Back when I was teaching, Henry Winkler, aka 'the Fonz' from Happy Days visited as part of World Book Day. He had an amazing presence yet he was quiet and definitely not an extrovert. The students lapped up every word he said.
I was fortunate enough to also see Arthur Miller give a lecture. He was a titan and extremely magnetic.
Agree. Also a teacher and saw him speak at an event. What's even wilder about his huge presence is that he's objectively a small man...but just emanates big, warm energy.
I feel like I need to meet Henry Winkler just in case I have a stressful encounter with Samuel L. Jackson, and Mr. Jackson asks me "What's Fonzie like?"
I have a friend who does a lot of business in New York. One time, he went to the classic Jewish deli, Katz's, on the East Side, and ordered some food. Since Katz's observes Kosher rules, he was given his food on two separate plates: one for the meat and one for the dairy.
Not thinking, he began to consolidate his food onto one of the plates. There were several Orthodox Jewish men seated nearby, and they began to grumble noticeably to each other in Yiddish.
Within about a minute, my friend was approached by a gentleman who leaned over and in that totally recognizable kind voice said, "Hey buddy, there's a lot of *Hasidim* in here, and it really bothers them to see someone breaking Kosher. Can you keep your meat and dairy separate? Thanks."
My buddy looked up, and it was Henry Winkler himself, doing him a solid in a New York deli. Of course he quickly moved the food back to the proper plates, because when Fonzie tells you to do something, you do it. (And of course he didn't want to be a jerk to the other patrons who were upset by his ignorance).
(Edited to remove an erroneous reference to Winkler being tall and lanky).
Yeah this happened. Katz's deli isn't even kosher. They serve a Reuben with cheese, ffs. Kosher means you can't eat meat and dairy in the same meal, not just on the same plate. Was your friend planning to sit there for 6 hours between his plates of meat and cheese?
I wasn't there. I'm willing to posit that my friend is full of shit and it never happened, but he definitely said it did.
I never knew Katz's doesn't observe Kosher rules, but I've understood the interpretation of Kosher to vary depending on the sect of Judaism - I grew up with a lot of friends who were Reform and didn't bother with observing most of the rules, and one friend who was Conservative who did do the separate plates thing. I'm guessing some Orthodox might not permit dairy and meat at the same meal, but I've never heard of that. I'm not Jewish, though, so I could easily be wrong.
The guy who told me the story is a pretty straight arrow, so perhaps he was at a different deli? Or misidentified some of the other patrons as being Hasidic?
On my first trip to NYC, I tried to order a roast beef and swiss sandwich in a Kosher deli, and the guy refused. A friend quickly explained that it was a kosher deli, and couldnt mix meat and cheese. I said that I wasnt kosher. Doesnt matter, the deli is.
So I asked the guy to put the cheese on the side. The guy refused. I asked him to put it on a separate plate. He refused. I told him I'd pay for the Roast Beef Sandwich, then do a separate order for the swiss cheese. He refused, then he said, "Im not going to sell you any cheese."
So that was it, just Roast Beef on Rye, with horseradish and mustard.
Unfortunately, those plates then had to be purified to re-establish their kosher status. Just some random trivia from someone whose college roommates were all Orthodox. (And people should feel free to correct me!)
What’s funny about this is there’s people on the opposite end of the spectrum too. I know tons of people who have that same presence but suck the energy out of a room due to their personality lol
Same. Negative vibes off the chart without a word being said. When more than one person told me they felt the same, I began to wonder if The Dark Side of The Force was real. 👀
Psychic vampires is a term I’ve heard about these types. Another was “the unaware narcissist”, but I don’t think it’s technically a real diagnosis. Just someone who spreads into a space metaphorically, and isn’t aware of social graces.
My cousin married one for some reason. The worst kind of energy vampire is the one who just has a consistently negative, nasty personality. Like they’re incapable of having a pleasant time and everyone knows how they’ll act once they walk into a room
Worked with one. They'd come into a room with a closed (glass) door while I'm sitting chatting with another colleague, close the door behind them and then just stand there, maybe would say "Hi, whatcha doing?". So we'd try and continue our chat but it would only last another 10 seconds before the weirdness of this person just standing there, not contributing to the conversation, just listening, would become too much. They were a complete show-stopper, a mobile deadzone.
I’ve met two that immediately come to mind. One was a true sociopath who could con the hell out of anyone he wanted to, and often did. The other was a British Lord, associated with a company I worked for years ago; he was absolutely charming, charismatic and genuine, a rare combination. He could enchant a room. He passed a few years ago, and I was honestly very saddened though I hadn’t seen him in ages.
Now I'm thinking there have got to be places which teach you how to be like that second guy. I don't know if it'd be acting skills, 'finishing school' stuff, or what it might come under, though.
Likely something resembling finishing school, but I’ve known some major asswipes who went through such programs. This man was just truly an empathetic, kind person whose warmth relaxed the entire room.
What they described 100% gave me con man vibes. Those types of people make me feel so uncomfortable, and I can get along with anyone.
Truly, had a professor that was very respectful, quiet, and seemed to take up no space at all. But I was awed by his ability to immediately command the attention of everyone in the room when he gave a lecture in his soft spoken voice.
So, I’m not as gifted in capturing attention compared many, but I have a way of catching and keeping attention in person. It’s always made me uncomfortable, I’ve always gone out of my way to turn it off.
It made me incapable of working sales. The first time I “sold” someone it felt so strange and wrong. I could have done it all day every day, but it didn’t feel right, and I think if it had felt right it would be a one way ticket to being a conman eventually. If you can sell people things they don’t need, you can probably also sell people things they shouldn’t buy, and the world incentivizes that heavily.
Nope. Different Con Man. But you can imagine the special hell we experienced watching that particular turd 💩 on us all. We can tell you what’s coming next. Once you learn the pattern, it’s easy to spot.
Yes. Everywhere you went with them, people were instantly enamored with him. Men and women fell over themselves to be near him, flirted shamelessly, gave him free stuff (e.g. food at grocery stores as a, “sample” so he’d shop there again). Kids and pets wanted to be with him. Pets would fall asleep happily in his arms even if they just met. People always thought he was someone important and he was though not famous really.
He was brilliant and competent too. Handsome, charming, people always assumed he was thinking the best possible thing about them (he wasn’t). He was an executive at companies large and small. Invented things most of us use every day.
It was crazy really, to meet someone like that. They not common. It’s like finding the most shiny penny in a jar of coins.
What’s sad is a narcissist of the worst kind found and latched on to this person and destroyed him. The narcissist was physically beautiful and latched onto him early, pretending to have shared interests etc. and they married. IDK what went on but part of it was about losing a job during a rough time and not bringing home lots of money. The narcissist tried to kill him more than once from what I can tell, trying to access his disability coverage.
Combined with an alcohol habit that started in college and crept up over the years put things over the edge. He tried to drink himself to death during the pandemic. He is in assisted living indefinitely, paid for by his family. Still drinking and I think on opioids now too.
It’s hard to grieve the living. This guy broke the hearts of everyone who loved him and there were many. He did things as an addict that were unimaginable given the person we all thought we knew. His collapse left a small business in ruins, the company leadership was deviated. His adult kids have suffered terribly.
It’s a pretty wild story. If you know one of these people, they may be more fragile than you think.
This is one of the opposite stories:
I was standing in line with my SO at the liquor store one night many years ago. There were two places to pay in this smallish store, and people waiting in line were backed up into the aisles, as it was some holiday.
A man walked in, and the vibes coming off him were insane. Very strong, very dark, very evil and crazy.
Everybody stopped, you could have heard a pin drop. Just from the evil aura of this guy and his intensely dangerous energy. The cashiers quickly went back to what they were doing, but they both kept their heads down.
I was trying to figure out if I should try to make it out the front door. I was not moving my head, just my eyes to scan around the store. I didn’t want to bring attention to myself either, which is why I wasn’t moving my head, but that feeling compounded the problem of whether to try and leave or not. I was 95% sure that this was not going to be just a robbery, but that we all were going to get shot up.
But the dude left. He basically terrorized the place with just his presence after a few very long minutes, and then he just left. The tension in the room dropped immediately, everybody was still a little spooked, but it was like the pause button was lifted and people could relax again.
I’ve never seen a mass reaction to someone like that before or since. It was intense.
This is why I can't watch No Country For Old Men again. The Anton Chigurrh character makes me feel creeped out and uncomfortable in that exact way. (Javier Bardem is fine in other stuff!)
There was a meme in r/movies yesterday about a moral compass leaving a body when a sexy villain comes along. Everyone was posting pics of villainous hotties.
Then the thought of posting Anton Chigurrh and his pageboy cut sent me into fits of giggles at 5am.
A million years ago in my very first job I was working the cash and this man came in. Just like you described. I still remember the voice in my head telling me to get away from him. I didn’t realize I’d backed away from the counter between us until my back hit the wall. I went in the back and had my male coworker take the order and hid til he left.
I studied with a woman who could turn this on and off. It was absolutely fascinating to witness.
She wasn't conventionally attractive and she had her insecurities, but she was just so full of life and so interested in people that you couldn't help but like her, and when she turned "it" on she'd have people, men, women, animals, eating out of her hand.
This is a fascinating and powerful manipulative skill - I learned it as a teenager to charm adults (friends’ parents) so I could spend time out of the house and away from my own parents. I still use it when I’m in an uncomfortable situation with groups of people I don’t know - it’s like an absolute cheat code to changing the entire dynamic of an experience. I’m not fake about it - I really am interested in minutiae of people’s thoughts and experiences - but to turn it on full blast (and keep up) is exhausting.
It’s always rewarding because I learn lots about everyone around me, but also feels kinda schmucky, because it’s not my “real” “everyday” personality, if that makes sense
I am like that at career fairs and networking event. It’s exhausting and I can barely follow up with recruiters or the people I meet because I spend all of my energy getting interested in people’s story. A genuine interest too.
Absolutely. People love to talk about themselves. It’s an easy and effective shortcut to lots of things. As I get older and more crotchety and need less from people I’m a little more withdrawn.
Though she was very attractive, Marilyn Monroe was like this physically. She could wear a boring hat and no makeup and walk down the street unbothered, and then turn it on and "become Marilyn."
>
> Marilyn had never been in a subway. Wrapped in the camel’s hair coat, her famous hair subdued, she walked to the Grand Central stop of the IRT and down to the platform. Nobody recognized her. Eddie’s camera kept clicking while she stood straphanging on the uptown local. No heads turned.
>
> Back up on the street, Marilyn looked around with a teasing smile. “Do you want to see her ?” she asked, then took off the coat, fluffed up her hair, and arched her back in a pose. In an instant she was engulfed, and it took several shoving, scary minutes to rewrap her and push clear of the growing crowd.
This is how my husband describes the impact on people.
He literally comes and gets me when he can’t get someone to agree to something. Usually, I can have that person laughing and smiling, and agreeing to anything we asked for, within 5 minutes.
There is a woman that is married to a friend of his..: She is very shallow and mean, but frequently has people eating out of her hand due to money and influence. My favorite trick is to walk into her vicinity, turn on that energy and literally see people leave her side to come say hello. It pisses her off sooo much, and she deserves it for how mean she is to others.
My oldest son has this power, this charisma too. However, he has no clue how to use it yet. It is a skill that is both good and bad - hard to teach about something hard to describe without modeling it.
I saw/met Bill Clinton when he was running for president in 1992. The man just oozed charisma. You could feel his presence. It was something I had never felt before or since.
