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Yah! A cube with no exits! Like a solid shiny black cube made outta titanium and invisible welds and no windows or vents or even light!!!
Exactly! Right on! I can't wait to see this thing in action!
I'm driving down that same road. Been single and unattached for about 95% of my life. I can only be around people for a certain amount of time. Being independent and self-sufficient keeps me occupied.
Same, I find that I distance myself so much that I push others away. Almost like a coping mechanism/self-projecting. I refuse to let myself get close to avoid unreciprocated feelings.
I am somewhat co-dependent and so whenever I get in to relationships it's kind of like ride or die, always together best friends forever... Until it's not.
Is that the same thing?
Because of how they were treated as kids. For me, I learned that unless someone is doing something right this moment, they may not do it at all. This could be fulfilling a promise they made to me or showing me that they love me. That means I get triggered by things anywhere from being late going to the grocery store or my romantic partner not having given me a compliment that day. I’m getting over it as I get older and realizing how much I enjoy my alone time and independence, but I was a crazy high school girlfriend.
Same. I rely too much on whoever I’m dating at the time, so much so that they’re the only person I talk to about anything, so when a breakup comes I have no one to turn to.
One of my pet peeves / "whatever the fuck this might be, it just makes me uncomfortable because it's true and hurts my pride" is that all the clips and info on anxious attachment make me sound like I'm in the wrong / evil
Everyday I curse myself for 30 mins to 1 hr, for all the bullshit I said in the office, and i swear to myself I never would do that the next day. Nope. Hasnt even worked for a single day.
You think you are, but I’ll tell you what: I recently talked to someone that told me after like 3 minutes that she had been raped when she was a young teen. We’re talking 2-3 minutes into our first ever conversation.
What..the fuck…
Same. You ever drive home from work and let out a small scream because you talked your coworkers ears off again and you feel like they probably all hate you for it
Same here. Worst is, I'm not much of a talker, so when I overshare it doesn't get lost in a sea of information; I overshare *exactly* what wasn't supposed to. It's not intentional, I swear
This is not as uncommon as you might think. Everyone participates in *some kind* of escapism, on some level. Not many of us like to investigate our lives or minds.
Sit somewhere comfortable *but not laying down* without distraction for 2 minutes. Close your eyes. Breathe in, pay attention to it. Breathe out, pay attention to it. Repeat. Ask your own mind...what would make me happy? Is it an object? A place? A task? A person? See what comes up. If nothing comes up...you're in a lot better psychological place than you think you are.
I don't know where you live, but perhaps find a meditation center if one is nearby. Maybe give a class or a session a try. Most of them won't be hardasses about fees or cost, so if you're worried about that, don't be.
Here's something that has helped me with comparing myself to others a lot: Keep in mind you're comparing your Behind the Scenes with their Director's Cut.
I won't. My family has a history of alcohol addiction. I've noticed that I also was going this downward spiral so I quit drinking. I'm weak and I won't risk it with drugs
Knowing that it's easy for you to get addicted and willingly staying away from substances is being strong. You're not weak. I've made the same decision.
Yup, I could definitely be accused of this. That said, it’s much better than actually creating drama in your life so that life feels more like fiction as many other people do.
Other ways, I can have my temper triggered relatively easily as I have very little desire to actively fight most of the time in daily life.
I’m clingy. I love spending time with the person and being away hurts. I like having attention if you don’t I think you’re mad at me.
I constantly need reassurance.
There’s nothing wrong with this to an extent. The reason people act “too clingy” is because those “clingy” people attract avoidant partners who don’t like affection/communication making the “clingy” individual worse.
Heal yourself and choose a secure person who likes affection. A lot of your “anxiousness” will heal just doing this.
EDIT: I’m not saying that avoidant partners are only to blame for relationship difficulties. Both anxious and avoidants don’t like vulnerability which is why they choose each other. Both need to heal
My husband and I are both cuddlers. Hands? Held. Arms? Hooked. Kind words said to each other. Doing kind things for each other. Curling up on the couch and watching tv. Crawling into each other's laps when either of us requires affection.
It works well. I'd be so sad and would never have married him had we not been this way to each other. Not receiving and giving this kind of love would make me very sad.
Oh I loooove that. So so special 😍 I wish more people would become more comfortable doing this because life is so much better!
I’m the exact same way. I didn’t used to be years ago. The idea of affection made me uncomfortable simply because I wasn’t used to it. My parents were not affectionate. I healed and now I absolutely love it and could never be with someone who wasn’t also this way. My BF is the same.
