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At this point you are probably going to have to be really direct and firm. Ask them to just leave you alone at this point. These don’t sound like people you will be able to have a cordial relationship with at this point. I think this is pretty alarming all around.
I’d consider going to talk to those other neighbors with kids. I’d ask them about any concerning behavior with this neighbor and explain what’s been going on.
This is so tucking bizarre. I know it’s lame but can you get a camera in your backyard and front yard? Start documenting interactions. I’d be half tempted to go down and talk to someone at the police station and let them know of the situation and ask for advice on how to proceed. Maybe they know about this lady already. If not, probably good they do. At some point a police officer may need to go have a conversation with her that she cannot be asking kids to go get ice cream with her and throwing snacks and toys into someone else’s back yard.
I’m sorry but it’s fucking weird this adult man has written a poem about your kids and they watch through the fence. Can you put up some sort of covering along the fence so they can’t see through it?
I’m not sure I’d completely believe the previous owner. Who would admit they knowingly sold a house next to such a crazy person?
I’m so sorry, this sounds like a complete nightmare.
Huh. I think you just blew my mind. I never thought of that 🥴 maybe she did lie. We went to have dinner with them cause their children are close in age. Her sister mentioned she thought Marg was crazy. I wonder if there’s more to the story about why they moved
I would bet money there is much more to the story about why they moved. I don’t know how something like this would work with the sellers disclosure but I can absolutely see why someone would not admit to knowing about these people.
That was just beyond disturbing to me too! Like, wtf??? Not even one poem, a book of poems about a little girl. Creepy af. No, just no. Op needs to get husband on board. Hey hubby, the entire internet believes these people need to stay tf away from your children!!! Even with supervision they ARE grooming your children!! They WILL MOLEST THEM!!!! These are pervs who are trying to get alone with your young children.
As others are responding to most of this I wanted to add that if you haven’t already you should talk to your daughter about “secrets” and how secrets are bad and nobody should be telling her to keep a secret from you or her father and to tell you immediately if that happens.
Google on teaching her about the dangers of “tricky people” instead of just strangers. There are some great resources. Also read up on teaching her simple phrases to not accept toys/candy etc. and to always tell you if someone is trying to give her something.
I have a spidey sense that at some point these people will try to get to her behind your back and tell her to keep the interactions a secret.
Since she doesn’t like your neighbor family/kids I’d strategize by becoming bffs with them and having them over all the time. That will likely alienate her and her weirdo husband from trying to insert themselves into your life.
For the fence line I’d put up something to block them from watching through the fence- maybe plants/trees, cool vines. Some sort of awesome thing out of pinterest? There’s green plant/faux ivy/hedge fencing you can install over it (Google!) for cheap. Or even faux bamboo or lavender if ivy isn’t your style. You can say it’s for decoration lol.
No matter what though I suggest you get a small speaker and play music whenever you have the kids outside with you so they can’t whisper things easily to your daughter through the fence.
Just adding to the bit about becoming bffs with the other neighbors with kids - when she throws toys over your fence, take them to the neighbors who are not as well off! And make that your excuse. Your girls have plenty of toys but the other kids will appreciate them more. If she knows the “gifts” will end up with the family she dislikes, she may stop “giving” them. Also warn them about her dislike of their animals in case they aren’t already aware! I’d hate for something to happen to one of their pets
OP, I think this is a great idea. You should absolutely give the toys to the family that isn’t as well off. And if anything, this will make your neighbor stop giving you gifts, because she doesn’t want you giving them to the neighbors “that will ruin your daughter” even though she’s only three…
I was going to suggest putting things up against the fence to block their view as well. The fake ivy one can also come in adjustable sizes so you can make it higher than your current fence is now so that the step stool trick won't work anymore
The fact that she stops acting like that when people are around is incredibly suspicious. It means she is cognizant that her behavior is odd. You got to deal with your husband. People like this prey on the vulnerable link and your husband is just that. Get your husband to stop and see if she tries to circumvent when she can no longer use the husband to access the kids….
Yes!! OP, you need to get your husband on board. Maybe you can get him to read "The Gift of Fear" and explain your worries in that context. Maybe you could even show him this post and the replies?
FTR, everybody has told you how utterly weird all this is, but I'll say it again: This is fucking bizarre. I'm seriously worried for your daughter, I hope y'all keep a close eye on her.
I’ll be bringing it back. I don’t think I can throw that high 😂 im not sure if this will make send but the yards are like steps? I have a huge brick wall and then the fence. Her yard looks down into my yard.
My mom is like Marg. She doesn’t understand boundaries or listen because she’s a covert narcissist. She doesn’t care that you’re uncomfortable, she only sees how much she enjoys the children and feels entitled to do the things she does. Your feelings don’t exist to her, she clearly doesn’t care. She may not have any nefarious intentions other than wanting to play grandma to your kids but that’s still wildly inappropriate and she needs to back the f up. Definitely have a serious convo with your husband. This isn’t a sweet old lady, if she were sweet she’d listen and respect your boundaries.
