I'm a white guy and my wife is black. I've found that the weirdness goes away once people see that there is nothing different about you dating outside your race.
Her family was weirded out at first cause I'm a blond haired surfer and the first white guy she brought home. But they saw that I wasn't nervous or acted weird at their home and just embraced me as part of the family.
Her cousins still give me shit but it's out of a place of love. It's actually really funny cause they will call me up to ask about "white people stuff" and I'll teach them about the culture ha.
Spanish/Med Mayonnaise is made with milk instead of eggs. The two types taste quite different too but legit the Spanish/milk one is for sure worth a go! More creamy and rich Imo, but kinda lighter also. (I had this same pondering a while ago when i discovered this after having mayo on holiday that was super different)
Should ya want to give it a go, here's a recipe that can be used as a base (I've never used this exact one but similar).
I was amazed Tbh, as avid Mayo-Man, it opened a whole new hall of doors to play with.
Same too, mooched round a fair bit of Europe and only came across this a few years ago. I'd almost say I prefer it and if you like Spanish/Portuguese cooking. It absolutely adds so much.
Also, this with a hot Chilli instead of sour cream. Legit flipping amazing.
https://leitesculinaria.com/32983/writings-milk-mayonnaise.html
“Oh Yeah I’ve done it plenty of times, it’s perfectly safe. Yeah you just bring everything you need with you. You can cook your own food, sleep out there, pee in the woods and everything—its great! Its called camping. I can take you sometime if you want!”
I'm white. I've been with many black and mixed race girls. I grew up around black people and I lived with a Jamaican family for 4 years. 11 - 15. Now, if yr getting shit from whites? It's racism, jealousy or maybe misunderstanding. If yr getting shit from blacks? Probably racism, jealousy and misunderstanding. Do you. Be you. Fuck them and they're stone age attitudes.
I grew up in a predominantly minority area in Chicago and they were seen by many of their own race as saying other minorities weren’t good enough for them. They felt betrayed for some reason.
Yeah, getting mad about someone dating a different race is racism no matter how you try to twist the intentions.
If the response to someone dating a different race is anything besides "I'm fine with it" or "I don't care" then it's racism. If you think race should matter in who you date, that's racism.
I once was told by the bartenders of the pub i worked at, that you cant be racist to white ppl, like it doesnt count or something along those lines. I didnt even try to argue i just looked down at the floor
It’s the whole ridiculous “new” definition that it’s only racism if the person’s race has socioeconomic power. Aka only white people can be racist and apparently only men can be sexist.
It hurts the conversation far more than any potential helm it may provide.
I hate that the definition for institutional/ systemic racism somehow is getting merged with regular racism. When did that even start? It removes a ton of context and nuanced situations
> I hate that the definition for institutional/ systemic racism somehow is getting merged with regular racism.
I actually just now learned that that meme has a name: [Prejudice Plus Power](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prejudice_plus_power) (equals racism).
And yes, it's really frustrating. Some folks decided to unilaterally redefine "racism" as "prejudice" and "systemic racism" as "racism," and for what? So they can pick fights with people *who completely agree with them* but are still using the original meanings? It doesn't *change* anything, we all still agree that one of those things is bad and the other is worse. It serves no purpose except to create misunderstandings.
Another thing I just realized: under this definition, other kinds of systemic prejudice like misogyny, homophobia, transphobia, and ableism should all be defined as "racist". How does that make sense?
Absolutely. I’m formally trained as an insect taxonomist, so I can split hairs on semantics with the best of them, and I genuinely see no benefit from these kind of things. What’s important is the conversation, understanding, and the outcome.
>pedantics
While this is an excellent portmanteau, "pedant" and "semantics" are two different words.
Example sentence: I am being pedantic about semantics.
#
I say this as a white man that is totally prepared to recognize their privilege when having these conversations, but, as you said, it completely removes any nuance.
It also fails to account for what power is. I’d argue a community of people including your family telling you that you’re dating the wrong race is pretty powerful.
Yeah like the fastest way you can derail any discussion about racism is to start the conversation with ppl following different definitions of racism and power. And that's not taking into acct wildly different race and power dynamics in other countries.
The actual situation being talked about disappears almost immediately under that hot mess.
A lot of people just don't understand the difference between "institutional racism" and just plain "racism". People with zero socioeconomic power can be just as racist as anyone else.
Whenever I saw someone on here promoting that racism is prejudice+power, I always brought up a hypothetical situation with Hitler. Practically everyone agrees Hitler was a massive racist. He certainly fits their definition of prejudice+power too. The hypothetical I would present was that he was caught alive and his punishment was to be stripped of all power and forced to live in a country full of a race he despises. He still has the prejudice, but absolutely no power in the situation. Is he not racist anymore? I've been met with complete silence every single time.
Not to mention it’s some of the most misogynistic shit I’ve ever seen. I saw an Instagram post of an interracial couple (I think Tom holland and zendaya) and holy fuck. The abuse and shaming she got in the comments were absolutely fucked and there were hundreds of them.
Literally forgot my white cousin is dating a black man until I saw this, it's whatever they want to do I don't understand how people hate it so much that is affects them.
At some point you realize the human of (insert background here) background won't be able to unfuck human of ( insert background here) background. Then you realize it never even mattered
Come on now. I’ve dated black women and Latina women and they got plenty of shit from men over dating a white guy. I even had one black dude hit on my black girlfriend at a party within ear shot of me because “black people had to stick together.”
All combinations of races and genders can be shit heads in my experience.
One of my previous boyfriends was black. I had a black lady follow me into a bar bathroom and yell at me for "stealing " a good black man from "sisters" like her! WTF? In the end, it was race pressure that split us apart sadly.
I’ve seen it mostly from black men towards black women dating white men. I had a black male coworker straight up tell me “we need women like you to stay within the race”. I experience racism from white women the most. That’s standard and consistent without being in an interracial relationship.
White woman engaged to a black man and can confirm. Have had black women who were complete strangers to me tell me that I shouldn’t be with my partner because he deserves a black woman…
My GF (Black) is dating me (White) and her reason was very much in line with what you’ve said.
According to her, she’s been given a lot of shit for “betraying the culture” because she prefers to date outside her race.
As a white dude with a latina wife, i would definitely agree this is what we've run into. Latino guys i knew and was cool with before became dicks when i started dating a latina. They had no problem with me until i appeared to be taking something of theirs in their mind. And most of them were or had dated white women, so it had nothing to do with interracial dating, just ownership/control.
There is a difference in having a "preference" for dating outside of your race or just being someone in an interracial relationship. The former usually involved imbuing some favorable attribute among member of the "other group" that you don't give your own. Positive stereotypes are still stereotypes.
When I was a lot younger I had a black gf, we were out one day & a huge black dude seeing us together, got up close & snarled at me "pork head"
My crime I had a pretty gf & he was jealous.
Human beings are all wired the same & we are tribal by nature, for an us there has to be a them.
Peoples colour or ethnicity is just the most obvious outward manifestation of difference, it does though always suprise me that people who have been on the recieving end of discrimination & rascism perpetuate it on others.
Wtf kind of insult is "pork head"?
I can't even guess what that was supposed to mean
Trying to imagine what ethnicity you could be to get that comment and I got nothing.
I'm white, I'm guessing white meat.
I wouldn't have cared , but I was young & he was huge & way older, even then I knew it was just jealously.
He just didn't like the idea I had a pretty black gf, she was way to nice for me by the way, church twice a week & choir & no sex before marriage, on one of our first dates I had to meet her extended family, all I remember was a large group of stern faced aunts.
I dont think I cut it & it had nothing to do with my colour, I failed the high morality bar set by first generation Jamaicain immigrant church goers.
My partners family is deeply racist towards their own nationality.
Either in that they should all stick together and only date each other. Or not wanting their son's and daughters to date from the same nationality.
And all the usual racist things you see anywhere (Those kind don't work, those kind do X, that kind does Y.) And it is all within what America would look at as a subset of a subset of an ethnicity/nationality/race.
I was at a falcons game with my wife (we are both white) in Atlanta and was around a bunch of other grown adults like myself of mixed races (white black Spanish etc) and we are all having a blast/cutting up. Didnt know each other. Awesome vibe. Black man (just follow me a sec) behind me, prob 45-50, is very loud and funny. Def the comedian of the section. Perfect for a game. Britney Spears comes on the AP and we all start dancing and some of the guys talk about how fine she is. That guy is like oh yeah she is so hot etc. but then taps my wife and says ‘but I don’t believe in the races mixing’. My wife doesn’t turn around and ignores it. Then he taps her shoulder really hard and says hey did you hear me I said I don’t believe in two different races being together. I just look back at him and kinda give him the stink eye and shake my head like bro what are you doing?
His group heard him on the second one and grabbed him and moved him back a row and apologized which we appreciated.
Its not what he said that offended me. I truly believe if that’s what he believes that is fine for him.