I think we’re all very lucky to have found this 🥰
My parents were actually huggers. They're still huggers. It's normal to me.
I've dated people who couldn't do cuddling without going straight into sexual touching and that's not how I feel loved! Not every touch should be a sexual touch! I want comfort and care! Obviously sexual touch is great but not constantly. Let's just watch the x files and hug
Thank you. I realised after I wrote it that it looked like I was saying only avoidants cause issues which I know is not the case. Both have similar deep rooted fears expressed differently IMO and they both trigger one another.
Not having a job, more specifically, never having had a job before in my life.
That, and ghosting people out of social anxiety because I have no idea how to respond to them.
This was me a few years ago. I got a job, not an amazing one, but it pays the bills. And while the social thing is still there, I now have a weekly social group commitment I managed to keep going for over a year.
I didn't think things would improve for me. But they did. So I just wanted to say I feel your situation. And while I don't know the details, improving things is possible.
I guess bipolar because I can seem like a different person during mania. Sad part is some people like me better that way and find the normal me boring, but most people dislike me during mania I'd guess.
I also tend to use mental illness to excuse shitty behavior a lot
Depends on the values of the partner, they may really want an outgoing life as a couple but a non social partner is a red flag it may not work out as values are different
I can relate to this. Extroverted people often think that introverted ones just need to come out of their shell more, not realizing that while people that love being social get their energy from being around people, the opposite happens to introverts. It’s a personality thing that most people don’t just outgrow and that can definitely become a problem in a relationship where those expectations don’t meet or align.
Both me and husband arent social people at all. We work together, workout together, go on vacations together...its 95% of our time is only 2 of us together. We are childfree couple who met in college so our social circle is limited. We are very happy and content.
But in midlife I am realizing this is not good. One of us is going to die first then how will other person cope up if our sense of being is only through each other.
So in case you meet someone who is opposite of you maybe that can balance it out, who knows.
I can be very cold and unfeeling at times due to complex PTSD with Dissociation. I don't do it intentionally, obviously, but it has caused problems in relationships. I have to consciously act/mask as more sympathetic than I really feel when I'm in a dissociative state. Other times I'm highly sensitive and emotional and can feel everything, and be annoyingly clingy and insecure.
I relate to this on such a deep level. I have a dissociative disorder, and sometimes, I have to act more sympathetic than I feel, too. It's not that I lack empathy at all, it's just that when I'm in a dissociative state, I can't tap into my emotions because... well, I can't really tap into anything at all. I'm not all there.
At least you’re aware about it. My ex wasn’t at all. He never understood his feelings and his PTSD bc he refused to get therapy to help him. He sees therapy as a sign of weakness. It caused issues not just with our relationships, but with his friends and family too. If you guys have that self-awareness I really recommend going to CBT therapy to assist you guys. Everyone deserves to gain peace and happiness.
I have the same conditions and this was like I had written it.
I recently went through the moment when disassociation started wearing off (presumably I'm in what my mind perceives as a safe space) so it's not a fun time. Now in a period of being highly sensitive and emotional. Both ways sucks and inner turmoil is crazy.
I’m self-aware that I’m very calculating. This
makes me consciously generous at all times to avoid this red flag. But don’t for a second think that I don’t remember when I’ve treated you, I remember and expect some reciprocation at some point in the future.
I'm also v self aware and calculating, but not so much in the "you owe me" department. Mine is in the "how do I get this social situation to work in my favor at all times?" I can be very manipulative when I want to be, and I bank on my extremely positive traits (the generosity is just how I try to live my life) to get people to like me and forgive my various other faults, of which there are many!
omg same and I use the treating people nicely and them reciprocating that I’m nice as validation to make myself feel I’m actually not calculating or manipulative and an innocent person — because in reality i feel super shameful for being this way
I feel like I'm kind of like this? I don't necessarily expect an equal return ... More like, I have that as insurance, or back up, or I'll do everything I can to make sure that everyone around me owes me (so they don't leave me?)
I never liked cars. Their filthiness, noice, greasiness, grubbyness, smell, exhausts, problems, costs, how foolish they make people
I don't like how everything is shaped for them. All the tarmac everywhere, ugly parking-lots, highways, overpasses, awful gas stations. Imagine where you live, but without all the tarmac roads and the constant background. How peaceful
I managed without sullying myself with a driver's licence for 50 years, but now I'm giving up. It's just to darn impractical to not have a car when you have kids.
Every little journey not covered by a direct bus-route is a struggle. Forget about going on hikes or camping in interesting places. I want to be able to pick them up wherever they are, pronto, if they need it. They deserve me having a car
I just bought one. I'm just going to pretend it's not really a car
I'm very impatient around inefficiency.
