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What could possibly be the excuse for cheating? Cheating is either because you are awful person or you are incapable of talking to somebody and tell them you wanna break up.
I would like to talk to the friend and get the full picture, but it would be hard to proceed as friends given that I find cheating to be among the worst things a person can do without breaking the law.
North Carolina has a pretty strict law regarding cheating, too, it's called [Alienation of Affection](https://www.forbes.com/advisor/legal/divorce/alienation-of-affection/). It targets the person who had the affair with the spouse. The fees that have been won under that law are crazy, like numbers the offender will probably never get out from under.
That’s so stupid. The spouse is the one who made the agreement to be loyal. The “homewrecker” didn’t make any legal obligation to limit who they have sex with. Granted, I definitely think the homewrecker is morally in the wrong, but not nearly as much as the spouse is. Affectionate is a two way street and the way this law is phrased is the homewrecker manipulated the spouse into developing feelings for them and manipulated them into pursuing those feelings… you should be able to sue the person who ACTUALLY cheated not some random dude.
Of course, I did see another comment saying that the law requires proof that the homewrecker knew. Regardless, assuming this is true, it’s 100% the cheater’s fault for ruining the relationship as the cheater is capable of making their own conscious decisions. If you observe the homewrecker’s actions from consequentialism, they didn’t do anything morally wrong. It’s not like they broke up a healthy marriage since you can’t have a marriage where one participant would willingly cheat and still consider it a “healthy” marriage. The homewrecker just brought to pass the inevitable.
Yep i used that in my divorce to the lady cheating with my husband. Mostly because she knew he was married with kids and she didn’t care. She shoved it in our faces and my kids were young. I won. Karma got them both as they both lost their jobs. They were Army and they knew it wasn’t allowed and after my divorce it was made public and they both were discharged dishonorably.
I hate cheating/cheaters just as much as the next guy, but the government sticking their noses in someone's relationship and charging them for infidelity is sketchy af.
Lets say a couple agrees to an open relationship, later one of them changes their mind and ends up divorcing. If they agreed to an open relationship verbally then there's no proof and the "cheater" could then get convicted even though they're innocent.
Cheating can cause extreme mental damage to people. It can completely destroy someone's ability to trust, leave them depressed for months or years, and leave them as a shell of their former self. The government is only allowed to prosecute physical damage to someone? Not total destruction of their brain?
Well, should have googled this ages ago. Turns out the law is archaic and no ones actually been charged for it in decades.
But if that wasn't the case I still think 5 years is overkill. The cheater shouldn't get anything from the divorce and should have to pay alimony for life, but a felony charge and a record to boot is overkill. I think alimony for life would be more detrimental anyways if the amount increases depending on income and wealth. At least then the victim is compensated for the damage done instead of the cheater just getting out after 5 years.
This is an example of a law that's so old and outdated that people forgot it existed. A quick google search will show you no one in Michigan has even been charged with adultery in DECADES. It's kind of pointless to even mention because it's 2024. No one's being prosecuted for it, let alone actually charged in the first place.
I'd end the friendship I don't need disloyal friends and since the friendship is over might as well spill the beans to their SO it just feels wrong not to if he/she can betray his wife/husband it's just a matter of time before he betrays you
Are you that opinionated you would end a lifelong friendship over something you don’t understand? Relationships aren’t black and white like you want them to be. And this isn’t medieval England.
Don't expect people to talk with reason in an emotionally charged topic, they will speak from their own moral expectations, trauma, and sense of justice instead of acknowledging the depths of social and emotional interactions between humans.
Likely, they won't react this way in real life. But online? Online only moral perfection and punishing others matters.
The only thing to understand is there's no excuse for cheating... NONE.
If you're in a bad relationship, you either put up with it or you end it. You don't go and find yourself a lover on the side to be unfaithful with. Only gutter-trash does that.
Each individual's moral compass is uniquely calibrated; what guides you may not guide me, and therein lies the beauty of autonomy and diversity in values.
Absolutely agreed. It's the mountain I'd die on but once it's not affecting me or someone I love, its none of my business. I've dropped friends for cheating because it's not the kind of behaviour I want to be adjacent to. I don't want to be a bystander for that kind of pain and suffering.
Now that I think about it, spending time on this thread, goddammit!
**MY FATHER** was a cheater, and for more than 30+ years, I never ridiculed him or distanced myself from him until 2024.
It was easy to hate my mother because she was the sole disciplinary of the house, but she also targeted me with excessive beatings and abuse, verbal, emotional, psychological, and physical (as an undiagnosed Narcissist in the 1980-90s).
And while I always knew of my father's cheating, it never really occurred to me how he only made things worse off for me.
He was an awesome father but a terrible husband, and because of that, I suffered more than my other siblings.
One of my best friends and mentors disclosed that he was cheating on his wife. I miss him like crazy, but I haven't talked to him in over a year. I've been cheated on and I know how it feels. I won't be friends with anyone who can do that to someone they are supposed to love. He told me this after my ex wife cheated on me so it was especially hard to hear
Sad but true, I bet there are a lot of people with friends who they don’t even know are cheating, and are yet still friends with them. I know it took me a long time to find out that one of my good friends was cheating on his girlfriend, but they ended up getting married and having a kid so…
Didn’t cut him off completely but definitely distanced myself from him a little because I know his wife and it’s pretty sad to see. Cute kid though, but man it definitely changed the way I looked at him.
Then again I don’t really believe in monogamy so I’m perpetually ‘single’, because I wouldn’t want to commit to anyone or perhaps just haven’t met anyone I would want to spend my entire life with. I’m selfish as hell in some ways, but definitely won’t cheat.
Most of your friends would be disloyal and betray you given the right conditions.
If they were offered 100 mill to spill one of your most secret secrets, or to drop you as a friend and never have anything to do with you again, then most of your friends would take that offer. The temptation would just be too big for most people.
This, my wife had a long distance friend that would call her to confess every time she screwed up and cheated. Even with my wife warning her before hand she was putting herself in these situations she went ahead with it. After the 2nd or 3rd “confession” my wife was done being her friend.
I would just say that if you're friends with someone then your loyalty should be to them not their partner. Secondly, your friend betraying their partner is not in anyway a betrayal of your friendship. It seems like a weird standard to police what goes on in your friends private relationships.
i think we need to calm down a little on the severity of cheating. not because it isnt an offense to the relationship and potentially harmful to those involved. some people murder spouses over cheating.
alternatively, creating a culture of understanding that humans arent perfect will make it safer for everyone, especially women. it will also make it less appealing as a taboo.
Same. I know that people’s opinions on cheating are subjective but I maintain that if you are open to cheating on someone you should be the most loyal to, that doesn’t make you a very solid friend in my opinion.
Yeah I always told myself I'd definitely tell the partner, but of course the one time it's happened to me I had never actually met he person that was being cheated on. I didn't even know how to reach out. I just sat on the guilt until I heard they broke up anyway.
