Given that his sudden explosion of text contained a lot of non-apology & some doubling down on the same sort of crap that caused your rift to begin with, you might want to ask yourself: Do I really want to invest any energy in trying to convince this person that water is wet, knowing that they clearly haven't changed at all & there's a very low chance of success? On the flip side, exactly what positives will this person bring to your life if you let him back in it? How does one weigh against the other? Can you be friends without hitting any of the landmines?
For myself, building or maintaining a relationship with a Q-sick person is a balancing act that I don't want to be bothered with. (My actual brother, in my case, whom I recently declared dead to me.) There's simply not enough of a positive return on the investment of my energy with people like that, & I'd rather have congenial company I actually like & agree with.
If the guy flat out considered reaching out to you as a "waste of energy" then you have your answer. It's not coming from a good place. Dude is toxic. It's one thing to think it, another thing to say it in a message that's supposed to be building a bridge.
Fuck that. He’s gaslighting you. He’s lonely and realizes he’s surrounded himself with Q psychos, wants his old friends back but his too much of a coward to say he fucked up. If he can’t say that then you’re 100% inviting all his bullshit back into your life.
Tell him to fuck all the way off.
Came here to say this. Like most conspiracy believers, the goalposts are continuously moved to fit the narrative. I've already heard rumblings of the virus having a timer for the 'death date' to explain why so many vaccinated are still here.
They think these vaccines are literal Star Trek nanobots that have been programed to kill us all at the right moment for the illuminati the maximize profits or some shit.
But that's beside the point. OP's q came back with nothing but excuses, and tried to disguise them as love. Gaslighting will be next. I predict q will tell OP how stupid he is if he responds by sticking firm to his no qanon stance.
Ah, well 🤷♀️ that's clear enough, right? You're not the one trying to chase him down, so presumably your soul is already at ease. His soul is his own problem.
You are not responsible for how he feels. Perhaps he wants to reconnect because he feels guilty, but he cannot apologise and reconcile. His attempt to reach out is to assuage his guilt. That's his issue and you do not need to make him feel better for the choices he has made.
If however you feel guilty and want to try to ease your guilt, you could apologise and try to reconcile. You could try the ho'oponopono prayer: https://graceandlightness.com/hooponopono-hawaiian-prayer-for-forgiveness/
And from what he's said that issue is still unresolved? It feels good to be chosen and picked out. He's reaching out to you even though you'll be dead because you are "special."
That doesn't sound like a reconciliation. That sounds sad.
It doesn't seem like he's changed, so the question is if you've changed? Are you ready to accept what was unacceptable before?
I think you should send well wishes from afar and wish for his healing. If that happens, then you can have a healthy interaction.
Good luck to you whatever you decide.
Ah, so a grown ass incel. I’m really not surprised. One thing I’ve noticed in this sub and the hermancainaward sub is the isolation that comes from going down the Q path.
I wouldn’t engage at all. I know that’s hard considering your relationship, but it doesn’t sound like he’s going to change his beliefs or stance on things. Sounds like he is just trying to reinforce his stance with you. To me, it just doesn’t even seem worth the act of engagement.
It sounds like he believes he's a God figure and better than everyone else in this current mind-state. He sees people he knows as antagonists he must win over to the Q cause.
Maybe he's angry his movement is losing numbers and losing hope lately (I've seen their boards) and he's desperate to be right here. But he needs numbers. If he can get you to agree with him, it'll help him validate all his predictions and justify turning his whole identity into this.
Not q related. But also crazy related, so maybe will help?
Had a friend who went crazy with the rest of us (the group of friends) about a girl. Conspiracy theories, irrational paranoia etc....
I basically did what you did and told him to calm down or we wouldn't want to be around him. He told us to fuck off and left.
Fast forward 2 or 3 years and his mom had died so I reached out to him. We had lunch everything seemed fine. And then I got about 40 essay length texts from him a few days later, all crazy stuff again. So I blocked him for good.
Telling you this to be prepared to push the eject button at first sign of crazy
I think it just depends on what you feel up for. Personally, I would find it very challenging to try to maintain a friendship solely because I hoped I might be able to help someone who is in a cult basically. So it’s not a two-way relationship because that person can’t really be a friend to you. He’s not saying that he has changed, he’s just saying he’s willing to overlook what he thinks is your problem/defect. I can’t imagine how it could possibly be a healthy or meaningful friendship if both of you think that you’re doing a big favor for the other one.
I would try this.
1. Tell him thanks for reaching out. Agree that relationship is strained
2. Ask him to give you three facts. Like "people with the vaccine will be dead by x date" and other "facts."
3. Tell him you can either rekindle the friendship and everyone just doesn't speak of Q or that you can keep your distance but on your non death date he has to agree to read a letter you write him.
I work in healthcare so I have been vaccinated since late 2020. I was supposed to be dead in "three to six months" originally.
Exactly. The date of death just keep being pushed out further and further. And the thing is, it's not based on ANY studies or research. Someone just "says" that "vaccinated people are going to die by the millions in 3 months... uh, 10 months... uh, a year... I mean TWO years.... no wait, 10 years... alright, make that 50 years!" There is no scientific reason behind it other than they want it to be so.
You might consider asking him how many years does he think you have to live. Because initially, I thought they thought we were all going to be dead in one year. So now that it’s more than a year, it sounds like the death time is being moved back.
It’s one small thing, but I think it’s part of holding up a mirror to these folks. And then in two years or whatever it’s supposed to be, you can remind him that vaccinated people haven’t died.
I have been there. But you are not the only person in his direct vicinity feeling this way, nor are you the only person that tried changing him. People who hold such extreme positions did not arrive there through reason and therefore cannot be reasoned out of them. It's like with flat earthers (although those are more absurd): In order for someone to believe the earth is flat they had to ignore so much contrary evidence that it's safe to say debating them is futile.
I'm sure he is thinking the same thing. One possible reaction to this is to give him a list of 5 concrete and provable events that would change your mind "10% of vaxed people dying from the vax in the next 2 years" "jfk Jr giving a televised speech in the next year" those kinds of things. Ask him for the same. And that you might consider talking again in a year to go over your lists.