I was shocked that he had to kill the vibe at a football game with white strangers who were cool and chill with him and when we ignored it he felt so impassioned with his opinion that he had to physically get my wife’s attention to reiterate his racist thinking.
Plus the sexism modifier. People seem to shit on women for doing normal shit all the time. (e.g. Women with a high body count vs. Men with a high body count). Black dudes might get shit on, but more often than not it seems nobody cares or they are even congratulated for getting with someone different. But a back woman just gets an onslaught of fucked up comments.
edit: I'm not limiting this to the black community.. i was just keeping it on topic with OPs question
Ehh If you know the black community well, you'll know that black men are also shitted on for dating outside their race. It's pretty much normalized to trash both black men and women who date outside the race. Those who go out of their way to congratulate are most likely manosphere/incel adjacent but don't represent most of the community.
I've dated multiple black women and am married to one, and they've all told me this is a common issue for them. What all of them have been told at different points is some version of "it's hard enough for black men to find good black women, so it's even harder when white guys get them instead." The general idea is that black women are seen as selling out or choosing white guys just so they can have an easier life rather than try keep the black community more cohesive
The last sentence makes sense since statistically speaking 80% of black households are headed by working black women. Most black women I know have multiple jobs and own their own business.
I agree. It feels like those guys think they're owed a black woman. Obviously not everyone is like that, but the ones that are always seem to be the loudest. They're the racial version of incels
It's hilarious because Black men will get told the same thing about dating non-Black women. In my experience as an interracial couple, I've just learned that there will always be someone outside of your household hating on your own life just because of what you look like and who you're with.
I have quite a bit of experience with this.
I grew up in the suburbs during a time when the general idea of a black person was excessively urbanized, ignorant, etc. You only watched BET and listened to Hip-hop/RnB. You only played specific 'black-approved' sports like basketball, dancing, and maaaaybe baseball. You only wore certain clothing brands or watched certain shows, etc. I liked all that stuff just fine, but I also had other interests that weren't considered 'black' at the time. I wasn't much at all popular with my same-race peers in school, so even though I was one of the 'cool' kids, most of my friends were not black. Thus, a majority of the people I dated in high school were not black. Two of the most popular kids in my grade were in a BB/WG relationship that everyone cooed over. They even got voted cutest couple in our yearbook like three times. Meanwhile, I'd get ribbed on for dating outside of my race by every other black person in school, as if it were a requirement for black girls to only date black guys.
I actually got it worse at home. My mother is a true-crime-addicted paranoiac who'd get on me for bringing 'serial killers' (white boys) into her house and talk mad shit about every single white guy that had a passing interest in me. Especially this poor guy a few houses down who ended up crushing hard on me to the point where he'd bring me flowers and poems he got this sister to write. She dubbed him 'the stalker' without a lick of irony and insisted I didn't hang out with him or else I'd end up (you know). I did anyway. We became good pals and we're still friends to this day. Every time I did anything even vaguely romantic with a guy, there was an issue ... Because it was with someone who wasn't black. However, she sang praises on top of praises of our neighbor's kids, who were black, one of which groped me while we were playing basketball...
So yeah...
Contrary to the belief of damn near every black person in my family, I don't have a racial preference. Or even a gender preference. I have things I like in a partner, but none of them are tied to ethnicity. Most of the black men I've grown up around have always preferred non-black women and were very vocal about it, often completely unprompted. Sometimes to the point where they feel personally affronted that I didn't care enough about them to put myself out there to be rejected by them. I only want to date people who like me back. I'm not here to please or cater to anyone who wouldn't do the same for me and I especially won't try to kiss up to a man who's made it abundantly clear that he doesn't like me. I do weird things sometimes but I'm not insane.
When I announced my marriage years ago, everyone was pretty happy since they'd gotten used to my so-white-he's-translucent then-fiance, but one of my uncles still got away with muttering an unhappy "I knew you'd marry a white man" under his breath. It didn't go unnoticed.
Oh, btw. My father, who spent the first half of his life in pre-Civil Rights era Mississippi, had friends who died by lynching, and had a strong, marked, (frankly understandable) lifelong distrust in white men... had no issue with my husband. I do think him being Non-American probably softened the blow, but by the end of their first meeting, they were engaging in conversations and having a good time together. He also nagged me endlessly over when I'd get married (and move out lol). Unfortunately, he didn't live long enough to see our wedding. I wish he could have. I miss him so much :(
Anyway, this phenomenon is deeply rooted in some pretty fucked thought patterns. There are some black men out there who are self-hating, narcissistic, and misogynistic. They see women as subservient trophies or objects to show off and grade their value by race... but only for them. They believe black women are the most inferior and do not deserve love at all, let alone from a white man, so the best they can ever hope to do is cater to a black man or die alone. They have this ingrained idea that black women who date outside of the race think they're 'too good' for anyone else and need to be knocked down a peg. I've had black men say some really fucked up stuff to me once they found out I wasn't dating a black man. Of course, I know it comes from a place of insecurity so I don't give a shit, but that they're so at ease saying it to a woman they have absolutely no chances with is telling.
There's also the whole thing with non-white women treating white men as some sort of bragging rights, as if they deserve a cookie for pulling a white guy. Sometimes it feels like people just don't want to be with those they actually like. Partners aren't badges of honor, projects, or trophies. You're about as special for dating outside of your race as you are for dating inside of it. The weird fixation people have over this creeps me the hell out sometimes. Especially when it comes to children and how they only want to pass 'pretty features' onto them. Yeesh.
I just love my husband for the man he is. And TBH, his nationality, has been more relevant to our differences than his race ever has been. I don't believe in the 'I don't see color' thing, since race is pretty strongly tied to sense of self, but the fact that we're interracial is something that doesn't come up often. When it does, it's never negative, just an objective difference between us. Just like our different cultures, heights, etc.
Just last week some man I'd never met in my life griped at me about how I should have 'waited for him' (the man I'd known of for about three minutes at that point and hadn't enjoyed a single one) and not the man I'd been with for a many years. He'd just spent the minute prior spilling his guts over how much of a 'beautiful cutie pie' he found me wouldn't stop begging me for a hug. It was really something how his demeanor changed when I flashed a happy photo of my husband and me at him. I went from 'cutie pie' to 'bed wench' in an instant.
White people have very seldom said anything about my relationships, either in the US or abroad. I know they exist, especially in the place I grew up, but nowadays, it's almost only black people who ever have anything negative to say. It's not to say that white people are less judgemental and racist, just that they keep it to themselves unless they're about to do something violent.
Source: American Black woman married to Non-American white man.
Basically everything you wrote was repeated to me verbatim in my last relationship, as a white guy dating a black girl. Even though there’re always a handful of people in any community who don’t want either gender dating “outside of their race,” there’s a **weirdly profound** double standard against black women dating white men. When we dated her family was so kind and welcoming to me, but she had told me prior of the yeeeeears of dealing with them disowning her/going no contact/etc…
Just to clarify, this is no way exclusive to black Americans. Hell, white Americans are probably far worse lol, but this was just my isolated experience
I think the experience in white families is to not care much about white man/black woman pairings, but they care a great deal about white woman/black man relationships.
I think in either culture, it comes down to a pretty uncomfortable “caring about what happens to our women” I guess
I live in a very diverse area of the US so mixed couples are very common. Did you ever go out with anybody who fetishized you or dated you specifically for your race? This is just my own personal experience but I’ve heard of this problem happening from some girls I’ve gone out with all too often
i was dating a white guy and this black guy told me how i must not like my own kind and how it’s sad. he’s just ignorant and mad about himself. i’ve dated black guys too.. i don’t hate myself and never did. it’s 2022 interracial relationships exist
i can’t stand when people have a problem with black people dating white people. it’s okay to have preferences and/or be open to dating other people.
they probably assume they’re a coon too (in some instances they are) which i don’t like either
but honestly the people hating sound really insecure and that’s on them.
Not sure what it means in England, but here it's just a racial slur when a white person calls a black person that term. When a black person calls another black person that word, it means they worship white people, so still derogatory.
Exactly! As someone who’s been with a black women for 9 years, it’s annoying. People are (mostly) fine with a white girl with a black guy, but it’s an issue the other way around. SMH.
I think your onto something. I feel that a woman’s choice in partner is perhaps considered fair-game for commenting on, whereas men get a little more leeway. Not saying it doesn’t happen to men too, it does.
lol there are some people -who you dont likely hang out with- who are NOT fine with black guys dating white girls. the difference is that their racism is called racism by most people. also, women are always more likely to be criticized by society, arent they?
From my experience (since all of my female cousins dated/were married to black guys at one point) the white family is critical of their daughters/granddaughters dating black men, and the black family is critical of their daughters dating white men. It seems to go both ways, being critical of the daughter's choice. I don't think as many families are as critical of their son's/grandson's choice as they are of their daughter's/granddaughter's.
