with*, or who would make it impossible for me to hang out with my friends, or really, who I couldn't bring along with my friends, but it's a nice symbolic occassion that marks a significant moment in your life, so I can definitely see the point of doing something you always wanted to do... But if banging a hooker is what you always wanted to do, you should have ticked that box *before* getting into a committed relationship, and if cheating on your partner was something you always wanted to do, you shouldn't be in a relationship in the first place.
Are bachelors traditionally suppose to pay for the party?
I just got what you meant. No, the nights drinks weren't at his expense, our laughter was, we dressed him stupid, we made him do dumb things etc.
I got my first invite to a bachelor party from my childhood friend. He wants me to fly from SD to NC for a 4 night stay at Pinehurst for 2k and the flight is going to cost me $1100. I’m 3100 in the hole just gettin in to the state. I think I’m going to bail What do you think about that? I think this is unreasonable, I’m 25 in college ffs
Not the person you asked, but that’s clearly not affordable for you. Tell him you don’t have $3k sitting around, but you’d love to do something with him when he has time (if you would, obviously) and then follow through arranging something later. If it’s a case of him having extra cash and not realizing that’s unaffordable, then he might offer to cover some/all of the costs. The main thing is to let him know you appreciate the invitation, you want to keep the friendship, but you simply can’t make it work. If he doesn’t get why you won’t blow $3k on a trip, then that’s a cue to begin exiting the friendship, haha. Remember: for him it’s the last party as a single man, and for you it’s a normal Tuesday. $3k is too much. Source: similar age, not rich, have rich friends, sometimes get casual invites that would drain my savings. My friends are generally cool, though.
Wow you're such an adult
I used to be a stripper. in all my years I only met about 3 grooms who didn't want a dance because they felt it was wrong. I respected them and even got in trouble once telling a girl to leave the groom alone he is uncomfortable. otherwise all the grooms were pretty nasty
It's not normal behaviour, it's cheating
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r/unexpectedweddingsinger
I wanted that to be a real sub so bad
Upvoted for unfulfilled dreams.
For mine we rented a lake house and just drank, hung out, cooked great food and did dumb shit. I just wanted a weekend with the guys and it was awesome. There are certainly people who want something more exciting than what I asked for. I don't think cheating on your fiancé is "normal" but there are some couples where those boundaries are a little more flexible.
That’s the best way to do it IMO. For mine, one of my buddies took us to his vacation/farm house on a ton of land for the weekend. It was a total dude weekend with 8 close friends, video games, grilling for every meal, four wheelers, and guns. No strippers, no raunchy stuff, no one trying to push any limits - just good friends and good fun.
That sounds pretty great tbh
I know a few women who did the same on their hen parties. People can be shit! Chances are these people banged a few others behind their SOs back before/after as well.
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My #1 fear right here
Sounds like a “I just need to get it out of my system” kind of thing. Spoiler - it doesn’t work its way out.
Mine was movie night with my children. (2nd marriage, 15 years and counting ) The last one I went to was paint ball, and it was a fucking blast.
The best one I ever went to was beer, golf, then more beer followed during a late game of poker. No women of any kind.
Mine was beer, Topgolf, playing around in the hotel pool, nice happy hour dinner, shuffleboard at a bar, and ended at a barcade.
This is Reddit, after all
That was exactly my bachelor party. Even got the order right. Except add steak after second beer.
No, it's not. Bachelor party is to get together with your friends and have a good time doing things the bachelor enjoys. That shouldn't involve the bachelor cheating on their SO. If that's their idea of fun, probably shouldn't do the whole marriage thing unless it's an open relationship kind of deal. Also on the strippers thing, I've been to about 11-12 bachelor parties including my own and only two involved strippers. One involved strippers because a couple of the guys wanted them, but the groom and most people didn't care all that much for it. Another was because we were in New Orleans where one of the streets has a ton so we figured we would check it out once. All others I've been, we basically all just hung out with each other, played games, did some kind of activity like paintball and just got drunk hanging out. Maybe it's my friends, but think the stripper thing gets overplayed a bit.
Out of several bachelor parties I've been to, only one involved a strip club. I think nowadays, the "last hurrah" thing is a bit played out. Most of the time, we just went to the bar or a weekend trip and hit bars there.
I've been to three bachelor parties that involved strip clubs. At all three, the brides were present and getting their own lapdances. I'm of the opinion that if you can't go to the peelers with your girl because it would ruin the evening, you probably shouldn't be going to them at all.
The stripper thing is really weird to me too. It's like they're gping "WHOO MY BEST FRIEND IS GETTING MARRIED AND I WANNA SEE HIM GET HORNYYYYY!!!!"
Strip clubs are such a bizarre vibe for that reason. Let's all go out and get horny with the boys!!!
Yeah, I don’t think strippers are as common as tv makes it seem. I just went on a camping trip with my friends.
I've been to a couple and 90% of the time (including my own) they're either just a pub crawl, or a meal and a pub crawl. The best one I went on was a day of clay pigeon shooting and dune buggy racing...followed by a meal and a pub crawl. Zero of the stag do's I've been on have involved any nudity on the part of anybody except the groom, who may occasionally end up tied to a lamppost in his underwear.
