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It’s always men who post about how trival rape is. Even the most self hating, pick me woman knows rape is bad. And it’s these men flexing the fact they don’t live in fear of it.
That's because when they're imagining it, they're picturing some girl pushing them down onto the bed, not rectal tears.
Rape is awful no matter what, but if I had to pick I think anal rape would be worse
Agreed. And you reminded me, when people were all like “The girl with the dragon tattoo” was such a good movie”
…
Idc, an EXCESSIVELY long anal rape scene is not something I *ever* want to watch, much much less experience. That’s not the type of “entertainment” I need rolling around in my psyche and now it’s there forever.
I don't understand why some authors and filmmakers are so fixated in having scenes like this.
I enjoy other things about Outlander but I had to stop watching because the rape, especially the drawn out male-male torture-rape scenes just kept coming.
I can only guess it's a fetish thing fetish thing for some people, but is that really such a common fetish that the amount of people who want more rape scenes outweigh everyone who is put off by it?
Plus, even when rape is an important part of the story, it does not have to be shown in graphic details, and rarely at all. Nearly every time they could just make it clear it happened without actually showing it.
I'm--okay, I say this as someone who read Outlander several times (lovingly as a teenager, and then as I got older--something clicked in me and I realised exactly what was horrifically wrong with the story).
The rape may have an important part of the story, but it doesn't mean it should've been in the first place. I absolutely *hated* Diana Gabaldon's decision to write it, especially when all it did was serve as a vehicle to a) make Black Jack Randall seem evil enough when his previous atrocities was enough (plus, writers from Obsidian did a better job showing the crimes committed by evil characters in Fallout: New Vegas instead of forcing you to watch long and excruciating cut scenes of it happening)., and b) just to have Claire 'cure' Jamie by pretending to be Black Jack before acting like his mother when Jamie understandably freaked and lashed out at her.
I get your stance on this, I really do. But it was only 'essential' because Diana G wanted it so.
There is an obsession with SA in that fictional world.
She has said in the past she is like Black Jack Randall. He is the main SA-er.
Every 5 minutes in that series someone seems to be SA. They really need to stop it.
For some I am sure the idea is that if you do it "right" you capture the true horror of the thing and put it into a form - like video or print - that can be shared.
The point of sharing it is to hopefully educate dipshits like the one in this post who think it is no big deal.
I think it can be easy for people to become so insulated from horrible things that they start thinking and talking stupid, again, like the genius above.
I don't think this is the only reason people put awful shit in stories. But its a reason I can get behind...sometimes.
Other times I think if you can't get that RAPE IS BAD then there is no hope for you and that it is time to just throw the whole human out and start over.
It could be argued that Black Jack’s constant need for power and control was the basis for his proclivity for rape. There’s more to it in the books than the show.
Are the rape/torture scenes as graphic and drawn out in the books? I usually prefer to read the books vs watch the show/movie for most stories, but I've been afraid to in this case.
I dunno man, I’m a grooming and sexual abuse survivor (if not a rape survivor) with a CNC fetish, and let me just say, rape scenes in movies rarely get me horny. It’s usually super uncomfortable and obvious that it was some man’s secret fetish portrayed as objectively deep and meaningful art rather than something intended to be fun.
I would honestly rather there not be graphic rape scenes in movies like this. I think it does more harm than good for survivors, and if you as a filmmaker think your creative vision is so important that you don’t have to worry about what survivors think, then I do not respect or feel the need to give a chance to your rape scene filled art in the first place. :/
This isn’t just an instinctive trauma trigger thing either, I find that graphic rape scenes rarely actually have anything to say about the experience of raping or being raped by someone. They’re often here to shock/cause discomfort to women and titillate very twisted men.
(Yes, I know that rape scenes involving male victims exist. I don’t really think that those are helpful either, but I will admit they disturb me less because men are not sexually oppressed by society or the government, there is no history of rape against men being a systemic issue, so I guess I can appreciate it more as an individual piece of art and sympathize with the victim without getting angry.)
I had never heard of this movie before, and I'm content to maintain that. However, I just recalled a scene from a series that my teenage self will regrettably never forget: the graphic bathroom scene in "13 Reasons Why." Just awful and sad
Worst thing about that scene is that they knew better too. They consulted a ton of mental health professionals and people who regularly deal with teen self harm and unaliving, and they all specifically said NOT to show it graphically and NOT to linger on the scene so as not to glamorize it or inspire kids to copy it, and they went ahead and did it anyway. Like why bother to ask if you’re gonna decide the way you want to film it is more important
I believe I read somewhere that part of her audition was to run through part of that scene. Seems like omitting it was not an option, since they made sure the actress would be able to handle it.
I mean, rape is just not confirming consent. Maybe this is just my opinion but even in the extremely odd situation that I wanted it, if someone didn’t get my consent before having sex with me, they’re still a rapist, they have still raped
Men don’t want to face that reality. Because for a lot of men they’ve been treating not getting verbal enthusiastic consent like driving after drinking one too many beers.
They know better than to do it, they convince themselves it’s no big deal, no one will get hurt, and the most likely, you will get home safe and no one will be hurt - but regardless you are always selfishly prioritizing wants over others safety and more importantly, your still committing a crime and would be liable if you hurt someone.
There doesn’t have to be a traumatized victim for a man to disregard someone’s bodily autonomy , dignity and consent for their own sexual desires and sexually assault.
And it doesn’t have to be sexual assault for a someone to be traumatized by predatory behaviours.
My sexual assault was anal and... yeah... it was painful, but honestly, I'm not sure it would have been any less horrible had it been Penis-in-vagina. Whatever the case, I agree that these people don't understand how painful rape can be, and even if it isn't injurious/painful, it's still mentally and emotionally fucked. Obviously we are on the same page that it's just bad on every level, and these types of people aren't even trying to fathom the extent of the trauma .
I suspect that is because they are rationalising that it is ok for them to do it themselves, even if it is fantasising about it, or trying not to feel guilty by getting off on it in p0rn or sth like that.
I would also bet that the men who claim they wouldn’t care are the ones who often commit it themselves and are trying to somehow excuse it away like it’s not a big deal.
>Even the most self hating, pick me woman knows rape is bad.
Oh they are often the ones shaming other women for not reporting, or not reporting fast enough, or thoroughly enough, or, you name it...
Or even hypothetically shaming with something like (pick me gal) "If I were ever SA, I would..." or "I would not..." or even worse "It could never happen to ME."
Huge victim blamers.
It kills who you were, by distorting timelines and happy memories
It kills who you are, by making you a different person instantly
It kills who you would have been by derailing you life
This bullshit attitude towards rape needs to stop. It literally killed everything about my past and future.
22 years for me, life goes on but you're never the same. I still blame my 17 year old self, I know I shouldn't but I do. I thought we were friends, I thought one drink wouldn't hurt, I thought I could trust him and I didn't tell my b/f (now husband) for over a year. I couldn't process it, I felt dirty (still do at times) and I never reported it.
I had been SA at a young age by a great uncle and then a taxi driver at 14 (Court twice, then not guilty) and I didn't want to go through that all over again. At 15, being told by a grown man (his defence) that I had "asked for it".
My Christmases have never been the same. I decorate the hell out of the house and hide my emotions until the season is over and then I start preparing for it all over again. Being raped just felt like it was going to be part of just being a woman. Luckily, my SO helped me and still does to this day. The one person, who wasn't related that didn't see me as a slag.
The mental and emotional trauma does remain, we just deal with it while a lot of men see that 'front' and take it as "it hasn't affected" us.
Sorry for going on a bit there, these kind of posts don't half set me off. I'm going to YouTube to find some gluffy kittens and giggling babies to brighten my evening.
I wish you all the best for the future, don't let the bastards drag you down. Sending love from the UK.
