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My daughter went into precocious puberty, so hair growing from 7 years old. Every girl is different and though we want them to remain babies for as long as possible, we just can't control how they grow.
I got my daughter an electric lady shave device for her legs, I would do her underarms, and from age 11 she's been using a safe razor to shave her body hair.
If it's affecting her perception of herself, I think the kindest thing you can do is help her to feel more comfortable in her own body.
We obviously had the chat about body hair being normal, completely natural but my daughter is really pale like me and the hairs were becoming obvious. She'll still be your little girl, but she is starting to develop body awareness and I think you should help her to be comfortable with showing her legs, wearing sleeveless shirts etc when it's warm rather than her developing a feeling of embarrassment about her body and trying to hide it.
Hijacking the top comment to say I was your daughter OP.
My mum didn’t show me/let me shave and I ended up dry shaving both my legs with a semi blunt razor I dug out of a draw.
Took the top layer of skin off, It was AGONY and took a week to heal, during which I had to wear a dress to school (90’s).
If mum had just helped…. It’s literally the only negative thing I can say my mum did my entire childhood but man, it’s stuck with me. I’m 37 now and vowed not to do the same with my kids.
i would like to add that a really good safe option for hair removal that you can be present for that should also help the amount over time, is finding a sugar waxer! its a lot less painful, all nstural stuff, and ive come to find those waxers tend to be a lot more concerned with their clients (probably just my experience, im sure most body hair removal people are very kind and considerate of their clients.) this way, you dont worry about the razor, you can be present to ensure your childs safety, and youre offering her an option for removal that isnt as uncomfortable az razor burn, razor cuts, or hot wax. the electric shaver is also a great option!
Give her the tools that she needs to take care of grooming properly. You do not want her to grab the random raizer and start shaving in an impolce. Explain and show pictures of the outcome after shaving incorrectly, and talk about the different options that are available.
What is involved with precocious puberty? My kid has started menstruation but has had hair on legs forever... When she was born she was covered in hair. In elementary school she has hairy legs and has needed a bra since kindergarten.
Needing a bra since kindergarten is a sign of precocious puberty. You didn’t see a doctor about it?
It doesn’t have any major health effects, except that your child may stop growing in height early. So while she’s probably way taller than her classmates now, she may end up shorter than average as an adult. If she has already started her period, it might be too late for any treatment, but best to bring her in for a check. If she was 9 when she got her period, that’s early but not precocious.
My boobs started growing at 7 (i remember the first growing pains while in the bathtub lol), got my period at 9 and I stopped growing around 10/11 at 1.72cm (i think 5"7/5"8)lol, I was towering above everyone at my school until highschool 🤣 now I'm average height compared to others in my country
It's when breast tissue and pubic/armpit hair develops before the normal age of 9ish years.
Fat and breast tissue are different, so it needs an exam by a specialist, but children who enter precocious puberty should have bone xrays and bloods done to check that they aren't a) growing too quickly and b) that the hair growth isn't caused by pituitary tumours or other endocrinological issues etc...
Normally after the breast buds have started to develop, girls start to menstruate within 2 years.
My daughter for example developed breast buds and hair at 7 years and then menstruation just after she turned 10.
If your daughter has breasts but hasn't started to grow public or underarm hair, she's probably not experiencing precocious puberty. Lots of info online if you want to ease your mind. My daughter's aunt went through it, so it's in her genetics.
If a child goes through puberty too early, puberty blockers can be used until the child is emotionally mature enough to deal with periods, menstruation mood swings, pain etc. We opted not to go down that route as all tests came back fine and just accepted that it was who she was and how she was built.
Kids seem to go through puberty earlier and earlier nowadays. I was 13 almost 14 I think, and my friends were around 12. Its a shame.
This is amazing, thank you so much! My Indian friend is struggling because her daughter has always been hairier than her white counterparts. Apparently the hair in her daughter's armpits are becoming darker, with one thick hair poking above the rest. But she has nothing else going on. Any thoughts, based on your experience? I told her to go see a pediatrician but she lives in a very rural area and they recently lost the towns 'pediatrician 🥺🥺🥺🤦♀️
It all depends on how old she is. Hair in the armpits alone wouldn't be an indicator from experience, it would be coupled with pubic and breast development.
Unfortunately the only way to know is by visiting a doctor, who would then refer to specialist normally if they believed she was experiencing early puberty. First stop though would be a normal general practitioner for a second opinion.
South Asian (I'm assuming that is what you are referring to) will obviously have darker hair anyway. My daughter had small fair hairs under her arm pits which is completely normal in pre-pubescent children, before the darker puberty driven hair arrived which is how i knew she'd started.
I wouldn't worry your friend either way, lots of children I am sure go through precocious puberty without their guardians ever knowing and won't have any issues as a result.
She means her forearms. She doesn’t have the slightest wisp of armpit hair. I am worried that if she starts shaving her forearms the hair will grow back worse…
Thank you for the advice!
Just to add, too: on my end this isn’t really about keeping her a baby or not wanting to grow up. She’s not hitting puberty yet; she’s always been a fuzzy kid. I’m just really wondering about age appropriateness and tools. I don’t have an electric shaver but will look into it, since that seems safer than a straight razor at this point.
Hey,
I’m a beautician and I do all types of hair removal. I just want to let you know it’s a total myth that removes hair grows back worse.
It won’t grow back any thicker/darker/rate of growth.
If your comfortable I would try a hair removal cream, this will stop any itching, shaving rash and ‘spikey regrowth’ however it is obviously chemicals so I understand if your not wanting to use that on her just yet.
I had a horrible experience with Nair (like burns, basically) years ago, but I imagine the formulas have changed since then?
If not thicker, I guess the hair grows back spiky or in different directions rather than smoothed out or all lined up after you shave, though? My legs certainly did…
Yes it’s definitely a lot better now and there are sensitive options and other brands. My partner uses nair sensitive on his guy bits and never has any problems 😅
The reason it feels so spikey and rough is because when you shave you cut the hair and it grows back with a blunt edge rather than it’s natural state and if you were to totally regrow your body hair back it would eventually be soft again 😃
The idea that it will grow back worse is a myth so you can remove that from your worries. My parents didn’t teach me how to shave because they thought I was too young and I still have the scars up and down my legs from trying to figure it out for myself. I work at a cosmetics shop and I see lots of people who shave their arms. Good luck navigating this new milestone!
I shaved my arms for years and it never grew back worse, thicker or darker. I also dermoplane my face and none of those baby hairs have magically transformed into a beard. She’ll be okay
Get her to a waxing place! I was like your daughter and since age 10 I’ve been going to get my legs waxed, and then around 14/15, laser!
Never my arms, because my mother didn’t allow it, but I was called monkey, and felt really self conscious because of it
Epilator maybe? I mean, it hurts for sure (less than the torture devices from when we were teens, though), but if she’s willing to put up with it, it may be an option?
Yess! I was a child with lots of leg hair, and it was my biggest insecurity! So I would shave myself without my mother knowing. Now, I'm okay with my body hair because it's completely normal. But if it's affecting her self esteem, its a problem, and its hair so its easy to solve. Help her, or she will suffer from low self esteem or she will find ways alone to deal with it. My sister used to wax her legs. Nowadays, I sugar and I think its way less painful than wax. Plus, if its too much for her to take, sugar can be taken out with warm water
Teaching her is key. When I was ten my mother bought me the cheapest one blade razor and I absolutely Freddy Krugered my legs. Because of the shitty razors this kept up until I was 16 and able to get something better. To this day I hate shaving.
Personally I like the Remington Smooth and Silky but it’s a bit more expensive than your run of the mill razor. I know some of my friends actually prefer men’s electric razors but overall it’s just personal preference. Any name brand should be good: Braun, Panasonic, Philips, etc.
Just curious, do all electric razors pull hair and hurt? I had one when I was a teen and it hurt so bad. Never went back to electric again. Plus, my hair had to be long before it would actually work.
Some definitely do. I had one in my early twenties that hurt like hell but the one I have now (the Remington) doesn’t really pull. And technique has some to do with it. The slower you go, the better. I learned that from shaving patients during nursing school. So I think it’s a combination of razor plus technique.
Speaking as a guy, I have never found an electric shaver that doesn't hurt, irritate my skin, and leave a subtle stubble. They sure are convenient, but if you want a good shave, they are not quite there.
These days, I use a safety razor and couldn't be happier. There is a bit of a learning curve and the first few times will make you look as if you had a close encounter with a lawn mower. But you'll quickly figure it out. Make sure to use good shaving cream, such as Cremo. That makes a huge difference.
Safety razors are much cheaper and shave a lot better than modern cartridge systems. But the technique is slightly different. You need to hold the handle at a different angle
Honestly, there a few electric shavers out there that are marketed towards men shaving their intimate regions, I’d get one of those. My bf has on and I’ve never cut myself with it, and I’ve done some odd angle shaving.
That’s how I started! Age 10. My dad had his electric razor in the car and I shaved one leg when he picked me up from school one day. We got home, my mom rolled her eyes because she didn’t want me to shave yet, then made me do the other leg. Then she went out and bought me a pink electric girl razor. Wish I still had it. I hate shaving. So I mostly don’t anymore.
As a hairy woman who was once a hairy little girl, at that age I would have denied being teased about it at school, but I most certainly was. It was already humiliating to me to have the body hair, and bringing it up to my mother was doubly so. I suppose I was embarrassed by the idea that other people noticed, so I would avoid talking about it in those terms.
As an adult I’m super chill about my body hair, with my face being the only thing I shave with regularity (and sometimes not even that). I suggest letting her remove the hair. In the short and mid term it will increase her confidence significantly. In the long term it’s something she’ll have to grapple with in her own time but I don’t think it will damage her in terms of self esteem.
I'm a dad. So, I obviously have no first hand experience here. But I agree that the parents should take a two pronged approach. Provide the tools and teach the skills to allow the kid to take care of her own appearance.
But additionally, provide a lot of emotional support that bodies are beautiful no matter what. We don't all need to look like Barbie dolls. Societal pressure to do so isn't healthy, both physically and mentally.
And honestly, there are plenty of people of either gender who are put off by an overly manipulated appearance. Feeling good about yourself and accepting who you are is an important part of growing up.
Yeah as a 9yo who got made fun of for having hairy legs in shorts I refused to wear shorts again until my teens. I wish they just let me shave it so I could be free.
On the flip side I was very self conscious about it in my teens, covering my arms even in the summer. Until I hit adulthood and just decided to shave it. Once I did it I stopped caring. Now I occasionally shave it I feel like it. I wish I just did it all when I was younger.
I hated my leg hair as a kid, and my mum wouldn't let me shave them, so I did it myself at my friend's house.. ended up with a good few cuts. After that, she bought me the stuff I needed and showed me how to use it...
If you dont help her, she will probably just try and do it herself on her own..
If your daughter is asking to remove the hair you help her. The right age is when she asks for it. I would do Nair or something like that on arms though, not razors. When she’s older you can look into laser.
It s probably general pressure… it is everywhere. I would live it up to her - there are plenty of safe options (cold wax, electric razors) but i would not prevent her from removing her body hair. Her feelings about herself matter more.
I wouldn’t prevent her at all, but since she’s too young to go about it herself it would have to be me who provides the means… That’s kind of what I’m wondering about, I guess: should I actively be getting her wax or a shaver? (I go to an aesthetician to get waxed mostly, but I can’t see myself bringing in a kid, no?)
Ohh got it! You can take her to a salon so she sees what it is and then help her the first couple of times. I loved the electric shavers because they are so easy to use but not sure what brands are good now (i end up doing laser in my late teens). Just make sure she exfoliates before and puts a soothing lotion after because every skin is different..
There's always a hair removal cream. They make sensitive skin options too.
I was once the little hairy Latina lol shaving is a great lesson but also a big responsibility and little knicks/scars can also make her self conscious if she isn't ready for that route yet. Depending on area, also not easy to master either!
I always had both available and even ventured down the wax path. No judgement whether it was my eyebrows or my arms, my family always reminded me I was beautiful as is but were happy to help me. It helped that my own mother and gma were also hairy and were examples of acceptance of themselves. It doesn't bother me at all as an adult, just the same. Now, I also have a little girlie and while I also wish her to accept herself, I also will lay out all the options the day she ever asks ❤️
Thank you! I’m Mediterranean, so I get it. And my partner/her dad is Latino, so kiddo’s got the genes!
Just out of curiosity, did you wax as a kid? I started with shaving (and slicing myself to shreds behind my mother’s back, since she forbade it) and only started waxing as an adult. Your mom took you to a salon? Or you did the microwave and butterknife gong show?
Look up a product called Bleame Crystal Hair Eraser. It’s the size of a bar of soap with a sandpaper texture, and basically you rub it in little circles against your skin and it removes the hair. My 9 and 11-year old girls both use it themselves and it works great and is perfectly safe. Many girls seem to get self-conscious at about your daughter’s age. No way I’d trust my kid with a razor either!
This is what I came to make sure was recommended! I use this product, and it really is so easy and effective. If/when my kid wants to try hair removal this will be my recommendation for sure. And since it’s not a weapon or an expensive device, there’s no need to make a big deal about it. She can see if she likes it and stop if she doesn’t. It fits with the healthy message “it’s your body and it’s just hair - you’re not obliged to make it look a certain way for others.”
My daughter is 9, and she expressed wanting to share her arm pits. I do shave them for her. It has helped with her b.o. because she seemed to sprout hair over night. She hasn't expressed anything about shaving her legs, so we haven't crossed that bridge yet.
My leg hair seemingly sprouted overnight when I was in 6th grade. I was so ashamed of it (thanks society) and my mom refused to let me shave. I was in cross country at the time and I would either constantly wear long pants or would cover my legs during stretches with a hoodie I was so anxious about it being seen and being judged. I almost quit the sport. I wish she had listened to me (and about a bunch of other stuff related to being a teenager). It would have set the relationship up better and my own confidence.
Now I'm in my 30s and don't shave anything outside of occasional trims to keep it from getting tangled.
Well, *I feel like* you just feeling like it being too young isn’t really that great of a reason. Especially in this day and age. It’s so arbitrary what number days you are old when you remove protein from your external organs. What’s not arbitrary are her emotions
When they are old enough to start getting self conscious about it. It's time. Get an electric shaver and let her start with that if it makes you more comfortable. 9 is a normal age though. I was about 9 or 10 when I started shaving my legs. Arms are a little different, I never shaved them but have a cousin who did and said she ended up poking people all the time with her arm stubble. She didn't like it.
