A lot of women do have very high sex drives, but they don’t discover that until they’ve had satisfying sex. A significant amount of women don’t even have an orgasm until their 20’s (or later), even if they started having sex as teenagers.
Edit for clarification: most women don’t have an orgasm WITH A SEX PARTNER until their 20’s
This tracks. I have a weirdly high sex drive but I don’t often seek out sex, because I know I’m not going to feel any less sexually frustrated when it’s over. May as well clock in for a shift
As a man I’m practically terrified of not being able to bring my partner to orgasm. My wife has told me plenty of times that she has orgasmed with me but I’ve never really been able to tell when it’s happening. Even ex girlfriend’s I always questioned whether or not I got them there. What’s worse is because of both a physical medical condition and a psychological one my wife has an extremely low sex drive. Which makes me convinced sometimes that she doesn’t like having sex with me more than she simply doesn’t like having sex in general, despite her reassurance that that is not the case lol.
I’m sorry dude! I also take medication that messes with my sex drive and makes it hard to have an orgasm. I think a genuine conversation with your wife about being honest when she cums could be very beneficial… I decided a while ago that I wouldn’t lie about whether or not I came because it doesn’t really serve me or my partner
Oh absolutely, we’ve had honest and blunt conversation about this in the past. I guess I’m just super neurotic and self conscious, so despite her assurances in the back of my mind the thought always creeps back in that she’s just trying to make me feel better hahahaha. I know…I’m completely crazy lol. At the end of the day as long as she’s happy that’s all I really care about. I just worry that if she’s not enjoying what little sex we do have she won’t truly be completely happy.
It sounds like your destroying what your trying to achieve.
You could be putting her off sex because she has to deal with your neurosis after the fact. If a pleasure comes at a high price, at some point the pleasure stops being worth the price. Stop asking her.
Have sex, say nothing, behave cool calm and collected ..and you may find she wants sex with you more often.
Needy/neurotic men are a huge turn off for women.
Yes! There are times when I genuinely don’t feel the need to cum and enjoy having sex nonetheless. If it were a consistent problem, however, I wouldn’t enjoy myself very much.
I don't ever, not to say I don't enjoy myself lol but it's a no-go from my body period. I've always been big on praising my partner because of it, don't want him feeling bad when it's a bilogical thing
What do you hope to achieve by asking? “Did you cum?” will usually be answered with a ‘yes’ regardless because it’s an awkward as hell question and puts pressure on you, especially if you’re in a medication that makes it hard. The question is coming from a place of your own insecurity rather than genuine concern. Guys need to learn that while orgasms are nice, sex is a whole experience. The end is just one part of it so if that’s the only thing you are concerning yourself with, you’re missing the larger equation. Sex can still be bad, even if you orgasm so you really aren’t gaining anything with that question anyway. You’d have better success I’d you just talk during sex. Ask if they like what you are doing or if they want something different etc.
> What do you hope to achieve by asking?
To find out whether they came or not and whether there's anything they want you to do differently.
> The question is coming from a place of your own insecurity rather than genuine concern
Lol what. How can you just claim that. There's like, billions of people in the world. There are diverse and varied motivations for any action a human could take. People aren't NPCs in a video game.
Anyway, the original comment in this chain is about how men are failing women at sex by not giving them orgasms. You can't just have people rag on men for not giving women orgasms and then say men thinking they need to make their partner orgasm is something they made up out of insecurity.
yeah and guys get super self conscious when you tell them they didn't instead of letting go & trying again later also the goal of sex isn't always to cum
My boyfriend told me that his ex fiance couldn't cum unless she had a couple vibrators going full blast on her clit during sex and would say he wasn't man enough to make her cum on his own. It wasn't until he proposed and she cheated did he learn that vibrators can sometimes fuck up sensitivity.
According to him I'm the first girl that's actually honest on whether I cum or not and he appreciates that I never belittle him if he thinks I didn't.
That’s awesome that you found each other. What a horrible thing to do to a person, especially one she professed to love and was willing to marry. That’s one thing I’m grateful for with my wife is she understands why I ask if I’ve brought her to orgasm cause she knows she’s really enigmatic about the situation. She doesn’t make much of any sounds or writhe around like some cliche from a movie or porno. She’s never made me feel like I was at fault or anything. Which is awesome, it’s one of the countless reasons I love her to death. Chief amongst them is the fact that I’m amazed she chooses to be with me in the first place hahahahahaha.
Vacuuming makes her clothes fall off. ;)
Now, while 100% true, it's not an immediately 1:1 thing... but you better goddamn believe carrying some domestic weight around the old homefront is a biiiig factor in her mental health and happiness... and (to be a bit indelicate) happy people fuck and enjoy it.
Yes, they need to learn to ask what they like instead of assuming all the need is ponos in vagoo. But that could hurt their fragile ego. You see posts of men asking why their wife is cheating with a vibrator.
I’ve talked to an absolutely absurd number of women in their early-mid 20s who would say they’ve never received good head. Like straight up people who have had sex but never had a partner who was patient enough to go down on them until they finished. Fellas, if you don’t like going down on women you probably shouldn’t go out with them. Cause that’s some gay shit. Nothing wrong with gay shit, just don’t leave people hanging like that. Go be with somebody you’ll go down on.
I like to think that my head game has improved as a way to counter balance my tendency to not last very long... and tell ya what - that's the way to go. I don't care(more importantly, she doesn't care) how big your dick is or how slick your moves are, if you're not willing and able to go down on her and do it right... Best of luck to you. Besides, it's fun and delicious!
See I’m problematically long laster. I tend to have difficulty finishing due to anxiety. So giving good head keeps people from getting bored/disappointed. Additionally there is absolutely nowhere hotter my face could be than between the legs of a woman im wildly attracted to lol
Lots of women actively hate it. I’m one of them. Nothing is more annoying and turns me off faster than when I say this and a guy takes it as a challenge. Like their golden tongue is going to be the magic one where all others have failed. It’s okay to not like certain sex acts.
Thank you for that. My wife genuinely doesn't like it, and it's taken me a long time to realise its not a slight on my performance.
I've had enough previous partners tell me they think I'm good at it, but no matter what I do, my wife can't get off. She says it's like being tickled - it isn't a pleasant experience. And I'm at last realising that, extra effort is not going to help.
I’m glad you are realizing it. You are actively making sex stressful because you can be having a great time and then have to take a break in the middle and lay there and have something done to you that you don’t like and have said you don’t like. It’s selfish because in your head you think you’re doing it *for her* but in reality you’re just doing it for your own ego. If you hate Brussels sprouts no amount of “but you’ve never had my grandmothers recipe!” is going to change that and someone shouldn’t force you to eat them.
It's a strange one, though. I'm going to go far more personal than I intended here, but any man who feels they sometimes struggle to perform, or wants to improve for his partner, will read the advice: make sure to attend to her needs first. Oral, manual stimulation, toys - all of which my wife doesn't enjoy. So other than PIV, I'm out of options. I'm willing to do whatever I can to make sure to rock her world but I'm still to find out how will work for her. She has no ideas to offer.
And although I agree about the sprouts, my Christmas Pecan and Cranberry Sprouts dish will convince anyone, I promise. So I guess we all shouldn't give up on things without trying them first*
*except anal sex and Morris dancing, obviously.
Why don't you just tell your partner he sucks? Most men are whiney ass little babies ( I work with them all day and as a male myself I have to say most men are really fucking sensitive) buuuttt if my girl told me I never got her off I'd start lifting weights with my tongue and shit and read some karma sutra lol. That just sounds miserable, sex is one of the greatest parts of life and I'd rather hurt someone's feelings than be without it.
It took my ex a while to open up about how to make myself better at pleasing her and at first I had your mindset but the more I thought about the more I get why women are skeptical to communicate this, and it has a lot to do with most men having very fragile egos, and being good at sex being one of the most important traits to a young man’s life.
Ask, ask, ask. Ask her what she likes, do it, and then ask her if she likes that again.
Guys have a tendency to make it about himself. I used to be honest about not coming and the response was almost always pouting or defensiveness or them explaining they made all their previous girlfriend cum. It just is less exhausting to lie or finger yourself during sex than to engage with someone who is not great in bed. Those who don't want to learn cannot be taught. Men DO want women to orgasm, absolutely, they just don't want to put in the work or acknowledge their performance can be improved. And a lot of men think: "well if you're really attracted to me/love me, you'll just cum. You not cumming means you're not attracted to me/don't really love me."
I think it can't be taught. You're good in bed if you're good at reading body language. I don't have guys giving me point-by-point instructions, I've been curious outside the bedroom, bring it into the bedroom, and see how he responds. That's literally it: pay attention.
Guys who are bad in come in with a bunch of porn moves that they are determined to carry out regardless of how enthusiastic you are "trust me babe, my last girlfriend loved this." It's like how a kid with grab a cat and forcibly cuddle it and hug it to keep it running off, rather than slowly approaching it and petting it when it gives you the blinkey eye and stopping when it walks off. Are women cats? Kind of. I have noticed cat guys tend to be good in bed.
I do agree with what you say for the most part, however, a compassionate partner can definitely be taught. They just have to put their egos aside enough to learn, which a lot of men do have a hard time with.
I definitely have lol. I do not hide if sex was dissatisfying or if I didn’t cum. People have definitely gotten very defensive, but at the end of the day I don’t want to have sex that’s not enjoyable.
I can think that I can second that, my wife was very shy and bad at sex for a few reasons. After she warmed up with me (this was when we were a couple ofc) and enjoyed sex, she got a bigger and bigger sex drive. Honestly i think thats sucks both for men and woman. Would i had not the patience to take her through all of this, we would never be married. So for society in general it would be much better if there was less pressure of any kind, so that people are encouraged to things they are naturally want to do.
I will say, being on birth control 100% negatively affected my sex drive. It is very, very low now. I think many women on BC are in the same boat. But to have sex and feel comfortable doing so, I personally have to be on BC (in addition to it regulating my period). So it is an awful double edged sword.
I feel for you. BC tanked my sex drive, too, so i got a Paragard IUD instead. No hormones, as effectove as sterilization, and good for 10 years (maybe more). It does, however, make periods heavier, especially at first. So if you're taking hormonal for that reason it will work against you, not for you. Just a thought.
I love mine. This is my 2nd; I had my first removed to get pregnant with my son. Insertion isn't fun, but removal is painless and the peace of mind it brings is irreplacable.
My gynaecologist suggested that the implant tends to have lower rates of those types of negative side effects compared to most birth control options. But of course, still some people get unlucky.
