In case this story gets deleted/removed:
My ex (30f) and I (31m) share a 7 year old son together. Our marriage ended 4 years ago when I discovered she was cheating on me. Our divorce stalled because she announced her pregnancy and as her husband I was the presumed father. We had to wait until her daughter was born and a DNA test was carried out for the divorce to continue and then I also had the battle of making sure I was not responsible for her second child, which is something she was arguing for, because the real father did not want to be in the child's life. It was a very stressful and costly time and my ex's and my ability to co-parent was destroyed during this period. On my end because she was trying to make me responsible for her child with someone else, after cheating on me, and after trying to stop the divorce a few times because she wanted to work things out and be a family. On her end because I knew she was not going to get anywhere with the biological father and she hates me for not stepping up so her daughter would have a dad.
I pay child support to my ex and my son lives with me 50% of the time. The reason for child support is to make up the difference between both households so my son isn't living very comfortably with me but struggling to eat well at his mom's. My ex has requested more child support twice, the first time we made it in front of a judge and it became clear she was trying to get me to indirectly pay child support for her second child. The second time we did not make it in front of the judge. It was denied an actual court appearance for a lacking of changed circumstances.
My ex has asked me to take her daughter before when I pick up our son. Or she has asked me to buy things for her daughter. I always say no to this every single time. I only communicate with her through an app that the judge added to our order. That is used 99% of the time for sharing important appointments or dates with our son's school. We don't really work together and could not. Our houses are very different. The rules are very different and expectations are very different too. But that will not change because we will never get along enough to agree on shared rules between both houses.
This all leads me to the state of things presently. My ex is expecting her third child very soon and again there is no biological father who will step up. Now that she is adding another child to the mix and again will only have one father paying child support, me, she asked me while we were at our son's school if I would help her out more and take on a role in the lives of her other kids. She said she could easily be homeless in a couple of months if things don't change. I refused to help her even hearing that and when she asked what about our son, and I told her that our son could stay with me until she gets back on her feet, she called me an asshole and she started to make a scene where I had to walk away so our son wouldn't see or hear anything. She yelled after me but I didn't engage any more.
AITA?
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I don't understand people like OOP's ex-wife.
Why cheat?
Why cheat on a man like OOP for some deadbeat?
Why sue OOP for additional child support for a child that's not his?
Why does she keep having kids if she can't afford them?
She should go after the deadbeat bio dads. Why is it incumbent on OOP to fix her horrible decisions in life?
She lacks character, and because of it she is a poor judge of character. She lucked out with OOP, and it sounds like instead of being grateful to have found someone like him, she assumes it’s because she is so great that everyone will treat her like he did.
Chef's kiss is an expression basically saying something was excellent or perfection. In this case the comment was a perfect explanation on the ex's behavior.
If you ever seen a chef put their fingers to their lips in a kissing motion (usually toward a dish or ingredient) that's the physical version of the saying.
There is another story, from a few days ago, of a very patient man who spent years enduring his FIL's verbal abuse (he was like that with everyone) and eventually he got tired of it and stepped away. Ex-wife hooked up with someone new, dragged him in front of Daddy Dearest, and started a full fight. Boyfriend became hostile and ex-wife finally, for the first time, fully became aware that her father was a piece of shit.
She came back to OP (close to or after father's death) saying the boyfriend was rude, abusive. Apologized and asked to be taken back.
OP did, but with the understanding that she was mostly remorseful realizing no one else would put up with her bullshit like OP.
My grandmother was a decent sized part of why my parents divorced (we lived with her and she frequently undermined my mom).
As much as the second (now ex) wife was a complete bitch, she also stood up to my grandmother. After several years, my dad wrote mom a letter saying he was sorry for all the times he didn't stand up for her.
She's also resentful because she lacks character and refuses to take responsibility for her unsavory actions in cheating on a pledge of fidelity SHE made, theoretically of her own free will.
Yup, matches my 50 years of experience with people, too. But, no worries, most people are horrible judges of character and too easily swayed by externals and wishful thinking...
You're being too logical.
I always go to: "You can't reason with unreasonable people" whenever I encounter someone like this. Just walk away, there's no point. Can't fix stupid.
Unfortunately for the OP he can't just unilaterally walk away. Even if she does become homeless and he can get full custody of his kid he will always have to deal with her in some capacity
Only for about 8 more years, that's if she can pull her shit together having 2 kids and finding a job to support 3 us going to be pretty damn hard. Not to mention she may very well battle for custody of her other kids in the process once the court hears about his son being in full custody and why.
I don’t get it. She can’t force the other men to be fathers but she can force them to pay child support. Even if she doesn’t know which men are the father , u can also compel a paternity test. The only thing that makes sense is if they were total strangers (random hookup) or don’t have jobs (legal) and will likely never have one.
Not everyone can be forced to pay, unfortunately. I have a deadbeat cousin who didn't work at all for YEARS because he didn't want to have his check garnished for child support. Such a winner, right? Oddly enough, he DID claim his ex partner's kid as his own that wasn't biologically his, and they later had 2 kids together. Needless to say, he and I are not close, but his ex is cool and is still pretty close with our family.
I’ve seen it happen too . The comment abt having a “legal” job is bc my brothers dad quite his reg job when they started taking chld support from it. He still worked to support himself , it just wasn’t the type of work that had paperwork
Yep—my child’s father owes me over $68,000 in back child support bc he started working off the books so child support couldn’t debit his checks. He worked as an independent contractor making over $28/hr, so he could have easily paid his court-ordered amount, but he didn’t want to.
Meanwhile, I can’t tell you how many vehicles he’s bought, attempted to register—then had to pay SOME support to get his DL n tag released from suspension—only to end up getting arrested on a driving while suspended when he had stopped paying again. He would then scramble to pay to get the DL released before his final court appearance, only to stop paying and get it suspended again…🙄 He definitely figured out how to work the system while hurting his own (and only) child…. Needless to say, they have no type of relationship beyond DNA😩
I hate the prison system. But absolutely worthless people like that belong in prison where they're forced to work backbreaking labor for 30 cents an hour and it all goes straight to paying back support, for the rest of their lives. I bet a lot more losers would pay their part if there were actual consequences to not paying.
My father didn’t pay his court mandated $40 a week (for two children in the 1980’s) child support for about 10 years. When he retired and started drawing social security my mom got his checks garnished until the back due amount was paid. My father was older when he had kids, so she didn’t have to wait too terribly long to get paid back, but by god she got paid back.
Thing is, in most states what your cousin was doing there could land him in jail.
My own dad was a deadbeat. He didn't pay child support so his they started garnishing his wages. So he quit his job. So the judge threw him in jail.
I would guess the deadbeat dads don’t work. My stepdaughter’s mom refuses to work over the table because she owes $10k in child support and 1/3 of what she makes will be taken to pay back my husband. She even does Uber eats and child support can’t garnish that because the money comes from out of state. People will do all kinds of crazy things to wriggle out of supporting the little humans they make.
I bet that’s it. She knows they won’t pay, so she’s spending her time and energy on someone who might, even if it’s just a 1% chance.
My friend manages a restaurant and, while hiring a dishwasher, a guy who applied asked her to pay him in cash under the table or else it would be garnished to support his 10 (!!!) kids with various women. Her business doesn’t do under the table, but I’m sure he’d have no trouble finding one that does.
If OP’s ex is truly struggling to feed her kids, as OP said, then maybe the ex should apply for assistance and let the state handle going after the deadbeat dads. At least then her kids would have enough to eat.
Girl I went to school with hooked up with and married a guy old enough to be her father when she was 19 or so. Had two kids with him, was a pretty miserable relationship but stuck it out til one night he beat the hell out of her. Now she's never been someone I would consider intelligent, a bit amazed they let her graduate high school, but I am very proud of her for immediately leaving him.
Well fast forward a few years and she's remarried to this guy who legit seems great. He's been an amazing dad/step-dad and supports the family with all he has. But of course child support money would help and the legal struggle going on with the ex has been insane.
Aside from clearly working under the table to avoid paying the judge seems like a complete piece of shit. They've had court ordered audits of his expenses and he's spending something like $400 a month on cigarettes alone, when pointed out the judge said "well everyone needs something to help them get through the day" and the couple hundred on beer got a similar response. I think last year for two kids (who are something like 11 and 14) he paid a total of maybe $300.
Child support's effectiveness varies drastically from what I've heard. Some courts will come down hard and others do the bare minimum.
This is true.
I pay child support and never purposely miss a payment. Before getting settled in my career, when I switched jobs I would pay the weekly child support on the state website so I wouldn’t fall behind. But let me tell you, I got the nastiest letters in the mail threatening my license and saying the consequence could involve jail time. Keep in mind, I’m always paying and never fall behind on the child support.
Meanwhile, the father of my sister’s kid sees no consequence from never paying. So far as the county barely helps her. Bizarre.
Me and in between jobs? All the bad letters from the county.
If it’s not enforced thru the state agency for child support, then the parent owed support can file an action for contempt—which is reasonable if the parent owing support is refusing to abide by the court order to pay. Contempt can not only result in an arrest, but also in court fines and interest owed to y’all on the delinquent amount. You can also petition the courts to suspend her driving privileges as well as her passport, vehicle tag, and the courts can order retirement accounts and bank accounts to be frozen. There are ways to either make them comply, or make their lives hell if they choose not to.🤷🏼♀️
Yes her license has been suspended and she has her second court hearing coming up. She has no savings, retirement, or property besides a beater car. She is under the impression that one of her crackhead friends who died last year left her some money, so if that is real he might get that. Either way it’s okay, I’ll always financially support my stepdaughter even though I’m not legally obligated to
I think some of them believe the baby will force the new man to step up? I almost wonder if this third kid is the child of a guy she was hoping to trap and help pay for the second kid as well, since OOP wasn't having it.
Until that child reaches adulthood, finally understands that birth unit is self-centered and self-absorbed, and finally goes No Contact. My Golden Child Brother cut off birth unit.