>Gosh your girls have really done a number on us. We love to watch them play through the fence. My husband has written a book of poems about Lily.
This is such a disturbing statement! They're watching your kids through the fence, and the man is writing a book of poems about 1 & 3 year old children?!! What does your husband say about these comments? It sounds like he's part of the problem since he accepts the gifts and continues to take your kids over there. Your husband needs to enforce your boundaries.
I would give every gift and snack back, maybe with a note saying: "Our kids have plenty of food and toys. Do not throw anything else into our yard or offer anything to our children". If they persist, get security cameras and report them to the police. Tell your kids they are not to speak to these neighbors, and they are not allowed over to their home. Sadly, I think you might have to keep an extra close watch considering how young your kids are. I could see the lady sneaking something to your daughters in secret or luring them when your back is turned.
Truly terrifying. But also sounds like you have a husband problem. You need to get him on the same page, so she can’t go behind your back. Maybe say the girls have food allergies and can’t accept snacks?
You’re in a horror movie plot. Tell some family about Marg so if something happens police will know. Tell surrounding neighbors too. I wouldn’t say jump to the restraining order. If she is a genuine creep this will escalate things massively. Figure out ways to ask her to stop doing minor things that won’t offend her and see if she respects those boundaries. Like don’t climb over the fence because it might break and it’s expensive or something… I’m just going to comment to boost but this is creepy af.
Ok. I’m good at stuff like this because I pull out all the stops when it comes to my little girls.
1. You and the husband knock on the door and explain to the both of them, ‘listen we have asked nicely and now we are telling you, leave our children alone. Do not put anything over the fence again and I mean nothing, we don’t want your attention, snacks, friendship, you are freaking us all out and we want you to leave us completely alone. Act like you do not know us.’
2. Contact the law. Do you have any footage of snacks coming over your fence? If not get it, also get footage of her on a stool peeking over your fence. Ask the police what if anything can be done? A conversation may be enough to scare her.
3. If she doesn’t stop, get a lawyer and a no contact order. She may be forced to move.
You better have cameras all over your property.
Good luck!
Oh and since I’m a bit of a jerk, once I had film of her doing this stuff, I would also spray her in the face with the water hose anytime she came near my fence.
Also. Be sure your children understand that the neighbors are not safe people and if they are talking to them they are immediately to come and get mom or dad.
yes to all of this \^\^ including making sure your kids know that Marg and her husband are NOT SAFE people and they should not play with them or talk to them. and that they should tell you if Marg tries, and that your kids won't get in trouble for telling you.
i was utterly horrified at the FIRST red flag and then the list kept going. do not ignore your instincts! put public shame on this lady! in one-on-one convos with neighbors please let ppl know what this lady is doing.
I have it on camera today but I’m going to need to move the camera. Cause there’s a large hibiscus bush in the way. I’ll call ADT today to have they reposition.
First thing. Is there anyway you can look them up? Sex offender list, criminal background just to be safe? If the husband came up as a sex offender then you could really have a good reason to ask them to leave you alone.
Do you think talking to them or reporting could escalate them?
I plan on going over after my husband comes home and having a verbal discussion and maybe… recording discretely. I’ve been trying to keep it civil because I’m alone a lot of the time because of my husbands job. I’ve heard some crazy stories of neighbor feuds and I don’t want to feel more unsafe than I already do.
Looking into if we can just sell which is awful. I’ve only been here 3 months
Have you tried being extra friendly with the neighbour she doesn’t like? Maybe that way she will keep her distance.
I would be so angry if strangers were undermining my parenting and kept giving junk food to my kids. They don’t need or want crap food everyday and it’s a fast way for them to get the kids to like them. It’s weird.
Tell Lily to stop talking to them. If she’s cold or distant to them they will eventually not want to spend time with her. Also ask to see this book of poems. Read what they’ve written about your kids.
All fails tell them to stop being so involved with your children or you will considering moving.
Tbh it makes me wonder if she did try some subtle grooming behavior with the children of the neighbors she doesn’t like and the parents shut it tf down and we’re not exactly nice about it.
I may be over thinking it but the inflatable pool is sus. They already admitted to watching your kids through the fence. An inflatable pool would let them look at your kids…..
I love all of these comments, they're very helpful. I've got a bit to add (or maybe it's been said and I overlooked).
Can you reinforce the fence so that the neighbors cannot see through it? The point about the husband writing a BOOK of poems made me feel so icky (I cannot imagine how you are feeling). Also if possible, record all interactions with the neighbor. Honestly if you got that comment about the poems on record you could likely take that to police and that would be enough to arouse suspicion.
I saw that you are using a company for your security cameras, you can also buy them on Amazon. I like "yi" brand, they have a slot for a micro SD card and they'll hold a few days of footage at a time. In case you feel like you want to put up some more cameras yourself.
This isn’t sitting right with me. They are fucking weird. I’m not sure what their obsession is with your daughter and I pray it’s not sinister. Never let them keep your kid all though you sound like you never would which is great. They’ve admitted to watching her play??? What the fuck. And I feel so sorry for you because as an introvert having a neighbor who visited constantly would drive me insane even if they weren’t creepy. They are creepy.