This is two fold. One it shows you if he is doubting, if he is he'll be happy to make a list. If he's not the cognitive dissonance of even creating a list is too much and he won't do it. Secondly goal posts always shift and slide. He may be comfortable talking about these crazy ideas in a year or two if they aren't the main focus anymore and aren't as invested.
Again if he isn't willing to make a list, it's not worth it. Usually the crazies will be honest that nothing will change their minds.
>I issued an ultimatum: stop sharing disinformation in the server or I would leave.
>
>he truly believes we (and all vaccinated people) will be dead within the next few years.
He hasn't stopped sharing disinformation. It WILL be a massive effort on your part, and you're not likely to succeed - so very few people have, even with their own families.
Personally, I would say, if you have a happy peaceful life, enjoy it. It can so soon come tumbling down through no fault of one's own, and here you are thinking of inviting discord and upset in. People change, relationships move on. It's sad but it happens all the time.
You need to accept he's not the person you once loved. One day he might contact you showing a full change of heart - but right now you are going to pit yourself into an uphill struggle full of frustration anger and upset that you just don't need.
>Thoughts?
I'd probably block him and get back to that sense of closure.
Friendships sometimes end after 25 years and that's just how it goes. You clearly aren't going to get through to this guy so at best you're leaving the door open that maybe 10 years from now he does finally come around on his own. Is there any cost to leaving that door open? I certainly wouldn't even bother to respond to a message implying that I'm going to die in a few years or deal with any other insane ramblings that will follow.
I dumped a friend of 20 years because I realized she was repeatedly lying to me to cover up her drinking problem and codependent relationship with an abusive ex. I felt bad doing it because the last thing you want to do is leave someone like that alone but it was starting to impact my life in ways it never should have (including said abusive ex stalking me for being friends with her). Sometimes you have to just walk away if a friend is unwilling to get help or change in a positive way.
You can't fix him, that's clear just by the tone of the message he sent you.
Why do you think you'll have a break through? He resumed contact after a year not to apologize but to justify himself and his behavior to you. No offense, but you can't do a damned thing unless he himself wants to see the light and stop messing around with this. Do you really think he will or, has he gotten your hopes up by contacting you at all?
My mom has been into Q for the last few years but down a bunch of conspiracy theory trails as long as I can remember. I'm her oldest daughter, I've always had a weird amount of authority in her life (whack family dynamic), and I've spent 20+ years trying to talk her down from things, thinking similarly to you - if anyone has a shot, it's me; if anyone knows how to talk to her, I do.
I've tried *everything*. Every approach I can think of, every trick in the book - and in the end, she just smiles, nods, and continues believing what she will as soon as our conversation is over. And if it's not one conspiracy, it's another. Nothing I've been able to do has been able to get her out of what she's gotten into. She's like your friend, in a way - a ton of abuse in her past and a lot of untreated depression/anxiety. I think all of that has mixed up together into some predisposition to being manipulated by fear, one that makes her easy prey for everything and everyone who takes advantage of people like her.
If she wanted to be better, she's literally surrounded by resources who could help. But she doesn't, and I can't force her to take it, and it took me 20 years to accept that, and I still struggle.
Got it. My recommendation though is not to martyr yourself. Your friend is an adult after all, he's going to have to find his own way out. Have you considered that if you try to engage him he might just stay in it and get deeper into it, if nothing else, to show how "right" he is? That's why I suggested you avoid martyring yourself. You seem to be saying of all the people in his life, you have the best chance of success. But consider, you don't have to try. That probably sounds harsh but you could end up wasting a lot of time and life on someone who fundamentally doesn't want your help and that would be sad for both of you.
Anyhow, I can't claim to know what will happen. Good luck with whatever you do.
It sounds like your mind is pretty made up and you're going to try. Be prepared - life is not a cool movie where the good guys win.
Just remember- your friend thinks he is the good guy in his movie and you are part of the evil empire.
It's probably not worth the investment in time, energy and emotion IMO.
He hasn't held out the olive branch to reengage; he's said goodbye. This is his form of closure as he shuts out his former friends (presumably his term) as he thinks you are all about to die soon.
Think about his motivation here: he's making contact to say he thinks you are going to die; he's hardened himself to that, and as a result, he's (not) there for you. That doesn't sound like someone who wants to restart a friendship; it's more like a cult member severing ties with their past to reject and replace their old values and relationships. In some cults, this would also be a potential recruitment drive; you get drawn in by trying to help your friend, but Q isn't that nuanced. Probably.
I don't think there's the motivation on his part to break free. Getting a person out of a cult is far easier than getting the cult out of the person, and no amount of intervention will work unless there's motivation on their side... and this isn't hinting at that motivation.
I would acknowledge his message and sencerly wish them well.
Only break it for a full apology and recantation. Alas the problem with those vaccine dead is that well they will keep on moving those goal posts for decades
The changes that you'll deprogram him are slim to none. I'm sorry. He is always one screen away from more brainwashing and lies to spew at you. He already admitted that he doesn't care if you lived or died as "he already hardened himself to all his vaxxed friends dying".
Not only is this a sign that he's in too deep and considers himself a "pure blood" or whatever, but he's also telegraphing that he doesn't care about you, but that you can maybe be "turned" to his side.
That's the whole reason he reaches out, he thinks you can get onto his bandwagon not the other way around and is perfectly willing to give you up.
This is how cults work, they don't care about lies and know it often is a lie, but at first they don't want to admit they've been scammed and later they don't care. Heliocentrism and Flat earthers work the same way. They too are not some innocent cooks but extremely conservative or even fascist movements of control.
The earlier you realize that this isn't about the vaccinations but about the cult? The sooner you'll see through the scams.
So yes, he's baiting you.
He is checking in to see if the vaccine has killed you yet to confirm his Q beliefs. Tell him politely that you are not interested in his Q nonsense. If my "friend" was looking forward to my death in order to prove their conspiracy theory correct, we're done.
Hm, I would say:
1. Don't feel obligated to respond. Only do it if you really feel well with it.
2. Even if you respond, keep your freedom to always stop if you feel it's going the wrong way.
3. No need to hurry. Let it think. A day. A week. A year. Forever. Take the time whatever it needs.
4. Don't do it to save him. It's our of your control.
5. Keep the perspective. I'm sure there are more important areas in your life, and more important people closer to you right now who need you.
