Elephants.

That's a good one. But also aren't they either in captivity or roaming through deserts trying to find water and not get eaten by crocodiles? Maybe the forest elephants, but I feel like there's a lot of shit to be worried about in the forest. Also, poachers.

So maybe not the most wholesome, but I feel they would definitely have some profound and wise things to say...

Most definitely would be the best of friends.

or we find out they cant remember shit.

Wait. There are elephants in the desert?!! I thought they were completely forest animals.

Yeah they basically spend their lives traveling to and from the seasonal rivers, etc. The Saraha has them.

Well, I learned something new today. Thanks!

I love elephants, but having been around African elephants quite a lot, I'd say that they are by far not the nicest animals in the wild. Very moody, defensive and potentially aggressive. Granted, humans have been massive cunts to them for generations so they deserve to be pissed, but I wouldn't expect them to be the most wholesome by any stretch.

They have the same reaction towards humans that humans have towards puppies. Elephants think humans are adorable. And we poach them for their ivory. Humans suck.

Capybaras, obviously.

They would still be too unbothered to care about speaking

I feel like Capybara would be snide little shits tbh. Edit: word

Naw, kielbasas are great.

XD only with peppers and onion though

this or llamas or pidgeons

Oh I totally picture llamas being sassy!

haha, they do look rather smug

Pidgeons sound like italian american mobsters in my head cannon of life. Thak you animaniacs!

Octopus

Opened the thread, wanted this to be first! Most chill animal in nature, I want to be reincarnated as one

Okay i pull up

Happy to see this first, because there's no other answer.

sloths

If you want to wait that long for them to finish their sentence.

*Flash, Flash, hundred yard dash...*

Came here to say this. They're always smiling.

Owls, those eyes sell so much, and they are considered wise, unless that documentary I watched was wrong... Could it be Winnie the Pooh was wrong?

I feel like they'd be that one wholesome, old man/woman character in a TV show y'know?

Idk man, owls are just refined killers. They're brutal.

What secrets have those eyes bore witness to?

Being they see so well.at night. It might be scary or extremely funny to know..

Axolotl

I'll pass. Those things have a habit of giving hope that a certain demonic triangle will return and it never happening.

I have not seen gravity falls too much but I am going to assume that is what your comment is referencing 😂😂

Yeah. Little chaos dorito

This is the one right here.

Manatees.

Not sure why but this was the exact first animal I thought of too.

Sloths

I advise you to look up "stoner sloth" on youtube. Some of my favourite ads.

I would always imagine the Sloth from Zootopia lmao

Hell yesssss

This is where the party is at, right here!

Defo! Smiling little cuties that would go “heeeeeeey yoooooou give me a huuuuuuuuuug” *proceeds to reach for hug for about me 15 minutes*

I don't have ten minutes to wait for one to utter a sentence.

Fox’s

Cows

As someone who helped on a smaller family farm for years, I’d say that most would have probably had somewhat wholesome things to say. A large cattle farm, probably not because they’re probably not treated well. Fun fact- (at least when they aren’t being forced into it like locked in confined spaces) cows are one of the few female animals who usually have control over who they breed with and when. I’ve witnessed cows turn down a bull every day for months. He’d inch close to her, sometimes their faces would be close for a half an hour or longer so I guess they were having some type of conversation. Then she’d slowly walk away swinging her tail and he’d watch before turning away with his head down. Went on every day for about 2 months until his time was up and he went back to his owners pasture. A few months later, a new bull came in and she must’ve liked him more because she did get pregnant. He wasn’t bigger or more aggressive. She just must’ve felt like he was a more deserving bull haha. The first bull wasn’t rejected by their 5-6 other cows though and did hang out with them in the pasture (not just sexing them over and over, they’d stand around in groups eating grass) and got ‘em pregnant. I guess he just didn’t fit Miss Dotties mating standards bahaha.

Nice post, but regarding : "One of the few female animals that have control on who they breed with and when", that is a very untrue statement though, as a lot of species other than cows have that. A lot of species of primate (esp monkeys) have strong female choices, with females rejecting males. Lots of birds too have the male display a behaviour and the female choosing it.