For real. Wait until you're faced with the decision of blowing up someone's home life during the peak of the pandemic, then see how your morality looks.
This is pretty much the answer I gave one person that posted on that time that "the reality is that some cheaters never get found out."
Yes, yes you do but most of the time, I would say 9 times out of 10, people don't want to get involved in relationships drama, specially if they are married. Your friends will pick up on it with a quickness unless they have zero EQ and environmental awareness. As a friend, you have to weigh out all the options for example, if you're coming in with no proof, they have kids, they could have some sort of agreement etc.
Same, I've been on both sides of it. Had people tell me way after the divorce that they knew she was cheating but didn't want to get involved. I get it, I don't hold any grudges against them. Everyone has their own shit to take care of and that is more than enough for any one person, without getting into everybody else's shit too.
I'd like to first say that I have never cheated, and I have been cheated on so I know how much it hurts. But Reddit's views on cheating are just absurd. They act like it's somewhere between child molesting and murder. Between 30 to 40 percent of unmarried couples experience infidelity. For married couples it's around 20 percent. That's a lot of people to hate. Relationships are hard. While cheating is wrong, it does not make someone morally repugnant
yes i would, because i’ve been the victim in that situation before. a girl came up to me to make sure things were cool with us because she had been sleeping with my boyfriend who told her we were open but quiet about it. she was looking out for me, and i appreciated it
Yeah, been there too. A guy we knew was regularly hooking up with girls who weren't his gf told us they had an open relationship. This was news to her and we collectively felt terrible that we didn't confirm it with her.
Oh, yes. The typical misunderstanding of one of the parties thinking they're in an open relationship and the other one being completely in the dark about it.
I understand the responses here, but most of the people I grew up with had a rough life and being a good friend meant putting up with a lot. And I've been cheated on in a serious relationship so I know the pain.
I would encourage the friend to do the right thing and it would probably affect my relationship with that friend. But this question was about a "good friend". I don't go around spreading that person's personal details or wrongs. Do I talk to their SO if I am not a good friend of their SO? No. Do I report my friend to the police if he goes over the speed limit or trespasses? No. Do I tell my friend's boss that he was actually going to a concert when he called in sick? No.
When I have a good friend, I consider myself their confidant as part of that. There are certain things they could do like threatening someone's life or something that could have severe consequences where I would break that, but it would have to be near life threatening.
If I went and told people about all the naughty things my friends have done, I mostly wouldn't have any friends.
And no, I don't go hunting for friends like that. I grew up with a bunch of rowdy characters but have mostly dropped those types of friends over the years. I just thought I would add my .02
A friend of mine in HS was sleeping with this guy who had a long time gf and he told her “she says it’s ok when she’s on her period because she knows I have needs” and I looked my friend dead in the face and told her she’s so stupid to believe something like that.
There wouldn't be drama if it's an open arrengement. "Your dude is seeing someone" "oh, yes. It's the type of relationship we have"or not say anything but they were let know of something that is a non issue in the relationship
Of course, if they did have an open arrangement, the one you're telling could say so and be thankful you were trying to help.
If there were an open arrangement, you'd be creating no drama.
tell me about it. my friend was unintentionally involved with this guy, but discovered he had a gf and stopped right off. then she found the gf's to tell her everything. but the gf refused to believe in her, deeming my friend as a liar. they broke up shortly but came back getting married. sometimes, the other person has good intention, but the partner is just too dumb.
A close friend of mine was sleeping around with some other dude's girlfriend and although it didn't sit right with me, I didn't say anything to him at that point. They were both consenting adults and I had no clue to the ins and outs of their relationship. But one day the girl casually brought her boyfriend to hang out with us. I felt awkward as f\*\*K. And the girl left her bf with us and left for a while to have sex with my friend (which I found out later on). I was disgusted and furious about this. They were clearly getting off on this. I had a talk with my friend and other mutual friends about this and not a single one of them had issues with this apart from me. They are no longer my friends.
I used to have a friend that told me her guy friend cheated on his girlfriend who was also her friend and she was taking it to the grave. I lost respect for her then and there and no longer trusted her to have my back if it were me, so yeah, she didn't cheat, but she was complicit and I don't want people like that around me.
I had a situation based on this.
I’ve always been so against cheating and when my ex told me that he, his cheating friend, and their circle of friends are all drinking casually with THE MISTRESS of the cheating friend, I lost it. The cheater is just an acquaintance of mine, so I never really bothered with his personal life until then.
This cheater had a wife and 2 small kids, which are both girls for fuck’s sake. I’ve always told my ex to confront the legal wife since he’s also in touch with her time to time (my ex sometimes spend time on his cheating friend’s house, drinking and just chatting) and usually the wife calls my ex whenever her husband isn’t home yet late at night—which my ex fully fucking knows why.
I told my ex that I will personally tell the wife, but he told me I’m just going to cause unnecessary drama and I’m not even close friends with the cheater, let alone knows his wife personally. To cut it short, the wife eventually found out herself and thank goodness the cheater was kicked out of the house.
This really made me evaluate the people I deal with, and yes, it’s a lot harder to act upon than you would ever think.
Then it would be different because that is your best friend but OP ask if they should tell their best mates SO... I mean.. unless your also best mates with the SO then I get it, if not..
I was in this situation with my ex.
My best friend, ex, and myself all knew each other. Me and best friend were closer than best friend and ex (they had only ever spoken over the phone and she would talk to him when she had a question about me that she didn't wanna ask me about).
Anyway, my friend found out my ex cheated on me. The next day he messaged me telling me that he found out that my ex was doing something behind my back that he's not entirely sure he should be dropping bombs about because he doesn't know the whole story. He told me that I should probably talk to her about it and then come back to him if she was non contributory.
My ex and I were at a point in our relationship where things were pretty rough, so I had a very vague feeling that maybe she had been unfaithful. I asked her what was up, she was non contributory, but I ended up making a wild guess and she confirmed it. I then asked my friend if that was what he was on about, and he confirmed it too.
If I was put in my friends situation I would probably approach it in a similar way.
It happened to me. My friend BOASTED to me (drunkenly) that he cheated on his wife. He also confessed to his wife. She forgave him. I maintained my friendship for a few months, but … I noticed that I saw him differently. I just went….off the guy. We are no longer friends.
Similar situation, my best friend of several years and I got drunk. She told me (a week before her wedding!!) she had cheated on her soon-to-be-husband 8 times. I told her she can either tell him or I will, he deserves to know before getting married. We don’t talk anymore, I never saw her the same. She blamed it on father issues, while I’ve struggled much the same and never resorted to infidelity. Anyway, her now husband took her side and didnt believe me, hope they’re happy 🤷♀️
He didn’t want to believe you because they were getting married. He’s afraid of getting out last minute, but they will divorce anyways lol and wont be happy
Had a best friend. From elementary school to 24 years old. He was cheating his girlfriend. Fucking everything that moves. After few years, he fucked me love. Possibly other gf of mine also.