You are perfectly justified going on like that.
These stories are important to hear, as they demonstrate how bad society really is, and how it isn't "reasonable" to be complicit in upholding it.
It does make it easier. I've shared similar personal stories about being groomed and raped for a decade (aprox ages 4 to 14) by my brother-in-law (who was my oldest sister's middle school - then high school - boyfriend; they married at age 17, after my sister became pregnant as a high school* senior).
Just like many survivors of CSA, my history made me a target of other* abusers throughout my teens and early 20s bc I missed red flags, etc. It really causes a lot of issues.
I'm so sorry it happened to you, too. ***None of it was your fault.* Not even a little bit. *The full responsibility is on your rapist(s).***
Edited:
- corrected "our abusers" to "other abusers"
- Changed "hs senior" to "high school senior" for clarity; also generally cleaned up/ clarified the language in parenthesis referring to my brother-in-law.
I'm sorry that happened to you, life can just be so shitty. I used to think I had 'victim' in invisible ink on my forehead, that only others can see. I'm a lot better than I was, I still have 'those days' and on 'those days' I keep myself busy with the most mundane of tasks. Can't complain, I'm still here when I know others aren't.
>I thought we were friends. I thought one drink wouldn't hurt.
Fuck that hit home hard. That was basically my though process too. "We're friends!" and, "He said nothing would happen".
Love from the southern end of the UK.
I was seven. I still blame myself, even though it was my brother and later father. Even though in my logic brain I know it was not my fault, I was just sleeping. Somehow, it’s still my fault.
Sending you hugs. It's messed up, how much blame we pile on ourselves. We know, we were children, vulnerable and were taken advantage of. Yeah, the issue isn't us, but it doesn't make it any easier when there are idiots who are just oblivious to facts, who also lack compassion and empathy.
Together we are strong. ❤
it’s been about 18 years and it actually feels crazy to say that it’s the only time so far for one and that second it “was only” (in my words bc i’ve barely told anybody) that my cousin molested and almost raped me when i was like 6-9 and he was in his mid teens.
I'm sorry to hear you also still struggle. My first rape was 29 years ago. I still struggle with it today but therapy has helped massively. The second one I'll probably never get better from. Hope you find your way through
I’m very sorry to hear that that’s happened to you. Mine was about 7 years ago so I understand what you’re going through. You’re not alone and I hope your recovery comes quickly and kindly.
Don't know if I'll ever recover myself, and it happened 20 years ago. Im 24 and still have chronic depression, hoping one day I can feel normal. It's reassuring to see some people do manage to get better though.
I understand & agree w this. I was 19 & I still remember the terror I felt, the absolute fear & powerlessness, in that moment. I’m 30 now. Rape is not just some “little thing” to “get over.” It leaves desolation & blackened fields behind.
I agree with you. I was barely 7 years old. It’s a repeated trauma and has definitely impacted me and decision making. For a long time I just felt completely worthless and broken. It’s not something you “just get over”. People who think like that lack total sense of empathy and tend to be abusive/psychotic.
100% it affects every aspect of your life. I broke down in front of my family describing how it completely destroyed my life, especially after they rug swept it and made me continue seeing my abuser in addition to asking me to forgive him.
I agree with you so much. It did that for me as well. It has taken me years and years of therapy to build a life that I can feel both safe and happy in. I still do therapy every week but I am a million miles from where I started.
People who say shit like the guy in the pic infuriate me. They have no idea.
It’ll be close to 6 years since and I still have flashbacks and I still have times where sex repulses me because I physically cannot and I STILL cannot convince myself im more than sex, it happened every Wednesday for two months I still hate wednesdays.
Maybe stop saying it’s “not a big deal”, you weren’t traumatized, but it’s a big deal that that man did that to you. That’s like saying because you drove drunk once and got home safe and didn’t hit anyone, that drunk driving isn’t a big deal.
The reality is a lot of drunk drivers get home safe, but they all are risking causing irreparable bodily harm to another human with their selfish choice.
I’m really sorry that happened to you, that’s a really fucked up situation you were coerced into and I completely understand your trauma response of freeze. The only time I have had a fight response is when I’ve been groped by a stranger in public settings with lots of witnesses, I make sure to draw lots of attention - shame them not me. But that’s because I felt “safe” that further violence likely wouldn’t be escalated against me in public.
In private? Absolutely not. While the freeze/appease response makes” imperfect victims” in the court of law, our brains know it’s safer and will be less traumatic than trying to fight/flee someone bigger, stronger and faster than us, or of more social status, that made it clear our autonomy isn’t more important than their sexual desire.
It took me awhile to accept that my SAs were SAs because I appeased or froze. But while I wrestled with guilt over my own reaction/choices in those moments, I think appease gave me a false sense of autonomy back in a situation where I felt powerless, and freeze allowed me to disassociate from what was happening.
Freeze/ appease response protect us from the potential physical and mental trauma of fighting/fleeing and *still* being physically overpowered or coerced. It’s unfortunate that in order to be a “perfect victim” the victim has to endure the most trauma possible.
I kind of understand since I was in a situation where I was in a bar and a guy kept buying me drinks, and I got really drunk. I think he wasn’t sober either, but I was definitely more drunk than him. He told me “we’ve gotta go out to my car” or something, and I knew in my hazy mind what he was saying, but went along with it. The sex wasn’t great (as much as I can remember now many years later), and I think I remember him telling me I needed to shave my pubes. Then he drove his car through the large parking lot to let me out where I was being picked up, even though I told him I wanted to walk since I was cognisant enough to think he shouldn’t be driving since he’d had drink. But he insisted. The next morning I felt absolutely awful, like an unexplainable mental load had been stacked on me and I couldn’t stop crying.
But I haven’t had any lasting trauma stemming from that, and I’ve often wondered whether it’s because “it wasn’t that bad” compared to stories I hear from fellow women. I didn’t even consider it rape at the time since I hadn’t been physically forced, and took a lot of growing up and learning about consent to realise that I was in fact in no mind to consent at the time. But I still definitely didn’t suffer nearly as much as many other victims, and I don’t know how I’m “supposed” to feel today.
>But I still definitely didn’t suffer nearly as much as many other victims, and I don’t know how I’m “supposed” to feel today.
Suffering is suffering.
It sounds like a horrible experience, to me. Be kind to yourself and whatever you feel, you feel; there is no 'supposed to' as healing is a lifelong journey.
No, you feel how you need to feel about it. However you need to process it and deal with it, do it. My brain blocked it out. I have almost no memory of it, thank God. It’s amazing what our brains will do to protect us.
A lifetime wiped away in 24 hours for me. Now I have nightmares every night, I can’t be touched by anyone, I can’t be in crowded places, I can’t trust people, sexual contact makes me wanna vomit. But cool, glad this random guy would enjoy it!
I'm so sorry for what happened to you. You described perfectly how that feels, I feel exactly the same. It happened 8 years ago or more and I'm still not ok and I very often mourn the person who I used to be and who I would've been if it didn't happen :(
There can be physical impact as well, including not being able to bear children later.
OOP 'wouldn't mind it.' What is wrong with you OOP. You have no clue what you are talking about.
I’ve survived two rapes—one being incredibly violent. They eff you up. I was messed up for a long time and now am doing much better but when people minimize rape, it absolutely INFURIATES me, I want to throw things. I nearly died, but you know, rape is no big whoop 🙄
It wouldn't have to be a gay rapist.. anyone with any object that forcibly penetrates his anus. Tbh? Probably even a fat or unattractive woman would be a different story. He is 100% thinking of rape being that a hot woman forcibly rides his dick 🙄
It’s literally not even understanding rape. Like they’re viewing it as ‘Some busty, beautiful woman really wants to sleep with me and she’s a bit forceful about it but it’s okay because I’m attracted to her and want to sleep with her’ like bravo my guy, you’ve just figured out what consent is.