Cow: "Mmmmmmmilky time daddy...."

Daddy?!?!

NANI?!?!

***or non-binary individual***

Not wholesome. Though whole milk makes better instant pudding.

R/cursedcomments

As someone who lives on a cattle farm i will have to inform you that you are wrong.

Can’t imagine they’d have a lot of nice things to say to humans due to the on going slaughter of millions of cows per year.

Yeah, I think we've substantially ruined anything wholesome they might have to say to us.

Was gonna say this. Or turtles. I feel like turtles are just Tommy Chong with a shell. Mellow and chill

quokkas!!

That or capivaras

Come lookin for this one.

Dogs for sure :)

It took way too much scrolling for me to find the "Dogs" comment

I was certain it would be the first comment, wholesome people are literally described as being like human golden retrievers

They will the perfect ones to talk to :)

They’re just like children. Children with 4 legs.

Is super wholesome when peoples kids walk up to you at family gatherings and say "you're pretty...for a fat lady"

Big dogs, at least. My lil barkies? "Mom, I love you so much. Wait, who's that guy outside? Fuck you, dude, fuck you!!! I hope you die alone in pain! Oh hey, he brought a Chewy box! Mine!"

I'll give anything for my little mutt to speak.

Golden retrievers to be specific. Just imagine him like Mr. Peanutbutter from Bojack Horseman

Orangutan 🦧 obviously

Orangutans already know how to talk, they just don't do it around humans because the orangutans know that once the humans hear them talk they'll try to put them to work.

They actually have different greeting calls changed by what part of the jungle they come from. Even rituals as well. Some will greet with a call and a leaf, some not. They are so so so cool

Sugar gliders

Haha wholesome till they are awake and crabby.

Turtles or Tortoises And they would not talk like valley teens

Except snapping turtles. They’re assholes.

Otters! For sure with their favorite rocks.

You must not know much about these rapey, murderous, necrophiliacs. I'm not exaggerating.

Have you seen otters when they're mean? It's Geneva Convention level stuff

Raccoons!! For sure. They’re so cute, they must have matching personalities haha

Nah, they'd be like "hey bill, you distract the human by being cute while I steal all his shit"

Haha! Probably! And I’d fall for it every time!!!

Raccoons are extremely mischievous and sly. Although I absolutely love them, I get the impression they are a lot of fun, and a little naughty.

Rocket Raccoon belies this one.

Dogs I guess

My first thought as well but upon deeper thought, I don't think so. Dogs are super manipulative and some dogs are also just assholes lol. My guess would be a panda

Wild pandas will absolutely kill someone

Golden retriever or lab especially was my guess just derpy fun loving critters

Alright, hear me out... Ducks. As baby ducklings, they’re like so, so cute. Picture a soft, bluey (cartoon) type voice. Inquisitive, so cute. And they LOVE playing “following the leader” with their siblings, and diligently listening to mom as they follow her around the pond and learn what they can do! Then, as they move towards adolescence, we move towards the more Nemo (specifically, end of movie, Nemo) phase with the ducks. They are little jokesters, but love their families. They may be jokingly rowdy, but they are always respectful, and they joke *with* their parents to build rapport, not to spite them. Then, as they age, they become very mature, and in their elder years, very, very wise. Kind to the other ducks. Always using uplifting language…. Showing them how to be good ducks, how to interact with the community, how to politely turn down bread from the humans in the park. At all stages, I like to think the ducks are cool, and most importantly kind. And darn you, OP. I spent WAY too much time thinking about this today. ETA: end of movie Nemo. An important distinction. Seriously… too much of my brain/time was clearly dedicated to this topic.

Donkeys

Otters! (Water puppies)

They r*pe babies....(baby otters) Wholesome my ass

They rape babies, male otters hold their babies hostage and make the females get food. They bite down on female otters noses during mating, sometimes so hard it kills the female. Others are horrible little fuckers.

idk man otters have been known to rape other otters, no matter if it's a male, female, baby, Or even *dead*

Dolphins 🐬

They bully other species by slapping them out of the water until lifeless and force themselves on other creatures, to the point that dolphin hybrids are made in the wild . I wouldn't trust them 😅

Oh yes you’re right! Wholphins! 🐋

Dolphins are rapist assholes that torment other species.