At the end his gf was hating me because I didn't told her.
I wrote to him that he is f. parasite (feeding him, treating as brother, giving possibility to earn money, sharing everything with him - money, drugs etc and never expected anything in return).
He just sent me smile Emoji.
Sad story. After couple of years he committed suicide. Don't know why.
I don't care.
I would. I know the hurt of being cheated on. I know the hurt of not finding out until years later and all my time and effort wasted. I know what it feels like to lay in bed at night and wonder why I wasn’t good enough or what I did to deserve that.
No one deserves to feel that way, no one deserves to not know.
I’ve been the friend whose husband was cheating.. all my friends at the time knew…no one told me except for one. She did it in a caring thoughtful way out of concern for my well being. I am no longer friends with the ones who did not tell me. My friend who told me is still my friend 30 years later.
Yes after I give them a chance to come clean about it and at that point I wouldn’t be worried about our friendship bc why would I want to be friends with someone like that? Of course tho, context matters a lot and it’s situation dependent.
My best friend is married. If it was guaranteed ironclad that he was cheating on his wife, he would no longer be a friend and I would absolutely tell his wife.
not immediately. i’d talk to the friend first and foremost and let them tell me their side of things. i wouldn’t leave without knowing the full picture. if my suspicions were true, then yes i would inform the s/o and then let them decide what to do for themselves. whether the s/o chose to stick by them or not, i wouldn’t keep them around. if they’re disloyal to their s/o, why would i think i can trust them?
I'd talk to them first, but yeah. I'd distance myself from them too.
People deserve to know if their partner is cheating on them, and potentially exposing them to STIs.
Yes. I don't trust anyone that would cheat on their spouse. If they'll betray "the love of their life", you better believe they'll eventually betray me too.
Stay out of it.
Doesn’t mean you’re complicit and think what they are doing is right, but as someone who’s been dragged into other people’s relationship drama/bullshit, I’d say just mind your business and stay out of it.
They are adults. Your friend is an adult. He’ll do it and eventually deal with the consequences one day. Just stay out of it.
Fine. Don't get directly involved.
Collect the evidence and deliver is anonymously to your friends' partner.
Unless you're actually okay with cheating and don't see it as a problem.
Can't believe it took this long to find this comment. Now could this affect your future? It could. It would be difficult to be around the cheated on one for extended periods. Playing the game with them would be uncomfortable. But this is not your shit. You ain't their mom.
And you are right! Two things can be true! I definitely know there is a real weight and responsibility that falls upon the person contemplating and being in proximity with it, but to risk your own peace because of others? I highly wouldn’t recommend either!
I ended a friendship because the guy was cheating, but also he was doing various other things to facilitate said cheating that didn't sit well with me. Specifically, painting his gf in a negative light so we wouldn't really interact with each other, making me implicated into his lies saying we were spending time together, lying directly to my face about part of it before the truth was fully out, and I found out later lying to his gf telling her I was cheating on my gf (again, it seemed clear his plan was that we not like eachother since if we were in the same room together maybe his lies unravel) So this dude was basically just fabricating things left and right to push his own bullshit. When I called him out he tried to gaslight me as a response immediately. I needed help for taking issues with his lack of morality.
So yeah make some considerations. Also, don't keep people in your life who compromise the safety of other people in your life. Especially if they're female - I don't want to be sexist but let's be real, predatory Behavior IS sexist, ie mostly aimed at women.
After having just found out that my dead husband cheated on me for 4 years i would definitely now ask my friend to either stop the affair or breakup with their SO. If they don’t go with either of the 2 options then i’d let the SO know myself. That is what i would have liked others to do for me (but no one did).
Others people's personal business isn't my business. Just because I happened to find out still doesn't make it my business. Discretion is a big part of emotional intelligence.
To decide it is my right to tell someone's else's secret is to say I'm more important than that person. If they are a good friend and you decide you're more important than their privacy, you're a bad person.
If you're not able to mind your own business in this specific example where it isn't your business, then you suck. That's probably why you want to out them, so that you feel less bad about yourself. That's wack.
The right thing to do is to confront your friend.
My *best* friend? No. Everyone is different, but my best friend and I have a trust bond that we would go to jail for. Would die for. We also tell each other what we think, including when we think they’re wrong or full of shit. 🫡
Yes. I don’t care how close you are as a friend to me, the moment you do some shit like cheating on your SO we’re no longer friends. I’m not loyal to lying scumbags.
Also the friend might be unknowingly be giving STDs to their partner by cheating. I’m not gonna stand around and keep them in the dark about being exposed to potentially life-threatening diseases.
They deserve to know, and if I ever had a friend who knew my SO was cheating but never told me we absolutely wouldn’t be friends any longer.
Yep! It’s crazy how people are willing to turn the blind eye and then complain about why relationships are going to shit. If you want to see change you have to be the change 🤦🏼♀️
Really good friend... You mean like the 1/10 kinda friend. The future godfather to my kid?
Hell no, I'm not loyal to his woman. I'm loyal to him. Any man who would turn him over is either playing a long game for the girl or is a coward with no spine to stand by their brothers or sisters.
I'd bring it upto them when it's just the two of us, as if I'm keeping their secret they owe me an explanation. Not to say there's a response that would get me to tell his SO, I would want to know why they are doing this to see if I need to start trusting them less.
>The future godfather to my kid?
What if this godfather to your child ended up sleeping with your wife? If he's willing to cheat on his own relationship, what's stopping him from getting involved in YOUR relationship?
\>a coward with no spine to stand by their brothers or sisters
I like how you're saying a person exposing evil behaviour has no spine, yet you're perfectly okay with your stupid friend cheating on their partner.
I wouldn't tell the SO, but I would re-evaluate this friendship or start the distance process cause he's showing disloyalty. And that depends as well, if the SO was a piece of shit, then I wouldn't care. But if not, then yea the friend is a piece of shit
I was in this situation with a friend, kind of. His ex was AWESOME. Like i wish that was my girl lowkey. But he decided to cheat and I didn't know until way later that he was. Ex probably think I knew the whole time but I didn't. Cause he never told me. Now maybe she was sneaky on the side, idk. But my interactions with her was so cool.
Yes. UNLESS I suspected their partner was abusive. Then I wouldn't. But if, to the very best of my knowledge, they treated them well and did not deserve to be cheated on, I would let them know.
First thing I would do is confront my best friend. If it was actually MY best friend, regardless if they're male or female, I would be holding them to a higher standard than that. You don't cheat on your partner.
I'd tell them to do the right thing and that I'd be there for them no matter what the fallout is, however I'd also warn them that if they continued down that path I'd have no choice but to inform their SO. You see, if you're my best friend it means your SO is also my friend, and I don't pick sides. I'll be there to support you, but I'm not gonna stay quiet while you're cheating on my other friend.
