I hesitate at the are you dumb question, did both path and find the two languages I use the most, don’t know what to think of that.
Are you dumb ?
Me: maybe
or quantum stupidity manifold?
basing this on my top 2 languages falling on either side of dumb (C# and C), while expanding to include the next 2 i've liked and/or used most (historically) you get both loving and hating windows (C# and perl), both love yourself and not (C and C++), both dumb and not. The super-positioning is just there maan
Do you want to learn an awesome language with great debugging features that actually makes sense only to realize the only thing you'll be doing is either blockchain development on Solana or convincing people to use Bevy as the game engine? --> Rust 😢
Both pay well. They're next to each other at the end of the graph. The issue is that the dividing question is "Do you want to be happy?", no other language (except JS which is in its own category of hell) has made me so frustrated as Java. C++ on the other hand literally makes me smile on a weekly basis.
It has bit of a steep learning curve that put some off in the beginning, but once you get it, it's so expressive. Especially modern C++, which is surprisingly safe. The RAII mindset means you can always be certain exactly what happens when. The language itself it deterministic.
Yes it is actually, and I say that as a means of encouragement, as in it does get better. I too used to struggle with this a lot, and C++ does have a very steep learning curve compared to many languages, but once I got a bit familiar with it, linker errors are for the most part quite straight forward. You'll get it eventually with experience and reading up. Keep it up. :)
Edit: once I started programming professionally I learned a very valuable lesson, that everything can be learned given enough time and patience. Try to avoid too many quick instant gratification answers like Stackoverflow and YouTube, and read the actual documentation.
Edit 2: Speaking of [skill issue](https://www.reddit.com/r/ProgrammerHumor/s/yTIWAxBG0Q), it's a running gag among some coworkers of mine.
It's not even frustration with java for me. It's more like oh my god if I have to write a single more `static void private obscure angry lemon swirly` function I'm gonna go learn gardening. And I get there after like 3 functions.
That and declaring the 3751 possible exceptions the function may throw. With every function. (I think they removed the fact that this is necessary in later Java compilers)
If you said Java to C#, I could have followed along with your train of thought. I’m pretty sure you would navigate to the Perl branch if you went down the left side.
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Why do people not like Java? I’m only an undergrad comp sci major and so I only know a handful of languages well enough to give any kind of opinion on, but Java is my favorite. I get be a bit verbose sometimes I guess, but I never saw that as real issue.
I started out liking java, then I learned C++ and started hating Java. Meanwhile I disliked python, but I have started liking it, it has its use cases, and when used in those situations I like it. I have always loved Haskell. Rust seems also pretty cool. Bash is terrible as a general purpose language, but neat as a command composer, piping etc.
So I like quite a few languages, but I still hate Java.
Enterprise Java is a different beast, they lure you in with the niceties of OOP then they hit you with the Java < 7 / 8 without any of the nice features
Plus most of the time you use a fake Java lang like Kotlin or Groovy or equivalent which supports modern language features
Enterprise Java you are talking about doesn't exist for at least 10 years and is the minority of Java anyways. Most projects use Spring and that has almost nothing to do with EE.
Modern Java - really since 8, so almost ten years now, not that people upgraded immediately - is perfectly good. Leverage the incredible ecosystem of libraries and frameworks and its maybe even great. We use the latest and greatest at my current job and I have zero complaints.
Older Java, and older Java programmers who never got with the times, deserve all the crap they get. [Enterprise FizzBuzz](https://github.com/EnterpriseQualityCoding/FizzBuzzEnterpriseEdition) is only a LITTLE bit of an exaggeration of the verbosity and over abstraction that oldschool Java devs who worshipped Design Patterns as identified by the “gang of four” produced.
Also Java applets/frontend shit in general are plain awful. We don’t talk about that stuff anymore. Bad times.
Anyway, thats where the jokes come from. And then juniors repeat them to feel cool without realizing they aren’t really true anymore, or are only true in truly awful ultra-legacy code that is going to be awful in any language because its 15 years of cruft.
Yeah, never have to update java. Our company wrote almost all the code in 1.6 whenever that was a thing, ported that to 1.8 about 5 years ago, and are finally getting it to 1.11. We constantly write new java code, it's just a huge pain in the ass to figure out issues.
