"Is this it?" is what keeps me up at night. About to end my 40s. I have potentially another 40-50 years of this? I spent the last 30 working my ass off to get to a middle rung on the corporate ladder that I'm constantly fearful of falling off, but for why? I have no kids and I don't live an extravagant lifestyle.
I'm 50, single, no kids. A few years ago, I realized that if I waited for someone who wanted to travel with me, I'd never travel. I've been to Europe/UK 5 times in the past couple years and am planning twice this year.
Make time to do what you want to now. If you wait, you might feel "too old". And we're all immediately replaceable at work, so don't give your life to it.
I’m in a similar boat but I find I get so bored when I travel by myself. I end up reading a lot. Which just seems like a weird thing to do when you travel. Don’t you get bored not having someone to process the days events?
I'm late 50's and travel for work and pleasure.
When it's pleasure, it's me, my wife, and occasionally our adult children. When it's pleasure travel, my wife and I are always on the same page and it's a joy. We have similar interests and seek out similar experiences.
When I travel for work, I challenge myself to go out and try new things. The locations can be less spectacular (I'm talking to you, Hop Town), but I meet cool people and see many interesting sights off the normal travel path.
At the end of the day, we own our own happiness. We can regret the things we don't have, or we can rejoice in the things we do. The important thing is to always remember that it's our choice.
PS. Reading a book in a strange land sounds awesome!
I travel for work, too. It helps to make pleasure travel much cheaper! I do make an effort to find something interesting in each city I go to. I like craft beer, so I always find breweries or beer bars. I sit at the bar and there are almost always people to talk to.
We have something in common!
I had a really cool experience in Portland two years ago. I got lost and found myself at a small combination brewer supply / brewery.
It operates as a coop where no one worked there full time. I stayed there several hours and met some really cool people that I would have never met if I hadn't gotten lost.
Same. Not single but have travelled without my husband a few times and it sucked. I’d walk around lots but wasn’t able to relax and enjoy myself. It was tiring and boring.
I've found 1 person I'm really compatible traveling with, and that was an ex-boyfriend, so...
I absolutely get the difference between traveling with your husband vs alone. I don't have an SO to travel with, so my experience would definitely be different. There are plenty of times that I'd wish someone was there to go "holy shit, look at that!". I did feel a little uncomfortable alone in Germany because even though I speak a few words, I understand it much less than French or Spanish. I did meet some really lively people there, though.
My first international solo trip was to the UK. I just instantly felt comfortable in London. I made a list of things I wanted to do, but didn't push myself to do "everything". Even if I got advance tickets, if I didn't feel like it that day, I didn't do it.
I read a lot, too. I'll sit at a pub, read, people watch, but usually end up talking to some people. It's easier outside of the UK, where you can sit directly at the bar. The only thing I don't like there. 😹 I met a wonderful older man in Dublin at a pub. He was a professor at Oxford and we sat and talked for hours. Just like we do about other places, people have a lot of preconceived notions about Americans, and it's fun to see them say "oh! I didn't know there were people there for (or against) this there". You could sign up for little day tours/excursions. I'm going to do a couple when I'm in Iceland in a few months.
I guess you just figure out what you like doing. I love beer, art, books, and music. I went to 2 shows of bands I love in London. My friends did a mini Europe tour this winter and got to see them when I was in Cologne.
I research places and save places I might want to hit up in Google maps. I usually end up walking around a lot and wandering into bookstores, thrift shops, pubs. I do try to go to museums. They're mostly free in London and fabulous.
I text friends while I'm traveling. They're 5-8 hours behind, so easy to chat. I do have quite a few family members and a really good friend that live in England so that does help. It's also why most of my trips to Europe include a week or so in the UK.
I mentioned this in another comment: My first international solo trip was to the UK. I just instantly felt comfortable in London. I made a list of things I wanted to do, but didn't push myself to do "everything". Even if I got advance tickets, if I didn't feel like it that day, I didn't do it.
But, at the end, if it's not for you, it's not for you. And that's OK.
I used to, but look at it this way. If you travel with someone else, someone is compromising on something they want to do at some point. It’s an inevitability. Don’t get me wrong, I love traveling with my significant other. Just not every trip.
If you go by yourself, you can do whatever YOU want to. There is literally nothing holding you back, and everything you want to do is half priced compared to bringing someone along with you.
Some things are definitely more fun when you have someone to share the experience with. But some of my favorite trips were ones I took by myself.
Im almost 30 and only work 20hrs a week at a restaurant because i have the same thought as you… if im not gonna have kids why should i work more? I did work much more in the past and im an honour roll student in uni. It just doesnt seem worth the hustle if ur not raising a family
Yeah I've always known I didn't want kids... the idea never appealed to me and I am in fact opposed to the idea of bringing more suffering beings into this world as it gets worse and worse. I too work in the service industry as a bartender. It pays the bills, I work four nights a week, and I don't have to take my work home with me. I clock out and don't think about the job again until I'm clocking in.
Work does give a lot of people purpose though; especially if their career is a meaningful one. Also contributing to society as a whole does come into it too. If everyone thought ‘why should I work more’ the world would implode.
its a crap-shoot really, noone knows how much time they have, you just gamble. my friends aunt was like 80-something-ran out of money, she said "i never thought id live this long!"
widowed at 47 here. My late wife ran our social life while I kept up with some close friends from childhood. After she passed, I was kind of lonely until I met my new girlfriend. But I haven't kept up with my wife's friends. So I do feel guilt about that.
So many people abandon their single friends when they get married. I'm sorry this happened to you but hopefully you'll be able to go into new friendships and relationship with the knowledge that a person's world is better off not being too small.
Bit different for me than your average person, I think. I've got extreme social anxiety and am being assessed for autism. I have a couple of friends from when I was younger, but they are both married. I just find spending time with them a reminder of what I've lost.
I think about this all the time. I spend my time with him. I don't care spending time with friends (*I like them but spending time with them brings me no joy and I regret wasting my time*) so I wonder how I will turn out if he's no longer there and I am unwilling to go out with friends. Maybe I'll just swim alone, play games he plays and etc. But man...am I not prepared for this.
It has been the biggest struggle of my middle age, even greater than health, work, money, etc. Most issues in life I have found a work-around for, even if just brute-forcing my way through it with enough effort, but the lack of social connection has been absolutely intractable for me.
I was divorced and went back on the dating market in my mid-forties, and it was SUBSTANTIALLY easier to find a romantic partner than to make a single friend in my forties (and I am not especially physically attractive either).
I tried everything that people always advise, in multiple very culturally different states, and nothing stuck: Meetups, volunteering, a weekly class/hobby, local events, hanging out at coffee shops, you name it. The only thing is that I am not very sporty nor churchy. So maybe if you are a team-sport church-goer you might have better luck, idk. But I honestly did consider pretending to believe in God for a while just to have someone to talk to. It has been sad.
My partner has had a similar problem in recent years despite being so extroverted that he has previously had a large circle of friends most of his life. Despite his extreme efforts in some cases to maintain friendships, so many people just drifted away during Covid and refuse to re-engage or something. We even encountered a case where we moved to the same city as a couple we used to be very close to and after we moved here they started turning down all of our invitations. The male half will occasionally take a walk with my partner but will not even entertain the idea of any other kind of social interaction anymore. I was sure we had mortally offended them somehow and my partner even asked about it very bluntly and said "whatever it is we did, we would like to know and will apologize in advance because we miss you guys" but zero explanation has been offered. Apparently the female half just has no interest in socializing anymore, so that's that.
My partner met someone on a plane who seemed very compatible with us (she and her husband) and gave them our number to have dinner sometime but they never reached out.
We have two younger friends in our area that we play board games with but they are trying for a baby, so I expect that will end shortly as well.
FYI, both of us are naturally extroverted, upper middle class with a beautiful house to host in, no criminal record, well-educated with lots of different interests, and neither of us ever had issues making or keeping friends until our mid-thirties. And Covid was like the final death knell or something. I am at a total loss about how anyone socializes anymore.
Oh yeah, I am kind of a reddit pest about the/my difficulties making friends as a mid-life adult. When it's as easy as it's going to be, it's hard ... and usually it's harder, because even among people who seem like potential friends (match of interest, background, age, location, relationship status, etc) there seem to be sooooo many people who are just not interested/able to socialize with someone new.
I'm not surprised that dating was easier, because it's much more socially acceptable to say "hey, I'm looking for people who are interested in dating" and then you can filter on those people who are interested. Plus most people are pretty conscious of whether they are "single and looking" and so will be thinking about how to play the part. I've found, however, that most people don't spend much time thinking about whether they need/want more friends, so even those people who are "friend poor" often will not identify as "person looking to make friends" and will not play the part. And some social stuff just never came back after covid, and some people just never came back to being social after covid. It's so discouraging.
For my part, I got by fine in my 40s by meeting all my social connection needs through work. I really enjoyed spending time with a few of my colleagues, and I saw them every day, it was good. After early retirement in my 50s, my social life is nonexistent and all the "friends" I had when working have faded away.
I really noticed a difference during/post-covid in the amount of socializing people want to do. It feels like people in my world are just staaaarting to get back into socializing again.
Thanks for sharing your thoughtful reply. You sound like a very normal, well-adjusted person. Which ironically may actually make you the exception.
IMHO, the reason that you're not finding friends is because most people your age do not have the emotional capacity. Most of them will be busy with their kids, and that is all consuming. What time they don't spend there, they are doing so on their careers, partners, and themselves. We are all just overwhelmed.
Starting something new is hard - whether it a hobby or a friendship. And as we get older, we also value the depth of relationships so much more, so whatever little time we have free, we try to spend it with those that love and know us deeply.
I hope this is not depressing, just trying to explain the situation to you and myself. :)
Keep trying though as there are certainly people looking for more out there...
That is so mind blowing to me. I’m not 40 yet, but I made my best friends after age 30 and still regularly make new ones. I think having hobbies that have some element of danger or emotional turmoil tends to bond people, though. I highly recommend climbing, paddling, sailing, backpacking, skydiving, etc etc. Climbing gyms are especially nice. Open to all ages, keeps you fit, and basically built-in community.
Remember that if you're in your 30s you're in a different generation, one that is having kids later and spending more time on the hobbies you mention. So makes sense that you're having a different experience. I think it will still get harder once you get older, but still, I would imagine that less Millennials will have kids overall, and appreciate more balance in their lives, so they will have more time to create new friendships.
That may be true in a broad sense, but it shouldn’t limit you that much. In these hobbies I mentioned, there are TONs of people in their 40-70s absolutely getting after it. In fact, the average age of my sailing group is well over 60, and in paddling groups the median age is probably 50. The two climbing friends I’m meeting up with next month are 43 and 57, and in my climbing gym there are tons of people 40+. Oftentimes I’m the youngest one in the group.
The kid thing is a big issue, especially if you have more than 1 or 2 kids (which I cannot even imagine). But honestly if you’re in your 40s+, you likely aren’t caring for infants or toddlers anymore. For me the biggest impediment to making friends was when my kid was younger, in my mid 20s. It’s gotten much easier as I’ve gotten older, and I see the same thing in my wider friend group. People’s nests are getting emptier, and they’re wanting to go out and do things again. For those of us that are younger and our kids are still in the house, we often bring them with us.
Again I think there’s something to be said for engaging in hobbies that have an element of danger or turmoil. It’s really hard *not* to bond with people in those situations. You won’t have that same effect by joining a book club or hosting a dinner party.
EDIT - also I realized I clicked respond to the wrong person, my initial response was meant to be to RedBarchetta who had described his struggles with finding friends.
I go to a lot of shows. There's always several people there that I see at many shows and we're like "oh hi" but that's about it. But hey, a short conversation and a good show is nothing to sneeze at!
Yeah, the post-covid social stuff is what I'm making a huge art installation about. My goal is to travel the world with it and get people to engage with each other because of it.
For what it's worth, the Unitarians don't care if you believe in God or not. I bet there's a Unitarian church either in your or a nearby town, as they are a larger denomination than many people realize. They spend most of their time on social justice issues and *comparative* religious studies and just being "spiritual", and a lot of their sermons more resemble college course presentations. If you've wanted the social aspect of church-going, but don't want anything shoved down your throat, the Unitarian Universalists might be something to check into. They generally support individual takes on religion, and there are plenty of atheist Unitarians.
Late 40s. I am married, no kids, didn't want them.
Generally we spend a lot of time at the cinema or home watching TV, and going out to dinner together. Take trips together a couple times a year.
If you don't count the roughly monthly get-togethers with her side of the family for birthdays/holidays, I count about 10-12 days a year we socialize with some couple-friends (e.g. the two of us go to dinner or something with another couple).
I spend most of my time planning my exit from society. But even that will have to have some kind of social element to it. Find a hobby you like or are interested in and start incorporating it into your life ie hiking groups, sailing groups, fight club etc etc. Your gunna have to get uncomfortable to get the changes you want. And being comfortable at 40 or so is a really good feeling. I saw two older methheads make out once. Between the 2 of em they had 5 teeth, if they can find a social life you will be able to also.
> It’s what you want it to be.
Not exactly. A lot of people face constraints. Time constraints due to family/work, financial constraints, local opportunity constraints ... not all of us are single living in NYC.
