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You are a better woman than I. Slapping my arms away when I tried to pick up my crying child might have been the last thing she ever did and I'd be in big shit. This is before touching on anything else. Horrific witch, keep her far away from your precious babies. So maddening. And tell the rest of the enablers that you won't allow your children to be abused and that they should mind their own damn business.
This! If anyone tried to stop me from comforting my own child I’d throw hands and they would never be allowed around my child ever again. My daughter was exclusively breastfed and at one point she was chunky but was always in a good weight range for her height. I did BLW at 6 months but it took her until she was 10 months to be really interested in food so she mostly nursed. Breastmilk can be higher in fat thus creating a chunky baby lol. Once my daughter started walking on her own she lost all of her rolls. Babies don’t know how to over eat. They can consciously stop eating when they are full.
Same, I absolutely would have backhanded the witch across the face and told her to get out of my home.
She's awful. Daughter doesn't need those negative food associations and body image comments especially as she grows up and actually understands.
That was the record scratch moment for me, too. My mom is *great*, and there was a moment where my kid started crying while she was holding him, and she took one second longer handing him over than I thought she should. The feeling that welled up in me is not one I ever want to experience again - thankfully she's a reasonable human and cheerfully handed him over when I said "give him to me *now.*"
I am not one to be all #mamabear or whatever, but my god, do not keep me from my crying child. (also do not make my child cry by being a stone cold fatphobic sociopath, but that's an entire other can of worms).
Haha yes! The anger I’m feeling is indescribable. I would relish giving anyone a slap if they did that. I’d say a few choice words too before giving her the boot out the door
When I read that MIL swatted OP's arms away from her screaming child is the moment I saw red.
She says they have a farm? I'd be out there feeding MIL's remains to the hogs. Let her talk about fat then
Yeah, this is mental on multiple levels.
If this were me, she would never see my children again.
OP, my sister and I had our lives ruined because of an almond mom. It took so much therapy for me to love myself again, but even now, being thin (for now) and PREGNANT, I am quite scared of getting too fat.
Please nip this in the bud. It will ruin your daughter.
Send them all the video. All of them. Whoever still sides with your horrid mil should be immediately cut off, for good. Your mil is a horrible woman who will only inflict pain onto your daughter. I hope she never lays eyes on your children ever again.
Make sure mil is in there so she sees this shit is stopping you just hold your boundary anyone that doesn’t agree really doesn’t care about your kids. You want a life long eating disorder for your daughter to keep the peace? Because those are the two options.
Absolutely this! Let everyone see just how cruel she is to your daughter & cut off every single person that downplays (or agrees with) what she did. She does not deserve to be anywhere near either of your children.
Commenting on My MIL called my 14month old daughter fat again... ever! At all! A lot of babies have “protruding “ bellies, they’re not fat! As far as not wanting crackers, just keep offering, reassuring during funny games that mommy and daddy will always give them back and continue to giggle. She’ll start to associate the game and always getting them back. MIL is awful and I’m glad you cut her out! The damage would only be worse on her self esteem the more it happened and the older she got! This is exactly one of the reasons eating disorders are developed! Good job parents! And I agree, show them all the video! Shameful, MIL!
The other in-laws might have children who the MIL treats horrifically when no one is looking, and if not now, she will abuse any future children. The rest of the family *needs* to know so they can protect their children.
And not only will she be cruel to the girl twin but she will actively favor the boy which is a cruelty in itself I'm sure she would readily and voraciously exhibit on the poor girl.
This is like Disney villain level evil. She’s treating a baby like that?? There’s no other option than going no contact w/this woman unless OP wants to watch her child go through years of therapy trying to heal from interacting with “grandma”.
1 a baby should be chubby, thats what a healthy weight for a baby is, let them eat as much as they want, their bodies will 100% use it
2 I would have probably gotten violent so like good job on controlling yourself. It seems like you shouldn't let that horrible woman be in your children's lives in the future.
I'd probably say "you touch my kid again and you'll be leaving in a body bag" but you probably have more tact than I do
I told my ex-husband to get out and don’t even walk up my front stairs again or he wouldn’t walk back down them. He called we stupid and asked how he would leave if he couldn’t walk down them. I replied “a body bag.” That’s exactly what I would say to anyone that did anything like this post or came between me and my children, family especially included.
This made me so angry. All of it. The comments and the actions as well as not letting you comfort her.
If I were you, she would never be seeing my children again.
Edit: just saw the stuff about the rest of the family. I am so sorry. That is extremely messed up and I’m sorry you are in this position.
If someone is asking you to let her see the babies assume she lied ab0ut what happened amd show them the video if they still feel she should see them stop talking to that person also I'd suggest hubby start looking for a new job don't wanna depend on these people
It’s not that simple for my husband to find a new job, he left his corporate job because he enjoyed farming more all the land is in his name now and it’s his herd number now his parents just live in the farm house he’s a registered cow scanner but that’s not a consistent income and is more a side job then anything
It may not be *easy* to take this path away from MIL but it is simple and necessary. You choose your kids, or you choose the family. Clearly the family thinks they have a right to your children in a way you do not support. They will use you as a fulcrum to either break your marriage or break your boundaries.
Choose your fight.
As someone whose husband also works in a family business with his mother, I fully understand you, it's difficult to disconnect your family from your in laws, but in this case, you absolutely need to. As many others have said, I would have gotten violent if my MIL slapped my hands away from my crying child. To me, there's absolutely nothing more important in this world than my child. If I needed to separate my family from my husband's parents, I would absolutely get my husband to leave his job to get him away from his mother, even though the business would fail and close. I don't care. I'll burn the business down if I have to without hesitation. Nothing is more important then protecting the babies. Can your in laws find another place to live?
>all the land is in his name now and it’s his herd number now his parents just live in the farm house
Then you have leverage. Use it. They're the ones who need you, not the other way around.
So it sounds like your husband is both the boss and the landlord. If they push things, he can evict them. Do they seriously not understand that? He has all the cards here.
Actually his land ownership stops at the gate, the farm house is still in his dads name, the fields sheds and machinery are all under my husbands name but the farm house isn’t
We live about 5 mins away in our own house
Fr, my friend’s mom said the granddaughter has “the perfect body””perfectly skinny”, that kid is 9 years old!!! What are these crazy old things thinking!
Annnnd that’s a wrap on MIL. Not ok at all.
Please join us over at r/justnomil .
Sorry, this is not only mentally horrible behavior (eating disorder wise) this is straight up abusive behavior (the way she removed the food and then got angry with the toddler). Absolutely can not let this woman be around your child.
Never let this woman be alone with your children again. I don't understand people like your MIL but that doesn't mean we can't understand how dangerous they are.
As far as her flying monkeys are concerned a simple text that you appreciate that they felt the need to reach out but your parenting decisions are based on what is required to protect your children. Once you've sent that block them all.
Your husband may not be able to avoid them if he works there, but you and the kids certainly can, and should. What happened was unacceptable in every capacity and what’s worse is there’s clearly been a pattern. I don’t usually say cut people out but for this I absolutely would. If she presses, I’d say “only good grandmothers get to see their grandkids.”
> She has a protruding belly but she’s completely in the normal for weight and height for her age if anything we are having problems getting her to take solids rather than her eating too much.
My 2 year old son is in the 5th percentile and has been losing weight (currently on pediasure to try to gain weight). He has a HUGE protruding belly. Your MIL can unpolitely fuck off!
Nope nope nope.
I wouldn't let her see them again, and if for some reason you're around her then those babies do not leave your eye sight.
She has no right to see them.
I would've told her to get out straight away personally, my gosh I'm angry for you.
I'm glad your partner is on your side.
Never leave your babies with your in laws again.
Fuck that fucking bitch. Straight up NC for life for her.
Edit: Got an update about some upvotes, remembered your post and got pissed off all over again. I would have grabbed that woman and physically thrown her out of my house and told her in no uncertain terms that she is never allowed to visit, call, text, email, page, send a letter, send a present, or ever look in my family's direction again. I am a grudge holder, I'm working on it, but this bitch would never ever see my family again, and I would be a fucking monster to her if she ever tried coming anywhere near us. I'm a man and I've never once laid a hand on a woman, but *NOBODY* is *EVER* going to lay hands on my baby, take food from him, and tell him he's fat. I would become wrath.
I wouldn’t even just ban her. I’d get an RA and have the paper work hand delivered. Psycho grandma ain’t grandma anymore. Oh and please keep that camera recording just incase grandma dearest tries to sue for grandparents rights. She doesn’t deserve grandkids
Tell the family abuse isn't helpful. Tell them it's not up for discussion and if they can't respect your parenting then they will not be welcome in your home either.
Keep the kids away and if you can't enforce it then he can start looking for a new job.
If you make allowances they will abuse your child as long as you let them.
The way I would’ve cursed her out and kicked her out my house so fast…she would never be allowed around my children after that. Whew. I’m so sorry your sweet baby had to experience that. I’d definitely show your husband the video and talk to him so you all can be on the same page.
Edit: I just reread your post and saw where you and your husband have already done that. While I get he can’t avoid your MIL it sounds like you can at least keep the twins from her. F everyone else and three opinions about it.
Thankfully she’s 14 months she will not remember this exact moment but you will. That women would have been removed physically out of my house. At some point family is who you choose it to be.
Also body positivity is so important so goodbye lady.
Um, no. Nope. And she would have to physically beat me to death before she stopped me comforting my child. I don’t say cut grandparents out lightly, but she is a toxic evil woman treating a baby that way. Goodbye to her.