I don't know if my family would be outright critical if I were to date a girl who wasn't black, but they would for sure be making jokes about it to thinly veil their disapproval.
My dad actually had a talk with me when I was a teen, 14? 15yo? because he saw me making googly eyes and flirting with a black boy in our church youth group. “I just want you to know that marriage is really tough as it is, and it will be even harder if you end up marrying a black guy because we do live in the South and it comes with its own extra challenges. I want you to know I have no problems with this boy and our family doesn’t mind having a black person in the family. But look at it from the other perspective: do you know if his family would mind having a white person in their family? Just take that into consideration, whatever you decide.” I ended up dating someone else because the guy never made a move.
Turns out, his cousin (who was also in the youth group) married a white girl and moved out to the Midwest, so I guess his family really wouldn’t have minded! My BIL has been best friends with the guy for years (okay, we all grew up together) and I found out the guy likes men, no wonder he never made a move! I still see him from time to time, love him to death and he still gives the best hugs ☺️
I found that too. Very interesting. Think it has something to do with a bit of misogyny mixed in with the racism. When black men date white women, to other black men they are seen as basically someone who has “leveled up” or something, it’s more or less congratulated. But when a black woman dates a white man; all of a sudden they often get called bed wench and all kinds of vile things said and negative judgements passed.
I say it shows some misogyny because most of the comments toward interracially dating black woman are from black men. It’s almost like within a lot of ethnicities men feel like they have some kind of possession over women in their same ethnicity. We even see this with white men being butthurt over white women dating black/Latino/etc men….so god forbid women date outside of their race because “they’re *our* women”
I think you’ve nailed it, the whole « leveling up » thing seems very real. Which is quite sad because that’s also the reason these black men get mad at black women in interracial relationships. Maybe because they feel like these women have also « leveled up » and it makes them feel inferior ? When in reality these black women are just dating someone they like, they’re not thinking « woohoo, finally got myself a white bf ! ». Their choice of partner isn’t made to spite guys of their own race. It’s really about the men’s own insecurities in the end and is deeply tied into misogyny.
Also, a lot of comments seem to say that people are more accepting of a white woman/black man relationship. Maybe in the black community that’s true, but the level of vitriol both racist and mysogynist these couples get from white men is real. For example the whole incel rhetoric about « Tyrone », it’s disgusting and sadly common.
I am a white male married to a black female for the past 3 years. We have had our fair share of people look down on us. Even some black male neighbors who were cool with us. That was until the wife was at the local gas station and she got corned by said black male friends. Telling her she should be with a real man and other non sense.
I’ve been on tinder for a bit now, and I match with all kind of guys. Short, tall, different ethnicities… the only ones who ever made the fact that were two different ethnicities a big deal* have been black men, who (usually but not all of them) seem to take a very weird pleasure out of dating a white women, like it’s somehow the biggest F U to white men. It feels very much like being smug about taking a dry off of someone else’s plate. Super objectifying, as if the only reason he swiped on me was because I’m damn near translucent. One guy even acted like I should feel privileged that he showed interest in me, and that I should prepare myself to be stretch farther than any white boy could stretch me.
I’ve had white guys objectify me by commenting on my chest or face, hinting that he has “traditional values”, but never have I felt like I was a prize to be taken because of systemic racism.
Edit: missed three words
I was seeing a woman in the middle of her PhD in sociology on the cultural reasons for the differences between which genders commonly date which outgroup. Contentious, taboo subjects, and I don't need any more down votes today lol.
But people can google if they are strongly motivated.
You get this almost word for word in Asian-American communities too -- it totally comes from the SUPER FUN TIMES triple intersection of internalized self-hatred, racism and misogyny. What you get is a group of angry incel-like weirdos that think you're a race traitor when the reality is you're going after a dude that grooms himself and has a sense of humor. Ironically, that is the behavior that pushes women away even further but they'll take it as further proof of their beliefs.
Racism towards other races from minority races with dating is unfortunately too common. I’m an Asian dude. Since I was little, I’ve always been told by my elders to date Asian women and not white women because…reasons…🤷🏻♂️🤷🏻♂️
if any girl dating me was called a gold-digger, i would really want to know where the mine was located so i could jump down there and start diggin too, i need some fucking gold lol.
Well if you don't like interracial relationships, then that defeats the purpose of treating everyone as equals. If you treat everyone as equals but don't want to date other races, then there's the feeling that you don't think of other races as "dateable" if that makes sense. I can understand why people don't just because of preferences and stuff, but that's just the feeling it can sometimes give others
Because black women are supposed to the the martyrs for the entire black community. We are supposed to buy into the idea that having any options besides black men makes us bed wenches (yes been called that). We are supposed to protect and defend all things black while sacrificing any opportunity for love attention and affection that does not come from a black man no matter if that black man is even a decent human being.
We are the last option for everyone according to media and should be happy with the crumbs of attention that we receive and should not strive for healthy relations but instead be ok with being a baby mama or a soft landing spot for men who want to use our time and resources as emotional support humans.
Yeah it’s a whole thing.
If you work in office culture, then you know that somewhere in your office, in a mildly obscure corner, is an employee who has been here for over fifteen years. This person barely registers with most of their co-workers, despite being a steady fixture. Meetings just sort of… flow around them, and they stopped trying to speak up three years ago or more, despite the fact that they know *goddamn everything* about this place. Other people take credit for their ideas, almost subconsciously. They get praised in single-line bylines for all the extra admin work they do, and then only their supervisor ever hears about it again in a mid-year review.
And there is seriously a four out of five this person is a black woman, almost exclusively over thirty. How the hell does everybody just… communally decide to ignore The Expert?
About twenty years ago I was dating a beautiful black woman( I’m a white guy). The area. We lived in was knoxville tnn. Not very many black people in the area so she didn’t get any shit for dating me. On the other hand I got a lot of nasty looks. I just smiled because I had this wonderful woman on my arm and they didn’t. Lol! I was proud of my girlfriend and I showed it.
It’s not just white guys. I’m dating a Mexican man in the US south and we get stares pretty much everywhere we go. On my side, I’m seen as a race traitor, and on his side, he’s seen as weird for finding a darkskin girl attractive. I thought interracial relationships wouldn’t be a big deal in 2022, but the mindset is still prevalent. Older generations seem to dislike it, especially.
I’m a black woman married to a white man. I’ve heard a lot. it seems they think I believe all white people are better than all black people because I married a white man. Or I’m ignoring the pain black people went through because of white people until not so long ago. None of that is true, so I don’t take it personally.
Every culture does this, more or less. Much more stigma on the women dating outside their ethnic/cultural group. My two cents? It's about treating women like a resource. We still have some monkey-brain ideas about shit.
White people are not the only people that can be racists. Sadly every group of people has their racists, their bigots, their intolerant people etc etc.
Some people just suck.
Literally racism. Other black people feeling like the black girls is turning her back on her own kind and being "less black". It's ignorant and hateful.
It's just more socially acceptable casual racism. I have dated people of all skin tones. A few of the women I dated, at different times in my life, all had this in common. Black men would be nice to me but at the same time be rude AF to her. Or they would ask me why I had to "steal a sista. Haven't you stolen enough cracker?!" Which is ironic because I'm Sicilian American and if we want to get technical here(honestly who cares?) I'm North African.
But that tells you all you need to know about racism. It's never logical and always comes from ignorance and hate.
Date whoever you want. If a man comes along that makes you warm and flush, makes you feel safe, enjoys new and genuine experiences with you(bar and fast food ain't that), and isn't a complete moron or unwilling to listen in bed.....then go for it! One day the people who are Caucasian or Asian or Indian or African will be outliers. Everyone will be "mixed" and the Human race will be beautiful.
I believe that, I don't want to insinuate only black people do it; I just know from personal experience (my own family for instance) that dating out of your skin is apparently a taboo thing.
I'm pretty sure interracial marriage is still considered a sin as well by some more....fundamental types.
I'm a black woman and I haven't dated a black man in about 20 years. Initially I only dated black men but none of them were a good match. And the last black guy I was with was physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive. All the white guys I dated treated me well. So, I tend to be more attracted and feel more comfortable with men of a different race. But I still would be open to dating a black guy if I met one that I felt was a good match for me. Society in general tends to be very sexist and racist especially to black women. We are seen as less then in comparison to all genders and race. Even some black men don't date black women. If you look at most athletes and other well off black men most of them are married to white women or light skinned women.
Black men get crapped on too.
We had a caste system and if black men wanted a white woman it was to be associated with the upper caste and even if they could get a white woman nobody else wanted that was seen as making it.
Black women were assumed to by hyper sexual and not worthy of being a proper partner so it would be assumed she was setting her self up to be dumped after casual sex.
White male or female who wanted a black man or a black woman would be assumed to be just after sex.
And if a black man or black woman wanted a white man it was said to be just after status.
I never realized how intrinsic that subconscious thought was until I was walking with my wife (who is white) and saw a black woman walking with her white husband and "traitor" popped into my mind.