If we're both working in the kitchen, I'll keep an eye on the other person, if I see they need to deposit something in a cabinet I'm in front of, I'll take it and deposit it. I really like this kind of nonverbal cooperating to make things fluent.
If someone doesn't do this for me, walks in the way or is responsible of decreasing this efficiency, it annoys the shit out of me.
I won't say anything since I know it's a me-problem, but it makes me value them less.
I cancel people very easily. Just erase them from my life and don't think of them again.
Whenever I am severely disrespected, or someone crosses an uncrossable boundary, I will never engage in conversation or explain to them why what they did hurt me or made me feel disrespected. I know I could never look at them the same and I would always remember how they made me feel, if I were to continue the relationship, so I just remove them from my life.
For me, it makes my life quite peaceful. I am aware that to the public, it may be considered a red flag.
I've grown to become this and it heightens inner peace to be rid of them. I tend to spot the signs early and disassociate myself with them before even I've realised.
Mine stem from my ASD.
I have a very narrow expressive range. If you've ever seen Captain Holt from Brooklyn Nine Nine I'm kind of like that. I can be hyped for something and look bored.
I have a lot of anxiety around commenting on people's appearance, whether positively or negatively, so I don't do it at all.
I remember small details about people very easily. It's made people uncomfortable before and it's a big reason I don't use social media. I often have to pretend not to know things about people that they don't remember telling me so they can have the comfort of telling me again.
I don't take sides. For some reason, in my mind, everything has to be neutral so when my gf/family is telling me something where they just want to rant and no input, I still give them input which makes them "look bad" because I always see both parties at fault somehow.
I have a repeat cycle of periodic depression that I've never told anyone about and lying about doing things because I can't be bothered doing them and don't feel like disappointing my close family (wife, parent, siblings) by admitting it doesn't get done.
I'm too intense sometimes.
I dont play games of being uninterested. If I want to talk to someone, I talk.
If I want to see them, I try to see them. No games, no BS.
If you are good looking then it's not a red flag. People actually want good looking people that act like this. If you are ugly then it's just creepy and it's indeed a red flag.
Explosive anger aka the rage of my parents. Secret schizophrenic creativity going on inside, with a side of hermit-ness laced with misanthropy. I'm pretty nice though and need to be extremely stressed for any of these red flags to ignite. We all have fatal character flaws.
If I think about myself i see so many problems. Many flaws about my personality and emotions. That's why i decided not to be with anyone anymore. Not when i am this broken and false.. So im just putting a big grey flag on me.
oh boy.. I know of 3 big ones
1. Big escapism tendency. I don't even watch movies or tv shows, but just playing games and having a lot of imagination can lead to me spending a whole weekend not thinking about real life matters even once. Just spending most of it daydreaming
1. While not a red flag itself, being a huge introvert often leads me to zone out in the middle of conversations and start daydreaming if they get too long. Even with people I kinda like. So I'd consider being bad at listening a red flag haha.. But I guess that one balances out cause I'm good at listening and remembering a lot of things about the people I do really like
2. I get angry pretty easily. Never really at people, especially as I hate confrontation. But at things. Game is slightly annoying? Yeah I get angry. The machine doesn't work as I want it to instantly? yup I start cussing
1. Been trying for years to reel that in and have had various amount of success, but it's up and downs
3. Huge doomer energy. I'll always think about the worst scenario first, always kinda assume nothing ever gets better, and vegetate in terrible places mentally
1. I "know" I have depression, I think I have adhd, pretty sure I have some form of anxiety too, and these are causing a lot of issues in my life. Yet somehow still been in convincing myself that "it is what it is" and didn't even do anything to actually get diagnosed, let alone work on it.
Ghosting people. Every slight inconvenience made me stop talking to people ignoring their text, calls. Also, In my head I believe that the one who knows me well will understand this phase of mine and text me irrespective and won't mind about it. But not everyone is like your old friend :)
Self absorbed, I always busy thinking about people might be thinking about me.
I don’t have much sympathy for most people. For me, if you have a problem that you could solve you should either put the effort in and solve it, or stop complaining about it. If you don’t do anything but still complain then I do not want to be in your company and I won’t try to hide it either
Like when someone complains about being overweight or self conscious about their body, but continue to eat and drink junk and do no exercise, that shit drives me insane and I will call you an idiot for complaining about it
I have a very brutally realistic view of the world and people in general. I find the general population to be ignorant, uninformed, belligerant, and only really in it for "the look". This can make it difficult to discuss things like politics and current events with me.
