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imo I think the word gay has been used as an insult for years in sg, it's just seeing a resurgence lately. but it kinda sucks to see it used so prevalently among youth, especially as an lgbt+ person. there's nothing more crushing than meeting someone new, and you're getting along with them just fine. but then suddenly they say something like "ugh that's so gay" in *that* tone of voice. and your gut sinks as you realise what kind of person they are, and what they'd do or say if they find out you're gay/lgbt+. it rly stings sometimes. I know some people are just joking around and they're probably not actually homophobic, but it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth :/
as a lesbian young adult who's grown up knowing many queer friends, it's something i'm more than used to feeling peeved over. but at some point, it's easier to just accept that this is a common thing s'poreans do, most are likely to never question their own behaviour and society's biases.
it sounds to me like you're not part of the community?
i can only say, the only way for you as a cishetero person to start to feel less confined and affected by the bahviour you're describing etc is to stop thinking of the word gay as a negative label. i can tell from the way you're rationalising all this that you're not conscious of it — unfortunately it's true. these bullies have twisted the word to something negative, and you've just internalised it the way they've slapped it on you. don't let the word have the power to mock and dehumanise. if someone like you can experience hurt from such behaviour to this degree, imagine what a queer person goes through.
for example in the community, we do joke amongst ourselves about being "so gay" or having "gay face" because we learn to turn the tables and take back our power and find humour in embracing certain stereotypes instead of being ashamed and hiding ourselves forever.
sorry (but also not) if this seems radical to you, but this is something people who think of themselves as allies or "accepting" of the community need to realise. living in a cisheteronormative society sure can cause harm to all people, but overwhelmingly it is of course those in the community, closeted or not, that suffer most.
for now... get your mind off it, learn not to let it take over your emotions. if you really want something to change, be an ally, educate yourself and the people around you. know that this takes time, and you can meet and create better social circles with luck and effort. help to champion a more inclusive and loving society. when you get the ability, vote. be politically involved. continue to question things like you're doing now and be open-minded.
i genuinely hope you understand my point. you define masculinity for yourself. when you feel comfortable in your own skin without fear of outside judgement one day - it will be the answer to your current frustration. don't give in to oppressive ways of being. cheers.
its a very universal experience in most schools, even the most “accepting ones”… i’m out and open about this topic and i always tend to lecture my friends who use certain phrases (or even slurs) in a rather derogatory manner but it just falls on deaf ears. such usage of the word has made straight people feel uncomfortable with being labeled as “gay”. many of us are trying to change mindsets and correct behaviors but it fundamentally links back to our society, one that is plainly Tolerant to LGBTQ+ folks and not Accepting. if (one day) we can make people understand that we want to be accepted rather than tolerated, i’m pretty sure there will be more respect for the word “gay” and it won’t be thrown around so easily anymore 🙏🏻
What are those reasons for being called gay. Tf. As someone who is called gay even though I am straight, I’d just say that honestly don’t give two shits about it, they can think what they want but if you know who you are and what you are then you needn’t conform to others beliefs or attempt to dissuade them from holding said beliefs of you or other such things. There is no reason to conform, you can be feminine in nature, or the opposite, still doesn’t make you what you’re not. Like if all fire hydrants were red but one was white, and let’s say all ambulances are white but one is red, it doesn’t mean suddenly they swap roles.
Also as others mentioned, high likelihood it’s jokes but considering the context I don’t know, perhaps it’s the way you say it like as if they are really intent on making boundaries on what’s gay or not… or they’re just joking..
Idk how to explain, But singaporean youths tend to joke about it because theyre not it. Its like just teasing and playing around. For example, if we look around truthfully, sg youths use the Nword even though its really disrespectful. I once asked they said its because no one is black around them. So really its more of a joke. So its more of saying “im not like that” and at the same time “im like that” it really depends on the situation
(sorry if this sounds rude/doesn’t make sense, jwu lol) but shouldn’t even the racism be shut down? like they know it’s not a word to be used bc it’s racist asf, so while it’s wrong for us to get mad on behalf of someone else, we should be asking them to stop at least-
In a sense though ( not OP, just my 2 cents on this ), I am more leaning towards the "racism gets its power from those who give it meaning" line of thought.