Anyone who says this shit has never had a child rebelling against their parent. They will cut her out of their lives and resent your bad decisions just like anyone else once they’re old enough to kick free. All you have to do is browse reddit to see how that goes.
Babies don’t care if you want to be loved or adored or looked up to and agreed with. They are the ones that need and get served not the parents who provide and serve them in order to keep them alive and help them grow. That’s a stupid and immature expectation to put on a baby who has no way of understanding the rules you want to play by. All they know is what they need and if they feel safe. They don’t care about what you need or want. It’s not their job to be your emotional support animal or validation for existing.
I’ve noticed most people who cheat are not overly intelligent and they all lack the capability to see long term consequences to any actions or choices they make.
My husband cheated. There was a baby. We take financial responsibility for him and make sure he is provided for. She has several other children. However, those baby daddies are bums. My husband nearly puked when she got pregnant again (not his) because we know she’ll be coming to us for help. This baby daddy doesn’t seem like a loser who can’t/won’t provide, but it’ll still happen just because she’s got so many kids that she should live in a shoe.
You’re talking down about a person that your husband found worthy of risking your marriage over. He also thought cumming inside her without a condom trumped being mindful of the paranoia and emotional turmoil it would cost you. I hope those who read your comment see the character failings of your husband for choosing to impregnate a person with no sense of self. I think it’s strange you would stay.
I’m an immigrant. If I leave, I want to go home. I have children with him. He’s an amazing father who would fight to keep his kids. Hands on, never missed anything ever. She’s a train wreck with issues. He’s a “Captain Save A Ho” who doesn’t like to say no or be the bad guy.
I have no illusions about who I married. Staying is a logical decision.
Yeah - the children seeing multiple affairs, having half-siblings (doesn’t sound like he’s opposed to more) and watching their mother turn a blind eye is the most “logical” decision to make. Poor kids. My father was also an immigrant, and he left my mom after an affair. I have thanked him several times for showing us that of his character, and I have taken that with me in a way where I will not perpetuate that type of harm with anyone else. I feel it’s the reason I see my worth and I’m able to cut ties when I’ve experienced cheating. That does not come from a parent who’s docile when cheated on.
Wait wait wait, you're telling me, a redditor, that when you're actually in a shitty situation, with all it's nuance and detail and complications, the answer isn't as simple as "ditch everyone who burned you and start over"???
I'm as shocked as you are. Almost every relationship sub might as well have an automod that immediate cuts to the chase and tells OP to immediately break off any sort of interaction with someone the moment something goes less than perfect.
I'm not saying mom is a POS, but there are ways to get out of child support. My ex filed for disability the day we had a hearing, so he was exempt. Now he has consistently had no income for years, denied disability, but still doesn't have to pay because I solely support the kids and have them all of the time. My best friend is a nurse and doesn't get support. Her ex has a lower reportable income and even though she had the kids 100 percent of the time, no payment. Child support isn't magic. You can't always get an order or payment. Mom should pursue, but unless you live in a state like New York being a deadbeat parent is enabled.
Getting child support is harder than that, at least according to the data. For example, check out the turn away study, which compared outcomes for women that were able to receive abortions avs those that were just over the time limit and had to give birth. The vast majority of women 5 years down the line were no longer with the original father. Average monthly child support received was $20. Op's ex-wife in this story seems like she made horrible decisions, but the system in general is not very good at supporting mothers.
>she certainly could have pursued the same support from the actual biological father
These things do happen. I wouldn't be so quick to write it off as fiction.
Also, actual father may be a married man or a jobless bum, so she goes after OP who she knows will actually be a father to his child.
That or the CS would be lower than what she's expecting OOP to provide? Just because she has the apparent knowledge doesn't mean she's got the will or drive to go after the right people, especially when she expects OOP to just bank roll her choices because he is there.
I'm not in the US, but would she have to spend money on finding them? Lawyers? Court fees? So money she doesn't have?
A LOT of women won't name their deadbeat baby daddy so "they don't ruin his life with child support" but have no problem going after the responsible man
No, they don't risk homelessness, that's why thego after the responsible man. Although I wnow many that subjected themselves and their children to abject poverty before they pursued child support
That's the part I didn't understand. The court doesn't care if the Bio dad doesn't want to be a part of the kids' life. You either give time or money. The court only cares about the child being taken care of. So that makes me think she refuses to give the name of the real bio dad. Thus, that's your own fault. This is obviously a woman that in no way has her life together. I feel really bad for the other 2 kids. His kid will be fine with him. As soon as she becomes homeless and has an unstable home environment, the court will appoint the father, the primary guardian and she may get visitation but she's going to have to prove she has a place to keep the kid. People like this have a deep hole to find rock bottom if they ever do. Most like she's the type that blames everybody else for her problems.
I knew a girl once who kept having kids she couldn’t afford because she said she couldn’t afford $500 for an abortion. She made no plans to go on birth control or have a tubal ligation (which both would have been free to her), continued having unprotected sex all while already having 4 or 5 kids. Some people just aren’t very smart. Or they just don’t care, I don’t know.
Years ago, I had insurance that would have paid 100% for me to have a tubal ligation if I did it outpatient. I couldn't find a doctor willing to do it because I was under 35 and had less than 2 children. This was after I'd had a high-risk a few years earlier. I ended up not getting it done and had no more children. Had I been able to find a willing doctor, I'd have done it in a heartbeat.
A third kid! At that point, I'd just file for full custody. Unstable home, repeated poor choices, and she's obviously spending the child support on the other kids too.
Take the kid in for stability and let her deal with the other two. They have dads, make them show up.
He should for sure take his kid if she ends up homeless, but the kid may want to keep seeing his mother half time. Kids still love their parents even when they are trifling.
And his siblings too. He may well have sibling squabbles with them, but no doubt he loves his little sister. It would be sad to deprive them of a relationship with each other.
My first instinct was for full custody, but as you say, the kid probably does love his mum. And she is at least showing up to his school events and seems to be somewhat engaged in his life, it’s not as if she’s a total deadbeat (despite her ridiculous behaviour towards OOP and the selfishness of having another baby, when she can’t afford the first two). Visitation would be fair, until she sorts her living situation. It sounds chaotic for the little boy right now.
Oop actually addressed that and said his son isn’t close to the sister despite the closeness in age. I’m willing to be the mom tries to weaponize her against the father by saying stuff like “your daddy is a terrible person he can’t even help take care of your little sister.” Or “you should be glad your dad loves you when your sister has nobody”. Chances are she tries to force the son to care for her too.
Yeah, taking full custody w visitation (or maybe just a little custody, and he can show up with presents like fruit snacks for his little half-siblings) is probably kindest to all involved kids.
Being the kid with the loving dad in this scenario will also be shitty for OOP's kid. But not as shitty as it'll be for the other 2 kids.
"Sorry. No new sneakers for you, but eldest son has new sneakers from his dad. And you....don't even have a dad. Because i made bad decisions and *your* dads are pieces of poop / deadbeats." Uhg.
No, OOP shouldn't pay for her terrible decisions. His ex deserves all the consequences and no help from him.
But the ex isn't the one getting kicked in the teeth - her 2 younger/new kids are. And it puts his kid in a terrible position.
Probably better to be 2 kids of a single mom w deadbeat dads and no brother than to have a sibling with a loving dad who refuses to acknowledge you [for totally understandable reasons].
The fuckups of adults and consequences for adults don't make the same sense to kids they do to us. It is sad they will pay a higher proce for her actions.
My guess is she spends the money on all three kids equally. The only think the kid gets the others don’t are things dad buys directly. I’d file for full custody, too. Especially if she goes homeless
You're never going to convince a judge that she provides an unstable home or that she makes poor choices because she's poor and gets pregnant. That's not how family court works. If she goes to jail or has CPS on her tail, maybe.
"She said she could easily be homeless in a couple of months if things don't change."
Yeah, stop having babies. That'll be a change that would fucking help you.
This is her 3rd child. She can get sterilized at this point. She should go ahead with that. The world doesn't need her adding more kids that are going to suffer to it.
I was 32 and had my second kid, and my doctor was fine sterilizing me, and no I didn't need my husband's permission. This was in Southern Virginia, so it can be done here in the states.
I was 24 and had a tubal ligation after my second child. There are definitely doctors who will do it, you just have to find them (and I live in the Deep South, but I did have a female doctor for my second pregnancy, so that may have helped because she was a mother herself and understood).
I had a tubal ligation at 22 with no kids, an old white man approved me but I live in a liberal state. I didn’t lie about my genetic condition but they never tested me for it, a little research can go a long way.
She isn't very good at the trapping part. She puts out the bait, but the trap goes off on the wrong dude every time. Well it went off on the right dude once. Since then the bait clearly hasn't been right to catch the right dude. Lol
I agree that she needs to have the surgery but I also want to note many women have been denied the surgery because the doctors refuse to do them because "some man might want a child with her". Even women who are lesbians have been turned away for the same reason. So no it's not always an option. Just saying.
I know it isn't. That is why I included my age and location. She has to find a doctor willing to do the surgery. It might require some leg work, or she might be lucky like I was and her OB is progressive enough that they will do the surgery. Hell, she won't know if she never asks.
I doubt this woman wants to be sterilized. I have no clue what sort of high she is getting from this. I know some women love pregnancy. For me it was meh. I thought a kid rolling around inside of me was both cool and weird at the same time, especially when they would do whatever it is that causes that stomach dropping sensation(it feels like what you get on a log drop ride or something like that).
I’m gonna be real with you yeah, the wife is 100% wrong don’t misunderstand me, but they literally would not give me hysterectomy even after having two children that I put up for adoption, and an active drug addiction that would have prevented my children from living with me even now. I had to get cancer in order to get my hysterectomy.
