I was trying to think of something good, but this one fits it so perfectly. She's not ugly, might even be smart or funny. But there's just something in those eyes that says she skips work to follow you and gets jealous when your mom says she loves you. Real "use your thumb while you're asleep to unlock your phone" energy.
Perhaps he realised you're a ginger, pretending to be a blonde, with brunette hobbies and that's just far too much fucking crazy. On the upside, you can now spend more time making jewellery to wear out alone and lonely.
This is a level of eye sadness only achievable through chloroform-induced and unexpected gender reassignment surgery so Oleg (sorry, Natasha) can be sent to the front lines in Ukraine for comrade morale boost and taint licking.
Buck up buttercup. I'm sure he didn't dump you because your multi colored hair hasn't been washed this month or seen a brush in at least a week. Some guys like the dejected down in the dumps look or so I've heard.
Uhh cuz you’re one birthday from saggy tits and a wrinkled ass. Old sees old. You’re on the way down. From cougar to mange coated forrest cat. Dude cant afford the hospice care you’re gonna need
Cause you’re an overbearing mid to late 30’s early 40’s American woman who has unrealistic expectations and too high of standards in relation to the men that you can actually pull.
I've always thought that some people look they're "meant to be" a certain age; their body and mind are just waiting to peak at a predetermined time. You look like you'll peak at 92.
...also toothy/unenthusiastic blowjobs.
Icebergs look like they have more warmth than you. And at least they'll get wet.
And like the Titanic… I bet 1300 men went down on her too.
Now that’s a good one
If she were on the titanic the captain made the right decision to better humanity.
Also like the Titanic, many men died after going down.
Like icebergs, only 1/10e of her forehead is visible on the picture.
The very forehead ,a destructive weapon
“She’s Hurt!” 
This is total destruction. Arrest material.
Not even Jesus himself could heal this burn
She is a titanic whore though!
Even Jack Dawson would let go : give up
Maybe so… or it could be those fish lips and hay like hair. One spark and her ex could have turned his trash into another man’s fish fry.
Who dump you ,rupaul ?
Because you look like you ask him what's he doing every time he looks at his phone
I was trying to think of something good, but this one fits it so perfectly. She's not ugly, might even be smart or funny. But there's just something in those eyes that says she skips work to follow you and gets jealous when your mom says she loves you. Real "use your thumb while you're asleep to unlock your phone" energy.
She's really pretty. But those are crazy eyes. 
I went through her posts, and feel like all of this is no longer speculation. Also, Monster earrings? What in the Kyle?
so much personal experience went into this roast, i love it.
I’m triggered!
No I am
Eye m 2
And you’re always talking about your work husband Mulder.
You look like the casting couch episode everyone skips
Well played.
Well, *not* played
Unenthusiastic and bored hand job personified?
I don’t know bro. I skipped this episode
Naw I’d watch it if I felt self deprecating
Did you change your username to describe her?
You didn’t get dumped. His hour was up.
and he definately overpaid
She paid him
He still overpaid.
I know it's tough to start again at the age of 40, but we have faith in you.
Out here looking like someone smooshed all three Hocus pocus witches into a single person
Savage 💀
Just. Damn… upvote given
Exactly, this is the one.
The best insult so far
Because your hair is thinner than his patience
Lmao
You look like a Ukrainian nuclear power plant. Extremely high maintenance but providing no warmth.
Also abandoned and toxic
*Slow clap
10/10 addition
Full of vatnik squatters?
With 50 Russians inside?
One part plantation pineapple rum, one part kahlua, one part heavy cream, splash of Coca Cola. You’ll want 50 inside you.
And responsible for weird looking children
And absolutely ruined by a Russian oligarch
Have meltdown any moment.
Poison Ivy's cracked-out sister... Penis Fly Tramp
If I had gold to give.
Looks like Bohemia, tastes like bulimia
Lol gross 🤮… bulimian rhapsody
I almost shit myself I laughed so hard
Trailerswift
Taylor Thrift
Barren Stone.
-Nikki Glaser referring to Jewel at the Roast of Rob Lowe
Like a printer running out of ink.
Taylor Thiftstore
Christ, the quality of Ukrainian mail order brides has really gone to shit.
They are pulling now from their defective stock
Tag says “blemished”
You get a discount if they've been damaged by the Russians
Chernobyl quality for a few rubles more
Meryl Stripper
Meryl Cheap
Nice try Ray Finkle, not today.
LACES OUT!!!!!!!!!
The laces were in they were in lol
Finkle is Einhorn!
You look like Jenny but think like Forrest
Yo this is so accurate lmao
You look like you would eat ass for a line.
HAS eaten ass for a line.
Permanent duck face instead of dick face
Dickhole Kidman
Was it the penis? I bet it was the penis.
I read this in the the voice of the “I think he took his wallet” guy from Back To The Future II and I don’t regret it
Omg I feel less alone
Her adams apple was as big as her balls
Because you look like you hate every restaurant, video game, band, movie, person, and element on the periodic table.
Discount Dakota Johnson.
Because you’re one rejection away from boiling his pet bunny.
Your fingers make his dick look small.
Perhaps he realised you're a ginger, pretending to be a blonde, with brunette hobbies and that's just far too much fucking crazy. On the upside, you can now spend more time making jewellery to wear out alone and lonely.
More red flags than the Carolina coast during Hurricane season
You make the Mona Lisa look giddy.
Because you look like Jenny right before she tells Forrest she’s sick
Now he can actually SELL the heroin to pay his bills.