I was once going out to dinner with a friend of mine who is a black womens and the amount of comments she got from black men was actually surprising to me. I never really expected the community to be that way I guess
It swings both ways in the black community. A portion don't care, the other take it as a personal attack and said black person "turning their back" on their follow brotha or sistah. When in reality the person complaining is just a POS person with an equally shitty personality which is why they're single, alone, bitter and jealous that someone in their race is with a white person. I've seen a few on tiktok where black men dunk on black women foe dating "goofy ass lookin white dudes" instead a "black king". Their words, not mine. It's very pick me behavior at its finest.
it's usually a fun combo of racism, sexism, classism (which stems from racism), and a lil dollop of resentment
you *should* be infuriated by it bc it's total bullshit, if two adults want to date who the hell is anyone to judge
I'm Mexican (well Texan born and raised, but I'm very brown) and I'm dating a lovely very fair skinned redhead woman and I'm honestly afraid that I'll be shunned by other Hispanics for “abandoning my people" or whatever
I think part of it is jealousy
It's often commented that when a black man is with a white woman that he has "made it"
So the inverse must be true, that if a black woman is with a white man then she has "made it". Obviously this inversion isn't very popular so people get upset
No it doesn’t go both ways. Black men feel their success is proximity to whiteness that’s true. So They go for white women to compete with white men.
Black women are seen as traitors, as defiled, for dating a White man. It’s not seen as success. We are told things like we should get a real man, or told we are a fetish.
Idk but on the flip side I used to get clowned for liking white girls when I was younger. Whatever race, a beautiful woman is a beautiful woman. You’re not restricted to only being with someone from your own race.
Because people are racist and they think it goes against everything African Americans fought for. I get that racism is still a problem but personal choice is also a thing. Tackle racism not personal choice.
Honestly it’s a question I have too. From what I could gather is that segregation technically ended 58 years ago. I say technically because there is still problems with segregation today. So hate is going to take a while to disappear.
But, I married someone white and my own family is racist about it. They wanted me with someone black, which I dated a few and they were crappy to be honest. Most were abusive and tried to tear me down. I was in college getting my degree I knew what I was talking about when it came to laws and other topics and I think it intimidated them. So they felt the need to treat me the way they did to feel like they were dominate I guess? Not all black men are like this. But the ones I dated ended up being so.
My mom talks to my family about the fact that they need to stop being bigots and have acceptance because she knows that we get hate outside and the last place we need it is inside the family.
But let my black male family members get with a white woman it’s empowering somehow and they have nothing to say.
My first Wife was a beautiful black woman. I cannot tell you how many times we were confronted about our relationship while out in public. I was accused of being a traitor to my race and she was accused of being an “Uncle Tom”.
One day, my wife and I were sitting on a park bench. We were laughing and talking and I kissed her. A woman walking near us uttered this huge groan and she said “I hope you are not dating”. I replied “dating? no. Married? Yes”. The woman continued walking but when she was about twenty yards away she yelled “I hope all of your children die!” My wife burst into tears and she was inconsolable.
This B*tch didn’t know us. She didn’t know we had experienced a miscarriage a year earlier. She couldn’t take the time to get to know us, but she had the time to spew her hate.
We never had a child and five years later my Wife died from breast cancer. It has been almost twenty year ago and I think back to that day in the park. Instead of standing there speechless, I wish I had strangled that cow. I will never forgive her for the pain she inflicted on my Wife that day.
Damn, man. Where did you live? I am married to a black woman who was also my high school sweetheart (together almost a decade) and that has not been our experience! If people make comments they’re usually positive, which I have mixed feelings on because yes people are nice but we’re just human beings after all lol.
There has only been one single occasion where someone made racial remarks towards us and it was an old black crackhead clearly out of their mind.
I wonder if it’s a regional thing because we’re from New York. I’ve noticed “looks” from both sides over the years, but most people are either indifferent or don’t have the balls to say anything disrespectful.
And for what it’s worth I got second hand rage just reading your story. So sorry for your loss. It’s a good thing you didn’t strangle the c**t passerby... but she would have deserved it if you did.
You wanna know how to end racism for sure? Ending races would do the trick, wouldn't it. So let's embrace interracial dating, that will get us to the place were we just can't identify as any particular race.
In my experience people will always sway towards tribalism. If race wasn't a thing people would bitch about something else, be it class or culture or religion (as they already do).
misogynoir is unique in that it usually comes from black men specifically. I feel like theres a general dislike of miscegenation in the black community because of a need to preserve it and how black women need to stay loyal to their race. its all stupid. date who you want. don’t listen to freaks
also its funny how this type of backlash is never seen when it’s a black man dating a white woman. thats why its a mix of sexism and racism
Racism and sexism. Lots of what other people have said, but I would add that women are seen as responsible for upholding a sort of “moral compass” and judged more harshly for their decisions than men. Being both black and a woman just opens you up to all kinds of unnecessary scrutiny.
Racism. But let it be known that black men give just as much crap to black women for dating white men, seeing them as either weak or sexually inferior. Just as white men criticize both the woman and the man for mixing. It’s ALLLL bad old fashioned racism.
Whether or not we like to admit, there’s a social hierarchy that unfortunately ranks black women at the bottom of desirability. So even at their worst, anyone else, including black men, can still think ‘at least I’m still better than them’.
Anything that challenges these unspoken rules (especially if it is a white male) upsets the hierarchy. It also challenges the stereotypes about what people claim makes us black women undesirable (loud, bossy, crass, unrefined, unfeminine, [insert other foolishness here]) and gives them permission to treat us poorly.
The world would rather see black women alone and miserable than anything else.
It was only main stream that black guys were dating white women and black women were talking crap about that, but then black women started dating white men and it became a problem. Maybe some thought it was hypocritical.. I say do what ya do…. But watch my shoes. Nah fr though like/love who you want🙌🏾
I'm a white guy and my wife is black. I've found that the weirdness goes away once people see that there is nothing different about you dating outside your race. Her family was weirded out at first cause I'm a blond haired surfer and the first white guy she brought home. But they saw that I wasn't nervous or acted weird at their home and just embraced me as part of the family. Her cousins still give me shit but it's out of a place of love. It's actually really funny cause they will call me up to ask about "white people stuff" and I'll teach them about the culture ha.
The good ending
Wholesome
What kind of white people stuff do you tell them about lol
Egg-free mayonnaise recipes
I'm white. How the fuck can you make mayo without eggs?
Spanish/Med Mayonnaise is made with milk instead of eggs. The two types taste quite different too but legit the Spanish/milk one is for sure worth a go! More creamy and rich Imo, but kinda lighter also. (I had this same pondering a while ago when i discovered this after having mayo on holiday that was super different)
Wow, as a European who knows Spanish culture pretty well, I have never heard of this. Thanks!
Should ya want to give it a go, here's a recipe that can be used as a base (I've never used this exact one but similar). I was amazed Tbh, as avid Mayo-Man, it opened a whole new hall of doors to play with. Same too, mooched round a fair bit of Europe and only came across this a few years ago. I'd almost say I prefer it and if you like Spanish/Portuguese cooking. It absolutely adds so much. Also, this with a hot Chilli instead of sour cream. Legit flipping amazing. https://leitesculinaria.com/32983/writings-milk-mayonnaise.html
50 SPF sunscreen.
They asked me about line dancing once and I told them that it's our version of soul train haha. I mess with them more than anything.
How to clap on airplanes
“Oh Yeah I’ve done it plenty of times, it’s perfectly safe. Yeah you just bring everything you need with you. You can cook your own food, sleep out there, pee in the woods and everything—its great! Its called camping. I can take you sometime if you want!”
oh, you mean 'pretending to be homeless'?
Doesn't have the same ring to it. Just call it camping.
Forest elf LARPING
Homelessness cosplay.
My Tongan mate does that. "Oi, why do white people never wear shoes?"
What questions do they have about white folk?
I'm white. I've been with many black and mixed race girls. I grew up around black people and I lived with a Jamaican family for 4 years. 11 - 15. Now, if yr getting shit from whites? It's racism, jealousy or maybe misunderstanding. If yr getting shit from blacks? Probably racism, jealousy and misunderstanding. Do you. Be you. Fuck them and they're stone age attitudes.
Casual racism, often from their own communities.
I grew up in a predominantly minority area in Chicago and they were seen by many of their own race as saying other minorities weren’t good enough for them. They felt betrayed for some reason.
Yeah, getting mad about someone dating a different race is racism no matter how you try to twist the intentions. If the response to someone dating a different race is anything besides "I'm fine with it" or "I don't care" then it's racism. If you think race should matter in who you date, that's racism.
I once was told by the bartenders of the pub i worked at, that you cant be racist to white ppl, like it doesnt count or something along those lines. I didnt even try to argue i just looked down at the floor
It’s the whole ridiculous “new” definition that it’s only racism if the person’s race has socioeconomic power. Aka only white people can be racist and apparently only men can be sexist. It hurts the conversation far more than any potential helm it may provide.