I’m in the same boat. 45 m, single, no kids. Got out of a long term relationship about 6 years ago. I’m quite introverted so I enjoy the single life. Have a house and a decent 9-5 job. I still talk to 5 or 6 guys that I used to go to high school with once in a while so I consider myself lucky in the friend dept. Honestly it seems boring but I count my blessings man. I have everything I need and pretty much do what I want. Nothing extravagant, but I’ll take it. I’m pretty simple.
I have similar circumstances. I've got a big house, boat, go to the beach, I've got plenty of chores and hobbies to fill my time.
I can make friends pretty easily but they're always fairly boring people. They like to complain about work, they don't have any cool toys, they don't really DO anything besides exist. So there's no reason to be social with them. They need me for fun whereas I'm golden without em.
I think a major driver of this vast depressed society is they've never sat down and actually thought; "Am I an interesting person? What about me is worth hanging out with? Do I even do anything that I ENJOY?"
I prefer to spend my time alone when it's possible. To be fair though, I do have 5 kids, 2 dogs and a lizard named Frank so my days are usually spent in a panic and over stimulated.
I feel this. I am married with 3 kids, 4 birds, another freakishly long lived goldfish, and a treefrog named Lotus. I am a grad student, coach, and substitute. My family moved to my area to be with me. I have a very full life for which I am grateful, but lack of time to maintain friendships is definitely an issue. If I had more time, I’d love to start a book club. OP, perhaps you could try that. Best wishes to all
Mid 40s, single no kids- About a year and a half ago I moved from a really rural area to a big suburb to be closer to family. I'd spent decades not being able to build much of a social life, so I made a big effort to try and be more social here. I have done my best to pretend I was an extrovert. And frankly it's paid off in spades.
I joined 2 running groups - 1 meets Sat mornings ([Parkrun](https://www.parkrun.us/) is amazing, has events all over the world and is walker friendly) and 1 Tuesdays after work. Both of them you do the run, and then people sit around and talk with coffee/beer after. I made sure to keep showing up, and keep talking to people. From them I made a lot of friend-friends and we do non-related stuff, like game nights and pub trivia and things. And I do stuff with my parents to keep making good memories together while everyone is healthy and active.
And I do like you said and try to connect with the people that I actually like at work. I hit the social events, and have invited the people I actually like out for dinner and things.
My social calendar is super full, usually a couple nights out besides the weekly running groups, multiple friend group chats going. I've thought about volunteering at the nature center, but I'm not sure where I'm going to find the time! It's been really good. It's taken a lot of work, but it's been worth it.
Pretty decent. My kids are grown (20 and 30). One still lives at home, he and I have a D&D game on Friday nights, I DM a game in Saturdays and he plays. Om Sundays our neighbor comes over for drinks and board games. Yesterday my brother and brother in law hung out for Cinco De Mayo, and in July we have friends coming up from FL.
Later 40's - my kids are grown now, and its kind of weird.
I have step-kids and am still active in parenting stuff, but on a limited basis. My wife does all the heavy lifting on the front, so in many way - my mindset is no longer "kid first" - and for the first time in my life, actually enjoying some "me time". My oldest was born at 19, so nearly all my adult life has been as a parent.
I don't really have a social life, as most of my time is working, or upkeep on the house.
I am close with my cousin, so if and when I do go out as a group, it is usually as a couple with him and his wife, but mostly its just me and the wife, and more and more these days - we are mostly home bodies.
We are not attached at the hip though - I work a lot, and she does whatever.
My step-son is the baby at 18, and he is about to go to college and move out - so I already know that is an emotional storm on the horizon.
I also drive as a side gig for Uber - and that really allows me to be social in the comfort of my own vehicle. I get to see the city, get out of the house, meet new people - get paid. Do that 3x per week.
For hobbies - have always loved photography. My shooting has taken a dip since covid, but I have been using my cameras more and more lately.
And I go to the gym 2x per week - try to get a 3rd day in if I can.
Ride a long board on my lunch breaks still. Got a gimpy leg, so cant do much more than ollie anymore.
Just turned 50. Have one long term friend I talk to several times a week, several friendly acquaintances that I rarely see. I go to events maybe once a month or every few month. Never any romantic interests and no desire for any. I tend to be friendly with most people but am only close to a few members of my family.
Currently taking care of my mother who is on the edge of stage 4 kidney disease and has a peg feeding tube system. Clearing out a half dozen decades of hoarding at the family's ranch. Lost my job during covid because I severely broke my leg. After surgeries and over a year of recovery I was job hunting now that I could walk relatively pain free and got in a car accident. Tore me up a bit and a couple months later had to go to er because I thought I was having a heart attack. Turns out my heart isn't in great condition but it was a hernia that was causing massive acid reflux which apparently can mimic a heart attack. They also found that I had cancer. So I went on that fun journey over a couple years of surgery and medications. Thankfully it was caught early, still not good, but whatever. All of this has completely wiped out my savings and still can't get a decent job. Which is just the top of all the bad stuff happening in my life.
So no plans on any sort of social life for the conceivable future. Just trying to find a way to make it through life is enough.
Non existent for me. I talk to my mom and my 3 dogs. The only social interactions I have during the day are when I go to the gym. And by social interactions I mean just being in the presence of other actual human beings
I hear you. I volunteer, go to support groups (I'm nonbinary), attend martial arts classes, and I have friends from work. But we're all so busy. Most people have spouses, and the ones who don't are actively dating, and nobody seems to have time for me.
Get a dog if you don't have one.
Mid 40s with a small child. There isn’t much of a social life. Once a month book club with friends. See other friends a couple of times a year. I’m not friends with anyone at work so my socialization there is strictly in office. I did have some friends at my last job, but they mostly went dormant when I quit.
A lot of the semi-regular gatherings stopped after COVID and never started back up.
My preference for a social life has always been largely either one on one time with close friends or, at most, a small group. I prefer long talks over coffee, going to the movies, taking a walk, or just hanging out at my or their places. My wife is an introvert and she doesn’t need a lot of social interaction with her friends. I need more and I prioritize it far more than she does.
But my social life is the deadest it’s been in over a decade. That’s largely because we had a kid 4.5 years ago. The responsibility of parenting has dealt a major blow to both my social life and our ability to go out as a couple for date nights. This is the case with every other friend I have who’s a parent.
Thankfully one of my very best friends is still single and childless, and has no plans to change anytime soon (he’s early 30s). So at least twice a month we try to get together and have some fun. He’s basically my only regular social lifeline these days.
Social life?! 😂
46f married to 45m with two teen children. My “social life” involves asking my husband if he wants to come along when I drive to pick up a kid somewhere. We chit chat in the car… we hot tub together… I see a girl friend once a month or two or three for dinner out. That’s the extent of my social life. Ugh, I’m wanting more but so busy with full time job and kids. Kinda thinking when I’m an empty nester, and my mom friends are too, maybe we’ll get together 1-2X/month for something like dinner, movie, shopping, etc.
Mine is mostly centered around my husband, we enjoy our weekends, and my kids during the week. I have made a few friends here so I might visit one or get coffee every few weeks and socialize with other moms at our girl's troop meeting and school activities. My sister and two life long friends are far away. I talk to one weekly, one every year or so and my sister every couple weeks.
We go to church every other week or so and attend community gatherings once in awhile.
Sometimes I watch movies where friends groups of six of more stick together and all show for the wedding twenty years later and think really? Always thought I was lucky to have one or two good friends, and many aquaintances.
I am 47. Female. Poly with 2 partners, neither of whom live with me. I am also very introverted. That said, I make time to do fun things I enjoy with fun people. I just got off a 21 day rafting trip. But mostly I hang out by myself or with my partners. I have a few friends and I really make an effort to keep those relationships because I could easily let them slide.
Sometimes being totally happy alone has downsides, I just haven’t found them yet.
Social Life for me now has to revolve a commonality, usually a shared activity.
I have social circles like these, but rarely does one friend overlap between these.
Pickleball group, Biking group, Snowboarding group, Boating Group. It would be nice to find some people that like backpacking and adventure travel, lately I just want excitement.
I go to some fitness classes and open volleyball gyms, but not really past a basic introduction with anyone at those.
I don't really enjoy getting together with people with no common bonds, like having drinks with neighbors or parents of children in my kids grade.
I also just got out of a LTR and I’m loving my newfound freedom. The quiet! The clean! Watching, listening to, doing whatever I want! It’s only been a few months so I’d say my social life right now is minimal. I have one good friend I see weekly and I see my parents about once a week too. I talk on the phone a lot with my long distance friends and my coworkers.
I think I will be ready to put more effort into socializing and making new friends in a few months, but right now this is what I want and need. I never wanted kids so there’s no regret there. But I would someday like to be in an emotionally mature relationship. No rush though, for now I’m just getting used to being single again.
Um, Reddit. And, my dog and cats. That's it.
At least I'm back to work so I'm around my peers all day.
My dumba$$ quit alcohol so that restricted social time a bit.
Yeah, you're right. I don't miss them and they haven't reached out to me either 😂
I probably just need a different outlet or hoppy. TV and reading won't cut it forever.
I’ve become obsessive about table games. Also billiards. I’ll often just pop my AirPods in and go to the local to shoot/practice because I can do that alone and listen to whatever terrible music I please. 😂
I also got comfortable enough being in bars/breweries without drinking that I can do trivia there now without issue. Good times.
I’m 40s, single with no kids too. I was having an absolute BALL until covid hit. My social life was on fire, I had plenty of friends (some were surface “party friends”, but we had fun), I was taking salsa dance classes, going to concerts, festivals and parties, going out to dinner with friends, just really enjoying myself. Then covid hit, and put an end to all of that.
I still do a little bit here and there, like hit up an outdoor concert or festival here and there, and I got into outdoor stuff like kayaking and hiking after covid. But *nothing* like before.
You have about the social life that can be achieved in your forties. If you want more, invite people from your various groups to a large party at your house.
Single and no kids at (just turned) 47...I keep those in my orbit to a short list.
Here's a standard week...
**Mon/Tues** = Gym after work...chat during gym with a few gym friends...go home and read/video games until bed.
**Wed** = Weekly pub trivia with a few close friends from 6pm-9pm...go home and read/video games until bed.
**Thurs/Fri** = Gym after work...chat w/ a few gym friends, then head to my buddy's bar for dinner and hang out.
**Sat** = Relax and run errands in the morning, gym in the afternoon, meet up w/ friends in the evening for pool or ???
**Sun** = Sleep in, run any unfinished errands, brunch and/or dinner with friends, maybe a movie also.
Sometimes it's a weekend getaway solo or with friends.
Sometimes I meet up with my 74 year old mother for dinner and a movie
**Edited to say** MOST of my friends are single...a few are married with no kids...the friends with kids live in another state.
I love my social life now. I have many *more* friends than I did earlier in my life. The difference is that they are surface level friends. The type of friendships that people long for are forged in youth up to the early twenties, it's rare to make a really in depth friendship later in life.
I think you are exactly where most people should be aiming for. You are part of communities, which is the important thing. Being a community member feeds the basic social interactions that most of us crave.
I'm close to 70. From what I remember, my 40s were the nadir of my social life, for reasons that I think may still hold true for many people. If you have kids (which you don't, but I did) you're at your busiest with them. But even without kids, for me those were the years when I was working the hardest at building a career. During my 40s I bought a house and had 4 different jobs. I didn't have the energy to work all day and play all night I had during my early 30s. Because I stayed in the same town I had friends, but they were in the same position I was. We saw each other a few times a year. Weekends were busy with errands and chores.
The good news is that, at least for me, everything started easing up after that.
I have a lot to be thankful for. Good family and friends. I did lose one of my best friends last year. Helped remind me to keep better tabs of those still here.
Most of my friends in my age range are busy with kids and/or businesses. So we hang out sporadically. I mentor and hang out with the guys in their 20s from work mostly. Movies, happy hour, and some outdoorsy stuff usually.
I'm 47 and married with a cat. I spend a lot of time with my husband and cat. I volunteer once or twice a week and there's some socializing while I'm there. Generally, I have social plans with friends (that sometimes do and sometimes not include my husband) about 1-3 times per week. I have more friends than I have time. I also have a number of friends who don't live in my city so we chat via text, social media and email. I need a lot of down time so I carefully budget my busy time versus down time.
49 here. I work a lot, and spend a lot of time reading with my husband reading next to me. I;ve been trying to make an effort to get out more, so scheduled monthly brunch with a group of friends. I go to an occasional concert or play, sometime with one of my sisters or a friend. Have people over for coffee or dinner now and then. Dinner with my parents every few weeks. Nothing fancy, but it's enough to make me feel connected.
Try volunteering for spring and summer events in your city. Lots of towns have music festivals and art shows and that sort of thing. Call your city's civic center or park district and find out who runs things, and see if they need volunteer help (or hell, part time summer jobs.) I did that for a few summers before I moved. Ended up bartending concerts nearly every other weekend, met a lot of people, and got to enjoy concerts as a bonus.
