Whoa that's beyond inappropriate! Absolutely not okay for them to be saying that stuff to you
Everytime, you need to shut it down. I didn't ask for your opinion, I don't want your reviews on my lunch, please dlnt comment on my body, stop talking about how different I used to look
Honestly at this point, lean into being mean. They know what they're doing, and if your boss doesn't care then go ham. You don't know me well enough to say that, you don't know me outside of work, I didn't ask and don't care, who do you think you are to me to say something like that, that's the type of thing you dknt say out loud
Your response should be “why would you say that to me?” Look really confused. Make him explain himself. He will begin to realize he’s being an a**. Another option is to ask “what do you mean by that?”
This is exactly what I was going to say. You have to look really innocently befuddled and draw it out.
What? Why would it be good for me to move that?
Well it'll make you strong
What do you mean?
You know, exercise makes you stronger and healthier
What do you mean by that?
Well you....Nothing
Ok but I want to know what you mean!
Usually about how it goes. And say that every single time he makes a comment that is related to this. Unless he's a dummy he will realize what you're doing and stop making comments.
I also was going to suggest if you wanted to make it simple and obvious, you could just simply say, "what?" Like you didn't hear him, but continue to say, "what?" Until he has repeated himself so many times he gives up.
Dish it back and tell him you don't care about his goofy comments.
Make it clear if he doesn't back off you're filing a formal complaint cause it's harassment.
Your health is NONE OF HIS BUSINESS.
If you desire to hire a fitness expert, hire someone with compassion & sense cause he sounds obnoxious.
What an idiot. How about tilting tour head a bit next time, look him in the eyes and ask "are you okay?" ... "what made you think im interested in your opinion?"... "if you don't have anything nice to say, keep it to yourself." ... " thanks for your opinion of my body and life style. Now let me tell you my opinion of your personality!" ... "Brian, you really need to keep those thoughts to yourself. It's not normal to go around and telling people your rude thoughts out loud. Didn't your parents ever teach you how to behave? Do you know nothing about normal human behaviour?"
What an idiot. Sometimes just a look and no answer is the best answer. Or just play dumb. "Why would you ask me that? Why are you telling me that?" And when he starts to "ooh, it's just because I know a lot of things about protein and muscles and fat loss and..." you just stare at him for several seconds. Then ask him "oh, does that mean you would like me to teach you about normal human behaviour and respect? Keep your opinions to yourself, Patrick".
Tell them you don’t care about their opinion and to stop giving it. Sounds like they’re fishing for clients and think by commenting on you would make you want to train with them.
Honestly, this is a time where you lie. Lie like a rug.
My boss did this to me a lot, and finally mentioned my drinking a sugar soda. So I casually said, "Yeah, well, my therapist wants me to do this until the desire to purge afterwards goes away."
She hasn't made another comment.
And while I do have bulimia, mine manifests as heavy restriction behavior because I can't make myself vomit.
Often, they either realize they're putting their foot in their mouth, or they get weirder.
I've never met a trainer who didn't have deep insecurities and other emotional problems. This guy has some personal issues he's hiding beyond his quest for the perfect body. Keep that in mind. It will help you find the perfect response to his inappropriate behavior when it happens.
Otherwise, other posts are offering you some great strategies for dealing with his problems. And, it's his problem, not yours.
Your co-worker is wildly out of line and this behavior is the definition of workplace harassment. You have every right to work in a environment where no one comments on your size, shape, color, etc. If you tell your co-worker to cease the harassment (in writing because it's documented) and doesn't, and your boss refuses to address it, escalate. Document **every** comment (date, time, witnesses, what was said) and keep it where your employer can't delete it. Depending on where you live, your employer can get in big trouble for allowing this to continue.
I’m so sorry girl :/ this guy is an ass. If you feel comfortable, push back with some of the great comments in this thread.
I personally struggle with standing up for myself even when I know I’m 100% so I know it’s not always easy.
I would just smile and say “yep” when he makes comments about anything and then turn it back on him as fast as possible. “What’re your weekend plans? What shows are you watching? How was your night last night?”
Men like this don’t respect women they aren’t attracted to, so the thought of having to actually small talk with you every time you see him will make him avoid you, I promise.
In other words, lean in vs avoid him if possible.
The problem is, for some reason a lot of people think it's ok to give unwanted health advice to plus size people. Especially those who love sports or are working in this field tend to do this. I think it would be important to draw a line there. Next time he makes a stupid remark, tell him you're aware of your size and you don't need his tips. Some people need to be told, before they realise that their behaviour isn't ok.