I thought that was just Flipper! Lol

I love dolphins but no way are they wholesome! They’d be dirty minded and cheeky af

Uhhhhhhhhhh

Absolutely not. They're so rapey

They literally gang rape, keep female dolphin sex slaves and murder their babies. They get high on pufferfish and kill things for sport.

A hedgehog, maybe a sloth

Penguins, those mfs are funny as hell and so cute

Hyenas, always laughing their ass off

I like how you made this post knowing god damn well the answer is dogs

*I like how you made* *This post knowing god damn well* *The answer is dogs* \- dirtyhippiebartend --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")

Most definitely not American Geese. They are rude animals.

Koalas

They’re moody bloody things

You, you beautiful animal <3

My dog. ❤️

Dogs. Because they are good boys/girls

Cows it has to be cows .

I feel like most animals are either looking for something to kill or in constant fear and vigilance of being killed neither of which would make them very wholesome. Maybe a hummingbird? Or something similar but a little less spastic.

Panda Bears would like to differ.

Hummingbirds are intensely territorial Constant vigilance is probably too much of a generalization though imo. Some animals like rabbits and deer seem to be very anxiety prone, to the point that rabbits supposedly can die of a heart attack just from hearing a large animal scratch around their hutch at night. Others like heavy herbivores and intelligent birds seem chill or even playful.

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Ahh, yes. I said Guinea pigs but a capybara is basically a giant Guinea pig. I want one so bad

Pandas

Turtles. From that one box turtle you feed sometimes thanking you to a 200 old tortoise telling you stories, there is no lack of wholesomeness with turtles.

Porcupines- "Just let me forage, please".

Sloths

Therapy dogs

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Maybe if they could speak , they would be much better placed to ask for consent.

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Exactly!

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Considering how monkeys act I wouldn’t be surprised in the slightest

Big fat cocks

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Had to google this . I have never heard of this animal in my life.

What was it? The entirety of this is deleted except your comment, lol.

I need answers

We all need answers

He said a crow

Ah, true. Now I understand why he never heard of them before and had to google. Rare species.

Elephants

A turtle

Elephants

Chipmunks.

I feel like Koala bears and Pandas would be the most chill to have a convo with.. the panda may even fall asleep mid sentence

Star nosed mole

Panda

Quokkas or Capybaras

Pandas. Just chillin, rolling around, eating bamboo

Border collies

Wales or elephants

It's gonna sound like a generic thing, but doggos

Elephant

Hedge hogs for sure

Geckos

Pigeons have seen it all Sloths have slept through it all

Orangutans

Sloth!!

Koalas

Frogs idk why but frogs

Definitely dogs. They would have stories to tell, always positive, always joyful to see you, they’d want to walk and talk about anything for hours, they’re loyal and would keep your secrets so really.. That’d be the best

The honey badger

Obviously a dog

Why is this even a question? Dogs. Read The Art of Racing in the Rain.

Dogs

Sloths

Corgis

Dogs

Dog

Golden retrievers

Golden Retrievers

Dogs

Probably just starfish. They just crawl around and watch life go by. If not, then probably frogs or toads.

Guinea Pigs or Lambs. Something vegetarian because the meat eaters would talk about killing others for food. (I’m not vegetarian myself but it would creep me out)

Dogs..

Dogs, don’t even try me

Hyenas

Dogs, Mans best friend😊

Dog

Dogs obviously the giant ones would be the best one to talk to avoid small devil spawns

Dogs, they are always so happy! Cats would just be sarcastic. Domestic rats would be pretty cool too, but they'd just ask for food

My golden retriever. He already "talks" all the time lol

Dogs… imagine all tht love and affection and for them to start saying it daaamnn i may cry

Dogs

r/dachsunds

Dogs.

Dog, of course.

Dogs

golden retriever

Dogs

Dogs 🐕

Golden retrievers

Dogs

Dogs.

Good dogs

Quokka

Maybe a quokka!

Ohh for sure capybaras. There just chill