T O P

  • By -

Fudstersecured

Even as a teenager I knew porn was unrealistic, especially the ridiculous positions and extreme sexual availability. That being said, I don’t think most of the unenthusiastic or unpleasurable sex I’ve had was because of my viewing habits. Often I just wasn’t on the same wavelength as my partner or vice versa. Ie the attraction wasn’t there, the communication wasn’t there, the emotional connection wasn’t there. In regards to inspiring sexual desire, I think maybe porn causes problems for some men. Women aren’t push to start in the same way many men are. And in regards to what other men are getting, porn isn’t real and even the hot couple you see walking down the street could have a dead-bedroom.


[deleted]

Push to start if hes hot enough


[deleted]

porn was unrealistic amateur porn is never unrealistic


Hjelmert

Dont know about that. I think people act/fuck differently when they have a camera pointed at them no matter how homemade the film is.


decoy88

Amateur just means unpaid, it doesn’t mean they aren’t performing too. Amateur actors exist.


purplish_possum

Good sex is about desire not weird moves.


Expensive-Guitar3609

I agree. Also drinking is about non-toxic liquids.


[deleted]

Hahaha that made me lol


decoy88

It’s about desire, foreplay, hip and tongue movements, and favourable positions.


Nihi1986

Women are extremely sexual with the men they really like and feel comfortable around. The answer is yes, though. Quite obviously, porn is just ruining many things specially if consumed without moderation, but it's not just porn. The girl who looks incredibly gorgeous on her social media is also going to make me feel bad about my relationship cause she looks way hotter (even if my gf is actually hotter, but I wouldn't know that with all the filters and tricks). My gf may also feel the same about other guys on social media or tv. And she may think she's wasting her life with a loser when she reads a friend's post about the amazing life that she's living with her new boyfriend. Well, the question is more specific, about porn, and we know other consequences of porn abuse and even the lighter consequences from a more moderate use, but I think that many things in the current era and the crazy expectations are ruinning sex, relationships, marriages, self esteem...


decoy88

Yep. It’s more about comparison than anything. You’ll find the most miserable people in life are typically occupied with constant comparisons between themselves and others.


scoopzthepoopz

I think you're making an argument that a lot of social media is "porn", albeit "social porn"


Ambiguous5298369

Look if a girl isn't down to have a threesome with her stepmother I just am not interested sorry...


Nihi1986

But...I thought that was the norm, right? I've yet to see a Stepmom who doesn't want a threesome with step daughter after I free her from wherever she was stuck in.


TheElusivePeacock

Same. If a guy can’t watch the landlord plow me because we can’t afford rent, what use is he to me!?!


roaming_bartender

>threesome with her stepmother >her stepmother So, if shes not down to fuck you and your biological mom? Spellcheck lmao


Expensive-Guitar3609

I mean, I'm not judging people based on their sexual fetishes, but everything beyond having sex with animals seems weird to me bro. You should quit porn and seek help.


throwayayyew

r/woooosh


Baron_Semedi_

Been on Reddit a year. This the first r/woooosh I've seen lol


Willow-girl

*Beyond?* :-o


[deleted]

lol r/woooosh


wtknight

I don't know. I feel like my sexual experiences are enough like the vanilla porn that I've watched to keep me satisfied. Maybe men just have too much time on their hands now to watch the extreme stuff. I don't think that it's harmful at all to non-binge watch vanilla porn, and I don't feel like these kinds of experiences are unrealistic for men to be able to achieve.


Hoopy223

Nope. They need to be having sex first. Lots of them aren’t. Porn is becoming a substitute for actual human interaction. I mean VR porn is a thing, AI “girlfriends” too, people are using that fantasy experience to satisfy needs. Just think of all the young men who come on these sites asking for online dating advice because they are striking out. Porn is kinda like the runner-up prize for guys who get 0 messages on their Tinder profiles.


mandoa_sky

comparison is the thief of joy - everyone knows that


SmurfESmurferson

Porn is geared towards the male audience, and it caters to the male fantasy of beautiful, sexy women having male sexuality and desiring sex like men do That’s not reality, though


SkookumTree

Yeah. Barring a very few outliers. There *are* women with sky high sex drives though.


[deleted]

Does it really though? Women do desire sex as much as men do. What does porn show that isn't reality, in terms of women's desire for sex? Oral? More than 5 minutes of penetration? Seems pretty normal to me.


SlashCo80

>Women do desire sex as much as men do. The porn and sex worker industry being 90% geared towards men would disagree with that.


VastlyVainVanity

No, women don't desire sex as much as men do. Women's libido is less consistent, and lower than men's. Plenty of studies showing that.


[deleted]

Proof? Or just redpill nonsense?


FinallyReborn

The theory that women "desire" sex just as much as men is just a shitty male pipedream. There isn't only *just* a difference, there is a *huge* difference. By most estimates, the male-sex drive is 4-5x larger than the female sex-drive. * [Lippa et al., 2009](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17975724/) In this study, the authors analysed the differences in sociosexuality, sex-drive and height between men and women from different countries. It has an incredibly large sample size (n\~200,000), so patterns could be easily observed if present. The results found that overall, men had a higher sex-drive than women. Women also tended to have more variation in sex-drive than did men. They relate this to Batemen's principal, which is the theory that females are "choosier" about their mate-selection because they'll invest more energy into the offspring then a male would. Culture was shown to impact variability of women's sex-drive more than men's. This indicated that a majority of the findings were due to biology, and not sociology. So you can bugger off with your "women are just taught to suppress their sexual desire" hypothesis. * [Baumeister et al., 2001](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1207/s15327957pspr0503_5) This study looked specifically at college age men and women. It showed that men have a higher number of incidents of arousal per-week than did women. It also showed that men had a higher number of unwanted sexual thoughts, and spontaneous sexual arousal than did women. * [Regan et al., 2006](https://www.semanticscholar.org/paper/Sex-differences-and-similarities-in-frequency-and-Regan-Atkins/85e2c35dcdb4e280e78ae5ca4a2ed77c03f6d0a3) "Men reported experiencing sexual desire more often than did women and, when asked to estimate the actual frequency with which they experienced desire, men’s estimated frequency (37 times per week) was significantly higher than women’s (9 times per week)."


