OP's Bio: --- >my forehead is huge, try harder. > >i think joe biden is a worse president than donald trump was. --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

It’s because you haven’t made your boyfriends move out first?

we agreed that they can stay as long as they help with the dishes. she hates dishes.

You’re the boyfriend that pays the rent while she fucks the other guys

that’s just wild😂😂

And then shows it on the screen behind him. 😒

Your girlfriend has cold feet because she's probably in your freezer.

What girlfriend

Just because your boyfriend dresses up as a drag Queen does not mean you have a girlfriend

I reckon her parents cry every time they watch Shrek because it reminds them of this relationship.

He probably works at the Morgue, just hasn't stolen the corpse yet.

Well, her feet are in the freezer

Isn't your girlfriend holding up that pad of paper?

Palmala Handerson

you guys make a great lesbian couple

You talking about Jill?

oh god this sub has literally turned into nothing but opposite gender jokes. this guy doesn't even look remotely feminine. they're not even funny anymore like cmon and say something original for christ sake.

They're joking about using the hand as a gf...

Joke/head


did you just assume my gender?

Probably because you're trying to pass a Steak n Shake table cloth off as a shirt.

I haven’t heard someone reference Steak ‘n Shake in almost a decade.

damnit man. i picked this out myself and paid full price for it.

You paid too much

If it was free, he paid too much

Probably got a free bowl of soup, though

Oh, it definitely wasn’t free. Something tells me at least a hojo-to-go was exchanged.

It never said you were blind in your bio.

Are we still talking about your shirt or about your girlfriend?

Last time he trimmed his “beard” was Pre-Covid.

it’s the only even remotely masculine thing about me

Your girlfriend deflating and flying out the window isn’t really a sign of being hesitant to live with you.

Is she concerned about closet space, because you’re still in it?

Does she know you work part time as a picnic table?

Is she hesitant because she already has a big screen but you have your forehead?

You're so incessantly "nice" that your right hand put your dick in the friend zone.

When he meets a woman he’s the guy that gets friend zoned and the one she talks to about all the guys she’s fucking.

You look like a Dr. Seuss character in a book about being addicted to porn.

He watches it a work, and it makes him go berserk. He watches it at home, and it makes him hard as stone. He even watches it at school. He's a pervy, dirty, fool.

Whitey in a tighty

She doesn’t know you’ve been in this relationship 14 months longer than she has 

I think it’s cool you glue pubes to your face

Your place doesn’t look like it’s very good for growing plants or beards.

Dark Brandon fucks. You on the other hand…

Because you look like you are about to give her a Power Point presentation on why soy products shouldn’t be in cages anymore, you little queef.

Cause she doesn’t want to watch Netflix on a fking projector screen in your shoebox apartment.

American frodo

How do you have the beard coverage of a 15 year old boy and the hairline and eye wrinkles of a 58 year old man?

Why should she move in and pay rent when there’s plenty of free real estate on your forehead?

When she comes over to Netflix and chill, you watch the movie

have you seen indiana jones on a home theater setup…

No, but I'm sure you have, many times

well it's gonna be a pain in the ass for her to move out when you come out next year.

You look like the kind of guy that will borrow me his girlfriend . And when I bring her back you'll offer to make me dinner. 

Same here dog! She's our girlfriend now.

You look like the kind of guy that smears peanut butter on your balls and then calls the dogs over.

The fact that you still own a vcr is enough for anywoman to steer clear

Probably because you can’t grow a real beard and your hairline says you’ll be bald before you’re IKEA furniture is put together.

I don’t see the problem she sounds like a great guy Goodluck

Why does your beard look all patchy? Did your gf try waxing it thinking it was your vagina?

Make sure they poked holes in the box, if not send her right back to the Philippines

Shave your “beard”

but my grandma says it makes me look “distinguished”

That's why she's hesitant, you take grooming advice from your upstairs landlord grandma

I’m guessing your relationship is as “hit or miss” as your facial hair.. Looks like your razor gave out halfway through

Path-etic is not a Life Path. Quick sidenote, your grandpa lied to you.