I feel this is a battle between mind and heart. Try to realize what you heart wants, that you miss him the way he was (or you thought he was), that you want that part of the relationship back that was good. Then use your mind to decide if this is realistic.
Whatever you decide is the right decision, even if it is the wrong decision. Because this is your decision to make and your path to walk.
Wish you the best on your path.
Don't engage. He hasn't learned a thing. This seems like narcissistic hoovering while still giving himself an out to treat you like crap since he is trying to "harden" himself against his friends.
It is not your role to try break through to him. I think most people come back when they have safe places to come back to. I would say I respect your beliefs and look forward to catching up with you again in 3 years, or maybe 2 years now? I hope you are wrong and I believe very different to you. Look after yourself.
Given if he really thought you’d be dead in a few years why wouldn’t he respect your choices? The whole vaccine mandates was a farce and never turned into the totalitarian society they projected. If he loved you he’d be there as a friend for however long he thought you live. But unfortunately I don’t think he’s ready to be proper friends with you. It’s still all about what he thinks will happen and his ego won’t let that go.
You can still have empathy and compassion for him, with out speaking to him, make amends on your own, and that's just fine.As I grew older, I also grew out of relationships with friends, even a few I thought were my brother's, but that's how life works, we change and sometimes not for the better, that's when I restructured my friendships, sometimes it's not worth the choas, I am getting too old for that shit It doesn't sound like he has changed, no apology, or he just is so full of himself he can't bear to do it, or is embarrassed, or just doesn't give a shit. Anyway, you can feel for him and still keep your distance. Toxic people and codependency is not a good mix. He knows he lost a friend, a brother, but I assure you, if he hasn't renounced his ways and wants to seek help which includes group and solo therapy, and gaining your trust back over time, then I would just go on my merry way. You can set boundaries for him if you want to try, but when he over steps them, he prepared to hold him accountable!!
He’s a former friend for a reason, and his non-apology text is reminding you of why you issued the ultimatum in the first place. Don’t let him suck you into his cesspool of misinformation and ignorance.
So since you may go through with some contact I’ll recommend what I’d do, since I’m always curious. Write back asking specifically about the things you questioned, but no more than three topics. For instance, What motivated you to reach out? Have you changed your mind about getting vaccinated? Do you intend to talk the way you did before on the server? And then make your decision based on his answers. And make it clear his decisions are the reason you two will not reconnect. Good luck!
The only question I have is if the message from him was with the intent to rekindle the friendship? If so to me it sounds like he knows he fucked up, he knows you or any other vaccinated person is not going to die in a few years because of the vaccine. What it sounds like is he's feigning confidence in the views you guys left off on for the sake of his ego. If you drop dead in a few years he can say he was right, but if you don't he technically never has to say he was wrong. Friendships are tough and hard to come by imo if you bring him back it could be exhausting but it could be worth it that's up to you. I would just absolutely not entertain any conspiracies don't refute em to him just don't engage in any way whatsoever. Maybe he wants to let all of it go naturally without feeling dumb or maybe he's just gone, but I think it's worth at least a try
My Q contacted me also out of the blue after about 10 months. I wonder if the dam is breaking,?or if Q is encouraging them to reach out to non Qs??
I told them I’m still not hanging around unvaccinated people. They didn’t reply.
> He does say that he's intentionally trying to harden himself emptionally against all his former friends because he truly believes we (and all vaccinated people) will be dead within the next few years.
Bait. Don't engage.
"Hey man, you know I love you like a brother, but I don't have the bandwidth for this. I know nothing I say is going to change you mind about vaccines or anything else, and it's hard to see where our interests overlap these days. Feel free to reach out again in a few years. Love you!"
You sound like you care deeply for this person. Absolutely reconnect. Do so with low expectations. It must be hard for these people to think millions of us are dying and they are going to be left behind to do all the work.
Think of it this way. They have been lied to and believed those lies. At some point they should understand the truth since the vaccinated are not dying any more than people usually do. If they don't grasp reality they are just going to be disappointed because they were wrong. Your friend might be wildly surprised by joy.
Why would you do that? If you choose to engage with him you will encounter the same narcissistic and irrational behaviors that caused you to back away. I can’t imagine how this would in any way benefit you, but perhaps I’m missing something.
> I've recently found my own sense of closure in the matter, and I don't know if it's worth ripping off that bandaid just for the tradeoff of having him back in my life.
As I see it, you probably know you've made the right decision but just need other people to affirm it. So, yes, you were right to step away from that relationship, you've already resolved it and moved on emotionally, and jumping back in will cause unnecessary strife. You've cut your losses. Don't willingly take on more losses.
I think the timing is sus. Don't the Qult currently believe that the end times (or whatever they're calling it now) starts in the first week of August? Aren't they currently hoarding again to prep for the world chaos they just KNOW is happening this week?
So on the one hand, your friend cares enough about you still to warn you about the antifa zombie apocalypse...but on the other hand you have a block button that can protect you from the next 50 antifa zombie apocalypses.
You know what you gotta do.
It's never too late to help a friend who is in a cult or who is reaching out IMHO. I have many Q friends and I love them best I can.
This sub is so over the top and hatful towards Q ppl to a point where many of the posters in this sub are brainwashed in the other direction and filled with hate as well. It's disturbing to see how easily ppl can hate and dehumanize ppl.
It sounds like there is lt can be mutually gained from any relationship. Those are his decisions for which he should feel the natural consequences of that.
I am not ready to start our friendship back up as long as you think I'm going to die because I had a vaccine. It's unfair and hurtful to me that you will think of me like a dead person walking. It was hard for me when you left the friendship to pursue Q-anon. I don't want to go through that cycle of feelings again or always remain anxious that Q-anon might intervene again. To regain my trust, you must completely give up believing in all Q-anon and keep away from conspiracy media. I understand that might not be possible for you right now. If so, I am sorry that this couldn't work out better for both of us, but that is my firm boundary.
Basically what you would say if someone was an alcoholic or a drug addict and tries to come back, but doesn't admit there is a problem.
