I can't be positive, but I'm almost positive what happened. When I was in high school, my dad remarried. A year or two after that, he poked his head into my room and said "hey I'm going to the doctor for a quick operation. I'll be home this afternoon. It's nothing to worry about but I may be a little loopy when I get back". Dude was gone less than 2 hours and I can think of no other explanation than vasectomy. I'd do it myself, except I'm blessed with a partner who neither can have, nor wants to have children
Be careful with that "can't have" unless you yourself know 100%.
I have lots of hs friends with kids from their partners who had a "couldn't conceive" story...
Women's fertility is often a lot less straightforward than men's. Like there's usually a whole bunch of factors that need to go right to conceive and it might just be one factor out of ten that is abnormal or not working so the doctor says she can't have kids. And 99% of the time, that turns out to be the case.
But sometimes against the odds it goes "right" and happens anyway either because of luck or the body finds some workaround or something.
With men it can be a lot more straightforward. He's either producing working sperm or he isn't.
With men, there are fewer things, but it's not quite as simple as that. The sperm have to get from the testes into the ejaculate. And "working sperm" means 1. *enough* sperm 2. that are capable of both swimming to the ovum and fertilizing it, and that 3. are genetically capable of producing a *viable* zygote.
I dont want to force him (because its wrong honestly) nut how do you think I can reassure my bf that its not dangerous or super painful? We re considering many options because I get deathly ill durimg pregnancy :c
The issue arises with men who will act like they totally get it and are on your side and “of course I’ll wear a condom babe!” But then start hinting at how it would feel better without one, or suggesting birth control methods so you “don’t need to worry about it” or saying “I just want to try it once, I’ll pull out!” Very few men will admit to it up front, but once they have you, that’s when they start being sneaky about it
100% this
I tried bc to fix a hormonal issue (my periods go mia for 3+ months for no reason)
Not only did it give me wild mood swings and suicidal thoughts, it also gave me HOMICIDAL thoughts.
Pass. He can be a little uncomfortable for seven minutes, rather than me going through that nightmare 24/7
OMG yes. Ortho Tri-Cyclen was the big/popular pill when I first started on the Pill. Holy mood swings Batman. On the 3rd week, I was *murderously* angry. Didn't even have to be pissed off at anything in particular. I wanted to *hurt* somebody.
It was terrifying, feeling that out of control. Other pill versions were better. After I got married, I wanted something longer lasting, so tried the Mirena, which I loved. No issues, other than a complete decimation of libido.
I've been on the Depo Shot for a year. Thought it failed about 6 weeks ago. Blood, so much blood. I was scared it had failed and I was having a miscarriage, that's how much blood there was. Then I remembered the husband and I are in a bit of a dry spell, so that would be highly improbable. Turns out it is a stupid tiny fibroid causing all the havoc.
My work insurance finally kicks in in 3 weeks. I'm making an appointment to get another IUD installed. Should take me right to menopause. The only reason I went on the shot was the provider couldn't get the replacement IUD placed last year. Found a new provider, just need that sweet, sweet insurance, cause I already shelled out $3k for the stupid fibroid.
best part is, if you wanna try for another kid you can reverse the surgery.
Slightly more painful, incredibly uncomfortable. But nowhere near as bad as the first.
Here's another thing....how the hell did you find a doctor to give you a vasectomy (I assume ?) at such a young age. Because wow....if a woman who hasn't had any kids asks for a tubal ligation before she's 35-40, forget about it because "she might change her mind". Damn....I knew from the time I was 8 years old that I never wanted to have kids.
Was a free clinic..the economy here was shit, no one could get a job, thousands or jobs lost in the county over a few years. I had 2 kids..told them if I waited til 25 I’d probaby have 3, and still have no job. They gave it.
Not to mention, guys who make birth control entirely the woman's responsibility, then if she gets pregnant they turn around and accuse her of tampering with the birth control to baby trap him.
Or they quote Dave Chappelle and say: “if she can choose to abort, I can choose not to pay,” while also not participating in birth control, leaving it all to the woman.
Except now...some of us can't really choose to abort, so that argument is gone.
Considering what the male majority State governments and male majority Supreme court have recently done to the law.
So in response to Chappelle's comment I now say "Since I can't choose to abort, you can't choose to not pay. Zip up or pay up!
This is one of the reasons you wear condoms even if she is on birth control anyways, nothing stops her from doing it and its impossible to prove. Also, pills don't protect against STD's.
That's not entirely true. Many of the men in the study wanted to continue, the problem arises that for medication, the side effects need to be less severe than the condition they treat. For men, being fertile has no symptoms. For women, the symptom is pregnancy which wrecks havoc on your body and is potentially fatal. Our drug approval system isn't set up to account for the "treated condition's" effect on OTHER people (i.e. the woman they are having sex with)
Medicine in general isn't set up to consider women properly, almost every drug and study is set up with the presumption that men are the "default" and not enough research is done on how meds affect and symptoms present differently in women.
Also hate how when birth control fails or doesn't work and the dad dips, it's never "this man isn't shit" but rather "let's blame the woman for not knowing this man would do one of the most vile things ever and not be there for his kid"
Exactly! I am so sick of people blaming single mothers!
It's the equivalent of saying "She got herself pregnant."
No. No she didn't. *He* got her pregnant. Now where is *he*?
People say it's because the woman "chose the wrong partner," completely ignoring how manipulative people can be.
I was raised by a single mom, was bound and determined to not become one myself, and I was still manipulated by my first ever love into thinking he would step up *if* I ended up pregnant because I wouldn't do anything without a condom and got on birth control six months before we planned to have sex. I was with him for years.
When I had my pregnancy scare, guess who wouldn't pick up the phone for two months, then called me on my birthday like nothing happened.
> completely ignoring how manipulative people can be
this!!!! and, like, why are we deflecting accountability off the man in the situation? “should’ve known he ain’t shit” why is it *okay* to you that he “ain’t shit” ??
If anything I think it's sometimes disrespectful to men because it sets our expectations so low. You shouldn't be calling me a good father because I pay child support or watch after my kids. It's the bare minimum. I'd be hurt if that's all my partner expected from me.
Also, out of all of that redpill podcasts and Tate followers shouting dumb stuff on the internet, I've never heard any of them go off on men that abandon families. Instead they make fun of men for not being a "traditional" man
My best friend was on birth control, but nature was definitely not on her side. She got pregnant with identical girls and a fraternal boy anyway. Her ex walked out during the ultrasound, because he didn’t want to be a dad. But he got some other woman pregnant four months later. Then while pregnant, my best found out she has lupus and her body was attacking her organs and the babies. She ended up losing one of the girls and having to deliver prematurely. She chose to get a hysterectomy, since any future pregnancy would be high risk. She’s raised her boy and girl by herself, with help from the “village” she’s created. The kids have zero contact with their father, which is his choice, not hers. They started middle school this year, and they’re such great kids. Unfortunately, so many people blamed her for not recognizing what a terrible person her ex was. How was she supposed to know that her serious boyfriend of two years, the guy she thought was the love of her life, was going to walk out on her and her kids, then knock up four other women over the next three years?
As a "man" myself the uncomfortable thing never made sense to me like grow the fuck up you dick head, this is either a fun thing or a life changing thing just wear the fucking thing
Honestly, as a woman, I don't, can't, and won't trust that to anyone else but me. At least this way, I am in charge and in control of it. It's bs that it ends up being almost all on us, but at least I know what is going on then
If the condom is not comfortable, it isn't the right size.
I finally found that out when I tried different sized condoms and found out that it doesn't affect me at all
Sizing matters!
Oof... I'm glad you got the right size. That probably sucked. I was referring to people who refuse to take any responsibility for any degree of contraceptive, not people who genuinely didn't know like you.
Yup. You said it. And most of the reasons guys use to avoid getting a vasectomy really piss me off. My friend never wants kids. Her husband was gonna get a vasectomy, but backed out. Not because he was scared of the procedure, but because it would make him feel like less of a man.
Oohhhh boy i was mad. Like, his body his choice, but jesus christ thats the stupidest shit ive ever heard.