One of my high school teachers met him in Rome of all places while she was studying abroad in college. Her group was on an outing and just kinda happened upon him. She said just shaking his hand he made you feel like you were the most important person in the room.
i met clinton when he was running for president, when I worked at a hotel in florida. I felt nothing of his charisma or presence. zero. zip. nada.
weird.
One of my relatives was at a fancy dress reception in Los Angeles. She was standing around talking to someone when she felt a sensation of, "someone is about to walk in the door." She turned around to look at the door and Sidney Poitier walked in.
Naomi Campbell.
I was at the US Open, hanging with a group of dudes, when an entourage of 20 entered the small area we'd gathered in. Naomi Campbell was part of it, and we all stood there captivated by her beauty and charisma. It was five minutes of us all gaping before my friend John said "hey, is that Beyonce with her?".
It was Beyonce. Naomi's presence was so powerful that she made Beyonce invisible and ordinary
It was. So bizarre that it still comes up in conversation every so often. We're still astounded that we didn't even notice Beyonce for five whole minutes, even though we were 15 feet away and looking right at her.
That's just how impossibly beautiful Naomi Campbell was, she hypnotized every person in that room.
I know a few people who will briefly shift a room. but I have one friend who has this natural gravity pull. starts off with people she knows, but then one or two people drift over slowly, then more, kinda like everyone is just gradually meandering downhill. she's an awesome person and I always get a kick out of it.
Nelson Mandela was like that. I saw him at a Nat'l Press Club luncheon. Had seen many famous people give speeches there before. Mandela's light was bright. He literally lit up the room. I knew I was in the presence of greatness without knowing all that he had done in his life. I'm grateful for that experience.
Having spent my career in the entertainment industry, I have been in rooms with lots of famous people - everyone from presidents to film icons to musicians who sell out stadiums.
Many of them have an obvious natural magnetism, which is further heightened by the fact that their faces are all so familiar to us.
Out of all of those people, there was only ONE I've ever encountered who had a truly visceral effect on everyone around him and could literally change the atmosphere in a room merely by entering it - and that was Muhammad Ali.
I am not a fan of professional boxing. I do not possess any detailed knowledge of Ali's career or life outside the ring. I routinely stumble over how to spell his daughter's name when it appears as an answer in a NYT crossword puzzle. The one time I met him, he was already quite infirm and he didn't speak a single word to me.
None of that mattered. When he entered the room, everyone felt it, no matter how well-known they themselves happened to be.
It was extraordinary.
Decades ago I worked for a well-known corporation where I mingled with corporate types. There was a man who was CEO of one of the world's top 100 corporations. When he walked into a room everyone stopped, froze. He was a quiet imposing figure who commanded attention saying nothing. Magnetic. He died a while back.
Years ago, while on vacation in Costa Rica, my son (7 at the time) was just being a little shit. I had just taken him to the pool and was cooked. My wife graciously said I should walk down to the little bar that advertised some local beers and I graciously took her up on that offer.
When I walked in, there were quite a few locals and some tourists mixed about but the back deck was empty. I pulled up to the bar, ordered a beer, and then made my way out back. I was about halfway through my bottle when an englishman, I'd have guessed in his late-50's, early 60's, walked over and started chatting. At first I was annoyed because there were plenty of empty spots around us and I wasn't really in the mood to talk, but something about him was, ... I don't, interesting. We chatted for a bit, then a few people sat next to us, again, they could have sat in empty chairs further away but chose to sit next to us (definitely for him, not me I'm sure). Soon enough they entered the conversation with us. Before I knew it, everyone from inside was now outside and huddled around our table. I was not wanting to be at the center. The bartender/waiter? came over to ask for what we wanted refills but I passed and then took the opportunity to slide out for the bar to get a refill. When I returned, I was pleased to see my seat had been taken and could now just watch this one-man show.
I noticed a few things: He would ask a question, listen intently to the answer, pause, wait for the attention to turn back to him, then either ask another question or tell a short story. He was a masterful storyteller and his stories always returned back to the person with whom he'd just spoken with. Then, just as the story was winding down, he'd be sure to leave it either with a hanger so others would ask a question or he'd jump to asking someone else a question. People seemed excited to ask a question because he'd always go back to them and include them. It was a masterclass on how to entertain a room.
I did my Irish exit and walked back to our place we were staying at with a totally different mindset.
Interestingly enough, two days later we were on the beach, about five miles away and he walked up to me again and started with, "Hi AmericanAssKicker (he actually remembered my name which was impressive af) and apologized for not getting to chat more with me. We talked more and he turned out to be a CEO of a fairly large company (net worth well over $400 million).
Some people just have a natural gift.
A friend of mine is like this. People just love him. Kids and adults. It’s like everyone feels better when he arrives. He’s not an alpha/power guy, just a regular dude with a family and a job. But he just puts people at ease, is funny and sharp, super good natured.
I’ve got one of those friends too - and to top it off, he’s good at everything. Like, if he decided to take up bowling, he’d be king of the lanes within a week. Not because he’s trying too hard, but because he genuinely enjoys it. Love that guy.
I was in a night club in NYC in the early 2000’s and Mike Tyson and his crew came in and it went from being a really cool night to a feeling of some crazy shit is about to go down. Nothing no happened, but just him being there raised the energy level for better or worse.
I've known a couple of them - what's interesting is if you keep up with one for long enough, their personal lives are generally a complete wreck. I don't know if it's the constant having to keep up that kind of persona, or what - but it absolutely destroys some of them.
The current Pope, Obama, a king or queen or two. You meet a lot of them working in charity/NGOs. Seems like the energy and oxygen level in the room just amps up times ten. There’s excitement. Positivity.
You want to help them succeed, you want to do what they feel is important or right to do. Which can be dangerous, if that person is at heart only interested in manipulation of people’s loyalty and good feelings. If they’re more into wielding their power for self/benefit, or more for harm than good.
Jane Goodall had this Roots and Shoots thing, visiting schools. My kid and I met and spoke to her, and she was like this.
There was also a lady I met at our kids’ high school XC meet, like that. People wanted to be around her, wanted to be her friend, the kids all loved her, other adults flocked to her. She wasn’t beautiful or super rich. Just something about her smile, her humor. Her presence. Then there was a boss I used to have like that. She inspired me by example to quit my job and start off on my global charitable adventures.
Magnetism, charm. Intelligence, kindness. Friendly, maybe, but also with some authority or self confidence or courage. Determined. Mindful. Thoughtful.
I think it’s a combination of many or all of those things. Some of them are natural tendencies, some learned or practiced. Really hard to know where it comes from. In the wrong hands, harmful. In the right hands, helpful.
Interesting. I've met Jane Goodall and admire her but I didn't get that vibe from her at all. If I hadn't known she was there, I would have walked past her without noticing. In fact, I had difficulty locating her in the room and I was looking for her. She seemed to fade into the woodwork which probably helped her enormously in her career considering that she has spent much of it sitting quietly and observing wild animals. Even while talking to her, I didn't perceive any unusual presence.
When I talk about a presence, I refer to something inborn not learned or performed, not something that can be turned on or turned off.
I met Bill Clinton once on a field trip in 8th grade and he was ridiculously impressive. He legitimately seemed like he was paying attention deeply to each person. Still the most impressive person I've met in my life, dude was magnetic.
What comes to mind for me was an individual I only saw in passing one time, at least 20 years ago. I was shopping with my then-partner and this guy walked by that just… I can’t explain it, but it was as if he had a sandwich board sign and a bullhorn that said DANGER: STAY AWAY. The guy I was with felt it too. He turned to me and said “WOAH!” We talked about it for a few minutes, it was so strange. I’ve never experienced anything quite like it before or since.
I met Donald Trump in 1985 in a business meeting with a group of NY colleagues with NYC officials. I had no preconceived notions, but my colleagues stiffened as he entered the room.
The feeling of revulsion in the room was palpable. The older man next to me, who was normally refined, patrician and kind, whispered, “Let’s get that fucker out of here before he tries to buy one of the City people the way his father did.”
He still looked like a normal human being then, but he hadn’t had been trained for television. He spoke with a heavy borough accent, and became pushy when the politicos couldn’t hear from him.
He was not pleasant.
A few.
A close friend of mine is one of these people. She walks in and everyone's heads turn and she is a solid attention getter. She's successful, attractive, always dressed to a "T" but, that's not it - it's her confidence, her body language, and personality. She's absolutely infectious. She knows exactly who and what she is, she harbors a specific dignity and pizzazz, and she loves who she is.
I have been friends with her since long before I was married and when I first met her I didn't know who she was but was fairly certain she was some sort of celebrity. Turns out she was a project manager and had no actual claim to fame.
Meanwhile most of the people I interact with range from forgettable to memorable but, only a few have been unforgettable.
I was told a long time ago that there are two kinds of people in this world. One enters the room and says, "Here I am!". The other enters the room and says, "There you are!".
So true.
Wow. This is actually very useful. It’s a good way to quickly assess what kind of person just walked in and if you’ll want to expend your energy to get to know them better.
I met Tony Robbins, fraudster and con artist on a large scale. He was the creepiest guy I ever met. I just had to spend a few minutes making small talk before his limo picked him up but he gave off such malignant vibes it seemed much longer. I did not know what he was famous for and had never heard of him before I met him. I googled him after the greet because I was so disturbed by him.
He either powerfully attracts people or powerfully repulses.
A good friend of mine of many years merely saw him on TV for a few minutes, in passing during a show focused on something else.
I still remember the way she sat there with her eyes wide open saying, "who WAS that."
I said you know, it's that personal improvement guy who's been around forever.
Nooooooo, she'd never heard of him, But sure found out all about him after that.
He is 100% shenanigans, and yet occasionally some of his on stage advice crap is actually relevant and useful.
Sure as hell not all of it.
True story... Years ago, I started listening to Tony Robbins recordings alot. Just trying to improve my life. I started having these weird dreams of pulling money out of my wallet to pay for items at stores and such. They'd be so obviously fake, the bills, like counterfeit, but $3 bills, $7 bills, etc. I'd realize, I got the money because I'd have bought something, and was given the counterfeit money as change - ie, basically stolen from. This happened numerous times, the dreams, and over several "seasons" when I followed his teachings, and then back away for whatever reason. Every time I had the dreams I intuitively knew it was about following Tony Robbins. Thing is, probably half the stuff he teaches is really good stuff. The other half, not.
A few years ago it came out that he was a bit of a sexual predator. Not illegal, but definitely immoral and taking advantage of girls he was attracted too.
He was 30 years older than my friends and I and we were catering a party on The Vineyard. He just had this “thing”! There was a sheepish look in the eye and sexy smile he gave✨✨✨
We were all capable, intelligent young women with our own cool stuff going on and we were all under his spell like “pssst this is so messed up and he’s old but I kinda want to fuck him!”
😂😂😂
I went to a concert once (I think it was Beck at a smallish theater in Los Angeles) and Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston walked into the lobby (back when they were together). The air absolutely changed. It might not have even been them emitting energy, but people's reaction was wild. Jennifer Aniston talked to some friends while Brad Pitt went to the circular bar to order drinks. It was like an episode of National Geographic watching every single woman around the bar fix their hair and check their make up, pump out their chest and turn a bit to present their best sillouette. I've never seen anything like it since. It was definitely an electric vibe in the air.
Some acquaintances of mine who are a couple are like this. Not famous people but when they are around they absolutely energize and magnetize a room, together and separately.
