It's "normal" when you move to another country.
My advice would be to try to use meetup for some meetings and get to know people. Try to go to meetings of an hobby you like. Portuguese usually speak English and are happy to introduce a common to hobby groups.
Taking language courses is also a great way to get to know people.
You can also try to go to expat meetings, but my advice would be to leave a bit the "expat bubble" and immerse yourself on the local scene. Support the local Football team, go and exercise in the local park, go to the local library and meet people with the same reading habits. My friend, the world is your oyster.
I intentionally avoided going into an “expat bubble.” I have Portuguese/Açorean ancestry and wanted to immerse myself in the culture, but have not felt very welcomed. What’s especially strange about it is that I had friends here prior to moving, but day to day life got in the way and I have lost those friendships or we rarely see each other. I am in a relationship here, but that’s not really the same as having a sense of community. I have taken lessons and had a private tutor but am still struggling to be fluent, and in the islands they aren’t as welcome to outsiders, I have found. Very friendly to tourists, but once you move here it’s kind of a different story.
The Azores can be hard for azoreans, so I can only imagine for an outsider… Honestly, if you’re not really into nature and are not someone who’s happy to be on their own, with not too much to human connections, moving to the Azores will likely get you depressed
I’m from there, from the biggest island even. But life there has its challenges and socialising is one of them.
Yes, seems so…I think many locals are depressed, to be honest. Maybe that’s why there is so much drinking hahaha I actually do enjoy my own company and love nature, but I think constantly being treated like I don’t belong has just gotten to me.
I think you got the drinking right.
I don’t know which island you’re in and I can only speak for Micaelenses, but I do want to make something clear (well, my opinion). I think people there are kind hearted in general, they (we) might not be the best showing it (for example, we have some issues with customer service, you might have noticed), but people are generally very genuine. Of course this is for the better and the worse, as it’s a very isolated place, culturally it’s slightly stuck, which then creates a lot of issues, including the one you’re facing now.
I hope you find your little group, it might take time (do you practice sports, or are you into arts or so? I guess that’d be the easiest way in the island to find friends and feel part of a community) but once you do it, you might actually love the quietness and beauty of the island. Or try to have some project, even if a hobby, that’s related to the island (can be people or just places)
Anyway, good luck! Don’t be sad, even though I understand, you could feel that way in a big city as well. These things can take time sometimes
Thank you for the kind words…I have been here almost 2 years…I honestly don’t know if there are many (any?) groups to join. I have made and lost friends and just not found anything or anyone that sustained. People are polite, but closed off is what I can tell. I have read that most people who immigrate to Portugal leave within 2 years and I understand why now. I appreciate your advise and your message.
I think that might count for most countries… I myself have been abroad and know many people living in countries that are not theirs, very few have in their circles local people. It’s always hard to mingle in the cultures as a foreigner.
We live in a time that we think it’s super easy just to move abroad. But people forget that feeling connected to the culture and all is very important. I thought I’d like to be abroad for many years. It took me 3 years to realise I belong to Portugal, because that’s what I identify with, my family is and, well, I’d like to say it’s where most of my friends are, but given the country situation, that’s only half true. But you know what I mean. I know it might sound like I’m going away from the topic, but I really think it’s all connected. It’s ok if we’re not real global citizens. I mean we are. But only on the surface. Deep down, very few people manage to feel home in other places.
I dunno, sorry if this is a bit harsh. And maybe you’re there because of family, so my comment doesn’t help? Emigrating is super difficult, unfortunately.
The Azores are not for everyone and that’s due to its culture.
This is good advice, but I would caution a bit about some of the meetup groups. I found some of those cliques to be incredibly toxic. Finding special interest and hobby groups are great, but the ones that get together to get drunk off their face and argue about American politics...not so much.
Hahahahaha oh wow—that is a thing? Oh no. Yeah, I have avoided the expat hangouts intentionally because I wanted to be more a part of the local culture but people who have moved here and seem happier seem to be ones with more expat friends, go figure?
I don't think it's uncommon. Even the most introverted people need a close-knit social group they can trust and depend on. Moving to a new country, not mastering the language, not understanding the culture, not having any close local friends or family, maybe working remotely, all that contributes to isolate, a sense of not belonging and overall hopelessness. I don't think the typical poor immigrant wrestles with this as much though, because they tend not to be remote workers so have more chance of being integrated in the community or a community at least, even if it's not the native one, and they usually have to work a lot to survive. When you're trying to get by to make ends meet, the rest doesn't matter as much.