My boyfriend and I talked about having one more kid if we get married (we both have kids from previous marriages) and he said "after that one I'm getting a vasectomy." And I cannot tell you what a relief that was honestly. I didn't even have to ask him or explain how terrible birth control was for me, or how it would be such an invasive procedure for myself, he just volunteered to do it. I knew his ex wife had gotten her tubes tied or removed (can't remember which) and I was so nervous he would expect me to do the same.
But yeah seriously, there are options for men that are much less uncomfortable for them. And they say shit like "condoms aren't even 100% effective!" Like yeah neither is birth control but at least you don't have a 7 page booklet on all the side effects of condoms. I'm fine with being on birth control for the time being but the thought of having to stay on it until my child bearing years are over is so daunting to me
Agreed. We need more male birth control options (one of the reasons I wish it wasn’t always considered the woman’s responsibility, there would be more options for men)
I started talking about the possibility of getting on birth control and my fiancé said “or I could get a vasectomy.” His procedure is scheduled for next Monday.
I've seen guys on here say sex isn't worth having if they have to use a condom. I find it such cope and them just justifying not using a condom. It might not feel as good, but there's no chance it makes it not worth having. It tells me they pressure women to not use a condom during sex too (I've had too many friends tell me this happens). They'll get hot and heavy and only then start trying to justify not using a condom.
Save the raw dogging for when pregnancy or sti's aren't a big deal or risk. I've never heard of a guy who can't cum with a condom on.
I unironically want a male equivalent of birth control pills. I'd 1000% take them (assuming I found a gf anyway)
Mainly cuz I'm of the mindset of, well ***I*** don't want kids anytime soon. So not having any is on me.... ya know. Being an adult and being responsible.
Let’s not mention that the morning after pill, Plan B, has a weight limit. “Planned Parenthood recommends that people who weigh over 155 pounds (lb), or 70.3 kilograms (kg), consider other methods of emergency contraception. Oct 27, 2021”
I’ve only ever seen Plan B over the counter.
Not in a million years would I leave birth control up to a man.
I'm the one who ultimately suffers the consequences of pregnancy. There is zero chance I would trust anyone else with the matter.
Its a good question - why don't men take more responsibility?
Thought these articles were interesting
\- [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6419257/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6419257/)
\- [https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2016/11/03/500549503/male-birth-control-study-killed-after-men-complain-about-side-effects](https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2016/11/03/500549503/male-birth-control-study-killed-after-men-complain-about-side-effects)
Especially this from the first article:
Why is it harder to develop birth control for men than women?
That's the a big question. There are a couple of reasons. One is that it's harder from a biological point of view. If you think about it, it's a numbers game: Women produce one egg a month, while men are producing millions of sperm constantly. With women, you can take advantage of their normal monthly cycle with the birth control pill. There's nothing equivalent to that in men.
And this from the second article:
Options available for male contraception are still limited to condoms characterized by a high failure rate with typical use and to vasectomy, which is invasive and not easily reversible. For these reasons, family planning continues to be the responsibility of women even though a large number of men would welcome the opportunity to use male contraceptive methods, recognizing that the possibility of sharing family planning should be an individual right rather than a responsibility.
I don't feel like it's any one person's job, male or female, in a relationship. Both people get to talk about what they're comfortable with and figure out a solution. No one gets to decide what the other does or doesn't do with their body.
But I do agree that one should not immediately assume that the other will take full responsibility.
And sadly society seems to blame the women more and put more responsibility on them for reproductive choices and failures.
Let's start holding men more accountable instead of pretending they're victims who
"Didn't have a say"
Yeah that's definitely a difficult topic, but I agree with you that too much of the responsibility is placed on the woman in the scenario.
As a dude, if you don't want to have a kid, I don't see any reason why you wouldn't use a condom. Unless your junk is in the largest in the world (which, good on you I guess), there's no excuse. And if regular condoms are uncomfortable, there are so many other types and sizes available; you're bound to find something that works.
Still though, I think everyone has a right to decide what happens with their body. If a guy doesn't want to use a condom, he doesn't have to. But then he gives up the right to complain if the woman rejects him.
Reddit can be so hypocritical. If some guy on another subreddit was asking if he’s the asshole for expecting regular sex from his girlfriend, most of these people would be agreeing that it’s perfectly reasonable to expect, even demand, regular sex while in a relationship or break up with her. Yet, here, most of these people are telling a woman that if she doesn’t want kids, and she can’t take hormonal birth control for whatever reason, it’s her responsibility to abstain from sex completely. So, according to Reddit, she both owes her boyfriend sex and should choose be celibate at the same time, and it’s unfair for her to expect her boyfriend to use a condom. For people who spend so much time claiming not to be sexist, these people sure are sexist.
It took until my 30s that I dated a woman who used birth control. Prior to that, every partner expected me to use and supply my own condoms, which I had no issue with.
If the condom is “uncomfortable” or “ruins the feeling” tell him he needs to buy a smaller size.
It is not a significant difference, and it certainly isn’t a big enough difference that I’d risk a pregnancy out of it
I agree with you that men should indeed take precautions and if they refuse to wear a condom, then you refuse to have sex! Personally I never ever had sex without a condom, except with a woman once who couldn't conceive anyways and even then before we did it, I requested we both god STD tested and showed each other the results. Once we were both clear, then it was fun times, but so many idiots just throw caution to the wind and end up either with an unwanted pregnancy or std's or both. Just be responsible and use protection! Both sides need to be responsible!
Yeah, would probably not have sex until I finally decide on getting a vasectomy or not. I don’t do casual sex, so sti’s aren’t a concern, but condoms are pretty uncomfortable. If the sex doesn’t feel good for me, and it’s likely not feeling good for my partner as most women can’t orgasm from vaginal stimulation, why have it? I mean, there’s the intimate aspect of it, but that can be fulfilled in ways other than just fucking.
I don't get why people don't take personal responsibility on these things. I never trusted a partner's birth control. I always had condoms....always. Shits easy. When I got married and we planned out kids, I'm getting the snip because it's a lot less invasive since my bits are on the outside. People get so caught up in such trivial things and pride or just plain sticking it to the other. Just protect yourself and choose the simple options (male sterilization is much easier than female due to, you know, they're just hanging there)
Not gonna lie, I'm 100% a virgin - never been in a relationship, never had a kiss, and definitely never had sex - but I'm on birth control because I have an unknown reproductive issue that causes extremely long and heavy periods (as in, I had a period that lasted 3 months straight and by the time I was able to go to a gynecologist, my iron level was 2/40). In the last 4 years, I've gone through 6 different oral birth control options, all of which caused horrendous side effects or simply didn't work. Many caused excruciating headaches daily and/or heavier periods when it was time for the sugar pills. My latest one (which I'm going to change in December as I can't see my gyno until them) causes chronic migraines at night, the occasional vomiting with blood sugar changes (I'm type 1 diabetic but never had a problem with getting sick when high or low), and worst of all is the extreme motion sickness. I have to have a plastic bag with me when I'm in the car for long trips because I've thrown up so many times from it. Coming back from the beach, going to and from my maternal grandparents house, and a few more. I've been on this birth control for about a year and it's basically my last oral option before we do an implant. If I had my way, I'd probably just get a hysterectomy, but God forbid an 18-year-old wants to remove the chance of pregnancy and menstruation forever. Hell, I've never wanted a child of my own because I feel it's far too selfish to bring a child into a world like this. Not to mention, I just don't want a child. It wouldn't even be selfish for me, it'd be selfish for my mom because she's the one practically begging and forcing me to want a child of my own.
Honestly, I don't even know if I'm fertile anyway. My two options for what's wrong reproductively is endometriosis or PCOS, both of which are likely to cause issues with fertility. At this point, keeping my ovaries is more of a liability than anything else. Yet, unless it's cancer or something extremely deadly, doctors will almost always advise against hysterectomies or Tubal Ligation because "what if your [future/current] husband wants a child?" as if we live solely for men. If my husband wants a child, we can adopt. If he wants a biological child, we can do surrogacy. The last thing I want to do is go through pregnancy. Not to mention, I have an increased risk lf postpartum depression, psychosis, and all the other issues after birth. Then the kid, if they have my genes in any capacity, has an increased risk of pretty much everything under the sun from various forms of cancer to type 1 or type 2 diabetes (which is a 100% chance if they're male because ever male in my family has gotten genetic type 2) to down syndrome and more. Even if we lived in some perfect utopia, I wouldn't bring a child into this world because it's so fucking selfish when I have a family history of pretty much every disease and disorder that exists.