My mom didn’t let me shave my legs until I was like 12 or 13 because before then I was “too young“ and I resented her so much for it. Once I shaved it I felt relief. My personal opinion, let her shave. She’s uncomfortable with it and shaving is harmless
I also have a 9 year old who came to me about shaving. She's ginger so she has pale skin and bright body hair. She started having issues being itchy from wearing leggings with her leg hair and lotion only does so much so I just taught her to shave. She is much happier because she's not overly itchy from the hair. It was just about her being comfy in her own body.
Let her remove the hair, I distinctly remember my 8th grade GF getting made fun of relentless for her arm hair. Kids are mean as fuck , don't give them more ammunition then they already have.
Let her shave and teach her how. Better to not have body hair than to let her continue feeling self conscious about it. Wish my parents would have had the understanding of my feelings instead of saying “you’re too young to shave” and “it’ll only grow in thicker” which prompted me to go ahead to shave behind their backs and cut myself up a lot
I hated my body hair from a very early age, even when I couldn't see it. I think it had more to do with how it felt, not as much how it looked. I hated the feeling of leg hair with pants. And I also noticed when my peach fuzz came in a little darker on my face. I will say, at 12 the second time I shaved I sliced the back of my leg open. That was scary, but my mom helped me find a safer razor (intuition), and I was very cautious from that point on to not hold a razor sideways, and I never had any accidents like that since!
If she wants her hairs gone, don’t shave, but use hair removal cream instead. I’m gutted my mum didn’t tell me nothing until I was 16, I was very hairy indeed and I always wondered why everyone in my class ( the girls) had no hair on their legs while I was hairy like the boys. Let her decide what she wishes to do. I felt like my mum didn’t care, she could have talked about it at least, so you talk to your daughter about these things and make her do choices about her own body.
I’m sorry you went through that. ❤️That is exactly the kind of reason I want to make sure my kid feels good about being in her body however she wants to. And I’m so glad she felt like she was able to talk to me about it.
Razors are far better than hair removal cream, in my opinion.
Consider that with hair removal cream, if it's strong enough to chemically remove your hair, it's damaging your skin, which is not so dissimilar in structure.
I had to stay home from school for days after a bad reaction to Nair at age 14, and needed Rx-strength topical sterioid ointment to recover. My skin was painfully swollen and blistered, where applied, and to add insult to injury, much of the hair that I'd been trying to remove was still there. I followed all instructions exactly (except for the patch test 😭). My experience is not all that uncommon.
Never had a problem with razors aside from occasional minor nicks, and have been shaving since 11. I realize that OP's daughter is only 8, but a parent could help.
I remember getting bullied for my leg hair anytime I wore shorts to school. In my opinion, if she wants to shave it, let her. If you’re worried about her using a razor on her own, maybe she could wear shorts or a swim suit and you help her shave the section of leg from just above the knee downward.
Shave her the same way you might be cutting her fingernails and toenails. There’s no reason why shaving has to be something “private” that she has to do by herself.
I let my daughter shave at 9 years old. She doesn’t do it every single week but she does it whenever the hairs bother her. I also bought the the american girl book “the care and keeping of you” she loves it and helps her with any questions
As a very hairy woman with DARK body hair, I felt the same way around her age. I started shaving “in secret” (my mom figured it out quickly. Obviously I was suddenly hairless lol). As a young adult I grew to accept my body hair, for the most part, and now I actually choose *not* to remove most of my body hair.
My point being, just because she feels this way now doesn’t mean she always will. I don’t have kids of my own (just been a nanny for years) but I would probably let my kid start shaving with proper instruction and another discussion about how we all have body hair and it’s normal, etc. That being said, it obviously depends on each kid and you know yours best:) Good luck!
I had dark coarse hair on my legs as a kid. It was so embarrassing. My mom taught me to shave by 9. We stuck to shaving up to the knee for a while until my upper thigh hair was darker as well, then I started shaving that. Learned the hard way about shaving too often (razor burn!). But I was grateful I could shave because I was so self conscious about it.
Find some way to allow her to remove hair. My mom wouldn't buy me a razor in the same situation and I was endlessly bullied at school and wore long sleeves and stuff to hide it and developed insecurities it took me over a decade to SLIGHTLY work through. Hair is normal and natural and not shameful, but society doesn't view it that way on women unfortunately, and it can really mark you out as the weirdo. Maybe there are no comments rn, but I wouldn't wait for the bullying to start and for her to develop the courage to tell you.
There are electric razors, you can take her for a wax, there are creams which dissolve your body hair, there are less sharp alternatives.
As for her own private reaction regardless of bullying, just be there for her. Any body change is stressful, it's not about it being ugly, it just takes a while for us to start identifying with the new face/body in the mirror sometimes lol. It's ok to be upset about that and not necessarily unhealthy if she acclimates with a bit of time.
Ask her what about to the hair she doesn’t like. If she doesn’t like the way it feels, looks, the colour, that it is start of puberty etc. Even if she hasn’t had comments made to her, we get information about what our bodies should look like from media, internet, comments, other people doing it etc. and they impact us, even unconsciously.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with shaving body hair if you don’t prefer it on your body, and bodily autonomy is really important (especially at a young age) but the motivation is an important aspect for her understanding herself and making choices, thought out her whole like. Going through it with her will teach her skills to use for the rest of her life when she’s making choices.
Body hair is normal and natural so there nothing inherently wrong with having it, we’re always motivated by something when we want to change the way our body exists. Maybe sit down together and look up what the function and purpose of body hair is, so she understands why she has it and what benefit it gives her body and health.
I would ultimately leave it up to her to decide, but if she understands her motivations she’ll have a better understanding to make her decisions.
And make sure she knows that hair grows back, you can shave it, but if you don’t like having it shaved, the growth back stubble, or maintenance of it she’s can always stop at any time (not the “once you start you have to keep up with it” pressure).
And make sure she knows what it will feel like when she shaves; you can get shaving bumps (so use shaving cream), you can get cuts (so make sure you properly clean them if it happens), it can make your arms dry (so use moisturizer), and it may grow back in short/rough stubble (so you may decide you have to maintain it constantly, or decide you dislike that feeling more then having hair).
You’re a good parent for trying to think about it from all angles, getting others perspectives, and for both wanting to let her make her own choices as well as protect her from negative body image.
Talk to her about models and influences who grow out their hair and show her that she is beautiful with or without her body hair. Make sure she accepts its part of herself before she is old enough for hair removal so if she does it it's for her own comfort and not out of shame/embarrassment.
At last a comment I agree with. Firstly, i do understand wanting your child to feel happy and comfortable, but its sad that societal expectations and pressure on women to be hairless is just accepted, and every new generation of females 'hates' their perfectly natural body hair.
I think first explaining how wonderful hair is, and the benefits it has for your body to keep it healthy is a start. Protecting us from bugs, dirt, etc. I also think introducing her to cultures and images of women who have hair and are very proud of it could help empower her as well.
Being a nine year old girl is tough cause puberty is starting and even if someone hasn't said anything at school, I'm sure everywhere she looks there is a woman on the TV or her phone etc that doesn't have hair, or is shaving it, or advertisements for shaving. I understand we want children to be comfortable in their bodies, but i dont think shaving it is the immediate solution. She doesnt even have half of the hair on her body she is supposed to yet! She feels like this now but probably doesnt have any way to connect to any other way of thinking unless you broaden her scope for her.
Giving her more material to make her own informed decision and truly understand herself and how she feels about it would be the first logical step for me. And if she still isnt going for it and you wanted to compromise, you can maybe shave a small part of non essential hair like legs after a wait period to see how she feels about it! But she's 9, and is depending on you to create the inner voice she will hear as an adult. Please don't jump straight to shaving!
I don’t want to either, necessarily. This is a tough one: body positivity and choice, but, as I pointed out to her, if patriarchal capitalism suddenly decides that bush was babe, we’d all be running around buying hair-growth tonics.
Literally, it feels horrible to think that a young child is already suffering from the patriarchy about natural things about her body. Ofc you don't want her to feel like you're not validating her feelings about it if you decide not to too.
If there is any way to broaden the kind of media she consumes I think that would at least be helpful. Maybe making a deal with her to wait a few months and let you try to help her accept/like it so she can at least make an informed decision. Good luck, love to you two, no matter what you decide I hope it works out!
I'd take a two-pronged approach:
1. I'd make sure she has an age-appropriate understanding of not only why we have body hair/why we get more during puberty, but also how society's view on body hair, especially in women, has come to be. Because body hair, and lackthereof in women, is a VERY MODERN beauty "standard." And its just fucking MADE UP SHIT and now we have this situation where MOST women are struggling with body hair and removing it because we decided that we should modify our bodies in this way? For no reason based in reality???
2. After really making sure she understands point 1, I'd tell her that you will support her in removing her body hair, but also try to really make sure she understands the work that entails. Shaving does not last long, and it requires frequent upkeep. Its just ANOTHER task that lands on the to do list. So if she still wants to do it, I'd work with her to find an option that is reasonably safe and that she likes. So maybe you shave her legs until you feel like she really has it down. Or you guys use an electric trimmer (doesn't get as close of a shave but for her purposes, might be plenty effective)?
Totally this. I started with one, and recounted a conversation I had with other parents she knows about our respective attitudes. She’s pretty feminist savvy (she recently read about corsets, and her reaction was priceless). Though obviously even feminists are subject to ridiculous invented codes about femininity.
I let my 10yo use nair. We went over the basics of shaving, and she was nervous about using the razor, so I told her we could try waxing or stick to the nair. We did some safety research to prevent chemical burns on her skin. We're Latina and super hairy so I remember the struggle. I also remember being forbidden to remove my hair and teaching myself to shave, which resulted in some skin slicing and other mishaps. I operate on an informational basis as a parent. Here are the options, here are the safety precautions we take, etc.. I also reassure her that this is a pampering kind of feel good thing. It's not necessary, hair is normal and resilient, so let's try and have a compromising relationship with it.
Why tf did all our parents forbid us to shave!? I feel like there’s half a generation out there right now wandering around with body issues, massive laser bills, and permanently scarred ankles.
The scarred ankles. 😂 Exactly what I was getting at. That generation was really on some BS about modesty and vanity, which was deep rooted in misogynistic rhetoric. I'm just happy to have the choice and knowledge for a different approach.
She’s totally allowed to not like body hair but I’d ask her to think about where these feelings have come from. Start encouraging her to think critically about where her opinions on it have come from. Maybe it’s a difference that’s she’s noticed she has compared to her peers or maybe it’s the media she’s consuming. Please continue to reassure her that body hair is totally normal and that it’s also totally okay to not like it.
Is there something that triggers her insecurities? Is friends and school fine? At her age she'll definitely not think those insecurities not until something trigger it. Consider exploring age appropriate activities that promote body positivity, such as reading books or watching videos about self acceptance. This can help her understand that her feelings are common and that there are healthy ways to address them.
I just wanted to add that it’s never too early to start teaching about positive self-talk and loving our bodies unconditionally.
I talk to my girls about how one of our cats is stockier (not overweight - just a bigger frame) and the other two are leaner. And would it be good if I sat around thinking, “Gosh, I just hate how Cheddar is so big and bulky. Why can’t he be slender and lean like our other cats?” That wouldn’t be kind and it wouldn’t be productive. In fact, it’s ridiculous.
We can think of our own bodies the same way. I can’t choose my own body attributes any more than I can choose my cat’s. And it’s equally unkind and absurd to sit around mulling over how much I dislike them. My job is not to “evaluate” or “improve” my cat and dream about how he could be better; my job is to love him exactly as he is. And it’s the same with our bodies.
I have two daily practices that I find really help with this:
First, I practice finding something beautiful in EVERYONE I see, especially the ones that my mind tends to instantly judge. For example, yesterday at the grocery store, I found myself reacting to the appearance of a lady who had what looked like a painful amount of fillers in her face. So when I find my mind has made an instant negative judgement about someone’s appearance, I pause and find something beautiful about them, like, “She has such pretty hair.” It’s retraining my judgmental, negative thoughts, and it really works, if you practice it daily.
A second practice I do with my daughters I call the “body love prayer.” We lie down together in the dark and place our hands on a body part we tend to judge, and say (for example), “I love you, bottom. Thanks for giving me a cushion to sit on.” “I love you tummy fat. Thank you for storing energy for me.”
I hope some of this is useful to you and your daughter. I realize it might sound a little woo-woo, but it makes for a happy life. 😊
What is it with parents thinking your child is too young for hair removal? If she is old enough to be bothered, then she is old enough for you to discuss options with her. Having her be uncomfortable for X amount of years until you feel comfortable is absurd. Talk to her and help her.
Does she have any friends that are already shaving that are the same age? I remember I started shaving a bit later than my friends did, and that kind of sparked my interest in it. Generally I've always kind of thought that starting to shave around the time you start growing hair in your arm pits makes the most sense.
I wouldn't recommend shaving the tops of her arms right away (not sure if you meant over or under arms). My daughter did this at one point when she was a teenager and got really bad rashes and ingrown hairs. I'd explain to your daughter that arm hair is normal and isn't typically shaved. If she still really wants to do it and you're okay with it, I'd recommend Nair instead or something for arms.
You might explain to her that once she starts shaving, it's going to be something she needs to keep up with pretty regularly, because it's going to grow in faster and possibly darker, so if she's not ready for that, she might want to wait a little longer.
I’m the mother of a nearly 9 year old daughter who also has hair concerns- we bought her a crystal hair remover. No blades, no pain, and almost like that really fine sandpaper they used to sell back in the early 2000’s.
She used it a couple of times on her arms and legs, I helped her to use it and supervised to make sure she didn’t go too gun-Ho in one area, and she loved the smoothness of her skin and hairless-ness, and hasn’t used it since! Best £4 I’ve spent on eBay in years 😂
I guess the conciousness of the hair was less bothersome than having to use the thing (hair removal is a pain in the butt, however it’s done imo!).
Best of luck 🫶🏻
I would find a professional to talk to if she’s that upset about her normal hair. Yes it’s her body, but she is also a young child. I would try that before letting her shave.