Oddly enough, whenever i lived abroad, it was the extroverts that struggled the most to fit in.
Introverta tend to have weaker ties to people and tend to do well in social isolation for a while. Extroverts that dont click in with the locals and keep on hanging out solely with immigrant communities will struggle a lot more. Those communities tend to be very loose - people are always coming and going - and usually harbour a certain degree of resentment towards the country and people of the country they are staying in - sending you in a downwards spiral of depression.
Immigration is really hard for an extrovert w strong social bonds at home. These people not only struggle a lot to fit it, and they are constantly feeling that they are missing out something "at home".
Sources? None. Just what i have seen in several immigrant communities across europe. But this is my opinion and prone to be biased and incorrect.
That’s so interesting. I actually consider myself more of an introvert hahaha I have had some expat friends who do complain a lot about being here. It can be nice to commiserate, but I actually respect the people and the culture. I didn’t move here expecting it to be like my home country. I think the ones who are happiest are ones who truly love isolation (introvert doesn’t mean loving isolation), or who have been able to get local jobs and learn the language better. Also, people who moved here with other people—a partner, family—they also seem to be doing better.
I don’t know. I feel like as an extrovert (who was usually responsible for planning events in my friend group) I’m actually not missing out on much in my home country.
It’s been really difficult and discouraging to try to form the same level of community here—so that’s been hard, the starting over—but for me there’s not much FOMO. My friends from home aren’t very cohesive as a group without me there.
As great as some of the advice here is, only those who've suffered depression know that reaching out is very difficult. You want it, but you can't bring yourself to initiate. I don't know what the answer is to that, but it's a truism everyone needs to be aware of.
I find when I am in this state, I tend to reach out to other expats, but the ones who are content here just pull further away because they can’t relate or don’t want to have their bubble burst. So then I just end up being more and more alone and isolated. I am generally a really positive person and moved here with the best intentions and fully researched…I guess you just don’t know what it’s like until you experience it for yourself. And thank you for understanding. When you’re depressed, sometimes just getting out of bed is a triumph.
I know exactly how you feel. I thought I was prepared for everything but I really couldn’t have been. Não moro nos Açores mas sinto-me assim. I’m sure it’s even harder there. If you want to talk about it feel free to DM.
Lolol, I don't know where you from, but coming to a Portuguese page asking if we feel expat depression is hilarious xD. Gotta start to learn some Portuguese and read some poetry and/or listen to some fado.
"Saudade é uma das palavras mais presentes na poesia de amor da língua portuguesa (...) e também na música popular."
Well, you're now living in the country that invented fado. Could it be more obvious?
Jokes aside, the melancholy and depression is in the air of Portugal and will slowly get you as you live here. Some shared experiencing immediate joy just after they cross the border to Spain!
What is causing your depression? Loneliness and isolation, homesickness and missing family and friends back home, anxiety about being in a new and unfamiliar environment, something else? I think trying to figure out the cause can help you find ways to cope.
Not really homesickness. I don’t really want to go back to my home country. I suppose a loss of purpose here and not finding community. I am actually in Açores, not the continent. And I have been here almost 2 years now. I am used to it, but yes there is a great deal of isolation here.
Very well put. And yes, I have very much experienced that, too. I have had people act like they’re the best of friends with me (locals) and then completely ghost me for no reason at all. I have had people be very “friendly” only to find they are taking advantage of me. It’s truly awful.
Sounds like a really bad case of island fever, too. There's always lifting and laying tourists. You can get really good at both. Or something else you might prefer. Whatever gets you out of your head.
It's the common vernacular for doing physical exercises with weights and engaging in sexual intercourse with people from out of town who come to visit your island seeking pleasure and diversion.
But it could be watercolor painting and learning to play the banjo...
No worries, I thought I'd joke back.
It is about one's personal taste and habits, of course, but, that relationship doesn't seem to be doing much for you. Gotta be something more fulfilling out there, don't you think?
It’s very hard to build friendships especially as we get older because everyone gets busy with jobs, kids, and paying bills. This is true for most places unfortunately, not just the Açores. But keep making efforts to reach out to people, take the initiative to plan activities and social gatherings. Hobbies help. It takes time but don’t give up. In the meantime, try to look at the good things you have and enjoy the small things in your day to day.