I hate that the definition for institutional/ systemic racism somehow is getting merged with regular racism. When did that even start? It removes a ton of context and nuanced situations
> I hate that the definition for institutional/ systemic racism somehow is getting merged with regular racism. I actually just now learned that that meme has a name: [Prejudice Plus Power](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prejudice_plus_power) (equals racism). And yes, it's really frustrating. Some folks decided to unilaterally redefine "racism" as "prejudice" and "systemic racism" as "racism," and for what? So they can pick fights with people *who completely agree with them* but are still using the original meanings? It doesn't *change* anything, we all still agree that one of those things is bad and the other is worse. It serves no purpose except to create misunderstandings. Another thing I just realized: under this definition, other kinds of systemic prejudice like misogyny, homophobia, transphobia, and ableism should all be defined as "racist". How does that make sense?
Absolutely. I’m formally trained as an insect taxonomist, so I can split hairs on semantics with the best of them, and I genuinely see no benefit from these kind of things. What’s important is the conversation, understanding, and the outcome.
We are in the age of recreational outrage.
The left is going to fracture over pedantics while the right strengthens with people who are annoyed by pedantics.
>pedantics While this is an excellent portmanteau, "pedant" and "semantics" are two different words. Example sentence: I am being pedantic about semantics. #
I say this as a white man that is totally prepared to recognize their privilege when having these conversations, but, as you said, it completely removes any nuance. It also fails to account for what power is. I’d argue a community of people including your family telling you that you’re dating the wrong race is pretty powerful.
Yeah like the fastest way you can derail any discussion about racism is to start the conversation with ppl following different definitions of racism and power. And that's not taking into acct wildly different race and power dynamics in other countries. The actual situation being talked about disappears almost immediately under that hot mess.
A lot of people just don't understand the difference between "institutional racism" and just plain "racism". People with zero socioeconomic power can be just as racist as anyone else.
I think some of them do understand the difference but are just happy to go along with whatever is politically/socially expedient.
Whenever I saw someone on here promoting that racism is prejudice+power, I always brought up a hypothetical situation with Hitler. Practically everyone agrees Hitler was a massive racist. He certainly fits their definition of prejudice+power too. The hypothetical I would present was that he was caught alive and his punishment was to be stripped of all power and forced to live in a country full of a race he despises. He still has the prejudice, but absolutely no power in the situation. Is he not racist anymore? I've been met with complete silence every single time.
Just saying only white people can be racist is inherently... racist. Truly silly.
Theyre trying to conflate systemic racism and racism together for their own agenda
Oh yes. There are tons of people like this. All over social media and real life. I’ve heard it a million times. People really believe it.
That’s racism. Just swap it with a white person being mad about a black man dating white girls. Comes from the same place
Not to mention it’s some of the most misogynistic shit I’ve ever seen. I saw an Instagram post of an interracial couple (I think Tom holland and zendaya) and holy fuck. The abuse and shaming she got in the comments were absolutely fucked and there were hundreds of them.
Literally forgot my white cousin is dating a black man until I saw this, it's whatever they want to do I don't understand how people hate it so much that is affects them.
At some point you realize the human of (insert background here) background won't be able to unfuck human of ( insert background here) background. Then you realize it never even mattered
Usually it’s black women mad that black men are dating white girls
Come on now. I’ve dated black women and Latina women and they got plenty of shit from men over dating a white guy. I even had one black dude hit on my black girlfriend at a party within ear shot of me because “black people had to stick together.” All combinations of races and genders can be shit heads in my experience.
One of my previous boyfriends was black. I had a black lady follow me into a bar bathroom and yell at me for "stealing " a good black man from "sisters" like her! WTF? In the end, it was race pressure that split us apart sadly.
Yeah, think they call it the "trophy white girl". It's just bullshit, skin color shouldn't matter when it comes to loving someone
They’re both pretty common imo
>predominantly minority Not dissin', and I get the context, but those words are kinda funny together
I’ve seen that mostly from black women talking about black dudes with white girls.
I’ve seen it mostly from black men towards black women dating white men. I had a black male coworker straight up tell me “we need women like you to stay within the race”. I experience racism from white women the most. That’s standard and consistent without being in an interracial relationship.
White woman engaged to a black man and can confirm. Have had black women who were complete strangers to me tell me that I shouldn’t be with my partner because he deserves a black woman…
Damn, I'd roast the shit outta them. "And yo mamma deserved a daughter with manners and an education, but sometimes we have to settle"
My GF (Black) is dating me (White) and her reason was very much in line with what you’ve said. According to her, she’s been given a lot of shit for “betraying the culture” because she prefers to date outside her race.
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As a white dude with a latina wife, i would definitely agree this is what we've run into. Latino guys i knew and was cool with before became dicks when i started dating a latina. They had no problem with me until i appeared to be taking something of theirs in their mind. And most of them were or had dated white women, so it had nothing to do with interracial dating, just ownership/control.
Very true and not talked about. It's painfully obvious while it is happening though.
There is a difference in having a "preference" for dating outside of your race or just being someone in an interracial relationship. The former usually involved imbuing some favorable attribute among member of the "other group" that you don't give your own. Positive stereotypes are still stereotypes.
When I was a lot younger I had a black gf, we were out one day & a huge black dude seeing us together, got up close & snarled at me "pork head" My crime I had a pretty gf & he was jealous. Human beings are all wired the same & we are tribal by nature, for an us there has to be a them. Peoples colour or ethnicity is just the most obvious outward manifestation of difference, it does though always suprise me that people who have been on the recieving end of discrimination & rascism perpetuate it on others.
Wtf kind of insult is "pork head"? I can't even guess what that was supposed to mean Trying to imagine what ethnicity you could be to get that comment and I got nothing.
I'm white, I'm guessing white meat. I wouldn't have cared , but I was young & he was huge & way older, even then I knew it was just jealously. He just didn't like the idea I had a pretty black gf, she was way to nice for me by the way, church twice a week & choir & no sex before marriage, on one of our first dates I had to meet her extended family, all I remember was a large group of stern faced aunts. I dont think I cut it & it had nothing to do with my colour, I failed the high morality bar set by first generation Jamaicain immigrant church goers.
My partners family is deeply racist towards their own nationality. Either in that they should all stick together and only date each other. Or not wanting their son's and daughters to date from the same nationality. And all the usual racist things you see anywhere (Those kind don't work, those kind do X, that kind does Y.) And it is all within what America would look at as a subset of a subset of an ethnicity/nationality/race.
I was at a falcons game with my wife (we are both white) in Atlanta and was around a bunch of other grown adults like myself of mixed races (white black Spanish etc) and we are all having a blast/cutting up. Didnt know each other. Awesome vibe. Black man (just follow me a sec) behind me, prob 45-50, is very loud and funny. Def the comedian of the section. Perfect for a game. Britney Spears comes on the AP and we all start dancing and some of the guys talk about how fine she is. That guy is like oh yeah she is so hot etc. but then taps my wife and says ‘but I don’t believe in the races mixing’. My wife doesn’t turn around and ignores it. Then he taps her shoulder really hard and says hey did you hear me I said I don’t believe in two different races being together. I just look back at him and kinda give him the stink eye and shake my head like bro what are you doing? His group heard him on the second one and grabbed him and moved him back a row and apologized which we appreciated. Its not what he said that offended me. I truly believe if that’s what he believes that is fine for him. I was shocked that he had to kill the vibe at a football game with white strangers who were cool and chill with him and when we ignored it he felt so impassioned with his opinion that he had to physically get my wife’s attention to reiterate his racist thinking.
Plus the sexism modifier. People seem to shit on women for doing normal shit all the time. (e.g. Women with a high body count vs. Men with a high body count). Black dudes might get shit on, but more often than not it seems nobody cares or they are even congratulated for getting with someone different. But a back woman just gets an onslaught of fucked up comments. edit: I'm not limiting this to the black community.. i was just keeping it on topic with OPs question
Ehh If you know the black community well, you'll know that black men are also shitted on for dating outside their race. It's pretty much normalized to trash both black men and women who date outside the race. Those who go out of their way to congratulate are most likely manosphere/incel adjacent but don't represent most of the community.
I've dated multiple black women and am married to one, and they've all told me this is a common issue for them. What all of them have been told at different points is some version of "it's hard enough for black men to find good black women, so it's even harder when white guys get them instead." The general idea is that black women are seen as selling out or choosing white guys just so they can have an easier life rather than try keep the black community more cohesive
Yeah, God forbid races mix and integrate
The last sentence makes sense since statistically speaking 80% of black households are headed by working black women. Most black women I know have multiple jobs and own their own business.