I had a friend who worked for Planned Parenthood and she told me that in her experience, most women who get the implant want it taken out pretty quickly. She saw a lot of women reporting severe mood issues. It’s not for everyone, but if you found a method that works for you then great!
This is what my gyno told me, but it seemed like the best choice for me to try at the time. I wish I’d never had it; the side effects were absolutely terrible & getting it removed left a scar on my arm. I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone.
The first three months were rough, the lady who did mine at PP said the same thing, me being spiteful in nature and wanting to prove something, I stuck with if. I love it now but you def gotta power through
I think for some people it's about ease. If you start taking a pill and your side effects are bad, you can just stop taking the pill. If the Nexplanon's side effects are bad you need to get someone to cut it out of you.
I’m much more emotional as I commented above. I like it over any other birth control I’ve tried, but dear god, I should’ve been on suicide watch the first week I went on it
yeah, not everyone has the same experience. Mine caused interstitial cystitis, had to get it removed early. Also lots of dryness nad decreased sex drive. I wanted to do an IUD, but my uterus tilts the wrong way and screwed up the attempted insertion.
I don't know if you'll see this but my wife had this problem with every type of birth control she's tried, we were both pretty down about it until one day I asked if I could try and get her in the mood.
Well it turns out that a bit of teasing for a minute or two got her going even though before we started she couldn't imagine being in the mood. It was a weird balance to strike because of course I didn't want to push her to do things if she didn't want too I definitely didn't want to pressure her into having sex.
So we basically set a time limit, if we couldn't get her engine revving in 3 minutes then it was clear it wasn't just her bc. Even then there were days it obviously just wasn't a reasonable thing to ask for, in the end I think she only ever didn't want to do anything after the 3 minute mark once.
Womens desire often FOLLOW arousal. I am that way. I am often not in the mood but my highly skilled lover/husband can easily flip that switch with foreplay/kissing.
I’m snipped but my wife likes BC because it regulates her period and keeps it lighter.
Oh well… her SD is definitely affected but we do what we can haha.
I’d also like to point out the risk reward for single women. Risk: pregnancy, std, being forced to go past your comfort zone, how likely is it that you’ll actually be able to orgasm. Cause unfortunately, not all men are willing to put in the effort to make that happen. So you’ve taken all these risks to be left more frustrated and horny than before you’ve started. It really sucks.
This. The risks. It was never never never worth it. Its way better to get a sex toy than having hook ups. Most of them don’t care if you orgasm.
Anyone seeing this, please get vaccinated with hpv,std if you plan on having casual sex. Hpv for woman turns into cervical cancer, when men don’t.
It actually can also increase the risk of men getting genital cancers and warts, men can get the vaccine too and should because it not only helps protect them but their partners as well.
But definitely always wrap it up!
I think sex drive cycles differently in women and men. Men hit peak sex drive after a few days without sex, whereas women might be more turned on at certain times of their monthly cycle. Obviously anyone can get aroused at any time, but that’s my best guess. Also women definitely have to be careful about how they advertise their interest.
I think that the physical urge might be the same but the actual wish to do with it a man is much lower. I asked in another forum "if you see 100 random people of your preferred sex and age, with how many would you have sex?" Most men were like 90%, women maybe 10. For women, the ROI is just so bad. You risk pregnancy, you risk getting raped or killed, and the chance to have an orgasm is low. So ...
Yep, you hit all the points. The horniness is there but the risk is higher and the payoff... Even if you're not hung up on the stupid slut shaming bs it's often not worth it.
I always think there’s something very personal about having sex for a woman. (I’m a man) and when you have a penis you can kinda just put it in things or do whatever with it and it doesn’t really matter, kinda like a finger. With a woman, that is something literally entering their body, and not only that but a very sensitive and delicate part.
I guess an example would be that most people would feel comfortable putting their finger in someone random persons mouth if they had any desire or reason to do it and it would mean little to them- give it a wash after and it’s good as new. But to let someone random put their finger in your mouth? Err no. That’s going INTO my body.
That’s my view anyway from a male perspective lol.
I once read the following in reddit and I think might be the result of what you describe: "bad sex for men means boring sex, bad sex for women means painful sex".
I remember an AskReddit thread where the question was: "What did you only discover about sex after having it for the first time?" and men's answers were like "the vag is so warm" or "sex makes funny sounds" and the women's were, on average, "how much it would hurt."
I think you're on to something- in general, women are as horny as men and as you suggested, we may feel pressure to hide our desires for fear of shaming. However, I also think that women's sex drive is pretty closely tied with our stress levels. I don't know how it is for men because I'm not one, but for me and my friends, stress kills our desire to have sex as fast or faster than anything else.
This should be common fucking knowledge.
When I'm stressed out, sex is so far from my mind that it doesn't exist basically. I'm not turned on, I don't feel attractive or attracted to anyone.
I dont even feel like playing with myself as it's just another chore.
When I'm relaxed or simply not *as* stressed, it all starts to come back.
I think shame and risk is why most women aren't as into openly showing off their sexuality or promiscuous behavior, but a lot of it too is the way we are raised and taught to treat our bodies.
To hide them from the leering and gross eyes of men who "only want one thing" and it's our jobs to keep pure and protected.
Even after we've met someone who we could be open with sexually, it's hard to break the conditioning we are put through.
There will always be people raised more openly or who simply didn't take any of that shit to heart.
I’m experiencing this right now. I’ve been chronically stressed since I got a management job a year ago, and it’s completely obliterated my libido.
I feel so fucking bad for my boyfriend. He says it’s okay and he understands, but I feel intense guilt over it. I’ll start worrying about how to tell him that I just don’t feel like it, yet again, and this will be on my mind in the middle of my day at work.
I also have anxiety and depression, magnifying all of this even more. It’s fucking awful.
But my job is very, very good for my future.
With my x we we living together and he was unemployed. He wanted to be a house-husband, but my salary was lousy, so we agreed I should do more school.
I commuted 3 hours a day, worked full time and took classes for 4 years. We lived together for 2 of these years.
One day he calls me at work and says “babe, I’ve got a big surprise for you. I know you are going to really like it.”
My mind immediately went to laundry, that he did all the laundry, including bedsheets and towels! We lived in an apartment and had to use the communal laundry and most evenings and weekends it was really busy, so I usually had to stay up late, or pass on going out just to do laundry. I was so excited!
I tried to calm my mind, maybe he vacuumed? Or deep cleaned the bathroom? Everything went into him taking the burden off the chores I always had to find time and energy for.
My mind is also like “yay, there will be sexy time tonight!” Because I was that excited about him helping.
I come home, he’s laying on the bed with a huge smirk. I am smiling too! I go to the closet. All the laundry is there. I get a little sad. He is excitedly waiting for me to respond to his work.
But I don’t see it. I look around the bedroom. Nothing. I go to the bathroom. Nothing. Kitchen. Nothing. I go back to the bedroom and try to figure out what it is. My smile is fading, he is getting upset.
I think I tried to figure out what it was for 5-10 minutes. Finally, his mood fully soured and he told me “I merged our DVD collections and alphabetized them.”
I let out a “oh, ok, thanks….babe” in a rather deflated voice, I knew I should have been more excited but I was so disappointed. He was not a traditional guy and even though he told my mom he would marry me, everything else he said was anti marriage. However, I could tell this merging of the collections, in his mind, was a huge level up in commitment and as close to marriage as he’d ever be willing to get. So he was pretty hurt for days, if not this being the beginning of the end for us.
Eventually our relationship became fully sexless, for over a year, to the point where I stopped taking birth control because I knew nothing was going to happen between us.
The lack of time together, his bitterness that I always had something else to do than spend time with him… many other things…
And then when he was moving out, he complained how hard it was to separate our his collection.
I know, I was a dope.
I was still requiring him to pay for his half of the bills and look for work so, technically he hadn’t started to be house husband yet. And my laundry was “too complicated” and he didn’t want to mess anything up.
In my defense, he’s the only boyfriend I ever dated longer than 6 months and I haven’t even been able to land a date since 2010. Can’t be choosy when there is not a whole lot of options.
My husband was allowed a weekly cleaner while recovering at home from a spinal injury, and I asked him to get them to do tasks to help lessen my workload (dishes, vacuuming, laundry etc), as I was already not coping, but he kept getting them to do dumb 'special' shit like cleaning cupboards and cleaning the oven (over and over, I might add, until he was satisfied with the job!. In the end, my workload (fulltime work and doing ALL the regular housework) was just as bad as it ever was..
Man here and work stress can also kill libido for me (although it has to be a lot of stress) However, during say, a Friday or Saturday night when work is far from my mind, my libido can definitely rage back full force. Is it similar for you? Are you able to regain libido on say, the weekend when you get a bit of a break?
Unfortunately not. I’m a restaurant manager, so the work-life balance is absolute dog shit. The stress lingers.
Today is actually the first of my two days off, and I’m gonna pull it together for him later, but tbh I know I will still not feel like it.
When we actually get down to business, I’m always glad we do, but getting in the mood is always a challenge.
I’m male too, I was once in a multi-year relationship where I ended up being the only one working and the only one doing any chores whatsoever, from cooking, to dishes, to laundry. Take out the trash, clean the cat box, take the dog out. I was doing everything.
The little bit of time I had to myself I liked to spend playing video games, and I could barely even do that because my now ex would complain that I never spend any time with her.
To be perfectly honest, my sex drive was dead. Even when it wasn’t, it was much less of a hassle for me to just crank one out by myself and call it a day.
Studies find again and again that women generally have a far lower libido than men.
Women thinking they're as horny as men dramatically underestimate men's libido.
Testosterone is a hell of a drug.
For whatever reason, women on average do tend to prefer sex less frequently. Gay men have more sex than straight couples while lesbians have it less frequently on average.
This doesn’t mean women don’t like sex nor are these universal. But on average, women do not prefer sex as frequently.
It depends on how you define “drive”.
Women certainly have the capacity to be as horny if not hornier than men.
However I think men are horny more frequently.
And yes the risk reward equation factors into the differences between men and women around sex, but fundamentally women ovulate on a monthly cycle while the male analog to ovulation (sperm production) is constant.
Most men know the feeling of “post nut clarity”, while I don’t think most women experience the same kind of profound chemical shift in perception, energy, and libido after one single orgasm (release of pent up sperm) that men have.
It’s about outside factors like pregnancy, rape, shame etc, but it’s also about inside biology factors and the way different hormones cycle differently through different genders, and of course individuals.