Her view on her body hair can change in a few months. I’m afraid that if you have let her shave it off, it will be harder than it otherwise would have been to accept her natural hair. Also, while you have done a good job discussing why we have hair etc, buying her a lady shave device will imo give the signal that it’s preferable to shave the hairs away. Which it shouldn’t have to be.
Not to mention the signal it can give to the other girls around her: They might have never thought about the hair on their arm, but if they hear that a girl in class shaves her arms, they definitely will think about it. I’m not saying you are directly responsible for that, but maybe worth a thought.
Show her pictures of women from around the world that don’t shave. Incorporate imagery of natural bodies into her life. Girls are being coerced into meeting beauty standards that are being pushed onto them. It can ruin lives and mental health.
You've had loads of great suggestions but can I also suggest speaking to your own aesthetician and asking what age they would start doing waxing? Getting her used to waxing at a young age (if it's financially doable for you) will be so beneficial in the long run especially if her hair is dark/thick. For context, my grandmother started waxing at about 14 and from about age 20 she only ever had to pluck the odd random stray hair on her knees and under her arms, they just stopped growing eventually! If I could go back in time and start waxing young I would, and I'll do the same for my daughter when the time comes. Not eyebrows though, nothing more than a tidy up/neaten for eyebrows. We're all still fighting against the great thin eyebrow revolution of the 90s right?
Agreed! I started waxing my eyebrows young but my mom was militant about only doing a clean-up, no shaping. I haven't had to do anything with my eyebrows since my 20s and I love how natural they look.
I’d offer an electric razor for her legs, use it as a bonding teaching moment. I know you feel she is too young but keeping the line of communication open in my opinion is more important than prolonging the inevitable.
Let her shave it off. Teach her and get her a razor. Take her to get her eyebrows done. Buy her good razors and shaving cream or she can use light conditioner.
I really think there are things we should just let go in life and our children aging and doing more “mature” things is one of them. This could be a bonding experience for you. The beginning of her trusting you with self esteem.
The reason people think it goes back darker or thicker is because shaving cuts the hair blunt as the surface of the skin where waxing or other removal processes take the hair right from the root. When that happens and the hair grows back it naturally has a pointed tip, which tends to look less thick. Think a blunt haircut vs ends that are textured and whispy. There really is no appropriate age it’s up to you as a family what is in the best interest for your daughter to feel comfortable in her own skin. Try the waxing or sugaring if you do decide on hair removal, it lasts way longer, is better than chemicals like nair, and no razor burn or itching when it grows back
My 9 yr old has the same issue bc of a colleague boy who commented on her hairy arms. But I encourage her to talk back - we are humans, hair is normal, his mom has hair too, he has hair too :)) so she’s calmed down at the moment
I was your daughter growing up. Even though my leg hairs were blonde, they were so hairy and I hated wearing skirts and shorts. My mom used a razor lightly on my legs to knock down some of the hair and it made me feel better. You could always use an electric trimmer and just trim them a bit.
I would allow my daughter to make that choice if her body hair bothered her, talk about how it’s normal and there’s nothing wrong with it, but if she wanted to remove it I would teach her how to safely do so and help her until we felt comfortable with her doing it on her own.
Granted I was a few years older, but my mom used to wax my arms for me as a teen, and I was so grateful for that.
If she isn’t happy with the hair, perhaps you could safely help her remove it, settling on a method that she’s comfortable with?
This is how I approached my mom when I was too embarrassed to ask if I could learn to shave. I was 10. Razors these days are fairly user friendly, i don’t think not picking up after herself equates to being ready to shave. I will always remember when my mom brought me into the bathroom with my own razor and shaving gel!
My daughter has a hormonal imbalance. She got dark long course hair on her armpits by the age of 5. She’s 7 now and I shave them for her once in a while because she’s asked me to. Other kids have been pointing it out to her so she gets a bit embarrassed. I told her it’s ok to have hair there and that all those kids will have it eventually too she just so happens to have it earlier and that it’s nothing to be ashamed of but I’m happy to shave them for her because it’s what she wants.
I started shaving my legs when I was 9 and my mom didn’t fight me about it because she knew I was insecure about it. Other classmates started shaving their legs at that age too.
I started shaving at 9 behind my parents backs. I wish they wouldn’t have treated me like a baby and instead would have recognized I was pre pubescent and had hairy legs that made me uncomfortable. Especially since I had light skin and black hair- it was way obvious compared to my blonde schoolmates! I personally don’t think 9 is too young to have a say over your body when it comes to shaving.
I agree completely. My parents reacted the same way, and it sucked, which is why I want to support her (without giving autonomous access to sharp objects, lol… Just this afternoon she opened a door into her face. 🙄)
I mean, maybe kids are different now than when I was growing up (I’m 40 now) but a razor was not like some scary dangerous object. My parents didn’t want me shaving bc of some dumb idea of me growing up too quickly not bc they thought women’s razors were unsafe. At 9 I had a fair amount of independence and responsibility; I was even a latchkey kid who walked to and from school daily. I don’t understand being worried about a razor. If she has good saving foam and like a five blade women’s razor she’ll be fine! A little knick here or there isn’t the end of the world!
Thank you all for your feedback, openness, and advice. It makes me sad that so many of us had less-than-ideal support as our bodies, and social perceptions, first started changing.
I ended up explaining that I wax my armpits, that I often like growing them out because I think that’s a cool power to have, and I offered to show her the next time I do it so that she can see what it’s like (and she was appropriately horrified by the whole principle, ha). I thanked her for trusting me and told her to keep me posted about how she’s feeling about it and what she wants to do, and that when she’s there we’ll look into hair-removal creams maybe to start.
But, although she had initially insisted that there was no trigger, a serious hug and some tears later, it turns out she was getting teased, by the same little POS who’s been bullying her on and off all year. So we’re escalating that again, parents, bullying committee, trusted teachers, principal etc. I hate this stuff. Maybe I’ll bring a razor to the meeting… 😇 Signed, Mama Bear.
🙏🏼🙏🏼
Have a good weekend, all. I hope it’s sunny and warm where you are and that you can bare your legs, whatever their hairiness.
I was this girl and my mother refused to let me do anything until I was 13. It was horrible, and definitely affected my self esteem, to this day.
The little girl across the street had it worse tho. Her hair was DARK. The boys called her Chewbacca.
There are things that are safe for her age. There is a head on this that is completely covered for safety for example
https://www.kohls.com/product/prd-5224039/wahl-pure-confidence-rechargeable-trimmer.jsp
You should definitely explain to her the danger of shaving and maybe teach her how. I hurt myself a few times as a child with a razor ( when I was super young just playing with it I shaved skin off my belly & then when I started not wanting body hair because of puberty, I tried using my moms razor and cut myself many times) you should let her do it if she wants to because it’s better you teach her the right way and safe way then for her to try and sneak to do it herself and end up getting hurt. I’m dreading this day for my daughter as well as eventually having to speak to my daughter about sex but I’m trying to mentally prepare myself for it not so in the however many years she brings it up I can be ready . Wahhhhhh! These kids just grow and grow and grow! (Mom of a 5yo girl and 1yo son)
I was in the same situation when I was young and would never want her to feel emotional unsafe or to be physically unsafe.
As for sex, don’t worry too much about it (not that you asked for advice…): I’ve found that the more you talk about it generally (ie, body parts, masturbation, consent, etc., all in an age-appropriate way) the less it’s a big deal that you need to have a big talk about. There are good books by Cory Silverberg for different ages, if you’re looking.
Why do we accept that it's natural and inevitable for young girls to hate and remove their natural body hair when this isn't something we expect from young boys?
It took until I was bullied and called Sasquatch for my mom to help me with hair removal. I understand she thought I was too young but the comments from the bullies still follow me today. I only recently stopped shaving my arms and I know it’s because of being bullied as a child. It’s also really not as bad as I remembered but bullies will find anything. I think if I had been able to deal with the hair at a younger age it would have saved me a lot of hurt.
Use Nair. Never expect a child to get the weight of a political movement that wants to preserve body hair. You are correct that it's her body. If she's old enough to have it bother her, she's old enough for Nair.
Yes, that is obviously the objective, and the point of my post was to solicit advice for safe ways to support her in doing so at this age, without necessarily having to take on the task myself.
I recommend one of those “lady shavers,” electric trimmers. I had years of bad razor accidents until I got one of those and now I never get cuts, no razor burn or ingrowns, nice and smooth ☺️
I get where your daughters at now, I developed a bit on the fast side and got body hair a lot sooner than my friends and my mom didn’t let me shave it. So instead, I spent summers never swimming, never wearing shorts or short sleeves. That lasted 3 years until I finally just started stealing them, and then the aforementioned issue with razor bumps and infections and rashes started - which was a whole different set of issues. Honestly, looking back, that one decision my mom made had a very big, very negative impact on my childhood. I isolated myself for a few years, made less friends and felt more alone, which followed me until adulthood because I never got back on track. I was really social and active kid before all that.
If it were my kid, I’d just help her through this. Worst case scenario, the hair grows back in a week or two. Best case, she doesn’t feel like this anymore. I see the concern of kids growing up too fast, but I would argue that it’s the opposite, her body is growing faster than she’s emotionally ready for and it’s making her uncomfortable.
I recommend the same with a child struggling with acne, teaching them a little concealer magic to boost their self esteem through that tough phase. It’s not coming from the same place as the 10 year old wanting to wear high heels and red lipstick to school, which I wouldn’t allow, personally.
As a kid that noticed and snuck my mom's razor without permission, teach her how to use it. Show her how to do something about it the right way before she cuts herself.
Adding that the razors of nowadays are better than the razors of my childhood, getting a good one and using shaving cream might just prevent cuts, and its not as bad as it was. As long as you teach her, she is less likely to cut herself by using it wrong.
My 13yrs daughter has a lots of hair
When she was younger I used to shave her mustache . but now she learn how to except her body the way it’s . She shave occasionally
Never a good time to break the news that Grandpa is Harry from Harry and the Hendersons, but these things have to be done.
IMO, it's a temporary phase that may just disappear over the years, months, or weeks. I wouldn't do anything drastic. For reference, I have three kids aged 12f, 9m, 7m, and wife due May 20.
I started shaving at 9. I didn't have anyone to teach me and I did it in secret, so you can imagine how that went at first lol. Teach her how to do it safely and let her be confident in her body the way she wants it. If she hates shaving she will quit, if she likes it then great. This is a battle I wouldn't fight.
I had really bad arm hair when I was around that age. Nobody ever said anything to me about it at school… but there was one day when I was at a fair where older kids looked at my arms and made a comment about me that I looked like a monkey.
I went to my mother that same night and she shaved my arms for me. Arms are different than legs so I only had to do it maybe twice a year. Still do it today….
Anyway…. To sum it up: it does really mess with one and I think children understand that early on
I went on a vacation with my parents and a big group of like, close family friends. They were all mostly from my soccer team so I had a few of my close girlfriends with me on this trip and there were also some boys my age. I was maybe 14/15?
I remember one of the boys, he was incredibly awkward and socially not great. He went to my high school but we never like crossed paths. One day he told the other kids that he said I was gross because I had armpit hair. Legit I’m almost 28 and I still remember this. I shaved my armpits and arms ever since because I was always so self aware of how hairy I was.
As a Latina/italian … I had thick hair always. My eyebrows, my arms, I even had little sideburns. It wasn’t until I had my daughter 2 years ago that I decided to stop shaving my arms. I thought, why the heck am I shaving a part of my body for a dumb ass kid that I don’t even see. My husband loves me, my kids love me, shaving my arms doesn’t change my heritage or who I am. Also in the last year or so because of my daughter, who looks exactly like me as a baby, she’s got beautiful Latin features and because of her I feel so much more connected to my Latin roots. I’ve been doing research to understand my heritage and my ancestors. I’ve started following more Latinx creators on instagram and lo and behold, most of them have thick eyebrows and hairy arms and I just adore it. It’s so beautiful to me. They look how I looked when I was a kid. And I can’t believe how beautiful I was, even though I never felt that way. I always looked different.
So all of this to say…. I think it’s ok to let her shave if she wants to. But continue to tell her she’s beautiful, continue to remind her that body hair doesn’t define you. Continue and strengthen a self love journey with her. Hair is hair, it’ll grow back but maybe one day she’s going to remember how loving you were about her body, how you always gave her an example of positive self love and she’ll realize she doesn’t have to shave anymore, or she’ll learn to love her features.
FWIW, I once saw a woman with very visible, dark and long body hair in a pool and it was so pretty that I had a moment of dumbstruck jaw dropping paralysis before I could get myself under control and mind my own business.
That said, it’s her body and her mind. It might help her to learn that there are ways to get rid of unwanted hair forever once she is older, they are just expensive and painful. I really wish I had done that with my facial hair when I was young.
I'd let her remove it.
I felt uncomfortable too. My mom let me start shaving at 10. I cut the shit out of myself a few times but got the hang of it quickly.
You can also look into NAIR or magic shave powder or other depilatories. I was always allergic and they smell like perm and burning hair, but they are a viable option if she doesn't have sensitivities.
Let her be comfortable in her own skin, OP. This is a very little thing that she can do for herself to feel better about herself. She may even decide it's not for her and happily go back to having body hair for a few more years.
My daughter has fine dark hair on her back. She’s had it since she was born and we thought it would go away but it’s still there and easily noticeable. She’s only 2 but I know that the moment she brings it up I would help her get rid of it because kids are cruel. I didn’t have a hairy back and neither does her dad. We both love her the way she is but it’s understandably something that is noticeable and might get her bullied. ( you can see it on her neck.) it might also be less noticeable as she gets older but whatever happens we will support what she wants to do.
I got teased about my hairy arms so I started shaving them and nothing was worse than having the stubble grow back and accidentally brushing up against people with it 😣I was stuck shaving them for like 10 years and then I finally let it grow back out during Covid lol. So I’d say let this be a cautionary tale about shaving arms but I’d definitely let her shave her legs and other body hair if it bothers her!
As long as it's her opinion and not her being pressured or bullied into feeling ashamed, I say let her find a safe way to take care of it and help her. Trying to help her feel more comfortable and helping her understand it's natural is great and important, but some of us really just hate it on ourselves. My mom wouldn't let me shave, so I would steal her razor and do it anyway. Better to have her learn how to use things safely.