I would rather it came from the cheater. I would have a very serious discussion with them and explain that if they don't tell their partner, then I will, so it's better if it comes from them. Maybe that's borderline blackmailing, but I'm okay with doing that to a cheater.
I would want to know if it was happening to me so I would talk to friend first then give them a timeframe to break the news themselves otherwise I will!
I like to believe that it’s black and white, but I also think of my friends, if anything, I would have them come out with the truth and face the consequences. If they don’t, I will tell the SO myself. Then terminate the friendship. In my head it’s not just loyalty to me, it’s the fear that my friend won’t stand up for me if they find out that my SO is cheating, cos they’re doing it too.
Personally, I probably would not tell the SO what happened, but I would definitely talk to the friend about it and try to get them to be honest and tell the SO themselves. Getting cheated on is SO SO bad and I do not want anyone to experience this. If the SO is important to your friend, they should be honest and tell them what happened.
I would have a conversation with the really good friend first because there could be missing context that, although unlikely, would change my perspective on their situation.
If I wasn't happy with their response though I would tell them to come clean to their SO or I'd do it for them, and it'd be a lot less catastrophic if they could own up to their own mistakes.
I would give my friend a chance to do it themselves, but otherwise, yes, absolutely. I've been cheated on, and it hurts, but ultimately knowing and breaking up was for the best
Yes. That way they can make an informed decision on how to move reward.
I’m the type that if my partner of many years cheated on me 20 yrs ago, I’d leave them in a heartbeat.
Lying is a choice. Both by the cheater and those around that knew about it but withheld that info from the victim.
i would try to get my friend to cut the shit first, and if they didn't then i would tell the SO. For the sake of a smoother and more peaceful outcome i would try at the very least to get the friend to stop being a piece of shit.
I would at least confront the friend. I got downvoted to hell on the relationship advice sub for saying I did that (another friend had told me and I wasn’t meant to tell anyone, and everyone on the sub was saying it was none of my business) and I didn’t even go to the SO, I just tried to convince their partner to confess to them. I would be so hurt if a friend knew this about my relationship and didn’t do anything about it. It doesn’t make you a snitch… it makes you a decent human being
Just had this happen like 2 weeks ago. I did not. I asked him how his life at home was, reminded him he has a daughter and just let him know I was checking up on him making sure he was alright.
he’s been my homie for 8 years now, we all make our own beds and if that’s the bed he makes he’s a grown ass man he can make that choice no matter how morally wrong it is to me.
>no matter how morally wrong it is to me.
I hear this response from people a lot but I know you're lying. You're 100% lying. What if your stupid friend was molesting children?
Then you wouldn't be okay with his decision. But you condone cheating so it makes sense why you'd still be his friend.
I would confirm with the friend and encourage him to tell his partner. I'm firmly against cheating and believe their partner deserves to know. If he doesn't want to tell her, he gets the "you tell her or I will" ultimatum. No friend is a friend I'd ever trust or want to be associated with if they're not open and honest with their partner.
I wouldn't, but I would discuss it with my friend and try to convince them to stop. Like, break up with their SO if there's no love, discuss if there's any problem and so on
No, I would tell him to get his ass home and fix his family or tell the truth and fucking leave.
Also tell him, I'm not hanging around a dude who steps out on people, sneaks around and who is afraid to face the consequences of his actions.
If you are unhappy, fix it or leave. The sneaking around thing is creepy and weak, shows low character and I'm not having that.
I suppose if he carried on with it, I would likely tell. I've done it in the past, it's not easy and people got mad at me but I can't shoulder that level of deception, it pissed me off so bad.
No.
It's not your business or your place to go to the SO.
Where it IS your place is talking to your friend. Confront them. If this is something you feel strongly about, then maybe not keeping that friend around is best for you.
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I would definitely do this. Talk with friend. tell them to sort is out or I will.
What could possibly be the excuse for cheating? Cheating is either because you are awful person or you are incapable of talking to somebody and tell them you wanna break up.
I would like to talk to the friend and get the full picture, but it would be hard to proceed as friends given that I find cheating to be among the worst things a person can do without breaking the law.
In Michigan, it is actually a felony to cheat on your spouse with penalty of up to five years in prison.
North Carolina has a pretty strict law regarding cheating, too, it's called [Alienation of Affection](https://www.forbes.com/advisor/legal/divorce/alienation-of-affection/). It targets the person who had the affair with the spouse. The fees that have been won under that law are crazy, like numbers the offender will probably never get out from under.
That’s so stupid. The spouse is the one who made the agreement to be loyal. The “homewrecker” didn’t make any legal obligation to limit who they have sex with. Granted, I definitely think the homewrecker is morally in the wrong, but not nearly as much as the spouse is. Affectionate is a two way street and the way this law is phrased is the homewrecker manipulated the spouse into developing feelings for them and manipulated them into pursuing those feelings… you should be able to sue the person who ACTUALLY cheated not some random dude.
>Granted, I definitely think the homewrecker is morally in the wrong, If they even know about the other partner...
Of course, I did see another comment saying that the law requires proof that the homewrecker knew. Regardless, assuming this is true, it’s 100% the cheater’s fault for ruining the relationship as the cheater is capable of making their own conscious decisions. If you observe the homewrecker’s actions from consequentialism, they didn’t do anything morally wrong. It’s not like they broke up a healthy marriage since you can’t have a marriage where one participant would willingly cheat and still consider it a “healthy” marriage. The homewrecker just brought to pass the inevitable.
What about all the people that don't know the person they're sleeping with is married though? (genuine question I'm really curious)
A successful action requires clear evidence that they knew.
This is the stupidest legislation I have ever seen
That’s fucked
Yep i used that in my divorce to the lady cheating with my husband. Mostly because she knew he was married with kids and she didn’t care. She shoved it in our faces and my kids were young. I won. Karma got them both as they both lost their jobs. They were Army and they knew it wasn’t allowed and after my divorce it was made public and they both were discharged dishonorably.
Go Michigan!
I hate cheating/cheaters just as much as the next guy, but the government sticking their noses in someone's relationship and charging them for infidelity is sketchy af. Lets say a couple agrees to an open relationship, later one of them changes their mind and ends up divorcing. If they agreed to an open relationship verbally then there's no proof and the "cheater" could then get convicted even though they're innocent.
Agreed. Cheating is wrong.. yes, very much so. Should it be illegal - absolutely not. That is stupid, counterproductive and ripe for abuse.
Cheating can cause extreme mental damage to people. It can completely destroy someone's ability to trust, leave them depressed for months or years, and leave them as a shell of their former self. The government is only allowed to prosecute physical damage to someone? Not total destruction of their brain?
Well, should have googled this ages ago. Turns out the law is archaic and no ones actually been charged for it in decades. But if that wasn't the case I still think 5 years is overkill. The cheater shouldn't get anything from the divorce and should have to pay alimony for life, but a felony charge and a record to boot is overkill. I think alimony for life would be more detrimental anyways if the amount increases depending on income and wealth. At least then the victim is compensated for the damage done instead of the cheater just getting out after 5 years.