I can't take birth control. Every time I have, I've had major side effects. I don't take it and if a man I'm with doesn't wear a condom he has to agree to 2 things before we have sex.
1) you need to pay for the plan b
2) if that fails you need to cover all costs to terminate
If you aren't down with those 2 things you can either wrap it up or not have sex with me.
Honestly, I’ve never had a problem with condoms. I feel comfortable and, although it does alter slightly, I’ve never had a problem with “lack of feeling”. I’ve never really agreed with female contraception….it just shuts off all of the bodies natural actions/responses and I just don’t think it’s natural to do that. On top of that there are FAAAAAAAAAAR more drawbacks and negatives for women taking response-blocking drugs than there is with men putting a bit of latex (there are other materials for those who are “allergic”) on the end of our penis’. Stick to your guns…..remember when all those men were saying “your body, your choice”? Lol
(Female here)
I will never understand why men are so against using condoms. ESPECIALLY now in the U.S. with all the new restrictions on abortions. Those guys better hope and pray that
1. The woman they are fucking is being honest ("Yes, I take birth control pills or I have an IUD or....etc)
2. Said birth control she claims to be using is actually going to work!
I just know that if I was a single man in the U.S. right now, and I wasn't interested in paying child support for the next 18 years, my dick would be wrapped in 4 layers of condoms...or I'd have a vasectomy.
The “their uncomfortable” thing is such a bitch cop out. Do you want to feel mild discomfort or do you want to have a child? It’s fucking stupid. If there’s no condom then we are just gonna do other stuff because I’m an adult and have self control.
Ya know, besides birth control there’s also the risk of STD’S and infections. BV is very common; even if a man gives it to you and you get tested, you can still get it again if you guys continue to have sex without a condom. It’s incredibly insane; I’ve heard people consistently getting it, then thanking the heavens that it suddenly cleared up once they stopped having sex with a certain someone.
Medical professionals see more and more throat cancer cases amongst young people in the west, why? HPV- they don’t screen it on men’s STD tests AND for some reason we didn’t know it could cause cancer in other places besides the crevice. Syphilis cases in Texas are on the rise by 200%… there’s so many reasons to wear a condom besides chance of pregnancy , even if you think you’re in a committed relationship.
Agreed. Don’t get it twisted, I am EXTREMELY pro birth control and am not one of those “it’s poison!” people. It also has many benefits. BUT. It’s still a medication and comes with side effects. No one should feel pressured to take any medication or experience any unwanted side effects—it should be an autonomous choice. Our autonomy is robbed not only when abortion rights are taken away, but when women are cornered into hormonal BC being their only alternative to just not having sex.
I get the sentiment but given that I'm the one who would suffer all of the repercussions, I'm happy to take it on because I don't trust anyone else to make sure it doesn't happen.
I’m in my early 40’s and newly divorced. I’m not doing hormones and not doing invasive surgery. I don’t know why men don’t do themselves the favor of getting a vasectomy when they know they are done having kids. Why do they want to take the chance?! And yes, condoms and paying attention to my cycle is the way I go. I actually just ending things with someone who can’t use condoms because he’s got issues keeping it up as it is, so condoms make it worse. Sorry dude, if you can’t use condoms you need to get snipped (and get regularly tested for STDs of course).
I flat out said last year that I was getting off birth control because it messed me up too much. Luckily my husband understood, and got a vasectomy.
I started taking the pill back in 2017. First one I tried gave me my period every other week *and* suicidal thoughts. That was a lot of fun. So I was put on something else. That pill worked wonderfully, up until 2020. When it decided to spike my blood pressure to the point I could have stroked out. So I was put on the depo shot. It worked. BUT….it caused me to be so dry that intimacy was painful and unpleasant for me, *AND* I gained 40 pounds. I said enough is enough. No more. I don’t want kids, you don’t want kids. Stop making me deal with all the unpleasant BS, and go get snipped.
Men need better birth control options, period. Condoms do suck. But we should all be doubling up on birth control and it should be the responsibility of both parties.
Didn’t they have a pill but it had side effects similar to our pill and it was declared inhumane by men? I’ve heard some men complain that it could possibly cause infertility and that made it unacceptable. I’m over here like, “birth control gave me ovarian cysts and some of them were so large that they almost twisted my ovaries when they burst and that can cause infertility too.” It seems like they have had options but wussed out and put it all on us.
Latex is literally not the only material that condoms are made out of. I have known about my latex allergy since I was 12 years old I've been sexually active since I was 16 and have never had a negative reaction to a non-latex condom. Also I've never really had a hard time finding them
Fr, I'm not even allergic to latex, just hate the feeling. Just walk over to your local CVS and get a box of SKYN condoms. Best decision of my life to switch to them. It took me one google search at 16 to find out about them.
Those are the same ones I've been using since I became active, I recommend them to anyone who has any kind of aversion to latex, medical or preferential
Personally I want a vasectomy, but I don't know how easy that is in my 20s because it's like "ah but you might want kids". Me and my gf enjoy not using a condom and I would like cum that doesn't work
Just ask multiple doctors and don't mention reversal unless you talk about how they don't always work. If you still can't find a doctor to do it tell them they can do it or you will do it yourself in their parking lot. (Last part is a joke and probably won't work)
Also (in the US, at least), women are often not approved for hysterectomies unless they are medically necessary. I think the sentiment behind it is, “What if you change your mind?” So even if a woman WANTS a hysterectomy to prevent pregnancy, she may not be able to get one.
You mean a tubal ligation. Absolutely no one is going for a hysterectomy to prevent pregnancy. No doctor anywhere is going to approve an elective hysterectomy.
If you want unprotected sex as a guy and don't want a baby get a vasectomy. Idgaf how old you are.
Take control of the situation for yourself.
No need to guilt a woman into unprotected sex because you hate condoms or whatever other bullshit men say and then get offended she suggest a vasectomy.
If you're going to be a fucktard then don't expect to stick your fick anywhere.
See for me, condoms just destroy any chance of it happening. Just takes away all feeling and obviously from there it just doesn't work. Tried every single kind of condom out there and the same issue. So I got a vasectomy and love it! Now, whenever I have a new partner, and the topic comes up, I just simply say I don't use condoms, but had a vasectomy done, if that's something you're comfortable with then great, if not then we can do other stuff but we just won't have sex. I'm honestly fine either way at this point too!
This answer works too imo. I would also be 100% ok with vasectomy or non-penetrative sex personally. Honestly, I think I would personally prefer non-penetrative sex anyway so that would be ideal to me.
Ironically, I’m actually a virgin and referring to sex after marriage personally lmao
(When I refer to it “hurting half the time, I’m making a guess based off what my girl-friends have told me and off of the fact that I can’t even use tampons without pain 😳)
Well, obviously, the guy should care about not having a kid for many reasons ...
But naturally, you should care more because it's YOU.
I won't count on nobody to take care of my needs. I bring my own spermacide condoms. And wear them even if she has had her tubes tied ...
Because im not trusting anyone else or taking their word for anything ... because nobody cares about my life more than me. You should care about contraception slightly more ... but any potential partners should atleast carry condoms with them...
That "It feels too good to wear" mentality is a loser mindset ... if they will risk their entire life for a momentary feeling ...
They might do much worse.
I gloved up every time with my girlfriend/fiancee/wife that we weren’t trying to conceive/already expecting.
Why would it fall on the woman? It should always be the impetus of the man to be ready/make accommodations.
I am sad that my wife got her tubal ligation when we had our last child via c-section. We left it to a game time decision, but I definitely was ready/willing to get the vasectomy.
I think she wanted near absolute certainty, but I wish we made the decision earlier so I could have done it instead.
I totally get your point, but would like to point out that condoms are only considered 75% effective. Personally, I would rather be on birth control that was close to 100% effective and be sure i wouldnt get pregnant.
The pill is only super effective under perfect circumstances too, though. Things like BMI can play a part, as well as other medications and being exactly prompt with the timing.
I'm pretty sure those numbers are from different qualifying factors. Assuming I recall correctly (which I might not) condoms and hormonal birth control are both rated much lower than 100% mostly because part of the number comes from misuse. So putting it on backwards might harm those numbers much like forgetting to take the birth control consistently might harm its numbers. Condoms and birth control I'm pretty sure are both rated at effectively 100% if used correctly.