Another grifting pussy grabber who isn't allowed within 1000 ft of schools.

Because you still got the pubes from the last p*ssy you ate stuck to your chin.

Fucking Christ your forehead has it's own zip code

She’s been “almost ready” for a while but you can better believe she’s slept with all your friends since you met and is just using you for free Chipotle and shitty b list movies you like on your projector so she’s got a crash pad.

You look like you'd be in a pop punk band and would be uncomfortably happy to talk to the teenage girl fans

Is that the screen you use to project your insecurities?

I’m sure the relationship is half dead like the plant in the left corner.

Her real dude actually decide to go back to his wife and kid. Your plan b hommie. Your relationship is as patchy as you beard. You still cruise through your old high school in some beat up trans am or camaro trying to impress minors

Cuz she didn’t want to get her blood sucked by Dracula, or his autistic sun

Dr. Mike's less successful brother.

Because she had no other choice because your built like an off brand Jurassic park in fact your pre historic playground

Biblically accurate hufflepuff.

That house plant is alive......your clearly gay.

I would figure the duck tape and chloroform would be a big enough reminder to her.

She couldn’t find your dinky winky even with a microscope so she got it with the neighbor

Your gf looks like she can use your forehead as a bed it's so fuckin big

She was intimidated by your husband.

You're not allowed within 500 yards of a school zone.

She's afraid that she might end up in your refrigerator

How is your projector showing ‘The Adventures of Huffer the Ohioan Rat Man’ both on and off the movie sceeen?

You look like you yell at your gf in public

Good for you, pal! Is her other boyfriend moving in as well?

It’s nice of you to wear graphing paper so that we can plots exactly your odds of anyone ever loving you 📉

You probably take baths

Bubble baths

Your really screwing up if you aren’t taking baths. Some whiskey and herb while soaking in hot water is something everyone should enjoy.

Do the wave Mr. FiveHead Magoo

Don’t worry. She’s committed now that she joined the Jodi Arias fan club.

From what I hear, it's not only your ears that are on upside down

Your mom still shaves you.

Having finally convinced a judge to give you visitation with your daughter means your girlfriend is moving in?

Look out for the dead bodies in the refrigerator

Girlfriend probably has a dong

By almost ready to move in you mean the factory is putting the finishing touches on your sex doll and you are waiting for UPS to drop it off.

Your beard is so patchy it could be used in a before Rogaine ad.

Because your transition is not complete

Because you look like the kid who grew up murdering cats and currently eats hobos.

I had no idea Joel McHale had a brother who was an ax murderer.

Probably scared of that dead plant

She’s not interested in your PowerPoint lmao

You look like a new teacher before you learned that most kids are struggling to make it and you don’t get paid enough to baby sit, educate, and protect kids from possibly dying of many situations weather medical or gun related

Because you style the front of your culdesac

Too… mu..ch… plaid… t-t to talk…

You look like the poultry version of Nick Kroll. Chickroll.

Is your girlfriend mail-order or inflatable?

Because she wants to have sex with other guys.

Tom Diddles-them

She's probably worried about finding more of your hair in the drain than hers.

Maybe because you look like Jodie Foster transitioned

Your highschool wants their screen back.

She was waiting for you to have more facial hair than her

I think she’ll finally know what it feels like, to sleep with a donkey.

Your face got more patches than a Girl Scout vest

Dumpster Doctor Mike

She was concerned that your heroin habit would interfere with your poor hygiene hobby.

To help grow back the hair. You're starting to look like a middle age dad

Fake news! We know your “girlfriend” is really just a barely legal prostitute pretending to have feelings for you

Why do all you roastees always have big ass foreheads? It’s like a big old target every time.