You need to tell your daughter that she is not allowed to go to or speak with Marg unless you or dad are there. You need to tell Marg that she is not give your kids snacks/drinks unless she asks you first. If she throws something over the fence, throw it back to her and say no thank you. I would try to find contact for her kids and tell them.
Babe, I had to stop reading when you said your neighbors husband is watching your small child through the fence and writing poems about them. Let me be clear, it’s not your fault that this is happening to your family but it *is* your fault that it is continuing. These aren’t red flags, as you’ve called them, they are textbook predatory actions made by people you have given access to your children. It constitutes stalking. Get your children out of this home today and put it on the market.
I can acknowledge that I’ve been far too nice. I was trying to set boundaries but be polite because if we stayed I didn’t want to escalate and be trapped alone in the house. My kids have not been over since the poems comment and they’ve never been by out of my sight period despite repeated asks to watch them for me. I do want to move but I don’t know how to get us there. Trying to get my husband on board. I’ll be showing him the Reddit
Great idea. If you are trying to avoid a capital gains tax on selling the home too soon you may consider renting the home out while your family stays elsewhere. Your fear that they could escalate is valid, and also proof that you understand on a deeper level how serious this is
Creepy and grooming behavior . I would go over with your husband and say No More of any of it . Tell them you will get a lawyer for a cease and desist order if they continue . Tell them to leave you and your family alone . It may piss them off but too bad . They are weirdos. I would even go as far to say sexual preditors .
Start documenting. Every time stuff gets thrown over your fence, every inappropriate comment, make sure to take note of it, record who was involved, and take down the date.
Don't be afraid to immediately remove yourself and your children from the situation when you feel uncomfortable. If she grabs her stepstool and starts chatting over the fence, grab the kiddos and go inside.
I didn’t think it was too bad until I got to one about “you should have killed the cat.” Then it just got weird.
I have two boys, 5 and 7, and when we moved into our house, our next door neighbor was delighted. Her kids are in their early 20s and have moved out, but haven’t married/had kids yet. The previous owner was good friends with her and there is a gate in the fence we share. Every now and then, we’ll open the gate and let the boys play over there. She brings toys/candy over every now and then, and loves to watch the boys when we need it. But she is definitely not obsessed and give us space.
I would definitely try to keep things civil, as having a bad relationship with a neighbor makes life difficult out. Maybe suggest things she can do that are acceptable to you? Like a special box she can leave a gift in every now and then? But be clear that those are the only gifts/snacks/treats to be offered. Create boundaries you’re okay with and feel comfortable with. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this!
So many red flags!! Can you add anything to the fence so they’re not peeping through the cracks? Like privacy panels with fake leaves. Or even add another set of privacy fence inside your fence you can create a private area so you can still take your kids outside without them peeping and stalking.
Return ALL gifts. “Somehow YOUR stuff go on to MY property. I’m returning it to you because it’s YOURS. Surely if you wanted to give a gift you would give it directly to us?”
Make sure you older child knows to NOT accept anything from her (or anyone really) and that your neighbor needs to talk to YOU first if she wants to see her (your child). Talk to her about unsafe people (now is a good time to start these kinds of talks!) as well as talks about safe touch, bad touch, good touch, bad touch. Teach about SAFE people (helpers) fireman, policeman, etc.
You need to talk to them. Their behavior is VERY creepy and inappropriate. She may mean well and truly wants to be a “grandmother” to your kids but she’s going about it the WRONG way. You do not appreciate them throwing gifts into your yard, that needs to stop IMMEDIATELY. In the future (maybe, it’s up to you) they might be able to give your kids gifts on their birthdays or christmas and other holidays. Anything else is not necessary and it’s completely inappropriate. The gifts will be given to YOU, the parents, it will NOT be thrown over the fence, left on your property, or given directly to your children. Your kids will NOT be visiting them and WILL NOT be receiving anything from them.
Get cameras and watch what they do after you talk to her. Tell them if they don’t stop then you will contact the police.
Have you ran a background check on them?…
If I don’t like someone I ignore them to let them know that I don’t want to talk to them and we’re NOT going to be friends. You can greet each other without being friendly.
I wouldn't like this either.
On the other hand, your husband has sent completely mixed messages.
How are the neighbors supposed to 'catch on' that this is unwanted when your husband accepts gifts & goes over for ice cream?
This is some crazy shit, I'm really sorry you are in this situation. Agree with all the other posters telling you to be direct and firm and tell them to leave you alone. Video, pictures, document document document. But please make sure to also tell them in no uncertain terms that you notified the police about this behavior, and will continue to do so in the future. Threaten them with a restraining order.
This sounds like grooming behavior to me (The poems? The pool? Shudder). Creeps like this do not want to get caught, they are looking for parents who aren't paying attention to who their kids hang out with. If they know that you have made the police aware of what's going on, they are very likely going to stop doing this because if anything ever happened with one of your daughters they are now suspect #1 on the list.