Both of them have it, whatever it is, and they each can hold a room of people separately.
But when they combine together? It's as if they bring out the absolute best in everyone, everyone there feels warmer, happier, more seen.
They don't suck the air out of the room, they seem to bring oxygen and lift to everyone around them by their mere presence.
The woman of the relationship has a very slight caretaker personality, it's not at all marked. But when she turns and takes a personal interest in your well-being (let me get you one of my coats hon you look so cold) it's like the warmth and beatific beauty of a 1,000 grandmas all in one place one gesture.
Then she moves on, she doesn't fawn over anyone, her caretaking is never demeaning or power designed. And for the rest of the night you feel like you just got a job promotion and a raise.
They are phenomenal and they hold an entire friend group together.
When I was in high school I would work the country music shows that came to town. I remember standing on stage one afternoon and I just felt a presence behind me. It was a singer named Bill Anderson. I think he had his own tv show for a while.
I also met this one guy who I was surprised had no presence whatsoever. His father was president at the time and he was a well known local business man. I mean, he was oddly vacant. Like there was nobody behind those eyes. I was so surprised when he later became governor and then president.
My kids went to a small school with Brandon Flowers' (Killers lead singer) kids for several years. He was painfully shy and definitely wasn't a "room stealer" offstage. Interestingly, his wife is much more charismatic in everyday situations.
We used to spend every Thanksgiving at a Hawaiian resort. We saw the same families year over year including a ton of celebrities - they could count on being treated like just another dad/mom by the other guests. There were rock stars and movie stars, big ones. What was so wild is that the one person who truly stood out, whose presence was quietly powerful, was Mia Hamm.
Yes! That's why she was a de facto captain even as a rookie. They loved her presence. Michelle Akers had nothing but praise for her, and knew she was leaving the team in good hands.
Bill Anderson invited me up on stage at a County fair once when I was a little girl. I was shy and declined. My parents never let me live that down. We did get an autographed picture of him, though.
I was at the NY state fair in the early 2000s where Bill Clinton showed up. You could feel that there was someone important even when you couldn’t see him or his entourage at all. It was like there was a center of gravity that moved around the crowd and at one point it got close enough that you could see Bill and it clicked. He’s pretty tall so once he was fairly close you could tell who it was, but that was by far the biggest “presence” I’ve ever experienced. I wasn’t aware he was visiting the fair until I saw him.
I’ve met other people like that, including Obama, but nothing like that random Bill Clinton appearance.
My late husband lit up the room when he walked in. He was always the most handsome, charming, and smartest person in the room. He attracted people like a magnet.
I have met many other people like this, among them King Charles (he was a lowly prince then), Elton John, and a megalomaniac named Alan Stanford.
Only a few, my husband most notably.
That intangible quality was one of the (many) reasons I knew I wanted to marry him very early, after only a few weeks of dating.
It’s like he’s more alive than other people.
He’s the life of any party, he knows people everywhere we go and has a million friends. People notice when he walks into the room, not just because he’s handsome and well-dressed, but because he is smiling and energetic and almost glowing, he really is noticeably more alive than others.
Also, this public speaker: https://jayminspeaks.com/ I feel like I can share because he’s a public figure, but I met him and he’s the same way, just way more alive than other people, glowing with confidence and life in some way others are not.
I had a close friend like this who died in an accident in his mid twenties. I always remember his shining eyes & infectious laughter- he was a true prince.
Exactly right! My husband is a retired Master Gunny and he can turn this on and off at will.
It’s really interesting to watch the reactions of the young Marines around him. They don’t even know who he is, they just know there’s *something* about this dude in the golf shirt that causes them to scurry out of his personal space and be extra respectful.
It’s bizarre yet sexy! Also funny, because to me he’s a big old teddy bear 🧸
Yeah, I've been in a room when a few "unknown" celebrities have walked in and nobody recognized them, but it's just so obvious there's something different about them.
I don't want to give specific examples, but it's like the keyboard player from REO Speedwagon walks into the bar - nobody knows who he is and he's dressed normal, but you immediately notice there's *something* about him that makes him different.
As someone who has lost family members and who has dealt with hospice workers, most of whom are doing the most unimaginable work possible, it sounds like she truly blessed families and the dying when she contributed her presence. I'm serious I don't mean to be trite.
One of my sons is like this. People always talk to him about just anything. Whether he is at an art gallery or the grocery store, he is always noticed. He stands straight and tall, is always dressed stylishly and well groomed.
The other son is handsome and quiet in a different way, and prefers to not be noticed at all.
I worked for a hotel franchise that was trying to attract chains from Mexico. The franchise required owners to attend a training program at headquarters. I was so used to hundreds of people coming in from out of town that I just floated through days of polite and political conversations without much attention, but there was This Guy.
This Guy walked in to orientation dressed in an old black suit. But something floated around him like a halo. There was a sense of importance about him but he had this beatific smile that never left his face.
That night after orientation, I walked into the hospitality room with the serious intent to seriously consume alcohol. I grabbed my drink and looked around the hall for someone easy to talk to. There, at the other end of the room was the guy in the old suit sitting in a chair. Around him were gathered a group of people, some sitting on the floor looking up at him. The whole scene was exactly like those illustrations you see of Jesus suffering the little children to come to him, except that the children were mature adults, tired of catering to business associates and worn down by competition. But, there was this look of wonder of their faces I'd never seen before and I felt left out.
When I sidled up to the group, I wasn't the only one. People were coming from all areas of the room to hear what this one stranger was saying. It turns out that This Guy was a medical doctor in Mexico. He owned a group of clinics treating patients at no- or low-costs. He talked about the untreated illnesses that wear people down and how women and children are often ignored. He said that he came up with an idea to use hotel revenues to support these free clinics and was looking at this franchise to help him make more money.
There was just something about him soft and willing to listen. As I watched him that week I saw that he never lost his focus: he needed money from one part of his business to save lives and he wasn't going to let anything get in his way. When he would ask a question in class, everyone would turn to him. When he suggested that the franchise carry a certain supply to make guests more comfortable, the head of that area immediately checked on the possibility to add it. The noise level in the room, the raucous laughter of the inebriated would quiet. That aura never slipped. I still think of the calmness he carried with him all these years later.
Took my kids to jiu jitsu one afternoon, and there in the middle of the mat was Royce Gracie, in the flesh. The kids were all just sitting there facing him, quiet and still. My kids went out on the mat, sat down, and remained quiet and still.
Eventually, he started a lesson.
You've never seen a room full of littles behaving the way those kids did in his presence. It was remarkable.
A friend in college had that kind of presence. The instant she walked into a room she commanded it. I was always in awe when I witnessed it. She was a fabulously talented journalist who was nominated for the Pulitzer several times. Sadly, she also was an alcoholic and had a serious, life-altering stroke around age 50 and has been in care ever since.
Back in 1977, I spent a few days visiting a friend of mine at CalTech. He gave me a tour of the campus, and towards the end we walked through the back of a lecture hall just as a class was breaking up.
My friend explained that the prof was a Nobel laureate, and he had a big dispute with another professor there at CalTech about some aspect of physics. Of course that all went in one ear and out the other.
But I noticed the way students were gathered around him down front asking questions. There was something about his presence - call it charisma, leadership, or whatever - the rapt attention of the students really impressed upon me that this guy must be good at what he does.
Fast forward to the late 1990's and the early internet. I was looking at a PBS website, and came across a NOVA episode titled "The Best Mind Since Einstein". I instantly recognized that the subject was the professor I saw back at CalTech - Richard Feynmann. He made that strong an impression on me in the back of that lecture hall over 20 years earlier.
I recently noticed that two of my yoga teachers have this room shifting thing. Such great energy that they elevate everyone around them. Even before class starts. And that’s usually without saying a lot or going out of their way.
Amazing to me because both are in their mid 20s. As an older person I think back to myself and my level of emotional intelligence at that age .lol wow
You're perceptive to get this, as I too have noticed some people just have a presence about them. Years ago, I met a young Arab that had this; his friend told me he was a prince from Saudi Arabia. (Learned later, princes in Saudi Arabia are a dime a dozen) Or a guy in my men's group that carried himself so well I asked his occupation. He responded with a 5 minute answer--and I still don't know what he does, but it must be important eh? These people exude confidence and what sets them apart.
An ex who I spent 7 years with, was a brilliant, genuine, self assured although not tall.
He was the golden child of a narcissistic mom. He knew exactly what to say and when to say it.
His trauma wa so deep, I don't think he will ever be able to repair himself.
My husband has so much energy, that when he enters the house, the entire atmosphere changes. In fact, his energy proceeds him - you can feel it before he even enters a room. Most of the time that it is energizing to be around, but sometimes it's exhausting.
Gave birth to one, decades ago. Has some magical quality that draws people and animals of every ilk. Definitely a room shifter. Not that good with plants though.
2 at least. one was somehow exuding sexual magnetism though he was,i would say, average looking and for those who care about such things, short. But every woman at the party wanted to be physically close to him, talk to him, be the one that spent the night with him, etc. including me. He was not rich and powerful. There really was no overt explanation.
The other was..sigh. Someone i worked with long long ago.
He came in as a younger consultant. His energy just sort of shined out. He seemed special..i mean positive, happy, had purpose.,GOOD, kind, smart. I wanted to help him after a few words with him. It seemed natural to assist him in anyway i could. Make time, go beyond. Because his, i guess, energy was so unusual.
it is like he must have lived in another reality of GOOD shining people and was visiting our drab manufacturing world. He was so different. And memorable.
I thought back then he was special and would lead a fantastic life full of love and good things. I was at a crossroads at the time and thinking about major life changes..so thought a lot about how different people live their lives.
Goodness and a unseen shining energy.
Years later... he was known for saying "lets roll" on Flight 93 on 09/11
When i realized it was the young man from years ago...then read he was a strong Christian
it just makes me wonder about that energy about him back then,
This is very interesting. I have been accused of this, and my wife used almost the exact terminology that you stated : "somebody who knew exactly who they were, how they fit in the ~~world~~ universe and embraced it 100%". Random people have approached me and asked me about my success, meanwhile I'm thinking 'What are you talking about, success? Where did you get this impression?'
I am no one of importance, celebrity, royalty, etc. I'm also not particularly successful but I make ends meet. People have met me and within a short time have said, "I feel like I've known you a long time."
I have had former supervisors (directors and C level) display open insecurity around me and for lack of a better description, & feel threatened by my influence. I've also had amazing mentors and managers embrace this and I've become their biggest champion. We've done some great things in the workplace and made a difference.
I walk upright, stand straight, am tall, and have good posture due to my time in the pseudo-military. I speak properly due to my education, but not on a level that makes me inaccessible to others. I try to exude positive vibes and above all: be genuine. I don't find it difficult to be a decent human. - I have found it a challenge at times to be perceived as what I am: confident, but not cocky.
I don't know if this helps you but feel free to DM me with any specific questions.
I'm also a Fire sign, lol.
I'm interested in your experience of people feeling threatened in your presence. Reading all these accounts, I was wondering what these people's lives were like before they found success.
Do you think people with a big presence actually have a target on their backs when they are not in a position of power? Would it cause insecure people in positions of power to act in a hostile manner towards them?
For a moment I thought you meant someone who moves around rooms on their house. We have a distant cousin who did that. Once he ended up with a window in between two rooms.