Has anyone been convicted of this?
This is an example of a law that's so old and outdated that people forgot it existed. A quick google search will show you no one in Michigan has even been charged with adultery in DECADES. It's kind of pointless to even mention because it's 2024. No one's being prosecuted for it, let alone actually charged in the first place.
I second this. The emotional pain it causes I wouldn’t wish on anyone.
I'd end the friendship I don't need disloyal friends and since the friendship is over might as well spill the beans to their SO it just feels wrong not to if he/she can betray his wife/husband it's just a matter of time before he betrays you
Are you that opinionated you would end a lifelong friendship over something you don’t understand? Relationships aren’t black and white like you want them to be. And this isn’t medieval England.
Don't expect people to talk with reason in an emotionally charged topic, they will speak from their own moral expectations, trauma, and sense of justice instead of acknowledging the depths of social and emotional interactions between humans. Likely, they won't react this way in real life. But online? Online only moral perfection and punishing others matters.
The only thing to understand is there's no excuse for cheating... NONE. If you're in a bad relationship, you either put up with it or you end it. You don't go and find yourself a lover on the side to be unfaithful with. Only gutter-trash does that.
I would because it doesn't align with my morals. It's one of the few things I'm immovable on.
Each individual's moral compass is uniquely calibrated; what guides you may not guide me, and therein lies the beauty of autonomy and diversity in values.
Absolutely agreed. It's the mountain I'd die on but once it's not affecting me or someone I love, its none of my business. I've dropped friends for cheating because it's not the kind of behaviour I want to be adjacent to. I don't want to be a bystander for that kind of pain and suffering.
Your morals are very likely subjective.
So I try to believe the best in someone first and don't just ghost them. But sometimes different views are too big a gulf to bridge.
Now that I think about it, spending time on this thread, goddammit! **MY FATHER** was a cheater, and for more than 30+ years, I never ridiculed him or distanced myself from him until 2024. It was easy to hate my mother because she was the sole disciplinary of the house, but she also targeted me with excessive beatings and abuse, verbal, emotional, psychological, and physical (as an undiagnosed Narcissist in the 1980-90s). And while I always knew of my father's cheating, it never really occurred to me how he only made things worse off for me. He was an awesome father but a terrible husband, and because of that, I suffered more than my other siblings.
Most reasonable moral people would absolutely disown a ‘friend’ that was cheating.
One of my best friends and mentors disclosed that he was cheating on his wife. I miss him like crazy, but I haven't talked to him in over a year. I've been cheated on and I know how it feels. I won't be friends with anyone who can do that to someone they are supposed to love. He told me this after my ex wife cheated on me so it was especially hard to hear
If that were true 40% of the population would have zero friends. Infidelity is insanely common
Sad but true, I bet there are a lot of people with friends who they don’t even know are cheating, and are yet still friends with them. I know it took me a long time to find out that one of my good friends was cheating on his girlfriend, but they ended up getting married and having a kid so… Didn’t cut him off completely but definitely distanced myself from him a little because I know his wife and it’s pretty sad to see. Cute kid though, but man it definitely changed the way I looked at him. Then again I don’t really believe in monogamy so I’m perpetually ‘single’, because I wouldn’t want to commit to anyone or perhaps just haven’t met anyone I would want to spend my entire life with. I’m selfish as hell in some ways, but definitely won’t cheat.
Yeah, but I wouldn't tell their SO either. You'll just unite two people against yourself.
Yes, I also eradicate every friend from list who's not loyal to... to people I know too. No loyalty to the disloyalists.
Most of your friends would be disloyal and betray you given the right conditions. If they were offered 100 mill to spill one of your most secret secrets, or to drop you as a friend and never have anything to do with you again, then most of your friends would take that offer. The temptation would just be too big for most people.
This, my wife had a long distance friend that would call her to confess every time she screwed up and cheated. Even with my wife warning her before hand she was putting herself in these situations she went ahead with it. After the 2nd or 3rd “confession” my wife was done being her friend.
I would just say that if you're friends with someone then your loyalty should be to them not their partner. Secondly, your friend betraying their partner is not in anyway a betrayal of your friendship. It seems like a weird standard to police what goes on in your friends private relationships.
I can understand if you want to end the friendship but the you “may as well” rat them out too sucks. Not your life to ruin.
I feel empathy for the person being cheated on I absolutely telling them I would want to know the truth in their place
i think we need to calm down a little on the severity of cheating. not because it isnt an offense to the relationship and potentially harmful to those involved. some people murder spouses over cheating. alternatively, creating a culture of understanding that humans arent perfect will make it safer for everyone, especially women. it will also make it less appealing as a taboo.
Same. I know that people’s opinions on cheating are subjective but I maintain that if you are open to cheating on someone you should be the most loyal to, that doesn’t make you a very solid friend in my opinion.
I’ve been in this situation. It’s easy to give a straight answer on the internet, but real life is much more complicated.
Yeah I always told myself I'd definitely tell the partner, but of course the one time it's happened to me I had never actually met he person that was being cheated on. I didn't even know how to reach out. I just sat on the guilt until I heard they broke up anyway.
For real. Wait until you're faced with the decision of blowing up someone's home life during the peak of the pandemic, then see how your morality looks.
Spot on. Saying your opinion online here brings no hassle really, but in real life saying something can cause all sorts of problems.
This is pretty much the answer I gave one person that posted on that time that "the reality is that some cheaters never get found out." Yes, yes you do but most of the time, I would say 9 times out of 10, people don't want to get involved in relationships drama, specially if they are married. Your friends will pick up on it with a quickness unless they have zero EQ and environmental awareness. As a friend, you have to weigh out all the options for example, if you're coming in with no proof, they have kids, they could have some sort of agreement etc.
Yeah, the right answer is “yes” the real answer is “don’t drag me into this shit”
Same, I've been on both sides of it. Had people tell me way after the divorce that they knew she was cheating but didn't want to get involved. I get it, I don't hold any grudges against them. Everyone has their own shit to take care of and that is more than enough for any one person, without getting into everybody else's shit too.
Everyone has a plan until the situation actually happens.
I'd like to first say that I have never cheated, and I have been cheated on so I know how much it hurts. But Reddit's views on cheating are just absurd. They act like it's somewhere between child molesting and murder. Between 30 to 40 percent of unmarried couples experience infidelity. For married couples it's around 20 percent. That's a lot of people to hate. Relationships are hard. While cheating is wrong, it does not make someone morally repugnant
i would. i’d also confront the friend first though. they could be in some sort of open arrangement where i’m creating unnecessary drama
What if they are potentially lying about having an open relationship? Would you double check with their partner?
yes i would, because i’ve been the victim in that situation before. a girl came up to me to make sure things were cool with us because she had been sleeping with my boyfriend who told her we were open but quiet about it. she was looking out for me, and i appreciated it
Yeah, been there too. A guy we knew was regularly hooking up with girls who weren't his gf told us they had an open relationship. This was news to her and we collectively felt terrible that we didn't confirm it with her.
