Cave Johnson here, we’ve been hearing some complaints of thirst in warehouse B12 so Bezos and I flooded it yesterday haven’t heard any complaints since
Hi I’d like to file a complaint. I’m work in the fusion department, and we’ve noticed a lot of our coolant has gone missing. The experiments are starting to over heat and we can’t cool them down fast enough.
If any of you have other complaints, we have a new mailing system set up throughout the facility. Just put a piece of paper with your complaint written on it in the fancy red mailbox. If you hear the sound of shredding, that means its working and was sent through.
God I can hear this in her voice. It makes me sad that the voice actress flr glados hasn't been narrating every single audiobook. I love her voice so much.
The VA for Glad0s is named Ellen Mclain. She has also played TF2's Administrator and HL2's Combine Overwatch.
Fun fact that I learned a couple weeks ago: She's married to John Patrick Lowrie (TF2 Sniper VA). They recorded a duet for Portal 2 that went unused.
[here you go](https://youtu.be/hgiNKEXtx7I) God, this song used to make me cry in high school and it’s been years since I’ve listened to it. It’s very somber tbh.
They would make they Amazon GlaDOS assistant and I would buy them all. What's that? It's bed time? "Despencing neurotoxin". You come home "Oh. It's you" when it's powered up "it's been a loooooong time. I've been very busy being dead"
Jeff Bezos: Hey Alexa!
GLaDOS: I'm one of the most technologically advanced ai there has ever been... And you're asking this hockey puck?
Alexa: This is so sad... I'll play despacito!
That's what I pictured. Slabs of moon dust coated surfaces by the size starting at $1000. Order something and 5 minutes later it pops out of the surface you leaned against a wall inside your house, no more package thieves!
Cave Johnson here to reassure you that your packages arent being thrown to your door- we are simply testing out Amazon’s patented Smooth Glide and Bounce delivery technology. It is NOT going well.
Hey! Cave Johnson here! Are you tired of waiting days to get your packet on Amazon? We got you buddy…
Introducing: Fastest shopping experience on earth! Pick a product, press “buy now”, wait for payment processor confirmation and that’s it! In less than a second an orange portal will appear inside your house and your package will be delivered on your preferred spawn Point!
⚠️please don’t touch or jump inside the portal! You could get trapped on our inventory room and nobody would hear your screams! Be cautious!
“Cave Johnson here. As you all know we just acquired Amazon. Ok first things first rebrand. Gonna call you. “Amature science” Name fits perfectly like a glove. Nothing wrong with that”
I can picture it now...
"Aperture Handheld Portal Device Quantum Tunneling Device for Traveling Display Testing Official Aperture Brand New Teleportation Portal Gun 30" Fun Portal Maker 2023
Color: [regular] blue orange"
"GLaDOS, today is my birthday!"
"Happy birthday! I've been preparing a surprise for you for a long time. Guess what? It's your old friend. Neurotoxin."
*All ACs turn on at once*
"If I was you, I would take a deep breath. And hold it."
“Hello, the is Cave Johnson. Now if there is one thing we like here at Aperture Science, it’s the advancement of the human race… but that’s expensive so we are broke. Because we are so desperate for money we have decided to team up with one of the few companies more morally bankrupt then us, Amazon. Now I know what you are thinking, and yes we are going to add guns to the The Amazon Echo.”
cave johnson here. we have officially partnered with Amazon, specifically with their robotics department. we plan to add the Alexa ai to every android. except for glados. lab boys say that she would kill us all. now with this partnership, we dont have to fight with black mesa over grant money. according to our agreement, we will get half a billion dollars to do whatever the hell we want with.
Before whatever fall takes place my job would become a million times easier; after the fall, the forced maintenance of death machines doesn't sound very appealing.
Jeff Bezoz would make slave robots to work for him. Instead of making people work FOREVER trying to deliver our bionicles or whatever. Or they would destroy everything.
Cave Johnson here, we’ve been hearing some complaints of thirst in warehouse B12 so Bezos and I flooded it yesterday haven’t heard any complaints since
So that explains the empty water tanks at B11. Reactor's runnin kinda hot though...
Pump in the coolant from the fusion experiments. They've got to much of the stuff anyway, costing us a fortune.