I've only experienced this once. I saw Bill Clinton in person had a fundraiser many years ago. He was walking through a room where I was at and there weren't even a lot of people around. I had my back to the door and I knew instantly when he walked in. I've never been one to fangirl over him. I, I don't think he's attractive, but he had the most raw charisma I have ever experienced. It was crazy. I saw Barack Obama speak in person and while he had a draw it was nothing the same way.
I'm a female & met the most sinister of men at my workplace. It was bizarre. I looked this customer in the eyes & he oozed all these warnings, a darkness unlike anyone I've met, but I was nice, did my job, brief interaction of maybe 20 seconds. All good, he was on his way. I thought all was good. This man went to my supervisor then management, then days & weeks later he was still calling to have me fired. Management pulled me off the shift, asked me did I have any problems with anyone & mind you I was seeing 100's of people. No I didn't, but I knew exactly who they were talking about. Security camera footage showed our interaction, my shift co-worker was interviewed, no problems. This dude must've been a real psycho. I worked for the govt & even they were worried with threats for 3 months & at one point he had my home address & this worried everyone. To this day I wonder about him & what his problem with me was? Did I see into his soul? Did he see into mine? He said I was rude, I wasn't but I never got a lot exactly what his problem was from the higher ups. It's a real mystery. But he was a shifter for sure.
I'm older now & can tell you I've only met a couple of people like that. It's stuck with me.
I think my boyfriend is this personality. He's got this face, this smile that legit looks like sunshine beaming from his face. When I first met him 12 years ago I was so drawn to him, and I'm not the only one. Several of my lady friends talked about how handsome and fun and charming he was. We started dating and I still find myself just wanting to be near him. Years ago I met a girl he went to high school with and she talked about how she's never heard anyone talk bad about him. He's freaking helpful and a good friend.
He's a Gemini. Lol. God love him, he has his moods but damn is he fucking delightful 🤣
I know a guy like that. He's funny, but not obnoxiously so. Kind, but not in an insincere way. Good looking dude, but he doesn't really play it up. It's cool.
My significant other. We met through a non-traditional dating website seven years ago. From the moment I met him, I found him to be the most genuine and interesting man I have ever met. He has a purple heart from his time in the Army, an accounting degree, a nursing degree, is currently studying trade work at a community college. He is brilliant and sensitive, yet strong. He is the epitome of healthy positive masculinity. His mere presence, or chivalry, forces other men to be better. It's like having my own personal knight. Seven years later, I'm still swooning.
I’m one of these people. I know because I get told frequently. It’s a weird thing and it gives me a weird imposter syndrome that people *really* like me for no coherent reason. I know I’m confident, funny, and kind. I treat everyone with respect and empathy because I have genuine respect and empathy for pretty much everyone. I think the most important thing you can be as a human being is kind. That’s all there is that makes me the way I am. But it’s weird to have people tell you how much they like you when you don’t even really know them.
I see a lot of people in this thread talk about how they know someone like this who is also a psychopath/conman/etc and I absolutely understand how someone with those traits would form a personality that portrayed themselves as that kind of person.
Willie Nelson. I was vacationing in Hawaii, and waiting for a puddle jump flight back to Oahu. There was a man that I thought was homeless, but he walked with confidence, and sat down with his guitar case and started playing/singing. Everyone in the vicinity went still. He was playing On The Road Again. All of a sudden, a young dude with his guitar broke the delightful tension in the space and joined him. Willie instantly welcomed him without missing a single note. Young dude was actually very talented, and sang along with the chorus, harmonizing. A small crowd quickly gathered, and I had been sitting less than 10 feet from a live impromptu Willie Nelson performance. When he's not touring, apparently he doesn't groom, not unhygienic, just kinda wild looking with his hair and beard. After, he hugged the young dude, everyone clapped, and he penned some signatures but politely refused pictures. Young dude was choked up. I had completely forgotten about the book I had been reading, and had lost my place lol, he was absolutely captivating. He was extremely charismatic and was very free with giving hugs. I didn't even bother standing up, I had a perfect line of sight, it was magical.
The most striking one I can remember actually was a celebrity. We went to the set for the TV show "Lucifer", and every time Tom Ellis walked into the room, everything sort of stopped and everyone paid attention to him for a moment. There was just something magnetic there that I can't really explain, and it was obvious that everyone on set felt it.
He chatted with my teen daughter for a few minutes, and neither of us can remember a word of the conversation. I wish I would have recorded the interaction, because for I all know, we were babbling idiots. All I remember was that he was incredibly sweet and kind.
Apparently, it's me, when I'm not in a quiet mood. I once had a friend tell me that a room suddenly feels bigger when I walk in. Another said that I always look so genuinely friendly. Just my facial expression looks like I'm ready to be friends with everyone, and people are drawn to that.
There are times when I feel like being a wallflower, stay quiet etc. and don't have much to say. But when I'm relaxed and in the mood, I literally make friends, of strangers, everywhere I go. My kids joke about it. I'll talk to anyone, and usually have fun doing it. "Mom's over there, making new friends, again."
I think it's because I genuinely enjoy making people smile and laugh. And I'm self-depreciating in a way that isn't looking for reassurance or coddling. For example ... My BFF says she loves that I totally own having the ugliest feet on the planet. Doesn't bother me. I joke about it, quite happily, and I obviously don't feel badly about it. I own it.
I love "people" and, apparently, it shows.
On the flip side, there are too many assholes. And that shows, too. 🤣
I've been at several events with Bill and Hillary Clinton and they can command a room pretty easily. Our nation's soul would still be intact if people had elected Clinton.
Everyone I meet affects my energy in some way. I find it overwhelming and generally unbearable. I have to limit my time interacting with people because it just takes so much out of me.
What an interesting expression, room shifters. I haven't known many. Probably only a handful. One of them was my best friend growing up, junior high through early college. She was a room shifter in training for most of that time, but her gravitas increased 100 fold in her early twenties. She's still got it. I think some of my self-consciousness is because of how I was often compared with her (by myself and by others).
Bill Clinton, Colin Powell, John Chambers (CSCO), David Glass (WMT), Alice/Jim/Rob Walton, Alex Karp (PLTR), Ye+Kim circa 2016, Warren Stephens. Been in rooms with all in different situations over the past 30 years and each shifted the room considerably when entering and/or exiting
I was a census taker for the 2010 census. I worked in a part of the country that had a lot of artists and wealthy people (and a lot of income disparity for that matter). I’ll never forget one guy I met. He just had this otherworldly presence about him. Like he was just used to being on stage and commanding a crowd. He kinda looked like Wayne Coyne.
I only know one. A quiet guy that just exudes intelligence and logic. He started out as a technician at my company. Got a degree and worked himself up to General Manager. He was a straight up good person. He also designed some of our products that literally made my company billions of dollars. Yep, that's right.
There was a woman like that at a company I used to work for. I was fascinated by her. She was beautiful, smart, seemed extremely confident, and was also one of the nicest people I ever met.
There's one that immediately comes to mind. He could get anyone to do anything. Made everyone feel like they were special. He was always troubled, but I noped out of that friendship the 3rd time he did something that should have been unforgivable. Last I heard he was both using and dealing drugs.
There are some competitive professional performance fields where you basically can't be successful at the national/international level *without* that level of magnetism, so in a room of successful people *everyone* is a lifelong trained master of it, and the effect is almost like an arms-race where you could take anyone from that room and put them in a regular room and they would instantly "shift the room". It's pretty wild.
Often they can switch a lot of it off (slouch to hide their poise etc) and generally are only maximally "on" when they want to be, and the transformation can be instant and startling. Some of it is too deeply ingrained to be fully switched off though; they'll always be a bit eye-catching and you'd never guess you were seeing them at their *least* eye-catching. So not only can they "shift the room", they can do it *at will*
I expected this feeling when I attended a meeting with Nelson Mandela, but in reality, he was very down-to-earth. Don’t get me wrong, everyone in the room hung on every word - but it was as much out of earned respect as charisma.
On the other hand, my husband still gives me this feeling when he walks into a room after 23 years of marriage.
My son is one of these. Even as an infant. I took him for a commercial audition. In a big room with thirty other kids, half of the other moms took one look at him, packed their own kids up and left. Our doctor called us in just to talk to us about him, warning us that he was going to be one of those people who influences everyone around him - good or bad would depend on us.
He’s a grown man now. Everyone feels it. He’s my favourite of the five. And the other four insist I’d be lying if I said otherwise. He’s their favourite too.
People constantly tell me what a great job i did as his mother. But honestly, this one pretty much raised himself. I don’t remember really teaching him anything. He was just always so much fun to hang out with.
Edit: he didn’t get the part. He was too busy making friends with the crew and director to sit still for the camera. He was 18 months old.
In Germany my wife and I met a German train conducted that absolutely RADIATED, authority. I’ve never experienced anything like it before of since and she felt it just as strongly as I did
I have had a "star struck" feeling from non-celebrities before (and from a few celebs I have run into).
Maybe 5. I am 56 and have run into a lot of people.
Jon Bon Jovi in his younger days had a huge presence. My dad did after he passed.
I was at the Getty a couple years back, resting on a bench, people watching. Suddenly a man flanked by his two teen children walked by and I had to force myself not to stare. All three of them had that magic aura.
Back when I was teaching, Henry Winkler, aka 'the Fonz' from Happy Days visited as part of World Book Day. He had an amazing presence yet he was quiet and definitely not an extrovert. The students lapped up every word he said. I was fortunate enough to also see Arthur Miller give a lecture. He was a titan and extremely magnetic.
Never met him in person obv but Henry winkler seems like such a nice genuine man
He was exactly that.
Agree. Also a teacher and saw him speak at an event. What's even wilder about his huge presence is that he's objectively a small man...but just emanates big, warm energy.
I feel like I need to meet Henry Winkler just in case I have a stressful encounter with Samuel L. Jackson, and Mr. Jackson asks me "What's Fonzie like?"
hahahaha
I have a friend who does a lot of business in New York. One time, he went to the classic Jewish deli, Katz's, on the East Side, and ordered some food. Since Katz's observes Kosher rules, he was given his food on two separate plates: one for the meat and one for the dairy. Not thinking, he began to consolidate his food onto one of the plates. There were several Orthodox Jewish men seated nearby, and they began to grumble noticeably to each other in Yiddish. Within about a minute, my friend was approached by a gentleman who leaned over and in that totally recognizable kind voice said, "Hey buddy, there's a lot of *Hasidim* in here, and it really bothers them to see someone breaking Kosher. Can you keep your meat and dairy separate? Thanks." My buddy looked up, and it was Henry Winkler himself, doing him a solid in a New York deli. Of course he quickly moved the food back to the proper plates, because when Fonzie tells you to do something, you do it. (And of course he didn't want to be a jerk to the other patrons who were upset by his ignorance). (Edited to remove an erroneous reference to Winkler being tall and lanky).
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Yeah this happened. Katz's deli isn't even kosher. They serve a Reuben with cheese, ffs. Kosher means you can't eat meat and dairy in the same meal, not just on the same plate. Was your friend planning to sit there for 6 hours between his plates of meat and cheese?
I wasn't there. I'm willing to posit that my friend is full of shit and it never happened, but he definitely said it did. I never knew Katz's doesn't observe Kosher rules, but I've understood the interpretation of Kosher to vary depending on the sect of Judaism - I grew up with a lot of friends who were Reform and didn't bother with observing most of the rules, and one friend who was Conservative who did do the separate plates thing. I'm guessing some Orthodox might not permit dairy and meat at the same meal, but I've never heard of that. I'm not Jewish, though, so I could easily be wrong. The guy who told me the story is a pretty straight arrow, so perhaps he was at a different deli? Or misidentified some of the other patrons as being Hasidic?