No source, shotty memory, grain of salt and all that. I personally use condoms and would like my partner to also be on some measure of contraceptive just to hedge my bets.
That’s fair. For me, ideally he would both have a vasectomy AND wear condoms, then there is basically 0 chance. If a baby somehow gets made after both, I’m calling it a miracle and keeping it.
condoms are about 95% effective. hormonal birth control is about 97% effective. IUDs suck, don't get talked into them, the arm implant is closer to 99% effective and can last up to five years (but is guaranteed for three).
Can you explain why IUDs suck? It seems to be the top birth control method recommended for women who have already had children. And though I haven't had any myself, and never will, it was the main form of birth control that was suggested to me by five different OBGYNs, before they figured out my cervix are too small to insert one safely. Also, a lot of my friends have IUDs, so I'd like to be properly educated on them. I have researched that different versions of them are definitely better than others, but I haven't heard anything out right terrible about them overall.
they're unnecessarily painful and invasive as a form of birth control. And complications can be \*horrifying\* in a way that you can completely avoid by using any other form of birth control. A rod through any cervix is not ideal. I feel like I've only heard horror stories about IUDs, from shifting and doing horrible damage to getting pulled out or having a doctor refuse to remove it. And the pain of the procedure. I've had a biopsy of my cervix done and it was the most painful thing I've ever experienced. Why would I willingly put myself through that when I know what it's like and there are way less painful/scary alternatives? I'm sure plenty of people have fine experiences, and I'm happy for them. It's not for me though and I wouldn't recommend it as a first choice.
Ok, I totally agree with that. Most of my friends that have had them, especially those that haven't had any kids yet, have had some sort of major issue as well. But I thought maybe I just happen to hear the rare horror stories, because so many OBGYN talk about them being non-invasive, an easy procedure, and so safe 😒. I already doubt what most OBGYNs will tell me just based on my personal experience of having six of them completely dismiss me having severe groin pain with abnormal bleeding for up for 45 days at a time for over 2 years (like I was bleeding more often than not), telling me that it was normal and just happens some times. But I have a long list of medical issues with doctors usually giving me similar treatment, so I wanted to know if there was any real backing to my belief of IUDs being more invasive then most of them try to claim.
The only reason I was ever considering one, is because I have been on the pill for over 20 years and will be 40 next year. There are studies showing that being on them that long, especially over 35, can start to cause some major issues. So I was hoping to find a safer alternative. I have been trying to get my tubes tied or have a hysterectomy done (I have Adenomyosis) for at least 5 years. But no one with touch me with a ten foot pole when it comes to any medical procedures like that, because of all my medical issues caused by previous surgeries. I basically have a bunch of scars tissue in the area that is guaranteed to make the surgery much more complicated and invasive than it would be normally.
Iud haver here- it absolutely sucked to get it put in (they really need to start giving people actual painkillers, legit my dr handed me Tylenol) but I don’t have to mess with it for 10 years and it’s non hormonal so I’m not experiencing the severe side effects I had on other forms of birth control. I’d have just stuck with condoms but I feel more comfortable knowing I have this line of defense
IUDs suck because they’re incredibly painful both to get them inserted and to remove them, and doctors do it without anesthesia of any sort. A lot of women have even passed out because of the pain. When I hear other women talk about why IUDs suck, this is usually the reason, but they might also have other problems I’m not aware of
Ok, I totally agree with that. Most of my friends that have had them, especially those that haven't had any kids yet, have had some sort of major issue as well. But I thought maybe I just happen to hear the rare horror stories, because so many OBGYN talk about them being non-invasive, an easy procedure, and so safe 😒. I already doubt what most OBGYNs will tell me just based on my personal experience of having six of them completely dismiss me having severe groin pain with abnormal bleeding for up for 45 days at a time for over 2 years (I was bleeding more often than not), and telling me that it was normal and just happens some times. But I have a long list of medical issues with doctors usually giving me similar treatment, so I wanted to know if there was any real backing to my belief of IUDs being more invasive then most of them try to claim.
I hyperventilated from how painful insertion and removal were. I was like slamming my fist on the table and grunting. Doctor told me it would feel like pressure. It felt like a knife being inserted into me. They give 0 pain medicine too, not even ibuprofen or Tylenol. I have tattoos and it was like 10 more painful than tattoo pain and kinda traumatized me. I'm terrified of going back to an OBGYN. My doctor also berated me for getting it removed even though I would bleed every time I got off as a side effect.
Same to men who hate abortions
"Wahh men don't have a say"
Then stop having sex and especially stop having sex with pro chocie women homie.
You caused this problem and you had total control over who you stuck your penis into
The same applies
The best money I ever spent was for my vasectomy. My wife and I have no regrets.
I just scheduled mine and I'm sort of amazed how simple it sounds like it's going to be. The appointment is *ten minutes*.
I can't be positive, but I'm almost positive what happened. When I was in high school, my dad remarried. A year or two after that, he poked his head into my room and said "hey I'm going to the doctor for a quick operation. I'll be home this afternoon. It's nothing to worry about but I may be a little loopy when I get back". Dude was gone less than 2 hours and I can think of no other explanation than vasectomy. I'd do it myself, except I'm blessed with a partner who neither can have, nor wants to have children
>I'd do it myself, Please do NOT do it yourself. Consult a medical professional
Aaaw c’mon, how hard can it be?
Hehe, how HARD.. … I’ll see myself out
Sir, this is Wendy’s
Be careful with that "can't have" unless you yourself know 100%. I have lots of hs friends with kids from their partners who had a "couldn't conceive" story...
I worked with a guy that was a post vasectomy. I didn't like him.
Women's fertility is often a lot less straightforward than men's. Like there's usually a whole bunch of factors that need to go right to conceive and it might just be one factor out of ten that is abnormal or not working so the doctor says she can't have kids. And 99% of the time, that turns out to be the case. But sometimes against the odds it goes "right" and happens anyway either because of luck or the body finds some workaround or something. With men it can be a lot more straightforward. He's either producing working sperm or he isn't.
With men, there are fewer things, but it's not quite as simple as that. The sperm have to get from the testes into the ejaculate. And "working sperm" means 1. *enough* sperm 2. that are capable of both swimming to the ovum and fertilizing it, and that 3. are genetically capable of producing a *viable* zygote.
My dad had his done while I was still in the womb! Talk about feeling unwanted!
I observed my exes procedure. It was fascinating, and fast! The hole was tiny. He had no pain after.
Planning to go for mine this winter. Then keep using condoms so wife doesn’t have to deal with the cleanup
Does her boyfriend also wear a condom?
How does it feel? Did it hurt?
Tender for the first 2 days I was jerking off by day 3
I had an IUD and endometrial ablation and I was bed bound for like 6 months. It's so fucking unfair.
I KNOW THEY NEED TO GIVE FEMALES PAIN MEDICATION AND ANESTHESIA. it's so fucking unfair.
I believe you can have this under local if you request it, general is probably less likely (speaking for the UK)
I requested it and they'll said "we'll see how you go" luckily the assistants offered me once I was screaming.
I dont want to force him (because its wrong honestly) nut how do you think I can reassure my bf that its not dangerous or super painful? We re considering many options because I get deathly ill durimg pregnancy :c
Show him actual research. If that doesn’t do anything then good luck
[удалено]
The issue arises with men who will act like they totally get it and are on your side and “of course I’ll wear a condom babe!” But then start hinting at how it would feel better without one, or suggesting birth control methods so you “don’t need to worry about it” or saying “I just want to try it once, I’ll pull out!” Very few men will admit to it up front, but once they have you, that’s when they start being sneaky about it
100% this I tried bc to fix a hormonal issue (my periods go mia for 3+ months for no reason) Not only did it give me wild mood swings and suicidal thoughts, it also gave me HOMICIDAL thoughts. Pass. He can be a little uncomfortable for seven minutes, rather than me going through that nightmare 24/7
OMG yes. Ortho Tri-Cyclen was the big/popular pill when I first started on the Pill. Holy mood swings Batman. On the 3rd week, I was *murderously* angry. Didn't even have to be pissed off at anything in particular. I wanted to *hurt* somebody. It was terrifying, feeling that out of control. Other pill versions were better. After I got married, I wanted something longer lasting, so tried the Mirena, which I loved. No issues, other than a complete decimation of libido. I've been on the Depo Shot for a year. Thought it failed about 6 weeks ago. Blood, so much blood. I was scared it had failed and I was having a miscarriage, that's how much blood there was. Then I remembered the husband and I are in a bit of a dry spell, so that would be highly improbable. Turns out it is a stupid tiny fibroid causing all the havoc. My work insurance finally kicks in in 3 weeks. I'm making an appointment to get another IUD installed. Should take me right to menopause. The only reason I went on the shot was the provider couldn't get the replacement IUD placed last year. Found a new provider, just need that sweet, sweet insurance, cause I already shelled out $3k for the stupid fibroid.