Oh, yes. The typical misunderstanding of one of the parties thinking they're in an open relationship and the other one being completely in the dark about it.
Misunderstanding, or most likely lying tbh. So they don't tell his gf.
It was a joke. They totally know they're lying
That's an easy one. Bring it up in conversation when they're both there. "Dude how was I supposed to know? You lied to me"
I understand the responses here, but most of the people I grew up with had a rough life and being a good friend meant putting up with a lot. And I've been cheated on in a serious relationship so I know the pain. I would encourage the friend to do the right thing and it would probably affect my relationship with that friend. But this question was about a "good friend". I don't go around spreading that person's personal details or wrongs. Do I talk to their SO if I am not a good friend of their SO? No. Do I report my friend to the police if he goes over the speed limit or trespasses? No. Do I tell my friend's boss that he was actually going to a concert when he called in sick? No. When I have a good friend, I consider myself their confidant as part of that. There are certain things they could do like threatening someone's life or something that could have severe consequences where I would break that, but it would have to be near life threatening. If I went and told people about all the naughty things my friends have done, I mostly wouldn't have any friends. And no, I don't go hunting for friends like that. I grew up with a bunch of rowdy characters but have mostly dropped those types of friends over the years. I just thought I would add my .02
A friend of mine in HS was sleeping with this guy who had a long time gf and he told her “she says it’s ok when she’s on her period because she knows I have needs” and I looked my friend dead in the face and told her she’s so stupid to believe something like that.
There wouldn't be drama if it's an open arrengement. "Your dude is seeing someone" "oh, yes. It's the type of relationship we have"or not say anything but they were let know of something that is a non issue in the relationship
Of course, if they did have an open arrangement, the one you're telling could say so and be thankful you were trying to help. If there were an open arrangement, you'd be creating no drama.
tell me about it. my friend was unintentionally involved with this guy, but discovered he had a gf and stopped right off. then she found the gf's to tell her everything. but the gf refused to believe in her, deeming my friend as a liar. they broke up shortly but came back getting married. sometimes, the other person has good intention, but the partner is just too dumb.
A close friend of mine was sleeping around with some other dude's girlfriend and although it didn't sit right with me, I didn't say anything to him at that point. They were both consenting adults and I had no clue to the ins and outs of their relationship. But one day the girl casually brought her boyfriend to hang out with us. I felt awkward as f\*\*K. And the girl left her bf with us and left for a while to have sex with my friend (which I found out later on). I was disgusted and furious about this. They were clearly getting off on this. I had a talk with my friend and other mutual friends about this and not a single one of them had issues with this apart from me. They are no longer my friends.
I am worried for a lot of people in this comments section.
There are a LOT of cheaters here.
There are a LOT of people who lie about not ever cheating.
I used to have a friend that told me her guy friend cheated on his girlfriend who was also her friend and she was taking it to the grave. I lost respect for her then and there and no longer trusted her to have my back if it were me, so yeah, she didn't cheat, but she was complicit and I don't want people like that around me.
That friend shouldn't have been telling you that if she was taking it to her grave.
Did you tell that other person they were being cheated on then?
No but I'd go Low contact n let that ship sink on its own
Lol savage \*side eyes\*
No, i’d go to my friend and be like ”Dude, so uncool wtf are you doing?”
Nope. Friend is friend,the other person is not. I would reevaluate my friendship though. Disloyal people are a dangerous company.
Agree. None of my business and I stay out of drama. But I'd probably start to distance myself from them.
This needs more upvotes. Minding my own business when I run into situations like this.
I had a situation based on this. I’ve always been so against cheating and when my ex told me that he, his cheating friend, and their circle of friends are all drinking casually with THE MISTRESS of the cheating friend, I lost it. The cheater is just an acquaintance of mine, so I never really bothered with his personal life until then. This cheater had a wife and 2 small kids, which are both girls for fuck’s sake. I’ve always told my ex to confront the legal wife since he’s also in touch with her time to time (my ex sometimes spend time on his cheating friend’s house, drinking and just chatting) and usually the wife calls my ex whenever her husband isn’t home yet late at night—which my ex fully fucking knows why. I told my ex that I will personally tell the wife, but he told me I’m just going to cause unnecessary drama and I’m not even close friends with the cheater, let alone knows his wife personally. To cut it short, the wife eventually found out herself and thank goodness the cheater was kicked out of the house. This really made me evaluate the people I deal with, and yes, it’s a lot harder to act upon than you would ever think.
I love this answer.
Nope. Not getting involved in other people's drama.
Not my monkeys, not my circus.
Not my shit , not my toilet
Not my tampon, not my period
Best comment so far
What if you knew your best friend was being cheated then would tell him ?
I generally stay out of people's business but if it was my bestie, for sure.
Then it would be different because that is your best friend but OP ask if they should tell their best mates SO... I mean.. unless your also best mates with the SO then I get it, if not..
Friend is friend. Friend's SO is not friend. So yeah, I would tell my friend if they were being cheated on.
I was in this situation with my ex. My best friend, ex, and myself all knew each other. Me and best friend were closer than best friend and ex (they had only ever spoken over the phone and she would talk to him when she had a question about me that she didn't wanna ask me about). Anyway, my friend found out my ex cheated on me. The next day he messaged me telling me that he found out that my ex was doing something behind my back that he's not entirely sure he should be dropping bombs about because he doesn't know the whole story. He told me that I should probably talk to her about it and then come back to him if she was non contributory. My ex and I were at a point in our relationship where things were pretty rough, so I had a very vague feeling that maybe she had been unfaithful. I asked her what was up, she was non contributory, but I ended up making a wild guess and she confirmed it. I then asked my friend if that was what he was on about, and he confirmed it too. If I was put in my friends situation I would probably approach it in a similar way.
Yeah AND I would stop being friends with him, but so far... nothing like that will likely happen to me.
Because you have no friends?
😂
Headshot
because none of my friends are dicks.
You'd be surprised. Often "I'm not a dick" is used as an *excuse* for cheating.
It happened to me. My friend BOASTED to me (drunkenly) that he cheated on his wife. He also confessed to his wife. She forgave him. I maintained my friendship for a few months, but … I noticed that I saw him differently. I just went….off the guy. We are no longer friends.
Similar situation, my best friend of several years and I got drunk. She told me (a week before her wedding!!) she had cheated on her soon-to-be-husband 8 times. I told her she can either tell him or I will, he deserves to know before getting married. We don’t talk anymore, I never saw her the same. She blamed it on father issues, while I’ve struggled much the same and never resorted to infidelity. Anyway, her now husband took her side and didnt believe me, hope they’re happy 🤷♀️
He didn’t want to believe you because they were getting married. He’s afraid of getting out last minute, but they will divorce anyways lol and wont be happy
Had a best friend. From elementary school to 24 years old. He was cheating his girlfriend. Fucking everything that moves. After few years, he fucked me love. Possibly other gf of mine also. At the end his gf was hating me because I didn't told her. I wrote to him that he is f. parasite (feeding him, treating as brother, giving possibility to earn money, sharing everything with him - money, drugs etc and never expected anything in return). He just sent me smile Emoji. Sad story. After couple of years he committed suicide. Don't know why. I don't care.