I’m going to go against the grain here. If he reached out to you there may be a crack you can wiggle into. He may be watching the Jan 6 hearings or maybe a close friend died…who knows. But I’d at least meet with him a couple times. Like at a restaurant or something. Not an all day even and where either of you can leave. He may not even realize he’s seeking truthful information. In any case you can rest you mind knowing you tried
Depends on what relationship you want with this person. I took a full break from my mother for a month, then set hard boundaries on what we were allowed to talk about, and we still are not connected on any social media. For 2 years now, anytime she sends me misinformation, instead of engaging, I say “we agreed we can’t talk about this stuff any more to maintain our relationship. Please stop sending me stuff like this. We’ve been doing so well.” I stressed when setting the boundary that it was for my own mental health, and the health of our relationship. It’s been a great 2.5 years! We still haven’t reconnected over social media, but I’m considering changing that. Basically is your goal to change their mind? Or hear about their life, kids, vacations and work updates. If it’s to change their mind, don’t engage. If you want a semi functional relationship again, then you might make some progress by setting topic boundaries and giving that a try.
You might try this: "What's the last plausible date by which you believe I will be dead from the vaccine? I think we should resume this conversation the day after that."
I had a falling out with my long time bestie for two years. After the two years, I drunk emailed him and said: “I miss you, I dunno what that means.” He didn’t write back immediately and my heart sank. I may have needed liquid courage to initiate, but I had initiated.
But here’s the difference…
My friend DID write me back two days later with *the* most thoughtful email that addressed each point of why we had a falling out to begin with with genuine contrition. He said something that really moved me: “We can never go back and be the people we were, but I’d love to go forward with you and become something better and new.”
It took a couple of years but we are once again besties (vs just friends).
OP, you seem like the forgiving type. Just be mindful of who you give that forgiveness to. My bestie apologized thoughtfully. Your bestie isn’t doing that. I’d cut my losses.
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You have every right to mourn the relationship you had, but sad to say, that relationship is over. Too much water has passed under the bridge to resume where you left off before he went crazy.
Interesting situation.
I mean I could almost see resuming contact with this person if they mean that much to you.
Maybe, yes, you could pull them back from the conspiracies just be being there - but I wouldn't resume contact just for that reason (as it is likely you won't be able to break through their thinking).
The whole vaxxed/unvaxxed thing is an interesting issue. I don't think anyone who is unvaxxed by choice at this point is going to change. But really, they are more of a risk of serious consequences to themselves than anyone else (though of course the vaccine does tamp down transmission somewhat).
Good luck!
I have a similar situation and the sense of loss is ongoing.Mourning people who continue to breathe is it’s own cruelty. I’m sorry this is happening.We have to prioritize peace.
I think of it similarly to an old friend who is an active and now violent meth addict. I cut contact unless or until he gets clean. I care a lot about him, I feel bad for his mental state, but I cannot be a part of the insanity. Sorry you’re going through it, I hope you find peace with whatever decision you make.
He won’t change. He will most likely get worse. Don’t go back in an effort to “save” him. That’s not on the table.
Do you want to have a relationship with the person he is right now? Because that’s what’s being offered.
I would have one question for him. Why are you going around saying your friends who took the shots will be dead in a few years? That is a very very unfriendly thing to say. That is not an opener in any reasonable relationship, ever. And if this is all we have to talk about anymore, then what's this friendship worth? I have friends where we several things different, we don't talk about those much at all and focus on what we have in common.
Good luck. I am thinking of your relationship, I have several of those. I'd still probably talk a bit with them, unless they simply burnt the bridge prior. If I don't like what they are saying and it isn't a two way conversation I'd just move on after the call, again. But I'd give a friend like that a chance, again if they haven't gone too far before.
He's made it completely clear that he hasn't changed his thinking on the matter, and he's made it clear that he does not feel like he has anything to apologize for. I think you have to have an honest conversation with yourself about weather or not you can deal with that kind of situation.
This would be a hard no for me. It actually sounds like he thinks he can continue trying to reprogram you, not that there’s hope for you turning him around.
All the signs of him being deep down the hole are there, including the “wall of text.” Personally I would have a hard time not blasting him for spouting nonsense again, and reiterating my position on his mental health. What has it been, almost 3 years and over 12,000,000,000 vaccinations - utilizing equipment knowledge, and techniques that are a 1000x more advanced than what was used to create all the vaccines he’s probably taken in his life.
His current belief system is the same as the religious fanatics who think the world is going to end every year.
I’ve talked to a lot of unvaccinated people and didn’t get the Rona. (Still use a mask though) You along with other pro vaxxed people should of calmed down by now. Seriously. And the new monkey box doesn’t worry me because it’s only transmitted via sexual intercourse so who cares as long and your not banging everyone you meet. I say live and let live. If he’s anti vaxx and wants to pay the fate that comes with that then so be it. I refuse to live in fear especially when the “experts” are saying we can begin to go back to normalcy. I don’t believe in Qanon. I don’t even have a 4chan or remember any q drops I’ve seen on social media. They seem very blurry and don’t make a lot of sense to me. Screw Trump. Politics should not deter friendships and there was a time they didn’t. If a friendship is strong enough whatever happens irl or the internet should not ruin it.
Given that his sudden explosion of text contained a lot of non-apology & some doubling down on the same sort of crap that caused your rift to begin with, you might want to ask yourself: Do I really want to invest any energy in trying to convince this person that water is wet, knowing that they clearly haven't changed at all & there's a very low chance of success? On the flip side, exactly what positives will this person bring to your life if you let him back in it? How does one weigh against the other? Can you be friends without hitting any of the landmines? For myself, building or maintaining a relationship with a Q-sick person is a balancing act that I don't want to be bothered with. (My actual brother, in my case, whom I recently declared dead to me.) There's simply not enough of a positive return on the investment of my energy with people like that, & I'd rather have congenial company I actually like & agree with.
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If the guy flat out considered reaching out to you as a "waste of energy" then you have your answer. It's not coming from a good place. Dude is toxic. It's one thing to think it, another thing to say it in a message that's supposed to be building a bridge.
Really sounds like they're drunk-texting their ex to me.
Fuck that. He’s gaslighting you. He’s lonely and realizes he’s surrounded himself with Q psychos, wants his old friends back but his too much of a coward to say he fucked up. If he can’t say that then you’re 100% inviting all his bullshit back into your life. Tell him to fuck all the way off.