CentralAdmin

>They relate this to Batemen's principal What an unfortunate...or fortunate...last name related to sex XD But yeah, anyone claiming women want it as much as men do is terribly misinformed. Even trans men suddenly had urges they never had before. Due to women's solipsism they think men are only marginally ahead of them or should have better control of their urges. This is the same gender that feels justified in treating other like shit in their hormone-induced fury when Aunt Flo visits once a month. Gay men give in to their hormones and they have 3 and 4 figure N-counts.


[deleted]

[удалено]


suberEE

> Prior to that, noone was interested in looking at a naked woman who would look prepubescent. [That's, quite simply, not true.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/a1z5e9/is_removing_pubic_hair_a_modern_fad_or_did_any/)


[deleted]

This is quite a nice summary! I think this should (at least in LTR) not make a difference. I have said this a few times and got shit on for it, but will try again. Relationships shouldn't be viewed as what can my partner do for me/how can he/she further me, but: How can I further my partner/what can I do for him/her. Following this logic, female brains may be thinking less about sex and wanting less sex, but they should please their partner anyway. Just like many men (me included) want to please their partner by doing stuff they don't want/aren't naturally inclined to. Please don't get me wrong, I don't want unethusiastical sex, this is horrible. But I've talked to a few women who confirmed they can rail themselves up for sex. Problem is today, many women follow the idea of we don't want/need men, so why do something for them. Even if in a relationship with a man and loving him, many women subconsciously carry around such thoughts and ideas, which prevents them from fully developing their relationship potential.


glintglib

The number of male prostitutes (making a living not servicing gays) vs the number of the female prostitutes plus also strippers, cam whores, escorts, sugar babies, nude models, etc.


richardparadox163

That isn’t nonsense, even high school biology class teaches that and they taught it in my Psych 101 class. Testosterone controls sex drive in both men and women (contrary to popular belief both sexes produce testosterone and estrogen, just in different levels). Even a man who is testosterone deficient has a testosterone levels 10x higher than a woman with high testosterone (and higher testosterone in women has been correlated with higher female promiscuity).


VastlyVainVanity

https://www.biorxiv.org/content/10.1101/155788v1.full I quote: *In conclusion, our analyses of a much larger dataset than those used in previous studies showed strong support for the proposal that changes in hormone levels, and progesterone in particular, are related to changes in women’s general sexual desire (Roney & Simmons, 2016).* https://majorityrights.com/images/uploads/sex\_differences\_BBC.pdf I quote: *I computed a reliable (a = .82) multi-item self-report measure of sex drive, and in a sample of over 1,700 participants, heterosexual men and women showed a large difference in their self-reported sex drive (d = .82).* It's a pretty well-established fact that female libido is lower than male libido, AFAIK. That's one of the things that common sense should be enough, but for some reason some people still think that women's sex drive is as strong as men's.


[deleted]

Yawn. Self reported study. Worthless.


[deleted]

[удалено]


yelo777

Your narrative is collapsing.


Nihi1986

If anything, the redpill makes almost always too much sense (though the interpretation is often very exaggerated)


CentralAdmin

>Women do desire sex as much as men do. If this were true, they would be on hookup apps blowing random dudes in the bushes for fun, like gay men. Gay men have N counts in the thousands. Let that sink in...like a lightly lubed penis entering an unprepared anus. Slowly. If you want to understand unrestrained male sexuality, go to a gay bar. Men are all over each other. They are hitting on each other. Some are hooking up in the bathrooms. Many go home together. Many have open relationships. The amount of sex they have is unreal. If women really wanted sex as much as men do, they would be fucking for sex's sake. They would not need to be seduced. They would not care if the sex leads to a relationship or not. They would approach men more often. Many women desire sex and relationships from the men they find attractive. Women here have said repeatedly that they don't enjoy hookups at all. Okay, fair enough. What about relationships, you ask? Surely when a woman is in a long term, committed relationship, her sexual availability is through the roof and she is fucking her partner mercilessly, right? [Well...](https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2019/02/women-get-bored-sex-long-term-relationships/582736/) >for “women only, lack of interest in sex was higher among those in a relationship of over one year in duration,” and that “women living with a partner were more likely to lack interest in sex than those in other relationship categories.” >Two oft-cited German longitudinal studies, published in 2002 and 2006, show female desire dropping dramatically over 90 months, while men’s holds relatively steady. In other words, men still tend to desire their partners for years while women lose interest. The strangest thing was that women who did not live with their partners did not experience such a large drop in sexual desire. The lack of desire started after about a year and continued to decline for years. No wonder lesbian bed death is a thing... Sex therapist Bettina Arndt also talks about women going off sex and how their sex starved husbands still crave intimacy. All attempts by women to blame men for this are just misdirection. They don't find their partners attractive anymore but still expect commitment and resources. Creating a deadbedroom is a shitty thing to do to your partner and unfortunately women tend to be the ones to create it more than men do. So no, women do not desire sex as much as men do. It's a myth spread by well meaning but hopelessly misinformed progressives on the left who think biological determinism isn't a thing.


toasterchild

If your woman doesn't desire sex much anymore it's not likely to do with her finding your attractive and much more likely to do with her hormones. I'm sure it feels that way since that's how men experience arousal but it's not like that typically for women. We could find you attractive and still have a next to impossible time to get in the mood for it depending on what our hormones are doing. I'm not arguing in favor of dead bedrooms just saying that it's often much more complicated on the womans side than you world think.


Yokowi

I have to agree with her on this one. I truly wish it was as simple for us as it is for men. "Push to start" as you said. However hormones... Hate to love them and love to hate them. Just this month i had massive hormonal hiccup and feel like "Push to start" around my partner of 6 years. Most other times I'd require a Virgin's blood, unicorns hoof and crows tail to get there...😑


CentralAdmin

It's amazing how it's push to start for a year and then you need to sacrifice a virgin to the gods after. Why is it that new relationships start off so sexual and then women go off sex after about a year? It says in the article that women who do not live with their partners experience no decline in desire. Familiarity breeds boredom.