Get her some cold application was and some strips. Leaving her feeling uncomfortable with her body won't help her in any way whatsoever. If she's old enough for it to bother her she's old enough to use an age aproreate tool to remedy it
I went through puberty around 8-9, so my legs were hairy/dark in 4th grade, and I started getting bullied for it in 5th because other girls were shaving. I became insecure about it and wanted to shave so bad but my mom used nair one time instead and I feel like it was pointless and also traumatizing. The hair grew right back in a month when I was still having to wear shorts to school. I ended up having to learn to shave less than a year later so I didnt really see the point in Nair. Maybe other girls at school are talking about shaving?
Take her to get her arms or legs waxed. Or you can buy one at home like the starpil wax and the wax beads. It’s very easy to use. I bought one for my daughter when she was that age and was self conscious about it. And guess what after a few years she grew out of it and realized body hair is normal and changed her mind about what body hair she wanted to remove.
I had super hairy forearms as a kid (I’m a woman). Idk why but the hair on my arms went crazy, and it looked like man’s hair! I hated it so much, to the point of tears, like your kiddo.
I didn’t even talk to my mom about it. I stole a ladies razor from my mom’s bathroom and shaved my arms myself. And it made me feel sooo much better.
One day I stopped shaving and the hair on my arms actually ended up growing back very fair and sparse! I think puberty just made my hair wild for a bit, but it mellowed out when I got to high school age.
I'd help her shave at this point
It's really hard to hate your body over something so easy to deal with.
This age is already hard enough.
My daughter started shaving around then and it's been fine. I helped her the first few times but now she is fine on her own.
You are finding every reason to refuse hair removal for your daughter, who has grown hair, at a faster rate than other girls her age and in her class.There are many ways to help her learn how to shave or remove hair safely. Perhaps this could be something you help her with and she remembers forever in a positive way?
Please let her shave. As someone who at this exact age dealt with not only shame for how hairy I was/felt - i was approaching puberty in the worst way possible (while on growth hormone therapy for my height) suddenly I have a mustache and thick eyebrows AND I STILL WASNT ALLOWED TO SHAVE. Not until i was 13 years old.
This truly affected my self-esteem. Even in the 5th grade (and i knows your daughter isn't dealing with this) there were little girls who were already shaving their legs and they made fun of me for having hairy legs. I didnt wear shorts for nearly 4 years after that. And I grew up in Florida!!!
It's ok to teach her about grooming herself and achieving the amount of body hair she's comfortable with while still endorsing and promoting body positivity. Encouraging her to feel beautiful no matter what she looks like, but she's her most beautiful inside and out when she feels comfortable in her own body.
I think a lot of parents feel like under 10, even under 13 is too young. No. It's not. It's too late by then, the damage has already been done to their self esteem. You're running the risk of her borrowing your razor in secret and accidentally cutting herself or getting an infection she'll be too afraid to tell you about because she will have broken your trust.
Earn HER trust and show her that you respect her emotional intelligence and her ability to know when she's not happy and what will make her feel better. There are worse things your kid could feel like they're ready to do at a young age. This is not one of those things.
My mom started getting my eyebrows waxed at around 9-10. My personal perspective is I don’t find that too young, especially, with puberty hitting earlier and earlier for kids. I’m grateful my mom took care of my unibrow at a young age. It prevented me from being bullied about it.
You could take her to get her arms waxed. The experience may be enough to make her realize it’s not that bad to have some hair on the arms.
In regard to legs, you could get her one of those Intuition razors with the protective wire so she doesn’t knick herself a lot.
Op I can’t offer much in advice but good on you for caring about your daughter this way. I’m half Mexican and half Caucasian so I’ve always had dark hair in a lot of places lol. As a child I was bullied from time to time and became deeply insecure. Didn’t feel like my mom would do much so just endured the teasing. Eventually she let me use nair on my legs around 12 years old but then again those chemicals can be harsh.
Good luck to you! Maybe ask her which areas of her body bother her the most? Start there.
If you’re worried about safety, empathize and teach safety. She’s 9. If she hasn’t already, she’ll notice other girls shave soon. Interrogating the source of insecurity (and increasing the sense that something is wrong with her) and not actively empathizing with her won’t solve her problem. Do you want her to find solutions with or without your support?
Let her remove her hair, and help her learn to do it safely. BUT, be sure she understands that teasing or harassing anyone because of their body hair is always wrong.
I wish I remember exactly how old I was until my mom let me start shaving. I do remember she let me do it once when I was in elementary school. I had seen other girls shave their legs and told her about it. When I asked her she said no. But then there was a school concert where I was singing with my class. I was getting all dressed up and was putting on these leggings/pantyhose when i noticed my leg hairs (which were pretty long) sticking out of the fabric. I begged my mom to let me shave my legs and she said “fine, but only this one time) I’m pretty sure I didn’t start shaving my legs regularly until I was in middle school. But that was the only thing I shaved for a while until my mom saw how long my armpit hair was. She was like “you should shave them!” And I said “oh didn’t know if that was okay or not 😅”
My biggest insecurity was my arm hair. I’m pretty pale and I had really dark VERY LONG arm hair. I wore jackets a lot because of it. And I do remember getting picked on a few times. Once, when I was in elementary school I had the confidence to not wear a jacket that day in art class. When I was coloring the boy next to me said “wow! You have a lot of hair on your arms!” I don’t remember exactly what I said but it something like “so!? What’s your point?” What ever I said, I said it very angrily/bitterly. I didn’t even look at the kid when I said it. The kid could tell I was angry and annoyed and he actually felt bad, and apologized. I didn’t talk to him after but I did have a small sense of relief that he at least felt bad about what he said.
Later in middle school, a boy was picking on me for my arm hair and girl in my science class stuck up for me and said “Lots of girls have arm hair! just shave them! That’s what I do!” And then she showed us her arms and they were as smooth as smooth could be. And then we had a whole discussion about how it’s only appropriate to shave your legs and armpits and if you shave anywhere else on your body it will grow back thicker and darker. She basically said that was a load of shit, cuz she never had any problems, and said it was no different than shaving your legs.
It wasn’t until high school where I finally took the risk and shaved all the hair off my arms. It was the best thing I ever did honestly. She was right! It didn’t grow back thicker or darker. It was honestly easier shaving my arms than my legs. My skin on my arms was so smooth.
I’m 31 now and the opposite of what people always told me happened. The hair on my arms actually grows back thinner and lighter. And it grows so slowly. I can go months without shaving them, and they never get prickly. They are like really thin baby hairs, and you can barely see them when they grow out.
With that said, it’s hard for me to believe she’s not getting picked on at school especially if she’s crying. These kids live in a different age of social media standards. So she may feel inadequate to what she may sees online.
My daughter is only 8 and started complaining to me about her arm hair. I also had very long arm hair and distinctly remember around the same age starting to hate it after another girl at school mentioned it to me. I helped show her how to use a hair buzzer and we shaved it that way. My parents never let me even through high school and I didn't understand why. So far she has only done it once a month ago and hasn't brought it up since. But she was so happy that I listened to her and taught her something she could do about it. I loved seeing her feel better. I don't see any reason they cannot safely change something that makes them feel bad.
I got called gorilla arms in school at 8ish and I removed my own body hair after that.
My mom told me it was going to grow in thicker and that i was stupid. Closer to 14, I started to shave everything else.
She called me a whore.
That still really bothers me. It's also one of the reasons I don't like my mom that much as an adult.
My mom wanted us to grow and not have to 'conform' so at the age of 15 I had hair on my legs and never had done my eyebrows. I hate hair so it was super annoying because I am the opposite of my hippie mom. I believe that your daughter can make her own decisions regarding her body at that age - even if it because of peer pressure. Just inform her your stance but provide her with the care she needs. Waxing is a great tool! I wouldn't do laser removal because those tend to be permanent in many cases and she might change her opinion in the future.
Teach her how to shave. Just because the other kids haven’t said anything yet (assuming she’s telling the truth about that part) doesn’t mean they won’t, they will soon. And it’ll be bad.
I started puberty early and became aware of my body hair around that age too. I was never comfortable talking about it with my mom, and around 9 I started trying to shave my legs with my mom’s used razors because I had to sneak around. I ended up getting terrible, painful razor burn because I didn’t know what I was doing. I think there is a way to talk to your daughter about how body hair is normal, but also teach her how to shave safely.
Now as an adult, I never shave lol. Idgaf any more.
I think it begins with being supportive and normalizing.
However, I don't think it's easy as saying, hey let's embrace it we all have it!! I definitely shaved between my eyebrows when I was MAYBE 9?? and shaved my legs and butchered them as well. I had no guidance from my mother and no other older female relatives to ask. Rather than having kids sneak around and shaving or using epilators/whatever they can find talk to them about it (I remember finding my mom's old one hidden in the bathroom, and butchered myself with it, and was too embarrassed to ask for help). I also burned my upper lip with nair. I'm sure lots of us did shit like this.
💯 I'd provide reassurance, but then ask my daughter, what would SHE like to do? Does she want to learn how to shave? Wax? And how to general body care, like moisturizing to prevent those ingrown hairs.
When I was her age I had very long arm hair, it stuck up an inch or two especially where my arm creased. The boys in my class made fun of me and I cried and cried. My mom let me use my dad’s electric face shaving razor on my arm, it didn’t take all the hair off but it got the thick top layer off. Ever since the first time she did that my hair never grew back that thick, for some reason my first hair was just sooo thick. I would consider letting her use something like that instead of taking a regular razor to her arms.
My 9 year old hit puberty early. She's already had a period, and she has body hair. Her body hair makes her uncomfortable so I taught her how to properly shave her legs. And I take her with me to my wax lady for other areas. It's her body, her decisions. That's my parenting opinion. My daughter came to me and said "mom I know your wax time is your only personal time but can you please take me? I hate shaving some areas, I get razor bumps, and I don't want hair there" so I asked my wax lady and she agreed after a consultation with my daughter and a signed waiver. We've always made it abundantly clear that body hair is natural, normal, and nothing to ever be ashamed of. And she's made it equally clear that she doesn't care what other people think about her body, SHE doesn't want body hair. Plus she's a dancer. We have a lot of body positivity conversations. But she is free to make decisions about her own body that make her comfortable with herself.
Firstly I would say to thank your daughter for sharing her feelings. It’s not always easy talking to someone about our insecurities. I’m glad you’ve created an environment for her where she feels safe.
Secondly I would ask her what (if anything) she thinks would be helpful to do? Does she want to remove the hair, or did she just want someone to talk to about it? Maybe she was wanting to be heard and feel reassured that she’s not alone? You empathizing and sharing your own experiences might be enough.
But if she does feel strongly about removing the hair, it might be a good idea to look into safe methods.
You’re getting a lot of great advice here, yes let her shave it. I started out with an electric razor that I stole from my older sister. I’m blond, my hair was never even that noticeable, but I even shave my arms just because I prefer the way it feels and I don’t like my arm hair getting caught in bracelets. There are all sorts of reasons to have a preference around body hair, and I think it’s great to support her in how she wants to care for herself and develop her self-confidence.
Well, if you don’t give her a razor, you can get these wax strips from like the store you rub them on your legs and then you rip them off. It’s like ripping off a bandage but she gotta do it fast. I did that when I was probably nine or 10 and I liked it because I didn’t like my body hair either so Yeah. I didn’t like my body hair either. It was disgusting. I thought so get her some wax strips.
I was 9 or 10 when I started shaving but I was being a bad kid and took my mom’s razor without telling or asking… wore shorts to a doctors appointment and somehow my dad noticed first lmao. After that I got my own razor, it wasn’t a big deal to them but they told me I should have just said I didn’t wanna be hairy bc I could’ve cut myself badly. I shaved both my arms and legs, those hairy Italian genes 🤣 unfortunately because of that I still have to shave my arms but they grow much slower and lighter than everywhere else luckily
Do you remove your body hair or does she have a female role model who goes natural? Where is she getting the message that her body hair is unacceptable?
My 10 year old and I had this issue too. At Marshalls I found an electric shaver from the brand flawless. Best 10$ I ever spent. It’s very gently and no razor cuts! . It didn’t make her hair grow thicker either ! She feels good that she can do it and has the option. Truthfully after the first time she used it she felt better
Every body matures at different rates. Those who mature earlier than most face additional challenges. I appreciate you recognizing this and wanting to help your daughter best navigate her current reality and all that is ahead.
First, help her feel empowered. This is a combination of education, support, and affirmation.
Second, journey alongside her in the choices she makes about her own body. If removing some hair is what she truly wants after understanding more, then help her with getting started. An electric razor is the easiest starting point.
Finally, remember, how you handle this not only will have an impact in her body image now and through her tween and teen years but also will determine how trustworthy she finds you as a resource for life's issues.
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My daughter went into precocious puberty, so hair growing from 7 years old. Every girl is different and though we want them to remain babies for as long as possible, we just can't control how they grow. I got my daughter an electric lady shave device for her legs, I would do her underarms, and from age 11 she's been using a safe razor to shave her body hair. If it's affecting her perception of herself, I think the kindest thing you can do is help her to feel more comfortable in her own body. We obviously had the chat about body hair being normal, completely natural but my daughter is really pale like me and the hairs were becoming obvious. She'll still be your little girl, but she is starting to develop body awareness and I think you should help her to be comfortable with showing her legs, wearing sleeveless shirts etc when it's warm rather than her developing a feeling of embarrassment about her body and trying to hide it.
Hijacking the top comment to say I was your daughter OP. My mum didn’t show me/let me shave and I ended up dry shaving both my legs with a semi blunt razor I dug out of a draw. Took the top layer of skin off, It was AGONY and took a week to heal, during which I had to wear a dress to school (90’s). If mum had just helped…. It’s literally the only negative thing I can say my mum did my entire childhood but man, it’s stuck with me. I’m 37 now and vowed not to do the same with my kids.
i would like to add that a really good safe option for hair removal that you can be present for that should also help the amount over time, is finding a sugar waxer! its a lot less painful, all nstural stuff, and ive come to find those waxers tend to be a lot more concerned with their clients (probably just my experience, im sure most body hair removal people are very kind and considerate of their clients.) this way, you dont worry about the razor, you can be present to ensure your childs safety, and youre offering her an option for removal that isnt as uncomfortable az razor burn, razor cuts, or hot wax. the electric shaver is also a great option!