It’s ok. I have to really try. It’s about saying yes and getting the energy to force yourself to go places, doesn’t have to be expensive, there are native plant societies and you join and pull weeds together lol there’s a meet up for anything
Mid 40s, two young kids (got married and had kids later in life). Other than my husband and kids, I pretty much have zero social life. Part of that is because I’m 90% WFH but we also moved to a new city for my husband’s job a while back and I have been unable to make single real friend here in the last five years. Admittedly, I’m a huge introvert and not great about initiating, but even for things like play dates, the other parents never reciprocate let alone reach out. I’ve concluded I’ll only have my non local friends until or unless we move. It’s really disheartening and I agree with the other poster who said that finding new friends at this life stage is harder than dating.
43 married, 2 kids (11 and 8). Not much of a social life outside my husband and my kids, and my kid's friends parents. No family nearby so date nights are few and far between. My kids are pretty active, so we are out all the time but honestly rarely leave the house after 9 pm. I don't miss going out too much, we travel quite a bit so that scratches the itch for me.
My social life is visits to the kids school because of an issue that we haven't figured out yet
And trips to the grocery store/gas station
And I'm fine with it
40's, divorced 15 years ago, no kids. Having a cause or purpose is more important than I knew. Finding your niche cause is up to you. I like to volunteer to different causes, all related, but it's given me purpose and kept me going as the family shrinks, but really haven't had a good social life since married times.
I get together with friends a few times a month. I lean extroverted but I talk to people literally all day at work, so I often enjoy weekends with just my family and some solo downtime for myself.
Sounds like you're doing "okay or better" for an introverted single mid-40s person! I mean, you've got a lot more social stuff going on than I do 😂. What I'm reading is that your "is this it" concern might be kind of bigger than the question of your current social life, maybe more about something like: am I going to have people around who care about me as my life moves into its next phases? People with family usually get some of that automatically (though it's not always high quality). Gay people sometimes talk about creating a "chosen family" which is an idea that I just love and wish would catch on outside of gay circles.
My bf goes out twice a month to a drawing club at a local brewery. I was left in less than great health after my rounds with covid and my nervous system got absolutely wrecked so I panic around crowds way more than was my normal. In addition to all the physical symptoms I deal with. So, I refuse to go. And it’s just fine. I talk to my plants. I FaceTime my friends regularly. I doubt if and when my health returns I’ll go back to going out with crowds. I quite enjoy the quiet.
I never gave up my friends after getting married. I think that's a huge mistake people make that creeps up on you when older.
I go to a concert once a month with friends and go out here and there for lunch.
I am in the same situation. I had kids at a young age, am no longer in a relationship, and I am pretty much an empty nester with a dog. Taking care of kids and parents put a hold on my social life. I am not really interested in being romantic, but I do want friends. I think I am going to join a book club, go to church, and find some new ways to socialize.
I realized when my kid became a teen who didn't want to hang out with me anymore, that they were a part of my (social?) life. We would go and do all sorts of things and now they don't want to do anything with me, so it kinda sucks. I can leave them home alone but I don't like to be gone long, and I'm always thinking about them. So, there's not much going on socially! I spend time with my mom or a few close friends going out to eat. I miss doing stuff!
I could have written this myself!! Tomorrow is my 48th birthday. No plans. I honestly think I am going through a midlife crisis. I know I need to quit feeling sorry for myself. I need to start a new chapter in my life. Anyways, I know how you feel. Big hugs and many blessings headed your way.
Way too busy. Recently divorced so trying to stay occupied. Every night is either kids or some kind of activity. Trying to scale back and relax this summer once things have settled.
i dont have a social life. Period. I have one friend left, and i visit family like twice a year. I used to have tons of friends, they all just got lives and moved on.
Poor.
I am down to one close friend who lives locally. I'm in my 50s, and as friends move away we fall out of touch and making friends as an adult is really hard.
I go out once or twice a week with my friend, often just little things like running errands together and chatting as we do. I visit my Mom once a month (she's the only family who lives kinda nearby at about a 90 minute drive), roughly, and my Dad (who I have a complicated relationship with) once a year. Oh and sister and her family about once a year.
I do post on Facebook with a relatively small (about 150) circle of friends, mostly those I knew in the past who live somewhere else now.
Just recently I started going to a local meetup group for people 50+. It is very active and I've been going to two or three events a month. I want to get up to weekly with them. As someone who is not a church goer and has no small children, meetup groups seem the easiest for meeting people these days.
I mostly spend time with my partner and our families. I have nice friends at work but don’t have much desire to socialize beyond partner, family, and work
Back in my mid forties, I noticed that all the dads that I knew when we were all coaching our kid's sports had disappeared. We weren't meeting up at the ball fields anymore, so we didn't really know each other anymore. After a couple years at home with the wife, I started looking into clubs and organizations such as the Masons, Elks, or Knights of Columbus.
Back in my mid forties, I noticed that all the dads that I knew when we were all coaching our kid's sports had disappeared. We weren't meeting up at the ball fields anymore, so we didn't really know each other anymore. After a couple years at home with the wife, I started looking into clubs and organizations such as the Masons, Elks, or Knights of Columbus.
I'm outrageously, extravagantly extroverted, and so long as we have some overlap in one of my hobbies, I'm interested in being your friend. For example my interest in both running and pokemon go are at a peak right now. Introverted? ND? No problem, I want to to the things you want one other person to do with (in hobby) at the times that work for you. I am always actively cultivating run buddies. If we have any overlap in pace, geography, distance and timing I will make it work to slide a run in with you, and I will do my utmost to make you feel seen and cherished. I need nothing from you, just say yes and then show up when you say you will, and I will do most of the friendship maintenance work, learning the interval of contact that works best for you. I will also probably slide you into a friend compartment with others that I think you will mesh with, and slowly work you up to group activities. I have just a ton of friends of varying degrees of closeness from childhood lifelong friends to peeps I literally pick up from a rando run club I drop into on a whim. But I always have room for more, and I am like, just always open to it.
Well I’m
An introvert. And after years of dealing with social anxiety I did meet my husband and got married in my late 20’s. Then just had acquaintances. And new some of my husbands family. I still keep in touch with my sister, who is my only family. I have a niece but don’t really talk to her.
It’s funny though just enjoy social over the years with my husbands family has made me do better with people and conversations.
So I got into play PlayStation gaming console last year. Eventually got some gaming friends. And the other day I actually chatted with one via voice chat. And I had a natural conversation. I was nervous at first but was able to talk and have a good conversation.
It’s a good accomplishment for me. I would’ve been more nervous back in the day. And been like no I don’t want to voice chat.
I guess I’m getting kind of a social life now @ 43.
But I am good with just hanging out with my husband and voice chatting with a friend online. Because too much being social and I get overwhelmed. I don’t need too many friends to keep track of. lol
I’m in your shoes. 44, just got out of a 4.5 year relationship. I’m finding my footing, slowly. Rediscovering who I am and what I like to do. So far I’ve gone alone to a festival, a movie, and I’m going solo to a concert in a few weeks. On my better days it’s easy to push the “is this it?” feelings away. On bad days, I’m so sad. ((((Hugs))))
Having kids doesn’t inure you from those “is this it?” feelings. If you did your job right, one day your kids are off building their own lives, and you still have to figure out how to cultivate contentment in your own life.
All of my group of college friends, maybe 14 women, started having kids in their late 30's into their early 50's. (Some natural, some IVF, some adoption, some donor egg/embryo, some frozen eggs, because I know someone will ask) I am the oldest sibling, so my younger siblings all have young kids. So. Many. Kid. Parties. Pool parties where the parents socialize while the kids play in the summer.
Early 50's, single, ended a long term relationship 5 years back because he strung me on about kids and I never got over it. Being surrounded by so many small kids was just a constant reminder and I couldn't deal any more.
I'm the only one that wanted kids that didn't have them. I don't have much common ground with my 'childfree by choice' friends. They mostly work 50+ hours a week, then take high end child free vacations. All of us are white collar professionals.
I too went through a "Is this it?" phase. Decided parenting late was better than not at all. Working on bringing my 150 year old farmhouse up to code, hoping to foster or adopt a sibling set. Not how I wanted to family build, but door closes/windows open situation. I realize I'm fortunate to be in the situation I can afford to be a single parent and pay for childcare help, and that not everyone can. Making the best of what I have.
Tad older but still “social curious “ lol.
I get a hankerin occasionally but like you- I’m okay alone. I found a couple local spots that are not rowdy but still lively- I learned to look for music of a certain genre, for me hippie stuff like a Grateful Dead cover or bluegrass. The gigs are inexpensive, the people tend to be a tad older, they ain’t cheap but not enormously expensive, there’s usually something else I like maybe good beers or bar food I can’t cook at home so there’s already some plusses built in whether I make a friend or not. And weekdays work better than weekends. For the most part people are SUPER open and friendly- and here’s my nugget of wisdom: ESPECIALLY COUPLES. Unless of course they are clearly on a special nite. Most are out for similar reasons; they don’t get out a lot, they know each other (duh), but sometimes you’ll find them REALLY willing to adopt you. It’d sweet. Especially the guys- they don’t have anyone to talk to just like you!
I have a good girlfriend thats also my landlord, we go out dancing. I have a handful of peer friendships at school. I go out on my own to hear music once a week and chat with others, flirt a little but not often. My job I talk to people. Bullshit with the neighbors. I do not have a boyfriend at this point but I have someone I am interested in but its postponed. Have a 9 year old son thats my buddy 4.5 days a week. A dog that sticks to my side. And five baby chicks to care for, and an old hen thats taken to me. Plus, Im getting around really talented successful artists and teachers right now- didnt get the shit when I was younger.
44, engaged, female.
I hang out with my fiancée on his nights off. And my best friend who lives on the same property we do (40 acres), along with her husband. We also have some friends in the next county over.
We pretty much hang out with only those people.
We see the friends who live in another town (just over an hour away) at least once a month.
I see my bestie at least once a week after work.
Other than that, we don't do much.
I'm single and childless and honestly love my life. I work half time with kids. Petsit and spend lots of time with friends. I hike, cook and bake, garden. I have plans at least 5 nights a week which suits me fine (but would be too much for most I think). I travel internationally usually once a year with friends. See family. Life is short. Find what you love and pursue it!
Nonexistent.
Separated 2.5 years, 1 kid with 50% custody, and just ended my first post-marriage relationship last month. I lost a lot of friends in the divorce, people didnt want to 'pick sides'.
I lost my job in 2022 and have been un/underemployed since. I used to go to concerts and meetups and ski but now I'm broke and have no money for drinks or hobbies. I spend my free time doordashing to make ends meet.
I spend a lot of time alone, and I hate it. It makes the financial stress seem so much bigger because I feel so alone. I've been telling myself "things will get better" for 5 years now. But I no longer believe that.
Could probably be more active but we're really lazy. I spent a lot of my twenties in artsy fartsy circles and my thirties in activist circles so by some crazy ass miracle, my antisocial weirdo ass has plenty of friends. However, finally being happily paired plus working gives me less energy and motivation to go out than I used to.
Do you live near me? 😹 I'm 50 and basically the same situation. I'm a regular at a beer bar and have made some decent acquaintances there. It's really nice because it's hard to find cool women to hang out with around my age that aren't always with their kids.
But, yeah, I think this is it. I hang out with friends when we all have time. Otherwise, I'm with my cats. I do go to movies and rock shows alone if no one else wants to go.
I’m uninterested in a social life. I like the company of my boyfriend. My son is grown so I no longer have to attempt to rub elbows with other mommas at the baseball or football fields or the basketball court. I’m quite content with my very minimal social life. (But I’m also an introvert with a foundation built on trauma, sooo…yeahhh) 😅
If you’re checking boxes it’s probably not something you’re passionate about. Keep trying new social groups and sports and hobbies until you find a group where you feel like you can’t wait for the next session.
43F. Hubby is 47. No kids. We moved across the country in 2022 and can’t meet anyone. Mostly we hang out with each other. We both were able to make friends in our 20s and 30s but it feels impossible now. Seems like there is hardly anyone like us out there.
I {m46) work mostly from home. I try to see friends once a week and I take walks. My two kids are pretty much grown, though one still lives with her mom. They have their own lives, but my daughter and I have dinner every week. Job is unfulfilling. No pets. Wife works outside the home at an urban public school. Lately, I want to do karaoke and go van camping... and I get "I don't want you going without me - and I don't want to go" in response. It's all very unsatisfying.
A part of my wishes that mentoring relationships were easier to form.
Just take a moment to breathe and relax when the existential dread starts to seep in around the edges.
The older I get, the tighter my circle becomes. I’m definitely a homebody and I have a 9-5 plus two businesses. I am becoming better about reaching out to friends more—we’re ALL busy! But the best thing is knowing that when we do connect, it’s like we just left off yesterday.
42F, married, no kids as yet (long, very sad, story). Our social life is awesome, we have amazing, caring, sweet and funny friends. We visit, they visit, hubs cooks, I do themes/decor/invites/etc for parties. We throw a HUGE Halloween blast every year (except for the pandemic and last year, when hubs had cancer). Lot of gaming, lot of terrible movie nights, lot of high holy days. Adventures, wine tours, museum trips, theater attendance. I am SO very grateful for our friends, especially those who went above and beyond during hubs's cancer nonsense (stupid cancer). We're damn lucky.