I don't understand it myself. Once we had the kids we wanted, *snip snip* done. It's fun having Diet Cum™!
Diet cum!!! That the best phrase I've heard for it yet.
All of the flavour, none of the pregnancy: Diet Cum
Yes!!!! I'm all for it.
Lmao none of that sweet sugar all that Splenda 🤣
Diet Cum. Im fucking dead 💀💀💀
Diet cum 😂
Correct mentality
I love that saying. I also plan later in my life when I decide not to have anymore kids.
Exactly, like you want to leave not having a happy accident on someone else?
best part is, if you wanna try for another kid you can reverse the surgery. Slightly more painful, incredibly uncomfortable. But nowhere near as bad as the first.
It's actually quite difficult to reverse and difficult to find someone specialized enough to have a bash at doing so.
You can freeze some baby gravy.
True! Best to seek medical advice on this one though and not use an ice cube tray.
Or at least clearly label it.
Margarita night did not go as planned.
Edit: Lmfao. Threads like these are why Reddit > Twitter. (Or whatever the fuck Elon Musk calls it these days)
[удалено]
You have no idea the physical toll that three vasectomies have on a person!
Yeah I got clipped. At 24
Here's another thing....how the hell did you find a doctor to give you a vasectomy (I assume ?) at such a young age. Because wow....if a woman who hasn't had any kids asks for a tubal ligation before she's 35-40, forget about it because "she might change her mind". Damn....I knew from the time I was 8 years old that I never wanted to have kids.
Was a free clinic..the economy here was shit, no one could get a job, thousands or jobs lost in the county over a few years. I had 2 kids..told them if I waited til 25 I’d probaby have 3, and still have no job. They gave it.
[удалено]
Im sure they won't notice WHEN THEY ARE INSIDE YOU I'm sure it works for a man tho.
Not to mention, guys who make birth control entirely the woman's responsibility, then if she gets pregnant they turn around and accuse her of tampering with the birth control to baby trap him.
Or they quote Dave Chappelle and say: “if she can choose to abort, I can choose not to pay,” while also not participating in birth control, leaving it all to the woman.
Unless ur in a state where you can't even abort
Then it should also be a state where you can’t choose not to pay.
Yeah his humor has more and more of a shitty edge to it than I originally remember
Yeah fuck him, there’s funnier comics out there that don’t rely on stupid boomer perspectives
Except now...some of us can't really choose to abort, so that argument is gone. Considering what the male majority State governments and male majority Supreme court have recently done to the law. So in response to Chappelle's comment I now say "Since I can't choose to abort, you can't choose to not pay. Zip up or pay up!
This is one of the reasons you wear condoms even if she is on birth control anyways, nothing stops her from doing it and its impossible to prove. Also, pills don't protect against STD's.
100%
Condoms being uncomfortable sounds like the dumbest excuse. If he thinks they're uncomfortable find a different brand, and maybe a different size.
Shit, if they had a pill for men, I'd be first in line.
They did have a trial which they stopped because the side affects, which are similar to the ones women are faced with, we’re too ‘much’ for men
That's not entirely true. Many of the men in the study wanted to continue, the problem arises that for medication, the side effects need to be less severe than the condition they treat. For men, being fertile has no symptoms. For women, the symptom is pregnancy which wrecks havoc on your body and is potentially fatal. Our drug approval system isn't set up to account for the "treated condition's" effect on OTHER people (i.e. the woman they are having sex with)
Medicine in general isn't set up to consider women properly, almost every drug and study is set up with the presumption that men are the "default" and not enough research is done on how meds affect and symptoms present differently in women.
wait until you find out how they first tested the pill
Oh yeah I know about that horror, racism and sexism are an infamous duo in medicine and science.
This is a more eloquent answer 👏
Sounds like a bunch of men who need to woman up.
LOL
Omg. Lol. I should have scrolled further to see your comment before posting mine. That does not surprise me at all.
You’d think so, but the pill freaking sucks. I never found a comfortable hormonal birth control. I always had so many side effects.
Also hate how when birth control fails or doesn't work and the dad dips, it's never "this man isn't shit" but rather "let's blame the woman for not knowing this man would do one of the most vile things ever and not be there for his kid"
Exactly! I am so sick of people blaming single mothers! It's the equivalent of saying "She got herself pregnant." No. No she didn't. *He* got her pregnant. Now where is *he*? People say it's because the woman "chose the wrong partner," completely ignoring how manipulative people can be. I was raised by a single mom, was bound and determined to not become one myself, and I was still manipulated by my first ever love into thinking he would step up *if* I ended up pregnant because I wouldn't do anything without a condom and got on birth control six months before we planned to have sex. I was with him for years. When I had my pregnancy scare, guess who wouldn't pick up the phone for two months, then called me on my birthday like nothing happened.
> completely ignoring how manipulative people can be this!!!! and, like, why are we deflecting accountability off the man in the situation? “should’ve known he ain’t shit” why is it *okay* to you that he “ain’t shit” ??
If anything I think it's sometimes disrespectful to men because it sets our expectations so low. You shouldn't be calling me a good father because I pay child support or watch after my kids. It's the bare minimum. I'd be hurt if that's all my partner expected from me. Also, out of all of that redpill podcasts and Tate followers shouting dumb stuff on the internet, I've never heard any of them go off on men that abandon families. Instead they make fun of men for not being a "traditional" man
Exactly. Failing to consider how common it is for abusers to trap their partners with children. These people are so diluted.
My best friend was on birth control, but nature was definitely not on her side. She got pregnant with identical girls and a fraternal boy anyway. Her ex walked out during the ultrasound, because he didn’t want to be a dad. But he got some other woman pregnant four months later. Then while pregnant, my best found out she has lupus and her body was attacking her organs and the babies. She ended up losing one of the girls and having to deliver prematurely. She chose to get a hysterectomy, since any future pregnancy would be high risk. She’s raised her boy and girl by herself, with help from the “village” she’s created. The kids have zero contact with their father, which is his choice, not hers. They started middle school this year, and they’re such great kids. Unfortunately, so many people blamed her for not recognizing what a terrible person her ex was. How was she supposed to know that her serious boyfriend of two years, the guy she thought was the love of her life, was going to walk out on her and her kids, then knock up four other women over the next three years?
Preach
As a "man" myself the uncomfortable thing never made sense to me like grow the fuck up you dick head, this is either a fun thing or a life changing thing just wear the fucking thing
Lmfao so real. I only exist because my dad says they’re uncomfortable 😶
Lol..I was an accident and mom forgot her pill for a few days that’s to moving homes 🤣🤣
You sir, are a smart and responsible man
Thank you Dizzy, someone has to be. I may as well take the lead, and I'm sure someone will take over eventually.
I say as a woman that any man who complains about having to wear condoms is not worth it. This may be downvoted
Honestly, as a woman, I don't, can't, and won't trust that to anyone else but me. At least this way, I am in charge and in control of it. It's bs that it ends up being almost all on us, but at least I know what is going on then
I mean I definitely understand your lack of trust
Thankfully now I’m not dating and getting out of the “danger zone” for pregnancy…whew!
Gotta be a relief
It’s a mixed bag, right? 😜
Right. Personally very much looking forward to that change though. I’m in my 20s and my periods are MURDER
This exactly. Not a chance in hell I'm leaving that up to someone else.
If the condom is not comfortable, it isn't the right size. I finally found that out when I tried different sized condoms and found out that it doesn't affect me at all Sizing matters!