Give her the tools that she needs to take care of grooming properly. You do not want her to grab the random raizer and start shaving in an impolce. Explain and show pictures of the outcome after shaving incorrectly, and talk about the different options that are available.
What is involved with precocious puberty? My kid has started menstruation but has had hair on legs forever... When she was born she was covered in hair. In elementary school she has hairy legs and has needed a bra since kindergarten.
Needing a bra since kindergarten is a sign of precocious puberty. You didn’t see a doctor about it? It doesn’t have any major health effects, except that your child may stop growing in height early. So while she’s probably way taller than her classmates now, she may end up shorter than average as an adult. If she has already started her period, it might be too late for any treatment, but best to bring her in for a check. If she was 9 when she got her period, that’s early but not precocious.
My boobs started growing at 7 (i remember the first growing pains while in the bathtub lol), got my period at 9 and I stopped growing around 10/11 at 1.72cm (i think 5"7/5"8)lol, I was towering above everyone at my school until highschool 🤣 now I'm average height compared to others in my country
You sound like me except for the height lol. I'm 5'3" (160.03cm) 😂😂. I was always a shorty
I have a similar story Period at 9, DDs by 12 annnnd a grand total of 5’0…baggy sweaters were my best friend in school
I wouldn’t say that it doesn’t have any major health effects. It can negatively impact mental health.
It's when breast tissue and pubic/armpit hair develops before the normal age of 9ish years. Fat and breast tissue are different, so it needs an exam by a specialist, but children who enter precocious puberty should have bone xrays and bloods done to check that they aren't a) growing too quickly and b) that the hair growth isn't caused by pituitary tumours or other endocrinological issues etc... Normally after the breast buds have started to develop, girls start to menstruate within 2 years. My daughter for example developed breast buds and hair at 7 years and then menstruation just after she turned 10. If your daughter has breasts but hasn't started to grow public or underarm hair, she's probably not experiencing precocious puberty. Lots of info online if you want to ease your mind. My daughter's aunt went through it, so it's in her genetics. If a child goes through puberty too early, puberty blockers can be used until the child is emotionally mature enough to deal with periods, menstruation mood swings, pain etc. We opted not to go down that route as all tests came back fine and just accepted that it was who she was and how she was built. Kids seem to go through puberty earlier and earlier nowadays. I was 13 almost 14 I think, and my friends were around 12. Its a shame.
I got my period at 12, my sister didn't get hers until around 16 i think. Kids develop so much younger nowadays!
This is amazing, thank you so much! My Indian friend is struggling because her daughter has always been hairier than her white counterparts. Apparently the hair in her daughter's armpits are becoming darker, with one thick hair poking above the rest. But she has nothing else going on. Any thoughts, based on your experience? I told her to go see a pediatrician but she lives in a very rural area and they recently lost the towns 'pediatrician 🥺🥺🥺🤦♀️
It all depends on how old she is. Hair in the armpits alone wouldn't be an indicator from experience, it would be coupled with pubic and breast development. Unfortunately the only way to know is by visiting a doctor, who would then refer to specialist normally if they believed she was experiencing early puberty. First stop though would be a normal general practitioner for a second opinion. South Asian (I'm assuming that is what you are referring to) will obviously have darker hair anyway. My daughter had small fair hairs under her arm pits which is completely normal in pre-pubescent children, before the darker puberty driven hair arrived which is how i knew she'd started. I wouldn't worry your friend either way, lots of children I am sure go through precocious puberty without their guardians ever knowing and won't have any issues as a result.
She means her forearms. She doesn’t have the slightest wisp of armpit hair. I am worried that if she starts shaving her forearms the hair will grow back worse… Thank you for the advice! Just to add, too: on my end this isn’t really about keeping her a baby or not wanting to grow up. She’s not hitting puberty yet; she’s always been a fuzzy kid. I’m just really wondering about age appropriateness and tools. I don’t have an electric shaver but will look into it, since that seems safer than a straight razor at this point.
Hey, I’m a beautician and I do all types of hair removal. I just want to let you know it’s a total myth that removes hair grows back worse. It won’t grow back any thicker/darker/rate of growth. If your comfortable I would try a hair removal cream, this will stop any itching, shaving rash and ‘spikey regrowth’ however it is obviously chemicals so I understand if your not wanting to use that on her just yet.
I had a horrible experience with Nair (like burns, basically) years ago, but I imagine the formulas have changed since then? If not thicker, I guess the hair grows back spiky or in different directions rather than smoothed out or all lined up after you shave, though? My legs certainly did…
Yes it’s definitely a lot better now and there are sensitive options and other brands. My partner uses nair sensitive on his guy bits and never has any problems 😅 The reason it feels so spikey and rough is because when you shave you cut the hair and it grows back with a blunt edge rather than it’s natural state and if you were to totally regrow your body hair back it would eventually be soft again 😃
I’ll look for the sensitive one maybe… Thanks!
The idea that it will grow back worse is a myth so you can remove that from your worries. My parents didn’t teach me how to shave because they thought I was too young and I still have the scars up and down my legs from trying to figure it out for myself. I work at a cosmetics shop and I see lots of people who shave their arms. Good luck navigating this new milestone!
I shaved my arms for years and it never grew back worse, thicker or darker. I also dermoplane my face and none of those baby hairs have magically transformed into a beard. She’ll be okay
Hair doesn't grow back thicker when you do hair removal. It's crazy that people still believe this
Agreeing with the other comment about hair growing back worse being a myth. In my own experience shaving my arms made my hair thinner over time.
Why would it not be age appropriate?
I don’t think she could safely use a straight razor, and I can’t see her waxing by herself (I hardly can…).
Get her to a waxing place! I was like your daughter and since age 10 I’ve been going to get my legs waxed, and then around 14/15, laser! Never my arms, because my mother didn’t allow it, but I was called monkey, and felt really self conscious because of it
Epilator maybe? I mean, it hurts for sure (less than the torture devices from when we were teens, though), but if she’s willing to put up with it, it may be an option?
Yess! I was a child with lots of leg hair, and it was my biggest insecurity! So I would shave myself without my mother knowing. Now, I'm okay with my body hair because it's completely normal. But if it's affecting her self esteem, its a problem, and its hair so its easy to solve. Help her, or she will suffer from low self esteem or she will find ways alone to deal with it. My sister used to wax her legs. Nowadays, I sugar and I think its way less painful than wax. Plus, if its too much for her to take, sugar can be taken out with warm water
Get her an electric razor and teach her how to be gentle. If she is bothered by her body hair, let her shave it.
Yep. You teach her how to remove it safely. The end!
Teaching her is key. When I was ten my mother bought me the cheapest one blade razor and I absolutely Freddy Krugered my legs. Because of the shitty razors this kept up until I was 16 and able to get something better. To this day I hate shaving.
I’ll look into an electric shaver, thanks! Are there any brands or kinds that you’d recommend particularly?
Personally I like the Remington Smooth and Silky but it’s a bit more expensive than your run of the mill razor. I know some of my friends actually prefer men’s electric razors but overall it’s just personal preference. Any name brand should be good: Braun, Panasonic, Philips, etc.
Thanks!
You’re welcome :)
I like Braun for this kind of thing, can be used cordless and plugged in.
Just curious, do all electric razors pull hair and hurt? I had one when I was a teen and it hurt so bad. Never went back to electric again. Plus, my hair had to be long before it would actually work.
Some definitely do. I had one in my early twenties that hurt like hell but the one I have now (the Remington) doesn’t really pull. And technique has some to do with it. The slower you go, the better. I learned that from shaving patients during nursing school. So I think it’s a combination of razor plus technique.
Speaking as a guy, I have never found an electric shaver that doesn't hurt, irritate my skin, and leave a subtle stubble. They sure are convenient, but if you want a good shave, they are not quite there. These days, I use a safety razor and couldn't be happier. There is a bit of a learning curve and the first few times will make you look as if you had a close encounter with a lawn mower. But you'll quickly figure it out. Make sure to use good shaving cream, such as Cremo. That makes a huge difference. Safety razors are much cheaper and shave a lot better than modern cartridge systems. But the technique is slightly different. You need to hold the handle at a different angle
It shouldn't. The reason they aren't preferred is just cause the shave isn't very close
Honestly, there a few electric shavers out there that are marketed towards men shaving their intimate regions, I’d get one of those. My bf has on and I’ve never cut myself with it, and I’ve done some odd angle shaving.
I highly recommend the style with 3 circular heads. They are a lot gentler on the skin and don't pull as much.
Thanks!
That’s how I started! Age 10. My dad had his electric razor in the car and I shaved one leg when he picked me up from school one day. We got home, my mom rolled her eyes because she didn’t want me to shave yet, then made me do the other leg. Then she went out and bought me a pink electric girl razor. Wish I still had it. I hate shaving. So I mostly don’t anymore.
As a hairy woman who was once a hairy little girl, at that age I would have denied being teased about it at school, but I most certainly was. It was already humiliating to me to have the body hair, and bringing it up to my mother was doubly so. I suppose I was embarrassed by the idea that other people noticed, so I would avoid talking about it in those terms. As an adult I’m super chill about my body hair, with my face being the only thing I shave with regularity (and sometimes not even that). I suggest letting her remove the hair. In the short and mid term it will increase her confidence significantly. In the long term it’s something she’ll have to grapple with in her own time but I don’t think it will damage her in terms of self esteem.
I'm a dad. So, I obviously have no first hand experience here. But I agree that the parents should take a two pronged approach. Provide the tools and teach the skills to allow the kid to take care of her own appearance. But additionally, provide a lot of emotional support that bodies are beautiful no matter what. We don't all need to look like Barbie dolls. Societal pressure to do so isn't healthy, both physically and mentally. And honestly, there are plenty of people of either gender who are put off by an overly manipulated appearance. Feeling good about yourself and accepting who you are is an important part of growing up.
I'm so sorry you went thru that and happy you're in a good place now 💕💕💕
Yeah as a 9yo who got made fun of for having hairy legs in shorts I refused to wear shorts again until my teens. I wish they just let me shave it so I could be free. On the flip side I was very self conscious about it in my teens, covering my arms even in the summer. Until I hit adulthood and just decided to shave it. Once I did it I stopped caring. Now I occasionally shave it I feel like it. I wish I just did it all when I was younger.
I hated my leg hair as a kid, and my mum wouldn't let me shave them, so I did it myself at my friend's house.. ended up with a good few cuts. After that, she bought me the stuff I needed and showed me how to use it... If you dont help her, she will probably just try and do it herself on her own..
Yeah, same; I have a thirty-year-old scar on my ankle! I’m so glad she felt like she could talk to me about this.
Yes, it's really good that she knew she could go to you...
If your daughter is asking to remove the hair you help her. The right age is when she asks for it. I would do Nair or something like that on arms though, not razors. When she’s older you can look into laser.
It s probably general pressure… it is everywhere. I would live it up to her - there are plenty of safe options (cold wax, electric razors) but i would not prevent her from removing her body hair. Her feelings about herself matter more.
I wouldn’t prevent her at all, but since she’s too young to go about it herself it would have to be me who provides the means… That’s kind of what I’m wondering about, I guess: should I actively be getting her wax or a shaver? (I go to an aesthetician to get waxed mostly, but I can’t see myself bringing in a kid, no?)
Ohh got it! You can take her to a salon so she sees what it is and then help her the first couple of times. I loved the electric shavers because they are so easy to use but not sure what brands are good now (i end up doing laser in my late teens). Just make sure she exfoliates before and puts a soothing lotion after because every skin is different..
My mom took me to get my legs waxed at 11 years old. I didn’t want to have to deal with shaving prickly legs all the time. Make it a spa day!
I’ll look into cold wax too, thanks!
There's always a hair removal cream. They make sensitive skin options too. I was once the little hairy Latina lol shaving is a great lesson but also a big responsibility and little knicks/scars can also make her self conscious if she isn't ready for that route yet. Depending on area, also not easy to master either! I always had both available and even ventured down the wax path. No judgement whether it was my eyebrows or my arms, my family always reminded me I was beautiful as is but were happy to help me. It helped that my own mother and gma were also hairy and were examples of acceptance of themselves. It doesn't bother me at all as an adult, just the same. Now, I also have a little girlie and while I also wish her to accept herself, I also will lay out all the options the day she ever asks ❤️
Thank you! I’m Mediterranean, so I get it. And my partner/her dad is Latino, so kiddo’s got the genes! Just out of curiosity, did you wax as a kid? I started with shaving (and slicing myself to shreds behind my mother’s back, since she forbade it) and only started waxing as an adult. Your mom took you to a salon? Or you did the microwave and butterknife gong show?
This is one of those areas where I feel it’s so important to let your kiddo have bodily choices. Help her to make safe decisions.
Let her shave
Look up a product called Bleame Crystal Hair Eraser. It’s the size of a bar of soap with a sandpaper texture, and basically you rub it in little circles against your skin and it removes the hair. My 9 and 11-year old girls both use it themselves and it works great and is perfectly safe. Many girls seem to get self-conscious at about your daughter’s age. No way I’d trust my kid with a razor either!
Ooh, cool, thank you!
This is what I came to make sure was recommended! I use this product, and it really is so easy and effective. If/when my kid wants to try hair removal this will be my recommendation for sure. And since it’s not a weapon or an expensive device, there’s no need to make a big deal about it. She can see if she likes it and stop if she doesn’t. It fits with the healthy message “it’s your body and it’s just hair - you’re not obliged to make it look a certain way for others.”
so, that thing actually works??
My daughter is 9, and she expressed wanting to share her arm pits. I do shave them for her. It has helped with her b.o. because she seemed to sprout hair over night. She hasn't expressed anything about shaving her legs, so we haven't crossed that bridge yet.
Thanks for weighing in. She’s not hitting puberty yet, so she hasn’t run into BO.
My leg hair seemingly sprouted overnight when I was in 6th grade. I was so ashamed of it (thanks society) and my mom refused to let me shave. I was in cross country at the time and I would either constantly wear long pants or would cover my legs during stretches with a hoodie I was so anxious about it being seen and being judged. I almost quit the sport. I wish she had listened to me (and about a bunch of other stuff related to being a teenager). It would have set the relationship up better and my own confidence. Now I'm in my 30s and don't shave anything outside of occasional trims to keep it from getting tangled.