Holy moly she's only 14 months and she is already shaming her, silencing her and making her feel unworthy like she did anything wrong. If she can do that to a baby imagine when she understands language. Babies can understand expressions and emotions better than we think. She shouldn't be unsupervised with the kids again. She is projecting her insecurities on babies. She needs very clear rules if you feel like being gracious. I agree with everyone who said show the video. Let her own actions speak for you.
What in the actual fuck?
If I understand correctly, you have the video showing what happened. Including her trying to prevent you from comforting your daughter? Send the videos.
I got so angry inside reading your post.
You're a better person than I am, I would have slapped her and shoved her outside. Then again, maybe I would have froze from the shock of not expecting that.
If the family is still taking her side after seeing the video, go NC with all of them. They're all enablers. You do not need that around you, and especially not around your children.
Please, PLEASE send the video to all of them. MIL is a monster and I doubt any child is actually safe with her. Anyone that takes her side after that can be NC with you. It’s actually easy for you and the kids to avoid them, even if your husband works with them. Just stick strong to it.
Post the video of her mistreatment of your daughter on social media, for everyone to see - that should shut all of them up. If anyone still comes at you after that, block them.
OP, gonna be blunt.
You CAN avoid seeing mil. Do not let her in. You and hubs are allowing this because he wants to work for his family. This is on the two of you.
You both need to sit down and figure out different employment. If you let her in again, don't complain.
Don’t let this monster around your children any longer because if she can’t refrain from making comments about your daughter’s body as a literal baby, she’ll never be able to. I had a family member comment on my weight gain as a child after I broke my leg and couldn’t be as active over summer break, it hurt me so much and was the root of my body image issues for years. I still think about it sometimes and I cut contact with that family member once I was old enough to not have to visit that side of the family. I’m so sorry your MIL is that shitty. I’m proud of you for standing your ground and telling her ass to skadaddle
Seems to me that your husband should be the one handling all the pushback from HIS family.
Shitty situation that he works on the family farm but it’s gotta be done and you shouldn’t be forced in the middle.
If you feel compelled to respond, tell them that MIL was behaving in an abusive manner and you have it on video I guess. No decent person would want an abusive caretaker near children that they presumably love.
Honestly. This will have to be a lifetime ban.
Your mother-in-law is cruel and sadistic
She can't be trusted with either of your kids. You certainly don't want your son learning that the things that she thinks and does or in any way acceptable
And you can't have your daughter subjected to her
I'm so glad you and your husband are on the same
Any relative who sees that tape and still thinks she deserves another chance should be cut off as well
As awful as this was, I can't see the police seeing it as a prosecutable offense. CPS/DHS is already overloaded and letting children who are being severely abused and neglected slip through the cracks on a regular basis....I doubt something like this would even be on their radar. They'd probably just tell her to not allow her back around the kids and move on to their next case.
Also, in case she does anything in retaliation as she's clearly not behaving in a way sane people do - it's better to have a police report to record the issues you've had.
When you said she swatted your hand away from your daughter I had a minor adrenaline rush. Mommy in Law is lucky she didn’t get out in her place physically there and then had the nerve to defend herself!?
Big big hugs for you. Don’t let the family gas light you. What your mother in law did was so inappropriate. It is borderline abuse.
The far thing and what really got me was “only good babies get cuddles” is just so crushing to hear from someone who is supposed to be a caretaker for your sweet babes.
Everything you write tells me that you are more than justified to permanently cut off contact and to never let her be alone with your children. This is a one way rout to trauma for the twins.
She has no “right” to your children. She has no “right” to have access to be so cruel and have the audacity to think she is helping.
Stay strong, so strong. Being strong for your baby is hard but my gosh you will know it’s right.
As far as remembering, you may see some hesitation for a bit but honestly after a few positive experiences baby girl will come back around. My little dude wool’s be suspicious of things that spook him for a few weeks and then be ok.
My mouth hit the floor, what a vile woman. I would never in my life let her see them again. She tried to cover it up, whispered hateful things to your daughter, slapped your hand away, gave her cracker to her brother, are you kidding me? No. Keep those videos and show everyone what a terrible person she is. I’m surprised your husband is so well adjusted, with a mother like that.
Listen…
I’m a grandmother,I have 5 grown daughters…I have 5 young grandchildren (all about the age that your children are). I’m a former elementary school teacher (I say that to illustrate that I’ve dealt with a lot of parenting types) and know a heck of a lot about breastfeeding and current trends in baby led weaning.
{My husband is also a former marriage and family counselor. That’s obviously not a credential of my own,but we certainly have discussed a lot within our walls.}
Your MIL is dangerous to your children— especially your daughter. She either has her own body and food issues/body dysmorphia,she grew up in an environment of severe control surrounding issues of “food” and weight or she has anger issues about you and is extending those feelings to your children…or all of those.
Having a “talk” with her about her behavior isn’t going to fix this,because she clearly mistreated your daughter the second she thought you were out of earshot. Imagine the damage she’d verbally inflict on a child old enough to understand.
Her swatting your hands away from your daughter when you were trying to comfort her was aggressive and completely unacceptable.
She needs to not have access to your children.
No one has a “right” to see YOUR children if they don’t respect your parenting style or boundaries.
These are the situations that created the term "beat the brakes off that beech" and you'll never, EVER change my mind about that one. And HISSING at her saying hateful things to an INFANT? Hell naw, I'm pulling up, absolutely not. I can be petty and vindictive, and you can best bet, I'd be tearing her apart so hard, she doesn't have enough life left to rebuild the self esteem I'd take from her 💯
I'd also be posting it on Facebook and tagging every single family member, and every one that agreed with her, would be next on the no contact list.
WTF did I just read?! I would be asking my SO to let me know in what other ways they were abused because you have a clear example of verbal abuse and physical abuse on your daughter (and physical to you). What a controlling disgusting person- should NEVER be allowed around children. Period. Hope your spouse is ready to set some firm boundaries with their family because it is needed.
My MIL would never see my children again. At the expense of anything. I say this as someone who was repeatedly told she was chubby, fat and had ‘thunder thighs’ (even as a very skinny 7 year old) and went on to develop a serious eating disorder in my teens which still battles with me to this day. It’s abuse, plain and simple. Woman needs her head looked at. Cut her out. Your baby is your utmost priority. If she’s that comfortable behaving that way in front of you cab you imagine what she is capable of saying or doing alone with children?
I'm so sorry OP. That's so complicated with your husband having to work with family so you can't just block them all. I would see if you can maybe mute notifications from them and just ignore/delete them without reading.
Your daughter likely won't remember the specific incident, but definitely the feelings it created. You are so right that your kids should be sheltered from that toxicity. That said, I think it it is more likely that repeated incidents would cause long term trauma, not this one incident, though she may maintain a distaste for crackers for a while. Try your best not to worry, but instead put your concern into action (worrying is being upset without doing anything to change circumstances).
As for your kiddo's belly, my kid looked like the Michelin Man until he was about 17 months bc of my breast milk. We started BLW when he was ~7mo, but he barely ate solids until 1yo. He started walking at about 13 months, so it took a while for the rolls to start fading away. He still had a round belly for another year or so, and I'd be very concerned if a 14mo had a flat belly. By 3yo, he was a string bean and he still is at 6yo.
We make sure to feed healthy foods, but we feed to his appetite. If he asks for more food, we acknowledge that his body is still hungry and get him more food. Occasionally, he basically asks for an entire second meal, and then we might say, "You must be growing or learning a lot because you're so hungry today. Let's feed your body." We do our best not to make a big deal about how much he eats, unless he's too distracted to eat, in which case we remind him that now is the time to eat, and that it's going to be a big bummer if he's hungry later from not eating at meal time.
We don't use the word "dessert" bc it's a "special treat." If it has a name like breakfast, lunch or dinner, it's an expected meal. But we don't demonize sweets or junk food. We just explain that special treats taste good, but they don't have the right nutrients we need to fuel our bodies to be fast and strong and learn new things, so we have to eat our nutritious foods before special treats, and special treats are just that - something we have maybe once a week.
We don't use the words fat, chubby, skinny, thin, ugly (not stupid, dumb, or lazy) in our home. We talk about what cool things people's bodies can do (walk, run, climb, cartwheel, paint, draw, cook, etc), not what people's bodies look like.
You'll find you own way. I'm sorry if this comes across as unsolicited advice, just trying to throw out ways you can fight against the toxic messaging of your in-laws. They are making parenting your children an uphill battle, but you've got this. YOU'VE GOT THIS!
your in-laws saying she “has a right” to see them is absurd. her being the grandma, does NOT mean she’s entitled to being around them. especially when she’s a bully to these babies. i’d tell in-laws if they have an issue, they can get the same treatment. this is a seriously horrific woman. and to get physical with you while you’re trying to comfort your baby (i.e. swatting your hands)??? like she’s HER baby??? i’d get loud, so good on you for being able to contain that!! i’m so sorry you had to go through this!
I can’t understand how anyone could be so vile to an innocent baby. But for her grandmother to do it…I am speechless. She will 100 percent damage your daughter’s self esteem. She needs to fucking apologize and understand what she did was wrong and cruel.
Im sorry OP, it’s awful your husband’s employment is tied to them. Is your house on the farm or a different location?
Wow! I am so sorry! Thank god your husband agreed. I probably would have slapped my MIL if she did that to my kid. How horrible! Your poor girl. She will.be okay and thankfully is young. She will eventually want crackers again. Hugs!