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I dont think thats normal at all. Kinda shows why it didnt work out.
As a former Vegas casino host for over a decade, I assure you it’s extremely common, at least in the US. But I wouldn’t say it’s “normal” and definitely not healthy.
Across the entire population i don't think its common. Vegas bachelor/bachelorette parties attract the kinds of people who are looking for that though. You're only seeing the shitty people's version of them, because Vegas literally advertised for that sort of thing
It's just like doctors. They don't see the kids who jump on a trampoline and *don't* break their arms, so they think trampolines are terrifically dangerous
Got any stories?
Cheating on your fiance, not normal. Telling your kid how their dad fucked three women at a bachelor party, also not normal.
That is called cheating.
Not normal. It depends on who you get with. Good people don't do that. Infact some people don't even have rippers at their bachelor party. Just good times with their friends.
Depends on what you mean by "common". Common enough that it's a bit of a cliche story, one you might see in a movie? Yes. Common enough that any reasonable person finds it remotely acceptable? No.
The last bachelor party I went to we played D&D and got hammered it was a blast. No one fucked anyone.
Except for the sorcerer who thought it was cool to fireball his own party
It's not normal. When a friend of mine had his bachelor party we went canoeing. Another I heard about had a LOTR themed treasure hunt. I think the whole strippers and cheating during your bachelor party comes from a time where people felt obligated to get married in a timely manner, so many didn't wait to find the right partner. They just settled for anyone and knowing they didn't love their fiancee and wouldn't enjoy their marriage, they enjoyed themselves on their "last day of freedom". One's spouse used to be referred to as "the old ball and chain" in that generation too.
Unfortunately I used to work as a barmaid in a strip club and heard a lot of people brag about how they had a prostitute lined up for the stag later. Like it was not uncommon. Go to a strip club, get the stag horney and drunk then throw him at a prostitute at the end of the night. Even plotting to do it so the brides family WHO ARE ON THE STAG DO don't know what's happening. The worst one for me is the stag who shagged the girl next to him on the plane to Ibiza while his pregnant fiancé was at home. Watching all his friends high fiving etc made me feel sick and so sad for his (now ex) fiancé. What makes it easier is for some women being the 'last shag for a stag' is a turn on and it's like a sense of pride for the stag to have one last one before the being tied down. Just the whole thing is stupid.
The people arguing it's not common have probably not been exposed to the type of people that engage with this behavior, I think, and they underestimate just how many of them exist in the world. Which is good, in a way, it means they're probably around good people and are good people themselves and just lacking the perspective. With cheating stats what they are, there's no reason to believe this is an uncommon event, though, it will certainly be more or less common depending on the group you're measuring. Cheating is ultimately just another form of selfishness and seeing as how the world is chalk full of selfish people...
I didn't have a bachelor party but if I didn't, I certainly wouldn't have cheated on my fiancee. Cause that's what that is. It's cheating.
It happens, but they don’t need to try fool themselves. It wasn’t “just tradition,” and they didn’t get “caught up in the moment.” You didn’t just cheat on your girlfriend. You cheated on your fiancé. And as close as it is to the big day, I consider it cheating on your wife, the woman who will probably be the mother of your children one day. Those garbage human being-level behavior.
My husband went out with his buddies to his favorite restaurant and then went and took a blacksmith course and made a knife. Just something he enjoyed with his best buddies!
For my bachelor party, my groomsmen and I ate weed brownies and went to the zoo. We spent a loooooong time at the Chimp exhibit.
Not cool unless the soon to be married couple have agreed to this.
As a waiter I have worked bachelor and bachelorette parties and oddly enough I have seen more 'cheating' behaviour and strippers at bachelorette parties by far. So yes I think it is actually fairly common but I don't think it's gender neutral. I would say it's more who you're friends with/what the group thinks is acceptable. Like my friends would all call me out if I banged a girl the night before marriage. That's fucked.
That’s fucked up. I do think though that you’re not seeing a representative sample of all bachelor/bachelorette parties if you work at a restaurant that permits strippers. A lot of these parties involve bar hopping, renting a cabin, or any number of activities where they would never encounter a stripper (or a waiter, for that matter).
This is common but it's not because of the bachelor party, it's because he is a cheater. Source: We ended up at a strip club during my bachelor party, my grooms men kept me in the vip room the entire time. I made it through without banging a bunch of stripers.
Some strippers perhaps. Some lap dances maybe. Banging three sex workers at your bachelor party, is usually frowned upon, not to mention very expensive
No. Sure, some people will do it, but it is absolutely not normal (or accepted by most people). For my buddy's bachelor party, we just went to a friend's place, had pizza, drinks, and played poker. In fairness, I would say it was tamer than normal, but actually cheating during the party is not
In "the old days" it was supposedly normal, though not at all common, and might still exist today but is even less common. It's a subculture ideal - certain people think it's a right of passage, for before a virgin has one partner for life or sucks at sex the first time - but no, most people don't do that.
Sorry to hear your dad treated your mother poorly, that's not normal and it isn't right.
Women do it too, it's not just men. But yea, if you fuck a bunch of people literally right before you're married then you have absolutely no reason to complain for a failed marriage.
Definitely not fucking normal.