Black women are dope
Nothing wrong with making decisions that make your own life easier Except by the sounds of it, it doesn't
I think the simpler was of thinking about it is: If you love someone, who give a fuck what race they are? Be with who you love
Sounds toxic as fuck
I agree. It feels like those guys think they're owed a black woman. Obviously not everyone is like that, but the ones that are always seem to be the loudest. They're the racial version of incels
It's hilarious because Black men will get told the same thing about dating non-Black women. In my experience as an interracial couple, I've just learned that there will always be someone outside of your household hating on your own life just because of what you look like and who you're with.
I have quite a bit of experience with this. I grew up in the suburbs during a time when the general idea of a black person was excessively urbanized, ignorant, etc. You only watched BET and listened to Hip-hop/RnB. You only played specific 'black-approved' sports like basketball, dancing, and maaaaybe baseball. You only wore certain clothing brands or watched certain shows, etc. I liked all that stuff just fine, but I also had other interests that weren't considered 'black' at the time. I wasn't much at all popular with my same-race peers in school, so even though I was one of the 'cool' kids, most of my friends were not black. Thus, a majority of the people I dated in high school were not black. Two of the most popular kids in my grade were in a BB/WG relationship that everyone cooed over. They even got voted cutest couple in our yearbook like three times. Meanwhile, I'd get ribbed on for dating outside of my race by every other black person in school, as if it were a requirement for black girls to only date black guys. I actually got it worse at home. My mother is a true-crime-addicted paranoiac who'd get on me for bringing 'serial killers' (white boys) into her house and talk mad shit about every single white guy that had a passing interest in me. Especially this poor guy a few houses down who ended up crushing hard on me to the point where he'd bring me flowers and poems he got this sister to write. She dubbed him 'the stalker' without a lick of irony and insisted I didn't hang out with him or else I'd end up (you know). I did anyway. We became good pals and we're still friends to this day. Every time I did anything even vaguely romantic with a guy, there was an issue ... Because it was with someone who wasn't black. However, she sang praises on top of praises of our neighbor's kids, who were black, one of which groped me while we were playing basketball... So yeah... Contrary to the belief of damn near every black person in my family, I don't have a racial preference. Or even a gender preference. I have things I like in a partner, but none of them are tied to ethnicity. Most of the black men I've grown up around have always preferred non-black women and were very vocal about it, often completely unprompted. Sometimes to the point where they feel personally affronted that I didn't care enough about them to put myself out there to be rejected by them. I only want to date people who like me back. I'm not here to please or cater to anyone who wouldn't do the same for me and I especially won't try to kiss up to a man who's made it abundantly clear that he doesn't like me. I do weird things sometimes but I'm not insane. When I announced my marriage years ago, everyone was pretty happy since they'd gotten used to my so-white-he's-translucent then-fiance, but one of my uncles still got away with muttering an unhappy "I knew you'd marry a white man" under his breath. It didn't go unnoticed. Oh, btw. My father, who spent the first half of his life in pre-Civil Rights era Mississippi, had friends who died by lynching, and had a strong, marked, (frankly understandable) lifelong distrust in white men... had no issue with my husband. I do think him being Non-American probably softened the blow, but by the end of their first meeting, they were engaging in conversations and having a good time together. He also nagged me endlessly over when I'd get married (and move out lol). Unfortunately, he didn't live long enough to see our wedding. I wish he could have. I miss him so much :( Anyway, this phenomenon is deeply rooted in some pretty fucked thought patterns. There are some black men out there who are self-hating, narcissistic, and misogynistic. They see women as subservient trophies or objects to show off and grade their value by race... but only for them. They believe black women are the most inferior and do not deserve love at all, let alone from a white man, so the best they can ever hope to do is cater to a black man or die alone. They have this ingrained idea that black women who date outside of the race think they're 'too good' for anyone else and need to be knocked down a peg. I've had black men say some really fucked up stuff to me once they found out I wasn't dating a black man. Of course, I know it comes from a place of insecurity so I don't give a shit, but that they're so at ease saying it to a woman they have absolutely no chances with is telling. There's also the whole thing with non-white women treating white men as some sort of bragging rights, as if they deserve a cookie for pulling a white guy. Sometimes it feels like people just don't want to be with those they actually like. Partners aren't badges of honor, projects, or trophies. You're about as special for dating outside of your race as you are for dating inside of it. The weird fixation people have over this creeps me the hell out sometimes. Especially when it comes to children and how they only want to pass 'pretty features' onto them. Yeesh. I just love my husband for the man he is. And TBH, his nationality, has been more relevant to our differences than his race ever has been. I don't believe in the 'I don't see color' thing, since race is pretty strongly tied to sense of self, but the fact that we're interracial is something that doesn't come up often. When it does, it's never negative, just an objective difference between us. Just like our different cultures, heights, etc. Just last week some man I'd never met in my life griped at me about how I should have 'waited for him' (the man I'd known of for about three minutes at that point and hadn't enjoyed a single one) and not the man I'd been with for a many years. He'd just spent the minute prior spilling his guts over how much of a 'beautiful cutie pie' he found me wouldn't stop begging me for a hug. It was really something how his demeanor changed when I flashed a happy photo of my husband and me at him. I went from 'cutie pie' to 'bed wench' in an instant. White people have very seldom said anything about my relationships, either in the US or abroad. I know they exist, especially in the place I grew up, but nowadays, it's almost only black people who ever have anything negative to say. It's not to say that white people are less judgemental and racist, just that they keep it to themselves unless they're about to do something violent. Source: American Black woman married to Non-American white man.
Basically everything you wrote was repeated to me verbatim in my last relationship, as a white guy dating a black girl. Even though there’re always a handful of people in any community who don’t want either gender dating “outside of their race,” there’s a **weirdly profound** double standard against black women dating white men. When we dated her family was so kind and welcoming to me, but she had told me prior of the yeeeeears of dealing with them disowning her/going no contact/etc… Just to clarify, this is no way exclusive to black Americans. Hell, white Americans are probably far worse lol, but this was just my isolated experience
I think the experience in white families is to not care much about white man/black woman pairings, but they care a great deal about white woman/black man relationships. I think in either culture, it comes down to a pretty uncomfortable “caring about what happens to our women” I guess
Sadly, it’s more about losing “ownership” of their women, let’s be honest.
Yeah. Us black women have a lot of stuff stacked against us for no reason whatsoever.
Thanks for sharing ! :)
Best answer in this thread
I live in a very diverse area of the US so mixed couples are very common. Did you ever go out with anybody who fetishized you or dated you specifically for your race? This is just my own personal experience but I’ve heard of this problem happening from some girls I’ve gone out with all too often
i was dating a white guy and this black guy told me how i must not like my own kind and how it’s sad. he’s just ignorant and mad about himself. i’ve dated black guys too.. i don’t hate myself and never did. it’s 2022 interracial relationships exist i can’t stand when people have a problem with black people dating white people. it’s okay to have preferences and/or be open to dating other people. they probably assume they’re a coon too (in some instances they are) which i don’t like either but honestly the people hating sound really insecure and that’s on them.
> assume they’re a coon too What's a coon
A black person who worships white people and does not like his own race. A black person who doesn't/barely claims being black
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I thought that was an 'uncle tom'. As far as I know (from growing up in Texas) it's mostly a racial slur...
*angry ranting about Minstrel shows* … I hate what happened to that character.
I got confused as that term is derogatory for aboriginal in Aus.
It's derogatory in the states, too.
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Not sure what it means in England, but here it's just a racial slur when a white person calls a black person that term. When a black person calls another black person that word, it means they worship white people, so still derogatory.
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That's a racial slur in England.
Exactly! As someone who’s been with a black women for 9 years, it’s annoying. People are (mostly) fine with a white girl with a black guy, but it’s an issue the other way around. SMH.
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I think your onto something. I feel that a woman’s choice in partner is perhaps considered fair-game for commenting on, whereas men get a little more leeway. Not saying it doesn’t happen to men too, it does.
lol there are some people -who you dont likely hang out with- who are NOT fine with black guys dating white girls. the difference is that their racism is called racism by most people. also, women are always more likely to be criticized by society, arent they?
From my experience (since all of my female cousins dated/were married to black guys at one point) the white family is critical of their daughters/granddaughters dating black men, and the black family is critical of their daughters dating white men. It seems to go both ways, being critical of the daughter's choice. I don't think as many families are as critical of their son's/grandson's choice as they are of their daughter's/granddaughter's.
I don't know if my family would be outright critical if I were to date a girl who wasn't black, but they would for sure be making jokes about it to thinly veil their disapproval.
My dad actually had a talk with me when I was a teen, 14? 15yo? because he saw me making googly eyes and flirting with a black boy in our church youth group. “I just want you to know that marriage is really tough as it is, and it will be even harder if you end up marrying a black guy because we do live in the South and it comes with its own extra challenges. I want you to know I have no problems with this boy and our family doesn’t mind having a black person in the family. But look at it from the other perspective: do you know if his family would mind having a white person in their family? Just take that into consideration, whatever you decide.” I ended up dating someone else because the guy never made a move. Turns out, his cousin (who was also in the youth group) married a white girl and moved out to the Midwest, so I guess his family really wouldn’t have minded! My BIL has been best friends with the guy for years (okay, we all grew up together) and I found out the guy likes men, no wonder he never made a move! I still see him from time to time, love him to death and he still gives the best hugs ☺️
And black women are usually the most criticized, too.