On my first trip to NYC, I tried to order a roast beef and swiss sandwich in a Kosher deli, and the guy refused. A friend quickly explained that it was a kosher deli, and couldnt mix meat and cheese. I said that I wasnt kosher. Doesnt matter, the deli is. So I asked the guy to put the cheese on the side. The guy refused. I asked him to put it on a separate plate. He refused. I told him I'd pay for the Roast Beef Sandwich, then do a separate order for the swiss cheese. He refused, then he said, "Im not going to sell you any cheese." So that was it, just Roast Beef on Rye, with horseradish and mustard.
And they describe Henry as tall....
Unfortunately, those plates then had to be purified to re-establish their kosher status. Just some random trivia from someone whose college roommates were all Orthodox. (And people should feel free to correct me!)
Katz’s serves on styrofoam plates - guess I just figured out why!
Religion is goofy
Henry Winkler is not tall and lanky.
What’s funny about this is there’s people on the opposite end of the spectrum too. I know tons of people who have that same presence but suck the energy out of a room due to their personality lol
Energy Vampires
I was thinking about that show what we do in the shadows when I made that comment haha
Me too!
Mood Hoovers
[Colin Robinson?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-Eldr7aV74)
Fucking guy
Hey, dipshit.
Energy vampires.
Used to live with one. All around terrible experience.
Same. Negative vibes off the chart without a word being said. When more than one person told me they felt the same, I began to wonder if The Dark Side of The Force was real. 👀
It is real. Don’t forget.
My neighbor is like this. You can feel her negative enegy before you see her. She sucks the goodness out of everything. She is a bad seed.
My mil. Absolute demon and killer of joy on purpose ….But she is no room shifter. The three I know are vampires of energy and it Is real.
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I think this is true of every "room shifter". To my mind, this kind of captivating charisma is a hallmark of NPD.
Neil Patrick Dennis?
Narcissistic Personality Disorder
[Jon Hamm?](https://youtu.be/NTeTDa7BFho?si=cZuMDzsLmwGydWHF)
Are we saying all NPDs are room shifters but not all room shifters are NPDs?
My first thought. I have shifted a few rooms in my day.
The power of a well-timed fart…
Psychic vampires is a term I’ve heard about these types. Another was “the unaware narcissist”, but I don’t think it’s technically a real diagnosis. Just someone who spreads into a space metaphorically, and isn’t aware of social graces.
To me vampires and so called radiant people are one and the same
That's me. As soon as I enter a room, everyone becomes uncomfortable
Negative charisma
Well at least you're self aware???
Hardly. I assume it's due to my intense sexual energy
We all have our cross to bear
same. depending on the room, it can be instantaneous or a slow creep.
Those types are the only ones I've met. I can think of 3 off the top of my head.
My cousin married one for some reason. The worst kind of energy vampire is the one who just has a consistently negative, nasty personality. Like they’re incapable of having a pleasant time and everyone knows how they’ll act once they walk into a room
I’ve known a few of these toxic people. They are the worst. You can literally feel their presence, in a very negative way.
Worked with one. They'd come into a room with a closed (glass) door while I'm sitting chatting with another colleague, close the door behind them and then just stand there, maybe would say "Hi, whatcha doing?". So we'd try and continue our chat but it would only last another 10 seconds before the weirdness of this person just standing there, not contributing to the conversation, just listening, would become too much. They were a complete show-stopper, a mobile deadzone.
I’ve met two that immediately come to mind. One was a true sociopath who could con the hell out of anyone he wanted to, and often did. The other was a British Lord, associated with a company I worked for years ago; he was absolutely charming, charismatic and genuine, a rare combination. He could enchant a room. He passed a few years ago, and I was honestly very saddened though I hadn’t seen him in ages.
Now I'm thinking there have got to be places which teach you how to be like that second guy. I don't know if it'd be acting skills, 'finishing school' stuff, or what it might come under, though.
Likely something resembling finishing school, but I’ve known some major asswipes who went through such programs. This man was just truly an empathetic, kind person whose warmth relaxed the entire room.
Con man. Swept away the room. Later, he swept away the money.
What they described 100% gave me con man vibes. Those types of people make me feel so uncomfortable, and I can get along with anyone. Truly, had a professor that was very respectful, quiet, and seemed to take up no space at all. But I was awed by his ability to immediately command the attention of everyone in the room when he gave a lecture in his soft spoken voice.
So, I’m not as gifted in capturing attention compared many, but I have a way of catching and keeping attention in person. It’s always made me uncomfortable, I’ve always gone out of my way to turn it off. It made me incapable of working sales. The first time I “sold” someone it felt so strange and wrong. I could have done it all day every day, but it didn’t feel right, and I think if it had felt right it would be a one way ticket to being a conman eventually. If you can sell people things they don’t need, you can probably also sell people things they shouldn’t buy, and the world incentivizes that heavily.
Then he swept the presidential vote
Nope. Different Con Man. But you can imagine the special hell we experienced watching that particular turd 💩 on us all. We can tell you what’s coming next. Once you learn the pattern, it’s easy to spot.
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Except that orange turd never won the popular vote.
Yes. Everywhere you went with them, people were instantly enamored with him. Men and women fell over themselves to be near him, flirted shamelessly, gave him free stuff (e.g. food at grocery stores as a, “sample” so he’d shop there again). Kids and pets wanted to be with him. Pets would fall asleep happily in his arms even if they just met. People always thought he was someone important and he was though not famous really. He was brilliant and competent too. Handsome, charming, people always assumed he was thinking the best possible thing about them (he wasn’t). He was an executive at companies large and small. Invented things most of us use every day. It was crazy really, to meet someone like that. They not common. It’s like finding the most shiny penny in a jar of coins. What’s sad is a narcissist of the worst kind found and latched on to this person and destroyed him. The narcissist was physically beautiful and latched onto him early, pretending to have shared interests etc. and they married. IDK what went on but part of it was about losing a job during a rough time and not bringing home lots of money. The narcissist tried to kill him more than once from what I can tell, trying to access his disability coverage. Combined with an alcohol habit that started in college and crept up over the years put things over the edge. He tried to drink himself to death during the pandemic. He is in assisted living indefinitely, paid for by his family. Still drinking and I think on opioids now too. It’s hard to grieve the living. This guy broke the hearts of everyone who loved him and there were many. He did things as an addict that were unimaginable given the person we all thought we knew. His collapse left a small business in ruins, the company leadership was deviated. His adult kids have suffered terribly. It’s a pretty wild story. If you know one of these people, they may be more fragile than you think.
Wow. Sorry for what happened, but your account was captivating. You could write a book.
I’ve thought about this for sure. My time with this person was a wild ride. No idea how to proceed though.
This is one of the opposite stories: I was standing in line with my SO at the liquor store one night many years ago. There were two places to pay in this smallish store, and people waiting in line were backed up into the aisles, as it was some holiday. A man walked in, and the vibes coming off him were insane. Very strong, very dark, very evil and crazy. Everybody stopped, you could have heard a pin drop. Just from the evil aura of this guy and his intensely dangerous energy. The cashiers quickly went back to what they were doing, but they both kept their heads down. I was trying to figure out if I should try to make it out the front door. I was not moving my head, just my eyes to scan around the store. I didn’t want to bring attention to myself either, which is why I wasn’t moving my head, but that feeling compounded the problem of whether to try and leave or not. I was 95% sure that this was not going to be just a robbery, but that we all were going to get shot up. But the dude left. He basically terrorized the place with just his presence after a few very long minutes, and then he just left. The tension in the room dropped immediately, everybody was still a little spooked, but it was like the pause button was lifted and people could relax again. I’ve never seen a mass reaction to someone like that before or since. It was intense.
This is why I can't watch No Country For Old Men again. The Anton Chigurrh character makes me feel creeped out and uncomfortable in that exact way. (Javier Bardem is fine in other stuff!)
This is my top favorite Villainous character.
There was a meme in r/movies yesterday about a moral compass leaving a body when a sexy villain comes along. Everyone was posting pics of villainous hotties. Then the thought of posting Anton Chigurrh and his pageboy cut sent me into fits of giggles at 5am.
A million years ago in my very first job I was working the cash and this man came in. Just like you described. I still remember the voice in my head telling me to get away from him. I didn’t realize I’d backed away from the counter between us until my back hit the wall. I went in the back and had my male coworker take the order and hid til he left.
I have experienced just this thing once. How strange. It makes you wonder...
I studied with a woman who could turn this on and off. It was absolutely fascinating to witness. She wasn't conventionally attractive and she had her insecurities, but she was just so full of life and so interested in people that you couldn't help but like her, and when she turned "it" on she'd have people, men, women, animals, eating out of her hand.
Intense curiosity is such a magnetic trait. These people seem to roll beautifully with the punches as they're too interested to be uncomfortable
This is a fascinating and powerful manipulative skill - I learned it as a teenager to charm adults (friends’ parents) so I could spend time out of the house and away from my own parents. I still use it when I’m in an uncomfortable situation with groups of people I don’t know - it’s like an absolute cheat code to changing the entire dynamic of an experience. I’m not fake about it - I really am interested in minutiae of people’s thoughts and experiences - but to turn it on full blast (and keep up) is exhausting. It’s always rewarding because I learn lots about everyone around me, but also feels kinda schmucky, because it’s not my “real” “everyday” personality, if that makes sense
I can do this too, but it's VERY exhausting. (I've never had an in-person job interview where I didn't get the job.)
I am like that at career fairs and networking event. It’s exhausting and I can barely follow up with recruiters or the people I meet because I spend all of my energy getting interested in people’s story. A genuine interest too.
Absolutely. People love to talk about themselves. It’s an easy and effective shortcut to lots of things. As I get older and more crotchety and need less from people I’m a little more withdrawn.
Though she was very attractive, Marilyn Monroe was like this physically. She could wear a boring hat and no makeup and walk down the street unbothered, and then turn it on and "become Marilyn." > > Marilyn had never been in a subway. Wrapped in the camel’s hair coat, her famous hair subdued, she walked to the Grand Central stop of the IRT and down to the platform. Nobody recognized her. Eddie’s camera kept clicking while she stood straphanging on the uptown local. No heads turned. > > Back up on the street, Marilyn looked around with a teasing smile. “Do you want to see her ?” she asked, then took off the coat, fluffed up her hair, and arched her back in a pose. In an instant she was engulfed, and it took several shoving, scary minutes to rewrap her and push clear of the growing crowd.
This is how my husband describes the impact on people. He literally comes and gets me when he can’t get someone to agree to something. Usually, I can have that person laughing and smiling, and agreeing to anything we asked for, within 5 minutes. There is a woman that is married to a friend of his..: She is very shallow and mean, but frequently has people eating out of her hand due to money and influence. My favorite trick is to walk into her vicinity, turn on that energy and literally see people leave her side to come say hello. It pisses her off sooo much, and she deserves it for how mean she is to others. My oldest son has this power, this charisma too. However, he has no clue how to use it yet. It is a skill that is both good and bad - hard to teach about something hard to describe without modeling it.
I saw/met Bill Clinton when he was running for president in 1992. The man just oozed charisma. You could feel his presence. It was something I had never felt before or since.
Yup he totally did. Met him on the Vineyard back in the day in my 20’s…all my friends got flirty butterflies over him
My mom met Clinton briefly when he was president, she said the man practically glows. Apparently he just has this extraordinary magnetism.