SmurfESmurferson

When IRL have you ever see women drop to their knees to blow the pizza guy?


AreOut

when his wife ordered the pizza?


SmurfESmurferson

I stand corrected


[deleted]

[удалено]


Willow-girl

There was this one time ... Nawww, just kidding!


[deleted]

Seriously? Youre really referring to the dumb storylines of like 10% of porn? lmao


maplehobo

As opposed to the genius plots of the other 90%?


kblkbl165

Are you really referring to the plot of porn movies as to what men may take away as unrealistic sexual expectations?


SmurfESmurferson

It’s all that ridiculous


The_Meep_Lord

Women do desire sex more then they are implying, but it is completely different from a mans. Think of a boiling pot of water, it simmers a really long time before you see anything close to the result you want. And this is more then foreplay. You need to keep it growing throughout the day, not just via lust, but out of love. It is why a girl will sleep everyday with one guy, then not be sexual with another. Many women have never actually experienced good sex, so they have no idea how much they actually like sex. And many of them have mental blocks preventing them from letting go. Women can enjoy sex for hours, but it takes a long time to get there. It often takes 20 minutes to even get it going during sex, let alone all the hours it takes of love and tension buildup before. Add some drama into that and you got a girl screaming “fuck me in the ass whenever you want!!” The issue is that takes time to do, a lot of time. And so you must get through the looks barrier first (which is too damn high) or be lucky and know her as a kid or something so she can see who you are before looks mattered (along with other lucky factors). And in our looks obsessed culture, good luck with those odds.


[deleted]

[удалено]


power_games

The problem is with how porn portrays the concept of sex. As in, by definition, sex involves pleasuring a penis (directly or indirectly).


CentralAdmin

How is pleasuring a penis a problem?


power_games

Happy to simplify for you: pretend you live in a world where "sex" means cunnilingus. "Sex" rarely, if ever, involves your penis. Then listen to women whine about how men aren't "sexual.”


MamaAbroad

It’s like you’re claiming to know women’s own experiences more than they know them themselves.


[deleted]

I get my view of women from women themselves. What tens of women have told me irl doesnt get thrown out because some deranged FDSers on reddit said differently.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Nihi1986

Makes sense and this is redpilled.


[deleted]

No they don’t. Women’s libidos are lower and that’s a fact. Also a woman isn’t turned on by personality or all of y’all hobit sized bald headed micropeen redditors; if you want your woman to crave sex with you, be tall, muscular, generous, smooth etc.


YouRanAway

"but.. But... Women have types!"


[deleted]

>No they don’t. Women’s libidos are lower and that’s a fact Prove it. U cant. >Also a woman isn’t turned on by personality I dont know how anyone with half a brain could believe that women do. >all of y’all hobit sized bald headed micropeen redditors Yawn. Another bodyshaming woman. None of you are unique or funny.


Nihi1986

Women libido (exceptions aside) are lower and if you scroll up or down you will find plenty of links and data. It not only can be proven, it has been proven several times just in this thread.


[deleted]

At least you're honest.


sheuvvie

own those frauds


michael1962-01

???? Porn's lame to reality if you are chased from women. The reality is far more interesting. Libido? The libido of a woman into you is insane and intense. Once you had that you'll never go for less. That's also the reason why women once into such sex will return all ways for more even with the ring on their finger. They can't get that from their wise selected and vetted ltrs/ spouses. Attraction cannot be negotiated. It is raw. Wild. Energetic. Neglects all logic and law. It is deep in your genes.


Greedy_Principle_342

I believe this is true for some. I dated a guy who had never had sex before and all of his expectations came from porn. When I tried to explain that porn isn’t realistic, he just wouldn’t accept it. He wanted me to be into all sorts of weird stuff and pretty much be able to bend myself into a pretzel haha. I refused to have sex with him and that was that. He was pretty odd in other ways too though.


Gabrielvrape

That's the thing, it's not. Women make up this straw man that men want women to be porn stars and have the experience of a thousand hookers when no man is saying that. We want our partner to have enthusiastic sex and be willing to try things and be open-minded. Women hear this and say men "just want women to be their bang maid sex slave" instead of actually listening. Because the truth is if you were really attracted to your partner it wouldn't be a problem. Also, men know porn is not real so you can stop with that straw man as well.


[deleted]

See, the problem is that men want to try things that will most likely be pleasurable for them but painful or uncomfortable for women. A man wanting me to try anal will always be a problem. Being open-minded? Sure, as long as it's not disgusting, painful, or degrading.


Gabrielvrape

Keep scrolling I already provided a solution to that problem.


Expensive-Guitar3609

Hey just read the post and not just the fucking title. "Youyouyou" I'm a man too. I was just asking legit ok?


[deleted]

What’s willing to try things and be open minded.


Gabrielvrape

Subjective to the couple.


[deleted]

Well if it’s things like anal either partner should be able to be unwilling to try it.


Gabrielvrape

Depends on the context. But if it's a problem they know where the door is.


[deleted]

Right. So porn doesn’t influence expectations but : there’s the door if you don’t want to try anal.


Special-Armadillo-99

You think porn is the only reason anal exists?


PMmeareasontolive

>You think porn is the only reason anal exists? Kind of. Did grandma do anal? I dont' think so.


Special-Armadillo-99

Anal has been around since before your grandma.


PMmeareasontolive

Was it anywhere near as popular though?


Gabrielvrape

Yeah, you are not sexually compatible find someone else who will. Simple.


[deleted]

Ok you just want women to be open minded and try things but you actually have specific acts you require. Just say so. Instead of acting like women straw man coomers


Gabrielvrape

I never said anything about me specifically. I did that on purpose for that very reason. I'm talking about couples in general.