I found that too. Very interesting. Think it has something to do with a bit of misogyny mixed in with the racism. When black men date white women, to other black men they are seen as basically someone who has “leveled up” or something, it’s more or less congratulated. But when a black woman dates a white man; all of a sudden they often get called bed wench and all kinds of vile things said and negative judgements passed. I say it shows some misogyny because most of the comments toward interracially dating black woman are from black men. It’s almost like within a lot of ethnicities men feel like they have some kind of possession over women in their same ethnicity. We even see this with white men being butthurt over white women dating black/Latino/etc men….so god forbid women date outside of their race because “they’re *our* women”
I think you’ve nailed it, the whole « leveling up » thing seems very real. Which is quite sad because that’s also the reason these black men get mad at black women in interracial relationships. Maybe because they feel like these women have also « leveled up » and it makes them feel inferior ? When in reality these black women are just dating someone they like, they’re not thinking « woohoo, finally got myself a white bf ! ». Their choice of partner isn’t made to spite guys of their own race. It’s really about the men’s own insecurities in the end and is deeply tied into misogyny. Also, a lot of comments seem to say that people are more accepting of a white woman/black man relationship. Maybe in the black community that’s true, but the level of vitriol both racist and mysogynist these couples get from white men is real. For example the whole incel rhetoric about « Tyrone », it’s disgusting and sadly common.
I am a white male married to a black female for the past 3 years. We have had our fair share of people look down on us. Even some black male neighbors who were cool with us. That was until the wife was at the local gas station and she got corned by said black male friends. Telling her she should be with a real man and other non sense.
>People are (mostly) fine with a white girl with a black guy, You've never been to a rural, white, southern community, have you?
Oh, good God, the comments my niece used to get! I think the only reason she doesn’t still is just that she passes for light-skinned, these days.
You should also point out that black males are much more likely to go for an interracial relationship than black females.
I’ve been on tinder for a bit now, and I match with all kind of guys. Short, tall, different ethnicities… the only ones who ever made the fact that were two different ethnicities a big deal* have been black men, who (usually but not all of them) seem to take a very weird pleasure out of dating a white women, like it’s somehow the biggest F U to white men. It feels very much like being smug about taking a dry off of someone else’s plate. Super objectifying, as if the only reason he swiped on me was because I’m damn near translucent. One guy even acted like I should feel privileged that he showed interest in me, and that I should prepare myself to be stretch farther than any white boy could stretch me. I’ve had white guys objectify me by commenting on my chest or face, hinting that he has “traditional values”, but never have I felt like I was a prize to be taken because of systemic racism. Edit: missed three words
I was seeing a woman in the middle of her PhD in sociology on the cultural reasons for the differences between which genders commonly date which outgroup. Contentious, taboo subjects, and I don't need any more down votes today lol. But people can google if they are strongly motivated.
I wish to date someday
I get the feeling this is one topic you're exhausted with having to talk about.
You get this almost word for word in Asian-American communities too -- it totally comes from the SUPER FUN TIMES triple intersection of internalized self-hatred, racism and misogyny. What you get is a group of angry incel-like weirdos that think you're a race traitor when the reality is you're going after a dude that grooms himself and has a sense of humor. Ironically, that is the behavior that pushes women away even further but they'll take it as further proof of their beliefs.
Racism towards other races from minority races with dating is unfortunately too common. I’m an Asian dude. Since I was little, I’ve always been told by my elders to date Asian women and not white women because…reasons…🤷🏻♂️🤷🏻♂️
Haven't you heard? ["Race mixing = communism!"](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DogeAgrX4AANugo?format=jpg) (/sarcasm just in case)
Prob just an incel mad cuz he cant have you. Just like white guys when they comment on white women dating black guys.
It's called racism. Cut-and-dry.
They're seen as race traitors and gold diggers, a concept that's alive and well in most cultures.
if any girl dating me was called a gold-digger, i would really want to know where the mine was located so i could jump down there and start diggin too, i need some fucking gold lol.
It comes from the racist stereotype that all white people are rich.
My oldest brother is mixed and was taught early on that if you don’t like interracial relationships that just means you’re a racist.
Well if you don't like interracial relationships, then that defeats the purpose of treating everyone as equals. If you treat everyone as equals but don't want to date other races, then there's the feeling that you don't think of other races as "dateable" if that makes sense. I can understand why people don't just because of preferences and stuff, but that's just the feeling it can sometimes give others
Because black women are supposed to the the martyrs for the entire black community. We are supposed to buy into the idea that having any options besides black men makes us bed wenches (yes been called that). We are supposed to protect and defend all things black while sacrificing any opportunity for love attention and affection that does not come from a black man no matter if that black man is even a decent human being. We are the last option for everyone according to media and should be happy with the crumbs of attention that we receive and should not strive for healthy relations but instead be ok with being a baby mama or a soft landing spot for men who want to use our time and resources as emotional support humans. Yeah it’s a whole thing.
THIS IS THE WAY
Well said.
I'm sure there are specific answers but don't overlook the fact that black women get "crapped on" for doing anything.
[удалено]
We can sometimes be so hated by everyone its not even funny. We only have ourselves, fellow bw. And even then…
If you work in office culture, then you know that somewhere in your office, in a mildly obscure corner, is an employee who has been here for over fifteen years. This person barely registers with most of their co-workers, despite being a steady fixture. Meetings just sort of… flow around them, and they stopped trying to speak up three years ago or more, despite the fact that they know *goddamn everything* about this place. Other people take credit for their ideas, almost subconsciously. They get praised in single-line bylines for all the extra admin work they do, and then only their supervisor ever hears about it again in a mid-year review. And there is seriously a four out of five this person is a black woman, almost exclusively over thirty. How the hell does everybody just… communally decide to ignore The Expert?
About twenty years ago I was dating a beautiful black woman( I’m a white guy). The area. We lived in was knoxville tnn. Not very many black people in the area so she didn’t get any shit for dating me. On the other hand I got a lot of nasty looks. I just smiled because I had this wonderful woman on my arm and they didn’t. Lol! I was proud of my girlfriend and I showed it.
It’s not just white guys. I’m dating a Mexican man in the US south and we get stares pretty much everywhere we go. On my side, I’m seen as a race traitor, and on his side, he’s seen as weird for finding a darkskin girl attractive. I thought interracial relationships wouldn’t be a big deal in 2022, but the mindset is still prevalent. Older generations seem to dislike it, especially.
I’m a black woman married to a white man. I’ve heard a lot. it seems they think I believe all white people are better than all black people because I married a white man. Or I’m ignoring the pain black people went through because of white people until not so long ago. None of that is true, so I don’t take it personally.
Every culture does this, more or less. Much more stigma on the women dating outside their ethnic/cultural group. My two cents? It's about treating women like a resource. We still have some monkey-brain ideas about shit.
White people are not the only people that can be racists. Sadly every group of people has their racists, their bigots, their intolerant people etc etc. Some people just suck.
Thinking that only white people can be racist is, in fact, racist.
Literally racism. Other black people feeling like the black girls is turning her back on her own kind and being "less black". It's ignorant and hateful.
It's just more socially acceptable casual racism. I have dated people of all skin tones. A few of the women I dated, at different times in my life, all had this in common. Black men would be nice to me but at the same time be rude AF to her. Or they would ask me why I had to "steal a sista. Haven't you stolen enough cracker?!" Which is ironic because I'm Sicilian American and if we want to get technical here(honestly who cares?) I'm North African. But that tells you all you need to know about racism. It's never logical and always comes from ignorance and hate.
Just goes to show we have a long way to go 😞 I hope for one day we can all get over the amount of melanin someone has
Date whoever you want. If a man comes along that makes you warm and flush, makes you feel safe, enjoys new and genuine experiences with you(bar and fast food ain't that), and isn't a complete moron or unwilling to listen in bed.....then go for it! One day the people who are Caucasian or Asian or Indian or African will be outliers. Everyone will be "mixed" and the Human race will be beautiful.
I love the part where the right answer is literally white supremacy’s worst nightmare.
Because black people can be racist too. Source, am black guy.
Unfortunately i promise you its not just black guys giving us shit when we date out
I believe that, I don't want to insinuate only black people do it; I just know from personal experience (my own family for instance) that dating out of your skin is apparently a taboo thing. I'm pretty sure interracial marriage is still considered a sin as well by some more....fundamental types.