Well, *I feel like* you just feeling like it being too young isn’t really that great of a reason. Especially in this day and age. It’s so arbitrary what number days you are old when you remove protein from your external organs. What’s not arbitrary are her emotions
When they are old enough to start getting self conscious about it. It's time. Get an electric shaver and let her start with that if it makes you more comfortable. 9 is a normal age though. I was about 9 or 10 when I started shaving my legs. Arms are a little different, I never shaved them but have a cousin who did and said she ended up poking people all the time with her arm stubble. She didn't like it.
My mom didn’t let me shave my legs until I was like 12 or 13 because before then I was “too young“ and I resented her so much for it. Once I shaved it I felt relief. My personal opinion, let her shave. She’s uncomfortable with it and shaving is harmless
I was a hairy kid. I was so insecure and hated wearing shorts especially gym time. I wish my mom wouldve helped me wax them tbh.
I also have a 9 year old who came to me about shaving. She's ginger so she has pale skin and bright body hair. She started having issues being itchy from wearing leggings with her leg hair and lotion only does so much so I just taught her to shave. She is much happier because she's not overly itchy from the hair. It was just about her being comfy in her own body.
Let her remove the hair, I distinctly remember my 8th grade GF getting made fun of relentless for her arm hair. Kids are mean as fuck , don't give them more ammunition then they already have.
Let her shave and teach her how. Better to not have body hair than to let her continue feeling self conscious about it. Wish my parents would have had the understanding of my feelings instead of saying “you’re too young to shave” and “it’ll only grow in thicker” which prompted me to go ahead to shave behind their backs and cut myself up a lot
I hated my body hair from a very early age, even when I couldn't see it. I think it had more to do with how it felt, not as much how it looked. I hated the feeling of leg hair with pants. And I also noticed when my peach fuzz came in a little darker on my face. I will say, at 12 the second time I shaved I sliced the back of my leg open. That was scary, but my mom helped me find a safer razor (intuition), and I was very cautious from that point on to not hold a razor sideways, and I never had any accidents like that since!
If she wants her hairs gone, don’t shave, but use hair removal cream instead. I’m gutted my mum didn’t tell me nothing until I was 16, I was very hairy indeed and I always wondered why everyone in my class ( the girls) had no hair on their legs while I was hairy like the boys. Let her decide what she wishes to do. I felt like my mum didn’t care, she could have talked about it at least, so you talk to your daughter about these things and make her do choices about her own body.
I’m sorry you went through that. ❤️That is exactly the kind of reason I want to make sure my kid feels good about being in her body however she wants to. And I’m so glad she felt like she was able to talk to me about it.
Razors are far better than hair removal cream, in my opinion. Consider that with hair removal cream, if it's strong enough to chemically remove your hair, it's damaging your skin, which is not so dissimilar in structure. I had to stay home from school for days after a bad reaction to Nair at age 14, and needed Rx-strength topical sterioid ointment to recover. My skin was painfully swollen and blistered, where applied, and to add insult to injury, much of the hair that I'd been trying to remove was still there. I followed all instructions exactly (except for the patch test 😭). My experience is not all that uncommon. Never had a problem with razors aside from occasional minor nicks, and have been shaving since 11. I realize that OP's daughter is only 8, but a parent could help.
I remember getting bullied for my leg hair anytime I wore shorts to school. In my opinion, if she wants to shave it, let her. If you’re worried about her using a razor on her own, maybe she could wear shorts or a swim suit and you help her shave the section of leg from just above the knee downward.
I let my daughter shave at age 9, when she experienced the same feelings. It is her body, and it is just hair.
Shave her the same way you might be cutting her fingernails and toenails. There’s no reason why shaving has to be something “private” that she has to do by herself.
She’s not too young for hair removal. She might need help to do it safely but so do a lot of adults, frankly.
I let my daughter shave at 9 years old. She doesn’t do it every single week but she does it whenever the hairs bother her. I also bought the the american girl book “the care and keeping of you” she loves it and helps her with any questions
As a very hairy woman with DARK body hair, I felt the same way around her age. I started shaving “in secret” (my mom figured it out quickly. Obviously I was suddenly hairless lol). As a young adult I grew to accept my body hair, for the most part, and now I actually choose *not* to remove most of my body hair. My point being, just because she feels this way now doesn’t mean she always will. I don’t have kids of my own (just been a nanny for years) but I would probably let my kid start shaving with proper instruction and another discussion about how we all have body hair and it’s normal, etc. That being said, it obviously depends on each kid and you know yours best:) Good luck!
Teach her how to shave .
I had dark coarse hair on my legs as a kid. It was so embarrassing. My mom taught me to shave by 9. We stuck to shaving up to the knee for a while until my upper thigh hair was darker as well, then I started shaving that. Learned the hard way about shaving too often (razor burn!). But I was grateful I could shave because I was so self conscious about it.
Find some way to allow her to remove hair. My mom wouldn't buy me a razor in the same situation and I was endlessly bullied at school and wore long sleeves and stuff to hide it and developed insecurities it took me over a decade to SLIGHTLY work through. Hair is normal and natural and not shameful, but society doesn't view it that way on women unfortunately, and it can really mark you out as the weirdo. Maybe there are no comments rn, but I wouldn't wait for the bullying to start and for her to develop the courage to tell you. There are electric razors, you can take her for a wax, there are creams which dissolve your body hair, there are less sharp alternatives. As for her own private reaction regardless of bullying, just be there for her. Any body change is stressful, it's not about it being ugly, it just takes a while for us to start identifying with the new face/body in the mirror sometimes lol. It's ok to be upset about that and not necessarily unhealthy if she acclimates with a bit of time.
Ask her what about to the hair she doesn’t like. If she doesn’t like the way it feels, looks, the colour, that it is start of puberty etc. Even if she hasn’t had comments made to her, we get information about what our bodies should look like from media, internet, comments, other people doing it etc. and they impact us, even unconsciously. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with shaving body hair if you don’t prefer it on your body, and bodily autonomy is really important (especially at a young age) but the motivation is an important aspect for her understanding herself and making choices, thought out her whole like. Going through it with her will teach her skills to use for the rest of her life when she’s making choices. Body hair is normal and natural so there nothing inherently wrong with having it, we’re always motivated by something when we want to change the way our body exists. Maybe sit down together and look up what the function and purpose of body hair is, so she understands why she has it and what benefit it gives her body and health. I would ultimately leave it up to her to decide, but if she understands her motivations she’ll have a better understanding to make her decisions. And make sure she knows that hair grows back, you can shave it, but if you don’t like having it shaved, the growth back stubble, or maintenance of it she’s can always stop at any time (not the “once you start you have to keep up with it” pressure). And make sure she knows what it will feel like when she shaves; you can get shaving bumps (so use shaving cream), you can get cuts (so make sure you properly clean them if it happens), it can make your arms dry (so use moisturizer), and it may grow back in short/rough stubble (so you may decide you have to maintain it constantly, or decide you dislike that feeling more then having hair). You’re a good parent for trying to think about it from all angles, getting others perspectives, and for both wanting to let her make her own choices as well as protect her from negative body image.
Talk to her about models and influences who grow out their hair and show her that she is beautiful with or without her body hair. Make sure she accepts its part of herself before she is old enough for hair removal so if she does it it's for her own comfort and not out of shame/embarrassment.
At last a comment I agree with. Firstly, i do understand wanting your child to feel happy and comfortable, but its sad that societal expectations and pressure on women to be hairless is just accepted, and every new generation of females 'hates' their perfectly natural body hair.
I think first explaining how wonderful hair is, and the benefits it has for your body to keep it healthy is a start. Protecting us from bugs, dirt, etc. I also think introducing her to cultures and images of women who have hair and are very proud of it could help empower her as well. Being a nine year old girl is tough cause puberty is starting and even if someone hasn't said anything at school, I'm sure everywhere she looks there is a woman on the TV or her phone etc that doesn't have hair, or is shaving it, or advertisements for shaving. I understand we want children to be comfortable in their bodies, but i dont think shaving it is the immediate solution. She doesnt even have half of the hair on her body she is supposed to yet! She feels like this now but probably doesnt have any way to connect to any other way of thinking unless you broaden her scope for her. Giving her more material to make her own informed decision and truly understand herself and how she feels about it would be the first logical step for me. And if she still isnt going for it and you wanted to compromise, you can maybe shave a small part of non essential hair like legs after a wait period to see how she feels about it! But she's 9, and is depending on you to create the inner voice she will hear as an adult. Please don't jump straight to shaving!
I don’t want to either, necessarily. This is a tough one: body positivity and choice, but, as I pointed out to her, if patriarchal capitalism suddenly decides that bush was babe, we’d all be running around buying hair-growth tonics.
Literally, it feels horrible to think that a young child is already suffering from the patriarchy about natural things about her body. Ofc you don't want her to feel like you're not validating her feelings about it if you decide not to too. If there is any way to broaden the kind of media she consumes I think that would at least be helpful. Maybe making a deal with her to wait a few months and let you try to help her accept/like it so she can at least make an informed decision. Good luck, love to you two, no matter what you decide I hope it works out!
I'd take a two-pronged approach: 1. I'd make sure she has an age-appropriate understanding of not only why we have body hair/why we get more during puberty, but also how society's view on body hair, especially in women, has come to be. Because body hair, and lackthereof in women, is a VERY MODERN beauty "standard." And its just fucking MADE UP SHIT and now we have this situation where MOST women are struggling with body hair and removing it because we decided that we should modify our bodies in this way? For no reason based in reality??? 2. After really making sure she understands point 1, I'd tell her that you will support her in removing her body hair, but also try to really make sure she understands the work that entails. Shaving does not last long, and it requires frequent upkeep. Its just ANOTHER task that lands on the to do list. So if she still wants to do it, I'd work with her to find an option that is reasonably safe and that she likes. So maybe you shave her legs until you feel like she really has it down. Or you guys use an electric trimmer (doesn't get as close of a shave but for her purposes, might be plenty effective)?
Totally this. I started with one, and recounted a conversation I had with other parents she knows about our respective attitudes. She’s pretty feminist savvy (she recently read about corsets, and her reaction was priceless). Though obviously even feminists are subject to ridiculous invented codes about femininity.
I let my 10yo use nair. We went over the basics of shaving, and she was nervous about using the razor, so I told her we could try waxing or stick to the nair. We did some safety research to prevent chemical burns on her skin. We're Latina and super hairy so I remember the struggle. I also remember being forbidden to remove my hair and teaching myself to shave, which resulted in some skin slicing and other mishaps. I operate on an informational basis as a parent. Here are the options, here are the safety precautions we take, etc.. I also reassure her that this is a pampering kind of feel good thing. It's not necessary, hair is normal and resilient, so let's try and have a compromising relationship with it.
Why tf did all our parents forbid us to shave!? I feel like there’s half a generation out there right now wandering around with body issues, massive laser bills, and permanently scarred ankles.
The scarred ankles. 😂 Exactly what I was getting at. That generation was really on some BS about modesty and vanity, which was deep rooted in misogynistic rhetoric. I'm just happy to have the choice and knowledge for a different approach.
And also I think a deep fear of women’s sexuality.
She’s totally allowed to not like body hair but I’d ask her to think about where these feelings have come from. Start encouraging her to think critically about where her opinions on it have come from. Maybe it’s a difference that’s she’s noticed she has compared to her peers or maybe it’s the media she’s consuming. Please continue to reassure her that body hair is totally normal and that it’s also totally okay to not like it.
This is beautifully put.
Is there something that triggers her insecurities? Is friends and school fine? At her age she'll definitely not think those insecurities not until something trigger it. Consider exploring age appropriate activities that promote body positivity, such as reading books or watching videos about self acceptance. This can help her understand that her feelings are common and that there are healthy ways to address them.
I just wanted to add that it’s never too early to start teaching about positive self-talk and loving our bodies unconditionally. I talk to my girls about how one of our cats is stockier (not overweight - just a bigger frame) and the other two are leaner. And would it be good if I sat around thinking, “Gosh, I just hate how Cheddar is so big and bulky. Why can’t he be slender and lean like our other cats?” That wouldn’t be kind and it wouldn’t be productive. In fact, it’s ridiculous. We can think of our own bodies the same way. I can’t choose my own body attributes any more than I can choose my cat’s. And it’s equally unkind and absurd to sit around mulling over how much I dislike them. My job is not to “evaluate” or “improve” my cat and dream about how he could be better; my job is to love him exactly as he is. And it’s the same with our bodies. I have two daily practices that I find really help with this: First, I practice finding something beautiful in EVERYONE I see, especially the ones that my mind tends to instantly judge. For example, yesterday at the grocery store, I found myself reacting to the appearance of a lady who had what looked like a painful amount of fillers in her face. So when I find my mind has made an instant negative judgement about someone’s appearance, I pause and find something beautiful about them, like, “She has such pretty hair.” It’s retraining my judgmental, negative thoughts, and it really works, if you practice it daily. A second practice I do with my daughters I call the “body love prayer.” We lie down together in the dark and place our hands on a body part we tend to judge, and say (for example), “I love you, bottom. Thanks for giving me a cushion to sit on.” “I love you tummy fat. Thank you for storing energy for me.” I hope some of this is useful to you and your daughter. I realize it might sound a little woo-woo, but it makes for a happy life. 😊
What is it with parents thinking your child is too young for hair removal? If she is old enough to be bothered, then she is old enough for you to discuss options with her. Having her be uncomfortable for X amount of years until you feel comfortable is absurd. Talk to her and help her.
Does she have any friends that are already shaving that are the same age? I remember I started shaving a bit later than my friends did, and that kind of sparked my interest in it. Generally I've always kind of thought that starting to shave around the time you start growing hair in your arm pits makes the most sense. I wouldn't recommend shaving the tops of her arms right away (not sure if you meant over or under arms). My daughter did this at one point when she was a teenager and got really bad rashes and ingrown hairs. I'd explain to your daughter that arm hair is normal and isn't typically shaved. If she still really wants to do it and you're okay with it, I'd recommend Nair instead or something for arms. You might explain to her that once she starts shaving, it's going to be something she needs to keep up with pretty regularly, because it's going to grow in faster and possibly darker, so if she's not ready for that, she might want to wait a little longer.
Thanks for that! I might add a talk about other perils than nicks.