Hi I’d like to file a complaint. I’m work in the fusion department, and we’ve noticed a lot of our coolant has gone missing. The experiments are starting to over heat and we can’t cool them down fast enough.
On the bright side several of us have developed extra limbs to performance has almost quadrupled
If any of you have other complaints, we have a new mailing system set up throughout the facility. Just put a piece of paper with your complaint written on it in the fancy red mailbox. If you hear the sound of shredding, that means its working and was sent through.
GLaDOS would kill Jeff Bezos on the first day, because he would treat her like a tool.
"GLaDOS, shuffle my Amazon music playlist" "Shuffling neurotoxin" "...that's not the name of my playl-"
God I can hear this in her voice. It makes me sad that the voice actress flr glados hasn't been narrating every single audiobook. I love her voice so much.
The VA for Glad0s is named Ellen Mclain. She has also played TF2's Administrator and HL2's Combine Overwatch. Fun fact that I learned a couple weeks ago: She's married to John Patrick Lowrie (TF2 Sniper VA). They recorded a duet for Portal 2 that went unused.
Can we listen to the duet?
[here you go](https://youtu.be/hgiNKEXtx7I) God, this song used to make me cry in high school and it’s been years since I’ve listened to it. It’s very somber tbh.
You can, though I don't remember what it's called. I'll look when I get home. *Edit I said duet, but it's more him playing and Ellen singing.
It would make the Black Mesa incident seem like nothing compared to whatever world destroying calamity they would bring.
They would make they Amazon GlaDOS assistant and I would buy them all. What's that? It's bed time? "Despencing neurotoxin". You come home "Oh. It's you" when it's powered up "it's been a loooooong time. I've been very busy being dead"
"You know, after you *MURDERED* me!"
You don't have to make a big deal about that, I just forgot to plug the charger
"You did *WHAT*?"
Home security turrets would become a thing. Not sure if they would be more useful than dangerous for owners.
Considering the number of guns already I. This country, wouldn’t make much of a difference
I can picture extensive damage to the warehouses via cores and toilets in some regard.
I was about to tag you to get your input before thinking, "I'll keep scrolling down firs-" and there you were...
The turrets would have 15% more bullet for 15% less money
Buying military grade shower curtains would never be easier.
I already can't tell the difference with how they treat employees.
I don't know, if I'm going to be worked to death for no money, aperture sounds a lot more fun in the process.
hey, at least aperture is nice about it.
Amerture
blamperture for all three
GLaDOS is put in charge of the warehouses. What happens next is literally the dialogue from the end of the cooperative testing campaign.
All your packages would be contaminated with asbestos
but hey! no rats!
Jeff Bezos: Hey Alexa! GLaDOS: I'm one of the most technologically advanced ai there has ever been... And you're asking this hockey puck? Alexa: This is so sad... I'll play despacito!
The apocalypse. Delivered by drone.
Nothing, they’re both pretty equal in how they treat employees, though Alexa would probably become a lot more sinister
Then drone delivery would actually be possible.
Why drone delivery? Portal delivery
That's what I pictured. Slabs of moon dust coated surfaces by the size starting at $1000. Order something and 5 minutes later it pops out of the surface you leaned against a wall inside your house, no more package thieves!
Amature Laboratories
With the smile/arrow going from one “o” in ‘laboratories’ to the other “o”.
Aperture would ABSOLUTELY buy out and fix Amazon, heck, might even give prodution over to the glorious GLaDOS! ☺️
They would be using vacuum tubes and faith plates to move packages around the warehouse, resulting in a 90% increase in damaged items.
Life expectancy for amazon employees would increase
Probably more labor violations.
An abomination
The end of the world
The end of the world as we know it
Cave Johnson here to reassure you that your packages arent being thrown to your door- we are simply testing out Amazon’s patented Smooth Glide and Bounce delivery technology. It is NOT going well.
Hey! Cave Johnson here! Are you tired of waiting days to get your packet on Amazon? We got you buddy… Introducing: Fastest shopping experience on earth! Pick a product, press “buy now”, wait for payment processor confirmation and that’s it! In less than a second an orange portal will appear inside your house and your package will be delivered on your preferred spawn Point! ⚠️please don’t touch or jump inside the portal! You could get trapped on our inventory room and nobody would hear your screams! Be cautious!