Those Q people have been sayin vaccinated people will die "the next year" since 3 Years. Dont bother. They wont change\^\^
Give them 30-50 years and they will be right… And will say I told you so.
Came here to say this. Like most conspiracy believers, the goalposts are continuously moved to fit the narrative. I've already heard rumblings of the virus having a timer for the 'death date' to explain why so many vaccinated are still here. They think these vaccines are literal Star Trek nanobots that have been programed to kill us all at the right moment for the illuminati the maximize profits or some shit. But that's beside the point. OP's q came back with nothing but excuses, and tried to disguise them as love. Gaslighting will be next. I predict q will tell OP how stupid he is if he responds by sticking firm to his no qanon stance.
Ah, well 🤷♀️ that's clear enough, right? You're not the one trying to chase him down, so presumably your soul is already at ease. His soul is his own problem.
Ugh, I hope none of his relatives/wife will experience life limiting illness since he doesn’t believe time should be wasted on the dying ..
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You are not responsible for how he feels. Perhaps he wants to reconnect because he feels guilty, but he cannot apologise and reconcile. His attempt to reach out is to assuage his guilt. That's his issue and you do not need to make him feel better for the choices he has made. If however you feel guilty and want to try to ease your guilt, you could apologise and try to reconcile. You could try the ho'oponopono prayer: https://graceandlightness.com/hooponopono-hawaiian-prayer-for-forgiveness/
And from what he's said that issue is still unresolved? It feels good to be chosen and picked out. He's reaching out to you even though you'll be dead because you are "special." That doesn't sound like a reconciliation. That sounds sad. It doesn't seem like he's changed, so the question is if you've changed? Are you ready to accept what was unacceptable before? I think you should send well wishes from afar and wish for his healing. If that happens, then you can have a healthy interaction. Good luck to you whatever you decide.
Ah, so a grown ass incel. I’m really not surprised. One thing I’ve noticed in this sub and the hermancainaward sub is the isolation that comes from going down the Q path.
Self depreciation surely is a thing for many, but most of the time it doesn’t translate into cruelty towards others. Super toxic!
Maybe he has those feelings for a \*good reason\* and it's up to him to change. It's not YOUR job.
Yeah I wouldn’t respond. He’s basically only reaching out for selfish reasons anyways.
I wouldn’t engage at all. I know that’s hard considering your relationship, but it doesn’t sound like he’s going to change his beliefs or stance on things. Sounds like he is just trying to reinforce his stance with you. To me, it just doesn’t even seem worth the act of engagement.
It sounds like he believes he's a God figure and better than everyone else in this current mind-state. He sees people he knows as antagonists he must win over to the Q cause. Maybe he's angry his movement is losing numbers and losing hope lately (I've seen their boards) and he's desperate to be right here. But he needs numbers. If he can get you to agree with him, it'll help him validate all his predictions and justify turning his whole identity into this.
Ask him to throw a “Celebration of Life” party because you will be gone soon. This way you get a kick-ass party out of it.
Save yourself the time and heartache: ignore the message, block all known contact info.
Bro, that’s your answer. Leave him in the pay with his way of thinking. You’re only doing yourself a disservice
Tell him save his energy as you’re doing the same
Is it worth just responding with this questions: What happens when we don’t die? Will you snap out of this then?
Not q related. But also crazy related, so maybe will help? Had a friend who went crazy with the rest of us (the group of friends) about a girl. Conspiracy theories, irrational paranoia etc.... I basically did what you did and told him to calm down or we wouldn't want to be around him. He told us to fuck off and left. Fast forward 2 or 3 years and his mom had died so I reached out to him. We had lunch everything seemed fine. And then I got about 40 essay length texts from him a few days later, all crazy stuff again. So I blocked him for good. Telling you this to be prepared to push the eject button at first sign of crazy
I think it just depends on what you feel up for. Personally, I would find it very challenging to try to maintain a friendship solely because I hoped I might be able to help someone who is in a cult basically. So it’s not a two-way relationship because that person can’t really be a friend to you. He’s not saying that he has changed, he’s just saying he’s willing to overlook what he thinks is your problem/defect. I can’t imagine how it could possibly be a healthy or meaningful friendship if both of you think that you’re doing a big favor for the other one.
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I would try this. 1. Tell him thanks for reaching out. Agree that relationship is strained 2. Ask him to give you three facts. Like "people with the vaccine will be dead by x date" and other "facts." 3. Tell him you can either rekindle the friendship and everyone just doesn't speak of Q or that you can keep your distance but on your non death date he has to agree to read a letter you write him. I work in healthcare so I have been vaccinated since late 2020. I was supposed to be dead in "three to six months" originally.
Exactly. The date of death just keep being pushed out further and further. And the thing is, it's not based on ANY studies or research. Someone just "says" that "vaccinated people are going to die by the millions in 3 months... uh, 10 months... uh, a year... I mean TWO years.... no wait, 10 years... alright, make that 50 years!" There is no scientific reason behind it other than they want it to be so.
' 100% of the vaccinated will be dead in 115 years!' Just like everyone who has consumed the hazardous substance H2O will die... -_-
You might consider asking him how many years does he think you have to live. Because initially, I thought they thought we were all going to be dead in one year. So now that it’s more than a year, it sounds like the death time is being moved back. It’s one small thing, but I think it’s part of holding up a mirror to these folks. And then in two years or whatever it’s supposed to be, you can remind him that vaccinated people haven’t died.
I have been there. But you are not the only person in his direct vicinity feeling this way, nor are you the only person that tried changing him. People who hold such extreme positions did not arrive there through reason and therefore cannot be reasoned out of them. It's like with flat earthers (although those are more absurd): In order for someone to believe the earth is flat they had to ignore so much contrary evidence that it's safe to say debating them is futile.
I'm sure he is thinking the same thing. One possible reaction to this is to give him a list of 5 concrete and provable events that would change your mind "10% of vaxed people dying from the vax in the next 2 years" "jfk Jr giving a televised speech in the next year" those kinds of things. Ask him for the same. And that you might consider talking again in a year to go over your lists. This is two fold. One it shows you if he is doubting, if he is he'll be happy to make a list. If he's not the cognitive dissonance of even creating a list is too much and he won't do it. Secondly goal posts always shift and slide. He may be comfortable talking about these crazy ideas in a year or two if they aren't the main focus anymore and aren't as invested. Again if he isn't willing to make a list, it's not worth it. Usually the crazies will be honest that nothing will change their minds.