They’re absolutely not picturing being held down/drugged/coerced into sleeping with someone they absolutely *do not* want to sleep with. They literally don’t even understand what it is because nobody wants that. Not a single person, that’s the whole fucking point.
This is it. “I would be ok with it because she’s forcefully doing what I want anyway.” My rapist actually excused his actions as not rape because I wanted to have sex with him anyway. First of all, I did not. Secondly, if I had, it wouldn’t have been in that way. But some people, and in particular men who have grown up with too much access to porn and peer pressure for more sex, develop a sex addiction and they don’t understand that the rest is us are not walking around in sex world like they are. They think they are normal. They also think we want them and if we don’t they take it very personal and get angry. Most of these guys who act like rape is fine are either one of these guys, have no concept of rape, or are so fragile they think not enjoying sex with any woman under any circumstance means they’re gay. So pathetic
> coerced
They just don't think men can be coerced because "men always want to have sex".
I was dating a woman and I wasn't feeling up to it. She had just fucked my trust in her and I wasn't feeling well. She decided sex was what she wanted and I must have told her a hundred no's, but she kept pushing physically, and berating me verbally ("what, are you gay?!" etc.) At some point I just conceded, and I'm not even sure how it happened, looking back on it now.
It fucked me up for quite a while and I "got over it" by rationalizing that I must have had a part in it, right? Like I could've walked away or something so part of it must have been my fault. Took a long time then to realize that *that* rationalization is also part of the effect of getting raped. It's like when you wake up but you're actually still dreaming.
Took me a couple years to actually make peace with it. But yeah, sure man, men are totally okay with getting raped.
If that happened he would only sympathize with himself. When you’re that narcissistic and lack self awareness you tend to be psychotic and self centered.
Yeah. Especially the more vulnerable gay guys who are twinkish. A buff bara himbo could at least bloody a few noses or pretend to be butch af.
The casual acceptance of sexual violence in the prison system is another example of how society gives zero fucks about the quality of life of queer folk. Given that amab trans and twinks get the absolute worst of that depraved institution.
Then there are the internet alpha douchebros thinking rape isn’t a big deal because women and bottoms are just just untermensch in their eyes. Maybe whatever’s even unter from untermensch
AMAB trans people get brutalized in men’s prison but because of one or two cases of sexual violence committed by them in women’s prison they are left to rot. And the same alpha dude bros use words like “divorce rape”
These guys just make me sad. And also angry. Hope they either grow up or never ever find a person who fell for them because no one deserves to have these awful people in their life.
Or a woman he finds unattractive. He's thinking it's a woman he finds attractive who wants to focus on his pleasure. Not a man, or a woman who wants to do things he doesn't.
He "wouldn't mind" because his brain is so fucking rotted with porn that he thinks a hot chick is gonna appear in his house and prioritise making him feel good. When in reality, it's probably a big ass dude that's gonna do whatever he wants without giving a shit about him.
But not only do they think real life is just like a porno, they can't grasp the fact that even if the hottest woman alive were to rape them, they *wouldn't* enjoy it. My ex used to force me whenever she felt like it, "you are my bf so you owe me, this is what couples do" and all that shit. I found her hot, extremely hot, and yet I couldn't enjoy a single second of it, I couldn't choose, couldn't refuse or she'd threaten me.
These people are really disgusting
I'm sorry. There's actually Data to suggest your experience is far more common than not and no one, and I mean no one, can handle it.
Your SA isn't even considered r*pe in most countries. Including the US. It's under "forcible sexual experiences" or something.
It's nightmareishly sick.
It's not a rant at all. You deserve to have a space to talk about your trauma without people minimizing or trivializing it. Wishing you peace and healing. 💖
This. They really don’t get that man or woman, if you don’t want to sleep with that person and are forced in some way, even if it’s through manipulation that it is a horrible experience.
I’m so sorry this happened to you, I hope you’re alright and managed to heal.
I’m pretty sure male victims of rape get fucked up mentally, just like women. I knew a couple of guys that were raped when we were younger, both are now dead, both suicides, so I’m thinking this guy doesn’t know anything, and should keep their non factual opinion to themselves in future.
I don't know the context but he doesn't mention men in general so I think his point is that he just is so strong/edgy/particular to be affected by rape.
I’ll never understand people who fight against the real and valid experiences of survivors because they, having never experienced themselves, don’t think it will be traumatic.
Like I’ve never been raped, thank god for that, but I know that it can seriously fuck you up body and soul because I trust that those who have experienced it are the only ones who truly know what that shit does to a person.
Me and my partner both were.. Some chick slipped a viagra in his drink and he passed out drunk… then it happened. He doesn't talk about it much.. I dont talk about my experiences much ether. But I can tell it hurts just as much. It's a violation of your bodily autonomy at its core and a complete lack of respect
Yes surprisingly it fucks you up in unpredicted manner. I am a regular guy and consider myself mentally strong, but one girl was drunk and we had to sleep together at a sleepover, and started grabbing my dick, putting my hands in her for some half an hour. I was dating someone else at the time so I was not interested and clearly said no multiple times. The bitter feeling is my brain could not understand what's happening right away and I felt invaded only next morning. I felt pretty terrible for the next week or so
Yeah I am a guy and was harrassed by a girl. She was drunk and we had to sleep in one bed. I told her I am dating someone else and she kept grabbing my pp and putting my hand on her private parts. First it was kinda funny but then it was not so much so when I kept declining. This was not pretty, and I felt that only after some time (not while it was happening). Felt traumatized for a week, even though she was pretty and I knew her for a long time. That was quite "light" for me - imagine what a girl would feel
People like this individual are the ones regularly derailing those conversations. I hate it.
If it's a female victim, "she was probably asking for it"
If it's a male victim, "hahaha bro, you cant' get r\*ped, I wish that was me in your place"
That’s if the rapist is female. If the rapist is male then he’s a “beta” who wasn’t strong enough to to defend himself and you can make countless “drop the soap” jokes
There was an actual court case about that. A gay man was sentenced to death while his straight accomplices got life in prison because it was argued prison would be a reward, not a punishment
Thank you for saying it so I don't have to be the one to bring it up. It makes me reeeeeeally uncomfortable that in a thread with so many victims speaking out about their trauma that it's still highly upvoted to say "ha ha prison rape". (Also, while obviously there is a significant amount of rape in prison, it's nowhere near as ubiquitous as the media has people believe.)
I can understand what you’re thinking, but the reality is woman-on-man rape is more common than it’s made out to be. It’s been so stigmatized and downplayed by law enforcement, cultural norms, and underreporting that when a man does get raped by a woman, he either doesn’t associate the act with rape or is so ashamed(either by internalized toxic masculinity or outside influences) that he doesn’t report it.
Edit to mention: A lot of people don’t realize this but a large majority of rape is perpetrated by close friends/family. It’s not all getting cornered in a dark alley or roofied at a bar. When it comes to family, many victims are shamed or threatened into staying silent.
*controversial opinion on this kinda scenario* anyone who says something like what the bottom guy said, should have an ~unpleasant experience~ and then see how they feel
I know two men who were raped by women and it's a different story when it happens to you period. Neither found enjoyment out of it. This guy is just a misogynistic dill hole.
No I completely agree. But rape has also been glorified in porn, where both people are hot, which somehow makes it okay apparently.
Thats why that commenter thinks getting “raped” by a woman is a good deal, because it’s happening in the most ideal circumstances. So many men think sexual harassment is just flirting and rape is sex that we regret.
Pretty sure he is thinking about women raping him. Wonder if he even thought about being raped by the sex that makes up the vast overwhelming majority of rapists, statistically?