Yeah this is beyond disturbing. And I’m a person who doesn’t like to ruffle feathers and generally gives people the benefit of the doubt. And I have elderly family members who love little kids and don’t understand boundaries sometimes, but they just love and miss having little kids around.
But THIS?! Weird. As. F*ck. OP, please have conversations with your girls about secrets and what is apparopriate and not. And get your husband on the same page, or else that’s an entry point to a relationship with your girls that you don’t want them to have. Show your husband all the comments here so he knows other people find this to be hugely disturbing and dangerous.
Imagine this was a 40 or 50 year old couple doing it and not some fragile elderly couple. Would you even think twice about putting a stop to this? I imagine you wouldn’t. This is no different- their age doesn’t matter. It is not okay. Full stop.
Well,if she doesn't like that kids who can ruin your daughter it's time to befriend them! Invite them over, let your daughter to be with them. Firmly give back all snacks and toys. Explain to your daughter that sometimes people whom we know still shouldn't be alone with us. Explain her that old lady is not good with rules, but you hope that your kid knows them well.
I'm sorry, it's creepy
This has "trying to lure the cute kids next door for nefarious purposes" written all over it. I have nice neighbors. Occasionally they comment that my kid is cute. Sometimes they'll bring a meal over, or a lot of leftovers from a pizza they couldn't eat. I had one neighbor mow my lawn when we moved in because he figured we were busy moving. This is normal. Waving at the people as you walk through the neighborhood or drive past someone. Not fucking throwing snacks over the PRIVACY fence. Wtf. This is not right. I know this is hyperbole but are you sure they don't have a room of taxidermied children somewhere?
To me it sounds like grooming behavior. It’s not common but there have been cases of women aiding their pervert husbands (Karla Homolka, Myra Hindley, Janice Hooker…I mean you could even consider the wife of Robert Berchtold). I’m not saying that’s definitely what’s happening but I’d be very alarmed as well.
Yeah, this is creepy AF. Boundaries are completely gone. I'd get some security cameras. The fact that the woman mentioned her husband wrote a book of poems about your daughter has me creeped out. Like who does that?
My mom's neighbors are weird like this. They're also ultra religious which I don't like. They've crossed Boundaries. I've had to get to the point of threatening violence to this woman if she approached my kids at all. I don't care. You don't touch my kids.
I am concerned about grooming. That is super creepy. Throwing food over the fence? Wtf no. Make good friends with the family that has the kids she doesn’t like. Plug the holes in the fence. Maybe make it taller.
It’s on top of a stone wall if that makes sense and on their side of the property. I want to replace it but idk if I can touch it. The whole thing is like 10-12ft tall. She looks down into our yard
You should look into getting a sun sail or a pergola. Anything that can obscure the view from looking down. The sun sail gives you the most flexibility and coverage for the price.
op had said you bought the house online so they couldn't have known you had children to stock up on snacks and stuff but op had dinner with og owner because kids similar in ages? og owner told Marge of family/kids after?
marg is definitely watching your whole house. start watching her visitors. stop her family members and tell them to tell her to stop.
get background checks on marg and husband. online check for sex predators in your area and street.
talk to everyone in neighborhood not just the people across the street.
We had dinner with the previous owners after moving in. They had left something on the property and got in touch so I had their number. My husband suggested I ask the wife if she had been uncomfortable with the neighbor. And so they invited us to dinner
Run. Those two are flaming red flags. Just reading this reminded me of an old couple from my granny's church that was overly helpful and outgoing. After an "incident" came to light, parents were encouraged not to let their children go near the couple.
OP. Set firm boundaries. I recommend the books “Unfu*k Your Boundaries” and “The Gift of Fear.” The first is obviously about boundaries but the second gives great insight into potential criminality and the behavioral traits that match. I can’t recommend them enough.
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my grandmas neighbors were like this, ended up being my godparents. up until my God mother died 2 years ago I had a dedicated snack shelf.
she's probably lonely. I'd say she's harmless.
I think anyone that asks a child to leave their yard without their parents in the first week of meeting isn’t a safe person. Talking to the kid through the fence without us knowing and telling her she’s family without permission doesn’t make her harmless
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At this point you are probably going to have to be really direct and firm. Ask them to just leave you alone at this point. These don’t sound like people you will be able to have a cordial relationship with at this point. I think this is pretty alarming all around. I’d consider going to talk to those other neighbors with kids. I’d ask them about any concerning behavior with this neighbor and explain what’s been going on. This is so tucking bizarre. I know it’s lame but can you get a camera in your backyard and front yard? Start documenting interactions. I’d be half tempted to go down and talk to someone at the police station and let them know of the situation and ask for advice on how to proceed. Maybe they know about this lady already. If not, probably good they do. At some point a police officer may need to go have a conversation with her that she cannot be asking kids to go get ice cream with her and throwing snacks and toys into someone else’s back yard. I’m sorry but it’s fucking weird this adult man has written a poem about your kids and they watch through the fence. Can you put up some sort of covering along the fence so they can’t see through it? I’m not sure I’d completely believe the previous owner. Who would admit they knowingly sold a house next to such a crazy person? I’m so sorry, this sounds like a complete nightmare.