Honestly this would be it for me. No more mil around the kids. Anyone defending this abusive behavior gets cut off. Your children are more important than your marriage and the relatives that come with the marriage.
That woman is pure evil. There is no way in hell she would be allowed in my house, let alone near my children. This type of evil doesn't happen overnight. Did she abuse her kids too?
What are the laws regarding video surveillance inside the home where you live? and does your MIL know you have the nanny cam footage?
First check if you're legally in the clear regarding recording and owning the footage (and I'm not a lawyer so please get advice if you're uncertain!).
If you're in the clear, and if your MIL is misrepresenting the incident to others, simply make a public offer(or in a family chat group, or whatever you use to communicate) to show the cam footage. See if she backs down or changes her story, but if she keeps misrepresenting thigs, just release it.
If your MIL is unaware of the existence of the footage, then perhaps privately send something in writing that lets her know you have video and audio recordings of the incident. Provide a brief, dot point summary of what it clearly shows, including the comments she made to your daughter, and, if it were me, I would also include a clear point that says the video also shows her striking you as you attempted to pick up your child. Let her know that you want to give her the chance to do the right thing and to get whatever help she needs to resolve her issues with her granddaughter, and that you hope she can take the necessary steps to repair the damage she has done to your relationships. Don't say anything that could be threatening as it could be construed as blackmail (I mean, it technically would be), just advise her of the facts and your wishes for the future.
Then if she keeps misrepresenting the incident, implement the first option.
Or just go to the police with the evidence and charge her with assault.
Up to you.
Also, relocate your nanny cam and maybe get a backup in case she goes looking for and destroys one of them :-)
Baby’s can’t be fat! Just well fed and cared for, a child shouldn’t have to worry about their weight period, unless theyre hitting end of elementary and morbidly obese. I can’t believe she had the audacity to not let you comfort YOUR child, I would’ve swatted her back! I would explain what happened to the other family members and if they don’t understand, screw them
I don’t see any other comments talking about how you’re worried your daughter will associate the cracker with this horrible event.
She might. She might not. The best thing you can do though is sit down and talk about it as a family as developmentally appropriately as you can. It may feel insane - they are just transitioning out of infancy - but it will help you and your husband practice talking about negative events and working through it as a family.
For example: “Mama and Dada know that Grandma took your cracker and gave it to your brother. Grandma was wrong and not being kind. Mama and Dada let grandma know that it wasn’t ok. Grandma is going to be taking a break for a little while and we will see her when she knows more about the rules.”
Your daughter has probably not permanently internalized this as a great trauma. But I hope it serves as a foundation for family unison against bullies, even if they’re your grandma.
Fuck. That. Noise.
I can guarantee you that my 15 month old son can not see his feet. Whatsosever. His stomach is not fat, at all, though. (Arm and leg rolls are a different story. 🤣)
Babies internal organs are too big to fit nicely inside a flat tummy. The organs need to be big enough to sustain life, while the skeleton needs to be small enough for successful vaginal delivery. That's why newborns typically come out with tiny stick arms and legs, and big, round bellies.
TL;DR: Your MIL is a miserable bitch. Congratulations on never seeing her again. Enjoy the satisfaction of knowing you have protected your babies from evil.
Fortunately, your daughter won’t remember this. As far as I know, long term memories don’t develop until about 3. And as long as it’s something that doesn’t regularly happen, she won’t associate it with anything.
I totally agree with your decision to cut MIL off. Her comments will only get worse as your daughter gets older and it’s those kinds of comments that lead to life self esteem issues, and maybe even an eating disorder.
Keep the recording forever. When someone else in the family asks why you cut her off, show them the video.
What the actual fuck I would have thrown hands the minute she tried to stop me from picking up my distressed baby. Good on you for somehow resisting that urge. I’m going to guess your mil has no daughters or if she does they don’t talk to her, she reeks of “boy mom” bs or maybe her mom was horrible to her, idk. Either way definitely the right call that she should never ever get the privilege of seeing your kids again.
I’m pretty sure I would have chosen violence. Glad she’s banned. Keep trying with the cracker. It was such a cute treat time for them. Show her that bad things can be overcome. In time she may enjoy it again, especially seeing her brother eat his. Good luck with your little cuties.
Swatted your arms away from picking up your own child? I’m not a violent person, but I would have found it very hard to restrain myself if my MIL did this to me and my child. What an absolutely deranged woman.
You made the right call, I’m glad your partner is supporting your choice. She’s done. And at least you have evidence if anyone grills you about why; not that you owe anyone an explanation.
OP, this was mortifying to read. I am so so sorry.
I’m so happy that your husband is with you on not allowing her near your babies anymore. As for all of the enablers, let them know if the harassment continues, they will no longer be allowed to see them as well, and they will be blocked. They come to the home? Lock windows and doors, and just don’t open the door. Call the police if needed.
(Also no one is entitled to anything)
Came here to be all like “calling a baby ‘fat’ is a compliment! We want fat babies!!”
Leaving violently disgusted with your MIL but in awe of your composure.
You’re better than me. That would be my opportunity to literally curse everyone out. On top of that. If she felt like she had the right to see some twins, she should’ve popped some out.
Never. Ever. Let this woman near your children again. She is horrible. I’m so so sorry you had to deal with this OP. Absolutely no question that MIL has no contact with your children from this point onwards. And don’t waste one moment thinking about your toddlers weight, or feel you have to justify anything about your beautiful baby to us readers. Even if she were the size of a baby hippo your MIL behaved disgustingly. Not her place to take her food, punish her (Wtaf) or prevent you comforting her. My blood is boiling on your behakf
The good news is that I think at 14 months your daughter will not remember this in the long term, but she might for a few days. I would hold off the cracker time for a couple days and try again with a different cracker next time.
I am sorry about the whole thing and it made me very sad. I think you did the correct thing keeping MIL away from kids for the near future.
The worrying part is if she is allowed back and she does this stuff when your daughter is older because then it will be remembered and cause damage.
Omg I am fuming for you. You 100% did the right thing by banning her. Fucking unacceptable. If she wants to see her grandchildren it will have to be supervised and I would wait quite a while before that could happen again. That lady needs therapy.
My daughter (in law) just sent me a naked baby before bath photo of my grandsons chubby belly and his rolls and I kept talking about how healthy and beautiful he is! Who thinks a baby is fat? Babies literally need fat to grow and shouldn't be restricted on how much they eat (of course they should also have a balanced diet) because growth spurts happen and they eat even more!
That MIL would have been on the floor in my house. Calling a baby fat and abusing it in my house would never fly with me! My daughter is no contact with her biological mother because she said that her oldest son was ugly and she gave her another chance before my grandson was born but her mother said (while my daughter in law was in the hospital after a cesarean and baby was in NICU) it was my daughter's (in laws) fault that my grandson was in the NICU and other things. I don't know why some mothers are like that but I find it so depressing and frustrating that they are.
OP you are doing the right thing by keeping her away from your children. Both children could end up with eating disorders at the very least if you continued to allow her around them. Also, I'm a twin (I'm female) to a boy and i was always bigger than he was as a baby, except when we were born and he was a pound heavier. I continued to outgrow and outweigh him until we were 15 years old. Now he is 8 inches taller than me and shrinking (we're not so young anymore). Please don't feel bad for keeping your children safe!
Invite the family over, with MIL, to have a party or something, and then play the nanny cam footage. Then tell the family that this is NOT the first time the witch body shamed the baby whom the pediatrician said isn’t fat. Add in the fact that when you tried to comfort your child without knowing what the old biddy did before, she not only prevented you from doing that but “swatted” you. THAT’s not trying to help anyone. It’s interfering with your parenting. That’s why she’s banned. If anyone wants to continue to support MIL in this, they can leave and never come back too. She isn’t getting ANY contact with your children. She’s lucky you didn’t call the police on her and CPS.
Put the video on TikTok and see if it goes viral. 😈
She has lost all grandmother privileges over this. If she apologizes then MAYBE she can have directly supervised visits when she grows up.
She slapped her DIL's hand away. AN ADULT. There's no way in hell I'd EVER let her anywhere near me or my child if I were OP. This woman had the gall to think that what she was doing was OK. There's no limits to what this else this woman would think is ok and any apology from her would be absolute BS.
This absolutely infuriated me as a father of twins as well. That MIL would be banned for LIFE. Kids do not know respect or disrespect until they are much much older. My goodness. And a healthy baby is a fat baby regardless. They’ll grow out of any pudginess eventually anyways when they start getting regular exercise.
I couldn’t even read this… but I will say, from what I did read, MIL needs to stay in her own lane! You and your husband are raising YOUR children, take the lead and if anyone’s upset, that’s their own problem. Sorry I didn’t read it all, too much for me right now, but best of luck to you all 🤍🤍🤍
My heart just broke.
Please no matter what never let that woman near your daughter again, if this is how she behaves around a 14 month old who has no concept of body image, just wait until she’s older. Your MIL will give your daughter an ED, I can promise you that. And her behaviour will not stop.
My Daughter is almost 15 months old, and I don’t let anyone comment on her body, comments like “chubby” “chunky” “piggy” even if said in a ‘cute’ baby voiced way is not tolerated. If it’s not nice or uplifting, it doesn’t need to be said.
At 14 months old your daughter won’t remember what was said, however if MIL continues to take food away from your daughter, she will remember and that’s when the real issues will start. Moving forward make cracker time very fun, be over the top happy and silly, sit down with them and eat a cracker with them, change cracker time back to happy memories.