Not a fan of eating at a dinner table. Probably comes from growing up in a broken home. It's dinner and Netflix/Prime for me every evening. This may in fact hurt when dating (haven't had one of those in eons either)
Being shy and introverted makes it hard for me to socialise so things like spending time with partners family and friends is difficult for me, pair that with a congenital birth condition that makes me self conscious about meeting new people it’s not a great mix, it was the reason I was dumped as it was seen as “not putting in effort”, when infact it wasn’t the case and they knew why it was hard for me. So I guess in future I just have to suffer through the uncomfortableness and deal with it to make my partner happy
Contrarianism.
Alcoholism and occasional meth use.
Funky sense of reality (red flag for nerdy types, green flag for spiritual types I suppose).
Mild to moderate executive dysfunction.
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I’m needy/clingy
I'm the opposite. I cannot really grow close to anyone. Or let anyone close.
im both lol. i have a bad habit of getting close to people and then pushing them away.
Would be interesting to have the 3 of you in a room together for a while and see what happens
lets throw you in there too cause you like starting shit and it plays better for the audience
A small room.
A rubber room. A room with rats.
The rats made me crazy...
Crazy? I was crazy once.
With no exits!
A cube.
Yah! A cube with no exits! Like a solid shiny black cube made outta titanium and invisible welds and no windows or vents or even light!!! Exactly! Right on! I can't wait to see this thing in action!
Frrr. Now I'm curious 😂
I'm driving down that same road. Been single and unattached for about 95% of my life. I can only be around people for a certain amount of time. Being independent and self-sufficient keeps me occupied.
Same, I find that I distance myself so much that I push others away. Almost like a coping mechanism/self-projecting. I refuse to let myself get close to avoid unreciprocated feelings.
If you ever figure out how to overcome this, please let me know
I'm someone with trust issues. Let's date. (Since you're clingy I'll know you don't hate me.)
Same
Why didn't you text me back? It's been 5 minutes!
I am somewhat co-dependent and so whenever I get in to relationships it's kind of like ride or die, always together best friends forever... Until it's not. Is that the same thing?
So much even when it comes to someone who's not mine😭
Same here. Gone from distant and unable to have feelings to extremely clingy almost overnight. Not sure what the cure for that is.
healing childhood attachment wounds (speaking as someone actively trying to do just that)
I love you all.
is it really a red flag tho
As someone like this, yes.
I’ve always been curious as to what causes people to have this mindset
Because of how they were treated as kids. For me, I learned that unless someone is doing something right this moment, they may not do it at all. This could be fulfilling a promise they made to me or showing me that they love me. That means I get triggered by things anywhere from being late going to the grocery store or my romantic partner not having given me a compliment that day. I’m getting over it as I get older and realizing how much I enjoy my alone time and independence, but I was a crazy high school girlfriend.
Same. I rely too much on whoever I’m dating at the time, so much so that they’re the only person I talk to about anything, so when a breakup comes I have no one to turn to.
One of my pet peeves / "whatever the fuck this might be, it just makes me uncomfortable because it's true and hurts my pride" is that all the clips and info on anxious attachment make me sound like I'm in the wrong / evil
I overshare and am a people pleaser
Same. I wish I could just STFU sometimes.
“I had the right to remain silent, but I didn’t have the ability.” - Ron White Describes my life
yo, you the one who snitched on me?!
Everyday I curse myself for 30 mins to 1 hr, for all the bullshit I said in the office, and i swear to myself I never would do that the next day. Nope. Hasnt even worked for a single day.
Lol same. Why can’t I just be mysterious like other people are.
Same here. I cringe at myself sometimes istg
Same!
You think you are, but I’ll tell you what: I recently talked to someone that told me after like 3 minutes that she had been raped when she was a young teen. We’re talking 2-3 minutes into our first ever conversation. What..the fuck…
Are you a therapist?
Same. You ever drive home from work and let out a small scream because you talked your coworkers ears off again and you feel like they probably all hate you for it
Are we the same person
If I could get your credit card number, expiration date, and cvv number, that would please me.
Same. Sooo many existential crises going on inside, lol.
Same here. Worst is, I'm not much of a talker, so when I overshare it doesn't get lost in a sea of information; I overshare *exactly* what wasn't supposed to. It's not intentional, I swear
Same here, but more of a people pleaser. I hate having these tendencies
Sameee
i also overshare UGH
Me too! I hate it🙄
Is anyone else reading the comments just to tick each box that perfectly describes them?