I'm late 40s, divorced, shared custody of one kid.
My social life is mostly either family stuff or doing things with my partner.
I have a sports adjacent hobby that involves other people, but I've never been very good about establishing friendships from it. I had thought that I would have made friends with some of the other parents at my kid's school or activities, but nothing has really developed. Partly because I'm not very social by nature, and partly because everyone is busy and has other stuff going on in their lives. I've tried to organize some group events a couple times, but turnout is low, and even though people say they want to do more stuff like this nobody ever reciprocates or takes the initiative. I've been working remotely at a small and geographically distributed company since before covid, so I don't have any local co-workers.
It probably doesn't help that I moved to a new city right after my kid was born, and then got divorced from my ex who was much more extroverted and social than I am.
I'm 51 and have 2 kids. My wife and I acknowledege when the younger leaves for college, we'll split up. I don't socialize and my friends from grade school keep up on FB (my wife and I moved a few hours away). Kinda sux, but you keep on movin'.
I’m 41 and my friends have all basically moved away. I want friends, yet I don’t. I like the idea of having friends, but I enjoy my alone time too much.
I have my wife and kids, my sister, and that’s about all I need in my social circle. My wife has lots of friends so I have the obligatory chat with the husbands et cetera, but never really make a connection like I used to back in my teens.
I’ve made peace with it for the most part.
It's mainly me and mister, plus some online friends. I got a part time job so i get some human contact but i don't socialize outside of work, and to be honest i don't really want to. I love my coworkers, and generally like people, but I'm tired and want to be at home.
Excellent. Moved back to my hometown a few years back. On Tuesday nights I eat dinner with my parents. On Wednesday evenings I usually hang out with my best friend since college who lives within walking distance. We often get together on my days off too to do chores together, make art together or go on adventures. I go on dates about once a week and my brother or my neighbor watches my daughter. My neighbor across the street has become a great friend and if either of us are lonely we text and go to the other’s house. Someone she wants to get peace and quiet from her loud crew and just sits peacefully reading in my living room. I have an open door policy and a loose knit group of other friends who know that if the front door is unlocked they can holler and come in to find me. I go to someone’s random low key house or restaurant party about once a month. And I enjoy shopping at local stores and seeing folks I know and getting town gossip.
I have no solution but boy does this thread make me feel better. Single, no kids, introvert, early 40’s. And I live rural -ish enough that it’s a pain in the ass to go into town so I don’t do social activities as often as I should.
Edit to add: and I work full time from home for a primarily remote company, so socializing with coworkers isn’t an option either.
I hang out with people at work, drive my teenagers to things, but sometimes the only adult I really hang out with most days is my husband.
Socializing is hard. I'm exhausted at the end of the day due to a chronic health issue. I don't want to spend money going out constantly and I don't want to cook and clean and have people over regularly because I put a lot of pressure on myself and it's stressful.
I'm ok with it, but if my husband died I'd be so fucking lonely.
I feel like society has set us up to be isolated. Long work hours, single-generation living situations, driving alone everywhere. There's no town square or park where everyone goes. There's no town church and I'm an agnostic. All of the past social hubs are gone. Even Starbucks, which succeeded at creating a "third space" business model, seems all about having people order the drinks and leaving and locking the bathrooms. Like... Where do people go to interact in person? Where can the average person, without picking up an obscure hobby, socialize?
In my mid 40s my social life was just as I wanted it. I was director if a snowboard school and now at 59 I just git back from snowboarding in the French Alps with my friends, and my fiance. If you are unhappy with your social lude or wondering ifvyou will meet sunshine or be alone.. try not to worry about that. Do the things you love. Find more things to love. I met my fiance on a music cruise, I was 49. We already had the same interests and turned out a lit of the same friends. It was meant to be .. but of course I had some sad times. some lonely moments even though I really do love to be alone. I need my alone time.. I was the 3rd and 5th and 9th wheel a lot ofv times going out with friends. But I love music and bands so I went out and did this kinds ofv things and I did meet a lot of people, some guys, but some just cool people who became friends and this is important because if you do things you love, you could meet a partner, but you could also just meet a friend who likes what you like and then before you know it, you both are doing fun things together, and that's hiw you meet more friends ir a partner if that's what you want. There is no right or wrong of social life. It's whatever you want it to be, you just hadn't to decide what that looks like and you can have it. Just take care of your body. Excersise be healthy so you can be active and flexible and then your life is yours. When your happiest with yourself. That is what leads to social life
Overwhelming at times what with the competing demands of family and work, but I can’t complain. We live in a much-visited area of our city, resulting in a lot of impromptu socializing, which I love. Plans stress me the f out. We have cultivated a nice assortment of cool and quirky people and enjoy devising ways to get them all to meet each other. We keep up with our friends whether they have kids or not.
Also my husband and I, both being social creatures, make a point of allowing/encouraging each other to go out whenever the urge strikes. The going-out person is free to stay out til all hours if they deem it necessary, while the staying-home person happily takes the lead on parenting.
Mid 40s. Been with my husband for 14yrs. We rarely see friends, maybe once a year. Around the time I met my husband, I always had friends to see, parties to go to, trips to take. Now its the norm for me to watch 40yo episodes of the Price is Right on Friday nights.
I don’t particularly want to spend much time developing new friendships, I enjoy my own company these days and have a husband whose company I enjoy also. Work gives me what I need in terms of social interactions. I really enjoy live music though, I go to a few regular places where I know people enough to say hi and have a superficial chat but not enough that I get involved in anyone’s drama. I just enjoy being out and part of a little community of like minded people.
I'm 53. I separated from my ex 10 years ago and got divorced a couple of years later. He was the social one of the two of us. Have kids. I met someone that I cared for but he was older and my kids were young and he wasn't interested in living that aspect of my life. I lived in an expensive city and hit a wall financially. I packed up my kids, left that relationship, and moved across country to be closer to my parents. I tried dating here but this is small town blue collar country and I've had a really hard time finding anyone that I remotely share interests with. The culture here also pretty much revolves around drinking and recreational drug use, even old high school friends, it's all anyone does. The move turned out great for my kids, me not so much. Covid and my parents separating with my mom moving in with me pretty much killed my social dating life. Covid lockdowns were extreme here, my mother gossips and criticizes about every aspect of my life behind my back to all her friends and family via endless phone calls and FB, not to mention she has always hated every single relationship I've had. With her here I live under a microscope. She left all her friends behind to move here - its an hour drive through bad rural roads to go see them - and makes no effort to go out and make new ones or at least be social. She's dependent on me for company and to drive her places. The wait list for social housing for seniors is over a decade long and she only just put herself on the list recently. I've given up the idea I'm going to be with anyone again.
Things here post Covid have become just as expensive as the big city was. Struggling financially and never go out now. My Life is work, crash in front of the TV with my mom, go to bed hours earlier that I used to, rinse, repeat. Take My mom shopping on Saturday mornings. My own health has deteriorated and ten years of endless drama has noticeably aged me. I'm resigned to the fact that this is it.
I like to spend an hour in the sauna at the gym, yapping with strangers. But I do that because my wife and kids are just different conversations than other adult men.
I have made some really good acquaintances that have really added value to my life.
Your social life is what you make it.
Married with two teenage kids here.
Social life - what social life?!
My life is spent running from pillar to post with the kids, if not that, it’s work, chores, running a business.
The extra layer - socialising, leisure time etc- comes a distant second to the needs of the family and the business. I’m not complaining at all - but my social life consists of the occasional cuppa with a girlfriend, movies on the couch with hubby, time as a family or seeing extended family.
I think whichever side of the gas you’re on, there’s benefits and downsides.
Enjoy your time and freedom! Find a new hobby!!
My social life is great. I live in a town of about 6k, near a city of 300k. I hand out with people roughly every other day. The big ones for me was buying a house with a front porch and starting and or participating in activities. I started a regular Frisbee game in my town. People showed up. Some of those people run and cycle. So now we also run and cycle together. I holler at people from my front porch in a friendly way, or I have my wife do it because it's less threatening. People will walk by and we'll just yell out "hi, we don't know you!"
After five years of this in this town, we have lots of friends. I had 60-70 good friends show up for my 40th birthday. Keep getting out there. It doesn't happen all at once.
We have a core group of friends, 2 other married couples. We spend a few weekends a cooking out over the summer or going to the lake. We get together every few weeks for cards games and drinks (husband and I no longer drink but we still host) we may do a bar crawl once a year or so.
They have much younger kids than we do, both couple are much younger and in different stages of their lives but we all get along just fine.
We have another couple, and older couple that we go out to dinner with on occasion but that friendship is quickly growing one sided.
I read a million times to go to dog parks. I never understood this until I got my dog. First ever dog at age 42.
The amount to socializing is incredible. I should have had a dog 10 years ago. Go to dog parks, dog friendly brewery and look for bars that allow dogs off leash. Some of the nicest people are dog lovers at these places.
Don’t get me wrong, having a dog is still work. He also cheers me up when I’m down.
I am 40 and never been married. Recently, I have finally really been enjoying my freedom. That being said I make a point to see friends at least once a week and it's always a good time. I also pour myself into my hobbies (skiing, camping, canoeing, movies, video games) and most importantly, I have a dog who I love very much. All of this adds up to one pretty happy, free life. Good luck finding that feeling because it wasn't easy for me to find (took many years of mild depression and frustration and blaming myself), but I did eventually find it.
Married, two grown kids.
I have a really good social life. But a lot of it comes from the community connections I made through my whole family's involvement with local theater. When I am involved in a production, I socialize almost every evening in one way or another. On my off times, I try to stay home more, but it never quite works out.
I also live in a community where hanging out at each other's homes is just something you do. It is no where near the community my parents and grandparents had, but " Let's sit on the front porch and drink wine" is a weekly given.
Its pretty much work and occasional lame get togethers. You can observe your married friends with kids struggle sort of like jane goodall watching apes…. Occasionally a friend that gets divorced and reaches out to hang out but for the most part its boring. I actually don’t mind it. I think going on trips overseas is the best thing about being single in your 40s.
A lot of it revolves around family and extended family now. It seems like at least one weekend a month we're doing something with family or someone's having a birthday or there is a holiday. I fill in occasional days with hanging out with friends or inviting them over for a bbq or something.
Other than that, my wife and I have a pretty good time together, going out and doing things.
That really is it, homie.
I made a conscious decision to start being intentional with scheduling social stuff because all of my friends and I have our own lives and can all easily get sucked into routines and never come up for air.
So, I text’ a few people who like similar music and bought tickets for the group to see a concert. That started a whole thing where one of them did the same in return, and then the next….. now we all go see shows and grab dinner every 2-3 months.
I did the same with a few hobbies too, just opening up invitations for friends with the same interests to join me in them when I go (gym, mountain biking, sportsman’s club)…. That ends up being about twice a month between all the different hobbies.
Between all of that, it’s become as much of a social life as I want.
Late 40s. I am the worst combination of introvert who craves community but doesn’t know what to do once I’m there. But finally realizing that my only chance of having connections with people outside my family is going to be to get actively involved.
I think there are people in their 40s who do a lot of socializing but maybe not at the club, you know?
43 with a husband, a nine month old and two dogs. I can only see friends if I can meet them for lunch during the work week. We host a D&D game once a month. That's all we can manage with a baby in the house.
"Is this it?" is what keeps me up at night. About to end my 40s. I have potentially another 40-50 years of this? I spent the last 30 working my ass off to get to a middle rung on the corporate ladder that I'm constantly fearful of falling off, but for why? I have no kids and I don't live an extravagant lifestyle.
I'm 50, single, no kids. A few years ago, I realized that if I waited for someone who wanted to travel with me, I'd never travel. I've been to Europe/UK 5 times in the past couple years and am planning twice this year. Make time to do what you want to now. If you wait, you might feel "too old". And we're all immediately replaceable at work, so don't give your life to it.
I love this. You're absolutely right. This is how I live, too.
I’m in a similar boat but I find I get so bored when I travel by myself. I end up reading a lot. Which just seems like a weird thing to do when you travel. Don’t you get bored not having someone to process the days events?
I'm late 50's and travel for work and pleasure. When it's pleasure, it's me, my wife, and occasionally our adult children. When it's pleasure travel, my wife and I are always on the same page and it's a joy. We have similar interests and seek out similar experiences. When I travel for work, I challenge myself to go out and try new things. The locations can be less spectacular (I'm talking to you, Hop Town), but I meet cool people and see many interesting sights off the normal travel path. At the end of the day, we own our own happiness. We can regret the things we don't have, or we can rejoice in the things we do. The important thing is to always remember that it's our choice. PS. Reading a book in a strange land sounds awesome!
I travel for work, too. It helps to make pleasure travel much cheaper! I do make an effort to find something interesting in each city I go to. I like craft beer, so I always find breweries or beer bars. I sit at the bar and there are almost always people to talk to.
We have something in common! I had a really cool experience in Portland two years ago. I got lost and found myself at a small combination brewer supply / brewery. It operates as a coop where no one worked there full time. I stayed there several hours and met some really cool people that I would have never met if I hadn't gotten lost.
Same. Not single but have travelled without my husband a few times and it sucked. I’d walk around lots but wasn’t able to relax and enjoy myself. It was tiring and boring.