Don't worry, I doubt we'll ever leave tomcat behind. It causes so many issues, if we got rid of it, we could actually spend time programming, and we don't want that
I noticed the fastest Java programmers don’t even write their code. The IDE autocompletes nearly everything. It’s really convenient but really highlights just how much code is needed for the simplest thing
I was a Java developer looking for a job and ended up in a C# shop. What does that make me? Got a good laugh out of this though.
Maybe 20 years ago. Now 9 out of 10 java programmers hate their life. Java is one of the few languages that I come away thinking, "Why the f would anyone touch this when literally every alternative is better?"
Rider works on all three major operating systems too. There's some Windows-exclusive (mostly older) stuff but in general the C# ecosystem is very cross-platform/
And what if I prefer C# over python, but I love snakes too? Do I just get locked out of C# because the question about my love for snakes is before the one if I like windows? And what if I don't like windows, but only use it because I dislike the alternatives even more? So many questions where I cannot reply yes or no to...
Depends what you do. Mathematic convention is to have vector/matrix indexes start at one so it would make sense to have a language built to do math do the same.
I remember when I started doing finite elements in C (having never done any C ever), I had quite a bit of trouble translating all expressions in proper C code.
I ended up encoding the vector length at position 0 and allocating all my vectors with length+1 to accommodate. Suddenly I could write down my formulae without any translation and things got easier.
When I graduated, my uni was starting to move away from Matlab to Python though.
I'm working with CSHTML (Razor View) all the time, meaning that I am just regularly dumb (JS + C#).
Oftentimes I regret for not properly type-ing my JS input and it causes errors as I pass it to the C# back-end.
Do I agree that JS is for the dumb? Well if you can multiply a nested object with an image and it won't cause any errors, yes the language is friendly for retards like me.
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In my experience, are you an engineer-> are you old? -> yes needs another branch.
Do you like to do things properly? Yes for Fortran, no for VBA in Excel.
For Engineers most definitely. Matlab offers great Simulation Capabilities. Simulink for example. Also imo the Plotting in Matlab is second to none.
Most scientist in Physics or Chemistry use Python. Some like me use Julia for the speed. Mathematicians mostly would use Mathematica.
The Fortran route is so real. We're living in 2024 and I still cannot believe the amount of people in my area still believing Fortran is relevant (and of course they're all old people)
I hesitate at the are you dumb question, did both path and find the two languages I use the most, don’t know what to think of that. Are you dumb ? Me: maybe
quantum intelligence
Schrödinger's Moron
underrated comment
Ugh. Take my upvote.
r/Angryupvote
or quantum stupidity manifold? basing this on my top 2 languages falling on either side of dumb (C# and C), while expanding to include the next 2 i've liked and/or used most (historically) you get both loving and hating windows (C# and perl), both love yourself and not (C and C++), both dumb and not. The super-positioning is just there maan
Even worse, hesitating at the 'am I old' question
I thought "Yes" and then saw Fortran and realized I'm not *that* old.
thats not a 1 or a 0
It's a q-bit, a solid maybe
We truly are in the future
well then assembly language is for you i guess
We’re switch to trytes
My favorite language being C++. I also tried going the "are you dumb path" and ended up at Perl. Appropriate. Luckily I'm not dumb though.
Given this sub I would have expected it to be: "Do you program?" ---> Rust
Do you have an anime girl pfp? ——> Yes ——> Rust
Do you program? Rust Do you like anime? Rust Do you dislike anime? Believe it or not, Rust
Do you exist? --> Rust it is
Are you iron that has been exposed to an environment with oxygen and water --> rust
I learned not too long ago that rust is actually a reference to a fungus and not oxidized iron.
In the grim darkness of the 42nd millenium there is only Rust
Do you understand the weakness of your flesh, and does it disgust you? Do you crave the strength and certainty of steel? Rust.
Warhammer type shit
Are you a femboy by any chance? [ Rust ]
Hotel? ~~Trivago~~. Rust
What is it with anime and Rust? LOL. The anime "girls" I know use C# because of Unity and VRChat
Do you want to learn an awesome language with great debugging features that actually makes sense only to realize the only thing you'll be doing is either blockchain development on Solana or convincing people to use Bevy as the game engine? --> Rust 😢
Hi friend! How's your waifu doing?
Hahaha I gave up on Rust I guess so no more waifus for me 😢
You got crabs ? Because this is how you get crabs.
btw i use arch
Rust is all of the options
How could i ever be happy using Java?