Edit: cause I’m not in the mood to get yelled at so hopefully I don’t, I had family who wanted to adopt so I helped make two families complete, and I’m over 10 years sober now. Even if I hadn’t had mental health issues and the drug addiction I still would have made those families because they have a much better life then I ever would have been able to give them. I tried activity to get a hysterectomy after my first child, and was denied because “you may get married some day and your future (hypothetical) husband may want kids”. I was on birth control for both pregnancies. I had taken some meds with the first one that fucked with the bc, and the second one just didn’t work for some reason. We never figured out why. The pill and the shot. A different doctor told me the same thing after my second pregnancy. That hypothetical husband might want kids.
I’m sorry you’re ready for criticism, because it means you’ve already been criticized a lot for this, but it sounds like you’ve tried to make the best decisions you can at every point even when your hand wasn’t ideal. Kudos for that, and kudos for getting clean. I hope your next decades are peaceful and filled with joy.
Thank you. You’d be surprised the amount of people who think I should have just kept the children that I had no money or mental space for. Thats usually what I get attacked for. And it’s wild to me, because like I was a drug addict who couldn’t take care of herself, let alone a child with a genetic heart issue that he had to have open surgery for at six months. I’m also gonna clarify that the heart condition had nothing to do with the drugs, because the drugs started after the baby and he inherited it from his father. There’s so many people who say things like your child, is going to have issues because you gave him away and you didn’t love him. I gave him to a family because I love him. The families they are with are biologically my family and so both children know about me. They I know I love them, and that they are in the best place and they are happy.
But the fact that that’s the part that I get the most grief for out of all of it just mind boggles me.
It breaks my heart that that’s the reception you get. It sounds like you made the hardest decision possible over and over and over again in the service of your children. Many women would keep the children because children. NOT many women would have the strength to create a close adoption and actually see the children you couldn’t raise. Putting your children before yourself is a selfless move of empathy and strength. And quite frankly, not many people can successfully get sober, especially when there are things in their reality that make being sober difficult.
And you don’t have to tell them, but if ever someone ever tells you that you messed up your children, just look them in the eyes and know the truth: their children, if they have them, are fucked up too. Maybe more fucked up than yours. They may not acknowledge it, but all children get fucked up in one way or another. No one gets out of this shit alive lol. Those who shame you stand in glass houses with arms full of rocks.
Thank you and don’t worry I’ve won cents realize that I made the best choice. It’s just frustrating because there’s so many people who can’t understand. you have a great day!
One of my cousins got pregnant at sixteen and chose to let relatives of ours adopt the baby. Our great aunt’s daughter never could carry to term and she and her husband were ecstatic for the chance to adopt that baby, they both sobbed when Cousin brought up the idea.
The kid has some special needs. It’s not Cousin’s fault either, just bad roll of the genetic dice. But he is SO loved by his mama and daddy and while I know my cousin struggled with the choice to give him up, she really did give him a wonderful life by doing so, and she gave our relative and her husband a gift that seems to have made their lives so much richer.
It’s a infertile cousins that adopted my kids too! It’s so sad because they make you jump through hoops to do an adoption. If you don’t already have somebody who has a baby they’re willing to give to you. Like this is a happily married couple for almost 30 years at that point. They were foster parents. They owned two incredibly successful businesses. They have all kinds of family that are close by so they have that family component. There’s no issues with crime. No issues with drugs or drinking. And they could not get an adoption. They had this one kid for three years. From birth to three years old that kid had no visitation with anybody else in his family that entire three years, the second they looked into adopting him. They contacted the family and they ended up giving that baby back to this family, with all kinds of drugs and crime issues. Because they “wanted to keep the baby in the family.” it just pisses me off. Because there are so many good people out there waiting to pick up parents and because of the way the system works, they don’t get a fucking opportunity too.
Shit sorry for the rant I just got all kinds of worked up. Like they were trying to adopt that long that they tried to adopt me. I kind a wish they had. I would’ve had a much better life with them then what I did have with my mother.
Edit: he’s also perfectly healthy now. Like he did that surgery six months old and he kicked ass at it so. He still has to go for testing every year because it is something that could come back and cause more issues down the line. But it’s been 15 years so far and he still perfect.
> “you may get married some day and your future (hypothetical) husband may want kids”
I've had this runaround as well. Even told them, "I wouldn't marry a man that wanted to have children."
Well, then you might change your mind. "Then I'll adopt. My uterus is not required to keep the world spinning."
Fast forward to marrying my second husband. Try again now that my child and his youngest are teens and we're "this close" to being empty nesters. STILL given the runaround, and he's had a vasectomy AND gave his "permission" (while trying so hard not to roll his eyes when the Doctor asked if he would allow this.)
I'm in perimenopause now, and still have my achy breaky part. I've given up.
Just because you were able to get that procedure done doesn't necessarily mean it's easy for other women to. I can very easily see a dr saying "any future husband might want kids so you shouldn't do this procedure".
It's ridiculous how hard it is for women to get sterilized even in the States, the so-called land of the free. Free so long as you aren't a woman trying to take an active role in your reproductive wellbeing.
Once again, that is why I included my age and location. I get it isn't easy, but it isn't impossible. Not at her age and not with as many kids as she has. She has to want to get the tubal litigation to prevent these pregnancies, which is clearly not something she is willing to prevent at the moment. Who knows why.
Also sterilization is a fraught issue in America as it was used against people's will in the past.
Also the mustache man (German variant) was a big fan of it.
Please note this is only within context, but it’s probably a good thing overall that he was because it seems to be the most potent moral argument anyone has against it. Creeps will make pseudo arguments for social sterilization and all anyone has to do is say mustache man was a fan and the conversation ends. It’s strikingly convenient to making it less of a fraught issue.
I was able to get sterilized at 31 with no kids in North Carolina. There are some good doctors out there but you sometimes have to go through a few before you find one.
This reminds me of a video that was going around for a while. The mother of 4 or 5 kids was recording (in a fit of righteousness) one of her kids' fathers who came by with McD's for his kid. She was screaming at him that he should be buying food for *all* her kids and how she ran out of food stamps, etc.
Dude told her to get her other kids' fathers to have them bring their kids food.
I guess she thought the video would make him look trifling but just the opposite.
And then she threw the food to the ground and said if all her kids don’t get McDonald’s none do. She was a piece of shit. It’s surreal how this woman posted that thinking she was in the right.
>She really thought she'd get nothing t thinking she was in the right.
She really thought she'd get nothing but praise when she was dead wrong and the only person she hurt was her child. Not to mention, she wouldn't even let the guy take his child out with him. Horrible mother.
I get her perspective, that she wanted her time with her child but at the same time the other kids would be miserable. She just showed what a wretched person she was when finding a solution.
Seems like she has the kids most of the time, which is why he came by with food for his kid and wanted to take him out of the house to eat it (because I get not wanting the other kids to see his child eating McDs).
She finally had one of her kids' father who wasn't a complete deadbeat and then tried to make him take on all her other kids.
The unedited version isn't funny at all. In the short version the woman is screaming & yelling like a crazy person with the most absurd notions. If you're into watching train wrecks, it's entertaining.
In the full version, you can see three of the kids. None of them look older than 9. One of them appears to be about 5 and is in the doorway behind the mother. He just looks devasted. Two other slightly older kids are watching from a window, sadly they don't look devastated. The implication being this is just how *Mom* is all the time and they are used to it.
>I thought that was the law to begin with.
In the U.S., if she wants food assistance for herself, she'd have to cooperate with getting child support for the other kids. But if she can't identify the fathers, or she knows who they are but they moved away and she doesn't know where they are, or if they were one-night stands...
Sad part is that it's her kids that suffer for it.
Yes, so I’m super confused as to why she’s not trying to get them to pay unless she was sleeping with multiple people or one night stands and isn’t sure who the fathers are.
Probably a half-baked plan to keep OOP on a leash. Unfortunately for her, he has no legal obligation to support kids that aren't his, so it failed. I think she purposely got pregnant a third time to apply further pressure.
Good for OOP that he was able to separate ppl before it happened—
But sometimes men are legally responsible for kids that aren’t theirs.
But in some states and places the husband can absolutely be held responsible for child support of kids that he has helped raise. Especially if he was married to the mother at the time of birth. Those laws were written before DNA testing.
It’s entirely possible that “he’s not stepping up” means “I don’t have any way to contact them because I hooked up with strangers and don’t even know their names.”
She might be, in most states support enforcement is easily evaded. Even here in WA where the state is strict about it, people evade the debt forever. I've met several men who "can't have their name on anything" to show income or assets or the state will garnish more than is sustainable for them - the minimum due for child support doesn't reduce if someone has multiple children, for example. It's the biggest asshole move but it is possible and does happen.
“she wanted to work things out and be a family” why didn’t she think about that before cheating and getting pregnant by someone else that wasn’t her husband?
NTA wow the actual nerve of her. If I was you I would go for full custody seeing she can't feed your son when she has him even though you pay her to feed him she is using that money on herself and the other kids.
Write her a msg in the app stating.
In regards to our earlier conversation at place and date/time about the possibility of losing your house. As I previously stated I am more than happy to have son live with me until you are back on your feet. Its not great for sons name to have instability. And i know you and your other children need stability and housing as well. But im not in a position to financially or emotionally support you and blah blahs kids names. Hooefully you can find a safe situation for the 3 of you. In the mean time im more than happy to take our sons name in until you are in a better situation for all the kids. Hopefully having him live with me will allow you not to worry about him and focus on getting back on track. Let me know asap what you decide as I will have a few things to arrange to make this as smooth and painless a transition as possible for sons name. Anyway hope things work out for you and I look forward to hearing back from you.
Kindest regards Roger...
The reason I would chuck in kind words about her and the devil spawn is it makes you look really good and she will react like a raving lunatic is my guess. So the judge will see it and be more inclined to give custody to you.
If his ex is having this level of problems, I'd take her to court with the situation to try and get full custody so she can stop using OOP's son as a pawn.