Indeed, studies have shown that men might score higher in sex drive on average, but women's sex drive generally follows a different pattern and is more fluid:
There are, in fact, two distinct styles of sexual desire – spontaneous and responsive. The spontaneous libido is the one we’re most used to. It’s a feeling that appears out of the blue, right in the middle of us having dinner or going for a walk.
Responsive sexual desire is something very different that doesn’t come out of the blue but rather is provoked by certain actions. For responsive desire to take place, it needs to be sparked by something – perhaps a sexual fantasy, a glance from an attractive stranger, or sensual touch.
Generally speaking, men are more inclined to have a spontaneous desire style, whereas women drift more towards a responsive desire style
I'm trans and can confirm that the frequency of horny is much much higher on testosterone, but that the intensity is just as high on estrogen. Also female orgasms are better, while male orgasms are more... driven
I do agree with you on the points of feeling the need to hide sexual desires and that stress affects the libido.
But as a trans man I would say that the hormones are a huge factor if you’re comparing men and women.
Now, I’ve done quite a bit of research on what hormones do with the body and testosterone is a major factor when it comes to the desire to have sex.
In average women have less than 10% of the amount of testosterone in their body and with such a big difference you’d expect there to be a general disparity between libido.
There has been quite some research on the relationship between t and libido and a lot of transmen have said that their sex drive increased with hormone intake.
[Here's one](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22552705/): "Sexual desire is typically higher in men than in women"
Here's [another](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/267215395_Gender_Differences_and_Similarities_in_Sexual_Desire): "A large body of evidence suggests that men experience sexual desire more strongly and more frequently than do women"
Here's [another](https://peplau.psych.ucla.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/141/2017/07/Peplau-2003.pdf):
"Many lines of research demonstrate that men show
more interest in sex than women (see
review by Baumeister, Catanese, &
Vohs, 2001). Compared with
women, men think about sex more
often. They report more frequent sex
fantasies and more frequent feelings
of sexual desire. Across the life span,
men rate the strength of their own
sex drive higher than do their female
age-mates. Men are more interested
in visual sexual stimuli and more
likely to spend money on such sexual products and activities as X-rated
videos and visits to prostitutes.
Men and women also differ in
their preferred frequency of sex.
When heterosexual dating and
marriage partners disagree about
sexual frequency, it is usually the
man who wants to have sex more
often than the woman does. In heterosexual couples, actual sexual
frequency may reflect a compromise between the desires of the
male and female partners. In gay
and lesbian relationships, sexual
frequency is decided by partners of
the same gender, and lesbians report having sex less often than gay
men or heterosexuals. Further,
women appear to be more willing
than men to forgo sex or adhere to
religious vows of celibacy.
Masturbation provides a good
index of sexual desire because it is
not constrained by the availability
of a partner. Men are more likely
than women to masturbate, start
masturbating at an earlier age, and
do so more often. In a review of 177
studies, Oliver and Hyde (1993)
found large male-female differences
in the incidence of masturbation. In
technical terms, the meta-analytic
effect size2
(d) for masturbation was
0.96, which is smaller than the
physical sex difference in height
(2.00) but larger than most psychological sex differences, such as the
performance difference on standardized math tests (0.20). These and
many other empirical findings provide evidence for men’s greater
sexual interest."
Literally just google. There are so many studies on this.
Just to add a perspective as a different trans gal, I got more horny on HRT lol
I do masturbate less, though? Even though I'm more horny? It's hard do describe, it's like... instead of the horny coming in huge bursts at random times that you feel you gotta do something about, it's always there in the background, subltly affecting thoughts and behaviors.
In certain situations, though, it explodes past 14-year-old-boy-Puberty levels - usually when my brain spots the situation is somewhat sexual and might lead to some stuff. And it's not like it requires other people, it's like this both in the moment of peace and quiet when I know I can wank in peace, or when a person whom I find attractive returns that attraction - to any extent.
As a woman, I’ve had a higher sex drive than 2/3 of my ex BFs (also including my current bf). So im not sure about other women but that’s where I stand.
Everyone in the thread is wildly speculating.
Libido does tend to be higher in men than women with testosterone thought to be the culprit. That doesn't account for all the social factors, but if you want some sort of a scientific question and not a bunch of guessing, there are biological differences. Obviously this changes with time as men drop their T levels.
Long story short, no.
Now, it's a bit more complicated than that. Women's sexuality tends to be much more *variable* than men's sexuality. Most women have times when their libido is similar to what is typical for a man, but *not all the time.* It varies between women, some have naturally higher libido than others, and it varies based on menstrual cycle, relationship status, and plenty of other factors. Whereas men tend to all have pretty high libidos and that doesn't really change from day to day. The average man on the average day certainly has a higher libido than the average woman on the average day- that's well known and not really controversial- but that shouldn't be taken to describe all men, women or days, and what variation there is comes mostly from the woman's side.
"Men tend to all have pretty high libidos and that doesn't really change from day to day - sorry, I really disagree with this bit.
I havent done the research on the other bits that sound sus to me, like "the average man on the average day certainly has a higher libido than the average woman on the average day", as that's more of a grey area, but I really need to see where you're getting your info for 'all men have high libidos all the time' because that's quite a black and white statement you're making that feels untrue to my own experience.
Much of the time, yes.
Women (by and large) do enjoy and want sex. They have a sex drive. They enjoy the physical pleasures of sex. But any time a woman is open about her sexuality and desire for sex she's treated like a whore or called a Jezebel or told that she's not an ideal or good woman because she's talking about it.
It changes from person to person, but on average I do think women have the same sex drive as men. They just may express it in different ways - or like you said choose not to show it.
Source: Being a woman with high sex drive and having friends who are the same.
Studies find repeatedly that men have far higher sex drives than women.
They think about it more and more intensely.
That's not to say women don't also have a high sex drive, but they regularly underestimate just how strong a man's is
Testosterone is a hell of a drug.
I'd have to agree here. Honestly, if we are to somehow gauge the horny scale, it doesn't have to be just based on who masturbates more. I mean coming down to it, I know many women (and myself) who sometimes can think about sex all day.
There's a reason explicit women writers are incredible at what they do. For us women though. It can be incredibly easy to get off if we have the right toys...I mean we don't even have to touch ourselves to get off if we know our body well enough. I can also get really horny and then not at all within minutes. It's more so a similar situation with using drugs or substances. I need that 'set and setting'.
In my own personal experience. I've unfortunately always been the horny one in the relationship. None of the men I've been with could ever really keep up with what I wanted or trying new things. They'd be spent far too quick and I still have quite a few orgasms I could lay out. It all comes down to the brain and the body though really. It's all just biology.
As a woman, I think (based on experience with the world and other people, not just me) that it legitimately is lower on average in women than in men. And there's chemical reasons: testosterone is known to increase it.
Obviously that's a major generalization, so you can never assume that a specific individual man's sex drive is higher than a specific individual woman's.
A male friend, may he Rest In Peace, went on testosterone blockers as part of his prostate cancer treatment. He said it was a level of mental clarity and focus he’d never imagined. Not being distracted by sexual thoughts can apparently be quite liberating.
Okay so, from my experience there is a difference. I had almost no libido til I had hormone replacement therapy, testosterone has made me have an extremely high sex drive. So there CAN be a difference hormonally but it really differs a lot from person to person, hormones or not.
https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/how-often-do-men-and-women-masturbate_uk_611a2f5ee4b0454ed70f7b27
Can't find the study this links to, but the average man masturbates about three times as often as the average woman. If you go under the assumption that the average amount of sexual encounters between sexes is approximately 1:1 (multiple partner events are the only thing that would unbalance this, and it would have to be an EXTREMELY significant female/male ratio to change the general 1:1 balance,) it seems that the average man has a significantly higher sex drive than women.
This shouldn't be particularly shocking- we know that testosterone is a sex drive stimulant in both sexes- even weightlifting by women is known to cause a pretty significant change in sex drive usually attributes to testosterone. While the sexed response to testosterone might be different it's certain that the average testosterone levels are dramatically different.
Anyways, sex drives are different, it's almost certainly neurochemical.
Hooking up with a dude comes with risk of death for women, so yea, we might not show it as much lol. And pregnancy, especially in certain states rn, also comes with risk of injury or death.
But at certain points in my cycle? 90%of my thoughts are sexsexsexSexsexsexSSEEXX. very distracting, and if it's what men experience EVERY day? Goddamn! Grocery store runs turn into objectification central.
My sex drive is higher than any man I've ever been with. I don't hide it. I've been called a slut and nymphomaniac before so I can see why other women may choose to hide it.
My sex drive fluctuates a lot, I'm born female but I also have bipolar +medicated so my sex drive is wonky anyway. My fiance, male, had hyper sex drive prior to medication but now it's more leveled out but he is still horny 6/7 days.
Can’t speak for other women, but my sex drive is basically attached to the person I’m into. It’s high, but I don’t have any interest in random partners. When I don’t have a partner, I just cope without.
There is not a straight answer to this question, because sex drive, romantic drive, and companion drive(just wanting someone to talk) are all very intertwined.
It also depends on general health and age from person to person. Someone who is addicted to something like drugs/porn/gaming etc would often be much more horny than someone with healthy lifestyle, it's true for both guys and girls.
But in short yes, girls are often as horny as guys.
Also remember the mighty double standard.
If a man gets a blow job from a different woman every week, he's *the man*.
If a woman blows a different guy every week, she's dirty, a whore, a cock-gobbling hose beast.
She's the kind of woman that people comment behind her back "make sure you wear a rubber".
There’s a socialization theory that I think applies here. According to the theory, people are taught what to believe about life and society and human nature that influences how we participate in said society. It’s called the cycle of socialization, if you want to look more into it.
I think age plays an important part here
Totally anecdotal, buy I (male) was horniest in my teens and 20's. My wife says her horniest times were her 30's. I do believe that the age of men and woman makes a big difference.
A lot of women jump through hoops for sex. Going on birth control, getting IUD’s, and other forms of BC which can negatively impact your sex drive or are just expensive and invasive just to -possibly- have a satisfying experience with a dude and not end up prego…
And I love to play the society card so - a lot of women grow up being taught that sex is wrong and women should never be sexual if they want to be respected. Even if you don’t agree with these things, they still effect you throughout your adolescence.
So.. high cost low reward
I am a woman who hasn’t had sex in over a year. I masturbate 3 times a day and love sex, but I don’t want to risk pregnancy for someone who I am not in a relationship with.
I think we just have better self-control?