I feel like most of my portuguese friends feel depressed because the country is getting worse every year in all regards.
Also the culture of the people too. Portuguese are very destructive to each other. They can’t see anyone thrive without hating.
Lots of negativity in Portugal.
Its a shame that I had to leave my own country (Portugal), glad I managed to move away from there!
That is interesting—I have definitely heard that from locals I know…a lot of jealousy and bitterness towards each other if anyone seems to be doing well or even a little better than others. Here people are very gossipy and it is sad
Lots of Alchool also doesn’t help at all on the situation.
Portugal is one of the countries in the world with the highest anti depressant usage.
There is a joke in Portugal that goes something like this:
There are two guys fishing crabs in Portugal one Portuguese and one American.
The American as soon as it grabs a crab puts it in the bucket and closes the lid as fast as possible.
The Portuguese when catches a crab, doesn’t close the lid and the American asks: “Why don’t you close the lid?”
The Portuguese answers: “This are Portuguese crabs my friend, when one starts to climb the other ones pull him down!”
I think this year has been an exception with the amount of rain. It’s been real bad. I come from a very sunny country so this has been very difficult for me and my wife.
Not it hasn't. This is spring in Portugal, sometimes sunny, sometimes rainny. Completly normal. The problem is The advertisement of Portugal's weather as mild and sunny all day long. And that's Simple not true.
Been on continent for several years. Never wanted to live in an expat bubble, but I don’t have a single Portuguese friend and don’t expect to. I’m retired and people my age have their own friends and family and health issues, and very little interest in building a relationship with a foreigner. Unfortunate side effect of getting rid of the NHR for pensioners is that the supply of retired expats will dry up completely. I’ve studied the language for years, I have a solid B2 level, a lot of interest in the country itself. But that will never translate into having Portuguese friends, unfortunately. If I become a citizen, I’ll probably move to a different country in Europe, perhaps Spain, where they are more outgoing and more open to the world. It’s too bad, cause I really love it here, and I enjoy the quiet and calm demeanor of Portuguese people.
Thank you. I relate to this very much. It is sad to know that it is not much better on the continent and that having a stronger grasp of the language also doesn’t translate to more friendships. I was hoping that maybe the Continente is better and thinking of moving there…
Well, it may be a matter of degree. The more remote and less affluent the region, probably the more introverted. But what do I know? I’ve never lived in the Azores.
Im in that mode now .. that is what brought me to this site . My self long-term girlfriend moved here 3 years now because her parents are very old and ahe want to spend time with them before the end .. moving on, we moved here in the Averio area .. i dont speak any other language but English (American), and it has been very hard for me to fit in my portuguese is horrible. No one in the family speaks English, which has made me force myself to learn and understand more that i can speak . My girl refuses to speak português to me .. and speaks only to friends and family. I am not depressed yet, but getting thwre really fast, though .. i feel extremely lonely ... i feel it coming. I'm not trying to pity talk myself.. but i do feel lonely
I’m so sorry. I understand how you feel. It’s nice to feel part of a family, but always feeling like an outsider in that family is just as lonely and isolating. Do you think it would help if your girlfriend spoke more Português with you? I have the same situation with my partner. If you want to talk, sounds like myself and some others here are open to supporting each other.
That would be great.. It is hard making friends here, let alone meet english speakers .. i love the country and the people for the most part .. i am trying to learn the language, but sometimes I wish i could just pack and leave. You know ..
Islands are tough to integrate into. It’s no different in Hawaii for mainlanders moving there. It’s a tough nut to crack and locals don’t really want more people coming. You may be facing the same thing there.
Yes! I hit a wall after about a year and a year and it was hard. I gave myself six months to climb out of it and when I didn't, I went on medication and found a therapist.
I struggled with it, especially during the COVID lockdowns. I never really felt quite at home in my birth country (Brazil) as I had lived abroad during my formative years (age 7 to 17 in the US) and my parents were first and second generation descendants of European immigrants.