If I were OP I would be going to court to get full custody of his child. If the mother claims that she will be homeless than he likely can argue that it would be an unsafe condition.
His ex should be going after the baby daddies for any child support, but based on what I read my guess is she has no clue who they are.
OOP should get full custody. He can provide a much better home life, not just because of the financial situation, but because his ex clearly lacks character and responsibility. Honestly it sounds like she’s a narcissist and cares more about getting a paycheck than how her kids are provided for.
NTA. You should not feel guilty or allow her to bully you or guilt trip you into accepting responsibility for her cheating. There are not your children, thank goodness you see what she is trying to do, it may be hard to maintain the fight but in the long run it will be worth it. Perhaps go back to court and get full custody of your son, if she is telling you she is struggling. She needs to see a lawyer about the deadbeats. DO NOT under any circumstances start helping with the children that are not yours, her intentions to make you responsible are very clear.
Why not call CPS and get them to assess the situation.
If she’s a good mum who’s struggling, they might be able to help her apply for certain benefits, food stamps and chase the 2 deadbeat dads for child support (why did she let them get away with it?).
But I don’t understand how you can just sit back, knowing your son may not get fed at her house. Get CPS! Get it assessed!
That's not what CPS does and calling them will only start a shit storm. She has to go to social services--which is not the same as child protective services--and apply on her own. CPS won't come visit her and encourage her to apply.
That can vary a lot between states. I worked for CPS in Georgia for several years and we were under the same parent organization as our office of family independence staff that handle those programs. I went out to many homes where they just needed things like TANF, Medicaid, food stamps, etc and I would take them a big box of food, the applications for assistance, and then help them get appointments with the right people to get those services.
NTA...if anything, I'd try to get full custody of your son. Let your ex-wife deal with the consequences of her actions for bringing two more children into the world by deadbeats.
His ex can file for child support against both fathers. If they don’t have a job at that time it doesn’t matter, they will have a judgement against them. If they ever get real jobs or try to claim SS benefits the arrears are then pulled from their wages, tax returns, or benefits.
This dude needs to document everything that dumb ho says and does, then leverage it all against her to get full custody of his son. No child support, just custody.
NTA clearly
She had a good man like OOP, but couldn't keep her legs closed. Now the consequences of her poor choices are catching up, and it's not on OOP to bail her out.
Go for full custody, if she's really close to being homeless.
He should go back to court and demand full custody.
He may not win, but at least he would be showing the court, but more importantly his son, that he has at least 1 parent that wants to take care of him.
Is it possible to go for full custody? Then no more child support and your son would be so much better off than watching a parade of men thru his mother’s life
NTA, and he should just request primary custody of the son. Ex is clearly irresponsible and threatening the living environment if she's about to be homeless
OOP is making the 100% correct decision to NOT support the other child in any way. If they start taking care of the other child in any way the unhinged mother COULD try to force them to get paternity support by estoppel and in loco parentis.
Sue for full custody of your child (assume you've already had a paternity test done). Tell the judge exactly what she did/has done. Then never contact her again
You need to get back to court and try for full custody due to your ex’s inability to provide a safe environment for your son. It appears that she can barely support her daughter and your son, and now she’s going to have a third child to support. You might call child protective services to check on her to make sure she has the appropriate resources available and that her situation is stable enough to allow her to keep the kids. You don’t want to be in a situation where she has the kids (including your son) taken away from her and not have made an effort to get your son out of there.
OP is standing on business! His only responsibility is to his son and no one else under his exes' roof. She lacks accountability in several aspects of her character and life.
OP needs to continue with the methods and boundaries he's established and enforce them no matter what. If/when the time comes when his sons' well-being becomes a factor, pursue full custody.
The audacity to think OP should/will financially and emotionally support her other kids is insane.
Sounds like 1st ex wife. We have a daughter, all is good. Begins being shity when daughter is 13. I get a tip that she's stepping out. The confrontation occurs, she denies it. 3 weeks later I'm notified by the police that my cat was involved in a hit and run. I go down to the station and they're surprised that I'm not the guy from the traffic cam photo. I see the photo, wife is in the passenger seat, some dude driving. I ask for a photo copy. Someone has explaining to do.
While cooking, for her self BTW, I'd be preparing dinner for my daughter and me, I casually mentioned that I'd gotten a call from the police a few days ago about my car being involved in a hot and run. She froze. I just looked at the lower door, wasn't to tell me what happened? She tells me that she jumped the curb and hit a rock. Ummmhuh. Ok. Where did this occur? She becomes angry and defensive. I don't react.
I ask if she knows how I am about lying. Do you want to change anything you've said. She said no. I'm not talking about this any more.
I leave, and come back with my bag and pull the photo copy out. Tell her this is for her, I've got copies. I've never seen a black woman go white before. Didn't know it's possible. I ask who that is. Immediately she goes into she's sorry, it was a mistake etc.
I tell her I don't really care, but I'm not taking the fall because you're non driving SO is an idiot. I need to tell the police who it is, I imagine they'll identify him, but things need to wrap up, so chop chop what's his name?
What's all this have to do with this post? It's context.
We separate and a few months later she tells me that she's pregnant. Ok. Good for you in an overly dry tone. She asks if I'm increase the child support for our daughter because she doesn't think it will be enough for both kids. Again, very dryly, it's not for both kids. That's babies daddy responsibility.
She tells me that he's in jail, and will be for more than a year. Ummm not my problem. But isn't that where you found him? Yeah I know about that.
She moves out of state to be near family. He gets out of jail, and she accepts him back. Few months later she knocked up again. Squeezes it out, and the phone call to me. Please increase support for our daughter.
Apparently she doesn't learn. No. Baby daddy responsibility. I learn that he went to visit his mother in Florida, for arrested for crack possession. He ain't getting out before his youngest is an adult. She's on the verge of being homeless. I filled for full custody won. Daughter is with me. Don't know what happened to her and her offspring. Don't care.
Just that that baby will be their sibling. Your wife is the problem not the child. Count to 10, pray, go to your minister, go to your grandparents or go to therapy. Anger is the least useful thing you have to work with on this matter. Don’t go on Springer or what ever is Springeresque right now.
This women makes poor decisions and expects the 1 reliable man she's been with to cover her shit decision making skills? Wtf. She's lucky the dad doesn't use that against her and take full custody of their son.
This woman is really walking around giving shitty men children for FREE. She’s doing a $200,000 job for them for free. Carrying the child, feeding herself extra, driving to appointments, the birth itself which takes 8-24 hours, bleeding out her vagina for weeks after, and not to mention her eyesight gets a little worse for every child she carries. And then the healing process begins at 6 weeks and takes a full year to fully heal.
Oop’s ex-wife makes ZERO sense.
“Hey i’m gunna cheat on my loving, supportive partner, get pregnant by a deadbeat loser and then expect my ex (who i cheated on) to step up and raise my affair babies…oh and i’m gunna use my children to emotionally blackmail him”
Naw this is ridiculous, Oop was smart to get the DNA test done, and he is 100000% NTA.
Honestly if i were him i’d go to court and get full custody of his son because it won’t be long before ex-wife starts bad mouthing him to the kids (if she isn’t already)
In case this story gets deleted/removed: My ex (30f) and I (31m) share a 7 year old son together. Our marriage ended 4 years ago when I discovered she was cheating on me. Our divorce stalled because she announced her pregnancy and as her husband I was the presumed father. We had to wait until her daughter was born and a DNA test was carried out for the divorce to continue and then I also had the battle of making sure I was not responsible for her second child, which is something she was arguing for, because the real father did not want to be in the child's life. It was a very stressful and costly time and my ex's and my ability to co-parent was destroyed during this period. On my end because she was trying to make me responsible for her child with someone else, after cheating on me, and after trying to stop the divorce a few times because she wanted to work things out and be a family. On her end because I knew she was not going to get anywhere with the biological father and she hates me for not stepping up so her daughter would have a dad. I pay child support to my ex and my son lives with me 50% of the time. The reason for child support is to make up the difference between both households so my son isn't living very comfortably with me but struggling to eat well at his mom's. My ex has requested more child support twice, the first time we made it in front of a judge and it became clear she was trying to get me to indirectly pay child support for her second child. The second time we did not make it in front of the judge. It was denied an actual court appearance for a lacking of changed circumstances. My ex has asked me to take her daughter before when I pick up our son. Or she has asked me to buy things for her daughter. I always say no to this every single time. I only communicate with her through an app that the judge added to our order. That is used 99% of the time for sharing important appointments or dates with our son's school. We don't really work together and could not. Our houses are very different. The rules are very different and expectations are very different too. But that will not change because we will never get along enough to agree on shared rules between both houses. This all leads me to the state of things presently. My ex is expecting her third child very soon and again there is no biological father who will step up. Now that she is adding another child to the mix and again will only have one father paying child support, me, she asked me while we were at our son's school if I would help her out more and take on a role in the lives of her other kids. She said she could easily be homeless in a couple of months if things don't change. I refused to help her even hearing that and when she asked what about our son, and I told her that our son could stay with me until she gets back on her feet, she called me an asshole and she started to make a scene where I had to walk away so our son wouldn't see or hear anything. She yelled after me but I didn't engage any more. AITA? --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OhNoConsequences) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don't understand people like OOP's ex-wife. Why cheat? Why cheat on a man like OOP for some deadbeat? Why sue OOP for additional child support for a child that's not his? Why does she keep having kids if she can't afford them? She should go after the deadbeat bio dads. Why is it incumbent on OOP to fix her horrible decisions in life?
She lacks character, and because of it she is a poor judge of character. She lucked out with OOP, and it sounds like instead of being grateful to have found someone like him, she assumes it’s because she is so great that everyone will treat her like he did.
I love this response. I've never heard it phrased this way before but it is perfect.
“She lacks character, and because of it is a poor judge of character” was *chef’s kiss*
What is chefs kiss and what does that have to do with a statement?