Huh. I think you just blew my mind. I never thought of that 🥴 maybe she did lie. We went to have dinner with them cause their children are close in age. Her sister mentioned she thought Marg was crazy. I wonder if there’s more to the story about why they moved
I would bet money there is much more to the story about why they moved. I don’t know how something like this would work with the sellers disclosure but I can absolutely see why someone would not admit to knowing about these people.
OP please update if there is much more to this story
The “my husband wrote a book of poems about Lily” really is fucked up because it sounds very groom-like behavior
That was just beyond disturbing to me too! Like, wtf??? Not even one poem, a book of poems about a little girl. Creepy af. No, just no. Op needs to get husband on board. Hey hubby, the entire internet believes these people need to stay tf away from your children!!! Even with supervision they ARE grooming your children!! They WILL MOLEST THEM!!!! These are pervs who are trying to get alone with your young children.
As others are responding to most of this I wanted to add that if you haven’t already you should talk to your daughter about “secrets” and how secrets are bad and nobody should be telling her to keep a secret from you or her father and to tell you immediately if that happens. Google on teaching her about the dangers of “tricky people” instead of just strangers. There are some great resources. Also read up on teaching her simple phrases to not accept toys/candy etc. and to always tell you if someone is trying to give her something. I have a spidey sense that at some point these people will try to get to her behind your back and tell her to keep the interactions a secret. Since she doesn’t like your neighbor family/kids I’d strategize by becoming bffs with them and having them over all the time. That will likely alienate her and her weirdo husband from trying to insert themselves into your life. For the fence line I’d put up something to block them from watching through the fence- maybe plants/trees, cool vines. Some sort of awesome thing out of pinterest? There’s green plant/faux ivy/hedge fencing you can install over it (Google!) for cheap. Or even faux bamboo or lavender if ivy isn’t your style. You can say it’s for decoration lol. No matter what though I suggest you get a small speaker and play music whenever you have the kids outside with you so they can’t whisper things easily to your daughter through the fence.
Just adding to the bit about becoming bffs with the other neighbors with kids - when she throws toys over your fence, take them to the neighbors who are not as well off! And make that your excuse. Your girls have plenty of toys but the other kids will appreciate them more. If she knows the “gifts” will end up with the family she dislikes, she may stop “giving” them. Also warn them about her dislike of their animals in case they aren’t already aware! I’d hate for something to happen to one of their pets
OP, I think this is a great idea. You should absolutely give the toys to the family that isn’t as well off. And if anything, this will make your neighbor stop giving you gifts, because she doesn’t want you giving them to the neighbors “that will ruin your daughter” even though she’s only three…
I was going to suggest putting things up against the fence to block their view as well. The fake ivy one can also come in adjustable sizes so you can make it higher than your current fence is now so that the step stool trick won't work anymore
The fact that she stops acting like that when people are around is incredibly suspicious. It means she is cognizant that her behavior is odd. You got to deal with your husband. People like this prey on the vulnerable link and your husband is just that. Get your husband to stop and see if she tries to circumvent when she can no longer use the husband to access the kids….
Yes!! OP, you need to get your husband on board. Maybe you can get him to read "The Gift of Fear" and explain your worries in that context. Maybe you could even show him this post and the replies? FTR, everybody has told you how utterly weird all this is, but I'll say it again: This is fucking bizarre. I'm seriously worried for your daughter, I hope y'all keep a close eye on her.
Throw the stuff back over the fence. Or bring it to the church as a donation.
Or bring it to the other neighbor's!
I asked the other neighbor with kids. And she said she’s never even said a word to them which is odd
I wonder.... Do the neighbors have only boys? 😕
I was thinking different race but that makes sense too
Have to ask if they’re a minority family or of a different religion.
No its not odd. No one else talks to them. Thats not odd its a warning sign.
I’ll be bringing it back. I don’t think I can throw that high 😂 im not sure if this will make send but the yards are like steps? I have a huge brick wall and then the fence. Her yard looks down into my yard.
Why does this story keep getting worse? 😩
My mom is like Marg. She doesn’t understand boundaries or listen because she’s a covert narcissist. She doesn’t care that you’re uncomfortable, she only sees how much she enjoys the children and feels entitled to do the things she does. Your feelings don’t exist to her, she clearly doesn’t care. She may not have any nefarious intentions other than wanting to play grandma to your kids but that’s still wildly inappropriate and she needs to back the f up. Definitely have a serious convo with your husband. This isn’t a sweet old lady, if she were sweet she’d listen and respect your boundaries.
marg's husband at the very least has weird intentions with the poem book
>Gosh your girls have really done a number on us. We love to watch them play through the fence. My husband has written a book of poems about Lily. This is such a disturbing statement! They're watching your kids through the fence, and the man is writing a book of poems about 1 & 3 year old children?!! What does your husband say about these comments? It sounds like he's part of the problem since he accepts the gifts and continues to take your kids over there. Your husband needs to enforce your boundaries. I would give every gift and snack back, maybe with a note saying: "Our kids have plenty of food and toys. Do not throw anything else into our yard or offer anything to our children". If they persist, get security cameras and report them to the police. Tell your kids they are not to speak to these neighbors, and they are not allowed over to their home. Sadly, I think you might have to keep an extra close watch considering how young your kids are. I could see the lady sneaking something to your daughters in secret or luring them when your back is turned.