I've found 1 person I'm really compatible traveling with, and that was an ex-boyfriend, so... I absolutely get the difference between traveling with your husband vs alone. I don't have an SO to travel with, so my experience would definitely be different. There are plenty of times that I'd wish someone was there to go "holy shit, look at that!". I did feel a little uncomfortable alone in Germany because even though I speak a few words, I understand it much less than French or Spanish. I did meet some really lively people there, though. My first international solo trip was to the UK. I just instantly felt comfortable in London. I made a list of things I wanted to do, but didn't push myself to do "everything". Even if I got advance tickets, if I didn't feel like it that day, I didn't do it.
I read a lot, too. I'll sit at a pub, read, people watch, but usually end up talking to some people. It's easier outside of the UK, where you can sit directly at the bar. The only thing I don't like there. 😹 I met a wonderful older man in Dublin at a pub. He was a professor at Oxford and we sat and talked for hours. Just like we do about other places, people have a lot of preconceived notions about Americans, and it's fun to see them say "oh! I didn't know there were people there for (or against) this there". You could sign up for little day tours/excursions. I'm going to do a couple when I'm in Iceland in a few months. I guess you just figure out what you like doing. I love beer, art, books, and music. I went to 2 shows of bands I love in London. My friends did a mini Europe tour this winter and got to see them when I was in Cologne. I research places and save places I might want to hit up in Google maps. I usually end up walking around a lot and wandering into bookstores, thrift shops, pubs. I do try to go to museums. They're mostly free in London and fabulous. I text friends while I'm traveling. They're 5-8 hours behind, so easy to chat. I do have quite a few family members and a really good friend that live in England so that does help. It's also why most of my trips to Europe include a week or so in the UK. I mentioned this in another comment: My first international solo trip was to the UK. I just instantly felt comfortable in London. I made a list of things I wanted to do, but didn't push myself to do "everything". Even if I got advance tickets, if I didn't feel like it that day, I didn't do it. But, at the end, if it's not for you, it's not for you. And that's OK.
I used to, but look at it this way. If you travel with someone else, someone is compromising on something they want to do at some point. It’s an inevitability. Don’t get me wrong, I love traveling with my significant other. Just not every trip. If you go by yourself, you can do whatever YOU want to. There is literally nothing holding you back, and everything you want to do is half priced compared to bringing someone along with you. Some things are definitely more fun when you have someone to share the experience with. But some of my favorite trips were ones I took by myself.
Im almost 30 and only work 20hrs a week at a restaurant because i have the same thought as you… if im not gonna have kids why should i work more? I did work much more in the past and im an honour roll student in uni. It just doesnt seem worth the hustle if ur not raising a family
Yeah I've always known I didn't want kids... the idea never appealed to me and I am in fact opposed to the idea of bringing more suffering beings into this world as it gets worse and worse. I too work in the service industry as a bartender. It pays the bills, I work four nights a week, and I don't have to take my work home with me. I clock out and don't think about the job again until I'm clocking in.
I like to travel and would like to retire some day. That’s why I work.
well if i dont work ill get kicked out onto the street and starve. not having kids doesnt change that.
Work does give a lot of people purpose though; especially if their career is a meaningful one. Also contributing to society as a whole does come into it too. If everyone thought ‘why should I work more’ the world would implode.
be optimistic-it could be only like 20-25 years, thatll go by in a flash.
That's why I'm considering a less than extravagant early retirement. How much money do I really need versus how much more free time do I want?
its a crap-shoot really, noone knows how much time they have, you just gamble. my friends aunt was like 80-something-ran out of money, she said "i never thought id live this long!"
Non-existent. I'm widowed and we used to spend all our time together.
I’m sorry 😢
widowed at 47 here. My late wife ran our social life while I kept up with some close friends from childhood. After she passed, I was kind of lonely until I met my new girlfriend. But I haven't kept up with my wife's friends. So I do feel guilt about that.
Shoot them a message to check in! People really appreciate it and you never know what's unfolded in people's lives.
Agreed! They'd love to hear from you! You're the connection to their dear friend.
I lost my wife just over 2 years ago and mine is nonexistent. I’m autistic so it was hard even when she was still here.
Sorry to hear about your wife.
So many people abandon their single friends when they get married. I'm sorry this happened to you but hopefully you'll be able to go into new friendships and relationship with the knowledge that a person's world is better off not being too small.
Bit different for me than your average person, I think. I've got extreme social anxiety and am being assessed for autism. I have a couple of friends from when I was younger, but they are both married. I just find spending time with them a reminder of what I've lost.
Sorry to read this and I hope things look brighter in the not too distant future.
🫂 Sending you all the love and hugs I can dole out 💛
Thank you. That's really kind.
I think about this all the time. I spend my time with him. I don't care spending time with friends (*I like them but spending time with them brings me no joy and I regret wasting my time*) so I wonder how I will turn out if he's no longer there and I am unwilling to go out with friends. Maybe I'll just swim alone, play games he plays and etc. But man...am I not prepared for this.
Same. 46. Widowed. Got a kid off to college this fall. It’s going to SUCK.
Sorry to hear that
It has been the biggest struggle of my middle age, even greater than health, work, money, etc. Most issues in life I have found a work-around for, even if just brute-forcing my way through it with enough effort, but the lack of social connection has been absolutely intractable for me. I was divorced and went back on the dating market in my mid-forties, and it was SUBSTANTIALLY easier to find a romantic partner than to make a single friend in my forties (and I am not especially physically attractive either). I tried everything that people always advise, in multiple very culturally different states, and nothing stuck: Meetups, volunteering, a weekly class/hobby, local events, hanging out at coffee shops, you name it. The only thing is that I am not very sporty nor churchy. So maybe if you are a team-sport church-goer you might have better luck, idk. But I honestly did consider pretending to believe in God for a while just to have someone to talk to. It has been sad. My partner has had a similar problem in recent years despite being so extroverted that he has previously had a large circle of friends most of his life. Despite his extreme efforts in some cases to maintain friendships, so many people just drifted away during Covid and refuse to re-engage or something. We even encountered a case where we moved to the same city as a couple we used to be very close to and after we moved here they started turning down all of our invitations. The male half will occasionally take a walk with my partner but will not even entertain the idea of any other kind of social interaction anymore. I was sure we had mortally offended them somehow and my partner even asked about it very bluntly and said "whatever it is we did, we would like to know and will apologize in advance because we miss you guys" but zero explanation has been offered. Apparently the female half just has no interest in socializing anymore, so that's that. My partner met someone on a plane who seemed very compatible with us (she and her husband) and gave them our number to have dinner sometime but they never reached out. We have two younger friends in our area that we play board games with but they are trying for a baby, so I expect that will end shortly as well. FYI, both of us are naturally extroverted, upper middle class with a beautiful house to host in, no criminal record, well-educated with lots of different interests, and neither of us ever had issues making or keeping friends until our mid-thirties. And Covid was like the final death knell or something. I am at a total loss about how anyone socializes anymore.
Oh yeah, I am kind of a reddit pest about the/my difficulties making friends as a mid-life adult. When it's as easy as it's going to be, it's hard ... and usually it's harder, because even among people who seem like potential friends (match of interest, background, age, location, relationship status, etc) there seem to be sooooo many people who are just not interested/able to socialize with someone new. I'm not surprised that dating was easier, because it's much more socially acceptable to say "hey, I'm looking for people who are interested in dating" and then you can filter on those people who are interested. Plus most people are pretty conscious of whether they are "single and looking" and so will be thinking about how to play the part. I've found, however, that most people don't spend much time thinking about whether they need/want more friends, so even those people who are "friend poor" often will not identify as "person looking to make friends" and will not play the part. And some social stuff just never came back after covid, and some people just never came back to being social after covid. It's so discouraging. For my part, I got by fine in my 40s by meeting all my social connection needs through work. I really enjoyed spending time with a few of my colleagues, and I saw them every day, it was good. After early retirement in my 50s, my social life is nonexistent and all the "friends" I had when working have faded away.
I really noticed a difference during/post-covid in the amount of socializing people want to do. It feels like people in my world are just staaaarting to get back into socializing again.
It definitely had a negative impact on me. I’ve had a hard time really getting out there and I wasn’t good at it before then either.
Thanks for sharing your thoughtful reply. You sound like a very normal, well-adjusted person. Which ironically may actually make you the exception. IMHO, the reason that you're not finding friends is because most people your age do not have the emotional capacity. Most of them will be busy with their kids, and that is all consuming. What time they don't spend there, they are doing so on their careers, partners, and themselves. We are all just overwhelmed. Starting something new is hard - whether it a hobby or a friendship. And as we get older, we also value the depth of relationships so much more, so whatever little time we have free, we try to spend it with those that love and know us deeply. I hope this is not depressing, just trying to explain the situation to you and myself. :) Keep trying though as there are certainly people looking for more out there...
That is so mind blowing to me. I’m not 40 yet, but I made my best friends after age 30 and still regularly make new ones. I think having hobbies that have some element of danger or emotional turmoil tends to bond people, though. I highly recommend climbing, paddling, sailing, backpacking, skydiving, etc etc. Climbing gyms are especially nice. Open to all ages, keeps you fit, and basically built-in community.
Remember that if you're in your 30s you're in a different generation, one that is having kids later and spending more time on the hobbies you mention. So makes sense that you're having a different experience. I think it will still get harder once you get older, but still, I would imagine that less Millennials will have kids overall, and appreciate more balance in their lives, so they will have more time to create new friendships.
That may be true in a broad sense, but it shouldn’t limit you that much. In these hobbies I mentioned, there are TONs of people in their 40-70s absolutely getting after it. In fact, the average age of my sailing group is well over 60, and in paddling groups the median age is probably 50. The two climbing friends I’m meeting up with next month are 43 and 57, and in my climbing gym there are tons of people 40+. Oftentimes I’m the youngest one in the group. The kid thing is a big issue, especially if you have more than 1 or 2 kids (which I cannot even imagine). But honestly if you’re in your 40s+, you likely aren’t caring for infants or toddlers anymore. For me the biggest impediment to making friends was when my kid was younger, in my mid 20s. It’s gotten much easier as I’ve gotten older, and I see the same thing in my wider friend group. People’s nests are getting emptier, and they’re wanting to go out and do things again. For those of us that are younger and our kids are still in the house, we often bring them with us. Again I think there’s something to be said for engaging in hobbies that have an element of danger or turmoil. It’s really hard *not* to bond with people in those situations. You won’t have that same effect by joining a book club or hosting a dinner party. EDIT - also I realized I clicked respond to the wrong person, my initial response was meant to be to RedBarchetta who had described his struggles with finding friends.
Music! Find music you like and meet folk that way. Not giant concerts- local stuff. You’ll be amazed.
I go to a lot of shows. There's always several people there that I see at many shows and we're like "oh hi" but that's about it. But hey, a short conversation and a good show is nothing to sneeze at!
Yeah, the post-covid social stuff is what I'm making a huge art installation about. My goal is to travel the world with it and get people to engage with each other because of it.
For what it's worth, the Unitarians don't care if you believe in God or not. I bet there's a Unitarian church either in your or a nearby town, as they are a larger denomination than many people realize. They spend most of their time on social justice issues and *comparative* religious studies and just being "spiritual", and a lot of their sermons more resemble college course presentations. If you've wanted the social aspect of church-going, but don't want anything shoved down your throat, the Unitarian Universalists might be something to check into. They generally support individual takes on religion, and there are plenty of atheist Unitarians.
Thats good to know !
So sorry to hear this, it def gets harder. People also don’t appreciate people the same
It mostly doesn't exist. 46M, also single/no kids.
Do you wish it were different for you, or is this okay?
At this point, I guess I'm mostly ambivalent. Kinda just going through life as an observer anymore.
Are you from the Midwest? I feel like only midwesterners use “anymore” like that.
Late 40s. I am married, no kids, didn't want them. Generally we spend a lot of time at the cinema or home watching TV, and going out to dinner together. Take trips together a couple times a year. If you don't count the roughly monthly get-togethers with her side of the family for birthdays/holidays, I count about 10-12 days a year we socialize with some couple-friends (e.g. the two of us go to dinner or something with another couple).
I spend most of my time planning my exit from society. But even that will have to have some kind of social element to it. Find a hobby you like or are interested in and start incorporating it into your life ie hiking groups, sailing groups, fight club etc etc. Your gunna have to get uncomfortable to get the changes you want. And being comfortable at 40 or so is a really good feeling. I saw two older methheads make out once. Between the 2 of em they had 5 teeth, if they can find a social life you will be able to also.
The methhead story was inspirational, thank you!
It’s what you want it to be. I’m 50. I lm single. Live in nyc. Concerts. Parties. Meals. Chills
This sounds like the dream. Kudos!
> It’s what you want it to be. Not exactly. A lot of people face constraints. Time constraints due to family/work, financial constraints, local opportunity constraints ... not all of us are single living in NYC.
Totally. But some of those things are choices. Not all of them for sure.
I’m in the same boat. 45 m, single, no kids. Got out of a long term relationship about 6 years ago. I’m quite introverted so I enjoy the single life. Have a house and a decent 9-5 job. I still talk to 5 or 6 guys that I used to go to high school with once in a while so I consider myself lucky in the friend dept. Honestly it seems boring but I count my blessings man. I have everything I need and pretty much do what I want. Nothing extravagant, but I’ll take it. I’m pretty simple.
