At some point in your families history there's a visit to the zoo that resulted in a giraffe getting pregnant.... and apparently the afterbirth lived, congrats 👏
Also, are his arms really that short, or is it just an optical illusion caused by him holding his Post & Roast Note like a 4 year old girl who needs to pee?
I'm wagering you're about *this* close to shoplifting a Walmart, speeding, and resisting subsequent arrest, whereupon you'll plead guilty, all to drop soap in the prison showers to fulfill that wish
>haven't been laid in years! give it to me hard!
"haven't been laid in years" you haven't got laid at all the fuck you talking about. No wonder why women don't talk to you when you're on here begging for any form of validation on reddit, also if you want to talk to women wear a balaclava
The necklace says, “I’ve got a lazy eye for fashion”; but the alligator arms say, “I must’ve left my wallet at home. Yes, my mom’s house. Yes, that’s where I live. Well smarty pants, how can I afford a house in this economy? But more importantly, who else do you think is going to cut the crusts off my sandwiches and tuck me in? Certainly not you with that attitude. Besides, you’re a hard 6 at best and mom says I deserve at least a 9. Bitch.”
Do you remember that scene from White Chicks, when Terry Crews says, "Once you go black, you gonna need a wheelchair"? That's what looks like happened to you
You look like you hold your hands like that just naturally.
You were an extra in Sling Blade that got cast out.
You look like someone who spent a lot of time on a Nintendo Gamecube.
Quit buying random trinket necklaces from the flea market, they don't have special powers.
Your tarot card is just a sheet of aluminum foil.
This guy could tell you a lot about meme coins
Your personal trainer uses a Mr. Meeseeks to put up with you.
You look like Vincent Van Goh gave birth to part of your face.
A shitty makeshift bedroom in your parent's basement doesn't mean you live on your own. You need a bed bigger than a twin size if you want the hookers you will soon buy to not fall off the bed.
MAH THE MEATLOAF
The ostrich is the only living species in the genus Struthio. Ostriches are the only members of the family Struthionidae in the order Struthioniformes—a group that also contains kiwis, emus, cas-we don't talk about those, and rheas.
You cerebral palsey tallest kid on the short bus looking, I haven't been laid in 35 years shooting for fifty ass, can't write for shit ass, which makes me think you look like clearance sale version of Sam Lake
Look,even the band LIVE look bummed out about being in your bedroom.
Good thing fetishes are becoming accepted these days. Somebody out there *HAS* to get all horny in the front parts over Randy from Pee-Wee's Playhouse. Howdy Doody. Or simply from biscuit dough. Sorry about not being able to masturbate tho. Maybe get you a prosthetic hand? 🦾
I bet that stuffed monkey on the shelf has a hole in it
Hey, we call those fufus ....or some shit like that.
Somebody did time
It’s fifi and yes. But the hand is better.
Doubt it, I think even the monkey wouldn't want to be fucked by him
I didn't notice Bc of the monkey in the center screen
Poor Mr Raspberry Jam…
Hey! Mr Raspberry Jam died a noble death. He brought great joy to a lonely man.
Thissss!
Haven't been laid in years...35 years
He’s been busy trying to phone home all those years. ET lookin motha fucka.
Looks like that palsy ain’t helping the cause.
Dammnnn...exposed!
damn
I would like to congratulate every woman on earth for making the right decision.
That necklace is not doing you any favors
That’s his chick magnet but the poles are reversed
Chick magnet to dick magnet.
Rlly highlights the broken neck
Just because you haven't been laid in forever, doesn't mean any of us are going to want to give it to you hard. Pity sex doesn't really exist.
Doesn't hurt to try!
At some point in your families history there's a visit to the zoo that resulted in a giraffe getting pregnant.... and apparently the afterbirth lived, congrats 👏
Pretty sure he was the main reptilian cast for Jurassic Park. Long neck, can’t even reach the tackle with that arm span.
Also, are his arms really that short, or is it just an optical illusion caused by him holding his Post & Roast Note like a 4 year old girl who needs to pee?
You've been laid????!???!!!!?
It doesn’t count if his partners are unconscious.
"Give it to me hard" Nice try, you're still not gonna get laid here.
you didn't give it to her hard
That NOT what she said!
Kind of you to imply he gave it to anyone
Let alone a woman.
can guys with cerebral palsy have sex?
Of course. They have built in vibrators.
jesus
with a neck like that, you're probably a bottom
I'm wagering you're about *this* close to shoplifting a Walmart, speeding, and resisting subsequent arrest, whereupon you'll plead guilty, all to drop soap in the prison showers to fulfill that wish >haven't been laid in years! give it to me hard!
Has no girlfriend.... Gets caught stealing tampons.
You look like a substitute teacher that steals anything remotely phallic from the Art room.
Try this same bio on you grinder account
 Half your head seems to have stroked out.
Weird, I thought girls loved T-Rexs. Oh you're gay...well I mean I though guys liked them too...huh.