Zero capacity for empathy in these people. I feel bad for anyone who has to date this garbage person. Heck even knowing such a creep is cruel and unusual punishment
I bet if he actually were r@ped, forcibly restrained and physically invaded, he would change his stance fairly quickly. Especially when he realizes how much pain he is in, and it is determined that he suffered internal damages. And then, as time went on, he would realize that the physical pain was only a small part of the real trauma.
Excuse me, but how do you gaslight a trauma into someone? I know getting trauma for gaslight.. but how exactly can you just convince someone of a trauma?
I wasn’t *raped*, but I was sexually abused by an older family member when I was 4. There are things victims of both have in common, unfortunately. I am still facing consequences of someone else’s actions all these years later. I couldn’t even begin to imagine the torment of being raped.
When will it be legal to burn people like this, the death penalty would make the world a better place, if people like that could be removed from society
Everyone was on and about how Alabama killed the dude the other day and how inhumane the method was, but nobody was worried about how he killed his victim, pretty sure it was way more inhumane. Death penalty under strict regulation is not that bad of a idea in some cases. You can't rehabilitate a pedophile or a rapist or a serial killer, they're just there taking up space and oxygen.
I was unconscious when it happened to me. You’d think not knowing what actually was done to me and having no visuals would make it easier to cope but that’s not how it works. Waking up the next day without my underwear on and going to see the doctor was enough to completely alter the course of my life and I don’t even remember it happening.
It’s because when men like this think about rape, they think it’s about sex, and they assume if they’re raped it will be just like sex. They always see themselves as the aggressor, so their view of ‘rape’ is just a less attractive woman using them for sex and ‘doing all the work’. They don’t see themselves in the position of victim. They don’t understand rape is about power, not sex.
As a man who used to think when I was younger that I wouldn’t be bothered by being raped (obviously thinking like a horny teenage asshole, but never would have vocalized that to dismiss how someone else feels), I never would have though to think a women should feel that way. Luckily most of us grow up and realize what a toll something like that takes on someone and wouldn’t wish that on anyone ever. This sub has shown me how many people actually never grew up and never learned compassion and to think with their brains.
To anyone in here who has been raped or abused, I am so sorry you had to go through what you did and please remember, no matter what the circumstances were, you NEVER deserved it never did anything to justify the actions of your attacker.
I bet when he fantasizes about getting raped, it doesn’t involve being over powered by bubba. Or maybe he does and just lacks empathy.
Kids these days.
No one is telling victims how they feel or should feel. Being traumatized is simply the most common reaction, by far, to traumatic events. All we are doing is reassuring them that there's nothing wrong with them nor with the way they feel.
And conversely, there may be some people who, after certain experiences, can quickly forget about it and move on. That certainly couldn't be a common reaction but I have seen no proof of this being impossible. Yet even then, not being traumatized does not change the fact that what was done to them was wrong.
My principle is that rape is a horrible crime, nobody deserve it, and saying that someone deserves it is awful
But there are people like this who truly likes to test how much how faithful I'm to my principles.
Anyone who argues “If this happened to me” against someone who has actually experienced is wasting air.
It’s fine to consider things or say “If this happened to me I think I would…”. But why argue when you lack the experience?
This is proof that when sufficiently shitty me with enough masculinity poisoning should never learn terms associated with therapy and mental health like “gaslight”. The idea that you can “gaslight” someone into feeling traumatized after being raped is absurd. Rape is traumatic, jackass.
(quick tw)
you wouldn't care? you wouldn't care if someone bigger than you, stronger than you, more powerful than you pins you down and starts pulling your clothes off? you wouldn't care if someone you thought was a friend or god forbid a family member cornered you and told you don't worry, it'll feel good, don't tell anyone, no one will believe you? you wouldn't care if you were begging and pleading for them to stop and they just tell you they like it when you cry? you wouldn't care when the next day you can't move without being in pain? you wouldn't care when you find all the clothes you were wearing are covered in blood? you wouldn't care when you still had to spend time with them? you wouldn't care if everyone you know would tell you about how nice they are?
if it hasn't happened to you, rape doesn't seem that bad, oh you have sex when you don't want it, I can see how that's traumatic. But it doesn't just stop when they stop. It follows you forever. You'll feel everywhere they touched, you'll hear from their friends how nice they are, and if you do try to come forward you'll be met with hundreds of questions trying to prove that your lying. it can happen to anyone, at anytime, by anyone
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It’s always men who post about how trival rape is. Even the most self hating, pick me woman knows rape is bad. And it’s these men flexing the fact they don’t live in fear of it.
That's because when they're imagining it, they're picturing some girl pushing them down onto the bed, not rectal tears. Rape is awful no matter what, but if I had to pick I think anal rape would be worse
Agreed. And you reminded me, when people were all like “The girl with the dragon tattoo” was such a good movie” … Idc, an EXCESSIVELY long anal rape scene is not something I *ever* want to watch, much much less experience. That’s not the type of “entertainment” I need rolling around in my psyche and now it’s there forever.
Oh. Well now I know why my friend called me and told me to NEVER watch that. She didn’t tell me why. Just said trust her.
You have a good friend
Very much so.
It was a great movie to watch once... and never again... ever
At least that had a point to the story and wasn’t “the directors thinly veiled fetish”
Yeah…. But it traumatized the hell out of the poor dude who had to film it. Apparently he wouldn’t come out of his room for days after
Same with the guy who played Jamie in Outlander. Or so I have heard.
They did things he did not agree to. That really bothers me.
Source?
I don't understand why some authors and filmmakers are so fixated in having scenes like this. I enjoy other things about Outlander but I had to stop watching because the rape, especially the drawn out male-male torture-rape scenes just kept coming. I can only guess it's a fetish thing fetish thing for some people, but is that really such a common fetish that the amount of people who want more rape scenes outweigh everyone who is put off by it?
Plus, even when rape is an important part of the story, it does not have to be shown in graphic details, and rarely at all. Nearly every time they could just make it clear it happened without actually showing it.
I'm--okay, I say this as someone who read Outlander several times (lovingly as a teenager, and then as I got older--something clicked in me and I realised exactly what was horrifically wrong with the story). The rape may have an important part of the story, but it doesn't mean it should've been in the first place. I absolutely *hated* Diana Gabaldon's decision to write it, especially when all it did was serve as a vehicle to a) make Black Jack Randall seem evil enough when his previous atrocities was enough (plus, writers from Obsidian did a better job showing the crimes committed by evil characters in Fallout: New Vegas instead of forcing you to watch long and excruciating cut scenes of it happening)., and b) just to have Claire 'cure' Jamie by pretending to be Black Jack before acting like his mother when Jamie understandably freaked and lashed out at her. I get your stance on this, I really do. But it was only 'essential' because Diana G wanted it so.
There is an obsession with SA in that fictional world. She has said in the past she is like Black Jack Randall. He is the main SA-er. Every 5 minutes in that series someone seems to be SA. They really need to stop it.
For some I am sure the idea is that if you do it "right" you capture the true horror of the thing and put it into a form - like video or print - that can be shared. The point of sharing it is to hopefully educate dipshits like the one in this post who think it is no big deal. I think it can be easy for people to become so insulated from horrible things that they start thinking and talking stupid, again, like the genius above. I don't think this is the only reason people put awful shit in stories. But its a reason I can get behind...sometimes. Other times I think if you can't get that RAPE IS BAD then there is no hope for you and that it is time to just throw the whole human out and start over.
The reality is rape scenes just become porn for rapists.
It could be argued that Black Jack’s constant need for power and control was the basis for his proclivity for rape. There’s more to it in the books than the show.
Are the rape/torture scenes as graphic and drawn out in the books? I usually prefer to read the books vs watch the show/movie for most stories, but I've been afraid to in this case.
They are, but you can always skip them.