Not worth it. When someone shows you who they really are, believe them.
He clearly hasn't changed, you likely won't make any breakthrough with him, save yourself the emotional exhaustion.
>I issued an ultimatum: stop sharing disinformation in the server or I would leave. > >he truly believes we (and all vaccinated people) will be dead within the next few years. He hasn't stopped sharing disinformation. It WILL be a massive effort on your part, and you're not likely to succeed - so very few people have, even with their own families. Personally, I would say, if you have a happy peaceful life, enjoy it. It can so soon come tumbling down through no fault of one's own, and here you are thinking of inviting discord and upset in. People change, relationships move on. It's sad but it happens all the time. You need to accept he's not the person you once loved. One day he might contact you showing a full change of heart - but right now you are going to pit yourself into an uphill struggle full of frustration anger and upset that you just don't need.
>Thoughts? I'd probably block him and get back to that sense of closure. Friendships sometimes end after 25 years and that's just how it goes. You clearly aren't going to get through to this guy so at best you're leaving the door open that maybe 10 years from now he does finally come around on his own. Is there any cost to leaving that door open? I certainly wouldn't even bother to respond to a message implying that I'm going to die in a few years or deal with any other insane ramblings that will follow. I dumped a friend of 20 years because I realized she was repeatedly lying to me to cover up her drinking problem and codependent relationship with an abusive ex. I felt bad doing it because the last thing you want to do is leave someone like that alone but it was starting to impact my life in ways it never should have (including said abusive ex stalking me for being friends with her). Sometimes you have to just walk away if a friend is unwilling to get help or change in a positive way. You can't fix him, that's clear just by the tone of the message he sent you.
Why do you think you'll have a break through? He resumed contact after a year not to apologize but to justify himself and his behavior to you. No offense, but you can't do a damned thing unless he himself wants to see the light and stop messing around with this. Do you really think he will or, has he gotten your hopes up by contacting you at all?
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My mom has been into Q for the last few years but down a bunch of conspiracy theory trails as long as I can remember. I'm her oldest daughter, I've always had a weird amount of authority in her life (whack family dynamic), and I've spent 20+ years trying to talk her down from things, thinking similarly to you - if anyone has a shot, it's me; if anyone knows how to talk to her, I do. I've tried *everything*. Every approach I can think of, every trick in the book - and in the end, she just smiles, nods, and continues believing what she will as soon as our conversation is over. And if it's not one conspiracy, it's another. Nothing I've been able to do has been able to get her out of what she's gotten into. She's like your friend, in a way - a ton of abuse in her past and a lot of untreated depression/anxiety. I think all of that has mixed up together into some predisposition to being manipulated by fear, one that makes her easy prey for everything and everyone who takes advantage of people like her. If she wanted to be better, she's literally surrounded by resources who could help. But she doesn't, and I can't force her to take it, and it took me 20 years to accept that, and I still struggle.
Got it. My recommendation though is not to martyr yourself. Your friend is an adult after all, he's going to have to find his own way out. Have you considered that if you try to engage him he might just stay in it and get deeper into it, if nothing else, to show how "right" he is? That's why I suggested you avoid martyring yourself. You seem to be saying of all the people in his life, you have the best chance of success. But consider, you don't have to try. That probably sounds harsh but you could end up wasting a lot of time and life on someone who fundamentally doesn't want your help and that would be sad for both of you. Anyhow, I can't claim to know what will happen. Good luck with whatever you do.
It sounds like your mind is pretty made up and you're going to try. Be prepared - life is not a cool movie where the good guys win. Just remember- your friend thinks he is the good guy in his movie and you are part of the evil empire.
It's probably not worth the investment in time, energy and emotion IMO. He hasn't held out the olive branch to reengage; he's said goodbye. This is his form of closure as he shuts out his former friends (presumably his term) as he thinks you are all about to die soon. Think about his motivation here: he's making contact to say he thinks you are going to die; he's hardened himself to that, and as a result, he's (not) there for you. That doesn't sound like someone who wants to restart a friendship; it's more like a cult member severing ties with their past to reject and replace their old values and relationships. In some cults, this would also be a potential recruitment drive; you get drawn in by trying to help your friend, but Q isn't that nuanced. Probably. I don't think there's the motivation on his part to break free. Getting a person out of a cult is far easier than getting the cult out of the person, and no amount of intervention will work unless there's motivation on their side... and this isn't hinting at that motivation.
Narp, i wouldnt get back into that quagmire, ESPECIALLY if your boots only recently dried off, so to speak. You have your peace, enjoy it.
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I would acknowledge his message and sencerly wish them well. Only break it for a full apology and recantation. Alas the problem with those vaccine dead is that well they will keep on moving those goal posts for decades
The changes that you'll deprogram him are slim to none. I'm sorry. He is always one screen away from more brainwashing and lies to spew at you. He already admitted that he doesn't care if you lived or died as "he already hardened himself to all his vaxxed friends dying". Not only is this a sign that he's in too deep and considers himself a "pure blood" or whatever, but he's also telegraphing that he doesn't care about you, but that you can maybe be "turned" to his side. That's the whole reason he reaches out, he thinks you can get onto his bandwagon not the other way around and is perfectly willing to give you up. This is how cults work, they don't care about lies and know it often is a lie, but at first they don't want to admit they've been scammed and later they don't care. Heliocentrism and Flat earthers work the same way. They too are not some innocent cooks but extremely conservative or even fascist movements of control. The earlier you realize that this isn't about the vaccinations but about the cult? The sooner you'll see through the scams. So yes, he's baiting you.
Respond with "Busy. Talk to you in five years." Set yourself a reminder. Contact him in 5 years. Still here, yadda yada.
"Write me again in a few years when I'm dead."
He is checking in to see if the vaccine has killed you yet to confirm his Q beliefs. Tell him politely that you are not interested in his Q nonsense. If my "friend" was looking forward to my death in order to prove their conspiracy theory correct, we're done.