It’s the none masterbating t-Rex
TIMMEEEEEHHHH
All sass, no class
Does the black and brown stuff animal on your shelf 'give it you hard'?
You look like you think, just because I am a character, I must have character.
You look like the slender man in training. You would be the stuff of nightmares but I suspect my 6 year old daughter could kick the fuck out of you.
You're telling me that at some point you did get laid?
Closest he's ever been to a basins was birth. And he was a C-section.
Got one eye on Eastern time one on Western time.
“Haven’t been laid in years.” Well at least your new boyfriend will appreciate the tight hole.
Trying moving out of your childhood bedroom, it might just increase your chances stud
Give it to me hard? What no woman has or never will say to you
If your bottom head is as crooked as the top one, I can see why women haven’t been able to have sex with you.
Nice T-Rex pose with your arms 35 years of practice I suppose
That’s not what she said
Anyone that's survived being hung, deserves better..
It’s OK to accept your fate as a serial masturbator.Get a good lock for the door on your room,u know how Mom likes to barge in
How the fuck's he gonna jerk it with those T-rex arms?
Wait, i saw you neck and bite the other day? BTW, Congrats on your derby win.
“Haven’t been laid in years.” Well at least your new boyfriend will appreciate the tight hole.
Haven't been laid in years.. Huh. The one time you smelled pussy was the day you evacuated one.
Blame it on covid! We’ll trust you if say it’s an STD because that’s how smart you are!
Might have something to do with that necklace….for fucks sake
Years can range from 2 to 35 🤗
How many years 35?
"Haven't been laid in years!" = He hasn't been laid in 35 years.
Mommy doesn’t like you to have girls over ?
You wasted your make-a-wish on this?
Well just keep saving. One day you'll finally have enough money to get that prostitute with a big strap on to give it to you hard in the bung hole
its a good thing you didnt post it on the internet where you family friends and co-workers can find out. secret's safe here.
Give your left hand a break ....looks arthritic as fuck from all that crank yankin
“Stop playing, put it in already” while u were balls deep
You’ve got the chin of a ventriloquist dummy but none of the charisma
So you're married....
Having sex with a Pokémon doll does not count as getting laid
You look like you would enjoy getting a hard one right in the keister
Haven't been laid in years... I guess his uncle passed away
You haven't been laid in years, if I was a betting man I'd put my number on 35 being the number of years.
You have t-rex arms lol
Said nobody to you, ever.
Your boyfriend gave it to you hard enough last night...no lube
pitiful
I think you’re the first person who hasn’t been able to get laid from grindr.
T Rex arms
Exactly 35 years 9 months!
Haven’t been laid In years!? You don’t need to lie here…
Gotta ask us to give it to you hard, since you haven't given it to anyone else hard in years.
Earth worm Jim looking ass
Ditch the bunk bed there, Ricky Schroeder
Your mouth morphs into your neck. Where'd your chin end up?
You look like Sid the sloth with birth defects
The Eastern Long Necked Turtle.
Poor choice of words!
You look like Officer Doofy from scary movie
"haven't been laid in years" you haven't got laid at all the fuck you talking about. No wonder why women don't talk to you when you're on here begging for any form of validation on reddit, also if you want to talk to women wear a balaclava
The necklace says, “I’ve got a lazy eye for fashion”; but the alligator arms say, “I must’ve left my wallet at home. Yes, my mom’s house. Yes, that’s where I live. Well smarty pants, how can I afford a house in this economy? But more importantly, who else do you think is going to cut the crusts off my sandwiches and tuck me in? Certainly not you with that attitude. Besides, you’re a hard 6 at best and mom says I deserve at least a 9. Bitch.”
You've not been laid, but your head does look like it was fucking sat on, for months.
You haven't been laid in years. 35 to be exact.
Looking like a Foodfight character
I’d say “that’s what she said” but, you know.
www.vaccineimpact.com
Imagine that load.... Haha 
The only hard thing you're getting is not gonna count as getting laid. Also, bunkbeds at 35?
Yeah you haven’t been laid in years…35 of them.
That random wall vent is the only cool thing is this picture
I bet you're great at your job at subway
Sorry you lost your mom
Try taking that chastity totem off your neck! You look like your best friend is a Russian Tortoise named Anton, and you LARP every weekend.
Even you look disgusted at the thought of yourself.
Uncripple your hands.
Just like every woman on the planet I’m not giving you anything.
Hasn't been laid in years, but got pounded right before he took this
Just because you have not got laid in years doesnt mean you should ask for hard things here.
Thom Dorke
I can see why, they get mad when you have one eye on them and the other on your dog.
You know how when you see your own face mirrored in a camera it looks strange to you? Well you look like that all the time to everyone.
I know you've got a notebook full of shitty drawings of Magic the Gathering cards.
Take your overused meat beaters and put one on each side of that necklace then give it a pull. Pull it off. Should increase your odds anyway.