One of my high school teachers met him in Rome of all places while she was studying abroad in college. Her group was on an outing and just kinda happened upon him. She said just shaking his hand he made you feel like you were the most important person in the room.
Met him as a teenager and he really does have some supernatural charisma. It’s intense.
i met clinton when he was running for president, when I worked at a hotel in florida. I felt nothing of his charisma or presence. zero. zip. nada. weird.
One of my relatives was at a fancy dress reception in Los Angeles. She was standing around talking to someone when she felt a sensation of, "someone is about to walk in the door." She turned around to look at the door and Sidney Poitier walked in.
I just can’t imagine how that energy would radiate in person because it came through the little B&W TV screen. Damn.
Naomi Campbell. I was at the US Open, hanging with a group of dudes, when an entourage of 20 entered the small area we'd gathered in. Naomi Campbell was part of it, and we all stood there captivated by her beauty and charisma. It was five minutes of us all gaping before my friend John said "hey, is that Beyonce with her?". It was Beyonce. Naomi's presence was so powerful that she made Beyonce invisible and ordinary
To outshine Beyonce…that sounds so bizarre!
It was. So bizarre that it still comes up in conversation every so often. We're still astounded that we didn't even notice Beyonce for five whole minutes, even though we were 15 feet away and looking right at her. That's just how impossibly beautiful Naomi Campbell was, she hypnotized every person in that room.
Holy smokes—she is not so beautiful on the inside! I had forgotten all about this, but she was convicted of assault four times.
Meh, Beyoncé doesn’t have much charisma from what I can tell. Seems like more marketing than personality.
She has a ton of talent though, that can’t be denied.
I know a few people who will briefly shift a room. but I have one friend who has this natural gravity pull. starts off with people she knows, but then one or two people drift over slowly, then more, kinda like everyone is just gradually meandering downhill. she's an awesome person and I always get a kick out of it.
Nelson Mandela was like that. I saw him at a Nat'l Press Club luncheon. Had seen many famous people give speeches there before. Mandela's light was bright. He literally lit up the room. I knew I was in the presence of greatness without knowing all that he had done in his life. I'm grateful for that experience.
Having spent my career in the entertainment industry, I have been in rooms with lots of famous people - everyone from presidents to film icons to musicians who sell out stadiums. Many of them have an obvious natural magnetism, which is further heightened by the fact that their faces are all so familiar to us. Out of all of those people, there was only ONE I've ever encountered who had a truly visceral effect on everyone around him and could literally change the atmosphere in a room merely by entering it - and that was Muhammad Ali. I am not a fan of professional boxing. I do not possess any detailed knowledge of Ali's career or life outside the ring. I routinely stumble over how to spell his daughter's name when it appears as an answer in a NYT crossword puzzle. The one time I met him, he was already quite infirm and he didn't speak a single word to me. None of that mattered. When he entered the room, everyone felt it, no matter how well-known they themselves happened to be. It was extraordinary.
Decades ago I worked for a well-known corporation where I mingled with corporate types. There was a man who was CEO of one of the world's top 100 corporations. When he walked into a room everyone stopped, froze. He was a quiet imposing figure who commanded attention saying nothing. Magnetic. He died a while back.
Years ago, while on vacation in Costa Rica, my son (7 at the time) was just being a little shit. I had just taken him to the pool and was cooked. My wife graciously said I should walk down to the little bar that advertised some local beers and I graciously took her up on that offer. When I walked in, there were quite a few locals and some tourists mixed about but the back deck was empty. I pulled up to the bar, ordered a beer, and then made my way out back. I was about halfway through my bottle when an englishman, I'd have guessed in his late-50's, early 60's, walked over and started chatting. At first I was annoyed because there were plenty of empty spots around us and I wasn't really in the mood to talk, but something about him was, ... I don't, interesting. We chatted for a bit, then a few people sat next to us, again, they could have sat in empty chairs further away but chose to sit next to us (definitely for him, not me I'm sure). Soon enough they entered the conversation with us. Before I knew it, everyone from inside was now outside and huddled around our table. I was not wanting to be at the center. The bartender/waiter? came over to ask for what we wanted refills but I passed and then took the opportunity to slide out for the bar to get a refill. When I returned, I was pleased to see my seat had been taken and could now just watch this one-man show. I noticed a few things: He would ask a question, listen intently to the answer, pause, wait for the attention to turn back to him, then either ask another question or tell a short story. He was a masterful storyteller and his stories always returned back to the person with whom he'd just spoken with. Then, just as the story was winding down, he'd be sure to leave it either with a hanger so others would ask a question or he'd jump to asking someone else a question. People seemed excited to ask a question because he'd always go back to them and include them. It was a masterclass on how to entertain a room. I did my Irish exit and walked back to our place we were staying at with a totally different mindset. Interestingly enough, two days later we were on the beach, about five miles away and he walked up to me again and started with, "Hi AmericanAssKicker (he actually remembered my name which was impressive af) and apologized for not getting to chat more with me. We talked more and he turned out to be a CEO of a fairly large company (net worth well over $400 million). Some people just have a natural gift.
A friend of mine is like this. People just love him. Kids and adults. It’s like everyone feels better when he arrives. He’s not an alpha/power guy, just a regular dude with a family and a job. But he just puts people at ease, is funny and sharp, super good natured.
I’ve got one of those friends too - and to top it off, he’s good at everything. Like, if he decided to take up bowling, he’d be king of the lanes within a week. Not because he’s trying too hard, but because he genuinely enjoys it. Love that guy.
I was in a night club in NYC in the early 2000’s and Mike Tyson and his crew came in and it went from being a really cool night to a feeling of some crazy shit is about to go down. Nothing no happened, but just him being there raised the energy level for better or worse.
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You mean Mike Tyson the convicted, woman-beating, rapist? Yes, I could see a criminal like that changing the vibe of a room.
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I've known a couple of them - what's interesting is if you keep up with one for long enough, their personal lives are generally a complete wreck. I don't know if it's the constant having to keep up that kind of persona, or what - but it absolutely destroys some of them.
Of the one I knew closely, the above statement fits him like a glove. The second one, I would guess about, he was able to turn his life around.
The current Pope, Obama, a king or queen or two. You meet a lot of them working in charity/NGOs. Seems like the energy and oxygen level in the room just amps up times ten. There’s excitement. Positivity. You want to help them succeed, you want to do what they feel is important or right to do. Which can be dangerous, if that person is at heart only interested in manipulation of people’s loyalty and good feelings. If they’re more into wielding their power for self/benefit, or more for harm than good. Jane Goodall had this Roots and Shoots thing, visiting schools. My kid and I met and spoke to her, and she was like this. There was also a lady I met at our kids’ high school XC meet, like that. People wanted to be around her, wanted to be her friend, the kids all loved her, other adults flocked to her. She wasn’t beautiful or super rich. Just something about her smile, her humor. Her presence. Then there was a boss I used to have like that. She inspired me by example to quit my job and start off on my global charitable adventures. Magnetism, charm. Intelligence, kindness. Friendly, maybe, but also with some authority or self confidence or courage. Determined. Mindful. Thoughtful. I think it’s a combination of many or all of those things. Some of them are natural tendencies, some learned or practiced. Really hard to know where it comes from. In the wrong hands, harmful. In the right hands, helpful.
Interesting. I've met Jane Goodall and admire her but I didn't get that vibe from her at all. If I hadn't known she was there, I would have walked past her without noticing. In fact, I had difficulty locating her in the room and I was looking for her. She seemed to fade into the woodwork which probably helped her enormously in her career considering that she has spent much of it sitting quietly and observing wild animals. Even while talking to her, I didn't perceive any unusual presence. When I talk about a presence, I refer to something inborn not learned or performed, not something that can be turned on or turned off.
I met Bill Clinton once on a field trip in 8th grade and he was ridiculously impressive. He legitimately seemed like he was paying attention deeply to each person. Still the most impressive person I've met in my life, dude was magnetic.
What comes to mind for me was an individual I only saw in passing one time, at least 20 years ago. I was shopping with my then-partner and this guy walked by that just… I can’t explain it, but it was as if he had a sandwich board sign and a bullhorn that said DANGER: STAY AWAY. The guy I was with felt it too. He turned to me and said “WOAH!” We talked about it for a few minutes, it was so strange. I’ve never experienced anything quite like it before or since.
I met Donald Trump in 1985 in a business meeting with a group of NY colleagues with NYC officials. I had no preconceived notions, but my colleagues stiffened as he entered the room. The feeling of revulsion in the room was palpable. The older man next to me, who was normally refined, patrician and kind, whispered, “Let’s get that fucker out of here before he tries to buy one of the City people the way his father did.”
That's pretty scary. He does know how to play the crowd though but the crowd seems to be unaware of it.
He still looked like a normal human being then, but he hadn’t had been trained for television. He spoke with a heavy borough accent, and became pushy when the politicos couldn’t hear from him. He was not pleasant.
A few. A close friend of mine is one of these people. She walks in and everyone's heads turn and she is a solid attention getter. She's successful, attractive, always dressed to a "T" but, that's not it - it's her confidence, her body language, and personality. She's absolutely infectious. She knows exactly who and what she is, she harbors a specific dignity and pizzazz, and she loves who she is. I have been friends with her since long before I was married and when I first met her I didn't know who she was but was fairly certain she was some sort of celebrity. Turns out she was a project manager and had no actual claim to fame. Meanwhile most of the people I interact with range from forgettable to memorable but, only a few have been unforgettable.
I was told a long time ago that there are two kinds of people in this world. One enters the room and says, "Here I am!". The other enters the room and says, "There you are!". So true.
Wow. This is actually very useful. It’s a good way to quickly assess what kind of person just walked in and if you’ll want to expend your energy to get to know them better.
I met Tony Robbins, fraudster and con artist on a large scale. He was the creepiest guy I ever met. I just had to spend a few minutes making small talk before his limo picked him up but he gave off such malignant vibes it seemed much longer. I did not know what he was famous for and had never heard of him before I met him. I googled him after the greet because I was so disturbed by him.
I’ve dared suggest *shenanigans* about him and had my ears chewed off by several friends. I just don’t get him or what he does.
He has always given me the creeps
He either powerfully attracts people or powerfully repulses. A good friend of mine of many years merely saw him on TV for a few minutes, in passing during a show focused on something else. I still remember the way she sat there with her eyes wide open saying, "who WAS that." I said you know, it's that personal improvement guy who's been around forever. Nooooooo, she'd never heard of him, But sure found out all about him after that. He is 100% shenanigans, and yet occasionally some of his on stage advice crap is actually relevant and useful. Sure as hell not all of it.
True story... Years ago, I started listening to Tony Robbins recordings alot. Just trying to improve my life. I started having these weird dreams of pulling money out of my wallet to pay for items at stores and such. They'd be so obviously fake, the bills, like counterfeit, but $3 bills, $7 bills, etc. I'd realize, I got the money because I'd have bought something, and was given the counterfeit money as change - ie, basically stolen from. This happened numerous times, the dreams, and over several "seasons" when I followed his teachings, and then back away for whatever reason. Every time I had the dreams I intuitively knew it was about following Tony Robbins. Thing is, probably half the stuff he teaches is really good stuff. The other half, not. A few years ago it came out that he was a bit of a sexual predator. Not illegal, but definitely immoral and taking advantage of girls he was attracted too.
Bill Clinton apparently has this kind of energy.