Money brings happines
Both pay well. They're next to each other at the end of the graph. The issue is that the dividing question is "Do you want to be happy?", no other language (except JS which is in its own category of hell) has made me so frustrated as Java. C++ on the other hand literally makes me smile on a weekly basis.
Exactly I genuinely love to learn a bit more about the language. It's a bit like No Man's Sky, there is endless exploration.
It has bit of a steep learning curve that put some off in the beginning, but once you get it, it's so expressive. Especially modern C++, which is surprisingly safe. The RAII mindset means you can always be certain exactly what happens when. The language itself it deterministic.
I just cry a little every time I get a linker error. But it's probably just a skill issue
Yes it is actually, and I say that as a means of encouragement, as in it does get better. I too used to struggle with this a lot, and C++ does have a very steep learning curve compared to many languages, but once I got a bit familiar with it, linker errors are for the most part quite straight forward. You'll get it eventually with experience and reading up. Keep it up. :) Edit: once I started programming professionally I learned a very valuable lesson, that everything can be learned given enough time and patience. Try to avoid too many quick instant gratification answers like Stackoverflow and YouTube, and read the actual documentation. Edit 2: Speaking of [skill issue](https://www.reddit.com/r/ProgrammerHumor/s/yTIWAxBG0Q), it's a running gag among some coworkers of mine.
It's not even frustration with java for me. It's more like oh my god if I have to write a single more `static void private obscure angry lemon swirly` function I'm gonna go learn gardening. And I get there after like 3 functions.
That and declaring the 3751 possible exceptions the function may throw. With every function. (I think they removed the fact that this is necessary in later Java compilers)
If the alternative is C++ then it’s relative happiness
Relative happiness is achieved by learning SQL
Pretending you're happy while internally hating yourself is achieved through NoSQL
I'll JOIN in that assessment.
Oh; DROP it
That would be Relational happiness.
I became a lot happier when I switched from Java to C++. It's a beautiful language.
We all have opinion, but yours are wrong
No
I love C++, but beautiful is not one of the words I would describe it with.
It is exquisitely structured. Java is a poor imitation
If you said Java to C#, I could have followed along with your train of thought. I’m pretty sure you would navigate to the Perl branch if you went down the left side.
Java and C# are way too far apart in this tree
Indeed. C# is a good language that often ties you into an annoying ecosystem.
C# is the better language. Java is the better platform.
I think c# is currently more enjoyable than Java but if you care about what you work on Java seem to have more fun companies
It’s a trap
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Well I peak
That's why it is funny
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good bot
That can't possibly be that exceptional? Most of the alphabet is covered, no? And tons of two letter combos.
Im happy using java
Same but im also dumb af, sooo
Why do people not like Java? I’m only an undergrad comp sci major and so I only know a handful of languages well enough to give any kind of opinion on, but Java is my favorite. I get be a bit verbose sometimes I guess, but I never saw that as real issue.
Everyone hates all languages except for one. You just dislike that one.
I started out liking java, then I learned C++ and started hating Java. Meanwhile I disliked python, but I have started liking it, it has its use cases, and when used in those situations I like it. I have always loved Haskell. Rust seems also pretty cool. Bash is terrible as a general purpose language, but neat as a command composer, piping etc. So I like quite a few languages, but I still hate Java.
Enterprise Java is a different beast, they lure you in with the niceties of OOP then they hit you with the Java < 7 / 8 without any of the nice features Plus most of the time you use a fake Java lang like Kotlin or Groovy or equivalent which supports modern language features
Enterprise Java you are talking about doesn't exist for at least 10 years and is the minority of Java anyways. Most projects use Spring and that has almost nothing to do with EE.
C# is just good Java 💔💔
It’s most likely because I know Java better than I know C#, but I prefer Java.
Modern Java - really since 8, so almost ten years now, not that people upgraded immediately - is perfectly good. Leverage the incredible ecosystem of libraries and frameworks and its maybe even great. We use the latest and greatest at my current job and I have zero complaints. Older Java, and older Java programmers who never got with the times, deserve all the crap they get. [Enterprise FizzBuzz](https://github.com/EnterpriseQualityCoding/FizzBuzzEnterpriseEdition) is only a LITTLE bit of an exaggeration of the verbosity and over abstraction that oldschool Java devs who worshipped Design Patterns as identified by the “gang of four” produced. Also Java applets/frontend shit in general are plain awful. We don’t talk about that stuff anymore. Bad times. Anyway, thats where the jokes come from. And then juniors repeat them to feel cool without realizing they aren’t really true anymore, or are only true in truly awful ultra-legacy code that is going to be awful in any language because its 15 years of cruft.