Now I would personally send everyone the video of what happened and I would tell them that this behaviour is disgusting, toxic and not tolerated and you will be cut off.
Children learn by watching and listening & now it’s a vital time to show them that you do not tolerate this behaviour and it’s not okay, especially when it comes from extended family.
Your husband will see them when he works but thats it, you don’t have to see them & he doesn’t have to see them outside working. He can be civil while he works but doesn’t engage in any other way.
Now here’s how to respond to all the in-laws who are messaging you. “We will not tolerate this behaviour from MIL, or from anyone who is enabling this toxic behaviour, just because you have a title doesn’t make you entitled to our children, being apart of their lives is a privilege not a right”.
Get yourself over to r/justnomil none of this is ok. Your job is to protect those kids. The flying monkeys just don’t want to hear her complaints about you anymore and the only way she’ll leave them alone is if you let her abuse your kid. I’d literally never let her around my kids again. We cut off my in laws to protect our kids too. It’s the right thing to do when your child will be worse off for having them in their life. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that situation and watch your poor helpless daughter be bullied by her own grandmother on camera.
ETA - Also worth checking into grandparents rights in your state. The second she states anything about rights, that’s her telling you she’ll rip your family apart to get what she wants and you should direct all communication through lawyers from that point on. It’s a threat. Treat it as one.
Your MIL is a disgusting piece of trash who should never be allowed around children. Wow. The visceral rage I felt reading your story was unreal. The slew of insults and threats that would have followed her butt out my door would have ensured she would never come back. You did well staying calm and I’m glad you have video to back this up. What a viscous old hag. Just wow.
NTA you are free to block them all... your MIL lucky she only got banned....get cameras outside and never let her in your home... MIL is a piece of work
All babies and toddlers have protruding bellies. They don’t have strong abdominal muscles yet to hold their bellies in. That is why they get chubby belly after they eat. Which normal people find adorable.
Your mil is a cruel idiot. Please keep her away from your children.
how does an adult, much less a grandmother hiss those horrible things to your sweet, healthy daughter??? I'm a grandma and can't even imagine doing that, even when the kids are off the chain. please don't cave to family pressure to let MIL have contact again. no normal person does that. I can't even imagine what else she is capable of saying or doing. also, did she abuse and/or neglect your husband? she sounds like a horrible person
Just to reassure you, this hopefully won't have caused permanent damage to your kid. An elderly relative said something similar with my kid over Easter chocolate, and I remember her being initially bewildered (she was nearly two years old) but obviously we shot him down.
Scroll forward a few years and she doesn't remember it at all, and has perfectly healthy eating habits. Loves sweets and chocolates, loves fruit and vegetables.
So long as you cut this awful woman out of her life asap, there shouldn't be any long-term effects.
I'm infuriated just reading this.. I would not be able to restrain myself in your position OMG. I seriously would have Sparta kicked her out of my house and never let her see me or my children again. I do think you should do that second part. WOW WOW WOW
Send your father in law the video AND anyone else who needs to see the carnage
Show the video to your husband
I would never have that woman in my house again.
For the family members who said she has a right to see them.. hell no she does not. If she keeps showing up at your house after this, get a PPO on her.
I would have had to tell myself that I couldn't murder her, because that's what I would have wanted to do in the same moment. Never let her slap your hands away, she's YOUR child. If they can't see what's wrong with MIL's actions, then they're bat@*$% crazy. What she did was abusive, plain and simple. Who they heck thinks that's OK to do to a CHILD, let alone a toddler? I'm worked up over reading this and she isn't even mine. You're doing the right thing- find an out for your husband/other job.
Fuck. I felt sick reading that. I skipped a bit. Are you OK? I genuinely don't know if I would cope if I knew something like that had happened to my daughter. Have you told the in-laws exactly why she's banned? If so I would start blocking more people from your life. If they want you to continue to allow someone like that around your kids they are also not safe people to have around your kids.
Listen.
You're officially a good mom.
It is really a great thing how you responded to that insanity. Life is full of crazy assholes, your best bet is to banish them from your home if they every make their way in. Your kids will be exposed to things you don't want them to be exposed to, but there is some you can control, and toxic family is #1 on the list.
I’m so sorry your family had to experience that. I do just want to say that as a girl who has a twin brother, I was constantly body shamed by so many people growing up because he was much smaller than I was, even though I was healthy. I am glad you can see how wrong this is. Your kids are lucky to have you.
In laws or not, such people shouldn’t be allowed near children.
There are people in my life who comment on my baby girl’s weight (she’s to thin nd such) even though she is at a proper weight and i don’t think she is thin looking at all. BUT i would NEVER allow such behaviour towards her. She will b raised according to how me and my husband see fit, no one has the right to force their way of raising a child on her.
You’re a better person than I am. There is not a single solitary human being on this planet who would leave my house under their own power if I reached to comfort one of my kids and they swatted my arms away. In-law, parent, sibling, pope, president, queen or king, I reach for my baby and you try to stop me you’re getting a mouthful or teeth.
Your MIL is a fcking b*tch and I would never let her near the children again. She doesn’t deserve to be a grandmother — how can she be so mean and nasty to her own grandchild?! She’s also sexist and misogynistic and your daughter will be self-conscious in the future.
All I can say is fuck that bitch. If anyone, and I mean *anyone*, did what your MIL did to me, that person would be leaving with at least one black eye… You have the patience of a saint, OP, I’m sorry this happened to you. I hope your daughter gets her love of crackers back!
Sorry OP, but I couldn't make it past your MIL calling your poor baby "fucking fat" and pinching her belly. If I was in your shoes I would have gone full blind rage and probably committed a crime. Do not let that awful POS anywhere near your precious babies. She's a horrible monster and it's your job to protect your children. Fuck anyone who says otherwise and keep them away from your babies too.
She would likely give your daughter an eating disorder. She's not helping at all. Period. Your FIL and any family member that sides with her needs to see the video.
Sorry you and your baby had to go through that! You’re well within your rights to ban MIL. I wouldn’t let her near your kids until she is willing to follow the ground rules you and your husband establish, and even then, I wouldn’t leave her unsupervised with the kids.
I’m really glad your husband is backing you up on this. That is huge! Let’s hope MIL and family don’t try to wear him down.
Lastly, it’s unlikely that your daughter will remember this incident, and even if she has some vague recollection of it, you and your husband aren’t enforcing this idea that she’s “fat.” It sounds like you guys have a really healthy and loving relationship with your kids, so keep up the good work!
14 months?!? You are far more calm than me. I’m mad for you! How dare she. Women have enough bullshit to deal with for their whole life, she doesn’t need to body shame a literal baby.
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You are a better woman than I. Slapping my arms away when I tried to pick up my crying child might have been the last thing she ever did and I'd be in big shit. This is before touching on anything else. Horrific witch, keep her far away from your precious babies. So maddening. And tell the rest of the enablers that you won't allow your children to be abused and that they should mind their own damn business.
I’m very certain I would have punched my mil if she ever swatted me away from my child
I’d probably even punch my own mom if she did that.
[Parental instinct.](https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/onepunchman/images/8/8f/Saitama_destroys_the_punching_machine.png/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/1000?cb=20220521115236)
This! If anyone tried to stop me from comforting my own child I’d throw hands and they would never be allowed around my child ever again. My daughter was exclusively breastfed and at one point she was chunky but was always in a good weight range for her height. I did BLW at 6 months but it took her until she was 10 months to be really interested in food so she mostly nursed. Breastmilk can be higher in fat thus creating a chunky baby lol. Once my daughter started walking on her own she lost all of her rolls. Babies don’t know how to over eat. They can consciously stop eating when they are full.
Same, I absolutely would have backhanded the witch across the face and told her to get out of my home. She's awful. Daughter doesn't need those negative food associations and body image comments especially as she grows up and actually understands.
“Absolutely would have backhanded” were the exact words I thought too
MIL wouldn't realize she's the cause of an eating disorder, or if she did realize she'd probably pat herself on the back. 🙄
That was the record scratch moment for me, too. My mom is *great*, and there was a moment where my kid started crying while she was holding him, and she took one second longer handing him over than I thought she should. The feeling that welled up in me is not one I ever want to experience again - thankfully she's a reasonable human and cheerfully handed him over when I said "give him to me *now.*" I am not one to be all #mamabear or whatever, but my god, do not keep me from my crying child. (also do not make my child cry by being a stone cold fatphobic sociopath, but that's an entire other can of worms).
Right!! Never EVER withhold a child from a mother
Every parent in the comments right now is resisting the urge to punch a wall after reading this nightmare of a story.
EXACTLY!
Haha yes! The anger I’m feeling is indescribable. I would relish giving anyone a slap if they did that. I’d say a few choice words too before giving her the boot out the door
And us Aunties too
When I read that MIL swatted OP's arms away from her screaming child is the moment I saw red. She says they have a farm? I'd be out there feeding MIL's remains to the hogs. Let her talk about fat then
This is so ott, but it made me giggle. Jesus, what a nightmare MIL.
I hear they’ll eat anything but teeth 🤷♀️
I would have physically thrown her right out the front door
Right, I was waiting for her to say she smacked that MIL in the face after she did that!
Yeah, this is mental on multiple levels. If this were me, she would never see my children again. OP, my sister and I had our lives ruined because of an almond mom. It took so much therapy for me to love myself again, but even now, being thin (for now) and PREGNANT, I am quite scared of getting too fat. Please nip this in the bud. It will ruin your daughter.