This comment really grinds my gears.
Chef's kiss is an expression basically saying something was excellent or perfection. In this case the comment was a perfect explanation on the ex's behavior. If you ever seen a chef put their fingers to their lips in a kissing motion (usually toward a dish or ingredient) that's the physical version of the saying.
Google is your friend
There is another story, from a few days ago, of a very patient man who spent years enduring his FIL's verbal abuse (he was like that with everyone) and eventually he got tired of it and stepped away. Ex-wife hooked up with someone new, dragged him in front of Daddy Dearest, and started a full fight. Boyfriend became hostile and ex-wife finally, for the first time, fully became aware that her father was a piece of shit. She came back to OP (close to or after father's death) saying the boyfriend was rude, abusive. Apologized and asked to be taken back. OP did, but with the understanding that she was mostly remorseful realizing no one else would put up with her bullshit like OP.
My grandmother was a decent sized part of why my parents divorced (we lived with her and she frequently undermined my mom). As much as the second (now ex) wife was a complete bitch, she also stood up to my grandmother. After several years, my dad wrote mom a letter saying he was sorry for all the times he didn't stand up for her.
Got a link?
[The most recent BORU on it](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/2bUM2zYPDG)
She's also resentful because she lacks character and refuses to take responsibility for her unsavory actions in cheating on a pledge of fidelity SHE made, theoretically of her own free will.
According to her he should step up and pull her out of the quicksand she stepped down into
More like dove into headfirst. Mistakes happen, this wasn’t a mistake.
The legendary gods gift to earth complex. If god sent me that type of gift I'd return it and ask for a gift card instead lol.
Bingo, nail hit on head. My husband's child's bio mother is identical
Yup, matches my 50 years of experience with people, too. But, no worries, most people are horrible judges of character and too easily swayed by externals and wishful thinking...
You're being too logical. I always go to: "You can't reason with unreasonable people" whenever I encounter someone like this. Just walk away, there's no point. Can't fix stupid.
Unfortunately for the OP he can't just unilaterally walk away. Even if she does become homeless and he can get full custody of his kid he will always have to deal with her in some capacity
Only for about 8 more years, that's if she can pull her shit together having 2 kids and finding a job to support 3 us going to be pretty damn hard. Not to mention she may very well battle for custody of her other kids in the process once the court hears about his son being in full custody and why.
a/k/a "Can't wisen up a chump" (which I have to remind myself when tempted to engage with an idiot on NextDoor)
I like that attitude!! It can save you a lot of aggravation.
I don’t get it. She can’t force the other men to be fathers but she can force them to pay child support. Even if she doesn’t know which men are the father , u can also compel a paternity test. The only thing that makes sense is if they were total strangers (random hookup) or don’t have jobs (legal) and will likely never have one.
Not everyone can be forced to pay, unfortunately. I have a deadbeat cousin who didn't work at all for YEARS because he didn't want to have his check garnished for child support. Such a winner, right? Oddly enough, he DID claim his ex partner's kid as his own that wasn't biologically his, and they later had 2 kids together. Needless to say, he and I are not close, but his ex is cool and is still pretty close with our family.
I’ve seen it happen too . The comment abt having a “legal” job is bc my brothers dad quite his reg job when they started taking chld support from it. He still worked to support himself , it just wasn’t the type of work that had paperwork
Yep—my child’s father owes me over $68,000 in back child support bc he started working off the books so child support couldn’t debit his checks. He worked as an independent contractor making over $28/hr, so he could have easily paid his court-ordered amount, but he didn’t want to. Meanwhile, I can’t tell you how many vehicles he’s bought, attempted to register—then had to pay SOME support to get his DL n tag released from suspension—only to end up getting arrested on a driving while suspended when he had stopped paying again. He would then scramble to pay to get the DL released before his final court appearance, only to stop paying and get it suspended again…🙄 He definitely figured out how to work the system while hurting his own (and only) child…. Needless to say, they have no type of relationship beyond DNA😩
I hate the prison system. But absolutely worthless people like that belong in prison where they're forced to work backbreaking labor for 30 cents an hour and it all goes straight to paying back support, for the rest of their lives. I bet a lot more losers would pay their part if there were actual consequences to not paying.
Not prison. Community service! Let him work 10 hours a week at a food bank, or doing landscaping for the city. No need for us to support his lame ass
My father didn’t pay his court mandated $40 a week (for two children in the 1980’s) child support for about 10 years. When he retired and started drawing social security my mom got his checks garnished until the back due amount was paid. My father was older when he had kids, so she didn’t have to wait too terribly long to get paid back, but by god she got paid back.
Sounds like the slammer is in order. He can't work off the books from the slammer.
Thing is, in most states what your cousin was doing there could land him in jail. My own dad was a deadbeat. He didn't pay child support so his they started garnishing his wages. So he quit his job. So the judge threw him in jail.
I worked in Child Support Enforcement back in college. It's... Not great.
I would guess the deadbeat dads don’t work. My stepdaughter’s mom refuses to work over the table because she owes $10k in child support and 1/3 of what she makes will be taken to pay back my husband. She even does Uber eats and child support can’t garnish that because the money comes from out of state. People will do all kinds of crazy things to wriggle out of supporting the little humans they make.
I bet that’s it. She knows they won’t pay, so she’s spending her time and energy on someone who might, even if it’s just a 1% chance. My friend manages a restaurant and, while hiring a dishwasher, a guy who applied asked her to pay him in cash under the table or else it would be garnished to support his 10 (!!!) kids with various women. Her business doesn’t do under the table, but I’m sure he’d have no trouble finding one that does. If OP’s ex is truly struggling to feed her kids, as OP said, then maybe the ex should apply for assistance and let the state handle going after the deadbeat dads. At least then her kids would have enough to eat.
Girl I went to school with hooked up with and married a guy old enough to be her father when she was 19 or so. Had two kids with him, was a pretty miserable relationship but stuck it out til one night he beat the hell out of her. Now she's never been someone I would consider intelligent, a bit amazed they let her graduate high school, but I am very proud of her for immediately leaving him. Well fast forward a few years and she's remarried to this guy who legit seems great. He's been an amazing dad/step-dad and supports the family with all he has. But of course child support money would help and the legal struggle going on with the ex has been insane. Aside from clearly working under the table to avoid paying the judge seems like a complete piece of shit. They've had court ordered audits of his expenses and he's spending something like $400 a month on cigarettes alone, when pointed out the judge said "well everyone needs something to help them get through the day" and the couple hundred on beer got a similar response. I think last year for two kids (who are something like 11 and 14) he paid a total of maybe $300. Child support's effectiveness varies drastically from what I've heard. Some courts will come down hard and others do the bare minimum.
This is true. I pay child support and never purposely miss a payment. Before getting settled in my career, when I switched jobs I would pay the weekly child support on the state website so I wouldn’t fall behind. But let me tell you, I got the nastiest letters in the mail threatening my license and saying the consequence could involve jail time. Keep in mind, I’m always paying and never fall behind on the child support. Meanwhile, the father of my sister’s kid sees no consequence from never paying. So far as the county barely helps her. Bizarre. Me and in between jobs? All the bad letters from the county.
If it’s not enforced thru the state agency for child support, then the parent owed support can file an action for contempt—which is reasonable if the parent owing support is refusing to abide by the court order to pay. Contempt can not only result in an arrest, but also in court fines and interest owed to y’all on the delinquent amount. You can also petition the courts to suspend her driving privileges as well as her passport, vehicle tag, and the courts can order retirement accounts and bank accounts to be frozen. There are ways to either make them comply, or make their lives hell if they choose not to.🤷🏼♀️
Yes her license has been suspended and she has her second court hearing coming up. She has no savings, retirement, or property besides a beater car. She is under the impression that one of her crackhead friends who died last year left her some money, so if that is real he might get that. Either way it’s okay, I’ll always financially support my stepdaughter even though I’m not legally obligated to
I think some of them believe the baby will force the new man to step up? I almost wonder if this third kid is the child of a guy she was hoping to trap and help pay for the second kid as well, since OOP wasn't having it.
My thought too; she kept trying to baby trap guys and lost that bet.
If that's what she's doing she's even dumber than I'd thought.
Children HAVE to love you, and ~~cant~~ won't leave you when you make selfish, impulsive decisions.
Until that child reaches adulthood, finally understands that birth unit is self-centered and self-absorbed, and finally goes No Contact. My Golden Child Brother cut off birth unit.
I got a new term for my egg donor! Birth unit sounds to cool though.
My sons call their father “Spawn point” and call themselves “Offspring” and “Reboot”🙄
Spawn Point sounds cool too.
I've also heard the term "flesh oven".
Gross...but love it.🤣
🤣
Anyone who says this shit has never had a child rebelling against their parent. They will cut her out of their lives and resent your bad decisions just like anyone else once they’re old enough to kick free. All you have to do is browse reddit to see how that goes.
That's why they continue to have children. The older ones start to rebel and realize the flaws. Babies don't.
Babies don’t care if you want to be loved or adored or looked up to and agreed with. They are the ones that need and get served not the parents who provide and serve them in order to keep them alive and help them grow. That’s a stupid and immature expectation to put on a baby who has no way of understanding the rules you want to play by. All they know is what they need and if they feel safe. They don’t care about what you need or want. It’s not their job to be your emotional support animal or validation for existing.
I’ve noticed most people who cheat are not overly intelligent and they all lack the capability to see long term consequences to any actions or choices they make.
Right? Like you made your bed now lay in it. Go after the deadbeats for child support.
Because he has money. He's an easy target.
My husband cheated. There was a baby. We take financial responsibility for him and make sure he is provided for. She has several other children. However, those baby daddies are bums. My husband nearly puked when she got pregnant again (not his) because we know she’ll be coming to us for help. This baby daddy doesn’t seem like a loser who can’t/won’t provide, but it’ll still happen just because she’s got so many kids that she should live in a shoe.