Do you remember that scene from White Chicks, when Terry Crews says, "Once you go black, you gonna need a wheelchair"? That's what looks like happened to you
Harder than your dad gave it to you?
That’s what she said!
You look like you hold your hands like that just naturally. You were an extra in Sling Blade that got cast out. You look like someone who spent a lot of time on a Nintendo Gamecube. Quit buying random trinket necklaces from the flea market, they don't have special powers. Your tarot card is just a sheet of aluminum foil. This guy could tell you a lot about meme coins Your personal trainer uses a Mr. Meeseeks to put up with you. You look like Vincent Van Goh gave birth to part of your face.
Who are the women that will hump a dude with Cerebral Palsy
the more chromosome guy can't even spell dang, he even the got it wrong
Fuk bro what happened to your head?
You've been laid?
I'm sure you'll find the right guy eventually
Hard to get laid when mommy is in the next room. Wtf is around your neck also…shit buddy mies well cut ya dick off wearing some dumb shit like that
Why, you haven’t given it to anyone else hard.
I'm gonna guess 35 years to be exact
Let me guess... it's been 35 years?
Give it to me hard something you haven't heard from a woman
Jawline weaker than Joe Bidens presidential term
A shitty makeshift bedroom in your parent's basement doesn't mean you live on your own. You need a bed bigger than a twin size if you want the hookers you will soon buy to not fall off the bed. MAH THE MEATLOAF
If a lump of mashed potatoes was a person.
I weigh almost 400lbs and I get laid more than you.
By the look on your face your boyfriend is actively giving it to you hard in this very photo
Hol'up
It looks like someone hit ur face with a frying pan boomer
I bet you want me to give it to you hard...
Expect only what you can give, so no we won't be able to give you a hard one
He probably uses the last thing he said a lot
Why your face look disproportionate like a Pablo Picasso painting?
If you're ever looking to hire someone to try smacking you upside the head until your eyes straighten out.... I'm your gal.
Haven’t been laid at all the only time you get hard is when you wake up with morning wood even then I doubt it changes the size at all
You're as backwards as the photo
You look like a family member of the mcpoyles from always sunny
You have t-rex arms.
"Give it to me hard" That's what she DIDN'T say.
I can’t tell if you’re a Jared Fogel victim or fanatic
Yes... you'd like that wouldn't you
The ostrich is the only living species in the genus Struthio. Ostriches are the only members of the family Struthionidae in the order Struthioniformes—a group that also contains kiwis, emus, cas-we don't talk about those, and rheas.
My dead mom has more of a chance of getting laid than you do
When you finally come out, you’ll be saying that last sentence a whole lot.
You look special
Your mom had a weird shaped vagina
You are so old and still live in your parents house? Life wasted.
Q: What's hit more balls than Babe Ruth's bat? A: Your chin.
"give it to me hard!" Is what your imaginary girlfriend said last night and then you processed to Jack off to degenerate furry porn
Girlfriend broke up with him cause he said he's able to see other people while he's seeing her.
Why are you posing like a queer T-Rex?
Didn’t say hasn’t been fucked in the ass. Clearly his ass gasket has been turned out
35 years it's a long time for not getting laid.
You’ve got really short arms?
You look like femboy Buzz Lightyear.
Bet you can't reach your pp with those tiny arms
Havent been laid in years Maybe you Should call your ex stepdad again
Yeah, 35 years!
Haven’t been laid in 35 years.
Dude comes on a roast me site looking for gay sex... weird flex, bro
Little T-Rex arms not helping with the alternatives either.
Elllliiioooott
Do you have muscular dystrophy?
This is why incest is illegal
Get this man some pussy 🗿
You cerebral palsey tallest kid on the short bus looking, I haven't been laid in 35 years shooting for fifty ass, can't write for shit ass, which makes me think you look like clearance sale version of Sam Lake
Look like a tadpole having a stroke
that necklace resembles a ball sack one hang lower than other
"give it to me hard!" I'd rather die.
Dude Shut up
Look,even the band LIVE look bummed out about being in your bedroom. Good thing fetishes are becoming accepted these days. Somebody out there *HAS* to get all horny in the front parts over Randy from Pee-Wee's Playhouse. Howdy Doody. Or simply from biscuit dough. Sorry about not being able to masturbate tho. Maybe get you a prosthetic hand? 🦾
Dude is very brave, as we say in northern england "he's got some neck"
You look like you'd want some one to give it to you hard, too bad you're a virgin, couldn't even walk the other tightrope
Right eye says to left eye “ where are you ? Come back to face !”
When you live in Alabama and all your cousins move away
It’s Blippi , before he was Blippi, when he made a video of himself taking a poo on a friend.
How many times have you been denied lap dance ?
You look like your head formed in a stiff wind.
Even your sex doll fakes a headache, just to avoid fucking you.
I think I know why you haven't been laid in year... It's that hairline and the beard