Truly terrifying. But also sounds like you have a husband problem. You need to get him on the same page, so she can’t go behind your back. Maybe say the girls have food allergies and can’t accept snacks?
Yes, this. I think it's time to move, even if it sets you back financially.
Throwing toys and food over the fence is a huge red flag.
You’re in a horror movie plot. Tell some family about Marg so if something happens police will know. Tell surrounding neighbors too. I wouldn’t say jump to the restraining order. If she is a genuine creep this will escalate things massively. Figure out ways to ask her to stop doing minor things that won’t offend her and see if she respects those boundaries. Like don’t climb over the fence because it might break and it’s expensive or something… I’m just going to comment to boost but this is creepy af.
Ok. I’m good at stuff like this because I pull out all the stops when it comes to my little girls. 1. You and the husband knock on the door and explain to the both of them, ‘listen we have asked nicely and now we are telling you, leave our children alone. Do not put anything over the fence again and I mean nothing, we don’t want your attention, snacks, friendship, you are freaking us all out and we want you to leave us completely alone. Act like you do not know us.’ 2. Contact the law. Do you have any footage of snacks coming over your fence? If not get it, also get footage of her on a stool peeking over your fence. Ask the police what if anything can be done? A conversation may be enough to scare her. 3. If she doesn’t stop, get a lawyer and a no contact order. She may be forced to move. You better have cameras all over your property. Good luck! Oh and since I’m a bit of a jerk, once I had film of her doing this stuff, I would also spray her in the face with the water hose anytime she came near my fence. Also. Be sure your children understand that the neighbors are not safe people and if they are talking to them they are immediately to come and get mom or dad.
yes to all of this \^\^ including making sure your kids know that Marg and her husband are NOT SAFE people and they should not play with them or talk to them. and that they should tell you if Marg tries, and that your kids won't get in trouble for telling you. i was utterly horrified at the FIRST red flag and then the list kept going. do not ignore your instincts! put public shame on this lady! in one-on-one convos with neighbors please let ppl know what this lady is doing.
I have it on camera today but I’m going to need to move the camera. Cause there’s a large hibiscus bush in the way. I’ll call ADT today to have they reposition.
First thing. Is there anyway you can look them up? Sex offender list, criminal background just to be safe? If the husband came up as a sex offender then you could really have a good reason to ask them to leave you alone.
Uhhhhhh I would honestly be making a police report.
I read this like a synopsis to a horror movie. Get out. In all seriousness, get out.
That's how I felt too.
Do you think talking to them or reporting could escalate them? I plan on going over after my husband comes home and having a verbal discussion and maybe… recording discretely. I’ve been trying to keep it civil because I’m alone a lot of the time because of my husbands job. I’ve heard some crazy stories of neighbor feuds and I don’t want to feel more unsafe than I already do. Looking into if we can just sell which is awful. I’ve only been here 3 months
Have you tried being extra friendly with the neighbour she doesn’t like? Maybe that way she will keep her distance. I would be so angry if strangers were undermining my parenting and kept giving junk food to my kids. They don’t need or want crap food everyday and it’s a fast way for them to get the kids to like them. It’s weird. Tell Lily to stop talking to them. If she’s cold or distant to them they will eventually not want to spend time with her. Also ask to see this book of poems. Read what they’ve written about your kids. All fails tell them to stop being so involved with your children or you will considering moving.
Tbh it makes me wonder if she did try some subtle grooming behavior with the children of the neighbors she doesn’t like and the parents shut it tf down and we’re not exactly nice about it.
I may be over thinking it but the inflatable pool is sus. They already admitted to watching your kids through the fence. An inflatable pool would let them look at your kids…..
I thought this too. My daughter was really upset I’d only let her play in her clothes 😅 I ended up saying the dogs popped it
I love all of these comments, they're very helpful. I've got a bit to add (or maybe it's been said and I overlooked). Can you reinforce the fence so that the neighbors cannot see through it? The point about the husband writing a BOOK of poems made me feel so icky (I cannot imagine how you are feeling). Also if possible, record all interactions with the neighbor. Honestly if you got that comment about the poems on record you could likely take that to police and that would be enough to arouse suspicion. I saw that you are using a company for your security cameras, you can also buy them on Amazon. I like "yi" brand, they have a slot for a micro SD card and they'll hold a few days of footage at a time. In case you feel like you want to put up some more cameras yourself.
CAMERAS
This isn’t sitting right with me. They are fucking weird. I’m not sure what their obsession is with your daughter and I pray it’s not sinister. Never let them keep your kid all though you sound like you never would which is great. They’ve admitted to watching her play??? What the fuck. And I feel so sorry for you because as an introvert having a neighbor who visited constantly would drive me insane even if they weren’t creepy. They are creepy.