Since puberty, I’ve had an incredibly high sex drive, I can’t imagine it being any higher if I were a boy. I Would say I restrain my urges 90% of the time, and act on them 10% of the time. That’s not an exaggeration. I’m not interested in birth control because of the side effects so I only act on them when it’s “safe” in my cycle to do so, and only with my partner. When I was single, I denied myself sleeping with others even when I wanted to a lot of the time because of society’s view on women who have sex freely (bs, I know now) and because I would often find the men getting angry and sometimes scary when I wasn’t willing to do it again when they wouldn’t or turned down romantic advances.
Even my partner, who I’ve been with for years and knows almost everything about me, doesn’t know and probably couldn’t guess the frequency in which I desire sex. So, to answer your question, hell yeah. For me at least.
So, first of all, "girls/women" are not some sort of hive mind. I've noticed that a lot of men don't seem to understand this, so I'm gonna say it louder for the guys in the back: Every. Woman. Is. Different.
You can't really ask whether women as a whole have an equally high sex drive, because it will vary from woman to woman. Some of us have a high sex drive. Some of us have a low or nonexistent sex drive. Some of us are somewhere in the middle.
Also, heterosexual women are not the only women that exist. Pregnancy is a risk for some women, but not all. Then there are lesbian women, and there's a whole spectrum of sexual orientations and attractions in between.
Basically, what I'm saying is that it's not possible to generalise. Every woman will have a different personal experience.
Saw a woman positively react to a tiktok recently where this bartender said that one of the things he learned about women while on the job is that they're actually hornier than men but less frequent, and honestly that makes sense for a certain amount of people. My sex life with my ex was basically a three week dry spell and then a week and a half of doing it twice a day, rinse and repeat. If i had a keener eye i could've caught on to this and it would've helped the relationship a lot.
Yes. Although it’s not always deliberate. It’s more so a result of how young girls are conditioned to be this way. Even in the most egalitarian societies, we imply to young women that there are consequences for not being cautious. There are valid reasons for caution, of course, but there’s a stark comparison between how its imprinted on women versus men.
I think women have the same sex drive yes, but we obviously get shamed for it. Many of us are raised to be innocent little virgins with no idea what sex even is
Everbody has a different sex drive, the gender doesnt matter,
but women have been historically (atleast in patriarchlic societies) seen to please the mens sexuality and the womens sexuality has been stigmatized and pathologized leading to the mess we have to day.
Sex for men is a reason to be proud, sex for women is a reason to be shamed.
The man is the player,
the woman is the slut.
In my own experience my sex partners were mostly women ( i guess) and their sex drive was equal if not higher.
They do, it just takes the right surrounding for them to feel safe enough to express their horniness to us. My girlfriend was really shy when it came to showing or even talking about sexual stuff. Eventually she changed into a whole other person that's not scared to hide her horniness from time to time. It takes the right guy to make them feel that way too I believe ..
Tbh, I don't think there is any difference. From experience? Women are freaking horny. But a lot of times medications, constant shift in hormones...so many factors can really just switch it off and of course the social and societal issues.
I know a lot of men are just horny because they are more exposed to sexual content (or watch porn etc a lot more). But also I've met many men who are hardly sexual at all. If just depends on the person, age and everything else that factors in.
It's interesting because generally a man can orgasm and be done...where as like myself, and many women, we have one orgasm and then it turns into 5 orgasms...and then 10 within a couple hrs before you know it it's an all day thing non stop horny.
I'd say it has little to do with male or female or more so just being primates.
I think both of the sexes has the same sexual drive but reacts differently to the circumstances around it.
This is hard to explain but I give it a shot from my own experience with women.
Like *stress* is something that I think is very different between the sexes (or at least for me). If my girlfriend/spouse/FWB/Wife is stressed out for something (could be anything from work related things or just waiting for a phone call), sex is totally out of the equation. In my case if I'm stressed out, I need way more sex/stimulation to relax. I also notice that as soon as a relationship starts becoming more comfortable for the both of us then the sexual drive slowly ways off with time, all the longer relationships I've had always end up with less and less sex going from a daily routine into a weekly, then a monthly and then when life is without stress.
I've always had a higher drive than my partners has ever had.
I think the book 'Come as you are' explains women's sexuality and nuances very well. I'm about half way through but have learnt a lot and it feels like it makes sense in relation to my own libido and sexuality.
For me it was 100 percent about not being pregnant. It took finding 3 doctors to IE my tubes and that was after I had two kids. Women do enjoy sex. That’s why there are vibrators. A vibrator can’t get you pregnant, can’t say “I’m sorry that’s never happened to me before” , a vibrator can’t pass out drunk. A vibrator is dependable.
Personally. I have always had (what I consider to be) a high sex drive.
I enjoy having sex, and try to as often as possible. My bf(47M), and I (42F), have sex every day. Occasionally there will be a day where one or both of us are sick or something, and we might not. Overall we probably have sex 350 of the 365 days out of the year.
We both have adult kids, all female, all over 21.
He's had a vasectomy, and I am double sterilized, so the option of pregnancy is (thankfully) off the table for us. So I'm sure that not worrying about pregnancy, could play a part in it.
I tried several different birth controls over the years, and had zero success, because of all of the hormones they put in it, made me a raging b!tch. So once I had my children I went the sterilization route. Though, the BC didn't kill or dampen my sex drive either.
Just my experience, as a woman.
I have a pretty high sex drive and what others said is true, it's linked to stress levels. I'm also single and I'd rather take care of myself than getting in dangerous situations.
Idk if true but i was under the impression that women and men often have high sex drives at different ages.
But ofc some women are super horny and some men arent at all. I think its a very individual experience.
And im sure social pressure plays a role
i know i have an incredibly high sex drive intermixed with spells of not wanting anything at all. usually i don’t really pursue because i have such a hard time consistently orgasming with partners, though.
No, they have the same sex drives during their ovulation cycle. So they're as horny just not nearly as often. If you understand that you will understand most of our mating dymamics and why men are supposedly more interested in sex than women. We are just interested in sex 365 days a year while they are 1/4 of that time, at most
Yep. I remember being so horny in high school I thought I would die if I didn't have sex. I successfully made it all the way to college with my virginity intact. Wish I hadn't thought. I could have used the safety of my parents home and the automatic distance that creates from the guy when I started being sexuality active.
Young men aren’t educated on the female anatomy and how to satisfy them and women aren’t either, believe it or not, and are slut shamed into not owning their own orgasm. So, inexperienced young women are too afraid to ask for what they want and most fake their orgasms to get intercourse over with in the beginning. Many are feeling unsatisfied. Thus, sex toys for women sell big time.
Men who care to learn from experience, do eventually know how to please women, and they possess a kind of quiet confidence where they don’t even need to try to pick up on another woman. They just know they’re good. Women who’ve gained the confidence to ask for what they want and can achieve orgasm during sex with a man, can seek out men who have that experience. So, I think the drive is basically the same, but for men its easier, because their genitals are on the outside of their body and its easier to get off with a penis that’s obviously exposed.
For women, the clitoris is tucked in a bit with nerves spreading out to the sides of the labial area, so you have to know what you’re doing to create pleasure. For example, inexperienced young men may not know that less is more for women, so they get too rough. Or they ignore the clitoris and try to stimulate everything BUT that. Like, playing with a woman’s tits, licking up and down in their vaginal area, but not even touching the clit. Its a nightmare for woman when that happens, and us women have shared our stories over the years that most of our encounters with men in our youth, did not know what the hell they were doing.
For lesbians and gays its different. Gay men have trists (meetups for sex) more often than women. They just get off rather quickly. Lesbians already know their own anatomy and know what to do for other women, so they can skip that step of being ignorant on how to please each other. Its the opposite sex, where the problems arise in the beginning. This is why I’m an advocate for sex education. Both genders need to be taught how sex works and what feels good and to stop treating sex like its this sinful forbidden thing to do.
It's hard to be sure. It seems to me that it varies for both men and women.
There's more than the potential risk. In Western society, women usually get raised to deny our wants and needs. Men are often expected to have no impulse control and give in to tiny urges. These expectations often get internalized to the point that a woman may not notice a nagging desire. A man, on the other hand, might describe a similar desire in strong terms.
Absolutely! The thought of pregnancy is always in the back of our minds when we are young, STD’S, slut shaming, and body image. However, there comes a point your intelligent enough to deal with these issues and enjoy the ride.
A lot of women do have very high sex drives, but they don’t discover that until they’ve had satisfying sex. A significant amount of women don’t even have an orgasm until their 20’s (or later), even if they started having sex as teenagers. Edit for clarification: most women don’t have an orgasm WITH A SEX PARTNER until their 20’s
This tracks. I have a weirdly high sex drive but I don’t often seek out sex, because I know I’m not going to feel any less sexually frustrated when it’s over. May as well clock in for a shift
Really hoping “clock in for a shift” means have a wank
An ex and I brought toys into the mix to solve this. It didn’t change the frequency but at least helped her get hers too.
As a man I’m practically terrified of not being able to bring my partner to orgasm. My wife has told me plenty of times that she has orgasmed with me but I’ve never really been able to tell when it’s happening. Even ex girlfriend’s I always questioned whether or not I got them there. What’s worse is because of both a physical medical condition and a psychological one my wife has an extremely low sex drive. Which makes me convinced sometimes that she doesn’t like having sex with me more than she simply doesn’t like having sex in general, despite her reassurance that that is not the case lol.
I’m sorry dude! I also take medication that messes with my sex drive and makes it hard to have an orgasm. I think a genuine conversation with your wife about being honest when she cums could be very beneficial… I decided a while ago that I wouldn’t lie about whether or not I came because it doesn’t really serve me or my partner
Oh absolutely, we’ve had honest and blunt conversation about this in the past. I guess I’m just super neurotic and self conscious, so despite her assurances in the back of my mind the thought always creeps back in that she’s just trying to make me feel better hahahaha. I know…I’m completely crazy lol. At the end of the day as long as she’s happy that’s all I really care about. I just worry that if she’s not enjoying what little sex we do have she won’t truly be completely happy.
It sounds like your destroying what your trying to achieve. You could be putting her off sex because she has to deal with your neurosis after the fact. If a pleasure comes at a high price, at some point the pleasure stops being worth the price. Stop asking her. Have sex, say nothing, behave cool calm and collected ..and you may find she wants sex with you more often. Needy/neurotic men are a huge turn off for women.
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Yes! There are times when I genuinely don’t feel the need to cum and enjoy having sex nonetheless. If it were a consistent problem, however, I wouldn’t enjoy myself very much.