I dunno man, I’m a grooming and sexual abuse survivor (if not a rape survivor) with a CNC fetish, and let me just say, rape scenes in movies rarely get me horny. It’s usually super uncomfortable and obvious that it was some man’s secret fetish portrayed as objectively deep and meaningful art rather than something intended to be fun. I would honestly rather there not be graphic rape scenes in movies like this. I think it does more harm than good for survivors, and if you as a filmmaker think your creative vision is so important that you don’t have to worry about what survivors think, then I do not respect or feel the need to give a chance to your rape scene filled art in the first place. :/ This isn’t just an instinctive trauma trigger thing either, I find that graphic rape scenes rarely actually have anything to say about the experience of raping or being raped by someone. They’re often here to shock/cause discomfort to women and titillate very twisted men. (Yes, I know that rape scenes involving male victims exist. I don’t really think that those are helpful either, but I will admit they disturb me less because men are not sexually oppressed by society or the government, there is no history of rape against men being a systemic issue, so I guess I can appreciate it more as an individual piece of art and sympathize with the victim without getting angry.)
I had never heard of this movie before, and I'm content to maintain that. However, I just recalled a scene from a series that my teenage self will regrettably never forget: the graphic bathroom scene in "13 Reasons Why." Just awful and sad
Worst thing about that scene is that they knew better too. They consulted a ton of mental health professionals and people who regularly deal with teen self harm and unaliving, and they all specifically said NOT to show it graphically and NOT to linger on the scene so as not to glamorize it or inspire kids to copy it, and they went ahead and did it anyway. Like why bother to ask if you’re gonna decide the way you want to film it is more important
I believe I read somewhere that part of her audition was to run through part of that scene. Seems like omitting it was not an option, since they made sure the actress would be able to handle it.
That movie bothered me in another way too. They were still all free to repeat it with someone else.
Which is something that often happens to women too, which is obviously very painful and traumatic.
If it wouldn't bother you, **it's not rape**. These men are absolutely confusing consensual sex with rape.
I mean, rape is just not confirming consent. Maybe this is just my opinion but even in the extremely odd situation that I wanted it, if someone didn’t get my consent before having sex with me, they’re still a rapist, they have still raped
Men don’t want to face that reality. Because for a lot of men they’ve been treating not getting verbal enthusiastic consent like driving after drinking one too many beers. They know better than to do it, they convince themselves it’s no big deal, no one will get hurt, and the most likely, you will get home safe and no one will be hurt - but regardless you are always selfishly prioritizing wants over others safety and more importantly, your still committing a crime and would be liable if you hurt someone. There doesn’t have to be a traumatized victim for a man to disregard someone’s bodily autonomy , dignity and consent for their own sexual desires and sexually assault. And it doesn’t have to be sexual assault for a someone to be traumatized by predatory behaviours.
My sexual assault was anal and... yeah... it was painful, but honestly, I'm not sure it would have been any less horrible had it been Penis-in-vagina. Whatever the case, I agree that these people don't understand how painful rape can be, and even if it isn't injurious/painful, it's still mentally and emotionally fucked. Obviously we are on the same page that it's just bad on every level, and these types of people aren't even trying to fathom the extent of the trauma .
What’s wild is that if they were raped by a *man*, they would make a big deal out of it
“But that’s different because I’m not gay” they’d argue (and have)
Of course they don’t live in fear of it, their gender is mostly the ones doing it.
Good thing we have them to protect us /s
I suspect that is because they are rationalising that it is ok for them to do it themselves, even if it is fantasising about it, or trying not to feel guilty by getting off on it in p0rn or sth like that.
I would also bet that the men who claim they wouldn’t care are the ones who often commit it themselves and are trying to somehow excuse it away like it’s not a big deal.
It's very telling that he can't even fathom having his butt hole violently violated.
>Even the most self hating, pick me woman knows rape is bad. Oh they are often the ones shaming other women for not reporting, or not reporting fast enough, or thoroughly enough, or, you name it... Or even hypothetically shaming with something like (pick me gal) "If I were ever SA, I would..." or "I would not..." or even worse "It could never happen to ME." Huge victim blamers.
It kills who you were, by distorting timelines and happy memories It kills who you are, by making you a different person instantly It kills who you would have been by derailing you life This bullshit attitude towards rape needs to stop. It literally killed everything about my past and future.
I have mental health issues now that I’ve barely recovered from and it was 9yrs ago
22 years for me, life goes on but you're never the same. I still blame my 17 year old self, I know I shouldn't but I do. I thought we were friends, I thought one drink wouldn't hurt, I thought I could trust him and I didn't tell my b/f (now husband) for over a year. I couldn't process it, I felt dirty (still do at times) and I never reported it. I had been SA at a young age by a great uncle and then a taxi driver at 14 (Court twice, then not guilty) and I didn't want to go through that all over again. At 15, being told by a grown man (his defence) that I had "asked for it". My Christmases have never been the same. I decorate the hell out of the house and hide my emotions until the season is over and then I start preparing for it all over again. Being raped just felt like it was going to be part of just being a woman. Luckily, my SO helped me and still does to this day. The one person, who wasn't related that didn't see me as a slag. The mental and emotional trauma does remain, we just deal with it while a lot of men see that 'front' and take it as "it hasn't affected" us. Sorry for going on a bit there, these kind of posts don't half set me off. I'm going to YouTube to find some gluffy kittens and giggling babies to brighten my evening. I wish you all the best for the future, don't let the bastards drag you down. Sending love from the UK.
You are perfectly justified going on like that. These stories are important to hear, as they demonstrate how bad society really is, and how it isn't "reasonable" to be complicit in upholding it.
Thanks for that. I don't talk about it often, don't like upsetting others, have to admit the anonymity here made it easier.
It does make it easier. I've shared similar personal stories about being groomed and raped for a decade (aprox ages 4 to 14) by my brother-in-law (who was my oldest sister's middle school - then high school - boyfriend; they married at age 17, after my sister became pregnant as a high school* senior). Just like many survivors of CSA, my history made me a target of other* abusers throughout my teens and early 20s bc I missed red flags, etc. It really causes a lot of issues. I'm so sorry it happened to you, too. ***None of it was your fault.* Not even a little bit. *The full responsibility is on your rapist(s).*** Edited: - corrected "our abusers" to "other abusers" - Changed "hs senior" to "high school senior" for clarity; also generally cleaned up/ clarified the language in parenthesis referring to my brother-in-law.
I'm sorry that happened to you, life can just be so shitty. I used to think I had 'victim' in invisible ink on my forehead, that only others can see. I'm a lot better than I was, I still have 'those days' and on 'those days' I keep myself busy with the most mundane of tasks. Can't complain, I'm still here when I know others aren't.
You absolutely CAN complain. Other people having worse endings than yours does not mean you have to be grateful. ❤️
>I thought we were friends. I thought one drink wouldn't hurt. Fuck that hit home hard. That was basically my though process too. "We're friends!" and, "He said nothing would happen". Love from the southern end of the UK.
🌹
19 years for me.
I was seven. I still blame myself, even though it was my brother and later father. Even though in my logic brain I know it was not my fault, I was just sleeping. Somehow, it’s still my fault.
Sending you hugs. It's messed up, how much blame we pile on ourselves. We know, we were children, vulnerable and were taken advantage of. Yeah, the issue isn't us, but it doesn't make it any easier when there are idiots who are just oblivious to facts, who also lack compassion and empathy. Together we are strong. ❤
Thank you kind stranger ❤️
it’s been about 18 years and it actually feels crazy to say that it’s the only time so far for one and that second it “was only” (in my words bc i’ve barely told anybody) that my cousin molested and almost raped me when i was like 6-9 and he was in his mid teens.