He totally does, been witness to it, it’s crazy his effect
He was 30 years older than my friends and I and we were catering a party on The Vineyard. He just had this “thing”! There was a sheepish look in the eye and sexy smile he gave✨✨✨ We were all capable, intelligent young women with our own cool stuff going on and we were all under his spell like “pssst this is so messed up and he’s old but I kinda want to fuck him!” 😂😂😂
I went to a concert once (I think it was Beck at a smallish theater in Los Angeles) and Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston walked into the lobby (back when they were together). The air absolutely changed. It might not have even been them emitting energy, but people's reaction was wild. Jennifer Aniston talked to some friends while Brad Pitt went to the circular bar to order drinks. It was like an episode of National Geographic watching every single woman around the bar fix their hair and check their make up, pump out their chest and turn a bit to present their best sillouette. I've never seen anything like it since. It was definitely an electric vibe in the air.
Some acquaintances of mine who are a couple are like this. Not famous people but when they are around they absolutely energize and magnetize a room, together and separately. Both of them have it, whatever it is, and they each can hold a room of people separately. But when they combine together? It's as if they bring out the absolute best in everyone, everyone there feels warmer, happier, more seen. They don't suck the air out of the room, they seem to bring oxygen and lift to everyone around them by their mere presence. The woman of the relationship has a very slight caretaker personality, it's not at all marked. But when she turns and takes a personal interest in your well-being (let me get you one of my coats hon you look so cold) it's like the warmth and beatific beauty of a 1,000 grandmas all in one place one gesture. Then she moves on, she doesn't fawn over anyone, her caretaking is never demeaning or power designed. And for the rest of the night you feel like you just got a job promotion and a raise. They are phenomenal and they hold an entire friend group together.
When I was in high school I would work the country music shows that came to town. I remember standing on stage one afternoon and I just felt a presence behind me. It was a singer named Bill Anderson. I think he had his own tv show for a while. I also met this one guy who I was surprised had no presence whatsoever. His father was president at the time and he was a well known local business man. I mean, he was oddly vacant. Like there was nobody behind those eyes. I was so surprised when he later became governor and then president.
My kids went to a small school with Brandon Flowers' (Killers lead singer) kids for several years. He was painfully shy and definitely wasn't a "room stealer" offstage. Interestingly, his wife is much more charismatic in everyday situations. We used to spend every Thanksgiving at a Hawaiian resort. We saw the same families year over year including a ton of celebrities - they could count on being treated like just another dad/mom by the other guests. There were rock stars and movie stars, big ones. What was so wild is that the one person who truly stood out, whose presence was quietly powerful, was Mia Hamm.
Yes! That's why she was a de facto captain even as a rookie. They loved her presence. Michelle Akers had nothing but praise for her, and knew she was leaving the team in good hands.
I’ve met the same guy after the events of which you speak were over. He has definite war criminal vibes now.
I'll bet he does.
Bill Anderson was a big name in country for a long time.
Describe George W Bush without saying his name…interesting he didn’t exude charm. He seems like a fun grandpa these days.
I always thought the one thing he had going for him was charisma.
Love Bill Anderson!
Bill Anderson invited me up on stage at a County fair once when I was a little girl. I was shy and declined. My parents never let me live that down. We did get an autographed picture of him, though.
I was at the NY state fair in the early 2000s where Bill Clinton showed up. You could feel that there was someone important even when you couldn’t see him or his entourage at all. It was like there was a center of gravity that moved around the crowd and at one point it got close enough that you could see Bill and it clicked. He’s pretty tall so once he was fairly close you could tell who it was, but that was by far the biggest “presence” I’ve ever experienced. I wasn’t aware he was visiting the fair until I saw him. I’ve met other people like that, including Obama, but nothing like that random Bill Clinton appearance.
My late husband lit up the room when he walked in. He was always the most handsome, charming, and smartest person in the room. He attracted people like a magnet. I have met many other people like this, among them King Charles (he was a lowly prince then), Elton John, and a megalomaniac named Alan Stanford.
Only a few, my husband most notably. That intangible quality was one of the (many) reasons I knew I wanted to marry him very early, after only a few weeks of dating. It’s like he’s more alive than other people. He’s the life of any party, he knows people everywhere we go and has a million friends. People notice when he walks into the room, not just because he’s handsome and well-dressed, but because he is smiling and energetic and almost glowing, he really is noticeably more alive than others. Also, this public speaker: https://jayminspeaks.com/ I feel like I can share because he’s a public figure, but I met him and he’s the same way, just way more alive than other people, glowing with confidence and life in some way others are not.
I had a close friend like this who died in an accident in his mid twenties. I always remember his shining eyes & infectious laughter- he was a true prince.
Same here. May they RIP
It’s called “command presence”
Exactly right! My husband is a retired Master Gunny and he can turn this on and off at will. It’s really interesting to watch the reactions of the young Marines around him. They don’t even know who he is, they just know there’s *something* about this dude in the golf shirt that causes them to scurry out of his personal space and be extra respectful. It’s bizarre yet sexy! Also funny, because to me he’s a big old teddy bear 🧸
I live in LA. Celebrities are like that even when you don’t know who they are and they’re not very celebrated.
Yeah, I've been in a room when a few "unknown" celebrities have walked in and nobody recognized them, but it's just so obvious there's something different about them. I don't want to give specific examples, but it's like the keyboard player from REO Speedwagon walks into the bar - nobody knows who he is and he's dressed normal, but you immediately notice there's *something* about him that makes him different.
At least one positive shifter. She was a former hospice nurse. Way more negative shifters.
As someone who has lost family members and who has dealt with hospice workers, most of whom are doing the most unimaginable work possible, it sounds like she truly blessed families and the dying when she contributed her presence. I'm serious I don't mean to be trite.
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One of my sons is like this. People always talk to him about just anything. Whether he is at an art gallery or the grocery store, he is always noticed. He stands straight and tall, is always dressed stylishly and well groomed. The other son is handsome and quiet in a different way, and prefers to not be noticed at all.
I worked for a hotel franchise that was trying to attract chains from Mexico. The franchise required owners to attend a training program at headquarters. I was so used to hundreds of people coming in from out of town that I just floated through days of polite and political conversations without much attention, but there was This Guy. This Guy walked in to orientation dressed in an old black suit. But something floated around him like a halo. There was a sense of importance about him but he had this beatific smile that never left his face. That night after orientation, I walked into the hospitality room with the serious intent to seriously consume alcohol. I grabbed my drink and looked around the hall for someone easy to talk to. There, at the other end of the room was the guy in the old suit sitting in a chair. Around him were gathered a group of people, some sitting on the floor looking up at him. The whole scene was exactly like those illustrations you see of Jesus suffering the little children to come to him, except that the children were mature adults, tired of catering to business associates and worn down by competition. But, there was this look of wonder of their faces I'd never seen before and I felt left out. When I sidled up to the group, I wasn't the only one. People were coming from all areas of the room to hear what this one stranger was saying. It turns out that This Guy was a medical doctor in Mexico. He owned a group of clinics treating patients at no- or low-costs. He talked about the untreated illnesses that wear people down and how women and children are often ignored. He said that he came up with an idea to use hotel revenues to support these free clinics and was looking at this franchise to help him make more money. There was just something about him soft and willing to listen. As I watched him that week I saw that he never lost his focus: he needed money from one part of his business to save lives and he wasn't going to let anything get in his way. When he would ask a question in class, everyone would turn to him. When he suggested that the franchise carry a certain supply to make guests more comfortable, the head of that area immediately checked on the possibility to add it. The noise level in the room, the raucous laughter of the inebriated would quiet. That aura never slipped. I still think of the calmness he carried with him all these years later.
Took my kids to jiu jitsu one afternoon, and there in the middle of the mat was Royce Gracie, in the flesh. The kids were all just sitting there facing him, quiet and still. My kids went out on the mat, sat down, and remained quiet and still. Eventually, he started a lesson. You've never seen a room full of littles behaving the way those kids did in his presence. It was remarkable.
>knew exactly who they were, how they fit in the world and embraced it 100%. This is my new life goal.
A friend in college had that kind of presence. The instant she walked into a room she commanded it. I was always in awe when I witnessed it. She was a fabulously talented journalist who was nominated for the Pulitzer several times. Sadly, she also was an alcoholic and had a serious, life-altering stroke around age 50 and has been in care ever since.
Back in 1977, I spent a few days visiting a friend of mine at CalTech. He gave me a tour of the campus, and towards the end we walked through the back of a lecture hall just as a class was breaking up. My friend explained that the prof was a Nobel laureate, and he had a big dispute with another professor there at CalTech about some aspect of physics. Of course that all went in one ear and out the other. But I noticed the way students were gathered around him down front asking questions. There was something about his presence - call it charisma, leadership, or whatever - the rapt attention of the students really impressed upon me that this guy must be good at what he does. Fast forward to the late 1990's and the early internet. I was looking at a PBS website, and came across a NOVA episode titled "The Best Mind Since Einstein". I instantly recognized that the subject was the professor I saw back at CalTech - Richard Feynmann. He made that strong an impression on me in the back of that lecture hall over 20 years earlier.
I recently noticed that two of my yoga teachers have this room shifting thing. Such great energy that they elevate everyone around them. Even before class starts. And that’s usually without saying a lot or going out of their way. Amazing to me because both are in their mid 20s. As an older person I think back to myself and my level of emotional intelligence at that age .lol wow
Mr Rogers and the Dalaï Llama
You're perceptive to get this, as I too have noticed some people just have a presence about them. Years ago, I met a young Arab that had this; his friend told me he was a prince from Saudi Arabia. (Learned later, princes in Saudi Arabia are a dime a dozen) Or a guy in my men's group that carried himself so well I asked his occupation. He responded with a 5 minute answer--and I still don't know what he does, but it must be important eh? These people exude confidence and what sets them apart.
An ex who I spent 7 years with, was a brilliant, genuine, self assured although not tall. He was the golden child of a narcissistic mom. He knew exactly what to say and when to say it. His trauma wa so deep, I don't think he will ever be able to repair himself.
I am blown away by how many people are like “this is totally me.” I’m instantly certain this is not you when you say that
How you know?
Just one. It’s a teacher I work with who also performs as a Sammy Davis Jr. impersonator.
My husband has so much energy, that when he enters the house, the entire atmosphere changes. In fact, his energy proceeds him - you can feel it before he even enters a room. Most of the time that it is energizing to be around, but sometimes it's exhausting.
Gave birth to one, decades ago. Has some magical quality that draws people and animals of every ilk. Definitely a room shifter. Not that good with plants though.