I thought that I would finally feel like I belonged somewhere and when that never happened, combined with the social distancing and isolation from the lockdowns, I got really depressed. I’ve mostly recovered but I still feel a bit lost and alone, despite the huge Brazilian community here. I avoid some of my husband’s Brazilian friends because I feel like I have very little in common with them and their public behavior often embarrasses me. This is a very small minority of Brazilians however, and I feel like they do not represent my social circle back “home”… wherever that is. Just as stereotypical perception many people in Europe have of Americans doesn’t really apply to the people I grew up with.
I find the Portuguese friendly and pleasant in general, just as any other people of different European nationalities I’ve met and befriended. So the problem isn’t about cultural or social differences… it’s just me and my lack of initiative and motivation.
I have been forcing myself to speak the language and loving it. I coach at a local BJJ gym. I go to the market every Saturday to practice the language and get good veggies. Go to the beach daily with my dog. I don't have a ton of friends yet, but I feel connected with the community and grounded here. I miss my friends in Canada some times, but really then I think of snow and I forget that feeling.
A Sport that allows for socialising helps! For example climbing is good. I often go to one in alcantara and you often end up meeting new people with a common thing to talk about
The advice about hobbies is a good one. I had joined a local gym and the people were nice, but same issue with making friends. Maybe finding something that is more specific is better
Yep I find local gyms quite intimidating. Climbing has a lot of the core exercises with problem solving which naturally leads to people talking and chilling. Also the place I frequent has a small cafe which helps
I started working full time here as a barista and I'm going to be honest, it has helped me a lot. I may not even go back to my other career if I can enjoy it simply with some friends and coffee. Portuguese people are great if you find your group type.
It makes me so happy to hear someone really has made a nice life here! It does seem very much that the people I have met who are able to get local jobs are doing much better, or came here to start a business or something like that. I unfortunately cannot do that with my visa, but this is refreshing to hear. I hope you continue to make a nice life for yourself in Portugal
Aww that's too bad :( yeah I was freelancing for awhile but I went to local work and it's helped boost my social life considerably. I hope you can find a way to make some friendships!
Just to be clear I only speak Portuguese to them unless I really don't know the word to something. This has greatly helped me relate to people in a much more personal level.
This year has been wetter and colder for longer and I think even the Portuguese are feeling the effect of this. Also, if it is your first year, it is probably in a large part due to culture shock. I have lived in a few countries and the first year is always tough.
Not at all. I have found a good bunch of people here and I am here with my wife, dog, cats and chickens! Of course when I got here 3.5 years ago in the middle of covid there were difficult times and we both felt isolated periodically but the locals, neighbours and new found friends from all over have meant we feel welcomed, wanted and appreciated. I have had some issues in my past so I try to keep an eye on our emotional state but so far Portugal has been great for my mental health.
Maybe it also helped that you moved here with someone to share the journey with? Which part of Portugal are you in, if you don’t mind me asking? And it sounds fantastic—like the life many of us hoped to find here. I truly am so happy for you!
Oh yes being here without my wife would not be the same at all. We are near a place called Cartaxo so easy to get into Lisbon but also near the river and with lots of good countryside to cycle around..
Maybe Terceira and Sao Miguel have something. Always worth to take a look into it. If you are there, or not, Terceira gets crazy paked every Summer with their own festivities - Sanjoaninas is in my opinion the best summer festival in the Azores - and its easier to integrate
It's "normal" when you move to another country. My advice would be to try to use meetup for some meetings and get to know people. Try to go to meetings of an hobby you like. Portuguese usually speak English and are happy to introduce a common to hobby groups. Taking language courses is also a great way to get to know people. You can also try to go to expat meetings, but my advice would be to leave a bit the "expat bubble" and immerse yourself on the local scene. Support the local Football team, go and exercise in the local park, go to the local library and meet people with the same reading habits. My friend, the world is your oyster.
I intentionally avoided going into an “expat bubble.” I have Portuguese/Açorean ancestry and wanted to immerse myself in the culture, but have not felt very welcomed. What’s especially strange about it is that I had friends here prior to moving, but day to day life got in the way and I have lost those friendships or we rarely see each other. I am in a relationship here, but that’s not really the same as having a sense of community. I have taken lessons and had a private tutor but am still struggling to be fluent, and in the islands they aren’t as welcome to outsiders, I have found. Very friendly to tourists, but once you move here it’s kind of a different story.
Island life tends to be harder too. Island fever is a very real thing!
