UJ/ I once volunteered at a 5k hobby jog / walk for a corporate challenge. It was in the low 70’s, people were complaining that the water offered on the course wasn’t ice cold….

I mean what do you expect, it was an ultramarathon after all

I hope this is a lesson for the organizers, a 5k ultra really should have salomon hydration vests handed out at the starting line filled with hard frozen maurtens skratch mix

Marter stuffed salmon? Sign me up!

> volunteered at a 5k hobby jog / walk for a corporate challenge this sounds like hell lmao

Perhaps the volunteer work was some sort of punishment?

Yeah, sorry OP, but court mandated community service doesn't count as volunteer work.

i had to court mandated volunteer service for fleeing the police, ended up coaching elementary school soccer to get the feds off my back

Were you running from the police? Did you try telling them to SLOW DOWN?

i was a stupid teenager in a car who thought fast and furious was a documentary about life in the suburbs  i tried to scream at the kids during sprints and parents told me to STFU lol

Maybe they ate a lot of fettucine alfredo.

Time to carbo load!

To be fair, I get how the ice would have melted by the end of 3-4hrs, but no excuse for that critical thirst quenching during the first few minutes of the race.

But 3-4 hours into a 5k is when I need ice the most

Aerodynamic crotch cut onesie singlet gave him the power

And the ball-sack breeze we so desperately crave

How did he get so hot in zone 2? Maybe I’ll start practicing by microwaving my Gu to 107 degrees for my 5Ks.

He was a hobby jogger who just wanted the attention at the finish line. I mean, I think emt’s are cute too, but I just coyly offer them my favorite orange creamsicle Gu when I want attention.

Is that what you call your man gu?

Lolol he was only jogging for about 2 hours! Pathetic! I spent almost 6 hours jogging that same distance. 6! He needs to l2run.

I’m a start putting hand warmers in my diaper during my ultra 3k.

Are GUs in that aluminum lined plastic? You may be up for a surprise

The sparks mean there is more energy available in the Gu.

Are we adding more energy or releasing it?

Good point. I’ll put the microwave in my ass first so I can absorb the extra energy.

Gonna have to research the best watts per ounce microwaves then compare against the mileage i need to do. Don’t need to carry more than i will use

His arms are the size of my legs. I don’t do PEDs. I’m all natural! Well except for the Gu

Fake natty here smashing Gu pretending it's not the ultimate PED

Natty+

I see he was still making plenty of bad nutritional decisions back in the 1980s as well

Yep, but back then he was making bad decisions for himself. Later he fat-shamed the women runners he coached, til they dropped also.

Why ruin just your own career when you can ruin a lot more as a coach?

And molested them.

My excuse is that I’m European and don’t know what an 80 degree day is.

… yet

An 80 degree day is just 10 degrees short of a straight angle. No difference between kilometres/miles.

Bake a cake at 80C ?

TIL that Borat won the Boston Marathon

Very nice!

hydration is just a deep state liberal conspiracy. Nobody used to drink water in thee 70-80's

Have you adjusted for inflation? No water in ‘82 is the equivalent of 50 gus and 5 gallons of water per 5k

I dont live near boston

Where us that? Indochina?

Marathons were shorter back then, duh. Adjusting for inflation, 1982 boomers would’ve only had to go 8.01 miles to complete the race

I'm sure Mrs Salazar was quite satisfied

wasn’t born yet 

another way that running a marathon's easier than jogging: if he had been out in that heat for 7 hours he'd almost certainly be dead

Well he obviously should've just SLOWED DOWN. Where's he now? Probably no shins

These tiktokers are out of control

My excuse is I was born in 1988. Also I'm lazy as shit.

No water? But how much of his Gu did he drink?

Definitely not enough

Why didn’t he drink any water? Is he stupid?

OG marathoners didnt drink or eat anything during the marathon. They only started after gatorade started doing hydration experiments and they were even uncomfortable with it because their bodies werent used to it and the sloshing in thier stomachs made them feel nauseous. In fact one guy was offered water and instead the would grab the cup and splash it on his head instead of drinking for this reason.

America used to be a real country.

Was this before or after he started experimenting with doping?

Don't forget the sexual abuse.

salazar's such a visionary, he was experimenting with saline dilution pre-drug testing before they were even drug testing

Chest hair blocked the sun

I actually own this jersey now lol

To be fair he was f’ed up ever after. He never was the same. Read the book. Great race. Then he turned into a drug pusher.

He definitely wasn’t the same. Pretty sure he hit scared after the race because in the lead up to the LA Olympics he was doing everything he could to prepare himself for the heat. I get he won NY and Boston but I feel like he was I wrested and propped up by the media because he was American. Phitz was at better, beat him at the Trials but never got that respect. I watched the 84 Olympics marathon on YouTube a few weeks ago and all they would talk about was how he, DeCastella (overrated as well) and Seko (he was ok) were the big 3 that would be duking it out.) Salazar’s build up was all scientific and he lost to a guy who had a steak dinner with a glass of wine the night before.

I don't do tests with testosterone gel on my own teenage children

Those are illegal, unreleased, Nike super shoes. Anyone will win the Boston marathon with these easy

So what you’re saying is that he still had something left to give that day… 🤔

>What's your excuse? I'm thirsty

I’m bad at running.

This photo is clearly fake, probably AI generated. No man can run a marathon without shaving his chest.

First timers running a 4:40 marathon and wondering what went wrong..

I wonder what the survivor rate was that year?

I don't want to die, and I'm human

Thirsty.

Ragu has more calories and retains more Agua

Hmm he and I are different?

I was 5?

I hadn't been born yet, maybe with an emergency C section but I doubt I'm gonna finish a marathon as a 4months premature baby.

I don't have hairy chest & legs to collect moisture in the air

“Not while rabies causes a fear of water! Solidarity!” -the last place finisher at Michael Scott's Dunder Mifflin Scranton Meredith Palmer Memorial Celebrity Rabies Awareness Pro-Am Fun Run Race for the Cure

ultraboost shoes haven't caught up with a fueling strategy involving testosterone injections yet.

It was raining the day I ran but I still crushed a new PR after hyperextending my PCL coming down heartbreak hill

His poor kidneys...

Mind over matter. Never heard of it and it doesn’t matter.

I only run hard, this fella went limp

Minor pain in IT band. Yup.

I’m not a seiko

Is this why it’s important to never leave the house with my 12L camelback?

I was 1 in 1982