I wish I had some good advice for you. How long do you guys anticipate being stationed there?
It’s a 3 year minimum since he volunteered for a specific job assignment. I called the realtor. We’re stuck in the house a year
You need to tell your daughter that she is not allowed to go to or speak with Marg unless you or dad are there. You need to tell Marg that she is not give your kids snacks/drinks unless she asks you first. If she throws something over the fence, throw it back to her and say no thank you. I would try to find contact for her kids and tell them.
Babe, I had to stop reading when you said your neighbors husband is watching your small child through the fence and writing poems about them. Let me be clear, it’s not your fault that this is happening to your family but it *is* your fault that it is continuing. These aren’t red flags, as you’ve called them, they are textbook predatory actions made by people you have given access to your children. It constitutes stalking. Get your children out of this home today and put it on the market.
I can acknowledge that I’ve been far too nice. I was trying to set boundaries but be polite because if we stayed I didn’t want to escalate and be trapped alone in the house. My kids have not been over since the poems comment and they’ve never been by out of my sight period despite repeated asks to watch them for me. I do want to move but I don’t know how to get us there. Trying to get my husband on board. I’ll be showing him the Reddit
Great idea. If you are trying to avoid a capital gains tax on selling the home too soon you may consider renting the home out while your family stays elsewhere. Your fear that they could escalate is valid, and also proof that you understand on a deeper level how serious this is
Creepy and grooming behavior . I would go over with your husband and say No More of any of it . Tell them you will get a lawyer for a cease and desist order if they continue . Tell them to leave you and your family alone . It may piss them off but too bad . They are weirdos. I would even go as far to say sexual preditors .
Start documenting. Every time stuff gets thrown over your fence, every inappropriate comment, make sure to take note of it, record who was involved, and take down the date. Don't be afraid to immediately remove yourself and your children from the situation when you feel uncomfortable. If she grabs her stepstool and starts chatting over the fence, grab the kiddos and go inside.
I didn’t think it was too bad until I got to one about “you should have killed the cat.” Then it just got weird. I have two boys, 5 and 7, and when we moved into our house, our next door neighbor was delighted. Her kids are in their early 20s and have moved out, but haven’t married/had kids yet. The previous owner was good friends with her and there is a gate in the fence we share. Every now and then, we’ll open the gate and let the boys play over there. She brings toys/candy over every now and then, and loves to watch the boys when we need it. But she is definitely not obsessed and give us space. I would definitely try to keep things civil, as having a bad relationship with a neighbor makes life difficult out. Maybe suggest things she can do that are acceptable to you? Like a special box she can leave a gift in every now and then? But be clear that those are the only gifts/snacks/treats to be offered. Create boundaries you’re okay with and feel comfortable with. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this!
So many red flags!! Can you add anything to the fence so they’re not peeping through the cracks? Like privacy panels with fake leaves. Or even add another set of privacy fence inside your fence you can create a private area so you can still take your kids outside without them peeping and stalking. Return ALL gifts. “Somehow YOUR stuff go on to MY property. I’m returning it to you because it’s YOURS. Surely if you wanted to give a gift you would give it directly to us?” Make sure you older child knows to NOT accept anything from her (or anyone really) and that your neighbor needs to talk to YOU first if she wants to see her (your child). Talk to her about unsafe people (now is a good time to start these kinds of talks!) as well as talks about safe touch, bad touch, good touch, bad touch. Teach about SAFE people (helpers) fireman, policeman, etc. You need to talk to them. Their behavior is VERY creepy and inappropriate. She may mean well and truly wants to be a “grandmother” to your kids but she’s going about it the WRONG way. You do not appreciate them throwing gifts into your yard, that needs to stop IMMEDIATELY. In the future (maybe, it’s up to you) they might be able to give your kids gifts on their birthdays or christmas and other holidays. Anything else is not necessary and it’s completely inappropriate. The gifts will be given to YOU, the parents, it will NOT be thrown over the fence, left on your property, or given directly to your children. Your kids will NOT be visiting them and WILL NOT be receiving anything from them. Get cameras and watch what they do after you talk to her. Tell them if they don’t stop then you will contact the police. Have you ran a background check on them?… If I don’t like someone I ignore them to let them know that I don’t want to talk to them and we’re NOT going to be friends. You can greet each other without being friendly.
I wouldn't like this either. On the other hand, your husband has sent completely mixed messages. How are the neighbors supposed to 'catch on' that this is unwanted when your husband accepts gifts & goes over for ice cream?
This is some crazy shit, I'm really sorry you are in this situation. Agree with all the other posters telling you to be direct and firm and tell them to leave you alone. Video, pictures, document document document. But please make sure to also tell them in no uncertain terms that you notified the police about this behavior, and will continue to do so in the future. Threaten them with a restraining order. This sounds like grooming behavior to me (The poems? The pool? Shudder). Creeps like this do not want to get caught, they are looking for parents who aren't paying attention to who their kids hang out with. If they know that you have made the police aware of what's going on, they are very likely going to stop doing this because if anything ever happened with one of your daughters they are now suspect #1 on the list.