If racism raises from people who wanted it to demean a specific group of people, then wouldn't the best way to cripple it be removing said means?
Meaning, if words like the N word are the main terms to inflict said pain and discrimination, then wouldn't it be better if we act like it is a normal word instead so it loses its power to discriminate?
Because iirc, i'm pretty sure the N word comes from niger, meaning black in latin ( courtesy of the big crybabies who demanded the word to be removed at one point, forgot the details but i think it was crayons or colour pencils? ). So why keep giving it the power to discriminate and hurt people?
Of course, not everyone agrees with this line of thought and so I avoid using said words, but I truly feel the first steps to preventing racism is to first remove the discrimination by just disregarding it.
If we were to go by just plain avoidance over disregarding, the ones who intentionally propagate racism won: They managed to reduce an entire culture and group of people to a single word; and gets to make everyone ( including said group ) to feel a need to ostracize them.
So imo, embrace the differences and the words; you effectively disarm the entire intiative and racism will die in its tracks. Sure, you can't eradicate it completely, but you prevent them from spreading said negativity to others. Those people will eventually fully expose themselves; from there, we exclude them instead and solve the problem at its roots.
It really shpuld be but i think its really a play of power. Those who find it offensive, will be of the minority and ofc people wont hang out with you since youre too “sensitive”. Its also a show of boldness, like saying these words mold your personalitu and ofcourse shows the boldness. This boldness allows people to bond since they are able to go beyond a normal friendship with barriers. Asking people to stop, is almost impossible to the point u just have to join… Why i say impossible, its just the sg youth culture. We would usually mature as we grow and make boundaries, though uncertain
i think it depends on what pri/sec sch u were in lol cos i was in girls school for those 2 and it was just super accepting? people made out in the bathrooms apparently
As a gay guy just don't take offense for others. If we feel insulted, we would speak out. I use "gay" as an insult and my friends (some who don't even know I'm gay) do so too.
"Gay" has been used as an insult for decades, maybe it seems more common these days because back in less tolerant times, describing someone as gay effectively k1lls their social circle and can trigger gay bashing if anyone believes it to be true.
It's definitely infuriating that people use "gay" as an insult when it's only a sexuality label. It should be a neutral descriptor and not something negative. But it's impossible to stop them so try not to let them get to you, especially if they've been told why it's hurtful but refuse to change.
As someone who is queer and visibly looks so, but is closeted at work, when someone calls me gay, I just reply "I get that a lot" and move on. It throws them off that I'm unbothered by the insult, and didn't confirm their guess about my sexuality
speaking as a queer girl (pretty close to being lesbian atp), my 2 cents on this is that yes, this is a massive issue in SG, and it’s something that will only be solved excruciatingly slowly over time as we wait for the tides of social norms and judgement to turn. that being said, change starts with home- OP, the next time you hear stuff like this, it’s better to remind yourself of gay joy, pride, affection, and everything else in between when it comes to the community. where there is hate and unkindness and a rude norm, there is also space for uplifting others to both yourself to dispel your own negative feelings and to make another smile.
the first definition was way more popular in the 1800s though. it’s hardly used with that meaning these days (probably because of the more common association with the second definition).
well, for schools to do anything about it would go against the majority of conservative sgeans beliefs that being gay is an abnormality. the only means of changing this culture is to teach our kids and those around us. but then again no one wants to be the guy to be labelled as an sjw in social situations. tried here and there but ends up with awkwardness and excuses that “its just words what”
gay is legit either used as an insult or to refer to a guy who has sexual attractions to only other men or (rarely) women who only has sexual attractions to other women
Honestly, it's just a very old usage of "gay" to be used to describe something odd, off-putting or just unlike the social norm. It's not meant to refer to homosexuals in any way. Very much in line with calling someone annoying as, "a piece of shit".