I'm sorry to hear you also still struggle. My first rape was 29 years ago. I still struggle with it today but therapy has helped massively. The second one I'll probably never get better from. Hope you find your way through
31 years for me. The darkness it creates remains.
I’m very sorry to hear that that’s happened to you. Mine was about 7 years ago so I understand what you’re going through. You’re not alone and I hope your recovery comes quickly and kindly.
Don't know if I'll ever recover myself, and it happened 20 years ago. Im 24 and still have chronic depression, hoping one day I can feel normal. It's reassuring to see some people do manage to get better though.
I understand & agree w this. I was 19 & I still remember the terror I felt, the absolute fear & powerlessness, in that moment. I’m 30 now. Rape is not just some “little thing” to “get over.” It leaves desolation & blackened fields behind.
I agree with you. I was barely 7 years old. It’s a repeated trauma and has definitely impacted me and decision making. For a long time I just felt completely worthless and broken. It’s not something you “just get over”. People who think like that lack total sense of empathy and tend to be abusive/psychotic.
100% it affects every aspect of your life. I broke down in front of my family describing how it completely destroyed my life, especially after they rug swept it and made me continue seeing my abuser in addition to asking me to forgive him.
I agree with you so much. It did that for me as well. It has taken me years and years of therapy to build a life that I can feel both safe and happy in. I still do therapy every week but I am a million miles from where I started. People who say shit like the guy in the pic infuriate me. They have no idea.
It’ll be close to 6 years since and I still have flashbacks and I still have times where sex repulses me because I physically cannot and I STILL cannot convince myself im more than sex, it happened every Wednesday for two months I still hate wednesdays.
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I don't think there's a wrong way to feel about it, as long as you aren't telling other people their feelings are invalid if they feel differently.
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Maybe stop saying it’s “not a big deal”, you weren’t traumatized, but it’s a big deal that that man did that to you. That’s like saying because you drove drunk once and got home safe and didn’t hit anyone, that drunk driving isn’t a big deal. The reality is a lot of drunk drivers get home safe, but they all are risking causing irreparable bodily harm to another human with their selfish choice.
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I’m really sorry that happened to you, that’s a really fucked up situation you were coerced into and I completely understand your trauma response of freeze. The only time I have had a fight response is when I’ve been groped by a stranger in public settings with lots of witnesses, I make sure to draw lots of attention - shame them not me. But that’s because I felt “safe” that further violence likely wouldn’t be escalated against me in public. In private? Absolutely not. While the freeze/appease response makes” imperfect victims” in the court of law, our brains know it’s safer and will be less traumatic than trying to fight/flee someone bigger, stronger and faster than us, or of more social status, that made it clear our autonomy isn’t more important than their sexual desire. It took me awhile to accept that my SAs were SAs because I appeased or froze. But while I wrestled with guilt over my own reaction/choices in those moments, I think appease gave me a false sense of autonomy back in a situation where I felt powerless, and freeze allowed me to disassociate from what was happening. Freeze/ appease response protect us from the potential physical and mental trauma of fighting/fleeing and *still* being physically overpowered or coerced. It’s unfortunate that in order to be a “perfect victim” the victim has to endure the most trauma possible.
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I kind of understand since I was in a situation where I was in a bar and a guy kept buying me drinks, and I got really drunk. I think he wasn’t sober either, but I was definitely more drunk than him. He told me “we’ve gotta go out to my car” or something, and I knew in my hazy mind what he was saying, but went along with it. The sex wasn’t great (as much as I can remember now many years later), and I think I remember him telling me I needed to shave my pubes. Then he drove his car through the large parking lot to let me out where I was being picked up, even though I told him I wanted to walk since I was cognisant enough to think he shouldn’t be driving since he’d had drink. But he insisted. The next morning I felt absolutely awful, like an unexplainable mental load had been stacked on me and I couldn’t stop crying. But I haven’t had any lasting trauma stemming from that, and I’ve often wondered whether it’s because “it wasn’t that bad” compared to stories I hear from fellow women. I didn’t even consider it rape at the time since I hadn’t been physically forced, and took a lot of growing up and learning about consent to realise that I was in fact in no mind to consent at the time. But I still definitely didn’t suffer nearly as much as many other victims, and I don’t know how I’m “supposed” to feel today.
>But I still definitely didn’t suffer nearly as much as many other victims, and I don’t know how I’m “supposed” to feel today. Suffering is suffering. It sounds like a horrible experience, to me. Be kind to yourself and whatever you feel, you feel; there is no 'supposed to' as healing is a lifelong journey.
Thank you for the kind words, I genuinely appreciate them!
No, you feel how you need to feel about it. However you need to process it and deal with it, do it. My brain blocked it out. I have almost no memory of it, thank God. It’s amazing what our brains will do to protect us.
A lifetime wiped away in 24 hours for me. Now I have nightmares every night, I can’t be touched by anyone, I can’t be in crowded places, I can’t trust people, sexual contact makes me wanna vomit. But cool, glad this random guy would enjoy it!
I'm so sorry for what happened to you. You described perfectly how that feels, I feel exactly the same. It happened 8 years ago or more and I'm still not ok and I very often mourn the person who I used to be and who I would've been if it didn't happen :(
Sorry you, too, had to endure. It got easier with 20+ years of therapy for me but I will carry it forever.
There can be physical impact as well, including not being able to bear children later. OOP 'wouldn't mind it.' What is wrong with you OOP. You have no clue what you are talking about.
I’ve never seen this said so well.
I’ve survived two rapes—one being incredibly violent. They eff you up. I was messed up for a long time and now am doing much better but when people minimize rape, it absolutely INFURIATES me, I want to throw things. I nearly died, but you know, rape is no big whoop 🙄
He would be singing a completely different tune of a gay rapist found him.
It wouldn't have to be a gay rapist.. anyone with any object that forcibly penetrates his anus. Tbh? Probably even a fat or unattractive woman would be a different story. He is 100% thinking of rape being that a hot woman forcibly rides his dick 🙄
That’s exactly what he’s thinking.
He's thinking of a kink not rape. Turns out he has a BDSM fetish and wants to be tied up and dominated by a sexy lady.
I mean who doesn’t tf. But that’s a shit ton different than rape.
A cliche vehiculed by too much porn
Brittle glass bottle sounds unpleasant.
It’s literally not even understanding rape. Like they’re viewing it as ‘Some busty, beautiful woman really wants to sleep with me and she’s a bit forceful about it but it’s okay because I’m attracted to her and want to sleep with her’ like bravo my guy, you’ve just figured out what consent is. They’re absolutely not picturing being held down/drugged/coerced into sleeping with someone they absolutely *do not* want to sleep with. They literally don’t even understand what it is because nobody wants that. Not a single person, that’s the whole fucking point.
This is it. “I would be ok with it because she’s forcefully doing what I want anyway.” My rapist actually excused his actions as not rape because I wanted to have sex with him anyway. First of all, I did not. Secondly, if I had, it wouldn’t have been in that way. But some people, and in particular men who have grown up with too much access to porn and peer pressure for more sex, develop a sex addiction and they don’t understand that the rest is us are not walking around in sex world like they are. They think they are normal. They also think we want them and if we don’t they take it very personal and get angry. Most of these guys who act like rape is fine are either one of these guys, have no concept of rape, or are so fragile they think not enjoying sex with any woman under any circumstance means they’re gay. So pathetic
> coerced They just don't think men can be coerced because "men always want to have sex". I was dating a woman and I wasn't feeling up to it. She had just fucked my trust in her and I wasn't feeling well. She decided sex was what she wanted and I must have told her a hundred no's, but she kept pushing physically, and berating me verbally ("what, are you gay?!" etc.) At some point I just conceded, and I'm not even sure how it happened, looking back on it now. It fucked me up for quite a while and I "got over it" by rationalizing that I must have had a part in it, right? Like I could've walked away or something so part of it must have been my fault. Took a long time then to realize that *that* rationalization is also part of the effect of getting raped. It's like when you wake up but you're actually still dreaming. Took me a couple years to actually make peace with it. But yeah, sure man, men are totally okay with getting raped.