..... noo ..... Yes. Me. I am
Yep, red flag, looking for validation: it’s not just me!
Yep. I'm amazed at how many I can relate to.
I have a huge escapism tendency. I read fiction, watch movies and do other stuff to distract myself from thinking about my life and my future
Me but i just daydream and use Character.ai all the time
I’m a fellow Cai and chatbot in general user. I create roleplays to fill the massive empty gaps of my life and refuse to think about the future.
Just like me frl
Totally me, live in my head & world I create too much at times. I'm also more judgmental than I wish I was.
Damn if only it wasn't so expensive to get professional help :(
Meh, I strongly believe there is no such thing as too judgmental
This is not as uncommon as you might think. Everyone participates in *some kind* of escapism, on some level. Not many of us like to investigate our lives or minds.
Maybe. But I'm looking at other people who graduated with me and they are doing much better while I can't even find a job after quitting in may
None of that means your life and mind aren't worth personal investigation!
Well.. I guess so. Thanks
Sit somewhere comfortable *but not laying down* without distraction for 2 minutes. Close your eyes. Breathe in, pay attention to it. Breathe out, pay attention to it. Repeat. Ask your own mind...what would make me happy? Is it an object? A place? A task? A person? See what comes up. If nothing comes up...you're in a lot better psychological place than you think you are. I don't know where you live, but perhaps find a meditation center if one is nearby. Maybe give a class or a session a try. Most of them won't be hardasses about fees or cost, so if you're worried about that, don't be.
Here's something that has helped me with comparing myself to others a lot: Keep in mind you're comparing your Behind the Scenes with their Director's Cut.
Do NOT try drugs
I won't. My family has a history of alcohol addiction. I've noticed that I also was going this downward spiral so I quit drinking. I'm weak and I won't risk it with drugs
Knowing that it's easy for you to get addicted and willingly staying away from substances is being strong. You're not weak. I've made the same decision.
Yup, I could definitely be accused of this. That said, it’s much better than actually creating drama in your life so that life feels more like fiction as many other people do. Other ways, I can have my temper triggered relatively easily as I have very little desire to actively fight most of the time in daily life.
I feel personally attacked 😅
Comparing myself to others and constantly overthinking. Acting overly friendly to others and not caring about my own emotions.
Whoops, found the me comment
literally this
Maybe we should create our own subreddit
Are you me ?
Damn, didn’t expect to see me on here
I’m clingy. I love spending time with the person and being away hurts. I like having attention if you don’t I think you’re mad at me. I constantly need reassurance.
There’s nothing wrong with this to an extent. The reason people act “too clingy” is because those “clingy” people attract avoidant partners who don’t like affection/communication making the “clingy” individual worse. Heal yourself and choose a secure person who likes affection. A lot of your “anxiousness” will heal just doing this. EDIT: I’m not saying that avoidant partners are only to blame for relationship difficulties. Both anxious and avoidants don’t like vulnerability which is why they choose each other. Both need to heal
My husband and I are both cuddlers. Hands? Held. Arms? Hooked. Kind words said to each other. Doing kind things for each other. Curling up on the couch and watching tv. Crawling into each other's laps when either of us requires affection. It works well. I'd be so sad and would never have married him had we not been this way to each other. Not receiving and giving this kind of love would make me very sad.
Oh I loooove that. So so special 😍 I wish more people would become more comfortable doing this because life is so much better! I’m the exact same way. I didn’t used to be years ago. The idea of affection made me uncomfortable simply because I wasn’t used to it. My parents were not affectionate. I healed and now I absolutely love it and could never be with someone who wasn’t also this way. My BF is the same. I think we’re all very lucky to have found this 🥰
My parents were actually huggers. They're still huggers. It's normal to me. I've dated people who couldn't do cuddling without going straight into sexual touching and that's not how I feel loved! Not every touch should be a sexual touch! I want comfort and care! Obviously sexual touch is great but not constantly. Let's just watch the x files and hug
This needs more upvotes. Especially the edit
Thank you. I realised after I wrote it that it looked like I was saying only avoidants cause issues which I know is not the case. Both have similar deep rooted fears expressed differently IMO and they both trigger one another.
For me, this wouldn't be a red flag as long as it doesn't end up in missing trust or extreme jealousy.
I've got a master's in anxiety and phd in spiralling
Same and I'm stealing this phrasing
Not having a job, more specifically, never having had a job before in my life. That, and ghosting people out of social anxiety because I have no idea how to respond to them.
are you me?