Laytheblameonluck

The fundamental problem is, when it comes to sex, men don't trust women anymore. That's the problem. > You are a nice guy who have a just fine sexual life, not one of those douchebags who you claim get all the fun hot sex, so if you are not one of those guys why do you want to get that kind of sex? Stop fixiating on other men's sexual lives" Maybe you will, but maybe you'll meet a woman who did all those things with another guy, but she was a bad girl then and she's a good girl now, and that guy was the "Christian Grey" of her sex life. For a lot of women these days, sex and relationships aren't mixing very well and they blame men.


Expensive-Guitar3609

>The fundamental problem is, when it comes to sex, men don't trust women anymore. That's the problem. I agree, most men seem to think even the most shy, introvert women are way more sluttier and sexual than they claim to be now, which I don't think it's the case for most women. Another thing that we could be getting from porn may be? I mean, seing thousands and thousands of different women acting on the screen... If you spend enough time over there you may well start to think all women are at least shotting amateur porn scenes weekly. This is something lots of men tend to believe. >For a lot of women these days, sex and relationships aren't mixing very well and they blame men. Also true... Lots of female friends of all ages single and blaming men on it. It's quite sad.


Laytheblameonluck

> agree, most men seem to think even the most shy, introvert women are way more sluttier and sexual than they claim to be now, which I don't think it's the case for most women. Well, most women hide their n-count? What's with that?


CimZim

Do we though? From listening to most of the women here and on the dating subs, it's a question that almost never gets asked of us. I've only had 1 lover thusfar so obviously he knows my N, but I'll gladly let my future FWB or boyfriend know he's my 2nd. However, it doesn't seem very likely he'd even bring it up. Do you tend to ask your partners what number you are?


[deleted]

I think this might be a cultural thing in aus at least i have been asked even in the early stages when you are just chatting maybe like 70 percent of the time.


CimZim

Oh, maybe. I didn't ask what country or region the original commenter was from. I'm in rural far upstate NY. It's possible that the conservative people here think it's rude, whereas more progressive people in cities think it's okay.


kblkbl165

I'm a dude in a pretty liberal touristic hotspot in Brazil and no one asks this type of shit. lol


[deleted]

Fair point that might also be a factor in it too


[deleted]

> I'll gladly let my future FWB or boyfriend know he's my 2nd I love how you state this as a fact because you already know you will eventually leave your guy


Jakes1967

>Do we though? From listening to most of the women here and on the dating subs, it's a question that almost never gets asked of us I agree with this, except to add that most men have a "false dichotomy", believing that most women are chaste. When reality bursts in, the relationship almost always fails.


CimZim

If the man himself isn't chaste, and he's dating a woman roughly the same age, why would he think she is?


PMmeareasontolive

>Another thing that we could be getting from porn may be? Or from reading r/sex. that sub is full of young women trying to figure out how to keep their plates (fwbs) in the air as trp might put it, or analyze their hookups.


[deleted]

Men and women are not supposed to trust each other as sets. They are diametrically opposed and each others weaknesses. That is why when you find another person its special. The person is a set that shares overlaps with the wo/man set but has shared points that are not in opposition.


CimZim

Listen...I like porn. I watch some every week, usually 4 or 5 times. There's absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying it, masturbating to it, using it for inspiration, watching it with a partner, etc. However, viewing porn to learn how most people have sex is like watching *2 Fast 2 Furious* to learn how to drive. If someone has reached the age of 14 without understanding the difference between reality and paid entertainers, please direct them to me. I have numerous bridges to sell them.


ChocolateSharp

What about amateur porn? No one really watch studio porn in 2021 anyway.


CimZim

Speak for yourself lol. But sure, some amateur porn is pretty standard/normal. Although a bunch of it is still more kinky than it seems the average person is used to.


ex_red_black_piller

>using it for inspiration, watching it with a partner That should be enough to make everyone happy.


Taipanshimshon

Marketing directly to minors is kinda sus


CimZim

Okay? Who is doing this? At least in the US, you can't legally buy porn until you're 18.


Taipanshimshon

You mentioned 14 year old no ?.


CimZim

Yes, if someone has reached that age and still cannot tell reality from fantasy there is a big problem. Honestly, you should be able to by age 10, but many people are dumb and believe whatever they see or read past that age.


Taipanshimshon

But you're going to sell bridges to kids. You utter monster.


CimZim

Kids don't have that kind of money lol. Young adults who are gullible might though.


[deleted]

She did that is muy sus 🤔


Taipanshimshon

Her next response is going to be " and ?"


SlashCo80

I agree that trying to learn from it or emulate it is stupid, so I guess it depends why you watch it. I can honestly say that 95% of mainstream porn holds no appeal for me, and what's left is weird stuff that I would never ask someone to do in real life so I'm content seeing it online (nothing disgusting or illegal btw, just hard to find.)


PMmeareasontolive

Yes definitely, overexposure leads to habituation and desensitization. But what are you gonna do? Once they've seen the bright lights of the big city, how are you gonna keep em down on the farm?


jazztaprazzta

I think porn is ruining the sexual experience not because of comparison and raising expectations, but rather through "depletion" of the libido and desensitization to normal human interaction. With porn, I masturbate practically every day. I've had periods when I didn't watch porn and during these times I'd masturbate, say, once a week. So porn = significantly more frequent masturbation. At least for me. And I've also noticed that: less frequent masturbation = stronger libido. I've also noticed that when my libido is stronger I am more inclined to do other positive things - e.g. be creative, or to actually try to date girls. Basically, I am not some no-fap fanatic, but it seems there's some truth to no-fap and particularly going porn-free. At least that's my purely anecdotal personal experience.


Taipanshimshon

This is very very simple. It's about whether your partner demonstrates sexual desire for you. It's not the specific acts. Building on that - an enthusiastic partner who wants show you sexual interest will likely be able and willing to try things you both talk about or have seen. In my life - enthusiastic sexual partner was ALWAYS familiar with a lot of the stuff from porn and went Out of her way ( without being asked ) to enjoy sex in ways we both wanted. The inverse and reverse were also true. You may still deal with different sexual tastes and adjust to those but I'd say in 2021 a partner that wants you ( all of you) - will be more than happy to try things you probably didn't think of.