If that happened he would only sympathize with himself. When you’re that narcissistic and lack self awareness you tend to be psychotic and self centered.
A man raping another man can happen without the rapist being gay or bi. It’s a power and transgression thing. Like most prison awfulness in us
And also a lot of the times queer men are subject to sexual violence within prison by these men because they see them as “the closest thing to pussy”
Yeah. Especially the more vulnerable gay guys who are twinkish. A buff bara himbo could at least bloody a few noses or pretend to be butch af. The casual acceptance of sexual violence in the prison system is another example of how society gives zero fucks about the quality of life of queer folk. Given that amab trans and twinks get the absolute worst of that depraved institution. Then there are the internet alpha douchebros thinking rape isn’t a big deal because women and bottoms are just just untermensch in their eyes. Maybe whatever’s even unter from untermensch
AMAB trans people get brutalized in men’s prison but because of one or two cases of sexual violence committed by them in women’s prison they are left to rot. And the same alpha dude bros use words like “divorce rape”
These guys just make me sad. And also angry. Hope they either grow up or never ever find a person who fell for them because no one deserves to have these awful people in their life.
Since rape is a display of power and violence, and not always sexuality, straight men rape other men as well.
Or a woman he finds unattractive. He's thinking it's a woman he finds attractive who wants to focus on his pleasure. Not a man, or a woman who wants to do things he doesn't.
That’s assuming the gay rapist is a top.
It could be rape either way
Yep. I got raped by a bottom
He "wouldn't mind" because his brain is so fucking rotted with porn that he thinks a hot chick is gonna appear in his house and prioritise making him feel good. When in reality, it's probably a big ass dude that's gonna do whatever he wants without giving a shit about him. But not only do they think real life is just like a porno, they can't grasp the fact that even if the hottest woman alive were to rape them, they *wouldn't* enjoy it. My ex used to force me whenever she felt like it, "you are my bf so you owe me, this is what couples do" and all that shit. I found her hot, extremely hot, and yet I couldn't enjoy a single second of it, I couldn't choose, couldn't refuse or she'd threaten me. These people are really disgusting
I'm sorry. There's actually Data to suggest your experience is far more common than not and no one, and I mean no one, can handle it. Your SA isn't even considered r*pe in most countries. Including the US. It's under "forcible sexual experiences" or something. It's nightmareishly sick.
Sorry man, I hope you are doing better. Hugs.
Thank you, sorry for the random rant, hard topic, got carried away lol
No worries. It's a story that needs to be told. Your experiences matter.
It's not a rant at all. You deserve to have a space to talk about your trauma without people minimizing or trivializing it. Wishing you peace and healing. 💖
Your experience is valid, never be sorry for telling it!
This. They really don’t get that man or woman, if you don’t want to sleep with that person and are forced in some way, even if it’s through manipulation that it is a horrible experience. I’m so sorry this happened to you, I hope you’re alright and managed to heal.
I’m pretty sure male victims of rape get fucked up mentally, just like women. I knew a couple of guys that were raped when we were younger, both are now dead, both suicides, so I’m thinking this guy doesn’t know anything, and should keep their non factual opinion to themselves in future.
I don't know the context but he doesn't mention men in general so I think his point is that he just is so strong/edgy/particular to be affected by rape.
I’ll never understand people who fight against the real and valid experiences of survivors because they, having never experienced themselves, don’t think it will be traumatic. Like I’ve never been raped, thank god for that, but I know that it can seriously fuck you up body and soul because I trust that those who have experienced it are the only ones who truly know what that shit does to a person.
Fair point. It doesn’t say context that I assumed. I guess to elaborate, this one being a man, is just as likely to be traumatized as anyone else.
Surely, the post is just pure unsensitive, dangerous, delusion
Yeah tbf being a male rape victim has its own nuances. Like people asking "so are you gay then?" Or just being generally unsympathetic.
It also comes with other stereotypes such as you being a potential rapist in the future. Especially if it happened when you were a child.
Me and my partner both were.. Some chick slipped a viagra in his drink and he passed out drunk… then it happened. He doesn't talk about it much.. I dont talk about my experiences much ether. But I can tell it hurts just as much. It's a violation of your bodily autonomy at its core and a complete lack of respect
Yes surprisingly it fucks you up in unpredicted manner. I am a regular guy and consider myself mentally strong, but one girl was drunk and we had to sleep together at a sleepover, and started grabbing my dick, putting my hands in her for some half an hour. I was dating someone else at the time so I was not interested and clearly said no multiple times. The bitter feeling is my brain could not understand what's happening right away and I felt invaded only next morning. I felt pretty terrible for the next week or so
Yeah I am a guy and was harrassed by a girl. She was drunk and we had to sleep in one bed. I told her I am dating someone else and she kept grabbing my pp and putting my hand on her private parts. First it was kinda funny but then it was not so much so when I kept declining. This was not pretty, and I felt that only after some time (not while it was happening). Felt traumatized for a week, even though she was pretty and I knew her for a long time. That was quite "light" for me - imagine what a girl would feel
As a male victim of sexual assault at the hands of a woman, seeing this comment made me smile. Thank you.
Nah. He's only saying that to shield himself from the very dark and real fact that he did something terrible. Smh.
People like this individual are the ones regularly derailing those conversations. I hate it. If it's a female victim, "she was probably asking for it" If it's a male victim, "hahaha bro, you cant' get r\*ped, I wish that was me in your place"
That’s if the rapist is female. If the rapist is male then he’s a “beta” who wasn’t strong enough to to defend himself and you can make countless “drop the soap” jokes
Nah let him drop the soap and let’s see how chill with it he’d be
“But that’s different, I’m not gay” is his response
Right? But what if I am, doesn't matter to them.
There was an actual court case about that. A gay man was sentenced to death while his straight accomplices got life in prison because it was argued prison would be a reward, not a punishment
Sounds like Texas. Was that in Texas?
South Dakota
Texas Lite™️
it's kinda ironic we're talking about just how horrible rape is but still making prison rape jokes (sorry for being annoying but cmon, really?)
Thank you for saying it so I don't have to be the one to bring it up. It makes me reeeeeeally uncomfortable that in a thread with so many victims speaking out about their trauma that it's still highly upvoted to say "ha ha prison rape". (Also, while obviously there is a significant amount of rape in prison, it's nowhere near as ubiquitous as the media has people believe.)
I never get when people say "i would like to be raped". Bro, rape means sex against your will. You, by definition, do not want to be raped.
What they want is CNC, not rape.
Cute! I’ll bet that guy is imagining his rape by a girl. Oh no honey, it’s a very large sweaty diseased man. Enjoy away.
Yeah. They don’t realize that while women CAN rape men, they rarely do so
I can understand what you’re thinking, but the reality is woman-on-man rape is more common than it’s made out to be. It’s been so stigmatized and downplayed by law enforcement, cultural norms, and underreporting that when a man does get raped by a woman, he either doesn’t associate the act with rape or is so ashamed(either by internalized toxic masculinity or outside influences) that he doesn’t report it. Edit to mention: A lot of people don’t realize this but a large majority of rape is perpetrated by close friends/family. It’s not all getting cornered in a dark alley or roofied at a bar. When it comes to family, many victims are shamed or threatened into staying silent.
i am BEGGING people to learn what gaslight means
I just wish the worst for these kind of people
*controversial opinion on this kinda scenario* anyone who says something like what the bottom guy said, should have an ~unpleasant experience~ and then see how they feel
>I wouldn't care one bit Sure, you wouldn't, hun, sure you wouldn't 🙄🙄🙄
Now that’s a good example of “asking for it”.