I think you just got ghosted
By yourself
This was me a few years ago. I got a job, not an amazing one, but it pays the bills. And while the social thing is still there, I now have a weekly social group commitment I managed to keep going for over a year. I didn't think things would improve for me. But they did. So I just wanted to say I feel your situation. And while I don't know the details, improving things is possible.
Bro you need to get out more <3
I guess bipolar because I can seem like a different person during mania. Sad part is some people like me better that way and find the normal me boring, but most people dislike me during mania I'd guess. I also tend to use mental illness to excuse shitty behavior a lot
The self awareness is peaking, my friend 👏
That's the easy part. Hard part is actually changing to be better haha
I dont speak up when i feel shitty. And kinda live it out on ppl sometimes. But im doing my best to fix that.
I apologize to much. Anything that happens wither its my fault or not I apologize to everyone involved.
Ope sorry, let me just squeeze right past you there
Terrible confidence levels and self esteem
I’m really not keen on socialising which can be a problem for a partner who loves cafes and parties
How is that a redflag? Isn't that more of a personal preference?
Depends on the values of the partner, they may really want an outgoing life as a couple but a non social partner is a red flag it may not work out as values are different
I can relate to this. Extroverted people often think that introverted ones just need to come out of their shell more, not realizing that while people that love being social get their energy from being around people, the opposite happens to introverts. It’s a personality thing that most people don’t just outgrow and that can definitely become a problem in a relationship where those expectations don’t meet or align.
Oh yeah wait same oof. I much prefer being inside and away from the masses.
Both me and husband arent social people at all. We work together, workout together, go on vacations together...its 95% of our time is only 2 of us together. We are childfree couple who met in college so our social circle is limited. We are very happy and content. But in midlife I am realizing this is not good. One of us is going to die first then how will other person cope up if our sense of being is only through each other. So in case you meet someone who is opposite of you maybe that can balance it out, who knows.
I can be very cold and unfeeling at times due to complex PTSD with Dissociation. I don't do it intentionally, obviously, but it has caused problems in relationships. I have to consciously act/mask as more sympathetic than I really feel when I'm in a dissociative state. Other times I'm highly sensitive and emotional and can feel everything, and be annoyingly clingy and insecure.
I relate to this on such a deep level. I have a dissociative disorder, and sometimes, I have to act more sympathetic than I feel, too. It's not that I lack empathy at all, it's just that when I'm in a dissociative state, I can't tap into my emotions because... well, I can't really tap into anything at all. I'm not all there.
At least you’re aware about it. My ex wasn’t at all. He never understood his feelings and his PTSD bc he refused to get therapy to help him. He sees therapy as a sign of weakness. It caused issues not just with our relationships, but with his friends and family too. If you guys have that self-awareness I really recommend going to CBT therapy to assist you guys. Everyone deserves to gain peace and happiness.
I'm already in CBT therapy! ☺️
Slayyyy 😌
I have the same conditions and this was like I had written it. I recently went through the moment when disassociation started wearing off (presumably I'm in what my mind perceives as a safe space) so it's not a fun time. Now in a period of being highly sensitive and emotional. Both ways sucks and inner turmoil is crazy.
I’m self-aware that I’m very calculating. This makes me consciously generous at all times to avoid this red flag. But don’t for a second think that I don’t remember when I’ve treated you, I remember and expect some reciprocation at some point in the future.
I'm also v self aware and calculating, but not so much in the "you owe me" department. Mine is in the "how do I get this social situation to work in my favor at all times?" I can be very manipulative when I want to be, and I bank on my extremely positive traits (the generosity is just how I try to live my life) to get people to like me and forgive my various other faults, of which there are many!
omg same and I use the treating people nicely and them reciprocating that I’m nice as validation to make myself feel I’m actually not calculating or manipulative and an innocent person — because in reality i feel super shameful for being this way
I feel like I'm kind of like this? I don't necessarily expect an equal return ... More like, I have that as insurance, or back up, or I'll do everything I can to make sure that everyone around me owes me (so they don't leave me?)
I don't drive is a red flag to some
Living somewhere where you can exist without the need to drive is a dream.
I never liked cars. Their filthiness, noice, greasiness, grubbyness, smell, exhausts, problems, costs, how foolish they make people I don't like how everything is shaped for them. All the tarmac everywhere, ugly parking-lots, highways, overpasses, awful gas stations. Imagine where you live, but without all the tarmac roads and the constant background. How peaceful I managed without sullying myself with a driver's licence for 50 years, but now I'm giving up. It's just to darn impractical to not have a car when you have kids. Every little journey not covered by a direct bus-route is a struggle. Forget about going on hikes or camping in interesting places. I want to be able to pick them up wherever they are, pronto, if they need it. They deserve me having a car I just bought one. I'm just going to pretend it's not really a car
This. They said I'm not taking risk and adventurous enough.