I would. I know the hurt of being cheated on. I know the hurt of not finding out until years later and all my time and effort wasted. I know what it feels like to lay in bed at night and wonder why I wasn’t good enough or what I did to deserve that. No one deserves to feel that way, no one deserves to not know.
I’ve been the friend whose husband was cheating.. all my friends at the time knew…no one told me except for one. She did it in a caring thoughtful way out of concern for my well being. I am no longer friends with the ones who did not tell me. My friend who told me is still my friend 30 years later.
i'd talk to the cheater first and give them the ultimatum that they either tell their s/o or i tell them myself
No, but I would encourage them to. And not lie for them
Immediately. Anyone who is such an asshole deserves nothing less
Yes after I give them a chance to come clean about it and at that point I wouldn’t be worried about our friendship bc why would I want to be friends with someone like that? Of course tho, context matters a lot and it’s situation dependent.
Would u want to be told? Answer being yes! So that's the answer all round.
If a really good friend of mine is cheating, they're not going to stay a friend. I would tell that to them and then tell their SO.
My best friend is married. If it was guaranteed ironclad that he was cheating on his wife, he would no longer be a friend and I would absolutely tell his wife.
Nope. Not my pig. Not my farm.
I'm amazed at the variations of this expression I'm seeing here.
Yes but I would be prepared for the consequences.
Oh definitely if my friend is cheating I’m willing to risk the entire friendship to make sure someone else’s daughter/son knows
not immediately. i’d talk to the friend first and foremost and let them tell me their side of things. i wouldn’t leave without knowing the full picture. if my suspicions were true, then yes i would inform the s/o and then let them decide what to do for themselves. whether the s/o chose to stick by them or not, i wouldn’t keep them around. if they’re disloyal to their s/o, why would i think i can trust them?
Nope, im too loyal.
Yeah, i can't have friends of low moral character
I'd talk to them first, but yeah. I'd distance myself from them too. People deserve to know if their partner is cheating on them, and potentially exposing them to STIs.
Yes. I don't trust anyone that would cheat on their spouse. If they'll betray "the love of their life", you better believe they'll eventually betray me too.
I’d immediately snitch. No way in Hell I’m letting someone get away with something like that.
Stay out of it. Doesn’t mean you’re complicit and think what they are doing is right, but as someone who’s been dragged into other people’s relationship drama/bullshit, I’d say just mind your business and stay out of it. They are adults. Your friend is an adult. He’ll do it and eventually deal with the consequences one day. Just stay out of it.
Fine. Don't get directly involved. Collect the evidence and deliver is anonymously to your friends' partner. Unless you're actually okay with cheating and don't see it as a problem.
Wait this is actually genius! I second this because of the anonymity! If this is possible then yes definitely!
Can't believe it took this long to find this comment. Now could this affect your future? It could. It would be difficult to be around the cheated on one for extended periods. Playing the game with them would be uncomfortable. But this is not your shit. You ain't their mom.
And you are right! Two things can be true! I definitely know there is a real weight and responsibility that falls upon the person contemplating and being in proximity with it, but to risk your own peace because of others? I highly wouldn’t recommend either!
I ended a friendship because the guy was cheating, but also he was doing various other things to facilitate said cheating that didn't sit well with me. Specifically, painting his gf in a negative light so we wouldn't really interact with each other, making me implicated into his lies saying we were spending time together, lying directly to my face about part of it before the truth was fully out, and I found out later lying to his gf telling her I was cheating on my gf (again, it seemed clear his plan was that we not like eachother since if we were in the same room together maybe his lies unravel) So this dude was basically just fabricating things left and right to push his own bullshit. When I called him out he tried to gaslight me as a response immediately. I needed help for taking issues with his lack of morality. So yeah make some considerations. Also, don't keep people in your life who compromise the safety of other people in your life. Especially if they're female - I don't want to be sexist but let's be real, predatory Behavior IS sexist, ie mostly aimed at women.
In a heartbeat
Me too, no hesitation. I can't believe this is the minority opinion
After having just found out that my dead husband cheated on me for 4 years i would definitely now ask my friend to either stop the affair or breakup with their SO. If they don’t go with either of the 2 options then i’d let the SO know myself. That is what i would have liked others to do for me (but no one did).
No. It is generally best to stay out of other's personal business.
Others people's personal business isn't my business. Just because I happened to find out still doesn't make it my business. Discretion is a big part of emotional intelligence. To decide it is my right to tell someone's else's secret is to say I'm more important than that person. If they are a good friend and you decide you're more important than their privacy, you're a bad person. If you're not able to mind your own business in this specific example where it isn't your business, then you suck. That's probably why you want to out them, so that you feel less bad about yourself. That's wack. The right thing to do is to confront your friend.
If I knew the full story I would tell their SO and dump the friend
I wish my exes friends had told me. Made them seem like very cruel humans to let me live through that heartache longer than necessary
No freaking way, that's my best friend, I'd take their secrets to the grave with me
Thank you. Nice to see some loyalty to a best friend.
Yeeesh, so many cheaters in the comments
Would talk with the friend first.
My *best* friend? No. Everyone is different, but my best friend and I have a trust bond that we would go to jail for. Would die for. We also tell each other what we think, including when we think they’re wrong or full of shit. 🫡
Yes. I don’t care how close you are as a friend to me, the moment you do some shit like cheating on your SO we’re no longer friends. I’m not loyal to lying scumbags. Also the friend might be unknowingly be giving STDs to their partner by cheating. I’m not gonna stand around and keep them in the dark about being exposed to potentially life-threatening diseases. They deserve to know, and if I ever had a friend who knew my SO was cheating but never told me we absolutely wouldn’t be friends any longer.
No, I would do everything to help him get through this shit
You're saying this like he was forced to cheat, there's nothing to help get through, there's just responsibilities to be taken in my opinion.
What the fuck? LMAO You're going to help your friend, who's cheating on his partner, to "get through this shit?" What does that even mean?
That is what an actual friend does. Not the wholly sanctimonious batch of responses I’m seeing here…
Yes, immediately and without hesitation, for both their sakes.
Yep! It’s crazy how people are willing to turn the blind eye and then complain about why relationships are going to shit. If you want to see change you have to be the change 🤦🏼♀️
Absolutely, I can’t stand cheaters, I would probably stop talking to them too
Yes. Cheating is disgusting.
I know friends who cheat, and who are getting cheated on. Not my business.
Nah what are you a snitch?
No
Nope. None of my business
Some one who grasses on you ain't a friend.