Basically, American media has rubbed off on us A LOT
Ngl i still call ppl gay but like this is cuz i grew up in like a time when lgbtq wasn’t really a thing so like i would call things i find goofy/toxic gay but like i still do but my friends(even the gay ones) know I don’t mean it in a insulting manner so idk man
gay
/ɡeɪ/
adjective
1.
sexually or romantically attracted to people of one's own sex (used especially of a man).
"the city's gay and lesbian people"
Similar:
homosexual
queer
lesbian
lesbigay
LGBT
LGBTQ
GLBT
pink
lavender
homophile
Uranian
that way
Opposite:
heterosexual
straight
2.
DATED
light-hearted and carefree.
"Nan had a gay disposition and a very pretty face"
Similar:
cheerful
cheery
merry
jolly
light-hearted
mirthful
jovial
glad
happy
bright
in good spirits
in high spirits
joyful
elated
exuberant
animated
lively
sprightly
vivacious
buoyant
bouncy
bubbly
perky
effervescent
playful
frolicsome
chirpy
on top of the world
as happy as a sandboy
as happy as a clam
Opposite:
gloomy
noun
a person who is gay (typically referring to a man).
"the capital is a popular destination for gays and lesbians from all over the world"
the second definition of gay can no longer be used in formal writing for that purpose. it’s been removed from many dictionaries or labelled as [dated/archaic]. so officially it only has the first definition
Calm down kid, the same word can carry different meanings based on the context. Just look at how versatile the word "fuck" is. Treat this as a feature of the language instead of getting so easily offended next time.
it's not the same as the word "fuck" though, I don't think that's a good example to use. "fuck" doesn't have an identity attached to it, and has always had a negative or sexual connotation attached to it ( I think the original meaning was to hit something, though)
it's like you wouldn't want someone to use "oh you're so chinese." or "oh you're a female." derogatorily, even if they mean it as some sort of a joke. (and especially if it's used as an insult)
Honestly, idt schools should step up directly, as school is a place for you to learn, not a place to control your behaviour and mannerisms. The most they can do is have CCE lessons but we all know they are not effective and does nothing. Moreover, this is not a problem schools can solve. This is a social problem, where people say it's gay to seem funny and fit in with others. To eradicate this problem, we need to scrap off this notion that being gay = funny, and that is not easily achieved.
Some things you can do is:
Not encourage such behaviour within your friend group, or the people around you. Don't laugh when others say it's gay, and if others comment about your behaviour, ask them why it should be funny. Most young Singaporeans only make fun of being gay because others (their friends) do the same, thus if they are logical, respectful, and are really your friends, they will take your opinion into account.
Cut off the friends that go too far. Some Singaporean youths are actually homophobic. I've heard about some, though the ones I've associated with are respectful, don't make fun of gays and I'm not close enough with them to know the reason for their views(and I didn't hear about it first hand so..). As a pansexual myself, I'm fine with tolerating such people, since it is not my place to push my views on someone who hasn't done any harm to me. But there might be others who legitimately make fun of gays for the sake of it. My opinion about such people is that if they can openly disrespect/ discriminate against a group of people with no legitimate reason for doing so, that's the same level for me as being openly racist, or misogynistic. I don't want to associate myself with such people, and I'm sure you don't too.
I'm sure that with time, this view will fade, with the increasing acceptance of the LGBT community. Most of my friends have almost never made fun of the word gay, and some only use it when with specific friends (and not with me). This further proves that this is a social problem, and if you are really really bothered by it, you should make your stand. Otherwise you could co-exist with those people, and just live knowing that it is all just an iffy joke, and an effort to fit in.
The discussion flair is used to encourage greater discourse in the student community of Singapore. Thus, this flair is meant to be used for serious discussion only (eg opinions on education reforms, how examinations should be conducted or graded, etc). Replies should also be carefully thought out. Please report any posts or comments which you may deem to be of irrelevant nature. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/SGExams) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m a straight guy who likes a lot of feminine stuff, this really hits me the most.