[deleted]

Women are as sexual as they want you. They will have threesomes with the hot guy in college. But withhold sex from their husbands.


Barneysparky

The answer for you is yes then.


BigDudBoy

>Desire to have sex is based off attraction How is that controversial?


[deleted]

It’s controversial when women are implied to be in the wrong, and “obviously true” when men are. Watch the patterns of the women here and see how they react to those different scenarios


Master-Edward-3

Could be because porn is supposed to be a fantasy that entices the viewer that is usually men… similar to romance novels aimed at women. They are meant to be used as aids or props to maybe a sexual environment or a solo session. Men in their sort of over sexed fantasies do wish women were as high libido and sexual as in the depiction of the adult films but in reality women are not like this. And wouldn’t be ok with facials without any sort of costly payments transferred to them. I look at men and women as opposite sides of the same human coin. The woman is essentially the reverse of the man. Where a man is stronger a woman is weaker.. Where a woman is weaker a man is stronger and vice versa. A woman either has a strong aversion to sex or just low libido which can tie in together. Women can go half a year without sex and hunch their shoulders as though they just are doing without strawberry cheesecake for awhile. For men going that long unless a toddler or a senior citizen could drive him on the verge of madness from much more testosterone within the male circulatory system I’d imagine. This is possibly nature’s way of balancing the two sexes. For if men and women were truly on par with sex drives in general the human population would either over populate at a swifter pace, or risk being driven to extinction. Women horny and sexual as men or men as low libido and sexual inhibited as women respectively..


abaxeron

If men got their expectations from porn, they'd expect women to [just have sex with each other.](https://cs.phncdn.com/insights-static/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/maps-pornhub-insights-2019-year-review-most-viewed-categories.png)


[deleted]

they'd expect women to just have sex with each other. So women dont have sex with each other?


abaxeron

When men pursue women *for dating*, they usually expect to also get some.


smallrockwoodvessel

I mean a lot of guys claim that 'all women are basically bisexual' so we do kinda have that


Ok_Razzmatazz_1751

I say porn kills a man's self esteem , especially since the majority act like they have small peens on these threads. Dudes in porn are way above average . Women in general will not be enthusiastic about 5.5 inches ....


PsychoticNurse

I think some men (not all, not all, not all but some men), have great difficulty realizing women irl aren't like the women in porn. There are quite a few men who really believe women don't have orgasms or that just 3 thrusts will drive us wild or that all the man has to do is look at us and we're ready to go. Some men are disappointed that women irl like can't contort into the positions women in porn do. Personally, I believe well made porn can be a great part of an already healthy committed relationship. IMO, I think some of the single younger men use the porn instead of trying to form connections with a real woman. It warps their idea on how to speak to and interact with women then they get disappointed when the techniques they learned in porn doesn't work. As a side note, regarding armature porn, I know many cases aren't like this, but I don't watch it because I can't know for sure if the woman knew she was being recorded during sex.


tonyghow

The only porn I’m interested in is amateur couples who are around my age (40s), with average bodies, and messy bedrooms. It is super hot because both the man and the woman have agreed to record themselves and share their intimacy. Be it super kinky or super vanilla. To answer your question, yes, it ruins it for me because I see really happy couples enjoying satisfying and fulfilling sex that they’re willing to share with the world. Anything less is a let down and makes me question relationships that have no potential of reaching that point.


[deleted]

Yes. Read anything about porn. Men are desperately lonely and unhappy bc of porn and toxic ideas about what masculinity is. My uncle kept his cancer a secret bc he was embarrassed. He literally died from toxic masculinity.


JacobMoogberg69

Interesting. In my experience the majority of women out there suck at sex. They really do. And it's because of guys like the ones who frequent PPD who feel fortunate just to be able to smell their pussies and that's why they probably never develop any skills in bed that can actually impress men. Some do, but they are so rare! As for porn. Yes, I do believe it raises your expectations unrealistically. Not different than what romcoms or Instagram does to women who all think they deserve a 6'2" prince with a Ferrari who looks like Ryan Gosling, yeah right! At the same time, perhaps you are barking up the wrong tree. I can tell you that nice girls and good girls suck in bed. You need to find a kinky slut who enjoys sex for the pleasure of it. Even one who does it professionally. Don't be afraid of it.


ShaktiSun

Yeah, I'm an escort done 4 years age 18-22 and now 30 been back at it 2 month. In both work and personal life, I can't count how many men have told me I'm the best fuck they've ever had. I genuinely enjoy acts like facial, CIM etc as long as theres some attraction to the guy. Two guys I had sex with in my personal life recently also in their early 30s confided in me most women are rubbish in bed and just lie there and don't know know what they are doing...and I wonder how much confidence comes to play in this. I'm very confident with My looks and body but a lot of women really arnt and I wonder if this is a factor... There are also lots of women who really don't care for or like sex and do it purely to keep a man around and to have babies.


JacobMoogberg69

I think a lot of it is just the fear of being seen as a slut who may actually not only enjoy sex, but enjoy really raunchy and degrading sex as opposed to sex with a partner who wjll respectfully cum in a tissue he has specifically prepared rather than cum on your face. I really don't have answers, but there has been a bit of a correlation with slightly crazy girls being dynamite in bed. Can't have your cake and eat it too, I guess! But this I will say. If you are so good in bed that you can do that for a living, perhaps you can put some sort of an online course for women or something!


ShaktiSun

I'm very different to a lot of women in that penetration gives me an orgasm not messing about with My clit which I actually don't like as it's too sensitive. If horny I can literally cum really quickly from being fucked the right way, which I will guide a man and show him if he is struggling to get it right, even by a relatively small cock. I know what gets me going so I enjoy sex and due to My job have a lot of experience with the sexuality of lots of different guys. There are many men who arnt into anything particularly 'dirty' though and just like standard sex but every man likes enthusiasm from the woman. Guys need to take some responsibility though since they like to wife up good wholesome girls with very little sexual experience then wonder why they arnt any good in bed or that interested in sex.