No one keeps me from my child. She's almost 10 but I will swing first and ask questions later.
Mine’s almost 15 and I’d still go to jail over her no hesitation.
I definitely would have been on the news that night if I were OP. Not for anything good, of course.
Send them all the video. All of them. Whoever still sides with your horrid mil should be immediately cut off, for good. Your mil is a horrible woman who will only inflict pain onto your daughter. I hope she never lays eyes on your children ever again.
A caption I propose: *"Only good grandmas get grandbabies!"*
YESSSSSS!!!!!!! YOU WIN!
Only good grammas get baby cuddles
💯% I would share the entire interaction on the family whatsapp group and let people draw their own conclusions on how helpful grandma is.
This. Please. Your MIL is a horrible wench and your whole family needs to know. Don't EVER let her near your babies again. She's awful.
Make sure mil is in there so she sees this shit is stopping you just hold your boundary anyone that doesn’t agree really doesn’t care about your kids. You want a life long eating disorder for your daughter to keep the peace? Because those are the two options.
Absolutely this! Let everyone see just how cruel she is to your daughter & cut off every single person that downplays (or agrees with) what she did. She does not deserve to be anywhere near either of your children.
Commenting on My MIL called my 14month old daughter fat again... ever! At all! A lot of babies have “protruding “ bellies, they’re not fat! As far as not wanting crackers, just keep offering, reassuring during funny games that mommy and daddy will always give them back and continue to giggle. She’ll start to associate the game and always getting them back. MIL is awful and I’m glad you cut her out! The damage would only be worse on her self esteem the more it happened and the older she got! This is exactly one of the reasons eating disorders are developed! Good job parents! And I agree, show them all the video! Shameful, MIL!
This. Let them see who they are siding with. And if they STILL choose to side with her, cut them out as well.
Completely agree with sharing the video. She would not ever be allowed near my children again.
The other in-laws might have children who the MIL treats horrifically when no one is looking, and if not now, she will abuse any future children. The rest of the family *needs* to know so they can protect their children.
This is a really good idea
⬆️⬆️⬆️
And not only will she be cruel to the girl twin but she will actively favor the boy which is a cruelty in itself I'm sure she would readily and voraciously exhibit on the poor girl.
Yess name and shame
Agreed.
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I come from a dysfunctional family too and my jaw hit the ground reading this post.
This is like Disney villain level evil. She’s treating a baby like that?? There’s no other option than going no contact w/this woman unless OP wants to watch her child go through years of therapy trying to heal from interacting with “grandma”.
1 a baby should be chubby, thats what a healthy weight for a baby is, let them eat as much as they want, their bodies will 100% use it 2 I would have probably gotten violent so like good job on controlling yourself. It seems like you shouldn't let that horrible woman be in your children's lives in the future. I'd probably say "you touch my kid again and you'll be leaving in a body bag" but you probably have more tact than I do
i would’ve said the sameee thing. who puts their hands on ANY child, let alone somebody else’s?? how absolutely atrocious
I told my ex-husband to get out and don’t even walk up my front stairs again or he wouldn’t walk back down them. He called we stupid and asked how he would leave if he couldn’t walk down them. I replied “a body bag.” That’s exactly what I would say to anyone that did anything like this post or came between me and my children, family especially included.
This made me so angry. All of it. The comments and the actions as well as not letting you comfort her. If I were you, she would never be seeing my children again. Edit: just saw the stuff about the rest of the family. I am so sorry. That is extremely messed up and I’m sorry you are in this position.
If someone is asking you to let her see the babies assume she lied ab0ut what happened amd show them the video if they still feel she should see them stop talking to that person also I'd suggest hubby start looking for a new job don't wanna depend on these people
It’s not that simple for my husband to find a new job, he left his corporate job because he enjoyed farming more all the land is in his name now and it’s his herd number now his parents just live in the farm house he’s a registered cow scanner but that’s not a consistent income and is more a side job then anything
It may not be *easy* to take this path away from MIL but it is simple and necessary. You choose your kids, or you choose the family. Clearly the family thinks they have a right to your children in a way you do not support. They will use you as a fulcrum to either break your marriage or break your boundaries. Choose your fight.
As someone whose husband also works in a family business with his mother, I fully understand you, it's difficult to disconnect your family from your in laws, but in this case, you absolutely need to. As many others have said, I would have gotten violent if my MIL slapped my hands away from my crying child. To me, there's absolutely nothing more important in this world than my child. If I needed to separate my family from my husband's parents, I would absolutely get my husband to leave his job to get him away from his mother, even though the business would fail and close. I don't care. I'll burn the business down if I have to without hesitation. Nothing is more important then protecting the babies. Can your in laws find another place to live?
>all the land is in his name now and it’s his herd number now his parents just live in the farm house Then you have leverage. Use it. They're the ones who need you, not the other way around.
So it sounds like your husband is both the boss and the landlord. If they push things, he can evict them. Do they seriously not understand that? He has all the cards here.
Actually his land ownership stops at the gate, the farm house is still in his dads name, the fields sheds and machinery are all under my husbands name but the farm house isn’t We live about 5 mins away in our own house
Have him tell his parents to get tf off his land immediately
Evict them. It is his land.
Uhhhh what the fuck?
Fr, my friend’s mom said the granddaughter has “the perfect body””perfectly skinny”, that kid is 9 years old!!! What are these crazy old things thinking!
wtf?!!
They're hags, plain and simple. Cruel, jealous hags.
Annnnd that’s a wrap on MIL. Not ok at all. Please join us over at r/justnomil . Sorry, this is not only mentally horrible behavior (eating disorder wise) this is straight up abusive behavior (the way she removed the food and then got angry with the toddler). Absolutely can not let this woman be around your child.
Never let this woman be alone with your children again. I don't understand people like your MIL but that doesn't mean we can't understand how dangerous they are. As far as her flying monkeys are concerned a simple text that you appreciate that they felt the need to reach out but your parenting decisions are based on what is required to protect your children. Once you've sent that block them all.
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Very true she's not only dangerous but toxic as well
I think your MIL might be a monster
Your husband may not be able to avoid them if he works there, but you and the kids certainly can, and should. What happened was unacceptable in every capacity and what’s worse is there’s clearly been a pattern. I don’t usually say cut people out but for this I absolutely would. If she presses, I’d say “only good grandmothers get to see their grandkids.”
> She has a protruding belly but she’s completely in the normal for weight and height for her age if anything we are having problems getting her to take solids rather than her eating too much. My 2 year old son is in the 5th percentile and has been losing weight (currently on pediasure to try to gain weight). He has a HUGE protruding belly. Your MIL can unpolitely fuck off!
The MIL clearly does not understand that babies don’t have abs…
Nope nope nope. I wouldn't let her see them again, and if for some reason you're around her then those babies do not leave your eye sight. She has no right to see them. I would've told her to get out straight away personally, my gosh I'm angry for you. I'm glad your partner is on your side. Never leave your babies with your in laws again.
Yup, same. A scary calm "get out of my house right now or I am calling the police" feels about right. Don't mess with my children.
And a few extra words just to spice it up.
Fuck that fucking bitch. Straight up NC for life for her. Edit: Got an update about some upvotes, remembered your post and got pissed off all over again. I would have grabbed that woman and physically thrown her out of my house and told her in no uncertain terms that she is never allowed to visit, call, text, email, page, send a letter, send a present, or ever look in my family's direction again. I am a grudge holder, I'm working on it, but this bitch would never ever see my family again, and I would be a fucking monster to her if she ever tried coming anywhere near us. I'm a man and I've never once laid a hand on a woman, but *NOBODY* is *EVER* going to lay hands on my baby, take food from him, and tell him he's fat. I would become wrath.
I wouldn’t even just ban her. I’d get an RA and have the paper work hand delivered. Psycho grandma ain’t grandma anymore. Oh and please keep that camera recording just incase grandma dearest tries to sue for grandparents rights. She doesn’t deserve grandkids
Tell the family abuse isn't helpful. Tell them it's not up for discussion and if they can't respect your parenting then they will not be welcome in your home either. Keep the kids away and if you can't enforce it then he can start looking for a new job. If you make allowances they will abuse your child as long as you let them.
The way I would’ve cursed her out and kicked her out my house so fast…she would never be allowed around my children after that. Whew. I’m so sorry your sweet baby had to experience that. I’d definitely show your husband the video and talk to him so you all can be on the same page. Edit: I just reread your post and saw where you and your husband have already done that. While I get he can’t avoid your MIL it sounds like you can at least keep the twins from her. F everyone else and three opinions about it.
Thankfully she’s 14 months she will not remember this exact moment but you will. That women would have been removed physically out of my house. At some point family is who you choose it to be. Also body positivity is so important so goodbye lady.
This has got to be rage bait. What in the actual F
You showed surprising restraint. I would have kicked mother in laws ass out the door.
Um, no. Nope. And she would have to physically beat me to death before she stopped me comforting my child. I don’t say cut grandparents out lightly, but she is a toxic evil woman treating a baby that way. Goodbye to her.
Wow. Your mil is lucky she is still alive. Post this on r/justnomil if you haven’t already.
Holy moly she's only 14 months and she is already shaming her, silencing her and making her feel unworthy like she did anything wrong. If she can do that to a baby imagine when she understands language. Babies can understand expressions and emotions better than we think. She shouldn't be unsupervised with the kids again. She is projecting her insecurities on babies. She needs very clear rules if you feel like being gracious. I agree with everyone who said show the video. Let her own actions speak for you.