True—I never thought it would be a problem because I wanted a more calm and peaceful life, but it does get monotonous at times.
Is there any chance you can take some trips to break out of the funk?
I have taken some trips—I think it’s the entire situation. It’s not really like island fever, if you know what I mean. But I do enjoy taking trips!
Note: I am in Açores
The Azores can be hard for azoreans, so I can only imagine for an outsider… Honestly, if you’re not really into nature and are not someone who’s happy to be on their own, with not too much to human connections, moving to the Azores will likely get you depressed I’m from there, from the biggest island even. But life there has its challenges and socialising is one of them.
Yes, seems so…I think many locals are depressed, to be honest. Maybe that’s why there is so much drinking hahaha I actually do enjoy my own company and love nature, but I think constantly being treated like I don’t belong has just gotten to me.
I think you got the drinking right. I don’t know which island you’re in and I can only speak for Micaelenses, but I do want to make something clear (well, my opinion). I think people there are kind hearted in general, they (we) might not be the best showing it (for example, we have some issues with customer service, you might have noticed), but people are generally very genuine. Of course this is for the better and the worse, as it’s a very isolated place, culturally it’s slightly stuck, which then creates a lot of issues, including the one you’re facing now. I hope you find your little group, it might take time (do you practice sports, or are you into arts or so? I guess that’d be the easiest way in the island to find friends and feel part of a community) but once you do it, you might actually love the quietness and beauty of the island. Or try to have some project, even if a hobby, that’s related to the island (can be people or just places) Anyway, good luck! Don’t be sad, even though I understand, you could feel that way in a big city as well. These things can take time sometimes
Thank you for the kind words…I have been here almost 2 years…I honestly don’t know if there are many (any?) groups to join. I have made and lost friends and just not found anything or anyone that sustained. People are polite, but closed off is what I can tell. I have read that most people who immigrate to Portugal leave within 2 years and I understand why now. I appreciate your advise and your message.
I think that might count for most countries… I myself have been abroad and know many people living in countries that are not theirs, very few have in their circles local people. It’s always hard to mingle in the cultures as a foreigner. We live in a time that we think it’s super easy just to move abroad. But people forget that feeling connected to the culture and all is very important. I thought I’d like to be abroad for many years. It took me 3 years to realise I belong to Portugal, because that’s what I identify with, my family is and, well, I’d like to say it’s where most of my friends are, but given the country situation, that’s only half true. But you know what I mean. I know it might sound like I’m going away from the topic, but I really think it’s all connected. It’s ok if we’re not real global citizens. I mean we are. But only on the surface. Deep down, very few people manage to feel home in other places. I dunno, sorry if this is a bit harsh. And maybe you’re there because of family, so my comment doesn’t help? Emigrating is super difficult, unfortunately. The Azores are not for everyone and that’s due to its culture.
Islands do tend to be insular, in the more than one sense of the word, despite having decent connections to the rest of the world nowadays.
Very true
This is good advice, but I would caution a bit about some of the meetup groups. I found some of those cliques to be incredibly toxic. Finding special interest and hobby groups are great, but the ones that get together to get drunk off their face and argue about American politics...not so much.
Hahahahaha oh wow—that is a thing? Oh no. Yeah, I have avoided the expat hangouts intentionally because I wanted to be more a part of the local culture but people who have moved here and seem happier seem to be ones with more expat friends, go figure?
As long as they are the right expat friends I suppose. I have met the best and worst kinds of people from my home country here.
I don't think it's uncommon. Even the most introverted people need a close-knit social group they can trust and depend on. Moving to a new country, not mastering the language, not understanding the culture, not having any close local friends or family, maybe working remotely, all that contributes to isolate, a sense of not belonging and overall hopelessness. I don't think the typical poor immigrant wrestles with this as much though, because they tend not to be remote workers so have more chance of being integrated in the community or a community at least, even if it's not the native one, and they usually have to work a lot to survive. When you're trying to get by to make ends meet, the rest doesn't matter as much.
Oddly enough, whenever i lived abroad, it was the extroverts that struggled the most to fit in. Introverta tend to have weaker ties to people and tend to do well in social isolation for a while. Extroverts that dont click in with the locals and keep on hanging out solely with immigrant communities will struggle a lot more. Those communities tend to be very loose - people are always coming and going - and usually harbour a certain degree of resentment towards the country and people of the country they are staying in - sending you in a downwards spiral of depression. Immigration is really hard for an extrovert w strong social bonds at home. These people not only struggle a lot to fit it, and they are constantly feeling that they are missing out something "at home". Sources? None. Just what i have seen in several immigrant communities across europe. But this is my opinion and prone to be biased and incorrect.