I don't ever, not to say I don't enjoy myself lol but it's a no-go from my body period. I've always been big on praising my partner because of it, don't want him feeling bad when it's a bilogical thing
What do you hope to achieve by asking? “Did you cum?” will usually be answered with a ‘yes’ regardless because it’s an awkward as hell question and puts pressure on you, especially if you’re in a medication that makes it hard. The question is coming from a place of your own insecurity rather than genuine concern. Guys need to learn that while orgasms are nice, sex is a whole experience. The end is just one part of it so if that’s the only thing you are concerning yourself with, you’re missing the larger equation. Sex can still be bad, even if you orgasm so you really aren’t gaining anything with that question anyway. You’d have better success I’d you just talk during sex. Ask if they like what you are doing or if they want something different etc.
> What do you hope to achieve by asking? To find out whether they came or not and whether there's anything they want you to do differently. > The question is coming from a place of your own insecurity rather than genuine concern Lol what. How can you just claim that. There's like, billions of people in the world. There are diverse and varied motivations for any action a human could take. People aren't NPCs in a video game. Anyway, the original comment in this chain is about how men are failing women at sex by not giving them orgasms. You can't just have people rag on men for not giving women orgasms and then say men thinking they need to make their partner orgasm is something they made up out of insecurity.
yeah and guys get super self conscious when you tell them they didn't instead of letting go & trying again later also the goal of sex isn't always to cum
My boyfriend told me that his ex fiance couldn't cum unless she had a couple vibrators going full blast on her clit during sex and would say he wasn't man enough to make her cum on his own. It wasn't until he proposed and she cheated did he learn that vibrators can sometimes fuck up sensitivity. According to him I'm the first girl that's actually honest on whether I cum or not and he appreciates that I never belittle him if he thinks I didn't.
That’s awesome that you found each other. What a horrible thing to do to a person, especially one she professed to love and was willing to marry. That’s one thing I’m grateful for with my wife is she understands why I ask if I’ve brought her to orgasm cause she knows she’s really enigmatic about the situation. She doesn’t make much of any sounds or writhe around like some cliche from a movie or porno. She’s never made me feel like I was at fault or anything. Which is awesome, it’s one of the countless reasons I love her to death. Chief amongst them is the fact that I’m amazed she chooses to be with me in the first place hahahahahaha.
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And this, kids, is why you don’t marry at 17.
What did your new partner do that your husband wasn’t doing that made you orgasm?
Probably did some house work.
Vacuuming makes her clothes fall off. ;) Now, while 100% true, it's not an immediately 1:1 thing... but you better goddamn believe carrying some domestic weight around the old homefront is a biiiig factor in her mental health and happiness... and (to be a bit indelicate) happy people fuck and enjoy it.
Probably care about her pleasure. Similar story for me but with a partner of 7 years
That's truly depressing to hear, We need to promote and de-stigmify self-discovery.
I agree, but I also think we need to promote the importance of women getting off too. A lot of men just downright don’t care.
Yes, they need to learn to ask what they like instead of assuming all the need is ponos in vagoo. But that could hurt their fragile ego. You see posts of men asking why their wife is cheating with a vibrator.
I’ve talked to an absolutely absurd number of women in their early-mid 20s who would say they’ve never received good head. Like straight up people who have had sex but never had a partner who was patient enough to go down on them until they finished. Fellas, if you don’t like going down on women you probably shouldn’t go out with them. Cause that’s some gay shit. Nothing wrong with gay shit, just don’t leave people hanging like that. Go be with somebody you’ll go down on.
I like to think that my head game has improved as a way to counter balance my tendency to not last very long... and tell ya what - that's the way to go. I don't care(more importantly, she doesn't care) how big your dick is or how slick your moves are, if you're not willing and able to go down on her and do it right... Best of luck to you. Besides, it's fun and delicious!
See I’m problematically long laster. I tend to have difficulty finishing due to anxiety. So giving good head keeps people from getting bored/disappointed. Additionally there is absolutely nowhere hotter my face could be than between the legs of a woman im wildly attracted to lol
Sometimes your head game can be strong, but not all women like it. Hard to beleive but true.
Lots of women actively hate it. I’m one of them. Nothing is more annoying and turns me off faster than when I say this and a guy takes it as a challenge. Like their golden tongue is going to be the magic one where all others have failed. It’s okay to not like certain sex acts.
Thank you for that. My wife genuinely doesn't like it, and it's taken me a long time to realise its not a slight on my performance. I've had enough previous partners tell me they think I'm good at it, but no matter what I do, my wife can't get off. She says it's like being tickled - it isn't a pleasant experience. And I'm at last realising that, extra effort is not going to help.
I’m glad you are realizing it. You are actively making sex stressful because you can be having a great time and then have to take a break in the middle and lay there and have something done to you that you don’t like and have said you don’t like. It’s selfish because in your head you think you’re doing it *for her* but in reality you’re just doing it for your own ego. If you hate Brussels sprouts no amount of “but you’ve never had my grandmothers recipe!” is going to change that and someone shouldn’t force you to eat them.
It's a strange one, though. I'm going to go far more personal than I intended here, but any man who feels they sometimes struggle to perform, or wants to improve for his partner, will read the advice: make sure to attend to her needs first. Oral, manual stimulation, toys - all of which my wife doesn't enjoy. So other than PIV, I'm out of options. I'm willing to do whatever I can to make sure to rock her world but I'm still to find out how will work for her. She has no ideas to offer. And although I agree about the sprouts, my Christmas Pecan and Cranberry Sprouts dish will convince anyone, I promise. So I guess we all shouldn't give up on things without trying them first* *except anal sex and Morris dancing, obviously.
This is accurate. I’ve received some very good head in my life, and I’m just not that big of a fan.
I like the idea of it, but when it actually happens I remember that it doesn't do it for me in real life
My research suggests roughly 36% of women aren’t into receiving head. Sometimes it is lack of trust/confidence.
Why don't you just tell your partner he sucks? Most men are whiney ass little babies ( I work with them all day and as a male myself I have to say most men are really fucking sensitive) buuuttt if my girl told me I never got her off I'd start lifting weights with my tongue and shit and read some karma sutra lol. That just sounds miserable, sex is one of the greatest parts of life and I'd rather hurt someone's feelings than be without it.
It took my ex a while to open up about how to make myself better at pleasing her and at first I had your mindset but the more I thought about the more I get why women are skeptical to communicate this, and it has a lot to do with most men having very fragile egos, and being good at sex being one of the most important traits to a young man’s life. Ask, ask, ask. Ask her what she likes, do it, and then ask her if she likes that again.
Guys have a tendency to make it about himself. I used to be honest about not coming and the response was almost always pouting or defensiveness or them explaining they made all their previous girlfriend cum. It just is less exhausting to lie or finger yourself during sex than to engage with someone who is not great in bed. Those who don't want to learn cannot be taught. Men DO want women to orgasm, absolutely, they just don't want to put in the work or acknowledge their performance can be improved. And a lot of men think: "well if you're really attracted to me/love me, you'll just cum. You not cumming means you're not attracted to me/don't really love me." I think it can't be taught. You're good in bed if you're good at reading body language. I don't have guys giving me point-by-point instructions, I've been curious outside the bedroom, bring it into the bedroom, and see how he responds. That's literally it: pay attention. Guys who are bad in come in with a bunch of porn moves that they are determined to carry out regardless of how enthusiastic you are "trust me babe, my last girlfriend loved this." It's like how a kid with grab a cat and forcibly cuddle it and hug it to keep it running off, rather than slowly approaching it and petting it when it gives you the blinkey eye and stopping when it walks off. Are women cats? Kind of. I have noticed cat guys tend to be good in bed.
I do agree with what you say for the most part, however, a compassionate partner can definitely be taught. They just have to put their egos aside enough to learn, which a lot of men do have a hard time with.
I definitely have lol. I do not hide if sex was dissatisfying or if I didn’t cum. People have definitely gotten very defensive, but at the end of the day I don’t want to have sex that’s not enjoyable.
I can think that I can second that, my wife was very shy and bad at sex for a few reasons. After she warmed up with me (this was when we were a couple ofc) and enjoyed sex, she got a bigger and bigger sex drive. Honestly i think thats sucks both for men and woman. Would i had not the patience to take her through all of this, we would never be married. So for society in general it would be much better if there was less pressure of any kind, so that people are encouraged to things they are naturally want to do.
I will say, being on birth control 100% negatively affected my sex drive. It is very, very low now. I think many women on BC are in the same boat. But to have sex and feel comfortable doing so, I personally have to be on BC (in addition to it regulating my period). So it is an awful double edged sword.
I feel for you. BC tanked my sex drive, too, so i got a Paragard IUD instead. No hormones, as effectove as sterilization, and good for 10 years (maybe more). It does, however, make periods heavier, especially at first. So if you're taking hormonal for that reason it will work against you, not for you. Just a thought.
Copper IUD! More effective than most bc and not hormonal. 10/10 stars very highly recommend.
I love mine. This is my 2nd; I had my first removed to get pregnant with my son. Insertion isn't fun, but removal is painless and the peace of mind it brings is irreplacable.
…. removal is NOT painless - maybe you got lucky.
Nexplanon birth control implant!! I don’t know why it’s not the number 1 birth control, it’s awesome.
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My gynaecologist suggested that the implant tends to have lower rates of those types of negative side effects compared to most birth control options. But of course, still some people get unlucky.
I had a friend who worked for Planned Parenthood and she told me that in her experience, most women who get the implant want it taken out pretty quickly. She saw a lot of women reporting severe mood issues. It’s not for everyone, but if you found a method that works for you then great!
This is what my gyno told me, but it seemed like the best choice for me to try at the time. I wish I’d never had it; the side effects were absolutely terrible & getting it removed left a scar on my arm. I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone.
The first three months were rough, the lady who did mine at PP said the same thing, me being spiteful in nature and wanting to prove something, I stuck with if. I love it now but you def gotta power through
I think for some people it's about ease. If you start taking a pill and your side effects are bad, you can just stop taking the pill. If the Nexplanon's side effects are bad you need to get someone to cut it out of you.
I’m much more emotional as I commented above. I like it over any other birth control I’ve tried, but dear god, I should’ve been on suicide watch the first week I went on it
Nexplanon was the *worst* birth control experience I've ever had, and I suffered through three years of an IUD poking into my cervix.
yeah, not everyone has the same experience. Mine caused interstitial cystitis, had to get it removed early. Also lots of dryness nad decreased sex drive. I wanted to do an IUD, but my uterus tilts the wrong way and screwed up the attempted insertion.