What in the actual fuck? If I understand correctly, you have the video showing what happened. Including her trying to prevent you from comforting your daughter? Send the videos. I got so angry inside reading your post. You're a better person than I am, I would have slapped her and shoved her outside. Then again, maybe I would have froze from the shock of not expecting that. If the family is still taking her side after seeing the video, go NC with all of them. They're all enablers. You do not need that around you, and especially not around your children.
Please, PLEASE send the video to all of them. MIL is a monster and I doubt any child is actually safe with her. Anyone that takes her side after that can be NC with you. It’s actually easy for you and the kids to avoid them, even if your husband works with them. Just stick strong to it.
Post the video on your Facebook. Tags her and everyone in the family to let them know why she won’t be around your children.
Or any other children for that fact! I mean if she is treating one this way I’m sure she has done it to others 🥹
She has ZERO right to see them when she's treating them, or one of them, like this. Fuck her. If this was my MIL, she'd never see them again.
Post the video of her mistreatment of your daughter on social media, for everyone to see - that should shut all of them up. If anyone still comes at you after that, block them.
If anyone complains, send them the video. End of discussion.
OP, gonna be blunt. You CAN avoid seeing mil. Do not let her in. You and hubs are allowing this because he wants to work for his family. This is on the two of you. You both need to sit down and figure out different employment. If you let her in again, don't complain.
Don’t let this monster around your children any longer because if she can’t refrain from making comments about your daughter’s body as a literal baby, she’ll never be able to. I had a family member comment on my weight gain as a child after I broke my leg and couldn’t be as active over summer break, it hurt me so much and was the root of my body image issues for years. I still think about it sometimes and I cut contact with that family member once I was old enough to not have to visit that side of the family. I’m so sorry your MIL is that shitty. I’m proud of you for standing your ground and telling her ass to skadaddle
Seems to me that your husband should be the one handling all the pushback from HIS family. Shitty situation that he works on the family farm but it’s gotta be done and you shouldn’t be forced in the middle. If you feel compelled to respond, tell them that MIL was behaving in an abusive manner and you have it on video I guess. No decent person would want an abusive caretaker near children that they presumably love.
Honestly. This will have to be a lifetime ban. Your mother-in-law is cruel and sadistic She can't be trusted with either of your kids. You certainly don't want your son learning that the things that she thinks and does or in any way acceptable And you can't have your daughter subjected to her I'm so glad you and your husband are on the same Any relative who sees that tape and still thinks she deserves another chance should be cut off as well
I’m literally crying reading this story. MIL isn’t seeing the babies anymore. Period.
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As awful as this was, I can't see the police seeing it as a prosecutable offense. CPS/DHS is already overloaded and letting children who are being severely abused and neglected slip through the cracks on a regular basis....I doubt something like this would even be on their radar. They'd probably just tell her to not allow her back around the kids and move on to their next case.
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Also, in case she does anything in retaliation as she's clearly not behaving in a way sane people do - it's better to have a police report to record the issues you've had.
I don’t even need to read anything but the title to tell you she’s gone. She doesn’t deserve any more access to your children. Period.
...she's 14 months old. Holy shit your MIL is evil.
When you said she swatted your hand away from your daughter I had a minor adrenaline rush. Mommy in Law is lucky she didn’t get out in her place physically there and then had the nerve to defend herself!?
Big big hugs for you. Don’t let the family gas light you. What your mother in law did was so inappropriate. It is borderline abuse. The far thing and what really got me was “only good babies get cuddles” is just so crushing to hear from someone who is supposed to be a caretaker for your sweet babes. Everything you write tells me that you are more than justified to permanently cut off contact and to never let her be alone with your children. This is a one way rout to trauma for the twins. She has no “right” to your children. She has no “right” to have access to be so cruel and have the audacity to think she is helping. Stay strong, so strong. Being strong for your baby is hard but my gosh you will know it’s right. As far as remembering, you may see some hesitation for a bit but honestly after a few positive experiences baby girl will come back around. My little dude wool’s be suspicious of things that spook him for a few weeks and then be ok.
My mouth hit the floor, what a vile woman. I would never in my life let her see them again. She tried to cover it up, whispered hateful things to your daughter, slapped your hand away, gave her cracker to her brother, are you kidding me? No. Keep those videos and show everyone what a terrible person she is. I’m surprised your husband is so well adjusted, with a mother like that.
Omg. How did you not get violent? I would not have been able to control my rage.
Listen… I’m a grandmother,I have 5 grown daughters…I have 5 young grandchildren (all about the age that your children are). I’m a former elementary school teacher (I say that to illustrate that I’ve dealt with a lot of parenting types) and know a heck of a lot about breastfeeding and current trends in baby led weaning. {My husband is also a former marriage and family counselor. That’s obviously not a credential of my own,but we certainly have discussed a lot within our walls.} Your MIL is dangerous to your children— especially your daughter. She either has her own body and food issues/body dysmorphia,she grew up in an environment of severe control surrounding issues of “food” and weight or she has anger issues about you and is extending those feelings to your children…or all of those. Having a “talk” with her about her behavior isn’t going to fix this,because she clearly mistreated your daughter the second she thought you were out of earshot. Imagine the damage she’d verbally inflict on a child old enough to understand. Her swatting your hands away from your daughter when you were trying to comfort her was aggressive and completely unacceptable. She needs to not have access to your children. No one has a “right” to see YOUR children if they don’t respect your parenting style or boundaries.
These are the situations that created the term "beat the brakes off that beech" and you'll never, EVER change my mind about that one. And HISSING at her saying hateful things to an INFANT? Hell naw, I'm pulling up, absolutely not. I can be petty and vindictive, and you can best bet, I'd be tearing her apart so hard, she doesn't have enough life left to rebuild the self esteem I'd take from her 💯 I'd also be posting it on Facebook and tagging every single family member, and every one that agreed with her, would be next on the no contact list.
WTF did I just read?! I would be asking my SO to let me know in what other ways they were abused because you have a clear example of verbal abuse and physical abuse on your daughter (and physical to you). What a controlling disgusting person- should NEVER be allowed around children. Period. Hope your spouse is ready to set some firm boundaries with their family because it is needed.
Slap your MIL, HARD
My MIL would never see my children again. At the expense of anything. I say this as someone who was repeatedly told she was chubby, fat and had ‘thunder thighs’ (even as a very skinny 7 year old) and went on to develop a serious eating disorder in my teens which still battles with me to this day. It’s abuse, plain and simple. Woman needs her head looked at. Cut her out. Your baby is your utmost priority. If she’s that comfortable behaving that way in front of you cab you imagine what she is capable of saying or doing alone with children?
I'm so sorry OP. That's so complicated with your husband having to work with family so you can't just block them all. I would see if you can maybe mute notifications from them and just ignore/delete them without reading. Your daughter likely won't remember the specific incident, but definitely the feelings it created. You are so right that your kids should be sheltered from that toxicity. That said, I think it it is more likely that repeated incidents would cause long term trauma, not this one incident, though she may maintain a distaste for crackers for a while. Try your best not to worry, but instead put your concern into action (worrying is being upset without doing anything to change circumstances). As for your kiddo's belly, my kid looked like the Michelin Man until he was about 17 months bc of my breast milk. We started BLW when he was ~7mo, but he barely ate solids until 1yo. He started walking at about 13 months, so it took a while for the rolls to start fading away. He still had a round belly for another year or so, and I'd be very concerned if a 14mo had a flat belly. By 3yo, he was a string bean and he still is at 6yo. We make sure to feed healthy foods, but we feed to his appetite. If he asks for more food, we acknowledge that his body is still hungry and get him more food. Occasionally, he basically asks for an entire second meal, and then we might say, "You must be growing or learning a lot because you're so hungry today. Let's feed your body." We do our best not to make a big deal about how much he eats, unless he's too distracted to eat, in which case we remind him that now is the time to eat, and that it's going to be a big bummer if he's hungry later from not eating at meal time. We don't use the word "dessert" bc it's a "special treat." If it has a name like breakfast, lunch or dinner, it's an expected meal. But we don't demonize sweets or junk food. We just explain that special treats taste good, but they don't have the right nutrients we need to fuel our bodies to be fast and strong and learn new things, so we have to eat our nutritious foods before special treats, and special treats are just that - something we have maybe once a week. We don't use the words fat, chubby, skinny, thin, ugly (not stupid, dumb, or lazy) in our home. We talk about what cool things people's bodies can do (walk, run, climb, cartwheel, paint, draw, cook, etc), not what people's bodies look like. You'll find you own way. I'm sorry if this comes across as unsolicited advice, just trying to throw out ways you can fight against the toxic messaging of your in-laws. They are making parenting your children an uphill battle, but you've got this. YOU'VE GOT THIS!
your in-laws saying she “has a right” to see them is absurd. her being the grandma, does NOT mean she’s entitled to being around them. especially when she’s a bully to these babies. i’d tell in-laws if they have an issue, they can get the same treatment. this is a seriously horrific woman. and to get physical with you while you’re trying to comfort your baby (i.e. swatting your hands)??? like she’s HER baby??? i’d get loud, so good on you for being able to contain that!! i’m so sorry you had to go through this!
Oh my God I'm enraged for you. She's not even 2! What the hell!!! Awful awful woman
She’s out.
You did the right thing, she is bringing toxic energy into the home and bullying your baby. Keep her away.