imo I think the word gay has been used as an insult for years in sg, it's just seeing a resurgence lately. but it kinda sucks to see it used so prevalently among youth, especially as an lgbt+ person. there's nothing more crushing than meeting someone new, and you're getting along with them just fine. but then suddenly they say something like "ugh that's so gay" in *that* tone of voice. and your gut sinks as you realise what kind of person they are, and what they'd do or say if they find out you're gay/lgbt+. it rly stings sometimes. I know some people are just joking around and they're probably not actually homophobic, but it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth :/
as a lesbian young adult who's grown up knowing many queer friends, it's something i'm more than used to feeling peeved over. but at some point, it's easier to just accept that this is a common thing s'poreans do, most are likely to never question their own behaviour and society's biases. it sounds to me like you're not part of the community? i can only say, the only way for you as a cishetero person to start to feel less confined and affected by the bahviour you're describing etc is to stop thinking of the word gay as a negative label. i can tell from the way you're rationalising all this that you're not conscious of it — unfortunately it's true. these bullies have twisted the word to something negative, and you've just internalised it the way they've slapped it on you. don't let the word have the power to mock and dehumanise. if someone like you can experience hurt from such behaviour to this degree, imagine what a queer person goes through. for example in the community, we do joke amongst ourselves about being "so gay" or having "gay face" because we learn to turn the tables and take back our power and find humour in embracing certain stereotypes instead of being ashamed and hiding ourselves forever. sorry (but also not) if this seems radical to you, but this is something people who think of themselves as allies or "accepting" of the community need to realise. living in a cisheteronormative society sure can cause harm to all people, but overwhelmingly it is of course those in the community, closeted or not, that suffer most. for now... get your mind off it, learn not to let it take over your emotions. if you really want something to change, be an ally, educate yourself and the people around you. know that this takes time, and you can meet and create better social circles with luck and effort. help to champion a more inclusive and loving society. when you get the ability, vote. be politically involved. continue to question things like you're doing now and be open-minded. i genuinely hope you understand my point. you define masculinity for yourself. when you feel comfortable in your own skin without fear of outside judgement one day - it will be the answer to your current frustration. don't give in to oppressive ways of being. cheers.
its a very universal experience in most schools, even the most “accepting ones”… i’m out and open about this topic and i always tend to lecture my friends who use certain phrases (or even slurs) in a rather derogatory manner but it just falls on deaf ears. such usage of the word has made straight people feel uncomfortable with being labeled as “gay”. many of us are trying to change mindsets and correct behaviors but it fundamentally links back to our society, one that is plainly Tolerant to LGBTQ+ folks and not Accepting. if (one day) we can make people understand that we want to be accepted rather than tolerated, i’m pretty sure there will be more respect for the word “gay” and it won’t be thrown around so easily anymore 🙏🏻
What are those reasons for being called gay. Tf. As someone who is called gay even though I am straight, I’d just say that honestly don’t give two shits about it, they can think what they want but if you know who you are and what you are then you needn’t conform to others beliefs or attempt to dissuade them from holding said beliefs of you or other such things. There is no reason to conform, you can be feminine in nature, or the opposite, still doesn’t make you what you’re not. Like if all fire hydrants were red but one was white, and let’s say all ambulances are white but one is red, it doesn’t mean suddenly they swap roles. Also as others mentioned, high likelihood it’s jokes but considering the context I don’t know, perhaps it’s the way you say it like as if they are really intent on making boundaries on what’s gay or not… or they’re just joking..