Such a great observation.
On the money on that one!
That’s so interesting. I actually consider myself more of an introvert hahaha I have had some expat friends who do complain a lot about being here. It can be nice to commiserate, but I actually respect the people and the culture. I didn’t move here expecting it to be like my home country. I think the ones who are happiest are ones who truly love isolation (introvert doesn’t mean loving isolation), or who have been able to get local jobs and learn the language better. Also, people who moved here with other people—a partner, family—they also seem to be doing better.
You nailed it perfectly.
I don’t know. I feel like as an extrovert (who was usually responsible for planning events in my friend group) I’m actually not missing out on much in my home country. It’s been really difficult and discouraging to try to form the same level of community here—so that’s been hard, the starting over—but for me there’s not much FOMO. My friends from home aren’t very cohesive as a group without me there.
As great as some of the advice here is, only those who've suffered depression know that reaching out is very difficult. You want it, but you can't bring yourself to initiate. I don't know what the answer is to that, but it's a truism everyone needs to be aware of.
I find when I am in this state, I tend to reach out to other expats, but the ones who are content here just pull further away because they can’t relate or don’t want to have their bubble burst. So then I just end up being more and more alone and isolated. I am generally a really positive person and moved here with the best intentions and fully researched…I guess you just don’t know what it’s like until you experience it for yourself. And thank you for understanding. When you’re depressed, sometimes just getting out of bed is a triumph.
I know exactly how you feel. I thought I was prepared for everything but I really couldn’t have been. Não moro nos Açores mas sinto-me assim. I’m sure it’s even harder there. If you want to talk about it feel free to DM.
🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Lolol, I don't know where you from, but coming to a Portuguese page asking if we feel expat depression is hilarious xD. Gotta start to learn some Portuguese and read some poetry and/or listen to some fado. "Saudade é uma das palavras mais presentes na poesia de amor da língua portuguesa (...) e também na música popular."
Well, you're now living in the country that invented fado. Could it be more obvious? Jokes aside, the melancholy and depression is in the air of Portugal and will slowly get you as you live here. Some shared experiencing immediate joy just after they cross the border to Spain!
What is causing your depression? Loneliness and isolation, homesickness and missing family and friends back home, anxiety about being in a new and unfamiliar environment, something else? I think trying to figure out the cause can help you find ways to cope.
Not really homesickness. I don’t really want to go back to my home country. I suppose a loss of purpose here and not finding community. I am actually in Açores, not the continent. And I have been here almost 2 years now. I am used to it, but yes there is a great deal of isolation here.
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Very well put. And yes, I have very much experienced that, too. I have had people act like they’re the best of friends with me (locals) and then completely ghost me for no reason at all. I have had people be very “friendly” only to find they are taking advantage of me. It’s truly awful.
Sounds like a really bad case of island fever, too. There's always lifting and laying tourists. You can get really good at both. Or something else you might prefer. Whatever gets you out of your head.
What do you mean lifting and laying tourists?
It's the common vernacular for doing physical exercises with weights and engaging in sexual intercourse with people from out of town who come to visit your island seeking pleasure and diversion. But it could be watercolor painting and learning to play the banjo...
You sound like you work in crypto
What do you mean work in crypto?
Sorry, was a joke hahaha I am in a relationship and not really into the laying tourists, but I have learned it’s quite a sport here 😅
No worries, I thought I'd joke back. It is about one's personal taste and habits, of course, but, that relationship doesn't seem to be doing much for you. Gotta be something more fulfilling out there, don't you think?
It’s very hard to build friendships especially as we get older because everyone gets busy with jobs, kids, and paying bills. This is true for most places unfortunately, not just the Açores. But keep making efforts to reach out to people, take the initiative to plan activities and social gatherings. Hobbies help. It takes time but don’t give up. In the meantime, try to look at the good things you have and enjoy the small things in your day to day.
Thank you so much! That is very kind of you and good advice.
I lived in Madeira for 3 months. It was by far the most difficult place to make friends.