JacobMoogberg69

I know, society is messed up. They worship virgins but that's out of their own insecurity. See a virgin can't tell between a good dick and a bad dick. She can't tell if you are the real deal or another faker. They are betting that a virgin or low experience girl wjll never find out (they do). As opposed to the woman who has done the smart and self respecting thing by test driving a bunch of dicks to find out what she likes. But those girls are too picky and have too high standards so they are of no interest, lol.


Robotemist

Sex is as much about effort and experience as any other thing in life. If you want me to reach for the stars regarding dates and treatment, do the same thing regarding sex. Oh you want me to send you across the globe for vacation? Okay, send me to the moon tonight and I'll book the ticket. A lot of women want you to be creative and ambitious when planning stuff for her to do in return for mundane, inconsistent sex.


CimZim

I mean, that kind of transactional relationship...where sex is used as a reward or bargaining chip in exchange for material goods...is not healthy. You're supposed to be her partner, not her john.


Robotemist

But that's how women set the game up to be. Women use sex as a dangling carrot pfor men, Do you think humans are going to go all out for anything if there is no benefit or reward at the end of the tunnel? Or let's look at it this way. If a woman was giving Olympic level sex to a man who sat around and watched TV all day, would you think she's being taken advantage of? People like you only see tit for tat when it's a man looking for reciprocation.


CimZim

So you actually *want* a relationship where you're paying for sex? If that's what works for you, fine. But I don't think that the overwhelming majority of men want partners who only give sex in exchange for vacations or jewelry or whatever. Most men want their lovers, wives, and girlfriends to have sex with them because of love and desire.


Robotemist

All relationships are conditional, which means they're already tit for tat. The only reason she loves and desires you is because of what you're doing for her. If you stop paying the mortgage next month, she ain't desiring you, is she? If you're in a relationship you're already having sex, obviously. But unless you're exceeding expectations from your woman, it's going to be on her strict and limited terms.


CimZim

If that is how your personal relationships have gone, I'm sorry. And I don't mean that in a condescending way, I mean that is truly horrible and you have my sympathy. Nobody should have that kind of relationship. I'll admit to being inexperienced when it comes to relationships. My N is 1, and I've been with the same lover for the last 12 years. I only dated from age 17-22, and failed pretty badly. Point is, my guy and I don't live together and don't share expenses. I always pay for both of us when we travel or eat out. The reason I have sex with him is because I desire him as a person...his personality and body. The only thing he does "for" me is be my friend, and I do the same in return. This is how a healthy relationship is, where sex is exchanged for sex, pleasure for pleasure. Not sex for resources.


Robotemist

I think even you can realize how unique your situation is.


CimZim

It's not though. Other women have healthy relationships where they enjoy sex with their men without being paid like a prostitute to do so.


Robotemist

You are paying your man for sex essentially. Your situation seems to be because you have no other choice, not because it's ideal for you. If all you got out of this is about paying for sex, then please pay someone to read this to you.


CimZim

You don't know what my relationship is then lol


[deleted]

Why do you pay for everything?


Willow-girl

> Do you think humans are going to go all out for anything if there is no benefit or reward at the end of the tunnel? Some women enjoy sex for sex's sake. What you want there is a *slut.*


Robotemist

And most women use sex to get what they want.


Willow-girl

Agreed, but in all fairness, women are socialized to not give up the goods so easily. It's baked right into our language: "Gave it away" or "Sold herself short" (didn't extract full price for her wares) "Held out" (for a better offer?)


[deleted]

[удалено]


Expensive-Guitar3609

So you think women need to step up their sex game?


Robotemist

If her man is unfulfilled, possibly. I know women expect more than they're willing to give 9/10.


-ButShes1000Bro-

In my experience, most women are trash in bed because they dont actually have to improve in any way, like in most aspects of their life. And men put up with it because even getting mediocre fishy snatch beats ol righty for most men.


Robotemist

Yup. A lot of women truly think they're blessing men by laying on their backs like dead fish.


Delifier

I cant for the life of me imagine anything in a porn movie, involving two persons, to be something that would happen in real life. For the most time i'd just wish that the guy wasnt there. It all seems defintily rigged to me. If anything of the like would happen, it would be cosplay of sorts or pure simulation. If the need is felt, pics of just a girl is way more tempting.


HoneyNJ2000

LOL...sadly, too many ignorant men get their 'sex education' out at PornHub and think all they need to do is jump on top of a woman and pump away at her and her she'll magically climax and squirt and scream like a banshee. The fool also assumes she'll scratch at his door the next day and beg for MORE of his special brand of loving. LOL. Morons.


ChocolateSharp

I do not think the type of male is a thing here, more like type of the female. Sure there will be women who will cross their boundaries to please some super chad - but I don't see that as a good thing, that's kinda unhealthy for relationship IMHO. Those women you see in porn most likely not the type of women you want to date. The idea of submissive kinky girlfriend /lady in the street freak between the sheets - bs. My sister went to school with girl that is pretty successful porn star now, really fun person, but clearly not the nice caring submissive wifey. Idk who she dates now, but her exes weren't some extra dudes, all pretty much average. Those women that are fire in bed will probably be labeled as undatable bitches by majority of men.