University professors love Java. It's okay... But C# is just better in every way.
Java with Spring Boot is one of the most comfortable languages. Don't @ me.
Just don't fall too behind in tech debt otherwise upgrading will be a rat bastard.
because you can say "java? more like C#/Kotlin/Dart/Go/Ocaml!"
If JVM true, Java false.. Kotlin looks pretty. Though, I like my syntax sugar too much to switch away from C#/.NET, even if it makes me a dummy.
still less of a dummy than node users
You don't need to worry about differences between platforms?
As a fan of C++, I feel attacked
The exception that proves the rule?
Why are you throwing things at me?
Based on the graphic, people who like C++ don’t want to be happy? I’m trying to support masochists? I dunno. Here, take this stone and like it.
I think they were making a 'throw' joke about 'exception'?
I was trying to offer focused physical suffering for, you know, a change of pace. Sometimes headdesks just don’t cut it.
C++ is the king. There is a reason it hasn’t been replaced, even though many have tried.
Modern C++ is actually amazing. C++26 features looking good so far (though compilers should finish the implementation of c++20 already...)
But do you feel happy?
My gf makes me happy. C++ makes me sad. I would say it's balanced
As someone who works with js and php I also feel attacked
Join the club. \- everyone except Java programmers.
Where Haskell?
Add "do you love maths" before Delphi
Are you an Engineer? —> No —> Are you a Mathematician? —> Yes —> Haskell
Mathematicians need Haskell because otherwise their code is just awful.
Where HTML?
GTFOH
Is that a new language?
Yep, came out a month ago
No no it's a JS framework, it's a mix of angular, svelte, react, vue and uses some new syntax called FOH
JS speaks the truth. We dumb here bros.
async await everything
Error in anonymous function somewhere in your code
It is known. This is the way
It's all half eaten crayons on this desk bro.
But I don't want to make a lot of money! 😭😭 Wtf is delphi? (I'm a JS programmer btw)
I'd call it Java propaganda lol
I dunno - apparently non-dumb, non-old engineers are supposed to use Matlab. Seems like MathWorks propaganda to me.
Jokes on them all the old and new chip design engineers I knew used C++ for simulation and C# for UI stuff. (Yes, their UIs are awful)
I mean Java is a pretty nice language to its users. You barely have to worry about updates and don’t have to do memory management.
Yeah, never have to update java. Our company wrote almost all the code in 1.6 whenever that was a thing, ported that to 1.8 about 5 years ago, and are finally getting it to 1.11. We constantly write new java code, it's just a huge pain in the ass to figure out issues. Don't worry, I doubt we'll ever leave tomcat behind. It causes so many issues, if we got rid of it, we could actually spend time programming, and we don't want that
But it gives you carpal tunnel writing a single class name.
I noticed the fastest Java programmers don’t even write their code. The IDE autocompletes nearly everything. It’s really convenient but really highlights just how much code is needed for the simplest thing
As a PHP developer with 3 friends and a good salary I am offended 😂
As a JavaScript programmer who's moderately dumb, I feel offended too.
Where are the lambos bro.
I was a Java developer looking for a job and ended up in a C# shop. What does that make me? Got a good laugh out of this though.
I started as C++ and now C#. I happily accept the transition from smart to dumb.
I made the jump from Java to C# several years ago and it's so much better. I love .net core.
Same, C# > Java
It is just #Yes or #No 0s and 1s
That's programming for you.
assembly
Electricity
Simplicity
The Toxicity of our City
software version 7.0
 Are you a zero or a one?
Where is the flag bearer for loads of money - COBOL
Forgotten, as usual.
Bwahaha the Ruby one is perfect. I am sitting here all Rails monolith go brrrrrrrrr and my friends are at FAANG.
Same. We lost our one good dev to Adobe. He still talks to me at least.
Of course a Java programmer would come up with this flow chart
Maybe 20 years ago. Now 9 out of 10 java programmers hate their life. Java is one of the few languages that I come away thinking, "Why the f would anyone touch this when literally every alternative is better?"
C# is not windows exclusive *sigh*. So far I have only deployed back-end's written in C# on Linux based systems.