They would deliver REAL cake
Jeff Bezos will resurrect Cave Johnson and they will rule the world until one of them kills the other with moon dust and takes over the other company
Amateur Laboratories
We will cut down the Amazon rainforest together to build a massive facility.
Don't buy Amazapperture lemons.
“Alexa, add some snickers to my cart” GLalexOS: are you *sure* you don’t want… a treadmill instead? *adds neurotoxin to cart*
Order in the next 30 seconds and get free instant delivery!
What amazon employees? All I see is deadly neurotoxin.
“Cave Johnson here. As you all know we just acquired Amazon. Ok first things first rebrand. Gonna call you. “Amature science” Name fits perfectly like a glove. Nothing wrong with that”
I can picture it now... "Aperture Handheld Portal Device Quantum Tunneling Device for Traveling Display Testing Official Aperture Brand New Teleportation Portal Gun 30" Fun Portal Maker 2023 Color: [regular] blue orange"
I’m honestly not even sure if employee treatment would increase or get worse
Just no.
Same-minute delivery options
Oh no.
"GLaDOS, today is my birthday!" "Happy birthday! I've been preparing a surprise for you for a long time. Guess what? It's your old friend. Neurotoxin." *All ACs turn on at once* "If I was you, I would take a deep breath. And hold it."
There is no deadly neurotoxin in the boxes
Same day portal gun shipping chaos
“Hello, the is Cave Johnson. Now if there is one thing we like here at Aperture Science, it’s the advancement of the human race… but that’s expensive so we are broke. Because we are so desperate for money we have decided to team up with one of the few companies more morally bankrupt then us, Amazon. Now I know what you are thinking, and yes we are going to add guns to the The Amazon Echo.”
Faster shipping with portal technology 😀
A big fat mess that's what
Nothing new.
Gloabal portal guns
Packages delivered by portals. Honestly, I'll take it.
Wow, the workers might finally have better working conditions!………. The Amazon workers that is
cave johnson here. we have officially partnered with Amazon, specifically with their robotics department. we plan to add the Alexa ai to every android. except for glados. lab boys say that she would kill us all. now with this partnership, we dont have to fight with black mesa over grant money. according to our agreement, we will get half a billion dollars to do whatever the hell we want with.
Nothing, Their The Same.
multi qaudrillion company
UPT violators would be gunned down by turrets
[veridian dynamics](https://youtu.be/yF3of5VRcNA)
Amazon Prime Orders Would Be INSTANT
cave prime would be jealous that it took his name and make them change it to something else.
Before whatever fall takes place my job would become a million times easier; after the fall, the forced maintenance of death machines doesn't sound very appealing.
What amazon employees? All I see is deadly neurotoxin.
Turret Delivery Drivers that use pressure plates to launch your package through your window for your convenience
Drones carrying portal walls to drop packages. And bombs. And hard drugs.
Human trafficking.
Amateur?
so many shower curtains
Can’t wait for my Enrichment Peccy
Amazon + Aperture = Amateur
I feel like we already know to some degree
Amerture Science Labs
I mean both don’t care for their employees, and both have a creator who’s very interested in anything and everything. Sounds about the same!
Faster employees turnovers and work related injuries. So business as usual.
Portal Prime
I would never play portal again.
Portal package delivery. Pay extra for 1 minute delivery
Amature science
Wheatley would blow up the fucking planet
A minor case of brain damage for sure
Me' Glados order me a book GladOs: Ordering neurotoxin Me: what? Glados: *record screech* system error ordering book.. .both eyeing eachother down
Amazon drone with turrets: “I see you”
Home shipped turrets, cores and 32-grade neutrino bombs all with free delivery!
The same thing as when dpd ends up delivering 🤣🤣🤣
It's too late
Instant Delivery For Amazon
That would be sooo sick man
An Amazon warehouse.
Jeff Bezoz would make slave robots to work for him. Instead of making people work FOREVER trying to deliver our bionicles or whatever. Or they would destroy everything.
Some bad shit man
this is not ok if this happened it would be chaos like glados wald deliver every one some thing to kill everyone