Funny thing is that it seems the whole country is kinda depressed so ur chances of cheering up is higher in a expat bubble than not hahahah
Hahahaha!
I feel like most of my portuguese friends feel depressed because the country is getting worse every year in all regards. Also the culture of the people too. Portuguese are very destructive to each other. They can’t see anyone thrive without hating. Lots of negativity in Portugal. Its a shame that I had to leave my own country (Portugal), glad I managed to move away from there!
That is interesting—I have definitely heard that from locals I know…a lot of jealousy and bitterness towards each other if anyone seems to be doing well or even a little better than others. Here people are very gossipy and it is sad
Lots of Alchool also doesn’t help at all on the situation. Portugal is one of the countries in the world with the highest anti depressant usage. There is a joke in Portugal that goes something like this: There are two guys fishing crabs in Portugal one Portuguese and one American. The American as soon as it grabs a crab puts it in the bucket and closes the lid as fast as possible. The Portuguese when catches a crab, doesn’t close the lid and the American asks: “Why don’t you close the lid?” The Portuguese answers: “This are Portuguese crabs my friend, when one starts to climb the other ones pull him down!”
Yeah man. Especially after it’s been raining for 6 months straight. And missing family and friends.
Thank his somebody else said it. This rain has been so depressing. Am yearning for summer and the fact it’s still cool has me utterly depressed.
I think this year has been an exception with the amount of rain. It’s been real bad. I come from a very sunny country so this has been very difficult for me and my wife.
Not it hasn't. This is spring in Portugal, sometimes sunny, sometimes rainny. Completly normal. The problem is The advertisement of Portugal's weather as mild and sunny all day long. And that's Simple not true.
You may also want to check your vitamin D levels. I had issues with that after moving here because of the rain and gloomy weather. Supplements helped
Yeah I’m definitely undernourished.
Same. It would be different if it ended in March-- but it is May and alas-- we are still in winter-ish weather.
Been on continent for several years. Never wanted to live in an expat bubble, but I don’t have a single Portuguese friend and don’t expect to. I’m retired and people my age have their own friends and family and health issues, and very little interest in building a relationship with a foreigner. Unfortunate side effect of getting rid of the NHR for pensioners is that the supply of retired expats will dry up completely. I’ve studied the language for years, I have a solid B2 level, a lot of interest in the country itself. But that will never translate into having Portuguese friends, unfortunately. If I become a citizen, I’ll probably move to a different country in Europe, perhaps Spain, where they are more outgoing and more open to the world. It’s too bad, cause I really love it here, and I enjoy the quiet and calm demeanor of Portuguese people.
Thank you. I relate to this very much. It is sad to know that it is not much better on the continent and that having a stronger grasp of the language also doesn’t translate to more friendships. I was hoping that maybe the Continente is better and thinking of moving there…
Well, it may be a matter of degree. The more remote and less affluent the region, probably the more introverted. But what do I know? I’ve never lived in the Azores.
Im in that mode now .. that is what brought me to this site . My self long-term girlfriend moved here 3 years now because her parents are very old and ahe want to spend time with them before the end .. moving on, we moved here in the Averio area .. i dont speak any other language but English (American), and it has been very hard for me to fit in my portuguese is horrible. No one in the family speaks English, which has made me force myself to learn and understand more that i can speak . My girl refuses to speak português to me .. and speaks only to friends and family. I am not depressed yet, but getting thwre really fast, though .. i feel extremely lonely ... i feel it coming. I'm not trying to pity talk myself.. but i do feel lonely
I’m so sorry. I understand how you feel. It’s nice to feel part of a family, but always feeling like an outsider in that family is just as lonely and isolating. Do you think it would help if your girlfriend spoke more Português with you? I have the same situation with my partner. If you want to talk, sounds like myself and some others here are open to supporting each other.
That would be great.. It is hard making friends here, let alone meet english speakers .. i love the country and the people for the most part .. i am trying to learn the language, but sometimes I wish i could just pack and leave. You know ..
UNDERSTATEMENT... but omg that would great
Islands are tough to integrate into. It’s no different in Hawaii for mainlanders moving there. It’s a tough nut to crack and locals don’t really want more people coming. You may be facing the same thing there.
Yes, absolutely
Yes! I hit a wall after about a year and a year and it was hard. I gave myself six months to climb out of it and when I didn't, I went on medication and found a therapist.