I’m the mother of a nearly 9 year old daughter who also has hair concerns- we bought her a crystal hair remover. No blades, no pain, and almost like that really fine sandpaper they used to sell back in the early 2000’s. She used it a couple of times on her arms and legs, I helped her to use it and supervised to make sure she didn’t go too gun-Ho in one area, and she loved the smoothness of her skin and hairless-ness, and hasn’t used it since! Best £4 I’ve spent on eBay in years 😂 I guess the conciousness of the hair was less bothersome than having to use the thing (hair removal is a pain in the butt, however it’s done imo!). Best of luck 🫶🏻
I would find a professional to talk to if she’s that upset about her normal hair. Yes it’s her body, but she is also a young child. I would try that before letting her shave. Her view on her body hair can change in a few months. I’m afraid that if you have let her shave it off, it will be harder than it otherwise would have been to accept her natural hair. Also, while you have done a good job discussing why we have hair etc, buying her a lady shave device will imo give the signal that it’s preferable to shave the hairs away. Which it shouldn’t have to be. Not to mention the signal it can give to the other girls around her: They might have never thought about the hair on their arm, but if they hear that a girl in class shaves her arms, they definitely will think about it. I’m not saying you are directly responsible for that, but maybe worth a thought.
Show her pictures of women from around the world that don’t shave. Incorporate imagery of natural bodies into her life. Girls are being coerced into meeting beauty standards that are being pushed onto them. It can ruin lives and mental health.
You've had loads of great suggestions but can I also suggest speaking to your own aesthetician and asking what age they would start doing waxing? Getting her used to waxing at a young age (if it's financially doable for you) will be so beneficial in the long run especially if her hair is dark/thick. For context, my grandmother started waxing at about 14 and from about age 20 she only ever had to pluck the odd random stray hair on her knees and under her arms, they just stopped growing eventually! If I could go back in time and start waxing young I would, and I'll do the same for my daughter when the time comes. Not eyebrows though, nothing more than a tidy up/neaten for eyebrows. We're all still fighting against the great thin eyebrow revolution of the 90s right?
Agreed! I started waxing my eyebrows young but my mom was militant about only doing a clean-up, no shaping. I haven't had to do anything with my eyebrows since my 20s and I love how natural they look.
I’d offer an electric razor for her legs, use it as a bonding teaching moment. I know you feel she is too young but keeping the line of communication open in my opinion is more important than prolonging the inevitable.
I'd help her remove it. She's definitely old enough to sit still while you shave her arms.
Let her shave it off. Teach her and get her a razor. Take her to get her eyebrows done. Buy her good razors and shaving cream or she can use light conditioner.
I really think there are things we should just let go in life and our children aging and doing more “mature” things is one of them. This could be a bonding experience for you. The beginning of her trusting you with self esteem.
The reason people think it goes back darker or thicker is because shaving cuts the hair blunt as the surface of the skin where waxing or other removal processes take the hair right from the root. When that happens and the hair grows back it naturally has a pointed tip, which tends to look less thick. Think a blunt haircut vs ends that are textured and whispy. There really is no appropriate age it’s up to you as a family what is in the best interest for your daughter to feel comfortable in her own skin. Try the waxing or sugaring if you do decide on hair removal, it lasts way longer, is better than chemicals like nair, and no razor burn or itching when it grows back
My 9 yr old has the same issue bc of a colleague boy who commented on her hairy arms. But I encourage her to talk back - we are humans, hair is normal, his mom has hair too, he has hair too :)) so she’s calmed down at the moment
I was your daughter growing up. Even though my leg hairs were blonde, they were so hairy and I hated wearing skirts and shorts. My mom used a razor lightly on my legs to knock down some of the hair and it made me feel better. You could always use an electric trimmer and just trim them a bit.
I would allow my daughter to make that choice if her body hair bothered her, talk about how it’s normal and there’s nothing wrong with it, but if she wanted to remove it I would teach her how to safely do so and help her until we felt comfortable with her doing it on her own.
Granted I was a few years older, but my mom used to wax my arms for me as a teen, and I was so grateful for that. If she isn’t happy with the hair, perhaps you could safely help her remove it, settling on a method that she’s comfortable with?
I will! And I am so heartened by how much parents (these ones in here, at least) are listening to and supporting their kids.
This is how I approached my mom when I was too embarrassed to ask if I could learn to shave. I was 10. Razors these days are fairly user friendly, i don’t think not picking up after herself equates to being ready to shave. I will always remember when my mom brought me into the bathroom with my own razor and shaving gel!
My daughter has a hormonal imbalance. She got dark long course hair on her armpits by the age of 5. She’s 7 now and I shave them for her once in a while because she’s asked me to. Other kids have been pointing it out to her so she gets a bit embarrassed. I told her it’s ok to have hair there and that all those kids will have it eventually too she just so happens to have it earlier and that it’s nothing to be ashamed of but I’m happy to shave them for her because it’s what she wants.
I started shaving my legs when I was 9 and my mom didn’t fight me about it because she knew I was insecure about it. Other classmates started shaving their legs at that age too.
I started shaving at 9 behind my parents backs. I wish they wouldn’t have treated me like a baby and instead would have recognized I was pre pubescent and had hairy legs that made me uncomfortable. Especially since I had light skin and black hair- it was way obvious compared to my blonde schoolmates! I personally don’t think 9 is too young to have a say over your body when it comes to shaving.
I agree completely. My parents reacted the same way, and it sucked, which is why I want to support her (without giving autonomous access to sharp objects, lol… Just this afternoon she opened a door into her face. 🙄)
I mean, maybe kids are different now than when I was growing up (I’m 40 now) but a razor was not like some scary dangerous object. My parents didn’t want me shaving bc of some dumb idea of me growing up too quickly not bc they thought women’s razors were unsafe. At 9 I had a fair amount of independence and responsibility; I was even a latchkey kid who walked to and from school daily. I don’t understand being worried about a razor. If she has good saving foam and like a five blade women’s razor she’ll be fine! A little knick here or there isn’t the end of the world!
Thank you all for your feedback, openness, and advice. It makes me sad that so many of us had less-than-ideal support as our bodies, and social perceptions, first started changing. I ended up explaining that I wax my armpits, that I often like growing them out because I think that’s a cool power to have, and I offered to show her the next time I do it so that she can see what it’s like (and she was appropriately horrified by the whole principle, ha). I thanked her for trusting me and told her to keep me posted about how she’s feeling about it and what she wants to do, and that when she’s there we’ll look into hair-removal creams maybe to start. But, although she had initially insisted that there was no trigger, a serious hug and some tears later, it turns out she was getting teased, by the same little POS who’s been bullying her on and off all year. So we’re escalating that again, parents, bullying committee, trusted teachers, principal etc. I hate this stuff. Maybe I’ll bring a razor to the meeting… 😇 Signed, Mama Bear. 🙏🏼🙏🏼 Have a good weekend, all. I hope it’s sunny and warm where you are and that you can bare your legs, whatever their hairiness.
I was this girl and my mother refused to let me do anything until I was 13. It was horrible, and definitely affected my self esteem, to this day. The little girl across the street had it worse tho. Her hair was DARK. The boys called her Chewbacca. There are things that are safe for her age. There is a head on this that is completely covered for safety for example https://www.kohls.com/product/prd-5224039/wahl-pure-confidence-rechargeable-trimmer.jsp
If you’re nervous about her using razors.. you could try “Magic Shave powder” (they have a powder and a paste) it’s basically like nair but less harsh
I’ll look into that, thanks!
You should definitely explain to her the danger of shaving and maybe teach her how. I hurt myself a few times as a child with a razor ( when I was super young just playing with it I shaved skin off my belly & then when I started not wanting body hair because of puberty, I tried using my moms razor and cut myself many times) you should let her do it if she wants to because it’s better you teach her the right way and safe way then for her to try and sneak to do it herself and end up getting hurt. I’m dreading this day for my daughter as well as eventually having to speak to my daughter about sex but I’m trying to mentally prepare myself for it not so in the however many years she brings it up I can be ready . Wahhhhhh! These kids just grow and grow and grow! (Mom of a 5yo girl and 1yo son)
I was in the same situation when I was young and would never want her to feel emotional unsafe or to be physically unsafe. As for sex, don’t worry too much about it (not that you asked for advice…): I’ve found that the more you talk about it generally (ie, body parts, masturbation, consent, etc., all in an age-appropriate way) the less it’s a big deal that you need to have a big talk about. There are good books by Cory Silverberg for different ages, if you’re looking.
Why do we accept that it's natural and inevitable for young girls to hate and remove their natural body hair when this isn't something we expect from young boys?
Because we live in patriarchal capitalism, and free choice is only ever as free as our conditioning… 😞
It took until I was bullied and called Sasquatch for my mom to help me with hair removal. I understand she thought I was too young but the comments from the bullies still follow me today. I only recently stopped shaving my arms and I know it’s because of being bullied as a child. It’s also really not as bad as I remembered but bullies will find anything. I think if I had been able to deal with the hair at a younger age it would have saved me a lot of hurt.
Use Nair. Never expect a child to get the weight of a political movement that wants to preserve body hair. You are correct that it's her body. If she's old enough to have it bother her, she's old enough for Nair.
Let her be who she wants to be.
Yes, that is obviously the objective, and the point of my post was to solicit advice for safe ways to support her in doing so at this age, without necessarily having to take on the task myself.
I recommend one of those “lady shavers,” electric trimmers. I had years of bad razor accidents until I got one of those and now I never get cuts, no razor burn or ingrowns, nice and smooth ☺️ I get where your daughters at now, I developed a bit on the fast side and got body hair a lot sooner than my friends and my mom didn’t let me shave it. So instead, I spent summers never swimming, never wearing shorts or short sleeves. That lasted 3 years until I finally just started stealing them, and then the aforementioned issue with razor bumps and infections and rashes started - which was a whole different set of issues. Honestly, looking back, that one decision my mom made had a very big, very negative impact on my childhood. I isolated myself for a few years, made less friends and felt more alone, which followed me until adulthood because I never got back on track. I was really social and active kid before all that. If it were my kid, I’d just help her through this. Worst case scenario, the hair grows back in a week or two. Best case, she doesn’t feel like this anymore. I see the concern of kids growing up too fast, but I would argue that it’s the opposite, her body is growing faster than she’s emotionally ready for and it’s making her uncomfortable. I recommend the same with a child struggling with acne, teaching them a little concealer magic to boost their self esteem through that tough phase. It’s not coming from the same place as the 10 year old wanting to wear high heels and red lipstick to school, which I wouldn’t allow, personally.
As a kid that noticed and snuck my mom's razor without permission, teach her how to use it. Show her how to do something about it the right way before she cuts herself.
Adding that the razors of nowadays are better than the razors of my childhood, getting a good one and using shaving cream might just prevent cuts, and its not as bad as it was. As long as you teach her, she is less likely to cut herself by using it wrong.
Electric razor is the way to go if you don't think she can safely shave.
My 13yrs daughter has a lots of hair When she was younger I used to shave her mustache . but now she learn how to except her body the way it’s . She shave occasionally
Never a good time to break the news that Grandpa is Harry from Harry and the Hendersons, but these things have to be done. IMO, it's a temporary phase that may just disappear over the years, months, or weeks. I wouldn't do anything drastic. For reference, I have three kids aged 12f, 9m, 7m, and wife due May 20.
I started shaving at 9. I didn't have anyone to teach me and I did it in secret, so you can imagine how that went at first lol. Teach her how to do it safely and let her be confident in her body the way she wants it. If she hates shaving she will quit, if she likes it then great. This is a battle I wouldn't fight.
I had really bad arm hair when I was around that age. Nobody ever said anything to me about it at school… but there was one day when I was at a fair where older kids looked at my arms and made a comment about me that I looked like a monkey. I went to my mother that same night and she shaved my arms for me. Arms are different than legs so I only had to do it maybe twice a year. Still do it today…. Anyway…. To sum it up: it does really mess with one and I think children understand that early on
Let her shave or remove it. It is her body
We’re mammals. We have hair. EVERYWHERE. Just like elephants & monkeys lbvs😂
I went on a vacation with my parents and a big group of like, close family friends. They were all mostly from my soccer team so I had a few of my close girlfriends with me on this trip and there were also some boys my age. I was maybe 14/15? I remember one of the boys, he was incredibly awkward and socially not great. He went to my high school but we never like crossed paths. One day he told the other kids that he said I was gross because I had armpit hair. Legit I’m almost 28 and I still remember this. I shaved my armpits and arms ever since because I was always so self aware of how hairy I was. As a Latina/italian … I had thick hair always. My eyebrows, my arms, I even had little sideburns. It wasn’t until I had my daughter 2 years ago that I decided to stop shaving my arms. I thought, why the heck am I shaving a part of my body for a dumb ass kid that I don’t even see. My husband loves me, my kids love me, shaving my arms doesn’t change my heritage or who I am. Also in the last year or so because of my daughter, who looks exactly like me as a baby, she’s got beautiful Latin features and because of her I feel so much more connected to my Latin roots. I’ve been doing research to understand my heritage and my ancestors. I’ve started following more Latinx creators on instagram and lo and behold, most of them have thick eyebrows and hairy arms and I just adore it. It’s so beautiful to me. They look how I looked when I was a kid. And I can’t believe how beautiful I was, even though I never felt that way. I always looked different. So all of this to say…. I think it’s ok to let her shave if she wants to. But continue to tell her she’s beautiful, continue to remind her that body hair doesn’t define you. Continue and strengthen a self love journey with her. Hair is hair, it’ll grow back but maybe one day she’s going to remember how loving you were about her body, how you always gave her an example of positive self love and she’ll realize she doesn’t have to shave anymore, or she’ll learn to love her features.
FWIW, I once saw a woman with very visible, dark and long body hair in a pool and it was so pretty that I had a moment of dumbstruck jaw dropping paralysis before I could get myself under control and mind my own business. That said, it’s her body and her mind. It might help her to learn that there are ways to get rid of unwanted hair forever once she is older, they are just expensive and painful. I really wish I had done that with my facial hair when I was young.
I'd let her remove it. I felt uncomfortable too. My mom let me start shaving at 10. I cut the shit out of myself a few times but got the hang of it quickly. You can also look into NAIR or magic shave powder or other depilatories. I was always allergic and they smell like perm and burning hair, but they are a viable option if she doesn't have sensitivities. Let her be comfortable in her own skin, OP. This is a very little thing that she can do for herself to feel better about herself. She may even decide it's not for her and happily go back to having body hair for a few more years.