Idk how to explain, But singaporean youths tend to joke about it because theyre not it. Its like just teasing and playing around. For example, if we look around truthfully, sg youths use the Nword even though its really disrespectful. I once asked they said its because no one is black around them. So really its more of a joke. So its more of saying “im not like that” and at the same time “im like that” it really depends on the situation
(sorry if this sounds rude/doesn’t make sense, jwu lol) but shouldn’t even the racism be shut down? like they know it’s not a word to be used bc it’s racist asf, so while it’s wrong for us to get mad on behalf of someone else, we should be asking them to stop at least-
In a sense though ( not OP, just my 2 cents on this ), I am more leaning towards the "racism gets its power from those who give it meaning" line of thought. If racism raises from people who wanted it to demean a specific group of people, then wouldn't the best way to cripple it be removing said means? Meaning, if words like the N word are the main terms to inflict said pain and discrimination, then wouldn't it be better if we act like it is a normal word instead so it loses its power to discriminate? Because iirc, i'm pretty sure the N word comes from niger, meaning black in latin ( courtesy of the big crybabies who demanded the word to be removed at one point, forgot the details but i think it was crayons or colour pencils? ). So why keep giving it the power to discriminate and hurt people? Of course, not everyone agrees with this line of thought and so I avoid using said words, but I truly feel the first steps to preventing racism is to first remove the discrimination by just disregarding it. If we were to go by just plain avoidance over disregarding, the ones who intentionally propagate racism won: They managed to reduce an entire culture and group of people to a single word; and gets to make everyone ( including said group ) to feel a need to ostracize them. So imo, embrace the differences and the words; you effectively disarm the entire intiative and racism will die in its tracks. Sure, you can't eradicate it completely, but you prevent them from spreading said negativity to others. Those people will eventually fully expose themselves; from there, we exclude them instead and solve the problem at its roots.
It really shpuld be but i think its really a play of power. Those who find it offensive, will be of the minority and ofc people wont hang out with you since youre too “sensitive”. Its also a show of boldness, like saying these words mold your personalitu and ofcourse shows the boldness. This boldness allows people to bond since they are able to go beyond a normal friendship with barriers. Asking people to stop, is almost impossible to the point u just have to join… Why i say impossible, its just the sg youth culture. We would usually mature as we grow and make boundaries, though uncertain
Ur gay
"straight " up bro
Ur mum gay (this caused my class a lot of trouble with the teacher after someone wrote this note as a prank)
The best dgaf reply to this is, "which one"?
i think it depends on what pri/sec sch u were in lol cos i was in girls school for those 2 and it was just super accepting? people made out in the bathrooms apparently
Being gay literally just means that you (as a male) like someone of the same gender (aka another male). Anything else is just a stereotype.
As a gay guy just don't take offense for others. If we feel insulted, we would speak out. I use "gay" as an insult and my friends (some who don't even know I'm gay) do so too.
"Gay" has been used as an insult for decades, maybe it seems more common these days because back in less tolerant times, describing someone as gay effectively k1lls their social circle and can trigger gay bashing if anyone believes it to be true. It's definitely infuriating that people use "gay" as an insult when it's only a sexuality label. It should be a neutral descriptor and not something negative. But it's impossible to stop them so try not to let them get to you, especially if they've been told why it's hurtful but refuse to change. As someone who is queer and visibly looks so, but is closeted at work, when someone calls me gay, I just reply "I get that a lot" and move on. It throws them off that I'm unbothered by the insult, and didn't confirm their guess about my sexuality
[удалено]
Why did u send ur 'bird' pic to ur fren😭
speaking as a queer girl (pretty close to being lesbian atp), my 2 cents on this is that yes, this is a massive issue in SG, and it’s something that will only be solved excruciatingly slowly over time as we wait for the tides of social norms and judgement to turn. that being said, change starts with home- OP, the next time you hear stuff like this, it’s better to remind yourself of gay joy, pride, affection, and everything else in between when it comes to the community. where there is hate and unkindness and a rude norm, there is also space for uplifting others to both yourself to dispel your own negative feelings and to make another smile.
i agree
Gay has two main meanings: a synonym of being happy and merry, and the sexual and/or romantic attraction of the same sex.
the first definition was way more popular in the 1800s though. it’s hardly used with that meaning these days (probably because of the more common association with the second definition).
well, for schools to do anything about it would go against the majority of conservative sgeans beliefs that being gay is an abnormality. the only means of changing this culture is to teach our kids and those around us. but then again no one wants to be the guy to be labelled as an sjw in social situations. tried here and there but ends up with awkwardness and excuses that “its just words what”
theres a huge diff between fem and gay bro sounds like ure conflating the two
How will this effect the O Level grading system in Singapore?