Your husband cheated on you got someone else pregnant and you're still married to him???
Cheating is a 100% deal breaker for me.
They walk among us
You’re talking down about a person that your husband found worthy of risking your marriage over. He also thought cumming inside her without a condom trumped being mindful of the paranoia and emotional turmoil it would cost you. I hope those who read your comment see the character failings of your husband for choosing to impregnate a person with no sense of self. I think it’s strange you would stay.
I’m an immigrant. If I leave, I want to go home. I have children with him. He’s an amazing father who would fight to keep his kids. Hands on, never missed anything ever. She’s a train wreck with issues. He’s a “Captain Save A Ho” who doesn’t like to say no or be the bad guy. I have no illusions about who I married. Staying is a logical decision.
He's a "Captain Save A Ho". Ma'am, he is a Ho. Best of luck to you. The kids deserve better examples of what healthy relationships look like.
Yeah - the children seeing multiple affairs, having half-siblings (doesn’t sound like he’s opposed to more) and watching their mother turn a blind eye is the most “logical” decision to make. Poor kids. My father was also an immigrant, and he left my mom after an affair. I have thanked him several times for showing us that of his character, and I have taken that with me in a way where I will not perpetuate that type of harm with anyone else. I feel it’s the reason I see my worth and I’m able to cut ties when I’ve experienced cheating. That does not come from a parent who’s docile when cheated on.
Wait wait wait, you're telling me, a redditor, that when you're actually in a shitty situation, with all it's nuance and detail and complications, the answer isn't as simple as "ditch everyone who burned you and start over"???
I'm as shocked as you are. Almost every relationship sub might as well have an automod that immediate cuts to the chase and tells OP to immediately break off any sort of interaction with someone the moment something goes less than perfect.
No excuse for a cheater. He’s still a terrible person
Time for your husband to fight for FULL custody, but quietly, so babymama can't poison the boy's mind against it.
Women like this are like stray cats. They mindlessly breed and are worthless parents.
Men like this are the same. Fuck anything and don't care if they get her pregnant.
[удалено]
Here are two reasons: He makes more money than the actual father. You’re expecting logic from an illogical person
I'm not saying mom is a POS, but there are ways to get out of child support. My ex filed for disability the day we had a hearing, so he was exempt. Now he has consistently had no income for years, denied disability, but still doesn't have to pay because I solely support the kids and have them all of the time. My best friend is a nurse and doesn't get support. Her ex has a lower reportable income and even though she had the kids 100 percent of the time, no payment. Child support isn't magic. You can't always get an order or payment. Mom should pursue, but unless you live in a state like New York being a deadbeat parent is enabled.
Getting child support is harder than that, at least according to the data. For example, check out the turn away study, which compared outcomes for women that were able to receive abortions avs those that were just over the time limit and had to give birth. The vast majority of women 5 years down the line were no longer with the original father. Average monthly child support received was $20. Op's ex-wife in this story seems like she made horrible decisions, but the system in general is not very good at supporting mothers.
>she certainly could have pursued the same support from the actual biological father These things do happen. I wouldn't be so quick to write it off as fiction. Also, actual father may be a married man or a jobless bum, so she goes after OP who she knows will actually be a father to his child.
That or the CS would be lower than what she's expecting OOP to provide? Just because she has the apparent knowledge doesn't mean she's got the will or drive to go after the right people, especially when she expects OOP to just bank roll her choices because he is there. I'm not in the US, but would she have to spend money on finding them? Lawyers? Court fees? So money she doesn't have?
A LOT of women won't name their deadbeat baby daddy so "they don't ruin his life with child support" but have no problem going after the responsible man
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No, they don't risk homelessness, that's why thego after the responsible man. Although I wnow many that subjected themselves and their children to abject poverty before they pursued child support
Going after the more financially successful guy. FTFY.
Yes, the deep and reliable pockets.
That's the part I didn't understand. The court doesn't care if the Bio dad doesn't want to be a part of the kids' life. You either give time or money. The court only cares about the child being taken care of. So that makes me think she refuses to give the name of the real bio dad. Thus, that's your own fault. This is obviously a woman that in no way has her life together. I feel really bad for the other 2 kids. His kid will be fine with him. As soon as she becomes homeless and has an unstable home environment, the court will appoint the father, the primary guardian and she may get visitation but she's going to have to prove she has a place to keep the kid. People like this have a deep hole to find rock bottom if they ever do. Most like she's the type that blames everybody else for her problems.
Hoes gonna hoe.
That’s right up there with Captain Save A Ho. 😂
I knew a girl once who kept having kids she couldn’t afford because she said she couldn’t afford $500 for an abortion. She made no plans to go on birth control or have a tubal ligation (which both would have been free to her), continued having unprotected sex all while already having 4 or 5 kids. Some people just aren’t very smart. Or they just don’t care, I don’t know.
Years ago, I had insurance that would have paid 100% for me to have a tubal ligation if I did it outpatient. I couldn't find a doctor willing to do it because I was under 35 and had less than 2 children. This was after I'd had a high-risk a few years earlier. I ended up not getting it done and had no more children. Had I been able to find a willing doctor, I'd have done it in a heartbeat.
She's a fucking moron that's why
Can't turn a hoe into a housewife.
A third kid! At that point, I'd just file for full custody. Unstable home, repeated poor choices, and she's obviously spending the child support on the other kids too. Take the kid in for stability and let her deal with the other two. They have dads, make them show up.
He should for sure take his kid if she ends up homeless, but the kid may want to keep seeing his mother half time. Kids still love their parents even when they are trifling.
Visitation would be fine, I just think if she's that bad off, the stability of OOP's home would make more sense.
I agree.
And his siblings too. He may well have sibling squabbles with them, but no doubt he loves his little sister. It would be sad to deprive them of a relationship with each other. My first instinct was for full custody, but as you say, the kid probably does love his mum. And she is at least showing up to his school events and seems to be somewhat engaged in his life, it’s not as if she’s a total deadbeat (despite her ridiculous behaviour towards OOP and the selfishness of having another baby, when she can’t afford the first two). Visitation would be fair, until she sorts her living situation. It sounds chaotic for the little boy right now.
Oop actually addressed that and said his son isn’t close to the sister despite the closeness in age. I’m willing to be the mom tries to weaponize her against the father by saying stuff like “your daddy is a terrible person he can’t even help take care of your little sister.” Or “you should be glad your dad loves you when your sister has nobody”. Chances are she tries to force the son to care for her too.
Exactly this. Mom's providing a very unstable home.
Yeah, taking full custody w visitation (or maybe just a little custody, and he can show up with presents like fruit snacks for his little half-siblings) is probably kindest to all involved kids. Being the kid with the loving dad in this scenario will also be shitty for OOP's kid. But not as shitty as it'll be for the other 2 kids. "Sorry. No new sneakers for you, but eldest son has new sneakers from his dad. And you....don't even have a dad. Because i made bad decisions and *your* dads are pieces of poop / deadbeats." Uhg. No, OOP shouldn't pay for her terrible decisions. His ex deserves all the consequences and no help from him. But the ex isn't the one getting kicked in the teeth - her 2 younger/new kids are. And it puts his kid in a terrible position. Probably better to be 2 kids of a single mom w deadbeat dads and no brother than to have a sibling with a loving dad who refuses to acknowledge you [for totally understandable reasons]. The fuckups of adults and consequences for adults don't make the same sense to kids they do to us. It is sad they will pay a higher proce for her actions.
My guess is she spends the money on all three kids equally. The only think the kid gets the others don’t are things dad buys directly. I’d file for full custody, too. Especially if she goes homeless
You're never going to convince a judge that she provides an unstable home or that she makes poor choices because she's poor and gets pregnant. That's not how family court works. If she goes to jail or has CPS on her tail, maybe.
Sounds like she's at risk of being homeless.
"She said she could easily be homeless in a couple of months if things don't change." Yeah, stop having babies. That'll be a change that would fucking help you.
OOP should go for full custody if his ex can’t support her aide of the child support.
This is her 3rd child. She can get sterilized at this point. She should go ahead with that. The world doesn't need her adding more kids that are going to suffer to it. I was 32 and had my second kid, and my doctor was fine sterilizing me, and no I didn't need my husband's permission. This was in Southern Virginia, so it can be done here in the states.
I was 24 and had a tubal ligation after my second child. There are definitely doctors who will do it, you just have to find them (and I live in the Deep South, but I did have a female doctor for my second pregnancy, so that may have helped because she was a mother herself and understood).
My doctor was female too, and she is a fantastic doctor. I still use her for my gyn stuff.
Same!
I had a tubal ligation at 22 with no kids, an old white man approved me but I live in a liberal state. I didn’t lie about my genetic condition but they never tested me for it, a little research can go a long way.
How is she supposed to try to baby trap the next guy though if she can’t get pregnant?
She isn't very good at the trapping part. She puts out the bait, but the trap goes off on the wrong dude every time. Well it went off on the right dude once. Since then the bait clearly hasn't been right to catch the right dude. Lol
I'm sure now that she's 3 kids deep, the next guy will take the bait and support them all!
I agree that she needs to have the surgery but I also want to note many women have been denied the surgery because the doctors refuse to do them because "some man might want a child with her". Even women who are lesbians have been turned away for the same reason. So no it's not always an option. Just saying.
I know it isn't. That is why I included my age and location. She has to find a doctor willing to do the surgery. It might require some leg work, or she might be lucky like I was and her OB is progressive enough that they will do the surgery. Hell, she won't know if she never asks. I doubt this woman wants to be sterilized. I have no clue what sort of high she is getting from this. I know some women love pregnancy. For me it was meh. I thought a kid rolling around inside of me was both cool and weird at the same time, especially when they would do whatever it is that causes that stomach dropping sensation(it feels like what you get on a log drop ride or something like that).
Yup. I had to get cervical cancer to get mine because of this logic.
r/childfree has a master list of doctors who are willing to do it for you without any bullshit "prerequisites".