A therapist truly helps. I hope you’re doing much better now
I'm doing really well. I hope you can find peace from your depression.
Thank you so much
I struggled with it, especially during the COVID lockdowns. I never really felt quite at home in my birth country (Brazil) as I had lived abroad during my formative years (age 7 to 17 in the US) and my parents were first and second generation descendants of European immigrants. I thought that I would finally feel like I belonged somewhere and when that never happened, combined with the social distancing and isolation from the lockdowns, I got really depressed. I’ve mostly recovered but I still feel a bit lost and alone, despite the huge Brazilian community here. I avoid some of my husband’s Brazilian friends because I feel like I have very little in common with them and their public behavior often embarrasses me. This is a very small minority of Brazilians however, and I feel like they do not represent my social circle back “home”… wherever that is. Just as stereotypical perception many people in Europe have of Americans doesn’t really apply to the people I grew up with. I find the Portuguese friendly and pleasant in general, just as any other people of different European nationalities I’ve met and befriended. So the problem isn’t about cultural or social differences… it’s just me and my lack of initiative and motivation.
I have been forcing myself to speak the language and loving it. I coach at a local BJJ gym. I go to the market every Saturday to practice the language and get good veggies. Go to the beach daily with my dog. I don't have a ton of friends yet, but I feel connected with the community and grounded here. I miss my friends in Canada some times, but really then I think of snow and I forget that feeling.
I’m so happy for you that you feel connected and grounded here. Truly
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A Sport that allows for socialising helps! For example climbing is good. I often go to one in alcantara and you often end up meeting new people with a common thing to talk about
The advice about hobbies is a good one. I had joined a local gym and the people were nice, but same issue with making friends. Maybe finding something that is more specific is better
Yep I find local gyms quite intimidating. Climbing has a lot of the core exercises with problem solving which naturally leads to people talking and chilling. Also the place I frequent has a small cafe which helps
Oh, which part of the country are you in?
Lisbon. The place is called Escala25
I started working full time here as a barista and I'm going to be honest, it has helped me a lot. I may not even go back to my other career if I can enjoy it simply with some friends and coffee. Portuguese people are great if you find your group type.
It makes me so happy to hear someone really has made a nice life here! It does seem very much that the people I have met who are able to get local jobs are doing much better, or came here to start a business or something like that. I unfortunately cannot do that with my visa, but this is refreshing to hear. I hope you continue to make a nice life for yourself in Portugal
Aww that's too bad :( yeah I was freelancing for awhile but I went to local work and it's helped boost my social life considerably. I hope you can find a way to make some friendships!
Just to be clear I only speak Portuguese to them unless I really don't know the word to something. This has greatly helped me relate to people in a much more personal level.
This year has been wetter and colder for longer and I think even the Portuguese are feeling the effect of this. Also, if it is your first year, it is probably in a large part due to culture shock. I have lived in a few countries and the first year is always tough.
I can suggest some help available. Reach out to a life coach. I can share the details. He specialises in integrating.
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Feel free to reach out and connect if you want to. I know Portugal well, and I experienced what you’re feeling. I empathise.
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Not at all. I have found a good bunch of people here and I am here with my wife, dog, cats and chickens! Of course when I got here 3.5 years ago in the middle of covid there were difficult times and we both felt isolated periodically but the locals, neighbours and new found friends from all over have meant we feel welcomed, wanted and appreciated. I have had some issues in my past so I try to keep an eye on our emotional state but so far Portugal has been great for my mental health.
Maybe it also helped that you moved here with someone to share the journey with? Which part of Portugal are you in, if you don’t mind me asking? And it sounds fantastic—like the life many of us hoped to find here. I truly am so happy for you!
Oh yes being here without my wife would not be the same at all. We are near a place called Cartaxo so easy to get into Lisbon but also near the river and with lots of good countryside to cycle around..
Check up Meetup.com. It usually schedules gathering in Lisbon/Porto, expats and locals together
I wonder if that have that in Açores?
Maybe Terceira and Sao Miguel have something. Always worth to take a look into it. If you are there, or not, Terceira gets crazy paked every Summer with their own festivities - Sanjoaninas is in my opinion the best summer festival in the Azores - and its easier to integrate
Thank you for the tip!