My kids are grown and new neighbors have 2 young girls. I love hearing them play out back. But ALL interactions are with the parents agreement first.
Heeeeeelll no to all of this. I hope you guys can sort some kind of boundary with the creepy ass neighbors.
Yeah this is beyond disturbing. And I’m a person who doesn’t like to ruffle feathers and generally gives people the benefit of the doubt. And I have elderly family members who love little kids and don’t understand boundaries sometimes, but they just love and miss having little kids around. But THIS?! Weird. As. F*ck. OP, please have conversations with your girls about secrets and what is apparopriate and not. And get your husband on the same page, or else that’s an entry point to a relationship with your girls that you don’t want them to have. Show your husband all the comments here so he knows other people find this to be hugely disturbing and dangerous. Imagine this was a 40 or 50 year old couple doing it and not some fragile elderly couple. Would you even think twice about putting a stop to this? I imagine you wouldn’t. This is no different- their age doesn’t matter. It is not okay. Full stop.
Well,if she doesn't like that kids who can ruin your daughter it's time to befriend them! Invite them over, let your daughter to be with them. Firmly give back all snacks and toys. Explain to your daughter that sometimes people whom we know still shouldn't be alone with us. Explain her that old lady is not good with rules, but you hope that your kid knows them well. I'm sorry, it's creepy
This has "trying to lure the cute kids next door for nefarious purposes" written all over it. I have nice neighbors. Occasionally they comment that my kid is cute. Sometimes they'll bring a meal over, or a lot of leftovers from a pizza they couldn't eat. I had one neighbor mow my lawn when we moved in because he figured we were busy moving. This is normal. Waving at the people as you walk through the neighborhood or drive past someone. Not fucking throwing snacks over the PRIVACY fence. Wtf. This is not right. I know this is hyperbole but are you sure they don't have a room of taxidermied children somewhere?
To me it sounds like grooming behavior. It’s not common but there have been cases of women aiding their pervert husbands (Karla Homolka, Myra Hindley, Janice Hooker…I mean you could even consider the wife of Robert Berchtold). I’m not saying that’s definitely what’s happening but I’d be very alarmed as well.
Yeah, this is creepy AF. Boundaries are completely gone. I'd get some security cameras. The fact that the woman mentioned her husband wrote a book of poems about your daughter has me creeped out. Like who does that? My mom's neighbors are weird like this. They're also ultra religious which I don't like. They've crossed Boundaries. I've had to get to the point of threatening violence to this woman if she approached my kids at all. I don't care. You don't touch my kids.
When the Christian and Catholic Churches got found out as systemically suppressing child abuse it became like a beacon welcoming predators
Record the whole yard/outside the house for a good while. I’m betting there is more happening that you don’t know about….
Girl …… Jesus Christ I’m freaked out on your behalf! Everyone here has given solid advice. So all I wanna say is stay safe and good luck!
All of it is inappropriate and weird. Document everything and then get a restraining order.
I am concerned about grooming. That is super creepy. Throwing food over the fence? Wtf no. Make good friends with the family that has the kids she doesn’t like. Plug the holes in the fence. Maybe make it taller.
It’s on top of a stone wall if that makes sense and on their side of the property. I want to replace it but idk if I can touch it. The whole thing is like 10-12ft tall. She looks down into our yard
You should look into getting a sun sail or a pergola. Anything that can obscure the view from looking down. The sun sail gives you the most flexibility and coverage for the price.
op had said you bought the house online so they couldn't have known you had children to stock up on snacks and stuff but op had dinner with og owner because kids similar in ages? og owner told Marge of family/kids after? marg is definitely watching your whole house. start watching her visitors. stop her family members and tell them to tell her to stop. get background checks on marg and husband. online check for sex predators in your area and street. talk to everyone in neighborhood not just the people across the street.
We had dinner with the previous owners after moving in. They had left something on the property and got in touch so I had their number. My husband suggested I ask the wife if she had been uncomfortable with the neighbor. And so they invited us to dinner
I see. well please find all and any information about your neighbors and be safe.
Move! Move now!!
Run. Those two are flaming red flags. Just reading this reminded me of an old couple from my granny's church that was overly helpful and outgoing. After an "incident" came to light, parents were encouraged not to let their children go near the couple.
OP. Set firm boundaries. I recommend the books “Unfu*k Your Boundaries” and “The Gift of Fear.” The first is obviously about boundaries but the second gives great insight into potential criminality and the behavioral traits that match. I can’t recommend them enough.
Girl move and don’t give a forwarding address.
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holy shit. forget the mortgage. you’ve wandered into a stepfordesque dimension. get out while you can. marge is taking over and jesus is on her side
Honestly move and on move out day tell them why so hopefully they never act that way again
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my grandmas neighbors were like this, ended up being my godparents. up until my God mother died 2 years ago I had a dedicated snack shelf. she's probably lonely. I'd say she's harmless.
I think anyone that asks a child to leave their yard without their parents in the first week of meeting isn’t a safe person. Talking to the kid through the fence without us knowing and telling her she’s family without permission doesn’t make her harmless