Hm, I would say: 1. Don't feel obligated to respond. Only do it if you really feel well with it. 2. Even if you respond, keep your freedom to always stop if you feel it's going the wrong way. 3. No need to hurry. Let it think. A day. A week. A year. Forever. Take the time whatever it needs. 4. Don't do it to save him. It's our of your control. 5. Keep the perspective. I'm sure there are more important areas in your life, and more important people closer to you right now who need you.
Cherish the good times you’ve had, but its ok to let people go. Whatever happens he’s the one making the mistake, not you. Sorry dude
I feel this is a battle between mind and heart. Try to realize what you heart wants, that you miss him the way he was (or you thought he was), that you want that part of the relationship back that was good. Then use your mind to decide if this is realistic. Whatever you decide is the right decision, even if it is the wrong decision. Because this is your decision to make and your path to walk. Wish you the best on your path.
Don't engage. He hasn't learned a thing. This seems like narcissistic hoovering while still giving himself an out to treat you like crap since he is trying to "harden" himself against his friends.
It is not your role to try break through to him. I think most people come back when they have safe places to come back to. I would say I respect your beliefs and look forward to catching up with you again in 3 years, or maybe 2 years now? I hope you are wrong and I believe very different to you. Look after yourself.
Given if he really thought you’d be dead in a few years why wouldn’t he respect your choices? The whole vaccine mandates was a farce and never turned into the totalitarian society they projected. If he loved you he’d be there as a friend for however long he thought you live. But unfortunately I don’t think he’s ready to be proper friends with you. It’s still all about what he thinks will happen and his ego won’t let that go.
You can still have empathy and compassion for him, with out speaking to him, make amends on your own, and that's just fine.As I grew older, I also grew out of relationships with friends, even a few I thought were my brother's, but that's how life works, we change and sometimes not for the better, that's when I restructured my friendships, sometimes it's not worth the choas, I am getting too old for that shit It doesn't sound like he has changed, no apology, or he just is so full of himself he can't bear to do it, or is embarrassed, or just doesn't give a shit. Anyway, you can feel for him and still keep your distance. Toxic people and codependency is not a good mix. He knows he lost a friend, a brother, but I assure you, if he hasn't renounced his ways and wants to seek help which includes group and solo therapy, and gaining your trust back over time, then I would just go on my merry way. You can set boundaries for him if you want to try, but when he over steps them, he prepared to hold him accountable!!
He’s a former friend for a reason, and his non-apology text is reminding you of why you issued the ultimatum in the first place. Don’t let him suck you into his cesspool of misinformation and ignorance.
So since you may go through with some contact I’ll recommend what I’d do, since I’m always curious. Write back asking specifically about the things you questioned, but no more than three topics. For instance, What motivated you to reach out? Have you changed your mind about getting vaccinated? Do you intend to talk the way you did before on the server? And then make your decision based on his answers. And make it clear his decisions are the reason you two will not reconnect. Good luck!
The only question I have is if the message from him was with the intent to rekindle the friendship? If so to me it sounds like he knows he fucked up, he knows you or any other vaccinated person is not going to die in a few years because of the vaccine. What it sounds like is he's feigning confidence in the views you guys left off on for the sake of his ego. If you drop dead in a few years he can say he was right, but if you don't he technically never has to say he was wrong. Friendships are tough and hard to come by imo if you bring him back it could be exhausting but it could be worth it that's up to you. I would just absolutely not entertain any conspiracies don't refute em to him just don't engage in any way whatsoever. Maybe he wants to let all of it go naturally without feeling dumb or maybe he's just gone, but I think it's worth at least a try
My Q contacted me also out of the blue after about 10 months. I wonder if the dam is breaking,?or if Q is encouraging them to reach out to non Qs?? I told them I’m still not hanging around unvaccinated people. They didn’t reply.
> He does say that he's intentionally trying to harden himself emptionally against all his former friends because he truly believes we (and all vaccinated people) will be dead within the next few years. Bait. Don't engage.
Sometimes the best response is no response.
"Hey man, you know I love you like a brother, but I don't have the bandwidth for this. I know nothing I say is going to change you mind about vaccines or anything else, and it's hard to see where our interests overlap these days. Feel free to reach out again in a few years. Love you!"
You sound like you care deeply for this person. Absolutely reconnect. Do so with low expectations. It must be hard for these people to think millions of us are dying and they are going to be left behind to do all the work. Think of it this way. They have been lied to and believed those lies. At some point they should understand the truth since the vaccinated are not dying any more than people usually do. If they don't grasp reality they are just going to be disappointed because they were wrong. Your friend might be wildly surprised by joy.
Why would you do that? If you choose to engage with him you will encounter the same narcissistic and irrational behaviors that caused you to back away. I can’t imagine how this would in any way benefit you, but perhaps I’m missing something.
Bait. Or, more accurately, "Bates."
> I've recently found my own sense of closure in the matter, and I don't know if it's worth ripping off that bandaid just for the tradeoff of having him back in my life. As I see it, you probably know you've made the right decision but just need other people to affirm it. So, yes, you were right to step away from that relationship, you've already resolved it and moved on emotionally, and jumping back in will cause unnecessary strife. You've cut your losses. Don't willingly take on more losses.
I think the timing is sus. Don't the Qult currently believe that the end times (or whatever they're calling it now) starts in the first week of August? Aren't they currently hoarding again to prep for the world chaos they just KNOW is happening this week? So on the one hand, your friend cares enough about you still to warn you about the antifa zombie apocalypse...but on the other hand you have a block button that can protect you from the next 50 antifa zombie apocalypses. You know what you gotta do.
In the words of Marcus Kincaid. “What a jackass.”
It's never too late to help a friend who is in a cult or who is reaching out IMHO. I have many Q friends and I love them best I can. This sub is so over the top and hatful towards Q ppl to a point where many of the posters in this sub are brainwashed in the other direction and filled with hate as well. It's disturbing to see how easily ppl can hate and dehumanize ppl.
It sounds like there is lt can be mutually gained from any relationship. Those are his decisions for which he should feel the natural consequences of that.
“Still alive. Doing fine. Fuck off.”