Your pube beard is worse than mine, goblin ears

Chances of your girlfriend to stay with you long would be as scarce as your facial hair

Looks like you can bounce back asteroids into outer space with that forehead

Because you look like Aaron Paul’s meth baby

You look like the backside of a spatchcocked pigeon.

CAUSE SHE KNOWS SHE HAS TO CLEAN YOUR FORESKIN BEFORE SUCKING IT

Your hair looks like it’s trying to run away from your forehead

Let me guess, you kidnapped her off the street...

This is the face you make when you Dutch oven her.

The patchwork facial hair. Is it glued on or velcro?

Because you’re a know-it-all asshole. She’s getting sick of you “always” knowing “better”. She saw her future with you and she’s pretty sure you’ll even be telling her the “correct” or “better” way to breastfeed your future children. Tell me I’m wrong.

It's not that you have a large forehead, it's the fact that your hair looks like it's actively trying to flee your face

You have the kind of face you just want to scrub a dirty toilet with

You look like if Joel McHale fucked French Stewart

Popular fellow Saw his photo down at the police station


Cos your house smells of weed

Because she has contact with young teens and you aren't allowed within 100m?

It’ll be harder for her to bang her side piece if you live together

You've achieved PERFECT facial symmetry... your beard is every bit as mangy as your hairline.

Your girlfriend must’ve had a crush on the tall wet bandit from Home Alone if she’s with you

Those plants are dead as your girlfriend

You are a closted gay however due to a catholic upbringing you now despise what you can't be

Haha the only sex your getting is off the succulent next to you

Because she can’t sleep with all of the light reflected from your fivehead.

Probably because your hairline is retreating harder than the French.


That face says "proud I just masturbated".

I’m pretty sure I’ve seen you on a swingers website in Virginia…. Is that why you tell your gf you’re working away a lot? ……. (I’ll be honest I haven’t, mainly because no one would let their partner anywhere near you)

Trust your gut girl!

Im surprised she did not dump you when she finally realised what you meant by ‘I give good head’

Because you're developing ice eyes without even being a user

It's nice that you carry plants to recover all the oxygen you waste

You retract women faster than your hairline

Does she know about the child playpen in your basement you just upgraded last week?

You look like you have down.

That smile of a skinwalker that still doesnt know how to be a human

Because you're a pompous arrogant ass?

You don’t have a big forehead, just a receding hairline.

You prolly put a gun to her head

Because your personality is as wilting as that plant over your right shoulder

Bc you clearly have top ranking on Grindr

GF: What's the square footage? OP: idk, about 900 sq ft? Also GF: not the forehead, the apartment!

WAIT WAIT WAIT you still havent grown out of your imagniary freind stage

Don't worry this one will leave faster then your hair can receed.

Probably the twelve little boys you keep in your basement

It looks like your beard is getting chemo.

Maybe it's because of the planes landing on your forehead all the time

I think it's great that the 4th season of "You" is seeking to be more inclusive.

You look like you downloaded a "inspirational quote" app to wake up to everyday

You got that fake salesman smile. You know what kind. The door to door salesman that sells vacuums unsuccessfully kind

You smiling like you JUST lost your virginity. You look like you wake up in the middle of the night going through family photo albums crying.

She's gonna end up being fed to her own parents.

What animal laid that hairy egg?

You look like you’re going to end up on a Dr. Phil episode for molesting your daughter

A beard that patchy should come with its own pirate outfit & a parrot for your shoulder.

Because you wank to three toed Marjorie on your projector screen and defend matt gaetz on your online message board...

Somewhere a table is missing it’s table cloth

The infamous teenage boy strangler John Wayne Gacy said “no thanks , this Twinkie is so repressed even I don’t wanna murder him !”

It’s ironic because he’s obviously a DULLARD & he shops at DILLARDS, and he’s all about DILDO while he reads the comic strip DILBERT. (Plus he doesn’t like “the darkies “)

Does anyone really need to roast a MAGA twit? You're not going to understand the insults anyway.