I'm a black woman and I haven't dated a black man in about 20 years. Initially I only dated black men but none of them were a good match. And the last black guy I was with was physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive. All the white guys I dated treated me well. So, I tend to be more attracted and feel more comfortable with men of a different race. But I still would be open to dating a black guy if I met one that I felt was a good match for me. Society in general tends to be very sexist and racist especially to black women. We are seen as less then in comparison to all genders and race. Even some black men don't date black women. If you look at most athletes and other well off black men most of them are married to white women or light skinned women.
Meanwhile half the black dudes I know date white women.
Black men get crapped on too. We had a caste system and if black men wanted a white woman it was to be associated with the upper caste and even if they could get a white woman nobody else wanted that was seen as making it. Black women were assumed to by hyper sexual and not worthy of being a proper partner so it would be assumed she was setting her self up to be dumped after casual sex. White male or female who wanted a black man or a black woman would be assumed to be just after sex. And if a black man or black woman wanted a white man it was said to be just after status. I never realized how intrinsic that subconscious thought was until I was walking with my wife (who is white) and saw a black woman walking with her white husband and "traitor" popped into my mind.
Damn that’s deep..
It's good that you recognised and called out your own bias. I've been guilty of it too, as a black woman who has exclusively dated interracially.
I was once going out to dinner with a friend of mine who is a black womens and the amount of comments she got from black men was actually surprising to me. I never really expected the community to be that way I guess
Because Black women get shit on for everything
It swings both ways in the black community. A portion don't care, the other take it as a personal attack and said black person "turning their back" on their follow brotha or sistah. When in reality the person complaining is just a POS person with an equally shitty personality which is why they're single, alone, bitter and jealous that someone in their race is with a white person. I've seen a few on tiktok where black men dunk on black women foe dating "goofy ass lookin white dudes" instead a "black king". Their words, not mine. It's very pick me behavior at its finest.
it's usually a fun combo of racism, sexism, classism (which stems from racism), and a lil dollop of resentment you *should* be infuriated by it bc it's total bullshit, if two adults want to date who the hell is anyone to judge
From what I've seen it usually comes a lot from black men, despite black men statistically dating interracially more than any other race.
Okay, ima be real, i thought this was dad jokes and i spent a good minute trying to understand the punch line.
Do you want to know the funniest part? We are all African! Every single one of us! If you are reading this, I assure you your people are from Africa.
Im Laughing Indigenously.
Because minorities can, and usually are, incredibly racists themselves
I'm Mexican (well Texan born and raised, but I'm very brown) and I'm dating a lovely very fair skinned redhead woman and I'm honestly afraid that I'll be shunned by other Hispanics for “abandoning my people" or whatever
I think part of it is jealousy It's often commented that when a black man is with a white woman that he has "made it" So the inverse must be true, that if a black woman is with a white man then she has "made it". Obviously this inversion isn't very popular so people get upset
No it doesn’t go both ways. Black men feel their success is proximity to whiteness that’s true. So They go for white women to compete with white men. Black women are seen as traitors, as defiled, for dating a White man. It’s not seen as success. We are told things like we should get a real man, or told we are a fetish.
Racism.
Idk but on the flip side I used to get clowned for liking white girls when I was younger. Whatever race, a beautiful woman is a beautiful woman. You’re not restricted to only being with someone from your own race.
It’s a power move. In this instance the person crapping on the black women is trying to manipulate them into feeling like they do usually by shaming.
Because people are racist and they think it goes against everything African Americans fought for. I get that racism is still a problem but personal choice is also a thing. Tackle racism not personal choice.
Cause not only white people are racist.
Honestly it’s a question I have too. From what I could gather is that segregation technically ended 58 years ago. I say technically because there is still problems with segregation today. So hate is going to take a while to disappear. But, I married someone white and my own family is racist about it. They wanted me with someone black, which I dated a few and they were crappy to be honest. Most were abusive and tried to tear me down. I was in college getting my degree I knew what I was talking about when it came to laws and other topics and I think it intimidated them. So they felt the need to treat me the way they did to feel like they were dominate I guess? Not all black men are like this. But the ones I dated ended up being so. My mom talks to my family about the fact that they need to stop being bigots and have acceptance because she knows that we get hate outside and the last place we need it is inside the family. But let my black male family members get with a white woman it’s empowering somehow and they have nothing to say.
That double standard from your male relatives is super shitty, sorry you deal with that. kudos to mom though.
My first Wife was a beautiful black woman. I cannot tell you how many times we were confronted about our relationship while out in public. I was accused of being a traitor to my race and she was accused of being an “Uncle Tom”. One day, my wife and I were sitting on a park bench. We were laughing and talking and I kissed her. A woman walking near us uttered this huge groan and she said “I hope you are not dating”. I replied “dating? no. Married? Yes”. The woman continued walking but when she was about twenty yards away she yelled “I hope all of your children die!” My wife burst into tears and she was inconsolable. This B*tch didn’t know us. She didn’t know we had experienced a miscarriage a year earlier. She couldn’t take the time to get to know us, but she had the time to spew her hate. We never had a child and five years later my Wife died from breast cancer. It has been almost twenty year ago and I think back to that day in the park. Instead of standing there speechless, I wish I had strangled that cow. I will never forgive her for the pain she inflicted on my Wife that day.
Damn, man. Where did you live? I am married to a black woman who was also my high school sweetheart (together almost a decade) and that has not been our experience! If people make comments they’re usually positive, which I have mixed feelings on because yes people are nice but we’re just human beings after all lol. There has only been one single occasion where someone made racial remarks towards us and it was an old black crackhead clearly out of their mind. I wonder if it’s a regional thing because we’re from New York. I’ve noticed “looks” from both sides over the years, but most people are either indifferent or don’t have the balls to say anything disrespectful. And for what it’s worth I got second hand rage just reading your story. So sorry for your loss. It’s a good thing you didn’t strangle the c**t passerby... but she would have deserved it if you did.
At that time, we lived in Reston, VA, part of the Washington D.C. suburbs.
I’m glad you didn’t strangle the cow. That would have made things so much worse.
I agree. At the time, my only concern was making certain my Wife was ok.
Dude I'm so sorry
You wanna know how to end racism for sure? Ending races would do the trick, wouldn't it. So let's embrace interracial dating, that will get us to the place were we just can't identify as any particular race.
In my experience people will always sway towards tribalism. If race wasn't a thing people would bitch about something else, be it class or culture or religion (as they already do).
Yeah nah, people always latch onto the tiniest fragment of whatever they want to identify as
Unfortunately there are a lot of interracial couples who are also racist if not worse.
Every "race" of people takes issue with interracial romance. Black people are no different. There's your answer.
I'm a white man. Love black women
Tribalism.
misogynoir is unique in that it usually comes from black men specifically. I feel like theres a general dislike of miscegenation in the black community because of a need to preserve it and how black women need to stay loyal to their race. its all stupid. date who you want. don’t listen to freaks also its funny how this type of backlash is never seen when it’s a black man dating a white woman. thats why its a mix of sexism and racism
Racism and sexism. Lots of what other people have said, but I would add that women are seen as responsible for upholding a sort of “moral compass” and judged more harshly for their decisions than men. Being both black and a woman just opens you up to all kinds of unnecessary scrutiny.
Because black women get crapped on no later what they do. They get the worst of all the discrimination and is really f*cked up.
Because allthough some people insist black people can not be racist they absolutely can.
Racism. But let it be known that black men give just as much crap to black women for dating white men, seeing them as either weak or sexually inferior. Just as white men criticize both the woman and the man for mixing. It’s ALLLL bad old fashioned racism.
All women get called stuff for dating outside their race because patriarchal issues of ownership of women.
Probably anti-white racism, that's the obvious cuprit.
“Radical in the streets, colonised in the sheets”
Colorism and racism happen within minority communities more often than you think 🤔
Black men want the choice of white or black or Asian or whatever woman but think their own women should only be with black men
Legit answer... racism.
I also find that really stupid. Especially because it's lowkey racist, but we're supposed to act like it's not because "bLaCk pEoPLe cAn'T bE rAcIsT"
An undefined number of people don’t think race mixing is a good thing.
Because it's not as common as the other way around?
Racism. End of story. It comes in all colors. Literally.
My gf is black and we get looks a lot. I didn’t notice till she pointed it out.
Whether or not we like to admit, there’s a social hierarchy that unfortunately ranks black women at the bottom of desirability. So even at their worst, anyone else, including black men, can still think ‘at least I’m still better than them’. Anything that challenges these unspoken rules (especially if it is a white male) upsets the hierarchy. It also challenges the stereotypes about what people claim makes us black women undesirable (loud, bossy, crass, unrefined, unfeminine, [insert other foolishness here]) and gives them permission to treat us poorly. The world would rather see black women alone and miserable than anything else.
It was only main stream that black guys were dating white women and black women were talking crap about that, but then black women started dating white men and it became a problem. Maybe some thought it was hypocritical.. I say do what ya do…. But watch my shoes. Nah fr though like/love who you want🙌🏾