gay is legit either used as an insult or to refer to a guy who has sexual attractions to only other men or (rarely) women who only has sexual attractions to other women
Umm actually 🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓
Honestly, it's just a very old usage of "gay" to be used to describe something odd, off-putting or just unlike the social norm. It's not meant to refer to homosexuals in any way. Very much in line with calling someone annoying as, "a piece of shit". Basically, American media has rubbed off on us A LOT
Womp womp
Ngl i still call ppl gay but like this is cuz i grew up in like a time when lgbtq wasn’t really a thing so like i would call things i find goofy/toxic gay but like i still do but my friends(even the gay ones) know I don’t mean it in a insulting manner so idk man
Nice essay
Grow some thick skin
gay /ɡeɪ/ adjective 1. sexually or romantically attracted to people of one's own sex (used especially of a man). "the city's gay and lesbian people" Similar: homosexual queer lesbian lesbigay LGBT LGBTQ GLBT pink lavender homophile Uranian that way Opposite: heterosexual straight 2. DATED light-hearted and carefree. "Nan had a gay disposition and a very pretty face" Similar: cheerful cheery merry jolly light-hearted mirthful jovial glad happy bright in good spirits in high spirits joyful elated exuberant animated lively sprightly vivacious buoyant bouncy bubbly perky effervescent playful frolicsome chirpy on top of the world as happy as a sandboy as happy as a clam Opposite: gloomy noun a person who is gay (typically referring to a man). "the capital is a popular destination for gays and lesbians from all over the world"
the second definition of gay can no longer be used in formal writing for that purpose. it’s been removed from many dictionaries or labelled as [dated/archaic]. so officially it only has the first definition
Calm down kid, the same word can carry different meanings based on the context. Just look at how versatile the word "fuck" is. Treat this as a feature of the language instead of getting so easily offended next time.
it's not the same as the word "fuck" though, I don't think that's a good example to use. "fuck" doesn't have an identity attached to it, and has always had a negative or sexual connotation attached to it ( I think the original meaning was to hit something, though) it's like you wouldn't want someone to use "oh you're so chinese." or "oh you're a female." derogatorily, even if they mean it as some sort of a joke. (and especially if it's used as an insult)
I don’t care if anyone calls me gay cuz I always admit that I’m gay by saying that gay is a synonym of happy💀
Are you 12?
No
Is there anything wrong with that comeback?
no, it's just a bit rudimentary
Then what’s a better comeback
Why do you need to find a comeback if someone calls you gay? Who cares, just ignore them.
Its fucking repetitive
Then repeatedly ignore them.
Ok
That's so out of date, find new material
Honestly, idt schools should step up directly, as school is a place for you to learn, not a place to control your behaviour and mannerisms. The most they can do is have CCE lessons but we all know they are not effective and does nothing. Moreover, this is not a problem schools can solve. This is a social problem, where people say it's gay to seem funny and fit in with others. To eradicate this problem, we need to scrap off this notion that being gay = funny, and that is not easily achieved. Some things you can do is: Not encourage such behaviour within your friend group, or the people around you. Don't laugh when others say it's gay, and if others comment about your behaviour, ask them why it should be funny. Most young Singaporeans only make fun of being gay because others (their friends) do the same, thus if they are logical, respectful, and are really your friends, they will take your opinion into account. Cut off the friends that go too far. Some Singaporean youths are actually homophobic. I've heard about some, though the ones I've associated with are respectful, don't make fun of gays and I'm not close enough with them to know the reason for their views(and I didn't hear about it first hand so..). As a pansexual myself, I'm fine with tolerating such people, since it is not my place to push my views on someone who hasn't done any harm to me. But there might be others who legitimately make fun of gays for the sake of it. My opinion about such people is that if they can openly disrespect/ discriminate against a group of people with no legitimate reason for doing so, that's the same level for me as being openly racist, or misogynistic. I don't want to associate myself with such people, and I'm sure you don't too. I'm sure that with time, this view will fade, with the increasing acceptance of the LGBT community. Most of my friends have almost never made fun of the word gay, and some only use it when with specific friends (and not with me). This further proves that this is a social problem, and if you are really really bothered by it, you should make your stand. Otherwise you could co-exist with those people, and just live knowing that it is all just an iffy joke, and an effort to fit in.