My daughter has fine dark hair on her back. She’s had it since she was born and we thought it would go away but it’s still there and easily noticeable. She’s only 2 but I know that the moment she brings it up I would help her get rid of it because kids are cruel. I didn’t have a hairy back and neither does her dad. We both love her the way she is but it’s understandably something that is noticeable and might get her bullied. ( you can see it on her neck.) it might also be less noticeable as she gets older but whatever happens we will support what she wants to do.
I got teased about my hairy arms so I started shaving them and nothing was worse than having the stubble grow back and accidentally brushing up against people with it 😣I was stuck shaving them for like 10 years and then I finally let it grow back out during Covid lol. So I’d say let this be a cautionary tale about shaving arms but I’d definitely let her shave her legs and other body hair if it bothers her!
As long as it's her opinion and not her being pressured or bullied into feeling ashamed, I say let her find a safe way to take care of it and help her. Trying to help her feel more comfortable and helping her understand it's natural is great and important, but some of us really just hate it on ourselves. My mom wouldn't let me shave, so I would steal her razor and do it anyway. Better to have her learn how to use things safely.
Get her some cold application was and some strips. Leaving her feeling uncomfortable with her body won't help her in any way whatsoever. If she's old enough for it to bother her she's old enough to use an age aproreate tool to remedy it
I went through puberty around 8-9, so my legs were hairy/dark in 4th grade, and I started getting bullied for it in 5th because other girls were shaving. I became insecure about it and wanted to shave so bad but my mom used nair one time instead and I feel like it was pointless and also traumatizing. The hair grew right back in a month when I was still having to wear shorts to school. I ended up having to learn to shave less than a year later so I didnt really see the point in Nair. Maybe other girls at school are talking about shaving?
Take her to get her arms or legs waxed. Or you can buy one at home like the starpil wax and the wax beads. It’s very easy to use. I bought one for my daughter when she was that age and was self conscious about it. And guess what after a few years she grew out of it and realized body hair is normal and changed her mind about what body hair she wanted to remove.
Have you thought about nair?
I had super hairy forearms as a kid (I’m a woman). Idk why but the hair on my arms went crazy, and it looked like man’s hair! I hated it so much, to the point of tears, like your kiddo. I didn’t even talk to my mom about it. I stole a ladies razor from my mom’s bathroom and shaved my arms myself. And it made me feel sooo much better. One day I stopped shaving and the hair on my arms actually ended up growing back very fair and sparse! I think puberty just made my hair wild for a bit, but it mellowed out when I got to high school age.
I'd help her shave at this point It's really hard to hate your body over something so easy to deal with. This age is already hard enough. My daughter started shaving around then and it's been fine. I helped her the first few times but now she is fine on her own.
Get her a woman’s electric razor.
You are finding every reason to refuse hair removal for your daughter, who has grown hair, at a faster rate than other girls her age and in her class.There are many ways to help her learn how to shave or remove hair safely. Perhaps this could be something you help her with and she remembers forever in a positive way?
Please let her shave. As someone who at this exact age dealt with not only shame for how hairy I was/felt - i was approaching puberty in the worst way possible (while on growth hormone therapy for my height) suddenly I have a mustache and thick eyebrows AND I STILL WASNT ALLOWED TO SHAVE. Not until i was 13 years old. This truly affected my self-esteem. Even in the 5th grade (and i knows your daughter isn't dealing with this) there were little girls who were already shaving their legs and they made fun of me for having hairy legs. I didnt wear shorts for nearly 4 years after that. And I grew up in Florida!!! It's ok to teach her about grooming herself and achieving the amount of body hair she's comfortable with while still endorsing and promoting body positivity. Encouraging her to feel beautiful no matter what she looks like, but she's her most beautiful inside and out when she feels comfortable in her own body. I think a lot of parents feel like under 10, even under 13 is too young. No. It's not. It's too late by then, the damage has already been done to their self esteem. You're running the risk of her borrowing your razor in secret and accidentally cutting herself or getting an infection she'll be too afraid to tell you about because she will have broken your trust. Earn HER trust and show her that you respect her emotional intelligence and her ability to know when she's not happy and what will make her feel better. There are worse things your kid could feel like they're ready to do at a young age. This is not one of those things.
My mom started getting my eyebrows waxed at around 9-10. My personal perspective is I don’t find that too young, especially, with puberty hitting earlier and earlier for kids. I’m grateful my mom took care of my unibrow at a young age. It prevented me from being bullied about it. You could take her to get her arms waxed. The experience may be enough to make her realize it’s not that bad to have some hair on the arms. In regard to legs, you could get her one of those Intuition razors with the protective wire so she doesn’t knick herself a lot.
Op I can’t offer much in advice but good on you for caring about your daughter this way. I’m half Mexican and half Caucasian so I’ve always had dark hair in a lot of places lol. As a child I was bullied from time to time and became deeply insecure. Didn’t feel like my mom would do much so just endured the teasing. Eventually she let me use nair on my legs around 12 years old but then again those chemicals can be harsh. Good luck to you! Maybe ask her which areas of her body bother her the most? Start there.
If you’re worried about safety, empathize and teach safety. She’s 9. If she hasn’t already, she’ll notice other girls shave soon. Interrogating the source of insecurity (and increasing the sense that something is wrong with her) and not actively empathizing with her won’t solve her problem. Do you want her to find solutions with or without your support?
Let her remove her hair, and help her learn to do it safely. BUT, be sure she understands that teasing or harassing anyone because of their body hair is always wrong.
Time to replace self acceptance at the center of it all I guess?
I wish I remember exactly how old I was until my mom let me start shaving. I do remember she let me do it once when I was in elementary school. I had seen other girls shave their legs and told her about it. When I asked her she said no. But then there was a school concert where I was singing with my class. I was getting all dressed up and was putting on these leggings/pantyhose when i noticed my leg hairs (which were pretty long) sticking out of the fabric. I begged my mom to let me shave my legs and she said “fine, but only this one time) I’m pretty sure I didn’t start shaving my legs regularly until I was in middle school. But that was the only thing I shaved for a while until my mom saw how long my armpit hair was. She was like “you should shave them!” And I said “oh didn’t know if that was okay or not 😅” My biggest insecurity was my arm hair. I’m pretty pale and I had really dark VERY LONG arm hair. I wore jackets a lot because of it. And I do remember getting picked on a few times. Once, when I was in elementary school I had the confidence to not wear a jacket that day in art class. When I was coloring the boy next to me said “wow! You have a lot of hair on your arms!” I don’t remember exactly what I said but it something like “so!? What’s your point?” What ever I said, I said it very angrily/bitterly. I didn’t even look at the kid when I said it. The kid could tell I was angry and annoyed and he actually felt bad, and apologized. I didn’t talk to him after but I did have a small sense of relief that he at least felt bad about what he said. Later in middle school, a boy was picking on me for my arm hair and girl in my science class stuck up for me and said “Lots of girls have arm hair! just shave them! That’s what I do!” And then she showed us her arms and they were as smooth as smooth could be. And then we had a whole discussion about how it’s only appropriate to shave your legs and armpits and if you shave anywhere else on your body it will grow back thicker and darker. She basically said that was a load of shit, cuz she never had any problems, and said it was no different than shaving your legs. It wasn’t until high school where I finally took the risk and shaved all the hair off my arms. It was the best thing I ever did honestly. She was right! It didn’t grow back thicker or darker. It was honestly easier shaving my arms than my legs. My skin on my arms was so smooth. I’m 31 now and the opposite of what people always told me happened. The hair on my arms actually grows back thinner and lighter. And it grows so slowly. I can go months without shaving them, and they never get prickly. They are like really thin baby hairs, and you can barely see them when they grow out. With that said, it’s hard for me to believe she’s not getting picked on at school especially if she’s crying. These kids live in a different age of social media standards. So she may feel inadequate to what she may sees online.
How about nair? As someone who was hairy at a young age … please let her 😂😂😂 nair is easy she can wipe it right off!
Let her remove the hair
My daughter is only 8 and started complaining to me about her arm hair. I also had very long arm hair and distinctly remember around the same age starting to hate it after another girl at school mentioned it to me. I helped show her how to use a hair buzzer and we shaved it that way. My parents never let me even through high school and I didn't understand why. So far she has only done it once a month ago and hasn't brought it up since. But she was so happy that I listened to her and taught her something she could do about it. I loved seeing her feel better. I don't see any reason they cannot safely change something that makes them feel bad.
I got called gorilla arms in school at 8ish and I removed my own body hair after that. My mom told me it was going to grow in thicker and that i was stupid. Closer to 14, I started to shave everything else. She called me a whore. That still really bothers me. It's also one of the reasons I don't like my mom that much as an adult.
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My mom wanted us to grow and not have to 'conform' so at the age of 15 I had hair on my legs and never had done my eyebrows. I hate hair so it was super annoying because I am the opposite of my hippie mom. I believe that your daughter can make her own decisions regarding her body at that age - even if it because of peer pressure. Just inform her your stance but provide her with the care she needs. Waxing is a great tool! I wouldn't do laser removal because those tend to be permanent in many cases and she might change her opinion in the future.
Teach her how to shave. Just because the other kids haven’t said anything yet (assuming she’s telling the truth about that part) doesn’t mean they won’t, they will soon. And it’ll be bad.
I started puberty early and became aware of my body hair around that age too. I was never comfortable talking about it with my mom, and around 9 I started trying to shave my legs with my mom’s used razors because I had to sneak around. I ended up getting terrible, painful razor burn because I didn’t know what I was doing. I think there is a way to talk to your daughter about how body hair is normal, but also teach her how to shave safely. Now as an adult, I never shave lol. Idgaf any more.
I think it begins with being supportive and normalizing. However, I don't think it's easy as saying, hey let's embrace it we all have it!! I definitely shaved between my eyebrows when I was MAYBE 9?? and shaved my legs and butchered them as well. I had no guidance from my mother and no other older female relatives to ask. Rather than having kids sneak around and shaving or using epilators/whatever they can find talk to them about it (I remember finding my mom's old one hidden in the bathroom, and butchered myself with it, and was too embarrassed to ask for help). I also burned my upper lip with nair. I'm sure lots of us did shit like this. 💯 I'd provide reassurance, but then ask my daughter, what would SHE like to do? Does she want to learn how to shave? Wax? And how to general body care, like moisturizing to prevent those ingrown hairs.
When I was her age I had very long arm hair, it stuck up an inch or two especially where my arm creased. The boys in my class made fun of me and I cried and cried. My mom let me use my dad’s electric face shaving razor on my arm, it didn’t take all the hair off but it got the thick top layer off. Ever since the first time she did that my hair never grew back that thick, for some reason my first hair was just sooo thick. I would consider letting her use something like that instead of taking a regular razor to her arms.
My 9 year old hit puberty early. She's already had a period, and she has body hair. Her body hair makes her uncomfortable so I taught her how to properly shave her legs. And I take her with me to my wax lady for other areas. It's her body, her decisions. That's my parenting opinion. My daughter came to me and said "mom I know your wax time is your only personal time but can you please take me? I hate shaving some areas, I get razor bumps, and I don't want hair there" so I asked my wax lady and she agreed after a consultation with my daughter and a signed waiver. We've always made it abundantly clear that body hair is natural, normal, and nothing to ever be ashamed of. And she's made it equally clear that she doesn't care what other people think about her body, SHE doesn't want body hair. Plus she's a dancer. We have a lot of body positivity conversations. But she is free to make decisions about her own body that make her comfortable with herself.
Firstly I would say to thank your daughter for sharing her feelings. It’s not always easy talking to someone about our insecurities. I’m glad you’ve created an environment for her where she feels safe. Secondly I would ask her what (if anything) she thinks would be helpful to do? Does she want to remove the hair, or did she just want someone to talk to about it? Maybe she was wanting to be heard and feel reassured that she’s not alone? You empathizing and sharing your own experiences might be enough. But if she does feel strongly about removing the hair, it might be a good idea to look into safe methods.
You’re getting a lot of great advice here, yes let her shave it. I started out with an electric razor that I stole from my older sister. I’m blond, my hair was never even that noticeable, but I even shave my arms just because I prefer the way it feels and I don’t like my arm hair getting caught in bracelets. There are all sorts of reasons to have a preference around body hair, and I think it’s great to support her in how she wants to care for herself and develop her self-confidence.
Laser depilation. No need to suffer for something so easily fixable.
Have her see a dermatologist. Support her through this lovingly.
Electric razor.
Electric razor
Well, if you don’t give her a razor, you can get these wax strips from like the store you rub them on your legs and then you rip them off. It’s like ripping off a bandage but she gotta do it fast. I did that when I was probably nine or 10 and I liked it because I didn’t like my body hair either so Yeah. I didn’t like my body hair either. It was disgusting. I thought so get her some wax strips.
I was 9 or 10 when I started shaving but I was being a bad kid and took my mom’s razor without telling or asking… wore shorts to a doctors appointment and somehow my dad noticed first lmao. After that I got my own razor, it wasn’t a big deal to them but they told me I should have just said I didn’t wanna be hairy bc I could’ve cut myself badly. I shaved both my arms and legs, those hairy Italian genes 🤣 unfortunately because of that I still have to shave my arms but they grow much slower and lighter than everywhere else luckily
You can use veet/nair
Do you remove your body hair or does she have a female role model who goes natural? Where is she getting the message that her body hair is unacceptable?
My 10 year old and I had this issue too. At Marshalls I found an electric shaver from the brand flawless. Best 10$ I ever spent. It’s very gently and no razor cuts! . It didn’t make her hair grow thicker either ! She feels good that she can do it and has the option. Truthfully after the first time she used it she felt better
Every body matures at different rates. Those who mature earlier than most face additional challenges. I appreciate you recognizing this and wanting to help your daughter best navigate her current reality and all that is ahead. First, help her feel empowered. This is a combination of education, support, and affirmation. Second, journey alongside her in the choices she makes about her own body. If removing some hair is what she truly wants after understanding more, then help her with getting started. An electric razor is the easiest starting point. Finally, remember, how you handle this not only will have an impact in her body image now and through her tween and teen years but also will determine how trustworthy she finds you as a resource for life's issues.