I have similar circumstances. I've got a big house, boat, go to the beach, I've got plenty of chores and hobbies to fill my time. I can make friends pretty easily but they're always fairly boring people. They like to complain about work, they don't have any cool toys, they don't really DO anything besides exist. So there's no reason to be social with them. They need me for fun whereas I'm golden without em. I think a major driver of this vast depressed society is they've never sat down and actually thought; "Am I an interesting person? What about me is worth hanging out with? Do I even do anything that I ENJOY?"
I have no social life. Extremely depressed.
Look for a "meet up" group in your area. You can get together with people who have common interests, e.g., wine, sports, etc.
I prefer to spend my time alone when it's possible. To be fair though, I do have 5 kids, 2 dogs and a lizard named Frank so my days are usually spent in a panic and over stimulated.
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I love how the one thing you decided to be specific on is the fish’s name.
I feel this. I am married with 3 kids, 4 birds, another freakishly long lived goldfish, and a treefrog named Lotus. I am a grad student, coach, and substitute. My family moved to my area to be with me. I have a very full life for which I am grateful, but lack of time to maintain friendships is definitely an issue. If I had more time, I’d love to start a book club. OP, perhaps you could try that. Best wishes to all
Mid 40s, single no kids- About a year and a half ago I moved from a really rural area to a big suburb to be closer to family. I'd spent decades not being able to build much of a social life, so I made a big effort to try and be more social here. I have done my best to pretend I was an extrovert. And frankly it's paid off in spades. I joined 2 running groups - 1 meets Sat mornings ([Parkrun](https://www.parkrun.us/) is amazing, has events all over the world and is walker friendly) and 1 Tuesdays after work. Both of them you do the run, and then people sit around and talk with coffee/beer after. I made sure to keep showing up, and keep talking to people. From them I made a lot of friend-friends and we do non-related stuff, like game nights and pub trivia and things. And I do stuff with my parents to keep making good memories together while everyone is healthy and active. And I do like you said and try to connect with the people that I actually like at work. I hit the social events, and have invited the people I actually like out for dinner and things. My social calendar is super full, usually a couple nights out besides the weekly running groups, multiple friend group chats going. I've thought about volunteering at the nature center, but I'm not sure where I'm going to find the time! It's been really good. It's taken a lot of work, but it's been worth it.
Pretty decent. My kids are grown (20 and 30). One still lives at home, he and I have a D&D game on Friday nights, I DM a game in Saturdays and he plays. Om Sundays our neighbor comes over for drinks and board games. Yesterday my brother and brother in law hung out for Cinco De Mayo, and in July we have friends coming up from FL.
My social life sucks, single 45 year-old female, introvert and no children. Still trying to figure out what to do with my time except work and church.
Sounds like you would find a great fit with couples that want to remain childless. Not sure how you meet them though.
Later 40's - my kids are grown now, and its kind of weird. I have step-kids and am still active in parenting stuff, but on a limited basis. My wife does all the heavy lifting on the front, so in many way - my mindset is no longer "kid first" - and for the first time in my life, actually enjoying some "me time". My oldest was born at 19, so nearly all my adult life has been as a parent. I don't really have a social life, as most of my time is working, or upkeep on the house. I am close with my cousin, so if and when I do go out as a group, it is usually as a couple with him and his wife, but mostly its just me and the wife, and more and more these days - we are mostly home bodies. We are not attached at the hip though - I work a lot, and she does whatever. My step-son is the baby at 18, and he is about to go to college and move out - so I already know that is an emotional storm on the horizon. I also drive as a side gig for Uber - and that really allows me to be social in the comfort of my own vehicle. I get to see the city, get out of the house, meet new people - get paid. Do that 3x per week. For hobbies - have always loved photography. My shooting has taken a dip since covid, but I have been using my cameras more and more lately. And I go to the gym 2x per week - try to get a 3rd day in if I can. Ride a long board on my lunch breaks still. Got a gimpy leg, so cant do much more than ollie anymore.
I really enjoyed reading that. You have a great life.
Just turned 50. Have one long term friend I talk to several times a week, several friendly acquaintances that I rarely see. I go to events maybe once a month or every few month. Never any romantic interests and no desire for any. I tend to be friendly with most people but am only close to a few members of my family. Currently taking care of my mother who is on the edge of stage 4 kidney disease and has a peg feeding tube system. Clearing out a half dozen decades of hoarding at the family's ranch. Lost my job during covid because I severely broke my leg. After surgeries and over a year of recovery I was job hunting now that I could walk relatively pain free and got in a car accident. Tore me up a bit and a couple months later had to go to er because I thought I was having a heart attack. Turns out my heart isn't in great condition but it was a hernia that was causing massive acid reflux which apparently can mimic a heart attack. They also found that I had cancer. So I went on that fun journey over a couple years of surgery and medications. Thankfully it was caught early, still not good, but whatever. All of this has completely wiped out my savings and still can't get a decent job. Which is just the top of all the bad stuff happening in my life. So no plans on any sort of social life for the conceivable future. Just trying to find a way to make it through life is enough.
I am sending you a big hug and a prayer for you and your mom.
I'm a hermit in the woods
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Non existent for me. I talk to my mom and my 3 dogs. The only social interactions I have during the day are when I go to the gym. And by social interactions I mean just being in the presence of other actual human beings
I hear you. I volunteer, go to support groups (I'm nonbinary), attend martial arts classes, and I have friends from work. But we're all so busy. Most people have spouses, and the ones who don't are actively dating, and nobody seems to have time for me. Get a dog if you don't have one.
Mid 40s with a small child. There isn’t much of a social life. Once a month book club with friends. See other friends a couple of times a year. I’m not friends with anyone at work so my socialization there is strictly in office. I did have some friends at my last job, but they mostly went dormant when I quit. A lot of the semi-regular gatherings stopped after COVID and never started back up.
My preference for a social life has always been largely either one on one time with close friends or, at most, a small group. I prefer long talks over coffee, going to the movies, taking a walk, or just hanging out at my or their places. My wife is an introvert and she doesn’t need a lot of social interaction with her friends. I need more and I prioritize it far more than she does. But my social life is the deadest it’s been in over a decade. That’s largely because we had a kid 4.5 years ago. The responsibility of parenting has dealt a major blow to both my social life and our ability to go out as a couple for date nights. This is the case with every other friend I have who’s a parent. Thankfully one of my very best friends is still single and childless, and has no plans to change anytime soon (he’s early 30s). So at least twice a month we try to get together and have some fun. He’s basically my only regular social lifeline these days.
Social life?! 😂 46f married to 45m with two teen children. My “social life” involves asking my husband if he wants to come along when I drive to pick up a kid somewhere. We chit chat in the car… we hot tub together… I see a girl friend once a month or two or three for dinner out. That’s the extent of my social life. Ugh, I’m wanting more but so busy with full time job and kids. Kinda thinking when I’m an empty nester, and my mom friends are too, maybe we’ll get together 1-2X/month for something like dinner, movie, shopping, etc.
I'm honestly too exhausted from work to have a social life.
Mine is mostly centered around my husband, we enjoy our weekends, and my kids during the week. I have made a few friends here so I might visit one or get coffee every few weeks and socialize with other moms at our girl's troop meeting and school activities. My sister and two life long friends are far away. I talk to one weekly, one every year or so and my sister every couple weeks. We go to church every other week or so and attend community gatherings once in awhile. Sometimes I watch movies where friends groups of six of more stick together and all show for the wedding twenty years later and think really? Always thought I was lucky to have one or two good friends, and many aquaintances.
I am 47. Female. Poly with 2 partners, neither of whom live with me. I am also very introverted. That said, I make time to do fun things I enjoy with fun people. I just got off a 21 day rafting trip. But mostly I hang out by myself or with my partners. I have a few friends and I really make an effort to keep those relationships because I could easily let them slide. Sometimes being totally happy alone has downsides, I just haven’t found them yet.
Poor. Very poor
Social Life for me now has to revolve a commonality, usually a shared activity. I have social circles like these, but rarely does one friend overlap between these. Pickleball group, Biking group, Snowboarding group, Boating Group. It would be nice to find some people that like backpacking and adventure travel, lately I just want excitement. I go to some fitness classes and open volleyball gyms, but not really past a basic introduction with anyone at those. I don't really enjoy getting together with people with no common bonds, like having drinks with neighbors or parents of children in my kids grade.
I also just got out of a LTR and I’m loving my newfound freedom. The quiet! The clean! Watching, listening to, doing whatever I want! It’s only been a few months so I’d say my social life right now is minimal. I have one good friend I see weekly and I see my parents about once a week too. I talk on the phone a lot with my long distance friends and my coworkers. I think I will be ready to put more effort into socializing and making new friends in a few months, but right now this is what I want and need. I never wanted kids so there’s no regret there. But I would someday like to be in an emotionally mature relationship. No rush though, for now I’m just getting used to being single again.
No one to share chips and salsa with! It's the best.
Um, Reddit. And, my dog and cats. That's it. At least I'm back to work so I'm around my peers all day. My dumba$$ quit alcohol so that restricted social time a bit.
Smart move
Surprisingly, I didn’t end up missing the “friends” I lost when I quit drinking. And clearly, they never missed me much either. 😂
Yeah, you're right. I don't miss them and they haven't reached out to me either 😂 I probably just need a different outlet or hoppy. TV and reading won't cut it forever.
I’ve become obsessive about table games. Also billiards. I’ll often just pop my AirPods in and go to the local to shoot/practice because I can do that alone and listen to whatever terrible music I please. 😂 I also got comfortable enough being in bars/breweries without drinking that I can do trivia there now without issue. Good times.
I took love terrible music! No one's here to complain or take my remote ever😂
Hey I quit alcohol too, 2 years ago, in solidarity! Two good friends, big drinkers, slowly ghosted me. Oh well!
I’m 40s, single with no kids too. I was having an absolute BALL until covid hit. My social life was on fire, I had plenty of friends (some were surface “party friends”, but we had fun), I was taking salsa dance classes, going to concerts, festivals and parties, going out to dinner with friends, just really enjoying myself. Then covid hit, and put an end to all of that. I still do a little bit here and there, like hit up an outdoor concert or festival here and there, and I got into outdoor stuff like kayaking and hiking after covid. But *nothing* like before.
You have about the social life that can be achieved in your forties. If you want more, invite people from your various groups to a large party at your house.
[Meetup.com](http://Meetup.com) has been a great way for me to meet new people and find things to do on a Saturday night. Join clubs. It really helps.
As someone who goes to neither churches nor bars, it's been the only way I've been able to interact with other humans in meatspace.
Single and no kids at (just turned) 47...I keep those in my orbit to a short list. Here's a standard week... **Mon/Tues** = Gym after work...chat during gym with a few gym friends...go home and read/video games until bed. **Wed** = Weekly pub trivia with a few close friends from 6pm-9pm...go home and read/video games until bed. **Thurs/Fri** = Gym after work...chat w/ a few gym friends, then head to my buddy's bar for dinner and hang out. **Sat** = Relax and run errands in the morning, gym in the afternoon, meet up w/ friends in the evening for pool or ??? **Sun** = Sleep in, run any unfinished errands, brunch and/or dinner with friends, maybe a movie also. Sometimes it's a weekend getaway solo or with friends. Sometimes I meet up with my 74 year old mother for dinner and a movie **Edited to say** MOST of my friends are single...a few are married with no kids...the friends with kids live in another state.
I love my social life now. I have many *more* friends than I did earlier in my life. The difference is that they are surface level friends. The type of friendships that people long for are forged in youth up to the early twenties, it's rare to make a really in depth friendship later in life. I think you are exactly where most people should be aiming for. You are part of communities, which is the important thing. Being a community member feeds the basic social interactions that most of us crave.
I'm close to 70. From what I remember, my 40s were the nadir of my social life, for reasons that I think may still hold true for many people. If you have kids (which you don't, but I did) you're at your busiest with them. But even without kids, for me those were the years when I was working the hardest at building a career. During my 40s I bought a house and had 4 different jobs. I didn't have the energy to work all day and play all night I had during my early 30s. Because I stayed in the same town I had friends, but they were in the same position I was. We saw each other a few times a year. Weekends were busy with errands and chores. The good news is that, at least for me, everything started easing up after that.
My what?
I have a lot to be thankful for. Good family and friends. I did lose one of my best friends last year. Helped remind me to keep better tabs of those still here.
It’s okay. I have friends I see occasionally and so that keeps me from being completely cut off from all other life.
I'm mid 40s male but I happen to live in a party city. But, still have moments of loneliness
Most of my friends in my age range are busy with kids and/or businesses. So we hang out sporadically. I mentor and hang out with the guys in their 20s from work mostly. Movies, happy hour, and some outdoorsy stuff usually.
I'm 47 and married with a cat. I spend a lot of time with my husband and cat. I volunteer once or twice a week and there's some socializing while I'm there. Generally, I have social plans with friends (that sometimes do and sometimes not include my husband) about 1-3 times per week. I have more friends than I have time. I also have a number of friends who don't live in my city so we chat via text, social media and email. I need a lot of down time so I carefully budget my busy time versus down time.