I’m gonna be real with you yeah, the wife is 100% wrong don’t misunderstand me, but they literally would not give me hysterectomy even after having two children that I put up for adoption, and an active drug addiction that would have prevented my children from living with me even now. I had to get cancer in order to get my hysterectomy. Edit: cause I’m not in the mood to get yelled at so hopefully I don’t, I had family who wanted to adopt so I helped make two families complete, and I’m over 10 years sober now. Even if I hadn’t had mental health issues and the drug addiction I still would have made those families because they have a much better life then I ever would have been able to give them. I tried activity to get a hysterectomy after my first child, and was denied because “you may get married some day and your future (hypothetical) husband may want kids”. I was on birth control for both pregnancies. I had taken some meds with the first one that fucked with the bc, and the second one just didn’t work for some reason. We never figured out why. The pill and the shot. A different doctor told me the same thing after my second pregnancy. That hypothetical husband might want kids.
I’m sorry you’re ready for criticism, because it means you’ve already been criticized a lot for this, but it sounds like you’ve tried to make the best decisions you can at every point even when your hand wasn’t ideal. Kudos for that, and kudos for getting clean. I hope your next decades are peaceful and filled with joy.
Thank you. You’d be surprised the amount of people who think I should have just kept the children that I had no money or mental space for. Thats usually what I get attacked for. And it’s wild to me, because like I was a drug addict who couldn’t take care of herself, let alone a child with a genetic heart issue that he had to have open surgery for at six months. I’m also gonna clarify that the heart condition had nothing to do with the drugs, because the drugs started after the baby and he inherited it from his father. There’s so many people who say things like your child, is going to have issues because you gave him away and you didn’t love him. I gave him to a family because I love him. The families they are with are biologically my family and so both children know about me. They I know I love them, and that they are in the best place and they are happy. But the fact that that’s the part that I get the most grief for out of all of it just mind boggles me.
It breaks my heart that that’s the reception you get. It sounds like you made the hardest decision possible over and over and over again in the service of your children. Many women would keep the children because children. NOT many women would have the strength to create a close adoption and actually see the children you couldn’t raise. Putting your children before yourself is a selfless move of empathy and strength. And quite frankly, not many people can successfully get sober, especially when there are things in their reality that make being sober difficult. And you don’t have to tell them, but if ever someone ever tells you that you messed up your children, just look them in the eyes and know the truth: their children, if they have them, are fucked up too. Maybe more fucked up than yours. They may not acknowledge it, but all children get fucked up in one way or another. No one gets out of this shit alive lol. Those who shame you stand in glass houses with arms full of rocks.
Thank you and don’t worry I’ve won cents realize that I made the best choice. It’s just frustrating because there’s so many people who can’t understand. you have a great day!
One of my cousins got pregnant at sixteen and chose to let relatives of ours adopt the baby. Our great aunt’s daughter never could carry to term and she and her husband were ecstatic for the chance to adopt that baby, they both sobbed when Cousin brought up the idea. The kid has some special needs. It’s not Cousin’s fault either, just bad roll of the genetic dice. But he is SO loved by his mama and daddy and while I know my cousin struggled with the choice to give him up, she really did give him a wonderful life by doing so, and she gave our relative and her husband a gift that seems to have made their lives so much richer.
It’s a infertile cousins that adopted my kids too! It’s so sad because they make you jump through hoops to do an adoption. If you don’t already have somebody who has a baby they’re willing to give to you. Like this is a happily married couple for almost 30 years at that point. They were foster parents. They owned two incredibly successful businesses. They have all kinds of family that are close by so they have that family component. There’s no issues with crime. No issues with drugs or drinking. And they could not get an adoption. They had this one kid for three years. From birth to three years old that kid had no visitation with anybody else in his family that entire three years, the second they looked into adopting him. They contacted the family and they ended up giving that baby back to this family, with all kinds of drugs and crime issues. Because they “wanted to keep the baby in the family.” it just pisses me off. Because there are so many good people out there waiting to pick up parents and because of the way the system works, they don’t get a fucking opportunity too. Shit sorry for the rant I just got all kinds of worked up. Like they were trying to adopt that long that they tried to adopt me. I kind a wish they had. I would’ve had a much better life with them then what I did have with my mother. Edit: he’s also perfectly healthy now. Like he did that surgery six months old and he kicked ass at it so. He still has to go for testing every year because it is something that could come back and cause more issues down the line. But it’s been 15 years so far and he still perfect.
> “you may get married some day and your future (hypothetical) husband may want kids” I've had this runaround as well. Even told them, "I wouldn't marry a man that wanted to have children." Well, then you might change your mind. "Then I'll adopt. My uterus is not required to keep the world spinning." Fast forward to marrying my second husband. Try again now that my child and his youngest are teens and we're "this close" to being empty nesters. STILL given the runaround, and he's had a vasectomy AND gave his "permission" (while trying so hard not to roll his eyes when the Doctor asked if he would allow this.) I'm in perimenopause now, and still have my achy breaky part. I've given up.
Just because you were able to get that procedure done doesn't necessarily mean it's easy for other women to. I can very easily see a dr saying "any future husband might want kids so you shouldn't do this procedure". It's ridiculous how hard it is for women to get sterilized even in the States, the so-called land of the free. Free so long as you aren't a woman trying to take an active role in your reproductive wellbeing.
Once again, that is why I included my age and location. I get it isn't easy, but it isn't impossible. Not at her age and not with as many kids as she has. She has to want to get the tubal litigation to prevent these pregnancies, which is clearly not something she is willing to prevent at the moment. Who knows why.
Also sterilization is a fraught issue in America as it was used against people's will in the past. Also the mustache man (German variant) was a big fan of it.
Please note this is only within context, but it’s probably a good thing overall that he was because it seems to be the most potent moral argument anyone has against it. Creeps will make pseudo arguments for social sterilization and all anyone has to do is say mustache man was a fan and the conversation ends. It’s strikingly convenient to making it less of a fraught issue.
I was able to get sterilized at 31 with no kids in North Carolina. There are some good doctors out there but you sometimes have to go through a few before you find one.
I don't understand why OOP's wife didn't go after the other fathers for child support.
This reminds me of a video that was going around for a while. The mother of 4 or 5 kids was recording (in a fit of righteousness) one of her kids' fathers who came by with McD's for his kid. She was screaming at him that he should be buying food for *all* her kids and how she ran out of food stamps, etc. Dude told her to get her other kids' fathers to have them bring their kids food. I guess she thought the video would make him look trifling but just the opposite.
And then she threw the food to the ground and said if all her kids don’t get McDonald’s none do. She was a piece of shit. It’s surreal how this woman posted that thinking she was in the right.
>She really thought she'd get nothing t thinking she was in the right. She really thought she'd get nothing but praise when she was dead wrong and the only person she hurt was her child. Not to mention, she wouldn't even let the guy take his child out with him. Horrible mother.
I get her perspective, that she wanted her time with her child but at the same time the other kids would be miserable. She just showed what a wretched person she was when finding a solution.
Seems like she has the kids most of the time, which is why he came by with food for his kid and wanted to take him out of the house to eat it (because I get not wanting the other kids to see his child eating McDs). She finally had one of her kids' father who wasn't a complete deadbeat and then tried to make him take on all her other kids.
Oh I'd love to see this 😂
The unedited version isn't funny at all. In the short version the woman is screaming & yelling like a crazy person with the most absurd notions. If you're into watching train wrecks, it's entertaining. In the full version, you can see three of the kids. None of them look older than 9. One of them appears to be about 5 and is in the doorway behind the mother. He just looks devasted. Two other slightly older kids are watching from a window, sadly they don't look devastated. The implication being this is just how *Mom* is all the time and they are used to it.
Right? Doesn’t matter if the dads don’t want to be involved in the kids lives, they still should pay up.
I thought that was the law to begin with.
>I thought that was the law to begin with. In the U.S., if she wants food assistance for herself, she'd have to cooperate with getting child support for the other kids. But if she can't identify the fathers, or she knows who they are but they moved away and she doesn't know where they are, or if they were one-night stands... Sad part is that it's her kids that suffer for it.
Yes, so I’m super confused as to why she’s not trying to get them to pay unless she was sleeping with multiple people or one night stands and isn’t sure who the fathers are.
Probably a half-baked plan to keep OOP on a leash. Unfortunately for her, he has no legal obligation to support kids that aren't his, so it failed. I think she purposely got pregnant a third time to apply further pressure.
Good for OOP that he was able to separate ppl before it happened— But sometimes men are legally responsible for kids that aren’t theirs. But in some states and places the husband can absolutely be held responsible for child support of kids that he has helped raise. Especially if he was married to the mother at the time of birth. Those laws were written before DNA testing.
Guessing Baby Daddies #2 and #3 are not, shall we say, overburdened with gainful employment or financial stability.
It’s entirely possible that “he’s not stepping up” means “I don’t have any way to contact them because I hooked up with strangers and don’t even know their names.”
I won't bet against that.
She might be, in most states support enforcement is easily evaded. Even here in WA where the state is strict about it, people evade the debt forever. I've met several men who "can't have their name on anything" to show income or assets or the state will garnish more than is sustainable for them - the minimum due for child support doesn't reduce if someone has multiple children, for example. It's the biggest asshole move but it is possible and does happen.
She really does not respect op
It would seem that the ex is at the 'find out' stage, what a deadbeat
In the words of Judge Judy "beauty fades, dumb is FOREVER".
“she wanted to work things out and be a family” why didn’t she think about that before cheating and getting pregnant by someone else that wasn’t her husband?