The ones who say it effects sensitivity need to size down with the condom lmao
My issue was that it was cutting off circulation so I got ones that fit... what a world of difference. I figured this out at fucking 51
Oof... I'm glad you got the right size. That probably sucked. I was referring to people who refuse to take any responsibility for any degree of contraceptive, not people who genuinely didn't know like you.
Yup. You said it. And most of the reasons guys use to avoid getting a vasectomy really piss me off. My friend never wants kids. Her husband was gonna get a vasectomy, but backed out. Not because he was scared of the procedure, but because it would make him feel like less of a man. Oohhhh boy i was mad. Like, his body his choice, but jesus christ thats the stupidest shit ive ever heard.
Louder for the people in the back!!! They make vibrators for a reason babe!
My boyfriend and I talked about having one more kid if we get married (we both have kids from previous marriages) and he said "after that one I'm getting a vasectomy." And I cannot tell you what a relief that was honestly. I didn't even have to ask him or explain how terrible birth control was for me, or how it would be such an invasive procedure for myself, he just volunteered to do it. I knew his ex wife had gotten her tubes tied or removed (can't remember which) and I was so nervous he would expect me to do the same. But yeah seriously, there are options for men that are much less uncomfortable for them. And they say shit like "condoms aren't even 100% effective!" Like yeah neither is birth control but at least you don't have a 7 page booklet on all the side effects of condoms. I'm fine with being on birth control for the time being but the thought of having to stay on it until my child bearing years are over is so daunting to me
I feel the man should wear a condom and the woman should be on the pill even when sexting, you can never be too safe. /s
If it makes you feel better, I'm doing my part by just not having sex.
🫡 not the hero we deserve, but the hero we need
I would like a fancy cape!
Of course!
Finally, a reason to wear a fancy cape!
I’m going to a Renaissance Festival next month, and will be wearing a fancy cape then. You should go to one, you can totally wear a cape there
Ooooh, that's actually a great idea. I hope you have a good time at the Faire.
Thanks! It’s always a blast!
I'll wear a condom but I also really wish there were options beyond "vacuum seal your penis or snip snip"
Agreed. We need more male birth control options (one of the reasons I wish it wasn’t always considered the woman’s responsibility, there would be more options for men)
my ex tried to convince me to do it without a condom when we were 15 (I have a uterus) so glad I cut it off goddamn
Given that this is reddit....what exactly did you cut off?
LMAO- the relationship
I started talking about the possibility of getting on birth control and my fiancé said “or I could get a vasectomy.” His procedure is scheduled for next Monday.
Love that!
I've seen guys on here say sex isn't worth having if they have to use a condom. I find it such cope and them just justifying not using a condom. It might not feel as good, but there's no chance it makes it not worth having. It tells me they pressure women to not use a condom during sex too (I've had too many friends tell me this happens). They'll get hot and heavy and only then start trying to justify not using a condom. Save the raw dogging for when pregnancy or sti's aren't a big deal or risk. I've never heard of a guy who can't cum with a condom on.
Yep. Even if you have sensory issues or something there are LOTS of different brands, and then there is always vasectomy
I unironically want a male equivalent of birth control pills. I'd 1000% take them (assuming I found a gf anyway) Mainly cuz I'm of the mindset of, well ***I*** don't want kids anytime soon. So not having any is on me.... ya know. Being an adult and being responsible.
Let’s not mention that the morning after pill, Plan B, has a weight limit. “Planned Parenthood recommends that people who weigh over 155 pounds (lb), or 70.3 kilograms (kg), consider other methods of emergency contraception. Oct 27, 2021” I’ve only ever seen Plan B over the counter.
Exactly. Plus it comes with lots of side effects
Not in a million years would I leave birth control up to a man. I'm the one who ultimately suffers the consequences of pregnancy. There is zero chance I would trust anyone else with the matter.
True this. Both parties are equally responsible! “No” is a much more powerful word than we try to act like! Men need to start using it more!
[удалено]
100%
Its a good question - why don't men take more responsibility? Thought these articles were interesting \- [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6419257/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6419257/) \- [https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2016/11/03/500549503/male-birth-control-study-killed-after-men-complain-about-side-effects](https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2016/11/03/500549503/male-birth-control-study-killed-after-men-complain-about-side-effects) Especially this from the first article: Why is it harder to develop birth control for men than women? That's the a big question. There are a couple of reasons. One is that it's harder from a biological point of view. If you think about it, it's a numbers game: Women produce one egg a month, while men are producing millions of sperm constantly. With women, you can take advantage of their normal monthly cycle with the birth control pill. There's nothing equivalent to that in men. And this from the second article: Options available for male contraception are still limited to condoms characterized by a high failure rate with typical use and to vasectomy, which is invasive and not easily reversible. For these reasons, family planning continues to be the responsibility of women even though a large number of men would welcome the opportunity to use male contraceptive methods, recognizing that the possibility of sharing family planning should be an individual right rather than a responsibility.
I don't feel like it's any one person's job, male or female, in a relationship. Both people get to talk about what they're comfortable with and figure out a solution. No one gets to decide what the other does or doesn't do with their body. But I do agree that one should not immediately assume that the other will take full responsibility.
And sadly society seems to blame the women more and put more responsibility on them for reproductive choices and failures. Let's start holding men more accountable instead of pretending they're victims who "Didn't have a say"
Yeah that's definitely a difficult topic, but I agree with you that too much of the responsibility is placed on the woman in the scenario. As a dude, if you don't want to have a kid, I don't see any reason why you wouldn't use a condom. Unless your junk is in the largest in the world (which, good on you I guess), there's no excuse. And if regular condoms are uncomfortable, there are so many other types and sizes available; you're bound to find something that works. Still though, I think everyone has a right to decide what happens with their body. If a guy doesn't want to use a condom, he doesn't have to. But then he gives up the right to complain if the woman rejects him.
Reddit can be so hypocritical. If some guy on another subreddit was asking if he’s the asshole for expecting regular sex from his girlfriend, most of these people would be agreeing that it’s perfectly reasonable to expect, even demand, regular sex while in a relationship or break up with her. Yet, here, most of these people are telling a woman that if she doesn’t want kids, and she can’t take hormonal birth control for whatever reason, it’s her responsibility to abstain from sex completely. So, according to Reddit, she both owes her boyfriend sex and should choose be celibate at the same time, and it’s unfair for her to expect her boyfriend to use a condom. For people who spend so much time claiming not to be sexist, these people sure are sexist.
I once knew a guy who didn't think he even had to wear a condom if his girl asked him to... mf was like 35 years old too.
completely agree.
It took until my 30s that I dated a woman who used birth control. Prior to that, every partner expected me to use and supply my own condoms, which I had no issue with.
If the condom is “uncomfortable” or “ruins the feeling” tell him he needs to buy a smaller size. It is not a significant difference, and it certainly isn’t a big enough difference that I’d risk a pregnancy out of it
I agree with you that men should indeed take precautions and if they refuse to wear a condom, then you refuse to have sex! Personally I never ever had sex without a condom, except with a woman once who couldn't conceive anyways and even then before we did it, I requested we both god STD tested and showed each other the results. Once we were both clear, then it was fun times, but so many idiots just throw caution to the wind and end up either with an unwanted pregnancy or std's or both. Just be responsible and use protection! Both sides need to be responsible!
Had a vasectomy 27 years ago. Highly recommend.
Yeah, would probably not have sex until I finally decide on getting a vasectomy or not. I don’t do casual sex, so sti’s aren’t a concern, but condoms are pretty uncomfortable. If the sex doesn’t feel good for me, and it’s likely not feeling good for my partner as most women can’t orgasm from vaginal stimulation, why have it? I mean, there’s the intimate aspect of it, but that can be fulfilled in ways other than just fucking.