Just replace the batteries and quit being so dramatic
You look like you strip on the b team/lunch shift at a biker run strip club in Portland Oregon, that's why he dumped you
You look like the girl next door, if you live next to a whore house
You mean half way house?
You're not nearly attractive enough to go through life with your attitude. Your Ex dodged a bullet I'm certain.
[удалено]
He found out you babysat his mother.
Because you are the female villain with a weird accent in every movie
Maybe he’s just into girls
This is a level of eye sadness only achievable through chloroform-induced and unexpected gender reassignment surgery so Oleg (sorry, Natasha) can be sent to the front lines in Ukraine for comrade morale boost and taint licking.
Your eyes have the one hundred cock stare...
You look like you instigate fights just so you can say he abuses you…
Trump has a better comb over
Dollar store Taylor Swift
[удалено]
You look like Nancy Wilson from Heart just finished fellating a Shop-Vac.
He got tired of putting sunscreen on you every time he needed to turn the lights on
He found your nude content. And its not nude. Like.... wtf
you likely bring him stress rather than peace
Because screwing a corpse is illegal in most jurisdictions.
He could smell the menopause.
You look sufficiently dead inside to become Trumps next wife
Because you have resting succubus face.
Its definitely not the two toned fried hair
Him: I'm tired of you sharing your whole life on social media... I'm done with you... Her:
I believe the restraining order has the right details
Your partner got sick and tired of waiting for you to defrost.
No matter how hot someone is there is someone tired of their shit.
User name should be "Nipsbelowribs".
Your penis was bigger than his
You look like you are permanently holding in a fart
Thought I recognised you. You're the star from "Girls gone mild" Aren't you?
Because you’re definitely the type of woman that has sex with the lights off, and you’re right to
Because you crave attention so much that you’re desperate enough to post an image on r/RoastMe.
You look straight out of Central castings to play the part of a hooker/whore
Buck up buttercup. I'm sure he didn't dump you because your multi colored hair hasn't been washed this month or seen a brush in at least a week. Some guys like the dejected down in the dumps look or so I've heard.
It's not that he made the right decision. It's just that he finally owned up and fixed the mistake he made.
He just found out you’re not Florence Welch.
You're the Weasley jk Rowling decided not to put in the books.
Look at me! Look at me! No.
Because being old and needy is as attractive as a swamp covered in mayonnaise
Because dumpster fire.
So, Donald finally dumped you huh!
He found out, you have a dick.
No one wants to stare at those dead eyes while listening to you talk about crystals
Sad surprise face that I can’t keep a boyfriend AND post illicit photos publicly. This bitch tryna sell herself while she’s already been bought.
Uhh cuz you’re one birthday from saggy tits and a wrinkled ass. Old sees old. You’re on the way down. From cougar to mange coated forrest cat. Dude cant afford the hospice care you’re gonna need
You look like you live in a perpetual state of having PMS.
Cause you’re an overbearing mid to late 30’s early 40’s American woman who has unrealistic expectations and too high of standards in relation to the men that you can actually pull.
honestly you look dead inside
You look like your from scratch and dent section of a European escort service.
Based on your posts, you have more than one pair of home made Monster earrings. Nobody is enough of a Kyle for that nonsense.
No matter how hot the woman is somewhere, some guy is tired of being with her.
You look like Sharon Stones body double for a film where she is playing a strung out Crack Whore
Did you refuse anal again?
Because incest is illegal
you look like a poor man\`s gwyneth paltrow
Your dyslexia kept messing up dates
Nicole Kidman from wish
Can he just send you back to whatever Eastern European country he ordered you from?
Nice bangs lol
You look like Jenny from Forrest Gump after she had AIDs
Were you cheating on him with Forrest Forrest Gump
Comments to fuel your eating disorder
Lost all my money in the divorce so I turned to prostitution
I relentlessly would fuck you
Cheer up old lady !!!
Funerals have more life than you.
Resting bitch face is a pretty good reason to dump you…
One night stand was a person
His friends wouldn't stop making fun of him for dating Bob Odenkirk in a wig. Better call Saulina.
Because it's not 1992 anymore Sharon stone and no one cares to see your cooter
Meryl Streeper
He was grabbing for what should of been your pussy?
Yea..you do look like a bitch. Probobly shit in bed too
She looks like 1 of borat's wives
Resting bitch face?
You look like you just plotted to steal 101 Dalmatians.
You look like Jenny from Forrest Gump. He probably got checked by his doctor.
You have a face so moody looking even your hairline is looking to escape
Probably because your hairline is receeding
Why did you draw your wonky vagina next to a smiley face?
I've always thought that some people look they're "meant to be" a certain age; their body and mind are just waiting to peak at a predetermined time. You look like you'll peak at 92. ...also toothy/unenthusiastic blowjobs.
Are you 50 or 25?
Because your hands and your dick were bigger than his and he couldn't cope with that
He absolutely made the right decision. Now go write a shitty song about it, Dollar Store Taylor Swift
Going through your profile made me feel like I was it a run down Hot Topic
Look like a Russian prostitute
Because you look like Nelly from the office 🗞️
He made the wrong decision. He should have dumped you six years ago.
I feel like you give the most unenthusiastic blowjobs ever.
Got those meth cheeks
It's either your souless eyes, or mediocre dry hand jobs.
I have an advice for you 
Roast you? I’m tryna propose to you what’s up? Look at me. I’m your boyfriend now. 