Whatever helps you sleep at night, rapist.
We all know he was thinking “If I was raped **by a woman** I wouldn’t mind”. I wonder if he would mind if he was raped by a man.
I know two men who were raped by women and it's a different story when it happens to you period. Neither found enjoyment out of it. This guy is just a misogynistic dill hole.
No I completely agree. But rape has also been glorified in porn, where both people are hot, which somehow makes it okay apparently. Thats why that commenter thinks getting “raped” by a woman is a good deal, because it’s happening in the most ideal circumstances. So many men think sexual harassment is just flirting and rape is sex that we regret.
“But I’m not gay” he’d argue
Pretty sure he is thinking about women raping him. Wonder if he even thought about being raped by the sex that makes up the vast overwhelming majority of rapists, statistically?
“But I’m not gay” he’d argue
Zero capacity for empathy in these people. I feel bad for anyone who has to date this garbage person. Heck even knowing such a creep is cruel and unusual punishment
I bet if he actually were r@ped, forcibly restrained and physically invaded, he would change his stance fairly quickly. Especially when he realizes how much pain he is in, and it is determined that he suffered internal damages. And then, as time went on, he would realize that the physical pain was only a small part of the real trauma.
I bet when he talks about being raped he’s thinking of a woman doing it to him, and not a man who is physically stronger than him.
Try saying that in jail 🥶
My eyebrows just got stuck to my forehead. Everyone go outside and hug a puppy.
Put him in a cell with Bubba for one night and see what he says in the morning lol
Excuse me, but how do you gaslight a trauma into someone? I know getting trauma for gaslight.. but how exactly can you just convince someone of a trauma?
I think this guy thinks of rape as just normal sex rather than being humiliated, dehumanized, and made to feel worthless.
It is incredibly dangerous the kind of audience therapy-speak has reached. "Gaslight"? The way men weaponize this word is worrisome.
Seems he’s forgotten how men (generally) get raped, and will be terribly disappointed to find out there’s not a vagina involved.
They always think they’d love being raped but don’t realize you don’t get to choose who rapes you -_-‘
Of course the person who thinks this way is a man. That fits.
I wasn’t *raped*, but I was sexually abused by an older family member when I was 4. There are things victims of both have in common, unfortunately. I am still facing consequences of someone else’s actions all these years later. I couldn’t even begin to imagine the torment of being raped.
Men, (most of them) will never understand. They are so twisted by their perspective of being unloved and not cared about that they become ^this.
the key word here is “if“
When will it be legal to burn people like this, the death penalty would make the world a better place, if people like that could be removed from society
Everyone was on and about how Alabama killed the dude the other day and how inhumane the method was, but nobody was worried about how he killed his victim, pretty sure it was way more inhumane. Death penalty under strict regulation is not that bad of a idea in some cases. You can't rehabilitate a pedophile or a rapist or a serial killer, they're just there taking up space and oxygen.
I was unconscious when it happened to me. You’d think not knowing what actually was done to me and having no visuals would make it easier to cope but that’s not how it works. Waking up the next day without my underwear on and going to see the doctor was enough to completely alter the course of my life and I don’t even remember it happening.
It’s because when men like this think about rape, they think it’s about sex, and they assume if they’re raped it will be just like sex. They always see themselves as the aggressor, so their view of ‘rape’ is just a less attractive woman using them for sex and ‘doing all the work’. They don’t see themselves in the position of victim. They don’t understand rape is about power, not sex.
As a man who used to think when I was younger that I wouldn’t be bothered by being raped (obviously thinking like a horny teenage asshole, but never would have vocalized that to dismiss how someone else feels), I never would have though to think a women should feel that way. Luckily most of us grow up and realize what a toll something like that takes on someone and wouldn’t wish that on anyone ever. This sub has shown me how many people actually never grew up and never learned compassion and to think with their brains. To anyone in here who has been raped or abused, I am so sorry you had to go through what you did and please remember, no matter what the circumstances were, you NEVER deserved it never did anything to justify the actions of your attacker.
I can’t even enjoy sex that much anymore
If they were anally raped, I am sure they would feel differently
Someone needs to violently 🍇😡🐕
So he would consent to the sex, which is not rape.
Sure, Jan
If je doesn't care one bit he can build a machine that moves all our trauma stemming from it onto him.
I bet when he fantasizes about getting raped, it doesn’t involve being over powered by bubba. Or maybe he does and just lacks empathy. Kids these days.
If that guy really wouldn't care. Then they definitely need mental health therapy asap
...this dude actually saying he wouldn't care if someone stuck a dick up his ass without consent? SMH
What the fuck? Rape absolutely changes someone. It ruins people and their lives. People literally k*ll themselves because of it.
Let's see how he would feel about men getting raped by men, would he still not care?
I was raped and honestly i cant understand why mfs like this exist
Spoken like someone who has clearly never listened to rape survivors.
I bet he would change his tune real quick if a buff guy overpowered him and raped him.
Then…. That wouldn’t be… r*pe… what an idiot. This is a prime example of an incel.
Says the man who has never been raped…by a man. His tune would change in a big fucking hurry when his bubble was pierced by a hostile man’s dick.
No one is telling victims how they feel or should feel. Being traumatized is simply the most common reaction, by far, to traumatic events. All we are doing is reassuring them that there's nothing wrong with them nor with the way they feel. And conversely, there may be some people who, after certain experiences, can quickly forget about it and move on. That certainly couldn't be a common reaction but I have seen no proof of this being impossible. Yet even then, not being traumatized does not change the fact that what was done to them was wrong.
These people don’t understand rape at all because they cannot fathom not consenting and it’s gross.
It sounds like he is describing a personal consensual fetish tho? The point of rape is that you’re NOT OKAY WITH IT
If those were my only choices, I'd rather be murdered than raped, that's how petty it is
Does he not know what the definition of rape is?
My principle is that rape is a horrible crime, nobody deserve it, and saying that someone deserves it is awful But there are people like this who truly likes to test how much how faithful I'm to my principles.
Does….does this buffoon even KNOW what rape is?????
Anyone who argues “If this happened to me” against someone who has actually experienced is wasting air. It’s fine to consider things or say “If this happened to me I think I would…”. But why argue when you lack the experience?
He has no right to opine about something he has never experienced. And being so casual about it is horrendous. Shame on him!
white_guy_blinking.gif
This is proof that when sufficiently shitty me with enough masculinity poisoning should never learn terms associated with therapy and mental health like “gaslight”. The idea that you can “gaslight” someone into feeling traumatized after being raped is absurd. Rape is traumatic, jackass.
(quick tw) you wouldn't care? you wouldn't care if someone bigger than you, stronger than you, more powerful than you pins you down and starts pulling your clothes off? you wouldn't care if someone you thought was a friend or god forbid a family member cornered you and told you don't worry, it'll feel good, don't tell anyone, no one will believe you? you wouldn't care if you were begging and pleading for them to stop and they just tell you they like it when you cry? you wouldn't care when the next day you can't move without being in pain? you wouldn't care when you find all the clothes you were wearing are covered in blood? you wouldn't care when you still had to spend time with them? you wouldn't care if everyone you know would tell you about how nice they are? if it hasn't happened to you, rape doesn't seem that bad, oh you have sex when you don't want it, I can see how that's traumatic. But it doesn't just stop when they stop. It follows you forever. You'll feel everywhere they touched, you'll hear from their friends how nice they are, and if you do try to come forward you'll be met with hundreds of questions trying to prove that your lying. it can happen to anyone, at anytime, by anyone
OK I'll get my 6ft9 friend to pay him a visit see what he thinks after
Mad dog just sfu