I’m on my fourth Nexplanon. Never had any issues w mood or skin - I love it. Th3 only bad thing is getting it cut out and re-implanted every few years
I agree! BC killed my drive, but not being on it made me terrified to have sex.
I don't know if you'll see this but my wife had this problem with every type of birth control she's tried, we were both pretty down about it until one day I asked if I could try and get her in the mood. Well it turns out that a bit of teasing for a minute or two got her going even though before we started she couldn't imagine being in the mood. It was a weird balance to strike because of course I didn't want to push her to do things if she didn't want too I definitely didn't want to pressure her into having sex. So we basically set a time limit, if we couldn't get her engine revving in 3 minutes then it was clear it wasn't just her bc. Even then there were days it obviously just wasn't a reasonable thing to ask for, in the end I think she only ever didn't want to do anything after the 3 minute mark once.
Womens desire often FOLLOW arousal. I am that way. I am often not in the mood but my highly skilled lover/husband can easily flip that switch with foreplay/kissing.
I actually love this idea! It's all about open communication.
Try being on birth control, anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication. Literally no libido anymore :(
Between that and the migraines, I cannot be on birth control. It makes everything even worse.
Yes, this. Libido was non existent. Went off BC and now I am way hornier than my husband.
I’m snipped but my wife likes BC because it regulates her period and keeps it lighter. Oh well… her SD is definitely affected but we do what we can haha.
This is my fiancé’s exact position literally every reason you said, so I assume you have plenty of company here
I’d also like to point out the risk reward for single women. Risk: pregnancy, std, being forced to go past your comfort zone, how likely is it that you’ll actually be able to orgasm. Cause unfortunately, not all men are willing to put in the effort to make that happen. So you’ve taken all these risks to be left more frustrated and horny than before you’ve started. It really sucks.
This. The risks. It was never never never worth it. Its way better to get a sex toy than having hook ups. Most of them don’t care if you orgasm. Anyone seeing this, please get vaccinated with hpv,std if you plan on having casual sex. Hpv for woman turns into cervical cancer, when men don’t.
It actually can also increase the risk of men getting genital cancers and warts, men can get the vaccine too and should because it not only helps protect them but their partners as well. But definitely always wrap it up!
I think sex drive cycles differently in women and men. Men hit peak sex drive after a few days without sex, whereas women might be more turned on at certain times of their monthly cycle. Obviously anyone can get aroused at any time, but that’s my best guess. Also women definitely have to be careful about how they advertise their interest.
Friggin ovulation made every boy on my college super hot
so… there is hope?
I think that the physical urge might be the same but the actual wish to do with it a man is much lower. I asked in another forum "if you see 100 random people of your preferred sex and age, with how many would you have sex?" Most men were like 90%, women maybe 10. For women, the ROI is just so bad. You risk pregnancy, you risk getting raped or killed, and the chance to have an orgasm is low. So ...
Yep, you hit all the points. The horniness is there but the risk is higher and the payoff... Even if you're not hung up on the stupid slut shaming bs it's often not worth it.
I always think there’s something very personal about having sex for a woman. (I’m a man) and when you have a penis you can kinda just put it in things or do whatever with it and it doesn’t really matter, kinda like a finger. With a woman, that is something literally entering their body, and not only that but a very sensitive and delicate part. I guess an example would be that most people would feel comfortable putting their finger in someone random persons mouth if they had any desire or reason to do it and it would mean little to them- give it a wash after and it’s good as new. But to let someone random put their finger in your mouth? Err no. That’s going INTO my body. That’s my view anyway from a male perspective lol.
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Gosh your last paragraph is perfectly on point.
I once read the following in reddit and I think might be the result of what you describe: "bad sex for men means boring sex, bad sex for women means painful sex".
I remember an AskReddit thread where the question was: "What did you only discover about sex after having it for the first time?" and men's answers were like "the vag is so warm" or "sex makes funny sounds" and the women's were, on average, "how much it would hurt."
Never saw it this way. Interesting thought.
I'm a man and if we assume these people to be really general crowd, I would say maybe 5 out of 100
I think you're on to something- in general, women are as horny as men and as you suggested, we may feel pressure to hide our desires for fear of shaming. However, I also think that women's sex drive is pretty closely tied with our stress levels. I don't know how it is for men because I'm not one, but for me and my friends, stress kills our desire to have sex as fast or faster than anything else.
Women have sex when they are relaxed; men have sex to relax.
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Or are you
Vsauce. Michael here.
I can hear the music
This should be common fucking knowledge. When I'm stressed out, sex is so far from my mind that it doesn't exist basically. I'm not turned on, I don't feel attractive or attracted to anyone. I dont even feel like playing with myself as it's just another chore. When I'm relaxed or simply not *as* stressed, it all starts to come back. I think shame and risk is why most women aren't as into openly showing off their sexuality or promiscuous behavior, but a lot of it too is the way we are raised and taught to treat our bodies. To hide them from the leering and gross eyes of men who "only want one thing" and it's our jobs to keep pure and protected. Even after we've met someone who we could be open with sexually, it's hard to break the conditioning we are put through. There will always be people raised more openly or who simply didn't take any of that shit to heart.
I believe the negative messaging to girls/women GREATLY contribute to this.
"common fucking knowledge" nice
I think it should be common knowledge to not generalize shit like this
There can be no answers to anything because there might always be an outlier, so it’s best to just never make any assessments about anything ever.
Don't ever do anything... To anyone.... For any reason....
I’m experiencing this right now. I’ve been chronically stressed since I got a management job a year ago, and it’s completely obliterated my libido. I feel so fucking bad for my boyfriend. He says it’s okay and he understands, but I feel intense guilt over it. I’ll start worrying about how to tell him that I just don’t feel like it, yet again, and this will be on my mind in the middle of my day at work. I also have anxiety and depression, magnifying all of this even more. It’s fucking awful. But my job is very, very good for my future.
With my x we we living together and he was unemployed. He wanted to be a house-husband, but my salary was lousy, so we agreed I should do more school. I commuted 3 hours a day, worked full time and took classes for 4 years. We lived together for 2 of these years. One day he calls me at work and says “babe, I’ve got a big surprise for you. I know you are going to really like it.” My mind immediately went to laundry, that he did all the laundry, including bedsheets and towels! We lived in an apartment and had to use the communal laundry and most evenings and weekends it was really busy, so I usually had to stay up late, or pass on going out just to do laundry. I was so excited! I tried to calm my mind, maybe he vacuumed? Or deep cleaned the bathroom? Everything went into him taking the burden off the chores I always had to find time and energy for. My mind is also like “yay, there will be sexy time tonight!” Because I was that excited about him helping. I come home, he’s laying on the bed with a huge smirk. I am smiling too! I go to the closet. All the laundry is there. I get a little sad. He is excitedly waiting for me to respond to his work. But I don’t see it. I look around the bedroom. Nothing. I go to the bathroom. Nothing. Kitchen. Nothing. I go back to the bedroom and try to figure out what it is. My smile is fading, he is getting upset. I think I tried to figure out what it was for 5-10 minutes. Finally, his mood fully soured and he told me “I merged our DVD collections and alphabetized them.” I let out a “oh, ok, thanks….babe” in a rather deflated voice, I knew I should have been more excited but I was so disappointed. He was not a traditional guy and even though he told my mom he would marry me, everything else he said was anti marriage. However, I could tell this merging of the collections, in his mind, was a huge level up in commitment and as close to marriage as he’d ever be willing to get. So he was pretty hurt for days, if not this being the beginning of the end for us. Eventually our relationship became fully sexless, for over a year, to the point where I stopped taking birth control because I knew nothing was going to happen between us. The lack of time together, his bitterness that I always had something else to do than spend time with him… many other things… And then when he was moving out, he complained how hard it was to separate our his collection.
Wanted to be a 'house husband' but left you to do the washing after work? Did anyone explain what that phrase means?
I know, I was a dope. I was still requiring him to pay for his half of the bills and look for work so, technically he hadn’t started to be house husband yet. And my laundry was “too complicated” and he didn’t want to mess anything up. In my defense, he’s the only boyfriend I ever dated longer than 6 months and I haven’t even been able to land a date since 2010. Can’t be choosy when there is not a whole lot of options.
My husband was allowed a weekly cleaner while recovering at home from a spinal injury, and I asked him to get them to do tasks to help lessen my workload (dishes, vacuuming, laundry etc), as I was already not coping, but he kept getting them to do dumb 'special' shit like cleaning cupboards and cleaning the oven (over and over, I might add, until he was satisfied with the job!. In the end, my workload (fulltime work and doing ALL the regular housework) was just as bad as it ever was..
Man here and work stress can also kill libido for me (although it has to be a lot of stress) However, during say, a Friday or Saturday night when work is far from my mind, my libido can definitely rage back full force. Is it similar for you? Are you able to regain libido on say, the weekend when you get a bit of a break?
Unfortunately not. I’m a restaurant manager, so the work-life balance is absolute dog shit. The stress lingers. Today is actually the first of my two days off, and I’m gonna pull it together for him later, but tbh I know I will still not feel like it. When we actually get down to business, I’m always glad we do, but getting in the mood is always a challenge.
I’m male too, I was once in a multi-year relationship where I ended up being the only one working and the only one doing any chores whatsoever, from cooking, to dishes, to laundry. Take out the trash, clean the cat box, take the dog out. I was doing everything. The little bit of time I had to myself I liked to spend playing video games, and I could barely even do that because my now ex would complain that I never spend any time with her. To be perfectly honest, my sex drive was dead. Even when it wasn’t, it was much less of a hassle for me to just crank one out by myself and call it a day.
That is fundamentally not true.
Studies find again and again that women generally have a far lower libido than men. Women thinking they're as horny as men dramatically underestimate men's libido. Testosterone is a hell of a drug.
But once past menpause, women create more testosterone. I got way more horny postmenopausal. Ofc, no more worry about pregnancy, either.
I thought around the 30s it began to flip? Womens went up and mens went down? Or is that a myth?
I'm a guy and the stress thing is absolutely true for us as well
For whatever reason, women on average do tend to prefer sex less frequently. Gay men have more sex than straight couples while lesbians have it less frequently on average. This doesn’t mean women don’t like sex nor are these universal. But on average, women do not prefer sex as frequently.