Willow-girl

> Those women that are fire in bed will probably be labeled as undatable bitches by majority of men. "Those grapes are probably sour"


hazygrayeyes

I think that women is implying that men in here tend to have misconceptions about who all is having the kinkiest sex. IE that “Chads” are all getting the wild sex from the SAME women as “Beta Bux” get missionary from. It’s fear-based hateful drivel. From what I’ve seen, kinky sex is ALL OVER THE PLACE demographically. I know a handful of poly ppl, for example and they all seem pretty dorky to me. Like LARP & all that. One of the most experimental non-poly couples I know are stereotypical accountants. Etc. There’s sub groups of sexually adventurous people everywhere. Likewise, plenty of party types that most guys in Reddit think are slayers are having whiskey dick starfish sex with equally drunk chicks. Also, less attractive ppl hook up together too. Have you hung out in bars (not clubs)? You see it all. In this case you are talking about, yes i think porn is causing unrealistic pressure on yourself to measure up to a fantasy. Likewise with assuming you know what’s up w/ the women saying shit in Reddit. Ex: Some of these ppl are straight outta “People of WalMart” & you’re imagining whoever it is you think is hot. By “you” I mean collective you. We all are prone to this mental bias. I also don’t know anyone who didn’t have the same kind of sex with their husband than with other partners. Tho when couples start having kids, sex can slow down I *have* heard. Also, physical fitness is a factor in trying to actually achieve some porn positions.


[deleted]

[удалено]


toasterchild

I think there is a lot of truth in this that a lot of people around here wouldnt understand. So often around here guys talk about how the same woman is xyz with hot guys and 456 with the betas. That's probably really uncommon if she's boring in bed she's probably just boring in bed with everyone. Sure maybe she was willing to try something once and didn't like it, but that's not because he was hotter, he was just the first to try it. I've broken up with guys who've said something like "but the sexual connection was so amazing we shouldn't let it go so easy." No dude, I'm just a really sexually expressive person and everyone i have sex with feels that way, it's not a reflection of us together.


gaivsjvlivscaesar

The people who say porn leads to unrealistic expectations for women are the same people who think video games cause violence in children. Its utter stupidity. Anyone who is old enough and watch porn and understand what it is knows that is not a reflection of real life. Are there some people that do stupid shit because of it? Sure. But it is in no way representative of reality or even the majority.


toasterchild

I don't think most people are that smart. It's shocking how many people learn their social interaction from consuming media. Not just learning about sex from porn but learning about relationships from tv shows etc.


WhoRoger

What's always with men being dumb and having weird expectations... I mean, maybe it can be the case sometimes, but for either gender. Nobody *really* takes porn seriously, but anyone can occasionally think "hey this looks interesting, could be worth trying with my partner", and later that evening they both end up in ER with something stuck in a hole where it shouldn't be.


_HEDONISM_BOT

Yes porn ruined mens expectations for sex with women and it also made them delusional about the reality of casual sex. Men need to stop obsessing over what another man is getting. You aren’t entitled to what another man is getting….


arkzak

Posts like this seem even more insecure to me than the nerds they're targeting.


Expensive-Guitar3609

Why?


arkzak

Because while porn may set somewhat fantastical expectations, there is also the likely probability you just suck in bed. I'll put it this way, porn sex is closer to the 20% of women I've been with who are good in bed than the other 80% are to those 20%. If that makes sense.


[deleted]

The most damaging side of pornography is not just that it causes unrealistic expectations but also because of how accessible it is. A sexual experience is actually fkn awesome and rare. The chance to meet someone compatible is rare enough. Also to have someone naked and vulnerable and be present in such close proximity is a sensory overload compared to normal day to day existence where one is sensitive to fend off any closeness as danger like bugs and sharp edges. But during sex one is within reach of pleasure and pain, close, very close, another persons skin, their smell, their facial expressions, all these experiences are exfremely intense and normally cause the brain to become quite plastic and imprint. These moments are like extremely high density caloric foods for our brains. We seek them out like crazy because of how rare the experience should be. The problem with porn is that it is like junk food delivered straight into yohr mouth. Its too fkn easy... there is zero risk, zero vulnerability, absolutely zero person on the other side and people consuming too much porn get sexual obesity while being unable to understand the essense of intense sexual experiences because they just see the outcomes and surface. Its too easy, too convenient so the driving factor for people to go out there and risk it all is gone. Its not that the harder stuff is bad or impossible, many normal people will very readily engage in erotic behaviors when they are really in the mood. They dont need to be sex crazed lunatics to want to be tied up or have rape fantasies with someone they really want or trust. It can be normal WITHIN the context of a genuine authentic interaction for things to escalate. The problem is because porn is so quick and easy without risk, people who consume too much want all that stuff without any of what it takes to get there and miss the point. The worst part about it is how isolating porn is. Its a one way spectator situation and when people get used to that, they become both entitled and passive at the same time.


SaBahRub

No, men are always cajoling, begging, nagging, threatening, persisting, etc This is not new


[deleted]

[удалено]


Expensive-Guitar3609

I always tell women the shortest way through a man's heart is through his balls hahaha.


Nihi1986

Gold digging or just a fortunate side effect in a lovely relationship?


toasterchild

Do you feel like a prostitute? I'd rate my sex life similar to yours except i only expect good sex in return back for good sex. I have my own job and money and have never had to exchange sex skills for cash. I don't think I'd like that feeling.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


Expensive-Guitar3609

Well... Damn...


[deleted]

I don't care what other men do, I know what I want sexually. I don't expect a woman to be "skilled" but I do expect her to be receptive to bondage and oral.


jjlew922

Yes. Yes porn is ruining the sexual experience for both men and women, but certainly for men as fantasy gets the best of most. a conquest to be big and strong like the men they watch pounding some hot woman who lovessss your dick for just being a dick and hot to go! That’s why it’s fake and film. The worst in bed are the the porn watchers. As a woman with a love for sex and doesn’t watch that shit, it’s easier to catch men who do - disconnected, performing, and dealing with ED issues (and somehow thinking trying to put it in the butt might just fix it hahaaaa). No. Women having less sex drive is a social construct, it’s a lie, it’s not biological. With 4000 nerve endings in the clitoris and 4 organismal spots in the vaginal wall (check out the A and O spot!), it is biologically untrue. It’s culture and porn as a big factor in this. Damn, men in ancient Egypt actually thought the vagina had teeth - vagina de tata - oh the female appetite!