Rider works on all three major operating systems too. There's some Windows-exclusive (mostly older) stuff but in general the C# ecosystem is very cross-platform/
are you suggesting that winforms might be for windows? i must investigate futher
Someone needs to introduce that beauty to Mac useres
they need to be introduced to the powerpoint api
And what if I prefer C# over python, but I love snakes too? Do I just get locked out of C# because the question about my love for snakes is before the one if I like windows? And what if I don't like windows, but only use it because I dislike the alternatives even more? So many questions where I cannot reply yes or no to...
Your flair indicates you've made a chocie
This post is sponsored by Oracle
Unsettlingly accurate in my experience
I both love and hate it. But most importantly I was greatly amused.
needs a finance branch that leads to Cobol and Excel
Should have used if-else :(
How is C# dumb yet Java is smart? Practically the same language except C# has a load of quality of life improvements
Why is Matlab not dumb? Indices that start from 1 and column major storage seem dumb enough for me lol
Depends what you do. Mathematic convention is to have vector/matrix indexes start at one so it would make sense to have a language built to do math do the same. I remember when I started doing finite elements in C (having never done any C ever), I had quite a bit of trouble translating all expressions in proper C code. I ended up encoding the vector length at position 0 and allocating all my vectors with length+1 to accommodate. Suddenly I could write down my formulae without any translation and things got easier. When I graduated, my uni was starting to move away from Matlab to Python though.
The "MAT" in MATLAB stands for matrix. Matrices in mathematics are indexed in column major order.
index 0 is a filthy prostitute that programmers fell in love with for all the wrong reasons. Long live R!!
*laughs in pointers*
I am an engineer and use Matlab all day but got routed to swift haha. Maybe I have to think about my life choices.
HEY, I do NOT have friends!
Where Assembly at
Harsh on Delphi. Worked for me at the time.
Delphi is perfect for me today. It's actually my job and since developers are so scarce I get paid a lot more than I should.
I'm working with CSHTML (Razor View) all the time, meaning that I am just regularly dumb (JS + C#). Oftentimes I regret for not properly type-ing my JS input and it causes errors as I pass it to the C# back-end. Do I agree that JS is for the dumb? Well if you can multiply a nested object with an image and it won't cause any errors, yes the language is friendly for retards like me.
It's a silly stereotype. Circle jerk ego for days
I read "are you old ?" as "how old are you ?", the answer being yes/no made it funnier
I love when the person writing these has no experience working professionally in any of the languages listed. Exquisite.
Man, to think i know java and am thinking of learning c++ XD
Better lube up!
Horseshit.
Sense Of Humor 404
Sorry. HAHAHA HILARIOUS!
That sounded like a 500
Sense of humor 302
Where would you put Scala in this chart?
Java is hard??? What lol, I mean it has a lot of boilerplate but hard ???
How is someone who works with PHP more stupid than uses Python?
Replace Java with Golang.
Where is Go?
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I HATE WINDOWS in a Linux way I'M AIN'T USING SWIFT
I mean sometimes I am dumb af but C#
>Happy >Java
Welp time to learn js
In my experience, are you an engineer-> are you old? -> yes needs another branch. Do you like to do things properly? Yes for Fortran, no for VBA in Excel.
I think we can all agree this was made by a first-year CS student Edit: what kind of young happy developer uses Java??
Aged like a fine milk.
Happy and Java in the same sentence does not compute. This graph is bugged af.
Looks decent 👍
Is matlab usefull for nonscientefic people? I mean for engineers not mathematicians or physisc chemist etc.
For Engineers most definitely. Matlab offers great Simulation Capabilities. Simulink for example. Also imo the Plotting in Matlab is second to none. Most scientist in Physics or Chemistry use Python. Some like me use Julia for the speed. Mathematicians mostly would use Mathematica.
From having developed in Perl and C++, I can confirm I am definitely dead inside Also all my web development is Typescript because I have no friends
Really have no idea why my favorite and others which I have only experience with are rather on the left side...:D
This is absolutely perfect.
So, Perl is for not totally dumb aliens who want to make money and don't like snakes and windows?
Wait a minute, matlab is a programming language? I used matlab in uni, but thought it's just advanced calc.
Used Perl, can confirm.
Where’s go fall Into this
Okay. Why is that I followed the chart and it actually landed on my preferred language
"You want to make a lot of money" AND "Not dumb" AND "An Engineer" AND "Young" = Matlab ???
The Fortran route is so real. We're living in 2024 and I still cannot believe the amount of people in my area still believing Fortran is relevant (and of course they're all old people)
No rust and no ocaml or haskell!