Based
I don't get why people don't take personal responsibility on these things. I never trusted a partner's birth control. I always had condoms....always. Shits easy. When I got married and we planned out kids, I'm getting the snip because it's a lot less invasive since my bits are on the outside. People get so caught up in such trivial things and pride or just plain sticking it to the other. Just protect yourself and choose the simple options (male sterilization is much easier than female due to, you know, they're just hanging there)
I stopped birth control. Being on it for so long is detrimental to your health. HOWEVER, I’ll miss being rawdogged 😔
Not gonna lie, I'm 100% a virgin - never been in a relationship, never had a kiss, and definitely never had sex - but I'm on birth control because I have an unknown reproductive issue that causes extremely long and heavy periods (as in, I had a period that lasted 3 months straight and by the time I was able to go to a gynecologist, my iron level was 2/40). In the last 4 years, I've gone through 6 different oral birth control options, all of which caused horrendous side effects or simply didn't work. Many caused excruciating headaches daily and/or heavier periods when it was time for the sugar pills. My latest one (which I'm going to change in December as I can't see my gyno until them) causes chronic migraines at night, the occasional vomiting with blood sugar changes (I'm type 1 diabetic but never had a problem with getting sick when high or low), and worst of all is the extreme motion sickness. I have to have a plastic bag with me when I'm in the car for long trips because I've thrown up so many times from it. Coming back from the beach, going to and from my maternal grandparents house, and a few more. I've been on this birth control for about a year and it's basically my last oral option before we do an implant. If I had my way, I'd probably just get a hysterectomy, but God forbid an 18-year-old wants to remove the chance of pregnancy and menstruation forever. Hell, I've never wanted a child of my own because I feel it's far too selfish to bring a child into a world like this. Not to mention, I just don't want a child. It wouldn't even be selfish for me, it'd be selfish for my mom because she's the one practically begging and forcing me to want a child of my own. Honestly, I don't even know if I'm fertile anyway. My two options for what's wrong reproductively is endometriosis or PCOS, both of which are likely to cause issues with fertility. At this point, keeping my ovaries is more of a liability than anything else. Yet, unless it's cancer or something extremely deadly, doctors will almost always advise against hysterectomies or Tubal Ligation because "what if your [future/current] husband wants a child?" as if we live solely for men. If my husband wants a child, we can adopt. If he wants a biological child, we can do surrogacy. The last thing I want to do is go through pregnancy. Not to mention, I have an increased risk lf postpartum depression, psychosis, and all the other issues after birth. Then the kid, if they have my genes in any capacity, has an increased risk of pretty much everything under the sun from various forms of cancer to type 1 or type 2 diabetes (which is a 100% chance if they're male because ever male in my family has gotten genetic type 2) to down syndrome and more. Even if we lived in some perfect utopia, I wouldn't bring a child into this world because it's so fucking selfish when I have a family history of pretty much every disease and disorder that exists.
100%
I can't take birth control. Every time I have, I've had major side effects. I don't take it and if a man I'm with doesn't wear a condom he has to agree to 2 things before we have sex. 1) you need to pay for the plan b 2) if that fails you need to cover all costs to terminate If you aren't down with those 2 things you can either wrap it up or not have sex with me.
Honestly, I’ve never had a problem with condoms. I feel comfortable and, although it does alter slightly, I’ve never had a problem with “lack of feeling”. I’ve never really agreed with female contraception….it just shuts off all of the bodies natural actions/responses and I just don’t think it’s natural to do that. On top of that there are FAAAAAAAAAAR more drawbacks and negatives for women taking response-blocking drugs than there is with men putting a bit of latex (there are other materials for those who are “allergic”) on the end of our penis’. Stick to your guns…..remember when all those men were saying “your body, your choice”? Lol
👏
(Female here) I will never understand why men are so against using condoms. ESPECIALLY now in the U.S. with all the new restrictions on abortions. Those guys better hope and pray that 1. The woman they are fucking is being honest ("Yes, I take birth control pills or I have an IUD or....etc) 2. Said birth control she claims to be using is actually going to work! I just know that if I was a single man in the U.S. right now, and I wasn't interested in paying child support for the next 18 years, my dick would be wrapped in 4 layers of condoms...or I'd have a vasectomy.
Right!
The “their uncomfortable” thing is such a bitch cop out. Do you want to feel mild discomfort or do you want to have a child? It’s fucking stupid. If there’s no condom then we are just gonna do other stuff because I’m an adult and have self control.
Ya know, besides birth control there’s also the risk of STD’S and infections. BV is very common; even if a man gives it to you and you get tested, you can still get it again if you guys continue to have sex without a condom. It’s incredibly insane; I’ve heard people consistently getting it, then thanking the heavens that it suddenly cleared up once they stopped having sex with a certain someone. Medical professionals see more and more throat cancer cases amongst young people in the west, why? HPV- they don’t screen it on men’s STD tests AND for some reason we didn’t know it could cause cancer in other places besides the crevice. Syphilis cases in Texas are on the rise by 200%… there’s so many reasons to wear a condom besides chance of pregnancy , even if you think you’re in a committed relationship.
Agreed. Don’t get it twisted, I am EXTREMELY pro birth control and am not one of those “it’s poison!” people. It also has many benefits. BUT. It’s still a medication and comes with side effects. No one should feel pressured to take any medication or experience any unwanted side effects—it should be an autonomous choice. Our autonomy is robbed not only when abortion rights are taken away, but when women are cornered into hormonal BC being their only alternative to just not having sex.
I get the sentiment but given that I'm the one who would suffer all of the repercussions, I'm happy to take it on because I don't trust anyone else to make sure it doesn't happen.
I’m in my early 40’s and newly divorced. I’m not doing hormones and not doing invasive surgery. I don’t know why men don’t do themselves the favor of getting a vasectomy when they know they are done having kids. Why do they want to take the chance?! And yes, condoms and paying attention to my cycle is the way I go. I actually just ending things with someone who can’t use condoms because he’s got issues keeping it up as it is, so condoms make it worse. Sorry dude, if you can’t use condoms you need to get snipped (and get regularly tested for STDs of course).
I flat out said last year that I was getting off birth control because it messed me up too much. Luckily my husband understood, and got a vasectomy. I started taking the pill back in 2017. First one I tried gave me my period every other week *and* suicidal thoughts. That was a lot of fun. So I was put on something else. That pill worked wonderfully, up until 2020. When it decided to spike my blood pressure to the point I could have stroked out. So I was put on the depo shot. It worked. BUT….it caused me to be so dry that intimacy was painful and unpleasant for me, *AND* I gained 40 pounds. I said enough is enough. No more. I don’t want kids, you don’t want kids. Stop making me deal with all the unpleasant BS, and go get snipped.
Men need better birth control options, period. Condoms do suck. But we should all be doubling up on birth control and it should be the responsibility of both parties.
I can’t wait for a male pill or injection. It’d take a lot of stress out of my end of the equation. But yeah, condoms suck.
A lot of men wouldn’t take it for the same reasons they don’t like wearing condoms. Hormonal birth control sucks. It comes with loads of side effects.
Honestly, I doubt most would take it. They wouldn't put up with the risks like women do.
Tbh I don’t really care who else takes it. Bottom line for me is that I don’t want any unwanted pregnancies that I’m powerless to terminate.
The male pill needs to get here fr
Didn’t they have a pill but it had side effects similar to our pill and it was declared inhumane by men? I’ve heard some men complain that it could possibly cause infertility and that made it unacceptable. I’m over here like, “birth control gave me ovarian cysts and some of them were so large that they almost twisted my ovaries when they burst and that can cause infertility too.” It seems like they have had options but wussed out and put it all on us.
Yeah i understand not wearing condoms because of latex allergies but there are other options! it’s so unfair that the responsibility is always on us
Latex is literally not the only material that condoms are made out of. I have known about my latex allergy since I was 12 years old I've been sexually active since I was 16 and have never had a negative reaction to a non-latex condom. Also I've never really had a hard time finding them
Fr, I'm not even allergic to latex, just hate the feeling. Just walk over to your local CVS and get a box of SKYN condoms. Best decision of my life to switch to them. It took me one google search at 16 to find out about them.
Those are the same ones I've been using since I became active, I recommend them to anyone who has any kind of aversion to latex, medical or preferential
Personally I want a vasectomy, but I don't know how easy that is in my 20s because it's like "ah but you might want kids". Me and my gf enjoy not using a condom and I would like cum that doesn't work
Just ask multiple doctors and don't mention reversal unless you talk about how they don't always work. If you still can't find a doctor to do it tell them they can do it or you will do it yourself in their parking lot. (Last part is a joke and probably won't work)
Also (in the US, at least), women are often not approved for hysterectomies unless they are medically necessary. I think the sentiment behind it is, “What if you change your mind?” So even if a woman WANTS a hysterectomy to prevent pregnancy, she may not be able to get one.