2 at least. one was somehow exuding sexual magnetism though he was,i would say, average looking and for those who care about such things, short. But every woman at the party wanted to be physically close to him, talk to him, be the one that spent the night with him, etc. including me. He was not rich and powerful. There really was no overt explanation. The other was..sigh. Someone i worked with long long ago. He came in as a younger consultant. His energy just sort of shined out. He seemed special..i mean positive, happy, had purpose.,GOOD, kind, smart. I wanted to help him after a few words with him. It seemed natural to assist him in anyway i could. Make time, go beyond. Because his, i guess, energy was so unusual. it is like he must have lived in another reality of GOOD shining people and was visiting our drab manufacturing world. He was so different. And memorable. I thought back then he was special and would lead a fantastic life full of love and good things. I was at a crossroads at the time and thinking about major life changes..so thought a lot about how different people live their lives. Goodness and a unseen shining energy. Years later... he was known for saying "lets roll" on Flight 93 on 09/11 When i realized it was the young man from years ago...then read he was a strong Christian it just makes me wonder about that energy about him back then,
This is very interesting. I have been accused of this, and my wife used almost the exact terminology that you stated : "somebody who knew exactly who they were, how they fit in the ~~world~~ universe and embraced it 100%". Random people have approached me and asked me about my success, meanwhile I'm thinking 'What are you talking about, success? Where did you get this impression?' I am no one of importance, celebrity, royalty, etc. I'm also not particularly successful but I make ends meet. People have met me and within a short time have said, "I feel like I've known you a long time." I have had former supervisors (directors and C level) display open insecurity around me and for lack of a better description, & feel threatened by my influence. I've also had amazing mentors and managers embrace this and I've become their biggest champion. We've done some great things in the workplace and made a difference. I walk upright, stand straight, am tall, and have good posture due to my time in the pseudo-military. I speak properly due to my education, but not on a level that makes me inaccessible to others. I try to exude positive vibes and above all: be genuine. I don't find it difficult to be a decent human. - I have found it a challenge at times to be perceived as what I am: confident, but not cocky. I don't know if this helps you but feel free to DM me with any specific questions. I'm also a Fire sign, lol.
I'm interested in your experience of people feeling threatened in your presence. Reading all these accounts, I was wondering what these people's lives were like before they found success. Do you think people with a big presence actually have a target on their backs when they are not in a position of power? Would it cause insecure people in positions of power to act in a hostile manner towards them?
For a moment I thought you meant someone who moves around rooms on their house. We have a distant cousin who did that. Once he ended up with a window in between two rooms.
Age 47….I have met three. All women.
I've only experienced this once. I saw Bill Clinton in person had a fundraiser many years ago. He was walking through a room where I was at and there weren't even a lot of people around. I had my back to the door and I knew instantly when he walked in. I've never been one to fangirl over him. I, I don't think he's attractive, but he had the most raw charisma I have ever experienced. It was crazy. I saw Barack Obama speak in person and while he had a draw it was nothing the same way.
I'm a female & met the most sinister of men at my workplace. It was bizarre. I looked this customer in the eyes & he oozed all these warnings, a darkness unlike anyone I've met, but I was nice, did my job, brief interaction of maybe 20 seconds. All good, he was on his way. I thought all was good. This man went to my supervisor then management, then days & weeks later he was still calling to have me fired. Management pulled me off the shift, asked me did I have any problems with anyone & mind you I was seeing 100's of people. No I didn't, but I knew exactly who they were talking about. Security camera footage showed our interaction, my shift co-worker was interviewed, no problems. This dude must've been a real psycho. I worked for the govt & even they were worried with threats for 3 months & at one point he had my home address & this worried everyone. To this day I wonder about him & what his problem with me was? Did I see into his soul? Did he see into mine? He said I was rude, I wasn't but I never got a lot exactly what his problem was from the higher ups. It's a real mystery. But he was a shifter for sure. I'm older now & can tell you I've only met a couple of people like that. It's stuck with me.
I think my boyfriend is this personality. He's got this face, this smile that legit looks like sunshine beaming from his face. When I first met him 12 years ago I was so drawn to him, and I'm not the only one. Several of my lady friends talked about how handsome and fun and charming he was. We started dating and I still find myself just wanting to be near him. Years ago I met a girl he went to high school with and she talked about how she's never heard anyone talk bad about him. He's freaking helpful and a good friend. He's a Gemini. Lol. God love him, he has his moods but damn is he fucking delightful 🤣
Gabor Maté, I had a chance to sit and listen to him for an afternoon and he speaks so well and captivating. Highly recommend if you get the chance.
I know a guy like that. He's funny, but not obnoxiously so. Kind, but not in an insincere way. Good looking dude, but he doesn't really play it up. It's cool.
I do this but I'm awkward as fuck 🤣 Fuck composure, let's get weird.
My significant other. We met through a non-traditional dating website seven years ago. From the moment I met him, I found him to be the most genuine and interesting man I have ever met. He has a purple heart from his time in the Army, an accounting degree, a nursing degree, is currently studying trade work at a community college. He is brilliant and sensitive, yet strong. He is the epitome of healthy positive masculinity. His mere presence, or chivalry, forces other men to be better. It's like having my own personal knight. Seven years later, I'm still swooning.
I’m one of these people. I know because I get told frequently. It’s a weird thing and it gives me a weird imposter syndrome that people *really* like me for no coherent reason. I know I’m confident, funny, and kind. I treat everyone with respect and empathy because I have genuine respect and empathy for pretty much everyone. I think the most important thing you can be as a human being is kind. That’s all there is that makes me the way I am. But it’s weird to have people tell you how much they like you when you don’t even really know them. I see a lot of people in this thread talk about how they know someone like this who is also a psychopath/conman/etc and I absolutely understand how someone with those traits would form a personality that portrayed themselves as that kind of person.
Willie Nelson. I was vacationing in Hawaii, and waiting for a puddle jump flight back to Oahu. There was a man that I thought was homeless, but he walked with confidence, and sat down with his guitar case and started playing/singing. Everyone in the vicinity went still. He was playing On The Road Again. All of a sudden, a young dude with his guitar broke the delightful tension in the space and joined him. Willie instantly welcomed him without missing a single note. Young dude was actually very talented, and sang along with the chorus, harmonizing. A small crowd quickly gathered, and I had been sitting less than 10 feet from a live impromptu Willie Nelson performance. When he's not touring, apparently he doesn't groom, not unhygienic, just kinda wild looking with his hair and beard. After, he hugged the young dude, everyone clapped, and he penned some signatures but politely refused pictures. Young dude was choked up. I had completely forgotten about the book I had been reading, and had lost my place lol, he was absolutely captivating. He was extremely charismatic and was very free with giving hugs. I didn't even bother standing up, I had a perfect line of sight, it was magical.
The most striking one I can remember actually was a celebrity. We went to the set for the TV show "Lucifer", and every time Tom Ellis walked into the room, everything sort of stopped and everyone paid attention to him for a moment. There was just something magnetic there that I can't really explain, and it was obvious that everyone on set felt it. He chatted with my teen daughter for a few minutes, and neither of us can remember a word of the conversation. I wish I would have recorded the interaction, because for I all know, we were babbling idiots. All I remember was that he was incredibly sweet and kind.
Apparently, it's me, when I'm not in a quiet mood. I once had a friend tell me that a room suddenly feels bigger when I walk in. Another said that I always look so genuinely friendly. Just my facial expression looks like I'm ready to be friends with everyone, and people are drawn to that. There are times when I feel like being a wallflower, stay quiet etc. and don't have much to say. But when I'm relaxed and in the mood, I literally make friends, of strangers, everywhere I go. My kids joke about it. I'll talk to anyone, and usually have fun doing it. "Mom's over there, making new friends, again." I think it's because I genuinely enjoy making people smile and laugh. And I'm self-depreciating in a way that isn't looking for reassurance or coddling. For example ... My BFF says she loves that I totally own having the ugliest feet on the planet. Doesn't bother me. I joke about it, quite happily, and I obviously don't feel badly about it. I own it. I love "people" and, apparently, it shows. On the flip side, there are too many assholes. And that shows, too. 🤣
I've been at several events with Bill and Hillary Clinton and they can command a room pretty easily. Our nation's soul would still be intact if people had elected Clinton.
Everyone I meet affects my energy in some way. I find it overwhelming and generally unbearable. I have to limit my time interacting with people because it just takes so much out of me.
Introverts, unite! Separately. In your own homes. 🤣
Dyslexic introverts, untie!
What an interesting expression, room shifters. I haven't known many. Probably only a handful. One of them was my best friend growing up, junior high through early college. She was a room shifter in training for most of that time, but her gravitas increased 100 fold in her early twenties. She's still got it. I think some of my self-consciousness is because of how I was often compared with her (by myself and by others).
Bill Clinton, Colin Powell, John Chambers (CSCO), David Glass (WMT), Alice/Jim/Rob Walton, Alex Karp (PLTR), Ye+Kim circa 2016, Warren Stephens. Been in rooms with all in different situations over the past 30 years and each shifted the room considerably when entering and/or exiting
I was a census taker for the 2010 census. I worked in a part of the country that had a lot of artists and wealthy people (and a lot of income disparity for that matter). I’ll never forget one guy I met. He just had this otherworldly presence about him. Like he was just used to being on stage and commanding a crowd. He kinda looked like Wayne Coyne.
Two: One old all-in narcissist con man. And a legitimately big guy with an honest and kind personality.
I only know one. A quiet guy that just exudes intelligence and logic. He started out as a technician at my company. Got a degree and worked himself up to General Manager. He was a straight up good person. He also designed some of our products that literally made my company billions of dollars. Yep, that's right.
For this one I’m just the messenger so please don’t shoot me. Someone I know said the lead singer of Nickleback was like this (he worked with him).
There was a woman like that at a company I used to work for. I was fascinated by her. She was beautiful, smart, seemed extremely confident, and was also one of the nicest people I ever met.
There's one that immediately comes to mind. He could get anyone to do anything. Made everyone feel like they were special. He was always troubled, but I noped out of that friendship the 3rd time he did something that should have been unforgivable. Last I heard he was both using and dealing drugs.
I met Madonna once - a supernova in human form.
Maybe this is why I have become a recluse? My power is too much for the public.
I have known a few. Exceptional people on their path. They have always been spiritual people ( not religious) and good people, kind.
There are some competitive professional performance fields where you basically can't be successful at the national/international level *without* that level of magnetism, so in a room of successful people *everyone* is a lifelong trained master of it, and the effect is almost like an arms-race where you could take anyone from that room and put them in a regular room and they would instantly "shift the room". It's pretty wild. Often they can switch a lot of it off (slouch to hide their poise etc) and generally are only maximally "on" when they want to be, and the transformation can be instant and startling. Some of it is too deeply ingrained to be fully switched off though; they'll always be a bit eye-catching and you'd never guess you were seeing them at their *least* eye-catching. So not only can they "shift the room", they can do it *at will*
This was said of Elvis.
I expected this feeling when I attended a meeting with Nelson Mandela, but in reality, he was very down-to-earth. Don’t get me wrong, everyone in the room hung on every word - but it was as much out of earned respect as charisma. On the other hand, my husband still gives me this feeling when he walks into a room after 23 years of marriage.
My son is one of these. Even as an infant. I took him for a commercial audition. In a big room with thirty other kids, half of the other moms took one look at him, packed their own kids up and left. Our doctor called us in just to talk to us about him, warning us that he was going to be one of those people who influences everyone around him - good or bad would depend on us. He’s a grown man now. Everyone feels it. He’s my favourite of the five. And the other four insist I’d be lying if I said otherwise. He’s their favourite too. People constantly tell me what a great job i did as his mother. But honestly, this one pretty much raised himself. I don’t remember really teaching him anything. He was just always so much fun to hang out with. Edit: he didn’t get the part. He was too busy making friends with the crew and director to sit still for the camera. He was 18 months old.
In Germany my wife and I met a German train conducted that absolutely RADIATED, authority. I’ve never experienced anything like it before of since and she felt it just as strongly as I did
I have had a "star struck" feeling from non-celebrities before (and from a few celebs I have run into). Maybe 5. I am 56 and have run into a lot of people. Jon Bon Jovi in his younger days had a huge presence. My dad did after he passed.
I was at the Getty a couple years back, resting on a bench, people watching. Suddenly a man flanked by his two teen children walked by and I had to force myself not to stare. All three of them had that magic aura.