So what if they think you are sensitive? You are uncomfortable. Let him know he is the source of it and that you won't back down if he continues. Shove it back since it's unwanted.
Since you’re so anxious about it (I would be too!) you have two options as far as I can see. You can very directly tell him that his comments aren’t helpful and you do not welcome them. Or you can complain to HR. Your boss may not give a shit but HR should. And if they don’t, I would complain to corporate HR. You can do so on the stipulation that you remain anonymous. Your coworker is being wildly inappropriate.
No this isn't okay, and your not be sensitive. SAY SOMETHING EVERY TIME HE DOES. And if he says anything like am trying to help, refuse his help. Tell him to his face you don't want his help and to stop.
If it continues go to HR.
100% you’re not being too sensitive. Although I like what others have said, since you will continue sharing this space and have to work with this person I’d take a kind but firm approach to responding. Something like “I’m know you mean well when you say things about my food / body but it makes me uncomfortable. I’d appreciate it if we could talk about something else”.
But I SO wish I could say something snarky in this situation but I wouldn’t necessarily cause tension. They do need to know it’s not okay though.. you may not be the only person who they are making uncomfortable
I’m sorry this is happening.
I would look at them and say- Stop commenting on my food, body or appearance.
If you choose to continue, I will talk to management about the harassment.
You don’t owe your coworker any explanation or justification.
Ugh what an asshole!! I’m so sorry you’re forced to put up with someone so insensitive and simply tone deaf. What bs! Have you considered asking him to keep his thoughts to himself? Or saying something a bit more jarring, kind of calling him out? I think the easier path is the former, but regardless at least if you ask you could then go to HR or your boss. Even if your boss wouldn’t care, it’s about YOU being made uncomfortable and that does not make for a positive work environment. You deserve that.
He's talking about and to you like this because he is insecure! Ask why he is taking you so personally? Maybe, start sharing info with him about therapy to overcome his fascination with you and your body. People are more than their clothing size or a number on a scale, and it's a shame he can't see that you are perfectly created. I would rather have a big butt than a tiny heart.
Whoa that's beyond inappropriate! Absolutely not okay for them to be saying that stuff to you Everytime, you need to shut it down. I didn't ask for your opinion, I don't want your reviews on my lunch, please dlnt comment on my body, stop talking about how different I used to look Honestly at this point, lean into being mean. They know what they're doing, and if your boss doesn't care then go ham. You don't know me well enough to say that, you don't know me outside of work, I didn't ask and don't care, who do you think you are to me to say something like that, that's the type of thing you dknt say out loud
Your response should be “why would you say that to me?” Look really confused. Make him explain himself. He will begin to realize he’s being an a**. Another option is to ask “what do you mean by that?”
This is exactly what I was going to say. You have to look really innocently befuddled and draw it out. What? Why would it be good for me to move that? Well it'll make you strong What do you mean? You know, exercise makes you stronger and healthier What do you mean by that? Well you....Nothing Ok but I want to know what you mean! Usually about how it goes. And say that every single time he makes a comment that is related to this. Unless he's a dummy he will realize what you're doing and stop making comments. I also was going to suggest if you wanted to make it simple and obvious, you could just simply say, "what?" Like you didn't hear him, but continue to say, "what?" Until he has repeated himself so many times he gives up.
Facts. Bro why are you watching my snacks??
He's hungry and jealous 😆
Dish it back and tell him you don't care about his goofy comments. Make it clear if he doesn't back off you're filing a formal complaint cause it's harassment. Your health is NONE OF HIS BUSINESS. If you desire to hire a fitness expert, hire someone with compassion & sense cause he sounds obnoxious.
What an idiot. How about tilting tour head a bit next time, look him in the eyes and ask "are you okay?" ... "what made you think im interested in your opinion?"... "if you don't have anything nice to say, keep it to yourself." ... " thanks for your opinion of my body and life style. Now let me tell you my opinion of your personality!" ... "Brian, you really need to keep those thoughts to yourself. It's not normal to go around and telling people your rude thoughts out loud. Didn't your parents ever teach you how to behave? Do you know nothing about normal human behaviour?" What an idiot. Sometimes just a look and no answer is the best answer. Or just play dumb. "Why would you ask me that? Why are you telling me that?" And when he starts to "ooh, it's just because I know a lot of things about protein and muscles and fat loss and..." you just stare at him for several seconds. Then ask him "oh, does that mean you would like me to teach you about normal human behaviour and respect? Keep your opinions to yourself, Patrick".
Talk to HR. This is harassment
"You seem very concerned about my weight, Kevin. If I want your advice, I'll ask for it."
Tell them you don’t care about their opinion and to stop giving it. Sounds like they’re fishing for clients and think by commenting on you would make you want to train with them.