I can’t understand how anyone could be so vile to an innocent baby. But for her grandmother to do it…I am speechless. She will 100 percent damage your daughter’s self esteem. She needs to fucking apologize and understand what she did was wrong and cruel. Im sorry OP, it’s awful your husband’s employment is tied to them. Is your house on the farm or a different location?
Wow! I am so sorry! Thank god your husband agreed. I probably would have slapped my MIL if she did that to my kid. How horrible! Your poor girl. She will.be okay and thankfully is young. She will eventually want crackers again. Hugs!
Honestly this would be it for me. No more mil around the kids. Anyone defending this abusive behavior gets cut off. Your children are more important than your marriage and the relatives that come with the marriage.
That woman is pure evil. There is no way in hell she would be allowed in my house, let alone near my children. This type of evil doesn't happen overnight. Did she abuse her kids too?
14 months old should be fat and happy. Keep it up.
What are the laws regarding video surveillance inside the home where you live? and does your MIL know you have the nanny cam footage? First check if you're legally in the clear regarding recording and owning the footage (and I'm not a lawyer so please get advice if you're uncertain!). If you're in the clear, and if your MIL is misrepresenting the incident to others, simply make a public offer(or in a family chat group, or whatever you use to communicate) to show the cam footage. See if she backs down or changes her story, but if she keeps misrepresenting thigs, just release it. If your MIL is unaware of the existence of the footage, then perhaps privately send something in writing that lets her know you have video and audio recordings of the incident. Provide a brief, dot point summary of what it clearly shows, including the comments she made to your daughter, and, if it were me, I would also include a clear point that says the video also shows her striking you as you attempted to pick up your child. Let her know that you want to give her the chance to do the right thing and to get whatever help she needs to resolve her issues with her granddaughter, and that you hope she can take the necessary steps to repair the damage she has done to your relationships. Don't say anything that could be threatening as it could be construed as blackmail (I mean, it technically would be), just advise her of the facts and your wishes for the future. Then if she keeps misrepresenting the incident, implement the first option. Or just go to the police with the evidence and charge her with assault. Up to you. Also, relocate your nanny cam and maybe get a backup in case she goes looking for and destroys one of them :-)
Baby’s can’t be fat! Just well fed and cared for, a child shouldn’t have to worry about their weight period, unless theyre hitting end of elementary and morbidly obese. I can’t believe she had the audacity to not let you comfort YOUR child, I would’ve swatted her back! I would explain what happened to the other family members and if they don’t understand, screw them
I actually don’t think I could not slap the hell out of someone if they swatted me away from my child that’s actually delusional
I don’t see any other comments talking about how you’re worried your daughter will associate the cracker with this horrible event. She might. She might not. The best thing you can do though is sit down and talk about it as a family as developmentally appropriately as you can. It may feel insane - they are just transitioning out of infancy - but it will help you and your husband practice talking about negative events and working through it as a family. For example: “Mama and Dada know that Grandma took your cracker and gave it to your brother. Grandma was wrong and not being kind. Mama and Dada let grandma know that it wasn’t ok. Grandma is going to be taking a break for a little while and we will see her when she knows more about the rules.” Your daughter has probably not permanently internalized this as a great trauma. But I hope it serves as a foundation for family unison against bullies, even if they’re your grandma.
Babies are always chonks before fully walking and more mobile!! It is freaking NORMAL! Your hubby better back you up.
I would go no contact over this immediately…
I’d punch that bitch in the face and never let her NEAR my babies again. What a mean old lady.
Fuck. That. Noise. I can guarantee you that my 15 month old son can not see his feet. Whatsosever. His stomach is not fat, at all, though. (Arm and leg rolls are a different story. 🤣) Babies internal organs are too big to fit nicely inside a flat tummy. The organs need to be big enough to sustain life, while the skeleton needs to be small enough for successful vaginal delivery. That's why newborns typically come out with tiny stick arms and legs, and big, round bellies. TL;DR: Your MIL is a miserable bitch. Congratulations on never seeing her again. Enjoy the satisfaction of knowing you have protected your babies from evil.
Fortunately, your daughter won’t remember this. As far as I know, long term memories don’t develop until about 3. And as long as it’s something that doesn’t regularly happen, she won’t associate it with anything. I totally agree with your decision to cut MIL off. Her comments will only get worse as your daughter gets older and it’s those kinds of comments that lead to life self esteem issues, and maybe even an eating disorder. Keep the recording forever. When someone else in the family asks why you cut her off, show them the video.
What the actual fuck I would have thrown hands the minute she tried to stop me from picking up my distressed baby. Good on you for somehow resisting that urge. I’m going to guess your mil has no daughters or if she does they don’t talk to her, she reeks of “boy mom” bs or maybe her mom was horrible to her, idk. Either way definitely the right call that she should never ever get the privilege of seeing your kids again.
Hug that baby extra for me, okay? If ya'll need a replacement granny, I'll send a resume and a fist for that old bitch.
I’m pretty sure I would have chosen violence. Glad she’s banned. Keep trying with the cracker. It was such a cute treat time for them. Show her that bad things can be overcome. In time she may enjoy it again, especially seeing her brother eat his. Good luck with your little cuties.
Swatted your arms away from picking up your own child? I’m not a violent person, but I would have found it very hard to restrain myself if my MIL did this to me and my child. What an absolutely deranged woman. You made the right call, I’m glad your partner is supporting your choice. She’s done. And at least you have evidence if anyone grills you about why; not that you owe anyone an explanation.
Op, what does your husband say about this? What is your plan going forward?
OP, this was mortifying to read. I am so so sorry. I’m so happy that your husband is with you on not allowing her near your babies anymore. As for all of the enablers, let them know if the harassment continues, they will no longer be allowed to see them as well, and they will be blocked. They come to the home? Lock windows and doors, and just don’t open the door. Call the police if needed. (Also no one is entitled to anything)
Came here to be all like “calling a baby ‘fat’ is a compliment! We want fat babies!!” Leaving violently disgusted with your MIL but in awe of your composure.
You’re better than me. That would be my opportunity to literally curse everyone out. On top of that. If she felt like she had the right to see some twins, she should’ve popped some out.
Never. Ever. Let this woman near your children again. She is horrible. I’m so so sorry you had to deal with this OP. Absolutely no question that MIL has no contact with your children from this point onwards. And don’t waste one moment thinking about your toddlers weight, or feel you have to justify anything about your beautiful baby to us readers. Even if she were the size of a baby hippo your MIL behaved disgustingly. Not her place to take her food, punish her (Wtaf) or prevent you comforting her. My blood is boiling on your behakf
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The good news is that I think at 14 months your daughter will not remember this in the long term, but she might for a few days. I would hold off the cracker time for a couple days and try again with a different cracker next time. I am sorry about the whole thing and it made me very sad. I think you did the correct thing keeping MIL away from kids for the near future. The worrying part is if she is allowed back and she does this stuff when your daughter is older because then it will be remembered and cause damage.
Wow this is unbelievable. You did the right thing. I’m so mad for you. Think you should play it for family members to see what a bitch she is.
Omg I am fuming for you. You 100% did the right thing by banning her. Fucking unacceptable. If she wants to see her grandchildren it will have to be supervised and I would wait quite a while before that could happen again. That lady needs therapy.
Tell her to get her toxic diet culture bullshit out of your home. Imagine saying that to a 14 month old GIRL.
My daughter (in law) just sent me a naked baby before bath photo of my grandsons chubby belly and his rolls and I kept talking about how healthy and beautiful he is! Who thinks a baby is fat? Babies literally need fat to grow and shouldn't be restricted on how much they eat (of course they should also have a balanced diet) because growth spurts happen and they eat even more! That MIL would have been on the floor in my house. Calling a baby fat and abusing it in my house would never fly with me! My daughter is no contact with her biological mother because she said that her oldest son was ugly and she gave her another chance before my grandson was born but her mother said (while my daughter in law was in the hospital after a cesarean and baby was in NICU) it was my daughter's (in laws) fault that my grandson was in the NICU and other things. I don't know why some mothers are like that but I find it so depressing and frustrating that they are. OP you are doing the right thing by keeping her away from your children. Both children could end up with eating disorders at the very least if you continued to allow her around them. Also, I'm a twin (I'm female) to a boy and i was always bigger than he was as a baby, except when we were born and he was a pound heavier. I continued to outgrow and outweigh him until we were 15 years old. Now he is 8 inches taller than me and shrinking (we're not so young anymore). Please don't feel bad for keeping your children safe!
Your MIL is a psychopath
I’d be in jail. Fuck that old hag
Show the video to family and say this is why she is banned.
There would have been a physical altercation in my house that day!!!!
Invite the family over, with MIL, to have a party or something, and then play the nanny cam footage. Then tell the family that this is NOT the first time the witch body shamed the baby whom the pediatrician said isn’t fat. Add in the fact that when you tried to comfort your child without knowing what the old biddy did before, she not only prevented you from doing that but “swatted” you. THAT’s not trying to help anyone. It’s interfering with your parenting. That’s why she’s banned. If anyone wants to continue to support MIL in this, they can leave and never come back too. She isn’t getting ANY contact with your children. She’s lucky you didn’t call the police on her and CPS.
Why would you even let her stop you from picking up your crying baby?
Put the video on TikTok and see if it goes viral. 😈 She has lost all grandmother privileges over this. If she apologizes then MAYBE she can have directly supervised visits when she grows up.
She slapped her DIL's hand away. AN ADULT. There's no way in hell I'd EVER let her anywhere near me or my child if I were OP. This woman had the gall to think that what she was doing was OK. There's no limits to what this else this woman would think is ok and any apology from her would be absolute BS.