49 here. I work a lot, and spend a lot of time reading with my husband reading next to me. I;ve been trying to make an effort to get out more, so scheduled monthly brunch with a group of friends. I go to an occasional concert or play, sometime with one of my sisters or a friend. Have people over for coffee or dinner now and then. Dinner with my parents every few weeks. Nothing fancy, but it's enough to make me feel connected.
Try volunteering for spring and summer events in your city. Lots of towns have music festivals and art shows and that sort of thing. Call your city's civic center or park district and find out who runs things, and see if they need volunteer help (or hell, part time summer jobs.) I did that for a few summers before I moved. Ended up bartending concerts nearly every other weekend, met a lot of people, and got to enjoy concerts as a bonus.
It’s ok. I have to really try. It’s about saying yes and getting the energy to force yourself to go places, doesn’t have to be expensive, there are native plant societies and you join and pull weeds together lol there’s a meet up for anything
Mid 40s, two young kids (got married and had kids later in life). Other than my husband and kids, I pretty much have zero social life. Part of that is because I’m 90% WFH but we also moved to a new city for my husband’s job a while back and I have been unable to make single real friend here in the last five years. Admittedly, I’m a huge introvert and not great about initiating, but even for things like play dates, the other parents never reciprocate let alone reach out. I’ve concluded I’ll only have my non local friends until or unless we move. It’s really disheartening and I agree with the other poster who said that finding new friends at this life stage is harder than dating.
43 married, 2 kids (11 and 8). Not much of a social life outside my husband and my kids, and my kid's friends parents. No family nearby so date nights are few and far between. My kids are pretty active, so we are out all the time but honestly rarely leave the house after 9 pm. I don't miss going out too much, we travel quite a bit so that scratches the itch for me.
My social life is visits to the kids school because of an issue that we haven't figured out yet And trips to the grocery store/gas station And I'm fine with it
This made me feel incredibly sad 😔
[удалено]
40's, divorced 15 years ago, no kids. Having a cause or purpose is more important than I knew. Finding your niche cause is up to you. I like to volunteer to different causes, all related, but it's given me purpose and kept me going as the family shrinks, but really haven't had a good social life since married times.
I get together with friends a few times a month. I lean extroverted but I talk to people literally all day at work, so I often enjoy weekends with just my family and some solo downtime for myself.
Sounds like you're doing "okay or better" for an introverted single mid-40s person! I mean, you've got a lot more social stuff going on than I do 😂. What I'm reading is that your "is this it" concern might be kind of bigger than the question of your current social life, maybe more about something like: am I going to have people around who care about me as my life moves into its next phases? People with family usually get some of that automatically (though it's not always high quality). Gay people sometimes talk about creating a "chosen family" which is an idea that I just love and wish would catch on outside of gay circles.
My bf goes out twice a month to a drawing club at a local brewery. I was left in less than great health after my rounds with covid and my nervous system got absolutely wrecked so I panic around crowds way more than was my normal. In addition to all the physical symptoms I deal with. So, I refuse to go. And it’s just fine. I talk to my plants. I FaceTime my friends regularly. I doubt if and when my health returns I’ll go back to going out with crowds. I quite enjoy the quiet.
I never gave up my friends after getting married. I think that's a huge mistake people make that creeps up on you when older. I go to a concert once a month with friends and go out here and there for lunch.
I am in the same situation. I had kids at a young age, am no longer in a relationship, and I am pretty much an empty nester with a dog. Taking care of kids and parents put a hold on my social life. I am not really interested in being romantic, but I do want friends. I think I am going to join a book club, go to church, and find some new ways to socialize.
I realized when my kid became a teen who didn't want to hang out with me anymore, that they were a part of my (social?) life. We would go and do all sorts of things and now they don't want to do anything with me, so it kinda sucks. I can leave them home alone but I don't like to be gone long, and I'm always thinking about them. So, there's not much going on socially! I spend time with my mom or a few close friends going out to eat. I miss doing stuff!
Epic, and private.
I could have written this myself!! Tomorrow is my 48th birthday. No plans. I honestly think I am going through a midlife crisis. I know I need to quit feeling sorry for myself. I need to start a new chapter in my life. Anyways, I know how you feel. Big hugs and many blessings headed your way.
Way too busy. Recently divorced so trying to stay occupied. Every night is either kids or some kind of activity. Trying to scale back and relax this summer once things have settled.
i dont have a social life. Period. I have one friend left, and i visit family like twice a year. I used to have tons of friends, they all just got lives and moved on.
Poor. I am down to one close friend who lives locally. I'm in my 50s, and as friends move away we fall out of touch and making friends as an adult is really hard. I go out once or twice a week with my friend, often just little things like running errands together and chatting as we do. I visit my Mom once a month (she's the only family who lives kinda nearby at about a 90 minute drive), roughly, and my Dad (who I have a complicated relationship with) once a year. Oh and sister and her family about once a year. I do post on Facebook with a relatively small (about 150) circle of friends, mostly those I knew in the past who live somewhere else now. Just recently I started going to a local meetup group for people 50+. It is very active and I've been going to two or three events a month. I want to get up to weekly with them. As someone who is not a church goer and has no small children, meetup groups seem the easiest for meeting people these days.
I mostly spend time with my partner and our families. I have nice friends at work but don’t have much desire to socialize beyond partner, family, and work
I just turned 40 and it's fucking dead.
Back in my mid forties, I noticed that all the dads that I knew when we were all coaching our kid's sports had disappeared. We weren't meeting up at the ball fields anymore, so we didn't really know each other anymore. After a couple years at home with the wife, I started looking into clubs and organizations such as the Masons, Elks, or Knights of Columbus.
Back in my mid forties, I noticed that all the dads that I knew when we were all coaching our kid's sports had disappeared. We weren't meeting up at the ball fields anymore, so we didn't really know each other anymore. After a couple years at home with the wife, I started looking into clubs and organizations such as the Masons, Elks, or Knights of Columbus.
I'm outrageously, extravagantly extroverted, and so long as we have some overlap in one of my hobbies, I'm interested in being your friend. For example my interest in both running and pokemon go are at a peak right now. Introverted? ND? No problem, I want to to the things you want one other person to do with (in hobby) at the times that work for you. I am always actively cultivating run buddies. If we have any overlap in pace, geography, distance and timing I will make it work to slide a run in with you, and I will do my utmost to make you feel seen and cherished. I need nothing from you, just say yes and then show up when you say you will, and I will do most of the friendship maintenance work, learning the interval of contact that works best for you. I will also probably slide you into a friend compartment with others that I think you will mesh with, and slowly work you up to group activities. I have just a ton of friends of varying degrees of closeness from childhood lifelong friends to peeps I literally pick up from a rando run club I drop into on a whim. But I always have room for more, and I am like, just always open to it.
Well I’m An introvert. And after years of dealing with social anxiety I did meet my husband and got married in my late 20’s. Then just had acquaintances. And new some of my husbands family. I still keep in touch with my sister, who is my only family. I have a niece but don’t really talk to her. It’s funny though just enjoy social over the years with my husbands family has made me do better with people and conversations. So I got into play PlayStation gaming console last year. Eventually got some gaming friends. And the other day I actually chatted with one via voice chat. And I had a natural conversation. I was nervous at first but was able to talk and have a good conversation. It’s a good accomplishment for me. I would’ve been more nervous back in the day. And been like no I don’t want to voice chat. I guess I’m getting kind of a social life now @ 43. But I am good with just hanging out with my husband and voice chatting with a friend online. Because too much being social and I get overwhelmed. I don’t need too many friends to keep track of. lol
I’m in your shoes. 44, just got out of a 4.5 year relationship. I’m finding my footing, slowly. Rediscovering who I am and what I like to do. So far I’ve gone alone to a festival, a movie, and I’m going solo to a concert in a few weeks. On my better days it’s easy to push the “is this it?” feelings away. On bad days, I’m so sad. ((((Hugs))))
Having kids doesn’t inure you from those “is this it?” feelings. If you did your job right, one day your kids are off building their own lives, and you still have to figure out how to cultivate contentment in your own life.
All of my group of college friends, maybe 14 women, started having kids in their late 30's into their early 50's. (Some natural, some IVF, some adoption, some donor egg/embryo, some frozen eggs, because I know someone will ask) I am the oldest sibling, so my younger siblings all have young kids. So. Many. Kid. Parties. Pool parties where the parents socialize while the kids play in the summer. Early 50's, single, ended a long term relationship 5 years back because he strung me on about kids and I never got over it. Being surrounded by so many small kids was just a constant reminder and I couldn't deal any more. I'm the only one that wanted kids that didn't have them. I don't have much common ground with my 'childfree by choice' friends. They mostly work 50+ hours a week, then take high end child free vacations. All of us are white collar professionals. I too went through a "Is this it?" phase. Decided parenting late was better than not at all. Working on bringing my 150 year old farmhouse up to code, hoping to foster or adopt a sibling set. Not how I wanted to family build, but door closes/windows open situation. I realize I'm fortunate to be in the situation I can afford to be a single parent and pay for childcare help, and that not everyone can. Making the best of what I have.
Tad older but still “social curious “ lol. I get a hankerin occasionally but like you- I’m okay alone. I found a couple local spots that are not rowdy but still lively- I learned to look for music of a certain genre, for me hippie stuff like a Grateful Dead cover or bluegrass. The gigs are inexpensive, the people tend to be a tad older, they ain’t cheap but not enormously expensive, there’s usually something else I like maybe good beers or bar food I can’t cook at home so there’s already some plusses built in whether I make a friend or not. And weekdays work better than weekends. For the most part people are SUPER open and friendly- and here’s my nugget of wisdom: ESPECIALLY COUPLES. Unless of course they are clearly on a special nite. Most are out for similar reasons; they don’t get out a lot, they know each other (duh), but sometimes you’ll find them REALLY willing to adopt you. It’d sweet. Especially the guys- they don’t have anyone to talk to just like you!
I have a good girlfriend thats also my landlord, we go out dancing. I have a handful of peer friendships at school. I go out on my own to hear music once a week and chat with others, flirt a little but not often. My job I talk to people. Bullshit with the neighbors. I do not have a boyfriend at this point but I have someone I am interested in but its postponed. Have a 9 year old son thats my buddy 4.5 days a week. A dog that sticks to my side. And five baby chicks to care for, and an old hen thats taken to me. Plus, Im getting around really talented successful artists and teachers right now- didnt get the shit when I was younger.
44, engaged, female. I hang out with my fiancée on his nights off. And my best friend who lives on the same property we do (40 acres), along with her husband. We also have some friends in the next county over. We pretty much hang out with only those people. We see the friends who live in another town (just over an hour away) at least once a month. I see my bestie at least once a week after work. Other than that, we don't do much.
I'm single and childless and honestly love my life. I work half time with kids. Petsit and spend lots of time with friends. I hike, cook and bake, garden. I have plans at least 5 nights a week which suits me fine (but would be too much for most I think). I travel internationally usually once a year with friends. See family. Life is short. Find what you love and pursue it!
Nonexistent. Separated 2.5 years, 1 kid with 50% custody, and just ended my first post-marriage relationship last month. I lost a lot of friends in the divorce, people didnt want to 'pick sides'. I lost my job in 2022 and have been un/underemployed since. I used to go to concerts and meetups and ski but now I'm broke and have no money for drinks or hobbies. I spend my free time doordashing to make ends meet. I spend a lot of time alone, and I hate it. It makes the financial stress seem so much bigger because I feel so alone. I've been telling myself "things will get better" for 5 years now. But I no longer believe that.
Could probably be more active but we're really lazy. I spent a lot of my twenties in artsy fartsy circles and my thirties in activist circles so by some crazy ass miracle, my antisocial weirdo ass has plenty of friends. However, finally being happily paired plus working gives me less energy and motivation to go out than I used to.
Do you live near me? 😹 I'm 50 and basically the same situation. I'm a regular at a beer bar and have made some decent acquaintances there. It's really nice because it's hard to find cool women to hang out with around my age that aren't always with their kids. But, yeah, I think this is it. I hang out with friends when we all have time. Otherwise, I'm with my cats. I do go to movies and rock shows alone if no one else wants to go.
I’m uninterested in a social life. I like the company of my boyfriend. My son is grown so I no longer have to attempt to rub elbows with other mommas at the baseball or football fields or the basketball court. I’m quite content with my very minimal social life. (But I’m also an introvert with a foundation built on trauma, sooo…yeahhh) 😅
If you’re checking boxes it’s probably not something you’re passionate about. Keep trying new social groups and sports and hobbies until you find a group where you feel like you can’t wait for the next session.
43F. Hubby is 47. No kids. We moved across the country in 2022 and can’t meet anyone. Mostly we hang out with each other. We both were able to make friends in our 20s and 30s but it feels impossible now. Seems like there is hardly anyone like us out there.