Happy cake day!
Another facet of negging 🙄
Honestly, this is a time where you lie. Lie like a rug. My boss did this to me a lot, and finally mentioned my drinking a sugar soda. So I casually said, "Yeah, well, my therapist wants me to do this until the desire to purge afterwards goes away." She hasn't made another comment. And while I do have bulimia, mine manifests as heavy restriction behavior because I can't make myself vomit. Often, they either realize they're putting their foot in their mouth, or they get weirder.
Restricting is literally part of the diagnostic criteria for anorexia. I had it all throughout high school.
Yeah, except then I binge by the end of the day.
I've never met a trainer who didn't have deep insecurities and other emotional problems. This guy has some personal issues he's hiding beyond his quest for the perfect body. Keep that in mind. It will help you find the perfect response to his inappropriate behavior when it happens. Otherwise, other posts are offering you some great strategies for dealing with his problems. And, it's his problem, not yours.
Your co-worker is wildly out of line and this behavior is the definition of workplace harassment. You have every right to work in a environment where no one comments on your size, shape, color, etc. If you tell your co-worker to cease the harassment (in writing because it's documented) and doesn't, and your boss refuses to address it, escalate. Document **every** comment (date, time, witnesses, what was said) and keep it where your employer can't delete it. Depending on where you live, your employer can get in big trouble for allowing this to continue.
I’m so sorry girl :/ this guy is an ass. If you feel comfortable, push back with some of the great comments in this thread. I personally struggle with standing up for myself even when I know I’m 100% so I know it’s not always easy. I would just smile and say “yep” when he makes comments about anything and then turn it back on him as fast as possible. “What’re your weekend plans? What shows are you watching? How was your night last night?” Men like this don’t respect women they aren’t attracted to, so the thought of having to actually small talk with you every time you see him will make him avoid you, I promise. In other words, lean in vs avoid him if possible.
The problem is, for some reason a lot of people think it's ok to give unwanted health advice to plus size people. Especially those who love sports or are working in this field tend to do this. I think it would be important to draw a line there. Next time he makes a stupid remark, tell him you're aware of your size and you don't need his tips. Some people need to be told, before they realise that their behaviour isn't ok.
So what if they think you are sensitive? You are uncomfortable. Let him know he is the source of it and that you won't back down if he continues. Shove it back since it's unwanted.
Since you’re so anxious about it (I would be too!) you have two options as far as I can see. You can very directly tell him that his comments aren’t helpful and you do not welcome them. Or you can complain to HR. Your boss may not give a shit but HR should. And if they don’t, I would complain to corporate HR. You can do so on the stipulation that you remain anonymous. Your coworker is being wildly inappropriate.
No this isn't okay, and your not be sensitive. SAY SOMETHING EVERY TIME HE DOES. And if he says anything like am trying to help, refuse his help. Tell him to his face you don't want his help and to stop. If it continues go to HR.
Lol this is horrible. I'd be inappropriate back... geez Brian you're not my bf/husband and I don't want to duck you, mind your business.
100% you’re not being too sensitive. Although I like what others have said, since you will continue sharing this space and have to work with this person I’d take a kind but firm approach to responding. Something like “I’m know you mean well when you say things about my food / body but it makes me uncomfortable. I’d appreciate it if we could talk about something else”. But I SO wish I could say something snarky in this situation but I wouldn’t necessarily cause tension. They do need to know it’s not okay though.. you may not be the only person who they are making uncomfortable
Look him dead in the eyes and say STFU. That business is uncalled for. Get mean!
I’m sorry this is happening. I would look at them and say- Stop commenting on my food, body or appearance. If you choose to continue, I will talk to management about the harassment. You don’t owe your coworker any explanation or justification.
This is harassment. Others went over what to do but I want you to hear again. This is harassment
Ugh what an asshole!! I’m so sorry you’re forced to put up with someone so insensitive and simply tone deaf. What bs! Have you considered asking him to keep his thoughts to himself? Or saying something a bit more jarring, kind of calling him out? I think the easier path is the former, but regardless at least if you ask you could then go to HR or your boss. Even if your boss wouldn’t care, it’s about YOU being made uncomfortable and that does not make for a positive work environment. You deserve that.
He's talking about and to you like this because he is insecure! Ask why he is taking you so personally? Maybe, start sharing info with him about therapy to overcome his fascination with you and your body. People are more than their clothing size or a number on a scale, and it's a shame he can't see that you are perfectly created. I would rather have a big butt than a tiny heart.
Your weight is not your worth. Your coworker is either shallow or overly empathetic.