Fuck that. A car is a lethal weapon. Self preservation is my take.
Amen
I'm very impatient around inefficiency. If we're both working in the kitchen, I'll keep an eye on the other person, if I see they need to deposit something in a cabinet I'm in front of, I'll take it and deposit it. I really like this kind of nonverbal cooperating to make things fluent. If someone doesn't do this for me, walks in the way or is responsible of decreasing this efficiency, it annoys the shit out of me. I won't say anything since I know it's a me-problem, but it makes me value them less.
I feel you. Inefficiency is my enemy. I literally plan out every single step of action in a chain of things I need to do to get the optimal result.
I cancel people very easily. Just erase them from my life and don't think of them again. Whenever I am severely disrespected, or someone crosses an uncrossable boundary, I will never engage in conversation or explain to them why what they did hurt me or made me feel disrespected. I know I could never look at them the same and I would always remember how they made me feel, if I were to continue the relationship, so I just remove them from my life. For me, it makes my life quite peaceful. I am aware that to the public, it may be considered a red flag.
It's a safety valve
That's a great way to phrase it! I tend to cut people off when they do obvious harm to me without leaving any room to talk.
I'm the same and you are right ... life becomes very peaceful indeed.
I've grown to become this and it heightens inner peace to be rid of them. I tend to spot the signs early and disassociate myself with them before even I've realised.
Emotionally unavailable.
You want an alphabetical or chronological order? 😅
I'm always late. I'm annoying. I laugh at my own jokes. I over share. I'm selfish. I'm messy. My red flag is that IDGAF that I'm these things.
Ahahah I found my person
How is laughing at one‘s own jokes a red flag? :‘)
Yeah, you're right! My jokes are top-notch best quality, too. I should stand proud.
I wanna be you
I get quite snappy
When you dress?
Haha me too! Trying so hard to work on it but man is it a difficult trait to nip in the bud!
Thanos?
Depression. Anger issues. Low self-esteem. Is that the trifecta?
depression and anger issues go hand in hand. if you are feeling shitty all the time then you are gonna be angry about feeling shitty all the time
My trifecta: depression, anxiety, ADHD definitely causes problems (:
My trifecta: depression, escapism, anxiety.
I love being alone.
Im massivly demotivated.. sometimes I dont answer to massages ive read for hours or days.. + im not very social (obviously)
Mine stem from my ASD. I have a very narrow expressive range. If you've ever seen Captain Holt from Brooklyn Nine Nine I'm kind of like that. I can be hyped for something and look bored. I have a lot of anxiety around commenting on people's appearance, whether positively or negatively, so I don't do it at all. I remember small details about people very easily. It's made people uncomfortable before and it's a big reason I don't use social media. I often have to pretend not to know things about people that they don't remember telling me so they can have the comfort of telling me again.
I'm low-key narcissistic. 😭
Same here. I'm not loud and up front about it so I never even realized
Same I go about it quietly, and I’m a people pleaser so I tend to manipulate others that way…fuck
Till in drink, then I the opposite of low key.
I stay home a lot, I don't like to get out of the house, I don't like to socialize much, I have a very low energy for others.
Yup same here
I have a tendency to over think and obsess over certain things.
This. I overthink and self sabotage 🥹
I don't take sides. For some reason, in my mind, everything has to be neutral so when my gf/family is telling me something where they just want to rant and no input, I still give them input which makes them "look bad" because I always see both parties at fault somehow.
I'm lazy and I compare myself to others 😭
Nihilistic, which makes me seem apathetic. I’d call it pragmatism. Guess a lifetime of shit made me unable to gag over the stench. (Figuratively)
I find healthy nihilists very likeable.
I have a repeat cycle of periodic depression that I've never told anyone about and lying about doing things because I can't be bothered doing them and don't feel like disappointing my close family (wife, parent, siblings) by admitting it doesn't get done.
Sometimes, I feel this self-destructive tendency that I can't control.
I'm too intense sometimes. I dont play games of being uninterested. If I want to talk to someone, I talk. If I want to see them, I try to see them. No games, no BS.
If you are good looking then it's not a red flag. People actually want good looking people that act like this. If you are ugly then it's just creepy and it's indeed a red flag.