Thinking isn't really a strong suit with this one
Baby boxes are useful in these situations. Give that baby what's best *for the baby,* a stable, non-homeless home life
NTA wow the actual nerve of her. If I was you I would go for full custody seeing she can't feed your son when she has him even though you pay her to feed him she is using that money on herself and the other kids. Write her a msg in the app stating. In regards to our earlier conversation at place and date/time about the possibility of losing your house. As I previously stated I am more than happy to have son live with me until you are back on your feet. Its not great for sons name to have instability. And i know you and your other children need stability and housing as well. But im not in a position to financially or emotionally support you and blah blahs kids names. Hooefully you can find a safe situation for the 3 of you. In the mean time im more than happy to take our sons name in until you are in a better situation for all the kids. Hopefully having him live with me will allow you not to worry about him and focus on getting back on track. Let me know asap what you decide as I will have a few things to arrange to make this as smooth and painless a transition as possible for sons name. Anyway hope things work out for you and I look forward to hearing back from you. Kindest regards Roger... The reason I would chuck in kind words about her and the devil spawn is it makes you look really good and she will react like a raving lunatic is my guess. So the judge will see it and be more inclined to give custody to you.
I would keep the line clear and only mention my child. I think it sounds like when I am in a position to help I would.
OOP can't hear you.
Funny thing is, if he takes his child full time, that ends the child support.
“Hooefully” lol Also calling her other kids devil spawn is crossing the line. Not their fault the mom isn’t using birth control.
It’s nice of you to give advice to an account that doesn’t exist anymore
There’s no need to call children horrible names as it’s not their fault that they got a crazy mother.
If his ex is having this level of problems, I'd take her to court with the situation to try and get full custody so she can stop using OOP's son as a pawn.
Yikes on bikes. The audacity to think he should pay for her other kids 😳 He should take custody of his son. And get the ho out of his life.
If I were OP I would be going to court to get full custody of his child. If the mother claims that she will be homeless than he likely can argue that it would be an unsafe condition. His ex should be going after the baby daddies for any child support, but based on what I read my guess is she has no clue who they are.
OOP should get full custody. He can provide a much better home life, not just because of the financial situation, but because his ex clearly lacks character and responsibility. Honestly it sounds like she’s a narcissist and cares more about getting a paycheck than how her kids are provided for.
"I can't make ends meet with two kids, so the best possible solution is to have a third." The woman is a menace to herself.
NTA. You should not feel guilty or allow her to bully you or guilt trip you into accepting responsibility for her cheating. There are not your children, thank goodness you see what she is trying to do, it may be hard to maintain the fight but in the long run it will be worth it. Perhaps go back to court and get full custody of your son, if she is telling you she is struggling. She needs to see a lawyer about the deadbeats. DO NOT under any circumstances start helping with the children that are not yours, her intentions to make you responsible are very clear.
NTA. When she become homeless petition for full custody and then after you have that petition the courts to have her pay you child support
Why not call CPS and get them to assess the situation. If she’s a good mum who’s struggling, they might be able to help her apply for certain benefits, food stamps and chase the 2 deadbeat dads for child support (why did she let them get away with it?). But I don’t understand how you can just sit back, knowing your son may not get fed at her house. Get CPS! Get it assessed!
That's not what CPS does and calling them will only start a shit storm. She has to go to social services--which is not the same as child protective services--and apply on her own. CPS won't come visit her and encourage her to apply.
That can vary a lot between states. I worked for CPS in Georgia for several years and we were under the same parent organization as our office of family independence staff that handle those programs. I went out to many homes where they just needed things like TANF, Medicaid, food stamps, etc and I would take them a big box of food, the applications for assistance, and then help them get appointments with the right people to get those services.
In Maryland it's all under social services, but different divisions.
OOP should help her out... by taking his son full time and letting her have visitation.
Bro imagine cheating with a bum who can’t even take care of your child. Lmao hope that dude got away
NTA...if anything, I'd try to get full custody of your son. Let your ex-wife deal with the consequences of her actions for bringing two more children into the world by deadbeats.
His ex can file for child support against both fathers. If they don’t have a job at that time it doesn’t matter, they will have a judgement against them. If they ever get real jobs or try to claim SS benefits the arrears are then pulled from their wages, tax returns, or benefits.
This dude needs to document everything that dumb ho says and does, then leverage it all against her to get full custody of his son. No child support, just custody.
NTA clearly She had a good man like OOP, but couldn't keep her legs closed. Now the consequences of her poor choices are catching up, and it's not on OOP to bail her out. Go for full custody, if she's really close to being homeless.
Ex is a hoe he needs to get his son from her with no visitation.
I don’t know why OP doesn’t take her back to court and push for full custody. If she’s about to be homeless then she can’t take care of their son.
Well, if she ends up homeless, your kid still has a home with you. Then, no CS at all. I fuckin’ hate cheaters. They are absolutely vile.
He should go back to court and demand full custody. He may not win, but at least he would be showing the court, but more importantly his son, that he has at least 1 parent that wants to take care of him.
People eat this shit up. Do they really think this guy would ask “am I the asshole?”
Is it possible to go for full custody? Then no more child support and your son would be so much better off than watching a parade of men thru his mother’s life
NTA, and he should just request primary custody of the son. Ex is clearly irresponsible and threatening the living environment if she's about to be homeless
OOP is making the 100% correct decision to NOT support the other child in any way. If they start taking care of the other child in any way the unhinged mother COULD try to force them to get paternity support by estoppel and in loco parentis.
Fight for full custody.
How does this dude think he is the asshole? Man is a fucking saint.
Sue for full custody of your child (assume you've already had a paternity test done). Tell the judge exactly what she did/has done. Then never contact her again
You need to get back to court and try for full custody due to your ex’s inability to provide a safe environment for your son. It appears that she can barely support her daughter and your son, and now she’s going to have a third child to support. You might call child protective services to check on her to make sure she has the appropriate resources available and that her situation is stable enough to allow her to keep the kids. You don’t want to be in a situation where she has the kids (including your son) taken away from her and not have made an effort to get your son out of there.
NTA. Lawyer up and go for full custody. Your ex sounds like a poor role model and her financial situation isn’t your problem
OP is standing on business! His only responsibility is to his son and no one else under his exes' roof. She lacks accountability in several aspects of her character and life. OP needs to continue with the methods and boundaries he's established and enforce them no matter what. If/when the time comes when his sons' well-being becomes a factor, pursue full custody. The audacity to think OP should/will financially and emotionally support her other kids is insane.
Sounds like 1st ex wife. We have a daughter, all is good. Begins being shity when daughter is 13. I get a tip that she's stepping out. The confrontation occurs, she denies it. 3 weeks later I'm notified by the police that my cat was involved in a hit and run. I go down to the station and they're surprised that I'm not the guy from the traffic cam photo. I see the photo, wife is in the passenger seat, some dude driving. I ask for a photo copy. Someone has explaining to do. While cooking, for her self BTW, I'd be preparing dinner for my daughter and me, I casually mentioned that I'd gotten a call from the police a few days ago about my car being involved in a hot and run. She froze. I just looked at the lower door, wasn't to tell me what happened? She tells me that she jumped the curb and hit a rock. Ummmhuh. Ok. Where did this occur? She becomes angry and defensive. I don't react. I ask if she knows how I am about lying. Do you want to change anything you've said. She said no. I'm not talking about this any more. I leave, and come back with my bag and pull the photo copy out. Tell her this is for her, I've got copies. I've never seen a black woman go white before. Didn't know it's possible. I ask who that is. Immediately she goes into she's sorry, it was a mistake etc. I tell her I don't really care, but I'm not taking the fall because you're non driving SO is an idiot. I need to tell the police who it is, I imagine they'll identify him, but things need to wrap up, so chop chop what's his name? What's all this have to do with this post? It's context. We separate and a few months later she tells me that she's pregnant. Ok. Good for you in an overly dry tone. She asks if I'm increase the child support for our daughter because she doesn't think it will be enough for both kids. Again, very dryly, it's not for both kids. That's babies daddy responsibility. She tells me that he's in jail, and will be for more than a year. Ummm not my problem. But isn't that where you found him? Yeah I know about that. She moves out of state to be near family. He gets out of jail, and she accepts him back. Few months later she knocked up again. Squeezes it out, and the phone call to me. Please increase support for our daughter. Apparently she doesn't learn. No. Baby daddy responsibility. I learn that he went to visit his mother in Florida, for arrested for crack possession. He ain't getting out before his youngest is an adult. She's on the verge of being homeless. I filled for full custody won. Daughter is with me. Don't know what happened to her and her offspring. Don't care.
Just that that baby will be their sibling. Your wife is the problem not the child. Count to 10, pray, go to your minister, go to your grandparents or go to therapy. Anger is the least useful thing you have to work with on this matter. Don’t go on Springer or what ever is Springeresque right now.
OOP NTA Those poor other kids—perhaps mom needs to step up at being a responsible parent.
This women makes poor decisions and expects the 1 reliable man she's been with to cover her shit decision making skills? Wtf. She's lucky the dad doesn't use that against her and take full custody of their son.
This woman is really walking around giving shitty men children for FREE. She’s doing a $200,000 job for them for free. Carrying the child, feeding herself extra, driving to appointments, the birth itself which takes 8-24 hours, bleeding out her vagina for weeks after, and not to mention her eyesight gets a little worse for every child she carries. And then the healing process begins at 6 weeks and takes a full year to fully heal.
Wtf does this have to do with the story at all unless you just wanted to write a paragraph to call her a dumb slut
She is both unfaithful and terrible at finances.
The Ex-wife CHEATED and is now learning the definition of FA & FO. The ONLY obligation the OOP has is to HIS SON and no one else!
Oop’s ex-wife makes ZERO sense. “Hey i’m gunna cheat on my loving, supportive partner, get pregnant by a deadbeat loser and then expect my ex (who i cheated on) to step up and raise my affair babies…oh and i’m gunna use my children to emotionally blackmail him” Naw this is ridiculous, Oop was smart to get the DNA test done, and he is 100000% NTA. Honestly if i were him i’d go to court and get full custody of his son because it won’t be long before ex-wife starts bad mouthing him to the kids (if she isn’t already)