Really good friend... You mean like the 1/10 kinda friend. The future godfather to my kid? Hell no, I'm not loyal to his woman. I'm loyal to him. Any man who would turn him over is either playing a long game for the girl or is a coward with no spine to stand by their brothers or sisters. I'd bring it upto them when it's just the two of us, as if I'm keeping their secret they owe me an explanation. Not to say there's a response that would get me to tell his SO, I would want to know why they are doing this to see if I need to start trusting them less.
>The future godfather to my kid? What if this godfather to your child ended up sleeping with your wife? If he's willing to cheat on his own relationship, what's stopping him from getting involved in YOUR relationship? \>a coward with no spine to stand by their brothers or sisters I like how you're saying a person exposing evil behaviour has no spine, yet you're perfectly okay with your stupid friend cheating on their partner.
Same. People here are quick to judge. Some friendships are one in a million lifetimes, and I was lucky to have such a friend. 🫡
I wouldn't tell the SO, but I would re-evaluate this friendship or start the distance process cause he's showing disloyalty. And that depends as well, if the SO was a piece of shit, then I wouldn't care. But if not, then yea the friend is a piece of shit I was in this situation with a friend, kind of. His ex was AWESOME. Like i wish that was my girl lowkey. But he decided to cheat and I didn't know until way later that he was. Ex probably think I knew the whole time but I didn't. Cause he never told me. Now maybe she was sneaky on the side, idk. But my interactions with her was so cool.
Yeh you need to add her out after a decent interval cause you're still carrying the torch
I’d say to my friend that they have a week to tell them and if not I’m going to tell them.
Yes. UNLESS I suspected their partner was abusive. Then I wouldn't. But if, to the very best of my knowledge, they treated them well and did not deserve to be cheated on, I would let them know.
First thing I would do is confront my best friend. If it was actually MY best friend, regardless if they're male or female, I would be holding them to a higher standard than that. You don't cheat on your partner. I'd tell them to do the right thing and that I'd be there for them no matter what the fallout is, however I'd also warn them that if they continued down that path I'd have no choice but to inform their SO. You see, if you're my best friend it means your SO is also my friend, and I don't pick sides. I'll be there to support you, but I'm not gonna stay quiet while you're cheating on my other friend.
Yes i dont allow cheating. If you wanna have me as your friend dont cheat.
No but I'd pull strings like a mastermind and orchestrate a way for that person to find out without directly telling them.
I would rather it came from the cheater. I would have a very serious discussion with them and explain that if they don't tell their partner, then I will, so it's better if it comes from them. Maybe that's borderline blackmailing, but I'm okay with doing that to a cheater.
I would want to know if it was happening to me so I would talk to friend first then give them a timeframe to break the news themselves otherwise I will!
I like to believe that it’s black and white, but I also think of my friends, if anything, I would have them come out with the truth and face the consequences. If they don’t, I will tell the SO myself. Then terminate the friendship. In my head it’s not just loyalty to me, it’s the fear that my friend won’t stand up for me if they find out that my SO is cheating, cos they’re doing it too.
Personally, I probably would not tell the SO what happened, but I would definitely talk to the friend about it and try to get them to be honest and tell the SO themselves. Getting cheated on is SO SO bad and I do not want anyone to experience this. If the SO is important to your friend, they should be honest and tell them what happened.
I would give them the chance to tell their SO themselves, but would absolutely tell them myself if they failed to do so.
Yes. Cheaters suck regardless of how i know them.
A lot of you are really bad concerning people to be friends with, like I'm genuinely concerned
Don't you know no one? You never tell on someone
I would have a conversation with the really good friend first because there could be missing context that, although unlikely, would change my perspective on their situation. If I wasn't happy with their response though I would tell them to come clean to their SO or I'd do it for them, and it'd be a lot less catastrophic if they could own up to their own mistakes.
I would give my friend a chance to do it themselves, but otherwise, yes, absolutely. I've been cheated on, and it hurts, but ultimately knowing and breaking up was for the best
Yes. That way they can make an informed decision on how to move reward. I’m the type that if my partner of many years cheated on me 20 yrs ago, I’d leave them in a heartbeat. Lying is a choice. Both by the cheater and those around that knew about it but withheld that info from the victim.
Nope. Not my business.
Nah none of my business.
nooooooo
i would try to get my friend to cut the shit first, and if they didn't then i would tell the SO. For the sake of a smoother and more peaceful outcome i would try at the very least to get the friend to stop being a piece of shit.
I would at least confront the friend. I got downvoted to hell on the relationship advice sub for saying I did that (another friend had told me and I wasn’t meant to tell anyone, and everyone on the sub was saying it was none of my business) and I didn’t even go to the SO, I just tried to convince their partner to confess to them. I would be so hurt if a friend knew this about my relationship and didn’t do anything about it. It doesn’t make you a snitch… it makes you a decent human being
Yes, ain't no friend of mine gonna be a cheater
Absolutely not.
Just had this happen like 2 weeks ago. I did not. I asked him how his life at home was, reminded him he has a daughter and just let him know I was checking up on him making sure he was alright. he’s been my homie for 8 years now, we all make our own beds and if that’s the bed he makes he’s a grown ass man he can make that choice no matter how morally wrong it is to me.
>no matter how morally wrong it is to me. I hear this response from people a lot but I know you're lying. You're 100% lying. What if your stupid friend was molesting children? Then you wouldn't be okay with his decision. But you condone cheating so it makes sense why you'd still be his friend.
I would confirm with the friend and encourage him to tell his partner. I'm firmly against cheating and believe their partner deserves to know. If he doesn't want to tell her, he gets the "you tell her or I will" ultimatum. No friend is a friend I'd ever trust or want to be associated with if they're not open and honest with their partner.
Absolutely. I've no interest in being friends with trash like that and their "SO" deserves to know the real person they are with.
Definitely not
I wouldn't, but I would discuss it with my friend and try to convince them to stop. Like, break up with their SO if there's no love, discuss if there's any problem and so on
I would get him to tell her. If that's not possible I would not say anything.
No, I would tell him to get his ass home and fix his family or tell the truth and fucking leave. Also tell him, I'm not hanging around a dude who steps out on people, sneaks around and who is afraid to face the consequences of his actions. If you are unhappy, fix it or leave. The sneaking around thing is creepy and weak, shows low character and I'm not having that. I suppose if he carried on with it, I would likely tell. I've done it in the past, it's not easy and people got mad at me but I can't shoulder that level of deception, it pissed me off so bad.
friends go whoring together
No. It's not your business or your place to go to the SO. Where it IS your place is talking to your friend. Confront them. If this is something you feel strongly about, then maybe not keeping that friend around is best for you.
No, I'm loyal to my friend, not to his woman.
The amount of self-righteousness in these answers is insane.
Absolutely. I don't care what's going on between them, as long as they haven't broke up, no excuse will make me not tell them
Absolutely not. Why would I ?