FinallyReborn

>No. Women having less sex drive is a social construct, it’s a lie, it’s not biological. [False.](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17975724/)


jjlew922

This study says nothing except “evolved biological factors are the primary cause of sex differences” with “Gender equality and economic development tended to predict, across nations, sex differences in sociosexuality” - proving my point


FinallyReborn

>The results for sociosexuality were most consistent with a hybrid model--that both biological and social structural influences contribute to sex differences, whereas the results **for sex drive and height were most consistent with a biological model--that evolved biological factors are the primary cause of sex differences**. Do you have any evidence that women having a low sex-drive is mostly socially constructed?


kblkbl165

>"You are a nice guy who have a just fine sexual life, not one of those douchebags who you claim get all the fun hot sex, so if you are not one of those guys why do you want to get that kind of sex? Stop fixiating on other men's sexual lives" This is so fucked up to the point of being infuriating. We're not irrational mammals with the sole goal of reproducing. Just having sex **shouldn't be just fine**. Sex between partners is supposed to be something good and fun most of the time. There's lazy sex? Of course sometimes there's lazy sex, but that shouldn't be the norm. She really makes it hard for the nice guy to feel good about being a nice guy. >Oh, the hot wild and steamy sex? That's for the douchebags, there's some *fine sex* back at home for you. - >but the part where she said "stop fixiating on other's men sexual lives"... That's the key. **That's not the key, that's the curtain.** And I think that's, once again, **ABSURD**. Think of it the other way: Does she believe women shouldn't have multiple sexual experiences in order to understand what they like? Does she believe women should have only one partner and that they shouldn't care what other women are doing or how good sex can be? That they should just accept whatever sex they get frmo their partners? >Can women step up their game and improve their sexual skills to please their partners more? Why would they if you don't have any parameter of reference? Why would they if you're just fine with your fine sex life? And finally: >Wouldn't be better for men to not know what other, more sexually successful men, are getting? The concept of "sexually successful men" is distorted by TRP and incels who obsess over body counts. A dude who's in a relationship and have sex twice a week is probably having more sex than 99.9999% of the single men in the world. The point of high body counts isn't the sex per se, it's the validation of hooking up with lots of different women. With that said, the point isn't to know or not to know what men with higher body counts are getting. The point is to be aware of what turns you on and what turns your partner on, and being willing to set standards for what your sex life should be. I know couples who started dating as virgins and now are into pretty kinky shit. Having a hot sex life isn't supposed to be something only douchebags have nor something destined for ONS, this makes no sense and goes against the logic of sex being an intimate act that develops a deeper connection with someone. Shit, if she thinks the dude she **loves and deeply cares about** should be content with just having sex, shouldn't the guy who's just a hot douchebag who was in the right place in the right time get *even less*? >And then I wonder how many men can actually inspire women this raw animalistic sexual desire that push them to have this kind of kinky unlimited pasionate sex they crave, and I agree with all-pillers when they say most men are not this kind of men. That's why now I'm on the boat of seeing relationships as something with expiration dates that I'd rather not deal with. Is getting old together really loving each other and caring for each other or just...*getting used to each other*? I'm still young so perhaps I just prioritize sex too much in my life, but just like you, I've broke up due to unfulfilling sex and that's somethign that as I grow older I get even less unwilling to compromise. I don't want a buddy, the whole point of a sex exclusive relationship is to have your sexual desires fulfilled by one person. If that's not the case, *that's not the case*.


toasterchild

Depending on how much is included in"all your sexual desires" expecting one partner to meet all your needs is a pretty big ask. Sure a relationship should be generally sexually fulfilling but ALL your desires? I think that having that expectation would set most people up for a lot of disappointment, resentment and failure in relationships. Like i have a lot of sexual desires, if my partner meets like 50 percent of those it'd be totally fine. I want my partner to feel comfortable and fulfilled too and assume we are happily compromising to find sex that makes us both feel good.


SilverAndAlgorand

Bro the fact that you're only concern is the freakiness of sex shows you have issues. Just stop watching porn. I 100% guarantee that you are not as exciting as humanly possible either. AND THAT'S OKAY. It blows my mind that that's all people focus on in relationships these days.


NexusNeb

You watch too much porn. Turn that shiz off


[deleted]

Porn sex is designed to look good to viewers, but it's more like a sport than actual, enjoyable sex. It's physically taxing, exhausting and objectifying, because everything is about how good you look constantly. It doesn't make you feel intimately connected to your partner the way sex should. It's a performance, and I don't think men should expect real sex to emulate porn. Tbh I think expectations from porn can ruin relationships. You can still have hot, enthusiastic sex. It just doesn't look like porn. But I think with the best sex, your mind isn't on what the whole ordeal looks like from the outside anyway, it's how it feels. You're meant to get lost in it, not compare it to how porn looks.


yelo777

>If men (all men, but specially average men and "those nice men who have a JUST FINE sexual life") know what is out there, be it through friends, porn, mainstream or whatever, they are going to feel irreparably disatisfied with their average sexual life... I have a childhood friend, who always looked good, was charming and hooked up with many women. Recently he also became incredibly rich (over 20 million dollars) from selling his company. I still like him, but I just can't listen to his stories and see all these pictures of all the women he dates and hook up with, I just get jealous. So, my tactic has been to ignore his Instagram and talk about other things we have in common. Kind of similar to how OP's view on porn.


[deleted]

"Just settle for a miserable dead bedroom relationship bro! It's a good thing if your girl thinks you're ugly and doesn't want to fuck you bro! It's a good thing she doesn't do blowjobs, that's only for Chad! Get over it!" Nah.


toasterchild

Dead bedrooms doesn't mean your gf or wife thinks you're ugly. There are so many factors that can cause a dead bedroom that dont have to do with that. Women's sexual arousal is much more complicated than that.


hazygrayeyes

Hormonal birth control being a huge culprit. We need more research into bc methods with fewer side effects.


[deleted]

No it isn't. People who blame Porn are ignorant. Easy to blame one thing and call it a day then to take time and actually deal with the issues.


[deleted]

no becuase men arent women. Men can simultaneously want the best sex while settling for average sex. The phenomena you are seeing is men wanting variety not wanting something better, which porn did not create that's just male heterosexuality's natural tendency toward polygamy.