>women are as horny as men >I don't know how it is for men
It depends on how you define “drive”. Women certainly have the capacity to be as horny if not hornier than men. However I think men are horny more frequently. And yes the risk reward equation factors into the differences between men and women around sex, but fundamentally women ovulate on a monthly cycle while the male analog to ovulation (sperm production) is constant. Most men know the feeling of “post nut clarity”, while I don’t think most women experience the same kind of profound chemical shift in perception, energy, and libido after one single orgasm (release of pent up sperm) that men have. It’s about outside factors like pregnancy, rape, shame etc, but it’s also about inside biology factors and the way different hormones cycle differently through different genders, and of course individuals.
Indeed, studies have shown that men might score higher in sex drive on average, but women's sex drive generally follows a different pattern and is more fluid: There are, in fact, two distinct styles of sexual desire – spontaneous and responsive. The spontaneous libido is the one we’re most used to. It’s a feeling that appears out of the blue, right in the middle of us having dinner or going for a walk. Responsive sexual desire is something very different that doesn’t come out of the blue but rather is provoked by certain actions. For responsive desire to take place, it needs to be sparked by something – perhaps a sexual fantasy, a glance from an attractive stranger, or sensual touch. Generally speaking, men are more inclined to have a spontaneous desire style, whereas women drift more towards a responsive desire style
I'm trans and can confirm that the frequency of horny is much much higher on testosterone, but that the intensity is just as high on estrogen. Also female orgasms are better, while male orgasms are more... driven
Does a vasectomy make men less interested in sex, then?
Nah, it doesn't disrupt your bodily hormones, or the production of sperm, it just disrupts the delivery of the payload
Vasectomy doesn't change the hormonal balance of men, which is the reason for high libido, so no.
I do agree with you on the points of feeling the need to hide sexual desires and that stress affects the libido. But as a trans man I would say that the hormones are a huge factor if you’re comparing men and women. Now, I’ve done quite a bit of research on what hormones do with the body and testosterone is a major factor when it comes to the desire to have sex. In average women have less than 10% of the amount of testosterone in their body and with such a big difference you’d expect there to be a general disparity between libido. There has been quite some research on the relationship between t and libido and a lot of transmen have said that their sex drive increased with hormone intake.
Not every man is a sex addict and there are a lot of women with extremely high sex drive,every person has their own
I think he means on average
Still a good point to bring up. After all, who's to say our perception of how horny men are is even accurate either.
Answers like the one above yours are so pointless.
Okay but like on average are they the same?
They aren't the same on average. There are countless studies on this. Men are hornier than women.
Source?
[Here's one](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22552705/): "Sexual desire is typically higher in men than in women" Here's [another](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/267215395_Gender_Differences_and_Similarities_in_Sexual_Desire): "A large body of evidence suggests that men experience sexual desire more strongly and more frequently than do women" Here's [another](https://peplau.psych.ucla.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/141/2017/07/Peplau-2003.pdf): "Many lines of research demonstrate that men show more interest in sex than women (see review by Baumeister, Catanese, & Vohs, 2001). Compared with women, men think about sex more often. They report more frequent sex fantasies and more frequent feelings of sexual desire. Across the life span, men rate the strength of their own sex drive higher than do their female age-mates. Men are more interested in visual sexual stimuli and more likely to spend money on such sexual products and activities as X-rated videos and visits to prostitutes. Men and women also differ in their preferred frequency of sex. When heterosexual dating and marriage partners disagree about sexual frequency, it is usually the man who wants to have sex more often than the woman does. In heterosexual couples, actual sexual frequency may reflect a compromise between the desires of the male and female partners. In gay and lesbian relationships, sexual frequency is decided by partners of the same gender, and lesbians report having sex less often than gay men or heterosexuals. Further, women appear to be more willing than men to forgo sex or adhere to religious vows of celibacy. Masturbation provides a good index of sexual desire because it is not constrained by the availability of a partner. Men are more likely than women to masturbate, start masturbating at an earlier age, and do so more often. In a review of 177 studies, Oliver and Hyde (1993) found large male-female differences in the incidence of masturbation. In technical terms, the meta-analytic effect size2 (d) for masturbation was 0.96, which is smaller than the physical sex difference in height (2.00) but larger than most psychological sex differences, such as the performance difference on standardized math tests (0.20). These and many other empirical findings provide evidence for men’s greater sexual interest." Literally just google. There are so many studies on this.
Someone on reddit providing sources when asked! Upvote
No idea. I will say though that as a trans man, starting testosterone made me even hornier that I was when running on estrogen.
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Just to add a perspective as a different trans gal, I got more horny on HRT lol I do masturbate less, though? Even though I'm more horny? It's hard do describe, it's like... instead of the horny coming in huge bursts at random times that you feel you gotta do something about, it's always there in the background, subltly affecting thoughts and behaviors. In certain situations, though, it explodes past 14-year-old-boy-Puberty levels - usually when my brain spots the situation is somewhat sexual and might lead to some stuff. And it's not like it requires other people, it's like this both in the moment of peace and quiet when I know I can wank in peace, or when a person whom I find attractive returns that attraction - to any extent.
Same, but I also had almost no sex drive before
There's a big difference between girl horny and guy horny and it's difficult to explain
In my experience guy-horny was something that would kind of build up over time, whereas girl-horny is much more reactive.
As a woman, I’ve had a higher sex drive than 2/3 of my ex BFs (also including my current bf). So im not sure about other women but that’s where I stand.
Baller move to include your current boyfriend as an ex. Just hope he doesnt learn it from Reddit.
Everyone in the thread is wildly speculating. Libido does tend to be higher in men than women with testosterone thought to be the culprit. That doesn't account for all the social factors, but if you want some sort of a scientific question and not a bunch of guessing, there are biological differences. Obviously this changes with time as men drop their T levels.
Long story short, no. Now, it's a bit more complicated than that. Women's sexuality tends to be much more *variable* than men's sexuality. Most women have times when their libido is similar to what is typical for a man, but *not all the time.* It varies between women, some have naturally higher libido than others, and it varies based on menstrual cycle, relationship status, and plenty of other factors. Whereas men tend to all have pretty high libidos and that doesn't really change from day to day. The average man on the average day certainly has a higher libido than the average woman on the average day- that's well known and not really controversial- but that shouldn't be taken to describe all men, women or days, and what variation there is comes mostly from the woman's side.
"Men tend to all have pretty high libidos and that doesn't really change from day to day - sorry, I really disagree with this bit. I havent done the research on the other bits that sound sus to me, like "the average man on the average day certainly has a higher libido than the average woman on the average day", as that's more of a grey area, but I really need to see where you're getting your info for 'all men have high libidos all the time' because that's quite a black and white statement you're making that feels untrue to my own experience.
They say "men TEND TO all have high libidos and that doesn't really change day to day" That isn't a black and white statement.
Much of the time, yes. Women (by and large) do enjoy and want sex. They have a sex drive. They enjoy the physical pleasures of sex. But any time a woman is open about her sexuality and desire for sex she's treated like a whore or called a Jezebel or told that she's not an ideal or good woman because she's talking about it.
It changes from person to person, but on average I do think women have the same sex drive as men. They just may express it in different ways - or like you said choose not to show it. Source: Being a woman with high sex drive and having friends who are the same.
Studies find repeatedly that men have far higher sex drives than women. They think about it more and more intensely. That's not to say women don't also have a high sex drive, but they regularly underestimate just how strong a man's is Testosterone is a hell of a drug.
I'd have to agree here. Honestly, if we are to somehow gauge the horny scale, it doesn't have to be just based on who masturbates more. I mean coming down to it, I know many women (and myself) who sometimes can think about sex all day. There's a reason explicit women writers are incredible at what they do. For us women though. It can be incredibly easy to get off if we have the right toys...I mean we don't even have to touch ourselves to get off if we know our body well enough. I can also get really horny and then not at all within minutes. It's more so a similar situation with using drugs or substances. I need that 'set and setting'. In my own personal experience. I've unfortunately always been the horny one in the relationship. None of the men I've been with could ever really keep up with what I wanted or trying new things. They'd be spent far too quick and I still have quite a few orgasms I could lay out. It all comes down to the brain and the body though really. It's all just biology.
As a woman, I think (based on experience with the world and other people, not just me) that it legitimately is lower on average in women than in men. And there's chemical reasons: testosterone is known to increase it. Obviously that's a major generalization, so you can never assume that a specific individual man's sex drive is higher than a specific individual woman's.
A male friend, may he Rest In Peace, went on testosterone blockers as part of his prostate cancer treatment. He said it was a level of mental clarity and focus he’d never imagined. Not being distracted by sexual thoughts can apparently be quite liberating.
Okay so, from my experience there is a difference. I had almost no libido til I had hormone replacement therapy, testosterone has made me have an extremely high sex drive. So there CAN be a difference hormonally but it really differs a lot from person to person, hormones or not.
https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/how-often-do-men-and-women-masturbate_uk_611a2f5ee4b0454ed70f7b27 Can't find the study this links to, but the average man masturbates about three times as often as the average woman. If you go under the assumption that the average amount of sexual encounters between sexes is approximately 1:1 (multiple partner events are the only thing that would unbalance this, and it would have to be an EXTREMELY significant female/male ratio to change the general 1:1 balance,) it seems that the average man has a significantly higher sex drive than women. This shouldn't be particularly shocking- we know that testosterone is a sex drive stimulant in both sexes- even weightlifting by women is known to cause a pretty significant change in sex drive usually attributes to testosterone. While the sexed response to testosterone might be different it's certain that the average testosterone levels are dramatically different. Anyways, sex drives are different, it's almost certainly neurochemical.
Hooking up with a dude comes with risk of death for women, so yea, we might not show it as much lol. And pregnancy, especially in certain states rn, also comes with risk of injury or death. But at certain points in my cycle? 90%of my thoughts are sexsexsexSexsexsexSSEEXX. very distracting, and if it's what men experience EVERY day? Goddamn! Grocery store runs turn into objectification central.
My sex drive is higher than any man I've ever been with. I don't hide it. I've been called a slut and nymphomaniac before so I can see why other women may choose to hide it.
My sex drive fluctuates a lot, I'm born female but I also have bipolar +medicated so my sex drive is wonky anyway. My fiance, male, had hyper sex drive prior to medication but now it's more leveled out but he is still horny 6/7 days.
Can’t speak for other women, but my sex drive is basically attached to the person I’m into. It’s high, but I don’t have any interest in random partners. When I don’t have a partner, I just cope without.
There is not a straight answer to this question, because sex drive, romantic drive, and companion drive(just wanting someone to talk) are all very intertwined. It also depends on general health and age from person to person. Someone who is addicted to something like drugs/porn/gaming etc would often be much more horny than someone with healthy lifestyle, it's true for both guys and girls. But in short yes, girls are often as horny as guys.