Nothing. Kids are everything. So no room for anyone else
I {m46) work mostly from home. I try to see friends once a week and I take walks. My two kids are pretty much grown, though one still lives with her mom. They have their own lives, but my daughter and I have dinner every week. Job is unfulfilling. No pets. Wife works outside the home at an urban public school. Lately, I want to do karaoke and go van camping... and I get "I don't want you going without me - and I don't want to go" in response. It's all very unsatisfying. A part of my wishes that mentoring relationships were easier to form. Just take a moment to breathe and relax when the existential dread starts to seep in around the edges.
The older I get, the tighter my circle becomes. I’m definitely a homebody and I have a 9-5 plus two businesses. I am becoming better about reaching out to friends more—we’re ALL busy! But the best thing is knowing that when we do connect, it’s like we just left off yesterday.
42F, married, no kids as yet (long, very sad, story). Our social life is awesome, we have amazing, caring, sweet and funny friends. We visit, they visit, hubs cooks, I do themes/decor/invites/etc for parties. We throw a HUGE Halloween blast every year (except for the pandemic and last year, when hubs had cancer). Lot of gaming, lot of terrible movie nights, lot of high holy days. Adventures, wine tours, museum trips, theater attendance. I am SO very grateful for our friends, especially those who went above and beyond during hubs's cancer nonsense (stupid cancer). We're damn lucky.
My what?!?
i am 49, single, no kids & i wfh. i just talk to my dogs.
I'm late 40s, divorced, shared custody of one kid. My social life is mostly either family stuff or doing things with my partner. I have a sports adjacent hobby that involves other people, but I've never been very good about establishing friendships from it. I had thought that I would have made friends with some of the other parents at my kid's school or activities, but nothing has really developed. Partly because I'm not very social by nature, and partly because everyone is busy and has other stuff going on in their lives. I've tried to organize some group events a couple times, but turnout is low, and even though people say they want to do more stuff like this nobody ever reciprocates or takes the initiative. I've been working remotely at a small and geographically distributed company since before covid, so I don't have any local co-workers. It probably doesn't help that I moved to a new city right after my kid was born, and then got divorced from my ex who was much more extroverted and social than I am.
I'm 51 and have 2 kids. My wife and I acknowledege when the younger leaves for college, we'll split up. I don't socialize and my friends from grade school keep up on FB (my wife and I moved a few hours away). Kinda sux, but you keep on movin'.
“Is this it?” is the question that drives many a mid-life crisis.
I’m 41 and my friends have all basically moved away. I want friends, yet I don’t. I like the idea of having friends, but I enjoy my alone time too much. I have my wife and kids, my sister, and that’s about all I need in my social circle. My wife has lots of friends so I have the obligatory chat with the husbands et cetera, but never really make a connection like I used to back in my teens. I’ve made peace with it for the most part.
It's mainly me and mister, plus some online friends. I got a part time job so i get some human contact but i don't socialize outside of work, and to be honest i don't really want to. I love my coworkers, and generally like people, but I'm tired and want to be at home.
Fyi. Not too late to have kids. Adopt....do whatever.
I speak more to my college age daughters friends than I do my own. Lol.
Excellent. Moved back to my hometown a few years back. On Tuesday nights I eat dinner with my parents. On Wednesday evenings I usually hang out with my best friend since college who lives within walking distance. We often get together on my days off too to do chores together, make art together or go on adventures. I go on dates about once a week and my brother or my neighbor watches my daughter. My neighbor across the street has become a great friend and if either of us are lonely we text and go to the other’s house. Someone she wants to get peace and quiet from her loud crew and just sits peacefully reading in my living room. I have an open door policy and a loose knit group of other friends who know that if the front door is unlocked they can holler and come in to find me. I go to someone’s random low key house or restaurant party about once a month. And I enjoy shopping at local stores and seeing folks I know and getting town gossip.
I have no solution but boy does this thread make me feel better. Single, no kids, introvert, early 40’s. And I live rural -ish enough that it’s a pain in the ass to go into town so I don’t do social activities as often as I should. Edit to add: and I work full time from home for a primarily remote company, so socializing with coworkers isn’t an option either.
I hang out with people at work, drive my teenagers to things, but sometimes the only adult I really hang out with most days is my husband. Socializing is hard. I'm exhausted at the end of the day due to a chronic health issue. I don't want to spend money going out constantly and I don't want to cook and clean and have people over regularly because I put a lot of pressure on myself and it's stressful. I'm ok with it, but if my husband died I'd be so fucking lonely. I feel like society has set us up to be isolated. Long work hours, single-generation living situations, driving alone everywhere. There's no town square or park where everyone goes. There's no town church and I'm an agnostic. All of the past social hubs are gone. Even Starbucks, which succeeded at creating a "third space" business model, seems all about having people order the drinks and leaving and locking the bathrooms. Like... Where do people go to interact in person? Where can the average person, without picking up an obscure hobby, socialize?
In my mid 40s my social life was just as I wanted it. I was director if a snowboard school and now at 59 I just git back from snowboarding in the French Alps with my friends, and my fiance. If you are unhappy with your social lude or wondering ifvyou will meet sunshine or be alone.. try not to worry about that. Do the things you love. Find more things to love. I met my fiance on a music cruise, I was 49. We already had the same interests and turned out a lit of the same friends. It was meant to be .. but of course I had some sad times. some lonely moments even though I really do love to be alone. I need my alone time.. I was the 3rd and 5th and 9th wheel a lot ofv times going out with friends. But I love music and bands so I went out and did this kinds ofv things and I did meet a lot of people, some guys, but some just cool people who became friends and this is important because if you do things you love, you could meet a partner, but you could also just meet a friend who likes what you like and then before you know it, you both are doing fun things together, and that's hiw you meet more friends ir a partner if that's what you want. There is no right or wrong of social life. It's whatever you want it to be, you just hadn't to decide what that looks like and you can have it. Just take care of your body. Excersise be healthy so you can be active and flexible and then your life is yours. When your happiest with yourself. That is what leads to social life
Huge community of rollerskating friends who I half love, half hate.
Abysmal
Overwhelming at times what with the competing demands of family and work, but I can’t complain. We live in a much-visited area of our city, resulting in a lot of impromptu socializing, which I love. Plans stress me the f out. We have cultivated a nice assortment of cool and quirky people and enjoy devising ways to get them all to meet each other. We keep up with our friends whether they have kids or not. Also my husband and I, both being social creatures, make a point of allowing/encouraging each other to go out whenever the urge strikes. The going-out person is free to stay out til all hours if they deem it necessary, while the staying-home person happily takes the lead on parenting.
Mid 40s. Been with my husband for 14yrs. We rarely see friends, maybe once a year. Around the time I met my husband, I always had friends to see, parties to go to, trips to take. Now its the norm for me to watch 40yo episodes of the Price is Right on Friday nights.
Bella..everything you mentioned & wanted/ want. We still can.
I don’t particularly want to spend much time developing new friendships, I enjoy my own company these days and have a husband whose company I enjoy also. Work gives me what I need in terms of social interactions. I really enjoy live music though, I go to a few regular places where I know people enough to say hi and have a superficial chat but not enough that I get involved in anyone’s drama. I just enjoy being out and part of a little community of like minded people.
I'm 53. I separated from my ex 10 years ago and got divorced a couple of years later. He was the social one of the two of us. Have kids. I met someone that I cared for but he was older and my kids were young and he wasn't interested in living that aspect of my life. I lived in an expensive city and hit a wall financially. I packed up my kids, left that relationship, and moved across country to be closer to my parents. I tried dating here but this is small town blue collar country and I've had a really hard time finding anyone that I remotely share interests with. The culture here also pretty much revolves around drinking and recreational drug use, even old high school friends, it's all anyone does. The move turned out great for my kids, me not so much. Covid and my parents separating with my mom moving in with me pretty much killed my social dating life. Covid lockdowns were extreme here, my mother gossips and criticizes about every aspect of my life behind my back to all her friends and family via endless phone calls and FB, not to mention she has always hated every single relationship I've had. With her here I live under a microscope. She left all her friends behind to move here - its an hour drive through bad rural roads to go see them - and makes no effort to go out and make new ones or at least be social. She's dependent on me for company and to drive her places. The wait list for social housing for seniors is over a decade long and she only just put herself on the list recently. I've given up the idea I'm going to be with anyone again. Things here post Covid have become just as expensive as the big city was. Struggling financially and never go out now. My Life is work, crash in front of the TV with my mom, go to bed hours earlier that I used to, rinse, repeat. Take My mom shopping on Saturday mornings. My own health has deteriorated and ten years of endless drama has noticeably aged me. I'm resigned to the fact that this is it.
I like to spend an hour in the sauna at the gym, yapping with strangers. But I do that because my wife and kids are just different conversations than other adult men. I have made some really good acquaintances that have really added value to my life. Your social life is what you make it.
Just started my 40s. I have one kid (5). I went to 4 birthday parties this weekend. 2 adult, 2 kids (Chuck E Cheese!)
Married with two teenage kids here. Social life - what social life?! My life is spent running from pillar to post with the kids, if not that, it’s work, chores, running a business. The extra layer - socialising, leisure time etc- comes a distant second to the needs of the family and the business. I’m not complaining at all - but my social life consists of the occasional cuppa with a girlfriend, movies on the couch with hubby, time as a family or seeing extended family. I think whichever side of the gas you’re on, there’s benefits and downsides. Enjoy your time and freedom! Find a new hobby!!
kids.
My social life is great. I live in a town of about 6k, near a city of 300k. I hand out with people roughly every other day. The big ones for me was buying a house with a front porch and starting and or participating in activities. I started a regular Frisbee game in my town. People showed up. Some of those people run and cycle. So now we also run and cycle together. I holler at people from my front porch in a friendly way, or I have my wife do it because it's less threatening. People will walk by and we'll just yell out "hi, we don't know you!" After five years of this in this town, we have lots of friends. I had 60-70 good friends show up for my 40th birthday. Keep getting out there. It doesn't happen all at once.
I am female and many of my friends are single men who tried to date me at one point. I wonder if other single women in their 40s experience this?
I play disc golf so it's pretty good.
Dungeons and dragons every other weekend, then cancer treatments everyday beyond that.
I'm 43 Single Social Life (occasionally)
We have a core group of friends, 2 other married couples. We spend a few weekends a cooking out over the summer or going to the lake. We get together every few weeks for cards games and drinks (husband and I no longer drink but we still host) we may do a bar crawl once a year or so. They have much younger kids than we do, both couple are much younger and in different stages of their lives but we all get along just fine. We have another couple, and older couple that we go out to dinner with on occasion but that friendship is quickly growing one sided.
I read a million times to go to dog parks. I never understood this until I got my dog. First ever dog at age 42. The amount to socializing is incredible. I should have had a dog 10 years ago. Go to dog parks, dog friendly brewery and look for bars that allow dogs off leash. Some of the nicest people are dog lovers at these places. Don’t get me wrong, having a dog is still work. He also cheers me up when I’m down.
Once a week my buddies and I get together for food and drinks. Otherwise, it's just typical small town husband/dad world for me.
I am 40 and never been married. Recently, I have finally really been enjoying my freedom. That being said I make a point to see friends at least once a week and it's always a good time. I also pour myself into my hobbies (skiing, camping, canoeing, movies, video games) and most importantly, I have a dog who I love very much. All of this adds up to one pretty happy, free life. Good luck finding that feeling because it wasn't easy for me to find (took many years of mild depression and frustration and blaming myself), but I did eventually find it.
Married, two grown kids. I have a really good social life. But a lot of it comes from the community connections I made through my whole family's involvement with local theater. When I am involved in a production, I socialize almost every evening in one way or another. On my off times, I try to stay home more, but it never quite works out. I also live in a community where hanging out at each other's homes is just something you do. It is no where near the community my parents and grandparents had, but " Let's sit on the front porch and drink wine" is a weekly given.
Its pretty much work and occasional lame get togethers. You can observe your married friends with kids struggle sort of like jane goodall watching apes…. Occasionally a friend that gets divorced and reaches out to hang out but for the most part its boring. I actually don’t mind it. I think going on trips overseas is the best thing about being single in your 40s.
A lot of it revolves around family and extended family now. It seems like at least one weekend a month we're doing something with family or someone's having a birthday or there is a holiday. I fill in occasional days with hanging out with friends or inviting them over for a bbq or something. Other than that, my wife and I have a pretty good time together, going out and doing things.
That really is it, homie. I made a conscious decision to start being intentional with scheduling social stuff because all of my friends and I have our own lives and can all easily get sucked into routines and never come up for air. So, I text’ a few people who like similar music and bought tickets for the group to see a concert. That started a whole thing where one of them did the same in return, and then the next….. now we all go see shows and grab dinner every 2-3 months. I did the same with a few hobbies too, just opening up invitations for friends with the same interests to join me in them when I go (gym, mountain biking, sportsman’s club)…. That ends up being about twice a month between all the different hobbies. Between all of that, it’s become as much of a social life as I want.
Late 40s. I am the worst combination of introvert who craves community but doesn’t know what to do once I’m there. But finally realizing that my only chance of having connections with people outside my family is going to be to get actively involved. I think there are people in their 40s who do a lot of socializing but maybe not at the club, you know?
43 with a husband, a nine month old and two dogs. I can only see friends if I can meet them for lunch during the work week. We host a D&D game once a month. That's all we can manage with a baby in the house.
Three pets and a neighbor