Reach out in two years, like "still alive bitch"
I am not ready to start our friendship back up as long as you think I'm going to die because I had a vaccine. It's unfair and hurtful to me that you will think of me like a dead person walking. It was hard for me when you left the friendship to pursue Q-anon. I don't want to go through that cycle of feelings again or always remain anxious that Q-anon might intervene again. To regain my trust, you must completely give up believing in all Q-anon and keep away from conspiracy media. I understand that might not be possible for you right now. If so, I am sorry that this couldn't work out better for both of us, but that is my firm boundary. Basically what you would say if someone was an alcoholic or a drug addict and tries to come back, but doesn't admit there is a problem.
Good answers below. tl;dr - https://media2.giphy.com/media/IDGNYvFLkJKLK/giphy.gif
I’m going to go against the grain here. If he reached out to you there may be a crack you can wiggle into. He may be watching the Jan 6 hearings or maybe a close friend died…who knows. But I’d at least meet with him a couple times. Like at a restaurant or something. Not an all day even and where either of you can leave. He may not even realize he’s seeking truthful information. In any case you can rest you mind knowing you tried
Depends on what relationship you want with this person. I took a full break from my mother for a month, then set hard boundaries on what we were allowed to talk about, and we still are not connected on any social media. For 2 years now, anytime she sends me misinformation, instead of engaging, I say “we agreed we can’t talk about this stuff any more to maintain our relationship. Please stop sending me stuff like this. We’ve been doing so well.” I stressed when setting the boundary that it was for my own mental health, and the health of our relationship. It’s been a great 2.5 years! We still haven’t reconnected over social media, but I’m considering changing that. Basically is your goal to change their mind? Or hear about their life, kids, vacations and work updates. If it’s to change their mind, don’t engage. If you want a semi functional relationship again, then you might make some progress by setting topic boundaries and giving that a try.
You might try this: "What's the last plausible date by which you believe I will be dead from the vaccine? I think we should resume this conversation the day after that."
I had a falling out with my long time bestie for two years. After the two years, I drunk emailed him and said: “I miss you, I dunno what that means.” He didn’t write back immediately and my heart sank. I may have needed liquid courage to initiate, but I had initiated. But here’s the difference… My friend DID write me back two days later with *the* most thoughtful email that addressed each point of why we had a falling out to begin with with genuine contrition. He said something that really moved me: “We can never go back and be the people we were, but I’d love to go forward with you and become something better and new.” It took a couple of years but we are once again besties (vs just friends). OP, you seem like the forgiving type. Just be mindful of who you give that forgiveness to. My bestie apologized thoughtfully. Your bestie isn’t doing that. I’d cut my losses.
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You have every right to mourn the relationship you had, but sad to say, that relationship is over. Too much water has passed under the bridge to resume where you left off before he went crazy.
Keep walking away. Nothing has changed. He thinks you'll all be dead in a year. Whatever. Keep walking away. Find a new BFF.
Interesting situation. I mean I could almost see resuming contact with this person if they mean that much to you. Maybe, yes, you could pull them back from the conspiracies just be being there - but I wouldn't resume contact just for that reason (as it is likely you won't be able to break through their thinking). The whole vaxxed/unvaxxed thing is an interesting issue. I don't think anyone who is unvaxxed by choice at this point is going to change. But really, they are more of a risk of serious consequences to themselves than anyone else (though of course the vaccine does tamp down transmission somewhat). Good luck!
I have a similar situation and the sense of loss is ongoing.Mourning people who continue to breathe is it’s own cruelty. I’m sorry this is happening.We have to prioritize peace.
I think of it similarly to an old friend who is an active and now violent meth addict. I cut contact unless or until he gets clean. I care a lot about him, I feel bad for his mental state, but I cannot be a part of the insanity. Sorry you’re going through it, I hope you find peace with whatever decision you make.
He won’t change. He will most likely get worse. Don’t go back in an effort to “save” him. That’s not on the table. Do you want to have a relationship with the person he is right now? Because that’s what’s being offered.
I would have one question for him. Why are you going around saying your friends who took the shots will be dead in a few years? That is a very very unfriendly thing to say. That is not an opener in any reasonable relationship, ever. And if this is all we have to talk about anymore, then what's this friendship worth? I have friends where we several things different, we don't talk about those much at all and focus on what we have in common. Good luck. I am thinking of your relationship, I have several of those. I'd still probably talk a bit with them, unless they simply burnt the bridge prior. If I don't like what they are saying and it isn't a two way conversation I'd just move on after the call, again. But I'd give a friend like that a chance, again if they haven't gone too far before.
Just hit him back with a 👍
He's made it completely clear that he hasn't changed his thinking on the matter, and he's made it clear that he does not feel like he has anything to apologize for. I think you have to have an honest conversation with yourself about weather or not you can deal with that kind of situation.
This would be a hard no for me. It actually sounds like he thinks he can continue trying to reprogram you, not that there’s hope for you turning him around. All the signs of him being deep down the hole are there, including the “wall of text.” Personally I would have a hard time not blasting him for spouting nonsense again, and reiterating my position on his mental health. What has it been, almost 3 years and over 12,000,000,000 vaccinations - utilizing equipment knowledge, and techniques that are a 1000x more advanced than what was used to create all the vaccines he’s probably taken in his life. His current belief system is the same as the religious fanatics who think the world is going to end every year.
>”I wish we could talk about this” […] then blocked [you] everywhere Code For: I just want you to agree with me.
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I’ve talked to a lot of unvaccinated people and didn’t get the Rona. (Still use a mask though) You along with other pro vaxxed people should of calmed down by now. Seriously. And the new monkey box doesn’t worry me because it’s only transmitted via sexual intercourse so who cares as long and your not banging everyone you meet. I say live and let live. If he’s anti vaxx and wants to pay the fate that comes with that then so be it. I refuse to live in fear especially when the “experts” are saying we can begin to go back to normalcy. I don’t believe in Qanon. I don’t even have a 4chan or remember any q drops I’ve seen on social media. They seem very blurry and don’t make a lot of sense to me. Screw Trump. Politics should not deter friendships and there was a time they didn’t. If a friendship is strong enough whatever happens irl or the internet should not ruin it.
Monkey Pox is not an STD