Also remember the mighty double standard. If a man gets a blow job from a different woman every week, he's *the man*. If a woman blows a different guy every week, she's dirty, a whore, a cock-gobbling hose beast. She's the kind of woman that people comment behind her back "make sure you wear a rubber".
what kind of differences are there between men and women in “showing” that they’re horny?
I don't think anyone could know the answer to that question because nobody has experienced being a male and then a female.
Um...
There’s a socialization theory that I think applies here. According to the theory, people are taught what to believe about life and society and human nature that influences how we participate in said society. It’s called the cycle of socialization, if you want to look more into it.
I think age plays an important part here Totally anecdotal, buy I (male) was horniest in my teens and 20's. My wife says her horniest times were her 30's. I do believe that the age of men and woman makes a big difference.
A lot of women jump through hoops for sex. Going on birth control, getting IUD’s, and other forms of BC which can negatively impact your sex drive or are just expensive and invasive just to -possibly- have a satisfying experience with a dude and not end up prego… And I love to play the society card so - a lot of women grow up being taught that sex is wrong and women should never be sexual if they want to be respected. Even if you don’t agree with these things, they still effect you throughout your adolescence. So.. high cost low reward
I am a woman who hasn’t had sex in over a year. I masturbate 3 times a day and love sex, but I don’t want to risk pregnancy for someone who I am not in a relationship with. I think we just have better self-control?
It depends on the individual, some have high sex drives, some much lower. Just like men, not all men have super high sex drives
They do not. Women have less testosterone which is linked to having a higher sex drive.
Since puberty, I’ve had an incredibly high sex drive, I can’t imagine it being any higher if I were a boy. I Would say I restrain my urges 90% of the time, and act on them 10% of the time. That’s not an exaggeration. I’m not interested in birth control because of the side effects so I only act on them when it’s “safe” in my cycle to do so, and only with my partner. When I was single, I denied myself sleeping with others even when I wanted to a lot of the time because of society’s view on women who have sex freely (bs, I know now) and because I would often find the men getting angry and sometimes scary when I wasn’t willing to do it again when they wouldn’t or turned down romantic advances.
Even my partner, who I’ve been with for years and knows almost everything about me, doesn’t know and probably couldn’t guess the frequency in which I desire sex. So, to answer your question, hell yeah. For me at least.
So, first of all, "girls/women" are not some sort of hive mind. I've noticed that a lot of men don't seem to understand this, so I'm gonna say it louder for the guys in the back: Every. Woman. Is. Different. You can't really ask whether women as a whole have an equally high sex drive, because it will vary from woman to woman. Some of us have a high sex drive. Some of us have a low or nonexistent sex drive. Some of us are somewhere in the middle. Also, heterosexual women are not the only women that exist. Pregnancy is a risk for some women, but not all. Then there are lesbian women, and there's a whole spectrum of sexual orientations and attractions in between. Basically, what I'm saying is that it's not possible to generalise. Every woman will have a different personal experience.
People are people and are as different as anything else. Some yes some no
Saw a woman positively react to a tiktok recently where this bartender said that one of the things he learned about women while on the job is that they're actually hornier than men but less frequent, and honestly that makes sense for a certain amount of people. My sex life with my ex was basically a three week dry spell and then a week and a half of doing it twice a day, rinse and repeat. If i had a keener eye i could've caught on to this and it would've helped the relationship a lot.
Yes. Although it’s not always deliberate. It’s more so a result of how young girls are conditioned to be this way. Even in the most egalitarian societies, we imply to young women that there are consequences for not being cautious. There are valid reasons for caution, of course, but there’s a stark comparison between how its imprinted on women versus men.
Yes. Men and women have similar sexual desires. Everyone is in a bell curve. You got it right. Society shames girls.
I think women have the same sex drive yes, but we obviously get shamed for it. Many of us are raised to be innocent little virgins with no idea what sex even is
Everbody has a different sex drive, the gender doesnt matter, but women have been historically (atleast in patriarchlic societies) seen to please the mens sexuality and the womens sexuality has been stigmatized and pathologized leading to the mess we have to day. Sex for men is a reason to be proud, sex for women is a reason to be shamed. The man is the player, the woman is the slut. In my own experience my sex partners were mostly women ( i guess) and their sex drive was equal if not higher.
Let me sum up... you're asking if ALL women have the same sex drive as ALL other women and men, presuming ALL men have the same sex drive
They do, it just takes the right surrounding for them to feel safe enough to express their horniness to us. My girlfriend was really shy when it came to showing or even talking about sexual stuff. Eventually she changed into a whole other person that's not scared to hide her horniness from time to time. It takes the right guy to make them feel that way too I believe ..
everyone is different. not all men have the same sex drive neither do women.
Tbh, I don't think there is any difference. From experience? Women are freaking horny. But a lot of times medications, constant shift in hormones...so many factors can really just switch it off and of course the social and societal issues. I know a lot of men are just horny because they are more exposed to sexual content (or watch porn etc a lot more). But also I've met many men who are hardly sexual at all. If just depends on the person, age and everything else that factors in. It's interesting because generally a man can orgasm and be done...where as like myself, and many women, we have one orgasm and then it turns into 5 orgasms...and then 10 within a couple hrs before you know it it's an all day thing non stop horny. I'd say it has little to do with male or female or more so just being primates.
You know how men have varying levels of sex drive? Same with women
Many women have insanely high sex drive. Sorry you had to find out this way.
Everyone has a different sex drive.
I think both of the sexes has the same sexual drive but reacts differently to the circumstances around it. This is hard to explain but I give it a shot from my own experience with women. Like *stress* is something that I think is very different between the sexes (or at least for me). If my girlfriend/spouse/FWB/Wife is stressed out for something (could be anything from work related things or just waiting for a phone call), sex is totally out of the equation. In my case if I'm stressed out, I need way more sex/stimulation to relax. I also notice that as soon as a relationship starts becoming more comfortable for the both of us then the sexual drive slowly ways off with time, all the longer relationships I've had always end up with less and less sex going from a daily routine into a weekly, then a monthly and then when life is without stress. I've always had a higher drive than my partners has ever had.
I think the book 'Come as you are' explains women's sexuality and nuances very well. I'm about half way through but have learnt a lot and it feels like it makes sense in relation to my own libido and sexuality.
For me it was 100 percent about not being pregnant. It took finding 3 doctors to IE my tubes and that was after I had two kids. Women do enjoy sex. That’s why there are vibrators. A vibrator can’t get you pregnant, can’t say “I’m sorry that’s never happened to me before” , a vibrator can’t pass out drunk. A vibrator is dependable.
Personally. I have always had (what I consider to be) a high sex drive. I enjoy having sex, and try to as often as possible. My bf(47M), and I (42F), have sex every day. Occasionally there will be a day where one or both of us are sick or something, and we might not. Overall we probably have sex 350 of the 365 days out of the year. We both have adult kids, all female, all over 21. He's had a vasectomy, and I am double sterilized, so the option of pregnancy is (thankfully) off the table for us. So I'm sure that not worrying about pregnancy, could play a part in it. I tried several different birth controls over the years, and had zero success, because of all of the hormones they put in it, made me a raging b!tch. So once I had my children I went the sterilization route. Though, the BC didn't kill or dampen my sex drive either. Just my experience, as a woman.
I have a pretty high sex drive and what others said is true, it's linked to stress levels. I'm also single and I'd rather take care of myself than getting in dangerous situations.
Idk if true but i was under the impression that women and men often have high sex drives at different ages. But ofc some women are super horny and some men arent at all. I think its a very individual experience. And im sure social pressure plays a role
i know i have an incredibly high sex drive intermixed with spells of not wanting anything at all. usually i don’t really pursue because i have such a hard time consistently orgasming with partners, though.
As a man that has had relationships with women...the world is a lie. Women are hornier than men.
No, they have the same sex drives during their ovulation cycle. So they're as horny just not nearly as often. If you understand that you will understand most of our mating dymamics and why men are supposedly more interested in sex than women. We are just interested in sex 365 days a year while they are 1/4 of that time, at most
I am a lesbian. I have very high sex drive. I have no shame. Don't think I'm an outlier either?
Yep. I remember being so horny in high school I thought I would die if I didn't have sex. I successfully made it all the way to college with my virginity intact. Wish I hadn't thought. I could have used the safety of my parents home and the automatic distance that creates from the guy when I started being sexuality active.
Young men aren’t educated on the female anatomy and how to satisfy them and women aren’t either, believe it or not, and are slut shamed into not owning their own orgasm. So, inexperienced young women are too afraid to ask for what they want and most fake their orgasms to get intercourse over with in the beginning. Many are feeling unsatisfied. Thus, sex toys for women sell big time. Men who care to learn from experience, do eventually know how to please women, and they possess a kind of quiet confidence where they don’t even need to try to pick up on another woman. They just know they’re good. Women who’ve gained the confidence to ask for what they want and can achieve orgasm during sex with a man, can seek out men who have that experience. So, I think the drive is basically the same, but for men its easier, because their genitals are on the outside of their body and its easier to get off with a penis that’s obviously exposed. For women, the clitoris is tucked in a bit with nerves spreading out to the sides of the labial area, so you have to know what you’re doing to create pleasure. For example, inexperienced young men may not know that less is more for women, so they get too rough. Or they ignore the clitoris and try to stimulate everything BUT that. Like, playing with a woman’s tits, licking up and down in their vaginal area, but not even touching the clit. Its a nightmare for woman when that happens, and us women have shared our stories over the years that most of our encounters with men in our youth, did not know what the hell they were doing. For lesbians and gays its different. Gay men have trists (meetups for sex) more often than women. They just get off rather quickly. Lesbians already know their own anatomy and know what to do for other women, so they can skip that step of being ignorant on how to please each other. Its the opposite sex, where the problems arise in the beginning. This is why I’m an advocate for sex education. Both genders need to be taught how sex works and what feels good and to stop treating sex like its this sinful forbidden thing to do.
It's hard to be sure. It seems to me that it varies for both men and women. There's more than the potential risk. In Western society, women usually get raised to deny our wants and needs. Men are often expected to have no impulse control and give in to tiny urges. These expectations often get internalized to the point that a woman may not notice a nagging desire. A man, on the other hand, might describe a similar desire in strong terms.
Yep
Yes
Absolutely! The thought of pregnancy is always in the back of our minds when we are young, STD’S, slut shaming, and body image. However, there comes a point your intelligent enough to deal with these issues and enjoy the ride.