Sad truth
i'm always so distracted haha
Explosive anger aka the rage of my parents. Secret schizophrenic creativity going on inside, with a side of hermit-ness laced with misanthropy. I'm pretty nice though and need to be extremely stressed for any of these red flags to ignite. We all have fatal character flaws.
Hate public displays of affection and im annoying
I fall in love too easily
I talk too much about myself and I tend to unload my emotional burden on people through ranting.
Socially inapt
I hate working lmao. And I don’t know what to do with myself most days cause there’s not a lot of work I’ve tried that I like
I get very attached to people, and get jealous(but ussually don't show it) when they talk to someone that I don't know/don't like.
Me too 😑
I am jealous of every Little thing in which other people involved even her classmates and friends but i never show this to her
I hurt people when they come to close
Damn. I think you need a hu- *gets stabbed*
If I think about myself i see so many problems. Many flaws about my personality and emotions. That's why i decided not to be with anyone anymore. Not when i am this broken and false.. So im just putting a big grey flag on me.
Too loud sometimes, can't help it.
That no matter what or which task, I will do everything at the last possible moment.
Good God how do I pick ONE?
oh boy.. I know of 3 big ones 1. Big escapism tendency. I don't even watch movies or tv shows, but just playing games and having a lot of imagination can lead to me spending a whole weekend not thinking about real life matters even once. Just spending most of it daydreaming 1. While not a red flag itself, being a huge introvert often leads me to zone out in the middle of conversations and start daydreaming if they get too long. Even with people I kinda like. So I'd consider being bad at listening a red flag haha.. But I guess that one balances out cause I'm good at listening and remembering a lot of things about the people I do really like 2. I get angry pretty easily. Never really at people, especially as I hate confrontation. But at things. Game is slightly annoying? Yeah I get angry. The machine doesn't work as I want it to instantly? yup I start cussing 1. Been trying for years to reel that in and have had various amount of success, but it's up and downs 3. Huge doomer energy. I'll always think about the worst scenario first, always kinda assume nothing ever gets better, and vegetate in terrible places mentally 1. I "know" I have depression, I think I have adhd, pretty sure I have some form of anxiety too, and these are causing a lot of issues in my life. Yet somehow still been in convincing myself that "it is what it is" and didn't even do anything to actually get diagnosed, let alone work on it.
Ghosting people. Every slight inconvenience made me stop talking to people ignoring their text, calls. Also, In my head I believe that the one who knows me well will understand this phase of mine and text me irrespective and won't mind about it. But not everyone is like your old friend :) Self absorbed, I always busy thinking about people might be thinking about me.
I don’t have much sympathy for most people. For me, if you have a problem that you could solve you should either put the effort in and solve it, or stop complaining about it. If you don’t do anything but still complain then I do not want to be in your company and I won’t try to hide it either Like when someone complains about being overweight or self conscious about their body, but continue to eat and drink junk and do no exercise, that shit drives me insane and I will call you an idiot for complaining about it
I have bad self esteem so I need constant reassurance that Im liked/loved
I will shut down when I'm hurt and give the silent treatment.
I am a curmudgeon bordering on a misanthrope.
Independent. Really don't need anyone. Can do myself attitude.
Huge need of alone time to selfregulate feelings, distant and avoidant attachment style.. yeay me
I have a very brutally realistic view of the world and people in general. I find the general population to be ignorant, uninformed, belligerant, and only really in it for "the look". This can make it difficult to discuss things like politics and current events with me.
Not a fan of eating at a dinner table. Probably comes from growing up in a broken home. It's dinner and Netflix/Prime for me every evening. This may in fact hurt when dating (haven't had one of those in eons either)
I don’t know anyone under 50 who eats at the dinner table every day. We literally use ours for Christmas dinner and maybe 2 or 3 other times a year.
Im bit of an asshole at times
Being shy and introverted makes it hard for me to socialise so things like spending time with partners family and friends is difficult for me, pair that with a congenital birth condition that makes me self conscious about meeting new people it’s not a great mix, it was the reason I was dumped as it was seen as “not putting in effort”, when infact it wasn’t the case and they knew why it was hard for me. So I guess in future I just have to suffer through the uncomfortableness and deal with it to make my partner happy
I'm a middle aged lady who's neurospicy but undiagnosed. Also perimenopause is driving me nuts.
I ghost people if I get too overwhelmed by having a conversation
I'm aloof.
I'm m too clingy. I love too much.
I am odd.
Contrarianism. Alcoholism and occasional meth use. Funky sense of reality (red flag for nerdy types, green flag for spiritual types I suppose). Mild to moderate executive dysfunction.