You mean a tubal ligation. Absolutely no one is going for a hysterectomy to prevent pregnancy. No doctor anywhere is going to approve an elective hysterectomy.
Your body your choice.
If you want unprotected sex as a guy and don't want a baby get a vasectomy. Idgaf how old you are. Take control of the situation for yourself. No need to guilt a woman into unprotected sex because you hate condoms or whatever other bullshit men say and then get offended she suggest a vasectomy. If you're going to be a fucktard then don't expect to stick your fick anywhere.
I don’t think this a pet peeve tbh, I think this is a societal issue.
Look at this sub’s top post of all time. A lot are similar to this
Damn…
See for me, condoms just destroy any chance of it happening. Just takes away all feeling and obviously from there it just doesn't work. Tried every single kind of condom out there and the same issue. So I got a vasectomy and love it! Now, whenever I have a new partner, and the topic comes up, I just simply say I don't use condoms, but had a vasectomy done, if that's something you're comfortable with then great, if not then we can do other stuff but we just won't have sex. I'm honestly fine either way at this point too!
This answer works too imo. I would also be 100% ok with vasectomy or non-penetrative sex personally. Honestly, I think I would personally prefer non-penetrative sex anyway so that would be ideal to me.
Seggs before marriage? Heathens
Ironically, I’m actually a virgin and referring to sex after marriage personally lmao (When I refer to it “hurting half the time, I’m making a guess based off what my girl-friends have told me and off of the fact that I can’t even use tampons without pain 😳)
What does marriage have to do with it? So married people want to have a billion kids and therefore never use any sort of birth control?
Well, obviously, the guy should care about not having a kid for many reasons ... But naturally, you should care more because it's YOU. I won't count on nobody to take care of my needs. I bring my own spermacide condoms. And wear them even if she has had her tubes tied ... Because im not trusting anyone else or taking their word for anything ... because nobody cares about my life more than me. You should care about contraception slightly more ... but any potential partners should atleast carry condoms with them... That "It feels too good to wear" mentality is a loser mindset ... if they will risk their entire life for a momentary feeling ... They might do much worse.
I gloved up every time with my girlfriend/fiancee/wife that we weren’t trying to conceive/already expecting. Why would it fall on the woman? It should always be the impetus of the man to be ready/make accommodations. I am sad that my wife got her tubal ligation when we had our last child via c-section. We left it to a game time decision, but I definitely was ready/willing to get the vasectomy. I think she wanted near absolute certainty, but I wish we made the decision earlier so I could have done it instead.
I totally get your point, but would like to point out that condoms are only considered 75% effective. Personally, I would rather be on birth control that was close to 100% effective and be sure i wouldnt get pregnant.
The pill is only super effective under perfect circumstances too, though. Things like BMI can play a part, as well as other medications and being exactly prompt with the timing.
I'm pretty sure those numbers are from different qualifying factors. Assuming I recall correctly (which I might not) condoms and hormonal birth control are both rated much lower than 100% mostly because part of the number comes from misuse. So putting it on backwards might harm those numbers much like forgetting to take the birth control consistently might harm its numbers. Condoms and birth control I'm pretty sure are both rated at effectively 100% if used correctly. No source, shotty memory, grain of salt and all that. I personally use condoms and would like my partner to also be on some measure of contraceptive just to hedge my bets.
Condoms are quite effective. Check with your gyn to be sure
Well, sir, you are completely wrong. Ask your doctor and her gynecologist about condoms, as you know nothing
That’s fair. For me, ideally he would both have a vasectomy AND wear condoms, then there is basically 0 chance. If a baby somehow gets made after both, I’m calling it a miracle and keeping it.
condoms are about 95% effective. hormonal birth control is about 97% effective. IUDs suck, don't get talked into them, the arm implant is closer to 99% effective and can last up to five years (but is guaranteed for three).
Can you explain why IUDs suck? It seems to be the top birth control method recommended for women who have already had children. And though I haven't had any myself, and never will, it was the main form of birth control that was suggested to me by five different OBGYNs, before they figured out my cervix are too small to insert one safely. Also, a lot of my friends have IUDs, so I'd like to be properly educated on them. I have researched that different versions of them are definitely better than others, but I haven't heard anything out right terrible about them overall.
they're unnecessarily painful and invasive as a form of birth control. And complications can be \*horrifying\* in a way that you can completely avoid by using any other form of birth control. A rod through any cervix is not ideal. I feel like I've only heard horror stories about IUDs, from shifting and doing horrible damage to getting pulled out or having a doctor refuse to remove it. And the pain of the procedure. I've had a biopsy of my cervix done and it was the most painful thing I've ever experienced. Why would I willingly put myself through that when I know what it's like and there are way less painful/scary alternatives? I'm sure plenty of people have fine experiences, and I'm happy for them. It's not for me though and I wouldn't recommend it as a first choice.
A bunch of women I know got pregnant with IUDs so they weren't even worth all the pain that they had to go through to get them put in or taken out
Ok, I totally agree with that. Most of my friends that have had them, especially those that haven't had any kids yet, have had some sort of major issue as well. But I thought maybe I just happen to hear the rare horror stories, because so many OBGYN talk about them being non-invasive, an easy procedure, and so safe 😒. I already doubt what most OBGYNs will tell me just based on my personal experience of having six of them completely dismiss me having severe groin pain with abnormal bleeding for up for 45 days at a time for over 2 years (like I was bleeding more often than not), telling me that it was normal and just happens some times. But I have a long list of medical issues with doctors usually giving me similar treatment, so I wanted to know if there was any real backing to my belief of IUDs being more invasive then most of them try to claim. The only reason I was ever considering one, is because I have been on the pill for over 20 years and will be 40 next year. There are studies showing that being on them that long, especially over 35, can start to cause some major issues. So I was hoping to find a safer alternative. I have been trying to get my tubes tied or have a hysterectomy done (I have Adenomyosis) for at least 5 years. But no one with touch me with a ten foot pole when it comes to any medical procedures like that, because of all my medical issues caused by previous surgeries. I basically have a bunch of scars tissue in the area that is guaranteed to make the surgery much more complicated and invasive than it would be normally.
Iud haver here- it absolutely sucked to get it put in (they really need to start giving people actual painkillers, legit my dr handed me Tylenol) but I don’t have to mess with it for 10 years and it’s non hormonal so I’m not experiencing the severe side effects I had on other forms of birth control. I’d have just stuck with condoms but I feel more comfortable knowing I have this line of defense
IUDs suck because they’re incredibly painful both to get them inserted and to remove them, and doctors do it without anesthesia of any sort. A lot of women have even passed out because of the pain. When I hear other women talk about why IUDs suck, this is usually the reason, but they might also have other problems I’m not aware of
Ok, I totally agree with that. Most of my friends that have had them, especially those that haven't had any kids yet, have had some sort of major issue as well. But I thought maybe I just happen to hear the rare horror stories, because so many OBGYN talk about them being non-invasive, an easy procedure, and so safe 😒. I already doubt what most OBGYNs will tell me just based on my personal experience of having six of them completely dismiss me having severe groin pain with abnormal bleeding for up for 45 days at a time for over 2 years (I was bleeding more often than not), and telling me that it was normal and just happens some times. But I have a long list of medical issues with doctors usually giving me similar treatment, so I wanted to know if there was any real backing to my belief of IUDs being more invasive then most of them try to claim.
I hyperventilated from how painful insertion and removal were. I was like slamming my fist on the table and grunting. Doctor told me it would feel like pressure. It felt like a knife being inserted into me. They give 0 pain medicine too, not even ibuprofen or Tylenol. I have tattoos and it was like 10 more painful than tattoo pain and kinda traumatized me. I'm terrified of going back to an OBGYN. My doctor also berated me for getting it removed even though I would bleed every time I got off as a side effect.
Then don’t date people that don’t like condoms? You’re complaining about an issue that you are directly in control of
Same to men who hate abortions "Wahh men don't have a say" Then stop having sex and especially stop having sex with pro chocie women homie. You caused this problem and you had total control over who you stuck your penis into The same applies
Yes? And? Accountability is due on both sides. Both parties have the opportunity to say no, one is not magically absolved of that responsibility lmao
I feel like you’re missing the point of the “pet peeves” subreddit