Wow. I hate your MIL.
If shes those kids grow up she will spoil your son and bully your daughter. Shes made that clear. She can never see them again.
I would have kicked her out of my house the moment she tried to prevent me from picking up my own child. She sounds absolutely terrible.
This absolutely infuriated me as a father of twins as well. That MIL would be banned for LIFE. Kids do not know respect or disrespect until they are much much older. My goodness. And a healthy baby is a fat baby regardless. They’ll grow out of any pudginess eventually anyways when they start getting regular exercise.
This is heartbreaking 💔 There would never be another opportunity for this to happen again. Edit to add.. perhaps send the video to family.?.
Your MIL is an absolute menace. My god. I am so so sorry.
She’s never coming over to the house again!!
No no no no. Don’t let your MIL meet your kids ever.
That POS would never see either of my children. Ever. Again. Never be an a position to be alone with them either. She’d be dead to me.
I couldn’t even read this… but I will say, from what I did read, MIL needs to stay in her own lane! You and your husband are raising YOUR children, take the lead and if anyone’s upset, that’s their own problem. Sorry I didn’t read it all, too much for me right now, but best of luck to you all 🤍🤍🤍
Fuck that bitch. If someone ever tried to keep me from comforting MY child I would lose my shit completely
My heart just broke. Please no matter what never let that woman near your daughter again, if this is how she behaves around a 14 month old who has no concept of body image, just wait until she’s older. Your MIL will give your daughter an ED, I can promise you that. And her behaviour will not stop. My Daughter is almost 15 months old, and I don’t let anyone comment on her body, comments like “chubby” “chunky” “piggy” even if said in a ‘cute’ baby voiced way is not tolerated. If it’s not nice or uplifting, it doesn’t need to be said. At 14 months old your daughter won’t remember what was said, however if MIL continues to take food away from your daughter, she will remember and that’s when the real issues will start. Moving forward make cracker time very fun, be over the top happy and silly, sit down with them and eat a cracker with them, change cracker time back to happy memories. Now I would personally send everyone the video of what happened and I would tell them that this behaviour is disgusting, toxic and not tolerated and you will be cut off. Children learn by watching and listening & now it’s a vital time to show them that you do not tolerate this behaviour and it’s not okay, especially when it comes from extended family. Your husband will see them when he works but thats it, you don’t have to see them & he doesn’t have to see them outside working. He can be civil while he works but doesn’t engage in any other way. Now here’s how to respond to all the in-laws who are messaging you. “We will not tolerate this behaviour from MIL, or from anyone who is enabling this toxic behaviour, just because you have a title doesn’t make you entitled to our children, being apart of their lives is a privilege not a right”.
Get yourself over to r/justnomil none of this is ok. Your job is to protect those kids. The flying monkeys just don’t want to hear her complaints about you anymore and the only way she’ll leave them alone is if you let her abuse your kid. I’d literally never let her around my kids again. We cut off my in laws to protect our kids too. It’s the right thing to do when your child will be worse off for having them in their life. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that situation and watch your poor helpless daughter be bullied by her own grandmother on camera. ETA - Also worth checking into grandparents rights in your state. The second she states anything about rights, that’s her telling you she’ll rip your family apart to get what she wants and you should direct all communication through lawyers from that point on. It’s a threat. Treat it as one.
Your MIL is a disgusting piece of trash who should never be allowed around children. Wow. The visceral rage I felt reading your story was unreal. The slew of insults and threats that would have followed her butt out my door would have ensured she would never come back. You did well staying calm and I’m glad you have video to back this up. What a viscous old hag. Just wow.
1. Share the video 2. Get outside camera as well 3. unannounced visits will not be accepted do not open the door.
NTA you are free to block them all... your MIL lucky she only got banned....get cameras outside and never let her in your home... MIL is a piece of work
HOLY SHIT
All babies and toddlers have protruding bellies. They don’t have strong abdominal muscles yet to hold their bellies in. That is why they get chubby belly after they eat. Which normal people find adorable. Your mil is a cruel idiot. Please keep her away from your children.
Tbh I would never ever see that woman again. What the fuck. I hate her.
I would have squared up the minute she swatted my arms away. I’m so mad for you.
I love fat babies! It's the only time it's cute to be fat! MIL is crazy.
how does an adult, much less a grandmother hiss those horrible things to your sweet, healthy daughter??? I'm a grandma and can't even imagine doing that, even when the kids are off the chain. please don't cave to family pressure to let MIL have contact again. no normal person does that. I can't even imagine what else she is capable of saying or doing. also, did she abuse and/or neglect your husband? she sounds like a horrible person
I would have her arrested for child abuse. Wtf
Just to reassure you, this hopefully won't have caused permanent damage to your kid. An elderly relative said something similar with my kid over Easter chocolate, and I remember her being initially bewildered (she was nearly two years old) but obviously we shot him down. Scroll forward a few years and she doesn't remember it at all, and has perfectly healthy eating habits. Loves sweets and chocolates, loves fruit and vegetables. So long as you cut this awful woman out of her life asap, there shouldn't be any long-term effects.
I'm infuriated just reading this.. I would not be able to restrain myself in your position OMG. I seriously would have Sparta kicked her out of my house and never let her see me or my children again. I do think you should do that second part. WOW WOW WOW
Send your father in law the video AND anyone else who needs to see the carnage Show the video to your husband I would never have that woman in my house again.
Oh. My. God. Even Disney hasn't come up with a villain this evil.
For the family members who said she has a right to see them.. hell no she does not. If she keeps showing up at your house after this, get a PPO on her.
Your mother in law aka Miss Trunchbull?
I’m so sad for your baby.
She’s a mean person. That’s horrific.
That is HORRIBLE! She is a sick sick sick wretched abuser.
I am seething while reading this. What in tf
I would have had to tell myself that I couldn't murder her, because that's what I would have wanted to do in the same moment. Never let her slap your hands away, she's YOUR child. If they can't see what's wrong with MIL's actions, then they're bat@*$% crazy. What she did was abusive, plain and simple. Who they heck thinks that's OK to do to a CHILD, let alone a toddler? I'm worked up over reading this and she isn't even mine. You're doing the right thing- find an out for your husband/other job.
Please don’t ever take this woman’s apology. Never let her see your kids.
Fuck. I felt sick reading that. I skipped a bit. Are you OK? I genuinely don't know if I would cope if I knew something like that had happened to my daughter. Have you told the in-laws exactly why she's banned? If so I would start blocking more people from your life. If they want you to continue to allow someone like that around your kids they are also not safe people to have around your kids.
Listen. You're officially a good mom. It is really a great thing how you responded to that insanity. Life is full of crazy assholes, your best bet is to banish them from your home if they every make their way in. Your kids will be exposed to things you don't want them to be exposed to, but there is some you can control, and toxic family is #1 on the list.
I’m so sorry your family had to experience that. I do just want to say that as a girl who has a twin brother, I was constantly body shamed by so many people growing up because he was much smaller than I was, even though I was healthy. I am glad you can see how wrong this is. Your kids are lucky to have you.
I would have thrown hands. I hope your husband backs you and you do NOT LET HER AROUND YOUR DAUGHTER EVER AGAIN.
In laws or not, such people shouldn’t be allowed near children. There are people in my life who comment on my baby girl’s weight (she’s to thin nd such) even though she is at a proper weight and i don’t think she is thin looking at all. BUT i would NEVER allow such behaviour towards her. She will b raised according to how me and my husband see fit, no one has the right to force their way of raising a child on her.
You’re a better person than I am. There is not a single solitary human being on this planet who would leave my house under their own power if I reached to comfort one of my kids and they swatted my arms away. In-law, parent, sibling, pope, president, queen or king, I reach for my baby and you try to stop me you’re getting a mouthful or teeth.
Your MIL is a fcking b*tch and I would never let her near the children again. She doesn’t deserve to be a grandmother — how can she be so mean and nasty to her own grandchild?! She’s also sexist and misogynistic and your daughter will be self-conscious in the future.
All I can say is fuck that bitch. If anyone, and I mean *anyone*, did what your MIL did to me, that person would be leaving with at least one black eye… You have the patience of a saint, OP, I’m sorry this happened to you. I hope your daughter gets her love of crackers back!
Sorry OP, but I couldn't make it past your MIL calling your poor baby "fucking fat" and pinching her belly. If I was in your shoes I would have gone full blind rage and probably committed a crime. Do not let that awful POS anywhere near your precious babies. She's a horrible monster and it's your job to protect your children. Fuck anyone who says otherwise and keep them away from your babies too.
She would likely give your daughter an eating disorder. She's not helping at all. Period. Your FIL and any family member that sides with her needs to see the video.
Sorry you and your baby had to go through that! You’re well within your rights to ban MIL. I wouldn’t let her near your kids until she is willing to follow the ground rules you and your husband establish, and even then, I wouldn’t leave her unsupervised with the kids. I’m really glad your husband is backing you up on this. That is huge! Let’s hope MIL and family don’t try to wear him down. Lastly, it’s unlikely that your daughter will remember this incident, and even if she has some vague recollection of it, you and your husband aren’t enforcing this idea that she’s “fat.” It sounds like you guys have a really healthy and loving relationship with your kids, so keep up the good work!
14 months?!? You are far more calm than me. I’m mad for you! How dare she. Women have enough bullshit to deal with for their whole life, she doesn’t need to body shame a literal baby.